1225 – Ikea Trip and Tangents
Looking back on some trips down old Ikea memory lane should take you to dreamland.
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Episode 1225 – Ikea Trip and Tangents
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this is the first time I’ve had to…I had to pause in the middle of that…right after I said…oh, 'cause I…did I even say an intro? Welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. The reason I’m off track already is my hair was brush…I need a haircut. Apparently I need a haircut, but usually the headphones hold my hair…I don't know if this was a eighties song; The Headphones Hold My Hair Out of My Face…I think in the eighties, then it’d be parentheses (So I Could See Into Your Eyes). Linda Ronstadt/Ron Stewart duet, and then there was the George Michael and Joan Jett version, quickly remade, interestingly enough. It was the first…they called it the Quad Collab.
But my hair was brushing against my nose; it wasn’t so much in my eyes. But that’s what inspired me…Bernie Elton and I, to write this song for those…and when I…this was the power of time travel. Scientists everywhere…I said, hold a sec…hold on a second; you used time travel to go back in time to write a song with Elton and Bernie so that it could be two versions. A double duet? Well, technically not a double duet 'cause it’s separate…it’s four separate…not actually a quad collab because there’s seven of us collaborating, or eight…oh, seven or eight, depending if you count the present and the past versions of me.
Also, I invited my…this is where I broke this time-space…if you’re wondering what’s wrong with the time-space continuum, holy cow, you’re in the right place, 'cause I invited myself, my present…when I went into my past, my past self that was in the present, I said, I got great news; I’ve co-opted time travel. But I guess I was only…I was at a age where I just didn’t understand. So, I couldn’t appreciate it. I said, all this time travel and you’re so ungrateful to me. One day you won't understand and you’ll do this…one day, you’ll be doing this again. Oh boy, if you’re confused and you say, what am I doing here? Maybe you need more of an explanation of that later. I don't know if I’ll have time, but I hope I will. Welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcast that’s here to put you to sleep. Really, this show does not put you to sleep.
It’s here to keep you company while you drift off, to break the loneliness of the deep, dark night, to give you a friend, a friendly voice, a distraction, some comfort so that you could drift off or just have something to keep you company if you can't sleep. Or either or; and plus…quad…that’s a…this is a duet at bedtime, but you don’t have to sing or listen. Now, the other things to know…I’ll talk more about this coming up here, but this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. You could just kinda barely listen. But most people don’t like this show. It doesn’t work for them on the first try. I mean, I know from the reviews lately it does for some people, and that’s great. ‘Cause if you get this, you say, I’ve been looking for this…I never knew something like this was out there but I’ve been looking for it.
But for most people it takes a couple listens for that to happen just 'cause the show is so different. So, give it a few tries. See how it goes. What we got coming up is support. That’s the great thing about having this podcast come out free to anybody who needs it at all. The ad-supported version allows us to do that and the listener support allows us to put the show out. Between the ad support and the listen support…yeah, you don’t have to pay for the show. Totally optional. Then there’s a long, meandering intro. This is kinda part of the intro, I guess. The rest of the intro is meant to ease you into bedtime, then we’ll have some support, then a bedtime story, and oh boy, this is a two-parter bedtime story.
I think the first part will me…be part personal essay and part talking about IKEA furniture, and then the next part will be us going shopping at IKEA and then doing some assembly. Assembly, right? I think that was what we got. I don't know the order of everything. Or maybe we go shopping tonight? I don't know, because it’s…but anyway, if you’re already mixed up and you feel like this is some convoluted, strange show, welcome. Welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcast that’s here to put you to sleep. Thanks for making it possible, my patron peeps.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake.
It could be thoughts on your mind, thoughts you’re thinking about, right, thoughts about the past, the present, the future, time travel, it could be anything emotionally coming up for you, feelings related to those thoughts or feelings that are just there, it could be physical sensations that are related to the feelings or the thoughts or physical sensations that are there, changes time, temperature, routine, work schedule, travel, guests, school stuff, work stuff, you’re going through something, you’re anticipating something. Whatever it is. The reason I kinda list some of that stuff is to let you know you’re not alone, and I realize this podcast is just some ones and…I mean, it’s not ones and zeroes to me. Believe me, I’m here right now being present for you. You’re just listening to it later on.
I’m here because I do care, because I’ve been there. That’s one of the reasons I care. I’ve been there in the deep, dark night, tossing, turning, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, and I know how it feels. Even when you’re in a home full of people or you’re sharing your room with somebody, it can feel lonely, even when you have a lovely dog there not far from your bed, sweet, sweet Koa. I guess it does feel a bit less lonely with Koa. Strangely enough, when I can’t sleep versus a human…probably 'cause she…her sleep…her snoring’s not in the same bed as me and it’s just comforting. But it can be lonely in the deep, dark night. That’s one of the reasons I make this show, and I might not know exactly what you’re going through.
I might never have been through it myself, but I can guarantee you someone listening right now can relate to how you feel if I can't, but I probably can, too. I say, yeah, I know how that feels. It’s tough, and I really hope you can get the sleep you need, 'cause that’s the second part of why I make this show, is because you deserve the sleep you need so your life is more manageable. You really do. You deserve a bedtime you don’t have to dread, that you could look forward to or feel neutral about. That’s the high flying I trying to do here. I try to make a bedtime…a podcast that’s barely funny and that you could feel neutral about at bedtime. But that’s a huge success for those of us, right? So, I really hope you could get the sleep you need.
If you do, your life’s gonna be a little bit better, our world’s gonna be better, and that is important to me. I’ve been making the show for ten years now and it really means a lot to me, and I’ve heard from a lot of people who benefit from this podcast, recently, particularly, who benefit from the ad-supported version. It just really means a lot to me to know the podcast helps. So, yeah, that’s why I make the show. What I’ll do here is I’ll send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents, which means I’m gonna get mixed up, I’m gonna go off topic, I’m gonna forget what I was talking about, then I’ll talk about something again, then I’ll totally…and then I’ll say, was I talking about Bernie? What was…did I time-travel?
Which Bernie did I time-travel with? So, yeah, I’ll get mixed up. Hopefully I’ll return to that stuff. But what was I gonna do…? I’m here to…oh, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents…means my voice is not traditionally soothing…I think I said all that stuff. Sorry, my phone started buzzing, so it threw me off. But a couple things to know about this show that can be helpful if you’re new; one, as I said earlier, most people don’t like this podcast or it doesn’t work for them when they first listen, and just give it a few tries and see how it goes. If you already know you don’t like the show, I’d say still give it a few tries 'cause it’s pretty common for people to say, oh, it took me…then I got it. I was so annoyed.
But if you already are positive, instead of taking the time to try to bring…say, hey, I want to correct…I want you to have the same feelings about yourself that I have about you, you don’t need to do that. I have a website set up; sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, where you could find other great sleep podcasts and stuff to put you to sleep. So, believe me, I’ve been doing the show for ten years. It’s been said. I have people, too, that regularly let me know on a regular basis. So, you don’t need to, and I’m not saying it for me; I’m saying it for you. If you find another sleep podcast that works for you, your life’s gonna be better. That’s really what’s important.
So, try that; sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou if you already are sure, but otherwise give this show a few tries, because here’s the things that are different about the podcast; it’s a podcast you kind of just listen to, but you could listen to it, which is a bit confusing. Maybe you came with expectations that this would be a little bit childish and I would talk to you…I mean, I try to have that feel, but…or that it would be more guided and Zen-like, but that’s just not who I am and it’s not…that’s…the reason I made the show is 'cause there wasn’t something out there like this, a little bit different that you could kinda listen to like TV in the other room or calling a friend and them talking to you about boring stuff. That’s kinda what this show is. You say, okay, I’m kinda…I’m gonna kinda listen to you.
But in this case you don’t have to feel bad about it. You could barely pay attention to me. You could even put me under your pillow and it’s fine. So, it’s a podcast you just barely listen to, or listen to it when you need to so it takes your mind off of stuff, 'cause it doesn’t put you to sleep, either. It’s more of a misdirection. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep, to kinda take your mind off of stuff while you drift off. All of a sudden, you just find yourself asleep. So, those are a couple things. I’ll talk about the structure next. But we say, what do you mean? Well, I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie, your neigh-bore, your bore-bor, your Borbie, your bores, your bore d’lais? Bore d’lais? I don't know.
I’m here to be your friend in the deep, dark night and keep you company 'cause there’s people who are listening who can't sleep, but there’s also no pressure to fall asleep. So, whether you’re listening or not, whether you listen all night or not, the shows are over an hour. So, if you only listen to one episode, you have plenty of time to fall asleep. Even if you set a sleep timer for fifty minutes or fifty-five minutes or sixty minutes, there’s plenty of time and there’s over…no, no, there’s not over; there’s 600 episodes in our ad-supported archive ready to go. That way, if you become a regular listener, you could kinda create your own playlists or pick and choose what works for you. So, yeah. Sorry, I got distracted again, but…the person who called me then texted me. But that’s fine.
So, I was kinda saying…oh, I’m here to be your bore-friend, yeah. There’s people who can't sleep. So, you could listen or need a break during the day. So, those are a couple different things about the show. Oh, I was gonna say, though, if the podcast works the way it works for a lot of people, you’re just listening and then at some point you wake up tomorrow. Then you say, honey, could you tell me what was on that sleep podcast? You say, well, I’ll tell…Scooter’s gonna tell us, but I think Scooter was time-traveling. He said that he was…he had come up with a plan. He had always…he didn’t know why he came up with the plan, but he suspects it was 'cause he always wanted…well, we know why. He just wanted to feel good inside. He said, well, if I get a…if I sneak into this place that’s got a time-travel machine, I got an idea.
I’ll go back in time…well, first I have to go back in time to a time before I lost my motivation and then do a bunch of stuff there, then get motivated to learn how to…to learn people skills, song-writing skills, and charm skills. Then I’ll go try to meet Elton and Bernie and build rapport-building skills, and then I’ll build rapport with them, and then I’ll…then they’ll eventually…maybe we’ll connect, and we’ll connect on a professional level. Then I’ll convince them to write a song, a long-titled song, about hair getting in your eyes. You know, hair’s on my face and it’s in the way of me seeing into your eyes or whatever. Then we’ll come up with the idea of having a couple duets that we came up with earlier. I can’t remember who it was. Rod Stewart and…I know…but then, of course they’re gonna…I don't know.
Then George Michael and Joan Jett…because that one I just thought of…I said, that doesn’t go together, but it sounds good. George Michael, Joan Jett, you know? It’s got a little bit of alliteration. I forgot who we paired Rod Stewart with already. Another…I don't know…oh, I almost had it. Linda Ronstadt and Rod Stewart. I think they’ve done songs together. Then we’ll do that and then we’ll travel back, and…oh, then we try to convince ourselves to go see that. So, it would be a lot of mucking around in the continuum, 'cause I would have to go back in time to affect my present self. So, then when I went back in time again, I’d be…would that…?
Here’s a question about time travel; if I go back in time and fix all my problems while I’m in that timeline, will I become a well-adjusted person in the timeline I’ve travelled to as I fixed my problems in the past, or will I have to travel back…? ‘Cause it wouldn’t make any sense. I’d just travel back in a present time…? Like, shouldn’t I just become instantly well-adjusted even though I’m out of my own timeline? I don't know about that one. I need to get…somebody get me a Mobius strip and let’s see what we could do about this. I mean, that’s a legitimate question that I don’t have an answer to, though. I mean, think about it; let’s just say there was a simple problem you had to fix. Okay, let’s say somewhere I have a little piece of pencil…graphite in my palm, I think.
So, if I went back and I…obviously I’d need 10,000 supercomputers or observations to figure out when that happened. But if I didn’t get that piece of pencil graphite in my palm…not that it’s bothering me at all, so it probably shouldn’t be…it’s not the best use of time travel except as an example. So, I went back in time and then…I mean, then I would give myself even more hyper-vigilance. You say, why…who are you, again? I’m a future you and I have…also, I have an invisibility cloak. I’m gonna go to school with you every day and I’m gonna teach you a bunch about pencil…I’m gonna keep…pencil…proper pencil use. Well, why? What happens with the pencil? Oh, don't worry about it. It’ll be fine. So, anyway, I gotta get back to this timeline. But I wonder if in that timeline my pencil…the pencil will be gone.
I’m not talking about pencil graphite, you know. I’m talking about those things on the inside, frown…the old frown…I’d never frown again. Maybe that could be another song I do. Anyway, that’s…you wouldn’t remember any of that tomorrow, obviously, 'cause you’d say, I have no idea what he was talk…I tried to under…I tried to listen and I fell asleep. The structure of the show also throws people off. I’m gonna run through it a little quicker than normal 'cause I didn’t think I’d go on so many tangents so early. But so, the show starts off with a greeting so you feel seen and welcomed in, then there’s support so paying for the show is totally optional. Then there’s a long, meandering intro. That’s a show within a show separate from the support that you don’t want to skip out on because one, I mean, look at this; we cover…we’ve come up with some conundrums here.
Also, it just is meant to ease you into bedtime, not put you to sleep, to kinda slowly lower the volume on the day and transition you into sleep while you’re in bed getting comfortable or doing some other chill activity. Then there’s support again so the show could be free, paying for it’s optional, and then there will be a bedtime story, something about IKEA furniture, and that’s it. That’s why I make the show. That’s what to expect. I’m really glad you’re here. I and a team of people work really hard on this show, believe it or not. I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to do it for you for free twice a week.
Alright everybody, it’s Scoots here, and this is one…I know we’ve covered IKEA before and home furniture…furnishings, but I think it’s been a while. Actually, I start off with…this is…it may not be applicable anymore and it may only be applicable in certain areas. Well, let me Google it. But I have a big-time IKEA pro tip. Okay, let’s see…I just Googled it. Okay, Monday through Thursday…okay, so, I guess it’s only sometimes an offer, so you gotta keep an eye out for…they have restaurant specials if you sign up for the IKEA Family Card, which is free to sign up for. Obviously you gotta let them see what you buy and stuff like that. So, I guess the restaurant has specials, but…oh yeah, so, I guess they have specials every day. So, maybe it was only that day. Are you kidding me? Let’s see, eat and save; let’s see what this is.
Oh yeah, so, that was Memorial Day and that’s when I went there. Okay, so, it’s only Memorial Day, but keep an eye out for it. But basically…so, it’s not the best pro tip 'cause it was only on that weekend. But you could spend money at their restaurant, which is a cafeteria. I didn’t even think about this; the IKEA restaurant is…might be the closest thing to the K-mart cafeteria I’ll ever get to eat in again. So, on Memorial Day weekend, my daughter and I went there. It’s now the middle of July when I’m recording this. You could use your IKEA card after you paid for your food and you would get that off of your purchase if you bought something over $150 or whatever, which is a pretty nice deal. We spent twenty-six bucks, so then we got $26 off when we checked out of the store.
So, I wanted to do maybe part of a assembly episode and then going through IKEA. Let’s see if I can just go through IKEA. The one by me is…that I go to is in Emeryville. I’ve even…I’ve seen one listener there, and I think I was eating either a hot dog or a slice of pizza, and I think the listener ended up going to the live show at some point. But I don't want to say who they are 'cause I don't want to…you know. Say, well, I’m keeping it low…down low when I’m at IKEA. But they recognized me, which is pretty rare for me to get recognized. I mean, I guess in the Bay Area it’s more likely. Okay, so, the IKEA…we were going…yeah, I guess this will be a little personal essay. Maybe this will be a two-parter. Who knows how long this will take? So, let’s see, let me back up and tell you the situation.
Now, I don't know a lot about IKEA the company, so maybe some people have strong feelings about it, but I’ve never been a person…I live in the Bay Area where a lot of your resources just go to covering the cost of housing, right? So, over the history of my life, that’s just been the situation. It continues to be. It’s just a pricey place to live, and, I don't know, I’ve always rented. Well, I guess that’s another part of it; it’s like, I’ve always been a renter and I don't see that stopping at this point in my life. A lot of people say IKEA is fast furniture, and I honestly would not…maybe for people that go from renting to owning a home. But we’ve had the IKEA furniture that we’ve had for as long as I’ve been…my daughter and I have…as long as I’ve been a single parent, pretty much.
I can kinda run through kinda…I mean, not all of our furniture has been IKEA furniture, but…well, I have a IKEA dresser. I was a…I’m sure we did a episode about Malm, M-A-L-M. Maybe not, though. That’s where my…I don't think that was the first piece of IKEA furniture I bought, but originally I had a Malm bed, like a headboard, foot board, and bed, and I bought that used. So, I didn’t even…I don't think…I’m pretty sure…maybe I bought a new Malm bed, but I’m pretty sure some of my IKEA furniture, at least…I know when it comes to desks, we’ve bought maybe one and then two I’ve bought used. So, definitely a Malm bed, but then I got…worked with a company for a little while. It was one of our first sponsors, and they had an adjustable bed base. So, I got to test that out.
So, I sold the Malm on…that I probably had already bought used on Craigslist. So, it’s not fast furniture 'cause somebody out there purchased it and was using it after that. Then I had a Malm dresser, and then eventually we would have a Malm…or, no, a Malm chest of drawers. We never had a dresser. Then a smaller chest of drawers. I don't know what you’d call that. I may have even had a nightstand or two at some point. I don’t…no, I don't think so. So, we still have that chest of drawers and the half chest of drawers, and other stuff…yeah, let’s talk about it. We have three different…our kitchen table…our dining room table was very small, rectangular, not…like, something where you just put the legs on. It’s just a piece of fibreboard covered in laminate.
Then that became a desk, and then I bought another one and even a third one. So, at some point when we moved to the place…2018…we live now, we had…one of them was our kitchen table again for a while. I don't know if we had another thing we were using as a kitchen table. Huh, that’s a good question. I don't have the answer to that. Then I have…so, that’s some other IKEA furniture I have. Then we have a lot of these cube things, 'cause my daughter’s room in our old place…when we lived in…we shared a one-bedroom where I lived in the living room. Half the living room was my bedroom; half was…these were the glory days most of my adult life, or most of my…it’s where I got sober and where the majority of the podcast was produced.
So, I had a curtain down the middle of the living room, and on one side of the curtain was my Malm bed and my Malm chest of drawers. Then the other side was other furniture. None of it was IKEA furniture, though. Most of it was used furniture. Then in my daughter’s room, she had the wall bed, eventually the wall bed that we assembled. Before that, she had another bed that I had bought…with an IKEA tent, her IKEA tent bed. Then, what else did we have? But most of her room, once…especially once we got the wall bed, was…had these cube things. I forget what they’re called. They’re very popular. We had pink ones and white ones. So, they were a rectangle…they’re cubbies; oh, that’s what they are. I mean, that’s not what IKEA calls them, but…they call them like, Inox or something.
I don't know what they call it. But it might even come to me. But so, we still have a bunch of those, and…what’s my point? I’m just trying to think of what other furniture…those cubes…we probably have two pink ones and two white ones, or maybe three pink ones, even. Those are in transition. Then my daughter has an IKEA bed frame, like just a nice tubular white metal frame with a headboard and…no foot board, but…and…anything else? Nothing else comes to mind right off the top of my head. But so, recently, if you follow the podcast at all, in April, my apartment…I live in a upstairs-downstairs apartment where the downstairs…technically in the Bay Area, there’s not very many basements. My building that I live in was kinda built into the side of…it’s not a hill, but into the side of some land.
So, part of it is underground, but…and then part of it is not, the downstairs. So, it’s a basement, essentially, though only 50% of it is underground. Fifty…yeah, that’s actually…yeah, 50% of it’s…the left wall and the…what do you call that? The east…the western wall and the northern…southern walls are underground, and yeah, the other two walls are not, just so you could really get…I don't know, just so I could confuse you and put you to sleep even more. Then the upstairs is where the kitchen, the bathroom, and the living room are. At one point it was a studio apartment upstairs and then downstairs was an office, or it was unused at different periods of the history. Not when I lived here, though. Now downstairs there’s just the two bedrooms.
But so…and we got lucky 'cause we moved in 2018, and part of the reason we moved was to be a little bit closer to where my daughter was going to middle school, which worked out for…I mean, we were closer to that school for a year and then…'cause we were moving right at the beginning…we moved right before the 2018, 2019 school year, I think. I think that’s when we moved. I think these numbers are correct, but I am a person that makes a sleep podcast, primarily. None of that’s super important other than the fact that…so, recently…and I talked about this on the show before, but I do want to talk about it because I want to tell people that are wired like I am, with a powerful imagination and…a powerful inner dialogue with an imagination is how I’ll put it, as soft…that’s as softly as I can put it, right?
I got inner dialogues. I mean, I have multiple inner dialogues, and some of them…a lot of them focus on the future and the past, right? They tell me all sorts of things. One of them was like, oh, what if you go out of town and because you live in this basement, some water comes into your place? Wouldn’t that be not great? There was once or twice where I did feel like…I don't know. So, I actually bought a water detector, but that thing has to be plugged in and charged…or the battery. It actually doesn’t take a normal battery. Leak detector…so, there’s a bit of…an important point is if you do have a leak detector, make sure it’s actually not buried under a bunch of other junk without the battery being on. But it wasn’t important. The leak detector really wouldn’t have done anything in this particular scenario, I don't think.
Okay, so…but so, one of the things I always said is like, well, that would be…that’s probably so unlikely. But even that inner part of me was always fixated on it. Every time I would go out of town longer than a few days, it would tell me, oh boy, just you wait. Not always in my nana’s voice, but she’s the one…oh boy, just you wait. Mister hotshot, gotta live in a half-basement there. Say, what do you mean? That doesn’t…how does that…? Oh boy, there you go. Just you wait. You’ll see. So, every time, that would be in the deep back of my mind, 'cause I’d say…and part of the thing is…and I’m trying to put this as softly as I can, but I want to be relatable because I have a positive message, actually.
But also sometimes a positive message that you’re…if you think like I do, you’re not alone, or if you could relate or you know somebody…it’s not…this is just how it is. I’ve learned to be a little bit more loving and kind and able to be more adaptable even though…and accepting that part of me that’s just always fixated on that stuff. But part of…one of the messages which I say is maybe not…maybe it is explicit. I guess it’s kind of explicit. I mean, I don't mean in the rating sense. I was trying to say, is it a implicit of explicit message? I guess it’s…can be either one, that it’s like, Drew…and I’m saying this on…some part of me says it’s on behalf of me. Drew’s just not…he’s not able to handle those kind of things, so we…that’s why I have to constantly fixate on it.
Because let’s just say in this example that actually happened…so, it kind of…we’re seeing the paper dragon being unfolded here a little bit, right? If Drew was to go out of town and it was one of these new things he’s been trying to do which is a vacation and a working trip at the…back-to-back to make it more affordable on air fare but also just more comforting for him, where he goes and does a little bit of a vacation with his daughter and then she flies back with somebody else, and then he stays somewhere and does some on-location recording and scouting…none of that’s a good idea because I don't think Drew should be…I know that he needs to have breaks or to record on-location and it’s something he loves doing, but I don't recommend it.
But also, by the way, what happens if some sort of mysterious thing happens while he’s gone and his apartment gets filled up with water? Not weather-related even though it was a time in California where there was a lot of weather, but yeah, what would happen there, huh? I don't know if Drew would be cut out for that. But what happens is, everybody, it turns out that did happen. I talked about it on some social media stuff 'cause I did have to take…I had to alter some podcasting plans and record in the car and stay with friends, because it just…so, what did happen was I took…I flew back to California. I believe it was a Sunday night, I’m almost positive. I got home very, very early in the…like, late at night, early in the morning. Now, luckily I flew into Oakland, which…I live really close to the air…Oakland Airport.
I was able to finally get a Uber; that was like…or Lyft or whatever. It was very…that can be challenging, especially when you live close. Then a lot of people turn you down. So, I had a nice ride home and then I was like, okay, let me get ready for bed and just go to bed. I got my book and then…I maybe even brushed my teeth and stuff. Then I went downstairs. I still have my socks on, and as soon as…something was off right away, but then I…as soon as my foot hit the bottom…my sock instantly became soaked and I discovered that there was a substantial amount of water. Okay, and then…so, this already — for the internal part of me — would have been like, oh, no, no, this is beyond Drew’s capacity; 1:00 in the morning, apartment’s flooded downstairs.
So, then I started…oh, and by the way, all the downstairs was wall-to-wall…kind of like…not the greatest…some carpet that was…it was tolerable. It was not bad to walk on. But it was somewhat half-industrial residential carpet, easy to vacuum. But also, it absorbs a lot of water. So, then I started looking around. I said, okay, this is really not good. Then I think I unplugged some stuff that was…to be cautious, and then I kinda listen, and I couldn’t hear anything. Then I went up to the bathroom 'cause the bathroom’s above where the leak was, but there was nothing. I looked under all our sinks, checked my toilet, then I went back downstairs and checked the roof line. I couldn’t find any place where the water was coming in.
Then I was kinda sitting there and I was like, okay, well, it’s 1:00 in the morning. I don't know if I had a number to call, like my landlord, so I said, well, I don't know if there’s anything they could really do about it right now, and probably the best thing for me to do is go to bed and get some sleep. Then as soon as I get up, I’ll try to get in touch with my landlord, which is pretty easy and something that I’m grateful for, that I did have…I do have a pretty responsible landlord, which is not always the case, you know, when you’re renting. I’ve been in that situation previously. No joke…now, I did do…I did spend about an hour finding the biggest…oh, 'cause also the downstairs is not 100% even.
So, the water was not distributed evenly and the carpet…luckily, in some sense, where the water was not distributed evenly, the carpet was soaking up a lot of liquid but also wicking it…spreading it even where it wasn’t…so, the water was…the water…I actually…the lowest places were my room, my bedroom, and the podcast studio. But the good news is the podcast…all the podcast equipment was a little bit off the ground. I mean, not very high off the ground. But just another piece of luck is like, everything was sitting on something so it wouldn’t be in touch with the carpet. I think just 'cause I thought about it…it would overheat, or maybe I was…I don't know.
But so, after kinda doing some basic picking up of stuff off the floor that was absorbing water and then even finding stuff that wasn’t gonna make it, I said, I’m gonna try to go to bed. I remember it was literally…next to my bed was squish…it was literally puddles, you know? But I was like…I was tired 'cause I was on East Coast time, too, so it was about 4:00 or 5:00 in the morning. But I was able to read my book and fall asleep. I would just follow my normal…a abbreviated version of my normal bedtime routine. I went to bed and then the next morning…I don't think I’ve told this story anywhere. Maybe I have. But talk about…I didn’t sleep in too long. I think I woke up around 8:00 AM. I was hoping to get eight hours of sleep, but whatever, you know?
I got up and I was getting…I was…just went up and used the WC and got…poured myself a coffee. The next thing I know, I look out of my window to my…where I park my car, our driveway. There’s a pickup truck in the driveway. Literally, if I look out from my kitchen sink, I can see the next bungalow where my neighbors live, like a little bungalow. I think that’s what you’d call it. My neighbor’s answering his door without a shirt on, and it’s the…kinda the superintendent for the…all the housing my landlord owns. I was like, you gotta be kidding me. So, then I go…I put a shirt on and, I don't know, shorts, maybe, or whatever. I wasn’t…I had something. I was…I had boxers on or whatever, so I put shorts and a shirt on. Then I go out there and I’m like, hey, what’s going on?
My neighbor says, well, these guys are here 'cause I’ve been hearing this water sound below my apartment. The water’s on, but all my water’s off. I was like, dude, my whole downstairs…I was just gonna e-mail the landlord because…'cause my apartment’s flooded. Then the next thing we know, they’re trying to find the source of the leak. Interestingly enough, just to tell you what happened, was…so, in California you build and you rebuild and stuff like that. I don't totally understand it, but I guess what happened was there was a water line coming from the water main going underneath his apartment, my neighbor’s apartment, and ending…just capped off in this planter in front of my apartment under the ground.
At some point a pricker bush had grown and got in…created a hole in this thing, and then it was leaking underneath…ostensibly through the foundation which is the wall of my basement downstairs, and filling it up with water. But talk about my internal nana and those things being wrong. One, I mean, it could have been different. You know, it could have been a bigger leak or it could have been a bigger hole in the foundation. So, yeah, it could have, but, one, what things to be grateful for, that it was not a humungous leak…another thing is that it started…I got back on Sunday; it started somewhere…it must have started…he heard it, I think, on Friday night or Saturday night. So, it had only been going for a couple of days. Two, then I had…my neighbor noticed it and already had acted.
He had sent a message out that Sunday afternoon or something before he went to bed…or night. Then, yeah, that I had a responsible landlord that was like, okay, we’ll figure out what the cause is and then we’ll start figuring out how to take everything out and dry everything. But that meant a little bit of chaos in my…me and my daughter’s life. But also a hidden benefit of that…I mean, honestly, really, was that we had to move everything out of each room and basically…so, everything went into her room and then they kinda got everything out of the hallway in my room and the podcast studio and then dried out all those floors. Then they moved everything into…and then maybe replaced the floor?
I can’t remember the order…and then moved everything in my daughter’s room into my bedroom, and then dried out her room and the floors. But maybe they did the drying…I don't know how they…the order exactly. But basically everything that would have been on the floor, which is pretty much everything…move from room to room, and eventually all ended up in my bedroom, which meant even after the floors were done and even now, that…but my daughter, she’s now a high-schooler, so it’s kind of cool because it’s like, everything from her…it was a little bit…she’s an adaptable kid. I’m an adaptable dad, and that’s kind of the lesson. I said, well, it wasn’t really as bad as my internal parts of me, my dialogues, would have made it out to be.
Not only could I handle it, but we did handle it, and there is even more plus sides because it’s like, we haven’t really done a lot of purging of the old stuff, but we’ve cut down on a little bit and now it’s all centralized. Of course, centralized in my room, but it’s a little bit more organized. Then it’s like, okay, now your room…which for a teenager, I think her room is now more sparse, which led to this trip to IKEA…now that all her cubbies are in my room. But eventually they’ll go into our little storage area and we’ll go from there. But yeah, so, what we’ll talk about next is…I don't know, we’ll either…let’s see if I…I’ll feel it out. Should we walk through IKEA or start putting furniture together? I don't know. Let me think about it for a second.
Alright, so, Scoots here. Let’s go into my local IKEA. Maybe it’s…whatever time it was I got there, 10:00…or not at opening. I didn’t rope-drop the IKEA. Now, unfortunately it was not…I didn’t time my meal around it either, so I did not eat at the IKEA. The cool thing is they have a little bit of a Costco action after you check out, too, but they also have that cafeteria I was talking about earlier, or restaurant, however you want to…whatever, however you want to refer to it. But we’re not there yet. We’re going in. We parked our car. Usually I park on Level 2 or 3. Descending down the staircase, now we’re crossing…we could see the Bay Bridge and the intersection of, actually, 80, 880, 580…I guess it’s not the end of 80, is it, or the beginning of 80?
I don't think so. But, let’s see…take 880 south or 580…I don't know what goes over the Bay Bridge. That’s 101, right? I don't know where…oh, 80, where did you go? I don't know. ‘Cause you got…5 runs north…I don't know. These are good questions I don't have the answers to. I’m just going into an IKEA. Now we gotta pass…do we pass the exit or is the exit further down? I think the exit’s further down. We go in here. They got a nice setup here. I believe there’s also restrooms to the left, but we’re gonna take the escalator up to the second floor. The first thing I noticed on this trip was right at the top of the escalator…well, not right at the top. That’s me being too…but a few steps away, the first display on our right was a clearance display. I said, wait a second, this is a clearance display or whatever. Like, sale, sale, sale.
They had some different things on sale but a couple things I was looking for, which was storage. They had some small rubber tubs or plastic tubs with lids, and then they had these boxes. I’ll refer to the boxes if we go…but they were made from plastic, but the kind of box…a sturdy box to put stuff in. I mean, isn’t that what we’re all looking for, a sturdy box to put something in? I wasn’t…I was flying solo, so I didn’t spend a whole lot of time…I did enjoy some of the people that were enjoying being there; families, couples, couples of many different ages, friends or…I noticed one group of three people together, maybe college or grad-student age, enjoying their Saturday late…I’d say that’s a late morning, after 10:00 AM. I think even the IKEA restaurant serves breakfast but as I said, I was not…I had already had a meal.
I knew what I was looking for, but I still decided…and I did debate it. I think later is where we’re at the turning point, or we’re already at the turning point where you could take a left and then just go downstairs and skip the whole casino-style layout of the second floor of IKEA. I will say…a strong recommend at this time of day at IKEA, because sometimes it is just too busy for me and then the casino-style layout…what do you mean casino-style layout, Scoots? I mean a layout where you’re only…you’re following a path. It feels like you’re on rails, essentially, as they say in a video game, because you’re following a path that goes through different IKEA sections and whatever you call them, I don't know, display areas, yeah, like fake apartments and stuff like that. I’m not calling you a fake apartment; you’re a faux layout?
I don't know. A display, a demonstration area. They’re well done. There’s no criticism here. But so…but there’s…you go through…it’s not the most direct path. Normally I could say this in contrast to…this visit and my previous visit; my energy level was not impacted. Usually…I don't know if it’s 'cause it’s busy or just my head space, but when I get home from IKEA, I say, I need to lie down for a little while. I can’t put my…I mean, I can put my finger on it, but I just don’t know if it’s a physical or existential exhaustion. But I gotta lie down. This time and the last time, I didn’t…I left somewhat invigorated. Okay, so, back to this…what was on sale, were the plastic bins and the tubs. Then I continued on. Mostly, as I said, I looked at…I saw the displays. I did walk through one apartment.
Now, what was I…what was the case we were trying to solve? The case of the rest of the dresser and maybe a full-length mirror. I think those were the two…only two things I was looking for. You’d say, what do you mean the rest of the dresser? I’d say, well, I’ll explain that more. But basically, I only have a car. The seats do fold down in the back. It’s a hatchback. I don't think they call it a classic car, but they don’t make it anymore, the Volt, 2016 or 2017 Chevy Volt. But the seats do fold down in that. But at the same time, you can only put so much in there. So, we had made a previous trip that I was talking about doing scouting for a dresser. Then we found this modular style dresser. I’ll be honest with you; I said, okay, well, what do you think?
Then my daughter made the choice; she said, okay, I think this color and this, this particular layout. Then we went and researched it on the computer. I think that’s when we were more looking at it, is on the computers towards the warehouse section. So, I’m jumping far ahead, but so…but on our previous visit, we had picked up about 50% of the dresser. We had picked out…or picked up, 'cause you buy the pieces separately anyway. So, we got one set of smaller drawers and one set of larger drawers. So, we picked up six of nine drawers, but we still had to pick up one set of three smaller drawers or a mini-dresser and the top and the bottom of what would become the dresser we would one…assemble and then assemble again. Not reassemble, but continuing assembling, I guess.
But now I’m ahead of myself, 'cause first we were scouting for mirrors and trying not…so, we had already picked up two bins, two plastic tubs, and then two plastic…two larger plastic…I’d call it a basket. You could call it a bin. A cube, not as big as a milk crate, but a milk carton crate or whatever they called those. But you get the idea. Around that size, and then two smaller tubs with lids. Then we passed another section eventually. I think it was a random section. I want to say it was bathmats, but there was some other thing for storing stuff. I did have the impression that any of these on-sale organizational items could change my life forever, that this might be the one. A lot of people do that and then they fall in love with people or from afar.
I didn’t have any romantic attachment; just a strange codependent…I said, maybe this will be the tub with a lid or this organizer that fixes…it finally does it. Then I said, well, realistically…but I did have some things in mind anyway. So, I said, okay, well, it’s on sale as well, and it had a comparison point. I’ll be honest with you…let’s just talk. Let’s just talk. We’re friends, you know? We’re here walking IKEA together, walking, talking. Talking IKEA; that could be another one with Scott…Adam and Scott or Scott and Adam Scott, talking…no. Hiking IKEA? Hiking IKEA. Are you hiking IKEA? Who, me? I know it doesn’t make any sense. One, Scott could be saying, are you hiking IKEA? You hiking IKEA? Yeah, just ‘you hiking IKEA’. Then the other Adam could say, who, me?
That doesn’t make any…I realize that, but…haikus that…haiku IKEA…I mean, but then you’d have to have…then it’d mostly be haikus. Or if you could get it double-branded, Hi-Chew IKEA. Hi-Chews at…then you’re a podcast…this is a podcast pitch. We’re walking through an IKEA on mic, tasting Hi-Chews and reviewing them or just talking about them. Hi-Chew IKEA. Hi-Chew IKEA. It would be…but people that are look…I say, well, I love IKEA and I love Hi-Chews. So, maybe I’ll check that show out. Who does it? I say, well, imaginary people right now. It’s actually an imaginary…probably only be an imaginary podcast. So, you subscribe anytime. As many episodes are out as you want them to be. You just have to lie back and imagine, or sit up or be walking. Are you…? I don't know. Those two are wittier than me, so they could think of it.
IQ…maybe IQ…IQ IKEA…to me…IQ tests at IKEA could be another one. These would be more one…I guess it wouldn’t be sustainable, like if you started giving IQ tests at a desk. I don't even know…a IQ test is probably pretty involved. So, Hi-Chew is probably easier. I don't know. So, anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, thinking that a organizer’s gonna change my life. What a life to change, you know? So, then I picked up that…so, right now I had four things…five things in my box, three different products; two cubes, two tubs with lids, green…probably why they were on sale. Not the most attractive tubs. I can’t figure out why the bins were on sale. Probably 'cause they were plastic and the bottom’s plastic, so you can’t put…if you put anything heavy on them, they’re probably gonna break.
But I mean, me, I just put stuff…usually it’s just paper. So, I had that…those things in my cart and I was still on patrol. My purpose there; a full-length mirror for my daughter’s room, and ideally one that would be easy to install. ‘Cause we have one, just one of my great procrastinations. I had installed it in our old apartment in her room when she was just a child, maybe behind her door, and either one of us could use it 'cause it was the only full-length mirror in our apartment. I think I mistakenly tried to put it on the doors and then realized the doors were too thin. But it involved leveling and the kind of stuff that just is too much performance pressure for me, so that mirror never made it back to a wall again. Maybe one day it will, but so far, even moving here and having the entire…from 2018 to 2023, it still hasn’t got up there.
So, I said to myself, maybe get a new mirror. Or if not, buy the kit to mount it on the wall again. So, that’s what I was…that was the one new item, so far, I was trying to find. But this is a ways away. I said to myself many times when I was walking; where do they…where would you find…where would a person find a stand-up mirror in an IKEA? Was it…I can…I thought it was right before you go down the stairs after you’re at the cafeteria. That’s where I was anticipating it. I said, I could swear that’s where I…many, many years ago when it was just a mirror…when it was just a procrastination…something I would follow through on and then procrastinate on one day. But it turns out, spoiler, not to be the case. That’s not where I found the mirror. But so…and I don't think it was still…we were downstairs. I guess I’m not sure.
No, were we upstairs? Upstairs…no. Okay, so, you go through endless amounts of IKEA at this point. Maybe it was downstairs. I’m lost. I think upstairs you have sections like…you got your kitchen and cabinets. That’s a big custom…that’s a custom section that’s close to the restaurant but not at the restaurant. You start out with a couple apartments fully-furnished, small apartments, then I think you got your sofas and still a lot of different layouts on the right side and your sofas on the left. Then you get into your offices and your office furniture. Huh, then you get into more sofas, like sleeper sofas and chairs, and then you probably get into your kitchen parts. Other sections that I know but I don't know what order they go in; mattresses and some bedding, but there’s more bedding later.
No betting; not T-T betting. Like, mattresses and sleep stuff. Kitchens, kids’ stuff…kids’ stuff is right before the restaurant, though. I don't know if they do that on purpose or not, but…last time I was there, I bought a birth…two…well, a birthday present. Two birthday presents, but one was the wrong age. I had the age wrong. But that came in handy 'cause I kept it at my house and then when I had some family member over with their younger kids, I said, well, don't worry, I got this wooden IKEA toy. It’ll keep you entertained. It did. I’m not being sarcastic. I mean, for a kid, it held her attention for a bit. What else? So, I think that covers the section. So, I don't think the mirror section was upstairs, though it may have been.
Then you go downstairs, and…I mean, this is…at this point, if you haven’t lost track of who you are…there is…it follows the hero’s journey, like all the parts, though, the confusing parts. Like, whatever…I don't…denouement at the inmost cave, meeting with my mother for cookies or whatever, atonement from a father; all those…those are staples of IKEA shopping. There could be another…talk…what’s the hero’s journey…? Of course, now I can’t think of…Campbell…Karen for Campbell IKEA. Communicating Campbell IKEA. You could just take the I out. I don't know. But so, you always wonder, how come those aren’t in movies? Or they’re very…you say, what does ‘approach at the inmost cave’ mean?
Say, I think it was in Star…other than Star Wars, I don't know, but I do know there’s a section of IKEA where I’m not sure if I’m upstairs or downstairs, but I start to look at things and I see places inside me that…those are the only places that feel comfortable for them to be revealed to me, or those feelings make themselves apparent. Right around the rug section, which I know…a lot of times, which I think is downstairs. That, for me…well, the rug section is not where the Pit of Despair is, but that’s where I know…these two trips, I said, well, I’m nowhere near the Pit of Despair, so, great. I think I’m gonna get outta here fully intact without…this may be…that was what I said the last time. I had my daughter with me and we had this wonderful meal.
Don’t ask me what we ate, 'cause I don't know, but…'cause I said, this…is this food really gonna be free? That kid has a zero-type cola and refill station, and we had this beautiful view. This is no joke, 'cause they have windows where you look out at the Bay Bridge and the bay. The freeway is front of it, but it still looks great. But yeah, so, I did not approach the inmost cave at all. I said, so, I haven’t been in the inmost cave. I don’t have to worry about when I’m gonna find the Pit of Despair, probably. So, anyway, at some point you go downstairs. Then there’s kitchenware, general stuff you would buy on impulse, which I did do a impulse purchase of a carafe, a carafe with a sealable lid, but I’ve been making a lot of lemonade and iced tea, so it wasn’t really a outrageous purchase.
‘Cause those ones with the mason jar…the clamp-down lid that you can’t lose, I really like that. So, I had added another thing to my IKEA pile in my cart. Then, yeah, downstairs you go through kitchen stuff, carpets, more bedding stuff…I think bedding’s towards the end. But then you get into lighting. Now, this was the first area…lamps, lights, things to light things. I had to stop myself; I almost made a couple impulse buys of things that were on sale there, different holiday lights that were on clearance. But I said, wait a second; dude, do you really…? I said that to myself; dude, do you really need this? I said, well, I don't…but I want it. There was a couple…I don't know, I was just like, hold off. You already got…I think we got our impulse buys that…we may actually use some of these.
I said, well, just one pack of lights? I said, no. If you use the lights you have, you can get more lights. I said, okay, fair enough. Now, I’m pretty sure it was after the lights when, again, I said to myself, wait a second, I haven’t seen any of these full-length mirrors and I’ve been looking for them even though I haven’t been narrating the fact that I was looking for them. I knew my quest that day, one of my quests from the goddess…communing with the goddess or whatever. I didn’t do any of that either, but commuted for the goddess. Well, eventually what I did was…I think…oh, in the area with prints and frames, I saw my left mirrors and I saw a family, actually, looking at the mirrors. They were like…they were discussing full-length mirrors and then I…so, it was a little awkward because I’m awkward by…whatever, on the get down.
So, I was trying to move around them to look at the different pricing and sizes. Then I found a wall that was…it had three layers where you can move the wall. That’s not a very good description, but where there’s three different levels…three different rows of mirrors and you slide the wall and then you can see the next mirror, and then you slide it again. This kid, his family was ignoring him 'cause they were discussing full-length mirrors. Which, by the way, you could spend anywhere…I don't know what the cheapest one is. That’s the one we’ve had at our house, not to brag, for years. But it’s just a mirror with mounting hardware. No frame or anything. I’m guessing you could get that for twenty bucks. I didn’t even see it this trip, the single-father mirror. Let’s just call it…that’s…but so…but then they have ones with frames.
You could spend anywhere from like, twenty or thirty bucks up to…get pretty big mirrors. Mine…one was looking for a manageable size. So, then I saw one that I said, okay, it had a frame, a wooden frame. I said, that might be easier to mount and maybe less leveling. I noted its information by taking a picture of its tag. I think the frames came in black and white. I said, okay, well, huh, I’ll have to figure that out. But I still had this…I don't know which part of this one it is…here’s the thing; I never got any mentors, allies, at this trip to IKEA. Maybe this kid, 'cause he was loving watching me slide the mirrors around. Then I said, go ahead, take it. So, maybe I was being the mentor. Said, do you want to kill some time while your parents are talking about that mirror? You could just move these things. Just watch your fingers.
So, I moved on and actually, that was it. I checked some…oh no, did I get that pot, too? That was on a previous trip, I think. Yeah, I bought a pot, but…for plants, but that was a terracotta one. But that was on another trip. But so, then I made it to where you finally escape. Now, not into…so, this is…this could be where you encounter…this isn’t where you have the Pit of Despair because you’re already…first of all, they have tons of natural lighting in the warehouse area and lighting in general, so…but so, I got there and then I went to their…they have computer stations where you could…'cause nobody remembers anything. But I had to look up the pieces I needed for this dresser, and I still said, well, I have a vague dissatisfaction with the mirror.
So, I think I first looked up where the dresser parts were and I wrote that down or took a picture…I took a picture of it. I didn’t write anything down. I said, okay…and it was where we had already been, 'cause we had already picked up two of the parts we needed the last time we were there. Then I looked up mirrors and I said, wait a second…I found this mirror that was a stand-up mirror. It has a stand. So, it’s actually more full-length. You could see your feet and your shoes and you don’t have to hang it on a wall, and it’s…also has a metal-type frame. I kinda remember my…I said, wait a second, you could put that right…okay, I think we have space for that, even. So, I wrote down that number, too, and it was a reasonable price. I said, okay.
Then I set forth to gather my parts. First was the parts for the dresser, 'cause unfortunately the dresser parts were in the…closer to where I was. So, I managed to put the smaller three-drawer dresser on the bottom of the shopping cart. I didn’t get one of their modular carts. That was a mistake, by the way, because I should have then tried to get allies. Or if I met with the mentor…if I thought this was actually gonna be about the hero’s journey, I would have actually looked stuff up. I mean, call to adventure; that part, check. I don't know. It went pretty smooth, so I wouldn’t say…it was an adventure for me 'cause I actually did it. So, then I…okay, so, I got that, put it on the bottom thing, then the next part was really, really big. Long, not heavy, 'cause it was gonna be the top and the bottom of a dresser. Like, the lid and the base.
So, I put that on top of the cart, right, the shopping cart, your standard shopping cart, except for IKEA’s wheels go…all four wheels go all directions. I don't know if that’s a European thing, but it does make it easier if you gotta move to the side or whatever. So, I got that on there, then I went to the mirror section, double-checked what I thought…I said, okay, I’m gonna go for it. Now, the mirror fit right on top of the long dresser thing 'cause the mirror was also long. But now I had a problem, because I had a glass carafe and a bunch of other stuff in my shopping cart and I still had to check out, right? So, what I did was…here’s the thing; if you’re…don’t do it like I do it. Ask for help, because I only got lucky.
What I did was I jammed my shopping cart next to a stack of tables, boxed tables, and then held the shopping cart with my hip while I moved everything so it was on the table. Then I pulled out all the stuff in my shopping cart, piled it on the floor, then put everything back, then piled it back on, precariously, by the way. I got lucky. Then I went to check out. I checked out with a human. No, no, this time I did not check out with a human. Last time I did. Then I rang all my items, then I also did my hip-check move against the checkout so that I could put everything back in the cart so it wasn’t precarious when I was leaving the store. Then I paid and then I whimpered a little. Because you say, wait a second, I thought it was…I spent like $120. But it’s still a good deal.
I don't know, a lot…I think a lot of people that listen to this podcast are in the same place; you either live in a very…area that’s like the Bay Area or you’re in a different phase of your life. IKEA or that kind of furniture is just fine, and it’s actually not fast furniture. I mean, I’m not even trying to make myself feel better. Everything I have, I always put on Craigslist. If it’s messed up, I put it on there for free. I mean, furniture-wise, or I sell it for like, twenty bucks or fifty bucks or whatever. I know I sold my Malm bed, which I think I bought used. So, it was like, man, that’s three rounds with that Malm bed. Trying to think…I’ve sold other things on Craigslist recently, but they weren’t IKEA furniture. You do have to be patient with selling stuff. And I’ve given stuff away for free.
Then, yeah, so then we left and I checked out, loaded my car…again, I probably should have asked for help there. But that actually went smooth. I don't know, the order; first I put the…first I got everything, secured the cart, secured the mirror someplace safe so I couldn’t break it, then put the three-drawer small thing in…maybe in the back seat? Folded the seats down, put that in first…oh yeah, then I had to push the passenger seat all the way forward. So, it was a good thing I was by myself. Then I got the dresser in, and then I put the mirror on top, and then I got the other pieces and put them in the front seat on the floor. That was it. That was a trip to IKEA. Maybe another time we’ll put everything together, but thanks for joining me on this personal journey at some IKEA stops in my life. Goodnight, everybody.
[END OF RECORDING]
(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)
-
Trending Tuesday / Personal Essay
Bernie Taupin / Elton John / Mobius Strip
https://time.com/5598308/bernie-taupin-rocketman-elton-john/
https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/bernie-taupin-rock-hall-elton-john-1234729360/
IKEA Hacks
https://www.housebeautiful.com/home-remodeling/diy-projects/g2826/best-ikea-hacks/
https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/ikea-high-end-hacks-luxury-style-37012683
https://www.idealhome.co.uk/diy-and-decorating/ikea-hacks-174584
“Fast Furniture”
https://www.theweek.co.uk/news/environment/958376/is-fast-furniture-the-new-fast-fashion
https://www.cnn.com/style/article/fast-furniture-problem-for-our-planet/index.html
https://www.architecturaldigest.com/story/sustainability-fast-furniture
Joseph Campbell
https://www.cbc.ca/radio/ideas/how-mythologist-joseph-campbell-made-luke-skywalker-a-hero-1.5262649
DOWN TO BUSINESS
I need a haircut
“The Headphones Hold the Hair Out of My Eyes (So I Can See Your Face)”
Quad Collab
Deep Dark Night United
Leah, Lynn (SleepPhones)
PLUGS
Hand in Hand; The Midnight Mission; Trevor Project; Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline
SPONSORS
Wild Health; Hello Fresh; Polysleep; Odoo; Helix Sleep; Air Doctor Pro; Zocdoc; Progressive
INTRO
This podcast is not 1’s and 0’s to me
One of the reasons I care? I’ve been there.
It does feel a bit less lonely with Koa
Her snoring is a comfort to me
Which Bernie did I time travel with?
My phone buzzed and threw me off
I’m not very zen-like
Don’t feel bad about kind of listening to me
Boredelay, is that anything?
Oh, someone’s trying to call me now
I think Scooter was time traveling last night …
A Time Before I Lost My Motivation
George Michael Joan Jett sounds better than it would actually be
A lot of mucking around in the timeline
If I went back in time to adjust my well-being, would I then immediately be well-adjusted
Somebody get me a Mobius Strip
We’ve come up with some conundrums here …
STORY
It’s been a while since we covered Ikea
IKEA will sometimes have restaurant specials
Scooter’s not that helpful IKEA pro trip
Oh, I guess it was only for that one Memorial Day
The IKEA restaurant is the closest thing to the KMART cafe that I’ll ever see again
Going to the Emeryville Ikea
I met a listener there …
It’s pretty rare for me to get recognized
Some backstory
I live in a pricy place to live and I rent
I don’t agree that Ikea is “fast furniture”
We must’ve done an episode about Malm
A MALM Chest of drawers
Our kitchen table was Ikea
We have a lot of cube things
The glory days back when I lived in half of the living room
My daughter had the well-known wall bed
Ikea Tent Bed
Oh, they were cubbies!
A nice tubular white metal frame
I live in one of the rare basements in the Bay Area
Or I guess only 50% of it is underground
Downstairs is the bedrooms, upstairs is living, kitchen, and bathroom
We moved to be closer to the middle school, which was great until she graduated
A Powerful Inner Dialogue
“What if water ever got into the basement?”
I bought a leak detector, but the batteries died
My Inner Nana would always “Just wait. You’ll see.”
Drew’s just not able to handle certain things
The paper dragon unfolds …
A combination work / vacation trip
The water coming in wasn’t weather-related
It turns out that it did happen
Fortunately I live very close to the Oakland airport
I stepped down and my sock was instantly soaked
All the downstairs was covered in industrial carpeting
I couldn’t figure out where the water had come in from
It was 1am
I knew I just needed to sleep
Fortunately I have a responsible landlord
Also the downstairs isn’t 100% even
And the carpet was soaking up liquid
The podcast studio was one of the low places
Fortunately, most of the equipment wasn’t on the floor
Sleeping next to puddles
An abbreviated routine that actually worked
I woke up around 8
I go upstairs and see a pickup truck out the window
My neighbor was hearing water below their apartment
A water line from the water main that was capped off in front of my apartment
A pricker bush had created a hole in the line
Leaking through the foundation aka my basement wall
It could’ve been worse
My Inner Nana was wrong
And it had only been going for a couple days
Thank goodness my neighbor acted
A little chaos in our personal life
Everything had to be moved from room to room
Eventually everything was in my room
It allowed us to purge some stuff
Her teenage room is now more sparse
All of her cubbies remain in my room
Time to walk through Ikea
I didn’t rope drop or eat at Ikea
Usually I park on level 2 or 3
We can see the Bay Bridge
Is it at the end/beginning of 80?
Oh, 80, where did you go?
Take the escalator up to the 2nd floor
First display was a Clearance Display
Small Rubber Tubs with Lids
A Sturdy Box to Put Something In
I enjoyed some of the people I saw
A late morning Saturday trip to Ikea
The Casino-Style Layout of Ikea
I mean no disrespect to the one-way Ikea path
Normally I need to lie down after I go to Ikea
But this time I left somewhat invigorated
The rest of the dresser and a full-length mirror
The Rest of the Dresser?
I couldn’t fit a bigger dresser in my Chevy Volt
Fortunately we found a modular-style dresser
We’d picked up 50% of the dresser on our last visit
Continued Dresser Assembly
Baskets, Bins, Cubes, whatever you want to call it
Any one of these organizational items could change my life forever
“Are You Hikin’ Ikea? Who, Me?” – Adam Scott and Scott Aukerman
Hi-Chew Ikea, a podcast pitch
IQ Ikea – that’s probably not a workable idea
The tubs were on sale probably because they were green
Still searching for a full-length mirror
I had previously installed a full-length mirror on the back of her door
I anticipated that I would see the mirrors right away
But I was wrong
Downstairs like kitchen and cabinets
You start out with furnished apartments
But then it’s sofas and chairs
Bedding, not betting
Kids stuff is right before the restaurant
The mirror section was not upstairs
If you haven’t lost track of who you are at this point, I don’t even know
The Ikea Shopping Path follows the Hero’s Journey
Communicating Campbell at ‘Kea
I normally see my 8 inner selves in the rug section
An impulse purchase of a carafe with a sealable lid
Then you get into lighting
I almost did a couple impulse purchases in lighting
Where are the full-length mirrors?
I didn’t commute with any goddesses on this particular trip
A family was discussing full-length mirrors
This kid was sliding walls back and forth
The Single Father Mirror
I found a mirror with a wooden frame
I didn’t get any mentors or allies on this trip
Or maybe I was the mentor to this bored child, sliding walls
Wait, where was the stand-up mirror?!
And then I set forth to gather my parts
First up was the dresser parts
I didn’t get one of those modular carts, which was a mistake
The mirror fit right on top of the dresser
What do I do with this glass carafe and my other shopping cart
Don’t do what I did
My hip check move against the checkout
I try to avoid having any of this furniture turn into fast furniture
3 rounds of usage with that Malm Bed
Doing Trunk Tetris with this furniture
Construction will be the next episode
PATREON THANKS
Emmett, Anne, Kimberly, Ellen, Pitar, Davis, Jamie, Jessie, Nisha, Tracy, Kelly, Erica, Arun, Michael, Amanda, Becca, Katherine, Jason, Greedy, Vala, EJ, Savannah, Natasha, Greta
SUMMARY:
Episode: 1,225
Title: Ikea Trip and Tangents
Deep Dark Night United: Leah, Lynn (SleepPhones)
Plugs: Hand in Hand; The Midnight Mission; Trevor Project; Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline
Sponsors: Wild Health; Hello Fresh; Polysleep; Odoo; Helix Sleep; Air Doctor Pro; Zocdoc; Progressive
Patreon Thanks: Emmett, Anne, Kimberly, Ellen, Pitar, Davis, Jamie, Jessie, Nisha, Tracy, Kelly, Erica, Arun, Michael, Amanda, Becca, Katherine, Jason, Greedy, Vala, EJ, Savannah, Natasha, Greta
Notable Language:
- The Quad Collab
- Zen-Like
- Boredelay
- Somebody Get Me a Mobius Strip
- MALM
- Ikea Tent Bed
- Bungalow
- Costco-Like Action (CLA)
- A Sturdy Box to Put Something In
- Casino-Style Layout (CSL)
- Modular-Style Dresser (MSD)
- Hi-Chew Ikea
- Communicating Campbell at ‘Kea
- Zero-Type Cola (ZTC)
- Carafe with a Sealable Lid
- The Single Father Mirror
- Metal-Type Frame (MTF)
Notable Culture:
-
- Linda Rondstadt
- Rod Stewart
- George Michael
- Joan Jett
- “The Headphones Hold the Hair Out of My Eyes (So I Can See Your Face)”
- Elton John
- Bernie Taupin
- Mobius Strip
- IKEA
- Chevy Volt
- “Are You Hikin’ Ikea? Who, Me?” – Adam Scott and Scott Aukerman
- Hi-Chew Ikea, a podcast pitch
- Hero’s Journey / Joseph Campbell
- Communicating Campbell at ‘Kea, a podcast
Notable Talking Points:
- This podcast is not 1’s and 0’s to me
- One of the reasons I care? I’ve been there.
- It does feel a bit less lonely with Koa
- Her snoring is a comfort to me
- Which Bernie did I time travel with?
- My phone buzzed and threw me off
- I’m not very zen-like
- Don’t feel bad about kind of listening to me
- Boredelay, is that anything?
- Oh, someone’s trying to call me now
- I think Scooter was time traveling last night …
- A Time Before I Lost My Motivation
- George Michael Joan Jett sounds better than it would actually be
- A lot of mucking around in the timeline
- If I went back in time to adjust my well-being, would I then immediately be well-adjusted
- Somebody get me a Mobius Strip
- We’ve come up with some conundrums here …
- It’s been a while since we covered Ikea
- IKEA will sometimes have restaurant specials
- Scooter’s not that helpful IKEA pro trip
- Oh, I guess it was only for that one Memorial Day
- The IKEA restaurant is the closest thing to the KMART cafe that I’ll ever see again
- Going to the Emeryville Ikea
- I met a listener there …
- It’s pretty rare for me to get recognized
- Some backstory
- I live in a pricy place to live and I rent
- I don’t agree that Ikea is “fast furniture”
- We must’ve done an episode about Malm
- A MALM Chest of drawers
- Our kitchen table was Ikea
- We have a lot of cube things
- The glory days back when I lived in half of the living room
- My daughter had the well-known wall bed
- Ikea Tent Bed
- Oh, they were cubbies!
- A nice tubular white metal frame
- I live in one of the rare basements in the Bay Area
- Or I guess only 50% of it is underground
- Downstairs is the bedrooms, upstairs is living, kitchen, and bathroom
- We moved to be closer to the middle school, which was great until she graduated
- A Powerful Inner Dialogue
- “What if water ever got into the basement?”
- I bought a leak detector, but the batteries died
- My Inner Nana would always “Just wait. You’ll see.”
- Drew’s just not able to handle certain things
- The paper dragon unfolds …
- A combination work / vacation trip
- The water coming in wasn’t weather-related
- It turns out that it did happen
- Fortunately I live very close to the Oakland airport
- I stepped down and my sock was instantly soaked
- All the downstairs was covered in industrial carpeting
- I couldn’t figure out where the water had come in from
- It was 1am
- I knew I just needed to sleep
- Fortunately I have a responsible landlord
- Also the downstairs isn’t 100% even
- And the carpet was soaking up liquid
- The podcast studio was one of the low places
- Fortunately, most of the equipment wasn’t on the floor
- Sleeping next to puddles
- An abbreviated routine that actually worked
- I woke up around 8
- I go upstairs and see a pickup truck out the window
- My neighbor was hearing water below their apartment
- A water line from the water main that was capped off in front of my apartment
- A pricker bush had created a hole in the line
- Leaking through the foundation aka my basement wall
- It could’ve been worse
- My Inner Nana was wrong
- And it had only been going for a couple days
- Thank goodness my neighbor acted
- A little chaos in our personal life
- Everything had to be moved from room to room
- Eventually everything was in my room
- It allowed us to purge some stuff
- Her teenage room is now more sparse
- All of her cubbies remain in my room
- Time to walk through Ikea
- I didn’t rope drop or eat at Ikea
- Usually I park on level 2 or 3
- We can see the Bay Bridge
- Is it at the end/beginning of 80?
- Oh, 80, where did you go?
- Take the escalator up to the 2nd floor
- First display was a Clearance Display
- Small Rubber Tubs with Lids
- A Sturdy Box to Put Something In
- I enjoyed some of the people I saw
- A late morning Saturday trip to Ikea
- The Casino-Style Layout of Ikea
- I mean no disrespect to the one-way Ikea path
- Normally I need to lie down after I go to Ikea
- But this time I left somewhat invigorated
- The rest of the dresser and a full-length mirror
- The Rest of the Dresser?
- I couldn’t fit a bigger dresser in my Chevy Volt
- Fortunately we found a modular-style dresser
- We’d picked up 50% of the dresser on our last visit
- Continued Dresser Assembly
- Baskets, Bins, Cubes, whatever you want to call it
- Any one of these organizational items could change my life forever
- “Are You Hikin’ Ikea? Who, Me?” – Adam Scott and Scott Aukerman
- Hi-Chew Ikea, a podcast pitch
- IQ Ikea – that’s probably not a workable idea
- The tubs were on sale probably because they were green
- Still searching for a full-length mirror
- I had previously installed a full-length mirror on the back of her door
- I anticipated that I would see the mirrors right away
- But I was wrong
- Downstairs like kitchen and cabinets
- You start out with furnished apartments
- But then it’s sofas and chairs
- Bedding, not betting
- Kids stuff is right before the restaurant
- The mirror section was not upstairs
- If you haven’t lost track of who you are at this point, I don’t even know
- The Ikea Shopping Path follows the Hero’s Journey
- Communicating Campbell at ‘Kea
- I normally see my 8 inner selves in the rug section
- An impulse purchase of a carafe with a sealable lid
- Then you get into lighting
- I almost did a couple impulse purchases in lighting
- Where are the full-length mirrors?
- I didn’t commute with any goddesses on this particular trip
- A family was discussing full-length mirrors
- This kid was sliding walls back and forth
- The Single Father Mirror
- I found a mirror with a wooden frame
- I didn’t get any mentors or allies on this trip
- Or maybe I was the mentor to this bored child, sliding walls
- Wait, where was the stand-up mirror?!
- And then I set forth to gather my parts
- First up was the dresser parts
- I didn’t get one of those modular carts, which was a mistake
- The mirror fit right on top of the dresser
- What do I do with this glass carafe and my other shopping cart
- Don’t do what I did
- My hip check move against the checkout
- I try to avoid having any of this furniture turn into fast furniture
- 3 rounds of usage with that Malm Bed
- Doing Trunk Tetris with this furniture
- Construction will be the next episode
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