943 – Gondola Knocks

Episode 943 – Gondola Knocks

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Alright everybody…whoops, hey patrons, it’s me.  I started off…I don’t know what I was doing.   Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time for the podcaster who you enable…my…you empower my mistakes for good, patrons.   What do you say we get on with the show?

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, so anything on your mind you’re thinking about from the past, present, or future, anything you’re feeling emotionally that might be coming up for you related to thoughts or physical sensations.   Those could be keeping you up.  It could be things from the…it could be something else, right?

 

Like changes in time, temperature, routine, your partner.  You say, I think you’re…are you snoring?  I don’t know why tonight your snoring’s just…it’s a little bit more unpleasant for me than its normal level of tolerable and pleasantness.  But you know, I love you, and you’re asleep anyway which is maybe why.  But it could be anything.  Whatever it is, I’m here to help or to try to help and what I’m gonna do…what I propose to do is try to create a safe place where I can distract you from that.  I’m gonna smooth this safe place, I’m gonna pat it, I’m gonna rub it down, I’m gonna prepare it.  I don’t know if I’ve ever…have we had a red carpet to the safe…I mean, we’ve talked about red carpets before because I know I wrote some fanfiction about red carpets.

 

I can’t remember what it was; red carpets…it was some sort of boudoir-type which just means fiction you read in the bedroom, fiction…I think it was about…it was my Knocks series but it was Knocks on the Red Carpet.  Maybe it’s…maybe tonight that’s what we’ll do, is have a knocks episode about…no, no, K-N-O-C-K-S.  I don’t know if I…we could do an episode about knocks and Knox and nox.  That’s a great idea, but I’m actually in the middle of the intro.  Creative brain, for once I have to tell you that’s a great idea but I gotta focus on the current time.  I’m gonna…so…oh, I’m gonna smooth this place, I’m gonna pat it, I’m gonna rub it down, I’m gonna say safe place.  Then I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.

 

I’m gonna go off-topic and go…forget what I was gonna say, all to take your mind off of stuff and keep you company so if you’re new…creaky, dulcet…did I say that?  I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark…I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones and pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.  But really what I’m do…I’m here to do is to keep you company while you fall asleep.  So if you’re new, a very normal way to react to this show is to be off-put or put off or confused or doubtful or let me just say it; skeptical.  If you’re new and you’re feeling any of those things, those are very normal…high 95%…95% or higher likelihood you’re feeling that way if you’re new.  Now, my regular listeners, they’re kinda guffawing along ‘cause they say well, I…not for me.

 

For me, it’s a regular…this is my regular nightly routine but I can almost remember the first time I listened.  I sat down with…I didn’t sit down with a Country Time Lemonade but I did get confused.  Scoots, do you mind if I take this intro over?  Go ahead, Wilford-Brimley-esque-Country-Time-Lemonade-sipping part of my mind.  Yeah, I remember the first time I listened to an episode of Sleep With Me.  I was very skeptical because one, who tells you they’re gonna put you to sleep?  Two; I’ve tried so many things, so many different things to put me to sleep and some of them work some of the time, but I…one…a couple of things I was confused about when I first listened; one — creaky, dulcet tones.  I don’t know if I like them.  I realized they would grow on me like other things that…I…that metaphorically, not…just metaphorically, I’m saying.

 

That was one thing that I…second thing that threw me off was the structure of the show.  The third thing that threw me off was that I wasn’t…at first I tried to listen to the podcast.  I tried to sip my tea and savor it.  Wait, so you…excuse me, don’t mean to interrupt you; so, you consider drinking a manufactured iced…first of all, it’s not…it’s lemonade.  Oh, you’re right.  Thank you, you’re right.  But yeah, I do sip and enjoy my manufactured lemonade.  Okay, I just was wondering.  I’m not…I’m with you.  I’m not trying to…I just…I guess…okay, could you…okay, so there I was sipping my lemonade and picking out the many flavors and notes in it that sleep podcasters might be surprised by.  I guess that’s what I tried to do the first time I listened to Sleep With Me, was pay attention, and then I realized I had to have a looser hand.

 

Now, not many people do this as a hobby but I like to look at ice cubes in lemonade instead of clouds and imagine what I’m seeing there.  Sometimes my glass is foggy.  Sometimes it’s clear.  That is one of the ways I unwind.  I say well, that ice cube looks like the building blocks of a castle.  Well, that one looks more like the building blocks of a tower.  Well, that one looks…so, that’s what I…anyway, so once I started to listen to the podcast in that way I realized oh, it’s a podcast you don’t really listen to.  You kinda barely pay attention.  The third or fourth thing that threw me off was the idea how’s this supposed to put me to sleep?  What are you doing?  I realize that it’s more here to keep me company.  It’s not really a sleep podcast in the traditional sense even though it is the traditional sleep podcast.  It’s more a friend.

 

Scooter wants to be my bore-friend, my bore-bae, my bore-cuz, my bore-sib, my bore-bestie, and just keep me company while I drift off.  If I can’t sleep, the shows are an hour.  I don’t feel any pressure to fall asleep but also if…I know somebody’s there to keep me company, so it’s like oh, I don’t have to fall asleep but I probably will when I’m not paying attention to falling asleep or not.  Oh, and then to go back to structure; it took me a while to understand the structure of the show.  So, the show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary.  That way everybody knows they’re welcome.  Like hey, come on up on here and sit down next to me and have a sip of lemonade.  You’re welcome here.  Then there’s the business of the show which is about six or eight minutes.

 

That’s how that comes out twice a week for free, so can’t get that…I can’t go into the store and say two…one jug of prepared and one jug of powder, please.  I’ll just be taking these at my convenience.  They’d say whoa, whoa, whoa, not even old WB as they call me; Wilfred B.  You can’t just walk out of here with lemonade.  I’d say what do you mean I can’t just…I enjoy this stuff.  The nice thing is the sponsors let…and the supporters, they keep it here for free, so it is kinda like they say hey, go ahead and help…somebody already paid for your lemonade, WB.  I didn’t realize it.  Say, you’re kidding me.  Great.  But then what really throws new people off and what really threw me off was the intro which we’re already halfway through or something, maybe more, because the intro takes twelve to twenty minutes of Scooter explaining what the podcast is.

 

I never really understood it ‘til I realized it was so understandable that I misunderstood which barely is understandable anyway, but I’ll try to explain it.  The intro’s twelve to twenty minutes of I would say preparatory nonsense but it’s not just preparatory.  It’s Scooter explaining what the podcast is to you, the new [00:10:00] listener, as well as relating to me, the regular listener.  Hey, this is familiar but it’s new every time.  The new listener gets an idea that Scooter might talk to some imaginary figure or go off-topic or walk around.  He might be trying to explain what the podcast is, then visit a grocery store, then sit on a porch swing with a brilliant and friendly historical figure probably considered as…no, not…no offense, Wilford, but not…I mean, I don’t really know anything about you, so you’re totally fiction to me which is…means you’re doing your job.

 

You’re reinforcing your legacy by not being my hero, Wilford.  Is it Wilford or Wilfred?  Anyway, Scooter, thank you.  Wow, that’s gonna…that took a lot out of me.  I had to sip a lemonade there after but I guess I’m such a good performer that Scooter can’t project heroism onto me, so I guess that makes sense.  I live in my roles just like I relax in my lemonade.  So, where were we?  So, the intro is…it goes on and on and on, and some people say well, when’s the show…I said that; I said when’s the show gonna start?  Then I realized after the second or third try, oh, this is part of the show.  While you could skip ahead, this is what a lot of people unwind to or start to relax to or some people fall asleep to it.  The intro’s really a built-in wind-down.

 

Some people start listening to it as they’re getting ready for bed and sometimes people listen in bed.  I said well, I’d like to…I’d like to sit outside and listen to it while I’m relaxing outside before I get in bed, but after I’m ready for bed.  Obviously, I’m not drinking lemonade at that time ‘cause I’ve already brushed my teeth, clearly.  So, oh, and then the show has business, then there will be a story.  Sounds like Scooter’s gonna talk about knocks and knocking…one of his hobbies; listening to recorded knocks.  Then there’s thank-yous.  So, that’s the structure of the show.  It’s a podcast you don’t listen to.  It doesn’t really put you to sleep.  It just keeps you company which is pretty nice, actually.  Instead of putting you to sleep, it keeps you company whether you’re awake or asleep.

 

It structurally leaves a lot to be desired but of course, you say well, of course you want to leave a lot to be desired.  Then I can fall asleep.  If you were filling all my needs with a citrus pop; something sweet, tangy, savory, why would I go to bed?  I’d be sitting up, enjoying the sounds of the evening, waving to my neighbors, whatever it might be.  Oh, so those are a couple things.  I’m trying to think…oh, Scoot, why would someone make a show like this?  Great question, everybody out there.  What I’ve learned is Scooter makes the show really because he cares.  He wouldn’t say that because he’d be too…he’d be too…he’d need to say it through a third party.  He cares.  He cares deeply because he’s been there.  He knows how it feels tossing and turning, wondering if you’re gonna fall asleep or waking up and having trouble getting back to sleep.

 

That’s one reason he cares.  The other reason is he wants you to sleep because your world will be better.  He wants you to be rested.  You deserve a good night’s sleep is what he says.  He means it.  If you’re rested, your life will be a little bit better and our world will be a little bit better.  That’s why he makes the show.  Then again, he tells everybody give it a few tries because it doesn’t work on the first try for almost anyone, because it’s a bit different.  So, kinda see how it goes.  You really have nothing to lose.  Some people listen and they come back to it years later, so you may be coming back after a four-year break.  You listen to it once, you loathed Scooter strongly, and now you’re back.  I’d say welcome back.  I hope this works for you.  Give it a few tries.  Scooter and I both appreciate your time.  He works very hard.  We both yearn and strive and we’d like to help you fall asleep, so here’s a couple ways we’re able to do this for you twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, it’s Scoots here and this episode is a little bit different than we’ve done.  We haven’t done one of these…I think it’s been the last six months or a year.  I have no idea.  I can remember listening to the last episode we did while I was proofing the recordings.  I listen to them before they come out, and I can remember driving.  I wonder where I was driving from.  I know I was driving down…I don’t know.  I just remember where I was driving very specifically but now I’m like, well, where was I coming from?  I think it was maybe one time…I don’t know where I was coming from.  I’ll be honest with you with that, but I’m pretty sure I just forgot which direction I was going, though it could have been a Saturday or a Sunday.  It was definitely in 20…whatever last year was, 2019.  Is that what…?  What year is it?  2020?

 

Oh, well, you’re in a different year than me, maybe.  Hi.  But yeah, I’m pretty sure it was in 2019 or early 2020, January.  That’s when I was listening to it, so I don’t know when the episode came out.  Scrabble Scramble, was that the one?  I say Scoots, that was Episode 640.  I say oh, really?  Wow.  My memory is jumbled like Scramble tiles.  Oh, it’s called Scrabble?  Well, my memory’s scrabbled.  Scrambled and…Scrabble scrambles me anyway.  But so, I don’t…actually, yeah, no, that was…this episode has a bit of a set-up but since I’ve done one in the last six to twelve to eighteen to twenty-four months, I won’t set it up too long because it has a layer…this one is a little bit different than even the ones we’ve done before.  So, a lot of people say to me Scoots, how do you relax?

 

Oh boy, that making a sleep podcast must be really not sleepy and you must really have to unwind.  What do you do?  Do you…this is…sometimes I have to be honest about the things that pop in my head while I’m talking, and even though I thought I was gonna talk about something else…when I was trying to imagine a listener asking me that and then me responding instead of a listener like you listening saying hey, Scoots, what do you do to relax?  You know what popped in my head was me in a gondola, as the gondola…the gondolier pushing the gondola.  I wasn’t singing in whatever popped in my head but I said well, that’s not actually what I do to relax.

 

Personally, you know, the people talk about meditating or mindfulness and just looking at the stuff that pops in your head and that makes up a lot of the content of this podcast too, but of all the things in my entire life that I said well, if I was talking about this, I would expect this to pop in my head.  I don’t know if I’ve…let me think about…just a little early tangent here before we get to the content.  I said okay, so I was thinking about what I do to relax which I’ll talk about in a minute but then I said okay, well, the gondola popped in my head.  Oh, gondola; not a sky gondola.  This is a water-based gondola.  Let’s see, so…oh, so I said why would that pop in my head?  How relaxing is…for me.  Now, for some people, maybe gondoliering or gondoling, the act of being gondoled or whatever, propelled in a…riding in a gondola or on a gondola…are you in a gondola?

 

I guess technically.  I think it has one step down, so you’re in it.  I’m not sure.  I think it’s a gondolier.  But for me, I’d say only if I was going…undercover gondolier.  Somebody let me know about that…that’s what this could be about.  Let’s lean into this.  So, we’ll come back to that undercover gondolier thing.  I thought it was gonna be knocks on knocks on knocks, but we’ll talk about knocks.  We’ll find a way to make the gondoliering relaxing even though that’s probably work, but then even for me, the act of being in a gondola; that’s a little bit too much attention for me.  You say no, that…I would go in it.  Usually I go in gondolas to please other people.  I think I’ve been in it once or twice which I’ll explain more, but I can’t imagine myself relaxing.

 

Maybe if I was solo, like in a self-propelled gondola or if I was alone in a gondola, that could be one of my many…I guess, can you have an autobiography with each chapter being an autobiographical…say, Alone in a Gondola: Chapter 4.  There I was; I had finally made it.  I had my own gondola and I was all alone.  [00:20:00] All my dreams had come true.  Well, my dreams as far as being left alone and having a gondola without having any…doing any gondoling.  Guess what?  It was not ironic.  It was all…it was…except that it was a little warm and I said I need a shade for my gondola.  Also maybe a nice place to keep some cool drinks and a place…a cubby for my sunscreen and maybe something to listen to, but the steady motion of the gondola was relaxing.  Okay, so the two times…of course you want to know this stuff.

 

You gotta say Scoots, I gotta get behind the curtain here, behind the old MP3.  Tell me about your glamorous gondoling.  I’d say well, the most glamorous one I could have done I didn’t do, I don’t think, which I had always proposed either as a surprise…at the time, my girlfriend at the time…this was many, many, many years ago.  Or maybe we did it and I forgot about it.  But I think I just forgot to follow through on it.  Oakland has this lovely lake that’s called Lake Merritt and for a time — and I don’t know if it’s still the case — they had a couple of gondoliers that would take you out for a romantic gondola ride on Lake Merritt.  I think this was in the Aughts when it started, so a long time ago.  I don’t know, and sometimes you could pair it with a dinner and go out.  You know, it’d be a date night.

 

I don’t believe I ever followed through on that.  I think at one point when I was thinking of it, I couldn’t…like, I said that’s how much it is?  Oh, boy.  Obviously, my lack of follow through is one of my many deficiencies in a relationship so I don’t believe we ever went out on a gondola.  If we did, it was back when I was tipping…I had too many…I had one too many bottles of…what is that; the wine that comes in the wicker basket called?  Whatever that is.  Chianti.  Speaking of which, there’s the one time I know I went in a gondola with an asterisk, though, is in the place where gondolas are most famous which is Venice, Italy.  But I’m pretty sure…and I don’t think this was a Rick Steves.  This may have been a Lonely Planet one.  This is also in the Aughts, maybe.  I don’t know what year I went there.

 

But that there’s actually ferries that are gondolas.  It’s not technically a gondola ride.  You get in the gondola and you go from one side of a canal to another side, or a little bit of a water taxi.  They’re more affordable and they’re more functional, and you don’t have to…I don’t know.  There’s less of that human stuff that makes me…I say well, how much do I have to tip you?  Who makes eye contact with whom when you’re…are you gonna be singing?  Are you gonna be singing and making eye…’cause that’s a lot of pressure.  Then I’m more of an audience member than cruising in a gondola.  Also, I say wait a second, I don’t understand…and how long is this gonna be?  Because again, I’m not a person that necessarily…especially back in the Aughts; living in the moment, that was not my thing.

 

Said, we got a train to catch later and I don’t even know how to get to the train station, so I don’t know how I could possibly enjoy this gondola ride and then be like, well, is…are we supposed to negotiate?  I know…I can almost picture where I took the gondola ferry from one side of the canal to another, but that’s all I really remember.  I’m not even sure if that happened.  The other place I took a gondola was the exact opposite of the…I guess it was like…’cause I think Lake Merritt is a giant retention basin.  It’s not a natural lake.  Maybe it is.  I don’t know.  Then Venice…but in the Venice resort or whatever it is in Las Vegas, I did go with a gondola ride there with my parents.  Every boy’s dream.  I think I was in my twenties or…probably my twenties.

 

Maybe my thirties, of riding in a gondola inside basically a shopping mall behind a casino with your parents.  Actually, it was pretty fun, I think.  My parents were there.  My dad was there for a convention and I probably flew there to meet him and my mom.  I would normally stay with them, though not always.  I think this only happened twice, so it feels like it happened a thousand times.  Actually, this…it is kinda fun to just walk around and do that kinda stuff.  I remember we were there because my dad…I think he had to wait in line.  This was when the Venetian — that’s what it was called — was somewhat new, though…well, I’ll get back to the though.  But basically, I think you’d go around…I think those…I think that person sang.  It was nice.  I think it was funny.  I think my dad was cracking us up.

 

It was probably a pretty nice gondola.  It’s made to look…it’s one of those places that looks outside…the outside looks inside.  I was just there in January because I had a long layover at the…this is the second time I’ve had…took this one very low-priced airline.  You would have a layover of about eight hours.  That’s if everything’s running on time.  Learning my lesson from the first time — actually, we did it the first time, too — is your layover’s so long, you might as well leave the airport and go some…go to the strip or something to do something for a little while because being at the airport’s…you run out of stuff to do pretty quick at the airport.  Those are the gondolas I’ve been in and for some reason, my brain thinks…so, this is a very special episode because it’s…what did I say?

 

The Lonely Gondolier: The Gondolier Who Liked to Be Alone.  I forgot.  But yeah, so hello, hello.  Welcome to my gondola.  This is the famous Great Courses in Gondolas you’ve signed up for.  I’m Scooter.  I’ll be guiding your gondola and teaching you a course today.  I’m really glad you’re here.  Oh, boy.  Now, this…I don’t know what…this is my first day too, so this…I don’t know if this is your first…not my first day teaching this…well, it is my first day teaching this class too, but this is a hobby class.  You’re, of course, paying a beta rate of 0.0, so you’re really in for…we’re really in for a delightful time.  I’ll figure this out.  We’re here on…now, we’re here on the Cloudy Dream Zone.  Oh boy, is it nice this evening.  So nice to see you.  We do have these gondolas designed for…multi-choice gondolas.

 

You can…there’s a bed, there’s…so, there’s a wood panel which you could remove and we just float it behind us, to be honest, and then there’s a bed underneath there.  It’s all ready to go.  Now, you know, this is a open gondola, so it’s resting only.  Or, yeah, you can use the benches and you could get comfortable in that way.  There’s notepads and pens and pencils for taking notes.  Today’s great course…and you can let me know…once you take the cover off, though, I put it in the water so then it…you can’t really…it’s a beta.  We’re working on it, but that was an idea.  I said what if it had a bed?  So, yeah, we’re gonna get going here.  We’re up here in the clouds.  Oh boy, is it nice here.  Yeah.  Oh, yes, it is.  I’m Scooter.

 

Tonight I’m gonna be teaching us…or, well, I’m teaching myself how to teach you this and we’re gonna be doing a course in knocks, An Introduction to Knocks and some knock basics; Knock Appreciation and Knock Enthusiasm.  You may have…I guess by the look on your face, you’ve been signed up for this course.  You may have not signed up for it yourself.  Or sometimes because stuff’s free; I do that, too.  Yes, tonight I’ll be teaching you…giving you a little exposure to the wonderful world of knock enthusiasts.  I don’t know why I said enthusiasts that way, [00:30:00] but let’s not make an ew and be in a…we’re gonna have enthusiasm about knocks.  What do I mean to be enthusiastic about knots?  Well, knocks.  Not knots; not Don Knotts, and not knots in wood and not knots.  Knocks.  I’m sorry, I don’t always…K-N-O-C-K-S.

 

Knocking on doors is what we’re gonna be talking about.  You might at first be surprised that there’s people that have a hobby of listening to knocks and I would say yes, there’s people that listen to birds all the time, right?  Bird enthusiasts or birders probably outnumber knock enthusiasts by thousands or millions to one.  One of the reasons is because it’s not really acceptable to…most knock enthusiasts listen to recorded knocks, not to live knocks for obvious reasons, though if you listen to the other recordings we will have available as part of this imaginary package, you could hear about other knock-based events and those kind of things.  But yes, there is a small sliver of the world, including one sleep podcaster, who listens to recordings of people knocking on doors.  Exactly.  Across the world, across the globe.

 

You know, a variety…there’s an endless variety of people.  There’s not an endless variety of doors but when you take the diversity of the world, the situations around knocking, and then the doors and the variety of doors, you do have a pretty broad selection.  At first you might think oh boy, how would I…why would I get into door knocking?  I said well, you’ll have to discover your own joys in it.  I can’t tell you what you’re going to enjoy but I could tell you that if you…you could become enthusiastic.  But what I don’t want you to do is become an…whatever they call that.  I don’t want you to have doubt that…or be overwhelmed.  This is a very basic course in knock appreciation.  You might just start to wonder okay, well, where do we start?

 

We say, you start by listening and you listen obviously with your ears and more-so with the knocks, you listen with your mind.  It is one of these many hobbies that goes on in your mind like a theatre of the mind.  You might say well, what do you mean by that?  I say well, picture your mind as a blank stage and you’ve decided to attend a show.  At first, you don’t know who’s…or what is going to appear there but you do know that you’re in a comfortable seat or a comfortable gondola and you’re in a gentle place.  In this situation, you’re moving in a languid way but you could feel your feet resting, you could feel your bottom on the seat, and you could feel your breath and know okay, I’m in a place and I can accept that I don’t know what I’m going to see or feel.

 

If you say well, I don’t see a blank stage or things keep…I say well, just note those things that are popping in your head, but you could also see how your heart feels or how your body feels or where…what…where are your hands?  Don’t worry.  Just listening to knocks on the door in a cursory way could have a lot of…it could have a lot of enjoyment.  You might say well, I don’t know anything about knocks and I don’t know anything about doors or door construction.  When you say…when I think of doors, then I start to think of…I don’t really…can’t picture a lot of doors in my head except for maybe some people have posters of doors that I’ve seen of doors of this, and this…where I’m from or I could think of a couple TV shows, doors that I saw.

 

I’d say oh, well, when you start to listen to knocks, you could listen to one over and over and then a lot of these knocks will come with the picture of a door.  The most popular door, starter door, is typically…just to make it less…is a red door.  It’s probably because knock enthusiasts do skew to be from the United States and there is this archetypal red front door.  I could say to you what color red is that to you?  How would you describe it?  Which word would you use to modify that red of that door you’re seeing?  Is it a familiar door or just a door?  You say well, I’m familiar with it but I don’t know whence it came.  I’d say, that’s good.  You’re getting started.  What else do you notice about the door?  Does it have a knob?  Does it have a handle?  Is it misty?  That’s fine.

 

For me, a lot of times the doors are misty, just like the clouds around us as we move along in our gondola here.  You know, they say that people that learn in gondolas or gondolas are likely to remember…what they learned in the gondola when they…in…have positive associative memories of gondola-based learning or GBL.  Hopefully at some point we’ll get…we’ll be able to learn that it causes…you say wow, I really know my stuff now.  But for now, that’s why we’re just testing out these hobbies.  Again, start to look at the door.  Is it a paneled door?  Is it a flat door?  If you don’t know, you don’t know.  Are there stairs leading up to the door?  Where are you standing?  Huh, oh, good question.  I don’t want to interrupt your thoughts but yeah, I am standing at the bottom step.

 

I don’t know how many steps are in front of me leading up to the door.  Then there’s a bit of a landing or a porch and then the door.  But I do live near a red door, so that may be…that’s why I don’t want to tell you what modifiers to use on that door you’re seeing.  You might say now, when do we listen to the knocks?  I’d say ha, ha, ha, that’s interesting.  We don’t listen to knocks in this course.  One; because there’s already other knocks when you’re in a gondola.  Sometimes I’m knocking this pole…paddle against the boat and then the water.  Then we had to figure out…it’s just better that…this is a course in appreciating and anticipating knocks and that’s one of the main things about knocks, is anticipation.  Now you’re appreciating this door, this red door.  I wonder if you could imagine what a knock would sound like.

 

Then imagine what you’ll learn about the door.  Could you play that game with me?  Is someone knocking?  Are they rap…we’ll talk more about knock styles in a little bit, but did you…does it feel like it’s a thump or a putt-putt-putt or a hollow sound?  That’s one of the ideas as you start to listen and as you start to picture at the same time.  You could start to focus more and more and you could focus on the things that are unfocused.  You say well, I still can’t see the top portion of the door to know if there’s one of those little doors there or there’s something hanging.  I’d say yes, yes, that’s good.  Was it fuzzy there or misty?  Or your eyes just won’t go there like in a dream?  That’s good.  That’s good.  What are the other things your eyes are drawn to?

 

You’re kinda focusing in a loose way and it’s okay to want to reach out and touch the door.  You can and you could say wow, is that…what does it feel like?  Is the paint new or old?  Is it shiny or matte?  How many layers?  Is it the kind of door that they take all the paint off before they paint on it again?  Did they sand it down or is there paint peeling?  You know, is the door old or new?  What would happen if you scratched your…go ahead, it’s fine.  You scratch your fingernail on that red door.  That’s interesting, huh?  Go ahead and tap your fingernail on there.  You’re not knocking.  You’re just checking the door out.  [00:40:00] But as you think about your nail there, I want you to think about your hand and your finger.  Maybe your eyes are closed and that’s good.

 

You don’t have to have a perfect or accurate image of your hand in your mind but imagine your hand out there and your finger.  Then start to think about closing your hand into a loose fist.  You don’t have to have a tight fist.  Maybe think about rotating your hand to the side, to the left and right.  Also think about which hand are you holding up?  Is it your right hand or is it your left hand?  Huh.  Are you right-handed or left-handed?  Oh, that’s interesting, huh?  Is this the hand I always knock on the door with or not?  I don’t know.  That’s my answer.  For me, it was my right hand but I’m left-handed.  But now I say wait a second, or do I base my knocking on where the knob is?  Wait a second, are knobs always on the left-hand side?  Did I ever read one of those articles or has there been a click-baity article; Why Are Doors…Knobs on the Left-Hand Side?

 

So you could pass the Dutchie.  No, it’s not because of that.  Has 99 PI done a episode about doors or location of doorknobs?  Why do people call…why do some people say door…call someone a doorknob in a non-pleasant way?  I don’t know the answers.  I may even have to edit that out ‘cause I don’t even know if that’s okay.  Go ahead, back to your hand, and think about okay, huh.  Now lean it back and forth.  Use your wrist a little bit.  You’re almost…right now, you’re making a knocking motion.  You’d say, I don’t think I would normally knock with just my wrist.  I’d say yeah, probably not; only at the principal’s office, maybe, or some place where you don’t want to…where you think someone’s doing something that you don’t want to…that’s called knocking lightly.  That’s a gentle knock, a wrist knock.

 

Now you’ve found the first words and you may have called it something else.  Did you call it something or did I say something first?  But go ahead and take that in your mind and start to wonder.  I wonder what that would sound like.  Even make the motion at that red door in front of you.  Knock, knock, knocking.  Oh, that was three knocks, huh.  Wonder what that would sound like, especially with the wood there that you’re seeing, and the paint.  Then we’re wondering what is the composition of this door?  Here’s another question; is the door totally closed?  Is it a door that fits well in its frame or loosely in its frame?  How low does the door go?  People don’t play Limbo with doors.  Oh, that’s a great question; what if it’s one of those double doors that…what about…that’s probably something…not to go off-topic, but think about if…that…I wonder when double doors had their hay day.

 

I’m not talking about French doors and I don’t even know…even as a knock enthusiast, I don’t know the name of it.  It’s a door that has a top door and a bottom door.  Normally, the top door could be opened independently.  The bottom door only in silent comedy films would be opened independently because then someone would walk out the bottom…they’d think the top door would be closed, the bottom door would be open.  But I think about a world with pet doors or…one of the purposes…no, I guess I’m wrong.  I said well, what about…or people that like the breeze.  You say well, I can’t take a whole breeze or I don’t want my dog running out the door but I want the benefits of a breeze.  You’d say well, get a double…one of those doors, a half-door, half-and-half.  You’d say it’s a whole but it’s half-and-half.

 

Especially someplace like the Bay Area where we don’t…you could use a screen and I probably should use my screen more.  You say well, I just like that door open.  Holy cow, makes me feel like I’m outside even when I’m inside.  Again, the dog can’t run outside because the bottom door’s closed.  Then yeah, I like to…and this is just a personal preference; I like to do a lot of leaning and looking.  So, think about that, there.  Maybe you’re…and sometimes they did have…because sometimes in movies there’d be pies on there.  There was a small platform or counter where you could lean and look out.  Maybe people would be talking, talking to somebody on the side of the door.  Maybe Bezos or whatever should get this going.  They say okay, just hand that right through to me.

 

It’s good for people-watching, and…so, I want you to wonder if you’re leaning there on that door, what would it be like to just knock on the bottom-half of the door?  What’s this door like?  What color is it?  Oh, yeah, no, I…no, that wasn’t the color I had.  Well, I don’t know if I want to tell you what color I could see it as.  It was a bit of a teal with a touch of gray in there.  Yeah, I don’t know.  Like, to give it a brightness even though it’s got a bit of gray.  Oh sure, that’s a metaphor for who I am; of course.  I’m a half-door with a touch of gray, but a little bit of blue that hopefully pops a little bit.  Here we are.  We’re talking doors and we’re back at that door.  We’re thinking about the movement of your wrist again, okay?  That could be your first sound and you could just imagine huh, what…again, what would that sound make?

 

What message would you be trying to get across?  ‘Cause then you start to think well, this…was this a casual way to knock on a door or was a very formal way?  It’s also a way to message people but…I say well, it does feel…you say, it doesn’t have much power but it has some directness.  As I do it more and more, I see that even though I’m not a mechanism, there is a consistency to the time of that knock, knock, knocking motion.  In fact, it’s almost breathtaking that even though for me, that I’m not the most coordinated person in the world and even just recently family members were giving me a hard time because I clap on the down beat or trying to clap along with music, I could say that my…that knocking motion when I’m not paying attention to it and I’m just doing it naturally is very consistent; I would say to microseconds.

 

Now, I want you to think about that door and again, you…when you first start to get into knocks, that is the red door is a really easy way to get into it and you could listen to…look at the pictures of the doors and listen to them.  Again, this could be flashcards.  Maybe we’ll sell this as an add-on course, looking at the pictures of the doors, looking at the pictures of the hands, and looking at the knocks.  That is one very clinical way to learn knock appreciation.  That is a path but for most that become true knock enthusiasts, it all occurs in your mind because the nice thing about knocking and knock appreciation, that…not taking away from bird songs or bird calls or bird enjoyment is that those have a lot of vestiges in reality and that most people that enjoy it say well, that’s the song of this and it means this, and that has true value and true pleasure in it.

 

Where, because knocking is something we’re doing at a distance and at this point it’s something that’s recorded intentionally a lot of times.  Now, there are people that just record their knock…their door 24/7 and those are wild knocks, you know.  We call them knocks in the wild, or the people that have a job knocking on doors and they will wear…and they’re very respectful.  They realize that, but they record knocks and then there’s a history of knocks.  We still have knocks that are recorded from the past.  Listening to knocks is different than listening to a bird because they’re just a couple [00:50:00] layers or a couple layers removed.  That’s why a lot of it does happen.  There is this freedom and this extra pleasure because it happens within your imagination.  There is an unreality to it that is attached to reality.

 

Hopefully it becomes something fun for you, but I want you to also know that the nice thing about this is there is no pressure and there is no right or wrong way.  There isn’t a right answer.  Again, if you are doing a very…if…you could go down that route to one of the sub-genres of knock appreciation and really get to know your soft woods and your hard woods and your paints and your lacquers and your construction techniques and your door framing and all of that, and human hand sizes and knock techniques and shapes and, you know, all those things.  That is a sub-genre but you can also construct your own stories or…much like paintings and art that you’re allowed to project onto versus getting a tour with a docent that tells you what it means, knocks and knock enthusiasm, for a lot of people, is a part of the search for meaning and a part of projection.

 

Maybe you say well, that’s the only thing…people interested in that are narcissists.  I’d say well, wouldn’t they be more interested in mirrors?  You’d say, well…so, that’s okay, though.  We welcome anyone who’s…unless you’re gonna pooh-pooh knocks.  Then we say okay, well, what do you got…what are you doing here then?  We’re here especially in my gondola.  I know you’re not doing it, though.  This is an experimental thought I was putting out there.  Here’s one more thing before we move on to a couple specifics, is that a lot of people, another layer of enjoyment that at first you might forget, that you might want to dip your toes into are two other ones; the season and weather, and start to think about, again, if you want to go to that red door or maybe it’s a different door for you or maybe it’s that half-door.

 

Or maybe it’s a door that you’re very, very familiar with.  Like, for me, a green door or an orange door.  That’s a door that’s been both those colors but that’s still misty and that has a faded, brassy knob, not…but it’s covered in…whatever.  It’s not brassy other than that you know that it’s some kind of brass-like construction.  I say wait a second, is that…?  That one’s on the right but all the other doors were on…or is it on my left?  I don’t know, and that’s okay, too.  But think about the seasonality; what is the weather?  What’s behind…how does the air feel on your back?  Is it cool?  Is it warm?  Is there a humidity?  Is there wind?  Where is the sun in the sky?  I know it’s a huge sky.  It could be any…it’s…oh, it’s behind the house.  Okay.  What else is going on?  Were there trees where you are?  Are there leaves in the trees?

 

Are there needles in the trees?  Or is it more arid?  Is there drought-tolerant plants?  Did you come up a sidewalk or a dirt road or a path?  What weather are you coming from?  You say okay, well, it’s good to be here under the eaves of this house because it was stormy.  Think about that.  That is another thing.  An even deeper level is what are you bringing to the door?  Because a lot of people, for the first few times knocking, you do get this closer-up view and that is one of the view…ways to view and listen to knocks, is a close-up view where you’re either knocking or you’re there experiencing the knock right there at the door.  Another thing to be aware of is what are you bringing?  It’s okay, especially with knock enthusiasm, to have your day be there with you listening to the knocks and observing the doors and wondering.

 

Did you have a frowny-face day?  That’s okay.  Maybe you’re thinking about knocks in a frowny-faced way.  Are you tired?  Are you excited?  It’s a playground, again, to play in.  Another thing we want to get into, even though we call it knocks and knocking; there is a delineation that we do use in just shorthand.  This isn’t a formal jargon but more of a point of clarification of knocks versus knocking.  It’s just something to place in your mind of knocks versus knocking, is that knocking is…has, again, a formality to it.  Knocking may be message-driven where knocks are more non-message driven and maybe have a richer subconscious language to them, but that knocking can have as many layers or even more than that.  But as you start to listen you say okay, I don’t understand what you mean.

 

I say okay, I’ll explain a little bit more.  We’re gonna start with knocking and just some basic forms of knocking.  You may…picture in your mind you doing this or you hearing this or you experiencing it or just what sounds or images or whatever pop in your mind.  Maybe those will align when you start listening to knocks and maybe they won’t, or maybe there will be a strange layover.  But again, knocking a lot of times has messaging.  One knock I like to start the discourse with is the hurry-up knock.  Now, you say hurry up.  Okay, so what does that sound like?  What is the technique?  Yeah.  What part of their hand or knuckles is hitting the door?  Where on the door?  Is it a young person?  Is it an adult?  Is it a child?  Then again, it could be…what are they saying hurry up and answer the door for?

 

Hurry up and let me in because my B-L-A-D-D-E-R is full or hurry up, let’s go, or hurry up; I can’t wait to see you?  There’s so many more forms of that but that is a very popular style of knocking.  People say oh, nowadays everybody’s in a hurry even when they knock.  I say, people don’t even knock on doors anymore.  Now I’d say well, that’s somewhat true.  Some of these knocks have fallen out of…they’re still important and they’re still tools for communication.  Think about that.  We’re communicating with our knocks.  You’d say whoa, yeah, I forgot.  Now, the second one is…kind of plays on this.  It’s a type of knock where you’re not attempting for the door to be opened for you to come in but you’re communicating.  You’re knocking and you’re saying I’m outside to pick you up.  I’m here.

 

So, think about…I’m here to pick you up.  Sometimes it could also be combined with the hurry-up.  Or there are times it’s just like hey, just so you know, I’m here.  Or some people just sit in their car and wait, or now you might use your phone.  Again, this one might be a little bit less…or oh, I’m here to pick you up.  I hope your parents don’t answer the door.  Just come out.  Going forward with that is another kind of knock of I’m leaving something outside your door.  Again, this is a popular knock.  Is it a one-time knock?  Is it a two-knock?  Is it someone…a professional delivery person or is it someone from your community?  I say oh, remember I said I’d leave those dress forms outside your door?  Or, you know, whatever it is.  Those door knobs you wanted to take a look at.

 

But I know you said you’d be on a Zoom call or…I didn’t want to bother you so I’m knocking to let you know I’ve left those outside the door as I said I would.  Or, you know, I’m in a hurry; I’m on my way so I just had to leave them and…like I told you.  So, those are different…you see how many layers there could be to those knocks?  The final type of knock…of knocking, sorry, is the one…and it was similar to that, is like, this is very…used in many different ways of…is the knocking…[01:00:00] is the requirement where you’re hoping the person’s not home or they’re not going to answer their door.  You’re knocking and you know you have to knock and you know…also know it can’t be a pseudo knock which is…but you say well, this one was a pseudo knock.

 

They didn’t really knock; they only pretended to knock or they barely knocked or they knocked but their heart wasn’t into it.  I’d say okay, okay, that’s very, very good.  Now finally I want to close our course out with…as we come here to the…this up here is where you’ll be departing the gondola.  Actually, I’ll be departing the gondola and you get to lounge.  Gondola for one; that’s what…so that you can relax.  There’s a little thing there for sunscreen.  There’s a roof that pulls out, there’s some cool drinks.  You make yourself comfortable but before we do, as I park this gondola, I want you to start to think about hands, movement, and sound before you start listening to knocks and then as you start listening to them.  Start thinking about what do those sounds look like or what do they feel like to you or what words do they bring up?

 

The famous poem Rap, Rap, Rapping.  You say well, I’m not into that rap, rap, rapping at my door, but that’s one.  But you could say oh, what if there was one…is there…you could be playful with…those are…someone that’s rapping like a beat or they’ve been rapping to themselves or they’re listening to something and then they make a beat on the door when they’re knocking because it’s a casual knock.  Or they’re carrying wrapping paper or does it sound like some sort of wrapping paper?  Then there’s bumping.  You say okay, that sounds like a bumping.  Is that a palm on the door?  Or oh, a flat hand on the door.  Okay, yeah.  I can hear that.  Is there one where it’s not rapping but it’s where they’re sideways so that each knuckle or fore-knuckle is hitting the door in a way, a continuous way like a waterfall?

 

Is it a heavy knock?  Is it a light knock?  Is it a knock that…is it a over-knock where I say well, I didn’t…sorry, I just didn’t know if you were vacuuming or something, you know?  I’m gonna close with one last exercise that you can practice which I say, this is method knock theatre, is…and you could say it two different ways.  I want you to take this forward and practice this exercise right now in your heart and in your body and in your mind.  But then moving forward, I want you to picture some sort of teacher.  It could be a gondolier or it could be some other image.  You feel comfortable with them and they say knock once with feeling or they just say knock with feeling and they present you a door.  Then you…this would be the course.  This would be where you’re proceeding to the next level.

 

Again, there’s no right or wrong way.  This is something to be excited about.  Again, you say well, I can’t think of anything.  I say okay, well, just knock…I can’t think of anything.  How would you knock on the door and say that in your heart?  Or maybe you do it with a flourish or maybe you do it…how are you feeling right now is another way to respond to that and knock once with feeling.  But that doesn’t mean just knock once, you know what I mean?  Like, one knock.  But you could or you could be out-of-box and walk up…but like in the movies where they go oh, no, no, I’m gonna walk…nope, I’m gonna walk away.  That is how we’re gonna close our course as I leave you here in your gondola to rest.  I do have blankets here at…on the dock so I could tuck you in there.  Okay, and give you plenty of space and say enjoy that gentle feeling.  I hope this course in knock enthusiasm has been to your liking.  Goodnight.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

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