1158 – Mystery Sampler | Make Great Pets E7

Notable Language:

• A Shodden Schadenfreude Shought
• Post-Earthly Human (PEH)
• Pop Bucks

Notable Culture:

• The Simpsons
• “Cosmic Thing” – B-52s
• Punch-Drunk Love

Notable Talking Points:

• Fact-Based Fictional Figment Frog
• A Frugal Food Challenge
• A box of Pop Stix

Episode 1158 – Mystery Sampler | Make Great Pets E7

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, pets everywhere, holy cow, tonight I’m here to keep you company and keep your humans companions company while they fall asleep, pets. You could…but I’m here to entertain you just as…or I guess ‘entertain’ is the wrong word for humans or pets. I’m here to encourage more petting of pets, whether it’s actual physical petting or making petting-esque sounds, like oh boy, good job today. Great swimming. Have I told you lately that I love your fins or your tail or insert a quality of a random pet here? Really, and I’m not kidding about this part, expressing our love of pets.

 

Tonight that’s one of the things I’m talking about as I try to unsuccessfully introduce a sleep podcast called Sleep With Me that’s here to keep you company because you deserve a good night’s sleep, and this podcast is here because of that. Now, it doesn’t work for everybody and it almost works for no one on the first try, even pets. So, give it a few tries, see how it goes. This isn’t a show so much to put you to sleep but to take your mind off of stuff and keep you company in the deep, dark night while you fall asleep.

 

It’s a podcast you don’t really listen to, but there’s also no pressure to fall asleep, ‘cause I’m here for over an…’cause…I’m not known for my pronunciation, but I’m here for over an hour, and what we got coming up is support; that’s how the show comes out for free twice a week, then there will be a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime, and then there will be our episodically modular story, Make Great Pets, about how great…of course how great pets are. Yes, pets, your greatness once again being confirmed. You’re doing a great job, and it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that’s here to put you to sleep. Thanks for making it possible, my patron peeps.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts you’re thinking about, things on your mind. So, thoughts, thinking thoughts, thoughts you’ve thought before, thoughts about the past, the present, or the future. As I said incorrectly before, thinking thoughting thoughts. Can you thought a thought?

 

‘Cause…oh, I guess that’s not a word. I was thinking of when you should…there’s a term called ‘shoulding’ yourself or ‘shoulding’ other people. Then I was like, is there a shought? What’s shought? Well, it’s the combination…I guess that’s what it more is. You’d say, well, it’s more of a shought. What’s a shought? ‘Cause it doesn’t sound like you should be talking about it on a sleep podcast. I’d say, a shought is a should-thought; a should combined with a thought, a thought that you should…a shought. You’ve just…you’ve been…’cause why…what does that have to do…? Well, I was thinking of think, thank, thought, or think, thunk, thought, and then shought popped in my brain and it said to me…believe it or not, it said, I should be a word; shought. I had thought of it, so that’s why I said, shought.

 

I don't know, doesn’t it sound like something in a historical speech they should be saying? Once upon a time, I…the original sleep podcaster…wait, that’s me. But maybe in the speech, you say, well, I shought…many years ago, I shought to myself — this is actually true of the genesis of Sleep With Me — I should make up a sleep podcast. I love how you can do anything with podcasts. Then it was many years later that I actually made Sleep With Me, ‘cause I said, that sounds like something I should do. No, that’s not how it should go. That was actually a positive shought, ‘cause it was something I should have done, but I was like, yeah, that sounds too scary. Sounds like too much work. Oh, but if thoughts are keeping you awake…sorry about that. I made it about…I made it about…there I go again.

 

I said, I should make this about me…I shought it. I said, what about…it does sound like it has some action. Like, I shought that, man. Like, I associate it with dunking a basketball, though that’s not something I can do…I mean, I could do it on one of those rims for kids, that height. You’ve been…it’s already been shoughten. The Schadenfreude, it’s already been shoughten. Or Schadenfreude, but also, it’s already been shought. This thought, already been shought. Okay, sorry if you’re new. This happens a lot because…whether it’s thoughts, it could be feelings, emotions coming up for you related to those thoughts or related to my thoughts, at this point. It could be physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, routine.

 

You could have a lot of should thoughts going through your head, that you should be doing this in the past or the present or the future. But you could have something coming up or just going through something. Whatever it is…and the only reason I bring all that stuff up or talk about my own…what goes on in-between my ears is because I want you to know you’re not alone in the deep, dark night. It’s important to know. Whatever it is you’re going through, there’s probably someone listening right now that’s either going through the same thing or going through something similar or who can relate to how it feels. A lot of us can relate to how it feels. That’s why I call it the deep, dark night, because there’s feelings that come with that; not being able to sleep…I just was dealing with it last night and I was like, I cannot look at what time it is because I have no idea if it’s too early or too late.

 

I just know that I’ve woken up and my alarm didn’t go off, and I’m in a conundrum now. So, that’s one part of why I make the show, because I know how it feels and a lot of other people who are listening right now know how it feels. You deserve an…a place you can get some rest. You deserve a bedtime you don’t need to dread, a bedtime you could look forward to or at least feel neutral about, and you deserve the rest you need so your life is more manageable. That’s what this show is about, and even if you never listen to this podcast again, you could check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou and see what’s up on there. Check that out because it doesn’t change the fact you deserve a good night’s sleep, and I hope…if I can’t provide it for you, another sleep podcaster or some other…some other kinda sleepy audio can.

 

So, that’s why I make the show. What I do is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents. So, I’ll go off topic, I’ll get mixed up, I’ll forget what I was talking about, and then I’ll double back and I’ll say, what was I talking about? Then I’ll repeat myself. Now I’ve already forgotten…but it’s all to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep. So, that means this is a podcast you kind of just barely listen to. So, some people could be getting frustrated right now if you’re new, ‘cause you’re like, when does the sleepy stuff start or when you do you go into a soothing bedtime story about lily pads and moonlight and gentle lapping on the lily pad? I say, well, that sounds pretty nice.

 

That’s a nice image to hold in my mind, but that’s not really…this podcast would be…I don't know. That’s not this show. So, this show…what was I saying? Oh, this is a podcast you just barely listen to. So, I guess if there was lapping on a lily pad…I mean, that sounds like something that’s prime for…I mean, that’s some nice alliteration. Is that alliteration? So, that’s more Sleep With Me. Say, lapping on a lily pad. I’d say, what about napping on a lily pad? That’s even better. Is there life…well, I guess a life-sized lily pad would be an actual lily pad.

 

But is there some sort of…like one of those luxury resorts you only see in glossy…the ones that have the bungalows out on the water…I wonder if any of those have a nice bog, the sleepy bog with gigantic, non-real lily pads, obviously, unless they discover or it’s been discovered that giant lily pads…that could be some sort of…the lily pads are like, you know, it’s great when you sleep on us, humans. It is some sort of symbiotic thing. I know we can’t interview frogs or dragonflies, though it’s come up on this podcast before, but I’d love to get…I’d say…are…and they say, overrated, man. Then another frog would say, it’s the best. Of all the things of being a frog, I’d say sleeping on a…actually, by the way, Scooter, we don’t actually sleep on the lily pads. You realize that?

 

Obviously I don’t realize that because that’s…they said, that would be actually not a great place for us to sleep. Oh, okay, well, have you ever tried it? Yeah, my cousin Bart tried it and we had told him there’s a reason we’re not inclined to sleep on lily pads. But Bart had to do it Bart’s way. Also, Bart was the one frog that watched too much Simpsons, and much like you, Scooter, modeled Bart’s life after what he saw on television. So, it didn’t work out. Oh. But I…didn’t you…? Oh, also, Scooter, I’m not a real frog; I’m a figment of your imagination, so that’s why…that’s the answer to that other question where you said, didn’t you just say sleeping on a frog or sleeping on a lily pad…don’t sleep on frogs. Sleep to frog noises, but don’t sleep…please don’t sleep on any frogs. No, I understand that. That was just my mispronunciation.

 

But I get it now. Because you’re…the other frog that slept on the lily pads was also a figment of my imagination. Correct. I was just here to fill you in on some facts. So, you’re a fact-based figment of my imagine…a fact-based figment…fictional figment frog. Okay, so this is a pod…oh, by the way, this is a podcast you just barely listen to. So, some people listen to it at a mumble or turned real down low, but some people are listening to it while they wind down and they get comfortable in bed. Some people listen to it during…when they need a break. But you don’t have to obviously pay 100% attention to what I’m saying, because you just heard what just went on. So, it’s a podcast you just barely listen to. Also, it doesn’t…it’s not really here to put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep.

 

That’s why the show is over an hour. There’s no pressure to fall asleep. There’s people listening who can’t sleep, so I’m here for them and I’m here for you whether you’re awake or asleep. But I’m really here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bor, your neigh-bore, your bore-friend, your bore-bestie, to keep you company and then you just stop listening at some point. Maybe this one…you say…if you’re at breakfast and your partner or someone in your life or your roommate or your imaginary frog is…they say, well, how was that sleep podcast last night? I don't know. He was talking about lily pads again. What was he talking about? I don't know.

 

I mean, I think he said if he checks…if we’re look…if we want to know if he stayed at a hotel and he’s not under one of those other fictional names like Noir Chardonnay, he said he may be staying…or he said if he ever become…if he ever develops a singing voice, he would be a lily-pod. Maybe…or if maybe when he’s staying in Northern Europe, he’ll check into a hotel under Lily Paad. Like, with multiple A’s. Oh, okay. You sure that’s what he…? I thought he was…I thought…maybe that’s not…I don't know, maybe that’s just…maybe that was a dream. So, this is a podcast that keeps you company, takes your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep. Whatever’s keeping you awake, I may…I’m fairly confident through this nonsense we just went through that you probably weren’t thinking about whatever was keeping you awake.

 

So, that’s cool. Now, this show is not everybody’s cup of tea. I don't know what…but so, give it a few tries. That’s just what a million people have probably said to me; hey, it took two or three tries to get used to you and then I realized, oh, this show never starts but it’s always going. You say, yeah, it’s…I mean, I’m the person that invented…when I do have a theme park…I don't think there’s any way we could do it, but maybe just for napping…yeah, at a lily pool. We’ll have, whatever, lily pads. I’d like to sleep on one one day. It’s just…it won't go on a t-shirt or it doesn’t go on a pillow, but I’d like to sleep on a lily pad one day. I say, what are some fantasies you have? I say, wow, really? No wonder you make a sleep podcast. That’s your fantasy? Well, one of them. But yeah, that’s one I…thing I wonder.

 

I wa-wa-wonder when I’ll sleep on a sleep podcast. I couldn’t make it into a rhyme, but…so, okay, a show you don’t really listen to, it doesn’t put you to sleep. Give us some more…oh, most people don’t like you on the first couple tries they listen to. Some people really loathe you so much that they go to another…a website to see…tell us more good news. Well, the show is structured in a very specific way to benefit the most people it can, and it is adjustable. So, I’ll just explain to you the structure of the show so you know. If you’re new, you probably want to know that. You’re probably doubtful or skeptical, which is totally normal. I mean, after everything I said…but also, if you’re like me and a lot of the other listeners, you’ve probably tried a ton of stuff to put you to sleep, so why wouldn’t you be skeptical or doubtful?

 

I don't blame you one bit. It makes perfect sense. So, the structure of the show. Show starts out with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel seen and you say, I think I could check that podcast out. So, that’s that part. Then there’s support from sponsors or listeners or both, and that’s how the show comes out twice a week for free. Believe it or not, there’s a whole team of people that work on the show. While it may sound like I just sit down and record them…the episodes and put them out, it does…I know it’s mind-boggling, but it does take a lot of work to…that’s what makes the show sound free and easy.

 

So, that’s why there’s support for the show, so it can be free. Then there’s support for listeners, then there’s an intro — which we’re almost done with — that’s around ten to twenty minutes long where I introduce the podcast unsuccessfully, which we’ve seen pretty well tonight. But the intro is meant…the reason it goes on and on and on; it’s a show within a show, or the beginning of the podcast. It’s meant to ease you into bedtime. So, while there are a few people that are falling asleep and we’re really happy for them, most people are listening…are easing into bedtime. They’re either getting ready for bed, they’re doing other wind down activities, or they’re in bed getting comfortable. On behalf of any pets…maybe they’re petting their pets or looking at them and giving them loving eyes.

 

You know, or writing them…here’s something I’ve never done…no, I have, I think; write your pet a letter. Give A Pet A Letter Day. So, yeah, that’s that part. Oh, so that’s the intro. It goes on and on and on because what’s…one of the study…a lot of the stuff around sleep shows that having a wind down works, and it works for me. Not every time, but it’s just more pleasant. It’s something I look forward to at bedtime, is my wind down routine. So, that’s what the intro is. Then there’s support again after the intro but before the bedtime story so the show could be free. Then there’s our bedtime story. Tonight it’ll be our episodically modular series, Make Great Pets. That’ll be about forty-five, fifty-five minutes long. Then there’s thank-yous at the end of the show.

 

So, that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show. Like I said, you can adjust how you listen as you become a regular listener, but that’s why it’s structured like that. So, some people…about 2% of people skip the intro. Then if you want ad-free episodes, like you listen all night or you just like that better, you could do that. Or if you like story-only episodes, you could support the show and get story-only episodes, or…which is more popular than story-only episodes are all-intro episodes if you just like the intros of the show or you want to set up a playlist where you can listen all night long.

 

So, those are options as you become a regular listener, but as a regular listener and for the majority of people who listen, this is what works best for them and benefits the most amount of people. So, that’s why this show is structured in the way it’s structured. Again, if that structure doesn’t work for you, there’s some ways to adjust to it. But I’m so glad you’re here. I work really hard, I yearn and I strive. I really appreciate you coming by, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to do it for you for free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, it’s time for our episodically modular series. I was about to say Nuns in Space. Just so used to saying that one for some reason. But this one’s called Make Great Pets. I believe this episode…the eighth episode, but it’s episodically modular, which means the main character’s gonna catch you up on pretty much everything you need to know, and each episode is part of a process. I guess it is a procedural. Ren is our main character who is…who…they’ll explain everything. But basically, they’re within a pet and the pet is helping a human at a turning point in their life…make the best decision they can. But they do have the limitations of just being a pet. No offense to pets or anything. I’m just saying…this isn’t like…it’s not like…it probably is like a movie you’ve seen, but I can’t think of a movie like it ‘cause the pets would be…they’re not…what is it, anthro…?

 

They’re not like humans but they’re not like a pet where you would…you’re like, oh, I’m a human; now I’m in a pet, but I have full…I’m gonna start dancing or talking. So, that’s not possible. Just like our regular pets help us so much with comfort and loving looks and keeping us accountable for feeding them and walking them and petting them and moving their blankets, opening the door to the deck, then closing the door to the deck, then opening it again. Just a couple of things I get to do for my beloved dog, Koa…and tuck her in at night, tell her what a great day she had…she was so good. That is one of my favorite…that’s part of my wind down routine; petting my dog, tucking her in, though last night…sometimes I put blankets on her, then I said, well, maybe I’ll just make an…pre-make your nest for you, ‘cause that’s how it ends up in the morning anyway.

 

So, I don't know, maybe tonight I’ll put blankets on her again. Who knows? But you know what I do know…this person is like…they have all the qualities of a fleece blanket that you would…and a quilt, as well as any comforting pieces of bedding. Like a quilt, a weighted blanket, and a fleece blanket, and a super-soft blanket all rolled up into one bundle of joy, comforting joy. I don't have anything…’cause sometimes I say, well…except…well, I guess technically I didn’t think of it ‘til I started saying I don’t have any…but blankets are a bit quieter. To my knowledge, I’d say a weighted blanket…even a weighted blanket doesn’t make much noise. But it might be just the noise of the pitter-pattering within my chest and my heart when I see you, because this is our Hollywood announcer, Mr. Antonio Banderas.

 

The ladies, the gentlemen, the boys, the girls, the friends beyond the binary, it’s time to make great pets. Meow. Yeah. That’s Mr. Antonio Banderas. I only make light of the fact that…I do have high standards for Antonio of making absolutely…’cause he likes to hang out here in between his drive up from LA and his drive back down. Also, I didn’t realize this because the nearest charging station is…my…I don't have a high-speed charger. So, he has to fully…I don't even know he was running on pure solar from LA here. On the way back, he goes to a charger at the…so, I didn’t realize that. I’m sorry, Antonio. But does that mean that the only reason you’re spending time with me, playing board games and being perfectly still when we’re…when I’m recording…? No, no. Okay, he’s shaking his head ‘no’. Thank you.

 

Thanks for at least preserving my dignity and saying you enjoy spending time with me, because I’m trying to do this self…I only make it hard on you so it won't be hard on me when…you know, I’m a complicated…he’s laughing. Oh man, that relaxes me so much. I take everything back about…the noise about blankets because you really are a comforting blanket. I’m sure I’ve called you that before. But you’re like a comforting series of blankets to choose…your smile, your eyes, your hair, your presence, your spirit. The spirit of Antonio Banderas; the best part. But this one is about the spirit of pets. It’s called Make Great Pets.

 

Hey everybody, Ren here, and this is a series of audio journals or…yeah, I guess audio journals for training purposes. I’ve been trying to remember to record these as if it’s your first time listening and you have no context, which would be strange. But I guess history can be strange. So, if you’re listening to this, I’m mostly gonna be directing my message at people that are listening to this with some sort of context, but in case you’ve discovered these journals somehow, you’ll also have some…you’ll have a general understanding of this. Because I always meant to read that book during Earthly time; I think it’s A Canticle for Leibowitz or something, and it was about something about a sandwich. But I never…I held the book, I looked at the book, I think I even started it, but then I think I misplaced it and I’ve never re-read it.

 

But I said, is that about taking things out of context or not? I don't know. In the future…so in case you’re in the future, I’ll try to give you some context. If you’re part of the training program, this does help, believe it or not. I’ve done this a few times and I know that going through this, explaining it, helps me see more solutions than I would have seen before. Also the fact that probably is no…that was probably a misstatement, that…see more possibilities helping and that there really isn’t a solution or solving…solving is not…solving is a process. I don't know. So, okay, so I’m Ren. I am — for the language I have at my thing today — a post-Earthly human? They didn’t give us strict terminology, but…so, I lived a Earthly existence, then I moved on beyond my Earthly existence to a post-Earthly existence.

 

Big-farming, as it’s referred to. Turns out there are big farms, but I’m not a farmer and I wasn’t…so, I didn’t buy any farms. Hardy-har-har. But as a part of my post-Earthly existence, I was offered an opportunity to be part of this program where we’ll be helping people at a turning point in their lives as their pet. But that’s the basics. So, right now I just finished up my first day of work and I’m within a pet. The pet is sleeping and I become awake, and I’m able to record these. I don't exactly know how it’s being recorded or where, like why I can’t use this like a radio system, but I’m sure it’s some sort of technicality they figured out. Oh, there’s this one…whatever, the vague…they say, oh, that gets saved in the vagus nerve.

 

That’s not what they said; that’s just a speculation on my part. So, okay, so I’m in a pet right now that’s resting. I’m working with a human. Now, we’ll get to all that. I just want to tell you the basics, that I’m trying to figure out…a Earth-bound human, a Earth-bound human who’s trying to navigate some…a turning point. What else do you need to know? Oh, history; why, when, what pro…okay, well, maybe you’re part of this program, ‘cause this…these are supposed to be training modules. My understanding is this is a newer program. I got some basic training to prepare me to be in a pet; mind-body stuff, question-asking, listening, and staying curious. We’re part of a program which some group or leadership group or whatever said, hey, what if pets could help people at turning points in their lives make the best decision they could?

 

That would have…to help them make a good choice? You say, well, ‘good’ may be the wrong word. You’re right. Thanks for pointing that out. A decision that’s gonna have a positive impact on them and those around them, and positive reverberations. At a turning point…and then maybe this…usually they don’t feel like gigantic turning points, but there…it is…thus far it has been, after a day or two or three, to be like, oh, okay, I see that they’re gonna make a choice here. Maybe I could help influence that choice or help them get all the information they need to make a good choice. Previous programs…now, this part you might want to sit down for, but if you’ve ever read a comic book or watched a series or thought about it or read any…that there’s…there may be more than one version of Earth.

 

Again, I’m sure that there’s other quasars or quarks or whatever where this kind of stuff is going on with not…with you people that don’t say I’m a Earth-bound human or a post-Earthly human. I realize we’re not the only game in town, probably, but I don’t…I haven’t…I’m just in this program. It’s hard enough to…but there was other programs they’ve had before this in this history of post-Earthly existence, which people want to pretend has been around for forever, but let’s look at the facts that I don't have. I don't know how long it’s been. But they did try…guardian angels was one program that was very well-known. Now, that worked for a while, but one thing I’ve become aware of is I’m still a human, and what that means to me is that I still am not…I’m not a demi-god.

 

I mean, I may be able to somehow inhabit the subconscious of a pet if a pet has a subconscious, but it’s not like I have powers or anything. Or, I’m not…sometimes I feel…I still feel feelings, and I have my ups and downs, and I still make choices that aren’t terrific. I’m not sure if…I go back and forth if angels were human and then they became angels or if they were always angels. But they do have some…something…either humanity or something related to humanity and a close relationship with Earth-bound humans. Eventually it turned out that program did not work out, the…through a series of choices as spurred on by the Sears/Penny/Besos incidents. The first guardian agent…or guardian angel program was overrided, I guess, and then they tried a not-angel program for people in a post-Earthly existence who had made very poor choices.

 

They were living our their post-Earthly existence rolling rocks that roll back downhill, sitting in water and not being able to drink it. They say, hey, how about you go help people on Earth? Of course they said, great; it beats rolling a rock up and down this hill. They said, can we trust you? They said, totally. What’s the worst that could happen? ‘Cause they kinda knew, right? I think that’s where the eternity thing…I say, whoa, boy, they really figured that out, because they were right. What are you gonna do, send me back to what I was already doing? Oh, darn. So, that did not work out. Again, I don't know how these work, ‘cause not everything’s clearly linear to me. There was another guardian angel program, and that one did not work out. That was…these were all related to this Sears/Besos/Penny incident…incidences.

 

They kinda get…in some of the official histories, they just point the blame at them. But it was more like they were ex…you know, they were a variable. I don't know what the person…who was that? Doctor-something from Jurassic World and Park. But he would probably say they were the chaos in the soup or whatever. So, now, to get…could hear it a long way…this is the new…a new try. They say well, people on Earth still could use a little cosmic…is that what cosmic…? The cosmic thing or whatever the B-52’s sang about. People aren’t always shiny and happy, so let’s help them navigate those things through pets. Now, it could be…now, this is just my speculation of the week. Maybe…but I’m enjoying it. I’ve been getting a lot out of it. They said, maybe we should just…maybe we should stick to the farming, you know?

 

Is it really…and whatever else we’re doing. It’s kinda like…I guess if you were…you went away to school and then your parents show up unannounced at your dorm room or whatever. Bad idea, right? But, you know, parents love their kids, so I don't know. But like the song goes, we…the parents, they just don’t understand. So, here we find ourselves. I think that’s it. So, I’m trying to help somebody. So, I just finished my first day. I’m a tortoise with the name Shelly, so that’s funny. Shelly the tortoise. My human is Joey, and Joey is…has been…did not leave the house very much today. I don't think that’s the issue, though, because Joey was very excited and animated and pacing around, clapping, and has been editing video. I’ve been watching, and…very nice. I got a nice…I got a warming lamp, I got a warm rock, I got a warm pad.

 

So, I got a lot of cool things I can do. Being a tortoise is pretty good, but…so, Joey has been editing video, prepping what I assume is some sort of…so, it’s a part of a challenge that…’cause I didn’t really know how this stuff worked. I don't know if it’s gonna go…get uploaded, you know, for viewing. But it’s a thirty-day challenge, but it’s not happening in real time, right? I think Joey’s trying to get all of the thing going. So, this is a preparation for launch. It’s around frugal food, kinda thing. Still…those parts are still getting brainstormed. Joey also has a mentor friend, advisor, guru named Cynthia. Most of this has been explainers and…but Joey’s very excited. Seems like there’s unlimited potential, and that has to be a thirty-day streak.

 

Oh, so, a lot of B-roll was…that’s pretty smart, I thought, because it does seem like Joey’s solo doing this, but with the advice of Cynthia. Oh, and so, ‘frugal’ actually means eating free for…three meals a day for thirty days, though you can…I think…I don't know. This is still being brainstormed, but either with a one or two-day leftover rule. So, I don't know. It’s a project that’s been started, which is always good, because I get the sense that this one…part of the unlimited potential and excitement of Joey was that before this, Joey was down and not starting stuff, and the presence of Cynthia has…of having a mentor and someone encouraging…sounds like Cynthia knows a lot. What else do you need to know? I’m a tortoise. Cynthia, Joey…who, what, where, when, why, how.

 

That’s what I usually use, just in case you’re listening, like you’re a trainee like me. That’s kinda…who; Joey. What; the sort of eating thing or food thing, frugal…free food thing. Where, what; tomorrow is a filming day, and so, Joey’s going out into the world. Oh, that was the other thing; before bed, Joey did a lot of prep of getting all the recording stuff, ‘cause it’s gonna be some sort of…some…not all the recording’s gonna be…some of it’s gonna be stealth recording or whatever. So, yeah, so, I’m gonna rest and then I’ll be back tomorrow night to tell you what’s going on, okay? Okay, so, hey, this is Ren and I’m here to fill you in on Joey’s first day. So, I guess it was…technically I was…I don't…I guess this was day one of…so, I don't…I looked around for calendars and stuff.

 

Oh, maybe you don’t know this; I don't have a way to…it’s not like…I have pet limitations. I can generally influence a tortoise, which is actually perfect for this example. Maybe if anybody’s listening, put people and tortoises or turtles first, because…not that turtles or tortoises go slow, but when you picture them, you picture kinda fluid, slow movement. So, it’s easier to imagine your control over a tortoise, ‘cause you can really only steer the tortoise or guide it. Now, I’m pretty…I’m not huge. I’m not a giant tortoise, but I’m a big tortoise, and I got…now, the other thing is I go along with Joey, because I think that’s another thing. I don't know if I’m gonna be a star in these videos. I was on camera. I think…and also it could be a plus, but I’m wondering if this could be also a not-plus for Joey.

 

But anyway, not important other than to say…so, I get pulled around. This is a common thing for pets that I didn’t know about. We’re in a city, a big city. Don’t know which one, but I’ll fig…maybe I’ll figure it out. I don't know. But so, I get pulled around in one of those foldable…what are those things called? Wagons, but also apparently there’s a tortoise backpack that Joey’s made. Don’t know about that, ‘cause I’m a tortoise. I like to be on all fours or inside my shell. Highly recommend it also, so that was another reason…being in your shell for the most part unless Joey was going too fast on a bumpy sidewalk…being pulled in a wagon’s pretty sweet. So, the first place we went was…and I learned all this from the first…Joey did some shooting, video shooting, before we went into the first coffee shop.

 

I guess this will be a ongoing thing, ‘cause this is what Joey’s convinced will solve getting breakfast started, and coffee, is going to coffee shops. I think this is where Joey figures having a tortoise is a talking point, but it also will create a nearly-impossible-to-repeat situation…is Joey gets in line at popular coffee shops, then speculates; did you hear…like, to the person behind them in line. Oh, people…they said…somebody buys the person behind them’s order. I wonder how they do that. It must…I hear it feels absolutely amazing, and…but with the intention of getting the person in front of them to buy Joey’s order, which…I’m…said, okay, well…and the first person just was smiling and she turned around, and she looked at the tortoise and laughed.

 

It did not work at the first stop, which Joey was a little bit…but Joey…oh, also had guaranteed…do five stops. I bet you in five stops…Joey had it mapped out in this neighborhood that we’re in. Now, some were corporate or bigger coffee shops, and others were local coffee shops. Actually, so, we did go to five coffee shops, and three of them were successful. The first one was not successful and the fourth one were not successful. On the second one, the person paid for whatever Joey wanted, so Joey got a coffee and…no, not a fan…this was…I say, okay, this is reasonable, somewhat. I don't know, I’m trying to put aside my…to see this as a gray area. I say, it’s pretty inventive. But so, Joey said, a large coffee and then a sand…breakfast sandwich. Then at the…so, that was the second one.

 

At the third one, the person just turned and said, what will you have to drink? So, they kind of asserted a limit. Joey said, oh…and then Joey’s kind of a very good performer. But then they said, yeah, a large coffee. Or maybe they…I think…no, I’m misremembering. But Joey put in a order that was based on…what was it based on? It was based on their order. Sorry, I just…a lot going on here. Then the next one was not…the person just…they were like, focused. Then the next one, the line was so long that the person…two people in front of Joey heard it and bought the person behind them and the next three people…so, the person in front and behind and Joey…and they said, whatever they want. So, Joey said, okay. So, then Joey got some pastries and just plain coffee. So, that will carry forward, according to the rules.

 

So, that…so, okay, so that was…then for lunch we went to the shopping center. Now, first it wasn’t a success, or not a really big success, ‘cause we went to two big-brand grocery stores and then a T.J.’s and another more shi-shi grocery store and got free samples, but that wasn’t very much. Then we went to a membership club, and that was a success because that was easy to go around and there was enough stops. You say, okay, that was a reasonable lunch. Then Joey speculated that maybe later in the challenge trying the same thing at the coffee shops at the membership warehouse. Also doing a free…you check in as a future member, so that also…Joey did not have a membership at this place. Because we are in an urban area…we’re in a city but these are…it’s not a super…one of those super-spread cities, either.

 

There is…’cause Joey’s got a bunch of maps on the wall and stuff. Then this one for dinner was…and which will be a common theme because we went to four places, was mystery shopping. The mystery shopping…now, I guess I say…is for a particular fast food place and there was four different meals. So, that carries us a few days ahead, because we have the two-day thing of the two days of leftovers. Joey actually even gave some food away to someone that didn’t have anything to eat because there was so much of an abundance of food as a part of the plan. So, that covered dinner, and Joey was like, okay, that covers breakfast and lunch and dinner tomorrow. But actually, Joey was planning on…so, okay, so then we went home and Joey ran some numbers and then called Cynthia.

 

Cynthia said, well, okay…but…so, you’re getting gas from the mystery shopping. You submit your mileage, right? Okay, the mileage works out that it also pays for a couple gallons. But on the days you’re not mystery shopping, you’re not gonna be able to drive. So, you’re gonna have to figure out non-driving plans. It has to stay in a gray area, so you can’t…so, I don't know, it’s weird, the rules. So, whatever. So, that’s today. Tomorrow…and again, I think this is…okay, so tomorrow is gonna be…Joey’s gonna be shooting…so, again, I said, wait a second, so you’re shooting day three on day two, though, or parts of day three. So, this is whole thing is like…or, I don't know. So, I don't know what’s gonna happen tomorrow. I’m confused. But I’ll talk to you. Okay, hey, it’s Ren. So, I was confused and I was incorrect.

 

So, yes…so, it’s…I didn’t record anything last night because I didn’t observe anything interesting, because Joey did just eat at home; two meals. So, finished off the food from yesterday or two days ago for me. Like, two fast food meals and then one…the pastries from the coffee shop. But during that day, Joey worked on trying to get some…find out…there’s…where there’s free shuttles versus public transit, trying to find any public transit sampling things or guest passes and walkable routes, because this coffee shop thing I think is…Joey’s trying to find, over the next thirty days…now, one of the problems that came up…oh, there was one place. So, Joey did get coffee because obviously if you’re having caffeine every day, you gotta have it every day, but no other food. So, that was just at independent coffee shops.

 

But again, that starts to reduce…two coffees, two just regular coffees, which then led Joey to say, oh, there’s other places that I can get free coffee. So, then Joey decided on off-days not to use coffee shops. That was, I think, Cynthia’s thing, of like, isn’t there places that’s…have free coffee? ‘Cause some grocery stores do. There’s plenty of other places…it might be not the coffee you want, Joey, but…okay, so then day three just got completed. So, day three we went through a lot of walking and, again, research bike…on biking research and shuttle research. But actually, there’s more…because of the…there are a decent amount of shuttles here that you can use. So, I don't know. For the time being, things…between biking, walking, and shuttling…and apparently there are some seven-day passes for transit, but it is through the Tourism Bureau.

 

So, Joey’s kinda looking into that and gonna run it by Cynthia, or did run it by…Cynthia said, I’ll get back to you. So, today was kind of similar in that tomorrow will be another…an actual breakfast, lunch, mystery shopping for another place. So, I guess there will be these mystery shopping videos, too. I don't know about that. But for today, we did the same thing but we used the same coffee shop method, but for breakfast and lunch. Actually, it was similar results. I think we went to six places and it was 50/50. Since it was spread out, I think the first place we got coffee and then the other two places we ate, but there was…every other one. But the only thing was…for the lunch one, Joey had to eat with the person that bought them lunch. It was awkward ‘cause it was like, I could tell Joey was struggling.

 

Should I tell the person what I’m doing or not? So, I don't know. It seems like to me…and again, this is gonna be hard for you, maybe. Or, it’s hard for me, so I can’t speak for anybody else doing this, but for me to remove myself from this process where I’m trying to help Joey but imagine myself as Joey, and…but also imagine the feelings I’m having and that I’m within a tortoise. But thus far, I’ve just been observing. So, then the next thing that happened was…and this is gonna be a big thing because there’s a couple hotel…whatever, hotel sectors? I don't know what you call them. Particularly with the shuttles…because a couple of these have airport shuttles. So, Joey’s gonna be able to…so, Joey’s plan would be to go to the airport hotels, go to the airport, and then go to the airport hotels as part of this plan.

 

But so, there’s a convention center, there’s a airport, there’s a downtown, and then there’s a couple business areas all with clusters of hotels. We started in one of the downtown hotel clusters, and Joey said, this is kind of like one of the moves, and on the weekends it’s gonna be different than during the week. But Joey dresses very well and then goes into the hotel and strolls around and just scouts out, is there…now, it’s strange that…this is pretty relaxed. But so, there’s some hotels that have a appetizer and drinks for free. Because Joey’s alone and has a tortoise…and they say, you travel with your tortoise? Joey says, yeah. Now, at one place, they did ask for a key, and Joey…that was awkward. They said, are you a guest of the hotel?

 

They asked for the key and then Joey said, uh…and they said, are you a guest of the hotel? Joey said, no. No, no, I was just…I just met a friend. I figured I’d pop in here. Looks fun. The person actually said, okay, go ahead. So, that got my turtle juices flowing. But so, okay, so we did that. So, basically that would be a plan for some of these…out of these thirty days, including conferences…like, if the door is open…I don't know about this, you know? This is what Cynthia and Joey talk about. Say, well, it’s a gray area. If there’s a sign that says you can’t go, don’t go. If there’s any rules, you gotta follow the rules. But if it’s a open door, nobody says you can’t walk through it. Walk through it and see what’s through the open door.

 

I know there’s some places like…’cause Joey did try to go into one conference and they said, where’s your conference badge? Joey said I didn’t have one. They said, sorry, can’t let you in. So, the opposite happened. But that was already after this other place. So, it was like, Joey didn’t even need to get in there. So, I don't know. I’m not feeling great about any of this, and…but again, I’m trying to rest with…I have another day. Tomorrow will be another…what do you call it? Mystery shopping day. So, I’ll just see…so, I’ll probably come back in two days and fill you in. So, I’ll talk to you in a bit. Hey, it’s Ren again, and I don't know, Cynthia and Joey are…they had a big talk and they…oh, how do I know? Because they’re doing it on Zoom or whatever, video chat, FaceTime, whatever you want to call it.

 

They had a big back-and-forth because Cynthia has been watching the dailies or whatever, because Joey’s also editing all this, right, and putting it together. None of it’s been released yet because…and which is smart, I guess. This seems like…so, really deflating, ‘cause Cynthia said, this is just not exciting. Anybody could do this, and what are you building towards? It actually doesn’t even seem that challenging. Joey said, well, yeah, it’s cool. Cynthia said, yeah, but if anybody can do it, who’s gonna want…why would they watch you do it, Joey? Joey said, I don't know, because I’m…it’s fun. Cynthia said, no, no, no. We gotta come up with more. So, they started going through ideas after ideas after ideas, and still going through the plan but making sure Joey gets to thirty days, ‘cause Cynthia said we won't be able to show the mystery shopping twice.

 

Then it’s…unless something interesting happens, which you can’t force to happen. That’s just gonna be…you just put it up on the screen as, like, day seven again. There’s no…we can’t get any mystery shopping sponsors. I tried that. So, Joey was trying to find places that did food testing. Like, oh, maybe I could be a flavor-tester or other things. But again, you can’t take…like, you can’t take food for…intended for someone else, either, is Cynthia’s thing. But you say, at least Cynthia has some values. But Cynthia basically came down to, like, if you want to be a entertainer, you have to entertain, Joey, and you have to shine. So, you have to find a way to do that. I think you’re close, but you’re not pushing yourself enough. But also, then Joey kinda was like, okay, so no…?

 

No, no, no, keep the mystery shopping, but use those mystery shopping days…’cause then again, there was another mystery shopping day combined with a day of…another day…so, I guess I can see Cynthia’s point ‘cause it was a lot more of samples, using that thing at the membership place of…the coffee shop move, which worked. But again, you can’t go back to any of those places again, so the other thing is Cynthia’s like, you’re gonna run out and then you’re just gonna be doing mystery shopping and eating leftovers from mystery shopping, because you can’t do any repeats. Maybe on day twenty-eight you could go back to the day one places. But even the hotels and stuff are gonna…we’re gonna run out. Also, it’s gonna get boring. We’re gonna have four days of entertainment and thirty days of content.

 

So, she said, think, think, think, and come up with something spectacular, and then just kinda ended the meeting. Then what happened was Joey started going through stuff. Now, I get to…now, the cool thing about being a tortoise and being mobile…so, Joey was going through and said, okay, all this old…all Joey’s old stuff…closet, this really big closet…so, I don't know. Tomorrow’s gonna be what I said, so I’ll update you tomorrow night. Okay, hey, it’s Ren again, and I guess I finally feel like I did something maybe that’s gonna be helpful and that maybe I could keep working on. So, we spent the day going mystery shopping and then…well, yeah, we did two different rounds for two different places, which again, technically buys us two-and-a-half days.

 

So, then Joey was kind of like…not feeling great after…and feeling…but then going through stuff and writing lists. Then Joey found…way in the back of this closet…started pushing these boxes out. I was even helping, like, opening boxes with my snout. One was pop sticks, which we’ll come back to, ‘cause then Joey also went through Halloween costumes. Joey said, this is what I was looking for. Joey pulled out this chef’s…a fancy chef’s outfit like you’d see…like a celebrity chef. I guess Joey went as a celebrity chef one year. I said, Wylie Dufresne or Richard Blais? I wonder which one. It wasn’t a Guy Fieri one. I would have said, oh…but that one is easier ‘cause it’s got the Hot Rod stuff.

 

But Joey put that aside, then Joey started going through the kitchen and getting out pans and then…and said…now, I opened this box, Popsicle sticks, and I saw…so, it said ‘pop sticks’. I opened it up with my snout. It was full of Popsicle sticks, like full. Actually, I realized it said Box 1 of 264, and it had a inventory sheet on the top of it. I said, this is curious, an entire box of Popsicle sticks. Joey grabbed a handful and kinda was like…they were used Popsicle sticks that had been rinsed. Oh, they were all individually bagged in bags of, I guess, twenty-five. But Joey opened a bag and was rubbing some sticks in Joey’s hand, and then got on the thing with Cynthia and pitched Cynthia this new idea, which Cynthia loved, which I’m also involved in that I don’t love. But then I also found out a little bit about the Popsicle sticks.

 

So…but basically the new ideas is…and this is a pretty old idea, so I’m not surprised that it came up…is that Joey is gonna go places with me and a frying pan…like, a grocery store with me in a frying pan and some other ingredients, dressed as a chef, and then say, hey, I could cook you a spectacular meal. If you have the ingredients, I’ll bring the secret ingredients. I don't know, and making the people think they’re gonna have…it’s not the greatest thing to be a pet and then say, well, what if it…doesn’t seem right, either. It’s like, you’re gonna make them think they’re having tortoise soup? But with the intention of them buying everything and then Joey doing the cooking. Joey doesn’t really have any secret ingredients that I know about. Cynthia said, that’s it; that’s the idea.

 

We’ll have to get leases, but that’ll create so much more…and we can probably…you’ll…the schedule’s gonna be a lot harder, but we can fill in with these mystery shopping jobs. Maybe you’ll even do more. But then we’re gonna have to shoot multiple meals a day so we can get some winners. Then Joey said, okay. Then Cynthia said, what are those Popsicle sticks? Joey said, well, those…was that…this contest that I tried to win, and I didn’t. Cynthia said, okay. What contest? Let me see if it’s exciting. Joey said, well, it was this contest when I was a kid and it was…maybe I never told you about it, but this is a famous thing, anyway. She said, like Punch Drunk Love? Joey said, yeah, or like Dude, Where’s My Pepsi? Or Pepsi, Where’s My Thing? Cynthia said, okay, I get it. So, there was a Popsicle stick contest?

 

Joey said, yeah, but it was…Joey said…Joey found, basically, with these Popsicle sticks, that they…each Popsicle stick was worth a Popsicle buck. But Joey said because they were also testing out this new surprise flavor…like, it was a variety pack, but not every pack had the secret flavor in there, which was butterscotch-chocolate swirl, which was not great, Joey said. So, Joey said that that one was worth like, a thousand pop bucks. Cynthia had already stopping listening, but Joey kept talking. Cynthia, you could tell…Cynthia was working on other stuff or whatever. Joey said, I figured out that there was a way to tell which boxes had…that there was a different number on the UPC code that you could identify. This was before the internet, so I figured out a way to get all these Popsicle bucks.

 

The grand prize for the person who collected the most Popsicle bucks…so, it wasn’t just like a cash-in. You could cash them in, but whoever could show they had the most Popsicle bucks got this…two-lifetime air passes. Joey was like, I was gonna get it for me and my mom; around the world. Airline’s still in business today, a really big airline. Then Cynthia said, what happened? Joey said, someone figured it out and they had…they…kinda like in that movie; they found out that they…they figured out…the same time as me, but they had more resources. Kind of felt like they cheated because they didn’t do it themselves. I was doing it myself, so I came in second, and I got two round-trip tickets. Me and my mom went on a trip and that was it. Cynthia said, okay, anyway, get back to that other stuff.

 

But then Joey couldn’t let it drop. Joey kept watching video after video of some interviews, ‘cause that was when…this is the other thing, was it wasn’t just…Joey didn’t say this, but Joey did an interview and it was the producer of the interview who was, one…the interview did not air, but it was the producer of the interview who ended up being able to do it. So, I don't know. It definitely seemed like it impacted Joey, but I kept nosing through the Popsicle sticks. Joey said, you can’t eat those Popsicle sticks. Then I was trying to not eat them but build a…I don't know. I thought it was important. So, I don't know. I’m gonna get some rest and then see what happens. I hope that…I don't know. I think these Popsicle sticks are the answer. I don't know. Hey, it’s me, Ren.

 

So, Joey stayed up all night last night working on the Popsicle sticks. Then at first, Joey actually recorded a pitch for Cynthia ‘cause Cynthia was busy all day, saying, what if I burn these Popsicle sticks? Like, build a house with it, tell my story? Then Joey said, no, and then turned the camera…turned off the camera and was like, that’s a terrible idea. But then I kept going through Joey’s closet and I found all this work Joey had done, like collecting the UPC codes, figuring out the distribution schedule. A lot of this logistics that was going into Joey’s…I was like, wait a second, Joey is…enjoys that part of this. It’s not like this thirty-day thing…there’s…Joey is…accelerates at or has a…what is that called? Proficiency or aptitude for. Then there’s this big, golden thing at the end.

 

I mean, for this, it was something actual tangible where the stuff with Cynthia is more like, you’ll really launch things. Then Joey kept going through, then he was going through all this other stuff. I didn’t even have to do anything else ‘cause then Cynthia called and said, geez, you missed our meeting. What’s going on with the shoots today and what’s…when are you gonna start this…? Joey said, I don't know, I don't like the idea of…Joey said, I’m…I think I’m gonna want to do something different. You’re right that the…some of this was a little bit underhanded and…because I thought it was okay because it happened to me with the Popsicle sticks. Maybe I didn’t tell you that, Cynthia. I’m sorry. But also, you’re right; it wasn’t very exciting other than the parts where I was playing people. I was boring.

 

But I don't think…for me, I don't know if that works. So, I think I’m gonna do something about these…Cynthia said, it’s already been done, twice. Punch Drunk Love and Where’s My Pepsi? or whatever. Joey said, well, what about the people that almost won the contest or…I don't know, I think there’s something there, and the logistics of contests. Maybe there’s even a job on that side of it that I could look into. So, I think I’m gonna go to bed tonight. I don't think I’ll be in this tortoise tomorrow. I think that Joey kinda figured things out just because of the sticks. I only played with them a little bit. So, this one, if you’re listening and you’re like, oh, okay, it’s like…I had to listen for a long time and wait, and also say, okay, this turning point is not…the turning point…it’s not a turning point for me; it’s a turning point for Joey, and I don't know what it is.

 

But I’m not sure where Joey’s going. Then just helping Joey find the right thing to point Joey in another…so, hopefully this works out. I think it’s going to, ‘cause at least I don't have to think about poor Joey being on YouTube or whatever saying, now I’m gonna pretend to make tortoise soup, but really I’m just gonna make soup with broth and then eat it and give you stuff, but you paid for everything. Or, whatever, I’m gonna sneak into this conference, so that’s…this is Ren and that’s the job I did today and this week. Goodnight.

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)