1040 – Biscuits | Great British Bake You Off to Sleep C5/S8 – E2
Your fortune comes tonight like a sandwich cookie made of pillows at the end of a meandering bored game.
Episode 1040 – Biscuits | Great British Bake You Off to Sleep C5/S8 – E2
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Well, I forgot to say…patrons, friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. That’s embarrassing. This is literally the day the 1000th episode’s coming out, so that’s why I’m laughing so much, ‘cause…pretty funny I made that error on…I went straight into the opening without the pre-opening. I got…can’t open a can without getting the…you can’t open a can with a can opener until you get the can opener out, Scoots. Put that on a pillow. Thanks, patron peeps.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is to create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, things on your mind you’re thinking about, so thoughts about the past, the present, the future, the room, your blankets. These are thoughts I had last night. So thoughts, feelings, anything you’re feeling emotionally that’s coming up for you, feelings about thoughts, could be feelings about…they could just be there.
It could be physical sensations, it could be changes in time, temperature, routine, other stuff going on. A lot of stuff, and I know; situational stuff, stuff that doesn’t feel situational. That’s…somebody had to…even though I…some people have to remind me of that stuff, because sometimes when you tell people that, it doesn’t feel true. Even when I’m saying it now, they say okay, that’s…this…so, here’s something that only makes sense in the past; this too shall pass…only makes sense in the past. You know what I mean? If you listen to this podcast, you say Scoots, you’re right about that. It’s one of those things that really…just give me the advice in the past. I need it all the time. But you say…you would only be thankful for it in the past, too. You say okay, after it passed, I said huh, yeah, you’re right.
So…oh, where was I? Oh, this is a sleep podcast here to put you to sleep. It’s full of advice that could be called trite or quaint. It could not be called quaint, my brain just said, but anyway. It’s a podcast that’s here to take your mind off of stuff and put you to sleep. What I propose to do is…yeah, I’m trying to create this safe place. I’m gonna smooth it, I’m gonna pat it, I’m gonna rub it down, I’m gonna say safe place. Then I’m gonna send my…that’s just to invite you in and say hey. But then I move away from it because I want you to have your own space. Sometimes I forget to say that, but in my mind I back away. First I do a poof. Smooth it, I pat it, I rub it down, then when I say safe place, I do kind of a poofy move with my hand, and then a presentation move. There’s your safe place. I’m walking away.
Luckily I have…I do it in a clear pathway that I know is…that I cleared ahead of time, or it was on my to-do list; clear the pathway from the safe place that you’re gonna walk backwards away from. Then you say okay, now it feels more safe. No offense to you, Scoots, but I want to check out the place and get comfortable. I say, exactly. Then I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. You’ve witnessed both of those. Means I’m gonna get mixed up, I’m gonna go off-topic, I’m gonna talk a lot of nonsense, all of it to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep. That’s the most important thing, so you can fall asleep.
Now, this podcast does not work for everybody, but give it a few tries and see if it does. That’s what most listeners say, is hey, at first I didn’t get it or it got on my nerves or I didn’t like it or I was wondering where it was going. Then on the second and third try, I realized oh, it’s more of a passive boat ride through…where you say well, this…yeah, this is interest…this is not bad. So, oh, what was my point? Oh, you. So, the reason the show exists is to help you fall asleep, because your sleep is important. You getting the sleep you deserve is the most important thing. Whether this show works for you or not, there’s other sleep podcasts you could check out. Sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou.
But the whole idea is that if you get the sleep you need, if bedtime becomes something that is less dreadful and more neutral or maybe positive…and then you say well, I’m getting some more rest. I feel more relaxed. At least I’m…I feel more neutral about bedtime. Then you start to get the rest you need, that you deserve. Your world’s gonna be a little more manageable and ideally, a better place to be in. That’s true for our whole world. It really is true. So, that’s important to me, to live in a…the fact that I…well, this is the other side of it, is I know how it feels. So, the fact that I could be a part of maybe you feeling a little bit better about the world you’re in because I’ve been in a world that’s similar; dreading bedtime, wonder…uncertainty, frustration, loneliness, a lot of other things.
If I can help you with that, that’s important to me ‘cause I know how it feels and I know it will make the world a better place to be in, even if it’s a tiny bit. You say well, if you feel neutral about bedtime, going from how I feel about it sometimes, even if it’s…I guess it is like that baseball sport, right? I mean, I can strike out…I don’t think I’d be…well, I did…I wouldn’t even swing the bat most of the time, to be honest. I never talked about my Little League days because they really are…what is…is there a word for a combination of humiliation and emasculation? I’m not…I’m empowered by it now, but I don’t even think I would really swing the bat, just because I was worried. I was very concerned. So…but now I swing the bat, I guess, to put you to sleep.
But even if it doesn’t work, even if it just makes things neutral 33% of the time, that’s one of the better people in baseball or the best, I think, if you’re over three hundred. So, yeah. You say wow, you got…you really…I’d say yeah, I’m really…I’m looking to make your bedtime neutral one-third of the time. Then it really…but we’re all laughing ‘cause you say well, that would…actually, thinking about it, that would be pretty good, ‘cause you only work…we’d be halfway…I don’t know. I don’t know what a third of seven is. Two, four, six. Definitely over two. Like, 2.3. So then, we’re almost to…we’re almost halfway through the week, and we can build from there. So, that’s why I make the show. Let’s see, other things you need to know if you’re new; this podcast does not really put you to sleep.
It’s here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff. I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie if you’re…if you live in the coastal region, your bore-bruh. So, I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep. Even if you can’t sleep, I’m here to keep you company. If you can’t sleep or you need a break during the day or you just want to lie there and listen, I’m here to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep. That is my calling. Also, the podcast is not really for listening. You can listen to it. Now, there are people that listen to it, but it’s more of a podcast to be there…that…where you can listen to it. You could listen to it. Instead of a should, it’s a could.
You say, I could listen to Scoots, but I don’t really need to, or I kind of barely listen to him sometime…I listen sometimes; other times I’m not listening. I mean, that’s how my listening is 99…six…most of the time anyway. You say uh-huh, uh-huh. Oh, yeah. Wait, what did you say? Okay, I got the important part. You’re frustrated with my listening. So, what was my…? Oh, you don’t really listen to it. Just kinda…some people barely pay attention and some people listen, or some people turn it down to a mumble. So just kinda see how it goes at first. But if you’re kinda waiting for the show to start or get to the point or to get to a bedtime story or to get to something sensible or familiar…I guess ‘cause we…this show’s very different than most stuff.
Kinda just go along for the journey, ‘cause this is a podcast that’s always going and never gets started. I’m going nowhere…going nowhere fast and slow, but I’m always…always going nowhere. That’s it; there you go. There’s a new tagline for the show; always going nowhere. Always going nowhere. Somebody remind me of that. So, what else do you need to…? Oh, structure of the show can really throw new listeners off and can be a natural source of frustration, so I want to talk about that. That’s understandable, especially if you’re new. Then once you get settled into the show, then you can kinda start to make adjustments. But the show, it goes out to a couple hundred thousand people.
So, it’s kind of…the show is designed in a certain way, but it is…you can make changes, but the majority of the people use the show this way. That doesn’t mean there’s a wrong or right way to use the podcast. It just kinda fits with the mission of the show. So, the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, can openers everywhere so that you feel welcome and seen. That’s the start of trying to win over your skeptic or whatever. Then there’s support for listeners because like I said, you’re important. So, there’s support if you’re having a tough time right now, there’s support for communities that the show exists in around the world and that I live in and that we all live in, then there’s support for the podcast.
That goes with the goal of the show being…coming out twice a week for free so that paying for the show is 100% optional. Sponsor support and listener support makes that possible. Then there’s the intro, so there’s sponsor stuff, then there’s the intro. The intro goes on for about twelve to twenty minutes of me rambling to introduce the show, but it’s different every time so you can’t quite adjust to it or whatever parts of you keep you awake, they…it’s new every time, but it’s also familiar. It’s around twelve to twenty minutes to…’cause for most listeners, it eases you into bedtime. It’s part of your bedtime routine or your future bedtime routine, whether you’re listening while you’re getting ready for bed, you’re doing something in your bedroom or you’re in bed getting comfortable.
I’ve learned for me that I have to plan that in for how much sleep I want to get, is a wind-down. I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s wiggle room. Maybe wiggle your toes though, or you could wiggle in bed. It could be wiggle time. Just like a landing strip; the bedtime version of dusk, the sun setting. Now, there are people that fall asleep during the intro and they look so lovely sleeping and we’re so happy for them. There’s a small percentage of people that skip ahead to twenty minutes or something or thirty minutes to kinda listen to the more story stuff or the Great British Bake Off stuff. There’s people on Patreon that listen to story-only episodes. But actually, there’s probably more people on Patreon that listen to all-intro episodes, which is ironic, I guess.
So, you can kind of adjust as you get used to the show, I guess is what I’m saying. But for most people, they kind of barely listen to the intro while they’re doing something else, and then they get in bed and then they start to fall asleep during the Great British Bake Off stuff. So that’s…so it’ll be the intro, then there’s sponsor stuff again so the show can be free and come out twice a week. Then there’s…there’ll be a…we’ll cover a episode of the Great British Bake Off, and it won’t be familiar…I mean, I guess it could be familiar, but for the most part, it’ll be mildly entertaining. You say okay, how many…this one, a lot of alliteration coverage. You’re gonna say Scoots, I don’t think you know what that…and I say you’re right, I don’t know what that word means.
I have a general misunderstanding of…I’d say I don’t…it’s not that I don’t know; I just have a large area of misunderstanding about it. So, that’ll be that part, and then there’s some thank-yous at the end. So that’s the structure of the show. You heard why I make the show. It’s difficult. This is a difficult podcast to…the only podcast…if you love it, you never hear it. Sleep With Me. But it is just hard…there’s no other way to say it; this is a very different podcast. It’s weird and it’s kinda for people that like quirky, strange stuff, or you just like calling somebody or you feel lonely, I guess. Now, this isn’t gonna help everybody that feels that way. For a lot of people, they’re still in bed with somebody else they care…and that cares about them. It’s that they need their rest too, right?
So, I’m just here to keep you company, just like a friend would if you had a friend…but you know, your friend would need sleep, so I guess that’s the reality. Not all of us have a friend that can talk to us on-demand with new material twice a week but that you could call on five times a week that has hundreds and hundreds of episodes ready to go. So, that’s where the podcast…that’s the gap we fill. So, I’m glad you’re here to check it out and try it, or thank you so much for coming back again and again and again, all you regular listeners, too. If you’re new, give it a few tries. See how it goes. That’s all I can ask. So, I’m glad you’re here. I really hope I can help you fall asleep. I yearn and I strive to do so, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to do it for you for free twice a week.
Alright everybody, it’s Scoots here. It’s time for a Great British Bake Off, Biscuit Week, Collection 5. Sandi’s at a table in a field, talking. Another great day of baking ahead. Noel comes running in with a big bag of flour and a wheelbarrow. How’d you get it in there? Self-raising. Then we have the teaser. Let me bust open my notes, too. We got Biscuit Week. Sandi’s sitting with tea. Eleven remain. Noel; wheelbarrow. Self-raising joke pun. Preview; stress city. Spirits down. Noel and Sandi…he’s snacking. I want to…he looks at the camera. Three biscuit based, so we have alliteration one. Prue and Paul; alliteration two. Flavor filling or something; alliteration three. Devilishly different; alliteration four. Then Paul thought on this one…equally sized. Color…hard and sift all over wrap. Okay, so they’re eating snacks.
Where does…? He’s snacking. Did you eat all the biscuits? I thought I would do some eating stuff while you do some speaking stuff. You take the biscuit, she says. That’s when he looks at the camera. It’s Biscuit Week. No crumbs left for Sandi. He even eats the crumb. Hands her the empty plate. Okay, so, hard and soft all over…wrap. That can’t be right. Equally-sized colored biscuits. But they have to do two…twenty-four sandwich biscuits. Baking…no, pecan and malt; that’s what Liam’s working on. Sounds good. Fifties love. Liam’s love of malt. I love malt. Him and merm Prue talk about being given malt…so good. Soft snap; that’s E…I put E4 but I think that’s already E5. Let’s see, one, two, three…yeah, devilishly different was four. 225 grams. Bite bakes biscuit. Pitachio extract via Russia for Julia.
Matt and Ned; that’s Julia’s husband and their dog. I’ll know soon. I don’t know. Good question; I’m not sure who’s Matt or Ned. Ned could be either one. Sandi flavors…talks about flavors and instant memory. I liked that. Chatting me up. Manage everything and nothing. Steven talking Rome. I put a note to talk about that. Music and baking. Semolina flour, so we’ll have to…right now Liam’s on the screen talking. Cookie or biscuit? So, will it snap? Soft snap. They all laugh. I don’t know what that means, but they were laughing like it was a innuendo. You…no, no. Okay, Yan is up. Peanut butter banana. Her wife’s after-Zumba snack. Castor sugar for rise and fall. Bingo wings? Question mark. I don’t know what that means. Start chilling. Steam Jones and tones. Shalple. One-hand piping. Okay, the dog is Ned.
I just confirmed. James accuracy…Holly and Ethan…Viennese whirl. Base of biscuits…that’s…I guess that’s another alliteration I didn’t even notice, and peanut butter banana; butter banana. Keen eye. Tom…something in amaretto. Flo; filling. That’s E6, but way more raspberry gin. Gin jam. That might be my…the alliteration of the episode; gin jam. Okay, Steven’s talking about Rome. Coffee and a amaretti biscuit. Warm Sunday morning, bells tolling. Incredibly romantic. Steven loves to listen to music, but I’m not sure what he’s listening to. I think electronic. Okay, so I’ll let that run. Base of biscuits…oh yeah, gin jam was my favorite. A bit of booze. So much alliteration, I can’t even keep track. Noel has a bunch of jokes about gin makes him weepy, which is funny. Looking at pictures from Yan’s wedding.
Alright, now on the screen; banana cream filling. Scientific tricks up her sleeve. Chris is talking high seas and whiskey. Spandex; no help. Or maybe he says Sandi, are you gonna help me? Sophie talking…bond…oh, Sophie sounds like she was teaching skiing. I was like, to…it sounded like she was training people to be in a bond movie. So I put ‘teaching Bond villains to skate.’ Not exactly. Lemon cream? Is that true? Right now James and Tom are piping. Two pipers…two bakers piping. Chilling your dough…won’t ooze out. I liked that. Stacey; marshmallow fluff. Edible glitter…taste the bling. Paul and Stacey do not get along or she’s just not having Paul’s kind of aggressive passive-aggressive behavior, so she’s really assertive.
She’s like…and she doesn’t…I don’t think…I think she actively doesn’t appreciate his little games. I don’t know if that’s the best approach or not; I just like it. Rods…doweling is guide. Wait…you…gravity sconce. Liam uses a ruler. So this is…everybody’s doing different piping or measuring so…’cause their biscuits have to be the same size. Love a lot of biscuit. Right now Tom’s working on coffee and amaretto kisses. Amaretto buttercream, chocolate ganache. Kate and Flo have molds or what we could call a cookie cutter, but that they’ve self-designed or chosen. Flo’s working on her filling; raspberry…raspberries and raspberry gin. Gin jam, there you go. Gin jam like…hers look like slices of bread biscuits. Reading furniture? Refurnishing furniture. Then something I can’t read. Francily with family.
I don’t know. We’ll get there. Rum, coconut, pineapple; a pirate’s biscuit. Relative…this is Kate, or some of it’s Kate. Oh, Chris is actually weighing his whiskey, though, at least. He has a passion for the high seas. Okay, baking time and stress. I’m over…only one oven. Stress…counting and rushing. Rotating…Liam…all start to rush. Stress music. Julia; horse sand that I, too. Assembly…oh, she…no, that’s correct; horse sound. She makes this sound with her mouth that I do when I’m stressed or when I’m trying to…and I’ve never done it on the podcast ‘cause it’s…but it sounds like a horse when they just let out air and their lips kinda make a noise. I guess this is an aside moment, because…so, this one time I was playing at someone’s…someone had one of those poker parties back when the poker craze was big, and…or a poker tournament, multi-table tournament.
Wasn’t that expensive, but was expensive enough. I don’t know, twenty or fifty bucks to buy…to play. I’m not very good at poker, but at the time, I was reasonably okay. So, I had got to the final table, like they say, and we took a break either halfway through the final table or during it, and I…and there was one person that had the most money. They were also kind of the biggest personality, but they were also…they were a little bit…they played more by the seat of their pants, I would say, and by their personality than by a specific strategy other than that. Not that…well, I mean, that’s just something you can work with.
So…but they’re also one of those people that’s not always nice but kind of in a harmless way because you can tell they feel they’re doing it because they feel…so, I was in the bathroom in front of them and I was trying to get myself ready for this last round of the last table, because that’s when you…’cause I was a little…I was more than a little bit behind, but I wasn’t…I was in a okay place. I made that horse sound and they were listening into the bathroom and they thought I was sick to my stomach, so they went and told everybody at the table. Actually…but there was so much else going on. I heard them kinda do it. It didn’t really bother me ‘cause I was like, who would do that, one? ‘Cause this is…we’re in our thirties. Then two…oh, well, okay. Now it’s on. So, I don’t know.
Whenever I think of that horse sound, I just think of that moment. It always brings me back. But I still do it. So anyway, Julia horse sound. Piping bags…Sandi tastes like chocolate. Flo; done early. Not good, probably. Oh, here’s cake’s…coconut shells. Oh, Titanic afternoon tea. So, that was probably what I was trying to remember, is that Kate had a family member on the Titanic, in the engine room. She researched recipes and these were actually served; coconut sandwich biscuits were. So…and they said wow, you’re…and her relative was with us; did not big farm. So, I think that’s what I was trying to note there. Okay, Sandi’s cheering them on. Makeup…oh, then they talk about this glitter that…with…Paul just can’t get over it. So, Noel’s like, why don’t we make up Paul like David Bowie with glitter?
Then Steven’s kinda getting some help from everyone. I can’t…well, I’m not sure. Tom…or no; oh, I did put no, Tom’s getting help from everyone and Tom’s still trying to finish. Sandi’s like, put everything down, more than once. There’s a lot of sighs or shires? Then other things. Liam and Flo; input true. I don’t know what that means. Then eventually the judging will come up on the screen, but we’ll get a little bit ahead of it. Starts with Liam, I think, ‘cause I can’t read my handwriting, but uniform; tick, tick, tick, all the things. Squishy, very interesting kick. Good. Too something, and so Paul says see me like he’s a teacher or something. Too chewy or too something; C-H…then James goes almost there or something. Delicious, quality…something else. Fantastic, I think.
Then close…I don’t see anyone that has a name with a…clues is what my handwriting looks like. Rich, bitter, too much. Yan; even, filling is set, fantastic, perfect. Then Flo; a little squishy, biscuit hard, no gin flavor. Unflavored or something? I don’t know. Not good, basically. Steven; love the cherry middle. Paul…sizes…bit plural. Like I said, sometimes my…Kate; icing…dovedily. Tough, but flavor good. I think her icing is probably lovely, is what they say. Stacey; look amazing. Neatly-filled. Taste good. Clear, well done. Sandi’s eating chocolate, whiskey chocolate, now, and saying how good it is. Chris is trying to be flirtatious. Julie…Jell-O Jigglers. Hers are…Julia; sorry, Julia. Hers are jiggly. Scruffy, too much, moist font…more yeast. Probably none of that is…I mean, it was definitely jiggly. They were having fun with that.
Sophie, okay…it looked like sculpone, my handwriting. Twenty-four identical…look remarkable, delicious. Like a citrus and Waldorf. Yeah, Tom; size is good. Triumph. Sandi; not happy with Tom’s behavior. Then we go to the talking heads. Tom and Stacey are happy. Put glitter on face. Stress…Liam and someone else. But yeah, we’ll see the judging in a sec and we’ll go to that. But then they go back to the tent. Paul; don’t fold off…we papa. Do fortune cookie, must. Have fort…something. Double-bake. Lots of hand-holding. Faff…too much of faff. I don’t know what faff is. Almond and orange…Stacey says that. Table talk…two or three at a time. Liam and…Liam’s complimenting Flo’s cookies, or biscuits, I guess. Sorry, biscuits. Judgment time. Signature sandwich biscuits. So, Liam’s up first.
I want to have these malted pecan shorties. Tick, tick, tick. So, what was the thing? They said let’s have a look. Paul bites. A bit squishy. It’s crumbling. Actually a lot happening here. Prue’s like, this has got a kick. I like it, but this is a meal. Too chunky. Oh, that’s what it says. Then Paul says see me. Everybody laughs. He laughs. James; rhubarb and custard whirls. They’re twenty-four identical. Very delicious. Vanilla…getting the rhubarb, which is lovely, Prue says. Get the custard, but the vanilla…quality biscuits, fantastic. He exhales. Chris; chocolate chia seed biscuits. Rich, bitter chocolate. Whiskey is too strong, he thought. So, he tends to cut people off with complimenting himself, and then it backfires. Yan; Miss Marian’s PB ‘n’ B biscuits. Perfectly even, a bit oozy. No denying banana and peanut.
The filling would have set…would have been a fantastic biscuit. Flo’s gin jam booty…buddies or something. Squashy. Biscuits hard. Worked it too much. No gin. Could have been wonderful. The jam’s nice. Steven’s biscuits; quite chewy middle. Crisp on the outside. Love it. Irregular sizes though, Paul says. Flavors and texture of almond and coffee together. Chewiness in a bite; perfect. Then Kate. Oh, she’s got a nice…icing’s dodgy. Oh, yeah, they say it’s dodgy. Tough. It’s offering me a fight. It’s too tough. Story of two halves. Pineapple’s there…yum. Then we’re at Stacey’s sparkly fluffs. Look amazing. Thank you. Consistently, neatly filled. A bit concerned about the glitter. Paul bites it, puts it down. Tastes great. Crispy on the outside, cookie-like on the inside.
Marshmallow’s set beautifully, so when you bite in, it doesn’t pour out. Packed with the fluff. You gotta be careful not to be too sweet. Sand…biscuit ticked all the boxes, thank you. Then Julia’s dancing biscuits, ‘cause they kinda have a Jell-O Jiggler. They all laugh; boing. They all…yeah, they’re laughing. A bit scruffy, though. Very different. Everything’s a bit strong. Too much, Prue says. Not particularly pleasant, but daring of you. Most fun jiggling it, Sandi says. Then we’re at Sophie’s…oh, lemon limoncello. Twenty-four identical biscuits. You’ve succeeded. Look incredible. Clean lines, two sides. Paul bites. A bit of drippage. It’s delicious. Thank you. You can really taste the limoncello. Beautiful flavor. Beautifully cooked, tart. What’s not to like? Wonderful, thank you. Then we go to Tom’s. I like the size.
The bake looks good. Tell us about the filling. Chocolate ganache on two sides and then coffee and amaretto. Biscuit dough is a triumph, Prue says. Thank you. Never mind about running out of time. Sandi says just move on, Tom. So, he…I don’t think he actually got it done, but they gave him a little wiggle. He says that he feels good. He’s happy. Stacey’s happy; she needed a boost. Now I’m getting everybody mixed up. Julia’s a little stressed. Liam’s stressed ‘cause he’s constantly getting this feedback and he’s kinda getting treated like a kid. He doesn’t say that, but I’m saying it on his behalf. But he says I gotta put these two things together. Then we go back to the tent. Where are we at, here? Two or three at a time. Oh, my notes. Short time to shape snap. Oh, this is Paul saying everything.
Don’t fold under pressure. Sandi says off you two pop. Twelve fortune cookies. We gotta do twelve. Prue’s got a glass rule. Right twelve things. Quite punchy. Really make it out. Mixer versus hand mixer. Noel says I’m sure you’ll get mad skills. On your mark, get set, bake. But everybody’s…what the heck? Two circles; smooth it, pat it down, say safe place. Three minutes in the oven? That’s how long…oh, Yan’s doing five. Sit and monitor. Padre the seal. Hard to shape. Okay, so shaping these was like shaping math…nuzzle…the ones who got it make it look easy. So, it is technical, like Paul’s telling Prue right now, ‘cause you gotta do…time…you gotta time the bake. You also have to shape them right as they come out, which I still don’t understand. I think you just fold it and then you shape it on the rim of a glass.
Yeah, you fold it again on the glass. Wouldn’t work for me. I mean, that’s not my area of expertise. Dexterity, and they gotta have a snap. They show Paul and Prue…one is orange and one is almond flavor. Remember, this is Prue’s first season, so she’s making jokes with Paul about if she’ll have a job. Okay, make it look easy, but panic. Got hard for fist? Got hard fast. Yan exhales. I already forgot how they did it. Oh, that was my own note. I think the first person to do it is the dad character whose name escapes me. Cornish pastry…can’t do it, but you can’t give up. Right now everybody’s going through and looking at how are they gonna do it. Hazelnuts…flow down…now laughing. Stacey; frustrated. Stacey…they say Stacey, you gotta take advice from your own things. Orange circle…pattern with stick.
Disguise…a haddock on wars. Half an hour left. So bad…that’s it-ish. Last batch. Flo is fine in dipping and nutting. That’s hand…that’s curd. We got oven monitoring going on now. Liam down, chin up. Then they do the judging. Right now in the show, people are trying to figure out how to fold them. Oh, James is the person who figures out how to fold it first that they show. Again, no one knows how to fold them, so it’s really hard. If you’ve made them before, you have a huge advantage. So, number one, they say shape even. Crack almond…number two, even shape, rubbery, delicious. Number three; not enough color. Cracks well, but thick. Yeah, some people are trying to shape the circles, but James is like okay, fold it and squidge it. Oh, Sophie’s doing it, too. Then you put them in something to hold them.
Raw batter, number four. Number five; cracked, nice something. Number six; raw, lost its shape. Number seven; pretty good, nice bake. Number eight; better factor rubbery. Number ten; you’re gonna…oh, you’re gonna poo candy floss. That was Sophie’s. She has the best things. Not really sealed. Crack is good. Ten; what are these? This is a right mess. These are Flo’s. Raw, but good almond flavor. Eleven; pretty baked well, crispy, no flavor though. Then we go into the placements. I don’t know. Let me see if I can figure this out. We got…in first is Yan, second is Sophie. I don’t know. I don’t see Kate on here. Looks like Julia, Tom, Steven, Liam, Kate…oh, there’s Kate. Stacey, Flo…so, I don’t know. There’s a couple people missing. Right now, yeah, Stacey’s frustrated. Liam’s like, what are these?
Then we go to the talking heads sequence. They got one hour left on the screen, though. Everybody’s orange essence, orange food coloring. Don’t put too much in, though. This one’s gonna hurt a little. That…does that…is that what that says? Dill…tart a little? Sheep…oh, that was probably the talking heads. Cold morning that they arrive at the tent. Some people are taking their jackets off. Showstopper…Sandi’s excited about…so is Noel…Willy Wonka stuff. Biscuit board games. More alliteration after I stopped paying attention for a while. Must be able to play…so, it’s a biscuit board game that you have to be able to play and eat, everything. 3.5 hours. Also at this point, I notice how good the post-production voiceover is and mood-setting, because you have Noel and Sandi’s normal fun interaction, but especially Noel’s.
No, yeah, both of their voiceover really does add a lot and it’s very soothing and calming in the midst of the chaos, and also how well the story is told through editing. I mean, that’s kind of a key for reality game shows, really how they build the tension and stuff. So, Paul and Prue…neat writal…legabloog. Got to take good. Three burrows dare. Three does done. Oh yeah, three does done; that’s alliteration. Now Liam’s on the ground, a little down. They’re doing the judging. Robust to play with, but texture that is good. They’re doing the judging. Julia’s; they like their crack. Keep smiling. I could taste the almond and the orange. Steven; a little bit rubbery. No crack, but delicious. Slightly underdone. Kate; moving on. No coloring. Cracks well. Break your teeth, though; they’re thick. Who’s that guy?
I don’t…the sailor guy. They spit it out, both of them. Raw batter. Tom; strong…needs to be stronger color. Cracked nicely. Nice flavor; just need more color. Stacey; quite raw, lost their shape. No snap. They’re not baked enough. The father figure…nice break, nice flavor. Rather good one. Sophie; look good, beautiful. Good little heart. Good crack. A little rubbery. Are we going to say this today? You’ll mostly poo candy floss. Then Paul says you’ll get bored of writing fortunes. So, you gotta give it to somebody that’s funny and willing to do it. Liam; not a happy picture, they say. Don’t think these were ready. They didn’t seal up. Beautiful crack, just not the right shape. Flo; what are these? I’ve made a right mess of this. Is that really a fortune or not, or did Paul just make it up? They’re raw.
Almond flavor…Yan; very pretty. Cylindrical shape. Broke very well. Coming through nicely. Crispy, nice flavor, very good. So yeah, then they go through and do the judging as we said. So, let’s get back to the…Worms and Ladders is what Sophie’s making. I’ve sort of done it before. She’s doing her board of different…instead of using…she’s gonna make her board like chocolate and vanilla squares, but she’s gonna make them instead of frosting them, and then flood it with royal icing. Ignorance is bliss. Tom is doing the same idea but with carmine butter. Naive, childlike time…who needs it? What does time even mean? I don’t know what carmine butter is. Cop It is a game that…why can’t I think of the father figure’s name? But his wife had played it as a kid.
It looks a bit like the game Trouble we play in the US. Coppentine…I don’t know what that means. But they have board game night at that house, and they like…the kids like playing it. Oh, competitive ‘cause they have two boys. Stacey has a own…her own game design called Get to School, with a Good Boy Star Biscuit if you get to…if you win. Breakfast bagel? That can’t be right. Breakfast…something. Kate; obscure grains of paradise. Tastes a bit like gin. She’s a 90s person, so she wants to play…she’s gonna make a Jumanji game; orange, cardamom. Flo is trying to kickstart her recovery, I think. She has a game; Pick My Bones, old Mr. Neverwell, a game where you play with the Adam’s apple. Water on the knee…thousand-dollar fee. I love Flo’s laugh. Bring it on. Board baked early. Intro over. Invite over?
Julia is designing the British Baking Game with ginger and lime. You adventure in bake level. Liam; match haddaway. Had a cookie in a tin. Showstopper gets a hundred playing pieces to operate. I think some of this is Liam and some of it is Steven. Little hats…Liam; three sets of game pieces, multi…oh, he’s making a multi-functional…loads of pieces, classroom classics like on a…like a chalkboard, edible chalkboard. Lemon, ginger, and honey, ‘cause these are comforting flavors. Chris is doing the great Bedando Thor…that’s what it looks like. The Great British Sale Off. Dice…bit big. It needs six hours. Can you give me six hours? No. Steven has even more pieces. This is intense. Cotton gingerbread class…3D design. Right now they’re showing Tom’s Pipes and Ladders. A bit childlike. Shall we call it naive?
Let’s call it naive. Have you nailed your timing? Not at all. You’re a free spirit. Time, who needs it? What is time? It’s just a construct. If Prue says you ran out of time, say what does time mean? Oh, James is the father figure. He’s talking about copy right now. Steven’s working on a thousand pieces. Ninety minutes remaining. Then we get a outside shot. Stuff starts coming out of the oven. People are double-checking. Stacey, Liam…fair in height, sticky job. Shop-bought fondant is…Tom is using, but more people were using it. I think Flo is one of the few people that made her own fondant. Liam’s working on chalkboard icing, pieces…crackage times two. So, different people’s bakes are cracking. Me bake rise. Right now they’re showing Stacey’s back to school. Looks tasty.
It’s got freeze-dried strawberries on it, which Flo’s a little concerned about. Shop-bought…oh, chalkboard icing, pieces, crackage. Me base broke, Flo says. All hara org over hours assembly. Rustic color…filling spray, nervous breaths. A lot of breathing. There’s always a breathing segment. Hot sugar? More problems. I mean, tell me about it. That’s how I’ve lived my whole life. Hot sugar? More problems. Cats, Mondays, chess shirts. Innocent Tom behind Sophie…Sophie behind. There’s a little bit of poetry there. Let’s see, we got some icing…oh, this is Kate. Just bear in mind things. Flo’s hoping her choice can kickstart her recovery, so that was right. She doesn’t do anything easy for an almond biscuit, vanilla biscuit table…colored fondant she’s making herself…borders around it. It’ll look just like the game.
Music; playful versus neat. Five minutes…breath stress. Dutch…graceful underneath. Oh, my goodness. Time…powerful piper…rush. Stomach…oh, so this…at this point when I started looking at everything coming together, this is my wheelhouse, is iced cookies…biscuits, buttery biscuits, so my stomach was growling. Time is up. Oh, lots of sad judgment time. We start with Sophie; biscuit board game. That’s nice alliteration again. Neat, equal dice…love the flavor. It works. Crispy or craspy. Good job. Then Tom; love the colors. Neat, lots…oh, there’s…I just noticed…started noticing how good the reaction shots were at this point, like building who’s gonna come in last, who’s gonna come in first? How are other people relating? How are other people feeling? But then…too soft. [MUMBLING] Drainage of farferfast.
Let’s see, Julia…game; mess. Biscuits…pelicans taste good. Yan; broken up. Lemony guide…rubbery. Liam said he’s gonna power up. James; love colors. Bang in the face. Texture’s nice. Chalon good…nice time. Liam’s making his three sets of pieces on the screen. Cocoa icing…that could be another undercover name for me, Cocoa Icing, especially if I’m traveling in…should I do that in tropical regions or northern…? Like regions towards the poles? You could call a hotel; you say hi, I’m trying to reach Cocoa Icing. I’d answer the phone; I’d forget, so then I’d say hey, call back again, and then I’ll answer. I’d say hey, this is Cocoa Icing; can I help you? Cocoa Icing here. Yeah, I’ll be…no, I’ll be dancing later under the name Noir Chardonnay. Now played by Cocoa Icing.
Yeah, I could be Cocoa Icing for…I had a dog named Coco, but when I say Cocoa Icing, it creates an…a lot of times you say okay, when I think of cocoa, I think of my old dog, Coco. When I think of Cocoa Icing, I think of something…I think of myself well-adjusted. Okay, Flo, Mr. Neverwell. Look; striding, messy, not a lot of inflation surplus, but does the job. Chris; compose, works, rough and ready. Burnt flavors, okay? Kate; messy swamp. Not getting the grains of paradise. Solid. Liam; looks unfinished. Fantastic. Delicious. Absolute elation. More deco…something. Star of the show. Then Nice and Crosses, Liam and Paul play. Liam lets Paul win. James; help…sorry. Exceptional. Sublime masterpiece. Great bake. Tastes delicious, neat as a pin, well done. Stacey; neat, beautifully done, chewy.
Raspberry…not much flavor. Too much icing. Dry as a bone. Then they go to the reaction shots, table talk, which we’ll do. Sandi loved this challenge. Chris, Stacey, and Kate are on the…and Flo are on the bottom. Not as clear cut, but they know who the winner is. Star Baker…Paul eats Sandi’s head, which was part of a game. Thank you. She baked…excused. Dental Steven. Oh, Star Baker…Sandi has a tough job. So, let’s see. We’ll run through the judging here. Right now, everybody’s trying to get their jobs done. Showstopper…running out of time. Anything I can help with? How are your piping skills, Noel? I’m known as the powerful piper. Everybody’s very focused, trying to get it done. One minute left, and then the time is up. Groaning, frowning…Tom’s trying not to touch his thing. People tossing their things.
Not everybody’s in a great mood. Then a outside shot. Then it’s judgment time. Bring up your…Sophie, go first. She brings hers up as we said. It looks pretty good. She’s kinda trying to fight off smiling. Beautifully neat. You didn’t have to ice the whole thing. Blocks look equal, dice look good. Gotta try it. They do zooming. Tom’s reaction shot, Sophie…lemon bergamot. It works and it’s a classic game. A very, very good job. Tom frowns. I don’t know why they did Tom’s reactions there, but…Steven says well done. Oh, ‘cause Tom’s next, I guess? Love your colors. Bright, terrific, neat. Mixed spice board. They bite it; he’s waiting. We see Steven and Sophie’s reactions, Tom’s eyes. Christmassy and spicy. Too soft as a biscuit, Paul says, but overall design’s fantastic. Then we go to Julia. Paul tilts his head.
She breathes through her nose. Disappointing, Prue says. Biscuits are delicious, but not too much ginger. Texture’s good. Then Yan. They show her, they show the board, they show Noel and Sandi. It’s broke…bits are broken off. It’s just a bunch of biscuits with numbers on them. The lemony one’s lovely, though. Biscuits overworked; rubbery. Matcha comes through. Then they go to James’ Cop It. Love the colors. They’re my kind of colors, Prue says. Bang in your face; love that. The cones almost worked, but they’re falling apart. You gotta play the game quick. Prue says the texture’s nice to eat. Paul likes the chocolate. Flavor’s good. Game is a nice idea. Then they say Flo, do you have to…do I have to bring it up? She jokes. She presents Mr. Neverwell, not surprised. They all have a laugh.
He is able to pick something up and take it out. Looks striking. A bit messy. You made your fondant, but you didn’t have to. They take a bite of the biscuit. Everybody…Liam to Flo reaction and the…not a lot of difference between the two in flavor, but they’re both crumbly, break easy. No chew to it. Simplistic, does the job. Then they show…then Kate says well done, Flo. She says, I’m getting bin…I’m gonna bin bag my thing. Then Chris’ sailing game. Compass works, so they’re very impressed with the compass. He’s got shots all around the thing. Rough and ready. Colorful, which is good. Landmark is rum and ginger. Scotland leaving England; they laugh. They take some bites. Biscuits are burnt. Flavors are okay. Most impressive thing is your compass, which he said, that’s not my strong suit. Paul laughs.
Kate goes. Yeah, I didn’t get the time to finish the decorations. Looks like a swamp. They take the lemon and paradise…not getting the grains of paradise; can’t taste them. It’s a bit solid. Not gonna be a huge pleasure eating this. They go Tom, Liam, Chris, Flo reaction, then Liam goes. Looks a bit unfinished, but that’s part of the thing. Could have decorated a little bit more, the game pieces. Then we get a bunch of reaction shots of Kate, Chris, Liam. Fantastic flavor. Lemon, honey, and ginger; delicious. Tricky to do, too. But he got it looking like a chalkboard. Absolutely delicious, the cinnamon and cardamom. Crumbly, melting. I’d like to see more decoration, but the biscuits are the star of the show. Now let’s play some Knots and Crosses. Is it…? Oh, I guess zero…Knots and Crosses. He lets…or Paul let Liam win?
I don’t know. We see a shot of Flo. His is really big, too. It’s a chalkboard. He’s like dude, I’m gonna tie one on tonight now that I’m safe. Steven needs help bringing his up because it’s so well done. I mean, he’s got a…basically a real, working 3D chess set. They take a look at it. It’s like a piece of art. Exceptional. They move the pieces around. It’s got tops…very sublime, delicate tops. They start eating it. He gets worried. They show Sophie, they show Tom, they show Steven. Great tasting gingerbread. Fondant’s not too thick. They take some more bites of the board. They wait. Hm, orange flavor’s delicious. Neat as a pin. Holy mackerel. Prue has to sigh ‘cause she says it’s so well done. Liam and Tom and Sophie all say great. Stacey goes up. She puts hers down. It’s a made-up game called Get to School.
Three boys, three players, ‘cause I got three boys. So neat, beautifully done. I like the school blazer. Piping is good. They take a bite of the blazer one. Chewy, rubbery. Not much flavor. Then they bite the board. From a eating point of view, it’s too much icing. So, she puts her hand over her face. We see Chris, we see Stacey. Paul’s not done. Dry as a bone. Crumbles into nothing. We see Flo. Flavor and texture is not so wonderful. She goes off. She’s down. We see Kate and Flo are down. Chris takes a drink of water with Stacey. Yan’s actually in the background talking to somebody. She’s in a good mood, though. Table talk; we got four people. We cut them all into bits. Sandi loved the challenge. Incredible array of imagination and skill, Prue notes. Steven; holy moly. Tom was very picturesque. Sophie’s as well.
Taste of hers was divine. Chris was already in trouble. Never got close to finishing anything. Stacey’s look good, but the biscuits were dry. Kate struggled; she didn’t finish hers. Too ambitious. Flo didn’t go great, so not clean-cut as you think. So, we’re gonna have to have a conversation about who’s going, but Star Baker should be easy. Paul takes a bite of Sandi. That was written in, it looks like. Then when the sun’s setting, bakers are sitting. Everybody comes out; Sandi, Noel, Prue, Paul. See Flo’s face, see all the bakers, we see they’re getting ready to announce Star Baker. Sophie’s reaction, ‘cause she was close, then Steven. Then Tom, and then they say Steven. He smiles, but a struggled smile, kinda like me. Then Sandi’s like, I gotta say who’s leaving. We see Kate, we see Stacey’s hands and then her face.
She’s breathing through her nose. Flo and Kate, Flo again. Then they say Chris, and he says what a surprise. Let’s have a hug. We get the end of the episode hugging. He’s like yeah, I’m a bread baker, man. Pastries are my thing, so I didn’t get a chance, but it was a honor and a privilege. The sun’s setting behind him and Paul says too bad. He’s got fantastic ideas. Well done, Steven says. Liam says yeah, gulp, but he’s happy. Kate’s like, I got out of this one. A lot of relieved hugs. Sophie’s disappointed she didn’t get Star Baker; maybe next week.
Noel kisses Steven on the cheek. He hugs Chris who’s leaving…alien to me. Oh, this was so beautiful; Steven’s commentary, and so relatable. He’s like, I can’t get used to this feeling. It’s alien to me. I’ve bullied myself so much and I’m finally getting praise; I don’t know what to do with it. I’ve been there. Flo said I expected to leave. She gives Liam a super hug. Not getting rid of me that easy, she says. With that, the episode ends, another enjoyable trip off to the…baking off to bed. Goodnight.
[END OF RECORDING]
- Always Going Nowhere
- Drainage of Farfurfast
- James Bond
- The Titanic
- Coppit Game
Notable Talking Points:
- Even if this podcast only has a .333 average, that’s still good in baseball
- A horse sound that Scooter makes when he’s stressed
- Fold it and Squidge it