1220 – Santa Visits Mars (Part 2)

Episode 1220 – Santa Visits Mars (Part 2)

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, whether…whatever your feelings about parades are or parades combined with Broadway shows, pop music acts, promotions of things, and a lot of creative…cool, creative decisions and people enjoying themselves, whether you prefer to enjoy yourself in your own way or vicariously…or you say, I prefer to vicariously not enjoy my…I prefer to let you watch…you know what I’m saying? If you’re confused by enjoyment of parades or anything or…you say, I don't know, man. I don't know if I…I don't even know if I need to enjoy it at all, even vicariously. I mean, I could watch you dancing, but I know you’ve got…and this goes…if you have this in you, if you bound with joy or you say, I’m about to do some bounding with joy, I’m so happy for you.

 

I’m sure I’m capable of it. I’d like to be…I’d like to…I mean, come on, I’ve bounded for joy before. It’s just been a while. I should be…really, there you go; performance pressure. Really, you should be bounding for joy right now. I say, no wonder I make a sleep podcast for people that have trouble falling asleep, right? ‘Cause those are the voices in my head; you should be grateful to bound for joy. I say, well, bounding for joy even vicariously, I think I’ll pass. I live in-between those two worlds, those polar…those are the poles of my planetoid, and I’m glad you’re here. Now, if you’re new, you might say, what…for the love of planetoids…I’d say, is Pluto at least still a planetoid? Does that even mean anything? Is that just a word, like one of those…? What’s a meaningless word called?

 

That’s hilarious that I can’t define the meaning of a meaningless word. Or, you know what I mean? Oh boy, sorry, Pluto; I did not mean to take this so far afield. So, once again, this is a annual episode where I accidentally put the former planet of…planet formally known as Pluto into tears. Hey, as far as I’m concerned, you’re still a planet. If you want to go by planetoid, that’s fine, too, 'cause that may not even be a actual real word, just a word bandied about by people like me who don’t…here’s the thing, Pluto; nobody’s stopping you. Planet, planetoid, or humungous rock or…I don't know, are you made of gas or rocks or what? Mineral…I don't…sorry. The second time…the second…we did it twice in one episode. But I was gonna suggest bounding for joy. I mean, that would be something even astronomers would not predict.

 

They’d say, call, whatever, Desert Sands Observatory. We’ve got something going on with Pluto. What’s going on? Well, I’ve been observing it my entire life. I’m the foremost observer of Pluto. Of course I’ve…it’s been like a roller-coaster, my career, let me tell you. Who needs a sleep podcast? I do. I’m the foremost observer of Pluto. I’m caught up in all this stuff and I’m just…and I always say…they say, do you consider it a planet or a planetoid or…? I say, no, no, I’m just here to…I’m just observing, Pluto. But if my observations are correct and my vocabulary is as limited as a sleep podcaster, I do believe Pluto’s bounding for joy, and this kinda puts aside everything we’ve ever known about celestial bodies. Oh, boy. There you go, Pluto. Talk about my vocab pulling out something good.

 

You are no doubt a celestial body, if I may say so, Pluto, and I am no doubt very far afield for a sleep podcast that this was just supposed to be the greeting. If you’re new, welcome. This is a podcast that’s supposed to be friendly and silly, to take your mind off of stuff, and keep you company while you fall asleep, to be your friend in the deep, dark night because you deserve a good night’s sleep. The structure of the show is we got some support coming up so the podcast is free whenever you want to listen to it. It does take a few tries to get used to listening to the show. After the support is a long, meandering intro, which somehow this greeting turned into, almost.

 

But the intro and the greeting is meant to ease you into bedtime, not really put you to sleep but put you at ease, just like Pluto now. No wonder Pluto’s…Pluto’s doing a…bounding for joy saying, I’m a celestial body. Look at me. I don't need…that would be Pluto the Musical…would be Pluto saying, I’m a celestial body. I don't need to be called…call me a celestial body, man. I’m fine by that. Celestial sounds cool and even though Scooter has no clue what I’m made of, both gases…presumably minerals and gases, but you say, yeah, that’s my…what my celestial body is made of. Could be a jukebox…Weird Al’s First Jukebox…it wouldn’t be a jukebox musical because…I was thinking of That’s What Dreams are Made Of, but we’d rewrite it.

 

Anyway, again, I was supposed to start the sleep podcast. So, there’s a meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime, then later on there will be our coverage of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade from last year. So, I’m glad you’re here. Stick around, though. Give it a few tries. See how it goes. Really, I just want to help. I got nothing to gain unless this podcast helps you, because I’ve been there. So, yeah, thanks again for coming…or, oh, I work real…or, no, this is the…just…yeah, thanks for coming by and thanks for making it possible, my patron peeps.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, things on your mind about whatever I was rambling about earlier or about the past, the present, the future, thinking stuff, it could be feelings, anything coming up for you emotionally related to those thoughts or feelings that are just there, or feelings, emotions.

 

It could be physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, routine, travel, work schedules, school schedules, stuff coming up, stuff you’re getting over or going through. The reason I run through all that isn’t to point out what’s keeping you awake. It’s to point out that you’re not alone, and it feels lonely in the deep, dark night for me, and it hurts. The reason I point that out, too, is because if that’s what it’s like for you or even a subtler version of that where you say, I’d just prefer to be asleep, man…I’d say, okay, I can relate to that.

 

Whatever it is that’s keeping you up, whether it’s temporary or ongoing or passing or you’re not sure…if you’re just not sure, you’re baffled like I am a lot of the time…I might not have been exactly through what you’re going through, but I can probably relate to how it feels, and if I can’t, I can promise you someone listening right now, even if they haven’t been through the same thing, they can relate to how you’re feeling, and right now they are in their bed or doing their chill activity as they’re getting ready for bed or they’re brushing their teeth, and they’re leaning in with some softness right now in some way, and they’re saying, yeah, I know how tough that is. That’s the most important thing I’ll say, period, for…in the show.

 

The second-most important thing or the most important depending on how you feel is that you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a bedtime you could rest…get the rest you need so your life is more manageable. You deserve a bedtime you don’t dread, that doesn’t feel like a grind. You deserve that, and if you get the rest you need, your life will be better on a regular basis, even if it’s a semi-regular basis. That’s how my sleep has worked out, or most of the time. If your life is better, the whole world we live in is better. I don't care what anybody says, and I know this is a podcast and it’s…I’m just…it’s…whatever. I’m putting…this is just the best part of my personality, to be here to keep you company. But all that is important. It doesn’t change that fact, right?

 

So, yeah, you deserve a good night’s sleep, and I hope the show can keep you company and take your mind off of stuff and make you feel less alone or connected to something or have some relief that yeah, someone out there understands how hard this is and what it feels like, because that’s important and that’s the important part of the show. The way it works, though, is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones and pointless meanders, superfluous tangents…that means I’ll get mixed up, I’ll go off topic, I’ll forget what I was talking about, I’ll double back, then I’ll go off and then I’ll say, what was I talking about again? Then I’ll go on a tangent like I did earlier, then I’ll go on another tangent.

 

I may even laugh at how ridiculous the tangents are, and that’s kinda how the show works. It’s meant to be a distraction that you just barely listen to, like a out-of-focus picture that’s a little bit confusing. You say, okay, I kinda am looking at that, but…or like a friend that calls you and just talks on and on and on, or you’re kinda listening to someone watching TV in the other room but you’re kinda in bed getting comfortable. It’s not exactly passive, but some people do listen to the show totally passively, just like white noise, just rambling on and on and on. So, it’s a podcast you kinda barely listen to. Passive listening vs active listening. It’s also a podcast that doesn’t put you to sleep. There’s no pressure to fall asleep.

 

There’s a reason why I put so much work into the shows, that they’re over an hour, so you have no pressure to fall asleep. There’s a reason there’s 600 shows ready to go for you to choose from if you become a regular listener or you find…you say, oh, I just like these styles of shows. That’s because that’s what works, because there’s no pressure to fall asleep. There’s people who are listening who can’t sleep or who are having a tough day and need a break, and I’m here for them to the very end, and I’m here for you to the very end. That way there’s no pressure to fall asleep. I’m gonna be here keeping you company whether you’re listening or not, whether you’re awake or not, because my job is to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie, your neigh-bore, your bore-bor, your Borbie, your bores, your bore-bruh, your bore-sib, your bore-cuz.

 

I’m here to be your friend in the deep, dark night to keep you company. So, see how it goes. Most people when they get here, they’re very skeptical, they’re very doubtful. You’ve probably tried a ton of different stuff. Now you’re even more confused, 'cause you say, this is the podcast that everybody’s talking about that puts people to sleep? Oh, boy. I don't know about people’s judgement. They’re listening to this guy? That’s a normal…there’s…over a million people have said, when I first got here I couldn’t stand you or the show just didn’t work for me, but I gave it a few tries and what I realized is, oh yeah, this show really does help. It really does help keep me company. So, yeah, just give it a few tries and see how it goes. You got nothing to lose.

 

Also, if you find you don’t like the show or you don’t like me, that’s normal. Sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou has other sleep podcasts out there, so just go ahead and try some of those. Whatever reason you don’t like me or whatever language you want to frame that in, I’ve been doing this show ten years. I’ve heard it. So, it’s like, just try out some other sleep podcasts and maybe…or some sleep audio so hopefully you could just get the rest you need, because whether you like me or not, it doesn’t change the fact…I said you deserve a good night’s sleep, and other people that are listening right now have been there, and other people that aren’t listening right now have been where you are too, and they’ve moved on and they’ve checked out other shows or tried something else out, 'cause you still deserve a good night’s sleep.

 

Okay, most people don’t like the show, you don’t…it’s a sleep podcast that doesn’t put you to sleep and you don’t listen to it. What else do we need to know? Oh, structurally…is that the next thing I talk about? Yeah, I think so. So, structurally, the show is structured in a very specific way, and this is just how most people listen to the show but you can adjust, and I’ll kinda try to walk you through the ways to adjust to the show if you need to. But first, give it a few tries and see how it goes. But if you’re a regular listener and you say, hey, maybe I will try to adjust the show, you can, though for most people the show just works the way it works for…the people that it works for after the third try; not everybody, right?

 

But people that listen to the show on a regular basis, there’s a very common thread about how it feels but there’s also a common thread of, I had no idea I was looking for something like this, but this is exactly what I needed or exactly what I wasn’t looking for. So, structurally, the show starts off with a greeting. Usually the greeting’s about two or three minutes long. I think tonight’s was about seven, but it’s so you feel seen and welcomed in and not totally comfortable with me or the show, but comfortable enough to say, okay, I might check that out. It sounds a little silly but nice, and I want to feel seen and welcomed, but I don't want to go all the way in. So, that’s what the greeting is. Then there’s support so the show is free. It’s supported by the people that support the sponsors and support the show directly.

 

So, you say, oh, okay, I’m a new listener; I don't want to think about that or I’m not in a position to support the show or the sponsors. No problem. Now, if you prefer a sponsor-free experience, that’s available in a bunch of different ways, too. But for most people, that works. Then there’s a long, meandering intro which is separate from the support. The only reason I point that out is when people don’t like the support, then they…I don't know what…I think they connect the intro to that. But the intro is separate from the support and it is a show within a show meant to ease you into bedtime. Now, the intro does put a small percentage of people to sleep, and a small percentage of people skip the intro, but it’s not really designed to put you to sleep. It’s designed to…well, to be familiar but different every time.

 

So, if you’re like my regular listeners or their pets or even their wallpaper or their paint or whatever, they say, oh, there he goes again. He doesn’t know where he’s going, but he’s going…he’s not going anywhere, but he thinks he’s going…he’s going somewhere nowhere. ‘Cause they know the intro follows the same structure every time but it’s always different, because for me, that’s what never worked with anything else. My brain would adjust even if it was TV shows, even if it was other stuff, and then it would interrupt and I wouldn’t be able to get the rest. Even some of the strategies I try now, my brain kind of adjusts sometimes. So, that’s why it’s so important for me to have the intro be familiar but different every time, and it’s meant to be a buffer from the day while you’re getting ready for bed, while you’re winding down, or while you’re getting comfortable in bed.

 

So, it doesn’t quite drift you off even though a small percentage of people do fall asleep. If you prefer something where you just skip the stories, you could start the show at twenty or thirty minutes or so. Or, a lot of people that subscribe to the show directly, they like the story-only versions for that purpose. So, that’s the intro. It’s the transition phase. Then there’s support, then tonight will be our coverage of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, and that’ll be…it’ll probably be a bit monotonous in a good way, 'cause the parade’s pretty long. Even…it’s three hours with commercials. This episode, I hope it won't be, please. So…'cause I haven’t recorded it yet.

 

But that’s why I do the year…last year’s parade I started doing that because I just have to watch the parade a bunch of times, and it can be challenging. So, anyway…but it’s fun and it’ll be very sleepy. So, that’s that, and then there’s thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show. That’s why I make the show. I’m really glad you’re here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive. A bunch of people…other people work hard on this show too, because we all want to help you fall asleep. So, thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to do this for you for free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, this is Scoots here and I’m back with another episode. This is Part 2 of Santa Claus Visits Mars, or vs…Visiting Mars. I’ll kinda catch you up 'cause you didn’t really need to listen to the first one. I mean, you could, but just in case, I’ll tell you most of the stuff you need to know. This is a public…a movie that’s in the public domain here in the US, and now I forget most of the details. I think it was…came out in the sixties or the seventies. It definitely has a feel. I mean, and the feel is so strong to me that it could…it literally could have been made for YouTube or something weeks ago, with a professional team. I didn’t realize how depth…that this is…really is considered a classic of not-quality film until after I got ready to make these episodes.

 

I didn’t read anything about it or listen to anything, but there’s tons of send-ups of it and articles about this movie. But my history was listed…is right now limited to the Wikipedia article on it. Of course, it looks like the version…now that I’m trying to watch it, the version I watched is not coming up. Let’s see here. What happened here? Maybe it got…? Hm, they have other ones…we’ll figure this out. Oh, is that a different Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? Tapping to retry. That’s not working. So, let’s go to…okay, so that’s fine. We’re getting it figured out. Don’t you worry. Okay, that was the version we already watched. Oh, here it is. Alright, we’ll try a little reload. Alright, and we’re going here. Oh yeah, I guess I told you I’d fill you in. It’s kinda simple so far.

 

We’re forty…about…on this version, I’m thirty-eight minutes into the movie. It’s when the rockets are launching from Earth towards Mars, a team of elite US fans of Santa Claus. But so, why are they leaving Earth? Another thing to frame is if you play Starfield…is that what it’s called, Starfield? Even though I’ve spent hours playing the game. I’m trying to think of what this would look like as a quest in Starfield, and I guess now…since the last time I recorded, I probably did three or four more quests or activities that turn into quests. So, I have…I say, okay, well, at least with the quests or activities that become quests, there is multiple stages of them. Usually other planets you would travel to, but in this case we would just travel to other places. But I think what would be cool is if this was a Starfield quest.

 

So, maybe I’ll re-explain the plot so far. So, you’re playing a game — even if you’ve never played Starfield before — or you’re watching a film. This actually…the movie is mainly…the POV is mainly children from Mars, Martians, watching thing…watching US, Earth-based television for kids. I think this takes place in our past, like at the time the movie was made, 1964, but you could say it took place at any time. So, basically, these Martian children who are very…well, externally…and this is why you don’t judge people based on their outsides…what their insides are like…they look like children. I would say, I don't know what age, school-age children, not…sixth grade and under, not middle-school age.

 

They’re watching…it turns out this was a glory time for watching TV for kids, 'cause there’s a kids news on the Kids TV channel, and that’s one of the things they liked to watch. So, we start off from their point of view. They love watching TV, but they’re very entranced by it. Now, you don’t find this out right away, but I can tell you through half of the movie, we find out while these are physically Martian children, they…and I would say in a non-judgemental way, probably emotionally they’re still children, but their minds have been…they have an electronic learning process where learning is downloaded into them or something like that. You know, they talk about this stuff all the time. So, they’ve been already…they have all the information they need to be a mature adult based on the Martian value system, which we don’t totally know anything about.

 

Though, it does seem to be a collaborative planet. They have more advanced technology. They do sleep. They seem to be related to humans. I mean, they do seem to be mammals. They live in community, they have some sort of familial structure. So, that also plants the question of like, when…are we directly related? I would say, probably. Then there’s also…okay, so, they know about Earth. We didn’t know about them, I don't think. But…okay, so, we’re still on the point of view of the Martians. So, then we realize that something’s not right on Mars. The parents, the president on Mars or whatever, Mars…it does seem to be one united group. But, you know, not…there’s people that disagree and stuff.

 

So, their leader whose name I forget but I’ll remember it eventually…something…he says, hey, my kids, they’re not sleeping good. They’re not eating good. They’re watching all this TV and there’s some sense of…something stronger than malaise. Even once they watched too much sleep podcast TV and they said, papa, if we go to a Renaissance festival and we see the queen in her court, can we say, hello, malaise? The father said, what is going on on Mars? Now, he found out it wasn’t limited to just his family. This is going on across Mars. So, there’s our problem; this leader whose name I forgot. He’s Leader 1, though. I mean, that’s not what anybody calls him, but it says it on his shirt; RA1 or something. He goes to the other leaders and says we gotta do something about this.

 

They say, okay, let’s go to the…adventure into the inmost cave or whatever and talk to Yogurt from Spaceballs. They don’t know anything about Mel Brooks or Yogurt, but this is a figure like Mel Brooks’ Yogurt. They go talk to Yogurt. Again, if you’re not familiar with that, you could say, Billy Crystal in Princess Bride, or just Yoda. Not quite Gan…well, like the grouchy Gandalf before he was a wizard, maybe. I don't know. But if Gandalf talked in a way…well, he does talk a bit like he has elven knowledge. But anyway, they go to this figure. The figure says, when is it? They say, on Mars? October, whatever. He says, no, no, on Earth. Oh, it’s December. Oh, okay. The kids have been watching TV about Santa Claus. By the way…I mean, I think this is probably a frustration of this wise figure.

 

He says, by the way, I’ve been telling you this for a long time; you can’t just download adulthood into kids’ brains. We’re actually mammals. He doesn’t put it on the nose like this. Mammalian children need to play and develop at their own rate. You can’t just download adulthood into children. It doesn’t work. They say…not quite a Luddite, but I’d say, hey, this technology just isn’t what it’s…all it’s cracked up to be, and that’s the problem, and Christmas is one part of this because it symbolizes and seasonalizes patience and anticipation, build up and release, playing, fantasizing, playing with toys, tactile experiences, disappointment, confusion around a giant bearded figure who’s supposed to be some sort of demi-god, and a whole set of mythology that’s not the same as the other sets of mythology children may or may not have been taught about or as part of the family’s value system.

 

So, you got all these layers. So, they just need a little Christmas right this very moment. They need a little Christmas now. Now, there’s not a musical. It could be a musical, though, I’m just saying, and it’s public domain, so somebody’s probably already working on it. I mean, if not, I guess I’d have to figure out what Christmas songs are public domain. I could do it as part of a fringe show, a one-person fringe show. Sleep With Me Live 2024 Holidays. We haven’t done a live show in a while just 'cause it’s hard getting them back after everything. But so, okay, so…where are we? Okay, so, basically they say, okay, what? What is Christmas? What is Santa Claus? He says, don’t you watch TV with your children? Oh no, we let them watch it alone in their rooms.

 

The wise person is like, holy cow, what a…no wonder I vanished into a poof of mist. You gotta be kidding me with this. But then he says, okay, go…you need a Santa…you need to participate in some…they take it literally. He may have been speaking figuratively. Need a little Christmas right this very minute. We need a little Christmas now. So, they say, okay, we’ll go get Santa Claus. We’ll bring him to Mars. Problem solved. Now, there is a disagreement among the leadership in Mars. The president of Mars says, okay, let’s take this literally and go do it. About the fourth or fifth in the line of command or something…this guy says, children should be seen…not heard or seen.

 

They should just get downloaded and become adults, and we don’t need any of this nonsense, and I’m really irritable, so…but I’ll go along with it because, whatever, we’ve built consensus, but I’ll constantly be complaining and trying to mess stuff up. So, then they launch from Mars. Also, there’s a comedic figure, Grogo? Not Grogu, but we’ll just say that for now. Can’t remember his name either even though it was a week ago. But so, there’s a comedic figure, kind-hearted…okay, so, the Martians go to Earth. First there’s a little comedic sequence where they start…they put their telescopes…they’re orbiting Earth. Their telescopes are on Earth. They happen to look at New York City, and then they see all these Santa Clauses everywhere, then they get confused. But then they say, let’s land in a remote area.

 

I would say probably someplace like Iowa is where they land. Anyway…but meanwhile, they get detected and then they vanish off the radar 'cause they have a radar-blocker. So, now Earth is aware, and apparently they don’t try to filter anything, so they just announce it on the news; probably a UFO, probably from Mars. We’ll keep track. Meanwhile, the Martians…only one ship. I think their number-one best ship. They land on Earth somewhere. Maybe not Iowa 'cause it was cold out. I guess Iowa’s cold. But, whatever…Kansas, we’ll say. That’d probably be the same temperature, but whatever. There’s two kids chilling, a brother and a sister. The only thing missing, if you were born in the eighties, was a dog, Lad. That would be the only thing. I think they had the same names as Run Lad, Run.

 

But so, the two kids are just chilling, and the Martians get there. They say…I don't know, they say, what are you doing? The kids say, chilling. They say, what are you doing? They say, we’re looking for…we got…we need to get one of your Santa Clauses. The kids are nice enough to explain, no, no, no, those are Santa’s assistants. By the way, Santa’s real, yes, so we agree with you. But those people are portraying Santa to help Santa raise money in Santa’s…whatever. What do they call it? Distribution of labor or whatever. Oh, okay. We’re familiar with that concept. Where’s the real Santa? North Pole. Then they say, come along with us because we might need you to help us with more Earth-based knowledge. The kids are like, I don't know, man. We gotta be home for dinner.

 

They say, no, no, no, we’ll get you home at some point. Also, you get to go to the North…the kids say, okay, the North Pole, eh? Meet Santa. Okay, so then the Martians go to the North Pole. They get Santa to come with them. They have freeze…not freeze rays, but kinda like a freeze ray. Then they’re headed back to Mars. The kids are also on board. Again, it goes straight to the news. Martians came, took Santa, a couple kids are tagging along, and in the world of the…our world, Earth, everybody unites against these Martians. They say, we’re gonna throw all these resources at getting Santa Claus back. So, this might have been peak Christmas. People always say, was Chris…whatever, George Michael this, Mariah Carey that, holy…why you gotta put those decorations up so early?

 

I would say, yo, they were…they launched…they put…whatever, they said, GDP who? We’re putting all…every piece of work on Earth towards rescuing Santa Claus from Mars, even though we really don’t know their intentions or anything about them. So, that would have…you say, what does October 30, November 1 have in decorations compared to being like, by the way, you’re now conscripted? I know you were a stock analyst, but now you’re gonna be analyzing radio telescope data to find out Santa Claus or whatever. Okay, so, only one more piece of information is that there’s…there is one of Santa Claus’ assistant that seems to have prior knowledge and experience with Martians. Not that they double-cross Santa or anything, but they…there is some sort of other link, which again makes me think, okay, we’re all related somehow.

 

Oh, Dropo was the name of the person. So, this is this whole cold…thawing of the coldness. Everybody unites, heads out to catch Santa, or save Santa. Again, we don’t quite have the same technology. So, we go back to the Martian ship and they say, Earth’s…hasn’t done anything quite yet. No radar is coming on us. We got away. Santa’s already laughing up a storm. They say, man, he’s cracking us up. He’s so…he’s got a bowl full of jelly. He’s teaching us about snacking, s’mores or something. Everybody’s laughing except for the dude that’s a grouch. He’s like, you’re all becoming Martian-mallows, soft. Santa’s trouble. Then we see Santa and the kids. We told them where to find you, Santa. Balderdash. Don't worry; everybody knows I’m at the North Pole. Also, I think one of the kids…then we see Dropo.

 

The kids want to go home, obviously, now that they’re…and he goes, yeah, I gotta do Christmas. Mrs. Claus is not gonna be happy about any of this. We’re on a deadline. But it’ll be fine. Dropo comes in. Oh, also, they eat by…their food is concentrated in capsule form on Mars. So, Dropo brings them some food; soup, beef stew, chocolate ice cream. Everybody…not many people are hungry. Earth kids are like, I’m not used to eating in capsule…is it like one of those sponges? You melt the capsule and it expands? Dropo says, I don't know, you just eat it and taste it. Okay, then the Martians realize Earth is following them. We got our radio…radar shield on. They go, no, someone unplugged it, man. Who is this? 67 or 07 is the grouch? He goes, the Earthlings did it, man. They’re gonna catch us and ruin our way of life.

 

I’m gonna go tell Santa Claus off. They go, man, I guess they did unplug it, and we’re gonna have to repair it 'cause they broke the plug. Don't worry; we’ll make some evasive maneuvers. Then the grouchy guy goes in to get…give a speech to Santa Claus and the kids. Oh, hello. He’s very not nice. He goes, you’re gonna be stuck here for a little while. But he goes, how about we go for a tour of the ship? The kid goes, you don’t like us. The girl goes, yeah, we’re not fools. He goes, no, no, Santa makes everybody laugh and feel good, even me. They say, I don't know. Santa says, well, we’ll give it the old Christmas spirit, dude. If you’re a grouch, we’ll take a tour with you to de-grouch you. The guy even makes a smile 'cause he’s up to something. So, they go down to some sort of…another room. This room’s pretty well-designed.

 

It’s got a clock on it. He goes, yeah, this is a special room where you chill. Ready Room, eh? They go, no, it’s the airlock, man. This is where you’re supposed to put on your spacesuit. The kid goes…don’t you think I’ve ever…don’t you think I’ve never watched a movie before? He goes, this is like…you pressurized this room. The guy goes, you’re right, kid. They go, how is this room controlled? Oh, at the control deck. Don't worry; there will be a bell. Then you get sixty seconds. It counts down. Then he closes the door, right? Then they say, Santa, what is it? There’s a timer and the door’s locked. Santa goes, okay, I don't think he locked us in on purpose. Probably just…Santa’s a little bit of a Pollyanna in this one, or a bit of a Santy Santa. The kids are like, Santa, that guy’s no good, man. They say, children, let’s calm down.

 

Santa says, huh, what should we do? That guy goes up, tries…he goes to open…he says, oh, let’s hit that Exit door, and it starts to count down. Fifty seconds…Val something. Then they’re knocking on the door; hey, get us out. Very dramatic knocking. The seven says, oh boy, can’t wait. The kid looks around, bangs on the door again. It’s very dramatic. Santa’s not doing anything, man. He just trusts it’ll be fine. But there’s also this chimney where air comes in. So, I guess Santa has no reason to worry because he’s Santa Claus. So, there’s where they pump the air in the…air in and out of the airlock. Then they bust the guy. They say, what’s going on in the airlock? Santa and the kids are not around. This guy’s Bryan Cranston, the president of Mars. He says, you gotta be kidding me, man. They go back and forth.

 

They tango, man, do a little dancing off, like a action sequence on the control deck. A little stiff, a couple different angles, some good close-ups, kinda like something you’d see in that…the original TV show for Robin and the winged-person. I mean, he says, you ruined it, but then Santa and the kids come in. Santa says…literally makes…Santa, ho-ho-ho. Santa, how did you pull that off? Oh, Voldar accidentally left us in the airlock and might have accidentally hit the button, but we know how to get out of there. Don’t gotta worry about us. The kids just laugh. They say, well, how’d you do it? We floated through the air duct. It’s not a human-sized air duct. Santa just laughs. I’m Santa Claus, kids. I can do any…I can…how do you think I can get up and down a chimney? Oh, Voldar.

 

Voldar or whatever his name is, he’s…he can’t believe it 'cause he thought he won. Then they all laugh again, these…a bunch…it has a bunch of ridiculous, over-the-top laughs. Okay, then we see a ship which I assume is a Martian ship heading towards Mars. So, again, you could…if it was in Starfield, you could be working for…the Martians would be one good way to do it, but then I guess you could also side with Earth and try to get Santa back, or do both. Then they were like…Voldar switches places with Dropo and they have a giant, over-the-top key. They realize Voldar’s gotten away. They call Kima. This is only gonna be trouble. Keep an eye on Santa and the kids. We’re almost back to Mars, anyway. Or maybe they are; I don't know, 'cause they say Merry Christmas and stuff. Yeah, then we’re back on Mars.

 

Kima is the wife of the president. The first empress of Mars? I don't know. Then she meets the humans, human kids, Billy and Betty. Dropo is the president’s personal assistant. He’s Number 6, though. Then Santa makes an appearance…comes in. Ho-ho-ho, everybody. They say, wow, you really are a bowl full of jelly and stuff. Then he goes…Santa goes, I notice you don’t have chimneys on Mars. Are you gonna make the kids on Mars happy? Yeah, I’ll try. I will try. He goes, there, there. He goes, why don’t you start with my kids, Santa? They go, but they’re quiet, remote. They’re study…doing their homework right now. Santa says, well, I’d sure like to meet them. The dad…president of Mars goes, I’ll tell the kids.

 

So, they’re doing their homework, absorbing it through pillows; 5 pi squared or something…distance to the correct…the distance to Mars and Jupiter vector 17 quadrant. A bit like Sleep With Me. The dad goes, hey, I missed you kids. I’m back from my work trip taking Santa from Earth, but we got some visitors from Earth. Maybe you’ve seen them on TV. Well, these…is Billy and Betty. They’re humans, a little bit younger than you, but pretty close in age. The kids go to shake their hands, so we get a little comedic sequence. I don't know what you’re holding your hand out for. Is there anything in there? No; we shake hands on Earth. The kids say, we’ll try it. Great acting, I think, by the Martian kids, 'cause they’re so perplexed.

 

Ten…okay, so then they have a little…another sequence about ages, and we got another Earthling here, Santa Claus. The kids are again…they’re straight acting. They’re like, who is this dude? Santa does make them laugh right away, and they get a genuine laugh. Very cute. Everybody’s laughing over-the…very, very over-the-top. Santa already wins these kids over faster than on Earth, I think, the first time. Then Dropo, the president, and the empress are listening in. They say, this is laughter. Our kids don’t laugh. They’ve never laughed before, though they’re familiar with laughter on Mars. They say, open the door. Dropo’s happy about it, though. Okay, then we get another sequence with Santa, and everybody says, we can’t believe it; the kids went to sleep without the sleep spray.

 

They say, tomorrow, Santa, we’ll set up a workshop for you. The same one as on Earth. Don't worry; we got nanobots and stuff. Santa goes, good, good, but we gotta get things moving 'cause I gotta get back to Earth for Christmas there, too. By the way, I’m married. Mrs. Claus, she doesn’t have high patience. They say, no, no, Santa, this is a permanent position, the Santa Claus of Mars. There’s a slow zoom, really good slow zoom on Santa. Santa goes, no, no, no. Then we got Voldar or whatever, and he still won't give it up. So, he goes…he’s got his sidekick, so he goes, we’re gonna make a fool of Santa Claus and his toy shop and everything. We’re gonna show them. Then we get to…Santa’s got a automated workshop, but based on requests.

 

Actually, Billy and Betty are helping with…and some the kids are helping Santa with toy production based on demand. But Santa’s a little bored 'cause he doesn’t like the automated system, just pressing buttons. Automation, like a automat for toys, man. Not my thing. I’d love a automat store for toys, though. Maybe. I don't know. Santa says, okay, let’s call it quits. Let’s get outta here. Then we go to…the adults are playing with toys 'cause they’ve never had a childhood, either, probably. So, then Santa and everybody gets together. How’s everything going? Well…you tired, Santa? My finger’s tired, but yeah, that’s about it. Santa goes, I guess my finger and I will go to sleep. Then they have milk capsules. Then they say, daddy, can we watch a Earth show? Only for a half hour. With the Earth kids? The Earth kids?

 

No, they stay behind. Billy, Betty, don’t you want to watch the Earth show? They go, no, no, we want to…we’re not interested in Earth shows. By the way, subtextually, we want to be home. That’s when he realizes they’re not okay. But like, no, we’re fine. They say, well, did something happen? They go, no, no, no, this is great, swell. But can’t you read between the lines? We’re supposed to be on Earth. They say, this is the beginning of the film when our kids were distant. The empress of Mars, she says, yeah, they want to be home with their parents and their friends. She says…Kimar, is that his name? I don't know. They say, bring him back. Then we get a sequence with Dropo dressing up like Santa, which is a common thing. Dropo wants to play Santa, so he gets up in a Santa suit. He’s having the time of his life.

 

So, I guess maybe we get a little foreshadowing as a way to fix things, maybe. I don't know. Good old Dropo Claus. He even…yeah, he’s the Martian version of Santa Claus, or Santa’s assistant. He says, I’m gonna make some toys. I’m gonna press some buttons. Ho-ho-ho. He’s very good, especially on mute. The comedic movements are very good. Okay, so, then the…Voltron or whatever, Voldar, goes with his sidekicks, his…they’re trying to ruin the toy shop and unplug stuff. They’re actually using plastic toy wrenches. I think he’s trying to overload it. Then he says, someone’s coming; oh, no. It’s Dropo Claus who’s skipping and singing and jumping. They say, oh boy. These guys are not too swift 'cause they say, it’s Santa all by himself. We could freeze-ray him. So, they freeze-ray him. Oh no; they just corner him. Then we go back.

 

By the way, Voldar or whatever lives in a cave with a fireplace. It looks like a pretty cool set. They say, who do you think you are, Santa Claus? They say, let’s put the nuclear curtain on to keep him. He can’t leave. We’re shutting down your toy shop, too. Mars is gonna get back to normal, the way I like it. No joy, no laughter, no kids underfoot. Then Santa goes into Dropo’s room, I think, or to the toy shop? Oh yeah, and they say, Dropo, where are you? Come out, come out, wherever you are. You want to play hide-and-seek? They look around for Dropo. Can’t find Dropo; not here. Well, that’s weird. Okay, well, we gotta get to work. So, Santa starts charging up the toy machine and says, okay, what do we got first here, Betty? Okay, one teddy bear and one doll. Okay, let me hit that button.

 

They say, wait a second, there’s something going on here, 'cause the toys…a panda and a doll got mashed up into one toy. They say, okay, now a baseball bat and a tennis racquet. Okay, this is not gonna work. Huh, nanobots must be confused in toy construction. Toy train…okay, let’s see. Let me hit that button. Let me see…okay. Yeah, it’s a toy car and a toy train combined into one. This doesn’t make any sense. Okay, well, it never happened on Earth 'cause we were making these by hand. Something not right here. Something strange in the neighborhood. I think we better call in your dad or whoever built these machines. The kid is like, yeah, I got a radio way to call my dad, like a cell phone. But we’re in a toy shop, we can’t find Dropo, and something’s wrong with the toy machine. Be right there. Then we see Dropo.

 

They still think Dropo is Santa Claus. He says, by the way, you’re not locked in by a nuclear curtain. He says, nuclear or nuclear? Then he says, nuclear. It’s run by these different lights. Then we’re looking with the dad, president of Mars. He says, oh, the…something…machine’s been rewired. Okay, this has gotta be Voldar. Suit’s missing, Dropo’s missing. Maybe he thought Dropo was Santa Claus. Okay, we’ll go find Dropo. Santa’s just concerned…very empathetic. Where’s Dropo? Santa figures out Voldar and his sidekick are up to something. He says, you’re busted. They go, by the way, we got Santa Claus, so one false move and that’s it for Santa Claus. He goes, dude…he’s like…he goes, if you stop making toys, we’ll let you return everybody to Earth. How about that? No toys, no joy; go back to Earth with Santa.

 

He says, okay, you win, Bryan Cranston, president of Mars. He goes, you’re…you got Santa, man. You really tricked us. He goes, I mean, you had him. Then they open the door; they see Santa in there. How did he get out? How did he get away? No idea. They go, Santa has powers you don’t understand, beyond your understanding. Then he calls in…he goes, yeah, we got Voldar and Stovo, and they’re…we’re gonna keep them in the store…toy room…store room of the toy house…toy facility. Voldar used to hang out in these caves. Go look if you see Dropo in a cave. Then he goes, you two go in the storeroom. They have…the Martian storeroom has a waterski or a snowboard in there. Somebody’s laundry’s drying. The president goes in there and says, okay, you’re busted.

 

Then Dropo realizes the nuclear curtain’s run by lights, light bulbs, so he switches the light bulbs…like the on-and-off light bulb so that they think the nuclear curtain…nuclear…nuclear? Nuclear curtain’s on, but it’s really off. Then he goes dancing through it and he says, ho-ho-ho. He goes, you can’t leave, Santa; there’s a nuclear curtain there. He goes, bye. Then he goes through. The dude’s like, what the…? Then he goes to the controller. I guess he figures it out? I don't know. He says, yeah, isn’t the red supposed to be on the left? The green’s on the right. Then we go back to the storeroom and they say, you two are in big trouble messing with Santa Claus and this new Mars plan. Then we have another action sequence, and Voldar gets away.

 

Santa’s repairing the toy machine and he goes, yeah, okay, I got it rewired here. Goes, this is basic. He goes, I’ve built these circuits before. Then he goes, Billy, go get some red paint, man. We got some stuff to do. Then Santa’s thoughtful. Billy goes to the storeroom and then he hears them planning, Voldar and his sidekick. Santa’s working on his own toys, and they say, hey, they’re coming to bust you, Santa. Santa goes, okay, well, maybe we’ll have some fun with our toys and we’ll see if they want to play with us. So, he gathers all the kids. He says, okay, let’s do something; we’ll have a secret plan…whispering. So, Santa pretends he’s smoking his pipe. Voldar comes in and says, Santa, freeze. We meet again. He goes, I don't know how you keep getting away, but you’re not getting away this time, you and your bowl full of jelly.

 

He has a bubble…he’s playing his bubble pipe. They used to teach…here’s the thing; they used to teach kids how to smoke pipes by having bubble pipes. I’m not even kidding, either, and they had corncob pipes you could get. But anyway, they start playing. There’s March of the Wooden Soldiers, actual toys underfoot, toy trucks, more…a lot of bubble machines. The kids are playing Nerf. Everybody’s laughing except for Voldar, 'cause he’s never played with toys before. Even the toys underfoot kind of throw him off. He doesn’t know…it’s like stepping on Legos. Maybe he took his shoes off. It’s another sequence, like this kind of seventies action style, like different angles, handheld camera. Usually it has a funk…a seventies dancing…or sixties dancing music. Then he does step on some Legos. Then Dropo comes.

 

He’s dressed as Santa Claus. Dropo says, by the way, that was me that you caught. That’s the real Santa Claus. The sidekick says, I don't know what’s going on. Then he gets Nerfed and Lego’d. Then the air puffer comes out, the big…the president of Mars comes out and says, everybody get in here. This is it. There’s even confetti machines at this point. The kids are throwing confetti. Says, this…Voldar says, I can’t believe these toys…there was even water spraying on me. They say, I could take Voldar and his sidekick away. They’re busted. He’s having a real place…put them on the naughty list. Then Dropo says, holy cow, Merry Christmas. Santa says, Merry Christmas. He hugs Dropo. Then he goes, see? You don’t…you’ve got your own Santa Claus, Dropo Claus. Dropo laughs.

 

Everybody laughs, and that’s, I guess, pretty much the only solution they needed. We had our own Santa Claus here all along, Dropo, my personal assistant. So, they get ready to go back to Earth, Billy, Betty, and Santa. The Martian kids give them some gifts. I don't know what they are. They seem to be hi-tech. Also some sort of treat. They say, thanks, Santa and kids. You really changed Mars. Actually, the Martian kids have changed. I mean, their faces are…and their body language is fully different. So, I don't know, as much as this movie got made fun of…and then Dropo comes in and says, Merry Christmas everybody. I’m Dropo Claus; ho-ho-ho. Everybody laughs 'cause Dropo’s very comedic. He says, by the way, I’ve been…he tried a balloon, he’s tried pillows.

 

Then Santa says, if we hurry and get back to Earth, we’ll be back in time for Christmas. Then everybody cheers and they say, let’s get going, man. Santa says, goodbye, friends, ho-ho-ho. They head off, then we see the Brookstone SkyMall fountain sculpture still working at this point, but after we leave the show, it won't work anymore. We see the Martian ship headed back towards Earth in slow motion and see some slow-motion space action, even a couple cuts, and then we see Santa Claus. This is a little bit weird, but it’s like…it just says ‘Merry Christmas’ and it’s a transparent, frozen shot of Santa Claus, and then says ‘Merry Christmas’, and we get the song again, which is like, ‘say ‘hey’ for Santa Claus, hey, hey, for Santa Claus’. Then we get another animated sequence similar to the other one.

 

We get…it zooms on a moon which looks like Earth, and let’s see what else happens. We get the end card…everybody that was in the film. Pizadora was one of the kids. I think that was one of the big ones. Hang up that mistletoe. Soon you’ll hear ho-ho-ho on Christmas Day. You’ll wake up and you’ll say, hooray for Santa Claus. That’s S-A-N-T-A C-A…C-L-A-U-S. Hooray for Santa Claus. You spell it S-A-N-T-A C-L-A-U-S. Hooray for Santa Claus. Hooray for Santa Claus. Hooray for Santa Claus. Hooray for Santa Claus. So…and that’s the end of the movie. So, I guess…let’s see. So…really, let’s, as we wind down, thinking about…so, Starfield, it would have started off…I guess it could be…'cause one of the ways you get activities is overhearing things. So, I think there’s two ways.

 

So, the Martian mission could start with like…you’re on Mars and you go to some sort of…whatever. I actually haven’t been to Mars, I don't think, on Starfield. So, this could be a different version of Mars. You could be…go to 1960s Mars, maybe. I don't know if that would work. I guess so, 'cause if this is an expansion pack or whatever they call it…okay, so, you go there and then you’re wandering around or you’re already on another mission, and then you hear over…you overhear multiple people talking about…hey, the kids aren’t sleeping. So, that’s…then you say, invest…look into why our kids aren’t sleeping on Mars and eating.

 

There could be a lot of cool layers 'cause you could visit the…where they made the food capsules, and then you could watch some Earth TV, and then you could even see two kids…I guess you could go in a room where two kids are fixated on Earth TV and…or maybe you run into the president of Mars; he says, yeah, my kids are watching this TV. I say, okay, let me look, and you watch the kids watching TV. Maybe there’s even…playing TV. Then you were the one…they say, okay, well, are you gonna help…can you help us with this? Sure. Well, where should I start? Okay, go talk to Yogurt. So, then you would go talk to Yogurt, and Yogurt would say, they need Santa Claus on this planet.

 

Again, if this is not a on-the-rails one, then you could easily say, okay…you could try to convince them to make Dropo Santa Claus or something or you could dress up as Santa Claus. So, yeah, you could…I guess it could have branches. You could restart or build a toy facility, a resource facility, right? That would have some mechanics, and that could be fun. Then immediately…then eventually you take on the mission of delivering presents on Mars. That would be pretty fun. I don't know if it would be…I guess you could have two forms, like from orbit, maybe, and then you could have one from on the planet, on some sort of vehicle. Or you could…yeah, take a ship, journey to Earth, help Santa Claus…convince Santa Claus to come to Mars, but then realize you’re being double-crossed.

 

So, then you would have to uncover the thing with Voldar or whatever. So, that could create another set of sub-mission…or sub-tasks. Then eventually, yeah, get Santa Claus. Okay, start…help with toy production and the toy delivery, then return Santa Claus to Earth. Or you could also do it from Earth’s perspective. That would be much more…where you’d have more options to do it your way, I guess. Or you could, again, go from Earth and then say, well…the Martians would be like, hey, help us first. Then you could bring Santa Claus back to Earth.

 

Then I think it would be cool if you brought Santa Claus back to Earth, or even if you encounter Santa Claus on Earth, that you could then help…there would be a Santa…Earth-based Santa missions, too. So, those could be really fun. It’s the public domain, so…Bethesda, man, we pitched you a long time ago for something else on a crossover and…well, it was a advertising PR company. So, I don't know, nobody from Bethesda’s gonna get this, but…2024, this would be a great add-on. I really think so. It’d really be fun. Alright, thanks, and goodnight, everybody.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)

Seasonal / Public Domain

 

Wallpaper

https://www.vam.ac.uk/articles/a-brief-history-of-wallpaper

https://www.bbc.com/culture/article/20181106-the-surprising-story-of-wallpaper

https://www.bhg.com/home-improvement/walls/wallpapering/iconic-wallpaper-patterns-history/

 

Mystery Science Theater 3000 Impact

https://www.slashfilm.com/807816/the-mystery-science-theater-3000-robots-each-had-a-unique-inspiration/

https://www.rollingstone.com/tv-movies/tv-movie-features/mystery-science-theater-3000-30th-anniversary-758435/

https://www.wired.com/2014/04/mst3k-oral-history/

 

Fictional Technology in the Cold War

https://gizmodo.com/3-ways-to-stop-spam-from-reaching-your-smartphone-or-in-1850985750

https://www.phaidon.com/agenda/design/articles/2020/march/12/when-the-cold-war-went-sci-fi/

https://www.space.com/25042-soviet-science-fiction-cold-war.html

 

Toy cigarettes

https://www.lung.org/research/sotc/by-the-numbers/10-bad-things-to-entice-kids

https://stopswithme.com/history-tobacco-marketing-scary-story/

https://thedieline.com/blog/2019/10/28/the-history-of-the-candy-cigarette

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

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I’m about to do some bounding with joy

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The Foremost Observer of Pluto

 

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INTRO

Stuff you’re going through

It may feel lonely, but you are not alone

I’ll go on multiple tangents and laugh at how distracting those tangents are

The listening is not exactly passive

This is the podcast that everybody listens to to put you to sleep??

It’s normal to not like me, don’t worry

This is exactly what I wasn’t looking for

The intro isn’t designed to put you to sleep

Regular pets and listeners and wallpaper will no that I’m always going nowhere in particular

My brain still adjusts and catches up to me

Tonight’s episode will be the Thanksgiving parade

 

STORY

Part 2 of Santa Claus Visits Mars

I’ll recap, don’t worry

This movie is in the public domain

It definitely has a feel

A classic of Not Quality Film

Well, the version I watched last time is no longer coming up

The rockets are launching from Earth back to Mars

What would this movie look like as a quest in Starfield

Explaining the structure of Starfield quests

You’re playing a game where you’re watching a film

The main POV is of the Martian children

These children are definitely under middle school age

Watching the Kids News TV Channel

Electronic Learning Process based on the Martian Value System

These Martians do appear to be mammalian

Are we directly related?

Something is not right on Mars at the moment

The Martian leader is worried about malaise in these children

Let’s go and talk to Yogurt from Spaceballs

He’s like a grouchier Gandalf

The kids have learned about Santa Claus

This leader is not quite a luddite

Christmas creates a lot of expectations contradictory to Martian values

They need a little Christmas now

Sleep With Me Live! (aka me singing public domain holiday songs)

Their leader says they need a Santa Claus; they think they need the Santa

4th in command is our antagonist

He thinks children should be neither seen nor heard

They launch from Mars

A kindhearted comedic figure that we’ll call Grogu for now

A comedic sequence as Martians navigate Earth

Earth announces that Martians are on Earth somewhere

Landing in probably Kansas or Michigan

The two kids clarify some Santa things for Martians

Explaining Santa’s Distribution of Labor

The kids go to the North Pole with the Martians

The Martians bring Santa and the kids back to Mars

Straight to the news

The world unites against Martians to get Santa back

Was this Peak Christmas?

One Santa Assistant does seem to have some previous experience with Martians

Oh, that comedic character is called Droppo

Santa is really cracking these Martians up

Martian Mellows

The kids want to go home now

Mrs. Claus won’t be happy about this

Martian food is in capsule form

Martians realize they’re being followed

The Grouch blames the Earthlings for unplugging their radar blocker

Grouchy guy goes into speechify at Santa and the kids

Santa intends to degrouch this guy

These kids don’t trust this guy at all

Going on a “tour” of the ship

He locks the door on the air lock

Santa’s a bit of a Pollyanna about people

Santysanta

Very dramatic knocking

The president of Mars is very Bryan Cranston

There’s a chimney where air comes in

Santa can go up through the chimney!

Martian leader discovers that antagonist has trapped Santa

A combat reminiscent of Robin and the Winged Person

Santa can get through any air duct of any size!

Voldar is devastated that he lost

Very over the top laughs

A Martian ship heads towards Mars

If this were in Starfield, maybe you’d have to choose between working for the Martians or Earthlings

Voldar switches places with Droppo

Back on Mars

Keema, the Empress / First Lady, meets the human kids

Santa appears on Mars

No chimneys on Mars

President tells the kids that Santa is here

The kids are learning via pillow osmosis

Human kids meet the Martian kids

Great acting by these Martian kids here

Santa makes these kids genuinely laugh

Santa will set up a workshop on Mars tomorrow

They reveal that Santa can never leaves Mars

A great slow zoom-in on Santa

Voldar plots revenge

Santa’s automated workshop

Toy production based on demand

Santa is bored with this automated system

The adults are also playing with toys

Santa’s finger is tired from pressing that one button all day

Billy & Betty miss home

Droppo dresses up like Santa

This could maybe be foreshadowing for a potential solution

Droppo’s physicality is very comedic

Voldar is trying to overload the automated workshop

Voldar lives in a cave with a fireplace

Voldar unwittingly interrogates Droppo Claus

Santa goes looking for Droppo

These toys are getting mashed up in weird ways

Toy car and toy train combined into one

Santa realizes something is off

A Nucler / Nuclear Curtain

This sabotage has Voldar written all over it

Santa busts Voldar

Voldar tries to hold Droppo Claus hostage

Voldar wants no toys and no joy

Bryan Cranston plays along with Voldar’s demands

Santa has powers beyond your understanding

Voldar and Stovo are kept in storage at the workshop

This Martian storeroom has a waterski and drying laundry in it

Droppo turns off the Nuclear Curtain and dances through it

Another action sequence

Voldar escapes

Santa repairs the toy machine

Billy overhears Voldar plotting vengeance

Santa concocts a plan with his toys

Santa pretends to smoke his pipe

Santa has a bubble pipe

They used to teach kids how to smoke pipes with bubble pipes, no joke

Everyone’s having fun with the toys except for Voldar

Another 70s action style sequence

Voldar steps on some LEGO

Droppo reveals that he is Droppo Claus

The kids are even throwing confetti at this time

Put Voldar on the Naughty List

Droppo is the Claus that Mars needs

Billy, Betty, and Santa return to Earth

The Martian kids give them some hot tech as a thank you gift

They can hurry and get back to Earth in time for Christmas

Slow Motion Space Action

A transparent, frozen shot of Santa Claus

Then we get the song again and another animated sequence

Hoo-Ray for Santy Claus

Ok, let’s talk Starfield now

If it’s a Martian mission, you’d go to Mars and overhear people talking about how the kids aren’t sleeping

Watching the kids watching TV

Then you’d go talk to Yogurt

And then maybe you’d dress up as Santa?

Or you’d rebuild a toy facility and then deliver presents on Mars

Or maybe you help bring Santa Claus back to Earth

Bethesda, get on this, it’s in the public domain

 

PATREON THANKS

Freya, Andy, Kevin, Amy, Steven, Ramiro, Augustine, Abigail, Person, Pete, Sarah, Lindsay, Emily, Fernando, Victoria, Corin, Jane, Cazona

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1,220

Title: Santa Visits Mars Part 2

Deep Dark Night United: Looking for Sponsor Supporters

Plugs: Hand in Hand; The Midnight Mission; Trevor Project; Calm History Podcast; Patreon; SleepPhones; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline; Sleep With Me Plus; Referral Program

Sponsors: Wild Health; Hello Fresh; Polysleep; Odoo; Helix Sleep; Air Doctor Pro; Zocdoc; Progressive

Patreon Thanks: Freya, Andy, Kevin, Amy, Steven, Ramiro, Augustine, Abigail, Person, Pete, Sarah, Lindsay, Emily, Fernando, Victoria, Corin, Jane, Cazona

Notable Language:

• Planetoid
• Celestial Bodies
• Bounding With Joy
• Not Exactly Passive
• A Classic of Not Quality Film
• Electronic Learning Process
• Martian Malaise
• Santa’s Distribution of Labor
• Martian Mellows
• Degrouchify
• Santysanta
• Droppo Claus
• Nucler Curtain
• Slow Motion Space Action
• S-A-N-T-A C-L-A-U-S
• Hoo-Ray for Santy Claus

 

Notable Culture:

• Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

• • Pluto

• Pluto, the Musical, by Weird Al

• • Weird Al Yankovic
  • Macy’s 2022 Thanksgiving Parade

• Starfield

• Spaceballs / Mel Brook

• • Yoda

• Princess Bride

• The Lord of the Rings

• • “We need a little Christmas”
  • Bryan Cranston

• Robin and the Winged Person

• 1960s Batman
• LEGO
• NERF
• Bethesda Games

 

Notable Talking Points:

• Stuff you’re going through
• It may feel lonely, but you are not alone
• I’ll go on multiple tangents and laugh at how distracting those tangents are
• The listening is not exactly passive
• This is the podcast that everybody listens to to put you to sleep??
• It’s normal to not like me, don’t worry
• This is exactly what I wasn’t looking for
• The intro isn’t designed to put you to sleep
• Regular pets and listeners and wallpaper will no that I’m always going nowhere in particular
• My brain still adjusts and catches up to me
• Tonight’s episode will be the Thanksgiving parade
• Part 2 of Santa Claus Visits Mars
• I’ll recap, don’t worry
• This movie is in the public domain
• It definitely has a feel
• A classic of Not Quality Film
• Well, the version I watched last time is no longer coming up
• The rockets are launching from Earth back to Mars
• What would this movie look like as a quest in Starfield
• Explaining the structure of Starfield quests
• You’re playing a game where you’re watching a film
• The main POV is of the Martian children
• These children are definitely under middle school age
• Watching the Kids News TV Channel
• Electronic Learning Process based on the Martian Value System
• These Martians do appear to be mammalian
• Are we directly related?
• Something is not right on Mars at the moment
• The Martian leader is worried about malaise in these children
• Let’s go and talk to Yogurt from Spaceballs
• He’s like a grouchier Gandalf
• The kids have learned about Santa Claus
• This leader is not quite a luddite
• Christmas creates a lot of expectations contradictory to Martian values
• They need a little Christmas now
• Sleep With Me Live! (aka me singing public domain holiday songs)
• Their leader says they need a Santa Claus; they think they need the Santa
• 4th in command is our antagonist
• He thinks children should be neither seen nor heard
• They launch from Mars
• A kindhearted comedic figure that we’ll call Grogu for now
• A comedic sequence as Martians navigate Earth
• Earth announces that Martians are on Earth somewhere
• Landing in probably Kansas or Michigan
• The two kids clarify some Santa things for Martians
• Explaining Santa’s Distribution of Labor
• The kids go to the North Pole with the Martians
• The Martians bring Santa and the kids back to Mars
• Straight to the news
• The world unites against Martians to get Santa back
• Was this Peak Christmas?
• One Santa Assistant does seem to have some previous experience with Martians
• Oh, that comedic character is called Droppo
• Santa is really cracking these Martians up
• Martian Mellows
• The kids want to go home now
• Mrs. Claus won’t be happy about this
• Martian food is in capsule form
• Martians realize they’re being followed
• The Grouch blames the Earthlings for unplugging their radar blocker
• Grouchy guy goes into speechify at Santa and the kids
• Santa intends to degrouch this guy
• These kids don’t trust this guy at all
• Going on a “tour” of the ship
• He locks the door on the air lock
• Santa’s a bit of a Pollyanna about people
• Santysanta
• Very dramatic knocking
• The president of Mars is very Bryan Cranston
• There’s a chimney where air comes in
• Santa can go up through the chimney!
• Martian leader discovers that antagonist has trapped Santa
• A combat reminiscent of Robin and the Winged Person
• Santa can get through any air duct of any size!
• Voldar is devastated that he lost
• Very over the top laughs
• A Martian ship heads towards Mars
• If this were in Starfield, maybe you’d have to choose between working for the Martians or Earthlings
• Voldar switches places with Droppo
• Back on Mars
• Keema, the Empress / First Lady, meets the human kids
• Santa appears on Mars
• No chimneys on Mars
• President tells the kids that Santa is here
• The kids are learning via pillow osmosis
• Human kids meet the Martian kids
• Great acting by these Martian kids here
• Santa makes these kids genuinely laugh
• Santa will set up a workshop on Mars tomorrow
• They reveal that Santa can never leaves Mars
• A great slow zoom-in on Santa
• Voldar plots revenge
• Santa’s automated workshop
• Toy production based on demand
• Santa is bored with this automated system
• The adults are also playing with toys
• Santa’s finger is tired from pressing that one button all day
• Billy & Betty miss home
• Droppo dresses up like Santa
• This could maybe be foreshadowing for a potential solution
• Droppo’s physicality is very comedic
• Voldar is trying to overload the automated workshop
• Voldar lives in a cave with a fireplace
• Voldar unwittingly interrogates Droppo Claus
• Santa goes looking for Droppo
• These toys are getting mashed up in weird ways
• Toy car and toy train combined into one
• Santa realizes something is off
• A Nucler / Nuclear Curtain
• This sabotage has Voldar written all over it
• Santa busts Voldar
• Voldar tries to hold Droppo Claus hostage
• Voldar wants no toys and no joy
• Bryan Cranston plays along with Voldar’s demands
• Santa has powers beyond your understanding
• Voldar and Stovo are kept in storage at the workshop
• This Martian storeroom has a waterski and drying laundry in it
• Droppo turns off the Nuclear Curtain and dances through it
• Another action sequence
• Voldar escapes
• Santa repairs the toy machine
• Billy overhears Voldar plotting vengeance
• Santa concocts a plan with his toys
• Santa pretends to smoke his pipe
• Santa has a bubble pipe
• They used to teach kids how to smoke pipes with bubble pipes, no joke
• Everyone’s having fun with the toys except for Voldar
• Another 70s action style sequence
• Voldar steps on some LEGO
• Droppo reveals that he is Droppo Claus
• The kids are even throwing confetti at this time
• Put Voldar on the Naughty List
• Droppo is the Claus that Mars needs
• Billy, Betty, and Santa return to Earth
• The Martian kids give them some hot tech as a thank you gift
• They can hurry and get back to Earth in time for Christmas
• Slow Motion Space Action
• A transparent, frozen shot of Santa Claus
• Then we get the song again and another animated sequence
• Hoo-Ray for Santy Claus
• Ok, let’s talk Starfield now
• If it’s a Martian mission, you’d go to Mars and overhear people talking about how the kids aren’t sleeping
• Watching the kids watching TV
• Then you’d go talk to Yogurt
• And then maybe you’d dress up as Santa?
• Or you’d rebuild a toy facility and then deliver presents on Mars
• Or maybe you help bring Santa Claus back to Earth
• Bethesda, get on this, it’s in the public domain