1037 – Cake Week | Great British Bake Off to Sleep S8/C5 E1

Episode 1037 – Cake Week | Great British Bake Off to Sleep S8/C5 E1

[START OF RECORDING]

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, patrons and bakers, it’s time for a return to that tent in…it’s not in Gosford Park. For the love of…that’s what one person once said to me; for the love of Gosford Park, Scooter, what are you doing? I said…oh, trying to do a opening for the patrons for a sleep podcast. Thanks for making it possible. What do you say we get on with the show?

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, things on your mind from the past, the present, or future you’re thinking about. Thoughts, could be feelings, physical sensations, emotions, all those things. Changes in time, temperature, routine. Could be other stuff.

Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, what I’d like to do is take your mind off of stuff, keep you company while you fall asleep, and it’s a little bit different recipe. I guess you say…I guess recipe’s the wrong analogy for this podcast, because recipes…I mean, maybe a recipe that I would make, but…’cause oh, tonight’s a Great British Bake Off episode. But oh, so one of the things that goes into it is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. I’m gonna go off-topic, I’m gonna get mixed up, I’m gonna probably be…you say Scoots, are you flummoxed? I’d say, I don’t know. That’s a good question. I’m not sure. Not sure if I could…yeah, I don’t know. I don’t think so.

I’m mixed up ‘cause my brain just…I thought I was in the middle…oh, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. That was one that came out of nowhere. I’m not even sure…I was thinking…I was looking at a cord and then some reason, my brain asked me if I was flummoxed, and I was actually flummoxed by the question about me being flummoxed. I was just flummoxed. Here you go; I love discovering words that…and then labeling them incorrectly. So, to…can you…you can…to be flummoxed, you could be…so, it is a verb; to flummox. You say, that sounds great, man. My pipes…that sounds really like it’s gonna clear up the water flow in the house. When can you come over and flummox things? I’d say well, it’s not what it sounds like because…it’s more like gumming up the works.

You say, really? You’re gonna start a business doing that? Already…believe it or not, I already have been doing it for over a thousand episodes. I’ve been flummoxing…flum…let’s see, -ese or -mese. Let’s get to our Latin roots. But I’ve been doing…you know, this is not to humble brag here, but…and whenever I say that, I send my love to Harris. But is…I’ve been doing Duolingo and Spanish for a while. For some reason, Latin…eso, cese, esorum, eso cese is still stuck in my head. Soy eres es somos son would be Spanish. That’s how I kind of…that’s like the…it’s not a trick, but that’s how I kinda get my brain…what was I saying? Flummoxed. Flummox…soy…flummox…I don’t know how it works in English. I’m not…I don’t have any…fortunately I don’t have any mental tricks other than those two.

Soy eres es somos son and esorum eso cese. So, flummese…esorum…flumorum…flumorum. I have flumorum; I coughed some of that up the other day. Esorum…eso cese…that sounds too easy. I don’t know why I got four Ds in Latin, other than everybody said don’t take Latin. I guess they were correct. It’s not entirely true. I may have gotten a C or a C- at one point. Soy eres…oh, I’m way off. I slowed the podcast down totally on…totally…I may have flummoxed you. So, if you’re new, usually I don’t get…start flummoxing for a little while, but…flex my flummox. You say Scoots, when you brag, you don’t even…you totally brag. What do you say? Well, I’m flexing my flummox, man. Don’t make me…well, no; actually I’d say do make me flex my flummox. Don’t make me flex my vocabulary to try to figure out…to flummox; to confuse or to make someone speechless.

They say, what in the…? I think we’re actually…usually I say I’m probably not using this word correctly. But if you’re new, you may be totally flummoxed. You may be beyond that. Give me a…LeVar, can I get…thing…feelings after you’ve been flummoxed. So, you could be feeling stronger feelings, so let me give you some info if you’re new. This podcast is…never gets started and always is going, and that can be frustrating when you’re new. It does take a couple times to get used to the show, but I’ll try to get you some of the information right here. But first off is the fact I make this show for two reasons. One, I’ve been there in the deep, dark night, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble…all sorts of things, including sometimes confusion.

That’s what happened to me last night because I…it was my first night sleeping back at home in a long time. I was half-asleep. I woke up; I really…and I was kind of in a somewhat dream…didn’t know where I was. Even after three levels of waking and analyzing things, I didn’t know where I was. Now, I know that can create more strong feelings in people. I wasn’t having…I was more like, what? I was just confused. So, I’ve been there; that’s why, tossing and turning, not being able to fall asleep or waking up. So, I know how it feels. I know it can be frustrating and I know it can get in the way of living your life, and that’s the second thing, is you deserve a good night’s sleep. Even if this show can’t provide it for you, you deserve a good night’s sleep. You can check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou.

I strongly recommend kinda developing a wind-down routine whether this podcast works for you or not. I rarely make strong suggestions, but yeah, wind-down routine of about an hour before you want to be asleep. That’s, for me, one of the cornerstones of me getting a good night’s sleep 70%, 80% of the time. But you deserve a good night’s sleep. That’s why I make the show, so I hope I can provide it. So, that’s why I make the show. Other things you need to know is this is a podcast you don’t really listen to in an active way. You can listen along, and listeners do. Some listeners listen along for distraction, some listeners listen along for company, some listeners…just to take their mind off of…if they can’t sleep or you got something coming up, you want to…yeah, to keep you company, but in different flavors of that, I guess.

Some people barely listen to me, some people listen to me and they don’t even understand what I’m saying or they have me under a pillow or a low volume so it’s more of the pace and the tone of the show, like a TV two rooms over. So, but either way, this is a podcast you just kind of listen to. It’s there for you and you can listen, but that can throw new listeners off. If you’re trying to listen and wait for it to get started or me to get to the point or what is he doing now, you’ll be flummoxed ‘cause I’m always flumming…you know what they say about old Scoots; he’s always flumming the decks. When you say…I don’t think it’s a…you don’t think it’s flum…flummox oxorum ox o ox? You say no, that’s a company that stuff…that sells at Bed Bath & Beyond. Flummox, flumorum, flumese, or cese. I might be close.

How many other people out there have…a small portion of their brain…Latin root brain? Only a few people said…the person that talked me into taking Latin, whatever, a long time ago when I was a university student, said trust me, it’ll come in handy. Turned out…this is the funny thing; I was gonna throw shade on them. Turns out they were 100% right. Who would have known the loans I took out to take Latin and barely pass would actually not only be paid back by their…that’s funny. I mean, I think…anyway, that’s just…that’s…talk about irony. Holy cow. I’m flummoxed by irony. We just took a flummox and turned it around and flummed…I flummox…auto-flummox. Say, that sounds like you shouldn’t be doing that. I say yeah, I mean, it’s a technical…it happened accidentally.

I auto-flummoxed myself with irony and I kind of got caught when I was gonna not be nice to someone; then I said no, they were right in the most unexpected way. There’s…here’s where we have irony; it can be delightful. Being flummoxed can be delightful. It can also be frustrating, so give the show a few tries, but don’t try to pay attention or wait for it to get started, if you can. That’s one…oh, this is also a podcast that doesn’t put you to sleep going along with that. It’s here while you fall asleep, whether you’re listening, whether you need to listen, or you just fall asleep, I’m here to keep you company all night long if you need to, or during the day. So, that’s the other thing. Next few things that can throw people off are the structure of the show.

Show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls so you feel seen and welcome. Then there’s support for listeners, then there’s support for the podcast. That meets our goals of being here for you and offering some things, offering some things to support the community, and then the show coming out on a regular basis, twice a week for free. Without the patrons and the sponsors, that just wouldn’t make sense. So, that enables us to do that. Then there’s the intro, which we’re kinda already ten minutes into, or more. That can really throw people off ‘cause some people think the intro’s part of the sponsor stuff or they say, what is this thing?

But really, the intro is a show within a show, and it kinda serves a few purposes, but it’s mostly ideally part of your wind-down, to say okay, there’s my regular day, there’s the stuff I do at…before I get ready for bed, and then the intro starts and it kinda creates a twilight between your waking, evening, nighttime, day or whatever you want to call it, and then falling asleep. So, while you can listen any way you want; you could skip the intro, you could listen to story-only episodes on Patreon, a lot of listeners use the intro…some are asleep. Look at how good they look. But most people either use it as a deliberate part of their wind-down routine or it kinda substitutes in, so you’re getting comfortable. I mean, it gives me a chance…who would have thought?

Now I have yet another apology to make for the person that convinced…I mean, I think they’ll be happy to find out about that. Then if I ever…I guess I probably should send a letter…probably only…maybe I’ve had two Latin professors, but I know of one that I can remember, ‘cause he always looked…he looked a lot like a younger Garrison Keillor. The first day of class, I said this professor looks like a younger Garrison Keillor. I don’t know. So, oh, so the intro goes on and on and on with stuff like that. You say okay, so I could fall asleep during that? Yeah, or you could get comfortable or you could kinda barely listen. That’s the intro. Then there’s the business again, because most people are winding down during the intro. Then we have more business to keep the show free versus behind a paywall.

Then the bedtime story will start, and tonight it’ll be based on the Great British Bake Off. We’ll be recapping the first episode of another series or season or collection, however you want to define it. We’ll be talking about buttercream and…I don’t know. Well, you say how many times will we use stodgy? Hopefully I’ll have…I did not…I already did the notes for it, so I don’t remember doing alliteration watch. But yeah, we’ll just go on and on. So, if you’ve never seen Great British Bake Off or if you’re a big fan, you say…especially for the first episode, you say Scoots, that is not Sophie. That was…and I say okay, yeah, I get those names mixed up. I’m sorry. So, you could…so, it’ll be…you might not…it won’t be anything like the show. Hopefully it’ll have some of the times…I say wow, how nice are these people, these contestants?

Patting each other on the back or helping each other out. So, we’ll talk about that, then there’s thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show. That’s it; give this show a few tries. I really hope it can help you. I really appreciate you coming by and checking the podcast out, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s the ways I’m able to be here for you free twice a week.

Alright everybody, it’s Scoots here and it’s time for our return to the tent, bakers. GBB Collection 5, Episode 1. Not sure what season or series it is, but this is a Channel 4 Love Productions one. According to my notes, it opens with blue, light blue, greens, yellows, oranges, reds, and maroons, so not a ROY…it’s a tent or a hot-air balloon. I said, it’s not ROYGBIV; it’s BLBG…G is for…Ys, ORM. BLBGs…Ys…YORMs…BLBGYORM. YORM. That’s easy. Blues, light blue…big BLBGYORM. At least we got the YORM down. This is our comedy open. I think it’s Noel and Sandi’s first season. Not sure; the balloon rises above the tent. Then we have Noel and Sandi in the tent, talking. Can you see it, Noel? Can’t see it. Big, white tent, twelve new bakers. They call Sue. Where are they, Prue? Don’t know.

They’re late, she says to Paul. Oh, Prue…this is Prue’s first season. Take a mini-cab. Then we see the talking heads…Flo…Steven…let’s see what my notes…Sandi, Noel in base. They’re in a fighter pilot hat. He’s in a steam…kinda leather goth look. Prue, Paul waiting for them with the bakers, underlined. Talking heads, drone shot, something…judges…steeple. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven. Must have been twelve, though. I missed a baker. The talking heads, maybe? Two of seventeen, of six…don’t…get out here. Prue is new. They don’t know what to expect. The bakers are putting their tan aprons on and they’re talking about how…talking about Prue. Prue’s talking about herself a little bit. It’s definitely colder in the tent right now and outside, ‘cause everybody has layers on.

Sky shot…oh, then the opening comes. But right now we’re still doing…un-stitch me. In 2017, who will win? We have Chris in a paisley shirt. Then the opening comes. Wherever the tent is…I’ll know. Brookshire? Leaning bottom…detailed…different outfits. Theme of the week; Cake Week, first time. Three challenges. Hello, welcome. Signature; family-sized fruity cake. Brookshire. Lilford Park. They leave the tent. Noel and Sandi, their…oh, their outfits are different. Sandi is kinda doing her first complex description, and he says Cake Week, so excited. We’re actually gonna walk into the tent for the first time. Nervous…I don’t really go camping. Yeah, and then they talk about the three challenges…bake together. Paul…coat…Paul’s in a coat…soggy. Steven; not easy. Don’t be fooled. James…rhubarb crumble.

Allotment…nix it. Something with dad. Six hundred grams raw. Four bakes apples. British…buzz…Granny Smith. Stacey, Max, Zane, and Ethan. Liam, Crumfer’s sister…youngest apple loaf. I like loaves…shaves…Julia seeds his fruit. Skype…naan…courgette? Sophie; coconut…spawns…too much leaking. Peter…coconut cake? They’re talking about the skewers on the show. Bike…bakes for his church. Mango pineapple? I don’t think it’s mango pineapple, though. Chris; no butter, two eggs?? Double question mark. Something the amount of…tremendous amount of fruit. Into oven…160 degrees. Forty-five…calm…one hour left. Looking in oven. Seventy-five to an hour. Complete mystery. James is talking about his allotment. He has kind of a denim-colored shirt on.

Complete mystery. Welcome, bakers. Light not on. The oven’s not on. Yan…fast ball…something. Football; oh, Yan loves football. Crumble apple backup…Flo…ciders, lemon curd…curd with a k, Paul says. Madhouse…triple layer. Well done, mum. Tom; architect. Gilded pear…golden pear…gilded pear. Kate an amateur blacksmith. Rose and strawberry…layer it. Steven…mum Judy. Bake at three. Toffee apples…in love with you. Oh, someone says at thirty minutes…open arm…total lottery. Even harder for big cakes. Just a sponge…cool cakes. Flo interviews Noel. His…never…job…cute. Not too shabby. Waiting, stress. Cakes looking good. Two minutes. Shizzle and nizzling. James; oh no, lost my bottom. One minute. Claps…awkward hugs. Clean up.

Then we have the judging coming up, but we’ll do some of this. Talking about the loaf, Liam’s loaf…he kinda is saying hey Paul, relax, man. He’s got a…he’s got the most joy in him, I think. Well, there’s other joyous bakers, though; Yan, Flo…a lot of joy in the show. I mean to say he’s got a lot of joy, I guess. Julia’s talking. She’s shredding her courgette which could be considered cucumber-esque? I don’t know, which is a fruit if it had seeds. She’s baking with her nana on Skype in Sussex. She’s from Serbia. Courgette lemon cake. Okay, let’s go to the judging though, in-between this. Kate is the first one. No one…sat, sats…marigold…Noel eats it. It’s all rose water. Like the style. Oh, Julia’s talking about how normal…she forgot to squeeze out the juice. Have you squeezed the moisture out of…? Of course I have.

It takes a lot of…I was trying to squeeze. Sophie…they’re doing her thing. She’s doing squeezed pineapple and coconut sponges sandwich, so we are getting some alliteration. Peter; burning my tongue. Too much baking powder. Oh, here’s Peter cracking a coconut. He’s making his coconut cake. His wife and his daughter love it, but his son doesn’t like anything with bits in it. I love myself a coconut cake, too. He brings the cake to someone in his church. It looks delicious. Grated coconut, coconut milk, coconut sugar. Can never have too much coconut. I agree. He’s got a really nice darker pink shirt on. Then Chris’ pineapple mango sponge…let’s see. Who’s this? Over-baked. There’s no one named Justin on here. Julia; heavy, heavy. Flo; good sponge. Nice that…Chris, you got flavor, but maybe it’s under-baked.

Liam; stodgy, boring. Yan; no huge flavor. Good sponge. Yeah, draw? Steven; looks good, beautifully baked. Perfect autumn pool…handshake. Nailed it. So, he gets a handshake, a Hollywood handshake. They’re showing everyone kinda moving around. Stacey; bake is okay. Not convinced. James; they say it’s like rustic mud, maybe. Liam and James are talking about their cooking times now. Sophie; neat, lovely. Walloping. Also gets a handshake for Paul. Silliness or silzines…Paul something. We get talking heads…I think Yan says this is the Peter…I make the Peter Beardsleeve cakes, which I don’t know what that means. This is where Stacey right now…I’m watching it…helps Yan turn…makes…says, your oven’s not on. Yan is a biomedical scientist, one of the people I’m rooting for early on.

I don’t know, I just…seem like okay, that’s someone I would feel comfortable being around, hanging out with. But also reminds me of a coworker. That always helps. She has to restart her bake ‘cause there’s a problem with the sponge, but that’s the apple crumble contingency. Crumble contingency. Then we see Flo is working on fillings and decorations. Curd filling…Paul’s giving her a hard time for the way she speaks. Flo’s go…another Flo from…she helps out her son’s restaurant, the Madhouse. So that’s what the Madhouse was, or maybe that’s her house. She’s…citrus layer cake with candied oranges and lemons. Her daughter put notes on there; well done, mum. We love you. I’m nervous; are you? It’s okay to be nervous. Nothing to worry about.

So yeah, we see the nerves, we see Yan’s second sponge, Liam waiting for his loaf. He’s got a…him and a couple other people with the bigger cakes…we see the gilded pear being made. That’s Tom, architect from Edinburgh. That’s a pear and blackberry cake. Meanwhile in the future, my notes will be gingham-clad…mystery…Prue…bit fiddly. Twelve chocolate mini-rolls with peppermint buttercream. We get two hours to do that in the future. Right now, Kate the amateur blacksmith, is showing…she’s from Noelsly. Strawberry and rose sponge cake. Prue is asking how are you gonna balance the flavors? Which we now know from the future didn’t quite work out, sorry. Talking about how are we gonna know? Then we see Steven making his toffee sauce. Crystallize the old citrus rinds.

Mascarpone, icing sugar…Steven’s pretty charming, it seems like; exec…marking executive. His mom’s Judy. So, for her, he’s making a bonfire apple cake. One verse…Swiss roll…these are my notes while we go. Familiar? No. Flavor swirl. Pasteur extract, egg yolks, sugar paste. Liam; big breath. Twelve minutes. Steven’s telling Noel kind of…I’m going with this bonfire. I love you, love you. Thirty minutes left to make the fruity cakes. Noel didn’t hit the pan, but…so, we see Noel and Sandi’s interchange. We talked…Sophie at the oven? I don’t know. I’m having trouble tracking all these. Then we go to the buttercream. Liam jokes. Sandi…peppermint…mini marvels. Starting again times two, so two people have to restart. Rubbery…chocolate melts. Noel bowled over by Sandi. Tight curl.

Rolling is rough. So, rolling the cake, I mean. I would love a peppermint Swiss roll. I guess in the US, those were called Ho Hos or Swiss Rolls. I guess Ho Ho was the Hostess ones. We would usually get the Debbie’s Swiss Rolls. Those ones, they never…I don’t know if I ever saw a peppermint before. Still got those popping fridges, and everything…beautiful; the pastel-ish colors. What else do we got? Mini marvels, bowled over…twenty centimeters…does not done. Something. Stress city. Cover the rolls. Bottom exposed. You can have your bottom exposed; that’s a lot of your jokes. Noel…take his trousers off. Some white chocolate drizzle. Shaking hands…time is up. But we’re still on the show. There’s still…they’re starting to just decorate their cakes. We got pipe…what are those things called? Piping things.

Prue…but other people are waiting for their stuff to come out of the oven, and that’s very stress city. Waiting by the oven, getting…trying to get stuff on but while the…depending on how your…can I borrow a small sieve? Thank you very much. I definitely would not do well in these. I can’t…fingers crossed this works. That was for the…so, some of the decorations are coming out. Bakers, you have two minutes to bring this to a fruity conclusion, Sandi says. Sandi’s wearing a nice jacket, kinda like a silk material, printed. Yeah, everybody’s saying I hope this is baked, ‘cause I had to take it out of the oven. This is where you say, what’s the editing? Shnizzle is nizzling. This one…what’s his name’s thing is…he loses his bottom of his fruit cake. James; that’s his name. Eventually we’ll get to know these bakers.

Another one comes out smooth. Who needs icing sugar? Yan’s helping Liam, or just…or Liam’s helping Yan. I’m not sure. He’s gonna tuck his bottom under. One minute. Everybody’s getting ready. Rhubarb did that guy in. Yeah, final decorations, everything’s dripping. Time is up. Looks gorgeous. First challenge is over. Everybody claps, everybody gives hugs, and it’s like okay, nobody thought to touch it. They made a mess. They say oh boy, this kitchen is very messy. Everybody’s laughing. A little cleanup going on, I guess, while they wait for the judging. Camera pans down, then goes by all the contestants sitting there. Meanwhile, we could see the judging for some of the Swiss Rolls. What do we got here? First one is messy, second one has no peppermint. Nice swirl; good.

Oh no…please…small, not very spongy. Nice, good one. Art…too much mint. Quite neat, no swirl. No purdy…side thin. Egon…a little swirl…good. Too much rind. That’s not right. Say…oh, you had five teaspoons of baking powder. That’s what threw the flavor off. But Prue said you can get the coconut first; it’s good. Whole pear on a cake. I think that’s Tom, they say. Looks good. It could look silly, but it doesn’t. But over-baked, bud. Steven; not bad. Rain cakes…so, then they do the placing which I couldn’t follow. Then they go to talking heads in the night in the rain. Liam’s serious; he has to give himself a stern talk the next day. Everybody comes in and they talk about the showstopper, but yeah, we’ll do that later. Flo and Paul are talking.

Oh, Flo had left lemon curd in the fridge, but they…Prue says you’re probably better off without the lemon curd. It could have thrown the flavor off. So, they say maybe you did it yourself. The flavor is more restained…restrained…restained. So, she has a laugh. Chris’ cake…are those tomatillos? Tomatillos on there, it looks like, or something with a wrapper that a tomatillo comes in. It’s got flavor but it’s squashed in the middle. He says, okay. Then Liam’s apple almond crumble maple loaf…stodgy; that’s what the…boring, but it looks good to me. Then Yan’s windfall apple crumble. Not a huge amount of flavor. I’m getting the apple. Not light as air, but good sponge. That was her second one. She says, I’ll take it as a win, maybe a draw, yeah. Steven’s caramel cake; they say oh boy, that looks good.

Bonfire flames, shy of toffee, and take a bite. He’s like, on…beautifully baked. Thank you. Apple’s soft. Warming spices. Combination of flavors, a sip…some…sip of autumn or something. Then Paul shakes his hand. He laughs. He has to walk away. Really cute at the end of the episode with him. Noel goes back for another taste. Other people are kinda looking on him a little jealous. We get to another cake, then we go to James’ cake; orange rhubarb ginger, caved in the middle. Just mud. Wet in the middle; flooded with water. Prue says maybe put some custard on it. Then Sophie; pineapple coconut sandwich cake. Nice sponge right away. Later we learn Sophie’s a…trying to become a stunt person. I said, that’s a interesting career path. She’s in the military…and she gets a handshake, she gets a big smile and laugh.

Then she was training people. She had left the military but was training people that are in the military on climbing or something. I think that’s it. Then we did the talking heads. Everybody’s kinda either stressed or happy. We’re glad they’re in the middle, Yan says. Peter Beardsly cakes…some people are covering their heads. We see some sheep. We see some things, then we go to this Swiss roll challenge. The next part of our gingham-clad mystery, eh? They say Prue, any advice for the bakers? She says yeah, don’t…it can be…this can…this one could be fiddly if you do it wrong, so…yeah. Noel almost leaves ‘cause they make them leave. Prue says no, no, Noel will not go. Twelve chocolate mini-rolls. They don’t…it’s 144 of these childhood favorites, delicate chocolate fun…something.

Do not worry about leaving a bare bottom. Cheekily; there’s a nice pun. They have all the same ingredients. Prue’s paired-down recipe, paired-down Prue. Some people have never made them, maybe not even had them before. They seem easy but Prue says they’re difficult to do ‘cause they have to be identical. You gotta roll it up. There’s no flour, so the egg whites are what make it rise up. So, apparently it’s a flour-less cake. Paul has a laugh. People are trying to get their thing mixed up, get it the right consistency, whisking their yolks, sugar…and some people get it fluffy, but other people, it’s like oh boy, you’re definitely gonna be in trouble. You can see people may be spying on other people. The egg’s the only raising agent. They had this one guy…the paisley guy kinda say…his is like…he’s already in trouble.

Sandi’s talking to Liam. She watched him even put it in the oven. That’s when he takes his big breath. See you in twelve. Chris is…he says man, I’m in trouble. Now time to make buttercream. Liam jokes he’s never done it before with Sandi. Then they say how much…I don’t know how much peppermint to put in. Put in too much, it’ll taste like toothpaste, Prue…it can’t be overpowering. You put in a half-teaspoon…whole quarter…mini marvels, Prue says. Or not Prue, I’m sorry; Sandi. Anytime soon…slightly sinking, pulling it out…Chris’ is flat as a pancake. I gotta start over. Other people are letting theirs cool. Seems a little rubbery. Trying not to lose the air a second time. Then we get the chocolate melting. A chocolate feast. Sandi says, I like chocolate. Chris gives her a taste. Everybody’s trying to do their best.

Half-hour left. She gives a bowl to Noel. He falls over, bowled over. Buttercream spread on the cakes, then they’re ready to curl it. You’re supposed to roll them like a scroll. Roll like a scroll. Make sure the roll is tight. It is fiddly and sticking, for some. For some people, it’s not sticking, so I don’t know what they did to make it not stick. Chris is in trouble, man. His edges are not neat, a centimeter off each side. Some people are measuring and make sure they have the right size. Swirl inside, cutting it even. Here we go. Cover the rolls. Pour or dip? Yan says pour ‘cause you’re gonna have an exposed bottom, so you don’t need to dip. That’s when he says my trousers are coming off. Five minutes. Sandi kinda says they’re stressed. Why don’t you say it, Noel? Piping’s going on.

Different people have different ability to make it look fancy or not fancy. We see there’s…they’ll have no idea it’s raining at nighttime. Paul and Prue return. They look at them, they kinda go through. Proper swirl…that’s Yan’s. Sponge is good. Peppermint’s strong. Swirl…we kinda did this. Let’s see if we see anything new. There’s already people with tears in their eyes. They’re just tired, really tired. Sponge is not very spongy. I think that’s on Flo’s. She makes a noise, even, that gives her away. No peppermint, nice swirl. Just a hint of peppermint. Sponge is nice. Not much of a swirl. Let’s see, these ones are neat, but…a solid bit of cream; no swirl. That’s a shame. The one guy, they say this is not a pretty sight. Sponge is not cooked; squashed. These are neater…equal in size. A little bit of a swirl.

Sponge is good. These are neat as well. Too much swirl. Too much mint. Sort of a feathered chunky monkey, is that what he says? Looks denser than it is. Thunder rumbles. Let’s see, twelfth place is Chris. Eleventh; Stacey. Tenth…I don’t know. So, they start going really fast. Third place; Julia. Second place is…I don’t know, one of the…some guy. First place is Kate, who laughs. Yeah, so then we go to the talking heads. Kate’s giggling in the rain. Chris is like, tent’s…I don’t want to be the first one to go home. Liam says I’m gonna talk to myself, seriously, get my…then we go in for the zoom. Showstopper; illusion cake. Trick to the eye to scale. Four hours, all edible. Now on…get ready, get set, bake. So, it has to be a illusion, but it has to be to size and scale. Everything must be edible.

Showstopping…on your mark, get set, bake. Not just bakers, but artists, one of the judges has to say. You need structural integrity. Sophie; bottle, bucket, champagne…it was so good, it fooled a bouncer once for a posh night out. Stacey’s making a clutch bag. Collapse? Question mark. Moist clutch. Ton of bakes by fire…lemon poppy seed? Oh, that’s Tom. Stack of books by a fire. So, let’s see. So, Sophie’s talking about how she fooled a bouncer right now. James…expression…croissant…day-to-day life. So, then we see Stacey’s clutch bag. It’s a wet mix of vinegar, red wine, buttermilk…and Paul says be careful, it could collapse. She says, I’m hoping it won’t. Good luck. Tom’s looking forward to a night in, baking a stack of books. Relaxing evening by the fire.

Beauty and the Feast I think was the name of the book. Could pack quite a punch. James’ sponge…oh, so he’s making a cup of coffee and a croissant; that’s what he has every morning on the way to work. Jim’s java…sugar. Joining his day-to-day life. Banana sponge…Liam’s making these Sunday pancakes that he and his mom…they make the thick, American-style stacking Sunday cakes with blueberries and granola. I’ve never had granola on my pancakes. He kind of sprinkles them on the top. Then they’re talking about how they’re gonna use fondant. Paul’s very questioning of Liam’s ability to pull it off or what…his technique. He says, don’t worry about it, Paul. Paul is…now…what’s that guy’s name? Chris, he’s trying to make a raised pork pie and egg surprise cake.

He kinda is…acts like he’s into this precision, and he does need to move up the ranking, Sandi says. He kinda jokes with Sandi; are you gonna trick the judges for me? Then we see Flo is making this watermelon cake, One in a Melon. Oh, that’s a cocktail she likes. She doesn’t normally like it, but…chocolate chips, a green sphere…multiple sponges to create the illusions, multiple baking times. Starting at twenty. Thirteen to fifteen minutes. Let me see where my notes…Liam, American-style pancakes, day-to-day life…James’ baking…way mom likes it. Chris and Flo…pork and egg pie, precise…we need it. Flo; less savory melon. Watermelon cake. Multiple sponges. Yan start at twenty. Isomalt, glacier mints, terrarium cake. A mini greenhouse for cake. Flo says it’s terrifying. Peter’s also using sugar.

He’s making a knife cutting through bread on a breadboard with lemon zest, marshmallow fondant. My first foray in baking was when I started baking bread. Steven, also bread. Fondant…something sandwich, a BLT. Hazelnut liqueur, peanut butter cream…BLT, BLT; how are you gonna do this? He says, I’m gonna use a spray gun for edible color, for the stuff. They love it. Fondant food…Yan…pasta machine. My mom was trying to get rid of it. Banana ramen cake with mashed bananas, marshmallow fondant, crisped rice. Banana ramen rolls off the tongue, Yan says. Time is not an illusion, Noel says. You’re halfway through the showstopper challenge. People are taking their cakes out. Bingo. What do we get…time’s not an illusion…halfway. Stacey’s stressed. Re-shoot…the point of no return.

She bins her cakes. Redo a sponge…not what I wanted today. Cutting cake…Julia; Russian doll with five layers. Liam’s cutting his cake while it’s warm. Precision…they’re using these kinda different cutters, making towels, making their layers, covering it up. Julia is…oh, putting the illusion inside. I’m a Russian doll. I think it’s self-explanatory. Fondant and sponge doll surrounded by another doll. The outside looks Russian like me. The inside looks English, which is also me. Then we see rain on the trees. How long? An hour. Stacey’s kinda happy she redid her sponge. Flo’s carving it like a melon, making the doll. Sandi and Steven…serious challenge. Icing…clock’s moving. Fondant goes on. Katsu chicken fillet. Oh, Steven and Sandi cut his piece of bread together. Yeah, they’re trying to trim it back.

Everything’s getting covered in fondant. Liam; air bubbles on pancakes, so he’s even getting the details in. Everything is redeemable or something. Unfortunately…oh yeah, Liam’s measuring his circumference or his diameter. We see people really putting it on. Rice Krispies and marshmallows for the katsu. Bubbles…there’s Liam making his bubbles. Knife breaks…breathtaking beauty. Still redeemable. Everything’s redeemable. You can do it. Painting, different things, different techniques of painting, colors…modeling chocolate, and that’s some…sculpting the neck of the…what do you call that? Champagne. Noel’s got a lot of jokes about that. Yan’s liquefying some agar and some mango juice to make spherical balls. She explains cooling oil and liquid. Outer walls…it’s science, basically.

Flo’s like, does this look like a watermelon? Yeah, we see everybody really working hard. Champagne bottle top…your spherical balls. Everything getting put together. Science juice balls. How long? What cakes are made of or not? Decoration…time’s up. So yeah, we see all the final decorations. Ten…they even do a countdown; nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Time is up. Put down your illusions. There’s stress, there’s dismay, and people kinda throwing stuff. Yan and Steven have high fives. People sigh, frown…we get a outside shot. It’s judgement time. Yan goes first. Hers looks like a banana ramen…produced a work of art, they say. I love the way you used the Rice Krispies. The eggs look good…salmon roe. Your brain’s gonna think one thing, your mouth the other. Then the cake inside looks good.

Good banana flavor. A little dry, but design’s incredible. Beauty and the Feast. Tom’s stack of books. Could have done more with it, not much detail. Like the flavor, a little dry. Kate’s terrarium did not fully come together, but it looked good. Cake’s moist. Nice flavor. James’ mochaccino has kinda fallen over. Nice flavor, though. Dry, but the chocolate coffee’s delicious. Chris’ thing, basic on the outside, but that looks good. They take a bite of it; almondy flavor. It’s a little too dense though, Paul says. Flo; hers looks like…they say green grocer, that’s what Prue says. I’d buy this. It could be a watermelon and it looks like a watermelon on the inside. Everybody’s blown away ‘cause it’s so red. Wowsers. Watermelon syrup, chocolate…Prue takes a bite. I can’t get the watermelon, but I got the chocolate. Sponge is spot on.

Love the color. Chocolate lifts it up. I love you, Flo, Paul says. I love you, too. She laughs. They go to Julia. Paul says it’s pretty big, a proper Siberian Russian doll. They’re surprised by the one on the inside, then they cut into the five layers. Prue takes first bite. I find the cake a bit plain and dry. Peter’s bread is a little simplistic. Too bad his knife broke. They cut into it; a bit dry. Flavor’s beautiful, but left in too long. Stacey’s evening bag…Flo says I’m not even sure…or Prue says I’m not even sure this is a handbag. Is it a good cake? They take it out, bite into it. Delicious. So, I guess this is what saved her, because I said she was definitely in trouble. Sponge is delicious. Not overwhelmed by the design, though. She’s probably relieved. Then Sophie’s champagne bottle and bucket cake.

It looks amazing, it looks real, so I can see that they gotta get it before it melts. They take a bite of the cake, cut to the crowd watching her watching…Prue says a little dry. Ganache makes it even drier. Flavor’s nice, though. Steven, bring up your illusion cake. They bring it up. His looks like a sandwich. They say, wow. He’s got a hard-boiled egg too, on the side. Stunning, Paul says. Without a shadow of a doubt, we know what it is. Absolutely astonishing. Chocolate cake and hazelnut sponge. They take a bite. They kinda pull back…a lot of reaction shots. Paul pounds the table; perfect, he says. Hazelnut, the peanut, the frosting, layers, it’s all there. Not too sweet. Lovely, well done. He’s relieved. Liam; his looks like a stack of pancakes, like from IHOP. It looks like something you’d shoot for a commercial, even.

Blueberries, whipped cream, and granola, just so lovely. Everybody’s laughing, he’s laughing. Difficult to believe it’s not pancakes, so it’s ingenious, but it’s gotta taste good, of course. Paul’s got it. A lot going on here. They scoop it. Reaction shots. I was expecting more banana, but blueberries might…it’s delicious. Mouth feel’s lovely. Paul says beautiful banana cake. Well done. Liam goes off. He laughs and sits down. He’s like, oh boy. Then Noel says, now Paul and Prue have to…Prue, you have to decide. We get a shot of the cakes, table talk. Strong challenge. Flo stood out. Cracking good watermelon. Sophie’s been consistent. Steven didn’t fail us. Who’s in trouble, they say? Okay, well, Liam saved himself with his showstopper. Stacey…it didn’t look like a handbag.

Peter and Chris…and they say, it’s not straight…we don’t want to…we don’t…well, I’d send Noel home. He goes okay, I’ll go. I’ll take it for the team. He leaves, shakes his hands. He actually walks off set, kisses Sandi. See you later, kids. Goodbye, darling. Camera pans once. The camera pans twice. Everybody comes out. Sandi says, it’s been a privilege. I get to…the Star Baker. That’s the person who’s been the best thing since sliced bread, so we know that’s Steven. Everybody applauds. They give him hugs. They clap and then Noel has…I have to deliver the bad news. The person we have to say goodbye to is…and they do a long, drawn-out thing…Peter. Sorry, mate. Give us a hug, come on. He’s smiling, though. Been wonderful, been a pleasure. We see him outside. He was up against real competition.

The standard was high, Paul says. Chris says well, maybe it was my flavors that saved me. So, a lot of stress, a lot of tears. Flo and Steven are talking about the victory. Flo’s like, I’m ecstatic. It’s me that doubts myself. My kids are gonna be so proud. Steven calls his mom and he’s crying about Paul’s handshake. It really is infectious. It’s nighttime, it’s kinda rainy. He goes, it’s awkward crying on the tube, and that’s how the episode comes to a close. Let me just check my notes from the…Yan…wow, work hard…good banana…dry. Tom; could have done me a little dry. Nearly workstation for Kate, or something. Nearly worked. Moist, nice. James collapsed. Nice flavor, a bit dry. Chris; basic on outside…something too dense. Flo; green grocer, wow. Wowsers. Excellent, wonderful, spot on. I love you, Flo.

Julia; proper Siberian…cut to her…dry and plain. Peter; simplistic, dry, flavor good…too long. Stacey; it looks like a cake. Delicious, rich. But more than a bag. Sophie; amazing look, dry, flavor nice. Steven; wow, stunning. Paul laughs. Perfect, well done. Liam; looks delicious, lovely. Bluegrass…blueberries overpower. Delicious, well done. Breeze. Table talk…Noel heads out. Night on tent. They come out. Sandi first…Star Baker; Steven. Sliced bread. Bad news…no, Peter!! Double exclamation point. Give us a hug. Hugs…been a pleaser. A whisker above. Flo; so happy. Me that doubts myself. Steven calls mom. Cries on the tube. Not awkward to me. So, that’s the end of the episode. Welcome back, bakers and snoozers. Goodnight.

[END OF RECORDING]
(www.leahtranscribes.com)

Notable Language:
– Flex my flummox
– It’s not ROYGBIV, it’s BLBGYORM
– Crumble Contingency

Notable Culture:
– Garrison Keillor
– Peter Beardsley
– Little Debbie

Notable Talking Points:
– Tales of Scooter’s Latin classes
– There’s no one named Justin on here
– Time is not an illusion