912 – Lazarus Effect | Sleeping With Doctor Who S3 E6

EPISODE 912 – Lazarus Effect | Sleeping With Doctor Who S3 E6

 

[START OF RECORDING]

SCOOTER:        Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, trees, Multi-forms, it's time for the podcast that does…sounds much sleepier than the sound of a TARDIS.  It's time for the podcaster who whether I'm talking about Doctor Who or who or what, I'm here just to try and create a safe place where you can feel seen, where black lives matter, and you could get the rest you need.  It's time for the podcast that puts you…and if you're new, you might say, what?  Wait a second, did you just…how much…and I say yep, I…it's a goofy show about a very important thing; you getting the rest you need.  It's time for Sleep With Me, patrons, the podcast you make possible.  Thank you.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I'm gonna do the rest.  What I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake whether it's thoughts, things you're thinking about on your mind 'cause believe it or not, even as I'm talking, my mind is constantly tapping me on my shoulder with things to talk to me about.  If it's things on your mind keeping you up, believe me, not only…it's a pretty steady…I wouldn't say it's a steady…it's a steady flow of distraction from my mind.  But it could be thoughts, it could be feelings, emotions coming up for you or that…remnants or the…feelings; they're there, varying degrees of…you know.  You know what I'm saying.

 

Physical sensations, those could be there, too.  Whatever's keeping you awake.  It could be any of those broader things, it could be something very specific like your work shift and when you sleep, or a change in your schedule or your routine, or someone in…that you share a room with traveling, or snoring; holy moly.  You say oh, I don't…no, I don't snore.  I just breathe loudly while I'm sleeping.  You say well, I'm glad you're sound asleep because I'm…actually, 'cause I'm here to help.  The other side of the bed over here, am I right?  But whatever it is that's keeping you awake, what I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place or a place that feels safe where you can say phew, and you feel your shoulders relax a little bit.  You know what, here, I'm not kidding; in this situation, I'm not worried about posture.  Believe me.  When I'm recording the show, there's no posture rules here.  I won't posture about…there's a lot of posturing about posture and I mean sure, during the day or when we're not talking about creating a safe place, go ahead, have at it.

 

Posture about posture.  Here's a thing; when you're posturing, you could be sanding on a soap box, right?  Especially if you're posturing about posturing.  I imagine that if you're standing on a soap box…unless it's some sort of high-end soap box you purchased that's…oh, this is a version of a soap box; modernized, enforced.  I can't imagine that a soap box is the most…if you just grabbed a soap box, you say well, I got…there's no…I wanna raise up so I can project my voice, people can make eye contact with me as I speak, I can make eye contact with them, they could see my gestures, they could get a feel for my tone and my body language.  I'm gonna grab this soap box, here.  I don't know…I mean, even if you brought your own soap box from home, it would probably be…you'd probably have to have…what I'm saying is – in a long, meandering way – is you probably have to have pretty good posture to stand on that.  Maybe we'll come back to that.

 

So, whatever's keeping you awake, I'm gonna try to create a safe place where you can set that aside.  What I'm going to attempt to do…oh, I said that stuff.  What I'm gonna do, though…one of my methods you just witnessed; another one is to send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I'm gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones.  You could say what sound does a soap box in use make?  You'd say well, if you had a microphone just on the soap box underneath it, you'd probably say creaky, dulcet tones it would make, unless it's one of those…you know, oh…this is a freshly…'cause you'd say that's not a good idea.  You're gonna freshly oil a soap box and then you're gonna stand on it?  No, not a good idea, Junior.  No, not a good idea.  Let's get back to the intro.  If you're new, you may already be confused.  Believe it or not, eventually you'll see that as a good thing.  But when you first get here, it could be…this show is very, very different from normal podcasts.

 

A couple things that make it different is…well, there's…I don't know.  I wish I could…it'd probably be shorter…the intro would be much shorter if I said the things that are…this is audio with talking, so that's similar to normal podcasts.  But a few things that make it different; one is expectations, like your expectations may…this may be different than what you expected and that is very normal to feel that way.  I'm saying that because that's most listeners' experience.  You get here, you say what in the…was he just talking about soap boxes for five minutes and posture?  I'm not sure what…did he ever get back to his point?  That's a pretty…I thought this episode was about Doctor Who.  I say yeah, that's a very normal reaction.  Some reactions are stronger 'cause you say what is this…this is supposed to put me to sleep?  Really?  I say that without a touch of…what is that thing called, the thing that people use?

 

Sarcasm, because that is a very normal, skeptical response to something that's supposed to put you to sleep, especially if you've been trying as I have in the past for years and years and years to find something to put you to sleep.  Why wouldn't you be doubtful?  Remember that.  The second thing is this takes two or three tries to get used to this show.  I just say that because that's what…majority of listener feedback that's come in over the past…probably…this might be around Episode 900 or something, that…or past 900.  Those are normal things.  The other things for a non-normal…this is not a normal podcast.  The other things that can throw listeners off is this is a podcast…well, you may have figured this out already, but you just barely listen to it 'cause it barely makes any sense.  I barely get to the point.  You could just barely kinda listen.  Also, almost in a loose way like water flowing through your hands.  Occasionally, you could cup it and look at it, but eventually it's gonna flow away.

 

Just barely listen to me.  That's different than most podcasts.  Most podcasts, they want you to listen to it.  This is also different than most sleep podcasts or sleep audio in the fact that I'm more here to keep you company as you fall asleep than really to put you to sleep.  To be honest, I'm just your bore-friend.  Or you could say I'm your bore…your bore for hire.  That could be my new show on whatever channel we one day invent; Bore for Hire.  Actually, we've done episodes like that, so…but where I come over and I just talk about nonsense until you fall asleep.  This is a podcast that doesn't need to be listened to and it's a sleep podcast that's kinda here to barely put you to sleep and just keep you company.  But if you can't sleep, the reason the shows are about an hour; one, to give you plenty of time to drift off so you don't gotta worry about it.  Then two, if you can't sleep or you wake up and you need me again, I'll be here 'cause there's some listeners that just can't sleep and I want to be here to keep you company, too.

 

That's really how I view my job, is to keep you company whether you're awake or asleep, to create a safe, semi-distracting place where you could rest.  There's even more things that are different that throw new listeners off, so let me get to those.  Regular listeners, welcome back, but we have never talked about soap boxes and posture before, so I'm glad you're here, too.  Structurally what to expect, this show is structured kinda similar to podcasts but a little bit different.  Starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, trees and Multi-forms in this case, for you Whovians.  Then, would a Whovian also be someone that studies the Whos from…if the Whos were a real thing, would you be…is a Whovian a fan of Whos or a person that studies Whos?  I don't know.  I just want…I heard that word; I said, I wanna work ‘Whovian' in at some point.  It feels wonderful to say it.  Whovian.  Oh, so the show starts off with a greeting so you feel welcome.

 

Then there's business.  That's how we keep the show coming out twice a week on the regular [00:10:00] basis, so 4:00 p.m. Pacific Time, Sundays and Wednesdays for seven, eight years, over 900 episodes.  That's the business.  Then there's an intro.  The business kinda throws some people off, but that's really not that much time.  Then the intro is a lot of time.  Normally, you'd say okay, four minutes of business, four minutes of intro, then get to the bedtime story.  That would be at the Fresh Bedcast or something.  I don't know.  But for this show, the intro is…it serves two purposes.  One…well, three purposes.  One, it makes…it gives you an idea of what to expect and I try to go over things for the new listener.  The second purpose is that I'm not really good at getting to the point, so it kind of fits my purpose which is just trying to be here with you to keep you company and not put on airs or posture.

 

Like oh, I'm the sleep…then I say whatever I say; one, two, three, go to sleep, badda-be.  That's the second thing.  Then the third thing is for regular listeners, they kind of figure it out as they start to listen to this show and maybe they change their relationship over the show…with the show over the years.  But for a lot of listeners…so, 2% of listeners start the show at twenty minutes.  Then another…well, 1% or 2% of listeners support the show on Patreon and some percentage of those listen to story-only episodes.  But the rest of the listeners, they use the intro in a bunch of different ways.  But the intro can be used in so many ways because it's here, one, to make you feel welcome and to take your mind off of stuff.  A lot of people I hear from, they either start the podcast as they're getting ready for bed or as they just got in bed, as they're beginning their wind-down routine or at the second stage of their wind-down routine when they're getting in bed, turning out the lights, and pressing play.

 

The intro gives you a way to ease into bedtime whether it's as a part of your bedtime routine or it's after your bedtime routine, or it's even a part of your wind-down routine or your skincare routine, or your evening hobby that you chill out to.  Whatever it is, that's why the…part of the reason the intro's so long is because for me and a lot of the listeners that this podcast does work for, a lot of the stuff that's just supposed to work right away or hey, it should work, that's a common thing we experience, right?  You say well, it should work.  Make your room cool and dark.  That should work.  You say well, it kinda works.  What about breathing?  Have you tried breathing?  Yeah, of course.  Well, it should work if you're…and I say, okay, enough of that 'cause I got listeners here.  I think that's my harrumph-brain or something.  I guess that's my should-er.  I'd like to put the should-er somewhere that rhymes with that.  So, oh, that's why the intro's so long, because…to ease you into bedtime.

 

You could always skip it but give it a few tries and see how it goes 'cause a lot of listeners…some people fall asleep during the intro.  Some people fall asleep right away during the intro after they've been using the show for a while.  That's the intro, then there's some business.  That's just the structure of the podcast.  Then there will be Doctor Who.  We'll talk about a Doctor Who episode in a way that you'll never recognize, that you'll say, that was a Doctor Who episode?  I don't know.  I don't remember that one.  Or if you've never seen Doctor Who…first of all, this…right now, we're talking about the David Tenant Doctor Who.  I don't know which number that is but you say well, he's pretty delightful, so yeah.  I could listen to you talk about…yeah, okay.  But I don't know that show.  You say oh, don't worry about it.  I'll just go off-topic, anyway.  Then there's some thank-yous at the end of the show, so that's the structure of the show, kinda things to know before you listen.

 

The reason I make this show; one, I've been there tossing and turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep.  All those things I'm familiar with.  Whatever the muscle is that shoulds you, oh boy, is that muscle strong.  I'm a body builder with…what is…what are those things called?  Oh, I'm trying to think…well, I call them brain bots but I was trying to think of the actual…some of the actual professional words I've heard for them.  They say, I know one word…this sounds a little bit harsh but it's actually a kind word; you say, maladaptive.  All those maladaptive parts of me.  If there was any Olympic events for the maladaptive muscle body builder…you say, well, every maladaptive part in his mind and his somatic system…you say, how did you build up…I say, it's just…that's the way I was…it's the way I'd…some sort of…that's why I make a sleep podcast.  I did lean in and eventually…I mean, this is actually…this is why I make the show.  I've re-adapted those things and I have embraced them.

 

Not totally in my personal life, but here on the show I can cuddle up my maladaptive parts and put their strong things to work and say hey, I know you use to should everybody about the…it just sounds funny saying that 'cause it sounds so similar to something else.  But, you know, now we're here to help.  I've been there and the reason I want to help is because also, just like my maladaptive parts deserve a chance to unwind and be respected, you do, too.  You deserve a good night's sleep.  You deserve a place you could rest and you could flourish and live your life.  That's what I hope to provide for those of you I can.  That's why I'm here.  That's why I make this show.  I guess there's other things that randomly come up, like my brain naturally wonders what your posture is like on a soap box and wonders if it's better…if you're…you say well, it probably has to be pretty good if you're standing on a…I don't think there could be any disagreement.  They'd say oh, boy.  But I would say unless…'cause you think of a milk crate, right?

 

Those are the things…those aren't even around very much anymore.  But a milk crate was…the plastic milk crates that you'd see people moving in…I think it was probably the last time you had seen one, maybe.  Even those aren't exactly sturdy.  We're talking about soap box, like a wooden box that maybe soap came in.  I have no idea.  I'm not talking about a cardboard box.  This is an allusion to an imaginary time in history that lives within my mind.  I don't know.  Here's what I can tell you; I'm glad you're here.  This podcast does not work for everybody but for the majority of the people it works for, they gave it two or three tries.  I really want to help, so give it two or three tries.  Usually if you made it this far, there's a chance the podcast is gonna help you if you listen two or three times.  The people that it definitely didn't work for, they already stopped listening after like, minute four to seven and started writing about…writing me.  Give it a few tries, see how it goes.  I'm really glad you're here.  I work very hard, I yearn and I strive.  I really want to help you fall asleep.  Thanks again for coming by, and here's a couple ways we're able to bring you this podcast twice a week.  Thanks.

 

Alright, hey everybody, it's Scoots here.  We're getting ready to cover Doctor Who, season three, series three, Episode 6 which is our seventh episode counting the holiday special.  Then we're gonna take a little breaky-poo from Doctor Who and we'll have…I don't know.  I haven't recorded any of the next episodes.  I always want to say…so, I watched these on YouTube TV which is how I watch TV, though I think Doctor Who moved behind another service recently, but I'm not positive on that.  I have all of them DVR'd.  But so, every single Doctor Who episode from this series at least, opens with an ad for Deep Space Nine.  Every time I see Doctor Who I think oh boy, how's a Ferengi supposed to make an honest living?  Which is a quote at the beginning of every promo.  I just wanted you to know that.  But let's see, it opens with some 8-bit music.  Now, a lot of hand details to open it, as well.  I'm gonna actually pause it because I just noticed something new.

 

This is why I run the episode too, while I'm recording it.  Okay, so in my notes it said 8-bit music, Doctor and Martha, TARDIS moving.  There's a goldish-brown…not quite an amber glass ball or bauble.  Then there's some flicking up, end of some…end of the line, no place like home.  But also, the Doctor…the Doctor's doing a lot of flicking and stuff but I just noticed when I paused it on the glass globe, that there's also a…I guess you could look [00:20:00] at it two ways.  It looks like a…what is that called?  A bishop, a glass bishop from a chess set, like maybe a hollow glass bishop, clear glass; not frosted glass.  That's a great question.  Then the Doctor does a lot of flicking of knobs.  Martha's holding on.  She's actually holding on, I noticed, in front of some sort of mechanism that may have hand-holds on it.  It does.  I don't know if she's holding something down or she's holding her own…or she's just holding on.  I don't know if she was steering or driving.  Then there's some dialogue.

 

The Doctor goes, perfect landing, which isn't always easy in a tight spot, which is funny 'cause there's a good reveal.  Martha goes well, jeez, you should be used to tight spots.  Where are we?  He goes, the end of the line.  No place like it, Dorothy.  I mean, he doesn't say Dorothy.  Then we see…there's Martha's face.  First, she's excited 'cause she doesn't know where they are.  The Doctor's…kinda has his chin up.  She goes out the door but then she goes in the room and she frowns 'cause it's her bedroom or her apartment.  She says jeez, what…did you take me home?  He goes yeah, just the morning right after we left.  You've only been gone twelve hours which is like no time at all, really.  She goes, but what about all the stuff we've done?  Shakespeare, New New York, Old New York, all that stuff?  He goes yeah, we did that all in one night, relatively speaking.  We see pictures of her as a kid.  There's also a…maybe I'll keep an eye out for it.  There's a coupon she has on her pin board, yeah.

 

Oh, fifty cents off or fifty pence off of something.  He says, back where you were.  Everything as it should be; books, CDs, laundry.  She says, please mind my own…mind your business about my laundry.  He goes, as promised.  She goes wait a second, that's it?  He goes yeah, I gotta cut out.  It's this awkward moment.  Then Martha's phone rings.  This is back when we had answering machines.  She says yeah, I'm not here.  Leave a message.  She says sorry, Doctor.  You're gonna have to listen to this 'cause this is old technology.  It's her mom.  She says Martha, are you there?  Pick up.  She goes, it's my mom.  Let's just listen.  She goes oh, I know you're there.  Pretend you're there.  I was just calling; your sister's on the TV.  I thought you might be…on the news of all things.  Thought you might be interested.  Let's see, so there's a mature…very mature gentleman making a speech and Tish is with him on the news.  Martha says, what's Tish doing on the news with this mature-looking gentleman?

 

He's making an announcement.  Top-secret; I'm gonna demonstrate a device, redefine the world.  She goes oh yeah, her new job, PR research for a research lab.  This gentleman is Dr.  Lazarus.  He says with a push of the button, I'll change what it means to be human.  Then everybody's making…asking questions, but Martha turns the TV off.  She says anyway, what were you saying?  You were saying something.  The Doctor goes yeah, yeah, yeah.  He goes well, that was one trip and then we did another one.  She goes yeah, things kinda escalated.  The Doctor goes, seems like it happens to me a lot.  Then she goes, thanks for everything.  But it's not as comfortable a goodbye as the text would make it sound.  You could tell Martha has more she would like to say and maybe the Doctor does, but he can't.  I don't know.  It shows the human side of the Doctor and Martha.  Great acting because he says, it's my pleasure.  He goes into the thing and then it's 2:12 by my clock.

 

Martha takes this deep breath and it's just a really good moment.  Then the…dematerializes and she kind of…is trying to process what happened, with the Doctor disappointed a little bit, maybe.  Closes her eyes, thinks.  Then the TARDIS sound regenerates, the wind comes back, and the Doctor opens the door.  He goes wait a second, did that dude say change what it means to be human in his speech?  Then it cuts to the opening.  I guess that got the Doctor's attention.  Oh, also, there's other stuff I put in here out-of-order.  There's a goodbye with no kiss.  It was like, even a kiss on the cheek would have been a good goodbye.  I don't know, they felt like part of the tension was like oh, you're not gonna at least give me a kiss goodbye?  The Doctor's like, maybe I should kiss you goodbye.  But that could be all my imagination and fanfiction I'm writing.  A deep breath by Martha.  Such a good moment.  Then oh, the TARDIS out, Martha closes eyes, TARDIS back, smiles.

 

No, I'm sorry, did he say what it means to be human?  Oh, so that was on the TV that the Doctor…then it opens.  It's The Lazarus Experiment by Stephen Graham, I think is…let's see, it's coming up here on the screen.  Doctor Who, and that zooms by.  Then the TARDIS…yeah, Stephen Greenhorn.  Sorry, Stephen.  Then it opens with an office.  There's a statue of David, I think the same one that was on the coffee table in The Goonies, a miniature statue of David.  There's also a glass globe or bauble there.  Lazarus is there with…I think with his business partner and maybe his romantic partner.  Globe, lots of displays…oh, lots of globe-like displays too, of circling globes, projections.  They talk, then Tish comes.  There's this guy, Lazarus…does not have…he's a bit of a…he's unacceptable, I would say.  His behavior throughout this episode and many layers is unacceptable.  He goes, but what's that perfume?  Tish goes, soap.  What do you think?  Then the Doctor and Martha…holy moly, they dress up.

 

They're in a tuxedo and Martha's in a dress like they're going to a very formal event.  It's tough for me to say if Martha's dress is a deep, deep, deep maroon color, like almost like a deep wine color, or if it's a black dress 'cause just the…I said wait a second, last night when I was watching this episode.  But they go into a combination of a old building with a new building built on top of it.  That's Lazarus Labs.  Let's see, what else?  Discussion…let's look at the dialogue.  Lazarus and his business partner, they're talking about…yeah, we resolved the issues, confident it's gonna work.  She says oh, Richard, I just was concerned.  He goes oh, I'm glad.  That's touching.  She says, this is gonna be worth a lot of money, though, so this is great.  We're really gonna get everything.  Then that's when Latitia comes up and she says…he says oh, what's your perfume?  She goes, soap.  Then the Doctor and Martha are walking.  He goes yeah, whenever I dress up, things always get interesting.

 

She goes, it's not the outfit, it's you.  But it suits you, James Bond.  He goes, James Bond, eh?  Then, let's see, they go…they run into…don't they run into…oh no, first they get into this party and then the Doctor's very impressed with…isn't there a plus one?  Where is that part?  Oh, I guess that's…other part.  The Doctor loves the…what do you call those?  Oh, nibbles, he says.  It's a big party.  There's music.  But he calls appetizers ‘nibbles'.  Oh, I love nibbles.  Martha and Tish are reconnecting.  I think there's hugs all around.  They're happy to see each other.  Especially, Martha's very…maybe Martha and Tish were already talking and that's the one with Martha and her mom.  But Tish says jeesh, you look great.  Isn't this impressive where I work?  Martha goes oh, yeah.  Tish goes, what are you going…you went out two nights in a row.  That's wild.  Martha goes yep, yep.  Tish goes yeah, well, there's gonna be a lot of photographers here.  Mom's coming, Leo's coming.

 

Martha's like, Leo in a tux?  Holy cow.  Then she goes oh, this is the Doctor.  Doctor goes, hello.  Tish goes, with you?  The Doctor's with you?  Martha goes, yeah.  She goes well, he's not on the list.  How'd he get here?  Martha goes, he's my plus one.  The Doctor goes, who's this Lazarus?  Is he in charge?  Tish goes yeah, I'm on the staff.  He's Professor Lazarus.  Martha doesn't know so much about her sister 'cause she goes oh yeah, Tish just works in the PR department.  Tish goes no, no, no, I'm the head of the [00:30:00] PR department.  She goes, I organized this whole thing.  Then the Doctor goes well, what's going on?  Is that a sonic microfield thingamajig?  Then Tish goes oh, okay, this is why he's dating you, Martha.  He's into science and stuff.  Okay, that makes…I gotta get back to work.  The Doctor goes, a science geek?  What does that mean?  Martha goes, geek?  It means you're overly enthusiastic about something.

 

Then mom and Leo show up, and mom's kind of like jeez, I was…last night with your father and his girlfriend.  Leo says yeah, mom.  Then Martha gives her mom a hug like she's been traveling across the universe but mama goes, what's with the hug?  She goes, just happy to see you.  She goes yeah, you saw me last night.  Then she goes, missed you, mom.  Missed you, Leo.  You're looking great.  Mom goes, where'd you go last night, Martha?  Martha goes, home.  Mom says, on your own?  I said, I know what my stomach does when…those kinda questions that give you a stomach ache.  She goes oh, by the way, meet the Doctor.  Francine goes, Dr.  Who, or Dr.  What?  She goes, just the Doctor.  We've been working together.  Leo says hey, you okay?  Doctor goes yeah, great to meet you, Mrs.  Jones.  Heard a lot about you.  She goes, what?  You heard about me?  He goes, that you're Martha's mom.  We've been really busy.  She goes, busy doing what, exactly?  The Doctor goes, stuff, just stuff.

 

Nothing but stuff.  Then Lazarus gets up.  Doctor on the spot, glass tap, big speech…okay.  So, Lazarus gets up, he makes a big speech.  The Doctor's arms are crossed.  The building starts to move around.  He presses down on a red plunger.  Oh, then the building moves.  Oh, we see shots of a lab with readouts and switches and stuff.  He makes this big speech like oh boy, am I gonna do big things here.  Tonight, I'm gonna change everything.  Biggest advance in science.  Tomorrow, the world will be changed.  Then everything starts to oscillate.  Doctor goes wait a second, something's not right here.  It's too much power.  He jumps over the controls as things start to get out of control and he uses his sonic screwdriver to try to fix it.  Lazarus' partner, she says stop.  He doesn't know what he's doing.  The Doctor goes well, if I don't do something, nobody's gonna do something.  Then he manages to stop it.  The thing stops and the door opens, and all this smoke comes out.

 

Let's see, slow down, shut down…Martha opens up the door.  You see, again, these little spots where Martha has such great courage.  A lot of times she's the one taking action as opposed to other people.  Then the door opens and it's Richard…he goes hey, it's Richard Lazarus.  But now he's a young man.  He says, seventy-six years old, reborn.  His partner says, he did it.  Holy cow.  Everybody cheers and does applause.  Then it goes to a commercial.  Martha's like, was that some sort of…after the ad, Martha goes, is that some sort of magic trick or something?  What happened?  The Doctor goes oh, no, it wasn't a trick.  He goes, that really happened.  He goes, hm.  Then Lazarus is like, this is only beginning.  Doctor goes, he did change what it means to be human.  Then his partner says, that was so astonishing, Richard.  He goes, this is only the beginning.  She goes, think of all the money we're gonna make.  She goes, I'm next.

 

Lazarus makes a face 'cause we know he's just not a…and he goes, I'm famished.  I gotta eat.  Then he starts shoveling food in his mouth.  The Doctor comes up.  He goes, energy deficit always happens when you do that.  Lazarus says, what, do you see this kind of thing every day?  He goes, not every day, but I've seen this kind of transformation before.  He goes, just like with the stories about wishes…he goes, there's something else.  Lazarus goes, you don't know what you're talking about.  Doctor goes, hypersonic sound waves, resonance…he goes, great idea.  Lazarus goes well, at least you get the theory.  The Doctor goes well, do you know about all the variables?  He goes well, you gotta accept the variables.  The Doctor goes, I don't know, that was…something weird happened.  Then his partner says you're not qualified.  Doctor says, if I didn't stop it, I would have…you would have been in trouble.  He goes, thanks anyway.  He goes, it's just a engineering…he goes, there's just lights.

 

He goes, what happened was supposed to happen.  Martha says, have you run any tests about this?  Says, I'm a Doctor; I know a little bit more than you might.  Oh, he took a deep breath before he ate all the appetizers.  He goes, I don't need to run tests.  He goes, look at me; I'm looking good.  It's all the proof I need.  His partner says don't worry, we'll certify it before we start operating commercially.  Martha's like, commercially?  That's not a good idea.  It'd be chaos.  Lazarus says, chaos?  No; change.  Evolution.  Doctor goes, this is about vanity, not about evolution.  He goes no, no, no, this is about indefinite…Lazarus…he goes, this is…they go, we gotta talk business, you two.  Excuse us, Lazarus and Thaw.  They go yeah, we'll be laughing.  Then the Doctor and Martha are alone.  He goes, oh boy.  She goes, what do we do?  He goes, let's look into it.  Let's do our own tests.  He had kissed Martha's hand which again, Martha's brilliance; she goes, look, I got a little sample we could run tests on.

 

There's also the use of impossible at some point that I liked.  Then Lazarus and Thaw are by themselves looking over at the window over London or where…I think that's where they're supposed to be.  Oh yeah, Martha lived in London, right?  They go back and forth.  He goes, that's where I grew up.  She goes oh boy, it'll be famous.  He goes well, it's gone now.  Then they talk about back in the day.  She goes well, my parents sent me to the country.  He goes well, I was here in London during that all…that whole thing.  It was not easy.  It changed me.  Then she goes don't worry, we'll create an empire and rule together.  He goes eh…then he goes actually, I have…he goes, I still need to extract some energy.  Also, he seems to be having some issues which we find out is one of the variables.  What's happening?  Oh, wait a second…did I skip a page?  Let's see, he's going back and forth.  Richard's having some issues.

 

The Doctor and Martha are going through the labs and they're saying wait a second, this is Lazarus' DNA.  Martha goes, what's the big deal about it?  The Doctor goes, it's transforming like those Transformer cartoon…remember those toys?  She goes, my goodness.  He turned himself into a Transformer, not just a younger version of himself.  He goes, yeah, but he doesn't have the ability to control the transformation.  She goes, so he's a human Transformer now.  That's impossible, too.  The Doctor goes, two impossible things in one night.  Don't you love it when that happens?  She goes, I guess that means he changed his molecular patterns.  He goes yeah, hypersonic sound waves.  She goes, but it's still…so, he's gonna transform at some point soon.  He goes yeah, I don't know.  We better find out.  They go alright, we better get upstairs and look into this.  Then we're back with Thaw and Richard, who Richard begins to transform.  But he didn't expect to transform into a Transformer.

 

He transforms into this crane truck, but it needs gasoline.  He transforms into a truck with a crane on the back…or he does.  Then he says, I must have gas.  He says Lady Thaw, go to a…here's a gas can.  Go to a gas station and get a gas thing.  She goes, petrol…she goes, what?  He goes, I don't have a wallet anymore 'cause I transformed.  I guess everything transformed.  You're gonna have to…she goes, what?  She goes, forget this whole thing, Richard.  I don't want to be transformed into a truck.  Plus, there's not room in here for me.  That part happens.  I mean, it's like…pretty much like holy cow.  So, she's gone, [00:40:00] Lady Thaw, so she's out.  But she's also…her mind's blown.  She just saw a human get younger and then change into a truck with a crane.  She's in a such a space that she just…instead of going to get gas, she just goes to the big farm.  Then Martha…oh no, then mom is…goes Tish, where's your sister?  What's going on?  Who's that Doctor?

 

Tish goes oh, I haven't seen them.  I'm working.  She goes well, who is this guy?  Tish goes, I don't know.  She goes, she's running after him.  She goes well, she's a Doctor.  She was doing her job, trying to help.  ‘Cause mom didn't like the idea that Martha was putting herself in action but not without consequences, you know?  Leo goes well, maybe he's her bloke, mom.  Francine goes, she needs to focus on being a doctor.  There's something else going on.  Then what's-his-name, Lazarus has transformed back into a human again, so he comes off the elevator dressed as a human.  He's not a Transformer but we know he is.  Then he says well, Latitia Jones, I recognize your soap.  He goes, I'd like to talk to you for a second.  We gotta talk about work stuff.  I think he said ‘extraordinary' when he came off the elevator.  Juice of an orange…oh no, this must be the Doctor.  Fix tie, Latitia's working, Latitia Jones…okay, then Martha and the Doctor are in his office.  There's the David statue.

 

There's also a bottle of booze, like a bottle of scotch.  Martha sees shoes, so she says that Lady Thaw ran out of here so fast, she forgot her shoes.  The Doctor goes, and there's a gas can, an empty gas can there.  He goes, someone wanted it to be filled up.  No shoes…no shoes and an empty gas can.  That's weird.  Then the dude and Tish are on the elevator.  He goes, it must need…oh no, the Doctor says it must need a lot of gas for something.  He goes, I don't know, it's for part of the process?  Then Latitia and Lazarus are on the elevator.  He says jeez, you're very…you got…she goes…he goes, you've been working with us for a while, huh?  She goes yeah, I'm good at my job.  She goes, where are we going?  He goes oh, I thought I'd show you the view from the roof.  Maybe that's what he says is extraordinary, yeah.  Then Martha…let's see, elevator, fix tie, dude and Tish off elevator, extraordinary…oh yeah, Doctor and Martha come back downstairs.  The Doctor goes, where is he?

 

Then Martha goes, I don't know.  Then Leo goes, hey Martha, what's up?  Mom's looking for you.  Martha goes, where's Lazarus?  He goes oh, her and Tish just went upstairs…or him and Tish.  She goes, oh boy.  Then mom tries to talk to the Doctor.  He goes, where'd they go upstairs?  He goes, upstairs on the elevator, I guess.  Mom goes, Doctor, I'd like to talk to you.  But the Doctor barges past Martha's mom in such a way, he even spills her drink.  She's wearing this beautiful dress.  I thought that was a little bit rude.  But you know, those things happen.  Then mom says Martha, I need to speak to you, now.  Martha goes, not now mom, I gotta run.  Then Martha tries…or, Martha's mom tries to dry off.  This rando dude goes up to her.  He goes hey, here's a napkin.  She goes, thanks.  He goes, do you know that man?  She goes, he's a friend of my daughter's.  He goes, not a good choice in friends.  Let's see, then they return to the office.  No one's there.

 

Doctor and Martha…the Doctor goes…he uses his sonic screwdriver to search for her.  He goes oh, top floor.  Let's go.  They head up.  Tish is with Lazarus.  She goes, can I just feel your face?  He goes, yeah.  She goes, this is weird.  He goes yeah, it's weird for me, too.  Still adjusting to it.  She goes, same here.  They're up on the roof.  There's a view of a cathedral and…a bunch of different cathedrals, actually.  She goes, what's that one?  He goes, Southwark Cathedral, the oldest one in London.  Oh, 'cause she says it's a church or a clock tower.  He goes no, it's a cathedral.  Then the Doctor goes…Doctor shows up with Martha.  The Doctor starts reading…doing poetry a little bit.  Oh, there's also a bar cart there which is weird.  But the Doctor goes…oh, Lazarus goes oh, you know T.S. Eliot.  That's great.  Tish goes Martha, what are you doing?  Martha says Tish, this dude is up to no good.  Then they have sisterly rebellion.  She says, don't tell me what to do.

 

The Doctor goes, I'm not surprised you're into poetry, Lazarus, since you're so busy defying the laws of nature.  He goes oh yeah.  He goes, life's too short for me to do everything.  But he goes, I'm gonna have three or four lifetimes now.  The Doctor goes come on, that's not how it works.  We all know that.  It's not time, it's…it's not time that matters, it's people.  He goes well, the right person and the right amount of time, it's a gift.  The Doctor goes, maybe not a gift.  More than meets the eye, isn't that what they used to say in Transformers?  Lazarus goes, what are you talking about?  Martha goes Tish, get over here.  Tish goes, Martha, why are you interrupting this?  She goes, he's a Transformer.  Tish goes yeah, he transformed into a…from a more mature person into a much younger person.  Then Lazarus transforms into the crane truck.  Tish goes, did he just transform into a crane truck?  Now his engine's revving and his crane's moving.

 

He's saying ‘get me gas' in a way that doesn't…they go, let's get outta here.  Then we cut to a commercial.  We cut back to the commercial…transforms, get outta here, then there's the elevator.  They're waiting for the elevator and Tish, Martha, and the Doctor…power goes out, so all the doors close in the building.  Even the doors automatically shut down.  But they get to the lobby, the Doctor, Tish, and Martha.  The Doctor throws Martha the sonic screwdriver.  He goes, open the doors; setting 50…no, what did I get?  Setting 754.  754, he says.  Do that.  I said oh, wow, Martha knows how to use settings…I said, I don't remember how to do…I don't know how to do that.  I'd be like, what do you mean?  How do you do 754?  Then the Doctor says, everyone get outta here; party's over.  There's a Transformer in the building.  Some person says, Transformer?  That's ridiculous.  When I was a kid, my brother had Transformers.  I thought they were lame.  He goes, we gotta get outta here.

 

She goes, we're having olive snackers or whatever you said; tiddlers.  Next thing you know, the crane Transformer truck drives down the stairs and it makes a big mess 'cause it's a giant truck with a crane on the back.  He starts just moving his crane around with gas cans, trying to get people to get gas.  The person that yelled at the Doctor, she ends up holding a gas can.  He goes, go get gas right now and pay for it.  So, she runs out.  But then, everybody's trying to get outta there.  Mom's looking…she says, Leo, Leo.  Then the Doctor's trying to distract Lazarus…the Lazarus truck.  Francine's saying Martha, come with me.  Oh, Leo gets bumped by a gas can, so he's resting.  He says, I just got thrown a gas can and I wasn't expecting it.  The Doctor's saying Lazarus, you can't control the…you're gonna be stuck as a truck for the rest of your life.  People can't just go fetch you gas and you don't have opposable thumbs, so you won't be able to fill up your own gas.  This was a mistake.

 

He goes, you're gonna be a footnote in the history of failure, which he doesn't like, so of course he chases after the Doctor honking his horn, saying buy me gas, buy me gas.  Or petrol, I guess.  I'm sorry.  Martha says, that was a distraction to buy us time.  Leo, let's get everybody outside.  Mom, get Leo some air.  She goes come on, I'll be right behind you.  Tish, let's get moving here.  Then the Doctor tries to play hide-and-seek which was tough…or easy for the Doctor, harder for Lazarus, the truck, because [00:50:00] he has to push his way through stuff.  The Doctor says, you're never gonna find me.  He goes well, I'll just plough through everything.  He goes, you're very arrogant.  Couldn't you have seen this was gonna happen?  He goes, you're arrogant, Doctor.  You're in the way of progress.  Now, I'll be a truck; I can get maintenance forever.  Doctor says, that's delusional.  Then Trish is waiting for Martha to open the door.

 

Martha goes…a super action move; slides over a desk and then uses the 754 sonic screwdriver to open the door.  Everybody goes outside.  Then Lazarus actually says peek-a-boo as he sees the Doctor with his crane 'cause he got his…on his crane on the ball part of the crane, he can see stuff.  He says peek-a-boo which I thought was funny.  Then Martha goes okay, I gotta go back and help the Doctor.  Mom goes no, no, no.  She goes yeah, I have to help.  It's what's right.  Her mom goes, you really changed.  Is it because of this Doctor?  Tish goes mom, he's trying to help.  He helped us get outta there.  Martha goes, I'm not leaving him behind.  She runs in.  Then there's more hide-and-seek and back-and-forth between the Doctor and Lazarus.  The Doctor goes on the run.  He actually runs into Martha who's running after him.  She goes, here's your sonic screwdriver.  It's a nice, cute, amusing scene 'cause they're both happy to see one another.  Says hello, I think.  She goes, what's going on?

 

He goes, well…oh, I forgot there was a scene in the lab where the Doctor tries to…it's like a high school lab with Bunsen burners, so he tries to use the glass from the beakers to pop the tires of Lazarus which seem like it worked.  But then when he meets up from Lazarus, he's still trucking, Lazarus, right after them.  He says nope, burst-proof tires.  The Doctor goes, he's so more annoyed.  Then Tish is outside with mom.  She goes, don't worry.  Her and the Doctor will look out for each other.  Mom goes, I can't believe she went in there without us.  Leo goes, he must be some dude.  Tish goes yeah, maybe she loves him.  Mom goes, she just met him.  What are you talking about?  Then that same dude goes up to mom again and he says…let's see, slides…oh wait, I'm behind on that one.  Oh yeah, very Jurassic Park, that moment in the lab, like the scene in the cafeteria in Jurassic Park.  Oh yeah, then the guy goes up to his…Francine's mom, that same guy.

 

He goes, there's something you should know about the Doctor.  He whispers into Francine's ear.  Then we come back to…then they go to commercial.  Then the Doctor and Martha run.  They actually have to run into the transformation chamber because that's the only place they could find to jump into.  The Doctor goes okay, we'll hide here for a second.  It's a tight fit again 'cause they don't want to lead him outside where the people are.  He goes, he won't break this thing 'cause he needs it.  She goes yeah, we're stuck.  He goes yeah, we'll figure it out.  She goes, you don't have a plan?  He goes yeah, we'll get in here, come up with a plan.  She goes oh, take your time, then.  Then he goes okay, let me get on the floor and work on this.  She goes, doing what?  He goes, improvise.  She goes, what is it?  What's the Transformer, anyway?  Are they from Earth?  He goes, not just human.  He goes, but yeah, human…he goes, this one is a human…yeah, human Transformer, I guess.

 

It doesn't make any sense, but…he goes, it wasn't…he goes, it was locked in your genes.  She was like, Pandora's box?  He goes, yeah.  By the way, nice shoes.  Then Lazarus hits a big, red button so the machine starts going.  There's black lights on, it starts to spin, and Martha goes, can you pick up the pace?  He goes yeah, I'm gonna reflect energy.  He goes, maybe I'll shrink him down or something.  Then he gets hit; there's a big energy burst.  Martha comes out.  She's holding her tummy which I thought was a good thing.  Lazarus is asleep on the floor as a young man, but with no clothes on.  Doctor says, pitiful.  Out with a whimper.  Then they kinda take him in.  They say oh, well, no one believes this stuff.  They say oh, let's just take him in and get him some water.  Some people come to help.  Doctor and Martha meet up with Tish and mom and Leo.  Mrs.  Jones says stay away from my daughter.  Martha goes, what?  Doctor goes, moms don't like me.

 

She goes, I've heard things about you, Doctor.  She goes, this isn't the Doctor's fault.  He saved us.  Leo goes, it was Tish that invited us to this party.  But then they hear a truck start up again and then the doors open, or it drives off.  They say oh boy, that sounded like a crane truck.  They see it was on the street, so Doctor and Martha run after him to Southwark Cathedral.  Tish says, that's where he's going.  ‘Cause the Doctor goes, the church?  He goes no, cathedral; Southwark Cathedrals or Suffolk Cathedral, maybe.  Let's see, so then they go in there.  Martha goes, do you think you're in there?  The Doctor's like all action moves with his sonic screwdriver, tracking him down.  Sanctuary, tense music, then they find him.  Oh, they say where else would you go for sanctuary?  Then he's wrapped in a blanket in the cathedral and he says jeez, I came here a long time ago for sanctuary when I was really young.  The Doctor goes yeah, it was a tough time when you were young.

 

He goes, and I swore I would always…I would do whatever it took to transform into something more powerful and longer-lasting.  But I always want to be more than meets the eye.  The Doctor goes well, that's…he goes, that's…he goes, that kinda stuff's what makes you human.  He goes no, no, no, avoiding that stuff is what makes us human.  He goes, I'm gonna be more than meets the eye.  The Doctor goes, but you're…and he starts to transform again.  Transformers even make a sound in the cartoon that goes…can't do it on a sleep podcast, but it goes [MUMBLES], something like that.  [MUMBLES].  He starts to transform.  Martha goes, he's transforming.  The Doctor goes yeah, I know.  We gotta get him to the bell tower.  Martha goes, up there?  Lazarus says Doctor, you're so sentimental.  Maybe you're older than you look.  He goes, longer life isn't always the best 'cause you just get tired; tired of struggle, tired of losing everyone.

 

He goes, you end up all alone which pays off at the end.  He goes, that's a price worth paying, Lazarus says.  Doctor goes, nope.  He goes, I'm about to transform.  Martha goes hey, Lazarus, you want some gas?  My sister and I have gas upstairs in our gas cans.  Somehow, they had gas…they had thought to carry in gas cans.  Really filled with water, but not important.  They swish them around.  He starts running after them.  Martha goes Doctor, we're going up to the tower.  Again, we have this heroic moment from Martha.  Oh, a good laugh from him at once point…accept what you cannot change.  Then there's a race to the top.  Martha's like yeah, this is a bait move, Tish.  ‘Cause Tish says, what are you doing?  She goes, we're gonna bait him.  They head to the top.  He's changing and chasing them.  Like, he transforms into the truck at some point after he gets to the top of the stairs.  The Doctor goes to the organ.  He goes, hypersonic sound waves.  He starts to use his sonic screwdriver with the organ.

 

I think that was before…there was an ad before that, maybe.  But yeah, then they get to the top.  He kinda has them cornered, Martha and Tish, and he starts swinging around his crane, trying to grab their gas cans, and they're diving out of the way.  But Martha's so smooth.  She says oh, oh no, I'm gonna drop my gas can.  But then she almost drops it and then she says oh boy, I don't want to drop a gas can in a cathedral even though it's filled with water.  Wouldn't be a great idea.  I don't know if when you play that thing, you play the bells, but I am a little…but he says hypersonic sound waves inspired.  So, I don't know…oh, and then there's an ad in there at some point.  Said wait a second, where was the ad before?  It was…oh, before the Doctor got to the organ.  After the ad, the Doctor's at the organ.  He pauses.  I said dude, you're taking forever to get this organ going.  He said, did you just say Oregon?  I said no, [01:00:00] organ, like get to the…start organ-playing.

 

He's cracking his knuckles.  I guess if he didn't want to do it…that's when Martha tells Tish that they're bait.  Then they duck and play to catch…hide-and-catch…catch-and-seek with gas cans.  We also see Martha has really good upper-arm strength; her ability to toss the gas cans and Tish, which I said wow, that's impressive.  The Doctor says, I'm gonna turn it up to 11…111.  He's playing on two different levels on the organ which I think was interesting.  He plays so loud that it jams all the controls of the crane truck which goes over the belfry into the center of the church again.  He returns to…transforms instantly on his way to rest.  He's a naked man again…at first a young man.  Tish grabs Martha, so she saves the day, or saves Martha's day.  Then they say okay, Doctor…Doctor says, Martha?  She says don't worry, we're okay, we're okay.  Martha then say…jeez, thank you for saving me, Tish.  Tish goes well, it's the Doctor that saved all of us from that crane-truck-human.  Cut it close, huh?

 

Martha goes, Doctor always cuts it close.  It's what makes it fun.  Tish goes well, who is he?  She goes, he's the Doctor.  But she has a look in his eye that…her eye that's very important.  Then we're downstairs.  The Doctor says Lazarus, you've gone to sleep forever in the place where…in the…AllSpark beyond the AllSparks.  You're once again united with the AllSpark.  Martha goes, nice job on the keys, maestro.  You're like a Page, the Chairman of the Boards.  He goes oh well, if you hang around with Beethoven, you're bound to pick something up.  She goes yeah, it was loud, too.  Then we see the Doctor…his key goes…I saw a key go into a keyhole for the TARDIS.  I said holy cow, a key in the TARDIS door.  Have I seen that before?  They're in Martha's room and Martha's kinda like the one doing a pre-breakup kinda thing.  She goes okay, well, this is a pattern so you should take care in the future and the past, or whatever period you find yourself in.

 

The Doctor goes, we had fun though, didn't we?  She goes yeah, we did.  I don't know, I really love this character 'cause she says, yeah.  The Doctor goes well, how about one more trip?  She goes, no.  He goes well, I thought you had fun.  She goes yeah, but it's not fair for me to just go on these trips with you.  He's got his happy Doctor face on at first.  She goes, I'm not gonna be a passenger, someone you take along for a treat.  If you just see me as a passenger, I'd rather stay home.  The Doctor goes oh, okay, then.  First, he acts surprised.  He says, okay.  Then she goes oh, okay then.  Fine.  She goes, great.  Bye.  She gives him this look; great.  She goes okay, well, see you later.  She turns her back, walks off.  She kinda keeps her back at him.  She goes, aren't you getting out of here, then?  She goes, we already said goodbye once.  You better hit the road.  He just stands there.  She goes, what?  He said, I said ‘okay'.  She goes, right.  He goes, okay.

 

Then he turns his head towards the TARDIS like okay, you're my partner now.  She goes oh yeah, yeah.  Then he goes into Doctor mode.  They hug and she goes…he goes, you were never a partner…or a passenger anyway, were you?  Obviously, she wasn't.  Then they go into the TARDIS.  It vanishes.  Then mom calls.  She leaves a message.  She says, it's your mother.  Call me back.  I know the Doctor.  I know who he is; Harold Saxon.  I said, am I supposed to know who Harold Saxon is?  He's the one who told on the Doctor, so call me back.  He's done no good.  Bye.  With that, the episode comes to a close.  Goodnight.  

 

[END OF RECORDING]

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