Bedtime stories to help grown ups fall asleep in the deep, dark night.

Episode 1016 – Janet, Michael, and Derek | The Good Place to Sleep S2 E7&8

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and my patron peeps…what up, patron peeps?  It’s Scoots here.  I’m here to say thanks, patron peeps.

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts you’re thinking about from the past, the present, or the future, it could be anti…positive anticipatory thoughts or all those other thoughts that so many of us are familiar with.  It could be feelings related to the thoughts or feelings that are just there.

 

It could be physical sensations, it could be something mysterious or it could be something situational, time, temperature, routine.  Maybe you work the second or the third shift.  Oh boy, talk…how about this one…this is one I don’t think in over a thousand episodes I’ve ever mentioned; unreliable curtains.  That’s what I experienced this morning, and I said to my…I didn’t say this to my curtains, but I said I’ve come to rely on you, and suddenly…and the curtains said actually, it’s not our fault.  This is…speaking for my curtains…representing the curtains, Your Honor.  Okay, go ahead, go ahead with your opening.  Actually, we’re in the middle of a sleep podcast.  We’re not even in the middle of it; we’re just barely starting it.

 

Well, Your Honor, I’d just like to say that we, the curtains, were there dangling from our rod in the normal position.  It was the wind…and…now, to be honest, Your Honor, I’m not sure if the blinds were open or closed, but there’s also a set of blinds involved in this.  But the window was fully-open and we were only flapping in the breeze.  Now, we know it was about…the sun came up early because of the time of year it is, and that the sunlight did beam directly on Scooter’s face in a Morse code way because we were flapping, but that was not our intention and it was not under our control.  So, we rest our…that’s all we have to say.  Okay, thank you, curtains.  Can Scooter get back to the podcast intro, please?  Sure.  Whatever’s keeping you awake.

 

Could be something else, but that could just be a metaphor or actual unreliable curtains, or an unreliable situation…a situation that causes your normally extremely responsible and reliable curtains to flap without their control.  I think we just built some…yeah.  I’m not saying…I guess I was saying I couldn’t rely on you, and I’m sorry.  I made a mistake there.  If there’s something I could do to make it better…I apologize.  I was wrong.  It was not your fault you’re unreliable.  It was the situation, and I’d like to talk more about it when I’m not trying to start a sleep podcast, if…and also, if you’re sentient curtains though, whoa, whoa, whoa.  Hm.  A little wrinkle in the curtain here, because if you are sentient curtains, I think…Your Honor, I rest my case.

 

Just so you know, Scooter, we can’t infer anything from that even though you seem to be inferring that because sentient curtains are sentient, they should be able to control themselves in the breeze.  Sorry, Your Honor, before you start quibbling with my argument, I gotta get back to this sleep podcast.  So, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that.  What I propose to do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents all to take your mind off of stuff and keep you company while you fall asleep.  Now if you’re new, there’s a lot of stuff to fill you in on because this podcast, one, is very different.

 

It’s not everybody’s cup of tea, but for the listeners it works for, it does take two or three tries to get used to the show.  I’m gonna explain some of those things right now, but one of the reasons…the most important thing is you getting the sleep you need and deserve, and that’s why I make this show, is because you deserve a good night’s sleep.  You deserve a safe place where you can rest in bedtime where you don’t have any rigmarole or dread.  Like, where you could say ‘ah’ and get comfortable and drift off and get some rest.  So, I hope I can provide that for you, because you deserve it.  You deserve a good night’s sleep.  It’s that simple.  If you get the sleep you need, your life’s gonna be a little bit better, a little bit more manageable.

 

You’ll be on the road to flourishing, and our world will be a better place.  The other side of it is I’ve also been there.  Went to bed a little bit too late last night and then I had this flapping sunlight in my face waking me up early.  So, but I dealt with other stuff…you know, I’ve been there; tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, so I know how it feels.  So, that’s why I make the show.  I know how it feels.  You deserve a place where you could at least say well, at least I got this sleep podcast nonsense to take my mind off of stuff and keep me company.  So, that’s the first part of the show.  The second thing that takes some getting used to is that this is a podcast you don’t really listen to.  As you can see, I tend to go off-topic early and often.  This show is always running and never gets started.

 

So, it kinda is like a situation where it’s not between 5:00 and 6:00 in the morning and your curtains are flapping in the breeze, but one of those times you’re sitting there, drinking a lemonade or an Arnold Palmer or just an ice water, and you probably have those…what are those things called?  Those linen clothes on, and then the curtains are flapping with an ocean breeze or a harbor breeze.  You say oh boy, I could…I’m just gonna sit here sipping my cold drink and watching those curtains flapping in the breeze.  You’re kinda barely watching them, right?  You’re not gonna say, what did you do all day?  Well, you definitely wouldn’t say this to another person; watch the curtains flap in the breeze.  All day long?  Yeah, I make a sleep podcast, so…oh, okay.  ‘Cause I thought if you just did that otherwise, I’d say, huh.

 

I’ve watched curtains for four or five minutes before.  You’d say to them well, the key is just barely paying attention.  You kinda look at the curtains or listen to the podcast just like you were watching clouds go by.  Then it’s kinda soothing if you hold it loosely.  Now, if you’re waiting for it to get started or trying to figure out some meaning or whatever, yeah, it can be tough.  That’s why it takes two or three tries.  It takes two or three eight-hour shifts to get used to looking at curtains flapping in the breeze all day long, and you realize they’re not just flapping; they’re dancing.  Sorry, that was a bit…it’s true, though.  So, it’s a podcast that takes some getting used to to not listen to it.  Also, this show does not put you to sleep.  It keeps you company while you fall asleep, which is a little bit different.

 

I’m here to take your mind off of stuff so you can drift off.  I’m here to be your companion, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-sib, your bore-bestie, your bore-bruh, to be here whether you’re awake or asleep.  I’m here so that you don’t have to listen to me, but you can if you need to.  So, if you can’t sleep, I’ll be here to the very end.  But if you’re asleep, I’ll be here to the very end.  I’ll be talking either way, and even if you set a sleep timer…in some sense, somewhere in the world, I’m still talking.  So, those are two things that take some getting used to.  The structure of the show is also different.  It’s very intentional, but the…so, the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls so you feel welcome, you feel seen, and you say, this person is trying to establish a safe place, probably imperfectly, but they’re doing their best.

 

So, that’s…then there’s support for listeners and support for the show, so support options for you, support for our community, and then support for the show so the show can be free and come out twice a week.  Then there’s the intro.  So, the intro starts, I don’t know, six to eight minutes into the show, runs ‘til twenty minutes or so into the show, and this is…the business throws people off, but the intro really can throw you off, ‘cause some people…I don’t know, they combine that all into one segment in their mind.  But it’s two distinct segments; the intro is meant to help you start your wind-down.  It explains what the podcast is, but it takes me forever because I get distracted by whatever…I got interrupted by a curtain court.  It was my first time in curtain court.

 

I think I did pretty good, especially when I [00:10:00] said there’s a wrinkle in your curtain.  That was probably one of the highlights of my existence, actually.  You say Scoots, when did you come up with your best pun accidentally?  I’d say when I was in curtain court.  They’d say, with Jane…Jane Curtin runs a court?  I’d say, if she did, I would be there in a second.  I would love to see…I think I’ve seen Jane Curtin in…playing a judge before.  If not, I would like to see that.  Welcome to Curtin Court.  Or I guess you’d call it Curtin’s Court, but I don’t think that would be a very good…I don’t know if there’s a lot of ‘Ss on TV.  Is there?  I don’t think there is.  Are…what shows…I’m sure there is, but I gotta keep moving with this intro.  This is why…this is how the intro works; I go off-topic again.

 

I mean, how can you pass up a word like curtain, curtain’s court?  One day I’ll be in curtain’s court and my curtain will be the…like, I say oh boy, I’m in trouble now.  Wrong…I thought this was Jane Curtin’s Court; not my bedroom curtain’s court.  So…oh, so the intro goes on and on and on.  So, at first you could be like…if you’re new, you might be like, when’s the show start?  What is this?  Is this just superfluous housekeeping?  I say no, this is a show within a show, and about 2% or 3% of listeners start the show at twenty minutes.  A few thousand people listen to story-only episodes on Patreon, but for the majority of listeners, the intro is part of their wind-down routine, not their fall-asleep routine.  There might be another 5% of listeners that are falling asleep right now.  That’s terrific.

 

But for most listeners, the intro eases them into bedtime, or they’re doing some sort of other activity; getting ready for bed or doing something relaxing to kind of wind down.  So, that’s why the intro goes on and on and on, because at least for most of us, there’s never been some sort of instant snap-your-fingers sleep solution.  So, for me, what I’ve discovered personally and through the podcast, is yeah, it takes a little bit of time to ease me into bedtime.  I can’t just put my head down and fall asleep.  So, the intro is here to slowly go through that process in a way where you say oh, wait a second, I don’t have to listen to him.  He’s mis-explaining his own podcast for the 1015th time or whatever.  I’d say, that’s what I’m here for.  This is our first visit to curtain’s court that I know about, though.  So, that’s the intro.  Then there’s business between the intro and the show, again, intentional so that the podcast can come out for free twice a week versus being part of a paid service.

 

Then there’s thank-you…oh, then there will be our story.  Tonight it’ll be a little coverage of The Good Place, a couple episodes of The Good Place, Season 2.  But don’t worry if you’ve never seen it before or you’re unfamiliar.  It’ll be like…more like a dream of some dream…Soul Squad.  Then there’s thank-yous at the end.  So, that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show, and I’m really glad you’re here.  I can only tell you the advice of hundreds of thousands of people which say this podcast is very different.  It’s a bit strange and ridiculous, so give it a few tries and see how it goes.  I can also tell you I really hope and I really yearn and I strive.  I really hope I can help you fall asleep.  Thanks again for coming by, and here’s the ways I’m able to be here for you free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, it’s Scoots here.  We’re talking Season 2, Episode 6 of The Good Place, Janet and Michael.  This is a really, really good episode, a real contained episode, I think.  Or at least I thought that to myself.  I’m not sure if I’m actually correct.  Yeah, and kind of a two-character…there’s some…what do you call that when people show up?  I don’t know.  But I really, really enjoyed this episode, so let’s get to it.  It starts with…from my notes, a slow zoom-out from Janet’s eyes.  A really tight shot.  She is wearing pearl earrings we notice, or I noticed…white tie…white bow-tie, shirt and vest.  So, she’s kind of a Janet…I…it makes sense afterwards when you say oh, that’s why.  But at first I said huh, that’s interesting; have I seen Janet in all white?

 

Not a tuxedo ‘cause there’s no…what is that thing called?  Suit coat or whatever the heck they call that thing, and then in the background we see Michael sneak in.  We’re in some sort of void, a white void or void of color.  Michael sneaks around, but Janet catches him.  She says hello.  News or never…my notes…once again, my handwriting is…peas, nose, three seconds.  Oh, press nose for three seconds.  We see Janet spin and roll.  Really nice effect.  Seems like a practical effect.  Is there…was there ever a group called Practical Effects?  Have I thought about that before?  We got effects, we got practical effects.  We got effects in our movie film.  We have practical effects.  Check one, check two.  But I don’t even know if these are practical effects, ‘cause I practically know nothing about effects.

 

I got lucky on a pun there.  Michael sneaks around.  Hello.  Three-second press…rolls…Janet, we’re out.  Roll.  Janet hear out?  Janet, we’re out?  She rolls, she slides, she spins.  Then we’re at…we cut to a new scene.  Or, I don’t know, we transition.  I’ll look at the thing in a second, and we’re in the Bad Place bank office headquarters place.  What does that say?  Oh, risky…bad Janet…so, basically…we’ll talk about this scene ‘cause it’s coming up.  Michael has this Good Place Janet.  They say that sounds risky, Michael.  I don’t know if he gives…oh, he says well, you can’t teach…you can’t teach a good…Bad Janet to be good, because then they…he shows her, and he says say some nice things.  She turns into lava, but not the kind of lava that…non-functioning lava.  Melts like ice cream.  That’s what I said on the next page.

 

Use the good one, Shawn says, then Michael office at end of last…oh, then we go to the…Michael’s current office in the New Bad Place?  What is the place called?  The New Bad Place is what I’d call it.  That’s the first album by Practical Effects, too.  But Michael’s office at the…we pick up right where the last episode started.  We’ll read some dialogue coming up here.  Fun fact; what’s carving?  What’s craving?  What’s caring?  Nose use mound, okay?  Let’s get standard Chap 20.  Oh, Chapter 20 is the episode.  Let’s get standard?  Then I had to put a big star because oh boy, was this a treat for me.  It was the first time…’cause, you know, I’ve made a lot of…well, I’ve…I don’t know how much I’ve speculated on the air, but I’ve looked and thought about Michael’s office, and I’m probably calling them incorrectly French doors, but the two doors…and I said, what is outside of Michael’s office?

 

For the first time that I can remember, which is probably not the first time, his doors…his office doors are open.  Our camera or our viewpoint is from the outside of his office against ivy-walled walls.  It’s kinda the thing you’d…at least if I had that office, I would open those doors when I was on a call to do some pacing.  I think Michael is pacing, but it’s when he’s talking to Janet.  Then Vicky rolls up, ever-ready.  She covers for it…rest.  Then she says no, you gotta do that down, down, out code.  I wish I knew that code, the famous code from the game; up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right, Start, Select…I think there’s A, B…there’s…that’s definitely not all of it.  Even cheat codes…speaking as a dyslexic, cheat codes are tough.  But was it…was that…what was that one from Mario Bros.?

 

Was Mario Bros. you could get unlimited lives?  Did you have to do a cheat code or was it something you just did for like, the first or second…?  Oh, I think it was the first or second…yeah, you just did a certain thing and hit a certain thing; they got unlimited…you got marshmallow…what are those things called?  Not marshmallows; mushrooms.  Has anyone ever sung instead of I feel like a woman, I feel like a Koopa Trooper?  I guess…I feel like a woman…I feel like a Koopa Trooper.  I’m not supposed to really sing at all, though.  That was more of a sing-songing.  Okay, so Vicky says you do the cheat code, and Michael says hey, could you leave me alone, here?  [00:20:00] I’m in the middle of something.  Could you go work with Chidi?  Vicky says sure.  Mint ice cream.

 

Sweater…oh, her ice cream…her sweater’s the color of…not of mint ice cream but of archetypal mint ice cream.  Then we go back to the office.  First test…Michael gets…at some point he has Janet’s manual and he has to do…run a diagnostic test.  He does something in her…he looks in one of her ears and a prism comes out the other side.  He takes her temperature; there’s a great joke there.  Still no BP.  Power for record…oh, pause.  So, yeah, we got a pause coming up here, so let’s run the tape here.  We start in Janet’s eyes.  We pull out; she has a…I’d say a one-eighth smile, smirk-esque.  Michael sneaks in cartoon-style, touches the back of the wall, goes around Janet.  She says hello.  He jumps, tells her to be quiet.  I guess ‘cause he’s sneaking around the Good Place.  That’s not a good idea.

 

To activate your Janet, press the nose for three seconds.  Can you walk yet?  Then he spins her kinda like she’s on a Lazy Susan or whatever that thing is with the food.  Then he pushes her and…she has wheels, though we don’t see any wheels.  But I don’t know, is it a practical effect?  Janet Warehouse…doors open.  Another Janet slides into place.  Door closes.  Now we’re at the office.  How’d you get a Good Place Janet?  Neutral pocket dimension beneath the shapeless time void.  Next to Accounting, eh?  You just took a Janet?  You didn’t have to do anything?  Doors were unlocked.  No security ‘cause they’re trusting, the Good Place people.  Why they’d need them…so we could use a Bad Place Janet.  This is risky.  Michael calls the Bad Place Janet Bad Janet.  She says a few things that aren’t so nice.

 

He says, can you pretend you’re a Good Janet, please?  She says fine.  She actually tries.  You want some delicious ice cream?  Yeah, we got…I…there’s a wonderful parlor in the…Rocky Road is a great flavor.  Chocolate ribbon, marshmallows…I’ve never…here’s an honest thing; I’ve never given Rocky Road ice cream a fair chance.  Maybe this…maybe that’ll change this summer, when I’m recording this, or this fall.  What better time to start Rocky Road than the fall?  Not the summer, Scoots.  Or new…what about if I turn over a new leaf?  That’ll be my New Year’s resolution; eat some Rocky Road.  Then…okay, so we jump to…so, this is at…about two and a half minutes in.  They jump to the end of the last episode.  Okay, so you’re glitching because…and the neighborhood’s in trouble.

 

Mathematically, it could implode, could explode.  What are the odds?  Okay.  Michael says next question is what’s causing the problem?  Unclear.  But it’s escalating and I wanted your help.  You look irritated…and here we are.  Michael says okay, this is not good.  This is when he goes…doesn’t go to his windows yet.  Now he goes up to Janet.  Let’s do a full diagnostic.  She sticks her finger in her nose; it gets stuck.  But then we realize that she’s getting out her manual which comes out her nose; not a practical effect, I would hope.  Michael says okay, let’s get started.  Then the episode starts.  The Good Place, Chapter 20.  Then we see a blue sky.  Oh, this is it, the…I don’t know what the time is.  18:58 left in the episode on Netflix.  We go from blue sky and clouds down along an ivy wall to Michael’s office.

 

He’s reading her manual by sunlight, and what a great…wow, a shot I’ve been waiting to see my whole life.  We see even stuff on Michael’s wall that I haven’t even looked at, some sort of quote, some more pictures.  So, at least shots that I remember…a plant that starts with the word S, like a web-based being.  They talk about the glitching.  Vicky’s like, what’s up with that?  Janet says, see?  She goes come on, just reset it.  We don’t got time for this, Michael.  Quit messing around.  He says yeah, let’s go out to the waiting room.  Got this under control.  Vicky says, what happened at the party with the earring and the car?  I’m gonna have to tell on you.  You know that you’re incompetent.  You’re begging me to tell on you.  Vicky; temporary.  Don’t worry about it.  Go deal with Chidi.  Get him…bug him.

 

Oh, she goes, I love that.  Got a great idea.  Later, it’s paid off.  Acupuncture-type or acupuncture-related, but not exactly.  Very funny.  Michael sends her out.  Okay, hopefully you got a few minutes here.  Okay, glitches.  He’s looking through the back of the thing.  Run the following tests.  Corporal function…that’s where we see the ear prism which is cool.  It’s got ROYG…I mean, it’s more than a prism we’ve ever seen.  Then they take her temperature…old-school thermometer.  Obviously it’s on some sort of Kelvin-type scale.  Still not a girl?  Basically.  Summoning and retrieval…okay, it has Janet produce an object using the random object generator.  So, he brings it up.  Oh wait, we already got a…I’m gonna do some professional-level pausing.

 

Well, it’s only professional ‘cause making podcasts is my job, but…okay, a little bit different than pausing…okay, here we go; two…so, there’s a random object generator.  It has three wheels with random stuff.  Twelve something…twelve liters of tangerine juice, two trillion interlocking pentagonal coins, 180…800…1/800th scale pewter statue of the former NBA legend Pat…can’t…Pat Layver, maybe?  Glued to…pasted on…stacked on top of a nine-piece patio set from a furniture store.  Silly monkey, a 16/51th scale…something about backstory.  Let’s see if I can see any more here.  410mm tons of corrugated cardboard, one otter whisker…I love looking at this stuff.  Trying to…okay, women’s Bolton Wanderers sweatpants.

 

Ostrich steak, oil painting, a 26×30 of a chart detailing the average monthly rainfall…okay, and then it stops on the second wheel.  Blended into a smoothie, resting precariously on the apex of something…and on a stick.  Giant novelty pencil; it says Lordy, Lordy, I’m Over Forty.  Autobiography pages 224-229 have David Lee Roth’s biography Crazy from the Heat.  I tried to…I thought at one point I would do a Twitter where I’d just…tweeted out pages from that book.  This was before the podcast.  An Easter Island head dressed like Glen…Gleek from the All-New Super Friends Hour.  So, she has to…she was…needs a stake on a pencil.  Lordy, Lordy, I’m Over Forty.  She does it; no problem.  Perfect, Michael says.  Third taste…the third test…informational accuracy.  Glitches may be a sign…Michael pauses.

 

You didn’t finish your sentence.  That Janet is processing or disseminating information that is incompatible with objective truth.  Janet actually raises an eyebrow, barely.  They’re talking about lying, Janet.  Michael sits down.  His back’s to her.  This is my fault.  I told you a lie the first day we met.  We go back to his desk.  Oh boy, it’s in the bank.  It’s a big desk.  There’s three people watching.  As Michael talks here, he just puts down his coffee or whatever they drink there…his big architect’s desk.  Janet’s standing there.  He says okay, here goes nothing. Activates her by pressing her nose for three seconds.  She puts on her usual garb of her purple dress and blueish diamond blouse.  Hey, I’m Michael.  I’m the Good Place architect.  That’s lie one.  I’m one of the best; top-notch.  You’re in luck.

 

Happy to meet you, Michael.  I’ll make you the perfect neighborhood.  You want to get started?  One small note, Janet.  [00:30:00] The neighborhood I want to build is gonna be different than the ones you’re trained to do.  She calls him a Silly Billy as they talk about neighborhood-type stuff and facts.  Everything is up to you.  If you want me to stop calling you a Silly Billy, just say so.  Okay, yeah, no, Michael’s fine.  Sounds good.  They shake hands.  They go back…I lied to you.  I lied about what we were doing.  He stands up, faces her.  I lied a billion more times to support the first lie, and now you’re discombobulated.  Really, I forgot how heart-touching this episode is.  If the glitching were only the result of you lying to me, wouldn’t I have been glitching the whole time?  Why would it start now, Janet says?

 

Michael says wait a second, good point.  Then Tahani and Jason come in.  Hey, we’ve been trying to call Janet.  She’s offline.  Well, she’ll be back soon.  Jason’s like yeah, I’m excited.  Tahani’s…we want to have some jalapeno poppers.  She’s never had them, but Jason wants them.  Lovey-dovey-type stuff.  I can finally admit we’re a couple.  Oh boy, that’s so sweet.  Michael’s like wait a second, what?  He can’t believe it.  Janet, can you help us?  She goes, as soon as I’m back online, I’ll get you that happy gift for you, Tahani.  Then everything melt…everything falls away and they end up in a…kind of a black void, or…yeah, there’s nothing.  They’re just floating in space.  Jason can’t believe it.  He thinks somebody did something.  What’s up with that?  We cut to commercial.  They’re back in the void.  Michael, what do we do?

 

They’re back again to his office; everything’s back to normal.  Oh, nothing to worry about.  Perfectly normal.  Now get outta here.  Is Janet gonna be okay?  Yeah, totally fine.  We’ll show up with jalapeno poppers soon, some cheese fries, cool…donkey sought…sauce and a cool hat.  Then Michael looks up a structural anomaly.  Just limited to this building; that’s the good news.  Bad news; Janet’s…oh, that’s…Janet says losing permanence or something could end existence.  Michael says okay, let’s talk about this.  Jason and Tahani come in.  They’ve revealed that they’re in a relationship.  Janet says, I knew it.  I’m so happy for them.  But then she has a penny-spewing…which I think is a combination of practical effects and computer effects, and it’s really funny.  She spews a lot of pennies.  Michael says, tell me a lie.

 

Janets can’t lie.  He goes yeah, you lied to Vicky.  She goes, oh yeah.  I guess after 802 reboots, I’ve gained the ability to lie.  Okay, let me try lying again.  Love your outfit, Michael.  Then a sub…a ten-foot sub shows up on Michael’s desk.  He brushes off the manual, looks through it.  Incompatible with objective truth.  Problem isn’t me lying to you; it’s you lying to other people.  Like, when you said to Jason I’m happy to help you and Tahani, that was a lie.  No it wasn’t, Michael.  Always happy to help people.  He says okay, so they go back and forth.  Also, there’s another tea set that maybe I’ve identified and maybe I haven’t before below the head of the guy that founded the Good Place or whatever.  Stuff…it’s like a turquoise tea set.

 

He says okay, you bond…you were married with Jason and you bonded with him, so I think you’re in love with him deep down.  Janet’s like no, that’s impossible.  Michael goes okay, let’s back up.  Let’s go through the glitches.  She goes, first one was when I was gonna give them couples therapy.  Second glitch; when I said I was happy to see them hugging, and the third glitch when I was happy to help them improve their relationship.  Oh, dear.  She says yeah, I am happy for them, alright?  I am, I am, I am.  I am not.  I am not.  I am not happy for them.  Oh, goodness, she gasps.  She goes, how is that possible?  I don’t even remember being married to Jason.  He goes well, if Janets get more sophisticated, maybe falling in love with Jason is something else that’s amplified with every reboot.  She’s like okay, well, then you gotta reboot me.

 

Shut me down.  Michael clear…he says…she goes come on, shut me down.  He’s like, I’m not gonna reboot you.  She goes no, total reset.  Total shutdown.  Like a minor meltdown mode, but major…there’s a major mode in that minor meltdown.  In event of continued malfunction, hold down Janet’s nose and insert paperclip right here.  Then she’ll be marbleized.  Oh yeah, we do…we’ve seen this on Season 4.  Then you could send her in through space or have a midday snack.  I’m high in potassium like a banana.  Then hopefully you get back to normal with another Janet.  But Michael’s eyes are wide.  She goes not me, though.  I’ll be a marble in space but you’ll be back to normal.  Two thumbs up.  We slow zoom on Michael, cut to commercial.  Let’s go through my notes real quick.  Let’s see, so, we got Michael.

 

Silver bow-tie, flashback, coffee…Michael, Janet, workers watching along.  One long nose-press.  Fully activated.  Good Place…one of the best.  Top-notch.  A regular necktie.  No, Michael’s wearing a regular necktie when he’s working in the Bad Place.  No, Silly Billy.  Black pocket square, checked suit or checked sport coat, maybe.  Tahani and Jason; hi, guys.  I’m broken.  Jalapeno poppers…Janet’s face.  We’re together.  Who’s whom, whom, whom?  World parrots…flies away.  Back to black void, back to office.  Send them out.  Glitch limited to this area.  Let’s walk there.   Crazy fact; penny spew.  Giant sub.  You’re lying to other people.  That was teapot.  Say what?  Now in love.  You bonded to…no, impossible.  When was the first glitch, second glitch?  Three.  Oh, nuts.  I am not.  No memory.  You falling in love.

 

Can’t reboot.  Shut it down.  Paperclip…small hole…midday snack like banana.  Now, Janet…everything back to normal.  Michael face.  Once you see, adios Janito.  Chidi, a little busy.  Accounting.  Feat to don’t know what to tell you.  Marbleize me.  Janet…Janet…town square.  Custard’s Last stand.  Panna cotta de vita…a view from…a few pud men.  I thought I saw a pudding vat.  Last pudding out?  Last pudding int?  Oh, I couldn’t figure that one out.  Last pudding int?  International pudding?  All was pudding, pudding work.  Puddington Bear…Boys N the Pud.  Maybe it was Puddington Bear.  All-way pudding work, work.  Michael past stress way…out on a limb.  All alone…you have me.  Can’t unheralded.  Can’t understand.  Try me.  Frozen yogurt’s just okay.  Perfect.  Bring in the residents.

 

Office; Janet, nose, paperclip.  Can’t do it.  Bad for the plan.  That’s the reason.  Escape…not Janet…what if Vicky…why…reasons…they exist.  No, we’re friends.  Darn it all, you’re my friend.  Something bolist trusted friend.  Important…glasses off.  Throws paperclip…4:43 left.  Wipes his eyes.  Janet’s face on that scene, 4:43 with…left in the episode…sits down…well, good.  Sink…closes eyes with glee.  Smirk.  Janet smirks, closes eyes with glee.  Come on, claps…another way.  Emotion…productive human.  Can’t…oh, our most emotionally problematic human.  Cut to Eleanor’s face; mind blown.  Too much information, though Jason’s a straight hottie.  [00:40:00] Not a person.  You kind of are; it sucks.  Get drunk, go dancing, listen to No Doubt.  Oh, kind of like being around magnets?

 

Then on the rebound…bad idea.  You’re awesome.  Just a blip.  Go get it, girl.  I’ll go get everything.  So glad…world finds…go to my void for a while.  Janet out.  Comes back…back.  Dandelion one suit…no, Derek in his one suit.  Lots of action with Derek, lots of great physical comedy.  Michael’s face; he’s stunned.  I think the episode closes.  Let’s run through the tape here.  Michael’s looking through the thing, we get a nice view of Michael’s office.  Doing my…Janet’s saying I…adios Janito.  I gotta take care of the neighborhood, not just my feelings for Jason.  Chidi comes in.  He’s been getting acupuncture from Vicky.  He’s like come on, you gotta do something for me.  They’re kind of…ignore him.  He’s got a amazing shirt on worth checking out, definitely.  Marbleize me, Michael.  It’s the only choice.  I’m not gonna feel anything.

 

She starts chanting; it’s funny.  But it’s not…he goes yeah, I don’t want to do this, Janet, but I suppose this is logical.  She goes, get a paperclip.  Michael goes over, looks at it.  He looks at his spoon.  Oh, and I guess the spoon was…’cause…okay, so he said the pudding shop.  He goes, I don’t know about this, all this…he goes, it’s all wrong.  Pudding restaurants?  That doesn’t even make any sense.  It’s not gonna work.  She says relax, Michael.  I can’t.  My design has to be perfect to get these humans to accomplish what I need to accomplish.  He’s got a really nice tie.  I can’t even describe it because it’s beyond my…he’s on a limb.  She goes, I can help you.  Just tell me what you need.  He goes yeah, but I’m afraid to tell you ‘cause I don’t want to reveal my plan.  You might not understand it.  That’s when she says try me.

 

First he writes her off but he goes okay, Janet, what’s a food people think they enjoy but it’s kind of a bummer?  Frozen yogurt.  He goes holy cow, you’re a genius, and claps her sides.  He goes, let’s do this.  No more pudding; all frozen yogurt.  So, we get to the Okie Dokey and we get to the Yogurt, Yogurt, Yogurt Acres.  You want to try it?  Okay, so he keeps the spoon.  I mean, it is a pivotal moment in the neighborhood and their relationship, clearly.  It’s not bad or whatever.  Oh boy, I’m happy you’re happy, Michael.  He’s smiling.  We cut back.  He says oh, sorry, and he goes to do it.  He’s in this checked suit or sport coat with a grey thing that Janet says…that does not work.  That’s why I said…the sub showed up, ‘cause I said it looked good on you.  But he said I can’t do it.  He’s goes, I got…I need it for the plan.

 

She says that doesn’t make any sense.  If it’s about the plan, you gotta self…you gotta marbleize me.  So, he keeps making excuses for humans.  I said we were gonna escape, so we need you to get outta here.  We’ll never make it without you.  She goes yeah, no, the new Janet will be able to help you with that.  He goes oh, well, okay.  It’s Vicky, then.  Yeah, can’t let Vicky find out.  She goes, why are you making it a big deal?  This shouldn’t…you’re from the Bad Place.  She doesn’t say that, but you know.  He goes, there’s reasons.  I don’t want to have to explain it to you.  Then he finally says it; the reason is friends.  There’s a kinda slight, slow zoom on Michael.  Shakes his head a couple times.  He goes, you’re my friends.  So beautiful.  I mean, this is Season 4 coming early a little bit.  So, he goes yeah, I just can’t do it.

 

I had to do all those reboots, and our relationship got deeper.  You’re my oldest, truest, and most loyal friend.  Her face, oh boy.  Such good acting by both of them.  This just carries the scene.  He takes his glasses off.  She looks to the side.  Her mouth is just…and this…but then she’s full of joy, too.  Then she sits down.  Well, well, well.  Michael goes, come on.  She’s so full of glee and joy.  That was very nice of you.  Glad you said it. She squeezes her shoulders with glee.  He goes, I meant it.  A couple old pals, Janet says, trying to figure out this world I built.  Peas in a pod, one of which you gotta marbleize me still, ‘cause we don’t have a solution.  Come on, Michael.  He shakes his head.  Calmly, now.  Slaps his thighs.  Wait a second, there’s gotta be something else.

 

You’re an emotional…you’re facing an emotional human problem.  Let’s talk to our most problematic human.  We zoom out from Eleanor’s reaction.  Holy cow, Eleanor basically says.  You’re in love with Jason.  That’s what’s causing the earthquakes.  You were married once.  He’s with Tahani now.  This is so much info; I cannot believe it.  Straight hottie as far as Jason goes.  He’s…a high-five.  They high-five it.  But she goes, this is a typical human problem; a breakup and then your ex starts dating someone.  So, she goes, it sucks.  It’s not worth all this drama.  So, you need to get drunk and go dancing.  Go forget about Jason.  Can you get drunk?  Yeah, if I stand by magnets, it messes me up a little bit.  Pretty loopy.  Dye your hair, listen to No Doubt.  You’ll be fine.  Then find somebody else, another dude.  Rebound.

 

She goes, your options are limited.  Michael?  No, that’s a bad idea.  She goes yeah, you don’t need to worry.  You’re awesome.  You have all the knowledge in the universe.  You’re ripping.  You can do anything.  This is just a blip.  Cut back to Michael and Janet.  She says yeah, that was helpful.  Yeah, she told me to go get it, girl.  Now I’m gonna go get it.  Get what?  Don’t know.  I’ll get everything and I’ll be watching what I say around Jason and Tahani…not…just so she doesn’t lie.  I’m glad we’re friends, Michael.  Me, too.  Since we’re friends, I can tell you that jacket does not look good on you.  He goes oh, boy.  Thanks.  She goes, I’m gonna go hang out in my void for a little while and spend some time solo.  Anytime you need.  She pops out.  She pops back with…Derek’s back to us.  He raises his hand.

 

Rebound boyfriend Derek.  Hi, I’m Derek.  We realize Derek’s a little goofy.  Oh, okay.  You must be Michael.  I’ve heard a lot of talky-talk in my ear holes.  Michael, Michael, Clichael, Clichael.  Goes Janet, you can’t make a boyfriend.  She goes, I did.  He runs around just acting silly.  Derek…she made me.  He’s so nice.  He can’t…he doesn’t even understand mirrors.  It’s really great stuff.  She goes yeah, this is my first time making somebody, so it might be a little bit off.  Yeah, it might not be…so, maybe it wasn’t possible 800 reboots ago, but now it is.  Derek’s blown away by…Janet has a user manual.  He goes, can you leave Janet?  She goes babe, go back to the void.  I’ll be there in a minute.  Miss you like crazy.  Miss you more.  Miss you more.  Bye.  She goes, what a dork, am I right?  But she’s totally smitten, and the episode ends.  We’ll hop right into the next episode.  Scoots will be here in a second with that one.  Thanks, everybody.

 

Alright everybody, we’re starting off covering…or I mean, we’re…I’m starting off talking about…Scoots just talked to you about Episode 6, Season 2.  Now I’m gonna talk to you about Season 2, Episode 7.  How about that?  Past and future Scoots working together so you could get the sleep you need.  Almost as good a team as the Soul Squad, but as we’ll see with this episode, the Soul Squad is not four; it’s six or seven or…is it one, two, three, four, five, six…if you count Mindy, it’s seven, I guess.  If you count whoever I’m forgetting, maybe more.  But this one starts off with the last time on The Good Place, so I don’t know if this was one of those longer season breaks where they split the season up because it’s Season 2.  I covered Season 3, then Season 1, then Season 4.

 

That’s just how we do it over here on Sleep With Me, but it picks up where we last left off after the last time on The Good Place.  Derek says Jason…I tried to catch it, but I’m not sure if I said five, ten, fifteen, twenty-two, but I could be wrong.  I’ll try to see in [00:50:00] the closed-captioning what we could see.  He also holds up a sign like Wiley Coyote.  Hasher, Dasher sky in my void…or stay in my void…our void.  Finish each other’s…Dereks.  In Chapter 21, Tahani and Janet…Tahani is sad.  She watches Home Alone.  Does not…great news.  Reheat to dewy.  I have no idea…reheat to dewy.  Great news.  Reheat to dewy.  Home Alone…does not get it…reheat to dewy.  Private campsite…jags…duffel bag, Michael makes a…I don’t know what that is, a squeal, a very…one of those…oh, a cute squeal?

 

I don’t know what I wrote.  Eleanor watches the Chidi and her video.  Not Cannonball Run 2, Chidi.  Oh, no, no, no.  Chidi shows up.  She is…oh, she’s watching on one of those…what are those…cathoray tube.  Not only is it a cathoray tube or cathode-ray tube…who you calling cathoray?  I’m Ray Cathode, man.  Ray Cathode.  I don’t know if Ray Cathode could do anything but be…I’m a private eye; Ray Cathode.  I’m on the case.  In this case, the case of a combo TV-VCR, or a bundle.  It’s wand energy.  His wand…something important energy…Michael rolls up.  Oh, weird energy, Chidi says.  I’m feeling a weird energy between us.  There’s a lot of comedy around a ethics lesson.  Michael says we got a problem here, bud.  Janet; hey there.  I made him.  Thank you.  Good Bob.  Good Place again.  Same place, Derek says.  Good-bye.

 

He says good Bob.  Hopefully we’ll same place each other again.  Then we hop over to Holy glamping glass.  Ranks?  Oh, glass drinks.  They have drinks in glasses.  I think they’re champagne…not flutes, but the champagne glasses…twelve…two cabanas, a croquet, five mallets in storage, plus one that Jason’s holding.  Whimsy and restraint is how…why it’s the perfect sport, according to Tahani.  Kinda fun.  Rung, camplin, tower…oh, champagne tower.  They do some really cool hitting with the mallets, then they hit…they’re…Jason does a thing where it’s like, okay, you just gotta hit the ball.  What if we just hit the ball as hard as we can?  Says, okay.  Then they hit the champagne tower and they say, Thor.  Derek is a problem.  I think we hop back to Michael’s discussion.  Break up with…we gotta break up Jason and Tahani.

 

Michael and Chidi; I didn’t…I only noticed their outfits are the same as last week’s, ‘cause this is the episode continue…is a continuation of last week’s episode.  So, it makes sense.  I also notice it ‘cause they were saying Michael, that jacket does not work for you, Janet said.  But Chidi’s shirt does work for him.  I wouldn’t say I have shirt envy.  I’d say I just really think that shirt looks good on Chidi.  Root permiss…newt permissible noise, egghead…not permissible.  Real Bad Place impacts…how does the real Bad Place impact ethics?  We kinda talk about a little bit here, but in the end, this season is really strong, or so far…the theme that we see in the fourth season, and it’s a good season to watch in post-2021 ‘cause it’s all about the power of friendship and community as an extension of friendship, I think.

 

But really, non…not always romantic…intimate friendship in a non-romantic way, I’d say.  Moral strength in times of stress.  That’s also important.  Chidi…save…shout-out…shout to number five.  Will you marry me?  I think Jason’s wearing number five.  Will you marry me?  Back to the brainstorm.  Derek and Janet are no longer getting along.  No, no, no; not…forked…we’re forked here.  Jason and Tahani in another lovely garden, a walk-and-talk.  Not on Earth.  Okay.  At the beach; Janet…she is monotone, trying not to cry.  Derek introducing himself to a tree.  Purple…oh, purple folder with gold tassels; that’s the invitation to Jason and Tahani’s wedding.  Derek out; Janet out.  Stop that wedding.  Fine, but doctrine of double-effect; Jason used to be married to Janet.  Wink.  Something’s off.

 

Beach…Jason…top hat, gold chain, black coat, brap-brap-brap, pew-pew.  Swamp dweller.  Jason…oh, Janet takes a deep breath.  Won’t stop.  Michael comes…do…Michael something.  Michael out…do it.  Eleanor…oh, Michael can’t do it.  That’s right.  Michael says I can’t do it.  Eleanor says okay, bad news bear.  I got bad news; that makes you a bad news bear?  Derek intro…Janet something move.  Oh, Janet something, then Tahani needs a tizzy couch.  We go to an ad.  Then we have a reboot face-off.  Who’s getting rebooted, Derek or Janet?  Reboot all of us, Eleanor says.  Cover it up.  No.  I’m not starting over.  Don’t forget about the doctrine of double-effect.

 

Which, if I was more intelligent — and this isn’t self-deprecating; it’s just the truth — I’d understand how the tail end of this…’cause obviously the doctrine of double effect is happening somewhere in this episode, or by the end of it, or it happens after this episode.  But I’m not on Chidi’s level there, so…I’d say hey, Chidi, could you help me with the difference between double effect and unintended consequences?  I’m sure he’d be able to teach us.  I probably covered that.  Wind chimes is what Derek has downstairs.  Derek’s rebooter is much rougher around the edges.  Looks like a refurb or something compared to Janet’s.  Janet and Eleanor talk alone.  School crush, bad advice, real heartbreak, not skin…sit with feelings, mull it over.  Talk about it if you need a friend.  Know I’m here.

 

Janet and Derek touch…they have a touching goodbye in more ways than one, I guess.  Ready to do this.  They make-out.  She has to reabsorb her energy.  Look away.  Then Derek is…gets into a steamer trunk to rest in his sleep mode.  Derek; bye.  Chidi sigh.  Tahani and Jason in bed.  Jason talks about his first kiss which is hilarious.  Jason apologizes.  Jason has all the lines.  He does, ‘cause he’s…he just has this great line at the end to win Tahani over, or that Tahani finds irresistible, I would say, or very amusing.  Chidi and Eleanor keep…I’m keeping a secret, dude.  Just tell me or just tell us.  Video…I love you…the ‘I love you’ video, then Chidi and Eleanor have a very awkward convo.

 

Michael shows up in the middle of it, and he…like, it’s the kind of point where…show, not tell…even with how Eleanor behaves…show not tell, because she’s actually in…she has some emotional needs right now, and she puts those aside to be there for Michael, ‘cause Michael says can I talk to you for a second?  Being ethical is hard.  He says how did…would…how do you do it?  She says, you should talk to Chidi.  He goes well, no, I’ll talk to you ‘cause [01:00:00] you’d always give up, but you don’t give up here.  Eleanor says I’m trying to do the right thing.  I mean, think about how simple these…this dialogue is and how powerful.  I’m trying to do the right thing.  Thank you for helping me today.  Eleanor’s very impressed, happy…just another great moment.

 

Then Michael takes his tie off; he goes into his office and Shawn is waiting in his office.  We would say dun-dun-dunt, but instead we’ll roll the tape here.  Okay, so we’re doing…gonna miss you like crazy.  Miss you more.  Bye, bye.  Yeah, he could be a little bit off.  This is Janet and Michael talking; you can’t invent people.  Eleanor told me to have a rebound.  Couldn’t find one, so I made one.  Michael’s just blinking.  Derek’s back.  Oh wait, let’s see.  Let’s see how many times they say it in here.  Okay.  Janet says Jason.  Derek groans.  Derek says Jason one, two, four, five, but it could be ten, then four more, so either fourteen or nine, then four more.  So, that’s eighteen or…plus three, minus five…eighteen plus three is twenty-one.  I might have to minus five out of there.  So, what do we have?

 

Eight…twenty-one or…I just want to see what number I had.  Oh, I had twenty-two.  So, we’re right around the same place.  Cool.  Okay, I love you now…no, no…Janet; no one can know about you and…what’s your name?  Derek.  Derek Hofstetler.  If anybody finds out about him, we’re doomed.  Keep him in your void.  Our void now.  They hold arms together.  He’s…loves his jumpsuit.  We know everything.  Then we jump to the green screen; The Good Place, and Chapter 21.  Then we have this thing where they’re watching Home Alone, but Tahani clearly doesn’t get it.  I think they’re eating dinner mints or popcorn.  I can’t tell.  I don’t know.  Then they’re trying to hide them.  Michael’s trying to get them out of the way for a little while.  Oh, my skin went from radiant to merely dewy.

 

That’s what I was trying to figure out in my handwriting.  He’s got a bag packed for each of them.  I covered with Vicky.  Just don’t call Janet; she’s still offline.  Don’t worry about it.  Then we have Eleanor.  Chidi’s situation…Eleanor’s watching it.  She definitely had a forlorn look on her face.  Holy moly.  My favorite movie; Cannonball Run 2.  Yeah, I guess I’m selfish.  Give me another ethics lesson.  That’s when…okay, then Michael shows up.  Holy cow, do we have a situation.  This is a ethical philosophy dilemma, big time, because Derek is a serious problem if Vick…guaranteed bad news if the Bad Place finds out about Derek.  What the fork is that?  Derek Hofstetler, PI.  Then Eleanor’s kind of impressed, but she’s like, you’d…kinda did.

 

Then she says, do you need a…like, Derek’s…do you want to date Derek’s brother?  Stone-cold Steve Austin and Tahani; they say okay, Janet.  We need to get…we need to hit the road.  Back to the void, both of you.  Chidi’s face is great.  Then we’re glamping, talking rules of croquet.  Jason has his jumpsuit, his velour one that I love.  Maybe I could teach you a different game.  It’s called Hit It As Hard As You Can In Ever…In Any Direction.  He cranks it, then Tahani cranks it, the croquet ball, then they’re making champagne towers, hitting balls.  They’re having fun, is the main…most important thing.  The rest of the Soul Squad is not.  They’re going through the ethics of dealing with Derek and how do we do it, and what are…how are we gonna get through this?  Well, together.

 

I mean, no one says that, but…well, if we can’t get rid of Derek, we have to break up Jason and Tahani.  He says, you’re a messy bench.  She says ethically dicey.  Here comes the egghead.  Jason and Tahani are happy together.  It’s not permissible for us to ruin their happiness for our benefit.  Can’t keep a secret, huh?  Well, that’s a ethical…okay.  Then this is a real ethical dilemma.  He says well, what if we go to the Bad Place, if Derek sends us to the Bad Place, all of us?  Chidi says well, we can’t go to the Bad Place if we behave badly, especially in times of stress.  This is kind of a bummer.  Then they’re throwing…they’re…oh, she makes…she calls Jason King Jason.  She has one of those things that Greeks put on their head, or characters in a Midsummer’s Night.  I forget what they’re called, though.  You know, like ivy.

 

Or Olympians, I think.  Talks about Lynyrd Skynyrd High, tugboats in a junkyard, his first kiss at Chuck E. Cheese’s.  Chuck E. Cheese’s, where a kid could be a kid.  Tahani’s kinda blown away, but she was never allowed to goof off, so never had a friend I could be myself around.  I could be that friend.  Then Jason says oh, your husband.  Then he says, will you marry me?  They do a slow zoom, then we jump back to Eleanor, Chidi, and Michael.  Gotta keep Derek under wraps, keep Janet happy.  Then we realize that Janet and Derek are having relationship trouble.  Don’t embarrass me in front of my friends.  They are your friends.  I don’t know these people.  I’m outta here.  Great, Derek.  I’m gonna go back to our void.  Wrong; my void.  Oh, wow.  I’ll go someplace else.  Oh, now he’s gone.  They both are.

 

We cut to an ad, then we go to this garden scene.  There’s lily pads, there’s fronds, everything.  Why should we get married?  Well, why on Earth?  Well, we’re not on Earth.  We like each other.  I’ll be nice to you, I promise.  Tahani says, okay.  Oh, I gotta plan a proper reception.  Where are we gonna sit everybody?  Jason says let’s just get married at the beach.  It’s where the best stuff happens.  So many jokes in there.  I hope Janet’s back online.  She is, kind of.  Everything okay?  Yeah.  Oh, totally.  Fine, fine.  It’s totally fine.  How can I help you?  Then Chidi, Michael, and Eleanor find Derek in a tree, talking to a tree.  This tree is my new house.  Derek’s house; no Janet.  Janet shows up with invitations to the wedding.  Jason Mendoza, Tahani Al-Jamil.  They’re gonna have a party after the wedding.

 

Jason wrote the invitation.  Derek and Janet are still having disagreements.  They both vanish again.  Things are falling apart.  I understand the ethics, but we gotta stop this wedding.  Chidi’s stressed by…you can see his face.  Fine, but this is the doctrine of double effect; to remain ethical, we can’t go in with the intention of doing harm.  So, ethically, we should tell everything, Jan…that Janet and Jason were married, wink, even if it has a bad effect.  Yeah, no, wink; we’ll figure it out.  Doctrine of double effect…double let’s get outta here.  Jason is talking about doing his…what do you call that?  Vows to Tahani.  Mostly it’s very touching, but it’s the good times…a little bit weird.  Then he goes…does his thing.  Tahani’s like, I never guessed this, but I have award-winning legs.  You’re a swamp-dweller.

 

The wonders of Mount Brushmore has butts.  Doesn’t make any sense.  Janet sighs, metaphorically speaking.  She makes a few more jokes, then she’s still talking when they try to stop the wedding.  Michael’s in the lead.  Eleanor’s happy that it’s a dramatic wedding breakup.  Michael can’t do it.  I can’t follow the rules and be ethical.  Bad news bear, Eleanor says.  Before all the reboots, Janet was married to Jason.  She misses Jason.  She’s sad.  In fact, so sad she created Derek.  Hello.  Well, well, well, [01:10:00] Jason Mendoza.  This is Janet’s rebound boyfriend.  Tahani needs a tizzy couch.  Cut to the commercial, then we’re having a reboot-off.  It was a little…why don’t you reboot all of us?  This is a fluke.  Chidi and I can forget any other stressful things; personal bloopers, anything else I’m not telling Chidi.

 

Where do we go?  We’re not starting over, Michael says.  Our only options are to reboot one of them.  Nearly…double effect, we can’t do that to either one.  Derek says why are you into Jason?  Well, he’s got a soul, and it’s not about you, Derek.  It’s very confusing.  It’s love; it doesn’t make any sense.  I know everything and it still doesn’t make any sense.  That’s when Eleanor talks to her alone and says yeah, I thought you just had a crush on Jason.  I didn’t realize it was real love, that you were really in love with him.  So, I gave you bad advice.  Real love means real heartache you have to slowly get over.  She goes, I don’t experience the passing of time, but you’ll get through it, and if you need to…you should talk to somebody if you need to.  You could talk to me.

 

Even though talking about feelings is the worst; that’s what Eleanor says.  It’s cool.  I’m here.  She nods.  She takes a breath through her nose, smiles, and then she says goodbye to Derek.  Time for you to go away.  I understand because you understand.  This has been the best seven hours of my life.  So, you ready?  Ready.  Then they have to make-out to reabsorb all of her energy and thoughts and emotions.  Some pretty hot reabsorbing.  Everybody here has wind chimes ‘cause that’s what Derek has below, then Derek goes and rests into sleep mode.  Mommy girlfriend…and he goes, he’s in power-saver mode.  Goodbye, Derek.  Are you worried you’re gonna glitch?  I don’t understand.  Now I have friends I can talk to about it.  So, I’m gonna send him into a corner of my void.  Bye.  Then we have Jason and Eleanor.

 

Glad we didn’t get married.  Maybe we were rushing.  Who was the first person you kissed?  A sexy mouse robot from Chuck E. Cheese?  Never mind.  Maybe we don’t need to know each other any better.  I don’t even remember being married to Janet.  Sorry about that, Jason says.  I still like you.  Me too.  Let’s try to reabsorb some feelings.  He’s…yeah.  Okay, then Eleanor’s pacing, touching the back of her neck.  She says, I’ve been keeping a secret, and it’s not even anything…she shows him the video, basically.  She says jeez, do you feel that way like you do in the video?  Chidi says no, even though she was waiting, because I think she is feeling that way.  Chidi can’t believe it ‘cause he says I’m never decisive about anything.  She goes, I get it, but I don’t get that I’m into you, though, in the video.

 

But we don’t really gotta talk about it.  I just wanted to show you.  But if you do have those feelings, you could tell me.  You know what I’m saying?  He goes yeah, I do, but I don’t think I do.  She goes, don’t worry about it, man.  No, no, no.  Don’t worry about it at all.  We’re good.  He goes, I feel close to you.  She goes no, no, come on; don’t make it worse, please.  Let’s not talk about it.  Then that’s when Michael comes in.  He wants to talk to Eleanor.  That’s where he at first is like, how do you get through this?  How do you keep trying when you fail?  Or how did you learn that in the after place?  ‘Cause you used to always give up.  Like, that’s…when the going got tough, that’s what you used to do, a signature Shellstrop.  He goes, I faced…you were faced with the toughest challenges ever and you just kept on going.  Why?

 

She says, I don’t know.  Whenever I do something crappy on Earth…I used to have that voice in the back of my head, but after learning all this ethics, it’s helping me not listen to that voice as much and have other choices.  This is really the…why you learn ethics or mindfulness or empathy or compassion.  At least I’m trying to do the right thing instead of the crappy thing.  I don’t miss that voice.  That’s where he says thank you for helping me today.  She goes wow, you just came here to chat.  Your old pal Eleanor.  Very humany.  Stick with the program.  You’re learning a lot.  You’re starting to click.  Michael kinda smiles, and that’s when he runs into Shawn, and I guess we’ll find out soon what happened next.  You might already know.  Probably remember better than I do.  Goodnight.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(www.leahtranscribes.com)

Notable Language:

• Curtain Court
• Neutral Pocket Dimension
• Marble-ized

Notable Culture:

• No Doubt
• Chuck E. Cheese
• Jane Curtin

Notable Talking Points:

• Sun on Scooter’s face in a Morse code way
• Some Kelvin-type scale
• Some pretty hot reabsorbing