1187 – Unintended Compliment | Bore to Win
A lulling seminar brings bedtime and paint mixing into one lulling happy meander.
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Episode 1187 – Unintended Compliment | Bore to Win
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who’s here…I’m trying to get comfortable in my chair here, and I thought of…there’s a poem about a crooked man who lives in a crooked house or something on a crooked lane. I don't know why that popped in my head, just 'cause…even though I’m in the climb-in closet…which, I can touch both walls with my elbows it’s so small in here where I record under the stairs, which I’ve recently been slowly putting back together. Even though that fact is a fact, for some reason, the chair is all the way to the left side and I don’t understand why, other than that’s just my nature with everything. So, anyway, I’m glad you’re here. It’s time for Sleep With Me. Oh, if you’re new, though…sorry, I go on these tangents.
Welcome to Sleep With Me. It’s a podcast that’s here to put you to sleep by keeping you company while you fall asleep and taking your mind off of stuff. It’s a very different show, so it does take some getting used to, so give it a few tries. It’s free, and I’m here to try to help, but most regular listeners said, hey, it took me two or three tries to get used to the show and realize you’re only here to be kinda barely listened to. But I’m here because you deserve a good night’s sleep and I know how it feels in the deep, dark night, and that is important to me, and I know it’s important to you to get the rest you need so your life is more manageable and you could be out there in the world, flourishing. So, thank you for listening.
Structurally, there’s support — that’s how the show is free — then there’s a long, meandering intro. So, if you want…if you decide to skip the support or something, don’t miss out on the intro. It’s really meant to ease you into bedtime and get to know the show. Then there will be support and then coverage of a episode of The Mandalorian, actually the final episode of Season 3. 8, 16, 24; so, Chapter 24, I believe. So, anyway, I’m glad you’re here. I appreciate you checking the podcast out, and thanks again for coming by, and thanks for making this possible, my patron peeps.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. That could be thoughts, things on your mind, thoughts you’re thinking about. So, thinking thoughts…thoughts…you say, okay, I’m thinking about that. So, thoughts, things on your mind about the past, the present, the future, feelings, anything coming up for you emotionally related to those thoughts, things you’re feeling, physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, routine.
You could be going somewhere, you could have someone coming there, you could have something coming up. Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’d like to help by keeping you company and taking your mind off of stuff so that you could fall asleep. It really is my pleasure to be here to do that for you, and the way I do it…I’ll tell you why I do it, but the…yeah, let’s…me tell you why I do it. I kinda mentioned it up top there. There’s two reasons that are really important to why I make the show and why I go through a bunch of stuff that could be keeping you awake. The reason I do that is, one, because I know how it feels; I said it earlier. Now, I might not know exactly what you’re going through. I might not have been through it. I’ve gotten a lot of feedback.
I’ve been making this show for almost ten years, and I’ve heard a lot of different people’s stories of why they can’t sleep or what they’re dealing with, and that makes it unbelievably important to me. But a lot of times, I can probably relate to some part of how it feels, and if I can’t…I can tell you — because I’ve heard all these listeners’ stories — what it feels like in the deep, dark night. One of them might know what you’re going through or be able to relate to it, and I know this is digital, so it’s not direct or whatever, but that really is true. We have a gigantic Discord community. There’s a listener Facebook group. So, if you want to be a part of the community, you can do that. So, that’s important because I want you to know even that the deep, dark night doesn’t have to be as lonely as it can feel, because I know how it feels.
The other thing is you do deserve a good night’s sleep. You do deserve a place you could rest and get some relief, a bedtime you don’t dread, a bedtime you could look forward to or at least feel neutral about, and that’s important as well because if you get the rest you need, your life is gonna be more manageable, and then you could…you’ll feel a little bit better tomorrow if you get the rest you need, and if you get the rest you need on a regular basis, you could be out there flourishing, and the world needs you flourishing. Your world needs you flourishing and the world at large does, too. That is very important and it is very true, both the downside…'cause I’ve had bed…dread at bedtime, but also the upside. If you’re out there and your life is manageable, that means the world we live in is a better place.
Obviously I don’t mean flourishing all the time. I don't flourish all the time and my life doesn’t…isn’t always manageable, you know? But it’s better than it was. So, that’s what I want to…I just want to be here to help. I’m really…I think that’s one thing maybe that works about the show. I’m not here to fix anything. I mean, when I fix stuff, it’s usually when you hold some sort of Lego structure and it crumble…it falls apart in your hands, or…you’ve seen those slapstick mitts or whatever. The people that make those, they say, but that’s really what it’s like, both inside…between my ears and in my hands in the physical world. So, those are the two things that are important to know.
Now, the third thing that’s important to know is the show just doesn’t work for everybody and most people get here skeptical or doubtful, so that is a very normal way to arrive at this podcast, because why wouldn’t you be skeptical or doubtful? You’ve probably tried a bunch of different stuff to put you to sleep, you’ve probably gotten a bunch of different advice from people that sleep well, and you’ve probably tried a ton of different things. You’ve probably spent a ton of different…a lot of money on stuff, and none of that, for me, really helped. What worked for me is having a bedtime routine and having these things that I could look forward to or feel neutral about. But what I’m here to do is just keep you company and take your mind off of stuff, which at first it’s just hard to get used to.
It’s just a strange show and so, over…I think…I’m not kidding; over a million people have said, hey, it took two or three tries for me to get used to the podcast. So, yeah. So, what I’ll do here is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents, all to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep. So, creaky, dulcet tones means my voice is not traditionally soothing, and pointless meanders and superfluous tangents are just when I forget what I’m talking about, then I talk about something else, then I’ll go on a tangent, then I’ll talk about tangerines, then I’ll say, Tangerine Dream; is that a band, an album? I think it’s…is that…and then…but that’s probably also a flavor.
Then I might…then I’ll just…then I’ll talk about that I don’t have…I don't consume orange creamsicles. I don't even like to think about them. I just had some sort…I don't know. That was two flavors, one, don’t go together for me, but two, at one point I think I…you would be surprised…you may have said, I’ve lived on Planet Earth my whole life and I’m also familiar with the history of desserts. I’ve never heard of someone having a case of a bad orange creamsicle that was frozen, because they’re…there’s not orange or cream in a orange creamsicle, Scooter. I’d say, well, I don't know what to tell you. Maybe it was just…maybe it was me. It wasn’t the creamsicle…I’ll agree with you; it wasn’t the orange creamsicle. It was me.
So, yeah, but that’s…so, that’s a pointless meander and a superfluous tangent that I just went on by…I mean, that’s just what happens. Apologies to all the orange creamsicle fans out there. It’s just me. So, that could take some getting used to. I already forgot. Okay, so that…those are a couple things that…I already forgot what I was talking about. Oh, those are superfluous tangents. But so, this show can take some getting used to because at first you’re like, what is this dude talking about? So, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. You kinda just barely listen. You say, oh, okay, orange creamsicle, huh? Tangerine Dream; yeah, I know what that is. It’s somewhere in my mind, too, a vague recollection. That’s my normal…for most people, that’s an experience they have occasionally.
For me, it’s like, usually…I have a vague recollection of this morning. Then that…but that’s what works about the show. I say, well, let me take a look at that. Let me see what’s in here. You say, that’s actually…you’re not looking in this morning. That’s why there’s cobwebs in there. I’d say, you’re sure? This door says ‘this morning’. No, it says…oh, okay. Thanks. Thanks for explaining that to me. Oh, this is a podcast you just kind of…you could listen to it like background noise or you could just listen to it like you’re barely…that’s what I’m really here for, is to talk to you, but you don’t listen to me. So, you just say, uh-huh, okay, Scoots. Great. Great for you. Surprised you didn’t talk about Popsicle sticks, but that’s fine. You don’t need to now 'cause you did a episode about it a few months ago, and that’s great.
So, that’s…it’s a podcast you don’t really listen to. Also, I don’t really put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep, to take your mind off of stuff, to distract you just barely, a little bit of a misdirect from whatever’s keeping you awake to me. You say, well, this is a imperfect human being, perfectly boring, but…or not even perfectly boring because that would be impossible, but that’s just an attempt at a compliment. An Imperfect Compliment; that’ll be my new series of novels, An…I mean, that does sound like one; An Imperfect Compliment, another of Scooter’s…a mystery of Scooter’s…the mystery of what I did this morning, another mystery. So, Imperfect Compliment; I like that title. Gingerbread Press…I think we have a open spot in like, 2048 for a book that’ll never be written. I do like that one.
Could somebody remind me of that? An Imperfect Compliment. That could be an…maybe that’ll…okay, here’s…we’re gonna…originally we were gonna talk about The Mandalorian; now we’re gonna make an episode, An Imperfect Compliment. I love it when that happens. So, okay, so what else do you need to know? Oh, I’m not here to put you to sleep. I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie, your neigh-bore, your bore-bor, your Borebie, because…to keep you company while you fall asleep. There’s no pressure to fall asleep. That’s why the shows are over an hour. So, you say, okay, I got plenty of time to fall asleep.
I’m here for you whether you’re awake or asleep, whether you’re listening or not, because there’s people who are listening who can’t sleep at all and people who are having a tough day and need a break and…are listening, and that’s what I’m here for. So, I’m here to keep you company but not be listened to, to be a friend on-call that you don’t have to entertain. I don’t need to be heard. I could just be barely heard or not heard at all, like a herd. So, my brain just said, Flock of Seagulls? I say, no, they’re pretty noisy. No offense to A Flock of Seagulls, but I’ll pass on that unless I’m listening to yacht rock, you know. I don't know, does Brene Brown’s playlist have Flock of…? Is Flock of Seagulls…? That’s another one. I think that’s a band or a group. But I say, is that an album or a song?
Does that have anything to do with Jonathan Swift? This is where my…so, those are natural pointless meanders. This is just live. I’m podcasting live. You’re not listening live, but this is what works. Stuff pops in my brain; I see where it goes, soaring on those wings. Let’s be honest, though; have you…? If you’ve seen the cover of Jonathan Seagull…Jon…what is that called? Whatever that book is, you’ve thought about Flock of Seagulls and then you said, is Flock…? I’m sure not everybody…there’s a lot of younger people that have no idea what I’m talking about at all, which is great, too. Glad you’re here. You don’t even need to listen. But there’s a certain generation before me that says, yeah, I know who…you don’t know who Flock of Seagulls is? I say, no, I don't think I do.
Like I said, I have a vague recollection of…just like Tangerine Dream. When I think Tangerine Dream, I think of The Kinks. So, I say, maybe that’s a Kinks album, but I’m not positive. Then when I think Flock of Seagulls, I say, maybe yacht rock. So, I do have a vague recollection. Okay, so, this is a podcast, clearly, you don’t really listen to, and I’m here to keep you company. The other things that throw people off other than that stuff is the structure of the show, so I just want to explain it to you so you could feel a little bit…oh, okay, and then you could decide after a couple listens, oh, this show isn’t for me. Go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou once you decide that, or if you’ve already decided it now, then you could find something to sleep to. You don’t have to dunk on me.
You could just say…you could check out the other podcasts on there. Don't worry; I’ve been dunked on. I’ve been doing the show for a long time…so you just find something else that might help you fall asleep. Okay, so, oh, structure of the show. So, the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and then I say something silly so you feel seen and welcomed in. You say, oh, I could check that show out. Then there’s support so the show could be free. So, you say, oh, okay, I don't have to pay for it, either. Great, and great…more great news; there’s over 500 shows, so if you become a regular listener and you just…you say, I can…I like the ad-supported show, which a lot of people do, there’s over 500 shows you could listen to. Might even be 600.
Then there’s a intro, which is separate from the support, and I always point this out because for some reason when people don’t like the fact this show…the first part, they lump it in with the intro. But the intro is really…it’s a show within a show. It’s the one part of the show that gets the most consumed or listened to because it’s part of most listeners’ wind-down routine. Now, there’s 2% of people that skip the show…the intro and start the show at either twenty, twenty-five, or thirty minutes. Then there’s probably about that equal amount of people that fall asleep nearly within the first four or five minutes of the show. But for most listeners, the intro is part of a wind-down or a twilight period or a buffer zone from the day.
So, you could listen while you’re getting ready for bed, while you’re in bed getting comfortable, or you’re doing something else relaxing as you’re easing into bedtime. That’s what the intro is there for, but it’s different every time because it’s a part of that process, right? So, you say, well, I have no idea what Scoots is gonna talk about tonight. Probably be humbling when he listens back to it, but in a good way, and I just look forward to hearing him ramble. So, it eases me into bedtime while I’m doing something else or I’m in bed getting comfortable. That’s just been what’s worked for me personally, is having different things as I wind down, and that’s what most studies show that are like, rigorous studies. They say, oh, okay, a wind-down routine helps. For me, it’s like, 60%, 70% of the time.
Okay, then there’s support again so the show could be free, then tonight it’s…we’re switching it up. I thought we were gonna record a Mandalorian episode, but we’ll do that later this week. This one will be what I already forgot. I knew I should have wrote it down. Man, something compliment. So, I’ll have to re-listen to this and figure it out. Not a unintended compliment, but something like that. So, yeah, and then there’s thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show. I’m really glad you’re here. I really appreciate you coming by. I work really hard, I yearn and I strive, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep, and these are a couple ways I’m able to do it for you for free twice a week.
Alright everybody, this is Scoots here. I’m gonna turn things over to someone who’s…hasn’t been on the show in a while because their company did not reserve time on the show, but they finally realized that this would be the perfect thing. It was weird because I didn’t realize they had a whole seminar on this. So, I’m gonna turn things over to Brad Braderson from the Boredom Institute. Take it away, Brad. Good afternoon, everybody. My name is Brad Braderson. I’m here, and welcome to…welcome…thank you, Scooter, and welcome in. Have a seat. We’re here at an unnamed conference room somewhere on a road in a hotel within your mind, and I’m glad to have you all here.
You may remember me from such seminars as Bore to Win and other seminars I don’t recall where we’ve used boredom to help you with health, wealth, and happiness, the four triangles of using boredom to create a triangle. Tonight we’re gonna talk about the unintended compliment. Now, originally this was intended to be a store…one of these…we don’t normally do these. Usually we do ten ways to win, ten ways to bored to win, ten ways to use boredom to help you with health…those things. I think we did one about stepping stones, and…I’m not sure. I’m just glad to be here again talking to you listeners asleep with me, and tonight we’re gonna be talking about the unintended compliment.
We’re gonna be talking about just one aspect of unintended compliments, but how to use them…but the key to using an unintended compliment is not to use it, because then it would be intentional. But to live your life in a way through boredom, through the powers of boredom, to be giving out unintended compliments. You say, Brad, could you tell us more about this? Because it’s confusing, which is perfect for this seminar and this situation. What do you mean by unintended compliment? Well, there’s sometimes…there’s a couple degrees of…I don't know. I don't have all the examples of unintended compliments, but these are the compliments we’re not exactly talking about tonight, but maybe we are and maybe I’ll try to analyze it.
You may say…one example of a unintended compliment might be that someone takes it as a compliment even though you didn’t intend it as a compliment. So, let’s just say two people are standing somewhere and they maybe are having a polite, general conversation. They don’t know one another. The person who is speaking now says, you know what I really love, is coral shirts. Coral shirts, they say. Now, the person they’re talking to just happens to wear…be wearing a shirt that they believe is the color coral and that they maybe already felt good about or maybe they weren’t sure how to feel about it. Then they say, this person loves coral shirts and they must be complimenting…they think it’s an indirect compliment. Well, it was an unintended compliment.
An intended compliment might be like, oh, I like your coral shirt, an intentional compliment. We’re trying to move with boredom beyond the stages of intention of complimenting others for health, wealth, and happiness. Now, in this situation that we’re bringing up, the person didn’t intend to compliment the other person but the person did take it as a compliment, and they felt good. Maybe they said, I do, too, or maybe they said thank you, and it caused some consternation. So, you say, Brad, I’m even more confused now. Why are you giving…? What is the purpose…?
By the end of this seminar, ideally you’ll be resting well, but you’ll also realize the power of boredom and empower…that may be able to empower you to use compliments unintend…unintentionally as you…'cause this would be a seminar where…you say, Brad, are you being intentionally vague because you have another…? This was a free seminar. We said, hey, show up here at this conference room at the Gojo or whatever, and you can…it’s a free seminar on using boredom and compliments. But you say, oh yes, but for $2,995. That’s $2,995. You can join our Bore to Win thought group. I say, well, that sounds more like an unintentionally great idea, so…but no, I’m not being vague.
I’m being vague because I know the power of boredom and the power of boredom to make things vague is one of the powers of boredom. But maybe this seminar was something that Scooter had originally said he was gonna tell a…it was gonna be a story seminar and then he said, Brad, I think you’ll do just fine. ‘Cause I’m not Scooter; I can’t do…’once upon a time’…this is an untold tale of a man…wait a second, this…it’s just funny 'cause it feels like it was just yesterday that Scooter and I were walking, and Scooter wasn’t listening. I was just a vague voice in the back of Scooter’s mind 'cause he had his mind on other things. But he also said to me, Brad, make sure to give more than one example of a unintended compliment that you’re not talking about. I said, well, okay. So, that would be one.
Another unintended compliment might be…well, I can’t think of any other ones right off the top of my head, Scooter, that aren’t the same as that example. You’re saying something but you’re not intending it as a compliment without some sort of other meaning. An unintended compliment, by definition, is just unintended. There’s isn’t intention behind it. So, you could…I think what some people are thinking of may be Scooter’s nana…says, wow, Scooter, this porridge is delicious. That’s more of a de-intended compliment. Or you may say, you know whose porridge is delicious while she’s eating Scooter’s porridge is that imaginary porridge that I’ve never had but I’d love to have that that girl and her friends were eating in the place with all the beds and the broken chairs. That is some delicious porridge.
That’s a de-re-intended compliment. I don't know if those are the same…what we’re talking about is living a life through boredom, of course, where you are so full of gratitude and observations that they’re basically spilling out. Now, this is, again, what we’re striving for, not an expected behavior, or no pressure to behave this way. We’re on the journey and this is just the destination we’re pining for or striving for, is where gratitude gets to the point where it’s pouring out of your pores or oozing out of your pores or seeping out of them, and then you’re saying things…and while your intention is not to compliment…because that’s where it gets tricky. What’s the intention…? Well, let’s take somebody…let’s take an example.
Once upon a time we had Stir, and Stir was someone who was direct, authoritative, that could be loyal and energetic, earthy but protective, and confident. But they could also be a little bit on the pushy side and only thinking of themselves. They could be skeptical. They might not be attuned to other people’s sensitivities. They could be…want to be running the show or driving the car but also rebelling at the same time. Stir’s one of those people that has an unlocked boredom to unlock the doors of these unintended compliments. But as we start to walk the world with Stirs…and if we really dug down…now, let’s just say we went through before we walked…let’s just say we’re walking through the world of…where there’s ticking clocks or watches on a rope, and they were saying, Stirs’ countdown…and tell us what you really need.
What are some of the things you really need deep down? Maybe we could find a way to use unintended compliments to get them for you. Stirs said, okay, I’m glad you asked because they’re in that voice, because they’re in a state associated with a hypnotic state. They say, okay, well, I need directness. I don't do well with analogies like you’re saying. I need something direct. I need clear communication. I need to know that I could trust you and what I tell you is between the two of us. Even if it’s something you might think is inane, just say, hey, do you…check with me first directly. Maybe I need to see some tenderness and then help to see my own, that I can’t see it for myself. Now, I may need some time alone. It’s just maybe how I process things, or sometimes I’m…that’s what I need.
I’d like to be acknowledged, of course, but not…and again, and acknowledged for real, not any kind of…I don't know, maybe I need some intentional compliments, not to throw everything off track. I don't know how to do this and I don't know how to ask for help even though I’m totally in a state where I’m open, but this is so baffling. Sometimes my communication style is not…it can be…I can…even though I want to be communicated with directly, I can communicate directly sometimes and I could come across a bit too direct, and I think that people…they’ve let me know that they could see that as me being critical of them, but I don't…that’s not my intention. I’m just trying to be direct. Sometimes…I can do this when I’m alone. I do need to scold my pillow, as they say, and say, well, I’m just very not happy right now.
Sometimes I want somebody to…not to be my parent, in a sense, but to say, hey, Stirs is doing the best job they can, but they’re also making progress. But I’m here to say they still have value even though they’re…'cause I know I’m imperfect. So, that is what I’m needing. Okay, Stirs, can you give me some more examples of what makes it difficult to be you, and…? Okay, well, can you tell me more about when you communicate directly…I think…can you give me any attempts to give me an example of how some sort of unintended thing happened? ‘Cause it sounds like we’re in this unintentional communication zone. Oh, thanks, Brad.
Okay, so…huh, I’m trying to think. Let’s just say…so, an example would be, I’m trying to be intentionally direct with someone in my life…in a relationship, whether it’s a personal relationship or a professional relationship. Now, let’s just say they’re playing that game…I’m trying to think of a popular game that I…but I’m not good at thinking of that, but let’s use it as an example. What about a pop…well, a popular game that was popular a little while ago would be Among Us or…okay, I don't know what that is, but let’s just say that’s…we’ll say that; we’ll say, AU, the game AU. Now, let’s just say someone in my life is into that, whether it’s at work or home or just out in my daily thing. But there’s some sort of stakes to it, right?
If it’s work-related, maybe they have to do…play the game for a project or at home, and I observe the fact that their success at the game is not…they haven’t been successful at the game. Honestly, if I’m being clear, paying attention…I’m watching them; they’re not advancing or they’ve reached a stasis point. But they have some investment in the game, maybe an emotional investment. Maybe they don’t like the game, but what I don’t…I don't realize any of that and I just say to them, you’re not good at…hey…and maybe I try to soften it by saying, hey, I noticed you playing AU for our work project or for your personal enjoyment or…I don't know why. Maybe I even say that; I don't even know why you’re playing that. You’re not very good at it.
In fact, you’re not really good at it at all. Actually, you’re not even getting better at it. So, maybe we move you to this or maybe…why don’t you just stop playing that game? I don't understand why you’re playing it. You’re not good at it. So, can you help me with that, Brad? Oh boy, I’m just here…okay, so, yeah, let’s try to use boredom and unintended compliments. So, that’s the unintended…I guess…you’re kinda framing it…okay, Brad, this is…I think we’re entering into a chicken-or-the-egg situation here, because you sound like you did reveal some other situations here. So, you’re a part of something and this game is a part of something, and it’s not the only thing.
They’re not getting better at the game, so in some sense, you’re operating in place of you’re actually right, and maybe your blunt behavior is coming out of that, right, and that…but you are not taking into account their feelings, but you’re also…there’s another element there where I think…you’re not giving boredom a place to flourish the unintended compliments. So, what seems to be happening is that you are in a bit of a…you feel a little bit impatient because you want this resolved, and they’re not realizing…they haven’t realized what you’ve realized, and maybe in some sense, there is…the problem, almost, is the truth in this situation, Stirs, because you’re saying they’re…but you’re only seeing part of the thing, too. You’re saying, hey, you’re not gonna get any better at this game. Why don’t you just stop?
Now, one, you’re kind of predicting the future, but with some degree of…so, that’s where the truth kinda gets in there and it mixes stuff up, 'cause you could say to yourself, well, I’m right, right? I think that’s what the people that communicate that way say a lot to themselves. Oh, it’s even more than that; it’s that I say, hey, I’m sticking my neck out, here. I’m trying to help you. Normally this is how I debrief it, whether with them or on my own. If I was to…if we were…I’d say, I’m so confused. I thought I was being helpful and nobody appreciates it. In fact, they seem to be…I have the reverse magnetism for it.
Okay, and you’re kind of somebody that…you don’t like people that break the rules even if you break the rules, but you probably put a lot of pressure on yourself. So, it’s a very structured thing, huh? I guess so. I don't know. Is there…can unintended compliments help me with this situation? Oh, boredom can. Now, I mean, this is not…this is obviously…we’re play-acting and no one…not everybody…you’re so good at this, Stirs. No one knows that, but…I’m under hypnosis. I was just trying to show that…don't worry, Stirs is…but so, that this normally doesn’t happen…sometimes boredom allows things to marinate in a good way verus non-boredom.
So, boredom’s a bit like being…coming disengaged with it, and maybe one thing…one powerful boredom tool that we’ve learned over the years thanks to Scooter…now, Scooter usually represents the outside voice right here, but for you, Stirs, you’re gonna have to achieve this a little bit on your own, which is…it sounds like there’s probably a running tape where we’re covering a different couple of these tape loops here, and maybe in a period of boredom you could actively disengage from that and say, okay, well, you’re just gonna keep at it about that person in the game and how they’re not very good at it, huh? But that’s a little bit boring because we know to give it some more space and be like, oh, well, I’m kinda…these are repetitive thoughts. I’m getting bored by them.
You kinda…a little bit…I don't have all the answers, Brad, or Stirs, even as Brad Braderson. But what I do see is there’s independence there, right? Now, you’re used to counting on yourself, a little bit of self-reliance, and you’ve been put in a position here where you’re the one at the head or you feel like you are. So, maybe some of that thing of like…and that’s probably because, yeah, you possess some of those skills. I would say that you probably possess a lot of courage, and to be straightforward and honest takes courage except when it doesn’t. You know what I’m saying, Stirs? I don’t know. No, I don’t. That’s very confusing to me. Okay, so, I would say that’s a question to ask yourself, especially in these times of boredom.
Like, is this direct communication easy for me or does…is it taking me some courage and…to be honest and straightforward, or is it easy honesty? There’s nothing that creates…there’s nothing like a tepid compliment to ease the honesty, and a tepid compliment go together. Kinda sounds like you’re just making stuff up, Brad. Oh no, yeah, no, it doesn’t…you’re totally correct. So, let’s go to a meta communication on this. So, that took you a while to say that. We’ve been talking for a while. Did you have to sit with that, and…? Now, that was direct but it didn’t feel harsh, and it felt…so, can you tell me more about why you communicated to me that it sounds like I’m just making things up?
I don't know, I’m feeling a little bit empty and I’m feeling like some of the stuff you’re saying has points but they’re not going anywhere, and some words are…feel like they’re made-up words or words that you’re hoping to find the meaning to. I’m finding myself wanting to understand but being more and more confused the more I listen to you. Okay, that’s good. I think there’s some…even some unintended compliments in there. Okay, so, you’re probably wondering what I mean by easy honesty. Well, that sounds like a made-up word or two words just put together. Yeah, well, I don't know if I’ve ever heard it before, and…but you seem like a pretty good example of what I would call easy honesty or honesty with no cost.
What I mean by that is that you…when you’re being direct there and you said, why don’t you just stop playing that game? You’re terrible at it…I think that most people listening, they probably leaned back a little bit, said, whoa, Stirs. But again, you were finding it very easy. If I could walk through some of the steps and you could just redirect me if I’m wrong, let’s just…we’ll use it…this is imaginary, right? No, yeah; I mean, this has happened before, but not at this…this particular example is made up. Okay, so in this example, you’ve watched someone playing AU. Let’s just say you’ve watched them playing it for two months in a reasonable amount of time; not all the time, and there’s some other timeline coming up either work-related or personal-related or you could be playing on a different game together, but there’s some other internal…external time pressure.
Also seems like an internal pressure 'cause you’re aware of the internal…external pressure. Your opinion, which seems founded in the truth, is that the person is not getting any better at the game, and maybe even…but you haven’t communicated this, or maybe they’re not even enjoying themselves, 'cause it doesn’t feel like the thing you’ve done…or maybe you have; you’ve done this kinda surface-level, whatever, empathy or compassion or putting yourself in their shoes, but for you, when it’s easy for you to be honest, I think that’s probably a sign maybe you shouldn’t be honest. You say, is this gonna take some courage? If the answer is no, maybe you should stop and marinate and then go through this boredom process to find the unintended compliments.
Okay. I still feel like you’re making stuff up, but I understand what you’re saying, I think. Terrific. I’m glad to have you here at the seminar. Okay, so, what I think maybe you would want to do in this situation…and this is the whole intention…I mean, this is why this is actually scripted and not made-up at all, is some of this stuff does feel like…okay, let’s try to look at some unintended compliments that you’re saying that are so unintended that the person you’re saying this and being direct with can’t even hear them because they’re so masked in your simplistic belief of the truth. I’m not saying that as a insult.
I mean, you’re just saying your direct communication of what you believe is the truth…I have to believe as a boredom expert that it’s so boring that the…wanting to avoid the depths of boredom are not…where we’re not able to see, that the reality is is that there’s a whole well of unintended compliments there that you’re not aware of and they’re not aware of, and that by having the courage to discover those and then find a way to communicate some of those…we try to use boredom…I think we’ve talked about it in other seminars, or maybe those were only our extremely high-level paid courses, Empathy and Compassion Through Boredom.
Okay, I’m hearing what you’re saying. So, here I am watching this person in my life play this game that they don’t seem to be getting better at, so it does create a reaction in me, which you’re…and, yeah, maybe what you’re saying is I haven’t created space for it. But so, what I could say…or some unintended compliments…so, I’ve already said the compliments, right? Right. You’re nodding, Brad. Wow, you’re really persisting at this game despite the fact you’re awful at it. That’s a unintended compliment. I mean, you may be hard to hear, so I would just eliminate the…wow, I appreciate the fact that you’re doing something unless you’re just using the game as a tool to escape and you’re also not good at it.
Hey, this is Brad here. I really like how you’re using the…you’re directness, and you’re finding out these unintended compliments. Actually, in some sense, you’re really staying to the rule book. Yeah, that’s a direct compliment, Brad, but I appreciate it. Yeah, thanks. So, okay, so let’s keep going. What else? Huh, I just wonder…I noticed you playing this game. I’m wondering if you’re enjoying it or not or how you’re feeling, 'cause you keep at it. Yeah, is this something you’re enjoying? Okay, that seems like maybe a unintended…I like that. I don't know if that’s…well, I guess the compliment would be, hey, you’re worthy of my caring and I care about you, and just curious how you’re feeling about this game you keep playing. Right, that you’re terrible at. Okay, so, that’s pretty good.
Is there any other unintended compliments you could give? Oh, maybe something…and I learned this from you, Brad…well, you know, hey, I noticed…excuse me, do you mind pausing the game for a second or can we schedule a time to talk? But I noticed…I’m thinking about this timeline for this project or whatever…we gotta go to nana’s house or this…whatever this…access to this game. Whatever it is, this timeline, and I noticed myself kind of wondering…I don't know, I’m not feeling great about it. I don't know, how are you feeling about the timeline, or how are…? You know what I mean? I’m not sure…I just want…I’m so unsure I’m not even sure how to communicate it. Okay, that’s pretty good.
I mean, I would definitely use someone other than a boredom expert to find a way to communicate that, but I think from where you’re coming from, there is some nice…I think that’s a nice place to operate from, that you’re kind of operating from a place of like…what would the unintended compliment be there, Stirs? Well, I have feelings and that’s okay, and you probably have some feelings, and that’s okay, and this…I have feelings about this timeline, which maybe even the timeline exists, so it needs some sort of compliment. So, great job existing, timeline, and…it feels like it’s looming. I’m not sure, do you feel like it’s looming or do you feel like…are you thinking about the timeline at all?
Okay, that feels a little intentional, though, but you could say you’re…yeah, no, I guess I’m not a expert, but I’m only a expert on the boredom part. Yeah, so, I guess that’s where I would leave it. Okay, thank you, Stirs. That was great. So, I don't…okay, so, now maybe…now that we’ve discussed things with Stirs, maybe I could come up with an idea here, 'cause Scooter said…originally was supposed to be a story seminar. So, maybe you’re watching the production…this Brad Braderson here with an untold tale. It was a long, long time ago that there was a…there was someone…so, once upon a time…now, and Scooter will remember this 'cause he’s talked about it on the podcast before. So, once upon a time, people used to paint their insides of their houses and the outsides of their houses.
You could buy paint at different places, but you could buy paint at…this was before the stores that carried everything. But even in…I think even in…no; Scooter was…but so, used to have hardware stores, right, that sold…very similar to those giant ones. I think they’re called home-improvement stores now. There was also paint stores where you would go and they sold only paint. I’m guessing those still exist, but at the time, I think…now, I don't understand; this is yet another thing I’m confused about…were people painting their houses more in the eighties and maybe even the nineties? Were they painting indoors or outdoors? I don't know. Okay, but…and here’s another question; was this a job, like a paintologist?
This is a whole world, a world of mystery to Brad Braderson, a world that was…that’s so intriguing and so sparks my interest that I almost want to know more about it. But I can remember times…so, you…let’s just say…now, I don't know how this worked because, again, I was a only child within a child of…within Scooter. Just pretend Scooter was carrying me around in his pocket and I’m observing everything. Now, I would already be impressed that someone, an adult figure with children or without children, would take these steps and say, okay, something needs to be painted. Okay, I could see that happening and discussions saying, okay, let’s get these walls painted or let’s get this outdoor painted, or let’s get painting on this thing. I can see all that happening. So, I’m aware of that.
Now, the next thing I’m…they would have to do is say, oh, okay, so, let’s go…let’s decide what’s…start to break this project up into smaller parts. Now, that is…or maybe they have somehow had a method like that or unlike that that worked for them. I’m watching all this and I’m saying, okay. Then at some point during that process, whether it’s a short process or a long process, whether it had procrastination or was rushed or was in some sort of middle zone, the time came up to decide on the color of the painting. Now…and I think this still exists, that you could go get…paints had different colors and numbers, very similar…the easiest example, we could say, is Crayola. But you would get these cards.
Now, let’s just say you were painting something in a maroon or brick color and you were deciding between about five or six tones. They would have a strip of different colors within the…Maroon Brick, Sunset Brick, whatever, Chocolate Macaroon Maroon and stuff like that, and it would be on a card. I think there was even books. But you would take this card and you would take it home, and then you’d say, okay, huh…okay, well, what do I think here? Well, this is kind of like…I’m feeling like…just…Brick Dawn or Dawn Brick. Brick of Dawn; that would be a pun, even. We’re feeling like Brick of Dawn is the color we want. Then you would return to this store.
Now, at some point — and I’m not even aware of this, so this is only an assumption but I think it’s a strong assumption to base things on — they would say, wait a second, I’m gonna need…I need some sort of calculator to calculate how much paint I’m going to need for this project, and whatever that calculator is…probably provided by the paint companies. Maybe this was a different era because nowadays you’d say, oh boy, does this calculator actually have my best interests in mind? That’s something I could say, hey, that’s a good way to look at it. So, yeah, that was delving into the direct compliment. But so, then they say, okay, we need about eight gallons of paint. Paint was sold by the gallon in cans. Now, this is where it gets flashy. Holy cow, does it get good here.
Now, you would go to the store…and again, I was only in the pocket of Scooter watching all this, but it did seem very, very exciting, but we weren’t a part of the actual…we were only observing. Probably Scooter was somewhat grouchy because he wanted to be watching cartoons or playing with his toys. But you would wait to be…wait at the paint stand or at the paint…so, there was a paint-mixing thing that would happen. Now, I have no…this process, to me, is now shrouded in mystery. At this time, Scooter and I didn’t really care. It was something that just happened magically. What we missed out on was the magic of how it happened. So, we don’t really know. But so, you would present the person with this thing and you say, okay, we’re looking for Brick of Dawn. That’s the color we want to paint on.
Okay, how many gallons you need? Whatever gallons…we said four gallons. Okay, four gallons of Brick of Dawn. Now, this is, again, a leap in presumptions, so you’ll have to excuse me if you’re in the paint business. If paint’s your game and something’s your name, I apologize. But so, I would assume that…so, the paint store did not have unlimited paint, but it had a large number of paint choices. So, I guess we could posit that there was some sort of base color and then some sort of mix color, and there was some sort of a formula that could be followed. I guess the formula would have to be somewhat precise because you were making more than one gallon of paint. But I’m just guessing, so I don't know.
Of course, you need primer. Of course Scooter talks about priming your rocks and priming, priming, priming, but we’re not talking about primer right now; we’re talking about primer. No, I’m just kidding. Just a little AI there. I’m not talking about primer. But so, primer…so, you would present this person…this is magical, science and art coming together. They would follow some formula, and for me, precision is art because I’ve been around Scooter so long, and there’s a lot of…Scooter has a lot of quality skills. Precision’s just not one of them. His attention is focused elsewhere, and precision’s not a skill everyone has. But so, they would follow some sort of consistent formula, probably a precision formula, and then…and you may have seen these machines.
Now, I feel like this is another change in eras, that it is very rare to see those paints…I feel like nowadays there’s more space in those stores, so maybe they say, okay, are you looking for a coral or an aqua-coral? There’s a lot of paint on the walls or paint on the shelves. But in this situation, they would have this machine that would mix the paint, which is interesting 'cause you’d still have to mix it again when you got back…when you got home and you were ready to paint. But so, this machine, they would take the formula…and all of this is presumption based on observation, so I could be totally wrong, but it is impressive. The machine would vibrate, and usually…I think there was two cans to balance it out. I don't know if there was ever a one-can machine, or maybe they were all one cans.
It would shake the can with the paint in it, and usually it was quite a scene. Now, it was only engaging for a little while, especially for someone like Scooter, where maybe he would try to find out what…him and his…maybe the one trip to the paint store he decided to get into trading paint cards and then realized that wasn’t interesting and then…shuffling them like cards against your face or using them like a fan or to make a noisemaker. Once you’re done with those things, then you watched it shaking the paint again. I don't know what that machine was called; paint-shaker, paint-mixer, but it was very dramatic and I think in some sense, in a positive way, a sense of showmanship.
But I feel like the machines were also always running and attract a lot of attention, as opposed to now when…I don't know if I’ve ever seen the machine in action at all at one of these big stores. So, I’m not sure. Do they…? I don't know, do those machines work anymore? I don't know. But so, that would be a whole thing. Then you would take the paint home and they would put the tops back on. Now, you need…a few things you needed; you needed paint-stirrers which were usually free. Originally I thought this story was gonna be a tale of the paint-stirrers, but I didn’t realize how deep — if you’ve been observing — the…this level of boredom and unintended compliments could be just by observing some moments. But so, you would get paint-stirrers that had the name of the paint store or the paint company.
I want to say Dinty Moore, but I think that makes stew. Russell West…? No. No, Bodie’s a basketball player. But it would say something like that on there. If Russell Westbrook owned a paint store, it would be Westbrook Paints or something, or Bodie and Westbrook Paints. I don't know. It may have the address or it may be from the corporate office. But so, you would take paint-stirrers…you would need a paint can opener, which is a special tool, though you could use some sort of other tool, then you needed painting devices and drop cloths, right, like…but we’re only focusing on the paint itself. The paint can opener looked a bit like a can opener from my memory, and you probably could have used a can opener, but it did have a specific type of lip.
The paint cans, that would…some paint cans had a plastic handle on them, but…over the metal handle, and paint cans needed to be carried. Obviously, you better hope that that would…probably they had a rubber mallet at the store to put the lids of the cans on there, which would be good thinking. You don’t want to dent the can. But you definitely need that paint can on there because if it’s not on there, that’s not gonna be good, right? It’s gonna be a issue. So, then you would take the paint home. So, again, this is all happening on someone’s free time that has a full-time job or is a full-time parent. So, my mind is even blown by that, and how our world has changed. I’m not saying for the better or the worse. I’m just saying, wow, things have changed.
Or, at least for me and Scooter…I mean, Scooter’s never owned a property and he’s never seen the need to paint his apartments on the inside. But I don't know if he would. Or, he’d say, okay, let’s get to this. I guess it just depends on what…where…what you want…what you’re into, anyway, 'cause Scooter does know some people…renters that have painted their apartments. Okay, so then you get…so, just thinking about all these steps is wonderful. Then you would need to mix the paint, and you would use the stir…so, the paint-mix…oh no, paint-mixing happened at the store, then paint-stirring. So, before you would paint, you would need to stir it, and you’d stir it up.
You’d take the paint-stirrer, you’d put it in there, and then you’d…obviously it was difficult at first because it could…the paint could be pretty close to the lid. But the paints…different paints would separate. I don't know what paint’s made of, to be honest with you, but it seemed like it had some oil and other things. So, you’d mix it up and you’d keep mixing it ‘til it was properly mixed. You would…you could notice sometimes that there was thicker goop on the bottom depending on how long the paint had sat for. That was an important job. Then the paint-stirrer…oh, the paint-stirrers were made out of a wood…a balsa-type wood, and those were cool things.
I’m sure they were good for…again, for kids to play with, similar to a garden stake or something; you might be able to repurpose it for that or use it as kindling if you were having a little…if you had a fireplace or something. But yeah, you would stir the paint and then the whole painting process would go on. There’s paint-rollers and then there was paintbrushes. Now, back in these days, I don't even think there…occasionally you’d see someone with a paint-sprayer, and I think maybe there was one or two of them on…what do they call those? Infomercials about paint-sprayers. Maybe even Ron Popeil sold on. I don't know, Ron Popeil used to be the late…the head of the…the infomercial, and…but so…but for a lot of people, you just had to paint with your…with a roller and you had to get the right amount of paint on.
So, you could see why painters are well-compensated for painting homes indoors and outdoors, because you want them to do a good job. Now, Scooter was doing it, and a lot of times I would notice they either had too little or too much paint on the roller. If you have too much on, it’s gonna leave a couple things, but you could probably spread it around, and if you didn’t have enough, then it wasn’t gonna…then you just didn’t have enough paint. So, that’s how you…this is actually a active use of unintended…compliments? Was that original…? Seminar. We got to work with one of our clients here. That was…maybe we’ll call it the Unintended Compliment Coaching Program and then see how it works in the real world.
But really, Scooter will make me give the caveat that it’s just like being in the moment and being observational and grateful for being able to be in the moment. I’m grateful that Scooter’s memory is such that we could go back to a time that he kinda remembers stuff, but the stuff we remember is impressive and our being impressed creates…means that there could be compliments without intention behind them, that some might say, you’re just using…misusing the word. It’s appreciation. I say, okay, well…but this is also helping people get some rest. That’s the most important thing from your friend Brad Braderson and all our friends at the Boredom Institute. Goodnight, everybody.
[END OF RECORDING]
(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)
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Bore to Win / Boredom Institute
Creamsicle
https://www.mortonwilliams.com/post/national-creamsicle-day
https://www.backthenhistory.com/articles/the-history-of-creamsicles
https://southfloridareporter.com/11-year-old-invented-creamsicle-1905/
Jonathan Livingston Seagull
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/12-lessons-from-jonathan-livingston-seagull-mirabelle-morah
Compliments
https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a28221845/how-to-give-compliments/
https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/how-to-give-the-best-compliments-260943
https://www.rd.com/list/how-to-compliment/
Paint History
https://burnaway.org/magazine/a-history-of-paint-part-one/
https://mymodernmet.com/history-of-paint/
https://artsandculture.google.com/story/a-colorful-history-of-paints-and-pigments/DQJSps9LN6ctLQ
DOWN TO BUSINESS
I’m trying to get comfortable in my chair
A crooked poem
I’m back in the climb-in closet
Coming up is our final Mandalorian episode
Deep Dark Night United
Zach (Helix Sleep); Alanna (Apollo Neuro)
PLUGS
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INTRO
Someone could be coming to you, something could be coming up
It really is my pleasure to be here for you
I’ve heard a lot of people’s stories of why they can’t sleep
I know this is just digital and not direct, but I am here
There is a large digital community if that interests you
You do deserve a good night’s sleep
I don’t flourish all the time
I just want to be here to help
My life is like a non-funny slapstick bit
Most people here are skeptical or doubtful
You’ve probably tried a ton of different things before you got here
Maybe I’ll go on another Tangerine Tangent
What’s Tangerine Dream again?
I don’t even like to think about Orange Creamsicles
I’ll agree that the problem is with me, not with orange creamsicles
Everything is a vague recollection for me
I’m perfectly imperfect
The Imperfect Compliment: The Mystery of What I Did This Morning, coming in 2048
OK, we’re pivoting, that’s what this is now
No offense to Flock of Seagulls
Is Flock of Seagulls a song or an album?
These here are natural pointless meanders
Is Tangerine Dream a Kinks album?
Don’t Worry, I’ve Been Dunked On
I can get dunked on, but please understand the show before you dunk me
Explaining the Wind Down Routine
Man, I wish I’d written down the Compliment thing
STORY
This person hasn’t been on the show in a while
Brad Bradderson from the Boredom Institute
It’s great to be in this nondescript conference room
The 4 Triangles of Using Boredom to create a triangle
The Unintended Compliment
What do you mean by unintended compliment?
One example is that someone takes what you said as a compliment
A Polite General Conversation
Purely Coincidental Compliments
You’ll soon realize the power of boredom
Brad, are you being intentionally vague?
The Bore To Win Thought Group does sound awesome
I can’t do a story like Scooter could
Just the other day, Scooter and I were walking
The Coral Shirt Compliment
There just can’t possibly be intention behind it
Nana gives De-Intended Compliments
We’re just striving for boredom through gratitude
Let’s gratitude oozing out of your pores
Once upon a time, we had Stirs
Walking through a world of ticking clocks
How can we help Stirs on their mission
Stirs needs directness, not analogies
Stirs wants tenderness and acknowledgement, of course
Sometimes Stirs comes off too direct
I want someone to defend me, but not in a parental way
Stirs, what makes it difficult to be you?
The Unintentional Communication Zone
Let’s say someone is into AU (Among Us)
And that I observe that they’re not successful or have reached a stasis point
And I’m direct in telling them they’re not good at it
Let’s use boredom and unintended compliments to address Stirs’s problem
This is getting into Chicken / Egg Territory
The problem might be the truth here, Stirs
You can’t predict the future, Stirs, however likely
Stirs, I know you’re trying to be helpful
Boredom can help here
Brad has hypnotized Stirs
Stirs, it takes courage to be straightforward and honest, except when it doesn’t
Is this direct communication easy for me? Or is it hard?
Easy Honesty and a Tepid Compliment go together
Direct doesn’t mean harsh
Brad, it sounds like you’re just making up words (unintended compliment)
Honesty With No Cost
If it’s easy to be honest, maybe you shouldn’t be honest
I have to believe that wanting to avoid the depths of boredom is deeply desired
Choosing boredom leads to a deep well of unintended compliments
Stirs is using directness to find unintended compliments
The Unintended Compliment can sour into unintended criticism
How are you feeling about the timeline of visiting Nana’s house?
This timeline is looming
It’s hard to intentionally give unintended compliments
Well, that conversation with Stirs was helpful
Once upon a time, people used to paint their houses
Memories of Local Hardware Stores
Or even the elusive paint store
Were people painting their houses more in the 80s or 90s?
The job of the Paint-ologist
I’m aware (and impressed) that adults would think to paint things
Deciding the color of the painting
6 Shades of Maroon
I’m really liking Brick of Dawn
Break out the Paint Calculator
Did that calculator even have my best interests in mind?
Paint was sold by the gallon in cans
Bear in mind, I was simply in the pocket of young Scooter at this time, observing
Observing Paint Mixing
A Process Now Shrouded in Mystery
A Leap in Presumptions
Of course, you needed primer
For me, precision is art
Scooter does not have precision
A Different Era of Paints
Scooter tried to use paint swatches like trading cards
What was that machine even called?
A Positive Sense of Showmanship
I’ve never seen that machine in action at a big store
Then you’d take the paint home
Paint Stirrers were usually free
If Russell Westbrook owned a paint store, it’d be Westbrook Paints
We’re just focusing on the paint itself in this scenario
A Specific Type of Lip
And this is all happening in the free time of a full-time parent / homeowner
Scooter has never painted one of his rentals before
Paint mixing happened at the store, then stirring happened at home
I truly don’t know what paint is made of
Paint Stirrers were made out of a Balsa-Type Wood (BTW)
Then the painting process itself would begin
Ron Popeil maybe sold some paint sprayers on infomercials
An active use of unintended compliments
So there you go
Being observational and in the moment is always good
I’m grateful Scooter can remember this stuff
And maybe I’m misusing some words, so what
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Katie, Bree, Ryan, Marissa, Jason, Zane, Rufus, Izerda, Yoka, Cheryl, Susie, Tom, Leanne, Lis, Allie, SG, Pepper, Kaylee, Ren, Katie, Nesh, Michelle, Archer, Christy, Moira, Brynn, Kirsty, Patrick, Audrey, Meg
SUMMARY:
Episode: 1,187
Title: Unintended Compliment | Bore to Win
Deep Dark Night United: Zach (Helix Sleep); Alanna (Apollo Neuro)
Plugs: WGA / SAG-AFTRA Strike Support; Trevor Project; Midnight Mission; Patreon; SleepPhones; Emily Tat; NAPAWF; Anti-racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline
Sponsors: Odoo; Polysleep; Helix Sleep; Progressive; Zoc Doc
Feedback Thanks: Katie, Bree, Ryan, Marissa, Jason, Zane, Rufus, Izerda, Yoka, Cheryl, Susie, Tom, Leanne, Lis, Allie, SG, Pepper, Kaylee, Ren, Katie, Nesh, Michelle, Archer, Christy, Moira, Brynn, Kirsty, Patrick, Audrey, Meg
Notable Language:
- Crooked
- Flourish
- Tangerine Tangent
- Borebie
- Don’t Worry, I’ve Been Dunked On
- A Polite General Conversation
- De-Intended Compliment
- The Unintentional Communication Zone
- Easy Honesty
- Tepid Compliment
- Paintologist
- A Process Now Shrouded in Mystery
- Brick Dawn
- A Leap in Presumptions
- A Specific Type of Lip
- Balsa-Type Wood (BTW)
Notable Culture:
- The Mandalorian
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- Orange Creamsicle
- Tangerine Dream
- The Imperfect Compliment: The Mystery of What I Did This Morning, coming in 2048
- Gingerbread Press
- Barbie
- Flock of Seagulls
- Brene Brown
- Jonathan Swift
- Jonathan Livingston Seagull
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- The Kinks
- Goldilocks
- Among Us
- Crayola
- Allen Iverson
- Dinty Moore
- Russell Westbrook
- Ron Popeil
Notable Talking Points:
- Someone could be coming to you, something could be coming up
- It really is my pleasure to be here for you
- I’ve heard a lot of people’s stories of why they can’t sleep
- I know this is just digital and not direct, but I am here
- There is a large digital community if that interests you
- You do deserve a good night’s sleep
- I don’t flourish all the time
- I just want to be here to help
- My life is like a non-funny slapstick bit
- Most people here are skeptical or doubtful
- You’ve probably tried a ton of different things before you got here
- Maybe I’ll go on another Tangerine Tangent
- What’s Tangerine Dream again?
- I don’t even like to think about Orange Creamsicles
- I’ll agree that the problem is with me, not with orange creamsicles
- Everything is a vague recollection for me
- I’m perfectly imperfect
- The Imperfect Compliment: The Mystery of What I Did This Morning, coming in 2048
- OK, we’re pivoting, that’s what this is now
- No offense to Flock of Seagulls
- Is Flock of Seagulls a song or an album?
- These here are natural pointless meanders
- Is Tangerine Dream a Kinks album?
- Don’t Worry, I’ve Been Dunked On
- I can get dunked on, but please understand the show before you dunk me
- Explaining the Wind Down Routine
- Man, I wish I’d written down the Compliment thing
- This person hasn’t been on the show in a while
- Brad Bradderson from the Boredom Institute
- It’s great to be in this nondescript conference room
- The 4 Triangles of Using Boredom to create a triangle
- The Unintended Compliment
- What do you mean by unintended compliment?
- One example is that someone takes what you said as a compliment
- A Polite General Conversation
- Purely Coincidental Compliments
- You’ll soon realize the power of boredom
- Brad, are you being intentionally vague?
- The Bore To Win Thought Group does sound awesome
- I can’t do a story like Scooter could
- Just the other day, Scooter and I were walking
- The Coral Shirt Compliment
- There just can’t possibly be intention behind it
- Nana gives De-Intended Compliments
- We’re just striving for boredom through gratitude
- Let’s gratitude oozing out of your pores
- Once upon a time, we had Stirs
- Walking through a world of ticking clocks
- How can we help Stirs on their mission
- Stirs needs directness, not analogies
- Stirs wants tenderness and acknowledgement, of course
- Sometimes Stirs comes off too direct
- I want someone to defend me, but not in a parental way
- Stirs, what makes it difficult to be you?
- The Unintentional Communication Zone
- Let’s say someone is into AU (Among Us)
- And that I observe that they’re not successful or have reached a stasis point
- And I’m direct in telling them they’re not good at it
- Let’s use boredom and unintended compliments to address Stirs’s problem
- This is getting into Chicken / Egg Territory
- The problem might be the truth here, Stirs
- You can’t predict the future, Stirs, however likely
- Stirs, I know you’re trying to be helpful
- Boredom can help here
- Brad has hypnotized Stirs
- Stirs, it takes courage to be straightforward and honest, except when it doesn’t
- Is this direct communication easy for me? Or is it hard?
- Easy Honesty and a Tepid Compliment go together
- Direct doesn’t mean harsh
- Brad, it sounds like you’re just making up words (unintended compliment)
- Honesty With No Cost
- If it’s easy to be honest, maybe you shouldn’t be honest
- I have to believe that wanting to avoid the depths of boredom is deeply desired
- Choosing boredom leads to a deep well of unintended compliments
- Stirs is using directness to find unintended compliments
- The Unintended Compliment can sour into unintended criticism
- How are you feeling about the timeline of visiting Nana’s house?
- This timeline is looming
- It’s hard to intentionally give unintended compliments
- Well, that conversation with Stirs was helpful
- Once upon a time, people used to paint their houses
- Memories of Local Hardware Stores
- Or even the elusive paint store
- Were people painting their houses more in the 80s or 90s?
- The job of the Paint-ologist
- I’m aware (and impressed) that adults would think to paint things
- Deciding the color of the painting
- 6 Shades of Maroon
- I’m really liking Brick of Dawn
- Break out the Paint Calculator
- Did that calculator even have my best interests in mind?
- Paint was sold by the gallon in cans
- Bear in mind, I was simply in the pocket of young Scooter at this time, observing
- Observing Paint Mixing
- A Process Now Shrouded in Mystery
- A Leap in Presumptions
- Of course, you needed primer
- For me, precision is art
- Scooter does not have precision
- A Different Era of Paints
- Scooter tried to use paint swatches like trading cards
- What was that machine even called?
- A Positive Sense of Showmanship
- I’ve never seen that machine in action at a big store
- Then you’d take the paint home
- Paint Stirrers were usually free
- If Russell Westbrook owned a paint store, it’d be Westbrook Paints
- We’re just focusing on the paint itself in this scenario
- A Specific Type of Lip
- And this is all happening in the free time of a full-time parent / homeowner
- Scooter has never painted one of his rentals before
- Paint mixing happened at the store, then stirring happened at home
- I truly don’t know what paint is made of
- Paint Stirrers were made out of a Balsa-Type Wood (BTW)
- Then the painting process itself would begin
- Ron Popeil maybe sold some paint sprayers on infomercials
- An active use of unintended compliments
- So there you go
- Being observational and in the moment is always good
- I’m grateful Scooter can remember this stuff
- And maybe I’m misusing some words, so what
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