1199 – House of Trick or Treating Buster Keaton | Silent Films Sleepers
Buster goes on a sticky adventure where he will be silently saying “For the love of Kevin McCallister” while a mustache gets twirled.
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Silent Films Sleepers / Seasonal
Hello Kitty
https://keshoume.com/blogs/blog-posts/the-history-of-hello-kitty
https://zenpop.jp/en/blog/post/5231/the-history-of-hello-kitty
High Concept
https://www.thenovelry.com/blog/high-concept-fiction
https://nofilmschool.com/what-does-high-concept-mean-story-ideas
https://www.arcstudiopro.com/blog/high-concept-vs-low-concept-whats-the-difference
The Haunted House
https://centuryfilmproject.org/2021/02/27/the-haunted-house-1921/
https://silverscreenings.org/2022/03/11/buster-keaton-and-the-haunted-house/
Facial Hair as “Evil”
https://gizmodo.com/scientists-prove-that-a-goatee-makes-you-look-evil-5914836
https://www.themarysue.com/study-goatee-evil/
https://movies.stackexchange.com/questions/609/origin-of-the-mustache-twirling-villain
DOWN TO BUSINESS
I just cleaned my unnamed car
Deep Dark Night United
Zach, Belinda (Helix Sleep)
PLUGS
WGA/SAG-AFTRA Strike Support; The Midnight Mission; Orlando Park Stop; Trevor Project; Patreon; SleepPhones; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline
SPONSORS
HelloFresh; Odoo; Helix Sleep; Progressive
INTRO
The Old Thinking Thoughts
Sometimes I can’t sleep because of good stuff, too – I just don’t talk about it
Ruminations on Positive Things
My voice is not traditionally soothing
Borebae will be here for you
Oh, this show can’t be gotten!
The audio equivalent of forgetting what you’re looking for
I found a Hello Kitty lampshade prism in my dad’s garage
“Above the Lampshade” – Phish
I give Phish full permission to use my Gingerbread Press titles for song inspiration
Prism Lamp Finial (PLF)
Recreating the lamp finial discovery experience
I’m not sure if this was finial was a sanctioned Hello Kitty product
Clinical Finial Packaging (CFP)
Our quirks are not mean to be hidden in the toolshed
Hi Kitten (a knockoff Hello Kitty)
I didn’t think that finial would be podcast gold at the time
A Slow Descent Into Sleep
STORY
A Seasonal Buster Keaton episode
Extremely High Concept
Did you come up with that concept when you were high?
Shoutout to Big Farm in the Sky PI
The House of Trick or Treating
The one I’m watching has plenty of film grain
The Palatial Parking Place of the Bull and the Bear
2-Reel Comedy Film
Some Comedy Short History
A ticket would feature a variety of programming
Some Buster Keaton history
A more simplistic era of comedic storytelling
Zooming down on Wall Street
Definitely Bustling
Buster Keaton falls out of the limousine and heads to First National
45 seconds in, and I’m already confused
Bottle Cap Door Lock?
It’s an old-school bank
My own visits to the bank are Buster-Keaton-esque
I don’t feel comfortable at banks for a variety of reasons
A plan I had to divide cash up amongst kids and adults on vacation
But people didn’t like the cash-reporting project I created
Buster Keaton goes to the safe
The vault is time-locked
A very tall mustachioed person
Equating mustaches with being evil
The heavies also have canes and walking sticks
A digression into my trail jogging
A lot of my European listeners like using poles in trail hiking
I feel fresh with my hiking poles
But I’m still getting used to them
3 people are walking with walking sticks
They want people to think this house is only for the trick part of trick or treating
I’m making an assumption that BK is not a heavy in this
Which clerk is photocopying money?
Holy Kevin McAllister
Proof Testing the Haunted House
Home Alone Level Traps in this home
They’re using the haunted house to print fake money
This sidekick looks like someone famous
Strawhat McGee comes out of the house
2619 on Somewhere Street
SWM’s First Mustache Swirling
BK is doing his clerking job
Failed Romance is a common trait in these BK movies
Some sort of transcendent romance going on …
The Transcendent Romance Trope
The spring-loaded vault opens
She takes a stack of money
The money looks more rectangular than it does today
Dorothy Cassil?
I’ve definitely been given the phone number 123-4567 before
When do we get to the trick or treating??
Mustache Twirler is talking with the bank president about fake money
4 more people come into the bank
Glue on the money leads to a hand-sticking sequence
Why is there glue in this bank? Duh!
This sticky situation keeps getting worse
BK has to cut his hair because his hand are glued to it
Is that Stan Laurel?
Using steam to free them from the glue
There’s ripped money everywhere in this bank
It’s always funny to see a man’s underpants
Mustache Twirler and 4 men are having a conference
They’re trying to steal the glue-y money out of the bank
People think BK is trying to make an unauthorized withdrawal
He tries to hide in the vault
Opera Company is doing Faust
A set falls down during this production
Theatergoers want a refund
He runs into the haunted house
He thought he saw something passing
A smoking gag book
Faust costumes are mistaken for Trick or Treaters
He’s moving through this “haunted” house
The trick stairs are taunting him
Banker’s daughter is following Mustache
BK runs into the red spandex character
A Staring Contest
A very Pee Wee chair
2 goons are making an animatronic
Wow, there’s so many quick gags here
A Sleepy Hollow Type Guy
A haunted blanket
Hey, I’m a cat person!
Socrates is in this room?!
BK found two trick or treaters who have treats
Mustache blows a whistle to stop everyone
Don’t put your head through the bannister like BK
He goes to surprise another trick or treater
Authority figures come in
A real Deus Ex Machina ending
BK figures out what’s happening
Banker’s daughter literally says, “My hero!”
Mustache makes BK take a nap
A dream world where he’s a Grecian
A Greek Dream Sequence
Literally climbing a long stairway to heaven
He tries to hand something to St. Peter
He slides down into Hell
But then he wakes up in the arms of the adult daughter
All is good!
Less stair gags would've been good
No music even in this film – totally silent
PATREON THANKS
Kelly, Bishop, Marco, Nick, Lauren, Claire, Chris, Evelaine, Krista, Matthew, Robin, Katie, Claudette, Tim, Robyn, Daniel, Katy, Carolyn, Polly, Anne, Dee, Garrett, Hayden, Annelise, Will, Tatianna, Jordan, Jonathan, Heather, Uliana
SUMMARY:
Episode: 1,199
Title: The House of Trick or Treating Buster Keaton | Silent Films Sleepers
Deep Dark Night United: Zach, Belinda (Helix Sleep)
Plugs: WGA/SAG-AFTRA Strike Support; The Midnight Mission; Orlando Park Stop; Trevor Project; Patreon; SleepPhones; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline
Sponsors: HelloFresh; Odoo; Helix Sleep; Progressive
Patreon Thanks: Kelly, Bishop, Marco, Nick, Lauren, Claire, Chris, Evelaine, Krista, Matthew, Robin, Katie, Claudette, Tim, Robyn, Daniel, Katy, Carolyn, Polly, Anne, Dee, Garrett, Hayden, Annelise, Will, Tatianna, Jordan, Jonathan, Heather, Uliana
Notable Language:
- Borebie
- Hello Kitty-Like Prism (HKLP)
- Prism Lamp Finial (PLF)
- Finial
- Clinical Finial Packaging (CFP)
- High Concept
- Palatial Parking Place
- Holy Kevin McAllister
- Transcendent Romance
- C-A-S-S-I-L
Notable Culture:
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- Buster Keaton
- Ruminations on Positive Things
- Hello Kitty
- “Above the Lampshade” – Phish
- Big Farm in the Sky PI
- The Haunted House
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- WC Fields
- Roscoe Arbuckle
- Charlie Chaplin
- Wall Street
- Mark Hamill
- Home Alone
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- Catherine O’Hara
- TikTok
- Stan Laurel
- Faust
- The Princess Bride
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- Paul Reubens / Pee Wee
- Sleepy Hollow
Notable Talking Points:
- The Old Thinking Thoughts
- Sometimes I can’t sleep because of good stuff, too – I just don’t talk about it
- Ruminations on Positive Things
- My voice is not traditionally soothing
- Borebae will be here for you
- Oh, this show can’t be gotten!
- The audio equivalent of forgetting what you’re looking for
- I found a Hello Kitty lampshade prism in my dad’s garage
- “Above the Lampshade” – Phish
- I give Phish full permission to use my Gingerbread Press titles for song inspiration
- Prism Lamp Finial (PLF)
- Recreating the lamp finial discovery experience
- I’m not sure if this was finial was a sanctioned Hello Kitty product
- Clinical Finial Packaging (CFP)
- Our quirks are not mean to be hidden in the toolshed
- Hi Kitten (a knockoff Hello Kitty)
- I didn’t think that finial would be podcast gold at the time
- A Slow Descent Into Sleep
- A Seasonal Buster Keaton episode
- Extremely High Concept
- Did you come up with that concept when you were high?
- Shoutout to Big Farm in the Sky PI
- The House of Trick or Treating
- The one I’m watching has plenty of film grain
- The Palatial Parking Place of the Bull and the Bear
- 2-Reel Comedy Film
- Some Comedy Short History
- A ticket would feature a variety of programming
- Some Buster Keaton history
- A more simplistic era of comedic storytelling
- Zooming down on Wall Street
- Definitely Bustling
- Buster Keaton falls out of the limousine and heads to First National
- 45 seconds in, and I’m already confused
- Bottle Cap Door Lock?
- It’s an old-school bank
- My own visits to the bank are Buster-Keaton-esque
- I don’t feel comfortable at banks for a variety of reasons
- A plan I had to divide cash up amongst kids and adults on vacation
- But people didn’t like the cash-reporting project I created
- Buster Keaton goes to the safe
- The vault is time-locked
- A very tall mustachioed person
- Equating mustaches with being evil
- The heavies also have canes and walking sticks
- A digression into my trail jogging
- A lot of my European listeners like using poles in trail hiking
- I feel fresh with my hiking poles
- But I’m still getting used to them
- 3 people are walking with walking sticks
- They want people to think this house is only for the trick part of trick or treating
- I’m making an assumption that BK is not a heavy in this
- Which clerk is photocopying money?
- Holy Kevin McAllister
- Proof Testing the Haunted House
- Home Alone Level Traps in this home
- They’re using the haunted house to print fake money
- This sidekick looks like someone famous
- Strawhat McGee comes out of the house
- 2619 on Somewhere Street
- SWM’s First Mustache Swirling
- BK is doing his clerking job
- Failed Romance is a common trait in these BK movies
- Some sort of transcendent romance going on …
- The Transcendent Romance Trope
- The spring-loaded vault opens
- She takes a stack of money
- The money looks more rectangular than it does today
- Dorothy Cassil?
- I’ve definitely been given the phone number 123-4567 before
- When do we get to the trick or treating??
- Mustache Twirler is talking with the bank president about fake money
- 4 more people come into the bank
- Glue on the money leads to a hand-sticking sequence
- Why is there glue in this bank? Duh!
- This sticky situation keeps getting worse
- BK has to cut his hair because his hand are glued to it
- Is that Stan Laurel?
- Using steam to free them from the glue
- There’s ripped money everywhere in this bank
- It’s always funny to see a man’s underpants
- Mustache Twirler and 4 men are having a conference
- They’re trying to steal the glue-y money out of the bank
- People think BK is trying to make an unauthorized withdrawal
- He tries to hide in the vault
- Opera Company is doing Faust
- A set falls down during this production
- Theatergoers want a refund
- He runs into the haunted house
- He thought he saw something passing
- A smoking gag book
- Faust costumes are mistaken for Trick or Treaters
- He’s moving through this “haunted” house
- The trick stairs are taunting him
- Banker’s daughter is following Mustache
- BK runs into the red spandex character
- A Staring Contest
- A very Pee Wee chair
- 2 goons are making an animatronic
- Wow, there’s so many quick gags here
- A Sleepy Hollow Type Guy
- A haunted blanket
- Hey, I’m a cat person!
- Socrates is in this room?!
- BK found two trick or treaters who have treats
- Mustache blows a whistle to stop everyone
- Don’t put your head through the bannister like BK
- He goes to surprise another trick or treater
- Authority figures come in
- A real Deus Ex Machina ending
- BK figures out what’s happening
- Banker’s daughter literally says, “My hero!”
- Mustache makes BK take a nap
- A dream world where he’s a Grecian
- A Greek Dream Sequence
- Literally climbing a long stairway to heaven
- He tries to hand something to St. Peter
- He slides down into Hell
- But then he wakes up in the arms of the adult daughter
- All is good!
- Less stair gags would've been good
- No music even in this film – totally silent
-
Episode 1199 – House of Trick or Treating Buster Keaton | Silent Films Sleepers
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for a podcast…I just cleaned a car, my car, actually; not any…just not any…do you believe…I don't think my car has a name. I drove through some place with a car with no name. My car keeps me out of the rain. Sorry, I don't normally rhyme, but it’s the beginning of the podcast. Welcome to Sleep With Me, by the way. ‘The podcast that puts you to sleep’ is our tagline. Been making this for ten…around ten years now, and I’m so happy if you’re listening for the first time or you’re listening for the 1,200th time. I mean, I’m sure there’s people who have listened tens of thousands of times, 'cause if you see the Spotify stats at the end of the year, you could see how many people listen a lot…eight, ten episodes a night.
But it’s really my honor to get to make this show, and I get to do it because of the support of listeners who the podcast works for. Now, this podcast is very different, so if you’re new here, I just want to give you a heads-up. This show is very different, strange, it’s not traditionally soothing, it never gets…it’s barely never going anywhere, and it does take a couple tries to get used to. That’s what about a million people have said to me over the past ten years; took me two or three tries. That’s the most medium temperature…took two or three tries for me to get used to the show. At first I didn’t know what I was listening to, or I was waiting for it to get sleepy and stuff. So, give it a few tries. See how it goes. I make the show for you if the show’s gonna work for you, and there is a lot of people it works for.
It doesn’t work for everybody, but I so hope it works for you because the podcast is designed to keep you company and take…cut through some of that loneliness in the deep, dark night, and to take your mind off whatever’s keeping you awake so you could fall asleep. This show doesn’t exactly put you to sleep; it’s your friend in the deep, dark night because you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve the rest you need. So, I am so glad you’re here. I am so proud I get to make this podcast, and what we got coming up…there’s sponsor stuff — that’s how the show gets to be free; you don’t gotta pay for it unless you really want to — then there’s a long, meandering intro which is separate from the support. I just got somebody that really pushed…gave me the old strong impression thing. The intro has…is not…it doesn’t have any sponsor stuff in it.
It is a show within a show. You really don’t want to miss out on it. It’s meant to ease you into bedtime. It’s a bit silly. It’s a bit goofy. Maybe I’ll talk about washing my car. You say, okay, that’s something I could fall asleep to, probably…and probably some personal admissions, but mostly it just eases you into bedtime. Then there’s support, then there’s our bedtime story. Tonight we’ll be watching a silent movie and rambling on and on about it, or maybe more than one movie. Depends on how long…I got a couple different ideas I’m percolating on. I’m probably…record it tomorrow, but when you hear this it’ll be all together for your convenience. You don’t need to wait ‘til tomorrow for me to keep going on and on and on. So, that’s it. I’m so glad you’re here, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks for making it possible, my patron peeps.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts on your mind that you’re thinking about about the past, the present, the future, so thoughts you’re thinking…thinking thoughts; the old thinking thoughts, think, think, thinking thoughting. So, thoughts, things on your mind or around…things your mind is telling you are important that may or may not be important at bedtime.
So thoughts, it could be feelings, anything emotionally related to those thoughts, any feelings you’re having or feelings that are there, physical sensations, could be changes in time, temperature, routine, work schedule, school schedule, you could be getting over something, going through something, or have something coming up. The only reason I run through that stuff isn’t so much to remind you of what’s keeping you awake but to remind you that you’re not alone. There’s a lot of people listening right now and a lot of us can probably relate to how you feel and say, hey, that’s pretty tough.
Even if I can’t relate to it, even if I haven’t been through it and it feels different than what I’ve felt, there’s someone listening right now who probably can and who can relate to how difficult it is or what it feels like. There’s times I can’t sleep because of good stuff, too. I just don’t really remember those or…what is that called? Ruminate on those. Ruminations on positive things; never been…I don't know if that’s been written. Contrary to popular belief, I ruminate on positive things very, very rarely, but I may have. But what was my point? Oh, whatever’s keeping you awake. This show is here to be here, to be there. I’m here to be your friend in the deep, dark night and keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep, and…because you deserve a good night’s sleep.
I know how it feels tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, and I believe you deserve a bedtime you could look forward to or a bedtime you feel neutral about, not one you have to dread, as has been the case for me at different times in my life. I believe you deserve the sleep you need so your life is more manageable, so that you could be out there living your life and flourishing eventually when you get the sleep you need, and that means our world’s gonna be a better place to be in. So, it is important. What I do is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents, which means I’ll go off-topic, I’ll get mixed up, and then I’ll forget what I was talking about, then I’ll repeat myself, and then…yeah, then I’ll use filler words.
So, that’s kinda the structure of the show. Creaky, dulcet tones means my voice is not traditionally soothing. It’s more…my voice is not traditionally soothing; it’s more just to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff. The other things to know about the show; this is a podcast that doesn’t really put you to sleep. It more keeps you company while you fall asleep. I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bor, your Borbie, your neigh-bore, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie. I’m here to be your friend in the deep, dark night and just keep you company while you fall asleep. There’s no pressure to fall asleep. The episodes are over an hour so you don’t even have to think about it. You say, I got plenty of time. Bore-bae’s gonna be here to keep me company.
I don't even know what a bore-bae is, but sounds…I don't know, sounds like something maybe…yeah, maybe more…Borebie. Yeah, I could be more into that. I’d say, no problem. Yeah, 'cause there’s people who are listening who can’t sleep and there’s people who are listening who need a break during the day. So, this show is here to keep you company and not really to be listened to. Just kinda barely listen. I mean, you could listen and there are people that listen to the show, the whole thing through, and that’s great, too, 'cause I mean, it helps keep me going and it lets me know I’m here to the very end whether you’re awake or asleep, whether you’re listening or not. But for most people, after their second or third listen, they kinda just act…barely act of passive listening.
Just like you’re humoring me; uh-huh, okay, great. Go ahead and tell us about washing your car after you get through this part. So, that’s kinda that. Let me tell you about the structure of the show, too…oh, and the fact that most people don’t like this podcast when they first listen. I would say most people never like this podcast. It’s a very specific show for the people it’s gonna work for. But for the people it does work for, it does take a couple tries ‘til you realize, oh, now I get it; this show is not meant to be…it’s not gotten. I can’t get it. Now I realize I was looking for this the whole time. I had no idea. Kinda like when you’re looking for one thing and then you find something else really cool and you forget about the thing you were looking for.
I do that in physical stuff with apps, websites…I say, totally forgot what I was even looking for, but this is cool. I didn’t even really know I needed one of those things that makes a rainbow. A prism. Wasn’t looking for one, but I found one. I found a Hello Kitty-like prism…finial or whatever that goes on the top of a lamp. When I was cleaning stuff for my parents, I was cleaning out their basement and my dad’s tool shed. I’m not kidding…and I left it there. My temptation was to put it in my pocket and take it with me. So, I guess I won't talk about…so, it was a Hello Kitty prism. It looked like…it was made probably from lucite or glass and it was meant to go on the top of a lamp.
I don't know if it made a prism, though, because I was so distracted by talking to it and playing with it…because it had a brass stem that you would screw into the top of a lamp, like above the lampshade. Has there ever been a book called Above the Lampshade or a TV…? You say, Above the Lampshade, that’s where…it could be a line…it sounds like a line in a Phish song. That’s where the moths are at, above the lamp…you say, what’s the best song in Phish’s new debut, 2028? Above the Lampshade, man. That’s where the moths are at. That could be another one of their cover…you know, they could have full permission to do a fake cover band thing from Gingerbread Press books. That’s where the moths are at. We did have a weird synchronicity because Phish…anyway, Phish is a band.
They’re not a Hello Kitty crystal finial prism. But there was a time where…right around the same time, unrelated, we were making two things where we’re talking about space and sound and smell, and what does space smell like. I didn’t think…until that point I said, wow, there’s a lot of people wondering what’s…this is what space smells like. Anyway, so, I found that Hello Kitty crystal. So, that’s the kinda thing with the show; you say, oh, I didn’t know I was looking for this, but it’s…now, not many people would say Sleep With Me is cool, but they’d say it’s as cool as the other side of the pillow in bedtime parlance. So, there’s that. What was my point there, though? Oh, just kinda barely listen. Oh, it takes some getting used to; most people don’t like the show.
In fact, I set up a website, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, for people that don’t like me at all, strongly or mildly. I don't hear from the people that mildly don’t like me. They probably check out another sleep podcast. They go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, they check out another sleep podcast or sleepy thing on there, and they move on. But then there’s people…even though the whole idea of sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou is just to help people that strongly dislike me, move on…you say, hey, I found something that puts me to sleep, man. Now I’m not even frowny-facing you, Scoots. But there’s still a strong contingent of frowny face. They say, I want to show you my frowny face. Not actually, but in so many words.
In fact, they try to word it so strongly that normally I get a frowny face, but that’s okay. I’ve been doing this a while, so long that I set up a website to say, most people don’t like me. That’s normal, right? That’s just…especially making something. But the great thing is…and this is the really nice thing; if you give the show two or three tries and it is for you, it is for you. I mean, it doesn’t work for everybody forever, but there are people, a large number of people, and those people I actually…a lot of those people I know who have been listening to the show almost the entire time, and there’s people who have been supporting the show for as long as you could support it, and interacting with me. So, I know that…yeah, it’s just like other stuff you find.
You say, okay, I didn’t know…that would be a very specific thing, but what if you had…what if you loved moths and then you found out this Hello Kitty…whatever that…I forgot the word for ‘makes a rainbow thing’. Spectrum analyzer? It’s not that. Prism lamp finial. I think that’s what it’s called. I said, what is this…? What word is this? Then I said to myself, does this thing go on top of a lamp? I’m pretty sure this is…at first I thought it was…I said, is that a crystallized Hello Kitty? Then I said, is that a prism? They just walk in…you threw it and then I said, what is the final…finally…final…that’s what I…and then I said…that’s really what happened. I’m walking you through it. This is pure Sleep…final…that’s one of those things that goes on top of a lamp?
That’s why that big brass thing’s coming out of the bottom of Hello Kitty. Not that Hello Kitty had to process that. Then I said, let me get this thing…let me start playing with it. Then I said, let me play…and then I forgot 'cause I was playing with it in front of a window, but the sun wasn’t coming in through the window. Then I put it on a lamp, then I took it off the lamp, then I put it on a lamp, turned it on, then I put it…took it off the lamp, 'cause I said, one, when you discover stuff…and this is just like it is for Sleep With Me superfans; I said, who bought this and then put it in the…? It was probably by accident. It was in one of those boxes full of…my parents don’t have any IKEA furniture, but the same kind of box with bags of washers and nuts and all sorts of loose hardware, stuff to put up pictures, but none of it organized.
It must feel like when someone strikes gold. That’s how I felt. But also, I was dismayed. I said, this poor thing? I also was like, when was this purchased and who purchased it? I gotta do some…my own family anthropology after this. I think I took a picture of it, so I think I can retrace…try to find out…yeah. I can’t believe I didn’t try…oh, so then I took it off and I put it in front of a window, but that window didn’t have light at the time. But I said, one day someone will be pleasantly surprised by this Hello Kitty prism. May not have…by the way, if you work for Hello Kitty Enterprises or whatever, may not have been an actual Hello Kitty. It may have been a Hello…it may have been a high kitten, you know what I’m saying? Not a high kitten, you listeners that are listening at 4:20 PM.
Not a high kitten, but it could have been a…or Howdy Cat or something. It didn’t have a cowboy hat on. But you know what I mean. It wasn’t…the packaging was very clinical, like clinical finial packaging. If you’ve ever gone to a official finial shop…I don't even know if that’s actually what they’re called. Lamp-toppers…I mean, I guess maybe you went to those lamp…those lamp stores are still around, right? But, yeah. So, that’s what my life’s like. If you ever thought I’m faking it on this podcast…I mean, I am putting my best foot forward and my calmest foot forward on the podcast, but if you ever wondered, is he really like this in real life…? There was…two weeks ago I was holding that unofficial…it wasn’t fan-made, though…Hello Kitty finial…prism finial, and talking to it and…it did a little dance.
I mean, it didn’t dance for me; I had it dancing. Then I got into that strange thing. This is why I can’t sleep. I said, put it on a…? No, no, better not put it on the lamp. Put it on the lamp? Take it off the lamp. Put it on the lamp? Let’s turn the lamp on. Then I was like, what is…is this thing supposed to give a disco effect or a prism effect? Then I said, put it in the window? Then I got distracted by something else. I said, is my coffee ready? Or whatever it was. So, anyway, that’s Sleep With Me. I think I missed…oh, structure of the show. I forgot about that. So, let me tell you about the structure of the podcast really quick. The show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen…can you believe people don’t like me?
Or that this show is just for people it’s for, which is great, 'cause that’s a big number of people. They said…there’s…I know…'cause I trust…I’ve learned from these listeners that are so kind from me…listeners like you that said, I would have done that, too, or hey, I found this. So, it’s…this is a strange relatability. Our quirks are not something to hide in a closet or whatever that…tool shed. They’re meant to be…come out and you put it…and you say…you play with it. Then other people can say, yeah, I would have done that, too. I would be baffled. I would have petted the kitty, too, with just my index finger, and said, sorry you’ve been in this tool shed in a…did you have any adventures in there or is this gonna be your first…? Oh, I forgot all about you and now you’re sitting in a window.
I mean, at least the kitty…oh, your back’s to the window, too. Sorry about that, high kitty, or high kitten finial. Is that what they’re called? If you know what it’s…how to spell it, it’s like…I have dyslexia but it’s like, what the…what word is that? I think there’s seventeen letters in it. Okay, so, structure of the show. Starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you can feel seen and welcomed in. You say, I might check that podcast out or I’ll give it a try. Then there’s support so the show is free. There’s a lot of people that just aren’t in a position to support the show, so just having a subscriber-only thing wouldn’t benefit the most people it can, the people that the podcast is actually gonna help.
Then the people that actually get to help the show get to feel really good because they…the show puts them to sleep and a bunch of other people to sleep. Then there’s a intro which we’re just on the tail end of, kitty cats out there. Wiggle those whiskers with delight. But we’re just on the tail end of it. But the intro’s a show within a show. Sometimes people that don’t like the idea that the show needs support or they just don’t like the podcast…but there’s actually people that are regular listeners that feel this way. They say, oh, the first thirty minutes of the podcast is just ads or something. But no, the majority of it is this intro which…where we go on weird tangents. I mean, who would have thought…?
I never thought…I’m not kidding, when I was playing with the…this is where you know the…I can’t even believe I’m putting this out there, but it’s the truth; I never thought that that would come up on the podcast again when I was playing with the Hello Kitty prism. I wasn’t like, this is podcast gold. I had to…so, then I struck…now I’ve struck gold twice. Now, there’s a country song; I Struck…maybe Phish could put it in there, but…I struck gold twice with this Hello Kitty crystal maybe made of plastic, not a official Hello Kitty prism, but maybe it’s not a prism 'cause I couldn’t get it to work…thing in my dad’s tool shed. What was I saying, though? Oh, the intro goes on and on and on so we discover stuff like this, but it also eases you into bedtime.
The intro does put some people to sleep and there are 2% of people that skip the intro, but for most listeners, the intro’s part of the slow descent to sleep. It eases you. It takes me about a hour of bedtime routine to get to bed, and maybe that’s not the case for everybody else, but I do a bunch of different stuff. The intro’s only twenty minutes, so it can be part of your wind-down, getting-ready-for-bed, or in-bed-getting-comfortable routine. Or if you don’t like the intro, you could just skip it and set the show to start at twenty or thirty minutes. Or on our subscriber platforms, you could listen to story-only episodes or intro-only episodes. So, then there’s support, then there will be a bedtime story.
Tonight it’ll be based on a silent film or more than one silent film. I don't know how it’s gonna go yet. I have one in mind that I’ve watched, but I think we could still…I don't know, it’s only twenty-seven minutes, so I’m like, is that gonna make fifty minutes of material or not? We’ll see. Then there’s thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show. That’s why I make the show. I’m really glad you’re here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to do this for you for free twice a week.
Alright everybody, Scoots here. This is our third Buster Keaton episode I’m recording. I think this’ll come out as the third episode. It is a seasonal episode, though, and…but I did want to say also that it’s extremely high-concept. I’m not gonna read the high concept, but when people talk about high concept…sometimes that’s a word you hear people say, like high-concept comedy or a high-concept idea. This one is incredibly, to me, high concept. I don't know where the definition came from. I’m sure Rusty Biscuit’s looking it up and we’ll put it in the notes for the show. But high concept is…Sleep With Me usually has high concepts. I guess you’d say, what does high concept mean? Could you explain it to me?
I would say…I’m laughing 'cause I’d say, well, initially it’d sound like, did you come up with that concept when you were high? You must have been high when you came up with that concept. That’s not actually what it means but technically if you say, can you explain it to me like I’m…? Well, I guess a five-year-old wouldn’t know. Like, explain it to me like I’m five. But if you say, explain it to me like I’m an adult with…or…and I have the maturity of a five-year-old. Say, well, it’s a…sounds…it’s a concept of an idea that sounds like somebody was high when they came up with it. Hardy-har-har. But so, I say, Sleep With Me usually has high-concept ideas. That doesn’t mean grand concept. So, that’s why I mean…when you say, were you high when you came up with that? I was not, and when…any of these ideas for Sleep With Me.
But so, the idea of Big Farm in the Sky PI is someone is in the big farm and they want to be a PI, and then they go back into the regular Earthbound world and get help from their niece and their niece’s best friend. You’d say, sounds like you were high when you came up with that concept. That’s kind of a high concept. So, this one…I won't read the concept because it’s out there, but it is seasonal. It’s called…it has different titles, but the title I’m going with is The House of Trick-or-Treating. So, I’m gonna start it here. I think it’s about twenty minutes long, so we’ll see if we’ve…supplement it or where we’ll go. But yeah, The House of Trick-or-Treating. It starts off…so, it’s Buster Keaton in the House of Trick-or-Treating. I don't have the year it came out in. Buster Keaton and Eddie Cline, written and directed.
It starts off…in this one, the version I’m looking at, has plenty of film grain. It starts off with a card that says, Wall Street…here we go, alliteration. The Palatial Parking Place of the Bull and the Bear, mostly the bull. So, let’s just…since I already paused it, let’s see if there’s a Wikipedia page for it without getting into the…it’s 1921. I wanted to look up some facts. Looks like at some point there’s a theatrical poster where it looks like it was colorized. It’s a twenty-one-minute…it’s a two-reel silent comedy film. Let’s look up two-reel silent comedy. Oh, that’s comedy film. Two-reel…a short film is any motion picture where its running time…let’s see if it refers to reels in here. History…all films at the beginning of cinema — this is from Wikipedia — were very short, sometimes running only a minute or less.
It took ‘til the 1910s when they got longer than ten minutes. They were…some early films went through the kinetoscope. Comedy films were produced in large numbers compared to lengthy features. By the 1920s, where we’re at, a purchased…a ticket purchased a variety of varied programming, including a feature and several reporting works from categories such as a second feature short comedy…and four-to-eleven-minute cartoon travelogue, and news reel. Short comedies were part…especially common, or serials or series. Animated cartoons…then in the thirties, which we don’t…we’re not in the thirties, so…so, it’s two reels, so I guess each reel was about ten minutes. It was written by Edward F. Cline, who we haven’t looked up. Screenwriter, actor, writer.
Best known for work with W.C. Fields and Buster Keaton…from Kenosha, Wisconsin. Oh, Cline also…relatable life. Interesting. Him and Keaton both struggled with things I struggled with. Cline began working for Keystone Studios in 1914, supported Charlie Chaplin in some shorts, then Buster Keaton started making his own shorts after working with Roscoe Arbuckle…hired Cline as his co-director, and they were gag men. Cline is credited with originating Keaton’s personal favorite gag from his films, where…I don't know. It’s in a different movie, so I don't know if we’ll cover it. Then Cline in the thirties started working with Fields, and…goes on and on and on. But I just wanted to look that up. But back to The House of Trick-or-Treating. Okay, Buster Keaton, Virginia Fox, Joe Keaton, Joe Roberts, and Edward Cline are the stars.
Came out in February of 1921. Silent…has inner titles. We don’t need to get into the plot. Plot is very timeless, too, as we’ll see, especially in film. Legacy; this belongs to a more simplistic era of comedic storytelling. It doesn’t work really today except for in a sleep podcast, by the way, but it has a certain amount of naive charm. Except for the past two decades, this had been a staple of genre of storytelling, part of the high concept or maybe all of it. So, I don't know, I definitely recognize it from some animated stuff. But yeah, I think that’s it for now. So, we open with the Palatial Parking Palace place. The bull and the bear, mostly the bull; that’s Wall Street. We’re gonna have to pause it again 'cause there’s something coming up that I have to look up.
Okay, so, first we see a raised wide shot, and we zoom down on what we can presume is Wall Street. There’s people, there’s cars; it’s 1920. It’s definitely bustling. New York is not the only town that has mastermind of finance. Okay, then we do one of those things where it fades…where it’s a circle and the circle grows, and we see I guess what you consider a limousine pulling up, and there’s not just a limousine, but there’s a person…oh, there’s someone driving and there’s someone opening the door. So, it’s two separate jobs. Then who falls out of the limousine…which I did not expect. I thought it was gonna be the heavy or whatever, but it’s Buster Keaton, hat in hand. He’s got a walking stick and he goes to First National. Oh good, this has some…watching it on a different site, so it does have…I’m able to jump back.
I don't understand this, so…this is only forty-five seconds into the movie here. Well, that’s when he falls out of the car. He tries to hide his embarrassment. So, at fifty seconds he walks up to a bank; First National, which I think…a popular name. It’s open from 9:00 AM ‘til 3:00 PM, according to the sign on the door, but there’s a lock on the door that has a bottle cap over it, which I don’t understand. Wait, here’s more about the…Mark Hamilton is also uncredited in this movie. Not Mark Hamill, but Mark Hamilton. Okay, so, bottle cap…door lock…? I don't think this is gonna work out. No. This is a bottle lock. So, I don't know. It seems to be…so, over the lock on the door to the bank is a bottle cap like you’d have on a beer or a bottle of soda.
Now, I guess this makes sense as far as if he knows…no one else is gonna have a bottle-crimper, a bottle-capper. So, he first has to pop the bottle top on the door, and then uses his key to unlock the door. He also has gloves in his hands, so he’s wearing gloves. He goes into the bank. Now, this is a old-school bank and obviously it’s a set from a movie, but he’s got a decent amount of keys and a bottle-capper. He does not…he just shuts the door behind himself. He goes into the bank, and it does look like a bank from movies. There’s a stand-up place where you could fill out your deposit slips. I realize — and this is gonna be funny to some people — there’s probably a lot of people listening right now that haven’t been in a bank. To be honest, I have no idea the last time I was in a bank. Oh no, I do.
So, the last time I was in a bank was…and it was Buster Keaton-esque, 'cause most of the time I go in a bank, there’s multiple things being spilled and dropped. This was not that dissimilar. Now banks are more…at least the bank I went to, which is Credit Union, technically…I went into the branch…first of all, I gotta get through a couple doors, which is hard enough for me, and then I have…I’ll be honest, I’ll don’t use my bank in person and I don't really use a lot of cash. So, I’m very unfamiliar with number…and I’m a…I have dyslexia. So, I said, please don’t…please let this card just get me everything. I have my ID and my card, so…because I have no idea my account number or any of those things.
Also, I just…no, I didn’t need to withdraw money in certain denominations…and the reason I needed to do that was because we were…I was doing this thing…I don't know if I talked about it on the show. It was an idea…did not pan out, but I went on vacation with family members to a theme park a while ago, but…whatever, early in the year, so a while ago for me when I’m recording this. I had this memory of getting cash when we would go to a theme park and I was old enough to explore on my own, to be like, well, here’s your money for your lunch and dinner. So, that’s how much money you get and you could spend it however you want, but don’t…this is your money to spend for the day to feed yourself.
There’s something magical about having that control, I thought as a kid, so I thought I would do that for kids and adults, but with an assignment. So, that’s one thing; people don’t like assignments on vacation. So, I was like, okay, one day…each day I’m gonna give everybody in the group a different amount of cash and everybody at the night will report back at how they spent their cash. We didn’t have a formal reporting-back time, and then it was also hard 'cause everybody has a different amount of wanting to be participating in the production of giving the answers. I have my producer brain, so it said, whoa, whoa, whoa, you only get two minutes each. I didn’t actually establish those parameters. So, it could have used more prep, but it didn’t work out. But I needed singles, quarters, fives, and tens.
I think that was the different…most of them were like, $3, $5, maybe $7, maybe $1 or $2 in quarters that I was giving out, so that was why I was in the bank the last time. So anyway, Buster Keaton goes into the bank, goes through a teller window because he’s obviously there to work; he has the keys, right? Then he goes up to the…what is that thing called? The safe, and it’s a big, giant safe or whatever, a vault. I guess it’s a vault. I can’t read the sign on it right now. Oh no; it says, time…it’s not…totally can’t get into this. It’s got a time lock. Then he hangs his walking stick with the hook up and then hangs his head on the hook next to the thing. Okay, so that’s interesting as far as a storytelling thing because we see the safe and we see…or the vault and then we see the sign on the vault which gives us information, but then he moves on.
Then there’s a wipe to two other characters in a building, one of whom is very tall, and he’s suited and has a moustache. I don't know if back then they put moustaches only people you were supposed to not identify with. Maybe this leads us back to why you couldn’t work at a theme park if you had a moustache, 'cause whats-his-name was born in the silent film era all those…it’s just interest…you say, did you watch too many Buster Keaton movies? Is that why I can’t have a beard at my job? But so, these two also have canes or walking sticks, which is interesting only because of when I’m recording this, I think this was maybe a fashion thing. Then maybe this is too far afield, but I’ve recently…so, I got…I go running or hiking. I go trail running but I’m not actually running; I’m jogging.
So, I’m not trying to brag, because you’d say, a turtle would literally blow by me if I was run…trail running. I did also do it hiking one time when it was really hot and I said, I think I just did the same pace hiking as I did running, which is fine because I enjoy it and I get a lot out of it. But so, I recently…a lot of it I do in the hills, at different hills in the Bay Area, at parks. I’m a bit clumsy. There’s a lot of hills. I’m not always paying the best attention, and time is passing in my life. Honestly, I really enjoy this, so I looked into it and apparently in Europe, our European listeners that enjoy hiking and trail running…particularly trail running which is a little bit different than hiking, but in Europe a lot of trail runners use poles, which a lot of hikers use a pole in the US, or poles. Similar to ski poles, just in case you’re not familiar.
I made the decision recently for my own wellbeing and enjoyment and also maybe get a little bit extra arm exercises and it would be easier on my legs…to start using poles when I run. Part of me is like, that’s so embarrassing, dad. Just my internal teen. But another part of me is like…it’s like a new gadget even though they’re only poles. It’s like, man, I’m out here with my poles. Check me out. I feel fresh. But we’ll see. I definitely have used them and I say, this does make…going downhill, makes a big difference as far as stability. I haven’t quite got used to them. I mean, I’ve got…get used to them going uphill where I’m feeling like it’s changed my relationship with the speed or the time or the…'cause…anyway. So, I’m still getting used to it, so it’s a little bit more tiring until I get used to it. But I’m looking forward to it.
So, I don't know, just, their canes and their walking sticks…'cause now we’re at three people walking with walking stick canes. That sticks out to me, right? Okay, actually, no, I was mis…I’m wrong. So, there’s two people walking and they’re walking in sync. The person with the moustache, somebody was walking behind him. I thought I saw two canes. So, there’s only just one. But so, then the other person who’s a little bit…they’re talking. So, the person in front with the moustache says, hey, the bank, a cashier, is working with people making copies of money and they want everybody to believe this house is only for the trick part of trick-or-treating where you pay and you go through a house and you’re tricked with gentle, fun surprises. So, again, another story point.
Even though…it’s interesting 'cause it says the bank cashier, who I’m assuming is Buster Keaton. I could be wrong, though. But he’s saying…'cause I mean, I guess I just…going into it with a Buster Keaton assumption, which would make a ass out of Buster Keaton and me…that Buster Keaton is not playing a heavy or whatever you want to call it. So, then they kinda talk. The guy is…the taller guy is smoking, the guy with the moustache, and he’s very…see? They got the stuff here. The other guy’s like, really, boss, really? Then they’re in another room. They do a fade into another room, and he goes, I’ll show you what would happen if the authority figures showed up and said, do you have…you know, are you fully permitted for a house of trick-or-treating or not, and are you making photocopies of money somewhere?
There’s a device; the first device we see is actually a fantasy thing, I’m assuming, where a bunch of authority figures come in. I said, holy Kevin McCallister, because they run up the stairs in two groups. There’s one, two, three…they say, come on. He says, here, see this device? It makes the stairs pull a Kevin McCallister, and then everybody slides down the stairs. The other guy has his arms crossed. Tell me again, boss. Tell me again. Okay, so there you go; four up the stairs they go. Hey, all our buddies, come on up the stairs, five or six more. They all slide down into a pile together. Then they run out. I say, who hired you, by the way? Oh my gosh, so, a really good one at…got another…what famous person does this sidekick look like? ‘Cause he goes…this is at…what is this?
One minute after all the authority figures slide down the stairs; 1:44. The person who’s listening as his boss tells him all about it, and he says, oh boy. He looks like someone. Not sure exactly who. Then they go back. They’re having a in-depth discussion about this…they’re plotting, I guess, so much so that at least when it’s paused, the assistant person who has a very long coat on…his hands are tightly clasped. Oh yeah, he says, oh, we’re gonna get him. Then we see…who could we call this character? Straw-hat McGee…come out of the house. He’s strutting then. He’s carrying his cane. Oh, by the way, if you ever want to visit this house, it’s 20…somewhere on a street, 2619. 2619 on Somewhere Street. He gets out, opens the gate…the house has a nice gate.
Oh boy, he twirled his moustache twice, both sides. This is Sleep With Me’s first moustache-twirling, I believe. First at 1:52 he touches his moustache, and then he walks out of the house. There’s palm trees, so kind of a giveaway that this is LA, maybe. Then, yeah, at two minutes…they said, at two minutes exactly, we need…you know the story’s going well if you’ve got moustache-twirling at twenty…two minutes, within the first two minutes of the film. Okay, then another…oh, first off, Buster Keaton is now…the work day has commenced because he has a flower on his lapel. His hair is looking good, and he’s doing his job as the clerk. But what we’ve seen is…what do you call that? Vehicle of these Buster Keaton movies is that failed romance and his ability to play the…he’s like a romantic foil.
So, he’s looking at the deposit slip, I guess, or the…it’s a withdrawal slip. Okay, well, this is interesting. She must be early at the bank. The bank’s not open because she says, yeah, I gotta get the money out. But he says, the bank doesn’t open ‘til 9:00…or the time lock doesn’t open ‘til 9:00. I said, bro, why are you working? If the bank’s not open, why are you working, anyway? It’s 9:00…6:00, 7:00…it’s 8:00. I don't know what this guy’s doing. The bank’s not open yet; or it’s 8:00 PM and the bank has been closed for five hours. She does this move, very…what do you call that? Anybody that knows who Sting is…was in…was Sting…? This is just another trope, an assumption, so I’m just using Sting as an imaginary object of assumption.
But there was a time where Sting was associated with a form of romance called…some sort of transcendent romance. I know I’m misquoting a lot of stuff, but I think that transcendent romance between two partners involve being in one another’s close vicinity without contact. This one is really done well. I’m not kidding; my back started sweating because she leans in to his face, closely, and looks him in the eye with a serious look, and then leans in a little bit closer like she’s gonna kiss him, but just close enough that you could detect the other person’s…and he’s like, are we about to kiss? This is at two minutes and twenty seconds. Then he almost…he says, whoa boy, I’m getting woozy, here.
Then she signs her withdrawal slip, and then we see…oh boy, is this time lock totally foolproof, 'cause he stands up on a table or something, which is wobbly, opens the glass of the clock, and moves it ahead an hour. Then we get a comedic sequence where it’s spring-loaded, so it opens. She was withdrawing a full stack, which I don't even know how much a full stack is or what the stack was. Also, I don't know, in 1921, those were some…Dorothy Cassil…oh, wait a second. I missed that part. But the bills are…look a bit more rectangular than the ones we use today. Because I went to school here in the US, I have no…I’m like, wait a second, was money different in the 1920s? It looks like double size. Okay, so she signs her deposit slip. I don't know how much she took out. Dorothy Cassil or Grace…I can’t read her handwriting.
Dorothy something. G or C-A-S-S-I-L. So, she’s making an A-S-S-I-L out of some…maybe. I don't know. Then she says, Main 234. I’d be like, dude, that’s the fakest…I’ve gotten that as a phone number before. Say, what’s your phone…? Would you want to continue this conversation? Sure. Call me; area code 123-4567…456. Okay, great. I’ll talk to you then. But she’s right in her instincts 'cause I think…I say, I would have…I mean, this is a fire-able thing. He says, huh, Main 234, eh? So, he’s a bit of a…maybe he needs to have his little comeuppance. Okay, then we get a…this may be…you say, when are we getting to the trick-or-treating, Scoots? I say, we’re only three minutes in, hopefully. We’re almost thirty minutes into the show, but it says…we get another title card.
Although it’s a small bank, it has a president, and although he’s small in stature, he has a daughter? I don't know what that’s supposed to mean. Or maybe it means small in emotional stature. We see his daughter leave. She’s dressed really fancy. Then the moustache-twirler literally comes in. Then we have…oh wait, his daughter is not a child, though. So, she goes up to him while he’s…he has more money…I don't know if…and she strikes a little bit of a Catherine O’Hara comedic thing. Then we go back into the president of the bank’s office. He’s examining money, and the moustache-twirler’s watching him. He’s like, oh boss, what is it? I wonder who put this fake money in here. Maybe we should talk to the authority figures. The boss…or maybe the boss said that. Oh, wait a second, wait a second; I missed this.
The boss says that, 'cause then he gets on the phone and I think the moustache-twirler grabs it. Let’s see. He grabs some other money, actually. Huh. Oh, maybe more fake money. So, this bank definitely needs to fire some people. I don't even know if this guy — the moustache-twirler — works at the bank. Also strange; he has his jacket buttoned, but only the bottom button of his jacket. So, it’s a three-button jacket; the top two buttons are undone. Okay, now four people come into the bank, four gentlemen. They’re in a row. I can’t tell if they’re together or not. They’re making some sort of withdrawal, and…including change, and he’s counting it out. He’s using his…oh, he puts his hand in ink…oh, glue. He thought he was putting it in…so now we’re gonna get some physical comedy.
He was trying to put his finger in the wet stuff to help you count money, but then he put it in glue. So, now he does this kinda sequence where everything’s sticking to his hands, which has been done a lot before. Then we get…he’s handing out the money, which is sticking to people, and they can’t throw it off their hands. I don't know why these…so, a group of four people…it gets worse and worse and worse, though, so it’s kinda funny. Say, okay, wait…dude, you can’t work here anymore. Seriously, why do you have glue at your workstation? No glue in the bank. We got paper money in here. But it’s pretty funny and a pretty standard thing…including stuck to his shoe, ripping money…oh, boy. He’s good with his face 'cause his face doesn’t react, but it does have some quiet desperation to it.
Then we see money…glue money everywhere on all the four people, him…everybody’s…they’re doing an in-sync…yeah, this is like a TikTok dance at…what time is that at? The four patrons are literally…it’s like, I see this barely even on Instagram reels. They said, don’t touch it, 'cause then the music will blare. But this one, it would just be the music. But yeah, four customers. It’s just one of those…it’s just getting worse and worse and worse. What time is that at? I can’t pause it. 5:24. Then he puts his hand on his hair to think. I can’t believe I glued everything. Then strangely enough…huh, the moustache-twirler comes and gives them some other money, and then they leave.
He tells somebody else that works at the bank that has a visor, one of those metal visors…he says, clean up all this ripped-up money. Get to it. That person’s also in a suit. So, then we get a sequence with him trying to clean up the money. His hair’s out of place. Buster Keaton’s trying to cut his own hair because his hands are caught in the hair. He successfully does that, actually. This other guy looks…he has hair like me and what’s-his-name from…why can’t I think of his name? Oh, looks a little bit like Laurel, Stan or Laurel Hardy. I don't know. I don't think it is. So, then Keaton has hot tea water; he’s trying to steam the guy, steam the money off him. Then he says, what do you want from me? Then he try…oh, then he says, okay, I’ll get you steam…I’ll steam you free, man. You just take a nap. He does almost steam him free?
No, he does, and then he says, wake up. The guy shakes his hand but then they get the money glued together. So, a pretty long sequence. Okay, then we get a…oh, wait, it’s still going. So, then he bows to somebody else and then I think they’re gonna get stuck together. So, they get their butts stuck together, a new character with a pipe and a bowler hat, who’s a grouch, clearly. Then they’re trying to extricate themselves. The bank is a big mess now, and Keaton’s trying to extricate his hands from the money. Then this…the one customer says, our butts are stuck together. Also, there’s money…ripped money everywhere in this bank. Keaton tries to cut their rear ends apart, revealing one of the shots for children…grown men’s underpants seen through a hole in their bottom.
So, I guess that would have been funny back even then for adults. Oh, and then a woman…she can’t believe she’s seeing his underpants through a hole in his rear end. So, she says, I can’t believe I’m seeing your underpants. So, then he’s ashamed and he’s trying to cover his butt. Okay, now we see a quick shot of the moustache-twirler and the four men that were in the bank earlier outside of the bank having a conference, but it’s just a quick shot. We get more of this comedic sequence of Keaton trying to…oh, now he’s almost about to cry, I think. Now, this is a good one. I mean, it’s a little bit more of playing this up, but he puts his hands in his pockets and then his hands are glued in his pockets.
Okay, then the four people that were outside the bank, including the sidekick from earlier, come in, and I guess they say…huh, they seem to be…they’re like, actually, we’re gonna take all this money and all the money on the things. Then they say, put…raise your hands if you don’t…shake your hands above your heads like you just don’t care. Buster Keaton says, they’re stuck in my pocket. So, they’re trying to take the gluey money out of the bank. I can’t believe this is still high concept when it’s like…who is that person? So, the sidekick…Buster Keaton’s trying to get his pockets off his hands. He does that, and then he one-ups the people trying to take…make a unauthorized withdrawal, and they run out. But then he’s holding everything, so then they think he’s the one trying to make a unauthorized withdrawal.
So, he tries to go inside the…does he try to go in the vault to hide? Yeah, and then they go looking for him. Then it’s 3:00, so I think he closes the vault. His shirt’s stuck in there, his jacket. Says, I can’t go through a jacket. That night…this…so, this is the next title card. We’re halfway through the movie, which is a good point. It shows this cliffhanger. He’s been accused. What’s he gonna do? But that night, the opera company was doing Faust, and he deserved it. So, we get a title sequence, then we see the play, Faust, playing out in a theatre, and the opera. We see the three characters hand-kissing, and the set’s not properly constructed. So, in the middle of the play, part of the set falls down, which has its own comedic sequence. Yeah, a lot of trying to hold the set up.
It’s only made from cardboard, but the cardboard…cardboard can’t stand up even if it has stands. The character that was supposed to befriend Faust is very upset. Oh my goodness, so then someone actually throws a cabbage from the audience at the character. The character…red spandex-based characters…at that character. He walks backwards into the…what is that called, the back painting or whatever? That falls down. So, we see the back of the theater and it’s…no smoking sign. Then everybody shares their produce with the three performers. So, I guess it was just a three-performer thing. They leave the theatre. Everybody wants a refund. So, this is interesting. So, there you get your high concept…part of the high concept. Everybody’s chasing them for a refund.
Then after searching everywhere, they found him where he was. That’s the next title card. So, they find him stuck to the vault and then they’re discussing what they’re gonna do. Then they try to get him but then he runs away, thinking…I don't know what he’s thinking. He runs off. We also see the three characters from Faust running off from the opera, and the sun’s setting. They run by a well. First…we can’t quite see. I think he runs into the house first. They say, that’s the house with tricks and no treats. So, we see that, then it’s too dark to see anything. But I think he sees…Buster Keaton goes into the house…oh, and then he turns on the light. He thought he saw something passing, or we just see it as the audience.
Then he opens up a gag book which smokes, and we see one of the…someone running through the house in a costume. I think she’s in a costume from Faust, but now it looks like a costume where she’s trick-or-treating. Buster Keaton’s character says, I have no treats and I don't want to be tricked. She says, I must trick you. He runs up the stairs, then slides down the stairs. Oh no, she was not from Faust. Then the…two of the characters from Faust run in, and Keaton says, that’s strange. He was sitting on the floor. Then the person from the red spandex runs in. Then Keaton says, well, this is confusing. So, he tries to spy on the room they ran into. He looks around the curtains, then he tries to go in the opposite direction, goes into another room, hears something, and then he picks up a vase.
But the authority figures are still trying to get him. Then he runs back up the stairs, jumps before they slide him, then we see another room with the lights out. I can’t really make out what’s happening. There does seem to be something moving in there. Maybe one of the Faustians, you know, or the…and then he turns on the light. Now he has a candlestick. Two of the characters from Faust run into one room. Keaton’s walking down the hall, kinda pretending like he’s minding his own business, almost forgets about the stairs, then tests them out. Then he says…then he sits down on his rear end and tries to slide down the stairs for fun. They don’t start sliding, so then he walks down the stairs, then slides down them.
So, the stairs are kinda taunting him. Then we see the moustache-twirler who’s being followed by the bank…okay, so there’s even more layers to this. Okay, so the moustache-twirler’s being followed by the banker’s daughter, I believe. He sneaks into the basement of this house of no trick-or-treating where his team is making fake money and pretending to be trick-or-treaters. They say, by the way, that dude’s upstairs from the bank, the cashier. He sends two trick-or-treaters up there. Says, ask him for tricks and not treats. Then the daughter goes down in something that ends up in the basement. He finds her, the moustache-twirler, twirls his moustache, and says, oh, you’re the banker’s daughter. I just saw you and now we’ll have to…we’ll keep you company.
Then Buster Keaton runs into the red spandex character who kind of just stares him down. Looks a little bit like Cary Elwes from Princess Bride. They literally have a staring contest. Buster Keaton has no idea this guy’s just a actor and that he’s real, so he tries to touch him. The guy says, I thought we were having a staring contest. He goes, harrumph, and he crosses his arms. Then he says, what’s going on here? Buster Keaton says, these stairs, man; they’re the worst. Then Buster Keaton’s going on a tirade. He sees one of the trick-or-treaters, climbs up the balcony, then gets caught in curtains, still has glue on…oh no, it’s the cape from the red spandex guy. Then he sees again another trick-or-treater. He does a great physical thing that’s at about 14:28.
Then he sits in a chair and…we’re sending our love to the next existence of Pee-wee, Paul Reubens, so…but there’s a version…I’m not even kidding. This is not…14:47, there’s a version of Chairy, the chair that hugs you with love. It says, I’m Chairy. Pull yourself up a chair. Then there’s more trick-or-treaters, and Buster Keaton decides to follow them. They start putting together an animatronic. This is not a joke. So, two trick-or-treaters are putting together an animatronic, and it’s an amazing effect because…wow, that is cool. So, talk about high-end effects, for me. The animatronic then says, I got no strings to pull me down. Buster Keaton says, I can’t believe this. Then he sees the Faustian actors. They say, dude, come with me. He says, please don’t make me sit through a whole performance of Faust. I don't have any lettuce.
He says, listen, we’re just here…we’re in the same boat as you, man. Then they see the two trick-or-treaters who say, we’ll go…we’ll take your wife trick-or-treating. Then there’s…man, this is…wow, there’s so many quick things. Then there’s a person that says, I’m from that movie, Sleepy Hollow, but I’m walking. Hold onto this for me. Then there’s another version of Chairy, but it’s a blanket, and it says, I’m Blankie. I’m gonna surprise you for trick-or-treating. Buster Keaton says, no, you gotta be kidding me…runs off again, slides down the stairs…Kevin McCallister…then runs up the stairs, is surprised again, can’t get up them, then sees somebody else. Oh, says, hey, I’m a cat-person. Then he goes into another room, like…someone dressed as Socrates is in there. Then he does a running-in-place gag while Socrates holds onto his shirt coat.
Socrates says, I’m just gonna talk to you about stuff for a while. Buster Keaton keeps running in place. Oh, we see that the floor…then he says…he literally says, smell my breath. Then the actor that looks like Cary Elwes does some dancing. He sees a trick-or-treater; he leaves the house, but he’s smoking — he’s got a fog machine — so he comes out. All the authority figures say, there’s a smoking person in red spandex. Then Buster Keaton sees two of the trick-or-treaters finding…enjoying a snack, and he says, oh, they found treats, so I don't have to worry. So, now he knows all the trick-or-treaters already have treats, so he ignores them as they go through the house. Then he blows a whistle — we don’t hear it, obviously — and holds his arms up to get them to stop, kind of like…oh, 'cause they keep walking through the halls.
Then somebody says…they run downstairs and they say, hey boss, there’s actually somebody in here, maybe from another world. Buster Keaton puts his head through the banister; big mistake. Don’t ever do that. But he gets out. Another stair gag. He’s at the top of the stairs, pauses, pauses again, and then slides down the banister. Of course, that impacts his rear end. He gets off and still has to slide down the stairs again. Then he sees another trick-or-treater. Says, I think I’ll surprise that trick-or-treater…goes to surprise them, and then he…oh, then he says, I’m gonna dress up like a trick-or-treater. Then the authority figures come in. They fall downstairs, and then we realize…now, they’re…the moustache-twirler says, well, the authority figures are here. You won't be doing any trick-or-treating now, see?
But then Buster Keaton reveals that Buster Keaton was…so, then we get our quick resolution, deus ex machina, in some sense…costuma. So, somehow we missed the part where he went downstairs in his costume, but he had figured out what was happening…goes downstairs, helps the authority figures catch the moustache-twirler. The bank president’s daughter, who…she says, literally, my hero. Oh, wait a second, but then…this is interesting. But the thing was that…so, I guess we get one more wraparound. There’s only a minute left, but he…before he leaves, the moustache-twirler says, five, four, three, two, one, take a nap, to Buster Keaton. So, he takes a nap. Then he wakes up; he’s in a dream world where two…he’s dressed as some sort of Grecian, like he’s going to a toga party.
Then there’s two little girls dressed as angels. He puts his hat on and they say, one final gag for the love of…oh no, there’s…oh yeah, it is. So, then he starts going up the stairs, maybe. He’s literally climbing a stairway to heaven, possibly, for a gag, and it’s a long stairway. So, it goes up one sequence away from the angel girls into another sequence where it’s against the clouds in the sky, and there’s angels with pan flutes on either side. Then he goes up again a whole ‘nother screen…another set of angels and then a doorway. Climbing the stairway to heaven…I don't know what other parts of the song, but he gets to the top. There’s someone at the top; I think that’s supposed to be Saint Peter, maybe? Buster Keaton…now he looks like he’s in a bath…I don't know, more like…I guess it’s not a toga anymore. He has his cap on.
He hands something to Saint Peter. Saint Peter says, not a chance, man. Then he pulls the thing down and the stairs become a slide. It’s a super-slide, and oh boy, then it becomes a swirly slide, a corkscrew slide. This is a great gimmick, actually, and this is what I wrote about one time in a poem, except mine was a elevator. So, he keeps going through the earth all the way to under-Earth, meets the actual person in red spandex who says, today bulletin…and it says ‘Keaton’ and it goes from out to in. They move a slider so that Buster Keaton has arrived. Then he says, come over here. Then another assistant says, get over there. But then he wakes up in the arms of the president of the bank’s adult daughter, who says, thank goodness.
Then it goes to the end. So, very packed with action towards the end. Probably the only…the main thing I would have changed is a little bit less of the stair gags and shorten the money gag around just to stretch out the end a little. Obviously I’m not a…for a sleep podcast I stretch the whole thing out. I put thirty extra minutes on a twenty-minute short. But that was just to put you to sleep in a dreamy world where movies…this one particularly had no sound. Even on the version I had, it had no music, even. So, the silent rambling…a silent film made into rambles. Goodnight, everybody.
[END OF RECORDING]
(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)
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