1257 – Novelizers The Matrix Crossover

Episode 1257 – Novelizers The Matrix Crossover

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who loves podcasts. I guess that’s a lot of podcasters, but I love creative constraints…I guess is another thing. I think that’s the other thing. So, this episode is based on another podcast and creative constraints, or making it fun but making it sleepy. So, this is a crossover with The Novelizers with Andy Richter. You could find it wherever you consume your podcasts, The Novelizers, or at thenovelizers.com, or use the link in our show notes. It’s gonna be fun. If this is your first episode of Sleep With Me, though, oh boy, are you in for a treat. I’m laughing 'cause I had so much fun making this episode and looking at a scene from the movie The Matrix in a few different ways, through that sleepy lens.

 

If you’re new, though, Sleep With Me is a podcast that’s here to keep you company, take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep, to be your friend in the deep, dark night so you don’t have to fall asleep alone or toss and turn alone. You got somebody there to keep you company and say, hey, I’ll talk to you. I’ll tell you about The Matrix in a way…and describe things in a way you say, well, I don't know if that’s accurate. Then you’ll fall…probably fall asleep or you say, well, it’s kind of accurate and it’s more sleepy. Yeah, so that’s Sleep With Me in a tiny, bite-sized piece. I’m so glad you’re here because the reason I make the show; you deserve a good night’s sleep. The show does take a few tries to get used to, so give it a few tries.

 

You got nothing to lose, and if you don’t like the show, it doesn’t work out, I got a whole other list of podcasts, sleepy podcasts at sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothanks. So, if you’re already sure that this is not gonna be a second date, check that out. But it does take a few tries. There’s a lot of people that are regular listeners that pay for the podcast, that said, yeah, it took me two or three tries. But I’m so glad you’re here. What we got coming up; support so the show could be free, then a long, meandering intro which is separate from the support made to ease you into bedtime, and then later on we’ll be talking about kind of a novelization of one scene of The Matrix. Re-novel…I’ll novelize it, then I’ll forget how I novelized it, then I’ll re-novelize it again. So, let’s just see how it goes. I’m so glad you’re here. Welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. Thanks for making it possible, my patron peeps.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, like things on your mind, thoughts about the past, the present, the future, thinking thoughts, stuff you’re thinking about. I just laugh 'cause overthinking is one of my…it’s something I do automatic…I do it automatically and then I overthink about my overthinking.

 

So, it could be thoughts. It could be feelings related to those thoughts, emotions that are left over from the day or about something coming up or are just there, it could be any physical sensations, it could be changes in time, temperature, routine, work schedule, you could have a unique work schedule, maybe you have something coming up, maybe you’re going through something or going somewhere or you got guests. Whatever it is, I’m so glad to be here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff. The reason I go through all that stuff, of listing a lot of the things that keep us awake at night, is because well, one…I never realized it ‘til just now; knowing what keeps us awake doesn’t necessarily give us the obvious solution.

 

Well, it gives other people who give us advice…sleep ‘splainers, they have the…oh, well, you gotta just stop thinking. Okay. Well, I don't know if I…okay, then why don’t you think about something nice then? Just do that and then you’ll sleep…that’s what I do. I think about how oh, do-dandy my day’s gonna go next…the next day, and oh how lu-lu-lucky I was to have the day I had. That’s what I’m thinking about at bedtime. I say, okay…I know what I’ll be thinking about at bedtime; it’ll be you but…and…yeah. Thank you for that advice. You just gotta choose; think about something nice or don’t think about anything at all. The choice is yours. So, that’s one thing. The reason I list all that stuff is…well, I don't know if you’ve gotten…feelings; you just gotta…have you tried…?

 

I say, no…you know what? We’ve tried it all. Sometimes I know why I can’t sleep and sometimes I don’t know why I can’t sleep, so I couldn’t even…I’d probably just tell that person overthinking anyway…say, last night I was thinking about…oh, that’s what you gotta do. You gotta think about something, then. Okay, well, I’m not sure…well, you gotta figure out why, then. Well, that would involve my…so, I couldn’t sleep last night. I don't know…you gotta think…better think about that. Well, okay. You really…are you a professional sleep advisor? Because I’m not…oh, no, no; I’m just in you brain. I’m one of your friends in your brain. Really, one of my friends? Well, am I la-la-lucky to have you in there, sleep ‘splainer. But so, where was I? I got mixed up. Oh, whatever’s keeping you awake.

 

The reason I go through all that really is to let you know…'cause here’s the thing; when we get advice like that, a lot of times it’s well-intentioned. It’s from people that sleep good or they…they’re the hero of their own story. They think it’s well-intentioned. They don’t realize that at least for me, it makes me feel really lonely. It does hurt in a way, because I say, yeah, I’m…they do…there’s a underlying thing there; you’re doing it wrong. Or sometimes they just say that; you’re doing it wrong. Gotta think about something sweet, but not too sweet. Or, well, just…have you tried wiggling your toes? I say, okay, great, more…I thought I was just using you as an example. Oh yeah, I’m full of examples. So, it just…you know how it feels if you’ve gotten advice you can’t use and they’re confident it works for them.

 

You say, well, I don't know. I just shrug my…I said, I appreciate it. Thank you so much. I’ve gotta go…I gotta go be awkward somewhere else. I’ll be back once I’m…once those people move on, I’ll probably come back. Oh, terrific. I’ll see you in a bit. I’ll just be over here giving…I’ll be talking to other folks. So, that’s one reason I list all that stuff, is so you know you’re not alone, and I realize this is a podcast and whatever. It’s digital and pseudo, but I’m really here to keep you company and to be your friend in the deep, dark night and take your mind off of stuff and let you know you’re not alone, or to ease the loneliness a bit. Maybe that’s what I could do. So, I list all that stuff so that there’s another layer there. I may not have been through exactly what’s keeping you up at night, but I could probably relate to how it feels.

 

If you’ve…even if you say, no, none of that…you don’t get how I feel, I say, okay, I do know there’s enough people listening right now that there’s someone out there that can relate to how you feel, and they’ve been there in some similar situation, and they are right now listening to my voice, nodding their head and hoping you feel less alone, because that’s why they’re…if it’s a regular listener, that’s why they keep coming back. ‘Cause they say, I’m here. I’m not alone. So, that’s important to know. It’s also important to know you deserve a good night’s sleep. That’s why I have sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, 'cause if you would believe what the people say to me before they go to that website, you’d think I’d say, well, no, I’m not sure you should have a good night’s sleep.

 

But really, everyone deserves a good night’s sleep, and you do. If you get the sleep you need so your life is more manageable, your life’s gonna be better, and you deserve it. You deserve a bedtime you could feel neutral about or look forward to, and that’s what this show really is all about; cutting through the loneliness, letting you feel seen, and saying, hey, I’m here to put a little ease of those other feelings and to barely entertain you, to be your goofy friend in the deep, dark night, here to keep you company. So, that’s what I do, or that’s why I do the show. That’s really it, because I’ve been there. Holy cow, have I. So, what I do here is I send my voice across the deep, dark night.

 

I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones and pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, which means I overuse words, I forget what words mean, I repeat myself, I watch a movie, I read a script, I cover it, then I re-cover it, and then I forget how I covered it the first time. So, yeah, it’s…the show is very different and it’s not traditionally soothing. You say, I thought I was gonna hear some chimes and some bells and someone calm and reasonable. I say, no, I’m like your awkward neighbor down the block, and you say…or your friend. What do they say…? If you’re super successful they have one word for it, but in my word…my world, it’s quirky. I forget what they call it. If you run a tech company and you’re a little bit different, they say, oh, okay, you’re…whatever. They don’t…not charming.

 

Some part of my brain…some part of my self-esteem brain tried…they said, charming? I said, no, unfortunately no. I mean, there is a charm to us, but I’ve also been doing the show a long, long time, so it’s a developed charm because I know I’m not alone anymore. That really is where my…you say, Scoots, you’re somewhat charming. You’re just barely…you have a little bit of charm. I’d say, it’s…it really is. I’m not pandering anymore. It really is that I learned that from listeners and I said, oh yeah, I’m not alone with these little facets of my personality. Why can’t I think of the word they…? I don't know. But so…oh, I go on and on and on, you deserve a good night’s sleep, the show’s very different…oh yeah, if…it does take a few tries just 'cause if you got here, you probably expected something like that, someone to say, okay, this is the podcast to put you to sleep.

 

I could have done that, but I would have only done five or six episodes instead of over 1,200 episodes. When this one comes out, yeah, I think it’ll be after 1,200. So…oh, what else do you need to know? Thanks, producer brain. Okay, so, a couple things to know other than it takes a few tries, most people don’t like the show on the first try…oh, this podcast is one you just barely listen to. You could have figured that one out on your own. You just kinda barely listen. It’s elevated background noise or like the chattering of a friend who doesn’t expect you to listen. You call your friend; you say, hey, tell me everything about…you know that box full of collectibles you have? Oh, do I. Can you go through that box? But I’m not gonna listen to you.

 

Or you know when…you know how every day you want to tell me about your favorite comic book and the plot of that funny comic? Oh yeah. Oh, I can’t wait to tell you more about that adventure. Oh yeah. You say, could you do that now? I’m gonna fall asleep while you do it, but it’s only because I love you. Said, you got a funny way of showing it. Yeah, I know, but what can I say? I think it’ll work to put me to sleep. That’s the genesis of the podcast. That’s really what you hear…it’s…I’m here…'cause in a social compact situation, that, for some reason, is unacceptable. As ideal as it would be…you say, could you do that for eight hours? You say, I thought we were friends. This feels very transactional. I say, well, it’s actually not. Well, it’s just a withdrawal, actually. There’s no trans…I mean, I guess that’s the transaction.

 

It’s only with…it’s a withdraw from…so, with Sleep With Me, it’s a little bit different, right? I can do this because it’s a podcast. So, it’s a podcast you…like a TV’s on in the other room would be another example, or a out-of-focus picture. The other thing to know is I’m not actually here to put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep. There’s people who are listening who are can’t…who can’t sleep at all or who need a break during the day. There’s a reason the show is over an hour; it’s because there’s no pressure to fall asleep. I’m gonna be here. I’m gonna be here to the very end — you could listen to episode after episode — if you need company in the deep, dark night.

 

That’s what I’m here for, to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep, whether you’re listening or not, to take your mind off of stuff whatever time of day it is, and I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bor, your neigh-bore, your Borbie, your bores, your bore-bruh, your bore-friend, to keep you company. But you don’t have…this is a great thing; you say, oh, my bore-friend. Don’t need anything. I could support the show or whatever, but I don't have to. Plus, there’s over six hundred episodes, so if I needed six hundred hours, I could do that. So, that…those are a couple things that are different about this podcast. The structure of the show is also different, so let me explain that to you 'cause it is intentional.

 

Show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel seen and welcomed in. Usually I say something silly so that you say, oh, okay, I could check this show out. I feel seen. I feel welcome. I’ll look…I’ll get a little bit closer. Then there’s support for the show so it could be free, so that you say, okay, yeah, I’ll check it out…sponsor-supported. Then there’s a long, meandering intro which is separate from the support. We’re about fifteen minutes into the intro or so, and the intro kinda goes…the intro goes about, I don't know, anywhere from twelve two twenty minutes long. The intro is designed to introduce new people to the podcast. It’s pretty unsuccessful at that. That’s why it takes two or three tries. But the intro also serves a bedtime sleep purpose, which is to ease you into bedtime, to give you a buffer zone.

 

So, as you become a regular listener, you could…you’ll…you could skip the intro. 2% of people do that. You could fall asleep during the intro; probably about 2% of people do that. But for most regular listeners, the intro is part of their wind-down routine. So, you could be getting ready for bed and getting comfortable, you could be in bed getting comfortable, you could be doing a chill activity, you could be brushing your teeth. Whatever it is, the intro is like the landing pad and then you come in and you say, okay. So, that’s why the intro goes on and on and on. Then there’s support after the intro, before the story. Tonight it’ll be a story about…a novelization of a scene from The Matrix, a double-novelization, I think with even other tangents in there. So, if you’ve ever wanted to be…if you found The Matrix confusing, just wait ‘til you hear my double-novelization of it.

 

You’ll sleep right through it. If you couldn’t fall asleep to The Matrix, which probably would have been hard to, try…this may put you to sleep. Hopefully it will, or keep you company. So, that’s the story, bedtime story, and if you’re new, there’s other…we release shows, a variety of shows, so that you have a variety of things to choose from, so as you become a regular listener…the majority of people just listen to stuff kinda sequentially, but a lot of people, especially people that support the show, they pick their favorites and make playlists and stuff like that. So, see how it goes. That’s all I’m asking. Just see how it goes, because you deserve it. You deserve a bedtime where you could get some rest, and a friend in the deep, dark night, even if it’s not me. So, I’m glad you’re here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways I can do this for you for free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, this is Scoots here. This is a interesting episode. It is a crossover episode, an experimental episode, a behind-the-scenes episode, all rolled up into one. I’m doing a crossover with the podcast The Novelizers, which…with Andy Richter, which you’ve probably heard in…earlier, me talking about it. The Novelizers with Andy Richter is classic films novelized by people that…TV comedy writers and other people, and narrated by your favorite comics and actors. They’ve done some classics. They did Season 1 with Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, and they had a lot of great people; Wayne Brady, Patton Oswalt, Rachel Bloom, J.K. Simmons, Felicia Day, Chrissy Chong, Ira Glass, and many more. I appreciate Stephen, who reached out to me to say, hey, what if you could be a part of this?

 

So, what I’m supposed to do is the writing part, which I realized, hey, I probably…I do my best writing in Sleep With Me form. I said, what a great podcast. So, let’s do a promotional…we could do a crossover to promote the podcast and maybe make a little bit of extra content around it. So, I’m doing…I got to choose, and it was a tough choice between…for Season 3, I think it’s gonna be The Matrix. The great part is the part of The Matrix I got to choose was kind of a dream sequence. But so, we’re supposed to novelize it, right? So, I figure what I’ll do here is…I’m gonna go through the script that I have and kinda look through it and kinda read it and just see…then try to, as I’m reading the script, see what’s ready for novelization.

 

Then I’ll watch the episode or have the episode run while I’m talking, and then probably try to come up with the finished product, 'cause it shouldn’t be fifty minutes. This episode, ideally, will be around fifty minutes, right? I think it’s only eight pages, so it should be around eight minutes or eight to ten minutes long. But we’ll see. So, this is fun. So, of course I didn’t write down where I was supposed to start up, but this happens in a part of the movie early on and where Agent Smith, our favorite friendly person, is saying, Mr. Anderson. You say, I don't know what magic you’re weaving, Hugo, but I hope that’s your actual name. So, Agent Smith…we’ll just pick it up at Page…I think I’m supposed to read when the dream sequence starts, but we’ll see, and I’ll make it sleepy; don’t worry. But this is the end of a interview.

 

We’ll lead into the episode where he’s saying, Mr. Anderson. There’s this back-and-forth thing that already is a little bit dreamy. Up until this point, Neo is just a regular person with a name that’s…could be spelled different…could be reversed, which I didn’t realize ‘til ten years after I saw the film. This was a big movie to date people like me that was…this was a big DVD purchase. This was one that you said, if you’re gonna watch it at home, don’t watch it on VHS, man. Watch it on DVD. So, okay, so, anyway. So, this is about twenty minutes, twenty-two minutes into the movie. He says, tell me, Mr. Anderson, what good is a phone call if you can’t speak?

 

Then Neo tries to use the phone, but he has trouble opening his mouth, kinda like he’s…he hasn’t had enough…Neo says in his head, my goodness, I probably don’t have enough ChapStick on my lips. Does anyone have any ChapStick? Any of you secret agents that are interviewing me? According to the script, it makes Neo feel slightly uncomfortable, and then he says…even as…because of the fact that his lips feel…they need extra lubrication, his jaw tightens and the agents snicker, watching Neo’s confusion grow into something else where he says, what, are they gonna sell me…? What is this, some sort of situation…? They say, oh yeah, you could get it for the…from the vending machine. Different brands of lip balms are…yeah, but they’re $20.

 

Then Neo says, wait a second, yeah, my lips are really…this is…they’re not just dry; they weren’t totally…the situation is that my lips were not totally dry, then they were pressed together, then they may have dried. What was on my lips was not something…did I have something? Did I have something sweet or sticky? Then Neo maybe…and you say, maybe…this is a experience you may have in a state that’s been altered by something, where he says, did I ever have any lips at all? Like that song I’ve quoted many times before; Making Lips…I Don’t Got Lips…My Lips Have Been Made Into Nothing at All. But he says, I can’t sing that because I’m imagining now…I’m lip-less. Then also, the whole thing of like, how would I even make a phone call?

 

So, this creates a sense in Neo of a need for somebody to say, hey man, just cool it down. Just chill. But that’s not the situation with these agents. He says, I’d like…he goes to get up. He says, I’d like to go get up. I’d like to go visit the vending machine and get myself some lip balm. If you gentlemen will excuse me, dudes…I don't know. I don't do a good Neo. But he says, my dudes…I don't think he does say that, but if he were to say that in this situation, he’d say, excuse me, my dudes, I’d like to go get some lip balm. Also, since you’re…I’m here under your care, do you actually have a lip balm vending machine? Then Agent Smith says, you’re going to help us, Mr. Anderson, whether you want to or not. I love saying Mr. Anderson.

 

Sometimes I just say it…that’s the only…that’s one of the few…I don't know how good my actual…whatever it’s called when you’re trying to do somebody’s…imitation? It’s not called that, but…I’m not really good at any of them other than Miss Piggy, which is not a sleep podcast thing, but I…so, I can’t do the actual real Miss Piggy, but I can only do hi-yah when Miss Piggy karate chops things. Then I can’t even do a full sentence where she says, something, something frog, but I have to…the only way I can make it sound like Miss Piggy is if you can’t hear what I’m saying…something, something frog, 'cause she delivers it in that way. Then I can do another character that’s no longer relevant. You say, Scoots, do you have any other things you could do that is less pop-culturally relevant than Miss Piggy and Agent Smith? I’d say, I do.

 

I can do one line from Yogi Bear, but I can’t do it on a sleep podcast, either. Also, I can’t remember it 'cause it’s been so long, because it’s…I couldn’t…I’ve never even done this for my daughter 'cause she would say, I have no idea who Yogi Bear is. But it’s something, something doodly-doo or something like that. Then he says something to his kid or his…so, I used to be able to do that, but I can’t remember it anymore. Then I do a terrible Antonio Banderas. Mr. Anderson…what, are you gonna do a poor version of my…? I’m gonna weave something for you, Anderson. Okay, but they say, by the way…let’s see. They say, hey, we’ll give you…how about this? Your lips are fine, man. That was just something going on with you. Maybe the AC. I don't know. But they say, we want you to wear this special necklace.

 

He says…and they…he says, what is the necklace? It says…well, he says, it’s kinda like when you become a best friend in a movie. Not this movie, but instead of saying…I don't know what it is symbolically that…I can’t think of what it would be right now, but it says…he goes, I’m gonna keep half, Agent Smith says, and you’re gonna keep half, and your half says ‘My’. He goes, the weird thing is I’m gonna triplicate it for all these other agents and it’s gonna say, ‘Dudes’. He goes, why do you keep projecting that term on me? He says, just put the necklace on, please. He says, is this sort of the necklace you could use to…? He goes, I thought we were friends. Neo says, well, I guess you gave me that lip balm, but I don't think I remember you giving it to me. This is going pretty well sleepifying it, 'cause I think we’re ten minutes in.

 

We’re only halfway through one page. But he says, okay, I’ll wear it. They say, great, man. So, they put this necklace around him and he wears it. It’s a weird kind of necklace that wears its wearer, but Neo’s not totally aware of the wearing of the wearer…the wearing. So, that part happens. He puts the necklace on…or, I guess it’s a pendant with a chain. Is that different than a necklace? I’m not sure. But the idea of being under the care of agents and then putting a necklace around your neck…he starts to drift back off, confused, you know? Did I just have a dream where I needed lip balm and then three authority figures gave me a best-friend necklace but it’s not like best friend…? He said, was it four pieces or just two pieces that somehow became three pieces that said ‘My Dudes’?

 

He wakes up in bed and says, holy cow, man. Why couldn’t I have some dream like…? That’s…was strange, you know? His lips are…his lips…he looks at himself…he feels his lips. He says, these are kissable lips. Thank goodness I still retain my incredibly kissable lips. He goes, well, okay, I’m feeling very dreamy, but yeah, okay. Then he looks down and he sees that he’s only wearing his shark tooth pendant necklace, which is just a leather thing with a shark tooth that…he doesn’t know this, but it’s actually not…no…it’s just not a shark tooth; it’s made from plastic. But no one up to this point in his life has had the heart to tell him that, and luckily, because he’s a fictional character, I can say it as the stand-in narrator. So, again, he looks…he touches his lips again. He says, okay, very…I’m very kissable. Then his phone rings.

 

Not on vibrate, but I would presume it was on some sort of Do Not Disturb, for goodness sake, because if he had the ringer on and someone had called him or there was some sort of other…this is…oh, by the way, this is P…pre-notification era. PNE. So, probably the Do Not Disturb era, and it may have even been a landline, now that I’m thinking about it. It was definitely a landline because…maybe I’m dream…maybe I’m dreaming of someone dreamy. But so, yeah, we’ll just say it’s a land…oh, a landline is a phone that is a stationary phone that’s connected to a cord, like something you would plug in a wall, but not for electricity. It goes into a separate wall called a phone cord which connects your phone to the phone port. Or, I don't know.

 

You used to have to pay someone…if you moved into an apartment, sometimes you’d have to pay someone to put one of these in or turn it on. You plug it into the wall, then it…then you have your…then you have to turn on the service just like the other thing. Back then you didn’t get…your phone only did one thing. Or, no, two, I guess; made calls and received calls. Okay, so his phone rings, a landline. He says, okay, my phone’s ringing. It keeps ringing, though, because he’s still in a state of waking up, I guess. He says, I gotta go get this phone, man. He answers the phone, but he doesn’t say anything 'cause he says…he’s still thinking about…he’s using his…he says, do I still have this, whatever, a chiseled jaw and kissable lips or not? Was that really a dream?

 

Were my lips really stuck together but stuck together through their own…? On the other end of the phone is the voice of Morpheus. If you’ve ever thought about mythology before, you know Morpheus is in the dream…in the post-earthly dream space. In this case, Morpheus is more…I don't know if it’s a nickname, but Morpheus is the name…right now talking…it’s no game. He’s talking to Neo, but he says, hey, by the way, they’re listening to this call. They’re tapped in, so I gotta be brief. Neo says, the agents. Morpheus says, I know, I know, I know. They got there first, but they underestimated how important you are, Neo. Hardy-har-har. If they knew what I knew, they would have never…even though they didn’t give you lip balm, they would have never given you lip balm. Also, there’s no vend…lip balm vending machine.

 

Neo kinda shrugs at that and says, yeah, that makes sense. That’s very…a dreamlike thing. Maybe in a airport? I don't know, other places with dry air? Neo says, okay. He didn’t even actually know if it was a conversation or it was just in his head, but he says, what about the…my dudes…? Then he feels his shark tooth necklace and he goes, what is going on, man? Morpheus says, you’re the one, Neo. You may have spent the last few years looking for me, dreamcatcher, but I’ve spent most of my life looking for you. Neo says…he says, have you heard of performance pressure, Morpheus? Morpheus says, you still want to meet? Neo says, yes. He says, you know the…he goes, there’s this one bridge. It’s in a lot of movies and used in different ways, and it’s awesome. Adams Street bridge.

 

Morpheus goes…or, no, it was Neo; Neo goes, okay. He says, meet me at the Adams Street bridge. He goes, was that ever in any of the games where you’re driving around? Or what movies was it in? But Morpheus has already hung up. So, the next thing is city street night. It’s just past…just…there used to be a song that was made into a song for commercials about being just past midnight or half-past midnight. Maybe it was on the show Miami Vice. That doesn’t have to do with anything, though, but it’s just past the middle of the night, the time when it seems like there are no rules. Everybody’s up to something. That’s what your…that’s what my nana…oh boy, nothing good happens after 9:00 PM. That’s the time to be in bed. Nothing good could possibly come…put on your lip balm and go to bed.

 

You wouldn’t be dreaming of lip balm vending machines…who dreams of that? Who says ‘my dudes’? I don't know, but if you were in bed at 9:00, you wouldn’t be worried about those things. You’d be sleeping. The authority figures would not need to visit you in your dreams. Also, don’t you think it’s interesting that someone whose name is based on dreams and sleep is the one that may be visiting you during…well, during your waking hours even though you should be in bed, but you’re dreaming of agents. Anyway, why am…am I even supposed to be narrating this? I don't know, but don’t be…go to bed. But it is late at night. The roads have just been sprayed with rain. It’s very cinematic. Holy cow. Neo is walking. Neo’s wearing boots, and the boots are made for walking.

 

Scraping…and people are out and about even though it’s raining, which my nana…that would be your first warning sign. Who walks in the rain at night? I realize the weather may be temperate, but who’s walking around in the rain after dark? But Neo is, and these people who Neo feels like are looking at him. Then he reaches the bridge and he notices headlights behind him. He turns around and the car quickly comes to a stop beside him, and the door opens. There’s a woman there. Also, by the way, I’m pretty sure the doors open in a strange way, which also confuses Neo. If you’re watching it, you wouldn’t be confused 'cause you say, okay, front door opens normal; back door opens away from the front door.

 

Yeah, the first thing I would wonder, just like you, after the first thing I would wonder about the fifth thing I would wonder is who designed these doors? Because it would be good for a car with people who wear face paint that you can’t mention on a sleep podcast that also have poofy things and round, red noses…this would be the perfect doors for them to pour out of the car, though normally I don't think their cars have that feature. Also, most people tell me that their car is a gimmick and it’s a hole in the ground. But so, both doors open outward. It’s a French car…a car…you say, I want a car whose doors open like French doors. Well, that’s gonna be $15,000 extra and you’ll never be able to get it fixed. But will it look cool? Yes, probably.

 

If you have someone like Trinity who says to Neo, get in…and there’s someone behind the wheel. They’re Apoc, and that’s A-P-O-C. Apoc’s a sizeable individual. Beside Apoc is Switch, and Switch was obviously tuned in to Neo’s dreams, 'cause Switch is holding a hairdryer, a blow-dryer, but it must be battery-powered 'cause she just pulls it a little bit and it goes, whirr. She’s pointing it at Neo’s lips. Also, the windshield wipers are going. The rain’s outside of the car, so we have extra layers of sound and whatever that’s called; kinetic motion. Neo obviously says, what the what, what, what? Trinity says, it’s for…it’s necessary, Neo. We have to be sure. He says, be sure about what? She says, be sure for you…from you. She takes this thing…it was very complicated, overly-complicated.

 

My only opinion; I know I’m not supposed to break from the story here, but basically what she needs to do is remove the necklace from Neo. Now, what Neo doesn’t know is that his shark tooth necklace that he thinks is a shark tooth necklace from his youth is actually the same…it is the My Dudes necklace from his dream, which its sole purpose is to keep track of him. It’s got some sort of tracker within the shark tooth. He still thinks that once upon a time when he was a lad he was swimming around in the seas and found a shark tooth and then put it on a piece of leather and put it…it’s one of those memories he has. But just to make it more cinematic, instead of just using scissors or untying it, a super high-tech device with scanners and all sorts of stuff…and it does a x-ray and a chemical analysis right in front of Neo.

 

It’s a whole…a briefcase. Talk about investments. Like some sort of groundbreaking thing that can analyze pendants or necklaces or other small wearables. So, it gives a chemical breakdown. Whatever; I don't know what plastic’s made of, but maybe it even…oh no, it definitely does. It displays it first in the chemicals and then it says, AKA, plastic, 100%. Then even just so Neo…they make sure Neo gets it; 0% shark tooth. Then it shows within it a tracker for tracking. Then it also says, also undiscovered faint spiritual image; My…and then it even shows the other half, Dudes, which is probably how they track him. She looks at this whole thing and then use…takes it off. This looks like the kind of thing you’d…I don't know what else you’d use it for. I mean, high-tech stuff.

 

So, she clips the necklace off, but it’s…it has laser…it has a bunch of sound effects. It has to spin up…green neon. Then he clips the thing, then she…he goes, that’s my shark tooth necklace. Then he even lets slip My Dudes, and everybody looks at him. She goes, did…read the readout again, Neo. It’s 100% plastic with a tracker inside. Neo says, I can’t believe…he goes, forget this whole thing, man. Do you understand that…? This is the part I didn’t have time to go on a tangent for in the middle of a ten-minute tangent from a one-minute scene, but he does go into a slight thing about…so, he did fill us in on the backstory about how…it became a…I guess it would look like him as a little kid swimming, and even some of the characters — I’m not sure which one, Switch or Apoc — they get a little misty eyed 'cause it’s such a beautiful memory.

 

‘Cause maybe he even said, I was afraid to swim and it was my…once I overcame my fear to swim, I was afraid of what was in the water. I saw…one day I…not to swim, but I would swim on the…swim, swim, swim, and I would…and then that day…and then somebody whose approval I could never meet…and I found two tooths. Maybe that’s who taught him to use the term ‘my dudes’. I don't know. It was a older figure in his imaginary life. But no one has the heart to tell him this right now. Even the fact that he’s seeing the chemical analysis of the shark tooth, that it’s not a shark tooth, and…maybe even to further break it, she brings up; you could buy eight hundred of those for 0.4 cents each in bulk right now, Neo. But he says, I’m not so sure about this. Switch says, stop the car. Then Switch says, listen up, kid.

 

We don’t got time for these shark tooth memories. We got one rule here from now on out; our way or the highway. Neo goes, that’s fine, 'cause first of all, it’s…so, it’s our way, not your way or the highway, but we’re on a street. He starts to open the door and Trinity says, Neo, Neo, you gotta trust me. He goes, why should I trust you? What? Trinity says, Neo, you’ve already been there. You already know that road. You already know where it ends. Of course there could be a side thing where Neo takes it literally; says, yeah, well, that’s 14th and then I take a right. But instead we catch that sweet, sweet jaw and those kissable lips, the rain, the streetlights, looking out the window. We’re seeing things through Trinity’s eyes, almost, and Trinity says, I know that’s not where you want to be. Neo closes the door.

 

The car is back in motion now, and not only was…if it was strange enough that the doors open in a way that’s not familiar to us except in areas where you say, time travel…what other car’s door…espionage time travel, video games, super-rich people, and other things. I don't know what else…where else…aspirational car ownership. If that wasn’t strange enough, the fact that the street lights as the car starts to move kinda seem a little bit green in the tinge. If Neo really could listen beyond the raindrops, he would feel a slight hum, like a noise that’s comforting, like a couple notes that kinda feel like synthesized brass, but in the best possible way, the way I can’t do it justice 'cause I don't know what I’m talking about. So, okay, so now I guess we’re back. So, the car’s moving. His shark tooth necklace is gone. They head off into the night. The car keeps going. Yeah, so, we’ll be…I’ll be right back, everybody…I mean, instantaneously, and we’ll look at the actual images, and then we’ll see. But I don't know, that was pretty tangential.

 

Okay, so everybody, this is your buddy Scoots again, and what I’m gonna try to do here is I just watched the scene and took notes. I was gonna watch it while we were in the studio but because of the multiple layers of logging in…it’s not important anyway. I think this will be better because it made me really focus on some stuff. So, we’ll run through this. We’ll see how long that takes, and then I’ll kinda look at is there…I don't know. Also, I recorded the part you just heard, so that’s already left my mind. Even though I said, that was pretty good. So, if…I’ll refresh your memory from the start here. I guess I should take it fresh, though. So, welcome to Matrix Radio Theatre. I don't know. At our last episode, you may remember Neo was interviewed by Agent Smith and two other agents whose names I just don’t remember.

 

But they referred to Neo — just in case it was confusing — as Mr. Anderson, but in a little bit different voice, but I just don’t have my ability to weave the weaving right this moment. Mr. Anderson…no, don’t got it. Mr. Anderson…nope, still don’t got it, but that’s fine because…Neo was interviewed by them and probably most importantly, as you remember, they said, we’re gonna give you a tadpole to keep. Or maybe I said something else earlier but now as I recall it, it was a tadpole. Neo said, what do you mean? They said, well, this is strange and don't worry; it’ll make more sense and less sense in a few short seconds. But we’re gonna give you a tadpole that lives in your armpit hair and it won't make…trust me; it won't…and Neo said, no thank you. I don't want any one…tadpole…care for a tadpole?

 

Seems a little bit complicated. Two, was does this have to do with our interview? I thought this was work-related or something. Maybe my other activities…dance mixes I make…two, the idea of anything living…I realize there’s microscopic beings out there, but other than…I don't…just the idea of a tadpole that lives in anyone’s armpit hair seems like something I would be having in a dream. So, ideally this is just a dream, and I can soothe myself by saying that. Neo, you’re just having a dream. Then they said…they actually…great strategy; if…now, they said, don’t…then Neo said, what if I start to…? One more question. If I started to care for this…I had an affinity for this tadpole or tadpoles in general…and they said, don't worry, the tadpole has evolved in a way that even if…it’ll be…it’s safe in your armpit hair.

 

Then they tickled his sides and he lifted his armpits up naturally, and that was the last thing he remembers, is them…but he…we can assume that a tadpole…something like a tadpole…they also said…but this was…got cut from the film, actually…and by the way, Neo, this is…what did I say? I forgot what they were gonna say. They tickled him…it was a piece of not-important information that a reasonable person might ask. Would the tadpole be safe in your armpit hair? Always. Then something else about it that you would have probably thought to yourself; if you’re gonna have this thing living in my armpit hair…I mean, I do have other questions, right? Do I need to feed it? I thought you were doing the next scene. I don't know.

 

There was one more question but it already…the answer already escapes me…that Neo would have asked before he fell asleep. I don't know. Oh, also, great question; would Neo name the tadpole in his armpit hair? I don't know. But so, Neo wakes…but then he says, it’s just a dream, Neo. It’s just a dream. Oh, another question audience members might…was it very cute when he giggled when he was tickled? Yes, very cute. Then we have Neo waking up in bed, and there’s a couple pieces of place-setting I need to do. Neo as a character sleeps with a t-shirt on, and I don't know if we take anything…will Neo later in life sleep with a t-shirt? I would say probably not. So, maybe this is part of Neo’s character’s journey.

 

Adventure…Shirtless in the Inmost Cave is coming up one day. Also, Neo has…we really get a good…some nice paneling in this attic that Neo lives in. Nice positioning of the bed except that there’s a shelf…'cause Neo sits up in bed waking up. Was there…? Checks his armpits; nothing, no tadpoles. I guess…does…he pulled his…how did he check his armpits? Great question. I just though of…I just realized he pulled his shirt collar and looked in his armpits, which if you’re gonna check your armpits, probably not the best way to get a full accounting of what…you know. But he almost…there’s a shelf above his bed, one of those hanging wall shelfs. I don't know if anybody has one of those in their home. Don’t recommend them.

 

They don’t hold anything unless you have some sort of person in your house that’s so useful and they know where studs are and that kind of stuff. But also, don’t put them near your bed, because what if you moved around even more? Also, we get to see a little bit of…we get a little personal Neo time. We see that Neo has maybe a dresser that was once a card catalog or looks like something that was once used to hold stuff in a high school science lab. The kind of thing you could buy somewhere for like, $4,000. Somebody smart is probably selling them out there. That’s why I’m laughing. Also, on the top of Neo’s dresser, we’ll call it, there’s…oh, the one thing I noted was there’s a fish bowl.

 

It looks like he took it from a…it’s full of…I think it’s full of prophylactics, which is a form…in case…for…I don't know, for…if Neo’s sleeping without a shirt on, that you’d see in a high school…what do you call that? A health center. I said, did he take that from a health center? Is that…? Again, I only have…I don't have quantum dot technology at my fingertips, but that’s…I said, is that a fish bowl from a high school…? Whatever, 'cause I didn’t need to access those, so I don't know exactly what it’s called. Nice attic, nice wall panels, night stand, dresser, library card catalog…raining outside. Then his phone rings, right? His phone has buttons, which I thought was important. It’s either…I think the phone was a deep shade of green. Then Neo answers the phone.

 

There’s someone speaking on the other line but if we were to watch it, he’s listening intently, blinking, and on the other line is Morpheus. First, Morpheus lays…tries to lay on the honey. He says something like, I’ve been looking for you my whole life, but I gotta be brief. I gotta get to the point. Everybody’s always underestimated you. No pressure…and what does this say? Oh, you still want to meet up? What do you think? Neo says, what is going on, dude? Pretty sure I just had a dream that a tadpole was in my armpits. He says, listen, just go to the Cinematic Street bridge if you want to meet. We see a shot of Neo standing, looking at these waterfalls coming off the top of the bridge. You’d definitely need your windshield wipers on full if you were going out there.

 

Car pulls up actually behind Neo, and it does have the doors that I alluded to in the…doors…this is a classic car but with…I don't know anything about periods of…I don't know, is this a mid…is there such a thing as a mid-century modern car door or mid-century…? People love that, but you say, this…that car door…car doors like that, that’s mid…can I get myself a mid-century…what are they called? Mid-century modern car doors? Oh, sure, we could do that. Would you want us…with that, you want it to go with your science lab furniture? Your vintage classic science lab furniture? So, the door opens. We see Trinity. Now, Trinity…it’s tough to…if this was the first scene I had watched in a long time and I would have the…is that pleather or vinyl? Or is that…your suit; is that a vinyl suit you’re wearing or a…it’s shiny.

 

That’s Neo’s first reaction, and also a knowledge; I’m entering a world where people go about their evenings in stylish, possibly-functional depending on the breatheability of it…and Neo says to himself, holy neo-futuristic situation. Okay, and that’s Trinity. Trinity says, get in the car. He gets in the car and…also, we see the car’s got some cool lights. If you want…I don't know if those go on individually if you wanted to do some reading if you were in the back seat as a passenger. Neo just gets in the back of the car. The car, I guess, starts driving right away. As the dialogue goes on…any time you need a little extra punctuation in the dialogue, there’s a little bit of thunder and lightning to underline it. They say, surprise, and they have noisemakers, which Neo’s thrown off by.

 

Like, when you blow and the thing…like the thing at a party where you blow it and the thing unrolls. I don't know if you’ve ever done this. Don’t recommend it. Don’t do this, but I may have done it in the past. The person sitting in the front seat, she unrolls hers and it touches Neo’s nose, but she does it with her eyes. Her eyes narrowed, like don’t mess around here, man. Trinity does it, too, and it doesn’t quite reach Neo’s earlobe, but close enough. The character in the front seat, Switch, who’s in…not in pleather; in a sort of…some sort of white suit…we only get a hint of it with matching…hair matches. The only reason that I mention the hair matching the suit is because of the next tangent they go on. But she says, listen up, kid. Take your shirt off. Neo is immediately confused and says, well, one, what kind of party is this?

 

Two, I’m wearing a jacket. She says, exactly. Take your shirt off. They go…he’s…what? Then she says, stop the car. Do you need the car not moving to take your shirt off? Again, he says, just take my shirt off with the…I have a jacket on. Can I take my jacket off? Silence. He looks over at Trinity who just nods like, yep, you gotta take your shirt off with your jacket on. We don’t need to over-explain it like this was a sleep podcast. Again, he gets this blank look, which I mean, relatably, anybody would. But then Switch says, listen up, copper-top. She starts to keep talking, but Neo is so confused by that reference and so was I until just this time when I said, holy cow, how many times have I watched The Matrix and I never caught this piece of dialogue? But Neo totally misses it and he says, did you just call me Carrot Top?

 

Like, Carrot Top…he holds his hand towards his head. I don't even know if Carrot Top was a celebrity in this…I guess Carrot Top would have been a celebrity in Neo’s world, at least. So, he says, Carrot Top? Carrot Top…and she says, copper-top. Then she says, by the way, you interrupted me. It’s either our…you can hit the…you can take your shirt off or you can hit the road. Neo says, fine. He says, I’m not gonna be…what is this, some sort of joining your club thing? You blow noise-makers at me and then I’m gonna take my shirt off with my jacket on, then I’m gonna get caught up in my jacket. But realistically, I don't even know how I’d do that without my jacket falling off while I’m taking my shirt off. So, yeah, no, no, I’m not gonna do these…this is the equivalent of Reindeer Game, I believe.

 

So, he says fine, and then Trinity says, wait, Neo. Come on, don’t…come on, please. Trust me, Trinity says. Trust me. You could earn your own futuristic outfit. It was just…never mind. Just pull your shirt up. Then she plugs something into the cigarette lighter and Neo says, there’s no way…that’s gonna blow the…this car is old. There’s no way that thing…she has this giant device that I probably referred to in my other read-through. Neo says, there’s no way that device is not gonna blow out the fuse for the…he goes…and the person driving, Apoc, I believe, says, dude, listen to the car. Everybody falls silent and they hear this…you realize the car is a piece of sweet, sweet technology that’s even more…you say, I want an electric car that’s mid-century modern, or…and also has those cool doors and where I can use all my devices, especially super high-tech ones.

 

But just the sound of the car, it’s in a movie, not a sleep podcast…or a novelization or whatever would have filled it in, that sound of a car somewhere between a whine and a hum. More pleasant on the ears than a whine, but more high-tech than a hum. But Trinity says, don't worry. Neo says, what is this thing? She goes, it’s a armpit-hair-comber brusher, kinda like one of those things…she goes, do you have a dog? Neo goes, no, but I’m familiar with dogs. I love them. Somebody up front — I don't know who — says, I’m a cat person. I don't know who said it, though. I’m not gonna say if it was Switch or Apoc. You could make…'cause it’s unspecified, an unspecified voice, because there’s so much thunder and lightning, and it’s just…just a throwaway line, but copper-top was not a throwaway line. I would have thought it was.

 

But it’s a sea planet…and he goes, wait a second, these…so, she extends this thing and it’s very high-tech. It looks like the kinda thing if you drop something that’s got little grabby hands, but they’re coated with some sort of nice stuff, like some sort of, I don't know, soft material. Neo goes, is it gonna tickle? Trinity says, a bit, but she…this is…there’s a somewhat extended sequence because as you could imagine, this was difficult. They do make eye contact during…multiple times, and this was one of my favorite parts of the thing, 'cause everyone’s trying to stifle giggles. Apoc even has to pull over, and in the extra-extra extended version, it’s really good 'cause you see both Apoc and Switch…I don't know. I think there maybe even were outtakes of this. Like, bursting into laughter, holding…into laughter.

 

I think maybe in imaginary interviews, the cast even said, this really brought us together. Wish we would have done this on the first day, because Trinity’s got this device combing through Neo’s armpit hair and she keeps saying, sit still, sit still. Come on. He’s trying…don’t laugh; just sit still. Just breathe through your nose. Neo’s trying to not laugh…also has his shirt pulled up almost over his head. Still has his jacket on, by the way, I guess, 'cause…just 'cause Trinity’s got a good angle and this thing has a pen light on it. That’s just a really great…I don't know, an amuse-bouche or whatever, a little bit of a pillow-softener, seeing him squirming around, giggling, fighting off giggles, her giggling. A moment of levity; I think that was the right phrase I was looking for.

 

Eventually she gets the tadpole out and they pull up to a pond called Tadpole Pond, which leads to the assumption that it’s perfectly good to drop a tadpole in the pond. So, he goes, there really was a tadpole in my armpit hair. She goes, you maybe could write a song about it. He says, okay. Then they drive off into the night and then we see…the next thing we see is stairways. You say…during…doing my limited knowledge of mid-century modern…you say, I don't know about…this is the kind of apartment building that I like seeing on film, and…but I don't know if I’d want to live there. It’s…the staircase is going up. There’s checkered flooring, the big-square checkers. Black-and-white squares, so you say, okay, that’s a mood. Wallpaper…and the mood is so thick you can smell it. You could smell the mood.

 

It’s musty, it’s plastery, it’s a little bit moist, but it’s also pouring rain outside. But it’s…you say, but there’s something about this that’s not bad compared to walking through some ultra-modern…ceilings are higher. There’s more. It’s airy, man. I’m not sure if I like it or I don’t, but I know I have nostalgia for it either way. They pause outside the door, and the night’s…nice light fixtures along with the wallpaper, and it’s the kind of wallpaper you’d want to touch. You’d want to touch your fingers and feel the different things, and you’d even maybe…there was a comedian once, Jerry Seinfeld, that said, wallpaper; what happened with that? People used to paper their walls. I don't know; that’s…I don't do a Jerry Seinfeld, but I said, who would make a observational comment about wallpaper at this inopportune moment in the nineties?

 

That’s who I thought of. But I mean, this is more about the textures and the layers. It’s Trinity who’s rubbing her finger on the wallpaper. The velvet…there’s a velvety part of the wall…a good wallpaper uses a velvety part sometimes when it’s appropriate for the room or the hallway and the mood, which this one, it is. It looks at Neo…and she says, before you go in there, there’s two things. One, try to be honest. Two, do not ask him about his glasses. Neo says, what? She goes, don’t ask him why he’s wearing or any of us are wearing sunglasses indoors at nighttime, but definitely do not ask him about the fact his glasses have no sides or whatever you call them; ear-holders. She goes, I’m not an optometrist, but I don't even know…the ear…he goes, ear-holders?

 

She goes, the things that hold your glasses on your ears, like these. He goes, he’s wearing glasses that have no sides? She goes, well, they have…she goes, just don’t ask about them. Don’t stare at them too much, but pretend you’re looking at him. They’re a good method for looking at him. But then if he takes them off, don’t look at the…look at him, not the glasses. Then he says, so, don’t mention the…he goes, is that how touch…? He goes, is that how intense Morpheus is? He’s that sensitive? She goes, no, no, it just distracts from the conversation, and everybody’s asked…if you’re…I guess I shouldn’t be telling you this. She goes, I asked about the glasses and he said that that’s the way I would have…that’s the way I know you’re one of us but not the one, Trinity.

 

He chuckled lovingly and I guess I shouldn’t have even told you, but…and Neo goes, thank you. Then he shakes his head again. I think he just says it to…glasses with no sides. What kind of world am I in now? With that, he prepares to cross the threshold, which will be coming soon to your earbuds, your sweet, sweet ears. Whether you take your glasses…don't worry; there’s no such thing as…by the way, no such thing as tadpoles in your armpits, except for one of the Emmett Otter jug band songs that was never published, but that was more about swimming in ponds than science-fiction neo-Noir or whatever. So, yeah, that’s it. Goodnight, everybody. 

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)

Crossover / The Novelizers with Andy Richter

 

podfollow.com/novelizers

 

Bad Sleep Advice

https://restonic.com/blog/bad-sleep-advice-80723

https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/ss/slideshow-sleep-bad-night

https://www.vox.com/even-better/23366918/unconventional-sleep-advice

 

Novelizers

https://www.dayton.com/what-to-know/new-comedy-podcast-has-dayton-roots-national-talent/46DX4A5IGVBYLD45TTZSWPZF7M/

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-novelizers-with-andy-richter/id1687677838

https://www.dailystartreknews.com/read/novelizers-podcast-reimagines-star-trek-ii-the-wrath-of-khan-with-comedy-twist

 

Movie Novelizations

https://bookriot.com/movie-novelizations/

https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2014/08/movie-novelizations-still-exist

https://www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/ct-ent-novels-from-movies-star-wars-20200330-a3dximjbujhi7pjccspxmnft6u-story.html

 

The Matrix

https://www.npr.org/2021/12/22/1066642279/why-the-matrix-is-a-trans-allegory

https://www.npr.org/2021/12/22/1066554369/the-matrix-original-trans-fans-resurrections

https://www.vox.com/culture/2019/3/30/18286436/the-matrix-wachowskis-trans-experience-redpill

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

I love creative constraints

Based on The Novelizers podcast

It kind of makes sense

 

Deep Dark Night United

Karl W Links

 

PLUGS

Novelizers Podcast; NYC Mesh; Sean Casey Animal Rescue; Hand in Hand; The Midnight Mission; Trevor Project; SWM+; SleepPhones; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline

 

SPONSORS

Helix Sleep; Polysleep; Odoo; Air Doctor Pro; Zocdoc; Progressive

 

INTRO

Overthinking is something I do automatically

Sleepsplainers always have the answers

I was so lu-lu-lucky to have the day I had

Oh, you, the Sleepsplainer, are just a friend in my brain?

It’s tough when you’re given advice that you just can’t use

I do know that there are enough people out there who can relate to how you feel

I watch a movie, I read a script, I cover it, I forgot how I covered it the first time

I’m your awkward neighbor down the block

I’m definitely somewhat charming

You just kind of barely listen

Go through that box of collectibles, but I’m not going to listen, okay?

For some reason, it’s socially unacceptable to fall asleep while your friend talks

My borefriend won’t need anything from me

Bedtime Sleep Purpose (BSP)

A double novelization of a scene from The Matrix

Just see how it goes

 

STORY

An experimental / crossover / behind the scenes episode

Explaining The Novelizers

They did Star Trek II

What I’m supposed to do is the writing part

I probably do my best writing in Sleep With Me form

I chose part of The Matrix

Our favorite friendly person Agent Smith

I don’t know what magic you’re weaving, Hugo

Agent Smith / Mr. Anderson Interview

This was a big DVD purchase for me

Neo doesn’t have enough chapstick and his jaw tightens

You can buy different lip balms…for $20!

Did I ever have any lips at all?

Neo is lipless

Neo would like to get up and visit the vending machine

I love saying “Mr. Anderson”

I can only do a Ms. Piggy impression but it’s not sleepy

I can do one lien from Yogi Bear, too

Increasingly irrelevant impressions

Mr. Anderson, please wear this special necklace

The necklace that says “My Dudes”

I don’t remember you giving me that lip balm

The necklace wears its wearer

But Neo can’t remember that this happened

Holy cow, what a dream

Thank goodness these are kissable lips

His phone rings

Oh wow, it must’ve been a landline

Explaining Landline Phones

On the phone is Morpheus

The agents are listening to this call

Neo is the one

Let’s meet at this one bridge that’s used all the time in movies

Cut to city street at night

Just past midnight, the time when there’s no rules

Who possibly dreams of lip balm vending machines?

A message from Inner Nana

Isn’t it ironic that Morpheus is talking to you during the daytime?

Who walks at night??

A car stops and the door opens

The back door opens in such a weird way – that’s a red flag

Who designed these car doors?

I guess these car doors would be perfect for people with face paint and poofy 

Trinity says “Get In”

Apoc is driving

Switch is tuned into Neo’s dreams

His sharktooth necklace is actually a tracker

It’s a false memory

A groundbreaking Pendant Analyzer thing

A chemical analysis

100% plastic, 0% sharktooth

An undiscovered faint spiritual image that says “My dudes”

A heartfelt memory of Neo swimming

An older figure in his imaginary life

He could buy 800 sharktooths for 44 cents each

We don’t have time for these sharktooth memories

Neo’s sweet sweet eyes and kissable lips

A comforting noise like synthesized brass

The sharktooth necklace is gone

That’s the script

I just watched the scene and took some notes

Welcome to Matrix Radio Theatre

I can’t do my Agent Smith impression right now for some reason

We’re gonna give you a tadpole that lives in your armpit hair

I hope this is just a dream!

Then they tickled his sides and lifted his armpits naturally

We can assume this is something like a tadpole

Would Neo name the tadpole? Irrelevant

It was very cute when he giggled when he was tickled

Neo sleeps with a t-shirt on

Neo’s Campbellian Hero’s Journey with his t-shirt

Maybe take off your shirt fully if you want to check your armpits

I don’t recommend a shelf above your bed

Neo has like a converted card catalog dresser

There’s a fish bowl on top of his dresser

Is that fish bowl full of prophylactics?

Did he take that from a high school health center?

Morpheus tries to lay on the honey

Is this a Mid Century Modern Car Door?

Science Lab Furniture

Is Trinity wearing leather or vinyl?

Holy Neo Futuristic Situation

Thunder and lightning punctuate the dialogue

They surprise Neo with noisemakers

Take your shirt off, Neo!

Listen up, Copper Top!

Was that a Carrot Top reference?

Trinity takes out a giant device

Listen to the sound of the car

Trinity has an armpit comb / hair brusher

Either Switch or Apoc is a cat person

But Neo is familiar with dogs

I bet there were outtakes of this scene

Trinity is combing through Neo’s armpit hair

Don’t laugh!

No shirt, but he’s still got his jacket on

They pull the tadpole out and throw it out into the pond

The tadpole wasn’t just a dream

Driving off into the night

The mood is so thick, you can smell it

A very ultra-modern apartment

I think I like it?

The kind of wallpaper you’d want to touch

A velvety part of the wallpaper

Trinity’s advice

Be honest

Don’t ask Morpheus about his glasses

The glasses have no ear holders

It’ll just distract from the conversation

Preparing to cross the threshold into Morpheus’s room

 

PATREON THANKS

Kelly, Bishop, Marco, Nick, Lauren, Claire, Chris, Eva, Krista, Matthew, Robin, Katie, Claudette, Tim, Robin, Danielle, Katie, Carolyn, Holly, Anne, LDH, Garrett, Hayden, Annalise, Will, Jordan, Jonathan

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1257

Title: Novelizers / The Matrix Crossover

Deep Dark Night United: Karl W Links

Plugs: Novelizers Podcast; NYC Mesh; Sean Casey Animal Rescue; Hand in Hand; The Midnight Mission; Trevor Project; SWM+; SleepPhones; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline

Sponsors: Helix Sleep; Polysleep; Odoo; Air Doctor Pro; Zocdoc; Progressive

Patreon Thanks: Kelly, Bishop, Marco, Nick, Lauren, Claire, Chris, Eva, Krista, Matthew, Robin, Katie, Claudette, Tim, Robin, Danielle, Katie, Carolyn, Holly, Anne, LDH, Garrett, Hayden, Annalise, Will, Jordan, Jonathan

Notable Language:

• Novelizer
• Sleepsplaining
• Quirky
• Somewhat Charming
• Bedtime Sleep Purpose (BSP)
• Double Novelization
• Mr. Anderson
• Pre-Notification Era (PNE)
• Sharktooth Memories
• Matrix Radio Theatre
• Mid Century Modern Car Door
• Science Lab Furniture
• Holy Neo Futuristic Situation
• Copper Top

 

Notable Culture:

• The Novelizers podcast

• The Matrix

• Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan

• • Hugo Weaving
  • Ms. Piggy / The Muppets
  • Yogi Bear
  • Antonio Banderas
  • Adams Street Bridge

• Miami Vice

• “These Boots Are Made For Walkin’“
• Mid Century Modern
• Carrot Top
• Jerry Seinfeld
• Emmet Otter

 

Notable Talking Points:

• Overthinking is something I do automatically
• Sleepsplainers always have the answers
• I was so lu-lu-lucky to have the day I had
• Oh, you, the Sleepsplainer, are just a friend in my brain?
• It’s tough when you’re given advice that you just can’t use
• I do know that there are enough people out there who can relate to how you feel
• I watch a movie, I read a script, I cover it, I forgot how I covered it the first time
• I’m your awkward neighbor down the block
• I’m definitely somewhat charming
• You just kind of barely listen
• Go through that box of collectibles, but I’m not going to listen, okay?
• For some reason, it’s socially unacceptable to fall asleep while your friend talks
• My borefriend won’t need anything from me
• Bedtime Sleep Purpose (BSP)
• A double novelization of a scene from The Matrix
• Just see how it goes
• An experimental / crossover / behind the scenes episode
• Explaining The Novelizers
• They did Star Trek II
• What I’m supposed to do is the writing part
• I probably do my best writing in Sleep With Me form
• I chose part of The Matrix
• Our favorite friendly person Agent Smith
• I don’t know what magic you’re weaving, Hugo
• Agent Smith / Mr. Anderson Interview
• This was a big DVD purchase for me
• Neo doesn’t have enough chapstick and his jaw tightens
• You can buy different lip balms…for $20!
• Did I ever have any lips at all?
• Neo is lipless
• Neo would like to get up and visit the vending machine
• I love saying “Mr. Anderson”
• I can only do a Ms. Piggy impression but it’s not sleepy
• I can do one lien from Yogi Bear, too
• Increasingly irrelevant impressions
• Mr. Anderson, please wear this special necklace
• The necklace that says “My Dudes”
• I don’t remember you giving me that lip balm
• The necklace wears its wearer
• But Neo can’t remember that this happened
• Holy cow, what a dream
• Thank goodness these are kissable lips
• His phone rings
• Oh wow, it must’ve been a landline
• Explaining Landline Phones
• On the phone is Morpheus
• The agents are listening to this call
• Neo is the one
• Let’s meet at this one bridge that’s used all the time in movies
• Cut to city street at night
• Just past midnight, the time when there’s no rules
• Who possibly dreams of lip balm vending machines?
• A message from Inner Nana
• Isn’t it ironic that Morpheus is talking to you during the daytime?
• Who walks at night??
• A car stops and the door opens
• The back door opens in such a weird way – that’s a red flag
• Who designed these car doors?
• I guess these car doors would be perfect for people with face paint and poofy 
• Trinity says “Get In”
• Apoc is driving
• Switch is tuned into Neo’s dreams
• His sharktooth necklace is actually a tracker
• It’s a false memory
• A groundbreaking Pendant Analyzer thing
• A chemical analysis
• 100% plastic, 0% sharktooth
• An undiscovered faint spiritual image that says “My dudes”
• A heartfelt memory of Neo swimming
• An older figure in his imaginary life
• He could buy 800 sharktooths for 44 cents each
• We don’t have time for these sharktooth memories
• Neo’s sweet sweet eyes and kissable lips
• A comforting noise like synthesized brass
• The sharktooth necklace is gone
• That’s the script
• I just watched the scene and took some notes
• Welcome to Matrix Radio Theatre
• I can’t do my Agent Smith impression right now for some reason
• We’re gonna give you a tadpole that lives in your armpit hair
• I hope this is just a dream!
• Then they tickled his sides and lifted his armpits naturally
• We can assume this is something like a tadpole
• Would Neo name the tadpole? Irrelevant
• It was very cute when he giggled when he was tickled
• Neo sleeps with a t-shirt on
• Neo’s Campbellian Hero’s Journey with his t-shirt
• Maybe take off your shirt fully if you want to check your armpits
• I don’t recommend a shelf above your bed
• Neo has like a converted card catalog dresser
• There’s a fish bowl on top of his dresser
• Is that fish bowl full of prophylactics?
• Did he take that from a high school health center?
• Morpheus tries to lay on the honey
• Is this a Mid Century Modern Car Door?
• Science Lab Furniture
• Is Trinity wearing leather or vinyl?
• Holy Neo Futuristic Situation
• Thunder and lightning punctuate the dialogue
• They surprise Neo with noisemakers
• Take your shirt off, Neo!
• Listen up, Copper Top!
• Was that a Carrot Top reference?
• Trinity takes out a giant device
• Listen to the sound of the car
• Trinity has an armpit comb / hair brusher
• Either Switch or Apoc is a cat person
• But Neo is familiar with dogs
• I bet there were outtakes of this scene
• Trinity is combing through Neo’s armpit hair
• Don’t laugh!
• No shirt, but he’s still got his jacket on
• They pull the tadpole out and throw it out into the pond
• The tadpole wasn’t just a dream
• Driving off into the night
• The mood is so thick, you can smell it
• A very ultra-modern apartment
• I think I like it?
• The kind of wallpaper you’d want to touch
• A velvety part of the wallpaper
• Trinity’s advice
• Be honest
• Don’t ask Morpheus about his glasses
• The glasses have no ear holders
• It’ll just distract from the conversation
• Preparing to cross the threshold into Morpheus’s room