Bedtime stories to help grown ups fall asleep in the deep, dark night.

Seasonal / Catalog

 

Gift Wrapping

https://food52.com/blog/23472-best-way-to-wrap-gifts-according-to-professional-gift-wrapper

https://kudosgiftwrap.co.uk/blogs/news/the-importance-of-gift-wrapping

https://www.sapiens.org/culture/gift-wrapping-reason/

 

Toys R Us

https://www.history.com/news/toys-r-us-closing-legacy

https://www.everything80spodcast.com/toys-r-us-the-downfall-of-the-toy-giant/

https://money.cnn.com/2018/03/17/news/companies/toys-r-us-history/index.html

 

NES vs SEGA

https://www.cbr.com/nintendo-sega-rivalry-history/

https://www.gamespot.com/gallery/sega-vs-nintendo-a-history-of-the-epic-video-game-/2900-165/

https://www.denofgeek.com/games/sega-vs-nintendo-revisiting-the-deadliest-console-war/

 

Teddy Ruxpin

https://www.cnet.com/culture/entertainment/features/teddy-ruxpin-history-disney-atari-2017-return/

https://www.everything80spodcast.com/teddy-ruxpin/

https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/81691/bear-necessity-story-teddy-ruxpin

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

I have a catalog of imperfections

My sense is about as fuzzy as Teddy Ruxpin

 

Deep Dark Night United

Melanie (Zocdoc)

 

PLUGS

Friends of Hand in Hand; Pete Davidson SNL Cold Open; Trevor Project; Midnight Mission; Patreon; SleepPhones; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline; Referral Program

 

SPONSORS

Hello Fresh; Polysleep; Odoo; Helix Sleep; Air Doctor Pro; Zocdoc; Progressive

 

INTRO

There’s a lot of other people listening, too

Early Wakeups, I don’t even know why

My inner coach telling me, “We’re good”

I shouldn’t be going on a tangent this soon

My waking up too early mini-drama

I’ve got to get to that room of water, Coach!

It’s like if a toddler, baby boomer, and teen combined

My inner coach just wanted to do some mindless scrolling

You probably had an expectation that someone reasonable would host this show

Just Barely Not Moving

I just want to be a mild distraction for you

You could be listening while you’re wrapping gifts

Rapping to gifts

My Rapping / Wrapping Gifts Experience 

Wrapping Gifts / Rapping Gifs / The Rapping Jifs

I’ll be here rap rap rapping about nonsense

I don’t want you to miss out on the intro

Wrap Rap Wrapping

I’m probably the worst gift wrapper in the world

I’ve never seen that technique before

 

STORY

This will cover some conspicuous consumption

Oops, some images didn’t download

A sense of regionality in a region where you didn’t live

I didn’t have Toys R Us, but WPIX gave me a window into NYC life

We only had Lionel Kitty City and KB Toy Story

We rarely went to Lionel Kitty City

I think most of our toy shopping happened at … Ames?

Babies R Us, I had a little more experience with

“I’m a Toys R Us Kid”

I couldn’t find any Lionel Kitty City flyers alas

First flyer from 1987

This Toys R Us was open until midnight

The cover features a boy in an Oxford shirt

It came with a copy of Bird Watch

This was the first NES package, I believe

There were multiple Goonies video games??

Oh, man, a R.O.B the Robot playmate

My friend had “Rygar”

Rygar’s background sunset was so beautiful

Fun Time Barbie comes with her own watch, only $9.99

A digital watch in the style of a Swatch Watch

Barbie is in some sort of denim

If it looks good on Gosling … well, everything looks good on Gosling

This slogan is actually surprisingly neutral

Transformers Technobot Gift Set

5 Transformers that become 1 Giant Robot

Teddy Ruxpin impressed my dad so much that he bought stock in the company

There’s little muppet dolls

Teddy Ruxpin was our first exposure to animatronics

Seasonal outdoor animatronics really leaped forward in 2018

Teddy Ruxpin still kicks rear today

Explaining Teddy Ruxpin and Tickle Me Elmo

The 80s were a time for keyboards, man

All different price points for Keyboards

I have to google this Muppet Babies keyboard

I had a keyboard one step below the cheapest one listed here

Different Stereo Systems

What do you do with a triple cassette player?

I remember these less expensive audio equipment companies

Expressive Answering Machine for your school locker??

Fisher Price Tape Recorder – a classic

Oh boy Tiger Electronics – these were the worst

There was no joy in these – pure style over substance

Don’t play any VCR or DVD based video games!

INTV System 3

Atari 2600 – that was $50!

Just send this episode to the past, man!

Wiz Kid to teach math, spelling, and reading

CONNOR for teaching

Alfie 2

Microphone Animal Sounds

Playskool Little Entertainer

A synth station for a child

P-Roll’s Rockin’ USA Singing Guitar

Board Games

Dizzy Dizzy Dinosaur

Super Jock Football

Outburst

Jeopardy board game

Therapy the Game??

Deluxe Uno

Hi Ho Alphabet

Boggle Bowl

Deluxe Wheel of Fortune

Parker Brother’s ‘Instant Replay”

Foam Dart Game

The New Newlywed Game

Solarquest??

That looks like a game within Starfield

You’re better off playing these games at an arcade

Plastic Ball – cute electric buddy that scurries on command

The Deal of the Century, Teddy Ruxpin

Baby Teddy Ruxpin was 39.99

Storytelling Animatronic Alf

Sport Popples – a plus that you could roll into a ball

Barbie and Soft Rocking Friends

Benji from Fun Farm

Fantosaurs from Mighty Star

Puppies from Tonka

Puffalumps – cow / pig / bear / bunny with removable clothes

Kenner was selling Fluffy Puppies

Time for the legit stuff

Teddy Ruxpin is dressed in some sort of smock

It’s good that I’m not allowed to time travel, according to Time Law

This home animatronic actually works

You could buy additional story books and cassettes

Teddy’s sidekick Grubby

Grubby is wild

Grubby looks kind of cute

The Heart Family toysets

Ooh, generic Barbie playsets!

I think my sister had Barbie’s townhouse

Nothing better than a play kitchen

We might have had this very play kitchen growing up

Ooh, here’s some Big Wheels

I loved the Muppet Babies

Oh yeah, Rubber Wrestlers!

Silver Hawks?

Mad Balls?

Gosh, that’s a lot of slot car racing

Science labs with slime

Back when I was a kid, every child had to have a telescope and microscope

Mets uniform – $19.99

Zelda 2 came out this year

My friend had the SEGA

I remember playing Afterburner with him

There used to be a toy company called Galoob

I would have loved this GI Joe mobile command playset

This kid’s outfit is great

This bouncing ball that looks like Saturn

Oh wow, Jenga was already around

I found 1988 – does this one have the store hours?

Oh, we went through both 1987 and 1988. Whoops!

Open until midnight Monday – Saturday and 10pm on Sundays

Play Doh Fun Factory – I remember this

Play Doh Dust Busters Kit?? Cool!

LEGO Battery Run Train Set

Get a mobile for the newborn in your life

Don’t buy your bike from Toys R Us

 

PATREON / FOLLOWING THANKS

Pete, Lana, Tyler, Samuel, Eric Norr, Dawson, Sasha, Andy, Vanessa, Lisa, Martin

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1,216

Title: Toys R Us 80s Holiday Flyers

Deep Dark Night United: Melanie (Zocdoc)

Plugs: Friends of Hand in Hand; Pete Davidson SNL Cold Open; Trevor Project; Midnight Mission; Patreon; SleepPhones; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline; Referral Program

Sponsors: Hello Fresh; Polysleep; Odoo; Helix Sleep; Air Doctor Pro; Zocdoc; Progressive

Patreon / Following Thanks: Pete, Lana, Tyler, Samuel, Eric Norr, Dawson, Sasha, Andy, Vanessa, Lisa, Martin

Notable Language:

• Catalog of Imperfections
• Mini-Drama
• My Inner Coach
• Just Barely Not Moving
• Gratuitous Pregnant Pauses
• Wrapping Gifts / Rapping Gifs / The Rapping Jifs
• Imaginary Business Plan
• Child-Sized Animatronic (CSA)
• Microphone Animal Sounds
• Galoob

 

Notable Culture:

• • Teddy Ruxpin
  • “Waterfalls” – TLC
  • Rapping Gifts
  • Edgar Allan Poe – “The Raven”
  • Ecto-Cooler
  • Toys R Us
  • Carvel Ice Cream
  • NES
  • Sega
  • Alex P Keaton

• Duck Hunt video game

• Goonies

• • Barbie
  • Ryan Gosling
  • Transformers
  • Tickle Me Elmo
  • Muppet Babies

• Starfield

• GI Joe
• Star Wars
• Jenga

 

Notable Talking Points:

• There’s a lot of other people listening, too
• Early Wakeups, I don’t even know why
• My inner coach telling me, “We’re good”
• I shouldn’t be going on a tangent this soon
• My waking up too early mini-drama
• I’ve got to get to that room of water, Coach!
• It’s like if a toddler, baby boomer, and teen combined
• My inner coach just wanted to do some mindless scrolling
• You probably had an expectation that someone reasonable would host this show
• Just Barely Not Moving
• I just want to be a mild distraction for you
• You could be listening while you’re wrapping gifts
• Rapping to gifts
• My Rapping / Wrapping Gifts Experience 
• Wrapping Gifts / Rapping Gifs / The Rapping Jifs
• I’ll be here rap rap rapping about nonsense
• I don’t want you to miss out on the intro
• Wrap Rap Wrapping
• I’m probably the worst gift wrapper in the world
• I’ve never seen that technique before
• This will cover some conspicuous consumption
• Oops, some images didn’t download
• A sense of regionality in a region where you didn’t live
• I didn’t have Toys R Us, but WPIX gave me a window into NYC life
• We only had Lionel Kitty City and KB Toy Story
• We rarely went to Lionel Kitty City
• I think most of our toy shopping happened at … Ames?
• Babies R Us, I had a little more experience with
• “I’m a Toys R Us Kid”
• I couldn’t find any Lionel Kitty City flyers alas
• First flyer from 1987
• This Toys R Us was open until midnight
• The cover features a boy in an Oxford shirt
• It came with a copy of Bird Watch
• This was the first NES package, I believe
• There were multiple Goonies video games??
• Oh, man, a R.O.B the Robot playmate
• My friend had “Rygar”
• Rygar’s background sunset was so beautiful
• Fun Time Barbie comes with her own watch, only $9.99
• A digital watch in the style of a Swatch Watch
• Barbie is in some sort of denim
• If it looks good on Gosling … well, everything looks good on Gosling
• This slogan is actually surprisingly neutral
• Transformers Technobot Gift Set
• 5 Transformers that become 1 Giant Robot
• Teddy Ruxpin impressed my dad so much that he bought stock in the company
• There’s little muppet dolls
• Teddy Ruxpin was our first exposure to animatronics
• Seasonal outdoor animatronics really leaped forward in 2018
• Teddy Ruxpin still kicks rear today
• Explaining Teddy Ruxpin and Tickle Me Elmo
• The 80s were a time for keyboards, man
• All different price points for Keyboards
• I have to google this Muppet Babies keyboard
• I had a keyboard one step below the cheapest one listed here
• Different Stereo Systems
• What do you do with a triple cassette player?
• I remember these less expensive audio equipment companies
• Expressive Answering Machine for your school locker??
• Fisher Price Tape Recorder – a classic
• Oh boy Tiger Electronics – these were the worst
• There was no joy in these – pure style over substance
• Don’t play any VCR or DVD based video games!
• INTV System 3
• Atari 2600 – that was $50!
• Just send this episode to the past, man!
• Wiz Kid to teach math, spelling, and reading
• CONNOR for teaching
• Alfie 2
• Microphone Animal Sounds
• Playskool Little Entertainer
• A synth station for a child
• P-Roll’s Rockin’ USA Singing Guitar
• Board Games
• Dizzy Dizzy Dinosaur
• Super Jock Football
• Outburst
• Jeopardy board game
• Therapy the Game??
• Deluxe Uno
• Hi Ho Alphabet
• Boggle Bowl
• Deluxe Wheel of Fortune
• Parker Brother’s ‘Instant Replay”
• Foam Dart Game
• The New Newlywed Game
• Solarquest??
• That looks like a game within Starfield
• You’re better off playing these games at an arcade
• Plastic Ball – cute electric buddy that scurries on command
• The Deal of the Century, Teddy Ruxpin
• Baby Teddy Ruxpin was 39.99
• Storytelling Animatronic Alf
• Sport Popples – a plus that you could roll into a ball
• Barbie and Soft Rocking Friends
• Benji from Fun Farm
• Fantosaurs from Mighty Star
• Puppies from Tonka
• Puffalumps – cow / pig / bear / bunny with removable clothes
• Kenner was selling Fluffy Puppies
• Time for the legit stuff
• Teddy Ruxpin is dressed in some sort of smock
• It’s good that I’m not allowed to time travel, according to Time Law
• This home animatronic actually works
• You could buy additional story books and cassettes
• Teddy’s sidekick Grubby
• Grubby is wild
• Grubby looks kind of cute
• The Heart Family toysets
• Ooh, generic Barbie playsets!
• I think my sister had Barbie’s townhouse
• Nothing better than a play kitchen
• We might have had this very play kitchen growing up
• Ooh, here’s some Big Wheels
• I loved the Muppet Babies
• Oh yeah, Rubber Wrestlers!
• Silver Hawks?
• Mad Balls?
• Gosh, that’s a lot of slot car racing
• Science labs with slime
• Back when I was a kid, every child had to have a telescope and microscope
• Mets uniform – $19.99
• Zelda 2 came out this year
• My friend had the SEGA
• I remember playing Afterburner with him
• There used to be a toy company called Galoob
• I would have loved this GI Joe mobile command playset
• This kid’s outfit is great
• This bouncing ball that looks like Saturn
• Oh wow, Jenga was already around
• I found 1988 – does this one have the store hours?
• Oh, we went through both 1987 and 1988. Whoops!
• Open until midnight Monday – Saturday and 10pm on Sundays
• Play Doh Fun Factory – I remember this
• Play Doh Dust Busters Kit?? Cool!
• LEGO Battery Run Train Set
• Get a mobile for the newborn in your life
• Don’t buy your bike from Toys R Us