1129 – Heart of Delusion | Nuns in Space S3 E12
A mopping song helps bring this bedtime story to a close, will delusion be saved? (Sleep well and don’t worry the delusion will be fine.
- Tanges and Changes
- Ionic Mop Bot
- Dust of Delusion
- In Bed with Monarchs and Loonies
- James Webb Telescope
- Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers
Notable Talking Points:
- I’m sleeping in bed with a Loon!
- Stuck Inside of Stan!
- Heart and Delusion are intertwined
Episode 1129 – Heart of Delusion | Nuns in Space S3 E12
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who can’t even explain…even though I’ve met a character who’s a freestyle soda machine in physical form, a sentient being…would you…I mean, would people describe it…? Yeah, I guess they’d say it’s a sentient being within a mammalian…bipedal mammalian thingamajig. I probably…if they got…they said, tell me about the people on your planet, or sentient beings with…I guess I would never use ‘bipedal’ unless I was talking about…making a joke about a flower on a bike or something. But I don’t even know…or saying well, that flower has…it’s a bipedal flower; it’s got two petals. The majority of bikes I know, they’re bipedal. Maybe not, though. Say no, there’s…Scoots, let me explain to you.
There’s a difference between bipedal and two petals. Is it one pedal? You pedal a bike on the petals. Well, okay. There’s your SAT question. I don’t know what it would be. If a bike has a pedal, therefore I…and this is why I’m…you say, what is going on, here? What did I just tune into? Well, this was what makes me qualified. I can’t even come up with a punchline about a flower with two petals, a natural flower. I’m not trying to make fun of any flowers, but…you know, that are down to two petals. How did I…? Where did this even come from? It’s like a biplane is flying around in my brain.
I couldn’t even describe…I couldn’t even improperly…I just tried to use a…honestly, I saw a textbook thing and then I was reading the textbook in my brain and I thought it would make me sound intelligent ‘cause I was quoting a foggy image of a…oh, this is…it’s time for Sleep With Me, though, the podcast that’s here to put you to sleep, to take your mind off of stuff and keep you company. Textbook nothing, because we’re going off-book, ‘cause it’s a misty, foggy book in my mind. It’s time for…this is a podcast that’s here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so that you could fall asleep. So glad you’re here. You deserve a good night’s sleep. That’s why I make the show. So, give it a few tries. That’s what most listeners say. It’s a bit different.
What we’ll do is we got some support — that’s how the show comes out twice a week — then a long, meandering intro, and then a bedtime story. I’m so glad you’re here. Let’s just see how it goes, okay? I hope I can help you fall asleep, ‘cause I’ve been there, tossing and turning, obviously. Yeah, I can’t even…I can’t even describe…I can’t describe…it’s easier for me to…I mean, that’s…makes sense; it’s easier for me to describe a sentient, freestyle soda machine. But even that…with a heart, by the way, but not a actual…but it has…it probably…I mean, obviously there’s some circulation going…oh boy, I gotta get this podcast started. It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. Thanks for making it possible, my patron peeps.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is to create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts you’re thinking about, things on your mind, like thoughts about the past, the present, the future, or that are just there, feelings, anything emotionally related to those thoughts or feelings that have come up for you or that appeared at bedtime as well. It could be physical sensations, it could be changes in…tanges or changes, or as David Bowie says, ch-ch-changes.
It could be change. Another thing I can’t remember…here’s a couple things not to put in bed with you; change, pressed pennies, which are a form of change. I realize that they may violate, whatever, the Great Penny…Don’t Mess With the Penny Act. Any pressed coins…though I guess pressed coins…well, no, ‘cause they have an edge. My pressed coin’s got an edge. That’s why I’m not a bad boy; I’m the not-bad boy. Scooter, he’s got pressed pennies and those have an edge, a slightly thinner edge than an actual penny. Penny for your thoughts. Here’s a thought; don’t put pennies in bed. What’s the most sleepable coin, you ask? Oh, boy. I would say probably…well, I would say the dime, for US currency. I’m sorry. I’d say oh no, loon…what do they call it, the loonie or the loon?
I’m sleeping with…this…that doesn’t get said at all, but it could be said maybe one day if everything goes right for me. It could be said in the future; I’m sleeping with a loonie. I’m in bed with a loon. I think that’s a Canadian coin, a nickname for a Canadian coin, but I may be wrong, as normal. But I guess that would be the most pun-worthy. Well, not even…it’d just be funny to say. Once again, I find myself in bed with a bunch of loons. That sounds like a…that could be a…was there ever a Far Side that said that? But yeah, coins; leave them…if possible, empty your…have a jar not near your bed ‘cause if you’re like me, you’re flailing about. Oh, I’m flailing about now? I’m supposed to be opening a sleep podcast? Oh, boy. Talking coins…but oh, let me just finish the thought, producer brain.
So yeah, I have…maybe do…as part of your wind-down routine, empty your pockets into a jar or some sort of dish or wherever you…it’s…I don’t know. I don’t know if you’re like me, your coin…your interaction with coins has been reduced greatly. Well, it already was. I wasn’t…I don’t…but I just had a lot of…I was on a trip with family members that don’t…they’re cash-only people, or mostly cash. Then we would try to split stuff and they’d say well, here’s cash, and I’d say okay, well, now I gotta spend this cash. How do we do this again? Then I’d have change. None of it ended up in my bed, though. None of it was in Canada, but now that I go to Canada, that would be a pretty…that would be a good picture, at least.
So, if I go to Canada and I remember, maybe I’ll…and the coins are actually called loons or loonies, then expect a picture…expect me to forget making a picture about that and then say okay, on my next trip to Canada, hopefully I’ll remember. Yeah, I was just thinking of…that’s the only time…when have you slept with monarchs? Oh boy, have I. Historical figures, too. I don’t know why curious poses just popped in my head, but…yeah. In bed with monarchs and loonies. Scooter says don’t do that. Pretty much…you could…well, I mean, I’m sure there’s — for most people — probably a safe policy, right, whether referring to coins…how come they call…do they ever call it MBC? Metal-based…M; metal-based currency? Metallic…MC; metallic currency. Alloy…okay, AC, man. Is that what the AC in AC [inaudible] stood for?
Alloy…it’d be ABC. Maybe that’s what that song is about, 1, 2, 3, ‘cause they were counting out the pennies. So, don’t get in bed with alloy-based currency or any…it’s not an all…you say, that’s not an alloy, man. That’s 100% zinc. I’d say, okay. Also, any periodic-table-based currency. Period table…PD…PT…periodic table…PTBCs. Okay, I thought I was listening to a sleep…if you’re new, holy cow. So, whatever’s keeping you awake; it could be any of those things. It could be…you say, don’t…here’s…please…this is the other thing; if you’re getting in bed with currency, say please don’t fluctuate while I’m trying to sleep, please. Could you fluctuate during…and they say well, in England it is normal business…I’m a Euro; in Euro…we’re fluctuating now.
It’s different…we’re on a different time…whatever that thing…time zone than you, Scoots. I’d say okay, well, I realize it’s…please only fluctuate during the…please, just don’t fluctuate. Could we just…would…I’m…okay, I guess another reason…there’s another reason not to…you say, you don’t even know where your time zone…your currency’s from. You say, I’m from the Denver mint, man. I gotta fluctuate right now. I say holy mackerel, I’m just trying to open a sleep podcast and now I’m debating with coins I’m not even in bed with. But I say, isn’t that a reasonable request? They’d say well, just don’t put us…empty your…okay, I guess you’re right. Right…earlier. Empty your pockets. Another reason to empty your pockets; your currency could fluctuate while you’re in bed with it, and I could tell you what. You say, oh man.
Especially if you have a guest. They say, what was that noise? Oh, currency fluctuation. They say, I’m sorry. Luckily I’m an imaginary guest. I say, yes you are. Okay, so whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m here to take your mind off of it. If you’re new, this show is full of tangents, as you just witnessed, because what I do is I’m here to keep you company so that you can fall asleep. I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I using lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents. I think you just saw a bunch of those, ‘cause I thought I was gonna talk about one thing, then I talked about four different things, then I forgot what I was even talking about, then I tried to move on, then I got…whatever that…superfluous tangent. I said well, what about currency fluctuation?
That wouldn’t help me. Any fluctuation…any flux…flex…is it a flux capacitor? Anything that fluctuates. I mean, unless you’re…I’m sure there’s…they’d say well, technically your mitochondria are fluctuating at a…I say okay, thank you, thank you. But I’m just saying it doesn’t…nothing I’m saying makes any sense anyway, brain. So, let’s keep the flux…fluctuation…save the fluctuation for daytime or when you’re awake and mobile…and flux capacitors. I mean, I guess unless it’s in your car and you’re taking a nap in the car. Or, wasn’t there one on a train? So, you’d say well, this is…train has sleeper cars. I’d say well, okay, just don’t…please don’t bunk me in a room with a flux capacitor, ‘cause it looks like it gives off a lot of light and I would have to put tape over it. Then Doc Brown would say it’s malfunctioning.
Now we’re stuck in, whatever, 1784 because Scooter had put…he broke the flux capacitor. Back to the Future…we’re not going…Back to the Future 4, because the flux capacitor got broken. I’d say well, why did it have to…I guess it does have to light up. Couldn’t you have put one of those modes that’s in…nighttime mode? Okay, so…sorry. If you’re new…pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, all to keep you company. Why do I make the show? Because you deserve a good night’s sleep. I’ve been there, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep. So, I know how it feels.
There’s hundreds of thousands of other people listening right now, and while not everyone is going through the same thing you are, a lot of us can relate to those feelings we get in the deep, dark night, or before bedtime, or on Sunday morning before…or Saturday afternoon about going to sleep Sunday night to get up on Monday. A lot of us have been there. So, that’s one of the reasons I make the show, but really it comes down to the fact that your life will be better if you get the rest you need, you deserve. Your life will be more manageable, and that’s important to me because I really believe it. I believe you deserve a good night’s sleep, that everybody does. Now, this show does not work for everyone. Now, if you already loathe me, unless you’re Doc Brown, please stick it out.
Fictional characters, please keep listening, or coins, or different-based currencies. But otherwise, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou has tons of other shows on there, sleep podcasts and sleepy audio you could check out. But for most people, most regular listeners, it takes two or three tries to get used to the show, and I’ll explain why. But give it a few tries. This podcast is very, very different, very strange, doesn’t make a lot of…I mean, I…holy cow, I…that was an accidental…it doesn’t make a lot of sense. Hardy-har-har. Some part of my brain is actually better at…if I try to make a pun, can’t do it, but then one part of my brain…accidental punnist. Man, that was probably one of the best puns I’ve ever had in my life, and it was an accident. I’m just being honest with you. Doesn’t make…I can’t even make any sense.
I got a bed full of sense. That’s where it is. Oh, so give the show a few tries. It’s free and I’m just here to help, but why is it different? Here’s a few reasons; one, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. You kind of just barely listen. I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff, not to put you to sleep. Eventually you just fall asleep, and then if you can’t sleep, I’m here the whole time. There’s listeners that can’t sleep. I’m here to the very end to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep, whether you’re listening or not. There’s no pressure to fall asleep here. I’m your friend in the deep, dark night, your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie, your bore-bor, your neigh-bore, your bore-bud, your bore-bruh.
Whatever it is, I’m here to be here for you, a friend you don’t need to listen to. What better deal…? You say well, yeah, obviously I shouldn’t listen to…I should barely just listen to you. I say, yep. I’m prattling on. So, I’m here to just…that’s what I am; I’m like a on-call buddy that just rambles and rambles and rambles. Now, there will be a story later on. The structure of the show also throws people off, and I guess understandably people get very upset, ‘cause you come in with some sort of expectation and the show is different than that. So, let me just tell you about the structure of the show, and you understand why. Show starts off with a greeting so you feel seen and welcome, then there’s support for the show.
An incredible amount of work goes into this show to make it sound so…sound like this, believe it or not, and the goal is for the podcast to be free and come out twice a week for…so the people that support the show directly and the sponsors make that possible, that you don’t have to pay for the show, that it’s optional. Then there’s support for listeners having a tough time, then there’s support for communities around the show. All that’s important and contributes to the goal of the podcast coming out twice a week for free. Then there’s the intro, which some people think is part of the support, but it’s really a show within a show, as you heard. I don’t know if we’ve ever covered fluctuations in coin…whatever, periodic-table-based currencies or whatever.
Yeah, I don’t know if we’ve covered that before, so…but the intro also serves a purpose for regular listeners. What up, my regular listeners? For new listeners, you get a idea of what to expect, the mild unexpected. But for a regular listener, the intro, for most regular listeners, is part of their wind-down routine. Only a small percentage of people fall asleep during the intro. Most people are getting ready for bed or winding down or in bed getting comfortable. So, the intro is meant to ease you into bedtime, to be a little bit of twilight between the waking moments and the sleepy moments. Though, some say my thoughts represent the kind of random thoughts that go through your head while you’re falling asleep, about sense and stuff like…the senseless sense, you know?
So, there’s my…the…you heard that pause; that was a pause where I was like, can you think of any puns? My brain says, got nothing. Nothing but loose change? That doesn’t…so, yeah, the intro’s meant to ease you into bedtime. Then there’s more support for the show, again, so the podcast can be free and it can be optional for you. So you say oh, great, I want to pay for it, or no, I prefer to just listen and enjoy the sponsors and support them. So, that’s that, and then there will be a story. Tonight will be our episodically modular series, Nuns in Space. I think this is the last episode before we do a recap, so that’s cool, and then there will be thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show. I’m really glad you’re here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive. I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways we get to be able to do this for you for free twice a week.
Alright everybody, welcome to our episodically modular series with a touch of seriality, Nuns in Space. Now, if you’re new, this is your first episode of Sleep With Me or Nuns in Space, don’t worry. I’m gonna catch you up on everything you need to know. So, you could start with this episode and then listen to the other twelve episodes or so, or ten, eleven…however…you can listen to them in any order. That’s what’s the beauty of episodically modular with just a sprinkling of seriality, since this is scheduled to be the last episode other than a recap episode. But even I don’t know all things, so…oh, what does episodically…? Oh, I explained that. So, what’s Nuns in Space? It’s the tale of nuns in space, but actually it’s the tale of a sentient soda machine named Stan and his sidekick, Scooter.
Scooter’s stuck on the…was stuck on a ship with the nuns from his childhood, on a mission…as their only crew member, and Stan…not only is he Stan’s sidekick; they’re one another’s best friends. If they are…yeah, they are, for sure. I’m not…I can’t even make a joke about it ‘cause they’d say well, they don’t want to know, but they don’t…I don’t know…Stan may have more friends. Not sure…I don’t know if Scooter does. Or, Stan has the capacity to make more friends. But they’ve been traveling in the universe. They were stuck in some sort of repetitive loop and they’ve been trying to…the nuns…it turns out, the nuns are trying to destroy all the delusion in the known universe. Stan, for some reason, has this gigantic…some sort of metaphysical, supernatural, semi…what are those called? Semi…demi-god-like powers.
What do you call a half-truck, half-god? A semi-god. Just thought of that one. It actually makes sense. Oh, Trans…or a Transformer. I mean, on our planet, a Transformer…I mean, you know what I mean? Was there ever part of human history where we worshipped…? Well, oh yeah, we worshiped Transformers. I think that there’s a couple things that even…they say…Transformers; more than meets the eye. That’s a hint that could be…Transformer; more than meets the eye. Transformers: Robots in Disguise. Oh no, they’re robots in disguise, ‘cause I thought it was…so anyway, I guess technically…but they’re not robots. Neither is Stan, a sentient soda machine. Don’t get it twisted that Stan’s something else. But so, every episode thus far, for the most part, has started off in a loop where Scooter…Stan’s somewhere trying to complete the mission, but he never knows what the mission is.
He’s just in a world with problems, like us all. Eventually he gets to a point where he needs Scooter’s help; Scooter’s not there. Now, Scooter’s on the ship with the nuns from space who are on their mission to destroy all the delusion in the known universe, which I was explaining before I went off topic. Stan has a gravitational-like pull. He’s pulled almost all the delusion in the known universe, or almost all the known delusion in the known universe, I think, into a…with him as this…not the sun, but something like that…planetoids, ships, asteroids, everything made up of delusion or containing delusion. Scooter usually wakes up on a ship, has a dream about Stan, and then tries to find a way out of the ship to Stan.
Again, some sort of metaphysical portaling-type situation, and eventually does go to try to help Stan and is normally somewhat helpful. The nuns are flying their ship somewhere…oh, on their mission to destroy all the known delusion in the universe. Usually, Stan’s memory has been erased each episode…over the episodically modular part of the series, but now Stan is gaining more and more memory. So, I think that’s all you need to know. Continuing I’m good at, but continuity, that’s not my specialty. But you know what’s one piece of continuity we’ve always had, is someone so charming…here’s another thing that has become a issue; it turns out, most people contain an ABPS within their subconscious, a Antonio Banderas Proximity Sensor.
When Antonio Banderas is in your proximity, part of you sighs, a lot of times audibly, but you don’t even know it because I guess it’s some sort of…whatever they call that, somatic response, to being…that’s what’s…that’s how science would explain it. I would say maybe super…his…another thing is, has Antonio Banderas ever guested on Supernatural? Because he has supernatural…he has natural powers that make people feel super, even when he’s in their general proximity. Unfortunately not a great…for recording a sleep podcast, because when a population of 60,000…in the general vicinity, 500,000 people are sighing internally or externally. Even if a few of those are in unison, the mics can pick it up, Antonio.
He’s smiling like he’s looking at a child who just finished eating a glue stick, which I may have…may or may not have snacked on one. Don’t do it, kids. I accept the fact that there’s nothing I can do about it. I mean, I could; I was…I mean, I did ask Antonio to look into coating the inside and ex…outside of his vehicle with lead. Then when I told him about the…he said, how would I see out the windows? I said, what about one…making a suit of that thing at the dentist? I did ask him to call…to see…and actually, he did, but it was too heavy to wear, because you wouldn’t…we’ll work on it. You need a superstructure to have a lead suit, because he…we did…I said, wouldn’t that be funny if you were on the red carpet with a lead tuxedo? Again, he looked at me with the same sort of…not empty response.
But we had…it wasn’t a prototype. It was a actual lead tuxedo. It wasn’t a tuxedo, though. I was just…I said, can’t they draw it on there? It was just…but it ends up, you can’t wear that because it probably needs a superstructure. Also very heavy. So, it didn’t work, but you could make…you can make a suit out of those if you have a Hollywood superstar willing to spend the money. Then people…when he calls, they say I’ll do it for free for you, Antonio. I think I just sighed.
Was that a sigh I’m just hearing? So, that didn’t work to shut down the Antonio Banderas Proximity Effect, or Proximity Sensor. Either one; those are two…your sensitivity to Antonio Banderas’ proximity…huh, there you go. That could be my sensitivity to Antonio Banderas’ proximity. But anyway, the reason we have proxmity to Antonio Banderas is ‘cause he’s here to introduce our series. Mr. Antonio Banderas. Thank you, Scooter. Friends beyond the binary, the ladies, the gentlemen, the boys, the girls, it’s time for a trip into outer space. You can’t see it on the James Webb Telescope; you can only hear it here. Nuns in Space. Thank you. Goodnight, everybody. Thanks. That’s Mr. Antonio Banderas, and this is Nuns in Space, everybody.
Scooter, this is Stan. Scooter, I have to go into maintenance mode, so hopefully you’re hearing this at some point or you’re finding me and you’re pressing the Play button on my display that says Scooter, press Play so you know what’s happening and you’re hearing this, or you’re on your way to get here, you’re hearing this. But I have to go into maintenance mode, Scooter, which means I’ll still be operate…Scooter, we have an entire universe around us. Mostly planetoids, asteroids, and ships. I’m sure you know about this. There’s something happening, Scooter. There’s four ships attempting, probing…they’re very powerful. I’m just not getting a good feeling about that, but I have to enter maintenance mode because something else isn’t right, Scooter. Something is stuck.
I feel like something’s stuck, not just within…something about these four ships has me stuck, but there’s also something inside me stuck, Scooter. So, I don’t know. Something’s physically stuck inside me. So, I’m gonna enter maintenance mode. I’m gonna…in order to do some general maintenance and run some…do some resets and all those things, and try to get unstuck. So, I wish there was…I tried doing different…I have to do a full maintenance mode, Scooter. Oh, and by the way, the only way you can get me out of maintenance mode is by playing this message, because I can’t hit re…you know, I can’t do the final…once I enter maintenance mode, Scooter, I need someone to take me out of maintenance mode.
So, I don’t know, I guess it’s gonna be you or some…it’s a full maintenance mode, so this is…I’m counting on you…Scooter, I’m counting on you. Scooter, I’m counting on you. Scooter, I’m counting…I’m having a…Stan, I’m…yeah, [MUMBLING] don’t worry, Stan, I’ll be as gentle as I can. I realize that you have that little slivery-poo and I’m proud of you, Stan. I know this is a dream, but you…I remember the first time you skinned your knee, Stan, how proud I was. This is your first sliver that I know of, at least, so I’m so happy, Stan. I’m so happy to get this sliver out of you, and…but we gotta soak you first in warm water. So, we’re gonna…I’m waking up. Ship’s warm. The ship’s not moving again. But it feels like something’s off. Oh, hey, Sisters, it’s me. Something feels off, Sisters. The ship feels warm, and…oh, the ship’s stuck? Okay.
Yeah, I feel like…I feel off-kilter. You all seem very calm. You’re just reading? Why are you reading, Sisters? Oh, the ship has to stay stuck? I don’t understand. Why would the ship have to stay stuck? Oh, that’s not for me to worry about it? Okay. Oh, well, can you at least give me…can you at least…if you can’t elaborate, can you give me a generality of why we…? Oh, something out there that’s not good? Oh, so it’s like we’re stuck…you got the ship stuck on purpose? Oh. Oh, to wait for something to happen. Okay, that’s interesting. Okay, Sisters, so I’ll just…do you want me to do some deck-swabbing? Okay. I’m gonna get the mop and the bucket, here. Don’t know how this was never…I thought that’s what one of those droids did in…when it went around the floor, like making…isn’t there some sort of ionic mop-bot?
Oh, that’s me. Oh, that’s not…that wasn’t ionic. Ionic does not start with an M, sister. Ionic. Oh, or a R. Thank you, though. Mop…okay. Oh, you said S. Oh, that’s…I guess that’s even not funnier. But I’ll get to mopping. I’ll just be down the hall here, mop, mop, mopping. I’m singing a mopping song, far enough away…feel free to discuss anything. Oh, you’re all going to take a walk. There’s not much to walk. Oh, a space walk? Hm. Okay. Well, maybe I’ll mop…I’ll swab the cockpit, eh? Okay. Bye, Sisters. Just swab, swab, swabbing, swabbing the sisters right out of my hair. That was the song I was gonna sing. Let me just take a look at these…huh, a sister left her computer open. Huh, these are plans. Seems to be some sort of schematic drawing. I wonder if this is the ship. Let me just zoom out.
That’s what I always do; zoom…oh, huh. It’s a rectangle. It’s got a square. Huh, this looks like…a bit like the same shape as a freestyle soda machine. That’s interesting. Let me see if I could…huh. So, wait a second, if I zoom into this blimping…blimp…bleep…wait, so we’re…wait a second, this is not possible. We’re stuck inside of Stan. Okay, this is interesting. This makes sense, though, of why I was always in the ship…I mean, it doesn’t make any…it seems impossible, but I’ve seen everything at this…I mean, I don’t want to see everything. I’ve seen a lot of things, so I can definitely say I believe a lot is possible. So, I think it is…we’re in some sort of crystalline structure, in the ship, stuck inside of Stan, and the sisters want us to remain stuck inside of Stan. That’s hard…stuck inside of Stan.
That’s almost hard to say. Stuck inside of…yeah, it’s hard for me to say. Okay, so, they went on a space walk. Let me see if I can see…I’ve never tried to check the exterior cameras of the ship. Huh, interesting; the ship is huge. I always thought it was small because our quarters were small. Wow, I really made an assumption about this ship. Wow, the ship is really, really big. The sisters are kinda…they seem to be checking the ship, which is jammed. We’re in some sort of…I guess we’re in some sort of…I wonder if we’re in a soda tube. Okay, so we’re in a piece of crystal stuck inside of Stan, just like my dream. So, huh, if I zoom out again, zoom back in…okay…some sort of crystal shard. Interesting. Well, I guess I gotta get us unstuck, ‘cause yeah, the sisters, they seem to be…so, they’re out there.
So we’re…I guess…okay. The good thing is I know…I don’t know much, but I know that I can safely say we’re in some sort of…we’re a sliver stuck in a rubber hose inside of Stan. So, what I could do here is…let me just see here if I can see…open a new tab and let me watch these…okay, there’s still…that’s good. Okay, so, I bet you if I can…oh yeah, so here’s what I’m gonna do; okay, I’m gonna release some carbonation. Looks like I’m able to tap into that. Huh, this is seriously…alls I did was…just like when you try to get, whatever, a Wi-fi route or .com or whatever, just in case you’re ever stuck in a soda machine, it’s not that address, but it’s similar. Gotta use the soda machine brand. So, I’m logged in. Good thing this…Stan’s…good thing Stan has Wi-fi. Okay, so now…just regular…nothing…extra-bubbly water.
Okay, so what’s — I’m assuming — is gonna happen is…yep, okay, the…we’re stuck sideways in the tube. Yeah, and we’re blocking most of the bubbling water. It’s building up and expanding the hose here. Oh boy, this is the first time I’ve ever done anything this…oh, yeah, we just…we’re moving. Oh, the sister…oh, hello, Sisters. Looks like something went wrong. I bumped something with the mop. Yes, I may…why are you laughing? Oh boy, everything’s getting swirly and wild, and now…oh wow, that was a bumpity-bump. Oh, the ship seems to…oh, I fell out of the ship. Stan, Stan, can you hear me? Stan? Okay, Stan’s not talking. Okay, I went some…through some portal there. Stan’s…okay. Oh, there’s a half of a crystal here in Stan’s thing that…made to catch the extra soda and the water and the ice.
No spaceship, though. Whoa, this thing’s powerful. I didn’t like…I don’t want to get…it’s too big to be a sliver anymore, so that grew. So, the nuns…are they some sort of mini-spaceship? Oh, Stan’s in maintenance mode. Okay, let’s do a reset. Scooter, it’s me. I was in maintenance mode. Hey, Stan. Why were you in maintenance mode? Scooter, I can’t quite remember. Oh, okay. Scooter, what’s in my ice catch? Some sort of super-powerful crystal. I can’t touch it. Can you analyze it? Scooter, it seems to be…okay, Scooter, I’m gonna have to run some things. It’s a half a crystal. Oh wow, Scooter, this is made up of…I can’t identify what it’s made up of, Scooter, but it’s very unique in its…Scooter, I’m getting some…okay, I’m doing some research, Scooter, and it seems to be…oh, no.
This is…it almost matches, but it’s only half of it, Scooter. What is it, Stan? Scooter, it’s half a heart. Oh yeah, I guess I didn’t notice that it was a half a heart crystal. Scooter, it’s half a heart. According to this, it’s the heart of delusion, or half of it. Oh, well, it was stuck inside you, Stan. Scooter, this was stuck inside me? It’s too big. Yeah, it…oh, Scooter, it does say that, yeah, this thing has mystical powers, so it can change size, it can defy most cosmic laws. Okay, but I gotta…don’t worry, Stan. I got it outta you. Oh, Scooter, thank you. That must…what must have been stuck inside me. Scooter, I was running maintenance mode, where I was putting bubbly water through my tubes. Yeah, no, no, yeah, for sure; that was…but I helped with that part. You better check for any leaks.
Oh Scooter, I’m noticing a few nicks inside of me, but no leaks. I’m gonna run a…yeah, no; thank you, Scooter. So, you said this is…Scooter, I’m getting an…some alerts in. Okay, Stan. What are your alerts saying? The nuns are calling, Scooter, and they’re making some demands and they want to talk to us. Okay, but what’s this…let’s just talk about this crystal. Oh, the heart of delusion? This is half of the heart of delusion. It’s some sort of celestial, metaphysical, spiritual object rumored…it attracts delusion and it has a bunch of other powers that are un…not understood. It may have been used, Scooter, to spread delusion throughout the universe before space travel. That’s its historical significance, that during the first development…that somehow this was an actual…I don’t know, Scooter.
I don’t understand all of this ‘cause it’s not all…but that it was used to spread delusion throughout the universe before space travel. But so, there’s a lot of myths and some of them conflict with one another. Oh boy, Scooter, the last time it was used was by the same order of nuns that your sisters are a part of. Oh, boy. Scooter, the nuns want to speak. Hello, Sisters; this is Stan speaking. What can I help you with? Yeah, Scoot…no, Scooter’s here. Scooter…yeah, Sisters, I’m here with Stan. What can I help you with? Oh yes, I did…yeah, Sisters, I did defy orders. Why are you laughing hysterically? Oh, because you wanted me to defy your orders and get the crystal out? Okay. So…oh, Sisters, what are you doing? Your ship is humungous. I can see it…yeah, we can see your ship.
Oh, the other four ships…huh, you’re forming into some sort of Mighty Morphin’, Voltron…all the other…there’s…a giant robot. Sisters, what’s going on? Oh, how did I forget? Oh, so you’re here to destroy all the…you’re here to destroy all the…so you’re gonna become a robot to destroy all the delusion? There’s a lot of delusion. The whole…that’ll take forever, Sisters. Oh, you’re just here to deal with me and Stan and get the other half of the heart of delusion. Oh, and then you’re gonna have a new Big Bang? Is that a metaphorical Big Bang? No? Oh, because all the delusion in the…all the known delusion in the known universe is here. So, you’re gonna…oh. Oh, boy. But so, there’s ships…oh, that’s what your mission is? Okay, well…Stan, do you have the ability to form into a giant robot or something?
‘Cause the sisters are coming towards us and they’re gonna…Scooter, I heard everything. Scooter, I’m not sure I understand everything that’s happening. I was in maintenance mode and my memory keeps resetting. Okay, Stan, so to catch you up on everything…so you had…you…as far as I could tell, the sisters were inside you…don’t know why…inside a crystal, the heart of delusion, and I guess maybe it was…there’s some sort of secret plan of the sisters to stay inside you, magnetic…or gravitationally draw all the known delusion in the known universe to one place. I guess that took some time, so they’re doing some sort of reset. Then eventually they wanted to…they were like…once they were ready…once everything was gathered, now they’re gonna do a Big Bang.
Scooter, that’s…so…but now they want to get…they must need the other heart of delusion to get away…to get from us, so they’re like a giant robot — pretty humungous — coming towards us. Okay, Scooter. That’s a lot of information. Scooter, I don’t know what to do because I’m just trying to process everything. Scooter, do you have any ideas while I try to think of something? Stan, this is not like you. Usually…I’m your sidekick; I’m not the…I can pretend to be the leader. Well Scooter, just go through some ideas, though, with what…the information you gave me. Oh, you’re trying to…thanks, Stan. You really trust me. Scooter, I do. Also, the nuns…hi, nuns. You’re still…they’re able to listen in to our plans, too, Scooter, just so you know.
Okay, well, I don’t…I mean, well, so…okay, so we have half the heart of delusion. It was stuck in you. Stan, throughout the…whatever’s been happening with the sisters, you’ve been having some sort of superpowers, or more than that; cosmic-type powers, and I gotta believe the heart of delusion’s been giving you these powers, or you got them…or you have them. So, maybe you could become some sort of giant robot? Okay, Scooter, I’ll try to see if I could do that, but maybe that was only when it was inside me. Also, I’m using my process…I’m trying to process…oh yeah, you did look like…your activity monitor…I don’t know, you got something running a lot of activity. Right, Scooter. So, the heart of delusion…again, what was it doing, Scooter? It was pulling all the delusion towards us, so…like a magnet. Okay, Scooter.
So, what if we…Stan, here’s the thing; maybe we don’t have…need superpowers. What if we reverse the polarity of our half of it and use it to push away the nuns or all the delusion? Scooter, that’s a good idea. Let me…so, instead of attracting delusion, we’ll push delusion away and the other half of the heart. Okay, Scooter, I think this is possible, but I just have to work on something to do it. So, Scooter, I think your other plan is right. So, I’m gonna need…oh, Stan, what is that? Well Scooter, I have more nanos. Again, maybe it’s the power of…so, I need you to sit in this chair, and you can…while I’m trying to figure out the reversing of the polarity, maybe you go with the…you…oh, so this is like, I get to be the…one of…I’m almost like a Power Ranger.
Oh, Scooter, whatever show…I know there was lots of other cartoons and stuff you watched, so whatever…you would be a pilot. It’d just be like a video game. So, just try to keep the nuns at bay. Oh, so assemble; can I say that, Stan? Scooter, you can, but…okay, so go ahead. Oh, Scooter, you’re doing good. Oh, so…oh wow, this is fun. So, I have a giant…yeah, that’s a thing, Sisters; you shouldn’t…oh, whoa, that was a good move, Sister. Back and forth we go. I can’t…Sisters, I can’t let you destroy…there’s just too many beings around here, so I don’t understand why you want to…I know you want to get rid of the delusion, but I have to put a stop to it because there’s people and delusions and beings and delusion all together here. So, I can’t let you do your own Big Bang.
Also, I thought we established that getting rid of the delusion…we’re not sure…I’m not sure that’s a great idea, either, with Stan having a crush on someone. Scooter, you’re right about that. Oh, the…do you have the polarity reversed? Oh, not yet? Okay, well, the nuns and I, we keep going back and forth, Stan. Stan, it’s…really feels like time…time’s going by here, and the sisters aren’t able to get past me, but I’m not able to stop them. Any luck with the polarity? Yeah, Scooter. Well, you’re right next to me even though you’re virtually with the nuns, dancing.
Scooter, there’s…I’ve…I can reverse the polarity and unfortunately we can do it, but it would push everything at a very high speed, and I don’t think…it would almost…I’m not sure…I’m trying to figure out…I just need some more time, and I think I can get everybody…but then it would…Scooter, it would almost push everybody in the…it would spread the delusion back out across the universe if we can even do it safely. So, I’m a little bit torn here, Scooter. What do you mean torn, Stan? I thought you believed in delusion. Scooter, I thought I did, but now that I have this heart of delusion and I…I’m not…maybe the nuns are right, Scooter, but not the way they’re gonna do it. Stan, I don’t understand. Scooter, maybe that’s the thing. So, you gotta trust me here, Scooter, okay? Sisters, I know you’re listening.
Scooter, just trust that there’s a solution you can’t imagine, like beyond your imagination or your predictability or your guessing. That’s most things, Stan. Okay. Scooter, just say all will be well. You want me to say all will be well? No, I want you to believe it. Well, I don’t know if I can buy that. Scooter, it’s already been boughten. You’ve already bought it. Okay, well, I trust you and I missed you so much, Stan. I feel like we’ve been separated and you haven’t been…you’ve been resetting. Yeah, Scooter, we’ll have plenty of time together. But Sisters, I think you’re listening and I think you see the conundrum here. I can…I’m stuck, Sisters.
I can…I’ve figured out how to reverse the polarity, and at this point we’re at a stalemate, so I can…Sisters, I can push you and all the delusion across a known universe, but I think maybe, Sisters, that you have a point, but only if we let everybody leave. So, Sisters, if you’ll agree to let everybody leave, I’ve already got everyone on ships. All the ships are ready to jump. They’ve left all the planets. We just need a few…I’ve been working on that while Scooter was dancing with you. If you agree to it, Sisters, and just let everybody go and head out across the universe to where…back to where they go, I could shut down…it won't affect the delusion because it’s already here with us, Sisters, and we’ve created our own gravity.
So, all the planetoids and asteroids…everything with the delusion will be here, but the…all the beings and…they’ll all go back and leave and head out in different…wherever they’re from or wherever they were going. Then you can have the delusion. You can use your Big Bang. We just…okay, Sisters. So, you do agree. ‘Cause otherwise I’d just spread it back out. Okay, so everybody, commence jumps in hyperspace and portaling and all that. Congratulations, Sisters. How does it feel that you’ve accomplished your mission? Oh, pretty good? That’s good, Sisters. So, what’s next as far as…? We got about fourteen more ships to go. What’s next? Oh, Scooter…you don’t want Scooter and I to go. Huh. Okay, so you won't let the…? Okay, so what if…Sisters, what if I stay with you and Scooter goes?
No, Stan, I’m gonna stay with you. You’re my best friend. But Scooter, the nuns, they…they’re gonna do a Big Bang. Yeah, but Stan, this is…I can’t…all…I have to trust all will be well, you said, so I know that all will be well when I’m here with your…my best friend. No, Scooter. You have to trust all will be well with…go without me. No, no, no, Stan. I’m staying here with you. All will be well. Well, Sisters, it looks like there’s a tiny bit of delusion in Scooter’s heart, so I guess he’ll stay here, too. That’s fine, as long as you let those last fourteen ships go. So, what’s next anyway, Sisters, after the Big Bang and you…? Oh, you’re gonna be here. Okay. So, then what would…? Oh, so then you go onto your next phase of existence.
Huh, and you know the world’s free of delusion, the whole universe, the world…I know you mean world in a giant sense. That’s great, Sisters. So, your mission is accomplished. All the known delusion in the known universe is gone. Then what about the unknown delusion in the unknown universe? I know we’ve been saying that; known delusion in the known universe. Oh, so you have some analytics about it, so it’s not…oh, so the next generation of nuns will deal with that. Now that you’ve got the majority of it done, you’ve helped the known universe. So, that would be for the next generation. Huh. That next generation would be people Scooter’s age, right? Scooter’s generation. You guess?
Well, I think it would be Scooter’s contemporaries or any…and I guess anybody else would be trained by Scooter’s…Scooter…people like Scooter. There’s other beings in the universe that aren’t like Scooter. Oh, okay, but probably raised like watching those sitcoms, a lot of cartoons, a lot of…mostly commercials, right? Historically across the universe in the unified timeline we were all existing in, that was flexible. So, someone that grew up within delusion, those would be…they would be…just be taking over, ‘cause you would be gone. So, you’d be leaving that generation…’cause don’t you think they would just post about it on…Scooter, what would you do? Well, I’d just…I’d probably make some sort of thing about how…what we’d…like, I’d say oh, that reminds me of a episode of Perfect Strangers, and maybe I’d post about it on Zuck pages, and post about…they say, anybody seen any delusion?
‘Cause I mean, that’s what…and then people would post about it for sure, Stan. That’s how I’d find it. But maybe we’d just post about it so that the people would see it, and then they would say oh boy, I’ve been…if they happen to see that post and then everybody commenting on it about them being delusional, that would…just deal with it. We wouldn’t even…I think…yeah, I don’t…why would we even fly through space? We could just deal with it and probably…yeah, and then I’d probably…because…yeah, I’d probably just be relaxing a bit? I don’t know. It just seems like…makes more sense that way. I don’t want to have to go out there and do all that stuff. So, Sisters, yeah, that seems like you’re in good hands. Why don’t you…all the ships are gone.
They’ve all jumped and there’s only one thing, Sisters, that I’m realizing; here’s the heart of delusion. I told you I’d give it to you. Oh, you’re here. Yeah, that’s the power of it. So, here’s the other half of the heart of delusion. So now you have the whole thing, and I know you wouldn’t let those last two ships…the largest two are gone now. I got that message, so that was good. Yeah, so all the ships now are gone. Yeah, so I guess you’re gonna…oh, one thing, Sisters, though, that I forgot to tell you, is while we were doing…I knew everything that…Scooter, sit down. I’m sitting, Stan, ‘cause I was in the control…oh, so, thanks, Scooter. Scooter, this might…Sisters, you might want to sit down, too. So, I knew…I retained some of my memory, Sisters.
It turns out that you don’t even remember this, but at some point I captured the heart of delusion and you, Sisters, were…in order to prevent this from happening, and got the whole heart of delusion inside me, which gave me the powers. I’m not even sure I remember the exact event since somehow it affected all our memories ‘cause of the power of delusion. There was something about the stuff with Scooter…the heart of delusion. Heart and delusion, Sisters. You seem to have lost sight of that. But I also realize that the heart of all these planets was where the delusion was, and some of the inner core and all that stuff. So what we did was I used all the nanobots, all the resources, and we carved out all that delusion, then put it in the pockets and the socks of all the beings out there, and the bags and stuff.
Just little pieces of dust, delusion…dust of delusion. Those just got distributed. All the known delusion in the known universe just got redistributed over all of the known universe again. Everybody brought their own piece…dust…little dust of delusion wherever they were returning to, and spreading it…oh yeah, I can see you’re frustrated, Sisters, but that’s the heart of…you know what I’m…Sisters, we had to. Those two things are intertwined. Oh, what’s…Scooter, where are we? Stan, we’re inside a crystalline heart inside the nuns’ ship, in a jar. I can see it. Oh Scooter, so they sealed us in the heart of delusion inside their ship. Yeah. We’re stuck in the heart of delusion inside the sisters’ ship. Wait, so Stan, I don’t know if I’ve followed everything.
So you used…you dug out the inside of every planetoid and asteroid planet that was made up of delusion, made it into dust, put it in the pockets and the socks and the bags of all the beings that had…billions and billions, and sent them out safely. Scooter, that’s what I did. Delusion dust. Now we’re in the ships with sisters, and…oh Scooter, I also…I didn’t reverse the polarity of the…I couldn’t do that. That’s why I was buying time. But what I did do is I neutralized it, so the heart of delusion is more…again, like…I rebalanced it. That’s why it was cracked. It was heart and delusion. It was originally a heart, actually, Scooter. It wasn’t crystalline. It was pumping the delusion, bringing it in and pushing it back out, circulating it through the universe. Okay. So Scooter, can you feel that?
Now they’re using it as a delusion detector. So, we’re…what’s gonna happen to us, Stan? Well, Scooter, as far as I could tell, we’re stuck on the ship with the nuns from your childhood, and I’m pretty sure we’ll be able to figure things out because of the cosmic…temporarily, I think they’re just headed out. So eventually we could work out some sort of compromise. They do need a…they do need two crew members, Scooter. So, they’re just leaving us here right now out of frustration because they’re still cooling down from being tricked. Then we’ll work for them again. But for now we’re just gonna have to sit in there. So what we’ll do is we’ll rest. We’ll get some sleep, and eventually they’ll wake us up and then we’ll work for the nuns from…we’ll be stuck on a ship with the nuns from your childhood, Scooter, their ship.
I guess they jettisoned a lot of the stuff they were gonna use for the Big Bang. Yeah, we’re headed out across the universe again. Great, Stan. So yeah, I guess I’ll sleep for…Stan, can we sleep for a long, long, long time? Scooter, we can, so let’s go to sleep, because all will be well. I mean, everything’s well within…and again, great news, Scooter; everybody can have as much delusion as they want again. Well, I’m gonna need a lot of it, Stan. Scooter, so will I. Goodnight. Goodnight, Stan. Goodnight, everybody.
[END OF RECORDING]
(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)