976 – Pish Posh
A debate that never gets started because of listening and discussion can be the most soothing debate of all.
- Fried Tiddlers
- Pish Posh
- Fan Fiction Fantasy Machine
- Can a tangent ever be relevant?, the Oxbridge Debate
- The Silvertone, Chris Williams
- Being There
Notable Talking Points:
- The 5 W's
- A Mossy Brick Patio
- The World's Foremost Listener
Episode 976 – Pish Posh
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, and swamp-based beings, what up patrons? Thanks for keeping this show going. It’s time for Sleep With Me, patrons, the podcast that you support to put you to sleep.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature, so any of those things that are keep…yeah, that might be keeping you…so, yeah, any of those things maybe that are keeping you awake, so things about the past, present, or future that you’re thinking about, feelings you’re feeling or physical sensations, or it could be something else.
It could be something outside, it could be something nearby, it could be a temperature thing or a seasonal thing. Or if you’re like me, you just don’t know. You say wait a second, what’s going on with this? Sometimes it could be really strange. I have…well, anyway, I don’t want to put any ideas in your mind but yeah, sometimes my…I say I’m half-asleep and my brain’s still thinking about stuff. Then I wake up and I say okay…that’s my newest technique; not to go off-topic super early, but I’ve talked about this. It’s important for me. I mean, this show is a part of this, is just to give yourself a little break ‘cause that’s one of the things…I make this show but this goes beyond the podcast…is, you know, through this whole 2020, it hasn’t been easy. For me, a lot of times it’s like giving myself a break.
I mean that in a specific way in this case which is like, if I’m waking up super early or I notice I’m doing that pseudo-insomnia or whatever you want to call it, or half-asleep overthinking, or A-N-X-I-O-U-S sleeping or, what…I don’t even know. Those are just made-up terms, by the way. But when that happens…recently, just because things have been not so easy, I think I’ve been able to be nice to myself where I’m like okay, wow, it’s early. I would prefer not to get up right now. What if we just try to lie here and relax instead of getting back to sleep? Maybe we’ll fall back asleep; maybe we won’t, but maybe I could just lie here. Oh, this mattress is really comfortable. I never noticed that, or sometimes I’ll read, if it’s…depending on the time. But this one’s a little bit different.
Just says hey, let’s just lie here and rest, and let’s not try to get an objective, because that’s when the R-F-U-S-T…that…those feelings for me come up. So, sorry, that was a tangent but just a little…a pro-am tip, as I say, professionally amateur tip that I’ve been using for the past few months, particularly in the…well, when it’s not the morning and I say well, it’s not the morning yet technically for me and my opinion, so I’d rather not get up right now. I say okay, let’s just lie here and rest. We’re still resting, right? Sometimes I fall back asleep; sometimes I don’t. But sometimes I lie there and rest, and maybe this podcast could be a part of that for you, too. I don’t know. That’s like, the way some people use it already, but I don’t know. I just wanted to point that out because I know it’s not easy out there.
So, if you’re new or you’re a regular listener, you might say Scoots, what…so, okay, yeah, so here’s what I’m offering to attempt to do. I’m gonna try to create a safe place, like I said, where you could set aside whatever’s awake. I’m gonna smooth the safe place, I’m gonna rub it down, I’m gonna say safe place, I’m gonna do a little dance, maybe. Then I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders which means I’m gonna go off-topic, superfluous tangents. I guess neither one of those was superfluous or pointless. So, that was…very rarely I’ll have relevant…is it…can a…here’s a question I’ve been asked a million times; can a relevant…can a tangent ever be relevant?
That was a…I think…I don’t know if it was Cambridge or Oxford that invited me to a debate with someone that had…they had their name, Dr. Blankety-blank, and then it had…she had about 4,000 different letters after her name. I said, probably I’m not qualified to be in the same room as her. So, I said well, what would the topic be? They said it would be…you’d talk to her about…what did I say the thing was? Is there poignancy in pointlessness? They said, no. Can a pointless meander ever…can a…yeah, relevancy and irrelevancy. I said, this sounds like a good episode. Maybe we’ll just have to record this as an episode. They said okay, when can you come by? I said well, kick right back and I’ll tell you. So, maybe that’s what we’ll talk about tonight, I guess. But anyway, where was I?
My point was that this podcast goes off-topic and doesn’t ever reach a point. Pointless meanders and superfluous tangents; everything that I do on the show is to keep you company and to take your mind off whatever’s keeping you awake. If you’re new, there’s a lot of things you probably could use…and regular listeners, you could all…you can always be reminded of this, and I’ll do this…at the top is the most important thing, is you deserve a good night’s sleep. The reason I make the show is because I really, truly believe that.
I believe that if you get the rest you need and you have a place of solace, a safe place, if I could be a part of that or a part of a routine that works for you that makes bedtime less of a thing to dread and more something you either look forward to or feel neutral about, I’ve done my job and in some sense I’ve contributed to your well-being and your well-being or your ability to flourish or just live your life a little bit fuller; that makes the world for me a better place to be in, too. Some people might say pish-posh. That just makes me laugh. But maybe that could be who I could debate, is Pish Posh. But yeah, it really is important to me and I really think it does contribute to the improvement of our world. Even if it doesn’t impact me, just knowing that…you know, then you say well, why?
Well, because I’ve been there tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble…you just heard me talk about…so, I know how it feels and I know the frustration. I know the loneliness. I know the desperation because, I mean, I know how it feels, so that’s why it’s important for me to help you if I can. Now if you’re new, as important as those two things are to me, unfortunately I don’t have the ability to make a podcast that works for everybody. My pod…this…Sleep With Me only works for the people it kinda works for, but I will give you one free piece of advice that hundreds of thousands if not millions of people have said, which is give it a few tries because this podcast is so different. For a lot of people, it takes…it has a higher…kind of a weird barrier of entry ‘cause it’s like, what do you mean? I don’t understand this show.
It doesn’t make any sense. It’s strange and it’s unfamiliar. So, I’ll tell you some more but I would say look at it loosely, like I’m a friend you’ve…or if you’re more comfortable, a paid expert that is an expert in nothing but nonsenslical talk, or a friend that you don’t have to pay attention to. That’s the ideal situation. You say okay, you’re gonna call me on speakerphone or you’re gonna come over and you’re just gonna tell me something soothing and pointless that I don’t have to listen to in a friendly manner? They’d say no, there’s a podcast for that now, so I can’t do it. I’m sorry. So, it takes some getting used to, so give it a few tries. The thing…some of the things that take getting used to; creaky, dulcet tones. My voice is not traditionally soothing, I would say. I’ve been told that in much more florid prose.
[00:10:00] But you say okay, it takes some getting used to for some people. Also, the fact that it doesn’t ever get to a point…you say, when’s this gonna start or when are you gonna start making sense, or when is the sleep part gonna start? I say well, it’s kinda already started. Yeah, I understand if you’re having strange feelings ‘cause yeah, this show is very different. It’s kinda meant not to be listened to and it’s not really here to put you to sleep. It’s here to keep you company while you fall asleep or to keep you company if you can’t sleep. Like, if you can’t fall asleep or you’re there, like me, lying there in bed just trying to rest and not sleep, and you just want something that makes you feel okay or gives you something to think about it so you don’t get F-R-U-S…you know, however you spell that word, with -tration, frus- and -tration or -ted, whatever.
For some reason, -ted made me think of fried tiddlers that I had in the Czech Republic a long, long time ago. I think it was at a German hotel, though. So, or a hotel popular with Germans. So, I don’t know if a tiddler…where…I don’t know. Just, when I thought of that…sorry about…that’s a free-form tangent. Okay, so, yeah, this podcast…so, if you can’t sleep, this show is about an hour to give you plenty of time to drift off so you don’t have to watch the clock and wonder, but it’s also here to keep you company if you can’t sleep, so that’s another thing to know. This is a little late to explain this, so maybe some people kinda already hung up the phone on their proverbial friend, but structurally, the show is structured very different because it’s a sleep podcast and because it comes out twice a week and we put a lot of work into it.
Structurally, it starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary so that you feel seen and you feel welcome and you know this is a welcome place, that I’m trying to create a safe place for everybody. Then there’s business and that business and the business in the middle of the show is what keeps the show free which I would prefer. I would prefer the podcast free versus behind a paywall. Then there’s an intro which we’re pretty much, I don’t know, three-quarters of the way through. The intro is around…somewhere around twelve to twenty minutes of the podcast. This is kinda the number-one thing that throws new people off.
Then if you become a veteran listener, which I would say anybody that listens more than three times is a veteran listener, you realize oh, the intro kinda serves a purpose and is purposeless, or it’s like, where are you going? When are you…? Like, an intro is supposed to serve a purpose. I say yeah, this intro serves a different purpose. So, most intros, they say yadda, yadda, yadda, get to the show. We’re gonna talk…this is the Dance Cast where we talk about dancing and dance-related things, or this is the imaginary Oxford debate…Oxford-Cambridge Debate Cast where we’re gonna be talking about a debate coming up with Scooter and Pish Posh. We’ll cover all the highlights of the debate, and that’s…and then we’ll say good day. So, let’s get on…let’s get it started. That would be a normal podcast intro.
Ours, the intro serves one purpose; to introduce new people to the show, and that takes a lot of explaining. Two, I have a tendency to go off-topic and never get to the point, so that’s another thing that can happen. Then three, the intro for most listeners serves as a buffer between daytime and nighttime, so it gives you some place to get some distance whether you start listening as you’re getting ready for bed or when you’re in bed or as you’re already lights-out, getting comfortable. Or if you’re lying there trying to rest or whatever, it just gives you a way to wind down. A long landing strip is the way I like to look at it, to ease you into bedtime. That’s one of the purposes the intro fills. The other is just to keep you company, something familiar for the regular listeners but something new every time.
Because for me, my brain adapts or whatever parts of me that want to keep me awake adapt. So, I’m committed to keeping this thing fresh because of that, because I think that’s what works best, is to have something new to look forward to, right? It keeps me polished. I gotta outsmart those brain bots by loving them. Oh boy, I’m not trying to outsmart all you brain bots by doing anything crafty; just love and compassion and presence and being here for all of you. The brain bots are the part of me that overthinks and keeps me awake. So, oh, so structurally, so that…okay, so there’s the intro…and as you become a regular listener if you do, which you don’t have to; it’s optional, but just give it a few tries. If you do become a regular listener, you could see how your relationship with the intro develops.
Why I say that is a lot of people start it before they get in bed, but then some people start it at different stages in their wind-down routine. 2% of people skip it, then another couple thousand people listen to story-only episodes on Patreon. So, you could kinda see how it goes, is the main thing. Yeah. I guess…is that…? Oh, structure. Then after the intro is business. Again, that’s how we keep it free. Then there will be a story. I guess tonight it’ll be my recounting of that debate with Pish Posh in Oxford-Cambridge or…what happened with that. So, I’ll have to just say yes to that. I was gonna turn down that thing but as I was doing the intro, I could hear your brain thinking. Scoots, you should really do that debate. It sounds really boring. I said no problem; I’ll make it boring and barely engaging at the same time.
So, that’ll be the…what we’ll talk about tonight. Then there will be thank-yous at the end of the show. So, that’s the structure of the show. Kinda…that’s everything to expect. I mean, the main thing I want you to know is give it a few tries. That doesn’t benefit me. It’s just what most listeners said, and I hope the podcast can benefit you. I’m not trying to disregard your skepticism ‘cause most people that come to this podcast are skeptical. One of my favorite things to read is people that didn’t like the show and then came back to it a year or two later…maybe they started a family or a new job or they had something in their life that came up. At first their skepticism or their internal critic or whatever was…I don’t like Scooter and I don’t like that show.
I don’t like the creaky, dulcet tones or the pointless…kinda like that Green Eggs and Sam guy, or whatever it is. Green Eggs and Sam. Isn’t that what it should have been called? Green Eggs…well, anyway, so…and then they come back to the show with fresh ears or they say oh no, this is a friendly, goofy thing. So, just give it a few tries. I just want to help, I guess is my main thing. I’m really appreciative of you checking the show out, and your time, and I really work very, very hard, believe it or not, and yearn and strive to help you fall asleep. Here’s a couple ways we’re able to bring you this podcast twice a week. Thanks.
Alright. Hey everybody, it’s Scoots here. I’m actually recording this as I’m supposed to…this is interesting. I guess I got invited…it’s a good thing I have the…well, you say well, Scoots, how are you doing this? I say well, it’s interesting. Yeah, walk me through it. I say okay, well, first I gotta tell you where I am and what I’m doing. I think one part of my story brain’s ahead of the other part. But yeah, where am I, what are we doing, what are we here? Oh, those pesky questions. Well, I’m here…okay, so, I gotta say where I’m at…who, what, where, when, why. We’ll never…if we get to why, we’ll never get anywhere. Who am I? Scooter, your buddy Scoots, here. What? What? Well, let me get to where.
I’m outside of one of those…well, I’m not…I’m outside so I don’t know what it looks like inside, but also there’s a…behind…there’s a temporary green room, one of those picturesque…I wouldn’t say it’s on a post…a picture…post card perfect? Is it called post card perfect or picture-perfect post card? But this would not be on a postcard, but it is filmic and you’ve seen it before, and it’s almost an archetypal image of a classroom, a lecture hall on…well, I should have looked at the signs. I don’t know if we’re on the Cambridge or Oxford campus. Maybe on either one. Did I say neither one? But I’m outside of the classroom and even the doors, they’re those old wooden doors [00:20:00] with…I don’t know if they’re called leaded windows but you know, the windows that have…they’re in shapes and they have different levels.
I don’t know how…they’re not etched. No; good question, vocabulary brain. I was looking for actually a vocabulary word I needed and not one I don’t need. But you know, the glass, it’s not…it’s…I say it’s prismatic but it’s…so, I’m…so, there’s one door that goes into the lecture hall, then there’s one further down, up some stairs. It goes into the back of the lecture hall when you’re late for class. This is the one when you want to go into the classroom…it’s a lecture hall so probably, I don’t know, 300, 400 people. Like, you would go in this particular door if you’re on time or very early or you want to sit in front or you’re some sort of rebellious figure or disruptive figure and you go to class late but you want to make a statement, or you…maybe you inadvertently make a statement.
Not to go off-topic, but this…you know when sometimes you have…you make…there’s the idea of making your dreams come true? There’s even that song by Hall and Oates which I think I did an episode about, but one time in the last ten years…so, before the podcast but not that far before…and I’ve talked about this on my life journey episodes; I started taking classes at a community college here. Now, one of the problems with me taking classes in addition…this is when I had a job, I had a young daughter, and multiple things, and I have dyslexia. So, let’s see, I…did I drop out of this class? I don’t think I…I guess I did drop out of the class. Maybe I didn’t. I can’t remember. I guess I did drop out of the class. I’m trying to think if I…I can’t really…I guess I did.
So, I signed up for one class that I went to and then I said well, maybe I should…on this next semester, I should do two classes. One was a screenwriting, script-writing-type story class, and that had a really great teacher, Joey. Then I signed up for another class which was actually like, filming stuff. I don’t know if it was a cinematography class or…I don’t know exactly what it was, right, but the…and I don’t…I think I might have…so, I transposed multiple things. It was a once-a-week class ‘cause it was lab-length, so like, a three-hour class or something. It was at night and I transposed multiple things. So, I think the first day I either showed up to class an hour or a half-hour late, right before we had a break. Then I said, oh boy.
Then I think I did something else…I made it to the second class, I believe, and then I never went back, I don’t think. I could never recover from the embarrassment ‘cause I…I feel like I went to multiple classes, though. So, I’m not exactly sure, but it was one of those things where you dream about it a lot, your whole life. You dream about showing up to class and not know…or I do; not knowing where…I definitely didn’t know where the class was. That happens to me all the time. Actually, now I’m picturing another class that kept changing rooms. What class was that? Maybe that was this class. I don’t know. But so…’cause I can remember going to…and saying wait a second, it’s not in that room anymore. But this one, I had trouble finding it as well, not…and being on-time. I liked the class. I liked the professor very much.
I think I withdrew too late…I mean, I was taking it…I got…so, I got a…whatever, when you drop out but you didn’t drop out on time, not that I…I wasn’t…I was doing these for professional development, I guess. So anyway, I just remember walking to that class thinking okay, I made it. Whatever, it was like, 6:30 PM and the class started at 5:00. I was like, oh. Why is…I’m like, I thought I was right on time or five minutes late or five minutes early and the class was going on. So, that could happen too, for the door I’m standing in front of was my point. You could show up to class and disrupt it unintentionally. So, I just wanted to point that out. But to the left of this door is another door that goes…that’s behind the lecture area. Oh, so where am I? We’ve established that. Why or what?
I’m supposed to participate in debate later with someone named Pish Posh about can a pointed meander be a meander? But I have…I don’t…I said well, I have other designs. I’ll be…just be straight with you. I have no intention of participating in the debate. Let’s just be straight. So, but…so, I have a plan to…and I said well, later…’cause this person, Pish Posh, was a doctor and works at one of these schools here which…you gotta be top of the line to go to. So, I said well…now you say how…Scoots, in this era, ‘cause I don’t know when you’re listening to this but when I’m recording this is September 2020. So, like, I said okay, what are we…how…what would happen…so, more backstory before we get to the…more backstory, or this is the first backstory, right? How did I get here, though? I gotta explain it.
So, this pod…Sleep With Me’s been going on a long time, so there’s some historical things in the podcast that listeners in the last few years might not know about, and I want to fill you in on those ‘cause those give me some of these magical powers that…so, there’s a couple of them. Oh, I heard…some part of me said imagination. I said well, yeah. Actually, powered by imagination. There’s two things we’ve used, and I poured them into one of these…that platform Z-O-O-M. It wanted me to do a annual…I said no, no, no; I’m not paying. But I said what if I get this stuff in there? Will that enable me to trans…okay, so transverse plane is one of them. Transverse plane…and even to get to the transverse plane, I had to do some…’cause I can’t go there because it’s not where I live. It’s behind a bed and breakfast.
You go…and you…anybody that’s been to a bed and breakfast or seen one in a movie, you know the standard setup for the most part. Not all of them, but there’s French doors that open up onto a patio or straight into a garden. That’s like, 90…I think in the…there’s an accreditation. You say wait a second, you don’t got French doors that open up into some garden area or garden-like area? But this place does. You say sorry, you’re an inn that serves breakfast. Do you have a chimney? No, we don’t. Oh, well, you can’t be an inn, then, either. A chimney’s required to be on the National Registry of Inns. You say, but chimneys, they’re obsolete. Oh, to you they’re obsolete; to an innkeeper, they’re a necessity to be accredited. These are bureaucracies I’ve navigated before.
Okay, so French doors at this particular bed and breakfast open up into a patio, a brick patio. It’s pretty nice and it has that mossy stuff on there, even though…I don’t know. It’s just part of the look. Then there’s a open lawn. I don’t know if they do…good question; I don’t know if they do croquet on the lawn. Probably you could. I mean, what better way to get…to do…to, yeah, to…yeah, work up a sweat before you work up a sweat. So, then you go down there, then it’s the first layer of gardens. This place is extensive, so they have their gardens. I think right now when I’m picturing it in my mind, it’s late fall, early…whatever. I was gonna say early autumn, but winter. So, this part of the garden is more bare roses and stuff. Then it has trellises, of course. Then beyond that is a pond.
Now, if you go around the back of the pond, there’s also…a cottage is back there. That’s where Lady Witchbeard lives but we’re not bothering her because we’re not really there right now. I’m just describing it to you. Now, for some reason only I can access this, but there’s a trail. Now, if I go on that trail, the trail leads to the transverse plane, or maybe…I don’t know. Yeah, I guess I didn’t realize that only I have access to it. Otherwise there would be…this would be like in an action…mild action movie, [00:30:00] The Secrets of the…this place would be an accredited bed and breakfast ‘cause they have French doors. They have a chimney, so they could be an inn as well. Maybe it’s two chimneys. Why is there two Ns in chin? Because you need two chimneys. Is there an M in…N in chimney? I think there…chimney.
Yeah, I guess there is. Okay, so you get to the back of this pond and I take a path and I go to the transverse plane. Now, the transverse plane is a place where…it’s…I guess now in modern parlance, they would call it…where you could access the multiverse. But that just sounds too neat; that’s why I…well, it’s called the transverse plane. Now, the transverse plane is more…the multiverse…entering the multiverse; that sounds like something you would do with intention. Transverse plane gives you…it takes you on a journey. You don’t just use it. It’s not a tool. It’s a place you go and then it takes you someplace…and…within the multiverse. Their words, not mine. So, it’s just basically a plane you walk into.
Then it has this effect when you know it’s working, where it could become…at least as far as visually, like candy, like cotton candy, candy corn. Interesting stuff. Then as you keep traveling, then usually I would escort someone and I would take them on a journey to find out what they need. Hint, hint of what’s happening next. Now, before…I don’t know if it was before or after the transverse plane; I had two other things I would use, but right around the same time, I got access to two magical…well, I created one magical item. I had this magical ticker tape which is a machine and it kinda prints stuff out. It was a stock ticker, I think is what a magical ticker tape would do. Very steampunk. You’ve never seen anything more steampunk in your life. Except, you say where does the steampunk go in?
Then you say where the heck is this information coming from, anyway? But the magical ticker tape would give me information. It also obviously had some sort of cosmic powers ‘cause it wasn’t running on steam and it didn’t have…it wasn’t plugged into anything. That would give me information…like, some would be very direct information, like the Silvertone. He became the official jazz singer of the podcast, Chris Williams, way back when I first discovered that. Was like, okay, this dot, dot, dot, Silvertone. Still officially the official jazz singer of Sleep With Me podcast. But other times…somehow, the ticker tape machine…okay, this goes…this is…talk about deep cuts. I also…and you say, how did you meet Tommen and Pounce? Or you’d say, who’s Tommen and Pounce?
I’d say well, they’re…this is gonna sound…this is gonna be painful to them, but you say well, they’re somewhat obscure characters on Sleep With Me podcast. They live with my neighbor Ray under different names. Well, Mikey and Pounce, and also another person. But anyway, so, I met them. Once upon a time there was a TV show called Game of Thrones and there was a character on there named Roose Bolton. That’s one thing so just hold that in your mind; a character named Roose Bolton. Also, there was once upon a time a sleep podcaster named Scooter whose vocabulary was somewhat limited and he rued…R-U-E…but not R-U-D-E. He found Roose Bolton rude but he also rued Roose Bolton. I think Scooter probably had a different definition of…strongly disliked or more than that Roose Bolton.
Somehow, his ruing of Roose Bolton…even though I guess it was confused ruing, if…I don’t know, ‘cause I looked up ruing at some point and I said oh boy, was I using that correctly? But now I forgot the actual definition of the word again. But I think maybe it’s correct; to strong…have strong, negative feelings for. I think it means…no, it means I pity you, I think, which is true. My dislike of you is so strong that I pity you. Talk about compassion and empathy. But this was coming from more of a place of not compassion or empathy, just a strong dislike and maybe wishing for a rueful moment. I was ruing him in a way…kind of a passive aggressive way. I was actively ruing Roose Bolton. I don’t know if I was…‘cause I was standing so close to this ticker tape machine, but it became…oh, hello.
Sorry, I guess I walked into the green room for the debate and someone’s been listening to me this whole time. Hi, I’ll be with you in one minute. Have you been listening the whole time? Okay, good. That’s good that you’re following along. That’s Pish Posh, everybody. I guess I’ve been…I guess I walked through the door when I was worried about being late for…that other memory. Pish Posh has been here prepping for our debate at a desk. Yeah, one of those desks right out of the movies, with the green lamp. Don’t they call that…what do they call that? A barrister’s lamp here, or a student lamp? But I didn’t even know until I just turned…when I was making…I was turning towards the imaginary ticker tape machine in my mind and I saw Pish Posh there looking at me and taking notes.
But I don’t know if that’s technically within the debate rules that you could take notes, but we’ll cover that. So, my ruing of Roose Bolton was so strong that…and I was so close to the ticker tape machine, it created this machine which I called the Fantasy Fic…Fan…I can’t remember what I called it or what it was called. It was a device not that different than…a much smaller version of the original Willy Wonka, the machine that made bubbles and drove around and the boat; they were kinda the same…they probably had the same designer. A smaller version of something like that.
This was the Fanfiction Fantasy Machine or Fiction…Fan Fantasy Fiction Machine or something, and it enabled me to travel into fan…to fictional worlds and put a fan spin on it, and that’s how I managed to get Tommen and Pounce and the Greggor out of Westeros, was…you say, how’d he get real…just like in those famous movies, like Straight Out of Westeros, Westeros or Bust, and other movies like that. Oh, those aren’t movies? Well, are you sure? You haven’t checked the Disney channel…they have other channels there. DisD or something. Oh, they don’t own those. Well, okay, well, maybe they should look into it. So, this machine let me travel the worlds of fiction and fanfiction and fantasy and do stuff, mostly get in the way and induce George R. R. Martin’s ire.
Well, if he knew about it, but he never knew…you say…he said what…that’s what he…one day he’ll make a blog post; they say, what’s up with those…what’s taking so long? Says, it’s the weirdest thing; I thought it was me and that’s why I’ve been saying…just my process. I’m just taking my time and being deliberate, but the reality is there was someone mucking around in my stories and it had ramifications and now I have ire for that person, and that person’s name…and then I would…then you’d see me pop in and then you’d say yeah, just working on my process. I don’t know what I was talking about. Okay, so that’s the Fanfiction Fantasy Machine which I have parked outside these classrooms, by the way.
So, I took those things…so, I said I took the Fanfiction Fantasy Machine and I got a fish…like, I got one of those things like a butterfly net, one of the bigger versions like cartoon characters have when they’re trying to catch stuff, and I double-bagged that with the…all…I don’t know if everybody else does this but you have a giant thing of bags under your kitchen sink; I took two…no, I took three of those bags, drove the Fanfiction Fantasy Machine out to the transverse plane, scooped some of the transverse plane into this triple-bagged thing, and got it filled up. Then I got under the vehicle. Then I went back to the shop, AKA where all my clutter is, my life, then I got under this machine, the Fanfiction Fantasy Machine. [00:40:00] I started to open up some valves.
I don’t know anything about any…how it works or anything but I opened up some valves and liquid started dripping out, so then I put that in the bag with the stuff I scooped out of the Fanfiction Fantasy Machine…or the transverse plane. You know, oil…it was a bluish color though, and then there was something that was more of a rusty maroon. Old Rusty Maroon; I was stuck on an island with Rusty Maroon for too long. Then I put that in the bag. Then I did the old…one of the old hacker tricks, right; went on Zoom, loaded the up, and I said…and I took a Ethernet cable and a USBC cable, a USB regular microdoser or whatever, plugged all those in as external drives. So, I registered the bag of cosmic material as a triple…I mounted it as a drive; not like that, no. Quit giggling. Like a drive. Then I said…what do you call that?
Choose your background, and it shows this back…that said Upload New Background. Don’t do this either, by the way, because it’s not possible. Also, I can never update my Zoom again, so if anybody’s wondering why it’s lagging, it’s ‘cause I’m on, whatever, a low…a earlier version or I have to downgrade so this will continue to work. So, see? ‘Cause they fixed it of course as soon as they found out. They said you’re using our platform for…to disrupt the fabric of the universe? I said no, I have a debate in Oxford. I can’t just fly there. Also, I don’t plan…Pish Posh…also, I don’t plan on participating in the debate. So, that’s how I got here, basically. Once I loaded the background, boom, I was here.
So, the two of us, Pish Posh, I know you were scheduled to debate me on can a pointed meander…can a pointless meander be pointed, and I’m sure you’re correct in your observations because you seem like a reasonable individual, but I would like to just take you for a trip on my Zoom background which is actually…well, I don’t know what it is, and just go for a journey about…’cause I just went on one pointless meander, so I think maybe we could take…let’s start with the finale. Let’s start with this. How do you want the debate to end and how do you want our journey to end? ‘Cause I say…oh, also I had a question for you that I forgot until right now; so, have you ever considered being a Spice Girl or…because, like you say, Pish Posh, but Posh…there’s already Posh Spice. Could there be a Pish Spice?
Could you say well…or, you say well, I’m the second; I’m actually Posh’s sister. My family loves Posh so much, of course they named me Pish Posh. But yeah, I’m Pish Posh Spice. Technically just call me Pish Spice ‘cause I’m kinda not happy about the Posh part. So, what if we end the journey in an empowered way where you…goes…so, I’m right; I know. I’m very…I pick up on this stuff. So, we could look into that ‘cause I know you probably left…yeah, let’s…but that’s the end, right? So, we find out that you…the journey…what you learned on your journey after you left the Spice Girls. Oh, ‘cause you were never a part of them. Of course, ‘cause they were rehearsing in your sister’s room or something. Oh, she has a whole wing? Oh, interesting. Of a home; okay, well, that’s interesting, too. I didn’t know that.
So, that would be where you learned…where you became the greatest debater ever. That’s one part of it. Okay, so we got that part of the finale. Our debate would end…are you a…like, are you a debater that goes to…okay, yeah, you’re right; you’re trying to build positivity and empowerment. Great. So, you’re…can I just say that your conclusion would probably be…could be. Can a pointless meander be pointed? Could be, right? You would debate that…you would debate both sides of it, kind of, or help me…like, you would make all your points that normally it wouldn’t be, but then you would kinda take my points and then you would build on those to a conclusion; could be. Then there would be a universal lesson which would be…oh, be open-minded.
Oh, so you would even pretend you were close-minded at the start of the debate. Wow, you really are brilliant. No wonder. Good thing you weren’t in the…I mean, other than the…all the positives of being in the…I thought I was…I…oh, I was gonna be Cinnamon Spice. Do you mind calling me…? You know, I forgot that there was a character in Wind-Up Bird Chronicle…Chronicles; you’re right. Is it…I just finished reading it again but I had forgotten about Cinnamon in that book. But before that, I said oh, I’d like to be Cinnamon Spice. You could be Pish Spice. Pish Spice is really hard to say. No wonder they said Pish Posh Spice. Here’s another question, though; so, if your sister…okay, it’s too complicated to explain. Okay, so that’s Part 1. Okay, so we got to the end. Let’s set sail in my vehicle, here.
We could pretend…you know, I’m friends with Lady Witchbeard. Well, friends is a strong word, but we’re associates. So, let’s…a bunch of pirate…like two pirates, let’s set sail, pirates of knowledge and…is there a way to do that? No. That would be the antithesis. Oh, thanks. Thanks, that’s a great word. So, we’ll set sail in my vehicle. Now, just so you know, this may not be an accurate representation of your journey to where we just ended up. Particularly, I’ve never…well, I probably have used the machine in this manner before but I never remember it. But I guess the whole goal of this journey is to establish some peace of mind. There we are; we see you in your room and I can see you pacing around your room. What are you about, eleven, twelve years old? Yeah.
Your hands are over your ears and yeah, that’s not…I wouldn’t call that singing, either. I would agree with you, but that is some…right in the other room is your older sister and her friends. Now, was there more Spices other than Sporty, Posh…is there a Vanilla Spice? ‘Cause I wouldn’t mind be…I could be Vanilla…well, Vanilla Spice would be like, 1980s, not 90s. Posh, Sporty…I forget the rest of the Spice Girls. I’m so sorry. Ginger Spice? That…no? But one of the Spice Girls was formally known as Ginger, right? Okay, don’t get distracted. Yeah, this is about you, Pish Posh Spice. What about PP Spice? That one…even though that’s kind of…that’s something…oh, you’re right. PP; I didn’t realize that ‘til now. There was something nice about it; PP Spice. I don’t know, sound…maybe an insurance sales or a realtor. PP Spice.
Or, yeah, something disgusting. You’re right. I say no, thank you. PP spice? No, no. Just leave it off, please. Thanks. No, don’t even…can you make my food at another…? Never mind; I’m not gonna shop here. Okay, so anyway, we’re back at your room. You’re looking for some peace of mind because your sister and her friends are rehearsing, or business partners or band mates. Yeah, it’s not easy. This is a stage of childhood where they just keep singing the same songs over and over again. Yeah, that happens. I was just thinking about it the other day. Not to make this about me, but I will right now. I just had this regret that bubbled up recently that I should probably talk about. Maybe then you could use it as part of your journey. Maybe I could come talk…yeah, here we are. I’m in your room. You’re just observing.
Hey, how you doing? You’re Pish Posh, right? Do you mind if I just call you Pish? This is a great room. What is that noise? [00:50:00] Seems like thoroughly distracting. Oh, that’s your sis…oh, well, I’m here…I’m a consultant. I’m here to speak to you about some things. I heard you’re a great listener, actually. No one’s ever told you that? Well, I’ve heard of that before. I’ve heard…let’s go…let’s…is there…do you…does this place have a sub-basement that we could not hear this music? I was gonna talk to you about music though, while we walk. Yeah, so, I…he actually…you’ll never believe this ‘til one day when you realize it and you decide not to debate me, just to preserve my self-esteem and my desire not to be the focus of any kind of attention except in situations where I want attention, like this one.
But yeah, I’m a consultant from another world and I’m here to be listened to. Never heard of a consultant like that? Well, yeah, believe it or not, if I was charging, you wouldn’t be living in this mansion. Or, is this…do you have super powers? Maybe we could cover that in another…’cause I do want to do a story about…do you know who the Care Bears are? Okay, yeah, you’re here to listen, but yeah, I heard you’re a great listener and listening is one of the most important skills if not the most important skill, and very misunderstood. So, hopefully I set you on a…I remember…oh, you were already…that’s what you were reading a book about; listening? That’s why you were so interested that I said you were a good listener?
Oh, I…well, I was just I guess hoping I was the one that set you forth on the path to become the world’s foremost listener. Well, you’re already on the path. I guess I’ll just encourage you and give you some practice. So, now that you can’t hear your sister and her friends rehearsing or squawking, to use your term, but I just wanted to talk to you about this memory I had that I…there’s a part of me I have…I guess I have to make amends to one person that’s with us, and one person that’s not with us, and probably…I don’t…even though I was clear of mind…I think I was in eighth grade. I have this great…a few sets of regrets. So, I had a new friend, kind of a…I’d say quickly became a very close friend, daresay even a best friend. This was probably January, February, March.
We had tickets to a basketball game and my father said you can invite one of your friends to go to this basketball game with us, but first we’re gonna go to a reception to my school that I went to, because my school is one of the teams playing in this event. Now, at the time, this was in a station wagon. Huh, it’s interesting; maybe you’re the same age as I was and we’re in…not important, but I’m just thinking this is true, and…or maybe your sister’s the same age as me when I was in this age. Okay, yeah, I guess I’m…you’re right, I’m…thank you, that’s good listening. You’re just helping to keep me on track. You know, if I had you in my life, I wouldn’t probably have a sleep podcast, believe it or not, ‘cause I’d be on track all the time. But because we’re so off track…so, I’m so glad you could listen to me, though.
Thank you for your eye contact and your body…okay, so, at the time, this was my…also, I was about to…I think because this memory came up because I was thinking about recon…getting back in touch with this friend of mine named Jeremy. I said, man…and I have a regret…another memory with him that I regret, but…oh yeah, I could focus on things I don’t regret, too. You’re right. That’s one of my life goals. Wow, you are perceptive. I wonder if the adult you…if the adult you could see you, I can’t even imagine the…all the good feelings that would be generated in empowerment and joy. I could almost feel the heart growing of someone who already had a big heart that’s observing nearby. It’s so full of gratitude for this that she doesn’t debate him in front of a Oxford-Cambridge audience.
But anyway, back to me. Of course, you’re right, and my little…well, I’m, yeah, I thought I was here to take you on a journey but I’m just here to be listened to. So, at the time, there was a singer named Tiffany who was very popular. Yeah, right around the time New Kids on the Block, exactly. I don’t know what the name…she had a Beatles song she redid but there was also another song. No idea what it is now. Oh, I Think We’re Alone Now. Yeah. Oh, I think, yeah, you’re…I think you’re right. So, Jeremy and I were in the way back of my car…I think that song came on and then we kept singing it over and over again. We were very happy and full of joy. Maybe if there was any other kids in the car, they were singing.
But the adults did not like this, so even though it was going on in the back of the car, it was like a disconnect. We were having fun but I’m sure…’cause I guess now as an adult I can relate to this; you’d say I appreciate you love that song and that you love singing it over and over again and fragments of the song over and over again, and I think that’s a good thing. I mean, I think back then…this was the 80s; the way the adults would deal with it is just raise their voice or, I don’t know what happened then because it was a friend. They say…we just gotta endure this. But so, we were singing the song but what happened was then we got to this thing and I…I guess what I was really here to apologize for is…then we got to this reception and I think there was a picture of my dad there ‘cause it was an alumni reception.
The president or the vice president of the university which there, which I didn’t really know at the time that was a big deal for…and I was asking him if my father was an N-E-R-D or not. I think I thought it was pretty funny, and he got really irritated and yelled at me. Understandably, ‘cause I think I wouldn’t let it go. I remember being…saying wow, that guy’s a real grouch instead of saying what are you doing? Why are you giving your father a hard time when he’s here to have fun? I like him very much, your father, and have great respect for him. So, you’re getting on my nerves, kid. So, I guess I’d like to…that person is no longer with us, so I’d like to say jeez, I’m sorry. That was a mistake. I was really a J-E-R-K. Thank you for nodding, like you could accept my apology on their behalf. I can apologize to my dad.
Don’t worry; I’ll do that after I record this. Then, what was my point? Oh, later in life I encountered him. I mean, I would encounter him from time to time ‘cause I ended up going to the same university. I encountered him one time when I needed a ride. I was waiting for a ride that didn’t show up. I was in Manhattan and he just happened to be there ‘cause we were at a satellite campus at the time. He said…and I was with…I think it might have been even after my trip to the Guggenheim, though it could have also been after I was working on an internship. He pulled up and he said, you need a ride? I said, yeah. Then he gave us a ride. Maybe it was after my internship, but I don’t know. I can’t remember. He was…he…what do you call it? I can’t remember.
Oh, so, he had just seen a…he was very jazzed because he had just gone to a Matisse exhibition and so, the whole time he talked about Matisse. Then I think I talked about my dad and he said oh, yeah, yeah. Maybe he talked about him. But mostly he talked about Matisse and his love of Matisse and the immediacy of his experience going to this exhibition was very impressive to me. Now, and I guess I was [01:00:00] thinking about it, even when I think about this regret, you’re right, finding the positivity in there. So, this…he was now retired but still working at the university, I think, or maybe president of student affairs or something. He was retirement age or maybe even past retirement age, but still engaged with the student population.
But he was also still engaged…so, he lived in the Bronx and then he drove all the way into Manhattan, found parking, and then walked from I guess the satellite campus which…okay, so he got free parking or whatever at the satellite campus, I guess, then walked to the museum, which I’m trying to think what museum, or maybe he took the subway to go to this…that’s for me a life lesson, that he was still drinking from the cup of life and art. I just think that’s really, really amazing and cool. I don’t know, so that’s still with me. It’s still with me. Oh, it looks like you fell asleep. So, huh, well, that’s good. So, okay, so we’re gonna go. Let me just…there’s…let me just put this drop cloth on you while you rest. You’ll have a future of listening and not debating sleep podcasters one day.
If you would like to climb back in with me, Pish Posh, we’ll travel back. Can you tell me your impressions of that journey we went on? Other than my pandering to your good listening. Oh, thank you. You’re welcome. Oh, because you never saw the joy that your sister had in being a Spice Girl. You always had your own feelings about it and you never really saw that even back then they were consumed by their own joy in a good way. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I would say it’s difficult. Like I said, even as an adult, a parent, I say well, that’s great you love that song. Is there a way you could sing quieter with less joy? But that’s just not an option, so I guess we both have to learn together. Do you think you’re gonna start listening to their music again? Maybe. Oh, maybe you’ll try to…yeah, well, maybe you just reconnect.
Oh, she’s not really your sister. Okay, well. So, here’s…we’re back at campus. Why don’t you go deal with…oh, you had us on speaker the whole time, so the students were…oh, they were even listening when I was talking about showing up to class late. Oh, good. So, I guess that’s the debate wrapped up, huh? We didn’t even really have to debate anything other than…I mean, I guess, what did we learn? Listening is the key to debate…you don’t even need…listening and discussion, AKA debate, are intrinsically connected. That’s a good word; thank you. Listening’s not easy. Sometimes even great listeners have trouble listening to people when they’re singing with joy repeatedly the same song over and over again, and they didn’t let their younger sister or younger sister figure join them.
Yeah, there’s probably more healing that could go there, yeah, that life really is…a part of life is our relationship with the past, but there’s also good things in the past that were easy to gloss over. It is good to apologize for our mistakes. You’re right about that. Would you say that this meander we went on was pointed? Twisted but with a point. Oh, boy. Wow, that is a way…meander was twisted with a point. Thank you so much. Thank you, Oxford. Thank you, Cambridge. Thank you Roose Bolton, Bed and Breakfast Institute of American…Global Institute of Inns, accreditations, and thank you, all of you, for listening. Goodnight.
[END OF RECORDING]