1256 – Birds and Buds | Alba Salix S1E2

Episode 1256 – Birds and Buds | Alba Salix S1E2

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who’s here to keep you company, take your mind off of stuff, be a little bit silly, and…but in the sense of a friend in…a strange friend who doesn't even know how to start his own podcast, because it’s the podcast that’s always going…never get…always never getting started, always going nowhere. So, if you’re looking for a podcast that does that kinda stuff or you say, I don't understand, you may be in the right place. This is a friendly show. It really is meant to put barely a smile on your face as you fall asleep. So, I’m glad you’re here.

 

Regular listeners, I’m so glad to see you. New listeners, welcome. I’ll tell you, this is a podcast that’s just meant to be your friend in the deep, dark night. You’ll learn more soon. Structurally what to expect; we got some support — that’s how the show comes out free twice a week — then separate from the support is a long, meandering intro. Not only does it explain what the podcast is pretty unsuccessfully, but in a fun way it also helps ease you into bedtime or help you start to wind down. Then there will be a bedtime story. I think it’s gonna be a crossover episode, kind of…we’ve already done one crossover episode from our friends Alba Salix, but this one is kicking off a season of Salix, as we say, or I’m just saying now.

 

So, it’ll be fun. Yeah, this will be a crossover episode with the Alba Salix podcast, and then there’s some thank-yous at the end. So, I’m glad you’re here. Give this show a few tries. That’s what hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of thousands of people have told me in a lot of different terms; hey, this podcast, it takes some getting used to 'cause it’s always going nowhere. I didn’t even understand what that meant. So, I’m glad you’re here and, yeah, let’s just see how it goes. Oh yeah, welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcast that’s here to put you to sleep. Thanks for making it possible, my bore-friends.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. Sorry, I got mixed up. I’m not even kidding. Because I’m recording this…when you’re hearing this, it won't be the holiday season, but some part of my brain interrupted the beginning of the podcast to try to figure out a way to work a joke reference…a reference to an imaginary Hallmark holiday film into the…not into the intro but into an e-mail I’m gonna send later. I don't know if your brain interrupts you at bedtime, but…so, a podcast to put you to sleep…we do it with a bedtime story.

 

Alls you gotta do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m gonna attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. That could be thoughts about the past, the present, the future. That was future thoughts where I was gonna be funnier, and then I did interrupt…some part of my brain was trying to edit it and I said, I don't know, you can't send a e-mail about a holiday…a e-mail…you can't joke about Hallmark holiday movies in a e-mail. Then the part of my brain that was interrupting me said, what do you mean? It’s gonna be so funny. I had so say…my editing brain said, well, because a lot of people…they don’t need your opinion. We don’t need a snarky joke about Hallmark holiday films. Well, it’s not gonna be snarky.

 

It’s gonna be a made-up reference. I said, okay, but what if they don’t know it’s a made-up reference? ‘Cause I said, what’s the reference? ‘Cause it’s probably already a movie. It said, sealing Santa with a kiss? Then I said, nope. They said, well, something with a kiss with Santa in there. I said, okay, well…by the way, that’s when I…I said, I’m actually trying to introduce a sleep podcast here. I think that’s a pretty good metaphor 'cause at bedtime, I don't know, my brain is…there’s…we always talk about…occasionally we talk about different superpowers that…I wouldn't say they’re outdated…superpowers that don’t have any use. Inopportune time…you say, what’s your…? Think about stuff at the inopportune time. What use is that? Keeping me awake at night, interrupting my podcast intros.

 

But yeah, no, it’s just a super…it is a superpower. But I guess then they’d say…this is a person I don't want to listen to anyway. I say, well, actually, it only becomes a superpower in its implementation. It’s just a power. I say, thanks a lot. I didn’t…it sounds like your superpower is being a downer. Well, you’re being a downer. I say, you’re right. I own that. I’m sorry. I apologize. I didn’t mean to…it’s just that I kind of…strangely enough, I felt some esteem at possibly being the greatest person…one of the great people on the planet that can think of thoughts without power of thinking, just like if it comes out of my magic belt. I mean, it comes out of somewhere. It’s a power and it’s opportune…inopportune thoughts, and you’re…but you’re right.

 

I guess best not…here’s the thing; I don't have a choice about the implementation, either. Believe it or not, the irony is that it actually has come in pretty handing making the show. So, in some sense, my inopportune thoughts are a superpower, 'cause it’s helping people take their mind off of stuff…more importantly, be able to relate, because they have those thoughts sometimes, too. You say, here’s a great idea; I’m about to take the SATs. Well, I was thinking, what if we…whatever you’re gonna say next…I’m trying to take this test right now, 'cause I know you were about to say something about waffles, and I don't think that’s gonna be handy right now. Especially at bedtime, it’s more about stuff like studying. Here’s an idea; I got a new filing system. It’s gonna fix everything.

 

Then it would start to dissect my lack of…then it would say, well, here’s the reasons we need a new filing system, buddy. So, it could be thoughts, could be feelings about those thoughts. Oh boy, I’ve had a few even in these few moments we’ve been together. So, it could be feelings about those thoughts or feelings that are just there, emotions, physical sensations, it could be changes in time, temperature, routine, work schedule. I just got off the phone with somebody that works 8:00 to 4:00, 8:00 p.m. to 4:00 a.m. They don’t listen to the podcast, but they were telling me how…you know, what it was like. Yeah, so, it could be work schedule, you could have some…you could be anticipating something, going through something, getting over something, going somewhere, having someone come to you.

 

The reason I run through some of that stuff is so you know you’re not alone. You may feel alone. You may say, yeah, this…that’s not…you’re just a podcast. I’d say, well, here’s the thing; I know how it feels in the deep, dark night. I know how it feels to dread going to bed. I know how it feels to wonder…like, what do you mean, how am I gonna fall asleep if I can't stop thinking about falling asleep? Why doesn't anybody in my life understand this? I know how that feels. I know what it feels like being in a house full of people and everybody’s asleep but you. The only reason I go through that is if you’ve felt one of those feelings, I know how that feels.

 

But even if you’re feeling something different, if you’re going through something I haven’t experienced and I can't relate to, I know there’s someone listening somewhere in the world, maybe in someplace similar to you or maybe someplace very different, that has those same feelings, that has been through something…if not the same thing, something very similar. Right now, that person is in bed doing the equivalent of leaning forward, nodding their head for you, to kinda send some energy, to let you know, yeah, you’re not alone. I know how that feels. That is important, probably the most important thing I’ll say on the show. In addition to that is that you deserve a bedtime you don’t have to dread. You deserve a bedtime where you could get the rest you need.

 

You deserve a bedtime you could look forward to or feel neutral about. I’m here to attempt to provide that, because if you get the rest you need, your life is gonna be more manageable, and then if you get the rest you need on a regular basis or like me, mostly on a regular basis, you have a bedtime routine, it works for you most of the time, you’re gonna…you could be out there flourishing. That means your world’s a better place. That means our world’s a better place, and that’s important to me. It really means a lot to me and it means a lot to me, again, because I know how it feels. So, I can joke about it, too. My brain says, what about waffles? I say, I’m about to take a test here, man. I’m about to give a speech. Why do you gotta be…? Do you ever notice how our hair feels?

 

I wonder if it only feels that way 'cause we should be self-conscious about it. I say, I’m about to give a speech in front of a bunch of people. So, what I do here is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents, all to take your mind off of stuff and keep you company so you could fall asleep, which means this show doesn't make a lot of sense. I think I kind of explained that earlier. I go on a lot of tangents. I go…then I forget what I was talking about, then I double back, get lost, add in some filler words. Oh boy, do I. So, what…? Oh, and…okay, so, what about…why is the show so hard to listen to initially? I’m only laughing because this is just the e-mails I get. It’s the truth.

 

Well, one, if you can't sleep, you’re gonna probably be…you’re gonna have some feelings about it, probably be in a mood. I’m not even judging. That mood could be very strong, so you could find this podcast when you’re having some strong feelings, and you say, you gotta be kidding me. I thought this was gonna put me right to sleep. Later, I’ll explain, yeah, no, no, we don’t really put you right to sleep. So, if you’re skeptical or doubtful, that’s how most people get here. Either you were searching for this podcast or somebody recommended it and then somebody else recommended it or you heard about it, and it usually takes a couple tries. So, just see how it goes.

 

Now, if you already loathe me and the podcast and you know you’ll never listen again, I would still leave the door open because I’ve gotten the e-mail many times of people that pay for the show that said that, and now they pay for the podcast, they listen so much. But I do have a website set up; sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. Actually, statistically, there was…this person did a presentation about it at a conference I wasn’t at. They showed this constellation of shows that Sleep With Me is connected to, and I’m pretty sure part of it is sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, 'cause it helps other people discover sleep podcasts or sleepy stuff. So, just see how it goes, and we’ll go from there. What else? Oh, so most people don’t like the show when they first listen to it.

 

One part is that it’s a podcast you kinda just barely listen to. Like I said, it never gets started. It’s never going anywhere. Kind of; it does go somewhere, just slowly. So, that’s…it’s almost like looking at a picture and it’s out of focus and you’re like, okay, I’m gonna kinda look at the picture, then. I’m gonna kinda barely pay attention. Some people listen to me at a mumble and some people pay attention but in a loose way. Or you could pay full attention; that’s cool. There’s…‘cause there’s people who are listening who can't sleep or who need a break during the day, and that’s why the other thing is true; even though this is a podcast to put you to sleep, it doesn't put you to sleep. I’m  here to keep you company while you fall asleep. I thought there was something…oh, there’s no pressure to fall asleep.

 

Yeah, the reason the shows are over an hour is so you have plenty of time to drift off. Or if you just need company, I’m here to keep you company. I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie, your neigh-bore, and to keep you company while you drift off, to take your mind off of stuff, your bore-bud, your bore-bores, your Borbie, your friend in the deep, dark night, 'cause this podcast more takes your mind off of stuff and then you fall asleep. The other thing that could throw people off is the structure of the show. The show is designed in a very deliberate way, and then it is adjustable as you become a regular listener. But the majority of people consume this ad-supported podcast linearly, and that’s just what works best for them.

 

But then, a lot of people adjust the podcast, too. So, I’m gonna explain that, right? So, the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, then I say something else silly. For new people, hopefully that makes you feel seen and welcomed in, and you say, okay, I could check that podcast out. For my regular listeners, hey, what’s up? You say, welcome back. Good to see you again. Alright, Scoots is gonna not know what he’s talking about very soon. So, it’s kind of a welcome, a welcome in. Then there’s support so the pod…paying for the podcast is optional, and that’s just what most people like. You could sign up at Sleep With Me+ for ad-free episodes, you could earn ad-free episodes for free by sleepwithmepodcast.com/refer.

 

So, those are ways you could get ad-supported shows, including just by referring people to the show, and then you get it at no cost. Then there’s a long, meandering into meant to ease you into bedtime, and the intro’s separate from the support. It’s different every time but it follows a similar structure. Again, that is also twofold. Now, there is about…two percentage of people that skip the intro, start the show at, I don't know, twenty, thirty minutes. There’s also people that pay and listen to our story-only edition. But for most people, the intro is meant to ease you into bedtime. It’s not so much meant to put you to sleep. It’s meant to kinda take your mind off of stuff. It’s different every time but the familiar structure…I don't know, it’s just like, okay, how’s Scoots gonna mess up his own intro, or what random stuff is he gonna talk about?

 

Because he’s had a lot of superpowers over the years, including forgetting what his superpowers are. But he just remembered that it was inopportune thoughts. That would be a lot…you’d say, what, are you IP Man? There’s already…that’s already a hero and it’s also a whole corporate thing. Also, that does not go with inopportune…IT, inopportune thoughts. IoT; that’s Internet of Things. They’re all taken, man. I don't have anything…IoPT; that’s…what is that, a conference for…? Yeah, IoPT. I’m going to the IoPT concert or conference. No, I’m a superhero. It’s not a conference. I’m a superhero. My power is inopportune thoughts. Are you sure…? They’d say, are you sure your power isn’t thoughts at inopportune times?

 

I say, oh boy, you got…you have a sense of inopportune talking to me. Did you know I’m within you? Oh yeah, thanks, thanks for pointing that out. So, okay, where was I? Oh, the intro is meant to ease you into bedtime, not so much to put you to sleep. It’s a buffer between the day and the bedtime story, which will come later. So, most people don’t fall asleep during the intro, but you could. But what I would recommend is trying out…doing some chill activity or getting ready for bed as you listen to the intro, and whether it’s even lying around or making your bed and then getting in it or doodling or, again, doing your getting-ready-for-bed routine.

 

That’ll help ease you into bedtime, just like the intro does. Then there’s support, then there will be our bedtime story twenty, thirty minutes into the show. But don't worry; it’ll be this amazing crossover episode with Alba Salix, and I think what we’ll do is recently run the first episode we did, and then we’ll do this episode, too. So, this is gonna be really fun. So, I’m glad you’re here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive. Thanks again for coming by, and…yeah, a team of us work so hard because we really want you to fall asleep. So, thank you again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to do it for you for free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, Scoots here. I’m not sure what I said in the intro, 'cause I recorded that about two weeks ago. But so, this is even something…a newer idea than maybe what I talked about in the intro, and this is gonna be part of a new ongoing thing, which is a crossover of Season 1 and then eventually Season 2 and Season 3 of Alba Salix. We’ve been…this is something…thinking about the long-term sustainability of the podcast, of other great podcasts that are out there, and also with…thinking about how we were impacted by the strike and wondering…reevaluating the kind of TV…regular TV-recap episodes.

 

As I’m recording this, I don't know 100% of our schedule, if these Alba Salix ones will be plugged in where we used to be…do TV recaps or we’ll move to a fourth style of episode, 'cause right now we put out random-style episodes, episodically modular episodes, and then TV-recap or movie…Tale of the Tape episodes. We do…we have done one-off crossover episodes, and we’ve repeated those with Night Water and a bunch of other podcasts, but this one is gonna be a ongoing…going through the whole season of the fiction podcast Alba Salix, which we did Episode 1 of. That’ll come out next…soon as Episode 1, and then we’ll go into the series.

 

But for this episode, I thought it’d be cool to do something new that we’ve never done before, because with episodically modular episodes, what we do is at the end of the season, I look back at the creation of those and kinda give you a behind-the-scenes. What I’m gonna do now is give you a little bit of behind-the-scenes in a sense of what it looks like to do a crossover episode, because it’s been probably a couple years since we did the original Alba Salix Season 1, Episode 1 crossover episode. Part of the reason it’s hard for me to do fiction podcasts is…and I’m glad we arranged this. This is something we’ve been working on for years. But it’s just like with Alba Salix, with Eli and Sean and everybody and then myself, you’re just so busy making your own stuff. Even trying to arrange this…logistics is tough.

 

So, what I thought I’d do with this episode is do a table read, ‘cause a couple things going into making this now. It will be like…so, what a table read is is when a cast sits down and just reads through the script without…kind of in…kind of as practice and feeling it out. Since it’s been a while since this cast, the Sleep With Me cast, has played the roles of Alba Salix…that was kinda a pilot episode we shot two or three years ago, and then suddenly the whole…they said, you know what? We want to green light the whole season of Alba Salix with…the sleepy edition. Alba Snoozlix? We didn’t even think about what we would call it. So, that’s part of it, is getting back into the characters slowly. So, this will kind of be a table-read style one.

 

So, what you’ll have…what you’ll hear is Episode 1, and then this episode will be Episode 2, and then we’ll do 3, 4, and the rest of Season 1. But this one may be a little dissonant from Episode 1, so it’s done more as a table read so I can get back…all the cast can get back into the characters. So, a little bit of a behind-the-scenes style one. So, yeah, that’s the plan, and we’ll be putting these out on a regular basis. Kinda pretend this is a table read and the cast is coming in. I mean, the cast is all in my mind, but…and kinda go through it like everybody’s coming in fresh, kinda like the first day of school. So, we’re gonna start with Season 2, Episode 1, Birds and Buds, like buds roaming around. This transcript was originally posted by Eli on November 14, 2014. Welcome…yeah, have a seat.

 

So, kinda open up…this is Episode…Season 1, Episode 2. This is where Alba tends to her two least-favorite patients. Magnus receives some advice from the local wildlife, and there are gonna be some things we have to do to keep it sleepy, so we’ll have to look at that. So, is everybody ready? Okay, and I’ll be doing the setup and the direction. I’m Scoots. How’s everybody doing today? Great, great. Alba? Yeah. Magnus? Everybody’s gonna stay in character? I know it’s been a while since everybody’s played these roles. We’re gonna do great. We could just…you could just do it in this style of voice if you want. Holly? Okay, yeah. Yeah, sure, I’ll play the extra role since we’re a little short-staffed today. Alright, so it opens at a exterior garden, dawn.

 

There’s morning birds and then there’s a knock, knock, knocking on a wooden door by Alba here. Oh, Magnus, oh Magnus, oh Magnus, it’s time to get up. Okay, Magnus…I’m getting my magnet…Magnus…magnetic Magnus…Magnus, Magnus. Okay, we’re just doing the table read, Magnus. Thanks. Magnus…okay, okay, hold your horses. The door opens and there’s tools. Whoa, boy, it’s dark out, Alba. Why’d you wake me up in the middle of the night? It’s practically dawn. Practically, but not actually dawn, Alba. This is Magnus speaking. It’s therefore night. Okay, here, take this bottle. I need you to collect the dewdrops from the grass. What for? A lot of spells, Magnus, call for moondrops, dewdrops collected the night of a full moon. moondrops. Oh man, but that means bending over, you know?

 

Alba, you remember I had that dance-off. I’m still sore from all that dancing. You’re fine, and it’s time for you to start…this is not…we’re sharing our resources, Magnus. Now get busy. Busy…the dude is…one does not…the dew does not gather itself, and the moon dew that you do you will do, Magnus. So, get to it before the sun comes up and they burn off. This is inhumane treatment, you know? Ugh. Well, here’s one dewdrop, two…oh, these are moondrops. One moon…have you ever met a gumdrop moondrop? Man, these things are small. I could use a jar or a funnel or something. Quawkity-quawk-quawk, I’m a bird. I offer thee a tiny clue. What? What? What? Who’s there? What, are you a talking bird? I offer thee a tiny clue to catch the precious morning dew. You’re a bird and you’re talking to me.

 

Twiddlee-deet, twiddlee-deedly-deet, tweet, tweet, tweedle-deet. I am a bird. Okay, I must be tired. I just gotta get some coffee. This talking bird’s not…I sing a song to every drop. This is the bird talking, and I’m telling you, Magnus, sing a song to every drop. I’m sorry, excuse me? Into the bottle it will pop. Wait, are you giving me…? You’re not serious. Are you giving me, Magnus, advice? I’m sorry. Sing a song to every drop. Wait, am I supposed to sing a song to every drop or sing a song to every drop? It doesn't matter, 'cause I’m not singing to dewdrops or moondrops or any drops. I wouldn’t sing to gumdrops. I’m just trying to catch…I don't even enjoy catching these tiny, tiny…oh, my goodness, dropped another one. Sing a song, Magnus. I am not singing. Go away.

 

Do I tell you how to be a talking bird or how to do whatever…what job does a talking bird even have? Sing a song to every drop. Okay, you gotta get…don’t…can't you go follow some worms or something? You know, hit the road. Bye-bye, Magnus, but sing a song to every drop. Into the bottle it will pop. Okay, go ahead, one more rhyme and I’m gonna be dancing…I’m gonna be doing a bird dance, and it won't be a mating dance, if you catch my drift. Tweedlee-tweedlee-deet. Did you catch that, Magnus? That was my bird-with-narrowed-eyes-and-a-furrowed-brow tweedlee-deet. Flappity, flappity, flappity. Good morning. Holly here. Wrong on both counts, Holly. Oh, Magnus, it is a beautiful morning, and last night, I flew to the stone circle in the golden glade with eleven other fairies.

 

We did a dance to the full moon and tried this amazing wine I made from starberries. Well, aren’t you special? Why are you such a grumpy goose, Magnus? Let’s see, I’ve been…I’m making up dew…moon dew…moon dew? How come they don’t call it moon dew? I mean, my whole life, I got a back ache from a dance-off that I barely even remember. I have to sleep in the tool shed, but I’m not allowed to sleep because some…at 4:00 in the morning or something I’m awoken and I’m expected to gather dewdrops in a thimble. Oh Magnus, you mean moondrops. Are you singing them? Oh, Holly, do not start with me. Some other bird with…a bird with a bird brain was trying to tell me how to do it. Oh, you should always listen to the birds and animals, Magnus. They’re your friends. My friends have bigger vocabularies.

 

They can see more than tweet, tweet, tweedlee-deet. Well, the dewdrops in Alba’s garden usually like the key of B flat major. It all depends on the type of grass. Watch; sound of me, me, Holly, hitting a B flat. Come, spring from your leaves, each glimmering bead. Drippity-droppity-drip. See? It’s easy as singing to dewdrops, Magnus. Holly, I’m not singing to Alba’s front lawn. It’s easy, Magnus. Well, if it’s so easy, Holly, why don’t you take care of it, then? Okay, note; Walla, voices hushed, middle distance, and a sound of knocking at the door. Okay, Holly here. After the sound effects, I am taking a breath and singing…each glimmering…oh, my goodness, they’re bringing someone in. Oh yeah, it looks like somebody for Alba to provide some caring for? We better go check it out.

 

Magnus, your job is to collect the dewdrops before they’re gone. You need to stay here. Hey, Holly, why don’t I go and you get the dewdrops? Oh, Magnus, I have to go. Remember, it’s a B flat. I don't know if you ever remember that movie where they said, you better get it right or it will be flat. But why don’t you try that, Magnus? I must fly, fly away. Okay, I know what a B flat is. Thanks a million. If I was to sing, it would probably be in this voice. Spring from your leaves, each glimmering bead. Ugh, I can't believe this. Alright, everybody, scene direction…we’re gonna play the opening theme of Alba Salix here, the theme of Alba Salix. Oh, and then I’ll do the thing. By appointment to the King and Queen, Alba Salix, Royal Physician, Episode II, the Labors of Magnus. Alright, this is the next scene. Everybody set up.

 

It’s Houses of Healing, and we’ll have Alba and Holly…okay, on stage. Thank you. Ah, Holly, there you are. It’s me, Alba. Sorry I’m late, Alba. Hello. Holly, I need this silver star ointment. Then the quick knitters and then a pile…then a grabber. I need to do a little bit of grabbing. The most…the softest, caring grabber you have. You got it. Let me open some doors here and some cabinets. Alright, we’ve got someone here who really needs our help, Holly. Yeah, they’re resting now, but we’re gonna do our best to help him. I know…Alba, I know who that is. Isn’t that Jerome? He’s been in here before. Yeah, Holly, he’s been in here before and before that, as well. He had a little sneezy-pooh, and then the day before that…oh yeah, didn’t he step on a crack and came in and said, I wondered…I stepped on a crack.

 

Do I need to be concerned about my mother or anything else? He must be quite unlucky. Well, Holly, you do have to wonder, is he unlucky or…? Well, Alba, what happened this time? Apparently just before sunrise, Jerome’s son heard a commotion in the hen house and they thought it was someone visiting, visiting the hens without permission, possibly someone maybe trying to collect eggs or something. Jerome rushed in without thinking. Oh, that’s funny. He made me think of a joke, that he got a goose egg from a chicken. Okay, well…yeah, he was already…he wasn’t doing…he’s gonna need some extra caring, you know? Oh, it’s Magnus here. I’m just coming in. What’s going on with this guy? Is that Jerome? Anything I can do to help? This is Alba, Magnus. No thank you.

 

Holly, I need seven drops of ointment, and you could put it right there where I’m pointing, at that place that needs a little bit of ointment, that ointment zone there. No problem, Alba. Thanks, Holly. This is Magnus; so, is this the same Jerome that you’re always going on and on about under your breath, Alba? Like, muttering? It is. Thank you, Magnus. Well, now is your moment, then, Alba. What do you mean, my moment, Magnus? You know, if your…your moment to say…this is the end of our professional relationship, Magnus. This is Holly; I don't think you’re in a position to tell Alba who she should choose to have a professional relationship with. Yeah, this is Alba, Magnus; if you remember, I had a professional relationship caring for you, as well, and I chose to retain…I chose to care…caring first.

 

I don't know if it’s the Care Bear code, Magnus, but it’s a code. Well, clearly it’s different. I’m Magnus, so you knew caring for Magnus is a gift that keeps on giving. Yeah, Magnus, this is Alba; we all make mistakes, okay? Let’s do some dropping. Whoa, whoa, whoa, I’m very…this is Magnus here; I’m very good at dropping dew…I was just dropping dew…I mean, I wasn’t dropping dewdrops, but I could do that. This is Jerome; I’m in my sleep. I’m tossing and turning. Oh, this is Holly; don't worry, Jerome. Let me just pat your forehead here. We’re sorry. See, you’re patting his forehead. Holly, you’re patting Jerome’s…you don’t pat Jerome’s forehead. You pat the…on the top of the head, and you gotta pat it more gently. No, no, no, this is Alba; I think it’s something else. I think we need to observe.

 

Maybe he prefers to be…this is Magnus; maybe Holly is the wrong person to treat him. Maybe he prefers a human versus a fairy-based being. This is Holly, Magnus; maybe he prefers to be treated by someone who cares versus someone like you who’s so self-involved. Are you saying that…Holly, are you saying that Alba’s self-involved? You shouldn’t talk about Alba like that. Excuse me, you two, I’m trying to focus. This is not an expected result of our caring for Jerome. We were trying to get that salve in there, the soothing salve of…the soothing silver salve. This is Holly; what if I make up a sanitas tincture? We could try that. No, that’s…I’m sorry, Holly, that’s just not as effective. Yeah, this is Magnus, Holly; that’s not as effective. This is Holly; it is effective. Thank you. Can you hand me that…?

 

This is Alba; can you hand me that amulet hanging on the second hook? Yeah, the jingling one. Yeah, good. That’s…hand it over. So, the jingling one, you want me to hang…this jingling amulet, you want me to hand it over while it’s jingling to you, Alba? Yes, Magnus. Well, here you go, Alba. Jingle, jingle, jingle. You’re welcome. Okay, moon dame clarificame…and a flourish of my hands. Hey, this is Holly. I need to talk to myself for a second. I am a good fairy and I help people. I am a good…oh, wow, what is that? It’s pretty. Okay, alright, let’s deal with that area that needs salve and soothing. Holly, can you lightly touch that gently in a caring way? Sure can, Alba. This is Holly; you got it. Magnus, I learned a technique back at the monastery of melting wood. You ever heard of that? Melting wood, melting it just like ice.

 

I bet you that would work in this situation. Magnus, this is Alba; I need you to stay out of the way, please. This is Magnus; my mind has power over wood. I studied this. I can make wood melt with my mind. Okay, here, take this jug. Can you go up the road to the royal stables and gather the saltpeter from under the manure pile? I’m sorry, this is Magnus; you want me to do what? Saltpeter. I want you to gather some of the saltpeter. The aging manure? Fine-aged manure, saltpeter? Does any of that ring a bell, Magnus? I mean, I know what you’re talking about, but isn’t this something Holly’s better suited to handle? I need Holly’s help in here. But I can do this. I’m way better at salving and soothing, and I can melt wood with my mind. Magnus…please, please, please? It’s just…why do you think they call it saltpeter?

 

It causes wiltage. Wiltage? Yeah, wiltage of the…peter-based wiltage. Peter, Peter pumpkin-eater could not…all those…yeah, yeah. Well, that’s…you’re not…Magnus, you’re just collecting the saltpeter. You’re not cooking it or doing anything with it. You’re not making pumpkin or pumpkin pies. Yeah, this is Holly; come on, Magnus, I thought you could handle that. I thought you were a monk. I thought you had power over wood. Saltpeter, it drains the essential energy I need to perform amazing feats of dance. Okay, well, this is Alba; that’s great, so get out there and shovel. Oh, my goodness, I cannot believe you two are putting me through this. My prior was right. I’m going to slam the door very loudly. Well, Magnus, you go out the door and slam it. I’ll let you know you should have listened to your prior.

 

Okay, Holly; can…bend that knee. Thank you. This is Jerome; I’m having a dream. That’s good, Jerome. This is Holly; just…we’re here caring for you. Well, maybe Magnus was right. If I didn’t have this Jerome coming in here every day occupying us, we’d have so much more time. Alba…this is Holly; that’s not a very nice thing to say. Well, I don't know, Holly. Yeah, maybe I’m just not a great person. I don't know. This is Holly; Alba, you are. You just need someone to help and keep an eye on you. Alright, next we move to the stables in morning. Alright, this is the sound of morning birds, distant horse snorts and whinnies, the sound of a scraping, and squirrels making noise. I cannot believe…between Holly and Alba…trying to…man, it does not…it just…this place smells like a stable or a barn. Well, hello. I’m a squirrel.

 

Would you like to dance with younder broom? Wait, what? I don't need any advice from squirrels. I already got some from a talking bird. Well, this is a squirrel. If you dance a turn with yonder broom, thy labors will be over soon. Okay, squirrel, go find a nut or something, because I’m not dancing. I’ve already been through enough embarrassment today. Dance a turn with yonder broom. Squirrel, please excuse me. I’m gonna…please go, go, go. Shoo, shoo, shoo. Fly, shoo. The squirrel exits, making a lot of noise, but says one more time, dance a turn with yonder broom. Oh, squirrel, please…oh boy, now I tripped and…a heavy squelch. Oh boy, this is Magnus; I just ended up sitting down on the ground. Gross. Okay, back to the House of Healing…and Jerome is waking from sleep. Oh, Jerome’s waking from sleep.

 

Alright, Jerome, that’s…this is Alba; I think this should do it. Holly here; Jerome’s waking up. He can hear you, Alba. Okay, this is Jerome; what’s going on here? Well, this is Holly; it looks like you…were you chase…? You got a goose egg from chasing…were you chasing things around your hen house? I don't know what’s going on. No. Okay, well, this is Holly; you’re at the House of Healing. Try to just be rested. Be rested? What’s a goose…how did I get a goose egg? Where’s my goose egg? Do you remember rushing in your hen house without looking? No. I mean, I remember the moon. I remember chickens. Okay, this is Alba; Jerome, you gotta sit still, please. Oh, hey, Alba, I know you. Yeah, sadly, you do. Yeah, you’re so nice, Alba. This is Jerome; I really appreciate all the hard work you’re doing.

 

Alba, I think he’s delirious. Jerome, how many fingers am I holding up? Oh, you know what I was dreaming of? Chickens, singing chickens. The sound of a door opening and squish, squish, squish, muddy, muddy boots approaches. Jerome? Holly, he’s…I think I preferred him resting. Oh my gosh, what’s that smell? Jerome. Yeah? Oh my goodness, it’s Magnus. This is Holly; what happened? Yeah, this is Magnus. I’m not happy, so I don't want any commentary. Magnus, what…? Magnus, you’re tracking mud everywhere. Can you go outside and wash up, please? Yeah, this is Magnus. This entire area is full of woodland creatures who kind of are giving me a hard time. I don't think they like me at all. Oh, this is Jerome…Holly here; Jerome, calm down. Alba, I think Jerome’s gotta go back to sleep.

 

Okay, well, we need the moondrops for that. Magnus, do you have the moondrops? Oh, the front doorbell’s ringing. Someone’s at the front door or at the counter. Uh, hello? This is the Countess. Is anyone there? Oh, this is Alba; drat. I forgot Countess Carnelia has an appointment this morning. If it’s not one thing, it’s eighteen hundred other things. This is the Countess; hello? Huh, she sounds nice. Is that the sound of someone going through the jars? She’s ridiculous. She’s a friend of Parbelle’s, and she won't even…she only likes…I don't know. Magnus? Yeah. Magnus, we need you to go and…we need the…we need some frog kisses. So, we need some frogs. Just go to the pond. Grab a jug. Yeah, this is why I studied at the monastery, so I could go shovel manure to grab saltpeter and catch frogs.

 

Magnus…okay, how do I catch frogs, anyway? What, am I twelve? It’s easy. You go into the pond, you roll up your trousers, you get in, and then you make frog sounds. Oh, yeah, that sounds great, Alba. I can't wait. You want…? Just, Magnus, please go. I don't want to talk to you sternly, 'cause Jerome’s making dreamy sounds over there. Alright, alright, I’ll go. Take another jug. Make sure to be gentle with the frogs, too, Magnus. If you’re not gentle with the frogs, then we won't be able to get the frog kisses. Oh, frog kisses. Thanks. Whatever. Slamming the door again…and into reception. Hello? Ah, Your Ladyship, it’s me, Alba. Miss Salix, good morning. Sorry to keep you waiting, Countess. How have you been? Oh, busy, busy, busy. You know how it is, the life of a patron and philanthropist. Of course.

 

That reminds me of…the Queen suggested you might be inclined to make a small donation to the House of Healing? This is the Countess; I’ll have to discuss it with my bookkeeper. I’m reorganizing my giving portfolio, you see. I’ve been so busy, dreadfully busy, of late. Yeah, I know, all those salons you go to, Countess, and the parties, that must really be tiring. Oh, you have no idea. It’s taking a terrible toll, Miss Salix. Just look; my hands, my face…you look fine to me, Countess. Oh no, no, no, things look fine, but I have a specialist. They’ve told me something about plata plaja or something. Oh, really, Countess? You don’t say. Yeah, and then I’m over…I’m under-kissed by frogs. I recently got my results back; under-kissed by frogs, Alba. Of course you are, Countess. So, I think I need some more frogs, the kissing kind.

 

Okay, well, my assistant is out fetching you some frogs right now, the kissing kind. Did you…what about the tincture I gave you? Oh my goodness, that was pink. It did not smell delectible, Alba. I found it unacceptable. Well, I prepared the tincture just for you, Countess. I tried, Alba, but I couldn’t do it. So, you’ll kiss frogs but you don’t want to have a herbal tincture. Miss Salix, isn’t there anything else? Aren’t there any other options? Maybe toad kisses? Toad kisses…yeah, yeah, yes, Countess, yes, Countess. Alright, back at the frog pond, birds are singing, water’s splashing. Holy mackerel, I should have stayed at the monastery, Magnus. How am I gonna get this? I gotta get some…come here, frog. Come on, come on. Please, come on, come on, froggy, froggy, froggy. Please don’t make me get back in the swamp.

 

Okay, anyone who’s listening, I will dance or sing whatever as long as I don't have to get back in the pond. Any friends from the animal kingdom listening? Never there when you need them. Living on nuts and berries…they’re laughing at us. Oh, there’s bird sounds. Yeah, this is a bird; squirrel, can you hear me? I’m gonna…this will fix him. What’s in the vial? Well, it’s from Alba’s pantry. You’ll see. Hello, human child. This is a bird speaking. Oh, hey, Mr. Bird. Sorry about that earlier. Don't worry about it. I’m a bird. My feelings aren’t hurt by humans’ comments. Any tips on collecting kissing frogs? I only caught one so far. Oh, one is all you need. One frog kiss is all you need to attract more kisses. I’m sorry, I’m not kiss…I’m collecting kissing frogs, not kissing kissing frogs. Thank you.

 

Oh, well, I have a special attractant that I could give you. It’s a very powerful frog pheromone. Hard to say, frog pheromone, but it’s not. Wait, aren’t you supposed to sing and rhyme, bird? This is Magnus wondering. Sometimes us birds, we’ve gotta improvise, break loose, diversify, you might say. Here, take it. It says it’s drake's jelly. What’s drake's jelly? Why is that squirrel giggling? Oh, this is the squirrel; I’m giggling. Oh no, you didn’t. Excuse me, Magnus. This is the bird; squirrel, could you please be quiet? As I said, Magnus, this is a frog pheromone. It’s a frog attractant. Wait, it attracts frogs? Yes, it does. Something like that. Alright, it’s better than singing or dancing. How do you know all this stuff anyway if you’re a bird? You learn a lot when you hang around with Alba. Oh hey, this frog seems to like it. I gotta go.

 

Nests to build, bird…songs to sing. Wait a second, the frog seems to be growing here. See you later; this is the bird leaving. Alright, thanks, bird. Thanks for the tip. Wait a second, this frog keeps growing. Wait a second, bird, what is going on? It’s getting larger and larger and larger. Oh dear, Alba is not gonna like this. Back at the House of Healing…Alba, this is the Countess. As I said, plagia phlagia…I want to clear that up. I want to make sure I don't have phlageoplagia. That’s not even a thing, Your Ladyship. I know what I know, Alba. I’m the one who has phaseapophlasia. Plasiapophlasia. Your Ladyship, you’re not showing any…have no signs. Oh, this is Holly; hello, Countess. I just wanted to let you know, Alba, Jerome is resting. Thanks, Holly. Can you go check on Magnus, please? Will do.

 

You know, my color specialist, the Countess’ color specialist, was telling me I should be taking moosemint leaf. Huh, well, I don't know, but I don't supposed it could do any…could you please provide me with some moosemint leaf, in that case? Countess, why are you coming…if you have so many experts at your fingertips, why are you coming to me for advice? Well, you are the Royal Physician appointed by the King himself. So, this has nothing to do with the fact that treatment at the House of Healing is paid for by the King himself? I have no idea what you’re insinuating, Alba. I’m sure you don’t. So, do you have any moosemint? I could take all of it, if you wish. No, I don't have any moosemint. Well, so much for nationalized medicine, then.

 

Well, this is Alba; do you even…but that’s…you don’t pay…you don’t…where are my kissing frogs, Alba? Out at the garden, Magnus is…hey, Holly. Hey, Magnus. How’d you do with the kissing frogs? Good, good. Well…okay, so this is a hypothetical question, Holly, I’m gonna lay on you. Go ahead, Magnus. If you were gonna shrink something with magic, you had to shrink something down, what would you do? Is this about the saltpeter? No, it’s about the…it’s basic magic concepts, you know? I’m trying to learn, be an apprentice. Magnus, did you know fibbing causes acne? I’m not fibbing. Magnus, what did you do? Is it the kissing frogs? No, and don’t…just ignore that giant, deep frog sound. Well, maybe. Magnus, just tell me what happened. Okay, it wasn’t me. It was the bird. Okay, let me see that jug. No, no, no, don’t open it.

 

Whoa, that is one big frog. Yeah, put the lid back on. Magnus, what did you do? It was the bird. He told me to feed the frogs…well, he’s…something about drake's jelly. It was a frog pheromone. Oh, goodness. You don’t know what drake's jelly is, do you? Green stuff with frog pheromones? No, it’s where baby dragons come from. What? Well, it’s like…it’s tough to explain, but it has to do with the process and the circle…wait, did you say dragons? Yeah, it’s kinda like…a kissing frog would become a kissing dragon, but only if it’s in contact with drake's jelly. Where does drake's jelly come from? From dragons. It comes out of these dragon glands. Wait, there’s…dragons are real? Yeah, yeah, dragons are real. Really big, too. Even better. Oh, here comes somebody. Oh, it’s Alba. Uh-oh.

 

Magnus, this is Alba; what’s taking so long? Oh, hi, Alba. It’s Magnus. Please tell me you’ve got some kissing frogs, Magnus. Well, as a matter of fact, right in this jug, I have some kissing frogs, but I’m not sure if I got enough. I think I’d go…gonna go back and get some more. This is Holly; I think Magnus has something to tell you, Alba, don’t you, Magnus? Well…okay, go ahead, Magnus. Oh no, the Countess is running out of my office with Jerome behind her. This is the Countess; Jerome is pretending to be a puppy and running around, barking. Yeah, this is Jerome; I’m barking like a puppy. Oh, dear. Okay, now I…Toby, what are you doing here? This person is a puppy. What? Please, I’m not…I’m here for kissing frogs, not kissing…sniffing puppies. Okay, Toby. Please…here, come here. Sorry, Countess. It’s just Toby.

 

He kinda just shows up here every once in a while. Woofy, woof, woof. Well, I’m not a fan of puppies. I’m only a fan of kissing frogs. Okay, Toby, go back…go sniff some trees. Okay. Well, you can all…this is the Countess; I will not be donating any money here. Oh, well, this is Alba; is that my jug of kissing frogs? Well, this is…no, this jug…this is Magnus; I’m not sure about this jug’s structural integrity. You know what? This is Alba; my teeth are…just give her the jug with the kissing frogs and let’s just call it a day. This is Holly; Alba, that’s not a good idea. I will take the jug of kissing frogs and be on my way, honestly. Alright, prince…I mean, Countess. There you are. So lovely to see you again, Your Ladyship. Not so fast. I need to check my kissing frogs. This is Magnus; no, no, no, you don’t need to.

 

No, no, this is Holly; don’t…please don’t open the jug right this moment. Honest, you don’t need to open the jug. There’s lots of frogs in there. I’m supposed to believe you, Magnus? You look like you’ve been making mud pies all day. Yeah, it’s just a really hard stopper to put back in. Yeah, this is Alba; Countess, you have your kissing frogs. Why don’t you have a lovely day? I hope you feel better soon. Bye-bye. What is going on here? Nothing’s going on. It’s just that the frogs, they’re sleeping, so please don’t wake them up. Oh, for goodness gracious…this is Holly; you know what? You can't have that jug. There’s a kissing dragon in there. This is Alba; Holly, what are you doing? There’s no kissing dragon. Yeah, this is the Countess; I’ve never heard such words in my life. Kissing dragon? Yeah, Holly, this is Magnus; what rubbish.

 

But no, seriously, Countess, I’d wait ‘til you get home. Oh boy, the Countess just dropped the jug. Don’t open it. Magnus, this is Alba expressing my displeasure. It’s not my fault. That is a kissing dragon. It’s kissing every…oh, it’s so beautiful. This is Holly; look at the beautiful kissing dragon. Magnus, what have you done now? I deny everything. Okay, everyone back up. I’m gonna have to deal with this. Oh, the kissing dragon continues to grow. Oh, Holly…this is Holly; oh dragony-pooh, who’s a good little dragon? This is the Countess; I will not be kissed by a kissing dragon. I do not…I’m not…okay, everybody…kissing dragon, this is Alba; I think we should call the dragon Langley. Well, dragon, I guess you’re too young to understand what I’m saying, but we’re your friends, but we’re not here to be kissed.

 

So, we’re just gonna get outta your way here. The Countess is not happy. I don't think the kissing dragon’s happy, either, Alba. Okay, this is Alba; so much for diplomacy. You know, like…I think…this is Magnus; I think I could do a dance-off with the kissing dragon if you want me to. This is Holly; Magnus, you are not dancing off with Langley. Yeah, Langley’s confused, Magnus. This is the Countess; I do not like kissing dragons. Your Ladyship, please calm down. Alba, this is the Countess; you need to do something then. Okay, everybody, we’re escalating the situation. This is Holly; kissing dragon, we’re not here to escalate anything. Oh goodness, I…this is the Countess; I cannot deal with this. Okay, everybody relax. Ari samni oculus implebunt…and magic flourish…wait a second, this is Magnus; what did that do?

 

Well, I guess the sleeping spell does not work on kissing dragons. Oh, this is the Countess; I’m so sleepy. Well, it worked on the Countess, at least. Alright, now listen up, Langley. That’s Countess Carnelia. She’s the Queen’s best friend, so no kissing the Queen’s best friend. This is Holly; Alba, let me handle it. Langley, come on, let’s go down to the seaside and maybe you could kiss the water, kiss, kiss the sea. Langley, please listen. If only you listened to me and I had my dance shoes, I could dance off with this dragon. Okay Magnus, leave it. Holly, quit trying to pet the kissing dragon. Listen, Holly, you’re the only one that can fly. Oh, here comes Jerome as a dog. Oh, boy. Woof, woof. Okay, here comes a puppy. Toby, please be careful. Man, that is one strange-looking puppy.

 

Okay, Holly, now, while the dragon is distracted by Toby-Jerome, go get the glass wand and the duckweed pollen. Oh, duckweed pollen. Of course. That’s a great idea, Alba. Okay, go now. Okay. I’m Jerome…Toby the puppy. Woof, woof, woof. Okay, yeah, keep leading him on. That’s it, if you don’t mind me. Magnus, what are you doing? I’m gonna dance, dance, dance this kissing dragon right out of our hair, Alba. Okay, that’s not helping. Is that the sound of you dancing, Magnus? Magnus; yep. Let me do a little bit of this, now a little bit of that…oh, yeah. Is that the sound of the dragon…? The dragon’s wetting its lips to kiss you, Magnus. Oh no, please don’t kiss me, please don’t kiss me. Puppity, puppity, pooh…woof. Good boy. Good job, Toby. Good job. Woofity, woof. Okay, please, please, no kissing.

 

The dragon’s sniffing me right now, Alba. Okay, close enough. Oh, it’s Holly; I’m back. They do grow up so fast. He’s only been a dragon for fifteen minutes and he’s already sniffing Magnus. Okay, dragon, could you watch out for my roof, please? Alba, can you hurry up? This dragon’s drooling on me. Woofity, woof. I didn’t know you had a dog, Alba. Oh no, that’s not my dog. Toby’s not mine. Toby just shows up every few weeks. Oh, look, the dragon likes you, Magnus. It wants you to rub its tummy. Oh no, that’s the dog. Oh, the dog likes you, Alba. It wants you to rub its tummy. Yeah, it’s a nice dog. Good Toby. It’s kinda like a funny build, though, even though we’ve already said it’s just like Jerome. Alba, is it Jerome? No, it’s…this is…it’s daytime. It can’t be Jerome.

 

Turned into a puppy…although I’ve never seen him during the day before. Okay, could you please hurry up with the dragon, please? Alright, I guess we gotta go deal with Langley. Okay, is the duckweed pollen for a shrinking spell? Yeah, exactly. I need you to fly up there, sprinkle the pollen on the dragon’s back, tap him three times with the glass wand, and say, non est parvem vos sentio…non est parvem vos sentio. Got it. I’m flying up there. Hi, Langley. It’s me. Stay still. Non est parvem vos sentio. Okay, nice dragon. Could we be friends, please? This is Magnus. Whoa, whoa, it’s shrinking already. Holly, what did you do? Oh boy, but it’s shrinking so fast…oh, thanks, Holly. I thought you were gonna catch me. Oh, I just caught the dragon, now a frog. Was it…were you worried up there, dragony-pooh?

 

Okay, thank goodness that worked. I thought Holly was gonna rescue me. Instead she rescues the dragon frog. Yeah, it’s just a dragon frog. You’re a grown man, Magnus. I loathe this place. Have I mentioned that? This is the Countess; I’m waking up. What happened? Oh, Your Ladyship, are you alright? What am I doing here? Oh, you fell asleep, Countess. I had a dream. I had a dream of a kissing dragon. Yeah, that sounds terrible, Countess. Sounds like a dream. Oh yes, it was a dream. Oh no, it was that puppy that keeps trying to…please, get this puppy away from me. Okay, Toby, go inside, please. Alright, I gotta get this kissing dragon frog back to the seaside before it grows again. Alright, thanks, Holly. Can you take him north of the cape if you have time? Come on, Langley, let’s go to the beach.

 

Okay, well, that turned out okay. Magnus? Yes, ma’am? How exactly did the kissing frog come in contact with drake's jelly? It wasn’t my fault. It was a bird that didn’t like me. He gave me this bottle of…this is my bottle from my pantry. Yeah, she must have come through the window, which Holly still hasn’t fixed. A bird stole it? Is that the best you could come up with? I mean, I never even heard of drake's jelly. The bird said it would make them multiply. It was like a frog pheromone. But you lived at the dragon monastery and you never knew that dragons and drake's jelly were related? No. No one ever had that talk with me. It’s not like it comes up a lot in day-to-day conversation. I suppose not. Where’d the puppy go? Oh, well, he never stays for long. It says there’s a voice calling him down the road. Oh, it’s Jerome again.

 

Maybe you didn’t notice that I was the puppy. Where am I? Jerome, what are you doing out here? Put on some clothes. Okay. You smeared all the ointment we put on you, too, Jerome. I’m sorry, Alba. Magnus, could you clean up all those roof tiles? Yeah, I suppose. Oh boy, now my back aches again. Huh, this is a rabbit; hello, Magnus. Wait, you’re a talking rabbit? Let the tiles fall where they may, Magnus, except for one. Smash it well. Okay, well, I’m not taking any advice from a rabbit. Hit the road. Oh boy, I’m chasing the rabbit. Oh, I just broke one of Alba’s flowerpots. Magnus…sorry, Alba. And that’s the end of Episode 2 of Alba Salix. Goodnight and sleep well, everybody.

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)

Alba Salix

 

Hallmark Holiday Films

https://www.blackcasediaries.com/season-8/the-case-of-hallmark-movies

https://www.forbes.com/sites/tonifitzgerald/2021/12/24/the-economics-of-the-hugely-popular-hallmark-christmas-movies/?sh=696ca9e33f34

https://www.empireonline.com/movies/features/inside-the-hallmark-channel-the-weird-and-wonderful-world-of-made-for-tv-movies/

 

Pilot Season

https://www.vulture.com/2018/05/pilot-season-tvs-hunger-games.html

https://nofilmschool.com/What-is-pilot-season

https://teacupofwisdom.com/5-unquestionable-reasons-why-pilot-season-is-dead/

 

Saltpeter

https://www.mcgill.ca/oss/article/history-you-asked/what-saltpeter-used-and-it-true-it-reduces-certain-carnal-urges

https://earthwormexpress.com/about-meat-curing/functional-ingredients/a-concise-history-of-saltpeter/

https://gizmodo.com/the-crazy-ass-history-of-a-boring-ass-chemical-1689478717

 

Frog Prince origins

https://www.pookpress.co.uk/project/the-frog-prince-history/

https://kmshea.com/2017/11/07/frog-prince-original/

https://screenrant.com/princess-frog-movie-book-differences/

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

A strange friend who doesn’t even know how to start his own podcast

A Season of Salix

 

Deep Dark Night United

Karl W Links

 

PLUGS

Alba Salix, NYC Mesh, Sean Casey Animal Rescue, Hand in Hand, The Midnight Mission, Trevor Project, SWM+, SleepPhones, Rusty Biscuit Links, Emily Tat Artwork, NAPAWF, Anti-Racism Resources, Ukraine Relief, Crisis Textline

 

SPONSORS

Helix Sleep, Polysleep, Odoo, Air Doctor Pro, Zocdoc, Progressive

 

INTRO

I truly got just mixed up

My brain just wanted me to include a Hallmark movie reference in an email I’m sending later

Why would I even consider joking about a Hallmark holiday film?

Superhero Powers that don’t have any use

Inopportune Time

Thinking of thoughts without the power of thinking

I guess in some ways, it is a superpower because it’s helped me make this show

My brain is proposing new filing systems right now

Someone else listening right now can relate to your feelings

Why does my brain want to talk about my hair right now?

A constellation of shows that SWM is a part of

That constellation is what sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou is all about

How’s Scoots gonna mess up his intro this time?

IP Man

I’m going to the IOPT conference

You, brain, have a superpower of interrupting me at inopportune times

 

STORY

A new ongoing thing

A crossover of Season 1 of Alba Salix

Not sure if at this time, this will take the place of TV Recap or be added into the rotation

A new thing – an ongoing crossover

A little behind the scenes of what it’s like to do a crossover episode

It can be tough to do your own stuff on top of doing someone else’s stuff

Let’s do a practice table read

They just greenlit the full season 2 years after the pilot

I want it to align, but I don’t want to come up short

We’re gonna start with Season 1, Episode 2

Welcome, to the cast of my mind

Scooter will be directing

We can all just our normal voices for now

Let me get into Magnus

Tools are on the other side of the door

It’s practically dawn

Collecting Moon Drops

Magnus is sore from all that dancing

The Dew does not gather itself

Have you ever met a gumdrop, moondrop?

Magnus could use a funnel

A little bird offers a clue to Magnus

This bird is singing clues and rhymes

Magnus doesn’t like these rhyming clues

Twiddly Twiddly Deet

Holly comes in to say hi to Magnus

Holly flew and danced with other fairies

Always listen to the animals, Magnus

Magnus disregards

The garden loves singing in B Flat Major

Magnus won’t sing

Someone is being brought to Alba for caring

Time to play the theme for Alba Salix

In the houses of the healing

Alba and Holly talk

Alba needs a silver star ointment

Alba needs Holly to navigate this cupboard

Jerome needs our help!

Jerome heard a commotion in the henhouse and rushed in without thinking

He got a goose egg from a chicken

Magnus rushes in

Alba doesn’t need Magnus’s help

The Jerome Alba is always muttering about

Magnus, don’t give relationship advice to Alba

Patting Jerome’s forehead

Who will care for Jerome

Conflict between the 3 of them

We’re trying to get the Soothing Silver Salve in Jerome

Hand that jingling amulet over here

Holly really wants to help them

Magnus knows a technique for melting wood

Magnus, go gather the saltpeter from under the manure pile

Holly wants to help too much

Magnus doesn’t want to help

Peter-Based Wiltage (PBW)

Magnus resents this assignment

Holly, bend that knee

Caring for Jerome

Alba is pretty pessimistic

The sound of birds and scraping

Magnus is digging for saltpeter

Hello, I’m a squirrel!

Dance a turn with yonder broom

The squirrel is also rhyming

Magnus doesn’t want advice from animals!

Dance a Turn With Yonder Broom

Jerome wakes from sleep

Jerome doesn’t remember how he got this goose egg

Jerome is grateful for Alba

Dreaming of singing chickens

Magnus enters

Magnus fell into the manure

Magnus, go wash up!

These woodland creatures keep giving Magnus a hard time

They need the moondrops to get Jerome back to sleep

Countess Carnelia is here for her appointment

Magnus, go get some frogs so we can give some frog kisses

Magnus has to make frog sounds to catch frogs

Be gentle with the frogs, Magnus

Alba welcomes the Countess

All those parties must be so tiring, Countess

She’s underkissed by frogs

The kissing frogs will be here shortly

Countess didn’t like the tincture Alba gave her

Are toad kisses an option?

Cut to Magnus, catching frogs

Magnus will take any animal advice now

The bird and the squirrel are gonna prank Magnus now

Magnus asks for advice

The bird has a special frog pheromone

Drake’s Jelly

Squirrel is giggling…

It looks like the frogs like it

Why is this frog growing??

Uh oh, these frogs keep getting larger

Back at Alba’s

Phasopaplasia isn’t real, Countess

Countess has a lot of wellness thoughts

So much for nationalized medicine if Alba doesn’t even have any moose mint

Magnus is curious about shrinking things down (no reason)

Ignore that giant deep frog sound outside

Magnus, Drake’s Jelly is where baby dragons come from

Kissing Frog + Drake’s Jelly = Kissing Dragon

Alba is desperate for kissing frogs

Magnus has to tell Alba the truth

Jerome is running around and barking like a puppy

That’s just Toby, the dog

The countess will not be donating any money

Don’t give the Countess that jug, Alba!

Please don’t open the jug right now, Countess

The countess just dropped the jug

Uh oh, this is not good

The kissing dragon continues to grow

We should call the dragon Langley

Magnus is willing to do a dance-off with Langley

Langley is confused

Deescalating with a Dragon

Some magical chanting

A sleeping spell works on the Countess, not the dragon

Uh oh, here comes Jerome as a dog

Jerome is the dog, Toby

Magnus will dance

Please no kissing, dragon

The dog likes you, Alba

Alba, is Jerome that puppy?

Jerome only turns into a dog at night…

Holly sprinkles some magic to shrink down the dragon

Waking up the Countess

That dragon was just a dream, Countess

We gotta get that frog back to the beach

Magnus blames the bird

Alba doesn’t believe him

The puppy never stays for long

Jerome reemerges as himself

Magnus won’t take advice from this rabbit!

 

SWM+ THANKS

Teresa, Michael, Kazona, John, Daniel, Ruth, Umberto, Julie, Thomas, Iona, Lea, Mark, Charlie, Julianne, Cynthia, Steven, Marissa, Ethan, Jenny, Mark, Alex, Hunter, Craig, Katherine, Bella, Neil, Louisa, Leonardo, Anawa, Julianne

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1256

Title: Birds and Buds | Alba Salix S1E2

Deep Dark Night United: Karl W Links

Plugs: Alba Salix, NYC Mesh, Sean Casey Animal Rescue, Hand in Hand, The Midnight Mission, Trevor Project, SWM+, SleepPhones, Rusty Biscuit Links, Emily Tat Artwork, NAPAWF, Anti-Racism Resources, Ukraine Relief, Crisis Textline

Sponsors: Helix Sleep, Polysleep, Odoo, Air Doctor Pro, Zocdoc, Progressive

SWM+ Thanks: Teresa, Michael, Kazona, John, Daniel, Ruth, Umberto, Julie, Thomas, Iona, Lea, Mark, Charlie, Julianne, Cynthia, Steven, Marissa, Ethan, Jenny, Mark, Alex, Hunter, Craig, Katherine, Bella, Neil, Louisa, Leonardo, Anawa, Julianne

Notable Language:

• Inopportune Time
• IOPT Conference
• Practically Dawn
• The Dew does not gather itself
• Twiddly Twiddly Deet
• Soothing Silver Salve
• Peter-Based Wiltage (PBW)
• Dance a Turn With Yonder Broom
• Underkissed By Frogs
• Frog Pheromone
• Phasopaplasia
• Moose Mint

 

Notable Culture:

• Alba Salix

• • Hallmark Holiday Films

• Sealing Santa With a Kiss

• • IP Man

• Care Bears

• “Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair”

 

Notable Talking Points:

• I truly got just mixed up
• My brain just wanted me to include a Hallmark movie reference in an email I’m sending later
• Why would I even consider joking about a Hallmark holiday film?
• Superhero Powers that don’t have any use
• Inopportune Time
• Thinking of thoughts without the power of thinking
• I guess in some ways, it is a superpower because it’s helped me make this show
• My brain is proposing new filing systems right now
• Someone else listening right now can relate to your feelings
• Why does my brain want to talk about my hair right now?
• A constellation of shows that SWM is a part of
• That constellation is what sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou is all about
• How’s Scoots gonna mess up his intro this time?
• IP Man
• I’m going to the IOPT conference
• You, brain, have a superpower of interrupting me at inopportune times
• A new ongoing thing
• A crossover of Season 1 of Alba Salix
• Not sure if at this time, this will take the place of TV Recap or be added into the rotation
• A new thing – an ongoing crossover
• A little behind the scenes of what it’s like to do a crossover episode
• It can be tough to do your own stuff on top of doing someone else’s stuff
• Let’s do a practice table read
• They just greenlit the full season 2 years after the pilot
• I want it to align, but I don’t want to come up short
• We’re gonna start with Season 1, Episode 2
• Welcome, to the cast of my mind
• Scooter will be directing
• We can all just our normal voices for now
• Let me get into Magnus
• Tools are on the other side of the door
• It’s practically dawn
• Collecting Moon Drops
• Magnus is sore from all that dancing
• The Dew does not gather itself
• Have you ever met a gumdrop, moondrop?
• Magnus could use a funnel
• A little bird offers a clue to Magnus
• This bird is singing clues and rhymes
• Magnus doesn’t like these rhyming clues
• Twiddly Twiddly Deet
• Holly comes in to say hi to Magnus
• Holly flew and danced with other fairies
• Always listen to the animals, Magnus
• Magnus disregards
• The garden loves singing in B Flat Major
• Magnus won’t sing
• Someone is being brought to Alba for caring
• Time to play the theme for Alba Salix
• In the houses of the healing
• Alba and Holly talk
• Alba needs a silver star ointment
• Alba needs Holly to navigate this cupboard
• Jerome needs our help!
• Jerome heard a commotion in the henhouse and rushed in without thinking
• He got a goose egg from a chicken
• Magnus rushes in
• Alba doesn’t need Magnus’s help
• The Jerome Alba is always muttering about
• Magnus, don’t give relationship advice to Alba
• Patting Jerome’s forehead
• Who will care for Jerome
• Conflict between the 3 of them
• We’re trying to get the Soothing Silver Salve in Jerome
• Hand that jingling amulet over here
• Holly really wants to help them
• Magnus knows a technique for melting wood
• Magnus, go gather the saltpeter from under the manure pile
• Holly wants to help too much
• Magnus doesn’t want to help
• Peter-Based Wiltage (PBW)
• Magnus resents this assignment
• Holly, bend that knee
• Caring for Jerome
• Alba is pretty pessimistic
• The sound of birds and scraping
• Magnus is digging for saltpeter
• Hello, I’m a squirrel!
• Dance a turn with yonder broom
• The squirrel is also rhyming
• Magnus doesn’t want advice from animals!
• Dance a Turn With Yonder Broom
• Jerome wakes from sleep
• Jerome doesn’t remember how he got this goose egg
• Jerome is grateful for Alba
• Dreaming of singing chickens
• Magnus enters
• Magnus fell into the manure
• Magnus, go wash up!
• These woodland creatures keep giving Magnus a hard time
• They need the moondrops to get Jerome back to sleep
• Countess Carnelia is here for her appointment
• Magnus, go get some frogs so we can give some frog kisses
• Magnus has to make frog sounds to catch frogs
• Be gentle with the frogs, Magnus
• Alba welcomes the Countess
• All those parties must be so tiring, Countess
• She’s underkissed by frogs
• The kissing frogs will be here shortly
• Countess didn’t like the tincture Alba gave her
• Are toad kisses an option?
• Cut to Magnus, catching frogs
• Magnus will take any animal advice now
• The bird and the squirrel are gonna prank Magnus now
• Magnus asks for advice
• The bird has a special frog pheromone
• Drake’s Jelly
• Squirrel is giggling…
• It looks like the frogs like it
• Why is this frog growing??
• Uh oh, these frogs keep getting larger
• Back at Alba’s
• Phasopaplasia isn’t real, Countess
• Countess has a lot of wellness thoughts
• So much for nationalized medicine if Alba doesn’t even have any moose mint
• Magnus is curious about shrinking things down (no reason)
• Ignore that giant deep frog sound outside
• Magnus, Drake’s Jelly is where baby dragons come from
• Kissing Frog + Drake’s Jelly = Kissing Dragon
• Alba is desperate for kissing frogs
• Magnus has to tell Alba the truth
• Jerome is running around and barking like a puppy
• That’s just Toby, the dog
• The countess will not be donating any money
• Don’t give the Countess that jug, Alba!
• Please don’t open the jug right now, Countess
• The countess just dropped the jug
• Uh oh, this is not good
• The kissing dragon continues to grow
• We should call the dragon Langley
• Magnus is willing to do a dance-off with Langley
• Langley is confused
• Deescalating with a Dragon
• Some magical chanting
• A sleeping spell works on the Countess, not the dragon
• Uh oh, here comes Jerome as a dog
• Jerome is the dog, Toby
• Magnus will dance
• Please no kissing, dragon
• The dog likes you, Alba
• Alba, is Jerome that puppy?
• Jerome only turns into a dog at night…
• Holly sprinkles some magic to shrink down the dragon
• Waking up the Countess
• That dragon was just a dream, Countess
• We gotta get that frog back to the beach
• Magnus blames the bird
• Alba doesn’t believe him
• The puppy never stays for long
• Jerome reemerges as himself
• Magnus won’t take advice from this rabbit!