Episode 1007 – Everything is Great! | Good Place to Sleep S2 E1

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster, patrons, that you make possible.  It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  Aargh.  I don’t know why I did that, but I’m just having fun.  Thanks so much for the support.

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, you know, things you’re thinking about on your mind, so thoughts you’re thinking about, feelings, anything emotionally coming up for you, so feelings…it could be about feelings or thoughts about the past, present, future, or they could just be there.

 

Thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature or routine, could be a lot of other stuff.  Could be work, could be travel.  I don’t know, whatever it is that’s keeping you awake.  Sometimes for me…the last three nights in a row, it’s been mystery stuff.  Maybe I’ll talk about it in a little bit of my experience the past three nights.  Not terrible but not awesome.  But whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that.  What I’m gonna do or what I propose to do is to create a safe place, so like I said, where you could set that aside.  Plenty of room, plenty of styles, plenty of selection, plenty of cubbies and soft, medium, and firm spots.  We have them all, too.  You say no, I’m looking for something medium-soft-firm.  Oh, boy.  Don’t worry, we got it.  Medium-medium-soft?

 

Oh, don’t…I got…I got plenty of those.  What about firmer than soft but softer than medium, but medium between that?  I say don’t worry; we got dials, we got a scroll wheel.  We got a few places in our safe place where you could use a scroll wheel or a jog dial, or we have manual knobs, buttons, cranks…we got a safe place you could crank.  You say well, there you go; I got it just right.  Then you could get out of the safe place, you could go back.  You say, I gotta turn that crank…I gotta dial it back a little bit, crank it down from soft, hard, between medium-firm-hard; softer…down a little bit.  I say, don’t worry.  Our cranks, too, they go on X, Y, and Z axes.  You say, axes?  When we created this safe place, we said we don’t need any axes.

 

They said actually you do, ‘cause that’s how…that was the ways we…that was…those are…they’re just part of dimensions.  I say oh, okay, well, looks like we got a dimensional expert over here, but okay.  I guess I was just being face…fasheepish.  That’s how I do it here.  I’m fasheepish; not fasheepish.  But whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to keep you company.  I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, I’m gonna go off-topic, I’m gonna get mixed up, I’m gonna repeat myself, I’m gonna talk for like, fifteen or twenty minutes even now just to introduce the podcast, just to be…to…I don’t know.  I got mixed up there.  But so, what am I gonna do?

 

I’m gonna take…oh, I’m gonna take for…this podcast, a couple things to know if you’re new; one, I get mixed up very easily which is a good thing for this podcast.  But if you’re new or you’re a regular listener, I just want you to know I’m so glad you’re here and I really hope this podcast can help you sleep tonight or get you the rest you need right now.  Now, if you’re new, it doesn’t exactly work that way.  For a lot of listeners it takes a few tries, but maybe it helps you just relax a little bit more tonight or distracts you a little bit.  The reason I say it takes a few tries; one, I’m just…my style, the structure of the show, and the nature of the show is an acquired taste.  Two, we’ve kind of been…sold this idea that there’s a one-size-fits-all thing for sleep and there’s just not.

 

Different things work for different people at different stages in your life, and that’s okay.  The most important thing is you’re here, which means you’ve said to yourself hey, my sleep’s important, and that’s important to me.  I’d like to really congratulate you on that, because your sleep is important.  You deserve a good night’s sleep and that’s why I’m glad you’re here, because one, I’ve been there.  Like I said, that’s why I make the show.  I’ve been there, I know how it feels, I’ve been there the past few nights or morning…whatever you call it.  I think there was a song about after midnight that came out in the 80s.  Maybe was related to the show Miami Vice that glorified it.  I’d say well, yeah, not anymore.  After midnight I’m gonna…it’s gonna get on my nerves when I wake up.  But your sleep’s important.  I’m glad you’re here.

 

Now if you’re new, like I kinda hinted at, this podcast is just not for everybody, but give it a few tries.  That’s what most regular listeners say.  This is one podcast, I think, we could safely say…hundreds of thousands of people have said at first I didn’t like it.  Now it really…I’ll listen to it every night.  Or at first I didn’t get it, the second time I didn’t like it, and the third time I fell asleep.  The other two times, I also fell asleep but I was thinking about it at first.  So…oh, and a couple…you say okay, well, I’m new; I still don’t understand anything you’re saying.  Okay, I’ll try to explain it slightly better.  So, two things stick out to me that are…can throw new listeners off.  One, you don’t really listen to this podcast, and you can.  A lot of people do listen when they wake up or they need some company or they just can’t fall asleep.

 

But you don’t…it’s not really designed for close listening.  Like, sometimes people will listen at first and they’re listening very closely or they’re waiting for it to get started and be like yeah, we already…this party, it got…it already got started aft…this party, it could start after midnight or afternoon or any time of the day.  So, you just kinda listen to me a bit like music in the…like if your neighbor was playing you music during…like they’re having a BBQ and it’s not annoying and they’re playing music and you’re kinda listening barely, or someone in your family’s doing yard work and listening to sports or music, and you say well, that’s not bad.  I’m just barely…I don’t even know what they’re…I’m just barely listening.  That’s this podcast.

 

Kinda like background noise or a conversation where you’re having a friend just tell you stuff and you’re not really paying attention.  That’s the idealized relationship of this podcast.  You’re calling me to say Scoots, talk about nothing for an hour and ten minutes.  I say, no problem.  Don’t worry about listening to me.  I won’t even ask if you did.  So, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to.  It doesn’t actually put you to sleep, either.  I just keep you company.  I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-friend, your friend in the deep, dark night that’ll kinda barely keep you any…entertained, that’s just here to keep you company, really, while you fall asleep.  That’s why the episodes are over an hour, so you don’t have to think about oh, what if I’m not asleep?

 

Or if you can’t sleep, you say okay, I know Scoots is gonna be here for the next hour and ten minutes or so, and then I can queue up another episode.  So, those are two things that you need to know.  Or if you’re a regular listener, you say Scoots, I heard you say it a million times.  I say oh boy, have you.  So, those are two things.  The other thing that throws people off other than creaky, dulcet tones and my personality, which is understandable…like I said, it’s just…it’s okay if it doesn’t work for you.  Sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou has lists of other sleep podcasts.  But if it does work for you, that’s…whoa boy, that’s great.  Then I could keep you company whenever you need me, and some people it’s situationally and some people it’s different…what do they say?  Flavors of your life or whatever.

 

So, oh, structure throws a lot of listeners off, and it’s a structure that’s very intentional for our goals around the show.  So, goal number one; that you feel welcome.  So, we say friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls so you feel seen and welcome.  Then there’s support for listeners that might need extra support right now.  Then there’s support for the community around the show.  Then there’s support for the podcast itself so the podcast can be free [00:10:00] versus only paid.  Then the…oh, then…those are all kinda mixed together too, ‘cause then we go back to the listener support and stuff like that.  Then there’s the intro which we’re in right now.  I don’t know, some people feel like the intro is part of the sponsors and the support.  It’s a show within a show.

 

A lot of people use the intro to wind down or to get ready for bed.  Some people skip it; 2% to 3% of people skip it.  I think probably 2% to 3% of people are already falling asleep; awesome.  A few other thousand people listen to story-only episodes or intro-only episodes, ironically enough, on Patreon.  But for most people it’s like they’re winding down, they’re getting relaxed.  ‘Cause for me, it takes a little while to get comfortable and to get some distance from my day and to relax.  You say okay, I’m just gonna listen to Scoots ramble on and on and on.  So, that’s the intro, then there’s business between the intro and the story which is, again, the last set of business.  That way we keep the show free, and that’s where a lot of companies like their business to be.

 

Then there’s the story or tonight it’ll be a recap of The Good Place, and…or two episodes of The Good Place, maybe.  But you say, I’ve never seen that show, or didn’t you already do Seasons 1, 3, and 4 of The Good Place?  You’re covering Season 2 now?  I say oh boy, am I.  But it’ll be in a very calming and meandering way.  So, that’ll be The Good Place.  We’ll be talking about that.  Then there’s thank-yous at the end.  So, that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show.  I also make the show because I’ve been there.  So, I’ve had three nights of mystery problems.  So, last night, things went pretty good overall, except they almost went too well ‘cause then I woke up early but after 6:00 AM.  But I was hoping to make it ‘til like, 8:00 so I could get a full eight hours or whatever.

 

But I couldn’t make it there.  I said okay, well, let me just lie here like I’ve talked about, do a little laying.  I didn’t fall back asleep but you know, I daydreamed and stuff and then I said okay, it’s time to get up now.  That wasn’t too bad ‘cause I still got a decent amount of sleep.  Two nights ago I was wide awake for some reason at…like, some…one of those hours between after midnight but not quite 5:00 or 6:00.  I said, what in the heck?  That time I kind of hadn’t…that hadn’t happened in a while where I was wide awake.  I don’t know.  So, I didn’t actually go to my normal strategies, so that was kinda…it would have been nice to turn on a…I should have turned on a sleep podcast, I guess.

 

But then in the middle night, I’m reading…when you listen to this it’ll be a long time in the future, but…from when I’m recording this, but I’m reading the Sesame Street history…the biography or the history of Sesame Street which I guess is being made into a film.  Maybe it’s out; I don’t know.  But so, I kept having these…but it’s about the creation of Sesame Street and all the work, and so, I kept having these S-T-R-E-S-S work dreams of Sesame Street.  Not really bad dreams but just dreams where it was like…I don’t know if I was doing paperwork for Bert and Ernie or something, but repetitive.  I have those dreams sometimes and those aren’t exactly restful, and then I woke up.  But that time I said okay, let me get up, let me see the WC, and then I was like, should I read?

 

Then I was like well, let’s just lie on our back for a while and then chill out.  Then, that actually ended up pretty much working.  So, I don’t know, the podcast I guess is a shortcut for that.  It’s either here or I’m on-call.  That is the experience for a lot of listeners, is some people listen all night.  The podcast is not exact…it’s kind of hard to design a free podcast for all-night listening, but people make it work, or you could be a patron or support the show and you get…that’s a little bit more conducive to all-night listening.  But a lot of people, they don’t start the show until they wake up, or they’re stressed during the day, they listen to the show.  So, it’s adaptable.  But in the end, it’s about you.

 

It’s about you being important and your rest being important, and I hope I can be a part of that even if it’s only for a short period of time or even if it’s just to lead you to another sleep podcast, because if you get the rest you need, it’s a better place and it’s better than being…you know, I don’t feel that bad today but I say well, it’d be nice if I…rolling the sleep dice tonight, I could get a decent night’s sleep where I wake up in a…how come everybody wakes up in coffee commercials?  I just thought of that.  Or maybe I’ve talked about it before, but it just popped in my head and now it’s on my nerves a little bit.  Everybody in coffee commercials sleeps great, which…you notice that?  It’s always picturesque.

 

There’s the crow, there’s the window shade, there’s the sun streaming in, and then they’re stretching with a smile on their face.  I say, what in the heck?  Why did I never notice that?  Or people are like, come…the other coffee commercial I always think of is like, people are coming home from college and it’s…that’s somehow related to coffee, but I could be mixing up my commercials.  I watched so much TV as a child that this is what we have.  We have a sleep podcast to thank for it.  So anyway, I’m glad you’re here.  However you got here, I’m glad you’re here.  I hope I can help you take your mind off of stuff so you can drift off, so give it a few tries.  See how it goes.  I really work hard, I really yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep, and here’s the ways I’m able to do it for you free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, it’s Scoots here and we’re back in The Good Place.  Who would have thought we’d be back in The Good Place out of order?  But there’s no better time to be in The Good Place than when things seem out of order.  What a treat to rewatch this episode three or four times.  Each time I picked up on more and more jokes and little details, but it was also nice just to get back with the Soul Squad and see everybody and really to buckle my seat belt for Michael since we’ve…since I’ve always…already seen all four seasons, re-watching Season 2 and seeing where Michael’s at at the beginning of the season, it’s just really…I say, I can’t wait to see how this unfolds.  But yes, we watched Season 2, Episode 1, Everything is Great.  I’m starting it up here on my thingamajig.  It’s not starting, though.

 

But it’ll eventually start, maybe.  Oh, it doesn’t want to work with me.  So, let’s do this; we’ll run through the notes.  It’s downloaded.  Very interesting.  Let’s see, it starts with the last season…Good Place…soul mate, Chidi, hug, truth…not supposed to be here.  Tahani and Jianyu…Jason real name…Eleanor tells the community…Shawn…or something Bad Place.  Oh, bad…Shawn says the Bad Place is owed two people.  This is the Bad Place.  Reversal…reveal.  Oh, that’s the reveal.  You’re basic.  Quick?  Question mark…oh, something…Eleanor, you’re in the big farm.  Cool.  I want to introduce to your soul mate; this soul mate looks like a football player.  Or, I think he was the sexy mailman, but he looks like…why can I never remember the football player’s name?

 

Oh, I just remembered it and forgot it in the same span.  It’s the football player I like; Green Bay Packers quarterback, and I think he was…he…I think he went to Cal Berkeley and was Cal Berkeley’s quarterback.  For some reason, in the history of liking this football player, I still can’t remember his name.  So if you’re from Green Bay and you gotta stop…give up on the podcast, I get it.  Let’s see, truth block, work out, Janet not…something.  Chidi…what the fork?  I also drew a layout of Eleanor’s apartment.  I’m pretty sure it’s the same, ‘cause there’s the performing characters, the performing characters that get out of a tiny car together with giant shoes.

 

So, her front door is on the left, then on one wall are three portraits with a bench…a gallery bench, then a right angle wall, two more portraits, and then a lucite box with a deconstructed small car performer.  Then the chapters fourteen and fifteen, so the first episode’s always a double episode.  Or, not always, I think.  Michael does some self-talk.  Shawn comes up.  Michael’s desk is very clear.  There’s three pawns on the left, a bowl of some sort, his desk set with the blotter and the pens and the notepad, and then a dragonfly on the left side of his [00:20:00] desk for Eleanor.  He talks about coffee and pods, new…something.  New salads?  New…some…something?  Trust me, boss.  Bitter sons?  Cockameme?  I don’t think that’s…bitter buns?  Biller sons.  It looks like bitter sons, cockameme…oh, billion suns.

 

Town rehearsal meeting…really nice deep-purple pocket square.  Plaid pastel bow-tie on a white background or a cream background.  Chuck?  Question mark.  Real Eleanor versus Denise.  Both have these…something.  Shrimp and frog recap.  Both these things…tries to inspire them…stupid elbows…bell…open; The Good Place.  Eleanor has a note.  Joey, Jamie, jazz…What We Owe Each Other.  Chidi equals soup?  Question mark.  Umbrella Alley sign…Nina and Bart or Borf…I think it was Borf.  I think it’s Bart; Nina and Bart, maybe?  Phone book…no phones.  Hawaiian pizza stand.  People are like nature’s apps.  Nina; bye-bye.  Runs into Jason…no talk…gives her a gear.  Oh, it’s Hawaii Five-Dough is the Hawaiian restaurant.  Hawaiian pizza restaurant.

 

Michael and Eleanor; we know, but you, number one point-getter…Best Person sash.  Eleanor and…I don’t know what this says.  Jessica the host.  Amy…oh yeah, that’s Amy, is Amy…our favorite…from one of our favorite web shows.  No wine…Eleanor and people…something’s off.  Note a bar?  Forget it.  Chidi gives them to…oh, she hears Chidi; she gives the shots to somebody?  Question mark.  Hi…Chidi’s got a nice shirt on.  We need to talk, and it goes to an ad.  So, let’s run it for a little while and see what we see, here.  Get the subtitles on.  Alright, last season on The Good Place…we see Eleanor’s eyes open.  She’s got a plaid flannel on, takes a deep breath.  Chidi is my soul mate; hug.  Stand by my side.  Of course I will.  I’m not supposed to be here.  Tahani and John, you were holding hands.  She boops Eleanor.

 

You booped me.  Then they’re in the bud-hole.  What’s up, homie?  Problem in the neighborhood is me.  Shawn…Bad Place…two people who’s going…oh, holy mother forking shirt balls; this is the Bad Place.  Michael does his laugh.  Except for you four, everybody works here.  Eleanor says, you saw us all in our selfish…DJ academic fraud.  You thought we’d torture each other.  The only thing you did was bring us together.  That’s it; my big mistake is having you be soul mates and live near each other.  Eleanor’s pretty pleased with herself, so then he goes next time I’ll do a slow burn.  She…he goes okay, I gotta ask my boss, though.  So, Eleanor writes a note to herself, puts it in Janet’s mouth.  You’re basic.  Michael snaps.  Eleanor’s eyes open again.  This is the new season but it’s done quick.  I like how they did it, too.

 

I think it…maybe it was from the last season.  I don’t know.  Guy takes off his shirt a lot, goes to the gym, see you soon.  Janet gives you her note back; find Chidi.  What’s a Chidi?  Why can’t I say fork?  I can see a nice…some nice plants.  We get a zoom-out of her place.  Chapters fourteen and fifteen.  Michael; okay, here we go.  Michael, pull it together.  Confidence.  Shawn comes up; hey.  No chit-chat.  Are you ready?  Michael goes don’t worry, boss; I got it under control.  I got a dragonfly on my desk now.  I mean, a statue.  All the coffee’s in little pods.  Shawn glares.  They’ll have new soul mates that work for us.  Thought of everything.  Won’t let you down.  I think you will.  Not in a billion suns are you gonna succeed, or something.  You’ll be retired.  Oh yeah, you’re gonna live on a billion suns.

 

Cockameme experiment…colossal failure…toodle-ee-doo.  Then there’s a sequence with Michael doing a rehearsal.  People have questions.  We’re not pairing them up.  This is actually really good ‘cause these are regularly underworld workers.  They’re all outside of their comfort zone and Michael’s going for this experiment.  Then he makes a metaphor that that dude does…takes it the wrong way; Chuck.  Then Vicky, she’s character-driven.  I was the real Eleanor; now I gotta be Denise.  Who is she?  What does she want?  Why is she here?  Is she quirky?  Is she sultry?  Michael says, both those things.  Then Chuck kinda has a repeating joke, at least this episode.  Michael says just pay attention; we just gotta get Eleanor drunk so we can do this chaos sequence from when she was drunk in her dreams.

 

So, she wakes up with the flying shrimp and the frog and stuff.  Remember that?  She stole the shrimp and we had them fly around.  Some people laugh and raise their eyebrows.  We want her to be worried about being found out.  I know this isn’t the kind of stuff we normally do.  It’s not how you’re trained and there will be days when you’re sick of…he’s trying to…sick of their elbows, being human, fed up.  I need you to dig deep, here.  Can’t we just go back to HQ?  He doesn’t want them to give up.  Let’s just do it the old fashioned way.  He goes no, no, it’s time for change.  It’s time to rearrange.  We’re not gonna flatten anything out.  Goes, this is a better way.  That’s why we’re all here; we believe that.  New way to make humans outside of their comfort zone.  He goes alright, ready?  One, two, three; everybody cheers.

 

Michael kicks his leg.  Then the title card comes up; Good Place.  Then we see Eleanor find Chidi.  She tries to call Janet back but she forgot Janet’s name.  Joey, Janine, Jaja…Jaja.  She goes, why don’t I ever listen?  Okay, and we can see her decorations.  Who or what are you, Chidi?  She says, then she’s walking through town square, Umbrella Alley.  She meets Nina and Bart.  They try to get her to go to get pizza with them.  Love it; where are you from?  Oh, well, I’m from Mozambique.  Anyway, what about a phone book?  No phones.  So, probably no phone book.  Okay.  Then she says okay, well…she kicks her head back.  A lot of great motion.  A lot of kinetic motion.  Somebody even had a Frisbee in their hand.  Other people have drinks, flowers.  Maybe we could get some pizza.

 

A lot of great body language from Bart and Nina.  Check you later, Nina and Bill or whatever; bye.  She goes in the square, she runs into Jason.  So, this is kinda like…everything’s connected.  Oh, there’s even pinwheels I just saw.  Those look really good.  I don’t think decorating with pinwheels would be a thing, but it could be.  Michael shows up; what are you doing?  Just meeting people.  Who’s the person in the nightgown?  Jianyu, the monk that never speaks; Taiwanese.  Might be hard to get to know him.  Eleanor, I…you know, you’re the best.  You’re the top…could you…oh, he asks her to make a speech tonight.  Maybe just an hour or something to inspire everybody.  There’s just a faint breeze, too.

 

[00:30:00] I don’t know if that’s planned or it was just inconvenient, but it does add some extra motion to their hair which I think looks good.  Eleanor was supposedly an environmental activist.  Check the neighbor…oh yeah, could you say a few words?  Then he’s like, I got you a gift.  He hands her one of those long flower boxes.  How could I say no?  I don’t think I can.  I’d say no…she does say no, but Michael doesn’t listen to her.  That might be her first clue that something’s not right, and then the…oh, it looks like a recycled paper box.  You gotta be forking kidding me.  Best Person sash.  She’s with her soul mate again.  Oh, I almost had his name…Aaron Rodgers; that’s his name.  He’s like a young Aaron Rodgers, this young man.  A little bit; I mean, not exactly.  But yeah, he’s talking about how good he is.

 

Then he says I gotta go to the gym, rips his shirt off.  He’s in amazing shape.  Holy cow.  Then Amy O shows up.  Oh, Jessica, I mean.  She says hey, how about some wine there?  I’m the host.  This is my house.  A little liquid courage?  Eleanor says, probably not a good idea.  Gotta make a speech.  She goes, usually I do, but…she tell…she drops some great jokes.  But right now, can’t do it.  I don’t know.  Then Eleanor’s talking…they…saying hey, don’t ask me questions about who I am or being an environmental activist.  They say, you want any more drinks, Eleanor?  Margarita?  Nah.  She goes, I’m good.  No, I’m the best.  She walks off.  Everyone’s like, what’s up with this?  How are we gonna get her drunk?  What are we gonna do?  Eleanor goes to the bar.

 

She’s contemplating and then she says okay, maybe I’ll have a couple tequila shots.  Then she sees a giant shrimp.  Michael’s pleased as she pours four.  She gets ready to go but then someone says hey Chidi, don’t make this harder than it is.  They walk off.  Eleanor passes the shots to a mysterious person off-screen.  Says hey, are you Chidi?  Yeah.  Oh, so you’re not a soup.  I knew it.  She says listen up, I’m Eleanor Shellstrop.  We gotta talk.  That’s the ad.  Alright, so it goes to an ad and then we’ll go back to my notes.  Chidi wakes up.  He’s called in but the dragonfly on Michael’s desk, the statue, has moved.  Soul mates talk and walk…soul mate will be Bodal?  Elements of Happiness shop.  Blanket shop?  Question mark.  Chidi has this long…cool beans…he says cool, long, and beans really short.  I really like that.

 

Trust me…oh, one of many full Chidi moments, which is…that’s one there.  Pants…tough to talk to, like Scooter.  Oh, Pevita.  Pevita is just like me; uh-huh…no.  This is what I’m like, unfortunately.  I say, what’s Scooter like?  Socially I’d say, queue up Pevita ‘cause that’s exactly what I’m like.  I wish I had…I remember being…even being somewhere at a professional event and someone saying what do you like to do?  I said, hm…huh.  Then I said, I gotta go.  I said yeah, don’t worry, I’ve been there.  Denise watches, very irritated.  Michael shows up.  Awkward.  Party fun, fun…nay?  Increases…oh yeah, I think he says something like that.  We’ll see.  Chidi…more Chidi gold.  Chidi limping…Denise…Angelique looks into meeting Eleanor.  Hi…what…down…low…talk…sorry.  Michael’s speech time.

 

Then we go to Tahani’s sequence.  Tahani; Good Place.  Tomas; short, swell…house…red…get rid of second floor.  Self-portrait of Camilla…Camilia…Camilla.  Comfort over style.  Dress down…plumber S.  Tonal…I don’t know what this says.  Tonal recap?  Oh, that says other things.  Clog wench…a toilet something.  Crocs have holes in them so you could feel the breeze.  Sub-optimal…house in small…cries…she cries on cargo pants which is great, or whimpers.  System is never wrong.  Private moon…no, no changes needed.  Tahani goes to the bar.  Eleanor gives her the shots.  Glen says we’re cargo pant buddies.  Crocs also…speech time.  Take it away, Eleanor.  Tower of shrimp behind her.  Drunk Tahani, terrible placement angle…terrible placement and angle on her sash.

 

Is this your first time wearing it?  Yeah.  Get her off the stage.  Jianyu in a vow of silence.  Yurt in a garden…oh, it says…this is the Jason sequence.  Soul mate…his eyebrows go up on best bud really good.  Oh, Luang…eating from bowl with no spoon, rock drawings, beedle bard?  Birdie…go get us some kites.  It says bike barn?  Bike ride?  I don’t know.  He takes off his thing, hands it to…takes off a gear, hands it to Eleanor.  Birky dard?  Bike?  I don’t know.  Rides off by…but he’s there back at the yurt, eating…then they…eating, then they go to the party.  Janet shows up.  Yak’s milk…please seize Eleanor and shots…yak milk out.  Tahani’s speech; are you alright?  Jianyu sneaks out.  There’s a shrimp in my cargo pants.  What the fork?  Then there’s an ad, then we come back.  Michael and Shawn do a recap.  So cozy or something.

 

Two yak’s milk…no talk to the bar…thumbs up.  Denise talks…Eleanor walking around.  You don’t keep a Ferrari in the garage, Denise says.  Limp…limp your heart out.  Eleanor not drinking.  Tahani…shrimp down…Jason out…Chidi and Eleanor out.  I know that…something.  Bring…something we know…we know each other.  Oh, I know that book.  Oh, brag, much?  What We Owe Each Other…it’s something we owe each other…no; not interested.  Michael meeting…he meets with the team.  You ding-dong.  Push back…all talk, no twisting.  Right…no find hours.  Chidi and Eleanor; nice leather coat.  Ah, almond milk.  Figure it out, son, or something.  Cobblestone streets…Jason and Janet hug.  Oh, fog…yogurt…boundless void.  She repeats it back to him.  Really good listening skill.  I know something.  Hug…okay, hug.

 

Oh, I know somewhere.  I said, where does she know where he can go?  Michael shows up.  Nice stripe…something; his pocket square.  Tahani shows up.  Apologies.  Something has been off.  That’s her soul mate?  Janet brings in Jason.  Homie?  No.  Eleanor breaks it all down.  Jackie, Janet.  Michael does his E-V-I-L laugh.  Impossible and [00:40:00] re…something.  Explanation…next time not gonna work.  This time…snaps.  Back to town square.  Big purple tie.  No notes or clues.  Everyone well dressed.  Did you tell Shawn?  Vicky’s hand raised…gets ignored.  Michael sits down with his recorder and then Shawn FaceTimes in.  Then Shawn…con on in.  So, let’s see what actually happened.  Alright, so we start with Chidi.  He wakes up.  He’s got a short-sleeved kind of pinkish-corally shirt on.  Really nice.

 

Can’t wait to have breakfast with some philosophers.  No philosophers here.  Philosophers didn’t do so hot in the…you know.  You know what I’m saying?  Chidi says oh, no.  Michael says oh yeah, it’s clever how they deal with them, too.  It’s like one of those dreams where you show up at school without the clothes on, take a test in a class you haven’t been to, and then not clever part after that.  Point is, Chidi, you’re better than all of them.  Chidi smiles, then he’s like, can’t believe soul mates are real.  My soul mate could be books; that’s what I forgot.  It’s coming up here.  I don’t need a soul mate.  My soul mate will be books.  Elements of Happiness store.  Somebody else with a Frisbee, I noticed.  Multiple soul mates.  We gotta figure it out.  Normally you just have one.  You’re matched up.

 

This time we got kind of a four-way thing we gotta figure out.  Rare occurrence, like a double rainbow or someone on the internet saying you know what?  You convinced me I’m wrong.  So, how do I choose?  I don’t choose; you choose, Chidi.  Oh no, that’s Chidi’s worst nightmare.  Angelique, Pedro, and Pevita…so, all…any of you could be matched, so why don’t you go on a double date and then a single date and we’ll see what works out?  That’s when he says cool beans.  Then he says Michael, I can’t make decisions.  It’s not my strong suit.  He goes yeah, I remember the make-your-own-sundae bar.  Chidi says yeah, you can’t have chocolate and fruit together, man.  Chocolate palate or fruit palate.  Kiwi Junior Mint raisin?  That’s what you can…no.  Michael says I can’t choose for you.  You gotta choose yourself.

 

Make your decision.  Trust me.  I wouldn’t do…I wouldn’t put you in a awkward place.  So, I don’t know if that was another clue.  Then Michael does something behind Chidi’s back.  They’re having slices of Hawaiian, and then Chidi and Angelique are talking.  They have a great convo.  They have definitely…what do you call it?  Je ne sais pas?  Or, what do you call that?  Rapport.  I mean, some of it’s loaded.  She says oh yeah, I was studying cultural relativism and moral absolutism in Brisbane.  Locke and Kahn.  Chidi goes oh, I’d love to read your paper.  That’s a great pairing and I want to read it so bad.  So, that’s when we get his first really…where he’s shining.  Then Angelique’s like, Scoots, hm…Morocco?  No.  Been anywhere else?  Not really.  Then Chidi says okay, who’s…who likes who?  ‘Cause I think I know who I like.

 

Angelique says Chidi, I’d like to hear who you like…think is your soul mate.  So, this is actually a brilliant small sequence ‘cause Chidi actually makes a decision.  Denise is rolling her eyes in the background.  But before he says it, of course…as he says it, my soul mate is Angelique, Michael shows up and says actually, you’re matched; it is Pevita and Chidi.  It was some sort of time flux thing, so…sorry, we got it all together and it’s definitive.  100% correct.  When you think about that the three other performers are acting…act…acting within acting, I think it’s a really good job, ‘cause they kinda exchanged some looks, though I do get the sense Angelique is…she’s either so good acting as acting, or she actually does feel bad, like kinda likes Chidi.  But that could just be the level of double acting.  Then that’s when we’re at the party.

 

Chidi and Pevita are there.  They run into Pedro and Angelique.  Oh, the fun continues.  Nay, increases…or Chidi says.  He says oh, hey, Angelique.  You look normal.  Maybe I need a drink, a lot of drinks.  Holy cow.  So, he says excuse me, ‘cause I can’t decide between red or white wine.  Pevita says you know in your heart which wine you want.  He says excuse me, I’ll be back.  He starts drinking something on the rocks.  We see Denise; she says hello.  What are you limping for?  Oh, I run the pizza shop.  Crazy story.  She tries to do her backstory, then Angelique comes up.  She says hey, Chidi.  How you doing?  Well, this is awkward for sure.  Stomach’s in knots.  Standard paradise.  Less uncomfortable.  ‘Cause I think Pedro knows that you think we’re soul mates.  She’s talking around it.

 

But Chidi says yeah, if I feel this way…she goes, we can’t talk about it.  He goes, but the numbers are so close.  I think it is.  She goes, don’t make it harder than it is, Chidi.  That’s when Eleanor hears Chidi, so the camera goes wide.  We see Eleanor.  She passes her shots.  Hey, is your name Chidi?  He says…she goes yeah, you’re not a soup, eh?  She says let’s just talk…at play.  Come on, I’m looking for you.  She brings him into her room.  He goes yeah, I got a lot going on here.  She goes yeah, well, I got this secret note here.  Some robot lady gave it to me; Janet.  Oh yeah, that lady.  Then Janet appears.  She says buzz off, Janet.  Okay.  This is my handwriting but I don’t…I haven’t written this.  That’s your name, right?  So, some reason I made this note and put it in her mouth.  Why would I do that?  Whoever her name is.

 

You forgot her name?  Yeah.  No, yeah, her name’s Janet.  Fork off.  So, things are weird here.  Something’s going on.  People are trying to get me to drink and my soul mate takes off.  I got a gear from a Zen master.  So, the only person I trust is me.  Something strange is going on.  I told me to find you, so what’s the deal?  What’s happening?  Chidi says, I don’t know.  I can’t deal with this right now.  I’ve got my own problems.  He runs off.  Then they say Eleanor, it’s speech time.  She says please, amulet from the wizard, get me out of this speech.  We go to commercial.  We come back.  Tahani opens her eyes, take a breath through her nose.  Michael calls her in.  You’re in the Good Place.  Of course I am.  So surprised.  What are the chances?  But I accept.

 

Here’s Tomas; he’s not as tall as she would like him to be but he was a doctor from the International Rescue Alliance that she funded or secured funding for.  He’s also…he’s in a t-shirt and a…what is that?  A fleece.  She has a couple Freudian slips.  He rolls with it though and just smiles along.  He gulps a little bit, though.  He’s got hiking boots on and jeans.  Then we see kinda…they got this nice little A-frame house.  More of a bungalow.  Tahani’s like, this is so cozy.  I feel like the walls are hugging me.  Tomas says this is absurd, Michael.  This place is…and then…too big.  No…yeah, it’s too big.  She says, what?  Okay, we’ll get rid of the second floor.  Make it even cozier.  I’ll see you at the party.  She goes well, it certainly is quaint.  It’s quaint for her.  She bumps her head on the lamp.  It’s charming.

 

Then she sees a self-portrait of her sister.  Tomas says [00:50:00] oh, she was a heroine at the hospital.  We’d play her music all the time for my patients.  It was like she was helping through her music.  She really is a heroine.  Then they’re gonna get changed.  He’s like, I’m wearing what I’m wearing now to the party.  No need to dress up.  Comfort over style.  She goes, you should wear whatever you prefer.  She goes well, we are soul mates, so maybe I should dress down.  Then they show her; she’s got cargo pants, a jean jacket on, she’s very uncomfortable.  Not used to being dressed like a plumberess?  Or a toilet sweep; that was the other one, toilet sweep.  In any case, it’s how I’m dressed.  He goes, feel the breeze from your Crocs on your feet.  That’s why they have holes in them.  Then he says I’m gonna get us a drink.

 

Michael comes over.  Hi, having a great time.  Okay, well, if you need anything, I could change anything you want at all.  ‘Cause she says well, some things are sub-optimal.  He goes well, you’re the only one that has problems.  She hasn’t clicked yet, but…with her soul mate, so she gets a little more down and down.  He goes yeah, it’s common.  It’s just…you’re just adjusting to this new life.  But you’re matched with Tomas.  The system is never wrong.  This is the Good Place.  If you want a bigger house, you could have asked for something even bigger…as big as the moon.  No one else does, but you could.  She goes, this…no.  It’s fine.  I’m here in paradise.  No changes needed.  He goes well, just ask.  No one asks for anything, so everybody else is happy.  But you can make whatever requests you wish.

 

Nothing too frivolous, okay?  She’s down, makes a frowny face, goes to the bar.  That’s when Eleanor heads off after Chidi, passes the shots to Tahani, and then Glen shows up.  So, I guess she does the shots because Glen is saying cargo pants buddies.  This is so funny; there’s so many jokes in there.  So, she does…yeah, she says okay, then Michael says, speech time.  Eleanor says please get me out of this speech.  She goes up to make the speech, stands in front of the shrimp tower.  Everybody claps.  Michael’s pretty pleased.  She says, anyway…starts off the speech.  Dictionary defines…and then Tahani rolls up on stage, starts shouting I’m Tahani; Tahani is me.  Not the number one point-getter.  She’s really good, too.  Over the top but in a good way.  You all have your regular-sized pockets, regular-sized soul mates.

 

Michael says, can you get her off the stage?  She goes, we’re all good people, right?  We all did the right thing whenever we could.  That’s why it’s…I’m in this house; I want this house.  Just kidding.  No, I really do want this house.  Eleanor says hey, come on, let’s go…let’s get some coffee.  Then Tahani falls into the shrimp table, tries…well, she tries to take the sash off after she says terrible placement and angle.  Is that your first sash?  Eleanor’s like actually, it is.  Bar goes down, or table goes down.  I got her off the stage.  Go to a cut.  This is Jason’s sequence; his eyes open.  He reads the sign.  Jianyu, come on in.  He goes oh, you took a vow of silence.  You want to remain silent?  So, he goes uh-huh, uh-huh.  I mean, nods his head like that.  Sure.  Then they go to his yurt.  Everybody’s got a soul mate.

 

You actually have a best bud, though, which is unique.  His eyebrows go up when he says best bud.  A spiritual connection that transcends the physical realm.  What?  Best bud?  Oh, cool, man.  He smiles, even.  So, they go into the yurt.  Luang’s there, another monk from Nepal, and…you guys have identical souls orbiting one another in reflective harmony.  No, you’ll never be alone ever, ever again.  You’ll be right next to each other forever.  At first Jason says okay, this is a little uncomfortable, but Michael says I’m sure you have not a lot to…well, anyway.  Goes out…and Jason eats.  Luang kinda copies him.  I can’t tell if they’re having rice.  Then he makes a comedy rock garden thing.  He’s pretty pleased.  But he’s getting fed up.  They go for a bike ride.  He’s getting more fed up.

 

Then he sends Luang off to get some kites for them to do some kite-flying.  That’s when he makes his move on Luang’s bike, hands a piece to Eleanor ‘cause he bumps into her, and he…she says, are you Chidi?  He just hands her the thing.  That’s when Michael shows up.  What are you doing?  Oh, that’s Jianyu.  She goes oh, I’m just getting to know everybody.  He takes off but of course, it doesn’t make a difference because…I don’t know, superpowers or whatever they have there.  He thinks he got away.  He goes through a bamboo grove but Luang’s waiting for him.  They go back to eating.  Now Jason’s a little bit more down.  Then they’re at the party.  How about some drinks?  Yak’s milk?  But he also says Janet can get you anything you want.  Just ask.  Of course you don’t need anything, ‘cause you’re perfectly content as monks.

 

He says, enjoy.  She hands them the milk.  Jason frowns, sees Eleanor pouring some shots, makes a face, takes…you gotta see it.  You gotta rewatch this episode.  Then it’s speech time again.  We see the sequence with Tahani and Eleanor saying I got her off the stage.  Michael; oh no, Tahani, how are you?  Oh, never better.  Top of my game.  That’s when Jason sneaks out of the party ‘cause Luang’s distracted by the shrimp in Tahani’s pocket.  I got a pocket full of shrimp tonight.  Remember that song from the 80s or the 90s?  Then we cut to Michael getting ready to talk to Shawn.  How’s it going?  Great.  It’s going perfect.  Everything’s rolling.  Won’t let you down; don’t worry.  Then we go another recap of…hey, can you do a speech with Michael and Eleanor?  How can I say no?  Oh, so then the walls are hugging me.

 

Tahani says I can’t believe it.  Michael laughs.  Two yak’s milk for the monks.  We have soul mates…we have the soul mates, then the soul mates give Michael a thumbs-up.  That’s when Vicky wants to talk to Michael.  It used to be the real Eleanor; now I’m Denise.  This isn’t a role.  He says, Denise is a great role.  She’s got a great arc over the next eighty years.  You have the best pizza place in the neighborhood and a cat; that’s cool.  I couldn’t tell if Eleanor can listen in on this, but I don’t think so.  She’s got a…I really like the print of her dress or gown, too.  Again, Michael’s listening to her.  They’re both using really good body language.  Watching this on mute is…and then I love the line; I’m a Ferrari.  You don’t keep a Ferrari in the garage.  Then he says don’t worry, you got something.

 

Why don’t you come up with some token thing?  She goes okay, what about a limp?  I’ll have a story, something that makes me stand out.  Then he goes fine, fine, okay.  A mysterious past and a limp; whatever it is.  Limp your heart out.  So, that’s when she runs into Chidi.  Hey, you’re Chidi.  Why are you limping?  Michael’s very pleased.  But they were like, we can’t get Eleanor to drink.  He goes wait a second, Eleanor’s not drinking?  He goes, she drank during her driver’s test.  Alright, we gotta keep things moving.  I’ll make her talk for a hour and then that’ll push her over the edge.  [01:00:00] Then we have Tahani, her over-the-top sequence.  She goes down…I think this is when Chidi makes a beeline.  Let’s see, Eleanor’s watching, Jason leaves…oh, Chidi says hey, I want to talk to you.  He goes you know what?  I know the book.

 

She goes, are you trying a nerd pickup line?  He goes, I know that book, What We Owe Each Other.  He goes, I was a professor of ethics and moral philosophy.  Brag much?  So, he goes, we must know each other even though we’ve never met before.  Then she goes, it’s not that I’m not not interested, but let’s get this figured out.  Then Michael and the team have a thing.  They go okay, so every…we can’t find anybody.  It’s not going good.  He takes his glasses off, even.  Says come on, what are we gonna do?  We can’t build a chaos sequence if she thinks she belongs here, you ding-dong.  Then he’s kinda…they say okay, can’t find Eleanor, can’t find Chidi, can’t find Jason.  How did you lose all the people?  That’s what you’re supposed to do.  Michael’s getting really irritable.

 

Eleanor’s soul mate says…he shows up from the gym.  Why aren’t you with Eleanor?  I told her I was going to the gym.  You keep saying that over and over again.  You told me to.  No, I didn’t.  You said yeah, she tries to confess, you were supposed to avoid her.  He goes, that was an example.  So, Michael’s getting more and more…you know, chuffed, I would say.  How many times you tell her you’re going to the gym?  Five?  No, nine times.  So then, yeah, he goes this is not what I signed up for.  I liked my old job better than this, and it wasn’t as a quarterback.  Then everybody starts agreeing, like Michael’s really messing this up.  Then he says I’m going to the gym for real.  Then he goes okay, everybody, let’s just find the four humans.  Now, he says.  So, he’s really get…wow, he really…so then we have Chidi and Eleanor at her place.

 

Chidi’s pacing.  You’re trying to get a personal best on your Fitbit?  He goes, this is a tremendous amount of information.  You’re not supposed to be here.  You and I met here.  Somehow we met before.  It would have been advanced lessons because…she goes, were you a good person?  Oh, yeah.  Oh, no; I drank almond milk.  So, of course I’m gonna be here in the Bad Place, or I…not supposed to be in the Good Place.  She goes well, we better figure it out.  That’s the commercial.  Then we have Jason meet up with Janet.  He tells her he’s not a silent monk; he’s a DJ from Jacksonville named Jason.  I’m supposed…Michael tells me I’m supposed to be a monk.  I’m supposed to have a best friend and live in a yogurt.  She goes, yurt.  Oh yeah, yurt for short.  He goes, but he won’t leave me alone.

 

I already have a best friend, actually; Pillboi.  He goes, can I live with you?  She goes oh, I live in a boundless void.  So yeah, Jason’s talking about his best friend, Pillboi, and that he doesn’t want to go back to his yogurt or yurt.  They can’t go with Janet ‘cause she lives in a boundless void.  But she does do this great piece of…I guess that’s reflective listening; she says there’s certain aspects of your existence here in the Good Place that are confusing, and you’re searching for some place where you’ll feel less lonely.  She goes, I know.  Then he hugs her.  She says, what’s that?  He says, you’re my friend.  You helped me.  You’re nice to me.  She says, okay.  She gives him a very robotic hug back.  Then we see the Scanlon.  Chidi’s reading the note.

 

He says this is intense stuff, so either you ripped the page out of a random book or we were working together for a long time.  Then Michael comes in.  Eleanor hides the note.  He says oh, so happy you two met.  I’m just apologizing for all the commotion earlier.  They say oh yeah, totally, totally.  First night in the afterlife could be tough.  Don’t worry about us, Michael.  He says, okay.  He says Chidi, why don’t you head home?  It’s late.  Then Tahani comes in with the sash to apologize.  I want to stop and give you your sash back.  Give you your…don’t give me any sash back, please.  She says yeah, I made a fool of myself, stained my cargo pants which are comfortable…praising off-the-rack separates.  Oh, no.  Then Michael says, we better go.  It’s late here.  She goes, something is off.  Chidi and Eleanor exchange a look.

 

Her soul mate comes and Eleanor goes okay, this is definitely suspect, here.  Then Chidi’s soul mate comes in and then Michael’s still, again, trying to maintain control.  Let’s get outta here.  Then Jason comes in with Janet.  She says Jason needs to talk to you privately.  Oh, really?  Okay, bye.  Eleanor says this is the wise monk.  This could be the key to the mystery.  Luang comes in.  Michael’s totally lost control.  Let’s go back to the yurt.  Jason says homie, no.  He says, this guy’s supposed to be my best friend.  He’s not my best friend.  He’s from Jacksonville named Pillboi.  We used to have fun together, and this guy is not fun.  More jokes in there.  Eleanor says, okay.  Then Eleanor’s soul mate comes in.  She says yeah, what are you…and he goes…takes his shirt off right away and says, gotta get back to the gym.

 

Then everybody’s confused, then Eleanor breaks it down.  This is not the Good Place.  Michael’s forking with us.  Jason says, like a prank show?  Oh yeah, perfect analogy.  It’s a prank show we’ve been on before.  I had a note.  I put it in Jackie’s mouth.  No, Janet, Chidi says.  Correct.  Michael does his laugh.  He goes, Eleanor Shellstrop, you gotta be kidding me.  Can’t believe you pulled a trick on me.  I’m impressed with your thinking, but next time…’cause I was…I’m relieved ‘cause I didn’t realize…I couldn’t figure out why everything went bad so quickly.  But next time you won’t be so lucky.  Next time?  She goes yeah, he’s gonna do it again.  She tries to put it in her mouth.  He goes, that’s not gonna work.  Tahani says this is unacceptable.  I’ll speak to your superior.  Then Michael snaps.  Everything goes white.

 

Then he says third time’s a charm for the team meeting.  He definitely is losing his people here.  He goes, that was my…he goes, don’t worry; no note this time.  Couldn’t have seen that coming.  He’s got a giant purple lavender bow-tie.  He checks to make sure Janet doesn’t have any notes.  Janet’s in a little bit different outfit, a smarter…what is that, teal?  Teal…I don’t know, and she…her hair’s in a…I don’t know, is that a bun?  I don’t know what haircuts are called.  Then Amy O says have you talked to Shawn?  Michael goes oh, totally I checked in with Shawn.  He knows all about it; very supportive.  Then he says, any more questions?  He ignores Vicky who’s trying to ask a question.  He goes okay, let’s get out there and do it.  Then he starts recording himself.  Testing, one, two three.  Shawn FaceTimes in.

 

He goes, you’re supposed to give me an update, Michael.  Michael goes oh boy, is it going good.  Holy cow.  Chaos is going totally great.  Better than the first time.  Eleanor did exactly what we thought; even behaved worse than the first one.  He goes, everything’s on track.  Smooth as silk.  Everything’s great.  They sneak in a couple more jokes and he goes yeah, we’re doing things the old fashioned way back here, but good luck with attempt number two ‘cause there will be no attempt number three.  There’s a pause on Michael.  He thinks about it, then he calls Eleanor in for attempt number three, and the episode comes to a close.  So, goodnight and we’ll see you soon in the Good Place.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(www.leahtranscribes.com)

Notable Language:

• Fosheepish
• My soulmate will be books
• Suboptimal

Notable Culture:

• Miami Vice
• The Good Place
• Aaron Rodgers

Notable Talking Points:

• Everybody in coffee commercials sleeps great
• Decorating with Pinwheels
• Scooter doesn’t know what haircuts are called