1238 – Putt Putt Prodigy | Multiplex 1
A friendly game of mini-golf rolls and meanders through a sleepy course.
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Episode 1238 – Putt Putt Prodigy | Multiplex 1
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for a podcaster who’s here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff, who’s here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-bud. I’m here to keep you company as you fall asleep and to make the deep, dark night a little bit less lonely. I’m here to help. We do it in a very silly way. We’ll do a long, meandering intro coming up and then a bedtime story later on. This particular bedtime story is part of our new series. It’ll be friends playing mini-golf together or something like that. So, I’m so glad you’re here.
Welcome to the show. If you’re new, a few things to know. This show is a little bit different, so give it a few tries. That’s just what most regular listeners say. But I’m so glad you checked this podcast out. It’s here to be your companion as you fall asleep and take your mind off of stuff. Structurally what to expect; we’ve got support coming up next, and that way paying for the show is optional. If you prefer a ad-free experience, you could sign up for Sleep With Me+, or if you want to…you join our referral program, you could earn free…ad-free episodes. But most people like listening to the ads and just listen to the show in order.
So, see what works for you if you’re new. Then after that is a long, meandering intro. That’s meant to ease you into bedtime. It doesn't so much put you to sleep, but I’ll inefficiently talk about how the podcast works for about twenty minutes as you get ready for bed and you start to wind down. Then there will be some support and then our bedtime story. But just see how it goes. You got nothing to lose. I’m so glad you’re here. Welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep by keeping you company. Thanks for making it possible, my bore-friends.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether that’s thoughts, things on your mind, thoughts you’re thinking about, thoughts about the past, the present, the…thinking thoughts, thinking, thanking thoughts. Thinking thoughtful thoughts is something I’ve heard before. Oh no, I was thinking of thankful thoughts, but I said thoughtful thoughts. I think gratitude is a huge thing.
Probably not…gratitude; probably before I get in bed, and honestly that’s true. Though sometimes I am…I do have some gratitude when I’m getting snuggled in. I’m pulling…if my bed was made. Then I don’t have gratitude when my sheets are misaligned. What was my point there? I don't know. No pressure to have gratitude, though, with Sleep With Me. But it could be thoughts that are keeping you awake, it could be feelings, any emotions that are coming up for you, and maybe they’re related to the thoughts. Maybe they’re there. It could be changes in time, temperature, or routine, you could have something coming up, you could be going through something, maybe you work a different work schedule, maybe you’re traveling or having visitors or something else is going on.
Whatever it is…the only reason I take some time to run through a few things is to let you know you’re not alone and that whatever is keeping you awake is important to the people who listen to this show. The reason it’s important to everybody that listens to this show is because we’re…we’ve been through something similar. We might not have been…or I can only speak for myself, I guess. I might have…not have been through the same thing that’s keeping you awake, but I can guess…I can probably relate to how it feels. Even if I can't, I can guarantee you there’s someone listening right now somewhere in the world who’s leaning in and nodding their head, because they do know how you feel. They have been through something very similar and they want you to get some sleep, and they know how it feels.
So, I don't know if that can offer you any relief at all. Sometimes it helps me. Sometimes it doesn't help me to know you’re not alone with this. I realize this is ones and zeroes coming across, whatever, through a thing…whatever, a copper, fiber whatever. But yeah, I just wanted to let you know that and also that you deserve a good night's sleep. You deserve a bedtime where you could get some rest. You deserve a bedtime without rigmarole, a bedtime you could feel neutral about or look forward to that you don’t have to dread, and the rest you need so your life is more manageable, and ideally you start getting the rest you need on a regular basis so you could be out there flourishing. That means our world’s a better place, and that is important to me because I’ve been on the other side of it.
Even now I have a nice, regular bedtime routine, and that only works for me most of the time. So, I know how it feels and I hope I can be part of your bedtime or introduce you to something that can help you, because if you don’t like me or the show, there is other sleep podcasts out there that you could check out at sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. But this show does take a couple tries to get used to. It’s free, so you got nothing to lose. It’s just that most people who are regular listeners of the show say that it took two or three tries. Some people say it took two or three tries over three or four or five years, where they listened once, loathed me…and this is not a joke.
I’ve gotten probably seventy-five e-mails that have said this in different ways; I listened to the show back in, whatever, 20…let’s just give it…2015 and I did not like you at all. Then somebody mentioned in 2017…I rolled my eyes. But then in 2019 I was dealing with this and this, and I said, let me try that show again. Then I realized, oh, this pod…it is a podcast that never gets…now I realize what’s not going…everything is not going on with your show. It was what I was looking for. But that’s not the case for everybody. That’s why I have sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou set up. But give it a few tries and see how it goes, just 'cause I want to help. I hope that this can be the podcast for you that does become a part of your bedtime routine. But let’s just see how it goes at first, huh?
How does that sound? What else do you need to know here? The way the show works is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones and pointless meanders and superfluous tangents, which just means I get mixed up, then I go off topic, then I double back, and then I say, wait, what was I talking about? Then I say, well, okay…yeah, I don't know. So, what was my point? I’m petering out already. But yeah, I don't know what I was…pointless…oh, so those were point…those were accidental…those were…that was not a superfluous tangent or a pointless meander more as like, I don't know, a bit of a bogged-down brain. But so, those are some of the methods; my voice is not traditionally soothing and I tend to go off topic, get mixed up, even live right now, and…but that’s kinda part of the show.
The thing is this is a podcast that you just barely listen to. It kinda plays like background noise for some people, or a out-of-focus picture. You could just kinda barely listen to it. You can listen. I’m here doing the show, but some people listen to me at a mumble and some people listen to me…or they’re not paying attention. I guess that’s the easiest way to do it, is just barely…just like my nana says; oh, don’t pay him any mind. That’s not my nana’s…oh, don’t…she calls me the not-bad boy. Oh, he’s not bad. No, he’s not bad at all. Like, he’s not a bad boy; he’s the not-bad boy. I say, nana…I’m trying to be…nana…yeah, you’re not…no, you’re not a bad boy. When you’re called the not-bad boy, it makes you not a bad boy, too. Though in some sense, she’s the same person who says I’m a bad boy, but just not in the cool way.
So, she’s got all those areas covered. Talk about a Venn diagram I wish I wasn’t a part of. Bad boy…that’s not part of the Venn diagram. Not a bad boy, not-bad boy, and then bad boy, but bad boy in parentheses, that’s not a bad boy. The kind of person when your…when your nana calls you a bad boy, you know it means something totally different. It means I haven’t succeeded in being not…I’m less than not…the not-bad boy. Again, these are chapters in a future autobiography. What was I even talk…? I mean, my nana hasn’t made an appearance. Oh…but that’s one of her…oh, don’t pay him any mind. Oh…or she says, oh, there he goes again. So, this is…also, my nana is imaginary and lives in my mind, which a lot of people would say, well, that’s a bonus if she’s only imaginary. I’d say, no, she’s pre-archetypal or something.
I don't even know how she got…I mean, I know how she got there. She’s a amalgamation, but that gives her more power, actually, because she’s not…she’s a part of my history without being a part of my history. She would say, it’s my history because I’m running the show. Anyway, so, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, all to keep you company…oh, you don’t really listen to me. Like a lot of people…just…oh, like I said, you just barely pay attention. You say, uh-huh, oh yeah, Scoots, I’m totally listening to you. Uh-huh. Not bad at all. Nope, not bad at all, not bad at all. So, that could be how you kind of passively, actively listen to the show. Also, I’ve been making the show over ten years now, over 1,200 episodes. Came up with this idea based on what didn’t help me fall asleep.
I said, how come there’s not something like a goofy friend in the deep, dark night? Because even though this is a sleep podcast, it doesn't put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep. There is no pressure to fall asleep with this show. That’s why the show is over an hour. That’s why every episode is different. That’s why we work so hard on these podcasts, because there’s no pressure to fall asleep. You don’t need to fall asleep, but maybe that means you will. But if you can't, I’m here to the very end because I do know there’s people listening who cannot sleep at all, and I do know there’s people listening who need a break during the day or who are doing some other type of work where they like some sort of background noise they can barely listen to.
Believe it or not, these are roles I’m honored to be a part of, because I’m really here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff, distract you or take you outside of yourself, and be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie, your neigh-bore, your bore-bud, your Borbie, your bores, your bore-friend, your bore-cuz, bore-sib, bore-bruh, and just keep you company, just like if you were to call me in the past. You wouldn’t call…you would call me…call me, maybe; nana’s never said that to me, but she could…I’m sure she could…once you’re…if you’re not…if you’re a not-bad boy, you’re gonna get a lot of call me…you wouldn’t even get a ‘call me, maybe’, actually. ‘Cause that’s kinda flirty, I guess. I didn’t realize that ‘til just this second. Or maybe I did.
That’s why they say, oh, that’s…like, if you’re a not-bad boy, that’s…oh no, totally, that’s my number. Or, phone…oh no, I don't have…no, thanks. That’s usually what you get when you’re a not-bad boy. Yeah, no, I’m good. No, thank you. Then since you’re a not-bad boy, you say, yep, no. Okay, I get it. That’s fine. Huh, so bad boys are the ones that get ‘call me, maybe’, because it’s like they’re…here’s my number; call me…or if you’re calling Maybe, like if you have Maybe’s phone number, then it would be a note that would say, phone number…call me, Maybe. That would be…I wonder if Laurel and Hardy ever did that one. Okay…Laurel and Hardy were a comedy duo. Maybe it was…no, it was Abbott and Costello. I don't know my Laurel and Hardy from my Abbott and Costello, anyway. Those were comedy duos based on…this is a pointless meander. Well, based on miscommunication.
So…okay, where were we? Oh, bore-friend, bore-bae…I’m here to keep you company…structure of the show…in addition to that most people don’t like the podcast when they first get here, that it doesn't work on the first few tries, that I’m an acquired taste…those are some of the obstacles to listenership, which is kind of…it does take some tries to get used to, but there’s other ones, too — let me give you even more good news — other than my dynamic personality. Which you’d say, he’s not bad. I mean, I’m not in a hurry to pay attention. That’s why the show works, 'cause…because I’m not bad. You say, yeah, you’re not bad. You’re not bad at all. But the structure of the show can also throw people off, and there’s a lot of ways to adjust the podcast.
It’s just how we structured the show to benefit the most amount of people possible. But then if the way we structured it doesn't work for you, as you become a regular listener, you can kinda change how you listen. But the majority of people like listening to this free, ad-supported podcast linearly. But it’s just…but it’s very adjustable. But let me just explain to…explain it to you so you kinda get a sense…and then you say, okay, as I become a regular listener, that’s what I’ll…but a lot of you are like, yeah, no, this is how I like listening to the show. I like just passively kicking back and consuming the podcast. But so, the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. That makes you feel seen and welcomed, ideally, and you say, okay, I might listen to this podcast.
Or for a regular listener, that’s…what I say at the beginning is different every time after friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls so it has something familiar and something new so you feel welcomed in every time in a new way. I mean, except when I forget that I made a bad joke and then I make it…you know, when I…they can be…my humor can be repetitive but it’s new every time. Then there’s support so that paying for the podcast is optional. So, if you prefer a ad-free experience, you could refer people to the show, sleepwithmepodcast.com/refer, or sign up for Sleep With Me+, sleepwithmepodcast.com/plus, or just listen linearly and…there’s people that support the sponsors and keep the show going for everybody else.
Then there’s the intro, and it’s a long, meandering intro. About 2% of people fall asleep during the intro and 2% of people skip the intro. But the intro is meant to ease you into bedtime, to be a transition period, not to put you to sleep. Even though it could put you to sleep, for most people they’re winding down, and that’s just what works for me personally, what’s…research has said works for most people, is having a wind down. So, the intro is kind of like a fifteen-minute wind down. You could be getting ready for bed or relaxing, you could be in bed getting comfortable, or doing a chill activity.
But the intro is also different every time so that you can't…just like at the beginning; so you say, okay, Scoots is following a familiar structure but he’s going off on a different tangent than last time. Okay, then there’s support, then there will be our bedtime story which is our premiere episode of our episodically modular series tentatively called Multiplex. Then there’s some thank-yous at the end of the show. So, that’s the structure of the show. That’s why I make the show. I’m really glad you’re here. We work really hard on this podcast. We all yearn and strive. I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways we’re able to do it for you for free twice a week.
Alright, hey everybody, it’s Scoots here, and this is our new series tentatively called Multiplex. We already have…it should already have show art when it comes out. So, this is the pilot episode. It’s gonna be a episodically modular series. You could listen to this one first, but if you’re listening to this and you already listened to some episodes, this will be…this is the backstory episode or the set-up episode. This episode is just some friends playing mini-golf or kind of a reminiscence of that, and it hopefully will set up the rest of the story where you’ll get to know the main character and you’ll go from there. But like everything with Sleep With Me, it is a process of discovery and meandering, so you could listen.
So, without further ado, here’s our Hollywood…I bid…I don't bid you adieu, but man, it feels like there’s some dew on my back when I see you. It’s our Hollywood announcer, Mr. Antonio Banderas. The friends beyond the binary, the ladies, the gentlemen, the boys, the girls, it’s time to Multiplex…yeah. Scooter, I’m excited for this new series. Are you also excited to play Sushi Go if you can remain steel…your steel…if you could keep your steel jaw from…again, whatever that sound is when your jaw…I don't know. It creates some sort of sound. It sounds a bit like when you put…when you used to put a quarter in a arcade machine. I don't know, and it’s not even like you’re moving. It just comes off of your jaw or your…whatever, your face.
I mean, you’re a very…some people are somatic. You’re auto…they don’t call it automatic 'cause that’s something else, but audible…you know what I mean? Your body makes sounds. But Scooter, you can only hear them in your soul. Yeah, I mean, on my spirit…I do hear your jaw making some sort of charging magic sound on my…on a spiritual level, I guess, or some sort of vibe…if there was the Force. I don't know. What were those…were those mitochondria…? My mito…are those the ones that swim around? Because they’re swimming around. Holy cow. When you’re…so, anyway, welcome, everybody, to Multiplex.
How you doing, everybody? You know, there’s a lot of stories about…heroic tales where the main character overcomes all the odds. There’s a rising conflict and that brings out…reveals true character or brings out the best, or the character sets forth, a stranger comes to town, or somebody goes on a journey…whatever they say. That leads them through a series of missteps and rising action. They find something deep inside or they’re connected to a source, or they make a discovery. Along the way they collect whatever on the journey…denouement and meeting within-most cave, gratitude for the mother…whatever, detachment from the…all those things happened in many, many tales.
Most stories have that kind of thing, stories of untapped potential that eventually gets tapped, or a well that they go in…maybe they swim around in there. Maybe there’s mirrors on the walls and then they see something and then they say, okay…maybe they’re lost, they’ve journeyed into the deep, dark woods, unsure of who they are…only discover, whatever, the yellow-brick road. They follow it and then they go into the next place and then they realize that they…then they make friends with Glinda. Then they discover that the ruby slippers…and then they fall in love with Fiero. Those are tales and stories headed down a path of eventually discovering…and eventually, a lot of times, to some level of greatness or goodness or sharing it with the world. But this isn’t one of those stories.
I don't know a lot of tales that are like this one. If there’s tales like this one, they’re mostly forgotten or passed over or unheard. You stop paying attention. Maybe that’s what you’ll do here. That’s okay. That’s why I’m here. But the thing is, this is one of those long and winding tales, and it has adventure in it. It has challenge. It has potential. It has true character. It has heroines and heroes. But somehow this story is a story not of peaks, not of greatness or full potential, but a more mild…so, this story doesn't end in that place. It ends in a more middle place where people that were on a path to greatness saw a fork in the road and took the other path, but that first they had to learn how to take that path. So, they went on a series of adventures…and I guess 'cause I was a part of it; that’s the thing…I’m looking back now.
Some of this may be misremembering, but this I remember. Instead of a path towards greatness, a path not less than great…and I don't want to say average or…I guess basic, maybe. How does one learn to become a person among persons, right? That’s what people would mistakenly call normal or average or basic. I don't know if moderate’s the right word. I don't know if there’s a way to glamorize stepping into the background, but stepping into the background is a choice, is a heroic choice. But no one…the thing about these stories is…and I guess they lay them out…no one just knows how to do that. We only know what we know how to do, and this is a story about learning how to do things a different way. So, this is…my name’s Wyatt. Nice to meet you.
I’m recording this tale of not-so-greatness, and looking back on it…and it was a long time ago. This tale starts with…I guess some friends, myself and my two best friends, and a friendly competition, a friendly…and, as a matter of fact, I’ll just tell you right now; an imaginary…imaginary stakes at a game of mini-golf inspired by a movie about caddies, a comedy, where the winner, in this case — I’ll give you more details soon — would get all the money they need to pay for their schooling. Some of you might not know why I’m making this, so I wanted to give you the context. I’m not just looking back. Some people, recently my…I used to do this show on something called public access and recently, because of the internet and things, my interviews have gone and gotten a newfound popularity.
It’s kinda propelled me into a place I hadn’t been in a long time, actually since the beginning of this story started, with people calling me a creative and how creative my interviews were. Because I would do interviews and we would stream old movies, and some of the characters I interviewed…people praised the writing and the makeup and the design and the stories I would tell in-between segments of what I knew. But I just want to say that…set the record straight that none of that was creative at all. Those interviews were real, and some of them were TV celebrities to people, characters like Herman or Eddie, Elvira, Grandpa, you know…Marilyn, I think. Man, my…things escape me. But I mean, those were real in a sense, too. So, none of it came from my imagination, and I guess that’s why I feel like I gotta tell this story.
But I don't know, maybe this is the right time to tell a story of not greatness and not achievement, not creative. I guess not’s the wrong way to describe it, too, but it’s so hard to put it into words. A lot of this is from my memory, as well, and in my childish memory or my teenage memory. So, maybe I’m seeing a creative layer. Maybe I saw it differently then. It all started with a kinda quest for first place, not an unfamiliar place for any of the three of us that were playing mini-golf that day, or four if you count the presence of my sister looming over us. But we were playing there at Fairglen Mini-Golf. You can't say…what did…the other term, which again I’ll talk about in a bit. It was mini-golf at Fairglen. It was me, Wyatt…I don't know if I said hi, my name’s Wyatt; it’s nice to meet you.
Santos and Josie were with me, and by the end of the day…it was just turning to dusk. They were there cheering me on. We had made a bet; the bet was imaginary. That was creative but not super-creative 'cause we took it from a movie. They were trying to cheer me up. I didn’t realize that that little bit of imagination was gonna set us forth on a course where our lives would be changed for the better. So, we were playing mini-golf. This is kind of a tradition of ours and a tradition of my family’s. This was not that far from where we all lived. It was a locally-owned mini-golf place in a fair…a glen that was fair. While Josie was kinda the one with the most physical skills of our group, the athlete, mini-golf was my game, though Josie and San were really good, too.
We had been playing this course since middle school through acne and first dates and breakups and not going to dances or worrying about dances. Even our first drinks…sneaking in and getting caught when San’s mom moved onto the big farm. This course was kinda there through it all for us. It’s been mostly the same; I mean, two years ago they painted everything and put new turf down. Right now it’s springtime or just the dawn of spring, and the last time we had played, it was the end of autumn. The leaves were covered in dry leaves…the leaves were covered…the greens were covered in dry leaves. The air was just starting to bite at the skin. The last time we played, I was one short of the course record. My friends were there, and they were right behind me.
So many times we had come two short, all of us, two short of the course record. Two strokes, if you don’t play golf or mini-golf…how do I explain this? Each hole has a par which means, hey, if you play pretty decent, you’ll get the ball in the hole in three strokes. Let’s just pretend that each hole is three strokes. So, that’s eighteen times three…that would be par, though there are harder holes that were higher par and maybe one or two holes that were lower. We didn’t worry about par. We worried about the course record and the things that came with the course record, which I was familiar with…but the feeling the came from the course record, or in this case the feeling of just momentarily forgetting what I was upset about, and playing with friends. We were having a lot of fun.
We had that kinda friendship where we could push each other, but we were still loose. We could give each other a hard time and ride the tension. We were able to have real feelings or real irritation and get through that. It was a special friendship. So, I’ll just jump ahead to Hole 10. Most golf courses and mini-golf courses…and believe it or not, I never played a hole of golf in my life. I slept on a golf course once, but that was in a different time. I fell asleep there. But so, most golf courses have eighteen holes, I think. But we’re gonna jump ahead to what they call the back nine, to Hole 10. Now, Hole 10 is one of those legendary holes or familiar holes if you’ve ever played mini-golf. Hole 10 also played into a lot of my skills.
I had the ability to not let the tension wash over me, but to take the tension…most of the time, particularly in mini-golf but in a lot of other arenas up until recently, to let the tension kinda flow through me. I don't know, like a iron rod that’s vibrating. I didn’t overthink it. I didn’t stay too much in my thoughts or my feelings when it came to this stuff. I was lucky. I mean, I was mostly lucky up until this point because my scholarship essay…we’ll talk about that another time. So, for Hole 10, it was a Par 3. For me, it was a easy one, and that’s not bragging. It’s just, over the course of time, especially as high school and beyond…well, I guess not beyond, 'cause I never played it again. But it was…it’s always been something I could get a hole-in-one in on a reliable basis. But even though it was a Par 3, that was more of a…I don't know.
For most people, if it wasn’t a 1 or a 2, it was gonna be a 4 or more. Depending on course rules or mulligans or retries or whatever unofficial rules you might use with your party, the course rule was the most you could get was a 6. It was easy to get a 6 on this hole. This was kinda one of those holes that you had to just let wash over you, too, because it could be a all-or-nothing one. Even for me, I had to pay attention and not let my experience become some kind of smarmy overconfidence, especially where we were at in this situation, where I was going for it, because I did need a 1 on this hole. I had to have my confidence…and again, confidence well-established through experience outside of mini-golf ease me into some focus and kinda surround my body in a jelly where I was unaware of it or something.
If you don’t play a lot of mini-golf or this is your first time playing, you might look at this hole and think it was easy. If you played mini-golf once a summer every couple years, you might forget about this hole and look back on it and say, okay, this is not gonna be a problem. You forget that this is the hole where you went from course record or being on par or leading your friends to falling behind. It was a simply-designed hole, nothing too fancy, but one you see a lot. It’s just a long, rolling…well, not a rolling hill. Like a long, steep hill with a brief kind of hump that just flattens out for a moment and then has a drop-off, like a carved-out part, a U, and then goes…keeps going and rolls back down. I don't know if you could see that. So, it rolls up and rolls down at the same angle.
But right at the peak there’s a little trough, you’d say. To start off with, if you hit it too hard, you try to get it up the hill and you hit it too hard, the ball could keep going into the air, you know? Now, if you hit it just too hard to go into that crevice or whatever, it would just roll back down. You might be able to have a chance at a 1 depending on the random bounce of the ball, but more than likely you could have a 2 because the hole was off to the right around a little bit of a corner. But again, if you hit it way too hard, you could end up in the actual glen of Fairglen, which was a stream that ran through the entire course and split it in half. But if you hit it just right, it would drop into that crevice or gouge or whatever I called it earlier, and it would roll down, it would drop, and ideally it would roll right into the hole.
That happened about…for me, 95%, 96%, 97% of the time. But even if it didn’t go in the hole, it was gonna be an easy tap in the hole. But what was common for most people — and a lot of people had one retry on the front nine and one retry on the back nine — was you didn’t hit it hard enough up the hill and then the ball would roll back down. Then you might hit it again and hit it too hard and go off the course. But more than likely you wouldn’t hit it hard enough again and it would roll back down. This would create all sorts of debates among parties or…forbid if you were on a double date with non-mini-golfers you may have been trying to impress among your friends or family members or extended family members. Your ball goes up; it comes back down. What happens then? What are the rules? What rules do you decide?
Really a lot of interpersonal dynamics. That’s why the three of us liked to play with the three of us. Believe it or not, as much as we played mini-golf here at Fairglen, we didn’t play very much outside of Fairglen. So, I don't know if there even is an international body of mini-golf. But this was the hole where I could be funny and say this is where…the hole where things start to really roll my way, because I knew I could get a 1, or worst case, a 2. If you ask me, what’s the secret, as many people had, I’d say, I have no idea. I just hit it. I know in some sense the doubt is gone from my mind, but I just hit it the way it feels right, and it kinda works out. Now, this doesn't go for every hole. For my sister, that might have been the case. For me, this time thus far, it had been the case.
But those were special moments, like people that bowl a 300 or whatever. So, I’ll have to leave it without an explanation other than I just know how to hit it. I don't know how to teach it. But that’s kind of how my essay went for my scholarship, which was about my feelings about this and how you would…anyway…and talking about now and in the future. Oh, man. Okay, so back to the hole. So, I did get a hole-in-one, and that put me back on the course record. I was one under the course record, which I was pretty confident I could maintain for the rest of the course or maybe even approve…improve on. Josie made it up and back down and got a 2, and San didn’t get…it was max for San; 6. Next up was Hole 11, and again, if you play mini-golf…this was a barn…A Bridge to a Barn I think is what the hole was called.
You go off; you go over a bridge that’s about half a foot wide into a barn door. Now, again, not actually what it seems. It seems pretty simple, right? You just get it in the barn door. I needed a 2 on this one to stay on the course record. It seems simple, right? Go across the bridge, get in the barn door, go in a hole. But no, of course not. Inside the barn door isn’t one hole; it’s two holes. There’s a hole in front and a hole behind that. But the holes and the hole inside of the barn is made of cement and concrete. So, one thing you had to do is make sure you hit it again — hard enough but not too hard — so it bounced out of the barn. You also had to make sure you hit it over the bridge. Now, if you made it in the second hole, it would be a hole-in-one.
If you made it in the first hole, probably a 2, but there wasn’t a lot of ways to control…somehow this was just like the last hole for my sister. She could get a hole-in-one on this every time. Somehow she could control the bounce of the cement. But we never have been able to replicate this. It always seemed like it’s not skill other than getting into the barn at the right speed, where…luck of the bounce. ‘Cause we’ve tried English, we’ve tried all sorts of things, like fate. When my sister hit it, it would just go, clop, clop, drop. But for most people, it would go, clop…clippity, cloppity, cloppity, ploppity, plop. In this case it didn’t go clop, clop, drop, but it did drop a hole-in-one. That was a breath of air for me because it meant I had even more wiggle room. I wasn’t falling behind. Next up was Hole 11.
At this point I forgot what San and…I don't know what San and Josie got on that hole. But Hole 11 is a Par 3, and it’s one of those undulating-hill holes. This one I needed a 2 on, and I was pretty confident I could play it safe and just hit it over the rolling hills, not try to get a hole-in-one; try to get a 2, which I did hit a good first ball. It bounced off the backstop and looked like I would easily have a second putt into the hole. Now, this was where I wish I hadn’t gone first just because this was San’s hole and I didn’t want my ball to get bounced further away. But San wasn’t up ‘til third, and then Josie went, and Josie kind of got in the ballpark of a 2, but definitely not a 1. Now, this was San’s hole; it could get…I don't know…again, where you use the hills somehow. I don't know. Everybody’s just got their thing.
But San and I had been friends for about three years with Josie. San had moved to town; they were new to school. They had moved from somewhere far, far, away; Montana or Utah, some place that felt like it was covered in tundra or dried-up salt lakes and stuff. I’m kidding; they were from Idaho, land of the spuds. The rumor was…and this isn’t a true rumor but it was the rumor that preceded San’s arrival, was that San had been recruited by our school and our school district to raise the scores of the entire school and school district, test scores, which for most of us is obviously not statistically possible, though San had to have some influence. Also, Santos was in Mensa and was a certified genius. So, these things…this is not the kind of high school, freshman experience you want, right, to have the pump primed that way.
So, it would have meant that San was in for a world of non-positive high school experience; you know, having to deal with the different cliques and their impressions and their expectations. But not to us. The idea of having a friend who could raise the test scores of the school, of having a certified genius…we had read The Big Brain, Fancy Nancy, Junie B. Jones, Encyclopedia Brown, you know? These were the books we read as kids, so having someone like that as your friend who’s also incredibly interesting…and again, just like the rest of us, different in a good way…this was not a opportunity for us to pass up. At this point, Josie and I had gone to middle school at the same school, so we’re in a kind of good position to make the tastes of how a new student would be treated.
So, when the Santos package arrived at school…now, it turns out that Santos wasn’t in Mensa, but it didn’t matter. It was one of those friendships that’s blossomed and blossomed and blossomed. But San does have moods that undulate like those hills, with their ups and their downs. So, you kinda have to hang and roll with those ups and downs, which could be a lot for a lot of people, but again, not for us. It kinda made it more exciting, right? We didn’t really need other kids’ approval of who we were gonna be friends with. This is, again, another place where we were really lucky. Josie and I were both younger siblings, so we had learned from our older siblings what was gonna be important and the idea that most kids didn’t have, of…what is that called? Abundance. You could be friends with everybody. You could also say, no.
If you’re not nice, I don't need to hang out with you. So, again, San was someone that we were really interested in and they were interested, and they had big ideas and big plans. So, San was…anyway. So, I got a 2 on that hole. San got a 1. Josie…I don't know, 2, 3. We move on to Hole 12, the pinball hole. You may have seen it; made of wood…not a pinball machine. Some people called it the Plinko Hole. Now, this was another hole…if you wanted to get a hole-in-one, you needed to be really lucky, because in the middle of the fake pinball machine were two Vs with holes. You had to go up a narrow alley and, again, hit the ball hard enough. Now, this one, you could hit it really hard, but then it would definitely always go to the bottom where you could easily get a 2, maybe a 3.
If somehow you got it in one of those two middle holes, you would have a hole-in-one, but it was really hard. I was playing it safe, so I just went to make sure I got a 2. Maybe if it fell in, I would get a 1, which I did not. We all got 2s. Hole number 1-3. We don’t say the other one. We just say Hole 1-3, the loop-de-loop. It’s a tin loop. You’ve seen it before. It’s one of those ones that defies…especially the smaller you are, can defy which your mind…but for me, it’s the sound. When you hit it right, the ball makes this tin, hollow, rolling sound, this rumble, and that, if you heard it, that metallic…well, if you hear a metallic ping, ping, ping, you’re in trouble…or a plunk or a clomp. But that hollow roll? You would roll for a 2 most of the time, maybe a 1. That’s all you had to do, was hit it so the ball wasn’t bouncing.
It had enough speed and momentum to defy…even when we were doing it, even as seniors in high school…did the ball just really go upside-down? Defying physics…the loop was nice and wide, not like a matchbox car or a roller-coaster. Kinda like keeping water in a bucket or something. Now, Josie usually had it best…the best shot at getting a 1 at this hole, and maybe…I don't know. Maybe it’s the defying-gravity thing. Maybe it’s just my memory and associating Josie with different things because Josie was…well, at our school, it turns out when you go…move up…this isn’t the case, but Josie did a lot of track and field, the field part; triple jump, pole vault, high jump. For some reason, Josie’s skills did not translate…it’s like, how can you…how can you do a triple jump but not do the long jump? But again, not everything translates.
But in college, I guess you’d normally…well, if you’re getting a full scholarship like Josie did, you’re gonna specialize in just one thing. In this case, it was the pole vault. I don't know if college recruiters ever look at your putt-putt game or how they…that’s what I was curious about, like how do you go…if Josie gets first place in all of those things, at least in our school leagues, how do you see the…more potential in the pole vault versus the triple jump or the high jump? But I guess that’s a college recruiter’s job and not mine. Even the Olympics were gonna be a possibility. I don't know if you’re hearing the thread yet, but the three of us, we’re all full of potential and full of people that believe we had potential. Incredible potential was how we were treated, but also that was layered with high expectations, internally and externally.
Now, this next hole was…had low expectations for all of us. For kids and parents and tourists, this was kind of one of those more boring holes. Or, for us, that was not the case. Again, this was another hole that my sister specialized in, which was the…a simple dog-leg hole all the way down…bounce it off this one wall at the right angle, all the way down the other way, bounce it off another…so, I guess a double…the second dog leg was very, very short. So, you had to hit it twice. You had to hit it with the right amount of speed and you had to hit the right angles. Again, somehow my sister could continually get a hole-in-one on this one. I don't know, I think it was…I had never seen my sister play pool before, but I can imagine this is like shooting pool or snooker.
But it’s hard to replicate with a putt-putt…a putter from a mini-golf, you know? Now, the other difficulty with this hole was that this one was one of the few holes that was constantly in and out of the sun. It had a bunch of trees around it and also some gravel nearby because of a path closer to the glen or the creek. So…and our rule was you played the hole as is, as my sister did, too. So, if there was leaves or pebbles, a giant rock or something…but anything…you know, play it as is. It made it more fun. Again, it was just the rule or the tradition. So, this was one of those holes that could be really difficult to maintain consistency on with the elements and the warping because of the sun. So, even a 2 could be tough sometimes if you lost your nerve or you hit a pebble.
But to my sister, I don't know, it was like she was immune to even the outside elements or somehow her brain was calculating each pebble and each leaf and how they would affect the ball’s roll. This is why she had maintained this course record for so long. But in this case, for me, it didn’t look great. My first ball made it where I had sight of the hole for a 2, but that somehow it ended up behind a pebble and that made me…yeah, I had to get a 3 on that one. What that meant is now I had lost one of my free strokes. Not sure what…you might be asking about my sister a little bit more. Her and my parents had played Fairglen before I was even a twinkle in anybody’s eye or an irritant in my sister’s presence.
I guess there’s pictures of me in a stroller there, and then eventually as an annoying toddler getting in the way, and then finally…now, they would only go once a year because it’s not exactly…it’s not expensive or inexpensive to play mini-golf, but they would go every year and eventually I started toddling around and playing. But at that point, again…actually, a lot of times my sister would ask if I could be left home with a sitter, which was my cousin Brenda. Brenda watched me until the Easy-Bake Oven incident. So, then I got to start going again. But by that point, my sister had become a regular. She worked there and then she quit, and then that’s when she started to get the course records. My sister got better and better and better, and she started to get known around town as the…the putt-putt prodigy, they called it.
But then the company that owned the rights to use that name, putt-putt putt…they said, you could be a putt-putt prodigy for us, but my sister did not like to play…she said, those ones are too technical. They lacked soul and personality. So, she never became an official player for Putt-Putt Putting even though she was briefly known as the putt-putt putt prodigy. But here’s why she left her job there that she briefly had, was…here’s…you could get a free ice cream cone or hot dog if you had five holes-in-one. Again, they had a way to…it wasn’t like they were just giving them to anybody. I think you had to register…I don't know. That’s funny; I forget how they checked that. But if you got the course record, you would get a pan pizza at the House of Za. Then if you beat the course record or tied the course record, you got another pizza.
So, we ate a lot at the House of Za because my sister maintained that record or tied her record after she had established it…beat it twice…improved on it, I guess. But anyway, I dropped…I got a 3 on this hole and I dropped down. In comparison to what’s gonna follow later on, I’ll tell you that the next few holes were uneventful. I maintained my course. My anticipation did start to build, that topping my sister’s record was in sight. I stayed one stroke up on her until we got to the seventeenth hole. Now, the seventeenth hole…I’ll just tell you about the logistics of Fairglen. How do I describe it? A glen, is my understanding, is a area carved out by a creek or a stream or a river, and that’s exactly what this is.
You parked in a parking lot up above the glen and then you went downstairs or a path, a asphalt path, that wound down into the glen. There was a hut or a building that looked like a hut with a…a A-frame building, I guess you’d say, where you could pay on one side and where you checked out on the other side, and it had a snack bar and hot dogs, ice cream, candy, sodas, a few picnic tables…and then you started playing. The first nine holes were on one side of the stream known as Fairglen, and eight of the other holes were on the other side of the glen. Hole 18 was, again, on the back side of the building where you checked in, and Holy 17 straddled the glen.
That’s important because even though the glen was picturesque — it had the trees, it had the stream — up above the glen on that side…the stream came from another direction where houses were and stuff like that. We actually…I don't even remember if we ever wandered down that way. But on this side, right behind Hole 17, was a giant culvert, because above the glen or walling in the glen from this side was a six-lane road. Not a highway, but a busy, busy road. Now the cool thing was if you were in the glen, the sounds mostly carried over your head and the trees kinda blocked it. I mean, you’d hear horns and stuff every once in a while.
But right behind Hole 17 — in fact, blocked by the windmill of Hole 17 — was this large, large culvert. It had a huge gate in front of it and it ran under this…six lanes of road and off into, I don't know, the unknown or to the other side, I guess, of the road. Why did the culvert cross the road? To get the creek to the other side. This is where…Hole 17; very similar in style to the barn-door hole. There was a bridge, a little bit wider…this one went over Fairglen, but of course it had something to catch your ball that would roll it. But you tried to go over this bridge, and of course there was a windmill. This is a standard hole, I think, on a lot of golf courses.
The windmill could knock your ball off. It wouldn’t fall in the glen, though a lot of kids would hit it too hard and then you lost your ball on 17. There was a little bit of a block in the stream and they could fish it out for you or you could get it out, though they didn’t want anybody…you weren’t supposed to get it out yourself. You were supposed to holler and they would come with their ball-catcher. But that was mostly for kids that were goofing around at that point, anyway. They didn’t care. Okay, so, you wanted to hit your ball. You wanted to miss the four…four arms of the windmill, or is there three? I don't know. This windmill could either block your ball or knock it to the side.
You couldn’t get under those but if you did, again, you stood a very good chance and a better chance than the barn-door hole of getting a 1, because if you hit it just the right amount, it would just fall into a hole and it would roll…and you’d have about a 99% chance of getting a hole-in-one through a PVC pipe and out right by the hole. Now, if you didn’t hit it in that hole, it would just drop off and it would roll around to a large green that also the drop-off from the bridge rolled down towards. I needed a 1 on this hole. My sister had gotten a 1. I was confident I would get a 1. I was focused. I was ready. I had my timing down. As I went to hit the ball, an echo and a noise came from the culvert, like a rock hitting the side of the metal of the culvert.
My ball rolled towards the windmill and actually got stuck under the thing of the windmill, which had happened before, but this game at the worst possible time, because unless the ball extricated itself and somehow extricated itself towards the hole that would cause you to have a hole-in-one, I was gonna get a 2 or a 3 or a 4. Now, it wasn’t a total disaster because of the eighteenth hole. I still stood a chance to get back, but it was very frustrating and as I paced around and raised my voice, I wondered why I had such bad luck not just with my college scholarship essay but with this and so many other things, you know, like with my sister and stuff. I just thought it was some sort of bad luck or a car or something.
But as I waited to see if my ball was gonna pop out or if I’d have to take another penalty stroke…and I was begging the ball; come on, come on, come on, give me a hole-in-one, please, please, please. Somebody came out of the culvert. Somebody had thrown a rock at the side of it, somebody that was laughing, somebody from our school, somebody known as the Corncob Kid, Boyd, the Corncob Kid. Then we all said, Boyd, what are you doing…? I can't believe this, Boyd. Boyd just kinda laughed. Boyd was the kinda person you thought would have a piece of straw in their teeth.
Even when I remember them, that’s what I see. I don't think that was the case. I don't know if you’d have a piece of straw while you were wandering around inside a culvert, but that sent me back. Eventually my ball got loose and I two-putted in. I let Boyd know that if I didn’t get a -1 on this hole…which again, this was a hole which had…was…if you got a hole in the nose of a character with big shoes and a red nose and…that would ride around with other characters like that that loved face-painting and balloon animals and water…flowers that squirted water…so, you could get it in…so, there was…you could get it in one of their two eye holes.
It was a painting, you know, carved out. You got a 1. If you got it in the nose, you got a -1. If you got it in the mouth, you got a 2. Then if you missed all those — and it would show you — you got a 3 if somehow you didn’t get it up there. This was just a way so they knew the balls would all get returned. I knew I was pretty good at getting the hole in the nose, 'cause you would also get a baby ice cream cone. They never tried to stop giving my sister and I baby ice cream cones because she would usually get a -1, though this time I had a stroke on her. So, she probably had gotten a -1 most of the time, but I had already made up that stroke. So, alls I needed to do, I think, was get a zero or a one.
Now I’m already…I’m so caught up with the Corncob Kid, and I guess…we’ll just cut to the thing, because of course Boyd had to say something else right when I hit the ball, and I ended up with a 3. I missed even the mouth, the big, smiling mouth. But what can I say…to leave me in the best light? Because I gotta get some rest, you know. But we decided to invite Boyd over and buy some soft-serve cones. But Boyd also had something to tell us, a tale. Boyd was always full of tales. Frogs in their pocket, you know? Corncob Kid; you don’t get a name like that without spending a lot of time outdoors getting involved in interesting adventures. So, I’ll tell you more about that the next time we talk. So, goodnight, everybody.
[END OF RECORDING]
(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)
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Multiplex
The Leather Jacket Bad Boy
https://www.nycleatherjackets.com/blogs/default/the-role-of-leather-jackets-in-pop-culture-and-film
https://www.thezoereport.com/fashion/evolution-leather-jacket/amp
https://www.gq-magazine.co.uk/gallery/best-leather-jackets-on-film
Mini Golf
https://www.harrisminigolf.com/the-history-of-mini-golf/
https://www.minigolfcreations.com/history-of-mini-golf/
https://www.cliftonhill.com/falls_blog/crazy-evolution-mini-golf/
Golf Scoring
https://www.timbersjupiter.com/bogey-birdie-eagle-albatross-fore/
https://www.liveabout.com/origins-of-birdie-and-eagle-1561077
https://www.liveabout.com/origins-bogey-as-golf-term-1561088
Hardest Mini Golf Holes
https://whalebonemag.com/toughest-mini-golf-holes/
DOWN TO BUSINESS
I’m here to be your borebud
Friends playing minigolf together
Deep Dark Night United
Jeri (SWM+ Testimonial)
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INTRO
Thinking Thoughtful Thoughts
Or do I mean Thankful instead of Thoughtful
Gratitude: Before I get in bed
I don’t feel gratitude when my sheets are misaligned
No pressure to have gratitude here at SWM
1’s and 0’s coming through copper and fiber
I normally get several emails over the course of years before a listener gets the show
I forgot what my point was
A bit of a Bogged Down Brain
My Nana calls me the Not Bad Boy
Don’t pay me any mind
The Bad Boy Venn Diagram
My Nana is a pre-archetypal amalgamation
You’d maybe call me maybe
Is saying you’ll call someone maybe flirty or not? Asking for myself
I guess the bad boys get called maybe
What if you got Maeby’s phone number
Comedy duos based on miscommunication
My humor can be repetitive but it’s new every time
Thanks for coming by
STORY
A new series called “Multiplex”
This is the backstory setup episode
Some friends playing mini golf
Antonio Banderas’s intro
Antonio, we can play Sushi Go if you keep your steel jaw tightly shut during recording
Some people are somatic, Antonio, you’re audible
A Charging Magic Sound
My mitochondria swim around when I see you, Antonio
There’s a lot of stories about people overcoming the odds
The classic Joseph Campbell story points
Those ones are classic tales of eventual discovering
This isn’t one of those
A long, winding tale that does have adventure
It’s not a story of peaks or potential or anything like that
It’ll end in a more middle place
I was a part of these adventures
Stepping into the Background as a Heroic Choice
My name is Wyatt
A tale from long ago
Imaginary stakes at a game of mini-golf
Inspired by a movie about caddies
I used to do a show on public access TV
The internet found my clips and made me famous
My interviews were creative but also totally normal for me
A Story of Not Achievement
A quest for first place
Fair Glen Mini Golf
It was mini golf, not the other term
Wyatt, Santos, and Josie
We had made an imaginary bet
They were trying to cheer me up
Josie was the athlete, but mini golf was my game
We’ve played here since we were in middle school
The course got a cosmetic upgrade 2 years ago
Last time we played, I was one short of the course record
Explaining Par
We didn’t worry about, we just were pursuing that feeling
Our friendship was filled with real feelings
Jumping ahead to Hole 10
Believe it or not, I’ve never played a hole of real golf in my life
I slept on a golf course once
Hole 10 is legendary
Hole 10 played into my skills
I’d let the tension roll through me like a vibrating iron rod
Hole 10 was a Par 3
For me, it was an Easy 1
If it wasn’t a 1 or 2, it would be a for a 4 or 5
The most you could get was a 6
I couldn’t let my experience become a smarmy overconfidence
Surrounding my body in a jelly of focus
You might assume this hole was easy
A long steep hill with a brief hump and a carved out U part
So it rolls up and then rolls down
A little trough at the peak
If you hit it too hard, you might actually end up in the real glen
I’d get a 1 about 95% of the time
Most people wouldn’t hit it hard enough or hit it too hard
We didn’t play much mini golf outside of Fair Glen
Memories of my Sister
I just know how to hit it, I don’t know how to teach it
Memories of my Scholarship Essay
So I did get a hole in 1
I was currently one under the course record
Josie got a 2
San got a 6
Hole 11 – A Bridge to a Barn
The barn door has 2 holes!
My sister could get a hole in one on this every time
The Luck of the Bounce
Clop Clop Drop
I got another 1 – more wiggle room
Next up was Hole 11 (12?) – Undulating Hill Hole
This was San’s hole
Everybody’s got their hole
We’d been friends for about 3 years
San had moved from a place covered in tundra
Jk they were from Idaho, Land of the Spuds
San had been recruited to raise the test score average of the entire school
He was also in MENSA
A world of non-positive high school experience
But we didn’t resend San – it was exciting to have a certified genius around!
Turns out he wasn’t actually in MENSA but that didn’t matter
Santos had moods that undulated like those hills
We had each other and didn’t need other people’s approval
Josie and I were both younger siblings
We could be friendly with anyone – we had an abundance mindset
Hole 12 – The Pinball or Plinko Hole
You had to be really lucky here
I just aimed for a 2
Hole 1-3 – Loop de Loop
When you hit it right, the sound is just right
A metallic ping ping ping is not good
The hollow roll is the sound you want
Defying Physics never gets old
Josie normally had the best shot of getting a 1 on this hole
Josie was great at the field part of track and field
She specialized in the pole vault
I don’t know how you see potential as an athletics recruiter
She might even qualify for the Olympics
We all believed in our incredible potential
Hole 14 – a low expectation hole
My sister specialized in this hole
A simple dog leg hole
A Double Dog Leg
Required perfect speed and perfect angles
This must be like pool or snooker
This hole was constantly in and out of the sun
You played the hole as is, leaves or pebbles included
My sister was immune to the outside elements
My sister held the course record
I had sight for a 2, but got stuck behind a pebble and settled for a 3
I’d lost a free stroke
My sister and parents had played Fair Glen long before I was around
They’d go once a year
My cousin Brenda babysat me until the EZ Bake Oven Incident
My sister was a Putt Putt Prodigy
Sister briefly worked at Fair Glen
If you got 5 holes in one, you’d get a free hot dog or ice cream
How did they verify the course scores?
If you set the course record, you’d get a free pan pizza at the House of Za
The next few holes were uneventful
Topping my sister’s record was in sight
Hole 17
Talking the Logistics of Fair Glen
An A-frame admin building
Hole 17 straddled the glen
A giant culvert was next to 17
A 6-lane road was right next to Hole 17
Hole 17 was one of the only places where you could see/hear the road
Very similar in style to the barn door hole
A bridge that went over Fair Glen
Of course, there was a windmill
If you hit it right, you had a very good chance of getting a Hole in One
I needed a 1
An echo came from the culvert just as I was hitting my ball
My ball got stuck under the windmill arm
This wasn’t a total disaster
I was getting frustrated, both with mini golf and my college essay
Begging for a Hole in One
Somebody came out of the Culvert
Boyd, the Corn Cob Kid
Boyd had thrown a rock in the culvert to make the noise
The kind of kid you’d expect to have a piece of straw in their teeth
It was possible to get a -1 on Hole 18
If you got it in the nose of a person who loves face painting and big shoes and red noses
In the nose is a -1
But you could get up to 3
I could win with a 0 or 1
I was so caught up with the Corn Cob Kid
He said something else and of course I got a 3
Boyd had a tale to tell us
We invited him to have ice cream with us
PATREON -> SWM+ THANKS
Jeanine, Katherine, Caitlin, David, Jessica, Lakeisha, Patricia, Lindsay, Nathan, Steph, DJ, Dennis, Susan, Lee, Kim, Ian, Chambray, Carla, Chauncey, Asim, Julie, Kristoff, Brenten, Susan, Carsey, Susan D, Charlotte, Amanda, Karen, Leslie
SUMMARY:
Episode: 1,238
Title: Putt Putt Prodigy | Multiplex Ep1
Deep Dark Night United: Jeri (SWM+ Testimonial)
Plugs: Hand in Hand; The Midnight Mission; Trevor Project; Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline
Sponsors: AquaTru; Helix Sleep; Wild Health; Polysleep; Odoo; Air Doctor Pro; Zocdoc; Progressive
Patreon -> SWM+ Thanks: Jeanine, Katherine, Caitlin, David, Jessica, Lakeisha, Patricia, Lindsay, Nathan, Steph, DJ, Dennis, Susan, Lee, Kim, Ian, Chambray, Carla, Chauncey, Asim, Julie, Kristoff, Brenten, Susan, Carsey, Susan D, Charlotte, Amanda, Karen, Leslie
Notable Language:
- Thinking Thoughtful Thoughts
- Bogged Down Brain
- The Not Bad Boy
- Pre-Archetypal Amalgamation
- Call Me Maybe
- A Charging Magic Sound
- Par
- Smarmy Overconfidence
- The Luck of the Bounce
- Clop Clop Drop
- Easy Bake Oven Incident
- Putt Putt Prodigy
- Fair Glen
- Culvert
- Corn Cob Kid
Notable Culture:
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- The Bad Boy
- “Call Me Maybe” – Carly Rae Jepsen
- Arrested Development
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- Laurel & Hardy
- Abbott & Costello
- Mini Golf
- Antonio Banderas
- Sushi Go game
- Star Wars
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- Joseph Campbell
- Caddyshack
- The International Body of MIni Golf
- MENSA
- “Defying Gravity” – Wicked
- Olympics
- Easy Bake Oven
Notable Talking Points:
- Thinking Thoughtful Thoughts
- Or do I mean Thankful instead of Thoughtful
- Gratitude: Before I get in bed
- I don’t feel gratitude when my sheets are misaligned
- No pressure to have gratitude here at SWM
- 1’s and 0’s coming through copper and fiber
- I normally get several emails over the course of years before a listener gets the show
- I forgot what my point was
- A bit of a Bogged Down Brain
- My Nana calls me the Not Bad Boy
- Don’t pay me any mind
- The Bad Boy Venn Diagram
- My Nana is a pre-archetypal amalgamation
- You’d maybe call me maybe
- Is saying you’ll call someone maybe flirty or not? Asking for myself
- I guess the bad boys get called maybe
- What if you got Maeby’s phone number
- Comedy duos based on miscommunication
- My humor can be repetitive but it’s new every time
- Thanks for coming by
- A new series called “Multiplex”
- This is the backstory setup episode
- Some friends playing mini golf
- Antonio Banderas’s intro
- Antonio, we can play Sushi Go if you keep your steel jaw tightly shut during recording
- Some people are somatic, Antonio, you’re audible
- A Charging Magic Sound
- My mitochondria swim around when I see you, Antonio
- There’s a lot of stories about people overcoming the odds
- The classic Joseph Campbell story points
- Those ones are classic tales of eventual discovering
- This isn’t one of those
- A long, winding tale that does have adventure
- It’s not a story of peaks or potential or anything like that
- It’ll end in a more middle place
- I was a part of these adventures
- Stepping into the Background as a Heroic Choice
- My name is Wyatt
- A tale from long ago
- Imaginary stakes at a game of mini-golf
- Inspired by a movie about caddies
- I used to do a show on public access TV
- The internet found my clips and made me famous
- My interviews were creative but also totally normal for me
- A Story of Not Achievement
- A quest for first place
- Fair Glen Mini Golf
- It was mini golf, not the other term
- Wyatt, Santos, and Josie
- We had made an imaginary bet
- They were trying to cheer me up
- Josie was the athlete, but mini golf was my game
- We’ve played here since we were in middle school
- The course got a cosmetic upgrade 2 years ago
- Last time we played, I was one short of the course record
- Explaining Par
- We didn’t worry about, we just were pursuing that feeling
- Our friendship was filled with real feelings
- Jumping ahead to Hole 10
- Believe it or not, I’ve never played a hole of real golf in my life
- I slept on a golf course once
- Hole 10 is legendary
- Hole 10 played into my skills
- I’d let the tension roll through me like a vibrating iron rod
- Hole 10 was a Par 3
- For me, it was an Easy 1
- If it wasn’t a 1 or 2, it would be a for a 4 or 5
- The most you could get was a 6
- I couldn’t let my experience become a smarmy overconfidence
- Surrounding my body in a jelly of focus
- You might assume this hole was easy
- A long steep hill with a brief hump and a carved out U part
- So it rolls up and then rolls down
- A little trough at the peak
- If you hit it too hard, you might actually end up in the real glen
- I’d get a 1 about 95% of the time
- Most people wouldn’t hit it hard enough or hit it too hard
- We didn’t play much mini golf outside of Fair Glen
- Memories of my Sister
- I just know how to hit it, I don’t know how to teach it
- Memories of my Scholarship Essay
- So I did get a hole in 1
- I was currently one under the course record
- Josie got a 2
- San got a 6
- Hole 11 – A Bridge to a Barn
- The barn door has 2 holes!
- My sister could get a hole in one on this every time
- The Luck of the Bounce
- Clop Clop Drop
- I got another 1 – more wiggle room
- Next up was Hole 11 (12?) – Undulating Hill Hole
- This was San’s hole
- Everybody’s got their hole
- We’d been friends for about 3 years
- San had moved from a place covered in tundra
- Jk they were from Idaho, Land of the Spuds
- San had been recruited to raise the test score average of the entire school
- He was also in MENSA
- A world of non-positive high school experience
- But we didn’t resend San – it was exciting to have a certified genius around!
- Turns out he wasn’t actually in MENSA but that didn’t matter
- Santos had moods that undulated like those hills
- We had each other and didn’t need other people’s approval
- Josie and I were both younger siblings
- We could be friendly with anyone – we had an abundance mindset
- Hole 12 – The Pinball or Plinko Hole
- You had to be really lucky here
- I just aimed for a 2
- Hole 1-3 – Loop de Loop
- When you hit it right, the sound is just right
- A metallic ping ping ping is not good
- The hollow roll is the sound you want
- Defying Physics never gets old
- Josie normally had the best shot of getting a 1 on this hole
- Josie was great at the field part of track and field
- She specialized in the pole vault
- I don’t know how you see potential as an athletics recruiter
- She might even qualify for the Olympics
- We all believed in our incredible potential
- Hole 14 – a low expectation hole
- My sister specialized in this hole
- A simple dog leg hole
- A Double Dog Leg
- Required perfect speed and perfect angles
- This must be like pool or snooker
- This hole was constantly in and out of the sun
- You played the hole as is, leaves or pebbles included
- My sister was immune to the outside elements
- My sister held the course record
- I had sight for a 2, but got stuck behind a pebble and settled for a 3
- I’d lost a free stroke
- My sister and parents had played Fair Glen long before I was around
- They’d go once a year
- My cousin Brenda babysat me until the EZ Bake Oven Incident
- My sister was a Putt Putt Prodigy
- Sister briefly worked at Fair Glen
- If you got 5 holes in one, you’d get a free hot dog or ice cream
- How did they verify the course scores?
- If you set the course record, you’d get a free pan pizza at the House of Za
- The next few holes were uneventful
- Topping my sister’s record was in sight
- Hole 17
- Talking the Logistics of Fair Glen
- An A-frame admin building
- Hole 17 straddled the glen
- A giant culvert was next to 17
- A 6-lane road was right next to Hole 17
- Hole 17 was one of the only places where you could see/hear the road
- Very similar in style to the barn door hole
- A bridge that went over Fair Glen
- Of course, there was a windmill
- If you hit it right, you had a very good chance of getting a Hole in One
- I needed a 1
- An echo came from the culvert just as I was hitting my ball
- My ball got stuck under the windmill arm
- This wasn’t a total disaster
- I was getting frustrated, both with mini golf and my college essay
- Begging for a Hole in One
- Somebody came out of the Culvert
- Boyd, the Corn Cob Kid
- Boyd had thrown a rock in the culvert to make the noise
- The kind of kid you’d expect to have a piece of straw in their teeth
- It was possible to get a -1 on Hole 18
- If you got it in the nose of a person who loves face painting and big shoes and red noses
- In the nose is a -1
- But you could get up to 3
- I could win with a 0 or 1
- I was so caught up with the Corn Cob Kid
- He said something else and of course I got a 3
- Boyd had a tale to tell us
- We invited him to have ice cream with us
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