890 – When the Bough Bows at Art Camp | Sleep With TNG

EPISODE 890 – When the Bough Bows at Art Camp: Sleep with TNG

 

[START OF RECORDING]

SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time for the podcast, you know…I want to give you…it’s time for the podcast, patrons, that’s a sampler of pointless meanders, lulls, and dulls, and you enable me…you make this Whitman Sampler or whatever possible.  I take the ‘whit’ out of Whitman in this sampler with your help.  It’s time for Sleep With Me, patrons, the podcast you made possible.  Let’s get on with the show.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna…turn out the light…alls you need…[MUMBLING] what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna create a safe place.  I got it; I’m smoothing, I’m patting it, I’m rubbing it down.  I’m clearing it out, I’m cleaning it up.  Holy cow, polished and waxed.  But plenty of traction, don’t worry.  Everything’s polished and waxed but it’s also polished and waxed in a matte way.  Then what I’ll do is I’ll try to invite you in and make it feel welcoming, or send it to you.  One of the ways I send it to you is by sending my voice across the deep, dark night.  I'm gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.  I got creaky, dulcet tones; that’s like, creaky like a door.

 

Dulcet’s kind of not…in my case it’s like yeah, it’s not bad.  Dulcet…I guess you could say that.  Creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.  I already have a couple superfluous tangents ‘cause when I started the show, I was thinking that I said Tribble…I thought I said trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep but I think I said Tribble.  Then I realized this’ll be a TNG episode which I don’t know if there’s ever been a TNG episode with Tribbles.  But there was a Star Trek, original Star Trek, one of the more famous ones that even non-Star Trek people know about are the Tribbles.  I’m pretty sure the title of that episode was Trouble with Tribbles which is funny to say.  It feels good to say.  Go ahead; Trouble with Tribbles.  Trouble with Tribbles.  I dribble when I say Trouble with Tribbles.  I actually don’t so please don’t quibble.  Tribbles, please don’t nibble.  If I couldn’t laugh and I couldn’t giggle, I would…Tribble…gibble.  Anyway, so, I’ll go off…I’ll talk more about Tribbles maybe in a minute.

 

Tribbles getting to sleep; that’s a peaceful image.  I mean, if it weren’t for their multiplication…a Tribble-based bed, TBB.  Was there ever a Star Trek…maybe a fan fiction where someone said okay, we found a way to control Tribble, whatever they call it, Tribble offspringing.  I don’t know if they’re procreating or they’re just…whatever they call that, dividing.  I probably shouldn’t…what if you had a TBB?  A Tribble-based bed made up of sleeping Tribbles?  Somehow, totally 100%, we keep the Tribbles’ care in mind within the invention because it is imaginary at this point.  Only a prototype, a fictional prototype right now, but it’s a Tribble-based bed kind of like those air beds where you say well, I need some more Tribbles.  So, you hit a button and the Tribbles multiply or subdivide, whatever they’re doing.  You say oh, that’s a little bit more Tribbley.  You say, is Tribbley firm or soft?  You say well, you have to try it for yourself.  You say well, that’s a little bit too much Tribble for me.

 

Too much Tribble for my taste.  You say okay, just hit that other button.  They say well, what happens when you hit that button?  You say well, there’s less Tribbles in your bed.  You say well, yeah, how’s that possible?  You say oh, well, it’s…they go to another bed.  According to the manual, the Tribbles go to another bed somewhere else ‘cause this is in the…this is in Star Trek, so there’s actually one of those miniature thingamajigs that…it’s either a replicator or a holodeck of Tribbles.  The Tribbles rematterized, I guess, in this case, or transported to another…no, transported to another bed sounds better.  Or maybe even not even that.  The Tribbles take breaks.  That’s the way we keep our Tribbles fresh and happy.  The Tribbles actually like being a part of a bed when they’re sleeping.  We have Tribbles at different planets at different hours and when you press that button or whatever, the Tribbles kind of…the Tribbles are constantly cycling in and out at a speed that you’re not even aware of, by miniature transporter.

 

We’re beyond the Star Trek shows you’ve seen.  We’ve miniaturized transportation…you know, transporting.  Much less energy in our energizing.  Yeah, we can constantly be cycling the Tribbles in and out for total Tribble and human comfort or whatever being…you know, whatever planet you’re from.  Have a little more, have a little less; the Tribble Bed.  Sleep yourself in a bed of Tribbles.  Available today in many forms and oh boy, is it customizable.  I guess I went on that tangent early.  I was gonna say if you’re new, a little late for this, I guess; welcome, I’m glad you’re here.  This podcast is a little bit different, I guess as you’ve already seen.  I guess as you’ve already seen, where I have a tendency to go off-topic and never get to the point.  But so, a few things to know if you’re new; one, that reaction is common if it’s skepticism, doubt, not sure if you’re comfortable or you’re feeling like, I don’t know what this is.  Those are really common reactions to the show.

 

Most regular listeners say hey, give it a few tries.  That’s definitely the way most of us came to the show.  You could check our reviews.  Almost every review says something like that.  They say okay, well, it took a few tries to realize one, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to.  You kind of barely listen.  I mean, that was a pretty good example.  You say well, the idea of a Tribble-based bed…I could see how that idea…I can’t see how that idea would pop into anyone’s head but I can see that it popped into your head.  It seems like a reasonable idea to you, Scoots.  To you, it probably feels like you’re groundbreaking.  Totally can see that but I know I don’t really have to pay too much attention to someone…I’m glad you think that way and I appreciate it but I also realize by listening to you that not only do I not need to listen to you, you also constantly give me permission not to listen to you or pay attention, so I can hold those two things and also be relieved by the fact that if I don’t pay attention…I mean, I might miss out on Tribble-based buying…TBBBO, Tribble-based bed-buying opportunity.

 

But since that was imaginary and fictional and a bit different, I can live with…I’d rather get some sleep than miss out on my TBBBO…Tribble-based…so, T…based…Tribble bed…Tribble-based bed-buying.  So, Tribble-based bed…so, TBBBO.  Sorry, I want to get my Bs in order.  Can’t put too many Tribbles out there.  It’ll crush our margins.  Holy moly.  You get too many Tribbles in that bed or in the Tribble-based buying opportunity.  That blows everything.  That blows the bottom line right out the…you bet your bottom dollar, Tribbles.  Do Tribbles have a bottom?  Okay, so back to the show.  It’s a little bit different and you don’t need to listen to me so if you’re skeptical or wondering, just give this show a few tries.  It takes a few tries to get used to and you don’t need to like me initially.  You just have to kind of feel neutral.  Say well, I’m not exactly open-minded about this podcast but I’m willing to look at it in a fuzzy and out-of-focused way.  I can agree to barely pay any attention to you, Scoots.

 

I think I could do that.  Just see how it goes.  That’s one thing; the podcast you don’t need to listen to.  Other thing is this is a sleep podcast and we were kind of one of the first sleep podcasts around, but this is the one sleep podcast…not only the OS, the original sleep podcast, it is also the only sleep podcast that’s not here to put you to sleep.  I’m here to keep you company while you drift off.  As you fall asleep, I’m here to take your mind off of stuff and be here to keep you company even when you’re sleeping.  But also, if you can’t sleep either because of a long-term thing or a situational thing or you need a break during the day or you woke up, I’ll be here to the very end to keep you company.  A podcast you don’t need to listen to, a podcast that’s not really here to [00:10:00] put you to sleep.  I’m here to walk at your side as you drift away off to dreamland.  I’m here to hold your thoughts or your feelings or your…the tension of those parts of you.  That’s that.

 

The structure of the show can throw people off.  A little late to tell you this ‘cause we’re already…but the show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary.  Then there’s business.  That business keeps the podcast free and not as a part of another service.  Then there’s an intro, so around minute six or so, four to six minutes, maybe?  I don’t know.  The intro starts and probably runs to somewhere around twenty to twenty-two minutes.  The intro is me introducing the podcast at first seemingly in an incompetent way.  Many people have that only listened once.  They only listened to the first eighteen minutes of the show and they point this out.  Now, I’m laughing because they missed the paradox of making a sleep podcast.  But you say it takes you twenty-four minutes to introduce a sleep podcast?  I say exactamundo as the Fonz might say, or somebody because…well, let me explain it to you.  One, if you’re new, I want to explain what the podcast is but I also want to give you some examples 100% planned out.

 

Tribble-based beds; there’s a tangent we can all agree on as somewhat distracting.  If you’re new, it gives you an idea of what the podcast is and an idea of the level of, well, positive incompetence and goofiness to expect.  But if you’re a regular listener, you have a couple choices.  About 2% of regular listeners skip ahead and they start the show at twenty or twenty-two minutes.  Then about 2% of listeners, well, less than that but around that support the show on Patreon and might listen to story-only episodes or they listen in different ways that are available to the patrons.  Then the other 96% of listeners, they listen to the intro in a few different ways.  There’s no wrong way to do it so these are just a few examples.  There’s listeners that start the podcast as they’re getting ready for bed, there’s listeners that start the podcast as they’re getting in bed and they’re getting comfortable, and then there’s the listeners that start the podcast as they’re drifting off, and then there’s listeners that start the podcast when they wake up.

 

Those are just a few of the more popular ways to listen.  For a lot of those listeners, whenever you start listening, whether it’s before you brush your teeth or when you’re already in bed and you’re getting cozy, the podcast is kind of meant to be like a landing strip to let things slowly drift away, to slowly ease you into sleep and bedtime.  An intro that never really gets going or that takes…gives you plenty of time to start to get comfortable and unwind or maybe do part of your other bedtime routine; doodling, I don’t know.  Is there a pastime called noodling where you would…not with noodles.  I was thinking with pool noodles.  You say well, no, no, no, I don’t even have…I say, you got a bedroom full of pool noodles, Bob?  Bob says oh yeah, oh boy.  This is my hobby room, too.  Yeah, I got a bedroom full of pool noodles.  Well, what’s going on in here?  Bob said no, I’m a noodler.  I say oh boy, do I really…Bob, do I really want…?  He’d say yeah, well, at bedtime I find pool noodles soothing, so I shape them in temporary shapes or I’ll just squeeze them or I’ll pretend I’m a trumpeter and trump it into my pool noodle, or I’ll put my ear to my pool noodle and listen, or I’ll sing my pool noodle a song.

 

I decorate pool noodles.  I’ve gotten into sculpting pool noodles.  That’s my next thing.  This is gonna be a new thing one day; sculpted pool noodles.  You say well, that one looks a little bit like Beaker.  You say yeah, that’s the only character I’ve been able to figure out, is Beaker from the Muppets.  I haven’t been able to do any other…but yeah, that’s one of the characters I do, Beaker.  You say oh boy, that’s interesting, Bob, but believe it or not, I was in the middle…that’s another thing you could do while you listen to the intro, is work with your noodles if that was your hobby.  There’d be nothing…Bob, there’s nothing wrong with it.  There’s gotta be a hobby for everybody.  Do you bend them like you were a strong person at a circus?  Oh, of course I do.  That’s good.  Thanks for coming out, Bob.  Thanks for having me, Scoots.  Also, can I order one of those Tribble-based beds?  We’re not quite…science is not caught up with my vision yet, Bob, but one day, fingers…Roddenberrys crossed, we’ll get there.

 

Thanks, Scoots.  Oh, so the intro, you could fall asleep during it or you could…it could slowly help you drift away.  I will pause it if you’re new.  Maybe that took your mind off of whatever else.  That’s kind of my job with these tangents, is to lay the groundwork.  But the show is also an hour so you have plenty of time to fall asleep.  You say well, if the intro is four minutes, I might feel some pressure to fall asleep or if the episodes are only thirty minutes, I might say…this is me trying to be in your shoes; say oh boy, I gotta be asleep in thirty minutes.  Not with Sleep With Me.  Plenty of time.  Over 300 episodes ready to go.  Those are the kind of things…oh, then there’ll be some business.  Still talking about the structure.  Then there’s some business, then we’ll talk about Star Trek: The Next Generation, then there’s thank yous at the end of the show.  That’s the structure of the show.  The reason I make the show is because I believe you deserve a good night’s sleep.

 

You deserve a place of respite and solace.  You deserve a bedtime that you can look forward to or at least feel neutral about and not dread.  I’ve been in that position before, yeah, where I’m not looking forward to bedtime ‘cause I don’t know what’s gonna happen.  Having Sleep With Me as a part of another…is one part of your routine with noodling or whatever.  I hope I can bring you some nice…something nice at bedtime.  I was gonna say some niceness and then I heard my daughter correcting me in my mind.  I said some nice…something nice.  Then, I don’t know.  That’s it.  I make the show because I’ve been there and I know how it feels and I want something more for you.  While this show does not work for everybody unfortunately, I wish it did; I hope you give it a few tries and I really hope I can help.  I really appreciate you coming by and checking the podcast out.  I yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep so thanks again for coming by and here’s a couple ways we’re able to bring you this podcast for free.

 

Alright, hey everybody, Scoots here and we’re talking TNG, Star Trek: The Next Generation which you’ll be sleeping to.  Don’t worry, you’re not gonna miss anything.  This episode is about summer camp and you might say, I don’t remember.  It’s art summer camp for talented kids, kids with art potential.  One of the least remembered episodes of TNG.  Also goes by other names about bowing but for some reason they spelled bowing wrong.  ‘Cause art camp, at the end of…this whole thing is about they end up making this play.  I’ll just tell you everything right up front; some of the kids go to this summer camp on a planet.  Technically, it’s a summer camp because in space there aren’t seasons, but there are.  The kids get tasked with making a play which also includes multiple forms of art which was a good teaching method.  I was really surprised at this planet.  The name of the play is called When the Bough Bows.  B-O-U-G-H; When the Bough Bows.  It’s a tale about a bough or a bough…I guess like a tree branch.

 

Yeah, there’s a lot of messages about the tree branch being part of a larger tree, trying to find its own identity.  All that stuff plays out in this episode.  Those are some things to remember but it opens with me on the wrong page of my notes and now I’m on the correct page of my notes.  Season one, Episode 16.  Does not start with captain’s log.  It starts with Riker in a hallway.  Picard calls him; says yeah, get down here, we got work for you.  He runs into this kid named Harry which is funny ‘cause Riker says what’s your hurry, Harry?  Harry is totes starstruck when he meets Lieutenant Command…not lieutenant commander.  Lieutenant Commander Riker?  Maybe Commander Riker.  Oh, yeah, he’s not a lieutenant.  He’s just a commander.  Harry’s dad’s Dr. Bernard, an oceanographer, we find out later in the episode.  [00:20:00] Harry does not like calculus.  He skipped out on calculus class and his dad is going to get him.  Also, his dad has some sort of…I guess oceanographer equipment on his belt.  It’s a big square thing.  Doesn’t look like it’d be comfortable to wear around.

 

But then he takes Harry back to school.  Riker’s limping though when he heads to the bridge ‘cause Harry gave him a little Charlie horsey-poo.  Tasha’s arms are crossed on the bridge.  There’s a lot of curiosity.  Really nice opening to this episode and it closed with a lot of laughter and smiles.  Yeah, I ran into this kid.  Picard says Number One, we got a curiosity here.  A few hours ago, I got these energy readings.  Can’t figure out the source.  Following a trail of bread crumbs led us here.  What do you think?  Picard’s excited; I knew this would interest you because…then he says, what’s your…what’s our position, Geordi?  Everybody’s excited after he asked Geordi where they’re at.  Geordi doesn’t say, where are you at?  I got two turntables and a microphone.  He says, where we’re at?  I don’t know, Kappa Epsilon system or something.  Let’s see, what does he say, Geordi?  Epsilon Minos, sir.  That’s right, that’s a legendary thing much like Wakanda and Atlantis; Aldea.

 

Tasha doesn’t know about the mythical, wonderous world of Aldea or Nine Minos Xerxes VII.  They don’t mention Wakanda but incredible sophistication, citizens’ needs provided for, they turn themselves over to art and culture.  Yeah, the Aldeans have a cloaked planet much like Wakanda so no one could bug them or mess with their technology.  But Troi sees something.  You notice it once and then she speaks up.  They say, scanners show nothing.  Troi says well, my scanners are seeing something.  There’s also a lot of music with jingling.  Distortion…oh, Picard walks forward, says music…Troi says there’s something out there.  Sensing very strong…thousands of minds, right here.  Full stop, Picard says.  He walks from the bridge part of the bridge to the front of the bridge or whatever; fore or aft or something.  Hold this position.  Aye, sir.  Then we see some shimmering in space.  Anything?  Not yet, Data says.  Then Worf says yeah, I got something; 19…mark 190.

 

Shields and deflectors go up.  Tasha’s on that.  Then this Jupiter-like planet appears.  Everybody’s smiling and amazed ‘cause it’s a legend.  But Riker’s like holy cow, this is it; Aldea.  He’s like, totally stunned.  It has to be.  Our episode opens.  It’s captain’s log 41509.1.  Let’s see, Picard says yeah, we’ve been led to this planet Aldea and we don’t know if it was a chance or intent.  Appears out of nowhere.  Sophisticated shielding device.  Data says it’s electromagnetic, complicated light refraction cloaking device.  Correct, yeah.  Pretty sophisticated for a whole planet, though.  We’re being scanned.  Say, let them know we’re here.  Peace; open the hailing frequencies, Tasha.  Rashella hops on the screen.  She’s behind a Fuller dome or a geodesic dome.  She says that’s right, I’m straight out of Aldea, a peaceful being named Rashella.  Welcome.  Picard clears his throat twice before he starts talking to her.  We come in peace.  We know, we’ve been listening to everything you say.

 

First, I thought she was in a Fuller dome.  Later we’ll see…Picard goes, I can’t believe this.  She goes yeah, well, we’ve been hiding for millennia.  Picard goes, why now?  She goes well, we’d like to meet you in person to discuss that and other subjects of mutual interest.  Anytime, Picard says.  She says, okay.  The next thing you know, two people scan in.  One of them is her, Rashella.  They’re surprised ‘cause they just came in.  They said, you didn’t go through the normal procedure.  Radue.  They say, you didn’t get any decon, you know?  Dr. Crusher says, regular transportation procedures…lights hurt their eyes.  They say, the only way is our way to get through our shield.  Cloaking’s off but shields are up.  By the way, don’t mess around.  They got a horn of plenty of flowers.  A horn of plenty of flowers.  They say, Number One, get an away team ready.  They say we’ll prepare for your arrival, Commander Riker.  He says, how do you know?  They say, we know everything.  Like I said, we’ve been listening.

 

But we gotta go because your lights are too high.  I don’t know what this…we prefer our planet much dimmer.  They head out.  Riker crossed his arms.  Picard says, this is amazing.  Holy contact.  Dream world of mythology right in front of us.  Now, Riker says, now we know who traced…placed the bread crumbs.  Any idea what folktale that’s from?  Counsellor Troi, what do you think?  She says well, they want something, no doubt about it.  Something we don’t want to give up, something we value greatly.  That’s a mystery for the episode.  They say, we’re ready for you, Riker.  Riker heads out.  They just randomly pick Dr. Crusher and who else?  Oh, Counsellor Troi.  They meet Duana, Radue, and Rachelle…Rashella.  Wesley’s asking Data for some exposition.  He says yeah, that’s how the shields work, like a Romulan cloaking device.  Must take a lot of power or something.  Then they get scanned by a spotlight, the whole ship.  Wesley gets the bulk of the scanning, a methodical…probed in a methodical pattern is being mirrored on all decks.

 

Picard goes everywhere, the entire ship?  I loved how he said that.  Wes kind of is under a spell.  Every deck with children was scanned ‘cause they don’t know it was a beacon to art camp.  Picard and the team just didn’t know that at this point ‘cause it’s too early in the episode.  They say Wesley, are you alright?  He goes, I have a faint sense of bunk beds and macramé.  He goes, I don’t know was macramé is.  He goes, do you know what it is when you dip it in glue and then you put it on a balloon?  Picard goes, that’s paper mache, Wesley, not macramé.  Don’t get it twisted.  Then we’re back with Radue.  Picard’s got a…actually, this is worth it; I didn’t notice this the other times I watched it.  About 09:11, Picard’s got an appetizer fork in his hand and he’s just holding it, spinning it around.  He’s munching on something.  They talk about their simple living.  Even Steven is how the…they say, we got this summer camp.  We got no kids to come to it right now so we’re recruiting.  We call it Even Steven Summer Camp.  Kids make the art.

 

They don’t gotta pay to come to the camp.  We sell the art to pay for the costs of the kids coming to the camp.  It’s a total thing.  Then the hang-up is that they say well, that’s not how it works in the Federation.  We don’t have money anymore that Scooter knows about.  How could you sell art when you can’t put a price on it?  Particularly children’s art; the children’s parents should get it.  Radue says, that’s not how it works here, man.  I told you, we’re an advanced planet and we’re mostly interested in advancing art and culture.  But the way we fund it is by selling the art to the highest bidder.  Sorry if we can’t just give it to the parents.  That’s our model here.  Riker says, the parents aren’t gonna like that.  They would like their kids’ art from camp.  At least, they would like the option.  He goes, it’s probably more the option that…they can’t get it than the fact that they…like, if they would have the option, they’d probably put it in a closet somewhere and forget about it or not take it.

 

But the fact that they can do that…that’s not…no one’s gonna go for that.  Even Picard won’t go for it.  [00:30:00] None of us will.  Even Dr. Crusher says no, that’s not okay with us.  Parents have first option.  We’d rather pay for the summer camp.  Radue says again, that’s not how it works.  I’ll tell you what; I’ll do what Radue says.  I’ll give you the technology in exchange for it.  We’re gonna do a play, When the Bough Bows.  Everybody’s gonna be happy.  Riker goes, I sympathize with this.  He goes, will the parents be able to come to the play?  Radue says, if they pay to come to the play.  We charge for tickets.  Riker says no, that’s not…we can’t go for that, either.  Can we livestream it for free on the Enterprise?  No, Radue says.  Not possible.  Radue says, that’s your final answer?  Sorry you’re being so intransigent.  Great word.  They just send everybody back to the ship.  But then what they don’t know, the adults don’t know, is they give the kids…they say kids, would you want to come to an art camp for free?  Your parents don’t gotta pay anything.

 

You get to put on a play where…he goes…the kids go…a bunch of kids do say okay, we’ll go to that camp.  Wesley is one of them.  Wesley goes there, a bunch of other kids go there.  One of them is Harry and another one…this is at 11:40, 11:39, yeah.  There’s a girl that goes.  Her name’s Alexandra.  She’s playing with a dome and a fuzzy toy that must smell good ‘cause she’s…I think she smells it.  Let me watch again.  I’m watching Wesley…goes down.  ‘Cause especially the kids at school, like Harry, they say would you rather go to school and learn calculus or go to art camp and put on a play?  You don’t have to perform in the play.  We have many roles to help all artistic expression-based roles.  Also, again, there’s no tuition for this camp because your art pays for the tuition and the entire costs of running the camp.  It’s really a utopian-type situation except your parents want to have first…right of first refusal.  You do have to go without your parents’ permission.

 

Of course, the kids in school, they say oh yeah, let’s do it.  Harry is one of them and a couple other kids.  Then some kid in blue and red with a sash, and then this girl who smells her stuffed animal kisses it and then she’s gone; Alexandra.  There’s also a girl playing some sort of lute.  Worf says, the kids all went.  Oh, more than six kids went down there.  This is one of the few times I couldn’t…I had trouble rooting for the Enterprise.  With the real episode, I rooted for the Enterprise.  But they say, all the kids went down there without permission to go to art camp where we don’t get right of first refusal of the art the children make because it goes to making it work?  Ridiculous.  Let’s see, they go to an ad.  Status; what’s the status or the frequency, Picard says.  Gather the parents.  We gotta talk about this.  Radue says summer camp has started, Captain Picard.  Kids are already working hard.  You got my word of honor.  They go, but the kids don’t have permission slips.

 

They go, well, the kids opted in.  It was an opt-in.  Picard goes, what kind of camp doesn’t give the parents the art?  We can’t get our heads around that.  They say well, what about some other form of compensation other than the art, like a picture?  They don’t say this.  Picard is really BE bent.  He can’t believe it.  He’s really raising his voice, hot under the collar.  He says yeah, let’s do…we’ll figure out some other compensation when you’ve calmed down.  Hangs up the phone on them.  If you like kids’ outfits, around thirteen minutes, the kids are at camp.  They’re already dressed, I think, in characters, ‘cause I can’t…the kids are in very colorful garb.  Most of them – I didn’t realize this but most…other than Wesley, none of the kids have sleeves.  It must be warmer on the…cooler on the bridge.  I’ve heard that term ‘it’s cooler on the bridge’ of course, in Star Trek.  But none of the other kids have sleeves.  It turns out Wesley is gonna be the director of the play.

 

The kids are like, Wesley, I don’t know…Wesley goes, well, I’ve never directed a play before so don’t worry.  You’ll all get a task or a role you’re comfortable with.  I promise.  Then Radue rolls in with the other people whose names I already forgot.  They say, the Custodian said you were gonna be the director…wants to go with the Custodian; who’s that?  They go, not a person.  Oh, Rashella says yeah, this is gonna be a great camp.  We’re your counsellors.  We have more counsellors coming.  We can’t wait.  The kids say we can’t wait, either.  Can’t wait to make my parents a mug.  They said oh, well, you won’t make your parents a mug.  You’re gonna make a play…stuff for people.  They say, okay.  Then the one girl, Alexandra, she…with the fuzzy thing, she shakes Rashella’s hand.  Rashella laughs with joy.  She says, this kid is charming.  Then we go to a meeting with the parents and the parents are bent, just like we thought.  They said, they’re gonna make a profit off of our kids’ art in exchange for no tuition?  What kind of humanist system is this?  Compensation?

 

They say well, I don’t care.  If anybody’s gonna use my kid’s art, it’s gonna be me.  Every parent shares that same viewpoint but they say what kind of…they say yeah, we realize they see it as their own system.  Troi tries to explain it in a neutral way.  She goes well, it pays for the tuition.  They don’t have kids of their own.  They’re people running an art camp.  They’re not parents.  They don’t realize that parents feel like they have a right to the kids’ art whether they’re gonna enjoy it or not.  By the way, you can’t even go to watch the play.  But Picard goes don’t worry, we’re gonna sort this out.  I can assure you of that.  They say, okay.  Can we call them?  FaceTime them?  I came to tell them to make secret art for us or something.  They go, no.  Harry’s dad goes, I can’t believe I told my kid to just study calculus.  Now he’s at art camp.  What if he likes art camp better than me?  Very typical response; understandable.  Then we see Alexandra and Rashella playing hide-and-seek.

 

All the kids start to meet their counsellors which is a very big part of a summer camp-type movie.  You see different style of counsellors.  There’s the counsellors that are a couple.  They end up with Harry.  They run the props department.  They say Harry, you’re gonna help us sculpt some props.  You’re gonna be in the prop unit.  Harry’s not so sure about that ‘cause he says well…they go, you’re the only kid in the prop unit right now because we couldn’t get more kids because of the intransigence of your ship.  They go Harry, you’re gonna be a great prop-maker.  We really can see it.  He goes, but I’m not a prop-maker.  They go you’ll learn, don’t worry.  We’ll be patient with you and kind.  Come with us, this is summer camp.  It’s supposed to be fun.  Harry’s doubtful at first but they go to Unit B-375.  Then Katie meets an Abe Vigota…very Abe Vigotian character who is very polite.  He says I’m honored to meet you, Katie.  He’s Melian or something.  He speaks the language of music.

 

He says, we’re gonna be in the orchestra.  You’ll see Wesley soon; he’s the director.  Wesley goes, I’ve never directed a play before.  I don’t even know if it’s a musical or what.  Radue says sometimes you gotta roll with it, Wesley.  Just accept it, you and the other kids.  Wesley goes, our parents can’t come to the play for free?  He goes no, that’s just for our paying guests only.  He goes, technically, your parents could pay as guests but they kind of…they think they deserve to stream it or go for free.  Wesley goes, I’m not sure I have the wherewithal to direct a play.  Radue says well, you’ll figure it out.  I believe you could figure it out.  Wesley’s arms are crossed, though.  [00:40:00] Then Alexandra and Rashella are playing.  They go Rashella, she’s not…there’s no hide-and-seeking in this play, Rashella.  Rashella says nope, yeah there is.  Me and Alexandra are gonna play hide-and-seek and with her toy, only.  She goes, I refuse…she goes, that’s her summer camp.  Then we go back to the ship.

 

They find something interesting, some random fluctuations.  Oh, also, Alexandra rubs the fuzzy thing on her face for comfort.  More music…they say jeez, we gotta figure out a way to get down there, shut down the shield.  Data says well, I might be able to figure out their…break their codes.  Picard says Data, you do that.  Riker, you and Geordi try to find some way to get through one of the holes in the shield and get a…we can’t have this.  He goes, this is embarrassing for the kids.  Picard goes, but this Even Stevens thing, I’ll figure that out.  He goes, was there a show called Even Stevens?  He goes, I think they’re showing us a bone but I’m gonna drag out the negotiations.  But I have to make it believable ‘cause they’re trying to rationalize the whole thing, but I’ll keep them talking.  Then we go to a commercial break.  We found a look between Picard and Riker.  Then at 19:46, Wesley meets the Custodian which runs all of the tech and AV for the play and the whole art camp.

 

Wesley gets Level 3 clearance.  Reminded me of the book The Postman.  I never saw the movie but there’s that fake super…oh, sorry.  There’s a super-computer in there; Cyclops maybe, or something?  But Wesley asks, how does this thing work?  No one knows.  He’s like, well how do you do tech support on a computer that does tech support?  Duana says I don’t know anything about tech support, Wesley.  It’s all supposed to work all the time.  Wesley giggles.  He says, that’s not how technology works.  You gotta know how to fix it.  She goes well, hundreds of centuries ago, this started working.  It’s been fine since then.  Wesley goes well, what about backup power or backup spotlights or whatever for the play?  If I’m gonna direct it, I need confidence in the equipment.  She goes Wesley, you’re being silly.  You gotta just trust the equipment’s gonna work.  Wesley goes no, no, no, I know equipment.  Sometimes it needs maintenance.  She goes, you have impressive questions, Wesley.

 

Why don’t you ask the Custodian?  Then he asks it to check in on the other kids and he sees Harry happily actually sculpting and getting encouragement, his first part of the play with this kind of laser whittler.  He’s like, whittling with a razor.  He’s having fun, he’s learning.  They say, he’s gonna make it…he goes, he was learning calculus.  This is too much of a tangible skill.  They go well, he’s already…that’s what summer camp learning’s about.  He goes, it’ll take too long for him to…how am I gonna get my props for my play?  They say, don’t…trust our camp, Wesley.  You’re trying to control it.  Then he checks on Alexandra.  She’s not working on the play; she’s playing a video game and having screen time with Rashella or whatever.  Then they say Wesley, you gotta start working on the play.  Then he asks, what’s behind that fancy door?  Is that where the backups and the power for the Custodian is?  She says, I don’t know.  We go back to the Enterprise in orbit.

 

They go, we’re not able to…we gotta figure out the shields so we can go watch this play.  Worst case, we’ll have to go watch the play.  Then they say, Radue’s calling.  Picard says, I’m ready to come down and meet with you, like we said.  Dr. Crusher’s gonna come with me.  She’s also my advisor ‘cause Radue says, why would you need somebody?  He goes, I can’t come by myself; Regulation 6.57.  He goes oh, okay, well…he goes yeah, it’s gotta have…I gotta have somebody else to see the progress of this play we’re not able to see.  They say, okay.  Then Data says, I don’t know about 6.57.  Picard goes, neither am I.  He goes oh, okay.  Oh, okay, I see, sir.  Data gets a kick out of it.  Riker gets a kick of Data getting a kick out of it.  Then Data gets another kick out of it, then Picard and Crusher go down.  They say, we’d like to see the progress for the play and the art they’ve worked on.  Radue says no, we’re here to work on…that’s not how we work here.  They also have cafeteria trays on their tables.

 

They go well, we’ll give you something other than the kids’ art.  What about art supplies or art…teaching-based art modules for art class?  What could we offer you?  Dr. Crusher says, how can you be sure our kids’ art will be purchased?  They say, don’t worry about it.  We’re confident.  Maybe you never heard of the internet but we’ve got access to this internet.  They say no, no, no, we can’t allow…again they say, we want to see the play for free and have all of the art.  Radue says, and not pay any tuition?  What about future tuition for non-Enterprised kids?  Picard says no, no.  Plus, we want to talk to Wesley about Wesley having to direct this play.  Radue says man, you guys are stubborn.  Probably a positive trait in some sense.  He goes okay, you can see him, fine.  Dr. Crusher goes and sees Wesley.  She says, how’s the pressure?  She actually gives him a thing of…I think it’s candy.  What do you call those things?  Well, it’s like, very tricky though.  She gives him…what are those called?

 

Welcoming kit or a home-sweet kit or whatever.  What is it called?  A something package.  Care package.  But she sneaks it to him and gives him one for each of the kids so that they’ll like…’cause they’re still…the parents really…the subtextual thing is the parents are worried that the kids are gonna like summer camp better than school and their parents.  Typical fear.  She goes back.  She goes yep, snuck him that care package for all the kids.  Reminds them of their favorite things on the Enterprise.  They say okay, we’ll think about whatever you said, Radue.  Radue says well, make a choice.  It’s either full tuition or…you could pay full tuition and full tuition for the next class here and our overhead of our camp, or let us sell the art and not come to the play.  He says I’m like, putting on…I’m blocking you on all channels for the next three days while you think about it.  That’s what Radue says; blocking your calls, your texts, and your e-mails, and your social media.  Stay out of our DMs, Radue says, for three days.  No one on the Enterprise can believe it.

 

He goes, if I need to, I’ll block you ‘til this play’s over and your kids’ kids’ kids’ are doing plays at this summer camp.  Also, there was a math problem.  If you’re looking to do math, 27:14, Radue kind of sets forth a…or, somebody sets forth a math problem.  But then there’s an ad.  Then we go to music lessons with Abe Vigoda and the young…his young student.  He kind of shows her how they do an entire orchestra with two people with a machine like that game Simon, the memory game.  He goes, you just imagine the orchestra and it plays the music through this Simon thing.  At first, it doesn’t…she drops it.  He says don’t worry, it’s not…it’s totally hearty.  It won’t break.  He goes yeah, you gotta think about…let it reflect music within you.  Structure your feelings into music for the orchestra for the play.  She closes her eyes and she does it.  Whoever this person is, Ava Vigoda, listens.  They kinda listen to the music.  It doesn’t sound like the most upbeat part of the play but this girl’s a serious young musician.  He says, it’s beautiful.

 

But he goes, it wasn’t upbeat.  Maybe we need some…a happy play.  She looks at him like [00:50:00] why does it have to be a happy play?  He sighs.  She goes, I’m not gonna make music for just happy plays.  That’s not what an artist does.  I said, wow.  It was very Epcot-like music.  She was in the zone.  He was out of breath.  Then Harry’s laser-whittling again, some more.  I said no wonder; this is like 3D printing in reverse.  Harry says, I could be…I could make props my whole life.  They go, it’s actually a great career.  It’s unionized and very creative.  He goes, and I wouldn’t have to know math?  They go well, you wouldn’t have to take math classes.  Then we go back to the Enterprise.  They say, it’s been three days.  We haven’t had contact.  Now Radue’s supposed to be turning back on our messages.  They say Radue, we accept that we’ll have to discuss things.  We’re open-minded to it, okay?  We’ll think about it.  He goes okay, I’ll bring you down when you’re ready.  Picard goes Data, find a way in.

 

You and Riker should go watch the play.  Data goes, it’s impossible.  Picard says, things are only impossible ‘til they’re not impossible.  Dr. Crusher has the low-down.  She says by the way, I hatched a plan without telling you to give the kids care packages from the Enterprise from their favorite things.  I got a feeling that’s gonna win…if I know Wesley, that’ll win him back.  I put his favorite treats in there.  She goes, #sabotageartcamp.  It’s like a movie version of TNG.  Picard goes, great work.  We go back down to the two…the counsellors that are in a long-term relationship.  They’re helping Harry.  They go and see Harry’s polishing a dolphin sculpture.  They go, what is that, a fish?  He goes no, a dolphin.  I’m polishing my…I love polishing wood.  He says that, or working with wood.  But he says, this is a dolphin; swims in the ocean.  They go oh, wow.  Very expressive for a play.  Very good.  But they keep calling it a fish.  That’s when Harry says my dad’s a oceanographer.  We lived in Zadar IV and we lived by the ocean there.  I think he would love this dolphin.

 

Also, he’s chewing gum.  They don’t notice that, from the Enterprise.  He goes, I don’t know if this should be in a play or in my dad’s closet at the bottom…behind his old shoes.  We see Alexandra and she’s like, I think I want to be in this play.  The woman says no, no, no, we’re gonna keep having screen time and fun stuff.  Then we have a subtle scene.  It’s like a producer’s meeting so the two producers of the play, Radue and Duana, they’re asking Wesley about the play.  He goes, I don’t think this is gonna be a happy play.  They go, oh, we didn’t tell you.  This art camp, we only produce happy plays.  They go Wesley, you’ll be…grow accustomed to making only happy plays.  Wesley says, that sense of art is not just happiness.  It’s expression.  As director, he gets up in the middle of the night, gets out of bed, and he goes and tells the…goes to the Custodian’s room, puts on some music.  He says yo, Custodian, go into quiet mode.  Also, the thing says goodnight, Wesley, which I thought would be a good…goodnight, Wesley.  Goodnight, Custodian.

 

Wesley goes to the other kids.  He goes, did you get your care packages from my mom?  They go yeah, yeah, yeah.  This camp stinks.  It doesn’t even have a canteen.  Wesley goes, we have to make a happy play.  They go yeah, that’s what they told me.  Then Harry says, they made me make…he goes, I don’t know, I made a dolphin but I think my dad would like the dolphin instead of it being in the play.  Wesley goes well, that’s a legitimate idea.  He goes, I think we should just bail out of this art camp.  But they’re not gonna let us until we put on the play.  We have to do the play in order to graduate from art camp.  He goes, I have a way to graduate from art camp while still making a happy play that’s not happy.  Beverly’s working late.  She’s actually cracked the idea, somehow, that they only have happy plays.  But she says wait a second, this isn’t an art camp at all.  It’s a camp that makes art.  The reason the art has to be happy is maybe…be able to be more mass-produced.

 

They’re not just selling the art; they’re taking the children’s art and making it into mass-production.  Only the happy art is being sold.  I think she hacked into eBay or something and started bidding on it and realized that.  It’s not that the kids’ art is being made and sold to the highest bidder, really.  It’s that most happy designs are being sold.  It’s all exposed.  I guess the Enterprise was right and I was wrong.  Also, at 34:39 which we just passed or I just passed, we get a better shot of Alexandra petting her thing and also, we see it has a tail.  Wesley says, we’re gonna do a play about soft power.  It’s a silent play.  Harry goes, I like working with the wood but I also want to give my dad a dolphin.  I don’t know if…I liked using that laser thing.  Wesley goes well, you have to do a silent play.  He goes, they’ve actually never…we’ll say it’s a happy play.  If it’s silent, then if they’re not projecting happiness onto us as silent performers, they’re the ones that are making…it’s a technicality, Wesley says.

 

We’ll graduate no matter what because if we’re silent, then…and they’re not interpreting our silence as happy, even though we don’t have to pretend we’re happy.  We could just put it on them and say we graduate anyway.  You say oh, wasn’t that a happy play at the end?  We’ll say it as a question; did you find that play a happy play?  Then if they answer no, we’ll say well, it was a silent play.  What were you projecting onto us that you didn’t see happiness?  All the kids say Wesley, I don’t know if I quite understand it but I know how to be quiet, so we’ll roll with it.  We go back, we see Riker and Data getting ready.  They say okay, then Radue says…Riker calls Radue and says yeah, we’ll figure something out.  We’ll buy the tickets or whatever, the play.  Let me come out and talk to you about a group rate and the art.  Then we see them doing a rehearsal, Wesley and the kids.  One of the adults comes and says do you want some snacks?  They go, are those like the snacks on the Enterprise?  She goes, no.

 

They go no, we have to practice our silent play.  We don’t need any of your snacks.  We only eat Enterprise-based snacks.  The kids are…they’re like, wait a second.  She goes, can I watch rehearsal?  There’s no talking so she goes, I don’t understand this rehearsal.  It doesn’t make any sense.  Then we see Riker and Data get ready to go.  They’re gonna sneak in and watch the play.  Picard and Crusher are ready to go to buy the tickets.  They’re like, fine, we’ll pay for tuition and tickets.  Then they go down, they send Data and Riker down to sneak into the play.  Somebody rubs their face.  Beam down…that must’ve been…I don’t know who it was.  We see the kids being quiet.  Oh wait, they…oh no, yeah.  Okay, Wesley’s so kind.  Riker and Data are down there and they scramble to the Custodian.  They say, they won’t even be able to use their voice controls because if I scramble this, none of the effects for the play that the adults would want to use, not even the spotlights will work, and their ticket machines won’t work.

 

They won’t be able to sell tickets for the play at all.  They won’t even be able to sell tickets to Picard and Dr. Crusher.  Then Radue says, the kids are planning on putting on a silent play.  That doesn’t sound very happy to me.  Picard goes well, I don’t know.  If it’s silent, how do you know if it’s gonna be happy or sad?  Wouldn’t you be deciding that?  He goes, can you talk to the kids about doing something other than a silent play?  Picard goes and reassures the kids; hey kids, heard about this play.  We’re trying to get tickets.  Wesley goes, I looked at their computer.  It’s a little different.  They don’t even do any maintenance.  Harry says, can you tell my dad I got a dolphin for him made of wood?  Sorry I didn’t do my math, but I miss him.  Picard goes, don’t worry.  You do this silent play and we’ll watch the play.  I have a camera; I’m gonna stream it on the ship for free.  [01:00:00] Alexandra wants a hug from Picard.  He, of course, delays it ‘cause season one, he doesn’t really like kids very much.  But he holds her.

 

Then the kids come with Picard and he says, time to do the play with the silent kids.  Radue says, right now?  This isn’t the play.  He goes Riker, did you shut down their ticket-taking machine and their eBay site?  They go, yeah.  Then Beverly goes, this isn’t even a sensible business plan.  Your copies of the kids’ art have been copied in other planets and it’s being sold ‘cause you didn’t actually have proper copyright.  He goes no, that’s not possible.  You’re messing with us.  She goes, listen; you don’t have a sustainable business plan.  Let us help you with the business plan.  We’ll make you into…we’ll find a new structure and then you’ll be actually able to have a summer camp without any of this convoluted stuff.  Maybe by charging tuition, the parents maybe could offer a way you could forego tuition by offering the parents to pay for the art but they would know if they want to buy the art, it costs as much as tuition.  Rashella says wait a second, I love that idea.

 

The parents could pay tuition but what they’re really doing is buying their children’s art, or they could not pay tuition or pay a discounted tuition and we would actually sell the actual art pieces to either their family member or the greater public.  They go yeah, but it can’t just be happy art.  Not every kid is happy all the time.  Not realistic.  That’s when Riker and Data say, you won’t be able to sell tickets again…or eBay.  We’ve taken over their accounts.  Harry goes…he says thanks for teaching me how to make props.  You keep the dolphin.  I’m gonna make another one for my dad on the ship.  They say great job, man.  They say alright, are you ready to go, everybody?  Then they say, is the silent play over?  They say, silent play over…they beam back up to the ship.  Everybody said wait a second, that was the shortest…Radue says, that was one short play.  I don’t even…I don’t know if I feel happy.  I think I now understand it.  He goes, what about our accounts and our ticket machine?

 

Picard goes don’t worry, we’re gonna redo that.  You actually have to do some maintenance on your computer first, though.  They go into their computer mainframe room 'cause it’s old, vacuum-based even though it works really good.  Data says, see?  You needed a bunch of vacuum tubes replaced.  He goes, that’s why you were limiting your thinking.  He goes, if we could get all these nodes back up, you wouldn’t need to mass-market only happy art.  You could teach the kids to make any art they want and implement the Dr. Crusher business plan.  Now, you’ll have to use this power we’ve given you in service of all the spectrum of feelings within expression.  They say, okay.  I think we understand.  Then we have…Harry’s talking to his dad about art and his dad says even at art, Harry, you have to understand math.  But I’m here to encourage you all the way for both.  Love you.  He says, I love you too, dad.  Then they were back on the bridge.  They say yep, we got everything rebooted.

 

Their accounts are ready, they’re ready.  Crusher comes in.  She goes, I got their business plan implemented.  They understand it.  They go well, that legend will be gone.  No more Wakanda.  But it’ll be a good summer camp.  Then Wesley comes on the bridge with Alexandra who’s holding a flower.  Picard doesn’t want kids on the bridge but he says, she’s got a present for you because you saved the day.  She gives him a branch and she hugs him.  But everybody starts laughing hysterically and at first, I didn’t know why.  Picard looks at the flower and is holding…everybody’s laughing at him.  He turns around.  I don’t know if Tasha’s laughing in the background.  Picard goes, let’s get moving.  Make it so.  Then we turn around and he sees that Alexandra’s fuzzball’s stuck on his back.  Everybody’s still cracking up, even Geordi.  The episode comes to a close.  Goodnight.

[END OF RECORDING]

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