Bedtime stories to help grown ups fall asleep in the deep, dark night.
Wisdom from Jason, a plethora of reboots and punny places to eat, perfect material for bedtime.
Episode 1010 – Dance Dance Resolution and More | The Good Place to Sleep S2 E3 and 4
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, patrons, my bangs are in my face, so I just moved them. Makes me want to sing that Becky G song, but that’s not…I thought it was about the bangs. I said, is that a song about my bangs? Somebody said Scoots, what year is it, 2013? I said…and they said also, that’s not Becky G. I said, are you sure about that? Anyway, it might not be. Songs About Bangs for $1,000. Hopefully I’ll be saying that to LeVar Burton one day. I don’t know. You’re in my future. But anyway, patrons, it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. That could be thoughts, things you’re thinking about on your mind, thoughts, feelings, so anything you’re thinking about, anything you’re experiencing emotionally, sensations, physical sensations, noise, changes in schedule or routine.
Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of it ideally while you fall asleep, or to just introduce you to that concept if Sleep With Me does not work for you. So, there’s that. So, it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. What I’m gonna do or what I propose to do is I’m gonna…I got a safe place set aside here and I got it smoothed, I got it patted, I got it rubbed down. I haven’t…I would mark it and pat it and mark it with a Y-O-U for you, and…but it would be a gigantic…it would be a tiny you and a giant you, so you’d say okay, I prefer that space over there. I say okay, well, it’s actually digitized. It’s projection mapping. I just realized that.
I always wanted to use that term in a podcast about some…I’ve always wanted to have my podcast have projection mapping. Not exactly sure what that means other than it looks cool on Mickey’s Fun Wheel. I think one time I saw Neil Patrick Harris on Mickey’s Fun Wheel and I said, I love…well, I one, love saying Mickey’s Fun Wheel, love Neil Patrick Harris, and love…I said…at that time, I said I also love projection mapping now. That could be a logic question. Did the SATs still have logic questions? Like, if you love Neil Patrick Harris and Neil Patrick Harris has been projection…does he…would he be…have been projection-mapped or projected and mapped? Or would you map Mickey’s Fun Wheel and then project Neil Patrick Harris onto it?
Some part of my brain is saying Neil Patrick Harris just did the voiceover, Scoots, the narration. I’d say well, I don’t think…my memory’s so foggy. I don’t think either one of us could be correct. Oh, I’m sorry, this just in; I’m supposed to be introducing a sleep podcast. Okay, so if you’re new, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night to that safe place, wherever it is for you, or we’ll try to create it together. Then I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. I would like to hear Neil Patrick Harris say I’ve been projection-mapped. Could that be a Disney direct-to-video movie? Or I guess Disney + might be too high…setting my sights too high.
But instead of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, catch Neil Patrick Harris in…Neil Patrick Harrison…not Neil Patrick Harrison. That’s somebody else. I’m talking…well, maybe that’s…oh, that’s all we could get? We’ll have to find someone; Neil Patrick Harrison. We couldn’t get Neil Patrick Harris, anyway, in I’ve Been Projection…Honey, I’ve Been Projection-Mapped. He plays Neil Szalinski, the youngest Szalinski child, maybe; not…so, Wayne Szalinski would be his oldest sibling. Whatever; that could be the plot. Or a Szalinski cousin. Could be a Szalinski child, but I think we could work in some Szalinski…but those are always good. Let’s play up all…let’s do all the tropes. First of all, I’ve been projection-mapped. That could be pretty interesting.
You say, my youngest brother Neil can only exist where he’s being projected onto objects that have…that…I don’t even know. It’s like a…it’s the same thing as a projector; we just throw in some fancy jargon, but it looks cool also because there’s some sort of digitizing going on. Speaking of which, what isn’t going on if you’re new is that you don’t need to listen to this podcast. I think I’ve made that clear with my tangents. So, this is a podcast you just barely listen to. It’s here to keep you company while you fall asleep. So, it’s a bit like…you say well, like watching fuzz on the TV, or how about fuzz in the air? You know when you’re looking and the sunlight hits the right way and you’re not thinking about those things in the air; dust or whatever. You’re just…is that dust on the…?
That’s dust in the air, not dust on the wind. But you’re looking at it and you’re saying wow, that’s relaxing, looking at that dust just floating in the air. Occasionally I’ll be in a healthy enough mind state to do that instead of thinking about the dust and projecting my emotions on it, emoting about…emote…you know, we’ve talked about that, emoting about dust motes. That’s one of my hobbies. So, this is a podcast you just barely listen to, and it does take some getting used to. It takes two or three tries, according to most listeners, to get used to the show and realize it never really gets started, doesn’t really…it goes somewhere, but a bit like curlicues. You say, it never gets started but it’s always going somewhere. But it’s really going…it’s going in one direction and then it curlicues around and goes back around again.
I still don’t think Scoots grasps what pro…I grasp the result of projection-mapping. I’m telling you, this is a movie. Disney +, get ahold of me. Anybody have a connection to Neil Patrick Harris? Just let him know this…I mean, we don’t have to…it’d be great if we could use that, ‘cause that’s already a…kind of a brand; Honey, I’ve Been Projection-Mapped. It’s a kind of counterintuitive movie that could either be successful or not. Okay, so, where was I? I was trying to introduce a sleep podcast, believe it or not. So, don’t really listen to me, clearly. Also, this podcast doesn’t put you to sleep. I don’t think it’s irony ‘cause it’s just not my job. My job is to keep you company and to take your mind off of stuff so you can fall asleep. That’s why the shows are over an hour, so you have plenty of time.
You don’t have to say what if I’m not…fallen asleep in thirty minutes? I say don’t worry; I’ll be here. What if I can’t sleep after an hour? Don’t worry, there’s multiple free episodes. What if I can’t sleep at all? Don’t worry, that’s…there’s listeners out there that can’t sleep and I’m there for them. I hear from them, people that have something going on or they have some sort of type of insomnia or something else where they just can’t sleep. I’m here for you. If you’re in any…whatever’s going on, and that goes into the most important part of the podcast, is you getting the sleep you deserve and you need.
That is important and it’s important to me because I really believe if you get the rest you need, whether it’s this podcast or you find another sleep podcast — sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou — whatever you end up sleeping to, if you get the rest you need, your life’s gonna be better and our world will be better, and that’s important. It’s important to me and it’s also important to me ‘cause I’ve been there. I know how it feels in the deep, dark night. That’s why I call it that, and you could hear…you can hear my voice. Oof, I know what it feels like, and so if I can help you, that’s why I make the show. They say well, but this show’s so strange and…I say well, for the people it works for, it works for it. It does take some getting used to, and I’m not everybody’s cup of tea, so see how it goes.
I mean, think about it; someone out there is an expert in projection-mapping technology or they’re just a casual…maybe they…they say well, I was…I never wanted to know what…I thought it was magic. I say, sorry. Sorry about that. Or sorry, [00:10:00] I’m not trying to make fun…I love projection-mapping. I’m not…and…or, you know what? I had the Honey, I Shrunk the Podcast podcast, and I’d say wait a second, I love that idea. Is it a tiny podcast, like four seconds long? Maybe I should make that. If we get the rights to make Honey, I’ve Been Projection-Mapped, you could even do it…here’s an idea, Disney +; just do it in a meta way. You make all those meta videos anyway. Also, I know Whoopi Goldberg also likes Disney parks, so could we work her in in some way, too? Could we also cast her?
She could be in…the essential figure in Act 2, ‘cause I don’t think I could handle…I don’t think I could make her as an antagonist, ‘cause I know…I heard you; I heard you thinking out there. But we could…or she could be…maybe she’s the one…she’s…yeah, she’ll be the project…she’s the one that has the knowledge we need to seek out to get Wayne’s…or Neil Szalinski un-projection-mapped. She’s a projection-mapping expert. Maybe she’s the one that has Honey, I Shrunk the Podcast. I don’t know. I gotta do a…believe it or not, I gotta do a sleep podcast.
So, yeah, so I’m here to keep you company, your sleep is important…oh, the only other thing that’s really hard for new listeners and some regular listeners is the structure of the show, and the show’s structured because of some goals; one, that you’re important, two, that the podcast be free for anybody that wants to listen to it, and that it comes out on a regular basis twice a week. So, the structure is…starts with a greeting so you feel welcome and seen, then there’s listener support, then there’s support for the podcast, then there’s the intro. So, the intro comes in, I don’t know, eight, ten minutes in the show? Somewhere…six…I don’t know. The intro’s somewhere around ten to twenty minutes. That’s different than the business and the support.
The intro is a show within a show to give you some distance from the day and to help you unwind, to give you something to listen to while you’re getting ready for bed and getting comfortable, or you’re in bed getting snuggled in. The intro is there for that, then there’s more business. That’s just how, again, it meets the goals of the show. Free whenever you want it; on call. Then there’s the story. Tonight it’ll be a recap of a couple episodes of The Good Place, Season 2, totally out of order. We did Seasons 1, 3, and 4, and now it’s time to do Season 2. We did the same thing with GO…Game of Thrones, too. So, and then…no, Doctor Who we’ve done, and then Star Trek we’ve done all out of order. So, just one of our signature styles; not total chaos but a bit…you know, chaotic neutral.
Okay, so then there’s the story about The Good Place. If you’ve never seen The Good Place, don’t worry; it’ll be like a bedtime story with wonderful characters you’ll love, dreamy characters like Chidi, and so many more. Then we have thank-yous. So, that’s the structure of the show, the reason I make the show. Give it a few tries. That’s not me; you really have nothing to lose, I mean, except me getting on your nerves, so give it a few tries ‘cause I really want to help, so let’s see if this works together. If it doesn’t, check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. You could check out some other sleep podcasts.
But yeah, that’s what hundreds of thousands of people have said; hey, it took two or three tries. Really didn’t like it the first time. Second time, eh. Third time, I woke up the next day. So, let’s see how it goes. I really appreciate you checking the show out and being here, and if you’re a regular listener, thank you so much. I really love being able to make this show for all of you. I’m glad you’re here. I work hard, I yearn and I strive. I really want to help you fall asleep, and here’s how I’m able to do it for you twice a week for free. Thanks.
Alright everybody, tonight we’re gonna be talking about Season 2, Episode 2. Later we’ll be talking about Episode 3, but Episode 2 is Dance, Dance, Resolution. I’m gonna go through my notes…all of my notes first here, because I can’t even…so it says Dance, Dance, Revolution, then it says something like author twenty-two, pause on tape planner. So, we’ll have to remember that. Daily note log; attempt number three. Sitting on desk, big purple bow-tie, French door?? Double question mark. Montage kinda sequence. Catch-up or new? Why sash? Why slash? Why shush? Something. Custom-made sashes are out. Oh, why the sash? Oh, I have my sashes custom-made. Near griffin…cue pause on day two.
Day three; thinking, Eleanor, life coach, town square, pizza tables with yellow clothes…pizza tables with yellow…picnic tables with yellow clothes, but it’s really…what are those things called? Tablecloths. Chidi in a sweather…sweater-vest. Eleanor…professor; deontology…Chibi…128 or 28, maybe? Streaming…steaming obelisk…against pleased Michael. Eleanor figures it out. Bad Place. He laughs first. He snaps. Chapter 16. Michael hits Record. Attempt number eleven. Number eleven; positives…Chidi; day three, hard pass. Day 43; David Hume. Bakery times two? Three-hour splash ward? Oh no; three-hour spoken-word jazz opera. Baby…maybe they call each other baby? Dewdrop…Vicky on triangle. Nope. Bad Place, daddy-o. Michael deactivates Janet. Butter out back? Butter at back?
Better at back? Reboot your number one purple dress. 32, 57, 99, 108; door open. Bad Place; 109. Double-check door. Greg, Glenn, Tahani, Lerf, Golleen returns…realizing sequence. Number one; party with sash, number two; town square chairs group. Three; at fern…Chidi…at a farm. Chidi and a pig, cowboy hats…oh, these are all the sequences when Eleanor figured out where they were at, or different people. As a monk and line of monks…belsom and con…oh, balloons; Eleanor holding balloons among a sea of cacti. Picnic table…oh, picnic situation, like one of those perfect picnic places. Like, not a…well, like one of those…a meadow, I would say, with a big tree. Chidi’s running around; he’s seen some flying friends.
5:51; I had to put WTF ‘cause there’s a being from a…a large shoe, small car being sliding by on a…could be some sort of contraption or a moving floor or something. By via werden…Janet reboot to mint green. This is like jazz poetry, daddy-o, because…number three; lavender…number four; brown. Those are Janet’s…chill out? Nope. Eleanor eyes…community meeting. Everyone yelling. Glenn and Vicky share a look. Michael, vodka, Chinese food, beard, sweatshirt, undershirt, bow-tie, books, blueprints, over…covered over the desk. Not something. Not vaden. Sweatpants…Eleanor is there. Towns, pasta pause, clothes in bales…none of this makes any sense. I don’t have the episode running; that’s why, too. On a stitch…Chili; not Chidi. [00:20:00] Number 649. Day 55; Jason figures it out.
No RedZone channel. Blake Bortles. Bad Place. Lots more of those large shoe, small car people…pause. Yeah, they’re gathered on one of the stair shelves in Eleanor’s place. 802 might be the one. Michael with a skip. Chidi…soup of the month. Oh, chowder? Soup of the month…oh, Chicken Soup of the Mouth. That was one of the stores. Vicky alone at town square…turtle on her shirt. Office…actually it’s a turtle and a flower. Eleanor and Chidi…Eleanor spaced out. Chowder fountain…cigar. They see Glenn and Todd and someone else. Eleanor and Chidi run. Bad Place…P-A-N-I-C. Freak…what should I do? That was…stay cool. Janet is in maroon. Can we leave as far away as possible? Trains…Chidi sits on the left. Eleanor paces. Only one passenger car…caboose and a engine. Janet goes, choo-choo.
House in the middle of nowhere. Knock, knock on the door. Door opens; it’s like a…kinda like someone you expect to be selling… real estate agent standing in the doorway, talking. We go back to Michael versus Vicky. You can’t even pull off those bow-ties. Then we go back to the house in the middle of nowhere, which is Mindy’s house. We pause for her. We should pause later for her apartment or her house. Recap…she does some filling-in. She has a old-fashioned TV. Maybe just stay here. VCR…something. Four favorites…Payne, the Billy Idol thing…hides her plans. They go through the ways they figured it out, dealing with Michael. Oh, the Billy Idol painting is where she writes down what their plans are to get…figure out Michael. Michael…pink shirt, jacket off, tie untied on the bridge. Jason; hello, hello.
Hey, homie. Planning in backyard. This is pointless. You are so me. Childhood bullies…you are so mean; not me. Childhood bullies when you never got tenure. That was a great joke. Eleanor…guest to Vicky? Oh, something…his tie in your way? Big reveal to Eleanor. Cannonball Run 2. I love you. I love you, too. Eight days. Day 20; love only once. Stone-cold Steve Austin. I’m rooting for you guys. Mindy tells the truth. Reboot…it gives you power. [inaudible] on idea. They go to an ad. Her eyes move when thinking, Eleanor’s. Train…sad face. Michael and Jason…lakes…side…slow walk and talk. Well, be quiet. Sixty-person dance crew. We resolve to dance. What…something. Whispers…oh, he whispers ‘cause he says and that night, as the clock struck twelve, it was dope. That time and by Jason…montage.
Camera pulls out. Michael shows up. Something door. They’re…oh, the…said wait a second, I thought the large-shoed, small car people were in the side of Eleanor’s front door, but sometimes they’re out. She has a little…kinda like a patio. Something…some page…town up…a new dance crew. I think that’s the end of the episode. It might even be the beginning of the other episode, but…so I’m…now I’m gonna watch the episode and run through it for you. Alright, so this opens with Michael recording into a tape…a reel-to-reel tape machine. Four…must be a 4-track something, ‘cause it has four level thingamajigs, though those look like they’re for output…where he’s saying daily notes log. Attempt number three. I said…oh, I said to pause it on there, so I did do that.
VU…and he’s kinda running through his experiment. That’s when I noticed the front door…or French poss…they’re definitely French doors. Kinks are worked out. This is the one. I’m gonna pull it off, Michael says, and be in the Bad Place Hall of Fame. He’s laughing. Eleanor’s eyes open. Day one, cool. Chris Baker’s her soul mate’s name. Did I figure out that was Aaron Rodgers? Tahani throws some shade on her sash. Chidi’s…Chidi…no, no Chidi yet. Sashes are out this season. She calls Tahani a giraffe. Oh yeah, this is the other thing we wanted to do. So, then we have Michigan colors and confetti, and everybody running around. But giant giraffes in purple stuff…like in the Eleanor chaos dream sequence is giraffes. She says oh, boy. Then she’s thinking and pacing. She tries to call Janet but doesn’t know her name.
That’s, again, a progression over these two episodes. She says, what if I don’t…not sure if I…I definitely belong here but I wanted to be better. Anybody a life coach or a teacher or nerd here to help? Instagram fitness model? I mean, that’s her…Chidi’s sipping some tea or something. Professor of some kind? Professor of ethics, moral philosophy, and focusing on deontology. She says yeah, no. What else you got, Janet? Then we go to day 128. Michael’s…this is when…this is from the first…or the…this is…we already seen this or…I don’t know. But this is where he says okay, two of you gotta go down to the Bad Place. They’re kinda throwing each other under the bus, then Eleanor figures it out. She says, wait a second. She says, wait a second; this isn’t right. Michael’s up to something. Everybody says huh, really?
She says yeah, he’s…this isn’t the Good Place. Michael can’t believe it. He says, farts. The episode opens. Green…Chapter 16; he hits Record, starts taping. Attempt number 11; positive so far. Eleanor doesn’t like the house, Tahani and Eleanor don’t get along, Jason doesn’t like being quiet, Chidi’s tummy hurts, so a lot to work with. Eleanor’s eyes open. Chido she calls Chidi there. Super-dork Jones. Anybody else? Then we go to Day 43; he’s teaching Hume. Treaty of the self. Jason’s there. But she goes, you guys gotta take off. My soul mate has a surprise for me. Seems excited. Tahani says wow, you two are getting along these days. She goes yeah, I’m kinda into Sebastian lately. A little hokey, but growing on me. That’s where we go to the jazz sequence.
Chidi’s not there but it’s a three-hour spoken-word jazz opera about Chidi’s feelings. Eleanor says there’s no chance that could exist. Who’s it…cream of the crop, top to the bot, my dewdrop. Vicky’s playing…well, she’s ready to play the triangle. No version of heaven would have this. Michael does some jazz talk; darn it. Real trip for the biscuits. Now we’re all wet, daddy-o. He snaps, then we get our first reboot sequence. This…at least this episode that I remember. [00:30:00] This is when Janet’s in a purple dress. He reboots her, slow motion to her tummy, then attempt 32, attempt 57, attempt 99, attempt 108. Recent data says that Eleanor…this is when Eleanor’s watching the whole time; spoiler. Oh no, she’s not watching the whole time. She says, the door opened. Did you say I was in the Bad Place?
Then we go straight to attempt 109. Door’s closed. This is like therapy a little bit. Eleanor’s eyes open again. Different soul mates; Greg, Glenn, Tahani, Lerf, the golden retriever that doesn’t have a name. Hang on, wait a minute, hang on, wait a minute. You know what? Holy smokes. This is the Bad Place. So, she figures it out over and over and over again. Chidi’s…there’s a lot of layers of comedy, of course. Then a lot of reboots. Janet; she’s in a winter green, then a lavender, then a brown. She’s been saying different things to prevent the reboot. She says yeah, I gotta…I can’t do this. Then we have a reveal either this episode or next episode which is the impact, the positive impact this has on Janet. Eleanor’s eyes…Michael…everybody’s not happy with him. Vicky and Glenn share a look. Then Michael’s down.
I thought he was drinking vodka but he’s not; it’s brown. I guess I just saw the neck of the thing? I don’t know. I was wrong, definitely wrong. But this is sad Michael. What else do we got, here? Picnic trees…WTF…Janet reboot, blueprints…oh, Eleanor’s watching the whole time. She says, what? Oh, his glass has a duck on it. Oh, this is the other one I wanted to pause; sorry. Okay, so we got a couple good town square shots with different signs. Let’s see. My TV would not…okay, so we have Lasagne Will Come Out Tomorrow, Ziti of the Stars? The Pesto is Yet to Come. Holy Gnocchi and Get Yourself Some Food. You Go to the Holy Gnocchi, You Turn Yourself Around, and Then You…and You Get Some Food. Ziti of the Stars. So, that’s one.
Then the next one is Knish From a Rose, Biscotti Pippen, Cake Canaveral, Beignet and the Jets, Cruller something. I can’t read that one, but…and then on a stick; Extra Sticks, Steak on a Stick, Bagel on a Stick, Hot Dog on a Stick, Caviar on a Stick. Then actually, people are carrying around different things on a stick. Eleanor calls Chidi Chili. This is a sushi one; Ponzu Scheme, Sushi and the Banshees. Yeah, we go back to Eleanor; she has way more lamps and multiples of the…and more paintings of the large-shoed…what do you call it? Small car people. That’s when Jason figures it out. Way, way more paintings and knick-knacks, I guess you’d call them. Michael says oh boy, this is a low point. This might be the one, though. One week in, Chidi’s taking Eleanor…this is 8:02. Jason’s…Tahani still thinks Jason’s a monk.
Everybody’s miserable. I’m so happy. Fingers crossed. He skips. This is the Chicken Soup for the Mouth. Then he goes to the town square and nobody’s there but Vicky. She says you’re…you’ve lost control, so we’re on strike. She goes, I speak for everybody. You’ve lost your way. I’ve been working on a Australian accent that I want to use. Michael says, this is just about your part? She goes yeah, I want a more important role, but that’s my demand. Everybody else has demands, too. 318 of us have something we want to do differently. Michael looks through it. Some stuff’s possible. Some might not be. You know, Vicky, if I was to do some of these, it would be a giveaway. Vicky says yeah, I can work with you on some of that stuff, but the rest of it you’re gonna do.
Then Chidi’s teaching Eleanor Aristotle but she’s not paying attention. He goes, this is only Day 2 and you’re tuning me out? She goes wait a second, I got distracted. There’s tons of books. The last thing I remember is nothing. I need a break. He goes, how about some clam chowder? Chowder fountain. Eleanor just watches ‘cause she’s sane. Then nobody’s around. She’s like yeah, chowder is not something meant to be drank out of a fountain. But Chidi sniffs it, tries to get…that’s when they see Glenn, and then Todd comes in. He’s not in his human outfit. They’re complaining. They’re on break, but they’re breaking the rules, too. So, they run back through infinite light, warm blankets. Eleanor says, I knew it. Clam chowder was the giveaway. Yeah, Chidi says should I panic? Should I freak?
I usually panic but I’m happy to freak. Eleanor says no, we’re gonna come up with a plan. That’s where she thinks of Janet’s name. She calls her. Janet’s in maroon. Is that the word? Maroon, right? That’s the color, right? She goes, can we leave this neighborhood as far away…is there anywhere else we can go? Then they’re on the train. So, Chidi says I know why I’m in the Bad Place; from almond milk. Should have known it. Janet…or Eleanor says I think Jason, Jianyu, and Tahani are probably in on it. I mean, or are…they don’t know ‘cause…she just layers multiple jokes in there. Then Chidi says, I can’t believe we’re…then they start having conflict between each other. It was wooden seats, this old-fashioned train. They get to this old house out on the plains or whatever. Mindy St. Claire opens the door, and she’s great.
She says yeah, you guys have been here fifteen times already. Did you bring what I asked for? Please tell me you remembered. Of course, they didn’t because they’ve been rebooted. They go, we’ve never met you. Janet says hi. Michael and Vicky go back to their conference. Can we just stick to my plan? He goes, you could…he goes, you…if you…if we do that, if we pull this off, it would be good for everybody. Vicky goes dude, you can’t pull anything off, not even those bow-ties. Michael says, that’s not nice. She goes, I’m taking over, Michael, and I’m gonna make this my version of the neighborhood. So yeah, I’ve been working on it. He says, this is insubordination. You have to do what I tell you immediately. She gives him a file folder. She goes, I got a report of everything you’ve done, every time you’ve messed up, all in detail.
He goes, I’m sure Shawn would love to know how attempt number two is going, ‘cause Michael’s not been telling the truth. She goes, you’re gonna let me run things. Then it cuts. We go back to Mindy’s. There’s sunflowers in her front yard. Mindy says yeah, you come here every time. Sometimes it’s different people, different combos, but you guys never bring me what I ask for. Her place is very neat and organized, but it’s kinda like stuck in a different period of time. What do we do next? This place isn’t bad. Maybe we could stay here forever. She says, you say that every time but you always go back. Sometimes you go back ‘cause of your friends, sometimes you’re not comfortable being my roommates, but no matter what, you go back, try to formulate a plan to deal with Michael. Okay, plan time.
What have we…I got a list of all your plans. She says come on, Chidi, calm down. I’m here to help. [00:40:00] She’s got one…eight…I don’t know. Maybe fifteen…fourteen plans? Make Michael think he’s in the Bad Place, catch that magic panda; use her powers. That’s Jason’s, probably. Goes oh yeah, that guy. Then we have thoughtful Michael on a bridge in a garden. Jason’s looking for somebody. Michael’s down. Hey, Jason. His jacket’s off, his tie is untied. Jason says, who’s Jason? I’m a monk. Michael says, you know what? Can I talk to you person to person? I need somebody to run ideas by. He says, okay. Then Michael says okay, real quick; you’re in the Bad Place. Then we go back to the planning sequence. Okay, maybe we should blame Tahani, Eleanor says. What do you think?
Chidi says, this is pointless. We’re trapped in some sort of Nietzsche’s reoccurrence. She goes, no more philosophy. He goes, this is karma. If we can’t learn from our mistakes ‘cause our memory’s [inaudible] about logical nightmare. Then he says you’re mean, just like the kids that picked on me ‘cause I didn’t…said I would never get tenure. She goes yeah, you know what? I’m fed up with you. She storms off, goes into Mindy’s place. Mindy’s reading a People magazine. Maybe I identified it before. I haven’t got a good shot of it. It’s gotta be from the 80s or the 70s. She’s like dude, Eleanor, I have to listen to you vent about Chidi fifteen times in fifteen different ways. You two are in love. I’ll show you the video.
I mean, she doesn’t say that but she says let’s watch Cannonball Run 2, but it’s really a tape of them saying hey, I love you. Love you, too. Eleanor gives in so fast. She goes oh, Cannonball Run? I like that one. Also, there’s a Anne Rice book on the top of the TV. I don’t know if that’s a hint or just one of the things Mindy’s reading. It doesn’t look like actually it’s been read; it’s a mass-market paperback. There’s also some encyclopedias, it looks like, on the right side of her room, stacked on a table. Or they could be Reader’s Digest condensed books. Yeah, there’s three mass-market paperbacks on the top of Mindy’s TV. None of them have been opened ever. I can only see what one of them is right now. Mindy’s actually going through the book section of People’s magazines. How many times did we say we love each other?
Only once, Mindy says. So, she says yeah, I’m over you and your feelings and stuff. Eleanor says yeah, I don’t really say I love you to people, though, so it’s a little bit outside of my comfort zone…just Steve Austin and someone I thought was Steve Austin. That’s when Mindy says I’m rooting for you guys. Eleanor says, there is no us. We barely know each other. That’s when Mindy truth-tells. She says no, you’ve known each other for a long, long, long time but you’re gonna forget it anyway ‘cause you’re gonna get rebooted. But something gives Eleanor an idea. She says, we’re leaving. She grabs the tape, but Mindy has another copy. Eleanor’s thinking on the train. Michael says I can’t believe this, Jason. I tried to do something innovative and…there’s beautiful trees in this garden.
I tried to do something that would treat humans in a new way. What are my options? Can’t go along with Vicky’s plan. That’ll be a failure. Can’t ignore her; she’ll tell on me…Shawn. I don’t have anything…and Jason says, you’re saying a lot of words. I don’t know all of them. He goes, I have a little wisdom I can give you. Michael’s…dismisses that. Then Jason says, I have a sixty-person dance crew in Jacksonville; Dance, Dance, Resolution. We dissolve to dance. Donkey Doug and I broke up. He quit the dance crew; started his own. #DougLife. Challenged us to a dance-off and we solved that. That’s when he says in his whisper voice; that night, as the clock struck twelve…so, that’s cool. It’s just…he has…there’s a twist to it. Then Michael says, huh. Jason says it was dope; the end. By Jason Mendoza.
He says okay, that actually has some advice in there. Thanks. He walks off. You got it, homie. Guess that’s why I’m in the Good Place, as the camera pan…pulls out, not pans out, back to Eleanor’s. Michael shows up. She’s already told Tahani. Jason comes in. We know what’s up, dude. Tahani says, we know everything. I don’t understand it, but I know it. Your plan’s not working. We keep figuring it out, which means you’re losing and we’re winning, so you have two choices. Keep failing or give…realize we have the power. Michael says yeah, we’re on the same page. I want to team up with you guys. They say, what? He goes, yeah. I’m in a bind. I could use a new dance crew, as Jason put it. New best friends? Michael smiles. Jason tries to give a thumbs up, and the episode comes to a close, but…and two seconds from now, Scoots will be talking about the next one. Thanks, everybody.
Alright everybody, now we’re talking Season 2, Episode 3, Chapter something of The Good Place called Team Cucaracha. I don’t know what chapter it is, but I did want to comment…oh, Chapter 17. I did want to comment, though, on these two episodes because they’re both about twenty-two and a half minutes long with the…without the commercials; the episodes of The Good Place, not Sleep With Me. My…the last episode was longer than The Good Place episode, which I love doing. But I will say that they…in a good way, they packed so much in that it felt like a much full…it was very full in a good way…twenty-two minutes, where I said there’s no way…so, on the first and second time I watched both of these episodes, particularly the first one, and I was kinda arranging the events of the episode in my mind.
I said yeah, there’s no way this is twenty-two minutes. I said, I got…I must have mixed something up or something, but yeah, twenty-two minutes of really fitting a lot in. So, and in a way that doesn’t feel like a lot, but when you’re making a sleep podcast, it’s…that’s a great…you say holy cow, that’s the most packed…that’s…twenty-two minutes is so packed full of great stuff, I could talk about it for thirty-five. But let’s not get a…let’s not get off-topic, here. Let me find my notes. A Good Place previously. What, what? New best friends, teacup…or team up. History…twenty seconds ago…Bobcats teaming up. He needs up. Chapped my nips. A little, little, little something…something. Okay, let’s see. Previously, Michael’s talking. They’re listening. Subtitles were off ‘cause I watched something else on this.
I’m in a bit of a bind; could use a backup. I also like how they just run it right into the next episode, I think. Team up; you’ve been lying to us. Who lied to whom? Who created a fake reality? Who’s wearing a beautiful, purple bow-tie that actually matches Chidi’s shirt? It’s our best option. Jason loves being on teams. Bobcats is the team name. Slow down, ding-dong. He needs us. Why? Michael says, ‘cause you’re winning. I built this neighborhood, built it on rock and roll — he doesn’t say that — for thousands of years to deal with you in a unpleasant way. You keep figuring out and taking the fun out of it. Fun? Then Michael says Vicky’s got…she’s gonna tell on me. She runs the clam chowder place. Oh, A Little Bit Chowder Now? Chowder fountain? No, that’s Pump Up the Clam.
A Little Bit Chowder Now [00:50:00] is the lazy river of chowder. Michael explains his dilemma. She thinks she could do it better than me. I’m supposed to reboot you and turn you over to her, so how can we team up? We’ll just fake it. I’m not gonna reboot you. You’ll just pretend it. On your own time, you can study ethics. Ooh, a mailman. Whatever you want. Can I play iPad? Sure, Jason. I got two chances to make this work and I’ve done it more than two times. If he finds out, we’re all gonna be in trouble ‘cause you’ll go to the Bad, Bad Place. Son of a bench. Human meeting, Eleanor calls. Her arms are crossed. They go into the bedroom. Oh, Michael shows how there’s stairs that are actually hidden. So, she has slide-out stairs.
Son of a bench. Good Place, Chapter 17, yeah. Then they’re in front of one of the many murals of large-feeted people. Jason has a lollipop. He does a failed lollipop flip or toss. Something…another big shoe, small car note that I can’t read. It looks like dorm. 802 Janet…most advanced Janet. There’s always another option. A single good reason…I’ll get you to the real Good Place. Zoom and an ad break, so let’s see what happens. Tahani’s got kind of a…it’s not a sunflower dress. At first glance I thought it was because that’s how pedestrian I am. Oh, it’s a blow-pop Jason has. It looks like it’s a blue, which I think is Jazzberry or something, or Razzmatazz. Razzmatazz I think is a ice cream or a sherbert name.
But he’s really making the most of his handling of it, and then he does the flip which fails which is probably…I couldn’t believe I didn’t catch it the first…this is why…the joy of watching something two or three times. He catches it, though, like a pipe. Eleanor says yeah, I know my liars. Michael’s lying. So, then we get this Eleanor trust issue thing. No way we can trust him. But everybody else is like well, we gotta do something. Maybe we’re being…oh, Tahani’s still holding the idea that she’s in the Good Place and she’s being tested by the three of them. Chidi wants more information. We gotta grill him like the flank of an Iberian…so then the doors open. There’s clown effect music when the doors open and close. How can we trust you, bud? Oh, you can’t. I can’t. What are you gonna do for us?
Get you to the Good Place, ‘cause yeah, sooner or later Shawn’s gonna catch on and then he’ll shut everything down, and then that’ll be it. This is your chance. Otherwise it’s eternity. So, you don’t want that, for sure. Then Jason asked about the Jacksonville Jaguars and Michael laughs. Jason’s serious. They all have a laugh, but I think the Jaguars did something. Didn’t they win or something? Janet, can you give Jason something shiny? Sparkler. He runs around. How many different versions of this place? Michael goes, about 802. Longest was eleven months. This one’s only been going for a week, seven days, six hours, thirty-something…barely know each other. What’s that super tiny line? Eight seconds. That was the shortest one, but reboot.
That’s when Janet says well, every time I get rebooted, I get smarter, so…in awareness and ability, so I might be the most advanced Janet in the universe. She rubs her tummy and pats her hat. Then they say wait, Janet’s not with you? No, she’s a good neighborhood Janet. I snuck her in to sell the ruse. Didn’t work though, she says. You keep failing, Michael. Thank you. You’re welcome. Why are you…look like you’re human if you’re not? Well, I’m in the Bureau of Human Affairs, so…and took a while to get used to being human. I say well, Mindy’s fake? No, Medium Place is real. It really got on my nerves how many times you figured it out. Then Chidi says, why? He goes well, lies are more convincing if they’re true. Eileen Shelbourne was one of my fake names.
Trust me, don’t trust me; doesn’t matter, Michael says. We’re running out of time. I’m your only option. We see some good shelves in Eleanor’s place behind him. Eleanor says you know what? This is like a line somebody’s running on me. I’m not gonna settle. I don’t settle. So, there’s always another option. You guys do what you want. I’m leaving. Michael says no, I need all four of you. It was the only way to make it work. She goes, again, what’s in it for me? Why should I help you? Then he says, I’ll get you in the Good Place, the real Good Place. It zooms on all three of their faces. Jason’s not there. That’s when they cut to the ad. Let’s see…go through my notes. A way to get to the Good Place? Question mark. Another team meeting. Jason lies down in the background. I want us to get better.
We see how Tahani…other…utter…we see something. Other…Tahani…other…utter tosh. Humans…or something sad. Come to grips. Do you want to something? Oh, this is when Michael takes Tahani back ‘cause she’s…so, we get to see some of Tahani’s…how she made it to the big farm. She’s at an interview for International Sophisticate. There’s orchids in the background. Beautiful views like mountains, some sort of like…something probably in the Palisades. I don’t know. Can you believe Camilla was a only child? You mean my sister? 2016, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on her debut album. Something more about Camilla. Tahani’s in a tie. Oh, so then we cut to a…her induction…post-induction party. This reminded me of Season 4 when Tahani takes a job working in the Helping Place.
Let’s see, Season 4…something. I don’t really think about you. Gold…giant gold statue or golden statue, and Tahani tries to pull it down, and she’s out. But it happened in Cleveland, so that’s the main thing she’s fixated on. Palms, poems, claim more? Then Michael does not need to speak. You were perfect, perfect strangers? Perfect stooges, maybe? I want to be the person I pretended to be. We want to be beaver bead…better…something…people. Lash out…Michael laughs. Dung beetles. Just being honest. Best chance…give me a number to improve ourselves. Eleanor’s door has music and chimes. Janet, call me a train. Untangle. Fill it to the brim. That’s kinda the end of a episode…or that’s a ad break, so let’s run it. Michael…they’re talking to Michael.
It’s gonna take me a while to arrange getting you to the Good Place. It’ll take a while, but yeah, there’s a way to get there, a potential method. Can I pre-board? Tahani says. Is it nice? Michael says come on, we’re trying to focus on us. Then, again, Eleanor says us? You’re the one…really, us? Michael says, yeah, us. If I could save you four, then maybe they’ll let me into the Good Place, too. Please, I’ve changed. I can earn a spot with puppy dog eyes. Chidi says, what do you think? They’ll really let us stay? He goes come on, we gotta fool Vicky, otherwise you’re gonna keep getting rebooted. Then Eleanor says, okay. Back in another team meeting. She goes yeah, this is it. Jason sits down on a couch, then puts his feet up, lies down. This is wild, but maybe we have to do it, Chidi says. Are you forking around?
He goes, I’ve tried to learn about right or wrong and I’ve failed, so I want us to get better and stay that way. You understand, Tahani. I understand nothing. [01:00:00] Jason says, same here. She does not get it. She goes, I used to be in the Good Place. I need to talk to your supervisor. She does that in a really good way. But he says let me just show you. Let me show you how…’cause we never showed you how you got here. I guess it’s about selfishness which if you’ve been in the program that I’ve been in, you learn oh boy, that’s really a…is a issue for me. Still is. He says okay, well, in all the reboots, I never showed you this, so…I was saving it to make you miserable ‘cause it’s so hilarious and sad. But it might help you come to grips with who you are. She nods, though. He goes, do you want to remember? She goes, okay.
Then we go to the interview. It’s kinda…the interviewer is kinda like…just wants to hang with Camilla. Tahani’s her second choice. Camilla turned down the cover of International Sophisticate. Tahani didn’t know that. Please carry on. Do you think she’d want to be friends with me? She’s the youngest person ever into the Hall…Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Remarkable. Are you gonna ask me any questions or just comment on my sister? Yeah, she’s impressive. Only six months her album’s been out, and they induct her into Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Waived the twenty-five year waiting period. She goes yeah, I’ll be doing some relief work, though. Should we talk about that? She goes well, let’s talk about your sister. We have a lot in common; Capricorn, only children…that’s the only children thing.
Then we go…Tahani undercover, pretending she’s working. DJ…dance floor…Camilla…tons of things of her. She’s partying. Tahani’s passive-aggressive. At first she totally burns her, though. She says, who are you? Oh, you’re a waitress now. Probably the right move for you. She goes, how come you didn’t invite me to your soiree? She goes, I sneak in here. She goes, I’m supposed to be helped…photographed helping people, but I delayed it to tell you off. She goes, you always make a scene and embarrass yourself. She goes, I’m an embarrassment? Is that what you think of me? She goes, I don’t think of you. That one always hurts if…when someone says that to you. It really does.
I’ve had it said to me before and I said wow, oh boy. But when it’s the truth, it’s the truth. So then Tahani pulls down the gold statue of her sister. She does have to work at it, like throw a rope around it and stuff, or…she says, come down to the ground where you belong, and the statue does. At first she thinks she’s gonna…there’s just good jokes in there. Michael says, that’s your biggest takeaway, is Cleveland? Is that all I really cared about; outshining my sister, praise, and acclaim? I mean, she gets…I did get praise and acclaim, I daresay, on occasion. More praise and acclaim than my sister. Michael just looks at her. She says oh, okay, I get it now, kind of. She gets a little down. Michael tries to help her. He goes, I wanted somebody who thought they belonged in the Good Place.
You were perfect, of the people I was looking for. She goes oh, I wanted to be perfect somebody, but not the perfect stooge. Oh, that was that…and then she says, I want to be the person I pretended to be, so she has a build-a-better-Tahani. Then Eleanor’s down. She says oh boy, everybody’s against Eleanor now. Why am I the only person here who gets what’s happening? Chidi tells the truth; hey, we’re trying…we understand the risks. This is our best chance. Oh, everybody’s better than me. Then he says hey, don’t lash out at us. I’m not trying to say who’s better. Jason doesn’t know what’s going on. Everybody’s talking. Michael’s laughing. Then he says yeah, basically…that’s when he…and there’s so much more to look at of the large-shoed, small car people. Eleanor’s bed is really well-made.
She has a desk, she has those air plants or whatever. I mean, I don’t know what…I know she doesn’t like her house probably ‘cause of the design, but I’d say most of the other stuff is…other than the big-shoed, small-car people, her decorations…the place is fabulous, especially for one person, for a single person, or someone in a long-term relationship, especially with the weather there. She’s like, give me a second to think about it alone. Chidi says, okay. She closes her door. The door chimes. She calls Janet; remembers Janet’s name. That’s important. Call me a train; fill it with stuff for Mindy St. Claire. I’m going back there. We cut to a ad. She’s sneaking out with a big bag. There’s also a tea cart or a drink cart in kinda the…one of the rooms. I don’t know, she has this…these glassed-off rooms.
But it’s like, a tea cart has a big…I don’t know what it is. A flower vase? I don’t know. It’s something that’s outside of my class range. Let’s see what we got here. Eleanor sneaks out. A failed porthole in the door, it looks like, where it’s like…’cause it doesn’t look like it’s adjustable. Cactus…make a deal so I can do homework…is semina…senta…something. Oh, homework in secret, maybe? Chidi, tell the truth. Nine weeks. I don’t owe you anything. I underlined all that with two explanation points just ‘cause I like how it connects to what do we owe each other, one another, whatever the…David Hume, I don’t know. Good luck. Sad Chidi. Drops bag. Butterfly…something. Butterfly charm? Don’t worry; we’ll see it soon. Eleanor and Michael…he always helped. Glares…kitchen. That’s what Chidi would do.
Rolls eyes. Open books on our team. Jason…Team Cucaracha, I think. Froyo, cakes, 322. Yoga aches? Oh, Yogurt Acres is back. Like your mayor says, a few…I think Vicky says like your…I’m your mayor; I’m gonna say a few words. A few hours…then I said, is that a Pac-Man ghost chair? Somewhere…Jason’s…Jason froyo or foyer. Janet…oh no; Jason’s ends up eating some…Janet, my purpose…I’m on board. Team huddle. The episode ends. So, we have…let’s see, we got Eleanor sneaking out. Oh no, the portal…porthole is…oh, maybe not. Oh, I guess it is openable. Chidi says you gotta…you put a pillow and mop in your bed to make it look like your sleeping, and you’re sneaking out the back. She goes, I’m going to Mindy’s.
I’d rather live forever with a boring beige house with Mindy than what you’re asking me to do; make a deal with Michael who’s on Team Not Good. She goes, we don’t really know each other. Chidi says, we’ve been through this eight hundred times. Really nice shirt again on him. They must be fitted…it really fits him so. Look, I don’t owe you anything. I gotta do what’s right for me. Wow, if you really study their faces, some great facial expressions from both of them. Eleanor turns back, thinks about it, drops the bag, goes back in, goes up to Michael; a couple more questions. Sits at him…side to side. Camera pans down. She goes, every time I ask for Chidi, how many times did he turn me down? Nope, never. Shoot. He goes yeah, no matter what I did, you confessed. He said yes, the whole thing.
Now he’s agreeing to be part of my plan. He goes, he always stuck by you and he always helped you become…overcome your biggest problem. My selfishness? No, no, no, Michael says; that you need a perfect haircut. He goes yeah, your selfishness. Then Janet shows up, but Eleanor goes to the kitchen, it looks like. Everybody’s having…oh boy, I didn’t see…notice this ever in all the other times I watched it. It looks like they’re having tea and cocoa. [01:10:00] The only reason I say cocoa is ‘cause Jason has a straw, but they just have…or…what is it? Taside Cafe? I don’t know what hot chocolate is, but they just have white mugs. To the left of…on Chidi’s right, our left, is a teapot with a little bit left in there. So he goes, 99% Michael’s messing with us, but we should help him, because that’s what Chidi would do.
Chidi would do for me…any of us. He goes, you’re talking about me like I’m not here. That makes me feel weird. Eleanor rolls her eyes. Alright, we’re in. Michael says, you listen to reason. She goes, on one condition. You have to work with us to be better too, with the professor. He’s kinda very resistant to this. He goes, if we’re gonna be better people, you’re gonna be a better person. He goes no, no, no, I’m a powerful being, immortal being with abilities you can only dream of. She goes yeah, whatever, dude. Might be a Arizona dirt-bag, human turtleneck, narcissistic, and not in a super smart…who am I? Describe me now. But if we’re all gonna improve…and if you don’t, I’m gonna tell Vicky on you, tell her everything, so you can join us or not. What’s it gonna be? You’re running out of time. We’re your only option, bud.
Michael nods. He doesn’t say anything. We go to yeah, Yogurt Acres. Froyo cakes, town square with Eleanor. 322 perfectly matched souls. He’s giving her the tour. They’re undercover now. Well done. I’ve only done it 800 times, eh? She goes, how’s my face? Does it look like I’m amazed that I’m in the Good Place? Am I a good liar? Yeah. Then Michael introduces Vicky. This is hardcore…oh no, top point-getter. Oh yeah, ‘cause she’s gonna help us out. Best person…Vicky. Vicky goes, I would like to sing a few words. She takes the…says Janet, hit it. She says…she sings I will…like, she…a version of Gloria Gainer. Michael has a peacock bow-tie. It goes to a commercial. We go back for class. Vicky’s working on the party. Yeah, Jason has a pretty deluxe thing of froyo.
Michael gives him a heads-up; they’re gonna try to get you drunk. Make sure you do a bunch of crazy stuff, Eleanor. Oh, this is where we see the chair that looks like it could be a character on…in the game Pac-Man. Eleanor says okay, get drunk and insult people. I can do that. Chidi, get nervous and embarrassed; got that. Way ahead of you. Tahani, just be fabulous. Jason, you gotta be silent. Jianyu, the monk, he’s got a gummy worm in his mouth. Then during the day, we’ll take ethics lessons which apparently I have to do, too. I’m really looking forward to this ‘cause I…because…I don’t know, this trip back…then he has a froyo. They say wait a second, what about Janet? Is she gonna tell on us? As Michael sits down with his froyo. She goes well, it took me a few milliseconds.
I can’t lie but my person…purpose is to make humans happy, and you’re the only humans here, so I’m onboard for whatever you come up with. She gives Jason a high-five, and Eleanor brings him in. Cowardly traitor, four dumb-dumbs, and a robot. Not a robot; Janet says. We’re gonna outsmart the Bad Place. It’s really…especially…they go on three; one, two, three. Michael’s a little bit late, but they go up. What’d she say? No, I still think it’s better. What is that referring to? One, two, three. Oh, Bobcats or Cucaracha. Jason’s very happy, and that’s the end. So, soon I’ll be settling down for another episode for myself, but why don’t you get comfortable while I do some thank-yous? Thanks for listening again. Goodnight.
[END OF RECORDING]
- Steaming Obelisk
- Mass-Market Paperback
- Neil Patrick Harris
- Cannonball Run II
Notable Talking Points:
- Emoting about Dust motes
- The golden retriever that doesn’t have a name
- Something outside of Scooter’s class range
Listen to the latest episodes
Hi, you can call me Scooter.
Drew Ackerman is the creator and host of Sleep With Me, the one-of-a-kind bedtime story podcast featured in The New York Times, The New Yorker, Buzzfeed, Mental Floss, and Dr. Oz. Created in 2013, Sleep With Me combines the pain of insomnia with the relief of laughing and turns it into a unique storytelling podcast. Through Sleep With Me, Drew has dedicated himself to help those who feel alone in the deep dark night and just need someone to tell them a bedtime story.