1167 – Engineered Adventure | Make Great Pets E9
Rin helps Latte and Cornelius find a comfortable adventure. This episode is dedicated to my friend and friend of the show Cornelia R.
- Big Bang Swagger
- Work-Appropriate Adventure
- The Man Who Needs No Memes
- Douglas Adams / Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
- The Pina Colada Song
- Route 66
Notable Talking Points:
- An Unintentional Peacock Advertisement
- Your Mission: Have an Adventure
- Wafting Smells of the Carnival
Episode 1167 – Engineered Adventure | Make Great Pets E9
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who’s here to be your friend in the deep, dark night, who’s here to keep you company, who’s here to take your mind off of stuff. Tonight’s a episode of Make Great Pets, a story about how great pets can be and how they could be there in turning points in your life, and how sweet that could be. Yeah, it’s our episodically modular series. Oh, but I’m…this is the…before the podcast even begins. I got mixed up there. You may be like, what did I…? Where am I? Okay, so, this is Sleep With Me, a podcast that puts you to sleep. I do get mixed up. This show does take some getting used to. It’s here to keep you company and be your friend while you fall asleep, because you deserve a good night’s sleep.
You deserve a bedtime where you have a friend to help you out, to keep you company, take your mind off of stuff, to tell you some silly tales, just like a bedtime story. Here’s the thing…I’ve said it before; it may not be considered…how come kids get all that stuff? How about…that’s where I made the show. I said, how about some bedtime stories for adults? You’d say, adult in nature? Hubba…I say, not exactly. Maybe more…it’s so…I would say adult in sensibility, but who are you kidding? Bringing out the kid in the adults with a bedtime story for adults that a kid could listen to; that’s what this show is. Hopefully I’ll remember that one and refine it, 'cause it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. Thanks for making it possible, my patron peeps.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. We’re gonna do the rest. What we’re going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts on your mind, like thoughts…thinking thoughts about the past, the present, the future, or thoughts about all those things. Could be thinking stuff. A lot of times it seems perfectly sensible at bedtime. I can’t think of an example of it, but it’s…maybe that would be it; it’d be like, okay, I’m ready for bed now.
Did all my…I balmed my toes, I got something aerating, I got noises, I got comforting air flow, and now I’m just gonna start to think…my brain says, you know what I was thinking about? No, I don’t…really, I don't want to…well, it’s pretty…I mean, okay, but it’s pretty important. I don't think you remembered it, either. Well…okay, well, yeah, no, I was gonna…well, that’s the kinda thing we’d want to develop a checklist for. But if you’re not interested, it’s your life. Go ahead. So, that’s kinda what my brain does at bedtime. That’s the thoughts. Then there’s feelings. Sometimes the feelings are there first and sometimes the feelings are there after the thoughts. Sometimes they’re the chicken, sometimes they’re the egg, but most of the time they’re both their own Big Bangs. They predate the chicken and the egg.
I mean, they’ve echoed throughout my…the history of my existence, and I’m feeling them. So, the feelings are mysteriously there, not that the Big Bang’s a…I mean, it’s a mystery to me. Or I say, I have a general understanding, 'cause you call it a Big Bang. I get that…I say, whoever titled it that, nice job, because…and luckily…here’s the thing…here’s a tangent I don't think I’ve gone on; that’s great…I’m really happy no one’s ever tried to…I mean, there was the show, The Big Bang Theory, but that didn’t do…take anything away from the term ‘the Big Bang’. Even when it’s used in other parlance, it never…there’s no competition for the…I mean…you say, of course, this is common sense, man, that there…really? I would think people would be competing for the Big Bang.
You’re telling me, reasonably, you don’t have at least a small…a modicum of surprise that no one’s tried to co-opt…I mean, you could say that’s co-opting the Big Bang, but it really isn’t. It’s just using the Big…the term…our familiarity with the Big Bang. I’m not actually…this is not a bet, either; I’m totally stunned that the Big Bang…it’s probably one of the best-titled things, and someone had to come up with it. I’m sure there’s…there’s probably…I’m not…this is true, so let me know. There’s probably, like, ten different podcasts that have done a high-quality episode about the term ‘the Big Bang’ out there that are all interesting to listen to…and the term and the history of the term. But what I was thinking is no one’s ever…maybe people have and I’m just not aware of it in this moment. That’s usually what gets me to trouble.
But I’ve never…there’s other stuff that I can’t think…well, Garden of Eden…if you’ve ever been…Garden of Eden, that’s been a little diluted. Well, it could be diluted, but diluted…comparatively, right? But the Big Bang, I don't think it’s been diluted yet, or diluted. I mean, I’m deluded, believe me, so all these statements may be examples of my own delusion. Is anybody agreeing with me? I think there is a small percentage of people that are like, you’re right, it’s pretty…is this the correct use of the word ‘ubiquitous’? I mean, I would say Garden of Eden…you got Noah’s Ark. You’d say, okay, well, yeah, but that’s kind of…and those are more…they’re a part of a myth…or, you know, let’s not get into that. But they’re a part…they have a story with them. The Big Bang’s purely cosmic, right?
Maybe someone out there is like, no, that was when Zeus did a thunderclap. I’d say, are you sure? Because I thought the Big Bang predated Zeus. That’s why it was the…they don’t have to say the biggest bang; it’s just implied. It was the only…it was only…it was the Big Bang because it’s only…like, if it wasn’t the Big Bang, it would…there’d be no bangs. You know what I’m saying? I thought…excuse me, I thought we were introducing a sleep podcast and we were talking about feelings. Yeah, this is one of those things I go on, which is a superfluous tangent, but I’ll explain that in a minute. But thanks for helping me get back on topic. But there would be no Sleep With Me. Don’t you…no one else is surprised? Maybe it’s only been in parlance for like, fifty years, and that’s why. I don't know.
Maybe it’s just…this is why the sleep podcast works. You’re already not listening to me. Well, where I’m perplexed…or, I’m just curious. I say…I’m trying to think of any other terms that still have a great shine. The Big Bang, in my opinion — and this is projection — is…that’s the level of self-esteem and confidence the Big Bang would have if it was some sort of sentient being. It’d say, of course, man. Maybe…I’m reading the Douglas Adams Trilogy, so, The Hitchhiker’s Guide’s Trilogy. So, this could be why I’m thinking about it. Maybe this was a tangent in the book and it’s just coming out my brain. But so, that’s just where I’m at, man. But you would say that the Big Bang is not…would not…if the Big Bang had sentience, it’d say…yeah, you know I’ve seen that show. It’s cool. No, I’ve heard that.
But yeah, without me, there wouldn’t…I wouldn’t…don't worry about it. I did it, man. I did it for you and everybody else. The thing is, I didn’t even do it. I was just…let me lay that on you. I don't know, why…is the Big Bang…has a seventies swagger to it? Okay, now we gotta move on. So, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, whatever is keeping you awake; that’s what I was talking about before I went off topic. It could be changes in time, temperature, routine, you could have something coming up. Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I want you to know you’re not alone. I might not be going through whatever it is that’s keeping you up, I might have gone through it, but I can probably relate to how it feels, and if I can’t, I can guarantee you someone listening right now can, and they know how it feels on the inside.
That’s one of the reasons I make the show; I know how it feels. There’s a ton of other people nodding right now, people tearing up. I’m not…this is how much people care and how much they relate, because they’ve been there and they know how it feels. What we want…and I’ll explain the flip side of it, but it’s…you deserve…we just want you to know you deserve a good night’s sleep, a place you could rest that doesn’t involve a bunch of rigmarole, a bedtime you could feel neutral about or ideally look forward to, and have a routine so you get the rest you need so your life is manageable. Maybe even on a regular basis you start getting the rest you need and you’re out there flourishing. That’s what our world needs more of, you at your best, or…and not all the time.
You don’t gotta be…just doing your best or you feeling like, hey, I got this…channeling a little bit of the Big Bang’s confidence. Let’s spread that Big Bang confidence. It doesn’t…it’s not the stuff you can say out loud, 'cause people are gonna snicker, which is kinda cool. The Big Bang would say, yeah, man. But it is the kinda thing…you say, yeah, I need some of that Big Bang swagger. Not like that, but I do need some of that Big Bang swagger. Not like that, though; like…I do…but I do need that every once in a while so my life feels more manageable. So, that’s why I make the show. It’s twofold there. Now, the inverse…I did say I would share it; this podcast doesn’t work for everybody. It’s not everybody’s cup of tea, and it almost works for no one on the first try, so give it a few tries and see how it goes.
The only reason I say that it 'cause a million people have told me that through different DMs or messages or in person. There’s some people that absolutely loathe me at first. For a lot of people, that doesn’t change, but…including people that listen to the podcast. But for some people, then they come back and they listen again. They say, oh, I get it now. He was just kinda being himself. He was serious about that stuff, but really in a way…a playful way to keep me company so I could fall asleep so I don't have to listen to him. So, that’s why I make the show. Yeah. Oh, this…it does take a few tries. Now, if you already loathe me and you’re like, my opinion is not gonna ever change, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou; that has other sleepy stuff you could check out and try, and hopefully one of those things works for you.
So, test it out and see how it goes. What else? Oh, a podcast you don’t really listen to…oh yeah, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. You just kinda barely listen. I’m here to keep you company, but not to be heard. Some people listen to me at a mumble or across the room, and some people, I’m in their headphones or under their pillow. So, whatever works for you. But you could just kinda be like, uh-huh, of course you want that Big Bang swagger.
Not in that way; just like the Big Bang…not like The Big Bang Theory, but more like the confidence…you say, his sensibility does peter out when you try to explain it, but if the Big Bang was a sentient being…it wouldn’t be a human being, but if it had traits familiar and we could communicate with it and it was in a visual medium that I’m trying to describe in a audio medium and the Big Bang had these personality qualities Scooter’s projecting onto it, that there…probably be pretty strong in the self-esteem category. Again, if you read The Hitchhiker’s Guide, it could be that the Big Bang’s like, face-palming, you know? But that’s…we’re not gonna get into a whole camu…we don’t need to get into that level of…that’s what my brain starts thinking about at bedtime. How did I open up…how did I fall into that?
I should have just stuck with the cheaper jokes about…but it’s not like that. So, what do we say? Where were we? Oh, don’t really listen to me. I mean, clearly. You say, I don't know the difference between absurdist and a nihilist. I couldn’t point…I couldn’t tell you the difference between either one, so definitely. Oh, so, I don't really need to be listened to. The other thing was, I’m not really here to put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep, to be your friend in the deep, dark night, to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-cuz, your bore-bestie, your neigh-bore, your bore-friend. There’s no pressure to fall asleep with this show. That’s the reason the shows are over an hour, so you got plenty of time to fall asleep and to…yeah, to drift off.
There’s people that can’t sleep that are listening, there’s people that need a break during the day, so that’s…yeah, just stick around. You could put episode after episode after episode on. The show is structured in a very specific way, which can be frustrating to some people, but it comes with trying to get it out for free to the most amount of people and then be adaptable once you become a regular listener. So, the show starts out with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, then I say something silly so you say, oh, I feel seen and welcomed in here, and I kinda get the tone of the show. So, maybe I’ll check it out. Then there’s support so the show could be free, then there’s a long, meandering intro, which is separate from the support.
It’s a show within a show, totally separate from the support. I don't know why those two things get associated with one another, and the reason I constantly point it out is 'cause I don't want you to miss out on the intro. Obviously, I don't even know…I mean, talk about far afield. I’ll be thinking about this for weeks. I’ve never…I mean, I finally…this is so…is this ironic? I don't know what it is. I finally found something I could…I finally found something I could believe in, and it’s the Big Bang. I mean, I’m not saying that in comparison to other beliefs or anything like that. I’m just saying, holy cow, I’m not kidding when I say this; this is a live, interpersonal…internal change caught on recording.
Internally, my breath has been taken away just thinking about…I mean, not even the cosmic level of the Big Bang; just…I never…I thought the Big Bang was cool, but in theory…and I’m not even saying…and now I know if I gave the Big Bang a personality it would be cool, but there’s this other coolness, subtextual coolness, that I was never aware of that’s obvious to everybody but me. They say, well, that’s obvious; it’s the Big Bang, man. It can’t be rivaled. But just the fact that…I don't know. You know what I’m saying. If you know…the Big Bang…if you know, you know. Oh, man. Holy moly, I didn’t…'cause I didn’t know. That’s why I’m laughing. This is one of those times where it’s true. I say, that’s where I’m laughing.
Okay, so I was think…I was explaining…I was going on a tangent about the Big Bang thing, but really what I was explaining is why the intro is…goes on and on and on. It’s meant to ease you into bedtime, and that’s why I don't want you to miss out on it. It’s different every time so your mind can’t quite adjust, but it’s familiar. Then it could be part of your wind-down routine, for most listeners, whether you’re getting ready for bed, you’re doing some other chill activity, or you’re in bed getting comfortable. It’s supposed to be barely humorous, to put a smile on your face. That’s a part of what helps us when we feel lonely or alone, is saying, oh well, I can laugh along. That’s what gave me the inspiration for the show, is late-night comedy radio. I’m not saying I’m funny. I’m bare…I’m humor-like.
But that’s the whole thing, is to get ready for bed, have something you kinda look forward to or feel neutral about. For me, it’s reading and petting my dog. Then you get to drift off. So, that’s what the intro does; it eases you into bedtime. You could skip it or pay to just get story-only episodes. If you want to skip it, you could start the show at twenty or thirty minutes, but for most people, it’s just a transition period. So, that’s the intro. Then there’s support, and then there will be our episodically modular series, Make Great Pets, and then after that will be…what’ll be after that? Oh, thank-yous and goodnights. That’s why I make the show. I’m so glad you’re here. It might not work for you, but give it a few tries — you’re worth it — or check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. But I’m really glad you’re here.
Also, I think it got deleted 'cause I was talking and then the recorder crashed 'cause it ran out of space for my tangent, but I was like, is the Big Bang based on…is…was Fonzie from the Happy Days…I know not everybody knows that reference. Was Fonzie based on the Big Bang? That’s a very niche question, but just a question that came up now. But anyway, whether you’re cosmic or not, I love you, and I’m here to help. I love making the show. I appreciate you listening, I appreciate you coming by, I work really hard, I yearn and I strive, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to do it for you for free twice a week.
Alright everybody, Scoots here. It’s time for our episodically modular series, Make Great Pets.
What episodically modular means…it’s funny 'cause I’ve been watching the show Poker Face, and like I said…I think I’ve said it in a couple other ones. So, if you sign up for the streaming service…I’ll just say it here, 'cause it’s the middle of the show; Peacock. I’ll just have to delete it if…some reason another company is sponsoring the podcast. But so, if you sign up for Peacock streaming service in the US, you could watch Poker Face, Antonio Banderas’ Puss in Boots movie, and Mrs. Davis, which by…when I’m recording this has not started airing yet, but it’s about to come out. So, that’s a three-fer. I mean, that’s definitely what would push me over the edge, if I heard this on a podcast, somebody saying that. You say, okay…and there’s other great stuff on there, too, but those are just three things.
But I was reading about Poker Face and the influences…and there’s some Venn diagram crossover 'cause Quantum Leap got a shout-out on there, and Poker Face is very much episodically modular. I’m only laughing 'cause I just love when there’s…is that confluence? I don't know. It has…it does have a touch of seriality to it, but…or, it has a story that’s going through the episodes, but you could enjoy each episode on its own. Even if you watched the third episode of Poker Face, no kidding…what episode did we just watch, 3 or 4? I think it was 4. Oh, it definitely was 4. If you watch 4, even though it had a little bit of the story in there, you would be able to figure it out no problem at all and then go back and watch 1, 2, and 3.
So, that’s just a way of me…it’s just funny 'cause it’s like, okay, that’s a way to do the example without the show, of…what is episodically modular mean? It means with Make Great Pets, if this is Episode 9…you could listen to all the other episodes; don't worry about it, 'cause I’m here to put you to sleep and confuse you, but not give you a completist thing. Now, if you are a completist, it’s totally cool. All the other episodes are up there free to…ready to go, and that’s also why I fill you in on mostly everything you need to know, which is…just like the show Poker Face…and I always want to sing it, but I won't…great music on the show. It doesn’t have the song Poker Face thus far that I can remember, which is never…my memory’s never reliable. But anyway, so, it’s episodically modular. It means you can listen to it in any order.
I guess that was a long…holy long-winded. What could be sweeter for a sleep podcast? So, yeah. Just in full disclosure of how…how can you also keep talking about…? Well, this is Episode 9. Believe it or not, it’s the last episode of the series I’m recording. So, tomorrow, I’ll be traveling and I’ll be starting my work on our next series, but you won't…which is still a few months away. Ideally, I get so far in the future that I get six episodes…in a perfect world, eight episodes done by the time you listen to Episode 13 of Make Great Pets. It really has been a pleasure making this series and being…always these challenges…these puzzles of the show. I’m so honored and touched that I get to make these puzzles that are here to put you to sleep and keep you company.
Make Great Pets…our main character will fill us in on most of the details, but it’s about a program where pets help people at turning points in their lives, un…I don't know if I’ve said this, though; unbeknownst to their human companion, though, which most pets would say, that’s the story of my life. I’m helping them at multiple turning points. What are you gonna do, sit around and relax? No, this is a turning point. It’s time for you to give me attention or go for a walk or feed me or pet me, or…talk about a turning point. Let me turn here, because I want to go sniff this tree. So, speaking of Peacock, this is someone who never has needed to peacock before, but when I say…when I see him — I’m not kidding — I internally go, pa-cock? Like, a sound…an emotional sound like that.
He’s the person who makes emotional…who elicits emotional sounds, physical…he was the first person…there’s a…what is…is that a treaty or a thesis out there, or a…? There would be a thesis statement. He’s the person that made it possible for a scientist to hear a limbic…to hear the limbic system, and his reactions…our limbic system reacts to him in ways that are perfect for a sleep podcast, 'cause it’s refreshing, it inspires relaxation, confidence, and joy of living. That man’s name is Mr. Antonio Banderas. The friends beyond the binary, the ladies, the gentlemen, the boys and girls, it’s time to make great pets. Meow. Now, in the movie that we can watch on that service…oh, he’s shaking…he refuses all plugs. I don't know if he meows like that. That’s what I was gonna ask him.
But he’s just smiling though, which is making it hard to record a podcast, sleep podcast. Now he’s silently laughing with his head back, almost like…I wish I had a camera, 'cause it’d be just yet another Antonio Banderas meme that brings me joy. Oh, that’s a gif or a gif, he said, not a meme. The man who needs no memes, because just his presence really is…isn’t that the definition of a meme? You’re the limbic meme. I don't know if that’s a thing, but you should be called that. The limbic meme, Mr. Antonio Banderas, and this is Make Great Pets.
Hello, everyone. My name is Ren, and if you’re listening to this recording…you’re listening to it, hardy-har-har. Well, hopefully you’re paying attention. My name is Ren. I’m a part of a program. Maybe you’re a part of this program or maybe you’re listening to it for some other reasons, or maybe the program has gone even more independent where they just give you these recordings. But I am part of a program, a training program, where I’m recording my daily journals within the subconscious of a pet, I believe, or within a sleeping pet. The program…I’m a…I’m on…in…I’m on the post-Earthly stage of my existence, and as a part of my introduction to the post-Earthly worlds, they said, would you want to be a part of a program to help people at turning points in their lives?
When they say that…on Earth I didn’t always view that as an opportunity, 'cause I did say, well, I was hoping for some virgin Pina Coladas and getting caught…not getting…getting caught in the warm rain, briefly, and then beaching, maybe a moped, swimming. They patted me on the back and they said, or you could be a part of this program to help people at a turning point in their lives. I think you’d be great for it. I said, now…and they said, it’s a training program where you will go in…Ren, you’ll be going into a pet, and your pet…your human companion or a human companion that you may have to uncover which one it is will be at a turning point in their lives, and you’re there to help them. You won't have total control over the pet; it’s not like you become a talking pet. You’re gonna have to subtly help them. It’s challenging.
We did get body awareness training and stuff like that, but the program’s still in development, or it was. Oh, why a program…? That was my first…I said, don’t you have…isn’t that already taking care…? I mean, I didn’t remember…I had an imaginary friend. I don't remember having a guardian angel, but I thought about it. They said, Ren, the reason…I mean, at first I felt…they said, the reason you didn’t have a guardian…the reason you don’t remember your guardian angel, Ren, is you didn’t have one. At first I said, oh no, but they said, no one did because of the Besos/Penny/Sears incidents. They filled me in on…and some of that I had heard of, but not the non-Earthbound stuff.
But basically, JC…RW Sears, JCPenney, and some…Bisos or somebody, they…first they got rid of the…one of the post-Earthly existences that was non…for people who made not-great choices, which I think a lot of us would have said, good riddance. No thank you anyway. Most people would have…they would have said, no, I’m not going there, of course not. I’ve done…whatever, I’ve spit on…I’ve spit before, or whatever, but…so, they got rid of that. Then somehow…I’m not sure what happened with the guardian angels there, but they came up with a program a bit like an internet startup, where they said, well…oh, 'cause they said, well, we still have to have a place for everybody that didn’t make great choices. They said, well, what about some sort of rehabilitation program where those people go back to Earth to help people make better choices?
I don't know what the committee meeting was like, but they said, okay, so, people that made not-great choices are gonna go back to Earth with powers. I guess that was the part where they really…with angelic powers to help people make better choices. That, actually…good thing there’s backups, because that Earth…it worked out like you’d imagine. I don't know how it worked. It didn’t work out, I guess. So, then in another time period, there was…and maybe…I don't know if it was parallel or not, but there was a guard…another guardian angel program. This guardian angel program, whoever was running it or the Committee of Leaders or Leader or whatever, they were on sabbatical.
Now, angels were running the show, including the guardian angel program, and you could take the humans out of Earth, but you can’t take the humanity out of humans. That’s one thing I’ve been reminded of, and actually, it’s good that I’m part of a training program 'cause I say, okay, well, I’m just training. That ended up where that program was de-existed in that world. I don't know if Earth…I don't know if…I don't know. But so, they said, okay, maybe we need to try something smaller-scale. Apparently, this is one of the programs I’m…become more and more aware of. But our program; we go to a pet. It’s a turning point in the people’s lives, and we try to help them. Usually I start out by telling you all that in case you’re listening, and then I tell you the who, what…because I’m in a pet right now.
I’m a dog named Lotte, and I’m very cute but I can’t see myself totally. I’ve chased my tail around. But I’m a cute, smaller dog, and I’m working with a human named Cornelius. They have a nickname; Corndog, which is what they’ve been mostly referred to. Not a insulting nickname. Just…Cornelius, Corndog. So, it’s pretty clear for me that I’m there to…this is a easy one as far as who am I there to help; Cornelius, 'cause I’m in a…or I’ve been in and out of a carrier. I’m pretty good off-leash. I don't run away. Well…but I’ve thought about it, but only as me. But Lotte doesn’t…Lotte stays close to Cornelius. I’m trained in all that and I can communicate my needs if I’m hungry, thirsty, tired, or have to use the restroom, which is proper…appropriate places outdoors.
Okay…oh, what else do you need to…who, what…who…oh, also, Cornelius is a engineer. I don't understand beyond that, but we’re with a bunch of other engineers. But I don't think a girder…or building engineers or fixing something…mechanical engineers. But they’re all coworkers and they’re on some…so, who, what, where, when. So, it’s nighttime. Everybody’s asleep now. It’s the end of our first day, and I woke up this morning when we were on our way from a hotel to a place where we were gonna spend a few days as a part of a work…well, believe it or not, for Cornelius, Corndog, as a part of a work opportunity for fun…well, adventure, apparently. But it’s become clear that it’s also some…there’s evaluations going on and opportunities, or that’s what Cornelius and the other engineers have been talking about.
It’s at this really cool…I mean, abs…not…’really cool’ is underselling it. An absolutely amazing facility that you would have no idea is a facility. It’s an immersive…these things that got popular…different than a theme park, but an immersive experience…art experience. But this is one that you get to sleep in, and I assume the company paid for it as a part of…you get to go into this experience and have an experience. I’m not doing a great job of explaining it other than to say we took a thing out into the middle of nowhere and then there was…we were in a room where we had breakfast and where we got ready for everything, and they went over everything. So, we’re with…who, what, where, when; so, it was morning. So, where…let me tell you where I have to get to, though.
Where we are now is…it’s not moving, but it’s in a semi-truck, a tractor trailer, and inside the back of the tractor trailer is a bunkhouse with a restroom. Like, just a bathroom. Well, I’ll get into more of the explaining of the details, but it’s a place to sleep for all the coworkers, though we’re sleeping in the cab, which I’ll explain as well. So, the bunkhouse…or the back of the semi-truck is a bunkhouse. So, this is an immersive adventure. So, before we went in, we had breakfast and we were told that…then we had a bunch of trainings, which were not super interesting. But first it was like, work stuff, and I didn’t really pay attention 'cause it was engineering stuff and people talking about leadership, and no one’s…none of Corndog’s workers seemed super interested, either.
They’re all really nice, but I’m not super focused on them, right? There’s just a group of them. Also, yeah, I guess I have feelings about it a little bit, but we’ll talk about that. Then they had someone from the facility come, and they reassured everybody and they went over everything, which were the basic rules, and then they went over, again, the mission, which are intertwined. So, the short version…and this took a long time; until, like, after lunch. I guess the work stuff took a while, then the lunch, then the reassurance part. Again, 'cause everyone…particularly Corndog and the coworkers, they weren’t…alls they knew is they were going on a work retreat. That’s what they said, where you’ll be evaluated and a opportunity for advancement. Performance pressure, basically, is what they were saying.
So, then they said, okay, you’re gonna go into this facility. It’s an immersive adventure. Your mission is to have an adventure. There’s not many rules. Remember, you still are at work, even though you’re not doing work, so behave as you would with your coworkers and your work. This isn’t like you’re going off to, whatever, to party hard or anything. Also remember that, yeah, your job is to have an adventure, and this facility offers a bunch of opportunities for adventure. Within the facility where…will be comfortable places to sleep that you’ll need to discover, and plenty of food to eat and water to drink and restrooms to use that you will also need to discover. Some of it will be very easy to discover and some of it you will discover as part of your adventure.
Any other rules than that, you’ll be let…there will be ways to let you know if you’re breaking any rules. But really, you want to go into this with a mindset of you’re having a work-appropriated adventure. There was a lot of questions, like can we…is there gonna be…is the food gonna be good? Yes. Oh boy, will it be good. Is there gonna be treats and snacks and candy? Oh, yeah. No, no, this is more like a work adventure, so yeah, don't worry. There was just a lot of things…and they said, don't worry, people are watching. There’s staff there. You won't encounter any staff, probably. ‘Cause I said, well, is this gonna be like a mystery dinner? They said, no, there’s no…it’s just gonna be all of you, and there will be other things going on, but you won't encounter any other humans. They said, okay, okay.
People kept trying…they…can you define ‘adventure’? Just have fun, but challenge yourselves. It’s there for your fun and your experience. But mostly, Cornelius and their coworkers kinda only saw…other than being impressed, they…well, even some of them were like, well, why are…couldn’t they have just given us a bonus? How much is this costing? But so, they were mostly focused on the non-positives and what could go wrong, 'cause they said, okay, remember, they’re watching us to keep an eye on us, but also they’re watching us for work, which maybe took some of the fun out of it. Okay, so, eventually, later after lunch and all this…but for me, as a observer, as Lotte the dog, I found it very refreshing. I said, okay, well, this sounds good. I think we’ll be okay. I think we’ll be…it sounds like an adventure.
Now, I have also been waking up in random pets and trying to help people, so I feel like I’ve been on a interactive adventure myself. So, I bring that. Okay, so, then they got ready, and people had brought their…a backpack with a changed…couple changes of clothes and their bathroom stuff, and…no tech or anything. No tech allowed. Wouldn’t work in there, they said, anyway. So, their stuff was examined, which again they said, well, this is…nobody was…everybody’s outside their comfort zone. But they kept saying, trust us, this is gonna be great. I was listening to those parts and I didn’t suspect anything other than…that Corndog and the other engineers were like, well, I don't know if I like this when I could be at home relaxing. Or, I would even prefer to be at work, other than having to perform.
This felt like a performative act. It was for work, I guess. Okay, so, eventually we went into another room that was a bit like a theme park. You know those boats you have on theme parks, like the ride with…Caribbean Adventure or The Little World of Children, or there’s…there’s other rides like that. You get into a big boat and it’s in a canal. Now, this one had some back…a place in the back to put on…put everybody’s backpacks. But, again, you just got in and they sat there, and they set off. It was kinda boring. You just went through a canal. It was even…fluorescent lights. It just went…a couple switchbacks I guess to throw everybody off? Or, I don't know if they were locating us in a certain place?
Then we went into a tunnel room where the boat stopped, or, I guess…yeah, a…I guess a tun…that’s what I was calling it; a room like a big tunnel, and the boat stopped there. Then there was a neon sign that said Exit the Boat and Choose a Door. No, it said, Choose a Portal, which is a fancy word for doors. So, they got everything out of their boats and then they were discussing what time it was and that it was not dinner time, but almost dinner time. Then they kinda already discussed all this but they re-discussed it, and in some sense…so, Cornelius is the most experienced in life compared to the coworkers. Not so much of a age difference and not in a supervisory role over any of the coworkers. They are coworkers.
But they decided, I think in a twofold way that I wasn’t comfortable with, one, no one wanted to choose a door or a portal, I guess…a portal, and no one wanted to do it. So, it became the thing of like, Cornelius, you do it. So, it was both like…maybe Cornelius is a little bit braver than us, but also setting Cornelius up for anything…they said, we’re not gonna do it. One of the engineers said, you know what? No. I’ll just sleep here, then. I’ll sleep in the boat. Then another neon sign said, You Must Choose a Door; You Can’t Sleep in the Boat…that you couldn’t see, so that was cool. So, Corndog said, fine, fine, fine. Like, first was irritated, but they were digging in. Say, no one’s gonna go with me? They say, no, you could go ahead and check it out for us.
This is some kind of adventure, Cornelius said, but then Cornelius was like, well, at least I’m adventuring, I guess, so…so, the way the portals worked is that you went through a little bit, then you came to a door. By the time you got to the door, you couldn’t see…you were in a portal or a tube or a tunnel, enough that you couldn’t see anybody, and they were set in the wall. Each one was different. So, the first one Cornelius went to had…it wasn’t a bank vault, but it kinda was a old-fashioned thing like that with something that was obvious that you just spin it. At first, Cornelius tried to spin it right, then it was like, oh, lefty-loosey. Then just spun it, and it spun easily. Then the door opened inward and there was sounds of water. But again, you had to go through further.
Now, the door did not close 'cause Cornelius was like, standing in the doorway, but you couldn’t…you had to go in far…you had to go beyond the door. You couldn’t just stand there. This was a little bit of an adventure, adventure of checking things out. Then Cornelius eventually went into this…went down or went forwards, and then there was stairways. Now, Cornelius did not go down the stairways but stood at the top and…it was like the inside of a fantastical chocolate factory. It had elements that were familiar but also elements that weren’t familiar. But it had chocolate smells, it looked like it had candy plants and things, and it even had tents and stuff set up. But there was also music and the water…and then Cornelius was like, huh…Cornelius had memories of like, well…like a dull sense of foreboding. But I thought it was cool.
Now, I was like, okay, well, no chocolate for dogs. I’m not sure if that water was actually chocolate or just chocolate-smelling water. So, Cornelius left, then the door shut behind Cornelius after we walked out. Then Cornelius…so, that was the center door, then Cornelius went through the portal on the left, which was a garage door which had a thing that you turned and then you just pulled it up. It was big, but it was light. Maybe it had some sort of thing helping. Then Cornelius went through that one, and then you had to go left, and…did this one go downstairs or upstairs? This one went down and to the left. This one was a little bit more of a walk. Not a ton, but, whatever, there was a giant factory there.
Then you went and…it was getting towards the evening now, 'cause that…whatever, and then Cornelius exited into the outdoors, but this was absolutely breathtaking; I’ll be honest with you. You came out and you were outdoors, and it took a while to figure out because, again, it was getting towards dusk, the sun was no longer in the sky, but the sky was above us. It was not an indoor/outdoor; it was an outdoor/indoor in the sense of we were still…we were basically in a gigantic courtyard, and in front of us lay a road. Route 66 was the road, and not that…and it must have been forced perspective or something. To the right was a mountain range, but it was obviously a theme parky mountain range. To the front…it was, again, forced perspective.
It just looked like it went off into the distance or to the front of us, right? That’s what I said. But it was still huge. I’m underselling it. Then to the left, it looked like trees and maybe a building obscured by not-real trees. Maybe some real trees. Then, not that far down the road…we walked a little bit, 'cause Cornelius couldn’t believe it, the scale of it. Theme park scale, but no people. But there was a gas station with a store and then a semi-truck. Then Cornelius said, okay…and the gas station lights were on and there was some area music or a radio playing. Then Cornelius went back, went back through the door. The door closed behind him. Then we went to the last door on the right. Now, meanwhile, every time we…this two times…the first time we left, they said, what did you see?
Cornelius said, don't worry about it, and then went…just went through the other door. Now they said, what’d you see? Cornelius said, that one looks promising, but I’ll check this one out first. Now, this one had one of those…what do you call them? What are those things called? Escalators…and you went through and you got on a escalator, and it went up. Oh, first you went through sets of beads. So, there wasn’t actually a door, but there was tons of beads hanging down. I mean, thirty feet of thick beads you had to weave your way through, which Cornelius didn’t like. Then Cornelius went up the escalator. Then basically, this became…there was a bass thumping and lights flashing and rainbow stuff. Cornelius kinda went in, and it seemed to be some sort of giant…I don't know. Cornelius was like, no.
As soon as we saw that…oh, there was laser beams, a fog machine…so, we couldn’t get a sense of the…Cornelius was like, no, no, no. So, then Cornelius went back, eventually, to the group, and they said, okay, what do you think? Cornelius said, the door on the left. They said, why? Cornelius said, this door right here is some sort of rave or something? I don't know. They said, what do you mean, pulsing lights and bass thumping? Cornelius said, yeah. They said, what about the middle door? Cornelius said, maybe some sort of weird chocolate factory or a candy factory, but it seems ominous. They said, sounds ominous. Then they said, what’s in the last room? He said, it’s not a room. He goes, it’s…he goes, it’s a outdoor…he goes, it’s not outdoor/indoor; it’s indoor/outdoor. They said, what do you even mean?
He goes, I don't even know. You gotta see it. He goes, but it’s like a road like Route 66. He goes, I don't know, there’s a forest and mountains, and the road goes on. I can’t tell what’s…he goes, I can’t tell what’s real or what’s not, so I can’t tell how far the road goes. There’s a gas station and there’s this truck parked out front and stuff. They said, does the gas station have a store? That’s what made this place company famous, was one of their store…and Cornelius said, yeah, yeah. So, okay, let’s go there. So, basically, we came through the door and everybody was happy. We went to the gas station; it was unlocked and there was…it was stocked and it had a automat, so there was a automat with food, like dinner food, and really nice dinner food, because obviously maybe there’s someone on the…I don't know how that works, but there was machines with drinks, there was coolers with drinks, there was tons of snacks.
There was even breakfast food. Nacho cheese and nachos…everybody was so happy. So, they were doing that and they said, well, where can we sleep, you think? Then they went out…they were kinda standing outside. There was places to sit, and they saw other buildings down the road, but then they were like, are those real or not? ‘Cause it had become nighttime, right? They were all like, well, let’s just…and then somebody thought of the truck. Now, meanwhile, two people went off to look at the truck and they said, maybe we…can we drive this thing? They said, the cab’s locked. Then they went around back and they said, the back of the cab’s…holy cow, and then that’s how they discovered…they said, this is a bunkhouse.
Then someone else at some point had to use the restroom, and they said there’s a full…this is a…these trucker bathrooms where there’s showers and soap and towels and everything, like hotel-bathroom-quality in this fake convenience store. Meanwhile, Cornelius was also just looking at some of the details and noticed the truck keys and pocketed the truck keys. Then, whatever, we got…everybody got ready for bed, 'cause there was bathrooms and bunks and not just bunk beds, but these were fancy. Then everybody was getting ready to sleep, and then Cornelius took me for a walk and then tried the keys in the truck, and then got in the truck. Then turned on the truck to see if the radio was working, then there was a CB on there.
Cornelius was…always had a thing for CBs, so Cornelius got on the CB and said, breaker, breaker, breaker, hey out there. Then someone came back; Mama Cindy-Lou Who was on there. Cornelius said, go ahead, Mama Cindy-Lou. She said, driving through the night, trying to keep things right. Who’s out there? Over. Then, this is Corndog. How you doing, Corndog? Not great. We’re supposed to be on an adventure. They kinda went back and forth with basically…and again, that’s what’s the hard part about being the pet; you can listen, but they don’t always want to talk to you, your humans. There was something about knowing someone was listening, so Cornelius kinda went through all this stuff with the coworkers, and…we’re being watched.
Maybe you’re even my boss right now, but it’s…I’m not sure if it’s right that we’re supposed to have an adventure when we don’t know what it means. But this is an adventure. Then Mama Cindy-Lou Who said, well, maybe…if that’s the kind of job you’re at…do you like your job? I actually do enjoy my job a lot. Cindy-Lou Who said, maybe you should think about a new career, if this is the case. You don’t have to go on an adventure if you don’t want to. Sounds like you’re on an…sounds like your adventure’s going pretty good. So, then Cornelius said, okay, I feel better now, and went to bed. I’m in bed with Cornelius. I’m the only pet, by the way, on this trip. But yeah, so, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, I guess. Okay, it’s me, Ren, and a lot to fill you in on, day two and three. Holy moly, am I sleeping.
So, we got up the next day and everybody was still…everybody slept really good. Then we had breakfast and they said, okay, Cornelius, get out there and adventure. Cornelius said, isn’t this an adventure? Can’t we just hang out here? They said, at least…no, no. You gotta explore. Go down and see if those buildings are real first, 'cause they looked more real now that the sun was up. Actually, you could kinda see that there was some sort of fake mountain head on the road and there was a tunnel going through that. So, Cornelius said, okay. So, then Cornelius…first, we went to the town, which really wasn’t that far. It wasn’t a town, but it was a pizza place. Edge of Adventure Pizza, it was called. You couldn’t see…it was a thing with a virtual order, so Cornelius is like, okay, wow, the engineers are gonna like this.
Then, Almost There Motel. Cornelius says, holy cow, there’s motel right within walking distance. Then there was another gas station, Gas Gulp & Keep Going. So, Cornelius said, great. So, then Cornelius said, okay, well, I still got a little time. So, kept…we kept going on the road and eventually, yeah, there was a tunnel going into this mountain…obviously not, because…whatever. So, then Cornelius…to their credit, we went through the tunnel. We started walking. There was even a sidewalk, so we stayed on the sidewalk, even though there was no cars. The tunnel wasn’t that long. Then the tunnel exited to the exact opposite; indoor/outdoor thing, but it seemed like it was unbelievably grand and it was one of those things where it was…the ceilings must have been curved to look like a…so, it was a water tank right in front of us.
Well, we had to go awhile on the road. So, at first it looked…maybe we were outdoors for a while? I don't know how they did it because I’m just a dog, right? But eventually it was where they used to film water scenes in films with ships. So, it looked like a endless ocean but it was a little beach in the water, and I actually got in the water. Cornelius was like, no, no, no. The water was nice. Then to the right of that, kinda built into the wall, was a Victorian-style beach resort. Cornelius said, no. Again, the idea was too ominous or something. So, then we started heading back, and we got back, and Cornelius told everybody about…now, it wasn’t quite lunch time yet, but everybody was happy. They said, let’s relo to the motel. So, then we took everybody’s stuff and we went to the motel, and they said, maybe this is it.
This is the adventure. They were like, kinda like a staycation. Everybody got their own room but the rooms were adjoining, and on the inside it was nicer than a motel. But there was old-fashioned TVs playing old-fashioned shows, which was curated and different in each room. So, everybody was excited. But they said, Cornelius, you better keep scouting stuff out, though, and keep looking. Come back and meet us for lunch. So, then Cornelius went across…'cause you could see…so, if you were looking towards where…headed towards the beach resort on the right side of the road, off in the faux distance was a mountain range. So, we walked towards the mountain range and eventually we found a opening, and it was a cave. Cornelius was like, oh no, no, no. But said, okay.
So, we went into the cave and there was painting supplies and there was fake candlelight burning. Not actual burning, but flickering lights. Then as we stayed in there, they were flickering to black lights. So, then you could see other things written on the ceiling in black light; mostly art. Then Cornelius said, the engine…this is too artistic, too much pressure. So, we left the thing. Then we went back for lunch, 'cause that had actually took a little while, and Cornelius told them and they said, yeah, no Victorian beach resorts. You’re right on that, Cornelius. They said, no paint…we don’t want to do any cave painting and have our painting evaluated. They said, are you gonna check the forest out?
Then Cornelius went off to the forest, which was obscuring another big building that we went into, but it was also…that was another indoor/outdoor, like we were in a forest. Then we got to a path which went in two different directions. So, first, Cornelius went right. The path wound and things got a little more darker and dim, but then there was something shiny and sparkling ahead. Cornelius got to it and it was a yellow brick road. It was actually a gold brick road. I guess yellowish-gold. Cornelius said, no, no way. So, then we walked back to the split in the path and we went the other way. Then we started to smell…I smelled gingerbread and peppermint, and so did Cornelius. Then we came to a clearing and across the clearing was a ginger…full-sized gingerbread home with peppermint and stuff.
Cornelius said, no, no, no. So, then we got back and everybody was pretty happy to hang out at the motel, and we ate pizza. Then Cornelius went back to the truck and I went back to this truck, and there was just all these long discussions I had to listen to between Mama Cinda-Lou, Cindy-Lou or whatever, and Cornelius kinda venting and saying, is this gonna count as an adventure? I’m doing all the adventuring anyway, and Mama Cindy-Lou saying, that’s fine, that’s fine, that’s fine. But for me, it wasn’t fine; I’ll be honest. I was like, this is some sort of turning point here, clearly, and I’m not sure what to do. I had already gotten this thing about these other people, and I said, is this part of the interactive adventure, this Mama Cindy-Lou, or is this some sort of rivalry program?
I don't know, but I do know that no…I’m listening. So, Corndog said, I like this job and I know that they’re just…yeah, this is kind of an adventure, but there was one more clear cave on that other side without the painting room. Cornelius was kinda like, forget it. So, I decided…first I started running around trying to play, to…and I tried this a couple other times, to be like, hey, get a sense of play, Cornelius, hello. But that didn’t work. So, I just ran off and then would wait, and then Cornelius would run after me. I said, well, I guess…and then I ran to the cave and I looked back and then faked…'cause I didn’t want to…I couldn’t force things, right? I said, well, if I run into the cave…and then…but I made…I was like, barking in a…a happy bark. Then Cornelius got to the entrance of the cave.
Now, by this time it was getting towards evening again, and I know the other engineers were probably eating pizza and getting ready for bed, 'cause that’s what Cornelius said; everybody’s probably eating pizza and getting ready for bed. Oh, 'cause you could just put your pizza order in, and then almost like a automat, it came out on this conveyor belt. There was also other things you could order for dessert and stuff. But Cornelius said, okay, we’ll check this out. I lick…I barked and I licked and I jumped, and then Cornelius said, you know, I really do…it was…I didn’t do anything, really, other than that, because Cornelius said, well, I do like my job.
Eventually, this cave kinda wound through…but there was no paintings or anything, but there was wafting smells; cinnamon, popcorn, and carnival music and stuff like that. We exited and there was this night carnival with market lights and rides and booths, and it was well-lit. Cornelius said, huh. I said, well, so, you’re comfortable with a night carnival or a carnival you’ve discovered at night, but you’re not comfortable with a Victorian beach-side resort or a chocolate or a candy factory? But I couldn’t say that. Cornelius started to walk around and…oh, cotton candy; that was the first thing Cornelius got, and…went down a super-slide, which was bigger than a normal super-slide. Then we went down it again and Cornelius was like…the first time, I was in Cornelius’ lap.
The second time, we went down next to each other, but with Cornelius’ hand on my sack. Like, I was sitting on the sack you ride in. Just the idea of the double Ferris wheel…and actually, every ride had instructions. It was clear that there was monitoring going on so that the rides were safe for us to use, and there was games…so, Cornelius just kept discovering things and then went…we said, let’s go get everybody, and then woke everybody up and said, you gotta check this night carnival out. There’s even a funhouse, but that one, I’d prefer we all go in together, but it doesn’t seem ominous at all. It’s a fun night carnival. Then everybody…we all went to the night carnival and stayed there and lost track of time, that by the time we went back to the motel, it was daytime, like middle of the day.
Then it was like…this broadcast on TVs and stuff saying, hey, two hours…basically saying, return to the boat. So, then we made our way back to the boat and they said, oh, don't worry about cleaning up or anything. Just bring all your stuff. Or if you forget everything, don’t worry, we’ll find it and give it to you. Then we went back, and everybody was really tired, right? That’s when I fell…I fell asleep, but it seems like Cornelius had an adventure, and I’m a happy dog. I’m sleeping. So, I think that’s it. I don't know what’ll happen with Cornelius’ job or evaluations, or was that considered a good enough adventure or not, but it was pretty nice. So, yeah, I’ll try to…yeah, I’ll try to…what do you call it? I don't know. I guess I’m gonna…I don't think I’ll be back. I think everything’s all set, and…yeah. So, I’m gonna rest. Lotte the dog and Cornelius saying goodnight, everybody. Sleep well.
[END OF RECORDING]
(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)