Bedtime stories to help grown ups fall asleep in the deep, dark night.

Tale of the Tape / Seasonal

 

Hobbit Architecture

http://www.dirtcheapbuilder.com/Articles/Hobbit_Architecture.htm

https://archerbuchanan.com/portfolio/hobbit-house/

https://www.core77.com/posts/24039/an-architecture-firm-takes-the-hobbit-house-seriously-24039

 

Christmas Vacation

https://www.rollingstone.com/feature/xmas-or-bust-the-untold-story-of-national-lampoons-christmas-vacation-173969/

https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/60330/27-things-you-might-not-know-about-christmas-vacation

https://www.looper.com/1047576/the-festive-story-behind-national-lampoons-christmas-vacation/

 

Pink Panther Opening Sequences

https://www.startribune.com/7-of-the-best-ever-opening-credits-in-movie-history/600038027/

https://www.watchthetitles.com/titlesequence/the-pink-panther/

https://cartoonresearch.com/index.php/the-art-of-the-pink-panther-movie-titles/

 

Extreme Christmas Lights

https://www.familyhandyman.com/list/the-most-outrageous-christmas-light-displays/

https://www.dailynews.com/2016/12/11/holiday-lights-still-merry-and-bright-on-candy-cane-lane-in-woodland-hills/

https://spectrumnews1.com/ca/la-west/human-interest/2020/12/26/torrance-man-shares-memories-of-starting-candy-cane-lane-over-30-years-ago

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

Hopefully you’re not pondering too hard

 

Deep Dark Night United

Melanie (Zocdoc)

 

PLUGS

Friends of Hand in Hand; Pete Davidson SNL Cold Open; The Midnight MIssion; Trevor Project; Patreon; SleepPhones; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline; Referral Program

 

SPONSORS

Wild Health; Hello Fresh; Polysleep; Odoo; Helix Sleep; Air Doctor Pro; Zocdoc; Progressive

 

INTRO

Colds, wind, any other seasonal stuff

Aural Safe Place

You can enter through the beaded curtains, velvet curtains, or our various doorway shapes

We have a Hobbit Anteroom

I wouldn’t mind living in a hobbit house, tbh

Jangle curtains for the holidays

My imaginary holiday TV show pitch

“Home Makeovers for the Holidays”

Candy Cane Curtains

Which entrance would my ego and I go through to enter the safe place?

Rabbits running down Christmas hills

What’s a Christmas hill, anyway?

I’m trying to remember National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

The tape that runs in my brain

I do, in fact, remember Beverly D’Angelo

I’ll probably call Randy Quaid Randy Newman

Bobby Quaid, are you listening?

Bobby Quaid, Houston Oilers QB

Now I’m picturing Beau Bridges

This is a real tangled web

WWBB (What Would Beau Bacon) say about this?

I can only assume that Dennis and Randy Quaid are brothers

I’ll take that with a side of Beau Bacon

Things overheard at a Bed and Breakfast

Last night I could really not sleep

On and on until the break of dawn

I’ve tried it all

 

STORY

Time to talk Christmas Vacation

I know I’ve liked a lot of National Lampoon movies

It has a great song but I won’t sing it lest it get stuck in your head

This movie has probably suffered from overexposure

Teen Boy Goofball Suburbanesque Target Demographic

The Middle Late Chevy Chase Period

Who knows how much I’ll remember, anyways?

I guess this movie is just a sequence of events

His name is Clark, not Wallace

The original Vacation is unbelievable

European Vacation doesn’t stay in my mind quite as much

An animated Pink Panther-esque opening

I think Santa has a really hard time entering the house in this sequence

Well done and very colorful

Verging into Kenny Loggins Territory

This may have been the beginning of Ford Tauruses

The Ford Taurus was the first aspirational sedan

We had 2 For Taurus

A powdered blue wood paneled one

And a soft green one

Then we went to a hot dog van that was colored like a hot dog

I don’t know if I’ve ever personally owned a Ford

Do they have an electric Ford Taurus nowadays?

The reveal of the children

Juliette Lewis appreciation

My dad loves Big Bang Theory and Young Sheldon

Johnny Galecki is the other child

Clark wants to chop a tree down in the wild

Clark is a nostalgic dreamer

Family Unity Through Symbols

They run into some tough bikers on the road

Clark is getting unnecessarily competitive

Beverly D’Angelo is always being the voice of reason

We meet their next door neighbors, 80s yuppies

Julia Louis-Dreyfus doesn’t like her suburban buffoon neighbors

An ongoing issue where Clark has sap on his hands

Clark works for a food additive company

I don’t think I’ve ever worked at a job that had Christmas bonuses

Clark already used his Christmas bonus for a down payment on a swimming pool

His friend is often in these National Lampoon movies

Clark shouldn’t have spent his bonus until he actually got it

His boss can’t remember his name

Clark spends all day putting up Christmas lights

Clark will have the greatest lights in the history of the world

The beats of each episode are structured well

His lights won’t light!

He tosses the plastic Santa

He’s very funny when he boils over

Turns out the garage light switch was just off

An unbelievably bright light

The yuppies are blinded and crash into their shrimp flambe

I’m not sure how Randy Quaid is related to this family

Usually Randy Quaid is smoking and disheveled

What in the heck is he doing here??

Now they live in an RV

They want Clark’s family to house their children so RQ and his wife can have some alone time

We meet 2 cousin children

One little boy that looks like Elvis

One girl who’s name is Trudy or Rudy or something. Ruby!

Very nice and very verbose

Both sets of in-laws have also arrived at the same time

Ruby is a very cute voice of wisdom

A true believe in Christmas

She adds a necessary element of sincerity

The entire family being there adds an extra element of emotional charge

Cousin Eddy, that’s his name!

Clark has a hard time with things out of his control

This was before I knew what Wal-Mart was

Clark is buying presents for Eddy’s kids and dog

A lot of dog food

Clark runs into his wife who was secretly buying him a gift

Then they go sledding

Sledding is a quick sequence but very funny

Clark sprays an aluminum circular sled with industrial lubricant

He goes so fast that he speeds and jumps through the air

But this bit doesn’t always hold up after a few viewings

The night before Christmas Eve is next up

Clark fantasizes about the swimming pool

Vitality, Success, and Family Unity

Clark is softened by Ruby’s softness

Then it’s Christmas Eve

Tension builds

The parents don’t want Clark to go overboard

The arrival of guests is next

More trouble with the neighbors

Randy Newman dumps the RV right into the sewer

Then even more family show up

Some cheaper geriatric jokes

Some classic food humor

The uncle is kind of a jerk and is smoking

They’re drinking egg nog out of moose glasses

The dog gets in the kitchen garbage

And grandma’s cat gets too into the tree and then heads to Big Farm

They discover there’s a squirrel in the tree

The squirrel emerges and creates total chaos at dinner time

JLD can’t handle her neighbors anymore

The family is bonding over chasing this squirrel

It seems like Christmas couldn’t get any worse

The courrier shows up with his Christmas bonus

The power of swimming pools to unite family bonding

But his bonus is a yearlong subscription to the Fruitcake of the Month Club

Clark is over the top mad

One last tradition where they read “The Night Before Christmas”

An actual moment of togetherness

Randy Quaid goes to gather Clark’s boss so Clark can yell at him

JLD calls the ethics team on Randy Quaid

The guy playing this jerky boss is so great

The whole family starts laying into Clark’s boss

Don’t mislead people about Christmas bonuses!

Then the Ethics Squad rolls up full force

But not until after the boss writes Clark an actual check

Even the boss’s wife and the Ethics Squad can’t believe the boss would cancel the Christmas Bonuses

Then I’m not sure how it all ends, to be honest with you

The gas from the RV/sewer shoots the lawn Santa up into the sky

Ruby sees Santa flying through the night

Maybe there’s a unity song that ends this movie

Movie facts

Written by John Hughes

Music is by Angelo Badalamenti

Holiday movies aren’t really on the streaming services

A lot of famous people are in this that I didn’t realize

John Hughes initially wrote this as a magazine article for National Lampoon

Shot in Colorado and Warner Brothers lot

Oh, Lindsey Buckingham wrote “Holiday Road” for the initial movie

This is the only movie to not feature this song

Whoa Back to the Future II came out the same weekend

Mixed Critical Reviews

Roger Ebert gave it 2 stars

 

PATREON THANKS

Laurie, Marsha, Patty, Meredith, Cindy, Genevieve, Privacy, Caitlin, Autumn, Charles, Rachelle, Gus, Damiana, Estina, Eric, Carolyn, Gwendolyn, Hana, Anonymous, Deanna, Barbara, Nicky, Deron, Nicholas, Jess, Timmy, Caleb, Kristen, Shenise, Pam, Chris, Mark, Debby, Ashley, Jennifer, Amanda, Mike, Karen, Rebecca, Matthew, Kat, Lea, Natalia, Rachel, Cartoons by Hilary, Megan, Sarah, Suzie, Carl, Renee, James, Rebecca, Lauren, Deborah, Kate, Sevi, Kirsten, Morgan, Loren, Sarah, Lisa, Renee, Rhonda, Michael, Lisa, Ellen, Kieran, Rachel, Sally, Bebop, Kara, Alexander, Maddy, Hannah, Alyssa

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1,216b / 628

Title: Christmas Vacation | Tale of the Tape | Holiday Favorite 628

Deep Dark Night United: Melanie (Zocdoc)

Plugs: Friends of Hand in Hand; Pete Davidson SNL Cold Open; The Midnight MIssion; Trevor Project; Patreon; SleepPhones; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline; Referral Program

Sponsors: Wild Health; Hello Fresh; Polysleep; Odoo; Helix Sleep; Air Doctor Pro; Zocdoc; Progressive

Patreon Thanks: Laurie, Marsha, Patty, Meredith, Cindy, Genevieve, Privacy, Caitlin, Autumn, Charles, Rachelle, Gus, Damiana, Estina, Eric, Carolyn, Gwendolyn, Hana, Anonymous, Deanna, Barbara, Nicky, Deron, Nicholas, Jess, Timmy, Caleb, Kristen, Shenise, Pam, Chris, Mark, Debby, Ashley, Jennifer, Amanda, Mike, Karen, Rebecca, Matthew, Kat, Lea, Natalia, Rachel, Cartoons by Hilary, Megan, Sarah, Suzie, Carl, Renee, James, Rebecca, Lauren, Deborah, Kate, Sevi, Kirsten, Morgan, Loren, Sarah, Lisa, Renee, Rhonda, Michael, Lisa, Ellen, Kieran, Rachel, Sally, Bebop, Kara, Alexander, Maddy, Hannah, Alyssa

Notable Language:

• Aural Safe Place
• Hobbit Anteroom
• Candy Cane Curtains
• WWBB (What Would Beau Bacon)
• Goofy-Like Human (GLH)
• Teen Boy Goofball Suburbanesque Target Demographic
• Kenny Loggins Territory (KLT)
• Family Unity Through Symbols
• Suburban Buffoon
• Shrimp Flambe
• Cheaper Geriatric Jokes (CGJs)

 

Notable Culture:

• The Hobbit

• National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

• Candy Cane Curtains, a Holiday homemaking show

• • Beverly D’Angelo
  • Randy Quaid
  • Randy Newman
  • The Bacon Brothers
  • The Bridges Brothers
  • Dennis Quaid
  • “Holiday Road” song

• Vacation

• European Vacation

• • Pink Panther

• Caddyshack

• • Kenny Loggins
  • Ford Taurus
  • Juliette Lewis

• The Big Bang Theory

• Young Sheldon

• • Johnny Galecki
  • Julia Louis-Dreyfus

• Don Quixote

• • “The Night Before Christmas”

• Scrooged

• • John Hughes

• Back to the Future II

• Roger Ebert
• Angelo Badalamenti

 

Notable Talking Points:

• Colds, wind, any other seasonal stuff
• Aural Safe Place
• You can enter through the beaded curtains, velvet curtains, or our various doorway shapes
• We have a Hobbit Anteroom
• I wouldn’t mind living in a hobbit house, tbh
• Jangle curtains for the holidays
• My imaginary holiday TV show pitch
• “Home Makeovers for the Holidays”
• Candy Cane Curtains
• Which entrance would my ego and I go through to enter the safe place?
• Rabbits running down Christmas hills
• What’s a Christmas hill, anyway?
• I’m trying to remember National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
• The tape that runs in my brain
• I do, in fact, remember Beverly D’Angelo
• I’ll probably call Randy Quaid Randy Newman
• Bobby Quaid, are you listening?
• Bobby Quaid, Houston Oilers QB
• Now I’m picturing Beau Bridges
• This is a real tangled web
• WWBB (What Would Beau Bacon) say about this?
• I can only assume that Dennis and Randy Quaid are brothers
• I’ll take that with a side of Beau Bacon
• Things overheard at a Bed and Breakfast
• Last night I could really not sleep
• On and on until the break of dawn
• I’ve tried it all
• Time to talk Christmas Vacation
• I know I’ve liked a lot of National Lampoon movies
• It has a great song but I won’t sing it lest it get stuck in your head
• This movie has probably suffered from overexposure
• Teen Boy Goofball Suburbanesque Target Demographic
• The Middle Late Chevy Chase Period
• Who knows how much I’ll remember, anyways?
• I guess this movie is just a sequence of events
• His name is Clark, not Wallace
• The original Vacation is unbelievable
• European Vacation doesn’t stay in my mind quite as much
• An animated Pink Panther-esque opening
• I think Santa has a really hard time entering the house in this sequence
• Well done and very colorful
• Verging into Kenny Loggins Territory
• This may have been the beginning of Ford Tauruses
• The Ford Taurus was the first aspirational sedan
• We had 2 For Taurus
• A powdered blue wood paneled one
• And a soft green one
• Then we went to a hot dog van that was colored like a hot dog
• I don’t know if I’ve ever personally owned a Ford
• Do they have an electric Ford Taurus nowadays?
• The reveal of the children
• Juliette Lewis appreciation
• My dad loves Big Bang Theory and Young Sheldon
• Johnny Galecki is the other child
• Clark wants to chop a tree down in the wild
• Clark is a nostalgic dreamer
• Family Unity Through Symbols
• They run into some tough bikers on the road
• Clark is getting unnecessarily competitive
• Beverly D’Angelo is always being the voice of reason
• We meet their next door neighbors, 80s yuppies
• Julia Louis-Dreyfus doesn’t like her suburban buffoon neighbors
• An ongoing issue where Clark has sap on his hands
• Clark works for a food additive company
• I don’t think I’ve ever worked at a job that had Christmas bonuses
• Clark already used his Christmas bonus for a down payment on a swimming pool
• His friend is often in these National Lampoon movies
• Clark shouldn’t have spent his bonus until he actually got it
• His boss can’t remember his name
• Clark spends all day putting up Christmas lights
• Clark will have the greatest lights in the history of the world
• The beats of each episode are structured well
• His lights won’t light!
• He tosses the plastic Santa
• He’s very funny when he boils over
• Turns out the garage light switch was just off
• An unbelievably bright light
• The yuppies are blinded and crash into their shrimp flambe
• I’m not sure how Randy Quaid is related to this family
• Usually Randy Quaid is smoking and disheveled
• What in the heck is he doing here??
• Now they live in an RV
• They want Clark’s family to house their children so RQ and his wife can have some alone time
• We meet 2 cousin children
• One little boy that looks like Elvis
• One girl who’s name is Trudy or Rudy or something. Ruby!
• Very nice and very verbose
• Both sets of in-laws have also arrived at the same time
• Ruby is a very cute voice of wisdom
• A true believe in Christmas
• She adds a necessary element of sincerity
• The entire family being there adds an extra element of emotional charge
• Cousin Eddy, that’s his name!
• Clark has a hard time with things out of his control
• This was before I knew what Wal-Mart was
• Clark is buying presents for Eddy’s kids and dog
• A lot of dog food
• Clark runs into his wife who was secretly buying him a gift
• Then they go sledding
• Sledding is a quick sequence but very funny
• Clark sprays an aluminum circular sled with industrial lubricant
• He goes so fast that he speeds and jumps through the air
• But this bit doesn’t always hold up after a few viewings
• The night before Christmas Eve is next up
• Clark fantasizes about the swimming pool
• Vitality, Success, and Family Unity
• Clark is softened by Ruby’s softness
• Then it’s Christmas Eve
• Tension builds
• The parents don’t want Clark to go overboard
• The arrival of guests is next
• More trouble with the neighbors
• Randy Newman dumps the RV right into the sewer
• Then even more family show up
• Some cheaper geriatric jokes
• Some classic food humor
• The uncle is kind of a jerk and is smoking
• They’re drinking egg nog out of moose glasses
• The dog gets in the kitchen garbage
• And grandma’s cat gets too into the tree and then heads to Big Farm
• They discover there’s a squirrel in the tree
• The squirrel emerges and creates total chaos at dinner time
• JLD can’t handle her neighbors anymore
• The family is bonding over chasing this squirrel
• It seems like Christmas couldn’t get any worse
• The courrier shows up with his Christmas bonus
• The power of swimming pools to unite family bonding
• But his bonus is a yearlong subscription to the Fruitcake of the Month Club
• Clark is over the top mad
• One last tradition where they read “The Night Before Christmas”
• An actual moment of togetherness
• Randy Quaid goes to gather Clark’s boss so Clark can yell at him
• JLD calls the ethics team on Randy Quaid
• The guy playing this jerky boss is so great
• The whole family starts laying into Clark’s boss
• Don’t mislead people about Christmas bonuses!
• Then the Ethics Squad rolls up full force
• But not until after the boss writes Clark an actual check
• Even the boss’s wife and the Ethics Squad can’t believe the boss would cancel the Christmas Bonuses
• Then I’m not sure how it all ends, to be honest with you
• The gas from the RV/sewer shoots the lawn Santa up into the sky
• Ruby sees Santa flying through the night
• Maybe there’s a unity song that ends this movie
• Movie facts
• Written by John Hughes
• Music is by Angelo Badalamenti
• Holiday movies aren’t really on the streaming services
• A lot of famous people are in this that I didn’t realize
• John Hughes initially wrote this as a magazine article for National Lampoon
• Shot in Colorado and Warner Brothers lot
• Oh, Lindsey Buckingham wrote “Holiday Road” for the initial movie
• This is the only movie to not feature this song
• Whoa Back to the Future II came out the same weekend
• Mixed Critical Reviews
• Roger Ebert gave it 2 stars