1076 – Golong’s 2.5 Syllables | All Intros 766-770

Notable Language:

• Golong
• Foellements
• Exacerbate

Notable Culture:

• The Fast and the Furious
• Dumbo
• AFI

Notable Talking Points:

• Civics with Sisyphus
• Sea Breeze: Sleep With Me Edition
• The history of Intros is a Welcome Center

Episode 1076 – Golong's 2.5 Syllables | All Intros 766 – 770

[START OF RECORDING]

SCOOTER:    Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time for the podcaster…I see you there having trouble getting to sleep, and I’m here to try to help.  It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep, patrons, and you keep it going.

Hey everybody, this is Scoots and I just wanted to let you know this is an all-intro episode.  We put these out over holidays here in the US, long weekends in the US, and these are very popular on Patreon.  If you love all-intro episodes, they come out twice a month on Patreon and there’s also hundreds in the archives for $10 and $20-patrons, so sign up at sleepwithmepodcast.com/patron.  Not only will you be supporting the show you love or that puts you to sleep; let me not get ahead of myself.  I don’t know, it’s a really popular reward or benefit of being a patron and supporting the show financially.  That enables us to be here for everybody else free twice a week, and that helps us produce the show and keep it going.  So yeah, enjoy these intros after intro after intro.  Thanks and what do you say we get on with the show again?

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature, situations, schedule.  So, thing…thoughts that are coming up for you, things you’re feeling physically or experiencing emotionally.  Whatever it is, I’m here to take your mind off that.  I got this safe place.  I’m moving my hand now in I think a clockwise motion.  Now a counter-clockwise motion, smoothing now or writing…side-to-side motions, smoothing, patting, and rubbing down that safe place that I’ve set aside for you.  What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice…once you get comfortable…well, I’ll already do it, but you could pause it and get comfortable or go ahead and get comfortable while I talk.  Either way, but I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.  I go off-topic, I’m gonna get mixed up.  Totally…I’m one of those people…I totally get mixed up on purpose, use filler words…oh boy, those…you say, how do you plan your filler words out, Scooter?  Well, it’s interesting; what I do is I fill a wagon up with filler words and where…for real?  Well, no.  Actually, both.  Believe it or not, I do both in my brain.  I find that if I tactiley do it in person, then in my brain, I…but you know, I got…well, I might as well finish this metaphor out, huh?  Well, what…well, I was gonna try to explain to new listeners some things.  But yeah, no; so, I take a wagon…of course it’s a red wagon.  You know what, it’s…of course not; it’s a purple, sparkly wagon that was once red, but then I said I always wanted something purple and sparkly.  Yeah, with that glossy sparkle paint you’d see on a car in the second Fast and Forious movie.  I think that was the one, the one that…but to have a car…you know what I mean?  That sparkles.  It’s not…I guess it’s a bit glittery.  It glitters, but it’s not glitter.  But that’s what my wagon looks like.  But it’s also full of filler words, so…oh no, no, yeah; more than one.  Oh, more than one um and ah in that wagon.  Then what I do is once I get it really full, full to overflowing…but at least initially…and I don’t know if this is Sisyphean or just…I call it my daily routine, is what I call it.  Sisyphus…if I’m anything like Sisyphus, which the odds are 100%…with Sisyphus, his day begins…or the dude with the rock…Golong or whatever…I don’t think that when they get to work, they have any idea.  I mean, maybe part of their brain does ‘cause that’s supposed to be part of their thing…of the bad place or whatever.  But really, they say hm, gonna get it…oh, yeah, we’re gonna…I’m gonna get in there, I’m gonna have myself a…oh, this water’s…this…they just think they’re go…it’s their regular day and it doesn’t really dawn on them…or I guess me; you’re right, I’m talking about you but I’m really talking about me, Sisyphus.  Oh, it’s Sisyphus; it’s not Zizyvus.  Okay, excuse me.  Believe it or not, I was trying to make a metaphor about a wagon full of filler words before I realized how similar our lives are.  Oh, you’re not…well, you’re a post…you were…once you were.  I assume you got yourself in that situation ‘cause…oh, well, maybe I…maybe there are life lessons to be learned here.  I didn’t even…I had no idea.  What would…if you could return to Earth, would you change your name to Zizyvus?  Why would you?  I think it’s catchy.  What about Sisyphus Z. Zizyvus?  You could be…I think it would be good if you were a civics teacher, too.  Yeah, like civics, or you could have a podcast, yeah.  Civics with…it would be hard to say, but I’m sure you’d be up for it.  Yeah, no, I’m just here…believe it or not…here’s the thing, Zizyvus; Sisyphus, you’re right.  I’m here on a stealth mission.  I just realized it; to take your mind off of stuff, and the rock person, Golong.  I know that’s not your name.  It’s a bit.  I don’t really know what Golong’s name is.  Also, I…no offense, if you’re rolling a rock up and down, I’d think about changing my name to Golong.  Well, no, no, not Golong; Golong.  I don’t know how many…I think you put a extra syllable in there.  Golong’s two syllables.  Golong is kinda like 2.25 syllables.  Zizyvus, I don’t need to be told that there’s no such thing as .25 syllable.  Did you see what I did there?  Anyway, what I was telling everybody…well, now that I have the two of you here listening and I’m taking your minds off of stuff, I’m feeling pretty confident.  I was…I’m trying to make a metaphor about the podcast, which is usually…structurally, with a podcast what to expect, if you two ever come to my world and teach Civics and role…you could be a professional rock roller, Golong.  I like saying Golong; it really…it makes my chest feel strong and full.  Go ahead and say it, Golong.  I know sometimes I accidentally say it and it sounds like Golung, but it’s Golong.  Like, just like you were hitting a gong.  What’s a gong?  I think you’ve been chasing that rock too long.  Oh, you don’t chase it?  Well, maybe that’s…maybe you should change it up.  When it rolls back down, chase it.  Okay, but anyway, I was trying to explain with the new podcast listener.  Structurally, the show starts off with a few minutes of business.  That’s how we keep the show free, then there’s an intro where I ramble for about twelve to fifteen minutes.  About nothing?  Kind of.  I mean, pretty close to what we’re doing now, to take people’s mind off of stuff, kinda introduce them to the podcast if they’re new.  But then a regular listener, they kinda decide how they want to listen.  Some regular listeners wind down to the intro.  A small percentage skip the intro.  Other listeners start playing it before they get in bed.  So, there’s a variety of ways to use it, but you could fall asleep during…you’re right, you’re light…you’re right, Zizyvus.  Sisyphus, okay.  Why don’t you call yourself Correctyvis?  Sorry, I was just…I know you…okay.  I was really trying to tell people about my wagon that I full with filler words…fill with filler words.  Thank you, Correctyvus.  That could be your…when you’re correcting papers for your Civics class, you could call it…you could go into that role.  Then you could…it would be okay to be Correctyvus.  Correctyvus…what…okay.  I always had issues with teachers, even when they’re imaginary characters from pandemonium or wherever you’re located.  Oh, you’re not in that…?  Okay, so…so, the new listener, if you’re listening still…sorry, got a little distraction here.  But so, the list…the intro is just a long rambly intro to the podcast, but it’s part of the show and it’s part…to help you wind down.  Then after the intro will be a little business, then the story, which will be about forty, forty-five minutes, then there will be some thank-yous at the end of the show.  That’s the structure of the show.  If you’re new, a couple other things to know; you don’t need to listen to this podcast.  You can just kinda barely listen.  If I ever get to the wagon metaphor, it’ll…maybe it won’t make any sense.  But I guess it’s not that different than watching…well, I guess if you were watching a kid with a wagon and things were bouncing out of it, you would probably intervene and say hey kid, there’s…you’re losing your cookies or whatever, your…what are those called?  Funbot 2…are those Megablocks falling out of there?  So, let me help you, or is that for your lemonade stand?  Are you losing all your lemons?  I guess in that case, if a kid had a wagon full of lemons and you were in a high-lemon area, that might be the only time you wouldn’t intervene, where you’d say well, it’s okay for the kid to lose a few lemons.  That’s a life lesson, life…I was trying to make lemonade out of lemons and also losing…I’ve lost my lemons a few times.  But so, what I was saying is you could kinda…you don’t need to listen to the podcast.  You can kinda almost passively consume it if you wish, though some people listen.  You can choose as you get to know the show of what works for you.  But also, there’s no pressure to fall asleep.  The reason the shows are an hour is I’m here to keep you company as you drift off.  So, you just fall asleep at your leisure.  I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, be at your side, chitter-chattering away and helping you drift off.  So, that’s structurally what to expect.  You don’t need to listen to me and yeah, I’ll be…a lot of the content of the show feels a little bit like words falling out of a wagon.  If I was an adult with a wagon full of words…and un and ah’s were both…I would assume ums and ah’s and uh’s and er’s are pretty compostable anyway and are easily swept off the sidewalk by a gentle breeze.  So if you saw me going down the street…also, they’re only 2D, so once it falls on the pavement, it’s not a…they’re 2D and they have a lot of traction, so not something you have to worry about stepping on or something.  You would probably just let me keep going if everything’s bouncing out of my wagon.  You’d say there goes Scoots.  Too many ums and ahs.  I’ve never seen a wagon full of pregnant pauses, but that…if you did, you would pause.  I can’t even imagine.  The images that are running through my mind are very cute.  You’d say…that would be interesting if I walked up and down the street with a wagon full of pregnant pauses.  Everyone would pause.  They’d be like holy cow, that is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.  What is in that wagon?  It’s a wagon full of pregnant pauses.  Oh boy…with one pun sitting on the back of it.  So, a winky-winky-winky-poo.  So, I don’t know what I…I guess I thought there would be a…let me just check back in with Zizyvus and Golong.  Oh, they’re sleeping; perfect.  Talk about conquering myths.  I mean, I don’t want to apply for any awards, but at least those two, when they come hang with me after…’cause also, if you two could wake back up, everybody else is asleep including the people that were keeping an eye on you and the mechanisms, so we could just jump outta here.  I got a wagon.  Okay, Golong…so, you two get in the wagon.  I’ll pull you.  Great, I got Zizyphus and…oh no; oh, you…you’re not…you really are Golong and Zizyvus.  What about Sisyphus and the other…?  Hm, hm.  Everybody in the wagon.  So, I’m gonna pull them outta here, but basically if you’re new to the show, give it a few tries.  That’s what 99% of reviewers and listeners I hear from say, that it took them two or three tries ‘cause one, you’re skeptical.  If you have trouble sleeping, of course you are.  Who declares they’re gonna be here to put you to sleep?  Not me.  I’m gonna be here while you fall asleep, or if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here ‘til the very end to keep you company.  But also, it’s just…the show’s a little bit different, so it can take a little bit of adjusting.  If you can’t…if you try the podcast a few times or you’re finding you definitely don’t like it, go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou and you could see some options there.  I think that’s it.  I’m glad you’re here.  I work very hard.  Oh, I don’t know what’s cuter; Zizyphus and Golong curled up in a wagon together as I pull them along, or a wagon full of pregnant pauses.  You’ll have to decide that, but I’m here.  I work very hard.  I appreciate your time, I yearn and I strive ‘cause I want to help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple of things we do to keep the show going.

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, stuff you’re feeling physically, experiencing emotionally, or contemplating, or in my case, ruminating.  Heavy on the ‘rume’, which I think…just ‘cause it sounds like something.  You say well, I prefer…with…not ROOM, obviously.  Anyway, what I’m gonna do…oh, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that.  It could be anything, you know.  I’m here to keep you company, to distract you as you drift off into sleep.  The way I’m gonna do it is I got this nice, safe place.  Plenty of room, show has plenty of time.  You got a long, long landing strip here, descent, and…oh, what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.  I’m gonna take my time, I’ll bare…I’m gonna get…there’s a warm-up and a cool-down combined into one, one layer…parallel layers.  You say well, there’s a warm-up layer in the podcast, a cool-down layer, all the way through.  So yeah, I mean, basically the reason I make the show is ‘cause I’ve been there in a lot of the cases.  I might not know exactly what you’re dealing with, but I do know how it feels when you can’t fall asleep and you gotta get up, or you wake up…or this morning, woke up…I had a early alarm for a weekend.  I’m recording this on a Saturday.  Then I woke up a half-hour before that and I said, what the heck?  I said, a rip-off to myself.  So, I know what it’s like.  Whatever your case may be, I’m here to help.  Now if you’re new, a couple things to know, well, right up front, kinda up front.  Structurally, the show starts off with business.  That’s how we keep the show free for everybody, and thank you…everybody that participates in that.  Then there’s an intro.  The intros are about twelve to fifteen minutes or so, and it’s kind of a big part of the podcast, but there’s no…after you start listening regularly, there’s no wrong way even initially.  You just want to make it the easiest way, if you’re really new.  But some listeners skip the intro, like maybe 2%, 3%.  Some listeners fall asleep during the intro, a lot of listeners use it as kinda their wind-down, as their cool-down.  They’re cooling down and warming up their bed at the same time.  You know, to descend into sleep.  So, the intros are a little bit different than a normal podcast intro where’d it’d be like yeah, I’m ham…I’m Hammy Pod Pool coming at you, and here’s the show.  I do that part, then I do a setup for the show that’s…it’s a part of the show.  The podcast does not work for everybody, but for almost…I’d say 95% of people that it does work for, which is a pretty good amount of people, they say it took two or three tries.  So if you want, if you’re up for it, give it two or three tries ‘cause I’m just here to help you fall asleep.  Now, if you’ve given it two or three tries and you say well, this isn’t for me, but I’m still looking for a way to fall asleep, or you’re already saying this is…Scoots, not sure you and I are cut from the same cloth and I want to say that to you more intensely, go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou.  There’s resources there or other things…some things that I listen to and other sleep podcasts.  Then there’s also some options if you say well, Scoots, I gotta tell you how I feel, then there’s…the option’s in there.  So, that’s if…give it a few tries ‘cause I’m…really, I just want to help you fall asleep.  I believe you deserve a good night’s sleep.  I believe you deserve a life where you can flourish so you feel…you’re rested and you can do that, and of course you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.  Now, a couple other things; this is one podcast you don’t need to listen to.  You probably…you may have figured that out already.  You can kinda listen, you can totally listen either way or whatever in-between.  Turn it down to a murmur or listen to my every word.  The reason I make the show is so you don’t need to listen, but if you do need to, if you need company in the deep, dark night, I’m here to the very end to keep you company.  That’s kinda how the podcast works.  Somehow, by me keeping you company, no strings attached, you could fall asleep.  Or if you don’t, I’m here, ‘cause like I said, I’ve been there.  So, no pressure to listen…oh, I guess that kinda says no pressure to fall asleep, either.  That’s why the shows are an hour.  That’s why you can listen back-to-back-to-back and that’s why the podcast is free.  You say well, okay, yeah, this puts…then you say well, okay, I don’t understand this.  That’s most people’s reaction…is the first two or three tries; what is this?  What the heck?  Who in that whatsit?  Is he still talking about whatsit?  Is he talking about howsits now?  Now is he transitioning to use the end of that word because he started to think about sea breeze and astringing?  Is he gonna go back to that joke where he used whatever the thing we call the Latin verbiage to…yes, I am; astringe, astrange…it’s astringe…astrange, astrung, astreese…oh, maybe it’s es or um ese eso cese.  That would be a streese, which I think astringe…so, astrange, astrang, astrung.  That would be…in a…in some sort of poem with…in a 1980’s poem where skincare came first.  You’d say well, this…I don’t know if you’re gonna live under my roof.  It’s skincare first.  That’s a home I’ve never lived…I mean, where it’s a first.  You say…I mean, that might be a good thing, but I’m just gonna talk about the goofy parts about…you say before you eat your dinner…don’t worry, papa; I’ve astrunged.  I’ve astranged…I astringed, I stranged, and I strunged.  He’d say okay, okay, sweetie-pie.  Okay, Junior.  Great work on the astringing.  Oh, astringe…you might not know what I’m talking about.  I barely do.  It may not be relevant.  I think it is, though.  So, there’s this thing called astringent, right?  Maybe…I don’t think I’ve ever purchased witch hazel, and I say okay, that’s probably…needs to be renamed, though I’m pretty sure it’s the exact name of a pet.  But it…now I just made…now, see, this is where I go off-topic.  Now I’m imagining being at a party, like a dance when were were in…at Peak Hazel when the name Hazel was at its peak.  You’re at a school dance and you say wait, wait a second; you like witch hazel?  Then everyone would…that’s true, though.  If you were at a dance and your best friend…you say, you kissed Witch Hazel?  Or which of the Hazels did you kiss, I guess would be another way.  But that’s pretty formal to say to your best friend.  I guess you’d…yeah, I don’t know how you’d…Hazel who, you could say.  That’s pretty funny without even a witch hazel joke.  You’d say, Hazel who?  Hazel who?  Was that in one of the Seuss books?  Was Hazel one of the Whos?  I think that…well, I don’t know if we ever had peak Seuss, but original Seussage…maybe Hazel…I know someone may be listening and then maybe when you wake up tomorrow and you say, let me…when was Hazel popular?  I believe my eyes are hazel.  I never made that association with witch hazel any…but I was trying to explain the fact that astringent is this thing you take…and I…here’s the thing, and I’m perfectly honest; I don’t think I’ve astringed my skin since the last time I joked about this on the podcast.  I mean, I…it’s the winter here when I’m recording this, so it’s like I’m not using multiple layers of sunscreen multiple times a day.  Just one morning moisturizer.  But astringing is when you take this thing…I think it’s mostly alcohol or witch hazel, which I don’t know if that’s suspended in alcohol.  Then you…usually it has a nice, blue tint.  The sea…that’s why I like sea breeze.  Sea breeze and Sleep With Me, two things you’d never associate with one another that go great together.  It’s like a fresh breeze.  Sea breeze and sleep…sea breeze, Sleep With Me edition.  Now in purple.  That’s sea breeze, folks.  But actually, no offense; I usually get the store brand ‘cause you know, they really upcharge for that sea…that’s extra breeze.  Sea breeze; formally a sponsor of Sleep With Me.  Now we’re not speaking.  Okay, where was I?  Oh, so then you take that, you put it in a cotton pad or a cotton ball and you wipe your face with it, and I think it de-grease…we talked about this a long time ago.  It de-greases or de-glazes your face.  I don’t know what de…I’ve never gotten what de-glazing really is.  I’ve seen it on shows and I’m pretty sure I’ve done it before.  De-glazing…Hazel Deglazel; that’s another character…that was another…that was one of the great lost Seuss books, Hazel the Glazel.  She was the wisest snoof from Snooftown.  Hazel Delazel.  That might be a new code name for me.  Scoots changed his name to Hazel Delazel and no one in the world, even the greatest experts in words and even with the…Helen’s help from the Illusionist, he couldn’t even figure out how to spell Delazel without making a laser in there, ‘cause then he would never be able to say his name without getting even further distracted.  So, it’s basically something you use to clean your face, and I guess…so, that took me so off-topic that we don’t really get to spend any more time with this wonderful family we just met whose top priority is skincare.  Good question, though.  I can hear you asking it; no one in that family is a dermatologist.  They just have their priorities.  They say, skincare…you know, doing good for others, kindness.  Maybe it’s an accidental generational association, but in this case it’s a good one.  They say well, when my fin…skin feels good, I feel good, I do good.  Well, you say, what belief system…Sleep With Me…a belief system formed around Sleep With Me in 2022 after Scooter changed his name and moved to Snoofville…formed Snoofville.  What was the belief system based around Sleep With Me?  Was it some sort of sleeping…?  No, it was based around skincare and kindness, that all kindness comes with kindness to your skin, the largest organ on your body and in it, probably, though some say the tongue, but I don’t know if that’s true.  In my case, it’s…yeah, you’re right, it’s whatever organ produces hot air.  Thanks, brain.  So, anyway, if you’re new, that was a good example of how the show will go from here on out.  I’ll talk about one thing, then I’ll see something over there, then I’ll be sitting down at a dinner table with a family who’s got their priorities in order.  We can’t say anything else about that.  Then I’ll take a trip to Snooftown or whatever, and all this meandering is so if you need me here, I’m here to talk to you.  But if you don’t need me, you just need me nearby, you could just drift off at any of those turns.  I think that’s it.  Tonight, we’ll…after the intro…I think I started going off-topic when I was explaining the structure of the show.  But after the intro we’ll have some business, then we’ll talk about Game of Thrones, then we’ll talk about some stuff that came up on Game of Thrones, then we’ll have a visit from Tommen and Pounce, then we’ll have prayers to the old gods and the new, and then we’ll have the thank-yous and the goodnights.  So, a really long episode, and yeah, I guess that’s it.  I’m really here to help take your mind off of stuff and keep you company.  I appreciate you checking the show out, I appreciate your time, and I strive, I yearn, and I work very hard because I want to help you fall asleep.  So thanks again, and thanks ‘cause here’s a couple ways we keep the show going.

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time and temperature, changes in routine, whatever it is.  So, stuff could be on your mind, you could be feeling physically, could be coming up emotionally.  Whatever’s keeping you awake; it could be any of those things, it could be other stuff.  I’m here to take your mind off of stuff and keep you company.  What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, I’m gonna go off-topic, barely…I’ll go off-topic, maybe I want to…I’ll definitely go off-topic.  I don’t know if I’ll ever…I’ll meander, I get mixed up, I forget stuff, go on tangents.  I’m gonna…did I say I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night?  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, nice, smoothed-out safe place.  The show is really here…if you’re new, welcome.  I’m glad you’re here.  That’s one message.  Two, a couple of pieces of information; structurally, if you’re new, what to expect.  Show starts off with business.  That’s literally how we’ve made the show for almost 800 episodes.  So, it’s here to…oh, so the show starts off with business.  That keeps the show free.  Then there’s an intro.  The intros are around twelve to fourteen minutes or so, and it’s kinda your bedtime wind-down.  A little bit of a check-in, a little bit of a wind-down where I’ll kinda explain what the podcast is, get you settled in, and you can slowly wind-down.  Then there will be some business between the intro and the episode, then tonight will be our episodically modular series Big Farm in the Sky PI, Season 2.  Then the show closes out with some thank-yous and goodnights.  So, that’s the structure of the show.  What else?  Oh, the intro; I was…give you a little more info on the intro structure, ‘cause some people get confused.  They feel like…new listeners, which is natural.  If you’re skeptical or you’re confused, you’re probably in the right place ‘cause I would be skeptical too, and this podcast is very confusing, naturally.  Me just being myself, I…it travels a circuitous route.  But so, structurally…oh, the intro…so, the intro…some listeners fall asleep during the intro.  The majority of listeners kinda use it as part of their getting-ready-for-bed routine.  That’s just kinda how the show’s made.  So you say okay, I’m winding…I’m getting ready for bed, I got Scoots on.  Maybe do some light hair-brushing, some petting of pets, maybe kiss…no petting ‘cause that…but you know, maybe a kiss on the cheek.  Maybe you kiss your own shoulders.  That’s what I like…say.  I don’t know, that has barely caught on with listeners, but if you’re looking for something that is not only symbolic of self-care and self-love but is also…I think…I’m not…I mean, I’m no expert in the end…any of the inner workings of the human body, but I could tell you whether you’re kissing a clothed or exposed shoulder or nuzzling it, light kiss of your own shoulder…I’m gonna do it now.  I have a shirt on, but I say okay…and do it slow.  Don’t instantly jump into a shoulder-kissing routine.  You don’t want to…ease your way into it.  It gives you a little stretch.  Here, I’ll do it again.  I just kissed both shoulders.  But it’s just…or a peck, I guess.  But oh, those are…oh, so, the intro’s part of the wind…people’s wind-down routines.  About 2% of listeners skip the intro, go right to the…they listen to the sponsor messages and then the episode-just portion.  They skip ahead.  Some listeners or more listeners than…you’d be surprised I hear from listen during the day, ‘cause it’s kind of like a little break.  When they need a little break in the day, they put on Scoots and he…ideally, I make things feel okay.  So, that’s the structure of the show.  As far as rules go, we don’t really have any rules.  There’s a lot of different ways to use this show, but here’s a couple things you need; you don’t need to listen to me, so don’t feel bad if you fall asleep right away or if you change the volume or the speed of the show.  Don’t worry about those things.  Those are perfectly natural ways to do it.  What was my point, though?  Oh, there’s no wrong way to…oh, you don’t need to listen to me.  That was point one.  Two, no pressure to fall asleep.  I really want you to know I’m here…the reason the shows are over an hour is to give you plenty of time to drift off as you need it, so no pressure to fall asleep, no pressure to pay strict or close attention, ‘cause yeah, I’m gonna be here for a while.  But yeah, ease into sleep.  That’s why the shows are made an hour.  The episodes are complete ‘cause I make this show just as much for the people that fall asleep in the first few minutes as I do for the people who can’t sleep at all.  I’m here to keep you…if you say Scoots, I got…whatever, I got a birthday tomorrow and I can’t…I say don’t worry, I’m gonna be here all the way to the end to keep you company.  That’s really my job.  Whether you hear me or not, I’m here for you.  That’s really what the show’s about, mainly to take your mind off of stuff.  There’s no pressure to fall asleep or no pressure to listen ‘cause I’m here to walk at your side as you drift off at your leisure.  The reason I make the show, and you’ll be hearing this in a totally different time than when I’m making this, but the show just had actually a big anniversary for sleep…people that…with sleep stuff.  It’s…was the spring ahead a couple days ago.  So, this is the show’s…I think…so, 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, and 2019.  It’s our sixth spring ahead, and that’s kind of a big deal because springing ahead is…it SUCKS!  Exclamation point, all caps and bolded.  So, it’s really my honor to make this…get past the sixth springing ahead.  Now, not everyone in the world has this daylight savings time, they call it.  There are pluses to it.  I don’t…again, people debate why don’t we keep it, or whatever.  It does make us…it changes the time; you go ahead an hour.  Usually it’s Saturday night, Sunday morning.  Sunday morning, technically, around 2:00 AM or something.  It becomes 3:00 AM or 1:00…I don’t actually understand it myself.  It tends to just not be easy for people, not only because it changes your sleep, it changes the time.  It changes your relationship with daylight, initially, depending on what time you’re…your schedule.  It also just, for me, it makes me think about stuff.  It makes me think oh boy, I didn’t real…that’s what happened to me.  I was on a elevator at a hotel when I saw the sign.  It was on my general radar of things I forget about.  Then of course, I never know the date.  So I said, is that next Saturday?  No, they wouldn’t have a Xerox photocopy of a clock from Print Shop Deluxe ‘97 or whatever up on this elevator.  So I said maybe that’s…and then I said what day is it?  ‘Cause I was at a conference, and it was Fri…and I said oh no, that’s tomorrow.  I said well, I’ll still be here tomorrow, so it looks like I’m springing ahead.  I said oh great, ‘cause I was already on the East Coast, so my time was…I live on the West Coast.  Oh, so what’s daylight savings?  It’s when you move your clocks ahead an hour.  Keeps us on our toes.  I think that’s the official…from the daylight savings office.  They say daylight savings time keeps you on your toes.  Good for getting on your kids’ nerves if they have to go to bed and the sun’s still up, since whatever friggen year we invented this thing.  So for me, and this is just an example of why I make the show, ‘cause I’ve been there.  I guess I’m not trying to rehash any of this stuff, but it’s…I guess it’s far in the past.  Oh, that’s kinda my point, is…okay, so I had…then I had a four-hour time change ‘cause I was already on East Coast time.  Then it springs ahead and again.  But I was kinda used to it, but then also, I was leaving on a Monday morning, very early, on a flight.  So, I had to be up around 5:30 AM.  I know a lot of you can relate to this.  So, then a lot of different mech…internal mechanisms started.  Gears started…winding would be an inaccurate term.  Grinding, moaning, those type of things.  ‘Cause I said okay, how many alarms do I need to set?  How much sleep am I gonna…?  Those kinda things.  We call them brain bots.  I won’t talk…I won’t dig too deep, except to tell you that I wish the part of me that went through all that that’s here with you now, the time traveler, could have said to me at the moment, that night around 7:00 when I was like a pinball bouncing…I said hey, Scoots, listen; don’t worry.  Yeah, you’re gonna…you’re trying to go to bed between 10:30 and 11:30.  I realize with the springing ahead and everything, that’s confusing.  Even if you fall asleep at 12:30, that’ll be about five hours.  You’ll hopefully get a decent…you can also sleep…you got a six-hour flight, so you’ll be able to sleep on the plane a little bit.  I don’t think you’ll be too…you’ll sleep on the plane a little bit, you’ll get home, and then you could just go to bed early at your normal bedtime, and I think it’ll work out.  I mean, I realize it’s very intense and I realize you have valid concerns about your alarms and getting up and getting to the…it’s…that’s…it’s not easy.  But I just want to be here in a…I can’t do that for myself.  That’s why I do it for you, to say hey, I just want to take your mind off of stuff.  It’s gonna be…one, your concerns are valid and it’s not easy when you’re thinking about all this stuff.  But here, I’m gonna be here to kinda take your mind off of stuff, tell you a story.  I guess even I’m resistant to someone saying don’t worry, it’s gonna be fine.  Sometimes that…even if it was me telling myself.  There’s one way to do it.  There’s another way to do it, to be like, what if?  Some…a breath of relief, a breath of fresh air, to say hey, I think it’s gonna be okay.  Or, I don’t know what the right wording is, ‘cause even then I say why don’t you mind your own business?  You say well, actually I’m a part of yourself from the future.  Just telling you, you slept two hours on the plane; it was great.  You were still able to get four hours of work done on the plane and sleep two hours.  Then you had an hour bart ride where you got another hour of work done.  Then you got home, you got everything done, then you went to bed at 9:30.  So, but I just…I think it’s gonna…it’s okay.  It’s okay to be concerned, yeah.  So that’s…I don’t know if that’s quite the essence of the show.  I don’t know if that’s quite the essence of the show, but I just want you to know that I go through that kinda stuff and I don’t know, I don’t know if that’s what you’re here looking for, especially if you’re new, is a caring, colder shifter,  a caring shoulder-kisser.  I kiss my own shoulders, but I also encourage you to kiss your shoulders.  That does sound like a punchline on a…what do you call those things?  Sitcom, though.  Kiss your own shoulders, Bert.  Say actually, as part of my self-care routine, I will.  Thank you.  Maybe when they leave the restaurant, they say don’t forget to kiss your own shoulders.  That could be a sign above an…a restaurant.  That would be an interesting place to eat.  Karen’s Carin’.  That would…what we’d call it.  Karen’s Carin’ Carin’, ‘cause there’s also CA…I don’t even know what that is.  But anyway, the main message I wanted to let you know is the reason I make the show is ‘cause I want to help.  Now, this podcast doesn’t work for everybody but the majority of listeners, which is a lot that I hear from, listen to two or…said that it took two or three times ‘til I realized this podcast is a bit different.  It takes a couple times to get…where you say oh, wait a second, I get it ‘cause I don’t understand it.  So, if you’re new, give it a few tries.  If you dislike the podcast, go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou.  That’s a option for people that it doesn’t work for.  It has other sleep podcasts, other things I use, but the main thing I wanted you to know is I’m here to help.  I work very hard, I yearn and I strive, and I’d really like to help you fall asleep.  I appreciate you coming by.  If you’re a regular listener, you’re still with me as you’re drifting off, these are a few of the ways we keep the show going.

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature, routine.  What else?  Try to take your mind off whatever’s keeping you awake…oh, could be anything physical coming up for you, anything you’re thinking about, or anything you’re experiencing emotionally, or anything else that’s not those things.  Sometimes a particularly well-sleeping partner nearby.  I’m here to…I say well, that’s not exactly the most sleepiest thing for me.  Am I right or am I right?  Elbow, elbow, elbow.  Excuse me with your wonderful sleeping, lovely face, so relaxed.  We’re here trying to get to sleep, too.  But actually, I’m…believe it or not, I’m really here to take your mind off of all that.  What I’m gonna do is I got this safe place where we can speak in somewhat of confidence, a faux…it really is a safe place, but there are faux and imagined elements to it.  Just like Main Street USA; am I right or am I right?  It’s…feels cool, also has faux elements.  Nothing wrong with some faux elements.  Actually, faux elements, that may be a new word we may have to repurpose, ‘cause that is a sleep podcast word, faux…especially if it’s one word; fauxelements.  So, hopefully I’ll remember that and we can come back to it.  Also, I can hear elephants saying are…Scoots, are you gonna talk about us?  ‘Cause it’s very similar.  I’d say, what do you…what species is a pink elephant from that movie that I saw as a kid and when I was half-asleep?  Were those fauxelements?  The pink flying ones, or whatever.