Bedtime stories to help grown ups fall asleep in the deep, dark night.

Episode 1360 – Bernie the Butterfly on Cat on Yarn

[START OF RECORDING]

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcast that’s here…if you're new, this is the podcast to keep you company, like a friend in the deep, dark night, a silly, goofy friend. So, I’m really glad you're here to listen to this podcast. It is a bit different, but I hope the show — particularly this episode coming up — is…first I’m gonna have a long, meandering intro talking about a bunch of…I don't know, talking about the structure of the show and stuff like that, and then later on we’ll have a butterfly on to tell us a story about kitty cats and kitty cats listening to boy bands. I don't know…I mean, I don't know if we’ve ever made anything…is that the definitely of cute? I’m not sure, but welcome to Sleep With Me if you're new.

I’m really glad you're here, and I love making this podcast. So yeah, if you're new, by the way…so, this is like a hello. This is where I say hello, then later…then we’ll have some support and then we’ll have a long, meandering intro which is meant to help ease you into bedtime. If you don’t like the intros, we also have another show with just stories called Bedtime Stories from Sleep With Me, but most people like getting eased into bedtime through the intro. It’s kinda like hanging out with a goofy friend. Then there will be our guest, Bernie the butterfly. Yeah, he’ll talk about kitty cats. It should be great. Bernie’s a bit different, just like I am, but I’m glad you're here. This is different. This is a sleep podcast, but it’s a sleep podcast not meant to talk you to sleep but to keep you company, and then you just fall asleep while I’m talking to you.

So, I’m really glad you're here, and…yeah. If you become a long-term listener, I’d love you to be a part of the show. Reach out to me. Or if you support the show, I’ll reach back out to you. I’ll send you a thank-you video. But yeah, reach out. I want you to be a part…feel like you're a part of something here, because you are, 'cause we get through the deep, dark night together. So, thanks so much, and here’s…if you're interested in helping the show out, I’ll talk about a couple ways you could do it or a couple companies that support the show. Thanks.

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. Or, I could distract you from whatever’s keeping you awake. Yeah, so, you could set it aside. I guess I already…I got distracted. I don't even know what I got distract…I changed up the language there just to let you know how important it is, how important I consider my job of just distract…being a mild distraction is a job I take serious.

So, I’m really glad you're here, but now I forgot how my own podcast goes even though I’ve made quite a few episodes. Are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble…? Well, welcome, this is Sleep With Me, the podcast to put you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. I don't know what part I got…all you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. That could be thoughts on your mind, things you're thinking about. You might have thoughts about the past, the present, the future, lots of thoughts at the same time, life rehearsal thoughts.

You might have a lot of thoughts at bedtime, particularly thoughts where you're not…you say, couldn't we…? I never understand that; I say, can't…couldn't we have covered this during the day today? You forgot. Oh, also, we should talk about all the stuff you…and I say, oh boy, but I’m just trying to go to sleep here. Can't you see I’m cozied up? I say, yeah, but we gotta cover…oh no, really? Do we really need to? Do we really…? Oh yeah, we do. So, those are some thoughts, then sometimes there’s feelings related to those thoughts, or there could be just feelings that are just there, feelings left over from the day…feelings.

According to mindfulness, my thoughts…and according to my observations…oh boy, that’s when I…they say, on a scale of one to ten, how would you describe the appearances of your thoughts and…? I’d say, oh boy…say, sir, that’s not on the scale. I’d say, I know, but I’m having a lot of thoughts and…why…? Right now I’m having thoughts and feelings about performance pressure about answering this imaginary survey about a feelings scale. Well, sir, that’s good information. We’ll get…I guess that was…another Northern European institute just dialed in through my…I don't know how they get access to my imagination like that, but they're there. So far they only observe, which is…I say, can't you do any work while you're in there? Oh no, sir, we're just taking note. Right, but couldn't you do some rearranging?

Don’t you got some sort of the Northern European institute system? Oh no, sir, we're still gathering data. Okay, well, that’s not gonna help me. Well, sir, we're not…we may…we're gonna use this information to help other people. Okay, well, that’s great for the other…that’s great for the other people. Believe it or not, I have a podcast that works the same way. I use the things, my thoughts, my feelings, all those other things that keep me up in the deep, dark night to help other people out and to just normalize it for you. So, it could be…it could also be physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, routine, you could be going through something, getting over something, in the middle of something. Whatever it is, I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of it, which is different.

But the reason I do it — I kinda alluded to it earlier — is I’ve been there, right? I know what it’s like not to be able to fall asleep, not to be able to get back to sleep, to really, strongly desire going to sleep or to wake up, wake up too early; that was today. I also know what it’s like when you tell somebody else that sleep’s fine, and they kinda…they don’t mean to brush it off or to make you feel small, to make you feel small or like you're from another world, but they…sometimes they do, even…some people are good at that kind of stuff, but most people, they got their own stuff going on. So, they just say, huh…I’ve done this before, but this is really what they say; are your eyes closed when you're trying all this stuff?

By the way, I’ve said this before; if someone asks you a question like that — I’m not judging them — there’s not a right answer. They say, well, are you…you're breathing through your nose or your mouth? Just…there’s gotta be a way to…I guess this is where I’m trying to improve my skills. There’s gotta be a question you could ask them back, 'cause if you answer it, they're gonna say, essentially you're doing it wrong. They'll use fancier terms than that. Say, are you breathing through your mouth or your nose? That’s a question that in the imaginary sleep podcast making-up stuff business we call a…I don't know, a pre-loaded question? I don't know. It’s like sleep-splaining. But what the person doesn't know, even that person who’s kinda like…knows a lot about nothing…say, are your eyes closed?

No matter what, I’ve learned; if you say ‘yes’, wrong. If you say ‘no’, wrong. If you have a time machine and you return to that moment and answer the question the opposite way…but what they don’t know is what it feels like. They know for them how it feels, but they don’t know what it feels like on the inside when you can't sleep, how it feels in the deep, dark night, and how it feels to have somebody not get it and that it doesn't feel good. But you can feel good here if you wish. If you think you can…if you think you want to stick around and check this show out, there’s no pressure to even do that. This is a podcast not just…there’s no pressure to even like me, and I make the podcast. You could just see. Give this episode three tries and see what happens.

But the thing is that the real goal of the podcast is that you don’t feel as alone anymore, without this being cloying or manipulative or false, that in a real way you don’t feel as alone anymore, because you know there’s people out there that I get to be the mouthpiece for or represent, listeners of Sleep With Me and other sleep podcasts, of people that are kinda stuck in the nighttime, and they know how it feels. It doesn't just feel lonely, and there’s some feelings that are maybe not even possible to put into words, but that’s okay 'cause we're together. It doesn't make it go away, right, and I’m not here to fight those feelings, either.

I’m here to kinda take their…I’m kinda here to keep them company and barely entertain them just like I’m here to do for you, but also let you know whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, there’s enough people listening to this show and other sleep podcasts that…there’s other people out there that have been through something really similar and are really pulling for you, and that one day, maybe if you become a regular listener of this show, you'll be pulling for that new person just like that person, that listener, is pulling for you right now. ‘Cause there’s people that are listening that are nodding their heads and smiling and feeling those good feelings that they're giving out to you as a gift and as a connection. This is something we share, and it’s a positive-negative or a negative-positive or whatever.

It’s like…and it’s important for me to point that out over and over and over again. I don't feel like I could point it out enough. So, that’s what I’m really here to do so that ideally this podcast helps you out or something else, and that you could get the sleep you need and you deserve so your life could be more manageable tomorrow and you could be out there living your life. If you're out there living your life, that means our world’s…it’s true; our world’s a better place with you in it and you being able to live your life a little bit fuller. So, what I do is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, which means my voice is not traditionally soothing, and I go off topic, I get mixed up, I have Northern European institutes checking in, taking note, asking…doing a survey in my brain while I’m talking.

I say a lot of stuff that doesn't necessarily make a whole lot of sense. Also when you get here, you may be skeptical or doubtful. I mean, the more you listen to me, the more your skepticism and doubt and maybe even irritation might grow, and that’s okay. I’m not here…I’m here to win your trust but not to win you over. I don't know if that makes sense, right? This show isn't gonna work for everybody, and by the way, if it doesn't work for you, I have a website set up with other podcasts on there, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, so you could find something else that’ll help you out. At this point in 2025, there’s tons and tons and tons of versions of sleep podcasts, so check some of those out.

But I hope this is the show that can help you out, because this show’s different than everything else out there, 'cause it only works for the people it works for, right? The other styles work for other people, too. So, that’s…I don't know, that’s the spirit of connection, right? It’s like, if this particular personality and style doesn't work for you after you give it a few tries…or some dudes are 100% certain right now, so that’s fine, too. Maybe you'll find something, too, on that list of shows or just out there in the world. But I don't want you to leave here without knowing you deserve a good night's sleep. When you get to a sleep podcast, you're gonna be skeptical and doubtful, and that’s smart, because why wouldn't you be?

If you've had trouble sleeping like me most of your life, if you've tried a bunch of stuff that costs a lot of money, if you tried a lot of stuff that costs a lot of effort or you've been told that you're doing it wrong over and over and over again, it kinda wears on you, right, on top of not being able to sleep, and then you find something that…somebody said, man, this podcast is great. It’s called Sleep With Me. It’s a sleep podcast. You come with a expectation, and this show is different than most expectations. It’s gonna take some time for me to win your trust over, like build rapport if I can, but that doesn't mean I can. But give it a few tries. See how it goes. That’s what most regular listeners say. At the first two or three tries, they were like, what is this guy going on about?

He doesn't seem to know anything, but he keeps talking. Eventually some people move on, but then people are like, oh wait, but I fell asleep at some point. I don't even know when; like thirty minutes into the show, then I woke up the next day. ‘Cause I’m really just here to be your friend talking. Like, it’s a podcast you just barely listen to, and it’s a sleep podcast that doesn't put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep. There is no pressure to fall asleep with this show. I’m gonna be here over an hour, but I’m not here to put you to sleep. There’s people who are listening who can't sleep at all, so I’m here…I’m gonna be here to the very end of the show whether you're awake or asleep, and you don’t have to worry, oh, when’s the show gonna end? It’s over an hour. That’s on purpose.

I’m just gonna be here rambling and rambling and rambling as your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your neigh-bore, your bore-bie, your bores, your boreman, your Borlaf, your bore…I had some other terms, but I always forget what they are…your bore-sib, your bore-cuz, your bore-bruh, your best bore-friend e’va. I’m here to keep you company just like if you called me or you FaceTime me; say, hey, talk to me about nothing, man. But you can't say that exactly. Say, hey, tell me about…isn't there a butterfly you're friends with who lives in your backyard that moved in with you? Oh yeah, I haven't told you about that before? Yeah, could you tell me a story about that? Well, I could have him on. Yeah, I could put him on the phone if you want. He’s my…yeah, my butterfly neighbor, Bernie. Really?

So, you're friends…? Oh, yeah. I mean, we're not friends; we're more like friendly, but yeah, he’s a butterfly. Does he like Reading Rainbow? No; that’s actually funny you say that. He does not like Reading Rainbow. He likes sport drinks. Really? Your friend…? Yeah, yeah. So, I’ll just talk about him for about forty minutes or so. Or actually, I’ll talk about him for ten, and then he’s gonna come on and talk about kitty cats for a while. Oh, okay. But yeah, you don’t really have to pay attention or listen to me. I’ll just keep talking and rambling on and on and on. So, yeah. Oh, okay. Well, that’s good. So, that’s kinda how the show works. It’s a podcast you don’t listen to, it doesn't put you to sleep, keeps you company while you fall asleep…or some people listen 'cause they can't sleep at all or they need a break during the day.

The only other thing is the structure of the show, which is intentional. This show kinda has three phases; the greeting phase, friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, where I kinda warm you up to the podcast and welcome you in, then there’s support so paying for the podcast is optional — that’s a lot of people’s preferred way of listening — and then there’s a long, meandering intro that comes after the support, totally separate from the support…we're already twenty minutes into or so, and the intro is meant to ease you into bedtime for like fifteen to twenty-five minutes where I just talk about the structure of the show in a very inefficient way to ease you into bedtime. Then there will be our bedtime story.

So, most people like listening to this ad-supported version and winding down, getting ready for bed, or chilling out during this intro part, and then they fall asleep during the story, or they…and they set a sleep timer, or some people don’t. Some people listen all night. I usually suggest if you listen all night to do a ad-free version, but…yeah, and then some people listen to the episodes in twenty or thirty-minute chunks or whatever, and you could do that all in your podcast app. But if you prefer something without these wind-downs, we got Bedtime Stories from Sleep With Me that just has the stories. But when you're new, try this out, because getting…having a bedtime routine and a wind down has really worked for me most of the time, and a lot other people. It doesn't work for everybody.

It doesn't mean you have to do it, but try it and see. So yeah, that’s kinda the structure of the show and why it’s kinda like…'cause we want to bring you in and ease you into bedtime, I guess. Yeah, I already said that four or five times, right? So, I don't know, I guess that’s it. I’m really glad you're here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive. I really hope I can help you fall asleep. I appreciate you checking the show out if you're new. Regular listeners, welcome back. Couldn't do it without all of you. I’m really happy you're here and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks so much for listening, and here are a couple ways we're able to do this for you regularly. Thanks.

Alright everybody, Scoots here, and this is a episode of the podcast I didn’t expect to be making two episodes about. But it’s interesting 'cause I gotta return to the comforting chair on Thursday because of an unexpected popcorn incident. So, I didn’t even think about that. So, this episode was originally supposed to be…this is a companion episode because I did an episode related to the posters of kitty cats where they're hanging from branches saying, ‘Oh, oh snuggles’ or ‘Oh dear’, or ‘Hang on’, or ‘You're doing great’. I can't remember what the one at my comforting chair place said, the old place where they shine your shiners. But it probably said ‘Hang on’ or ‘You're doing great’, or ‘Don’t…’ I don't think it said ‘Don’t forget to smile’, but that would have been ironic.

‘Cause you say, oh, that’s interesting, 'cause is the cat supposed to be smiling? Maybe the cat feels how I feel right now? So, this episode, even though I introduced Bernie the butterfly on the other episode, this episode will feature Bernie the butterfly. I’m only laughing 'cause last time he didn’t show up to the…an episode that he was supposed to host. So, this is the second time I’m introducing him, but I’m sure he’s listening right now, or I’m ninety percent sure that he will show up. So, I do…and I did remember some positive things that I didn’t say about Bernie the last time. So, a few things to know about Bernie. So, Bernie is a butterfly. He seems to be from the New York area, but he doesn't like to talk about the past. He first appeared on Sleep With Me a long, long time ago.

But a couple other things that are important for you to know; Bernie loves boy bands and sport drinks. Against all advice about butterflies and…we have tried to limit his sport drinks, 'cause I said, you're not a hummingbird. ‘Cause I mean, even a hummingbird you shouldn't give sport drinks to, right? But, you know, use your imagination. Bernie loves sport drinks, and I don't…it’s my fault, I guess. But if you're listening, don’t ever give a butterfly a sport…don’t give anybody…don’t give sport drinks to non-humans unless someone says, oh yeah, give that…I can't imagine that’s ever been a good idea, but that’s how we got here. So, Bernie loves sport drinks and boy bands and not much else. I mean…oh, and nature. Bernie…the reason Bernie first came on the show was…I don't even know what brought it on. Should I…?

I guess I could give you the whole…so, Bernie was a butterfly. We covered that. We first crossed paths…I don't know if it was before or after I started the podcast, 'cause that’s kind of a blur. When you meet a sentient butterfly…I guess in your mind, you're probably picturing, holy cow, that’d be great, right? Or, I have so many questions and the butterfly’s…you know. It didn’t go like that. I didn’t expect to meet a butterfly, especially that talked a bit like a cab driver from a 19…I guess not even a B movie from the 1950s to ‘80s or something, or Buster Poindexter in Scrooged. But I guess if you're wondering, that’s probably…they probably have a lot to do with each other. I mean, maybe I’ve thought of it before. Buster Poindexter also played someone in The Little Mermaid, right? Or am I wrong about that? Don’t know.

Okay, so Bernie…I met him in the backyard of the…well, not the backyard; a place I lived when I started the podcast. Wow, this could be…I mean, he’s gonna be…I don't know if he’ll be upset with me that I’m using up so much of his time or happy. Either way, I’m doing…not doing…okay, so…but once upon a time, I lived in a different apartment that I live in now, and it was a part…where I live…whatever, a lot of homes got changed into apartments, right? So, it was probably a home at some point that was divided into four one-bedroom apartments. I lived on…in one of the two ground-floor apartments, and I had a door that opened up to the back driveway, and there was a little bit of grass and stuff, and that’s how Koa would go to the bathroom, right? There was one parking spot for each apartment.

Then…but next door was an empty lot, and at different times we tried to plant stuff there, but then it was…I think it was owned by more than one person. So, I don't know. Anyway, so, that’s where I met Bernie, in that lot. It was like…especially for a urban area, you don’t see a lot of wild lots. So, this was a wild lot. I met him there, a butterfly. Now, at some point…again, some of this is foggy. If you listen to the archives of the podcast, you might find out more. Bernie came on the podcast. Now, I’m just gonna talk about what I remember now, because I’m always wrong, but it’s…that’s…you know, that’s okay. That’s what making a sleep podcast is about. What I remember is Bernie’s episode was called Nature Talks Back or something, and he would say ba-boom, you know?

I think…I don't know how we filled almost an hour with the intro…forty minutes, 'cause I thought he only came on here to talk about his displeasure with LeVar Burton, who we love, by the way…I love, and Reading Rainbow. He was just very unhappy with the fact butterflies in the sky…I can fly twice and high. I think he just wanted…that’s all I really remember. From there…now, this was a very important moment in the history of the podcast because there was something I’ve never called before…but I guess I would call it the Bernie Effect. This predates Bernie…it doesn't predate the other Bernie, the famous one, but we're talking 2013, maybe 2014 when Bernie the butterfly came on the podcast. So, this wasn’t a pop-culture thing. It was just a butterfly named Bernie. Very alliterative, luckily.

But the Bernie Effect was Ray, my neighbor Ray, would have never gone on the…I’m not even kidding. So, this is…this may be new news to listeners. I think I’ve talked about it before, but maybe not. Ray would have never gone on the podcast. I would have never invited him to be a guest if it wasn’t for the Bernie Effect, which was…so, when I make these podcasts, right, I record it, and I’m listening to myself while I’m recording it. Then in…especially in the early days, as soon as I was done recording it, it would go into editing, because I was recording episodes days or hours before they would come out. So, when you're editing it, you probably have to listen to the episode…like, you're editing it and then you listen to it again after you edit it at least once. Back then, probably only once, but ideally it gets listened to a few times.

You say, okay…and this was the first episode where I was like, hm, this is different for a sleep…even though sleep podcasts weren't a thing back then, even then I’m like, huh, this is different for a sleep podcast…I would say a I-L-L mannered or a temperatured butterfly coming on a podcast that’s supposed to put people to sleep. It even got feedback. Now, the feedback was…at first I thought it was not-positive feedback, but it was actually just that Bernie, because he was from the New York metropolitan area or sounded like it, he reminded people of people in their lives from that area, and maybe the people had the same type of disposition as Bernie. But I immediately took it as, oh boy, I gotta find some way to balance out the energy in the podcast.

I just happened to know my neighbor Ray…he really is…it turns out…now, Bernie and Ray are very close. Bernie lives with both of us. But you think…I was like…I’m like, what’s the lifespan of the butterfly, man? Come on, already. But he couldn't hear that; he went upstairs, so…but it was true. I say, wait a second…I googled…it’s like, top Google searches for Scooter; lifespan of a butterfly. He’s googled that 11,000 times. So, a little…that’s a little butterfly humor. But so, I had Ray on because I said, Ray is the most positive, well-adjusted person I’ve ever met, and he only sees…I mean, well, he’s not perfect, but he really sees a lot of the good in things. So, I had him on right away — I’m not even kidding — as soon as I got that feedback and I listened to the episode.

‘Cause Sleep With Me is about taking what…a idea of a bedtime story, right, and staying right on the…seeing where we could take that concept. It’s always been about that, even back then, and then parsing and then being like, what’s…you know, who’s…? But always exploring the idea of what it is. So, the idea of Bernie…having Bernie on fit the thing. But, I don't know. So, it got…it ended up we got two great things out of it. Now, Bernie doesn't come on that often because, I mean…well, you'll know soon enough. But he does tend to be a fan favorite. But it’s also like…I don't know, you can't have…I don't know who…I don't even think…I can't even think of a celebrity other than Bernie the butterfly that fits…where you're like, yeah, every four years…I love it. He does do some parade coverage, but…I just don’t know.

We couldn't produce more than occasional Bernie episodes. So, that being said, the reason Bernie’s here today…well, it’s twofold because we had a new…we’ve…we have a new way of random…we have a new randomizer for the stories to test out, and this whole cat thing…I said, wait a second, cats and Bernie…he would want…he’s gonna have some opinions. So, I think that’s it. So, Bernie is a butterfly and he’s from…I don't know, he’s…but he does sound like a cab driver. But without further ado, I’m gonna let Bernie take it over. Bernie, you're supposed to talk about cats, kitty cats, hanging from…you're supposed to tell a story, right?

The ladies and gentlemen, the boys and girls, the friends beyond the binary, it’s Bernie the butterfly here. Good to sees alls of yous. Yeah, I’m a butterfly. Right now I was in a pretty good mood ‘til this guy just keeps talking and talking and talking. I said, holy mackerel, what, are you gonna keep talking? I thought I was gonna be on the show. Also, by the way, he said I didn’t show up to his recording. Like, I’m a butterfly on…I’m not a butterfly…this isn't BSS, Bernie’s Streaming Service, BOD; butterfly on demand. I’m not just gonna show up. Sometimes I need to take a nap or something. When you're the most…the butterfly with the most longevity in the history of the world…he just rolled his…you don’t think I heard that up there? Yeah, I heard that. I heard what you were saying about mes.

So, anyway, I’m here on the show. I appreciate it. I appreciate Scooter and Ray’s friendship even though they said, butterfly…they have this whole thing with the sport drinks. I said, that’s fine. Kirkland’s fine with me, or whatever store brand. They said, it’s not the cost of the…I said, Powerade, Gatorade, like Adam on Night Water, Lucozade. I’d like to have some…I mean, they said, the bubbles, Bernie…but they said butterflies aren't supposed to have this. I said, butterflies, right? Like generally butterflies; not me. I guess you could say the proof’s in the pudding, 'cause who’s laughing? So, save your letters for other things. Oh, don’t feed butter…this…it’s not butterflies. He’s not…Scooter’s not saying give butterflies sport drinks. Every time I see a butterfly, I say, oh, no, no, don’t get any ideas over there.

Go eat the butterflies. I’m different. I mean, there’s no other butterflies named Bernie the butterfly. So, there’s that, okay? So, I’m here. I’m glad to be here to put you to sleep in your ears. Some of you might be going, what’s going on over here? I’d say, well, it’s good to be here. I’m talking as calm as I can, 'cause Scooter said, okay, we’ll make a trip to Costco if you can stay calm and record the episode and you show up. So I said, Scooter, don't worry, I’m a expert. I know what I’m doing. So, just give me the microphone and I’ll take it from there. So, my name’s Bernie. I’m a butterfly. I’m here. Scooter wants me to read these phonetic sentences and come up with a story, but I told him I already…I said, holy…tell me what you want me…oh, a kitty cat on a picture. Oh boy, ain't that cute?

Don’t you know anything about cats and butterflies, podcast boy? We used to call him Pod Boy. I said, you want a butterfly to come on here and tell a nice story about a cat? I’m a butterfly. I got wings, I’m gentle, I’m delicate, and luckily I live in a home. I’m not out there like my…the rest of my people. But you could be around sniffing a flower, maybe looking at a caterpillar, saying, hey, how you doing? Don't worry, one day you'll be like me, maybe. I don't know what you are, if you're a butterfly, a caterpillar, or something else, but I’m a butterfly, not a scientist. But…and then a kitty cat could be…now, it’s usually a cat. Kitty cats we can usually…so, Scooter said, oh…he made one of his noises. He makes…you wouldn't believe the noises he makes like that.

But he said, actually, yeah, I’d like you to tell a story about…that’s kinda like when he calls somebody about his…anything. Hello? Could…? His voice changes. So, when he does…when he wants you to do something…do you think you could pick up the Gatorade bottles? I say, oh boy, there’s mama Scooter coming in. That’s not the Pod Boy. Okay, but so, he says to me, yeah, can you do a episode about the cats? But he did it in his voice, right? But I gotta remember to keep in my voice. Keep it calm, Bernie. Keep it calm, keep it slow, so I can get my Kirkland Signature on. Oh boy, thirty…I think it’s a thirty pack there, and a variety. Man, ice…I’ll have a lukewarm, ice-cold…it tastes different, you know? They taste different to me. But he said, okay, could you just use these phonetic sentences and the cat?

It’s about a cute kitty cat and it’s on a poster. I said, I’m familiar. I’m familiar with the glorification of cats in your culture. I mean, I don't get it. Butterflies, what are we…? We're only good for symbolism, right, or metaphors. Butterflies are people…I mean, we're not people too, but…and most butterflies aren't like me, right? I was imbued with powers beyond my understanding. But if you think it’s easy being a longevity butterfly with thought and feelings, you're probably like me. You're like…you're a human. I have human qualities that was bestowed upon me, apparently. But I don't even know. That’s…I’m just running on assumption. But anyway, Scooter does say please. He explains to me; it’ll help people fall asleep. You could just tell a story about cats. I said, about a cat poster. One, it’s not about a cat.

It’s a kitty cat, and it’s a kitty cat poster. He said, okay, well, if you're willing to do that, I think we could agree. Then he told me a bunch of times and places to be. I said, whoa, whoa, whoa. Again, like I said, I’m gonna…I said, I’m not even ready to pencil it in. ‘Cause people…I know these listeners, they love me. I get it; Ray, he’s a people pleaser. But having me on is kinda like an honor. They say in the song, on your honor, on your artwork. Scooter doesn't explain that enough. In the song at the beginning of the show, it’s on your honor, on your artwork. I don't know why I wanted to clear that up. But so, I’m here for nature to talk back, but I ain't gonna talk bad about cats. I’m gonna tell you a story, because cats are just out there doing their best. Really, it’s humans…now, what are the good qualities about humans that I like?

I mean, Scooter and Ray, not bad. Tommen…what’s Tommen’s fake name? I forgot…and the Gregor. Mikey…Tommen goes…I mean, he’s…we still call him Tommen, but he’s supposed to go by Mikey, 'cause Scooter said, you're not allowed to take fictional characters out into the real world, apparently. Okay, so, here I am, Bernie the butterfly. I’m gonna tell you a story, right? So, sit back, get comfortable, 'cause once upon a time, a long, long time ago, there was a world just like ours. Now, there’s a world of cats and there’s a world of people, right? Now, you may not…but now I’m bridging it. You know, you say, okay, I’m hearing a butterfly tell me a bedtime story. I could also believe in this story about kitty cats. Now, once upon a time…oh, I gotta look at these sentences. Sorry.

Scooter’s…so, apparently these are sentences…something about phonemic…something. Speech-quality measurements? What are you talking about? Are you gonna rate my quality of my speech? Okay, so, I’m gonna use this here; the birch canoe slid on the smooth planks over there. The birch canoe slid on the smooth planks. Oh boy, did it. Holy cow. Yeah, this is where our story begins, on a placid pond where a birch canoe is floating across the pond. In that canoe is a radio and a couple of humans listening to the radio. This just happened to be a time that you may not be familiar with, because it’s imaginary over here.

But it was a time before New Kids on the Block, which if anybody knows, there’s ain't nothing…you say…I mean, there’s some things; minuto…there’s…but pre-New Kids on the Block, you gotta do…you gotta work at it, you know? Oh, when we're talking about…well, we're talking about what’s important at this point; boy bands, right? Okay, but this was an imaginary time before that where there just happened to be a band a bit like New Kids on the Block playing on the canoe on a radio. This canoe was paddling and going through…but, you know, on a peaceful pond, sound carries. Not across…not far across the pond there was construction going on.

Now, the construction going on was a home to a bunch of cats, but they didn’t actually…this was…it was a cabin, right, at a state park that was normally rented out, and the cats just happened to live under the cabin. I mean, it was pretty nice. They had it set up. They had been there a while, and they knew what they were doing. These weren't just your regular cats, 'cause they were in a story. I mean, they wouldn't be in a story if they were just regular cats. You know what I’m saying? You got these guys, these humans, working on the house. They're obviously like normal humans; they know everything. Oh boy, do they. They're like, check it out over there with the canoe. They got that band with the kids singing and dancing over there.

It’s making me…I’m trying to glue the sheet to the dark-blue background over here, and I’m…and the other guy’s like, oh yeah, yeah, pass it over here. I’ll glue the sheet to the dark-blue background over here. They say, yeah, yeah, what are they singing about, popcorn and ice cream or something? I thought they…I thought they were singing about first dates. But there was something…I think it was the popcorn and the ice cream…that there was a bunch of kittens under the house. Now, these weren't baby kittens, but they weren't…the closest thing you could say to like…they had entered the age where the magic of boy bands…okay, by the way, when I say ‘boy bands’, I am…I realize it’s a very restrictive term.

As a butterfly, I transcend…so, I’m using it as a gen…even though it’s a specific term, I’m using it in a general way, because not all…I think you know what I’m saying. I’m not just saying boy bands have…you know what I’m saying? I’m saying boy bands as…but I don't know what else to use, because it just…anyway, I just want to point that out. It doesn't have to be boys in a boy band. I’m trying to capture the essence of it. But so, these kitty cats, right, they hear something…oh, but they were just getting older, you know, and not quite ready to be out on their own, but also ready to be out on their own. They said…they started listening to the guys working on the cabin, and it was a bit of a thing for them because they were wondering, right, what’s going on with this cabin?

Most of the time, people come for four or five days. Now these humans, they never…they think, oh, I rent a cabin at the state park. It gives me the run of the land. I’m gonna eat my popcorn and I’m gonna…you ever watch a human eat popcorn? Holy moly. I know you're humans, but do yourself a…I mean, I don't know, maybe you don’t want to do yourself a favor. All yous have different ways of eating popcorn that’s…I mean, what are you doing? That’s all I could say when I’m watching yous. ‘Cause I say, isn't it supposed to…? What are you doing? You guys need…not a bib but some sort of saucer around you, 'cause you're either putting too much in there or not enough, and you miss it most of the time.

But so, this worked for these cats, right, because then the people would go there, rent a place for five days, they'd leave, and you got your Pringles, you got your popcorn, you got your s’mores ingredients. Now, these cats were smart enough to avoid anything they weren't supposed to eat, but it was kinda like paradise for them, and it was…it had the whole setup, right? A very temperate environment. They lived in a three-season type of place. So, this cabin was…underneath the cabin was paradise. It was a foundation, but it didn’t have no…what do you call it? I don't know. It wasn’t a finished basement, you know what I’m saying? Okay, so…oh, these cats…what was I saying? They liked…the people were leaving food…oh, so they were like, what’s going on? What if our way of life is disrupted here? 

We got it pretty good. So, what they would do is hide the workers’ tools and mess around with that kind of stuff. Very cute, you know, if you're not one of the workers. The workers, they didn’t know, so they…it was kinda funny 'cause like most humans, they're not the brightest. So, they’ll be like, yo, where’s my paintbrush over here? It’d be like, I don't even know what you're talking about. By the way, I brought four jerkies. I got two of them. You help yourself to my jerkies, jerky? Oh no, you know. So, that was pretty much a day on that worksite, but the cats were always up to stuff. They heard this mention of popcorn and stuff, so they came out, and they look at these guys gluing stuff, and then they started playing around. It kinda comes naturally to cats, especially young cats. They…I don't know.

It’s one of the things…honest…don’t tell any of the other butterflies, but I admire about them, is the playfulness, especially the young cats. When you get older, which we’ll get to…but they say, oh, we're gonna get…oh, I’m gonna run over here. Okay, I’m gonna chase you, buddy. I’m gonna try to keep up. Then they got to the edge of this wishing well, right, right on the edge on a little bit of a hill overlooking this pond. So, you could make a wish. Really nice situation, by the way, because they…you could sit there and make…if you were a human or a kitty cat in this situation, which we're gonna talk about…because you could sit there, you could make a wish, you could enjoy the well, you could look at the pond, you got your sunrise, you got your sunset, you got all of it.

Actually, this was a pretty deep well because it had to go below the…it went down to the water table below…the same water. In order to get real water that wasn’t from this pond, it had to go…I don't understand water table stuff, but you know what I’m saying. I don't know if there’s limestone or whatever, but you know, it was a deep well. So, the cat says…the two cats are there looking over the well, catching their breath, and the one cat’s just looking down there. To a cat, just like a human, it’s like, oh boy, it’s a deep well. I can't even see all the way down there. The other cat says to the cat…it said, it’s easy to tell the depths of a well. The cat said, well, what do you mean? The cat said, watch. The cat went and grabbed a pebble, and then…it’s like, don’t you remember? We do this all…every day.

Then you take…you push the pebble over, and then you count. Then the cat said, but…the other cat said, well, what do you mean? So, it took, whatever, seven…so, yeah, it’s seven Mississippi deep. If we dropped it and it was…then if we went…if we go to another well in the future, it’s only three Mississippi deep, but we know it’s a little bit less…if it was 3.5 Mississippis, it’d be half deep, maybe. The other cat said, man, you always know that kind of stuff, huh? The cat said, I guess I do over here. Then the cat said, huh. Now, meanwhile, these two jokers that were working on the house, these two clowns, they're like…one of them is like…they're getting ready to wrap the day up.

Now, one of them was…had a radio, a battery-powered radio on, and they were kinda making fun of…it was a couple out there on the birch canoe, right? They were playing their New Kids-type music because it has the same kind of themes they were experiencing in their hearts, of young love and tingling and stuff. But these two jokers, they're not even minding their own business. They're watching these two, whatever, nineteen-year-olds out in a canoe. They weren't even canoodling, but these two, they gotta make a human thing about it all. So, meanwhile, they're like…one of them’s like, hey, tune into the boy bands, you know? Hardy, har, har. He goes, oh, okay. Then he says, it’s easy…these days, chickens are rare. Then he tunes into the boy band, and he throws the…what do you call it?

The radio thing down to the other guy, 'cause they're getting ready to leave for the day. There’s boy band music playing. Now, these cats, they hadn't really heard anything like this, 'cause this was some sort of album release day. So, they were playing the whole new album. This was some sort of pop music, right? Again, I’m not gonna make it about me and my taste in pop music, but it had the hooks, it had the chorus, it had the feel-good feels, it had the non…the parts where you're tearing up and all of that. These two cats, even immediately…because it had all the different…I don't know the music things; tenor, whatever, alto…these kids could sing, is all I’m saying. These cats were like, holy cow. Now, they looked at each other, like, I’ve never felt anything like this in my life.

Now, meanwhile, these two clowns are joking around but they're not paying attention because they're humans. They know everything. What do you think, is that glue gonna hold it up there? I don't know. They go…they take…they're doing stuff. So, the cats, they grab the radio, and it takes both of them, right, to move this thing. Again, if you were watching this, you're like, holy moly. Now, at first, the cats…these cats knew what they were doing, kind of. They dragged it under a picnic table. Now, meanwhile, they got kinda lucky 'cause one of the guys goes and starts his truck up, and it’s like some truck that’s got…this guy’s got…even if his mouth wasn’t big enough, the truck makes it even bigger. It’s making all this rumbling noise and stuff like that.

I think he thought it was funny, 'cause the couple’s out there trying to enjoy the pond. You gotta ask why they say, nature’s gotta talk…I say, what are you doing with the truck over there? These people are trying to enjoy nature. Now meanwhile, you might say these cats are trying to enjoy…whatever. So, okay, so the cats…the guys, they don’t hear that the radio is still on. Of course, they assume each one of them shut it off. The other guy hops in the truck, and they take off. The workday is done. Now, the two cats, they stop pulling the radio, and it’s…where you going with the radio? The other cat says, I got an idea. I want to hear something. It says, what? He goes, well, the way the sound sounds when the thing…the pebble and when we're talking…you know when we yell into the well?

The cat said…cats don’t have long-term…these particular kitty cats didn’t have the best long-term memory, so that kinda explains some of the story holes. You might be like, I don't get it. I’d say, yeah, 'cause you can't relate to cats, but I’m helping you. Okay, so, they take the radio over to the…it takes them a while to get this thing over there. They're dragging the radio over, right, to the well. Then the other cat’s like, why are we doing this again? It says, okay, trust me. Hop up here. Then he goes and yells into the well. He says, these…rice is often served in round bowls…ols…ols…ols. Says, hear the echo? The cat’s like, yeah, yeah. He goes, I want to see what…he goes, can't you feel it inside you? The cat goes, yeah. It goes, physically inside me.

It goes, like this music from the music box I could feel inside me, but not physically inside me, but inside me. The cat’s like, well, what do you…? So, you're saying we're gonna get in the well with the music and it’ll be inside of us and inside of us? The cat says, I mean, we got nothing to do anyway. Why don’t we try? The other cat says, okay. So, then it takes them some figuring. These must have been highly intelligent cats, 'cause this well did have a real bucket, and it had the…whatever the thing is, the levers and the pulleys and all that kind of stuff. So, these cats, it took them a while, but they said, okay, first we're gonna loosen the rope, then we gotta push it over here to the edge and then knock it over the edge. If you were watching this, you would…I don't even know what you'd do.

You'd say, this isn't the cutest thing I’ve seen in my life, but it’s pretty darn cute, ‘cause they had to do a lot of jumping. They're very coordinated, these two, and they're working together. Meanwhile, there’s boy band music playing. It should have been a…that band could have just shot this whole thing. Okay, so, eventually what they do is they get the bucket. So, the bucket has slack and it’s on the outside of the well, and then they put the radio into the bucket. Then they needed to take a break and rest and stuff like that. Okay, then they had to reel…that took a lot of work, but these two, they knew what they were doing. They get the thing, the reel back up, right, so that the…it looks like your typical, archetypal well, except that there’s a radio in the bucket and it’s hanging above.

Then…now, this was where they got lucky, at least initially, right? Because they're like, okay, let’s lower it a little bit and see what it sounds like if we’re just around the well. We don’t want to just go straight into the well. I don't know, they didn’t quite have it figured out. But so, the cats are like…the bucket’s hanging over the well, and then the music’s coming out. The bucket is lowered into the well, but only one foot down, I guess is what I’m saying, and they're listening to this music. Now, because of the music, what they couldn't hear and because of stereophonics affecting cats’ hearing, maybe, what they didn’t hear is this canoe lands over there, right? This couple…the two humans that were on a date or whatever, they're like, what do you want…?

They pull the canoe out of the water, and then before they bring it to the car, the one human goes, the juice of lemons makes a fine punch. They say, well, I have a little lemon in my punch, but not a lot. They said, well, it’s just…I mean lemonade. I got lemonade. Oh, sounds good. Hey, you hear that? There’s…it’s like our radio’s playing somewhere else, but it sounds weird. She goes, what do you mean it sounds weird? He goes, it’s like hollow or something. He heads over to where the cats are. Now, the cats, eventually they hear…they got the cat sense or whatever, so they hop down behind the well on the far side from this human coming towards them. The human gets over there and he’s like, oh, what’s this? There’s a radio in the well bucket and it’s play…it’s the same channel.

He calls over his date over there, and they…what the…? Who would have known? ‘Cause they don’t see the cats, you know, and the workers are gone. They're looking around. They're like, some prankster did it to them or something, so he…but he rolls it back up and then he goes to take it, and she goes, no, no, no, don’t take it. Now we got…we're surrounded by music. I got lemonade, and let’s go back and we’ll lay down the picnic blanket and have a snack and have some lemonade. Hubba, hubba, hubba. They…okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ll meet you over there. Okay, now, she goes over to get the lemonade and the picnic basket and all that kind of stuff. Now, this other guy, right, he’s standing there and he’s listening, and she…for a second, just savoring the moment.

Now, you think I’m all positive on humans, but don't worry, I got a point coming, right? But then he goes and he starts walking. Now, these cats…another thing about cats is they have impulse control issues for…especially young cats. That’s why earlier I was gonna say, you couldn't have a band with kitty cats called New Cats on the Block, because…I say, oh boy, don’t bring any new cats on the block over here. You want to talk about…that wouldn't be like a boy band; that’d be like a rebel band, you know? Hey, kitty cat son, what are you listening to? New Cats on the Block. What do you mean, there’s new cats on our block? We gotta take action. We can't let that happen. That’s traditional cat…but so, these two, as soon as this guy’s walking away, they want to get back…the thing back into the well.

One of them is kinda like, yeah, but the other one, he jumps up, right, and just out of instinct, grabs the bucket to put some more weight on it. He’s hanging from the well. Now, at exactly that time, the batteries start to die on the radio. So, this human turns around, and now the cat sees the human. He’s hanging from the bucket of the well. Now, not only that, but meanwhile, his date, she had taken out a camera while she was…she was like, oh, maybe this will be…this was a photogenic situation. It’s almost magic hour over here. So, she gets out a camera. So he…the radio batteries start to die, so it starts to get slower and the boy band drifts away behind him. In front of him, it’s still playing. So, he starts to turn around. Now meanwhile, she’s also…she’s got some zoom things on her camera or whatever, you know.

She didn’t even realize it in the moment. She’s like, oh, this is just my boo, you know? He’s turning around. I love the way he moves, you know? Now, he turns around. He sees a cat hanging from a bucket above a well. Now, this is…she happens to take his picture, then sees the cat, then zooms on the cat, then takes the picture. So, it’s captured as a moment in time. Now, he moves…now, he doesn't realizes…don’t…whatever, cats…we’ll take care of ourselves kinda thing. But he didn’t move, and the cat kinda let him…and he put his hands under the cat, and now the cat let him…even though the cat was never…it was like, yo, I got this, you know? I don't need any human helping me. The human did move so quickly to help…he thought the cat was hanging there…he’s like, oh, you found yourself on a bucket.

That’s not a wish you want to make, kitty cat. Let me help you there. Now meanwhile, she’s taking the pictures of the cat on the bucket and him…of course him rescuing the cat. Oh, my hero, the whole nine yards. So then he helps the cat; the cat’s like, oh boy, what happened with the radio that human looked at? It stopped working. So, they just leave the radio sitting there in the bucket. It don’t work anymore, according to the…for the cats. I mean, spoiler, those workers would show up the next day and be…oh, those kids moving our radio. Need new D batteries. But meanwhile, the cats, they went on to the business after that, these two cats. Now, one of them, the cat that was hanging was a really good-looking cat, right? Now, fast forward, right, those two were like, oh yeah, let’s go develop our film.

This was back when you had to develop your film over there. So, eventually they developed the film, and they're looking at these pictures. They're still heady with love. They see these cat…this cat hanging from the bucket. She was zooming, so she got all sorts of distance, the guy and the cat at a distance, a full-frame shot of the cat in the bucket, and then a zoom-in shot. The cat had a cute look on its face because it was filled with…on the inside, the cat had physical echoes of boy band music and the after effects of pop music, which stays in your system for at least five or six minutes longer than the song. So, the cat kinda had a look of bliss because…also, the cat was thrilled for jumping and trying to get the music back. The cat was physically attached to the music until the battery died. So, it had quite a look of ecstasy on its face.

But also for a human, you don’t know what cat ecstasy looks like. Believe me, you're lucky; you don’t want to. But so, she…these two are looking at the picture, cracking up. Holy macaroni, right? This is the funniest thing we’ve ever seen. Look at this cat. They also knew that it ended well for the cat, right? They're thinking of captions for the cat. Now, here’s the human side of the story, right? Those two are laughing, yucking it up. Now meanwhile, this girl’s father…oh boy, human city, right? He hears them laughing in the dark room in the house. They come out and he goes, oh, what’s going on with the laughing over there? What, are you cracking up? You think you're so funny for my daughter? They're laughing still. He can't even take the shine off of the laughter. He goes, oh boy, it must be good, because you two are still cracking up.

She’s like, yeah, yeah, yeah, you gotta see this. They show it to him. Now, this guy, he’s a corporate type, so he doesn't even get it. He says, what? It’s a cat in a bucket. Then they keep laughing. She goes, look at his face, the cat. Look at how it’s hanging. Look, it’s like it’s talking. He’s like, what’s it saying? She says, oh, four letters. He goes, oh, four letters? Oh, oh…wait a second, it is like it’s saying, oh, four letters. He says, well…now, this guy, he works for Big Poster International, and he says, I think this could be the next thing. He goes, everybody says I’m not funny around work. He goes, but this could be the next thing at work here. She’s like, what do you mean? He’s like, you know, I’m gonna take…can I take this to work? She goes, I guess so. It’s just a picture of a cat hanging from a bucket.

Now again, in your human world, they had to restage this photo, obviously, but that’s how that cat got on a poster, was this dad not minding his own business. It forever lives in history. Now, Scooter, I’m sure, told a much different version where love won out of…now, these two were in love, at least, so that’s good. The cats, they had a boy band in their hearts for the rest of their days. Those two workers, eventually they said, what did you glue a board to the cabin for? Hit the road. So, it actually did turn out good for everybody. Then, yeah, this dad, he ended up…Poster International…Big Poster International, they were like, this is it. This is the next big thing for the history of the world. This will be probably one of the best-selling posters of all time. But that’s really the story behind it.

This is one where nature talks back. Yeah, Bernie’s got his opinions about things, but it’s not actually that bad of a story, right? And it shows the power of pop music, which is a good thing. Some people may have opinions about it and why cats and butterflies don’t necessarily get along, but I could say positive things about cats. So, that’s it from Bernie the butterfly. I hope you enjoyed this episode here. Goodnight and sleep well, and I’ll talk to you all soon. Thanks.

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(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)