Episode 1392 – Do the Butterscotch | Trending Tuesday
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who’s here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff, whatever the season; autumn, fall…whatever else they call it. There’s other names for the season; leaf season, though, I guess…I think the Leafs would probably disagree with that. I mean, I guess I never covered that before. Leafs, what’s your opinion on autumn? I mean, holy moly, right? You'd say, autumn…what are you doing, humans, celebrating that autumn? Peep at something else. We're not changing colors 'cause…joy. It’s the cycle of life up here. Oh boy, you get to be a part…I mean, they probably have a healthier attitude. I’m just projecting my human thoughts on there.
They say, oh boy, we get…I mean, they probably do say, oh boy, I get to be the circle of life; loamy soil, home for squirrels. What do you dream of? Well, I hope I’m a rustling…the rustling of leaves on a sleep podcast one day. That’s a pretty sweet sound, huh? Yeah. Or just get my blazing fall colors or my muted fall colors. Oh yes, I think we can agree. Either way, I hope they're appreciated with joy. I mean, in the heart of almost anyone but that sleep podcaster who reminded us…I never thought…the leaves were like, I never thought about the downsides of being a leaf ‘til that guy came strolling through here.
So, anyway, oh boy, if you're a fan of leaves or projecting your own emotions on the leaves, welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcast that’s here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep, which is a little bit different than most stuff out there. I’m here to hang out with you so you could fall asleep, to be your friend just chilling, talking to you about almost nothing. So, if you're new to the show, welcome. I’m really glad you're here. This show is a bit different. It does take some getting used to, so just kinda be patient. It takes us forever to get there. Just barely listen to me, kind of, or see how it goes.
What we got coming up is support so that new listeners and occasional listeners and people that aren't in a position to do so can listen for free, then there’s a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime, and then there’s a bedtime story. Tonight I thought it was gonna be about one thing, but I think I’ll try to relate it to leaves somehow to make…'cause I don't…I’m on so many bad…I’m on the…you say, I didn’t even know the leaves had a naughty list, Santa. Like, the leaves are…dear Santa Claus, I don't know if you're aware of this sleep pod…anyway, so, you gotta deal with that. You say, why’d I get coal? I thought I was good this year. Oh, it was before Thanksgiving that you reminded the leaves…you were running through the leaves singing Circle of Life.
Also, you got Elton John and Phil Colins mixed up while you were running through there, singing. The leaves didn’t like either one of those. Oh, I guess that makes sense. Coal it is, another…whatever. Many, many years running. I guess it keeps the streak alive. So, yeah. So, glad you're here. So, the show’s very different. Just see how it goes. I’m here to be your bud in the deep, dark night. So, if you're a regular listener, this podcast has changed your life for the better, you listen three, four, five nights a week years after years, multiple episodes a night, you're the listeners we count on to keep the show going for everybody else, 'cause ideally it makes your life a lot better. So, these are the ways you could support the show. Thanks.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep, waking up, whatever it is? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that’s here to put you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts on your mind, thoughts about the past, the present, the future, thoughts you're thinking about, it could be feelings, anything coming up for you emotionally related to those thoughts or feelings that are just there, thoughts or feelings from the past day, the past week, the past month, or about the future, or that are just coming up right now.
It could be physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, routine, you could be going through something or in the middle of something, whether it’s seasonal or related to something else or a change in the work schedule, travel, guests, related to devices or things you saw on devices. There’s so many different things that seem like they're coming up and new facets of what’s keeping people awake. Whatever it is, I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of that stuff so you could fall asleep. If you're new, you might be like, well, why do you even mention this stuff in the first place? It kinda reminds me of why I can't sleep. That’s a great question. That’s actually…I get that e-mail occasionally, and I like to think about it and answer it, right, because I don't feel like I should just ignore or talk down to you, right?
This show, particular…I mean, later on I’ll be talking about nothing. I mean, about leafs or something. But in this particular circumstance I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff in a respectful way that kinda sees you where you are, because I think for some people what unlocks…or I guess to back up, it can be…I’m a person…trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, trouble waking up, all of those. Thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in anything will affect my sleep; anticipation, getting over…all of it. I’ve found that the outside world can be pretty dismissive of that stuff.
So, alls I want you to know is that here at this show, in this place, even if this podcast doesn't work for you, even if you move on from it almost immediately, we have a desire to kinda see you where you are and say, man, that must be tough. If it’s anything like it is for me, it must be tough, and there’s a lot of people listening, some people who really get where you are and have been in a similar place, and they're really pulling for you; wow, I really hope this podcast helps you like it helped me. They're really welcoming you with this indirect energy or indirect kindness, this indirect heartfulness of saying, this is…hopefully this is a good place for you, a nice place for you to rest or find some rest. That feels good to them, too, because when they got here…it’s kinda like being lost, and then you find someplace warm and nice.
Even if — for most of us — you want to stand on the outside and look in — that’s what I prefer — you can still feel the warmth and know that you're welcome and that it’s like, oh, okay, maybe these people kinda get me. Maybe not fully. No, no, we're not striving for claims like that, but that I’m welcome here. The second piece of it is that hopefully you get…that leads you to get the rest you need on a regular basis, 'cause this show rarely works instantly for anybody, but it does work after some time for the people it’s gonna work for. What’s great is when it changes your life, right, and you don’t have to dread bedtime anymore and you could get the rest you need on a regular basis and you say, okay, at least I got that podcast talking to me about nothing, or that podcast was there for me when I was going through this really tough time.
Like, the past couple years…the different things I’ve gone through. That’s what I hope…that’s why I make the show, really, because I know what it’s like and I want to help, because if it’s anything like…if there’s any shared feelings or similar feelings or mirrored feelings, I know it’s tough. I also know your life’s gonna be better when you're rested, and I want you to be able to live your life more fully, because I know what it’s like to be hobbled by a lack of sleep and frustration around sleep and all that stuff. So, what I do is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, which means my voice is not traditionally soothing. This podcast is not very meditative. It’s not me just reading a story. Creaky, dulcet tones…there’s people with dulcet tones out there or butter tones or whatever.
The Buttertones; that was another group. I was banned from seeing them 'cause maybe sixty episodes ago I was talking about butterscotch candy. That was their big hit, Butterscotch Candy. It has a two…it was…I said, man, that’s a song I could sing, Butterscotch Candy. The Buttertones. It turns out it was all in my imagination. But that’s the worst when they say, oh, you're not welcome at our shows anymore because you had a strong opinion about butterscotch candy, all your hot takes. People say, does Sleep With Me have hot takes? No, it doesn't ever. But I say, we got some buttery takes about butterscotch candy and rootbeer barrels every one hundred episodes or so. I don't even have anything against butterscotch candy. I wish The Buttertones…can somebody remind me about The Buttertones, too?
Because I feel like…well, one, I wish that I was good at any…like singing. I mean, I know I’m good at this 'cause I’ve been doing it a while, but I’m not a singer, so I wouldn't be a member of The Buttertones. I’m good at thinking of names. Performing at every butter festival everywhere…the movie Butter…big part of…there’s some circular logic for you. So, there’s…way back before I started the podcast, I was trying to get…become…practice working on being creative on a regular basis, and I read this script that won a Nicholls Award or was a Nicholls Award finalist, and Butter was a really, really great script. It got made into a movie about butter sculptures, which I haven't watched as a clear-headed person. I was doing that while I was not clear-headed most of the time.
I know I watched the movie when I was…but I should watch it. Hopefully by the time you hear this episode, I’ll have seen a butter sculpture once again. But butter sculptures are normally…and New York’s…the Great New York State Fair is where I’ve been exposed to butter sculptures, but I’m sure there’s other places like other fairs, maybe county fairs that need some heavy-duty refrigeration. But The Buttertones could perform at the butter sculpture…anybody who wants to go in on that, you just need…I don't know what I would want back. But if you're in one of those groups…we had the Silvertone…the Silvertone became a real…was a real person. The Silvertone and The Buttertones performing tonight; songs about butterscotch candy. Was that…? Who’s that? Who…?
Simon and Garfunkel, they never did songs in the color of butterscotch candy. Songs and…what would be the right word? The hues; songs in the hues…? No, that doesn't work. Songs in the spectrum of butterscotch candy? That’s too many…too much…can you have too much alliteration? I think so there. Songs in the spectrum of butterscotch candy? Maybe it’s just…‘spectrum’ is too many…songs in the shade of butterscotch candy. Almost. Song…'cause I feel like I need something…it needs a misdirect. Songs in the hues of butterscotch candy. ‘Hues’ is a tough one, too. Songs in the shades of butterscotch candy…songs wrapped in butterscotch candy. That sounds…I don't know if Simon and…The Buttertones would do that, though.
Songs wrapped in butter and scotch; maybe that was…that’s…that would be like a lounge singer. Buttery scotch tones at The Buttertones. How many tangents have…? These are creaky, dulcet tones going on tangents, pointless meanders and superfluous tangents. So, this is a podcast…when you first get here…even though we're about fifteen minutes into the show…most people don’t like the show when they first get here. You're skeptical, you're doubtful, you're frustrated, you're like, what is this guy going…does he keep saying Buttertones? Does he think he’s funny? No, I’m serious. I would like to see a band called The Buttertones play in front of butter sculptures. I’m sure that’s a doable…my imagination is…has a strange utility; only for sleep podcasts and entertaining me.
But I think some people that are listening…that’s why this intro is not meant to put you to sleep. It’s like, you could see it, too, or the Butter…I can't sing, but I almost did a little warm-up there of The Buttertones. They're so buttery. Oh, boy. I’m your big…I’m your…right now, unless you're a real group…but I’m only…I’m the biggest fan of the imaginary Buttertones. Turns out I was your only fan, but…when I recorded this, then it got put out. Here’s the great news, Buttertones; I thought I was gonna get some forgiveness from leaves here, but now I’m just talking about The Buttertones. But by the time this episode comes out, The Buttertones will have more fans. Like, a Goo…and I don't like to brag here, but like, the search for the term ‘Buttertones’ will have increased.
Well, probably…no offense to the real Buttertones if they're out there, but it’ll have gone from like fourteen to seventeen, maybe. So, that’s great, three other searches for Buttertones. I mean, maybe you're popular. That’s the only reason I’m imagining it, because if you were at the New York State Fair and I saw it on the schedule, The Buttertones playing at the butter sculpture, I’d grab some dairy and check you out. Even if I was with somebody…a non-dairy person, I’d say, let’s grab some non-dairy and dairy and watch this. Okay, but most people don’t like the show when they get here. I think you could figure that out. We have a website set up if you strongly dislike the show or me. Most people just dislike me, and that’s okay.
I mean, you're sleep…you're tired, you're skeptical, you're doubtful, you had a expectation of what a sleep podcast is. This is an acquired taste just like butterscotch candy is, and not everybody acquires the taste for me, and that’s fine. I have a website set up if you never…if you already know, man, I don't like you. That’s fine; sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou has other sleep podcasts and sleepy stuff. You just click one thing and it’ll link right to that page. What else do you need to know? Oh, most people don’t like me, but the people that do, it does take two or three tries to get used to the show, so give it a few tries. Because what happens on the second or third try is you're like, oh…maybe the fourth try. I rarely hear from people that it took four tries.
I do hear from people that on try one or try two, they didn’t listen for years and then they came back, and now they pay to support the podcast. I would say there’s thousands and thousands of people that support the podcast that didn’t like the show when they first got here and took…so, just give it a few tries and see how it goes. You got nothing to lose. ‘Cause, yeah, the second or third try, you just wake up and you're like, was he talking about…? I gotta…where’s the nearest butter sculpture? I gotta…I’m looking to see some…and then you could go to — I mean, no offense to butter sculptures — a sand castle contest or whatever. I don't know if there’s avocado sculptures. I would like to see…there’s probably an avocado sculptor. But yeah, check that out. What else do you need to know?
Oh, most people don’t like the show, it takes two or three tries to get used to…one of the things that does take some getting used to is that the…this is a podcast you just barely listen to, kinda like background noise or a out-of-focus picture. So, you're just kinda barely tuning in to it. Then the other thing is…oh, what else? Oh, that this is a podcast I’ve been making, a sleep podcast that’s been coming out over eleven years or twelve years by the time you're hearing this. Since 2013, and…is that right? Wow, twelve years. Most people…why…? Oh, this podcast is not necessarily designed to put you to sleep. It’s here to keep you company while you fall asleep. Even though twelve years ago there wasn’t this…like tons of different styles of sleep podcasts and sleep meditations and stuff.
There were some, but the idea of bedtime stories for adults wasn’t really a thing. But even though that’s the case, it hasn’t changed the fact that this show…even though I was doing it back then, it’s…I’m not really here to put you to sleep. There’s no pressure to fall asleep with this show. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep versus put you to sleep, which means you just fall asleep and then you wake up. Oh, I forgot he was talking. Or there’s people listening who can't sleep at all. There’s no pressure to fall asleep. These shows are over an hour 'cause I’m here to keep you company whether you're awake or asleep. I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your borely…oh, yeah, that was one. I forgot borely for a while. I always forget it.
Your borely, your boreman, your chairman of the boreds, your Boris Borlaf, your best bore-friend f’eva, your bore-bae to keep you company while you fall asleep and just to be here for you. You don’t have to listen to me or clean up after me. You could set a sleep timer. Ideally if you listen all night long, you support the show, so you could listen to episode after episode. Some people fall asleep really fast. Let me tell you about the structure of the show. In addition to being your bore-friend, in addition to most people not liking me, that you don’t need to listen to the show, it takes getting used to, we’ve structured the show in a very specific way to benefit the maximum amount of people, of listeners like you, that we can, but it is adjustable.
So, the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you know you're welcome here and you say, okay, I might check that show out. I feel a welcoming thing. I also sense it’s a little bit different. So, no matter what we make, we try to have some sort of greeting on it, unless it was from a long, long time ago. Even then, I think we had something. But then there’s support so that paying for the show is optional, 'cause a lot of people are just here as they go through a tough time or they come and go or you're new or you're not in a position where you could support a show financially or support the sponsors.
So, that’s why we keep the show free for everybody, but we do count on the support of the people whose lives are greatly improved by the show, and the sponsors and the listener support are what enable us to do that. That way it gets out to the most people it can. That’s what I really want, and that’s what I want long-term with the podcast, because I just know there’s a lot of different ways people listen. So, if you prefer something without ads, you get that at Sleep With Me+. Then after the support is a long, meandering intro, and the intro is meant to kinda introduce what the podcast is but go on…follow a familiar, reassuring structure that takes fifteen to twenty minutes, but I go on different tangents every time, and I never know…this one I went on a couple; Buttertones and leaves, and hopefully I’ll remember that so I could record a episode about it.
Yeah, that’s what…the intro is meant to kind of introduce what the podcast is but have variety so whatever’s keeping you awake, it says, oh, okay, there he goes again with the creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, but I don't know what he’s gonna say next. I don't know, I think that’s one of the things that works about the show, familiarity but variety so you can't get quite used to it, either. So, that’s what the intro is, but the intro also lasts fifteen to twenty minutes to ease you into bedtime while you're getting ready for bed, while you're in bed getting comfortable, or while you're doing a chill activity, winding down.
That’s what mostly works for me personally and what studies show works, is having a wind-down routine, having something nice or multiple nice things to look forward to around bedtime versus all those old…that old stuff I talked about earlier. So, that’s why the intro goes on and on and on. But if you find you…well, if you fall asleep fast, definitely support the show on Sleep With Me+ regularly. But if you find you prefer something without intros, we have in every podcast app Bedtime Stories from Sleep With Me, and those are just older stories of the show without the intro. You could check those out. Then after the intro is support. So, again, if you don’t want…if you don’t like the support or something, support the show. But that’s kinda what keeps it free for everybody else. Then there will be a bedtime story.
I thought it was gonna be one thing, but clearly I’m gonna have to do it about leaves and The Buttertones tonight, so that’ll be nice. Then we’ll…yeah, that’s it. All told, we’ll be here around an hour. I’m really glad you came back to the show or you found your way to the show or you're a part of the show, like you're one of those couple thousand people that…the show is a part of your life and you're a part of the life of the show. ‘Cause if the podcast helps you, it really means a lot to me. Like I said earlier, I know what it’s like, and we get to have fun doing this, and we do do it together, so I’m really glad. If you decide, hey, you do it together? How can I be a part of that? This podcast has changed my life. How can I help out? Here’s the ways you can do that. Again, thank you for coming by, because I yearn and I strive and so does a team of people helping you get to sleep tonight. Thanks so much.
Alright everybody, this is Scoots here, and…here with another bedtime…this is a Trending Tuesday-style bedtime story even though they don’t come out on Tuesdays necessarily. We’ll be…where we randomize a episode. But this is a specific episode. I recorded the intro a couple weeks ago and started this journey of my memory, 'cause there’s tales totally never told and there’s also tales totally forgotten. I had forgotten that once upon a time there was a autumnal pitch in the November season that I had made as…in The Buttertones and then leaves were involved. I don't know how I forgot it.
But yeah, once upon a time there was…so, just to back up a little bit more, if you're not a regular listener, so glad to have you here, or if you sleep through most things but you just happen to be listening now, it’s…so, this was one of these ones where I pitched…and not in February, but I was pitching…it was one of the times I tried to come up with ideas to get the attention…interesting that I was trying to get the attention of an app to make it into a dating app to get attention. ‘Cause I don't know if you know this, but I invented…can something be defunct if it’s never been started? But I did invent a dating app. Now, it wasn’t just a dating app; it was a dating…this is where you say, this is why you make a sleep podcast, too. I’m not…this is why I don't…the only technology I work in is the lulling kind.
But, you know, I think these are pretty good ideas, and not everybody else agrees with me. But so, once…okay, once…well, ‘once upon a time’ would be…this is a functioning app I was making money and getting tons of dates…but so, once upon a time in the history of the podcast I invented a dating app. Now, it wasn’t its own standalone app. It was a hidden function of something that’s still popular and still being used. You think about the history of apps and the history of people buttering up to apps, and there’s a financial app. While it did change hands in the past few years, it still seems to be functioning pretty well, and that app is called Venmo. But I had…so, about probably ten years ago I had an idea, and it’s yet to come to fruition, but I have an idea of a date…of an…something called Datemoi or Datemo.
I think both of them are good names, and they both could be spelled…'cause Datemo gets you more dates, obviously, and Datemoi means dating me, and anybody could say that. But in this particular case, my initial pitch to them was like, just make it for me. ‘Cause what would happen even a long time ago…and actually, I don't use…I don't do a lot of scrolling on there anymore, but I did, and I would say, wow, that…I mean, this is the example; wow, that person likes pool floaties and they like cool drinks. So do I, even though they pay…or, were they paying someone in pool floaties and cool drinks? Well, that sounds like an interesting person, and they have a tiny 4×4-pixel profile, and…holy cow. If my eyes aren’t deceiving me, I may be…it may be love at first pixel.
So, I proposed that this should become a dating app, or you unlock another level. I still think this is a viable idea. I say, wow, you like…I mean, not anymore probably 'cause of the changes in ownership and stuff, but you say, wow…but again, you would have…it’s building on something that’s already successful and it’s exclusive, right, 'cause you’d get a invite code or whatever; you would do a couple…the keypad thing with Contra or whatever it is; left, right, left, up, down, left, right, left, A, B, A, B, A, Start, Stop, or whatever. Then the next thing you know, you got this Datemoi unlocked within your Venmo. Then you're getting…you say, okay…yeah, I guess I already laid out the example.
So…I mean, sure, there’s a bunch of shortcomings and things I’m not seeing, but I always figured the best way to take a bad idea and make it worse, or…is to get it out there in the world. The best way to get the attention of a mega corporation within a mega corporation…but so far it hasn’t succeeded, but that hasn’t stopped me. So, a lot of times I come up with these wild ideas and I say, oh boy, I’m gonna get out there…I’m gonna get Datemoi out there in the world. When people are buzzing about it, that’s when the truck will back up and they’ll say, here’s a truck full of invitations to dates and then a truck full of…I guess they wouldn't give me a truck full of cash. They’d just ‘mo it to me, right? So, that’s where this idea also came from.
So, you know…in the intro I think I was talking about butter sculptures and the band The Buttertones and their famous hit, Butterscotch Candy. They also had a dance hit called Do the Butterscotch, two different songs. I mean, multiple…The Butterscotch album they had. The Buttertones; The Butterscotch album, one of their bigger…but I can't say they had any hits. But so, we did work together. Now, why…? I guess I just had butter on the brain, 'cause I don't know why I would associate any of this with dating. This may be another answer to a lot of the questions you're having. But so, what happened was I said to myself, how come…? Oh, this is what I said to myself; how come there’s no…how come I don't…? Well, no, I didn’t say how come…? Now I’m revising my own words.
What I said to myself is, how come there’s no state fairs…how come there’s no butter sculptures in…why do I…why is the only time I get to see the butter sculpture in the heat of the summer? It doesn't make sense to me. I want more butter sculpting, and I want it now. I mean, more what I was really saying is how come I don't…my associations…my only association with butter sculptures is the New York State Fair? My only other knowledge is the screenplay Butter and the film based on the screenplay Butter. I may have actually seen that movie, but I just don’t remember it 'cause that was when I was in my cups. But…and then another part of my brain said, great idea. I said, you're right. Then I said, remember that band that came up on the podcast every once…?
Then I thought about all…I said, how many meanders…how many times have I mentioned butterscotch candy in the podcast? If we’ve done 1,400 episodes, maybe fifty. But The Buttertones, they haven't been mentioned as much, and maybe only once. Maybe they just became into…they winked into existence. But this was, I thought, a great opportunity for me, and a fairgrounds…I say, this is a fair idea for a…that’s…do you need good ideas for fairgrounds? You say, yeah, that idea’s fair to midling. We could have it here in the non-state fair or county fair season. But I was thinking, hey, shouldn't the building that houses a butter sculpture…isn't it in every child’s heart that’s seen a butter sculpture the yearning to see another butter sculpture again? Maybe not.
I don't know if I ever yearned to see a butter sculpture except when I was trying to manipulate this app company and say, okay, is there a butter sculpture in the heart of every child? Definitely no. We know that. We know that. Yes, we know that, listeners. We can all agree on that. But it could also be a SAT question. Just because not every child yearns to see a butter sculpture doesn't mean that every…that all children don’t yearn to see a butter sculpture. Some children do. So, put that on your standardized tests and have it confuse everybody. So…okay, so, here was my idea, and this episode, I guess, will be about what happened when I tried to implement it and how I got carried away yet again. So, I thought this would be the fine…my final chance.
I don't know why…my final chance at this part of the…to get the attention and to finally…I mean, that makes sense. My timing was probably good. If I was to get Datemoi off the ground in November, I could have probably had all these dates lined up for February, right? ‘Cause if it was Dateme or Date…MoDates, Datemo or Datemoi, and it was functioning…I guess if I was a beta tester, I guess that probably wouldn't be great. I’d say, well, no, I want it fully functional. I’m gonna…'cause that would be tough. You say, what…beta tester? I want to be an exclusive…like that app, the celebrity app that I can't get into. I can't even get…I don't even think I…like, when I try to log onto the site, they…there’s just this laughing emoji or a gif or whatever. So…but…okay, so, I thought this was another big one.
I said, okay, I’m gonna come up with some sort of butter…I got…scheming and butter sculptures don’t normally…except in the movie Butter; that was more of a competitive scheming. This, I was only competing with impossibility and unlikelihood. But I said to myself, we're gonna come up with a grand idea for fall, November season, a butter sculpture festival. Now, I don't know anything about…I think butter’s a dairy and it’s churned, 'cause if you go to one of those museums, you may see a butter churner. I think it’s probably gotta be…I mean, it’s kept cold. It does…I don't think it melt…I don't know, I guess it softens in room temperature. So, those are a few of the things I know…very few things I know about butter.
But it’s sculpted, and beyond that fact, I don't…I mean, I guess, yeah, I’m just…I’m not even a super fan of butter sculptures. I’m just an average person, a average…yeah, I’m a midling fair viewer of butter sculptures. Now, just to reestablish one other thing so you understand me…now, hopefully…I’m recording this…I think I said it in the intro; I’m hoping I see a butter sculpture. It’s been a while. Maybe I shouldn't have been pitching these ideas when it had been a while since I’d seen a butter sculpture. They said, for your dates? I said, no, a butter sculpture; that it’s been a…I mean, yeah, just butter…it’s been a while since I’ve seen a butter sculpture. Then they…they said, we heard you heard from…and I said…now, just throwing a little more true-to-life humor while I have you here…I think I’ve shared this before.
Anybody that’s used a dating app…this is probably relatable. This was a while ago. Actually, a long while ago, before the podcast. But I did send an e-mail to a dating app company and say, hey, I don't think…I think there’s something wrong with the messaging system here because…like, I have some relative amount of self-esteem, and I’m not getting any responses to my messages. I could hear…well, at the time I couldn't hear the laughter. Many days later when I realized…then I heard the laughter. So, if you've ever been in that spot before…yeah, I really sent that e-mail. I mean, I don't think…I think it was a support ticket. I said, yeah, there’s…must be some malfunction. I really…I was just serious. I said, man, I feel like the messages were good. How am I not getting any replies?
Again, this was like 2010, ‘11, ‘12. So, that’s…hardy, har, har. That’s why I need to do…invent my own…that’s what they say about founders, or…what do they call them? Entrep…I’ve tended to be a solo-preneur, which sounds like something that is the byproduct of the animals…they say, what is that behind all those cows? Oh, that’s solo-preneur. We use it for compost later. Okay, so, I needed a big idea. My big idea was butter…a butter sculpture festival in the fall, in the…right before the winter. Because, again, I said, what is up with this…why do you got the butter sculptures in the summer? I guess it’s a traditional part of the New York State Fair. Oh, and that’s what I was saying before that…before that personal-disclosure tangent.
I had a tangent where I was saying…so, my experience…just because I know a lot of people are new…hopefully I’m going to be going to the New York State Fair in 2025. Not a guarantee because it’s a few months out still when I’m recording this, but I am hoping to go to it, and it’s been a while that I’ve been to it. At least…so, it’s whenever my daughter started middle school, 'cause the school calendar changed. I think middle school. Maybe it was before that. Before that, we were able to go to the New York State Fair. But, you know…but so, my exposure to butter sculptures as a child…let me just walk you through this, 'cause it is magical. So, I grew up in Syracuse, New York, right? The Great New York State Fair…that’s what they call it. It’s not…I mean, it…in my opinion it’s great.
But the Great New York State Fair is held in Syracuse, New York, and it’s held for like ten days or two weeks, a…not a fort…a fortnight’s like a month. But it’s a while. It was a big deal, and it was only once a year. Usually when you're a kid, you maybe got to go twice, but definitely once. It was a shared family thing. When you have a family of big kids…and maybe even sometimes it was only a shared…one of my parents and just a few of us. So, I have a lot of positive memories, and one of the parts of the positive memory I have is they have a building ded…they have…it’s celebrating the industry of New York State is one part of it, you know, and farming and dairy. My mom’s from a farm family originally. Not a dairy farm; I don't know if they ever did any dairy farming. But so, there’s a dairy building, right?
I think it’s called the Dairy Building. There’s two big things about the Dairy Building, and then one thing that never…it was…seemed like a big deal, or…and then there’s something that…so, there’s four things you need to know about the Dairy Building. Oh, maybe five. Well, let’s start in least…order of least importance. Five; there may have been free putt-putt there, or what do you call it? Mini-golf, but I’m not sure about that. When I say ‘free’ I just mean…yeah, it wasn’t fancy, but you could play it. The next least-important thing, at least to me, was that you could get ice cream there, but usually at the time of day we were there, it wasn’t the time to get ice cream, or we never…I don't ever associate getting ice cream in the Dairy Building. It just wasn’t part of our tradition or whatever, I guess. So, there’s that.
Then the other thing is that…what’s the next…? Oh, the next lowest one is that…I think this is in the same place. At some point they came up with something called…it was like a savory sundae with mashed potatoes, gravy, and some other stuff. That was…became the thing, I mean the last…that was the last round I went to the fair. So, this was in the late aughts or the early tens. You say, oh, you gotta get…go to the Dairy Barn or whatever and get the savory sundae. I think I bought it once and shared it. I can't really remember. I mean, I do like mashed potatoes, so…but again, these are kinda things I could have dreamed. These…doesn't…necessarily real, though all those so far, those are vague memories. Okay, so, did I say five things?
Okay, I would say that the butter sculpture in my childhood mind — but even in my adult mind — would have been number two on the list. So, you'd go there and there was a competition, so I’m pretty sure there’d be a themed butter sculpture, and it would be usually historical and connected to the history of the area and the history of New York State. But I think there maybe have been a competition, too. I don't really know, 'cause now I’m thinking about it…and you'd see…there’s probably more than one, or maybe there was just one butter sculpture. I don't know. But I can associate a blue ribbon, but that could have been from reading the screenplay Butter.
I just remembered that there was a restaurant in San Francisco for a time called Butter that was super hip that served food from…truck stop-type food, like literally microwaved chili. I just remember seeing it, and I don't think I ever went there. I thought about going there, and I said, I don't know if they’ll let me in. I’m not cool enough. But that, again, could be a dream. The number-one thing if you consumed dairy — again, I realize not everybody does — was called the Rainbow Milk Bar. This was a bar…this was something you waited in line for. They had milk on tap, I think chocolate and van…or chocolate and regular, but maybe they had strawberry, too. It came in shot…plastic shot cups, like a shot of milk. Maybe it was two ounces. You would wait in line, and I think it was twenty-five cents a shot. No booze in them.
There was kids I went to high school with that worked there. Pretty sweet job, 'cause you're just pouring milk or you're selling tickets. You'd go wait in line; you'd buy tickets, one ticket per cup of milk, and then you'd drink the milk. I think I talked about it in another intro. I mean, maybe this was just Upstate New York, but I think in the eighties you drank…you just drank a lot of milk. That was a successful thing. But yeah, you'd do the milk, and it was usually…I mean, for the kids and my dad, if he was taking us around, that’d be a good snack. If you have two to four shots of chocolate milk, that’s gonna tide you over for at least…I mean, at least it’ll give you some energy and fill your stomach, right? So, that’s why we probably never got ice cream. Plus, I guess it wasn’t cheap.
Maybe it was cheaper than twenty-five cents back in the day. They gave you tickets. I don't know if they ever gave you tokens. In my mind they said tokens, but now in my head I’m like, no, I think it was tickets always, 'cause otherwise I would have kept a token somewhere. So, that’s a little bit about…so, the butter sculpture was also associated with the Rainbow Milk Bar. So, that’s probably why this new scheme didn’t work out. But so, I thought we’d host this event at this building at the state fairgrounds. So, I…this was my plan. It was the big fall launch of Datemoi. Well, I had other ideas, and in every child’s heart is a butter sculpture. Butter…butter up your love…I guess I never locked in on a good one. Love and Butter…yeah, that one’s pretty good.
I mean, it doesn't make a lot of sense, but it has…and it’s not meant to be connotative, but…so…okay, so, I said, okay, here’s what we're gonna do; we're gonna have butter sculpting. This was different. I said, live butter sculpting. Now, that made it hard because apparently I’ve only seen butter sculpted. But my biggest pitch was…okay, I get it; you got butter sculptures at the New York State fair. It’s a tradition. But in the summertime you got people making sand castle sculptures. Great. I’m not opposed at all. Then you got Winterfest; people are making snow sculptures. Not opposed to that, either. Great. Then you got people carving ice.
But…and then, yeah, okay, you got pumpking carving and that’s…in the last…since the internet, it’s taken off, and there’s new ways to do it and stuff that people invented, like those really nice ones. So, you got that. So, what about November, man? Hasn’t November had enough disappointments for everybody? They said, what are you talking about? I said, butter sculpture in November. My pitch was we could do it over the long weekend, the holiday weekend, but they said, no, that’s when everybody…everybody’s busy and out of town, and we're…nobody wants…I said, okay. What weekend is available? They said, these are the…they said, we could give you a weekday. I said, well, okay.
I’ll have to work with…maybe it’ll go…I was thinking in my head, maybe I don't need people to come to it 'cause it’ll just be so impressive and brilliant that…they said, okay, so, tell us what you're gonna have. I said, live butter sculpting. They said, that’s never been done before. I said, yeah, I’m interested in why. They said, it’s just not done. I said, well, do you know why? They said, well, you'll…I guess you'll find out, because…but we’ve never had it here that you know of. I said, you're correct about that. I’m the one telling the tale, and I’ve been wrong quite a few times. But…so, I said, okay, well, that’s fine. So, then I said, okay, so…they said, okay, so, you're gonna have live butter sculpting. Then I guess I forgot about the Rainbow Milk Bar, so that was an error. They said, what else are you gonna have?
I said, dancing. They said, dancing? I said, yeah, the…I’m gonna have The Buttertones play, if I can book them. They said, The Buttertones? I said, oh yeah, they're a famous band, The Buttertones. They said, that sounds nice. They said, I can already imagine the kind of…I said, yeah, it’s danceable music. They put out the Butterscotch album, they teach the Butterscotch; that’s a dance, and Butterscotch Blues is on there. Biloxi Butterscotch; that’s another one. They said, is that anything to do with Biloxi Blues? I said, no, that’s a play and a movie. I just…just a lot of alliteration. So, it’s just synchronicity. I said, we could do a showing of Biloxi Blues. I don't know if that has anything to do with butter sculptures or the fall, so probably not. I said, maybe a film showing, though. They said, oh, okay. I said, what about…?
They said, no, don’t say children sculpting…I said, okay, what about a butter…? They said, not…butter substitutes are not allowed in the Dairy Building. I said, okay, I get that. I said, what if we come up with something that’s…? They said, the butter…the great butter…the butter barons don’t want you. I said, so, we couldn't have stuff that looks like sticks of butter but that’s just clay or, whatever, play…? They said, nope, you can't do it. I said, okay, what about bobbing for butterscotch candies? They said, a butterscotch ball pit? They said, okay…they were…this was just a Zoom call. There was a lot of…they forgot to mute themselves a lot of times, so I could hear sighing and giggling or eye…I could sense eye-rolling. But that’s fine. That’s…comes with taking risks like this. So…okay, so, we started booking this, right?
The next big hurdle was getting butter sculptors to come to this because, one, it’s…this is…it’s not like people are full-time butter sculptors, right? This is a call…a love…I mean, maybe there are out there. A lot of them became influencers. So, the butter sculpting was still their call, a passion. So, getting ahold of butter sculptures was…and then just…like a lot of things with this podcast, people don’t take it seriously. Even when companies that’s…this would be a perfect fit…they say, I’m sorry, what? You want to make our app into a dating app? No, we're fine. Don’t you…have you heard of compliance? I say, is that like…? No, I’m not familiar with that. Is that like showing up on time for a date? Hello, are you there? So…okay, so, I had to track down some butter sculptors, and it was a little bit tough.
Now, I did get ahold of the…I did get free butter or…because they said, oh, you're gonna…? I said, these machines are just sitting here…'cause I walked through the room. I patted all the coolers, 'cause there’s these show coolers. I said, I think I’ve seen people in here carving butter before. I said, it is a butter carver or a butter sculptor? So, I had to…that…a lot of people hung up on me 'cause I used the wrong one. Turns out some people are one, some people are the other, some people are both. But I couldn't. So, I couldn't get either one of those. I had to get a butter designer. I said, okay, do you know anybody…? ‘Cause you're supposed to ask for referrals, right, once they agreed to it. ‘Cause…and the only reason they did is they were a fan of The Buttertones. They said, The Buttertones are gonna be there?
I said, they…oh boy, are they, as long as I book…I mean, I didn’t say that part out loud. But I said, yeah, they're scheduled. They're on the schedule. They're gonna do the Butterscotch? I said, we're all gonna do the Butterscotch, of course. Why wouldn't we? The butter designer said, okay. Now, here’s the thing; this is another…a visionary. They were willing to do it. They said, okay, do you have any historical data of the temperature of the Dairy Building in November? I said, I do not. They said, well, I have a theory, 'cause I’ve looked at the building. Another thing that won them over is…I read your poems to the coolers. I said, oh, I was looking for those. They said, oh, those were in the documents you sent me.
I said, yeah, did you like…I wrote a couple of them from the perspective of the cooler and the show cooler. They said, yeah. Better…don’t put them on your Datemoi profile. I said, okay. I shouldn't read them on the podcast? They said, probably not. I said, even the one about the…where it lists every month that’s not…like half-September, the crowd goes away. October comes; the world grows gray, and I sit here empty, a butter cooler with windows. November comes; the migrating birds call. Winter comes; the snow begins to fall. My long winter starts. I wonder why at all. I’m a butter cooler just here, not totally alone 'cause there’s another show cooler nearby. So, I was still…and I said, yeah, I’m still working on that one.
The other one was…yeah, oh, to be…that one I realize was a little bit too much like that song…oh, to be a show cooler, but I’m just long and wide. The show cooler spins. It spins its butter sculpture with pride. But I can't move, and so, I sigh. I wish I was a show cooler. Do I, do I, do. Oh, why? Oh, to be a butter show…a butter…show butter cooler. The person…they said, okay, you could stop. I said, no problem. I can stop, yeah, any…I mean, I can't sometimes when I get going. I can't necessarily always stop. They said, okay, well, so, I’m willing to do the show. But I say…oh, back to your theory. They said, yeah, do you have any historical data on the temperature of the building? You paused. I said, I could call them and ask. They said, yeah, 'cause I have a theory that this is a building that’s not normally…it has a minimal amount of heat.
I said, tell me more. They said, so, I’m thinking we don’t need the coolers. Then I…my…I said, but as someone who writes speculative butter cooler fiction, poet…I mean, poetry; I’ve never written any romantic butter fiction…butter cooler fiction. They said, well, that…the outline was in…they said, I didn’t even know coolers were…and I said, okay, so, we're not gonna use the coolers? They said, no, we could still use the coolers for something, but what I’m thinking is that we’ll do it outside. It’s gonna be like inside, outside. They said, did you realize it’s gonna be cold in the building? I said, I’m realizing it now. They said, did…does The Buttertones know it’s gonna…? I said, yeah, they're gonna be heating it up in there. So, we’ll have to wait for the set of the butter cooler.
We don’t want them to heat the room up with their buttery vibes. So, the…so, I said, can you tell me about your vision as…you're the butter designer. They said, well, I’m just the designer. You've gotta tell me the ideas, and I’ll implement it. I said, oh, okay. They said, so, what ideas do you have? I said, well, okay, how about this? They said, okay, go ahead. I said, well, what about…you know the movie with Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze and Whoopi Goldberg? They said, Whoopi Goldberg? I said, yeah, sorry, I pronounced the name strangely. But I said, you know that movie? They said, like…it’s not Casper but…that one? I said, yeah, Casper’s Potter Wheel. They said, okay, yeah, Casper’s Potter Wheel; I remember that one. I said, I think we should…I said, what if we have that reenacted with butter? They said, that sounds messy.
They said, like Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore? I said, well, see, the thing is it’s for a dating app, so I’m just trying to think of anything we can recreate that…and I don't…my mind isn't usually clogged with ideas that aren't useful, but I think that would be a good centerpiece. They said, okay, so I should hire…I don't think we have anybody…so, we could hire somebody to do that. Yeah, I said, maybe even like a bad reenactment. So, we get them kinda to try to look like Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore, and…but they said, instead of pottery it’s butter. I said, yeah, but they're using it on a potter’s wheel. They're pretending the butter is…and they said, I get it. I said, it’ll probably be a lot of melting butter, but maybe we do that in the cooler. I said, okay, that sounds great. They said, do you have any other…?
So, you're gonna have The Buttertones playing…I said, some tables and chairs, an activity center, a butterscotch ball pit…and they said, what’s a butterscotch ball pit? I said, well, at first I thought it’d just be butterscotch candy, a pit of butterscotch candy, but then I made that at home and I tested it, and it’s very…it’s like, impenetrable. So, I was thinking we’d take the…remember…and the person was much younger than me, so they didn’t remember. But I said, those…there’s those things like plastic balls that you would pay twenty-five cents and you would get a toy if you went to Kmart, outside of Kmart. They said, oh yeah, the bar by me has got one for…and then I said, okay. So, they said, yeah, like a ball pit with those with butterscotch candy in there. I said, yeah.
I said, another idea I’d like to have is beskoke…they said, bespoke butterscotch? I said, yeah, I’d like to have bespoke butter…like, can we have a bespoke butterscotch bake-off? They said, I think we could. That’s a thing. I think…but I don't think we can use that term, but I like…but I don't know if you bake butter…this person, they had no idea what…they said, I don't really know about that. So, we’ll have to look into it. But they said, okay, I’m on it. I said, okay, and then bobbing for butterscotch. They said, we could see about that, but I don't know about that 'cause…and I said, okay. I said, what if that’s another thing? Like…and they said, okay, now you're getting…so, like a butterscotch…a butter sculpture of someone bobbing for butterscotch. They said, I could get somebody to make that.
I said, wait, you could get somebody to make…? They said, yeah, I’m a butter designer, so I’ll have someone make a sculpture of someone bobbing for butterscotch. They said, what if we…what are you gonna call this? I said, well, it’s a pretty long title about Datemo and Datemoi, but I said, what if we just call it The Butterscotch? They said, I think I can get into that, or just…what about Butterscotch? I said, I think we're on the same team. They said, yeah, I’m on your team. I’m trying to help you. What other ideas do you have? I said, well, I’d like to come up with…I know The Buttertones could do a song about…what do you call it? They do The Butterscotch, but what about the Butterscotch Slide? They said, okay, we could look into that as well. So, they said, okay, I think I got a lot of things to work with.
Why don’t you just keep me updated on your other ideas? I said, okay, great. They said, the only thing to know is that with all this butter, we're gonna have to have a leaf-free zone. I said, what do you mean? They said, if we're gonna have this much butter indoors…they said, that’s gonna be like the season…the leaves have already fallen or they're starting to fall and dry out. They said, if you're the organizer of this, you're gonna have to come up with some leaf policy. I said, what do you mean? People are gonna be…they said, well, the wind is blowing. There’s big industrial doors. You can't have any leaves in this building, any leaves at all. I said, could we have a sign, Leave Your Leaves at the Door? They said, we could. I said, great. I like that idea, too.
So, then I reached out to The Buttertones, and eventually I…it took a lot. It took a lot because they said, well, we got…a lot of The Buttertones are history professors and math professors and helping the children of our world even more than through the songs…other than their sweet, buttery tones. But I buttered them up. I said, okay, well…I mean, I said to my…I told them, which is the truth; I said, I’m planning this festival, and there’s no way to have a butter festival without The Buttertones. That’s what I said to myself. They said, you're gonna have…what are you gonna do about the leaves? I said, what do you mean? They said, one of the reasons there’s never a butter…because of the leaves. You ever seen leaves on a butter sculpture? I said, no.
Usually the butter sculpture…it’s like they're hermetically sealed even in the summertime. They said, yeah, you can't have…and also, we don’t like…our band is…we're not anti-leaf, but you can't do the Butterscotch when there’s leaves on the ground. I said, yeah, this is indoors, though. They said, yeah, but we looked you up on the internet, so we're pretty sure that all the bases are not covered. I said, well, the number-one base is covered. We got a butter designer and we got The Buttertones, and we're calling this Butterscotch. They said, two words or one word? I said, probably it’ll be capitalized in the middle. Like, it’s gonna be…like, one day, this will be a music festival that people talk about, and…'cause doesn't it sound like one? They said, it’s starting to. I said, yeah, this…and they said, this is to promote butter?
I said, nope. They said, butter sculptures? I said, eh, kind of. They said, well, what kind of things…? I told them about…and it turns out they're big fans of both Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze. So, they said, holy moly. They said, we might do some songs from the…from that movie, but also, we're big Dirty Dancing fans. So, they said, we might…and I said, what if you play a whole cover? Could you do a set of covers of movies with Patrick Swayze in there? They said, The Buttertones cover Patrick Swayze’s…hits from Patrick Swayze’s movies? I said, yeah, and we could do it in the second or third set so that then The Buttertones superfans…they're gonna be out, right? They said, okay. They said, do you got any other Patrick Swayze-related things that you're gonna do for this? I said, yeah.
We're gonna…I mean, obviously if people don’t have tickets, they won't be allowed in. I said, we could try to get Jake Gyllenhaal, but that’s probably very unlikely to come as Patrick…maybe Jake Gyllenhaal could be on the butter wheel. They’d say, that would be amazing. I said, maybe butter…what if we call it Butterscotch Swayze? Or what if we just call it Butterscotch, but Sway…the Swayze is implied? They said, okay. They said, okay, you better call…we're in. We're in now, as long as there’s no leaves. I said, okay, I’ll do my…and they said, no, no, no, don’t do your best. There’s no…you gotta find a way…there’s no leaves. But then I had Swayze on the brain, so then I called back my butter designer, and they say…okay, so, there’s a new layer to this. They say, what, no Buttertones? I say, no, The Buttertones are in.
I said, I think we should come up with more Patrick Swayze-related stuff. They said, well, why? They said, I don't mean that in a way…I just mean, can you tell me why? I said, I don't know. They said, well, what are you thinking? I said, well, The Buttertones are gonna play a Patrick Swayze set. That’s when we can…I think we should reveal the…I said, I was gonna try to get Jake Gyllenhaal, but probably…I was…I’m lucky to have any…I’m lucky to have even this idea. I mean, we could pitch Jake Gyllenhaal, but pulling that off might be rough. But I say, during that set we do the…what if we do other butter sculptures related to Patrick Swayze? They said, okay, so like, which ones? I say, well, Point Break, obviously. We could do…and I said, what if there’s a butterscotch slide? Maybe we could just only do it for adults.
I said, is there some…a butter…? Butterscotch is sticky, but is there ever a point where butter…? They said, oh, by the way, there’s so many people interested in the butterscotch…the Butterscotch-Off. I said, good, 'cause I still don’t even know what butterscotch is other than a flavor. They said, yeah, there’s people that are making butterscotch chili and butter…so, I said, oh, okay. So, it’s a general…they said, yeah, that’s was what’s great about your instructions; very vague. So, we already have all these vendors interested in entering. Yeah, butterscotch ice cream, we got butterscotch that, but then, yeah, we have a lot of savory options, too. Butterscotch tofu I saw in…I said, wow, cool. I said, okay, so, this is sounding pretty good. They said, it is sounding pretty good, I think, or it’s sounding not too bad.
They said, what about The Outsiders? I said, well, I’m still working on the plan for the…and they said, oh no, you mean Patrick Swayze. I said, okay. I said, maybe we could call down…I said, I don't know when the touring version of that musical starts. But if we were shooting for the stars…I said, maybe we do a butter sculpture with it and then we pitch The Outsiders musical and see if they’ll stop on their way? Then we say, well, if we got no Jake Gyllenhaal, at least we have The Outsiders touring musical. They said, we should just…the butter…they said, we should go for the regular musical right off Broadway. I said, dream a buttery dream. But I still had to come up with…now, I knew this…the wheels were in motion, right? So, I had to come up with a idea for the leaves.
What I came up with…now, this is what kinda undid it all, was that I said, okay, what if we form…? I said, what would Walt Disney do? A berm, a butter berm. Now, I didn’t run this by the butter designer 'cause I said, the butter designer’s in charge of the inside. So, I called…and I kind of got secondhand butter, butter seconds or fifths or something. I told him…I said, we're gonna do a butter berm. They said, a butter berm. I said, it’s never been done before. They said, obviously it hasn’t been done before. They said, what are you gonna do? I said, we're gonna get all the leaves off…out of the area where the berm…on the outside of where the berm is gonna go, and then we're gonna make a butter berm around the Dairy Building, around all the…ingress and all the access points. They said, a butter berm. I said, exactly.
So, we just get the leaves out, then the butter berm…well, the leaves will stick to the butter berm and they won't get in the building. Even on the phone, this idea sounded good to whoever I was speaking with. They said, you could get truckloads of butter? I said, actually, yeah, I got somebody with butter…I don't know. It’s like butter that’s got…it’s a little bit different in color or whatever. They said they'd be happy…they get to put their name on the billboard; Bob’s Butter Seconds and Also Fourths and Fifths. They said, okay, a butter berm; that might actually work. So, that was the first thing. So, we had everything booked, right? Butterscotch. We had all the Swayze…we still didn’t have a strong commitment from Gyllenhaal and…or the cast of The Outsiders. Then it caught on.
People were gonna cosplay as their favorite…anything Swayze-esque. It didn’t have to be. Came up with Bowling for Butterscotch, and we were gonna call the Swayze set The Butterscotch Ball. There was…anything with…butterscotch is easy…it’s fun for alliterating, which is good for this stuff. So, this was probably my best idea. It had the most potential other than the sleep podcast, obviously. Right? You can't see a flaw here or anything. I mean, again, I should have used the Rainbow Milk Bar, so that’s a regret in my planning. But that’s not…so, lo and behold, right, we got everything scheduled. Tickets are sold out. I mean, luckily no one talked about it afterwards 'cause no one experienced it. Like, people…'cause we gave full refunds, spoiler, spoiler. So, we got everything ready, right?
This is it, Butterscotch, this weekend in November. This happens…whenever you're listening, this happens to be the anniversary of the one-and-only Butterscotch that never was. Probably never seen the documentary about it 'cause…this is kinda like that. This is the documentary. I mean, all my hopes and dreams are tied up in this. Butter News, Sculptor Quarterly, you know, not…everybody starts catching wind of this. The Buttertones are starting to book things off of this Butterscotch, and Swayze fans…it’s kinda…the hotels start to get booked up. Exciting times. So, we lay down the butter berm…and even then, the news shows up. So, we lay down the butter berm, 'cause obviously we want to keep…we want to give it time to accumulate. I’m giving interviews. They're laying the butter berm. It’s on a Thursday.
The events…the event got moved to a Saturday 'cause it was so exciting. So, we lay down this butter berm, right? Never been done before. This is…I mean, it can't be a world record 'cause it’s just engineering. We did run it through some engineers. Oh no, we didn’t. That’s right; we didn’t. I mean, it was just dump trucks of butter. I mean, it was…they had…they have staff at the fairgrounds, so they were excited. Everybody had waders on. It was slippery, but we were making sure…so, we make this…I’d say a three-to-four-foot berm around the Dairy Building, right? Butter berm. The first butter berm in the history of the known…that I know about in the world. Even as we're laying this butter berm, leaves start to accumulate on it. People were like, cheer…people were like, this is working.
All the non-believers there are laughing kind of at their own folly. Somebody was like, I’m gonna write this up. I could see the headline; The Brilliant Butter Berm. They said, unfortunately there’s not really a lot of real-world applications of a butter berm, and this just happens to be after a churn, the big churn season. So, yeah, that’s why you're…'cause they churn all the butter for the holiday cookie season. That’s why Bob’s Butter Seconds had so much extra. So…and they knew…Bob was a genius, too. He knew the whole eyes of the butter world would be on this event. Now, if you're working in this situation again, there’s…you could…a lot of you probably already know what happened or why this isn't…why I’m still making a sleep podcast instead of…like, I’m a butter baron.
You know, you may be saying to yourself, holy Wayne Mahar. But…or, what was his…? Dennis…sorry, Dennis, I forgot your name. But unfortunately it did not…I mean, even if we knew what the weather was gonna do, we wouldn't have…but I did not anticipate a warm spell and that it happens in Upstate New York. Lo and behold, that butter berm’s down Thursday. It was like, not even Friday morning. It was Friday at 1:00 or 2:00. I mean, there was a medium front, but the butter was still holding, 'cause I went and checked it. Then it got softer, and then this warm front came in. So, by the time they had…it became a area…the area was shut down. ‘Cause what happened was all the butter melted. It was all covered in leaves.
So, you had a pool of butter that spread over a thirty-foot circumference plus with leaves, and it was impassable, even…then the workers were doing…having cars spinning their wheels for fun. It was cancelled. I mean, and people now use…only in very small circles the butter berm is another…when you look at my picture in the dictionary and there’s all these things of…it’ll go, futility, then my picture, then a list of things; butter berm…they haven't even…they haven't had a chance to do a new printing to put that in there yet. But they’ll put in there, inventor of the butter berm, and then an explanation; the butter berm is associated in the butter industry, with a giant snafu of something obvious, missing something that should have been totally apparent to everybody, but the leadership was so headstrong, everybody was caught up in the idea.
What would seem like a overcomplicated problem with…to a simple problem ended up…The Butter Berm Backfired. That was the headline. Butterscotch, Butter Notch, another notch on the belt of futility for Scooter. But here’s the thing; I get to keep putting…maybe one day there will be butterscotch…I mean, I guess there was never a Butterscotch, so…yeah. Butter berm…they…what they say is if they spill something in a dairy…you say, butter bermed. It’s even a verb. Or if you make a joke at somebody, instead of saying butter burn, they say, butter burn. It sounds the same; butter berm. Butter berm. So, yeah, I’ve been butter bermed before. It won't be the last time. But yeah, I hope you enjoyed that tale, a tale forgot…never…almost never remembered, a tale of leaves and butterscotch and The Buttertones. Goodnight, everybody.
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(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)
