916 – Creaky Dulcet Memories Collection | Carol King Journey

EPISODE 916 – Creaky Dulcet Memories Collection | Carol King Journey

 

[START OF RECORDING]

SCOOTER:        Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, and my patron peeps, hey patrons, it's Scoots and I'm here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff.  So, let's get on with the show.

 

INTRO:        [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?   Trouble getting to sleep?   Trouble staying asleep?   Well, welcome.   This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.   We do it with a bedtime story.   Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.   I'm gonna do the rest.   What I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake whether it's thoughts you're thinking about, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations.  So, things on your mind from the past, present, or future, anything physically you're feeling or emotionally you're experiencing.  Or it could be many, many other things; changes in time, temperature, work stuff, life stuff, unknown.  You say huh, that's…I don't know.  I don't understand.  That's the one that…I don't know.  That one really gets me every time.  I say I thought I did everything right.

 

But whatever it is, I'm here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff.  What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I'm gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones.  You say…what do you say?  What are they called?  Creaky, dulcet tones, like a creaky…you know…well, here's nothing…here's something else that hasn't been glorified on this podcast.  What do you call it?  What does Hollywood do?  Glamorize it, right?  Here's another thing that just doesn't get the credit it deserves when it…actually, now that we're talking about it, there's a lot of different times this should get good credit.  Hopefully I'll remember to come back to it, but creaky floors…'cause I was just gonna say when you say creaky, dulcet tones, what…how do you…would you…okay, creaky like a creaky floor but dulcet.  It'd be like a creaky floor in your…on your favorite floor or your favorite room or your favorite place to be.

 

You'd say well, you know that spot where we'd get our favorite summer treat?  Oh boy, I can just remember; four steps into that old spot, I'd hear that creaking floor and I'd feel that feeling because I was about to order my favorite summer treat.  Not only nostalgia because I do it in the present day, too.  That would be more of a creaky…that's my new collection of collectibles; Creaky Dulcet Moments or creaky…yeah, Creaky Dulcet Moments.  The Creaky Dulcet Moment Collection.  Now not available or probably won't ever be.  Maybe that's what tonight's episode will be about, though.  Yeah, let's do that.  Creaky Dulcet Moments 'cause that'll save me from having to figure it out right now.  Oh, but…so, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders – which we just went on one – superfluous tangents.  If you're new, really what I'm trying to do is create a safe place where…that I can send to you or you could feel like you could come and visit or we could share or just you could use it.

 

It's really like I'm sending it to you.  You do what…that's the nice thing, is you could do whatever you wish with it.  This is an adaptable, safe place.  What I mean by that is well, one form of adaptation is that this podcast does not work for everybody.  Some people, they turn it off or they just say well, this isn't gonna…this isn't necessarily helping.  Or you might be arriving for the first, second, or third time doubtful, skeptical, frowny, or your expectations are not being met.  I want to say that that is a very legitimate reaction to this podcast.  Very normal because that's what most people feel when they turn this show on.  Of course you're skeptical.  How many times have you been told something's gonna help you fall asleep and it didn't necessarily help you fall asleep?  Or doubtful; you say, this…your creaky, dulcet tones and your pointless blathering…I'm just using a strong word for now to make an example.

 

But you say, your pointless blathering is supposed to put me to sleep?  Or this nonsense?  I'd say, maybe.  We'll see.  If you're feeling that way, that's normal.  I want to point that out because most listeners, 90-something percent of people that listen to this show say it took two or three tries before I realized this show was for me.  Just kind of see how it goes.  The podcast is best consumed in a very loose way.  If you're waiting for it to start making sense or start putting you to sleep, kind of pay a little bit less attention or just…and I don't mean it in an active way.  You just kinda tune me out.  This is the one podcast you could multitask to.  Ideally, you're multitasking by sleeping, but I'll get into how the intro works because most stuff you want to be in the moment, and this actually is kind of to take your mind off of stuff so the rest of you can be in the moment getting comfortable 'cause I don't want to encourage you to multitask.

 

I just don't want…I just want to encourage you to not…not to pay…that you don't have to pay a lot of attention to me.  That's another thing; one, this podcast isn't for everybody.  Two, it's a podcast you really don't need to listen to.  You can just kinda barely listen.  Three, this is a bit of…out there, too; this is a sleep podcast that doesn't really put you to sleep.  It keeps you company while you drift off but I'm more here as your bedtime companion, just talking than I really am putting you to sleep.  You're falling asleep barely paying attention to me.  The other side of that is if you can't sleep, I'm gonna be here to the very end.  I'm here to keep you company whether you're awake or asleep, so if you can't sleep…there's listeners that can't sleep, there's listeners that listen during the day, there's listeners that are going through something and they can't sleep, there's…I'm here, I'm here.  That's why the show's an hour.

 

It's an hour so you don't have to worry about when you're gonna fall asleep and you also don't have to worry if you can't sleep.  You say well, I got Scoots here for an hour, I got episode after episode after episode if I need it.  That's another part of it.  Moving on to the next few things that can throw listeners off is the way…the structure of the show.  This also goes back to the multitasking.  Now, regular listeners, they know what I'm gonna say, they just don't know the manner I'm gonna say it because I change that every time.  But this show is structurally very different.  It starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary.  That ideally is to make you feel welcome and seen and invited in.  You say hey, check this out.  I got a place set aside for you but here's the irony; you go ahead and pick it out.  There's a place here for you, but you go ahead and pick it out.  See what works for you.

 

That's the greeting.  Then there's business, probably like four, six minutes of business or something like that.  That's how we're bringing the podcast to you twice a week, is the people that take action on that, but that's more for regular listeners.  If you're new, that's not important.  Then we move into an intro which is about twelve to twenty minutes of me explaining what the podcast is.  Those two things can really throw new listeners off 'cause they say…'cause I think most of the time they say what, are you getting to the point or are you just talking about the podcast, or is it all business?  I say well, it's the business of going off-topic.  Yeah, the intro…the bedtime story and the intro are kind of…they're…you could separate them but I'll get into the method.  It is adaptable.  You could start the show at twenty minutes or you could become a patron and listen to story-only episodes but for the most part, this is what works in some different style for most listeners, is…the intro's like, eighteen to twenty minutes, we'll say.

 

It's me kind of introducing the podcast to the new listener.  But for the regular listener, they get to multitask while I'm doing the intro because it eases you into bedtime, lets the day drift away.  For a regular listener…and you could discover what works for you and you could keep changing it up.  Some people are listening as they're getting ready for bed, some people are getting…doing it as they're getting comfortable and they're getting settled in, some people are knitting or drawing or petting their pets or combing…brushing their hair, maybe giving them…maybe they're getting massage, giving massage, foam rolling, [00:10:00] maybe you're making your bed or…I mean, this is something…sometimes I don't pause to do this but when I do a pillow reset…I don't know if that's another one that's never come up on this…this is why I do these intros, 'cause this stuff doesn't come up.  I mean, this…that I remember.

 

I don't ever remember glorifying creaky floors before which I'll do hopefully in this episode, and I also don't remember talking about pillow reset which is a really important thing in my life, that so many times I'm in such a hurry to get into bed and toss and turn, I don't pause and do a pillow reset which is one; getting my pillows back in my pillow cases 'cause whatever I'm doing to my pillows at night…practice kissing and other things…maybe when I'm asleep.  I don't know.  Not when I'm awake.  But they get out of their pillowcases and also, they kinda get de-poofed.  Also, I have two pairs of pillows that I have paired up which I have talked about before.  Mostly, I get them into their pillowcases but I have two softer pillows that are…they could go under my head.  Now, this is…I know these aren't for everybody, but I have two feather pillows and then I have two non-feather pillows that are a little bit firmer that I either will grip into my arm or put under my legs or put over my head, depending on my mood.

 

I like my pillow temperatures.  I like to be able to switch up between the two pairs.  I have one feather pillow, one firmer pillow, one feather pillow, one firmer pillow.  That way I got my options.  But I fail to do a lot of times is…I just get in bed instead of doing a pillow reset…you know, making it nice.  I say okay, I'm gonna get my pillows lined up here before I get in bed, get those pillowcases on.  I don't know why it seems…I mean, if you listen to this podcast, you probably could relate to this; why then…if I do it before I get in bed it's easy, but for some reason I usually skip over it.  But if I try to do it once I'm in bed…and even if the lights are on or out, it seems like such a monumental task.  I'm like well, I just gotta live with it now.  This pillow's halfway outside its pillowcase.  I can't possibly put the emotional wherewithal together to deal with this tonight.  I might even…that's when the brain bots start.

 

I might be like jeez, I wish I was the kind of person that really dialed it in before I got into bed, but now it's just too late.  I'm stuck with this pillow that's sticking out and man, is it…isn't it…if you're listening to me, it's funny, but it's weird that it's true.  You're like, just gonna have to deal with this…I'm never gonna get to sleep now that my pillow is 1/8 out of its pillowcase.  I can't possibly…I don't know what it is.  This is really what it's like for me.  I say, I can't possibly pause and sit up in bed and realign my pillows unless it's so great, but I'd be doing it like it would be like…I don't even know.  I would do it with such…vigor would be a strong…light version of the kind of feelings I would be feeling if I actually did sit up and try to rearrange my pillows.  It'd be like I'd be so…I'd be like, I guess I just gotta rearrange these pillows now.  What an onerous thing to have to do.

 

Yeah, maybe tonight…maybe, but while you're listening to the intro you could do a pillow reset or maybe that's a reminder.  You say okay, that's great Scoots 'cause I was just getting ready for bed.  I was actually doing my slipper reset where I had my spring slippers, my summer slippers which I call splippers just because…I don't know.  I like it.  You say cool, cool.  I forgot…oh, that's why the intro's so long, to explain what…in a long way to the new listener, why is the intro so long and pointless.  Well, there you go.  That's why, because I am who I am.  That's why the intro's so long, but it actually…if you're multitasking, whether you're resetting your pillows or yeah, you're petting your pets, maybe you're balming your elbows, maybe you're kissing your shoulders.  Whatever it is, you got time to ease into bedtime.  That's the intro.  Then there's business between the intro and the episode.

 

Then tonight it'll be some sort of random episode about creaky, dulcet…oh, I did that Creaky Dulcet Door Collection by Dior, but this is Creaky Dulcet Moments.  I guess it would have been one of those stores that sells things like that, like where you buy…well, I wouldn't buy ornaments there 'cause I'd say those ornaments are too expensive.  But you know.  Oh, not collectibles, though.  I don't know.  You know…kinda know what I'm…a store that sells stuff with moments.  Yeah, a store with Moments in the title.  That'll be the episode, then there's some thank-yous at the end.  That's the structure of the show and kind of the things to know coming into it.  If you're a regular listener, welcome back.  Glad to have you here.  Then the other things to know is I make this show because you deserve a good night's sleep.  You deserve a safe place.  If I can provide that for you, it's my honor.

 

The reason it's my honor is because I've been there, clearly.  You just heard what I go through just with pillows.  That's just a scratch on the surface.  I mean, I don't even think I talked to my therapist about that.  I mean, because probably my therapist…well, I would have known that already.  Thank you for informing me, but let's really talk…let's actually talk…are you sure you're not just filling time now?  Did you prepare that, Andrew, before you came in tonight?  Just in case you didn't have…you were not…I say, you got me.  You really know me well.  That's the therapist that lives within me, but I say did you practice that in the car on the drive over just in case there was some dead air in here?  I'd say yeah, I did, I did.  Actually, I practiced it on a podcast intro too, months ago.  That actually gives me even more reassurance.  I say well, I'm gonna get to use this intro twice.  Maybe I'll prep my pillows more.

 

But you deserve a good night's sleep and I've been there, tossing and turning.  I hope I can help.  The only thing is, clearly, this podcast doesn't work for everybody.  I'm a bit different.  Just see how it goes.  See if it works for you.  Give it a few tries because I work really hard.  I yearn and I strive.  I really want to help you fall asleep.  Thanks again for coming by and here's a couple of ways we're able to keep this podcast coming out twice a week.  Thanks.

 

Alright, hey everybody, it's Scooter here.  Tonight's episode will be a little bit different.  I haven't done one of these episodes in a little while and this will be a different version of that episode, at least what I'm thinking ahead of time…I'm wondering.  This does take some setup, so I'll try to explain this for new listeners why this is important or why this is…what's up with this.  This is a episode…a Carole King guide…where Carol King tries to help me…or I don't know if ether is the right word; the spirit of…or the power of Carole King.  That's Carole with an ‘e', not Caro…Carol.  The songstress, the activist, the wonderful Carole King, subject of a musical songwriter/singer, and so much more.  Also, now this is presumptive or only what I believe but also, either her positivity and power is so powerful or she's a magic-user or she has some sort of other power.  It could be science-based power as we see.

 

Like oh, anything that is…we have…you know what I mean.  The explanation about science and magic.  Alls I can say…I guess I can say this very concise…well, I can't say anything concisely is that Carole King has powers beyond my understanding that impact me in a positive way.  That's one thing.  You say okay Scoots, so can you repeat that just so we have a baseline?  Carole King has powers beyond my understanding that have a positive impact on my life.  Well, when I remember to use the powers that she presents me.  You say okay Scoots, explain it to me more, or what is the power and how does it manifest?  Oh, [00:20:00] great question.  Great word, by the way; how does it manifest and what is the power?  Once upon a time, before I think a lot of you were in existence but not everybody…so, we have smart phones, right?  We're on, whatever, the tenth generation of smart phones.

 

I don't know if that means we've had smart phones for ten years.  Probably about that though 'cause I think yeah, maybe twelve years.  I have no idea.  Mystery Bard would know that better than me.  At some point we started consuming most of our streaming music on our smart phones.  This is a music-based thing.  Before we had smart phones, we had music players.  Those are the generation of music players…obviously is pretty long.  But the portability of music players is a little bit shorter, but still fairly long across my lifetime.  But at some point, I don't know if it was in…I guess it was in the…was it in the Aughts?  I guess it probably was in the Aughts.  There came a time where people said oh, well, digital music was a thing and then how do you consume digital music?  For me, it was first…it was a MD MiniDisc player which actually was really convenient.

 

It had unlimited memories, as many…as much memory as you had MiniDiscs.  But there was also a digital…hard-drive-based music players and the iPod was one of…kinda the biggest one.  It was a precursor to the iPod Mini and the iPod Micro and the iPod…there was also other ones like Zune and I think iRiver.  I don't know.  I guess, yeah, the first one I saw was in…what might have been in 2000…I remember them being in my now-brother-in-law's car before he was married to my sister, and he had one.  It was about the size of a portable CD player at that time.  This was a few generations before I had one.  But eventually, I had a…I guess an iPod, whatever you call that thing.  Yeah, an iPod.  I don't know if it was the second or the third or the fourth generation.  It had the touch wheel, not the click wheel.  I started listening to music on that and I had that for a while.

 

Eventually I started listening to podcasts on that or maybe I already…maybe I was already listening to podcasts, but anyway, at some point…one of the things about the iPod…and okay, one thing you need to know about me is once I realized you could put all this music on there, I said whoa, what…I would go over…especially if I was staying at someone's house for a weekend or something, I'd say what music you got on your computer?  Can I put it on my iPod?  Or my siblings; I'd say hey, what music do you have on your computer?  Can I put it on my iPod?  They'd say sure, sure, go ahead.  Eventually, I had a lot of random stuff on my iPod, just not my own music but music that was owned by people I knew.  One of my favorite things to do was to just shuffle the music because then it would lead me on a journey of…it would just be fun.  You know how sometimes you'd get into that radio-changing mode where you wouldn't accept what the music was?

 

But if you could be…it was a very meditative thing, almost.  I'd like to say okay, let's just listen…I don't know what this song is or I don't know whose song was this out of all the people I got music from.  It was a different time back then.  It was the…it wasn't…it was the Platter Age, they called it.  This was a platter hard drive, not a solid-state hard drive, even.  Now, at some point…now, some of this is a leap of belief systems for me, so some of this may be easily disproved by facts or interpretation of facts but this shuffle, I believe, had a learning algorithm that was based…it was very…now, I don't want to use the term rudimentary because it probably wasn't rudimentary but compared to now, it probably…you'd say…an algorithm today would say well, that's…I'd say well, that's not a very nice way to put it.  You say well, I don't mean it.  You're interpreting rudimentary in a non-nice way.

 

I mean it as a stage in the development of music-based shuffling algorithms based on preference.  I'd say okay, that's a very interesting way to explain it, but…so, whatever this algorithm was that would say oh, if you…it would start to note what songs got played, even…this was always watching 'cause it was built into the device.  This wasn't a connected device you had to plug it in to put music on it.  But it was always keeping track of what songs you listened to, even outside of shuffle.  For some reason, when you were shuffling, it would increase the…whatever the…it was only slightly random, then it was like well, you like these songs so I'm gonna play these more often.  Then of course, that became more and more true for the songs you played to come up during shuffle.  Now, separately, at some point, I had a bunch of Carole King music on my iPad…or my iPod.  I enjoy Carole King music.

 

While I wouldn't consider myself…before this, I wouldn't…now I have a totally near-spiritual relationship with a human being named Carole King, but the things get complicated.  I, myself, am a human being.  But so, at some point alls I can say is that somehow…and I use this term spiritually or you could say magically; the power of Carole King permeated my iPod shuffle algorithm in a way that we could only say is…well, that we can only say is beyond my understanding which even basic algorithms are beyond my understanding.  But this is in a much more important way.  What that meant is that every few songs…not every few songs.  I'd say within…if a hundred…in a hundred songs there was 100% chance of one of those being a Carole King song.  It's probably less than that 'cause I say well, how long does it take to listen to a hundred songs?

 

This was the…I was doing a lot of walking, a lot of driving over the periods I had this iPod.  I'd say okay…now, here's how powerful that is.  At some point, I had to recreate this iPod on a…because its platters…its ability to play music slowly faded away.  Luckily, I had duplicated it and this still…the power of this iPod still holds true in other forms.  I guess that…isn't that what ethereal is or ether?  I don't know.  But so, Carole King's power, or the power I believe Carole King to have, permeated this iPod.  Then I started to actually take a step back and say okay, why…this is interesting that these Carole…maybe it's every fifty songs.  I don't know.  Like, once a week…you say, ten songs…yeah, probably every fifty songs, a song would come up by her.  I never…I just said well, that's…you know, at first I just had a…I said well, what's up with that?

 

Now, I never…now, you could say this is my own obliviousness, my own…what do you call that when…?  Caught up in my own thoughts; those are things I'm good at.  I never noticed it with any other music or group or artists.  That may disprove any doubts that you have, but also may just prove that I'm not paying…I'm barely ever paying attention 'cause I'm thinking about the past, present, and future.  But so, at some point though, I came to believe well, what if Carole King…and I can remember the place I was where I was…I came to this conclusion.  I was walking to my job when I was a librarian at a couple places…a couple youth locations or young adult locations.  I remember walking there.  I would walk there from a [inaudible].  It was a long walk but I spent a lot of time listening to podcasts.  I'm pretty sure this is when it happened, though it could be this is just when I was thinking about it or this is when I accepted the power of it.

 

I realized that what if the power of Carole King is in my podcast at all times, not just when her songs are playing?  That meant that at times in my life when I needed adventure or I need guidance, I've been able to turn to the shuffling powers that live within my…now my digital replication which may not function for much longer.  That's another reason why I'm recording this episode, is I'm wondering what'll happen 'cause I have to transition.  I say well, is this gonna be…is this gonna transition or not to another platform?  ‘Cause this platform's [00:30:00] not gonna exist much longer.  I only have this version of it.  I don't know that I…I may have it…actually, I think I do have it somewhere.  But who knows?  Those are also platter-based hard drives.  But so, when I need an adventure or when I need guidance, particularly when the stakes are world-level stakes or personal stakes and I remember which is also once every eighteen months or something, I turn to Carole King for help.

 

But this situation I just thought of in the intro; I said okay, what if we were looking…what if I call up a…the mall or office, corporate office, and say hey, what about this Creaky Dulcet Collection?  ‘Cause I did try to do the Creaky Dulcet Door Collection and then the Creaky Dulcet…Dior…Collection by Dior.  Neither one of those…let's try it.  Here I am with my advisor, the algorithmic spiritual incarnation of the power of Carole King and I.  Okay, I'm gonna call it the old imagination phone.  Yeah, hi, this is Scooter.  I'm calling for your boss.  Is she in?  Okay.  Oh, Scooter who?  Well, not the Scooter.  Not the Scooter from Muppets and not a scooter that goes zoom, zoom, zoom.  Not the Scooter from Muppets, obviously.  I'm here to…well, maybe you could help me.  Is this one of the things where you're screening but you're really…anyway, so let me…now I got…oh, gatekeeper, that's what it's called, where you're a gatekeeper and then…but really, you're on the other side of the gate.

 

You know Wizard of Oz?  Yeah, I read the book actually, so I know this…answer to this, but was the Wizard of…what if the Wizard of Oz was the gatekeeper, that thing that said hi?  But I know I read the book and that turns out not to be the case, I don't think.  Also, in the movie…you know, in the book they had to wear these emerald glasses everywhere.  They didn't have to do that in the movie, though.  Kind of like rose-colored glasses.  I don't know if that was subtextual.  I think it was a subtextual message or maybe it wasn't even…maybe only I…oh yeah, sorry.  Why am I calling?  Great question.  Yeah, hopefully you're sitting down.  I was wondering…I was thinking about starting…I always have…I never actually…I never dreamed of this.  I just thought it was a good idea the other day, that maybe I could…does your mall…okay, so you're not a mall.

 

Oh, I know you're a…you're the person answering the phone to see if I'm…I can cut the mustard or whatever.  I don't know what that means either because it does seem like a ridiculous phrase; cut the mustard.  Is that even a phrase?  ‘Cause you say what in the heck?  Maybe it's like…but mustard seeds.  But wouldn't you grind the mustard in that case?  Stone-ground mustard.  That's the thing.  I can't imagine anybody cutting the mustard.  I mean, I've heard of the cutting the other stuff, am I right?  Sorry, that was…okay, so…well, here's the thing.  Maybe with anyone you work with, once upon a time there…I guess…this is strange.  I would say is a mall a representation of niches or is it mass-market version…it's not quite niche, each store in a mall.  But it is kind of, right?  Or its specific items.  But this store that I'm thinking of…and this probably only had its…I don't know what the run of these kind of stores was and they're still even around 'cause I'll be honest, I haven't been doing my part.

 

I mean, I have been doing my part staying home.  That's probably why you're…oh, you're answering from home; of course.  But even before it was time to stay home…but before that, I didn't…I would only…I'll be honest, I'm trying to think of the last time…oh no, I know when I went to a mall before it was time to stay home.  I went to one after I dropped my brother off at the airport in Florida.  When I was driving back to my parents', I went to a mall to try to record an episode for Patreon but there was too much copyrighted music playing at the mall.  So I said oh, I can't record a episode because of the copyrighted music.  That was a bit of a bummer which…yeah, I guess yeah, that was a bit of a bummer, I guess is what I was saying.  Oh, yeah, so…but I…and I did eat lunch there but I didn't do any…I don't know if I did anything else.  I guess I just left.  I ate lunch and I think…yeah, did I walk the whole mall?

 

I don't even know if I walked the whole mall.  I'd be remiss if I wasn't honest with you that I'm not the best…oh, before that?  Oh, boy.  Yeah, that was probably in January or early February.  Oh, somewhere in…I don't know, somewhere in…near where my parents are but not near, actually.  Then I got lost, then I tried to drive back to their house without GPS and just guess at what exit they were off of.  I actually guessed my way back there but I got off the wrong exit.  I think I talked about that on another podcast.  I said ah, I'll just find the way; it'll be okay.  Anyway…oh, yeah, what was my point?  Oh, when was the other…I don't know when I went before that but I remember a time when the mall had a memory store which really wasn't a memory…well, there's always one or two card stores, right, or gift…it wasn't a gift shop.  Sometimes there was the card store run by one of the card companies or maybe they both had their own stores and they also sold…they probably said well, cards are only four bucks.

 

I don't know if the cards were in the supermarket.  At this time, I would presume they were.  But you say well, you can't…obviously if you're running the mall…you say well, you can't pay…you gotta sell more than cards 'cause you're not gonna sell that many cards.  They started selling stuff like windchimes with ceramic owls on them, candles, book…probably book ends.  I don't know where else you'd buy a book end…then collectible-type stuff, right?  Treasures, some people would call them.  I think there was…was there ever a Hummel Figurine store only at the mall or is this just my imagination?  But ceramic-based items and then yeah, paper…well, there was usually a paper store, too.  This is in the 90s, I'm thinking.  Oh, why do I bring that up?  Well, so I was thinking if there were…was a store like that that wasn't run in…they say well, this is our company; we only sell our company's products, or…well, maybe I could work with them.

 

I was thinking about coming up with the Creaky Dulcet Collection, like the Creaky Dulcet Collection or Creaky Dulcet Treasures or Creaky Dulcet Memories.  Well, what's a creaky dulcet?  Well, I could tell you about the Creaky Dulcet Collection and maybe that would help.  Okay, so the…Creaky Dulcet Memories; the first one…I'm here…also, I just want to fully disclose I'm here with a spiritual-based algorithm that I believe is a spiritual-based algorithm or an algorithm beyond my understanding based on the music of Carole King.  May be influenced by her in a way that's beyond my understanding.  Okay, good, you're still listening.  Great.  First thing I have to pitch is called Pretty Paper.  You say, Pretty Paper?  What does Pretty Paper mean to everyone?  Well, something different to everyone but to me and to the Creaky Dulcet Collection, it would be paper that is thick, paper that has a texture to it, paper that kind of feels like it's made of not quite papyrus, though one, that would be another thing.

 

We could have…oh, that was one of those stores that was called that.  The paper store was called Papyrus.  Here's a serious question; did they sell actual papyrus at Papyrus?  Because if they don't…even if they do, I think people would want to buy [00:40:00] papyrus.  Also, papyrus…I like saying that.  I didn't realize it was…is it two p's like that?  Papyrus, right?  If you have a stack of papyrus paper, is it…you say well, here's…you say well, that's more than one papyrus.  Is it a papyri?  You don't know.  That would be the first item in the Creaky Dulcet Collection, is Pretty Paper.  I'm not saying that it's papyrus but…or if it's recycled.  But you know that paper; it's got that feel and it looks like it even has strings or something in there.  It's not perfect and each piece has its own personality.  It is one of those papers that drinks ink.  You say, what is this…how does this paper do with ink?  I say oh, it drinks it up.

 

Do you have…you better have a juicy pen ready to go because when that…it…oh boy, sometimes you just want to touch the pen to this paper to watch it and watch the ink spread out.  You can even see it forming a crystalline entity on the paper.  You'd say to your pen oh boy, does she want to move.  That would be the name of our pen collection.  A Creaky Dulcet Pen Collection.  We'd say that because for a left…a couple reasons with our pen…let me go with…oh, the more fluid thoughts of the fluid pen moving.  Oh, this pen, it is…it could work with any paper but when it hits that Pretty Paper, it really wants to move 'cause obviously you want to keep it moving 'cause otherwise it'll keep…you'll get a hole in the paper 'cause it'll drink too much ink up.  But maybe ours is…you say is it cardstock?  Not quite; it's good for folding.  It's three-fold for a letter but only a one or two-page letter, though we have Pretty Paper Thin which is a thinner paper kind of like those papers you see people getting the journals of.

 

You say oh, this is like paper-thin paper.  You say you're kidding me, right?  You say well, I don't know how else to describe…our other paper was like paper but not…it's paper-thin, technically, but oh boy, this is nearly-translucent Pretty Paper.  We call it Pretty Paper Thin.  If you're gonna write longer letters, you want to use that because you could put more in one envelope at the regular stamp rate.  But this pen we sell as part of the Creaky Dulcet Collection.  She wants to move because you want the ink…'cause that's what pens are made to do, just like Chris would…that's what I was born to do, to warm it up.  This pen was born to move.  Another reason it was born to move is because we wanted…we actually designed it to stop leaking out ink because for left-handers, one.  Also, could we get a…do you have any team of scientists like in the basement of the mall or anything?

 

I know this is a fantasy thinking about Leftorium and Ned Flanders and all that, but I was just thinking that…just to solve the whole ink-and-pencil thing for left-handers, that never has gotten figured out, really.  I mean, there's been attempts but there's never been something that every…they say, you gotta try this.  This is it; your problems are solved, especially when it comes to pencils or erasable ink or wet ink.  Now, this one we do have it because a pen has to move and especially the Pretty Paper drinks it up and holds it.  That's another part of the design of the Pretty Paper I didn't mention.  Oh, you want to stop me?  Okay, what was your…oh, what does either one of those have to do with creaky dulcet?  I don't know actually, because Carole King's been…let me ask…oh, Louise.  Oh, Louise, that's right.  Holy Bonnie Raitt Louise is like the…why is it Creaky Dulcet…the Pretty Paper or the Pen That Wants to Move?

 

Oh yeah, let me bring in Louise.  She's our brand ambassador.  Well, hello, this is Louise from Creaky Dulcet Collection, also previously known of Creaky Dulcet Doors by Dior and the Creaky Dulcet Dior by Christina Dior.  What can I help you with?  Oh, you're the gatekeeper.  Hello, hello, hello.  Well, we're really excited to tell you about the Creaky Dulcet Collection where our brand…one of our brand…home…well, I can't say that.  I almost accidentally punned myself saying Hallmark of our brand.  Scooter already said Papyrus.  Oh, golly gee.  Next thing you know I'll be down at Walden Pond with a Walden book, you know?  Just enjoying it.  Did you know this is…Scooter never wanted to…he…once he found out…there was a bookstore called Brentano's or something once upon a time, and they offered free gift-wrapping at their store so Scooter bought every present as long as that store existed at that store.

 

That saved him from having to wrap any gifts which he's not super-skilled at, which is what I want to tell you about, is the paper I've designed for wrapping gifts.  It's called Louise.  No, I'm just kidding.  I was just…so, what is a Creaky Dulcet Collection and why would you be interested in it?  That's what you may be saying to us and our team here.  I think…now, this may be another store name of Treasured Moments; this is like a treasured moment in reality.  Now, Scooter didn't do a good job of explaining it so I try…we'll try to.  He opened it with a creaky, dulcet floor.  As the gatekeeper, I want you to close your eyes and think of the…your favorite creaky, dulcet floor moment.  But I'll describe two for you; one is a mother and it's late in the evening.  She lives there by herself.  Her little ones have gone on to start their lives.  It's evening and she's just finishing her tea and cleaning out her teacup in the kitchen sink when she remembers she hasn't checked the mail yet today.

 

She finishes washing her tea, dries her hands before checking the mail completely, turns down the kitchen lights, and steps out of the kitchen.  She has a door with a mail slot and heads to the door.  She was so caught up in the day she didn't check the mail 'til this evening.  She sees some mail on the floor.  She sees something that looks like a letter, a hand-written letter there among this stack of whatever those are called with the little windows…cellophane window mail and J-U-N-K mail.  She reaches down and she picks up those things.  Her heart kinda leaps a little bit with joy and anticipation.  But there's two cellophane-based envelopes first and she puts those to the side.  Then she turns as she's moving these business-based correspondents to the back of the pile.  Her foot steps down and the floor creaks.  The floor creaks at the exact moment her thumb touches…from our Pretty Paper Collection, a Pretty Paper Envelope Collection, and her thumb is on that.

 

Oh boy, is…she can feel the craftsmanship and love that went into the Pretty Paper.  But more, she knows that handwriting.  Oh, that handwriting is from her daughter.  Oh, does that…she can see the love in the lines that says Mom.  Address, dot, dot, dot, address, town, state and country, province or region.  Then on the top left, she sees that [00:50:00] there's a thumb-print…a thumb-print of lipstick which she finds interesting.  Then either on top of the thumb-print or behind it – she can't tell – is your loving daughter, address, province, town, state, country, wherever.  She smiles because at the exact same time she's processing things in the present, she's remembering sitting there with tea when her daughter would try to come in…when she was in college, you know.  She'd been out late with her friends, visiting with them, or she was home at the holidays in her twenties, catching up with friends and…that one part of the door could always squeak.

 

She could hear it even in her sleep from…back from high school but now it wasn't so much a confirmation that your kid was out past…because your kid was an adult now…was that they were home under your roof with you for a special time that you got to share with them again.  Then on top of that, she gets to enjoy the heartfelt letter sent from her daughter.  That is the essence of the Creaky…do you understand now what's creaky about the Creaky Dulcet Collection?  Okay, well, yeah.  Oh, you want me to go on?  Okay, well, I'm gonna put some sugar on this next one, as…you'd rather talk to me than Scooter?  Well, okay, then.  Well, this next one you don't…this one is called…because this is another thing we've thought about, is that from our memories as we've…we haven't…we've only done memory-based and feeling-based research, and assumption-based research.

 

Two out of three of those are effective and then the third one makes a rear out of all of us.  But one thing Scooter said to us is that snow globes…he said it just like people say it in the movies and he lets it sit there; snow globes.  But because we were all there in our minds, he said think about a creaky, dulcet snow globe.  This was one of our brainstorming sessions.  This is how it goes, working within…it's…so, we all said what is a creaky, dulcet snow globe?  What would that be?  Then we all…we had a long time just to sit.  We're not allowed to write or anything, and just process it.  It takes some getting used to.  Then we do some elaboration, open-question time, and someone said well, do snow globes have to be…how related are they to the holiday season?  Scooter said, I don't know.  I'd say 60% related but I…factually or market-wise, I got no idea.  Maybe 70% or 80% in a regular store but what if we go 60%?

 

Everyone nodded knowing they'd barely understood Scooter's…but also would try to.  Then we slowly reached the idea of well, what would it…would a creaky, dulcet…there's a lot of things you could do but then we thought about well, what if a snow…what would a non-holiday snow globe be like?  That was appealing.  We thought about well, what else is a globe?  We thought about fortune-tellers and putting sugar on a…so, you say wait a second, so this snow globe…and then we said well, some fortune-tellers of any kind would use creaky…creaky, dulcet tones and fortune-telling, they're not 100% intertwined, but they are.  We said okay, so there's a fortune-teller within the snow globe, but the snow globe is also a thing.  Then we said, okay.  Then someone said you know, I think there's a simple thing…'cause you always turn the snow globe over and shake it.  Then you turn it back over.

 

We knew there was a simple sound effect that would make a creaky, dulcet sound like a creaky, dulcet sigh.  It's a very simple, non-electronic device, a sound effect device.  You've seen it in children's toys or anything.  It just sounds like breathing in a creaky, dulcet sigh.  Pretty cool, pretty cool.  We said okay, yeah, that would be the creaky, dulcet…that would be soothing and it would actually give an extra thing.  It would also…within the store, it would bring attention.  Then we said okay, well, the snow…should we use glitter?  Should we use some sort of a soapy cosmic water?  Then they said okay, well…then Scooter said what about this?  There's also – very similar to a snow globe; also very similar to a fortune-teller – is the Magic 8-Ball.  Scooter said wow, the team is working on the prototypes.  What if either on the fortune-teller's…like in the table or in the globe or in something else is also a Magic 8-Ball built in?

 

Maybe just the table.  Maybe the table within the snow globe that the fortune-teller's looking down on is a Magic 8…is the window of a Magic 8-Ball.  We said, holy cow.  This is when I say oh boy, this is why I work here, because…you say okay, so we're gonna take a snow globe, we're gonna put a sound effect in it.  Not Scooter's idea but our team's idea, that has a somewhat comforting but somewhat different sound.  Then we're gonna have a fortune-teller but then we're also gonna have a Magic 8-Ball feature in there.  Then we're gonna have an effect whether it's snow, glitter, or swirls, or something else.  Then of course, everybody on the team at the same time raised their hands.  Scooter said maybe…he said yes, I know what you're thinking because we all are a part of a team.  Maybe we can do another snow globe that's a Tesla coil or one of those plasma globes.  But not this one; that might be too much.

 

Also maybe do a plasma globe that also has a Magic 8-Ball.  We agreed on that.  That's another thing you would find at the Creaky Dulcet Collection.  Oh, you want me to do the marketing thing for the fortune-teller's snow globe.  Okay, well, there you are.  Is that mother?  There you are…maybe you're a different parent.  Yeah, you're just a parent.  You're in a different spot.  Maybe you're in a smaller apartment that you've moved to.  You've downsized but again, you're thinking…and it's your…this holiday, you said well, I'm gonna stay put this holiday; just me and I'll use the devices to contact everybody I care about and love.  But this one, I'm just doing it for me.  I'm taking it, it's gonna be low, it's gonna be chill.  I've decided this year that I'm gonna celebrate it for myself and in my own way, and I'm choosing to do this.

 

Yeah, maybe there's a part of me that'll feel a little frowny, but most of me wants to do this for a break and to have some time to myself, to reflect on what this year meant to me and what everyone in this year meant to me.  It just happened to correspond with oh, well, you're going there, you're going on a vacation and that doesn't appeal to me or oh, you're gonna spend time with your other parts of your extended family.  I understand and I'm not saying this in a passive way.  I actively understand and that is fine.  There you are, [01:00:00] getting ready.  You got the fireplace effects on the TV, you've got some warm nog and cocoa mixed together, nutmeg on the surface, and you're just relaxing there.  Then you hear the creaky door of your cat door that goes out back to where…out in the…on your patio where the litter box is.  You smile 'cause Snuffles is coming in and you hear the bell you put around Snuffles' collar jingling, jangling.

 

Then Snuffles goes under the tree and paws at the gift that you got for Snuffles.  Like hey, when are we gonna be able to open it?  You see that it's a rounded gift and it's a toy for Snuffles to play with, one of those balls that…this one has a random…this has a randomizing algorithm built in it to be fun for the cat to play with, Snuffles.  But next to it is also a rounded…it has a base but it's a rounded gift, too.  You think about it.  Then they say okay, let's…you open that and I'll open this, Snuffles.  You say okay, I'll open it for you.  Then at first, Snuffles is so enamored with the paper that Snuffles has a battle with the paper and chases the paper around.  Then you go to open your gift and at the same time Snuffles decides well, I'm so excited I gotta go out and visit the litter box again.  The creaky, dulcet cat door swings and your heart fills with the memories of time you spent with Snuffles and some of your children.

 

You say wait a second, we…our creaky…that other place we lived had a creaky, dulcet cat door and we used to always laugh when I say oh, there goes…at least Snuffles knows when Snuffles gets so excited that Snuffles has to use the litter box.  You can remember a holiday…a moment just like this one, but different that's…felt special, but this one feels special in a different way.  Then you go to lift up that gift and you feel it has some weight to it because it's a snow globe.  You see the card on it.  It says ‘Missing you and thinking of you and wondering when we'll see you in the future.  Do you know?' Question mark.  You say wait a second, is that some sort of…related to the gift?  You rip open the thing.  Also, you notice that because your children are pretty witty…also taped to the bottom of the fortune-teller's snow globe 8-ball thing is…sound effect thing is a invitation to a future event with your family that's optional but that you could take them up on it you know, six months from now.

 

Then you turn it over again and it makes that sound.  Snuffles comes in with a look of…and then Snuffles starts playing with Snuffles' ball.  You look at the beautiful effects we added to make this snow globe so much more, but you have…what's ironic is that you're looking at a snow globe not definitely designed for the holidays.  You're remembering that strangely enough, that year you had given everyone different types of…these were Magic 8-Balls with goofs.  Like, parody Magic 8-Balls made for children of the rebellious teen age saying Better Watch Your Step, Eat Your Vegetables.  A tear forms in your eye, a tear of joy and love.  It rolls down your cheek.  This is before you even realize this; you start to shake the globe and it gets misty and feels magical.  It kinda makes that creaky, dulcet sound effect but less because it's not totally…it just makes a little creak that…in the table of the fortune-teller is a Magic 8-Ball thingamajig.  It comes up on there and it says You Are Loved; Remember That.

 

Then you put it down and you shut off the TV.  You start to get ready for bed.  Eventually, you snuggle in your bed, so comfortable, with visions of just these creaky…just these few items of the Creaky Dulcet Collection dancing in your head.  Oh, so what did you think of the pitch?  Oh, you're asleep.  Okay, well, that's good.  That means that the Creaky Dulcet Collection is still in development as you get comfortable and start to drift away.  There's plenty more if you need it.  The Creaky Dulcet Collection is always here on-demand, too.  You could also think of your own Creaky Dulcet Moments or make up and imagine your own with the power that I perceive to be broadcast by Carole King.  The possibilities are endless.  Goodnight.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

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