1470 – Great Frolics | Nothing Works, Everything Happens Ep 7
I’ll hum and blip a bedtime story about granny muffins, floating marshmallows, and 100 seasons with Mr. Probst.
These stories have been sleepified, but they do sometimes touch on more serious subject matter. These episodes may not be sleepy for all listeners.
These stories are from the collection Nothing Works, Everything Happens by Aiyas Aya. This episode includes the stories “The Great Divide,” “We Only Come Out At Night,” and “The Great Divide [Epilogue]”.
The book is out now on e-book, paperback, and hardback. Learn more at aiyasaya.com
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Episode 1470 – Great Frolics | Nothing Works, Everything Happens Ep 7
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for a episode of Sleep With Me, the podcast that’s here to put you to sleep but in the most indirect way possible, to be your friend in the deep, dark night and hang out with you. So, whether you can't sleep at all or it takes a little while or you just need a distraction and something nice to listen to before you get in bed…I just realized…I normally just say what I’m thinking on these intros, so it doesn't always make a whole lot of sense, but this show doesn't make a whole lot of sense, either, 'cause it’s a sleep podcast and I’m not here to put you to sleep. I’m here to be your bore-friend in the deep, dark night, maybe even bring you sleepy joy and delight, but we’ll see. We’ll see what’s possible. If you're new, welcome. This show is a bit different. It takes two or three tries to get used to, but for the people it helps, it helped when nothing else did.
They said, I had no idea something like this could exist, and I’m glad it does. So, if you're new, just see how it goes. What we got coming up is support because paying for the show is optional particularly for new listeners. It doesn't make any sense at all, right? Then after the support we have a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime, and then later on we’ll be doing a little bedtime story reading and reinterpretation. It’ll be a bedtime story. So, all told, I’ll be here about an hour. Whether you're new, you're coming back, you return to the show when you need it, or you're one of those super listeners who listens almost every night or all night long, I’m glad you're here. It’s important for me to try to help if I can to offer you any kind of relief I can in the night, and we do it together. So, if you're one of those people that does benefit from the podcast night after night after night, this show is a valuable part of your life, please consider supporting one of these sponsors or supporting the show directly. Thanks.
Intro: Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. That could be thoughts on your mind, thoughts about the past, the present, the future, thoughts you're thinking about that always…is it inevitable? It is…actually, it isn't inevitable, but it certainly feels that way, that they make an appearance right at bedtime, right when my head hits the pillow. Actually, right after that. So, usually my head hits the pillow, then I do do some initial tossing and turning, then even though…sometimes I like to put the pillow on my head, one of my pillows, over my head.
Normally at that point I’ll either…my thoughts will either start going or they’ll say, huh, is this…? Maybe we should change it…they say, I don't know about this. Either I’ll be somehow instinctually comfortable, like, this is the position, or my thoughts are like, huh, is this the position? Then…so, thoughts, it could be thoughts about anything. It could be feelings, anything coming up for you emotionally at bedtime or around bedtime, it could be physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, routine, you could be going through something, getting over something, in the middle of something, maybe you work a different schedule, maybe you're traveling, maybe you have guests.
Whatever it is, the only reason I run through a few of those things is so you get the sense you might be in the right place, a place where you could feel or have a sense that you're understood, that there’s other people listening right now around the world who have experienced a relationship with bedtime and sleep similar to yours, and maybe some of the strong feelings we share, those non-positive feelings. But, I don't know, when I know other people share that with me and relate and they say, wow, I know what that feels like; that’s why you call…huh, that’s why you call it a non-positive feeling, huh? That’s when we can make a positive out of it, to think that there’s other people across the world and we're gathered together a little bit right now, indirectly. But actually, right now as you're listening, there’s other people listening, too, some of whom are regular listeners, and they're rooting for those other listeners out there.
Some of those listeners have been through something very similar to whatever it is that brought you here, and they're really rooting for you. They say, I know exactly what that’s like, or pretty close. I had something similar in my life, whether it’s something that you're just going through right now or it’s been a part of your life for a long time, or both, as it is for a lot of us, that they're glad you're here, too, and they're sending you comfort and relief and they're just…it’s…it very is like one of the more rebellious things you can do. But they're thinking fondly of you, and I don't know if you could feel it. You don't even need to feel it. This show, there’s no pressure, no pressure to even participate in this indirect community. You could look at it from afar where you're comfortable. But if you decide you want to accept some of that, that other people are rooting for you, that they may…that we may share this understanding or you want to root for other people or you want to do all of them, you can whenever you want.
No pressure at all. But we do it because as you come around here or you keep coming back, you realize everybody deserves a bedtime, even you, that you could not have to dread, that you could look forward to or at least feel neutral about. You say, well, at least I got that silly podcast to listen to. So, I know I’m gonna have something to take my mind off of stuff. But you deserve the rest you need on a regular basis so your life is more manageable tomorrow, and if I could be a part of that in a small way, that’s important to me, right? Then if you find your way to something that works on a regular basis and you have a nice wind-down routine or whatever it is you need, you're getting the rest you need on a regular basis, you could be out there in the world flourishing, and we need you in that world flourishing, 'cause it makes our entire world, the entire planet, a better place to be in. So, that’s really what the show is about, but we do it in a indirect way.
What happens is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones. It means my voice is not traditionally soothing. I don't…this show’s barely comprehensible. I go off topic, I get mixed up, I’m humor…it’s almost funny. You say, yeah, you're almost…it’s barely entertaining. So…but that takes some getting used to, 'cause when you first get here, right, whether you found the show through a search or a recommendation or somebody told you about the podcast, whatever it is, you're probably skeptical or you had some sort of reasonable expectation of what a sleep podcast would be, and this probably isn't what you expected, and that’s okay. Of course you had a reasonable expectation; oh, it may be a little bit relaxing, a little bit of…I don't know, any…it’d be different than this. You're just kinda rambling almost about nothing. I say, yeah, that’s now most people get here.
In fact, most of our regular listeners, they didn't like the show and it didn't actually help them the first two or three tries they listened, because they were like, what is this? What is this guy going on and on and on about? Yeah, and I don't quite understand it and I don't quite understand what he’s getting to or where he’s going. So, just give it a few tries and see how it goes. That’s what most of those regular listeners said; hey, on the second or third try I realized, oh, this show is always going nowhere. Now I kinda get what he was talking about. So, just see, see if that works for you, but give it a few tries. Now, the good news is that if it doesn't work or you already know, yeah, I don't think this is the show for me, you're not my cup of tea, that’s totally fine, too. We have a website set up. Sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou has other sleep podcasts and sleepy stuff on there, and maybe you could find something there that’ll help you out.
Give it a try and see how it goes, because that’s another part of why it’s important. It’s still…even if you don't like me, even if you strongly dislike me and the podcast, which is a common thing, you still deserve a good night's sleep or to find something that’s gonna help you out or set you in the right direction. So, check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. But give it a few tries. You got nothing to lose, really. I’m here to try to help. So, that’s one thing; most people don't like me, and the show takes a couple tries ‘til it even starts working for most people. There’s some people that get it right away. One of the things that does take some getting used to is that this is a podcast or a piece of audio that you don't…it’s not totally background noise and it’s not something you totally listen to, either. It’s somewhere in between, or that you can vacillate between the two. You say, oh, I could kinda listen to him, then I can kinda tune him out, I can pay attention when I need to.
It’s a different form of listening, like a out-of-focus picture, like sand passing through your hands, or like you're holding onto it and slowly losing your grip. It’s like a TV on in the other room and you could hear it through the walls, and you're like, I can't quite hear what’s going on, but it’s nice, like clouds in the sky or wind in the trees or a show streaming under your pillow that you kinda repurposed to kinda take your mind off of stuff and bore you to sleep, nice water passing through your toes, or a friend or a seminar or a teacher or presentation that you can't quite stay awake for, that you can't quite pay attention to, but they're kinda coming in and they're coming out. Some of us have even done it in person with roommates or friends or on the phone or on FaceTime and said, hey, just talk to me about…can you read me some stories tonight? Your voice is kinda soothing, but there’s something about the way you talk that…I only want to partially listen to you.
For some reason…I guess it makes sense in the daytime; that’s…our social compact says pretending to listen is not okay. On this show it totally is. You could say, uh-huh, Scoots, go ahead. Yep, tell me more about your podcast. Oh, this is…it’s not riveting. Have you ever gone on a tangent about riveting rivets or being riveted by rivets? Probably I have, because I was obsessed with girders and girder pictures as a young lad. I loved looking…and they have…I think those are rivets. Also, there was…rivets were a big part of cartoons when I was a kid. I think they were the cartoons that were being re-broadcast from the sixties or the seventies. But for some reason there was…I don't know. I’d like to see what…talk to an anthropologist about that, when riveting…like rivet…children riveted by rivets peaked. They say, cartoon usage of rivets. The only reason I know that is 'cause I’ve seen probably animated…rivets are kinda like bolts. Well, see, I don't even know what they actually are.
But particularly they're used to hold things together, usually girders in the cartoons or panels. I don't know if I’ve ever actually seen a actual film of rivets being applied, but I’ve seen…I mean, in my…maybe that’s 'cause forty percent of my brain is poorly animated, repurpose animation. But I can see a lot of animated riveting, and I was riveted. I wasn't actually riveted by the actual riveting as a kid, but I guess it is riveting 'cause it’s like, okay, I’m pretty sure they were warm, and then when they would go through the hole, then they would expand again so that you didn't actually need…it wasn't like a bolt…a nut and a bolt. It was just a bolt, but none…don't…by the way, this show is not based…a accurate…this is not an accuracy-based podcast. In fact, I don't even know what I was metaphoring about. But yeah, I was riveted by rivets. Oh, this show is not riveting, but you can kinda listen to it. Oh yeah, like a social compact.
You could say to a friend maybe once or twice a year, hey, could you talk to me for about a hour, hour and a half while I try to fall asleep? But more than that, they're gonna be like, oh no, I think I want to be heard, or I have…I don't have a opening in my schedule. I mean, if you had a friend that would do it even weekly, that would be monumental, right? Keep that friend, but buy them some nice gifts, for sure. So, what was my point? Oh, most…oh, this is a show you don't really listen to. It’s like…kinda like elevated background noise. You could listen, but you don't need to listen. That takes some getting used to. This is also a sleep podcast that I’ve been making since 2013 that’s not meant to put you to sleep. I’m not here to put you to sleep. There’s no pressure to fall asleep. I’m gonna be here over an hour for, one, that you don't have to wonder, what if I’m not asleep in twenty minutes? How is this show going to put…? Well, it’s not gonna put you to sleep.
I’m gonna be here and take your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep. The thing is, I’m here to the very end or episode after episode if you need it, if you can't sleep at all, because there are people listening who are dealing with a certain kinda thing, and they're not gonna be able to sleep at all tonight, and I’m gonna be there to keep them company and you, or if you're one of them. But whether you're awake or asleep, I’m here for you, and that’s a bit different. Again, I like to repeat it more than once; there’s no pressure to fall asleep with this show. I’m gonna be here, because my job is not…even though it’s the podcast that puts you to sleep, it does it in this indirect way, or ideally it just gives you a more positive relationship with bedtime, 'cause my job’s to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your neighbore, your borebie, your boreman, your Boris Borelaf, your chairman of the boreds, your…I guess your Boris…what’s…?
Your Big Borebowski, your best bore-friend f’eva, to just hang out with you and take your mind off of stuff, to be a mild distraction. That’s what a bore-friend does. So, that takes…that’s different, right? It’s like, instead of being a sleep aid, I’m a aid in the deep, dark night, a little bit different. That’s probably not a good metaphor, but who knew talking about animated rivets…or before…they used to say cartoon rivets…would be…I don't know. I mean, and then…now I’m already wondering, did…is this like a memory that doesn't even…was that all a dream, too? Was I dreaming…? Dreaming of Rivets; maybe another chapter in my autobiography. Also a great biography…Ben Hamper, I believe…I think that’s who wrote that book, Riveted, or Rivet…anyway, I don't want to get too far off topic. But that was his story about working with rivets. Okay, so, the show’s not gonna put me to sleep, I don't listen to it, most people don't like it. What other good news do you have for us?
Okay, I have one more piece of good news, which is that I like to lay out the structure of the show, why we structure the show the way we do, so that if you're new…a lot of people, they…it’s another thing that kinda defies expectations. So, let me explain it to you. Then if you become a regular listener, there’s…there are ways regular listeners adjust how they listen. But when you first start, most…everything we make, you'll hear friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and then I may say something silly or kinda set up the show so you know what you're getting into. You say, oh, okay, this show is…he’s kinda trying to be silly, it’s very welcoming. Maybe I could check the podcast out. Then there’s support, because it does take a lot of people working on the show to put it out, but it’s…paying for it’s optional. Especially occasional listeners or people who can't afford to support the show or are new, don't worry about it.
That’s how we're able to do that, and that benefits way, way, way more people. Only twenty percent of people — well, actually even less than that — would ever…I think only one out of a hundred people if we charged…there’s only a charged version of the show would benefit. Ninety-nine other people get to benefit from that, so that’s the support. Then there’s a long, meandering intro totally separate from the show. It’s a show within a show. It goes about twenty to twenty-five to fifteen to eighteen to seventeen to twenty-two to thirty minutes long. I don't know if we’ve…I think I recently did hit thirty minutes, but rarely have we got quite that high. By the way, shout out to anybody listen at 4:20 p.m. I’m not, but yeah, just…usually twenty-five is probably the peak intros. Anyway, the intro goes on and on and on. Every intro for the show is new unless it’s like a all-intro show or some sort of compilation, and the reason every intro is new is my experience with sleeplessness and a lot of listeners is that we need variety.
Repeating the same audio over and over again only worked for me or for a lot of other listeners for a short time, and then our sleeplessness adjusted. So, that’s one of the reasons. The other reason is it gives you something to look forward to. I follow a familiar structure every time, but the intro is also…it’s not meant to put you to sleep. It’s part of a wind down, not even listening in your room. I mean, you could, but a lot of people are getting ready for bed, they're doing other…some other chill activity, winding down, sitting somewhere comfortable, doodling, knitting, looking out the window, petting their pets, just chilling like a sleepover. Like, after the peaky giggles, this is the part of the sleepover where everybody’s kinda winding down. Maybe you're still chit…I don't know if that’s chit-chatting, but talking to one another, still some giggling. But I mean, Sleep With Me, it’s like…we call it bore-giggles. It’s a rare thing, too. It’s more of like half…it’s half a guffaw, so either a guh or faw.
More of a faw. You're more of a faw, guys. Well, guffaw. Sometimes you're a guh, sometimes you're a faw. So, the intro goes on and on and on to give you a buffer between being awake and asleep and to ease you into bedtime. Then after the intro will be support, then there will be our bedtime story. So, if you find you don't like the intros but you like the stories, there’s a version of the show called Bedtime Stories from Sleep With Me, but most people like this intro and like spending time as a indirect community. None of us are alone in the deep, dark night. We all are interconnected. So, just give it a try, and then, yeah, if you decide…there’s story-only shows. There’s all sorts of different stuff on Sleep With Me+, too. But at first try this version out and see what happens, right? So, that’ll be the intro, then we’ll have support, then tonight we’ll be doing readings from Nothing Works, Everything Happens. Yeah, all told, I’ll be here about a hour. It really is my honor.
I yearn and I strive to bring you some relief in the deep, dark night, to help you fall asleep and to change your relationship with bedtime so that it can be more positive, that it isn't something you have to dread, and it’s something that I and a bunch of other people really work hard on and we're happy to try to help. Now, if the show does help you on a nightly basis, if you could please consider supporting one of these sponsors or the show directly, it’d be great. It’d be really helpful. I’d really appreciate it. Thanks and goodnight.
Alright everybody, we're continuing Nothing Works, Everything Happens, with a story called The Great Divide, which reminds me of a song by Phish. But anyway, this is a story from Nothing Works, Everything Happens. Look at the last few hundred years, Claire. More and more people have been holding onto things, kind of in a way like for themselves only, Bashan argued. The two colleagues stared at each other for a moment, both clearly furrowing their brows. The dim light of the lab at night cast heavy shadows on the sides…one side of their faces. Yeah, but if you do this, I don't know about it, and we won't be transferring generationally things people have been holding onto, ever…period. Bashan tapped his fingers on the table sternly. Then we’ll kinda all be snacking on ramen as research assistants on and on and on. You've already proven we're clearly smarter than our higher-ups, but if you make that clear, if you share this with them, then they’ll remain our superiors forever, and we will remain grumpy, unappreciated assistants.
His face kinda turned red. Yeah, forever. Okay, okay, just take a breath, said Claire, sitting back down on her stool and looking at the printout in front of her. We need to be sure this is real before we worry about who gets it and who doesn't. You've run the simulation a hundred times now. It’s real. You're a prodigy. I mean, I’m half…a quarter…I'm prodigy-esque. We’ve both triple-checked it. Claire continued to stare at the printout on the desk in front of her, barely blinking. Accelerated preservation of biological processes at rates exceeding those of…downplaying and slowing down. That was the large headline. Science speak was standing in for a popular term called the fountain of youth. In graduate school when she had explained it to her grandmother, she called it fixing things faster than they could break. Claire had been working on this project in the back of her mind for years.
Now she had taken the ideas she had hypothesized in her master’s, and during evenings and weekends she had made them clinically viable. At least, that’s what the printouts appeared to be proof of. So, what would you do? She softened and turned towards Bashan. I don't know, he retorted, riled up. Let’s just keep it to ourselves. I mean, to live on and on and on and not tell anyone how…yeah, we could start…we could just do it for only young people that we like, that we're friends with, or they’ll compensate us…well-compensate us. I don't know, but you gotta sit on this for a minute before you go…this is the greatest scientific discovery of all time, and you're gonna put it in the hands of people who just see us as research assistants, glorified coffee providers. Claire sighed and looked out at the night. The following week, Claire sat in her grandmother’s kitchen. The smell of bran muffins with lots of healthy but less-than-appetizing ingredients filled the room.
Claire lovingly called them granny muffins. So, could I be like this? Her grandmother asked in a heavy accent. Yeah. Well, let’s just say it was real…it was like a really efficient sort of maintenance. It couldn't…it could keep you the same, but it couldn't reverse any time that had passed. You're not…we're not talking about a buttoning of Benjamins or anything like that, like…and then stopping at a date like your twenties, Claire postulated. Forget it, then, her grandmother scoffed. She pulled a baking tray out of the oven and touched it by accident with the tip of her thumb and said, oh boy. It’s called a oven mitt for a reason, grandma. Put it on, said Claire, stepping over to help. Let me do it how it’s always been done by me, her grandmother announced, hanging the oven mitt on its hook. She had always used a dish cloth to grab warm things from the oven. Claire had given her a pair of oven mitts as a gift.
Her grandmother had kept them hanging next to her fridge, displayed proudly but seldom used. Only the young are obsessed with living forever, her grandmother continued, and that’s because they are naive, silly. Of course you think you want more time when you've only had a little, like ordering a third entree after you've only nibbled on the appetizer. Claire chuckled. Her grandmother had always been funnier than she’d meant to be. But we’d never have to say goodbye, Claire added, taking a moment’s pause. Honestly, I don't know what I’ll do when the time comes, gran. What a thing to say to your grandmother, she chuckled. Her pride at the fact that she’d handed down her say-it-like-it-is attitude not only one but two generations showed on her face. You could read every book you ever wanted to read. You could write your own. You could do whatever you wanted, gran. If you wanted to, you could do that, too. But when the time is right, then you're in full control.
Again, only the young need everything to be in their control, said her grandmother. Listen, it is an interesting question, but my gut tells me it might be more trouble than it’s worth for me, you, anybody. Hm. Claire grabbed her granny muffin from the oven and moved to the coffee table…or off the top of the oven, I guess, apparently. Scoots wasn't paying totally attention. Clearly she grabbed it from the pan. If that means I’m…the grandmother said, if that means this is who I am, this is who I am, but not forever. No thank you. The following Monday Claire walked towards her weekly kick-off meeting with her department supervisor. She wore a long lab coat but never buttoned it until she was actually entering the lab. She walked down a long, glass-walled hallway. On either side were various labs, all isolated, all doing different research projects. Everything here was under the umbrella of human longevity research, but each room focused on different angles to the approach of aging.
As she forced her feet towards the door at the end of the hall, she made eye contact with Bashan. He was filling in for a colleague in one of these labs, and he intentionally looked up from his work as she passed. He gave her work that…a look that would have been easier to interpret without all the face extras…keeping-us-all-well things he was wearing. But for Claire, his point was all too clear; say nothing, act normal, get out of the meeting. She broke eye contact and awkwardly looked down at the folders under her arm. The secret printout was in there, but she had buried it at the bottom of all her research. She still hadn't decided how much or how little she’d end up telling her supervisor. Good morning, Claire, Gene said as she opened the door. Gene didn't look up from Gene’s reading. Morning, director, Claire replied. She closed the door behind her and made her way to the swivel chair in front of Gene’s desk. Just a moment, Gene said, pointing to a large spot on the page he was reading.
Claire politely nodded and sat down, pulling a few papers from the folder she had been carrying. These were safe to share. Gene finished reading and looked up at her, smiling. I’ve heard you've been making breakthroughs. Claire gave a quick look of concern but quickly erased it with a smile. Last week was a productive one for sure. That’s good, Gene said. He held out a hand expectantly. Claire pulled her last week’s lab summary from the pile of papers. Charts and figures filled the page, all in tiny print in order to fit on a single overview. We replicated the reconstruction test numerous times in isolation, she said. Very good, Gene replied, staring at the report, and faster than ever, it seems. Yeah, but I still need a lot more time to explore the practical applications of that. Gene silently pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose and nodded. Of course, Gene said, handing her overview back. Claire carefully flipped open her folder and tucked the report on top. Anything else? Claire paused.
My hope this week is that we can get that thingamajig with the thingamajig to last 1.15x. If anyone can get us there, it’s you, Gene said, smiling. I’ve been getting a lot of input to speed up our research. A lot of people want what we're working on. They want it yesterday. But I know you're doing good work, Claire. I’ll go to bat with the funders. You keep up the good work. Thank you, sir. Claire bowed slightly, smiled at Gene, and stood up. She had always liked Gene. He had been very kind to her. However, Gene was an authority figure and very well off and well compensated, much more than her and Bashan, whose voice was still ringing in her ears. Bashan drew a circle on the weekly overview draft in front of Claire. This is all the stuff there is in the world; money, resources, toasters, food, all of it. He drew a line down the middle of the circle. This half is what your favorite boss Gene and all the authority figures have. I mean, we know it’s more than half, but this is for simplicity. Uh-huh.
Claire was only half-listening. She was used to Bashan’s rants. She was doodling in the margins of the secret printout, giving him half her attention. Two lists mashed up against the edge of the paper. The first was everyone she knew that was over forty and put frowny faces next to those. The second one, everyone under forty, with an infinity symbol. Now, Bashan was still going on. The other half of the circle, for our generous example, is what the rest of us can command. Here’s where we…pay attention here, Claire. Claire stopped doodling and indulged Bashan. So, we got the authority figures with the percent…the small percent control a big percent. They've got it. They're sitting on it, growing and growing and growing what, like, seven percent a year. All the stuff here on the right side, we use it. We spend it; day-to-day expenses, eating, transport, other things, borrowing. It’s not growing at all. We spend it.
Then we get a view of Claire’s list with the frowny faces; gram, mom, Deborah from the library, Gene, Rachel and Peter next door, Scooter, Posty. And, Claire prodded him along. So, they've got piles of stuff. Those piles get seven percent bigger every year. You know what…how things are growing every year overall? Three percent. That’s the GDP, three percent, Claire. Three percent. What is three percent? Four less than seven, Claire muttered. She went back to her listing and doodling. Exactly, said Bashan, and snapped his fingers. So, no matter how nice dear Gene is, his fancy office upstairs, he’s still an authority figure, making seven percent more than…how does that make sense? Three percent. No, seven percent. We're supposed to keep producing things for them to buy with money that they're growing. It’s like it’s growing on trees, Claire. What about us? We don't have trees growing anything.
Bashan started drawing lines to make the left side of the circle take up more and more area of the right. We produce it, they buy it, more and more and more. The main thing is, Claire, they have authority over it, authority. Not authorship; authority. The overall pie, the circle’s not growing. It’s just like our side’s going over into their side. Okay, Claire’s list again; most of my colleagues including Bashan. It goes on and on and on. Evelyn, me, all the cutie-cuties, that handsome dog dude, probably. Claire nodded her head slowly. I see your point. I mean, Claire, they're already well on their way to owning everything. There used to be a pressure valve, because they would move on from this existence, this plane. They would no longer have authority. Their watch will have ended, as they say. But if you have them…then we have…then we could redistribute it. But if things last forever, they’ll have their stuff forever. Are you getting me, Claire? Okay, okay, Bashan, I get it.
But let’s set the stuff aside for a second. Is this right or wrong to keep it to ourselves? If we're holding onto it as a possession, aren't we holding on…aren't we being an authority over this information, authority figures? Claire, please. It’s okay because we're not authority figures. We're young and youthful and we don't have a lot of possessions. Uh-huh, Claire said. Listen, Claire, there’s plenty of wonderful authority figures. Yes, Bashan, there’s plenty of wonderful authority figures, yes, and plenty of miserable people our age. What about those people that act like authority figures or another…figures that…with an attitude? Claire, we're talking about changing things. The statistics are the statistics. Authority figures have more than we do. But I guess I can't please everybody, Bashan shrugged. Huh, Claire thought. As kids, gran would tell us that if we couldn't figure out how to play fair, we couldn't play, period. Claire, they're not playing fair. Bashan’s face was getting flushed again.
It seems like such a arbitrary line to draw. Like, why forty? Why not thirty or fifty, or like, fifty-two specifically in 2026? Who are we to decide? Claire asked. Bashan made a gesture with his arms out in front of him. We're the ones that made this discovery, Claire, so we get to decide. On Thursday afternoons Claire would walk home from the lab and along the way pick up her niece Evelyn from high school. In the summers they'd get something to eat from the deli and sit in the park. It was the closest substitute either had for sisterhood. Let me ask you a question, Claire said. If you could, hypothetically, would you stay sixteen forever? Would I, with…Claire, are you kidding me? Do you think I really want to stay sixteen forever? You have any idea what it’s like inside my mind? My body’s changing. Everyone else in my age is going through the same thing. Do you remember what it’s like being sixteen? Claire laughed.
The say-it-like-it-is attitude had made it down three generations from her grandmother, it seemed. But honestly, what if you never had to get older? What if you got to say how and when you changed ages? Claire pressed. I don't know, it sounds cool. Evie took a bite of her Reuben sandwich. But if I’m honest, I’m looking forward to being older. The grass is always greener. I gotta deal with people my own age. I’d like to have my own place. Huh, that’s fair enough, Claire said. She tilted her to-go cup towards Evelyn. Evelyn did the same and tapped hers on Claire’s. Cheers. Only older people think about living forever 'cause they're evaluating their life choices. I am excited about getting older. Evelyn paused and took another bite. Looking forward…the rest of my life is thataway. She pointed straight ahead. Claire took a bite and watched the gears continue to turn in her sixteen-year-old niece’s brain. What age looks backwards instead of forward? With you, Claire, when does that start? How would I know?
Claire responded quickly, smiling. Right, you're still a kid like me. After a moment Claire answered Evie’s question. I think what you're…I think it’s in the body, maybe. When there’s aches and pains, you can't jump as high as you used to, and…what would you say, that’s like, forty? Evie said. Claire sighed and then chuckled. Did you just say forty? What? You looking forward to when you wake up with aches and pains? Evie considered this. No, no I’m not looking forward to that stuff. Well, so, imagine you could spend your whole life without aches and pains. You'd get your own place, you'd have all that adult stuff, but you'd never get achy or painy like forty-year-olds like me. Claire took a long sip from the bottom of her cup. Huh, Evie thought, yeah, that sounds good. She followed it up with this, though; but if nobody changed, what would happen to someone that’s my age, if they were stuck at my age? Would they be stuck as a teen forever?
Like, if I grew up but none of the kids in my class did, ever grew up at all, that wouldn't be very nice to be sixteen forever unless you were in a rom-com-type movie. Even then, it wouldn't be forever. It’d only be…that’d just be the title of the movie. Good question, Claire said. Our funding deadline is fast approaching. The review board is getting a little jumpy. They want to see something concrete. I told them it would take time, but everyone’s eager, Gene said, sitting up at his desk. Claire nodded. I mean, I’m not talking about the key to eternal youth here. They just want something more than incremental progress. The half-life stuff’s amazing. We just need to wrap it up for them in a way that makes them feel good about funding this project for another year, convince them. Of course, director. Claire nodded again. Claire still had her secret printout showing she had already cracked the code. She already knew how to repair things faster than they could degrade.
The proof of so-called eternal youth was right here in her hands. She just wasn't sure what to do with it. Can I ask you a personal question, director? She asked. Of course, anything at all, Claire, Gene responded. I hope it’s not inappropriate. Anything at all, Gene interjected. Why do you still jump through all these academic hoops? Can't you just privately fund the project if you wanted? Gene sat back and had to think. Well, that’s not really how wealth works, actually. Right, Claire said, abandoning her line of questioning even though she didn't get really what she was looking for. But Gene pondered on. I wouldn't be where I am if I had used everything I had on every long shot I worked on. Claire continued nodding and rubbed her thumb on the manila folder in her hand. Admittedly, this is arguably a special case, Gene added. What do you think happens at the end of this project?
We come up with something the funders like, we do another year of research, then another, half-life gets up to 1.5, maybe even 2. For the sake of arguing we get to the point where you can keep things in a optimal state. What happens then? We get some champagne and we take some time off, Gene smiled. Claire smiled back but waited for another answer. I mean, idealistically we’ve achieved the greatest scientific breakthrough, well, ever. We go down in history for it. We change the course of the future, Gene offered. He thought about it a moment more. Realistically, he added, contractually the funding companies, they own the rights to that research. So, they would turn it into something they can sell. So, we still change the course of the future, but someone else gets to decide how it gets used, and they become incredibly wealthy along the way. But what about you, if you took on the project and funded it privately? Claire was testing the waters. Gene laughed.
I’m not sure I’m as rich as you think I am, Claire. I mean, look at how hard everybody works down the hall. This is an expensive project. I don't think I could fund it. But if we owned all the rights to our research and if we managed accelerated preservation, money wouldn't really be a obstacle anymore, and we would get to decide how things happened. I guess so, Gene considered. But in spite of my past business dealings, you, I, we're scientists. We're focused on the work, not on the money stuff. Claire stayed silent. Gene tapped his pen on his desk, deep in thought. I mean, if we could fully, completely stop aging? Gene considered. If I didn't have to age another day, he thought aloud. I mean, if you can manage that, you could have everything, Claire, all my wealth. He smiled, put his pen on his desk as though he was playing poker. All due respect, director, but what exactly do you mean by that? Gene looked confused. What are we talking about here, Claire? Claire watched Gene’s face closely. She studied him. Her knee bounced under the mahogany desk. She gently tapped her teeth together, considering what she’d say next. The episode comes…or that story comes to a close.
Alright, our next story’s called We Only Frolic at Night. As the sun set on the small rural town, half of its inhabitants hopped into their cars for the short drive home. The other half were picking their places for hide-and-seek. Shadows cast by the colorful buildings stretched longer and longer into the fading sunlight until their edges blended into the descending dusk. A dog barked somewhere. A group of joyful children laughed in the distance. Their mother called them inside. A few final stragglers exited the shops, their keys jangling as they locked their shop doors. The four streetlights in town flickered a few times before switching on for the evening. Each made a tick, tick, hum as it came to life. Someone yelled, have a good one, over their shoulder. A woman in a long, flowy dress darted down the main street on a bicycle, late for dinner and in a hurry to get home. Leaves scraped delicately across the sidewalk in her wake, and eventually there was no one left outside.
An orange glow poured out of the window of the apartments above the shops. The indistinct chorus of radios and televisions coming on leaked through the insulated wooden walls. The large gazebo at the center of town sat empty, flies tinking repeatedly against an old light bulb mounted on the underside of its roof. Dogs stopped barking. A subtle buzzing filled the air. The wires that ran above the streets carried electricity that warmed ovens within houses, and things continued to get quieter from there. The town calmed. It was at rest as the daylight dimmed. An odd car would pass through the streets, the real stragglers, until eventually there were no more cars and the sun hid completely under the horizon. Half of the town’s inhabitants went to bed. The other half began to move for the first time since yesterday. Small devices floated across the town, drifting slowly. They dispersed evenly through the streets, hovering a few feet above the ground.
As each device reached its designated position, it let out a soft, low-pitched hum. Once all the devices were humming, infrared lines emitted from the top of each device. The infrared light delineated a grid of domes that separated the entire town into small, enclosed areas. To those that could see them, a series of small, red dots floated at the apex of each dome. Some domes had as many as twelve dots. Others had zero. These dots represented a highly-accurate estimate of how many humans remained active beneath each dome. This estimate was based on everything from auditory levels to electrical consumption to EG brainwave activity readings. The moon rose. Leaves scraped the pavement again, and dots continued to disappear. As the red dots blinked out, yellow dots steadily replaced them. The other half of the town’s residents were not human. They didn't even resemble anything remotely humanoid. Their outer surface was sleek, black, reflective, the deepest obsidian.
Each had a bulbous area that was supported by hundreds of smaller tendrils. The bulbous body expanded and contracted significantly every sixty seconds. They were something in-between breathing the air and drinking from the atmosphere. They resembled a jellyfish if a jellyfish…if jellyfish were required to resist gravity. They were jellyfish that were in the early stages of evolving the ability to move on land. Intricate golden detailing covered each creature, complex patterns that flowed across its tendrils up into the bulbous main section. Such a peaceful, calming form. No two creatures had patterns exactly the same, each pattern unique to its owner like its fingerprint. The tenders of…the tendrils…Tender Tendrils, a story that one person would probably…said, oh, maybe it was a love song in their language, though. Tender Tendrils. Maybe their version of Don Ho sang it instead of Tiny Bubbles.
But the tendrils of each of them vibrated as their bulbous bodies…kinda like watching a hot-air balloon grow in size. Then they rose up and started to float, float, float gently like a cloud. This fact is necessary to describe because during the day these beings lay flat, and each night they started to puff, puff, puff up like…I don't know. I’ve never seen a marshmallow before it’s puffing. Their tendrils were constantly adjusting as the weight of gravity…they were feeling gravity’s pull, as the song once said. Now, they communicated at auditory frequencies that were outside the spectrum of human hearing, low tones felt through the walls of the house or high-pitched blips that were imperceptible to all but the smallest of furry friends. When the beings had first arrived, their usable spectrum of sound had been wider, but they quickly adjusted after discovering many humans had puppy-poos and doggy-doggies. Dogs reacted…they did not like the cacophony of high-pitched sounds in the night.
They would bark, bark, bark or get their attention, so they changed. In parts of town where all the floating red dots had disappeared and everybody had gone to beddy-poo, the creatures started floating around, lumbering along in the shadows. Understandably, they congregated in the darker corners of the town first, obsidian on obsidian, black velvet on black velvet, hidden by the night, their golden markings reflecting brief glimpses of streetlights when they were caught at the right angle. They rumbled and blipped and circled around one another slowly. If we could have listened, it would have sounded like chattering and catching up, 'cause they discussed all they had witnessed while playing hide-and-seek for the twelve hours prior. Now, the bold among them had used internal biological adaptations which allowed them to scan the sleeping denizens of the houses and apartments.
They collected and shared information, an inaudible rhythm coalesced as more and more of the beings emerged and added to the chatter. For them, who could hear it? A loud dum followed by a loud blip followed by two low dum, dums, followed by a high blip pattern developed. Dum, blip, dum, dum, blip. All of them were sharing various observations and reactions in time with one another. As the rhythm rang out, dum, blip, dum, dum, blip, outside the auditory range of humans and dogs, the creatures’ floating bodies began to…they kinda were pulsating, and their tendrils bobbed softly along. It was a sight to behold, if anyone was beholding it, kinda like slowly bopping, pulsating hot-air balloons that were hidden in the night. More and more yellow dots appeared floating above the infrared domes, congregating beneath the domes that detected no waking humans.
When a red dot did reappear anywhere, the beings would quickly hide en masse, like a wave pushing around a rock or a murmur of birds shifting course. The beings affected nothing through the night. They simply drank the air, combined their observations, and bobbed around town in a loose rhythm. They were there only to witness, to observe what was occurring at that point in space and at that point in time. As the morning sun rose over the horizon again, their devices detected more and more waking humans. The creatures deflated into their flat state once more. They spread themselves out, burrowed just below the surface of the earth, and there they lay as the town came to life, listening, watching, and feeling the activity of the following day. The end.
Now we go to the epilogue of The Great Divide. We're bobbing on the surface. That’s kinda interesting from…this is a interlude of Scoots. We just had beings that were bobbing on the surface, and that’s part…well, I’ve been wrong about my lyrics before, but I think that’s in the song…though the song’s not called The Great Divide by Phish; it’s called…I get the two names of songs…they're one-word names. Not Divided Sky; that’s three words. I don't get that one mixed up. But there’s Weight and then there’s the song that I’m thinking of, which now I can't even remember the title of that one. But let’s get to The Great…I just thought…I just had to interlude it because…yeah. Maybe I should look it up during this interlude, just 'cause I don't want to leave you hanging. Oh, The Weight; that’s the name…no, no…yeah, no, no, The Weight is not the name…that was the name of the song I just thought it was. Oh, okay. I mean, it should have been easier to look up. Oh, the song is The Wedge.
Also, by the way, that’s two words; The Weight and The Wedge. Now let’s just confirm the lyrics and then we’ll move on with our reading. But this is tangential information. Okay, here’s the lyrics; we're bobbing on the surface and the shadow glides below. This could be…maybe this is like time travel, 'cause they say she feels my heartbeat, oh, but how I’ll never know. That could be the experience of the people in the town. That’s it. That’s the ocean flowing in around our parts. Oh, that’s the salt that’s in our…when frowny faces…oh, 'cause we could have come so very far, oh, in at least as many years. Then you could take the highway through the great divide. Anyway, that’s a Phish song, The Wedge, just one part of it. Anyway, back to The Great Divide epilogue.
Hey, David. I don't know about Scooter’s tangent there. I’ve got a sense that if he’s narrating my letter, he’s gonna be going on a tangent before it. So, many…my apologies, hardy, har, har. Maybe you should take a nap at this point and wake up and read my letter tomorrow. Hey David, thanks for doing that. I’m writing this down with an actual pen on an actual piece of paper. I thought it was appropriate. Shows my commitment to being an old fuddy-duddy. Yeah. I’ve decided I don't want to live forever and on and on and on. I sent in my formal denial-of-services this morning. They tell me I’ll probably be one of the last people to experience this wonderful, natural…they used to call it…there used to be a Disney movie about this called…it wasn’t called The Circle of Life; it was called The Lion King, and in it was a song sung by Elton John, though Phil Collins also sang a song, but Scooter thinks that’s from a different movie. In fact, he’s nodding. He’s almost positive that Elton John sings The Circle of Life.
But yeah, that I might be one of the last people that could use that…and then they say, is that an apt use of that metaphor? I don't know, but it’s more apt than it will be after you use it. So, that’s quite a claim to fame. If that’s not confusing…this isn't what we had talked about, I know. Maybe I’m just going on a tangent to go on a tangent to make myself more comfortable, 'cause I know you're gonna be upset, and I’m sorry. I think that every generation truly grows up in a different world than their parents did. We share things; example, love…Stevie B…we still have a favorite person on that TV show, Stevie B, and we still listen to Rob Has a Podcast and Survivor Know It Alls. Even now, we say, man, glad those two are go…thank goodness. Probst, the show, Stevie B, Rob. We love that, you and I and so many others. But I think things are different more than they are the same. For you, passing into the next phase of existence would be inconvenient.
Phase changing, if it is a phase change, that’s like someone turning off and on a light at a great party, like the light that kinda…the light that takes away from the light of the party. That’s inconvenient. I get that. Your grandfather, he had a more structured belief system. For him, phase change, transferring realms, that was an invitation to a great party, a better party, the best party. Not the band The Party. Maybe you listen to the band The Party when you're there. I don't know. I get that, too. For me, it’s somewhere in-between. It’s not that I believe I’ll get to see…I would like to see your mother, but if I don't go to the next realm, maybe I won't get as much time with her. I got so much time with you kids and all ninety-nine seasons of Survivor. I think my favorite thus far in this present moment as I’m writing this letter is Season 50, but that’s only 'cause of Seri and Riz and Ozzy.
Currently right in this moment I’m just reflecting back on that so long ago, to think that there’s forty-nine seasons after that, and that I guess I’m gonna phase change and watch 100 from another realm. I grew up thinking I was lucky to be eighty, to reach eighty. The people that were eighty, that was peak or near-peak. I was like, man, I want to be eighty. They said, you're four. Well, I can't wait ‘til I’m eighty. What about sixteen? What about twenty-two? What about…? I’m looking forward to being eighty. Everybody found that hilarious, but that, for me, made every year important. Eighty is a small enough number that you could get, at least sort of, to keep track of everything. I spent sixty-eight years thinking that. I lived my life in a way that made sense with that math. But now the math has changed, and asking me to change my calculations and add infinity into those numbers, I don't know, it doesn't work for me. If my life with your mother was half my life, I’m good with that.
If it was a blip on the radar, I’m not…I don't know. I don't expect that to make logical sense to you, but I hope it helps you wrap your head around it. With that, I love you. I fully support you living as long as you like in this realm. I don't think it’s wrong. I don't condemn this new science. We're just from different worlds. Maybe Survivor 180…Season 180 will be Survivor…not one world but multi worlds. Maybe there will be Survivor multi-phase. Maybe not, though. However, what I will say, Survivor aside, is that please don't let the quantity upstage the quality. Having all the time you want is a blessing, but it will muddy the waters. I get lucky…I got lucky. I mean, lucky is an understatement, right? I got a pretty good life on the first try. Also, your mother and I worked hard to make that the case. Not at our jobs; we worked hard at our life. Now, you have the luxury of rolling the dice as many times as you like, and that’s incredible.
Just don't let the endless rolling of dice interrupt the meaning and the making of life. Maybe with my denial of service this morning, that’s my punchline. Even with some contestants of Survivor being amalgamated beings, it’s…it may be time for my torch to go…be snuffed by Jeff. Maybe somehow in that, I’m winning by playing the game. Anyway, I’ll stop with the metaphors, especially the ones that peter out into nowhere. I love you. I love your mother still. I love the world and I love this life. I’m happy for my book to have an ending even if it feels like it’s too…holy cow. I didn't get eighty out of it, but it feels like I got 800. Sixty-eight, eighty, infinity. The choice is kinda easy for me. I hope someday you can understand that and forgive me for phasing out. Talk soon. By the way, this is just…this isn't an instantaneous thing, so if you're not too upset, there is…we could do the pool draft for Survivor 100. I think Rob, Nicole, and Stevie B are talking…they're gonna run through all the contestants. We could do that on Sunday if you're free. Love, dad.
[End of recording]
Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes
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Nothing Works, Everything Happens / Read With Me
Rivethead – Ben Hamper
https://www.mycitymag.com/from-rivets-to-radio/
Fountain of Youth
https://www.history.com/articles/the-myth-of-ponce-de-leon-and-the-fountain-of-youth
https://blissbythesea.org/fountain-of-youth-st-augustine-history/
Who owns the rights to scientific research?
https://schmidscience.com/who-is-the-owner-of-a-research-lab-s-scientific.html
https://council.science/blog/copyright-and-scholarly-publishing/
Survivor
https://www.nationalreview.com/2025/12/what-survivor-can-teach-us-about-the-government/
DOWN TO BUSINESS
Putting you to sleep in the most indirect way possible
Normally I just say what I’m thinking
A bedtime story reinterpretation
PLUGS
Sleep With Me Plus; Nothing Works, Everything Happens; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline
SPONSORS
Odoo; Health Matters podcast; Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; AquaTru; Talkiatry; Quince; Drip Drop; Cozy Earth
INTRO
Is it inevitable that thoughts appear at bedtime?
Putting the pillow over my head
“Huh, is this the position?”
Other listeners are rooting for you and really can relate to what you’re going through
At least I’ve got that silly podcast to listen to
Almost barely entertaining
You’re probably skeptical
sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou
It might take some getting used to
Somewhere between listening and tuning out
A different form of listening
A seminar you just can’t stay awake for
Normally, our social compact says it’s not okay to not listen
But here it is
Riveted by rivets
Obsessed by pictures of girders
Rivets were huge in the cartoons of my youth
When was peak Cartoon Usage of Rivets?
40% of my brain is repurposed animation
I’m pretty sure they were warm and would expand at some point
This is not an accuracy-based podcast
If you have a friend who will always talk to you at bedtime, you should buy them a nice gift
Hopefully we’re creating a more positive relationship to bedtime
Your Best Borefriend 4 Eva
An aid in the deep, dark night
Who knew cartoon rivets would lead me here?
Dreaming of Rivets, a new memoir from Gingerbread Press
Check out Ben Hamper’s Rivethead
Explaining the structure of the show
Rarely does the intro hit 30 minutes
Sometimes you’re a guff, sometimes you’re a faw
We’re all interconnected in the deep, dark night
Nothing Works, Everything Happens
STORY
Nothing Works, Everything Happens
“The Great Divide”
That reminds me of a Phish song
Claire, more people are holding onto things, Bishan argued
Two colleagues, furrowing their brows in a lab
No generational transfer of stuff that people hold on to
If we share this work with our superiors, we’ll remain grumpy assistants forever
Let’s make sure this is real before we look
Accelerated Preservation of Biological Processes at Rates Exceeding Downplaying
The Fountain of Youth
Fixing things faster than they can break
Claire’s been working on this forever
Bishan wants to keep this for themselves
The greatest scientific discovery of all time
Claire doesn’t know what to do
She sits in her grandmother’s kitchen
Healthy bran muffins (granny muffins)
It’s like really efficient maintenance
It’s not buttoning of Benjamins
Granny wants to do things how she’s always done it
She didn’t want Claire’s gifted oven mitts
Only the young are obsessed with living forever
But then we wouldn’t have to say goodbye
You could do whatever you wanted, Gran!
You’d be in control
Only the young need everything to be in control
Claire goes to a meeting with her department supervisor
Entering the lab
Under the umbrella of human longevity research
She sees Bishan
Say Nothing, Act Normal, Get Out of the Meeting
Claire meets with Gene
Gene hears about breakthroughs
She withholds her major revelation
She does like Gene, even though he’s an authority figure
Gene argues that the supervisors have most of the resources in the world
Small percent control a big percent
The big percent have to spend their stuff
The frowny face list of people over 40
The piles of stuff get 7% bigger every year
That’s more than the 3% growth of GDP!
The piles get bigger, faster
It’s as if money is growing on trees
We produce, they buy
And they have authority over it
The circle isn’t growing, our slice is just getting smaller
They’re well on their way to own everything!
The pressure valve of people leaving this plane
But if things last forever, they’ll keep their stuff forever
But what about nice authority figures and miserable young people?
Play fair or don’t play at all
Bishan’s age line is arbitrary
But they get to decide
On Thursday afternoons, Claire would pick up her niece Evelyn from high school
Would Evelyn stay 16 forever?
Are you kidding?
Do you really remember what it’s like being 16?
What if you got to decide if / how you age?
Evelyn is excited to get older
At what age do people start looking backwards, not forward
The age of aches and pains (aka 40)
Imagine a life without aches and pains
Interviewing with Gene
The funding deadline is approaching
The board wants more than just incremental progress
Claire still hides her secret printout for eternal youth
She doesn’t know what to do
Asking Gene a personal question
Why does Gene still jump through all these academic hoops? Couldn’t it be privately funded?
That’s not how wealth works?
He can’t spend the money
What happens if it all works?
The funding companies own the rights to the research
They get to sell it
But what if Gene funds it?
Gene isn’t as virtuous as Claire thinks he is
But if you could fully stop aging…Hmm…
Gene is confused
Claire considers what to say next
To be continued
“We Only Frolic At Night”
The sun set on a small town
Half of its inhabitants drive home
The other half prepare to play hide and seek
A dog barks somewhere
Street lights switch on
The town calms
The other half of the town stir awake in the dark
Small devices float and hum
They create a series of small domes around town
Dots represent how many people are under each dome
The other half of the town’s residents are not human
A bulbous body with tendrils
They resembled jellyfish if they could resist gravity
Intricate golden detailing
Each creature has its own unique pattern
“Tender Tendrils”, a love song
They rise up into the skies
During the day, these beings lie flat on the ground
At night, they puff up like a marshmallow
They communicate in frequencies humans can’t hear
The creatures adjusted their frequencies after they realized dogs would bark
The creatures lumber around in the shadows
Obsidian on black velvet
They rumbled and blipped
They discuss all they had witnessed in the daytime
They collected and shared information
Dumm Blip
Their bodies pulsate as they share info
Slowly bopping, pulsating hot air balloons
The red dots become yellow when humans sleep
When a dot turns red, the beings hide
They were there only to witness
They deflate and burrow just below the surface of the earth
And they sit and wait
The end
“The Great Divide [Epilogue”
Floating on the surface is also from that Phish song I mentioned earlier
The song is “The Wedge”
Okay, let’s read these lyrics first
Okay, back to the story
A letter to David
I’m writing this with an actual pen
I’ve decided I don’t want to live forever
One of the last people to fully experience the circle of life
To quote Elton John (or Phil Collins, maybe?)
Every generation grows up in a different world
We still love that show with Rob has a Podcast
Shoutout to Stevie B and Probst
Turning out the light is inconvenient for sure
Changing realms is an invitation to a great party
I’ve loved spending time with you kids
And I’ve loved watching 99 season of Survivor
But my fave was probably Season 50 because of Cirie and Riz and Ozzie
This isn’t recency bias, I promise
When I was 4, I looked forward to being 80
But the math has changed
I don’t want to now add infinity to that number
I want my life with your mother to be more than just a blip
If you want to live forever, that’s your choice
Maybe Survivor 180 will be on multiple worlds
Don’t let quantity upstage quality
Your mother and I worked hard on your life
Don’t let the rolling of the dice distract from the making of meaning in your life
It’s time for Jeff to snuff out my torch
I’ve loved my life
Maybe we can do the pool draft for Survivor 100 if you’re free
Love, Dad
SUMMARY:
Episode: 1470
Title: Great Frolics | Nothing Works, Everything Happens Ep 7
Plugs: Sleep With Me Plus; Nothing Works, Everything Happens; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline
Sponsors: Odoo; Health Matters podcast; Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; AquaTru; Talkiatry; Quince; Drip Drop; Cozy Earth
Notable Language:
- Almost barely entertaining
- Riveted by rivets
- Girder Pictures
- Peak Cartoon Usage of Rivets
- Accuracy-Based Podcast (ABP)
- Guff and Faw
- Granny Muffins
- Buttoning of Benjamins
- Say Nothing, Act Normal, Get Out of the Meeting
- Bulbous
- Dumm Blip
Notable Culture:
-
- sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou
- Dreaming of Rivets, a new memoir from Gingerbread Press
- Rivethead – Ben Hamper
-
- Nothing Works, Everything Happens
- Phish – “The Wedge”
- The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
-
- “Tender Tendrils”, a love song
- “Tiny Bubbles” – Don Ho
- Elton John
- Phil Collins
- The Lion King
- Tarzan
-
- Disney
- Rob Has A Podcast
- Survivor
- Jeff Probst
Notable Talking Points:
-
- Is it inevitable that thoughts appear at bedtime?
- Putting the pillow over my head
- “Huh, is this the position?”
- Other listeners are rooting for you and really can relate to what you’re going through
- At least I’ve got that silly podcast to listen to
- Almost barely entertaining
- You’re probably skeptical
- sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou
- It might take some getting used to
- Somewhere between listening and tuning out
- A different form of listening
- A seminar you just can’t stay awake for
- Normally, our social compact says it’s not okay to not listen
- But here it is
- Riveted by rivets
- Obsessed by pictures of girders
- Rivets were huge in the cartoons of my youth
- When was peak Cartoon Usage of Rivets?
- 40% of my brain is repurposed animation
- I’m pretty sure they were warm and would expand at some point
- This is not an accuracy-based podcast
- If you have a friend who will always talk to you at bedtime, you should buy them a nice gift
- Hopefully we’re creating a more positive relationship to bedtime
- Your Best Borefriend 4 Eva
- An aid in the deep, dark night
- Who knew cartoon rivets would lead me here?
- Dreaming of Rivets, a new memoir from Gingerbread Press
- Check out Ben Hamper’s Rivethead
- Explaining the structure of the show
- Rarely does the intro hit 30 minutes
- Sometimes you’re a guff, sometimes you’re a faw
- We’re all interconnected in the deep, dark night
- Nothing Works, Everything Happens
- Nothing Works, Everything Happens
- “The Great Divide”
- That reminds me of a Phish song
- Claire, more people are holding onto things, Bishan argued
- Two colleagues, furrowing their brows in a lab
- No generational transfer of stuff that people hold on to
- If we share this work with our superiors, we’ll remain grumpy assistants forever
- Let’s make sure this is real before we look
- Accelerated Preservation of Biological Processes at Rates Exceeding Downplaying
- The Fountain of Youth
- Fixing things faster than they can break
- Claire’s been working on this forever
- Bishan wants to keep this for themselves
- The greatest scientific discovery of all time
- Claire doesn’t know what to do
- She sits in her grandmother’s kitchen
- Healthy bran muffins (granny muffins)
- It’s like really efficient maintenance
- It’s not buttoning of Benjamins
- Granny wants to do things how she’s always done it
- She didn’t want Claire’s gifted oven mitts
- Only the young are obsessed with living forever
- But then we wouldn’t have to say goodbye
- You could do whatever you wanted, Gran!
- You’d be in control
- Only the young need everything to be in control
- Claire goes to a meeting with her department supervisor
- Entering the lab
- Under the umbrella of human longevity research
- She sees Bishan
- Say Nothing, Act Normal, Get Out of the Meeting
- Claire meets with Gene
- Gene hears about breakthroughs
- She withholds her major revelation
- She does like Gene, even though he’s an authority figure
- Gene argues that the supervisors have most of the resources in the world
- Small percent control a big percent
- The big percent have to spend their stuff
- The frowny face list of people over 40
- The piles of stuff get 7% bigger every year
- That’s more than the 3% growth of GDP!
- The piles get bigger, faster
- It’s as if money is growing on trees
- We produce, they buy
- And they have authority over it
- The circle isn’t growing, our slice is just getting smaller
- They’re well on their way to own everything!
- The pressure valve of people leaving this plane
- But if things last forever, they’ll keep their stuff forever
- But what about nice authority figures and miserable young people?
- Play fair or don’t play at all
- Bishan’s age line is arbitrary
- But they get to decide
- On Thursday afternoons, Claire would pick up her niece Evelyn from high school
- Would Evelyn stay 16 forever?
- Are you kidding?
- Do you really remember what it’s like being 16?
- What if you got to decide if / how you age?
- Evelyn is excited to get older
- At what age do people start looking backwards, not forward
- The age of aches and pains (aka 40)
- Imagine a life without aches and pains
- Interviewing with Gene
- The funding deadline is approaching
- The board wants more than just incremental progress
- Claire still hides her secret printout for eternal youth
- She doesn’t know what to do
- Asking Gene a personal question
- Why does Gene still jump through all these academic hoops? Couldn’t it be privately funded?
- That’s not how wealth works?
- He can’t spend the money
- What happens if it all works?
- The funding companies own the rights to the research
- They get to sell it
- But what if Gene funds it?
- Gene isn’t as virtuous as Claire thinks he is
- But if you could fully stop aging…Hmm…
- Gene is confused
- Claire considers what to say next
- To be continued
- “We Only Frolic At Night”
- The sun set on a small town
- Half of its inhabitants drive home
- The other half prepare to play hide and seek
- A dog barks somewhere
- Street lights switch on
- The town calms
- The other half of the town stir awake in the dark
- Small devices float and hum
- They create a series of small domes around town
- Dots represent how many people are under each dome
- The other half of the town’s residents are not human
- A bulbous body with tendrils
- They resembled jellyfish if they could resist gravity
- Intricate golden detailing
- Each creature has its own unique pattern
- “Tender Tendrils”, a love song
- They rise up into the skies
- During the day, these beings lie flat on the ground
- At night, they puff up like a marshmallow
- They communicate in frequencies humans can’t hear
- The creatures adjusted their frequencies after they realized dogs would bark
- The creatures lumber around in the shadows
- Obsidian on black velvet
- They rumbled and blipped
- They discuss all they had witnessed in the daytime
- They collected and shared information
- Dumm Blip
- Their bodies pulsate as they share info
- Slowly bopping, pulsating hot air balloons
- The red dots become yellow when humans sleep
- When a dot turns red, the beings hide
- They were there only to witness
- They deflate and burrow just below the surface of the earth
- And they sit and wait
- The end
- “The Great Divide [Epilogue”
- Floating on the surface is also from that Phish song I mentioned earlier
- The song is “The Wedge”
- Okay, let’s read these lyrics first
- Okay, back to the story
- A letter to David
- I’m writing this with an actual pen
- I’ve decided I don’t want to live forever
- One of the last people to fully experience the circle of life
- To quote Elton John (or Phil Collins, maybe?)
- Every generation grows up in a different world
- We still love that show with Rob has a Podcast
- Shoutout to Stevie B and Probst
- Turning out the light is inconvenient for sure
- Changing realms is an invitation to a great party
- I’ve loved spending time with you kids
- And I’ve loved watching 99 season of Survivor
- But my fave was probably Season 50 because of Cirie and Riz and Ozzie
- This isn’t recency bias, I promise
- When I was 4, I looked forward to being 80
- But the math has changed
- I don’t want to now add infinity to that number
- I want my life with your mother to be more than just a blip
- If you want to live forever, that’s your choice
- Maybe Survivor 180 will be on multiple worlds
- Don’t let quantity upstage quality
- Your mother and I worked hard on your life
- Don’t let the rolling of the dice distract from the making of meaning in your life
- It’s time for Jeff to snuff out my torch
- I’ve loved my life
- Maybe we can do the pool draft for Survivor 100 if you’re free
- Love, Dad
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