1223 – Morning Dove Metaphor | All Intros 901 – 905 For NYE 2023

Episode 1223 – Morning Dove Metaphor | All Intros 901 – 905 For NYE 2023

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, forest friends, everybody out there, it’s time for the podcaster that’s a bit odd, but that’s okay, patrons, because you support my oddness in a good way. It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast…if you ever feel a little bit odd, this is a place where you could feel comfortable because it’s led by an…I embrace my oddity. It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble stay…trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep? Trouble remembering? It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, a physical sensation, changes in time or temperature, changes in routine, so things…it could be things on your mind you’re thinking about. That happens to me pretty often. It could be feelings or emotions carrying over from the day or the past or the future. It could be any of those things.

 

It could be physical sensations, like whatever is keeping you awake, or it could be any of those other things. It could be anything. It could be something baffling. But whatever it is, I’m here to take your mind off of that, to keep you company. The way I’m…do it is, yeah, I’m trying to establish or send you this safe place, or…whether I’m there, I’m nearby, or I’m…whether I’m in the vicinity — you know I love that word — or I’m not. You just say, Scoots, I’d prefer you in a speaker across the room or placed under my pillow. Or maybe I’m right here in your earbuds. Well, I’m here, and I don't know if you can sense it but I’m smoothing, I’m patting and I’m rubbing down this safe place. One of the ways I do it is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.

 

I go off…so, that means I go off…so, that means…creaky, dulcet tones means that my voice is a bit different. It’s not melodious or catchy. You say, well, it’s…yeah, creaky, dulcet tones. It’s a sound you’re aware of…I mean, I always use the mourning dove…and I know there’s a lot of mourning dove fans out there. But for the most part — and I stand firmly in this place — mourning doves come in and out of my awareness. Literally, I don't know if this would happen because I’m not…I’m a bird…I’m not a birder. I’m a fan of birds, though. But test this out. Now, not every place in the world probably has a mourning dove, so maybe there’s another…a dove with a interesting sound. I don't think…a mourning dove makes a cooing-type sound and it’s very distinctive.

 

So, maybe you have a common…and I’m not saying you’re common, mourning doves. I’m using it as a illustrative point, I guess. A bird that sounds pretty often or that you assume…and I’m making an ass out of mourning doves and me, as normal, but maybe your area has a bird sound that’s pretty common. It could be…you say, well, what about…? All the singing birds are rolling their eyes at me or giving me the…for a bird, you could give me the side-eye. It’s probably pretty…it probably is natural. You say, okay, enough with the dad jokes about birds, Scoots. Okay, so…but so, you…for me, so, I really like the mourning dove sound. It makes me feel good. But I’m sure that during 99% of my walks, there’s a mourning dove sound and I’m just…I’m consumed with my own stuff.

 

But every once in a while I hear it and it triggers me to be in the moment, or I’m trying to stay in the moment and I notice it. Now, what was my…? Now, I rambled so much I forgot my point. I guess my point was…send my voice…oh, creaky, dulcet tones. But you would never say…so, the mourning dove is a soothing thing, but you’re not…it isn’t something that’s…some of those tweeting birds, especially when they start early, you could say, okay, enough with the singing. Great; the sun’s up. You’re happy. I get it. Or you’re mating. Whatever it is, I’m not in the mood for it. With a mourning dove, you say, oh, there’s a mourning dove. Now, I’m sure someone has a diary of when a mourning dove moved in. The mourning dove Above Where I Sleep, or something that someone wrote, a poem or a ode or a anti-ode.

 

They said, I’ve learned to loathe the mourning dove. I mourn every time it…I mourn my sleep, so lost. But that’s not what happens with this podcast. I mean, it does for some people. So, creaky, dulcet tones are…it’s so my voice…you say, well, it’s kind of memorable and forgettable at the same time. I guess that was my…I could have said it like that, but then I wouldn’t have a sleep podcast. Creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders…I guess I don't have to explain that because I just did an example of it. So, if you’re new…well, first of all, if you’re a regular listener, welcome back. I’m so happy to be here in your ears or nearby, to be here to keep you company. So, thank you so much for that. But what was my other point? Oh, boy. So, I’m glad you’re here. Oh, so if you’re a new listener, so, a few things to know.

 

This podcast does not work for everybody, but for the people it works for, it usually takes two or three tries. So, see how it goes, is what I would say. Give it a few tries and just see how it goes. That’s what most listeners say over the years. They’ve said…I’ve probably heard it hundreds of thousands of times. So, give it a few tries. See how it goes. That’s the first thing. Now, if…also if you’re new, if you’re skeptical or doubtful or unsure, that’s another thing. That’s perfectly natural. That’s how most people arrive at this podcast. You say, this is confusing. This person’s…I don't even know…is this a sleep podcast or a podcast about anti-odes? I say, well, no. I don't think I could fill fifty minutes with anti-odes. Anti-Odes, the breath mint for poets that…it’s the breath mint that doesn’t work.

 

So, if there’s no poetry in your heart and you want your breath to reflect that, use Anti-Odes. Find them only in Scooter’s…for sale in Scooter’s imagination. Mm, Anti-Odes, they don’t…you don’t say that when you have them. You don’t say that and neither does anyone else; Anti-Odes. When you’re feeling good and you want to feel…you say, you don’t…you’re fed up with feeling good, have yourself an Anti-Ode. Write yourself an anti-ode. When you think the sound of a bird sounds amazing, when you’ve tired of birdsong, write an anti-odes. Anti-Odes, tonight’s sponsor. Find them nowhere. But you could imagine it and then find it. Oh, okay…oh, so, new listeners, sorry. So, the show’s a bit different. It’s meant to kinda be consumed loosely, just like if you’re…just like listening to mourning doves.

 

That’s not a super active thing except for maybe some people. So, I almost…already over-explained it. Just kinda…you say, oh, there it is again. I wonder…I always…I wa-wa-wonder why I don't notice mourning dove songs all the time. Is it because they’re not always singing or I’m not always noticing? Is that a cosmic paradox or just one of my many issues with trying to stay in the moment? So, kinda listen to the podcast in that way; barely listen. That’s what a lot of regular listeners do. The other thing is is this podcast isn’t really here to put you to sleep. It’s here to keep you company as you fall asleep. So, if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here for an hour. If you need a lot of time, the shows are an hour to give you plenty of time to drift off.

 

But I’m more here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-sib, your bore-bestie. If you’re a surfer, your bore-bruh. Whatever it is, that’s the role I’m applying for. So, yeah, I’m here to just keep you company as you drift off, to take your mind off of stuff. The other thing new listeners will usually need to know is structurally what to expect, and this can really throw…this can get the steam coming out of people’s ears, 'cause oh boy, do they let me hear it…hear about it. So, I just want to tell you this…and you say, okay, it’s been addressed, or I’ll valid…you don’t need to e-mail me. I’ll just validate your strong feelings if you’re still here, but usually those people are already gone. Or, they usually fast-forward to twenty minutes and then they listen for a few more minutes and then they go. It’s a legitimate thing.

 

This structure of the show is very different. It starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, because I want to greet you and let you know this is a place I’m trying to keep…make safe and greet you, and that you’re welcome here. Then there’s…oh, then there’s business. That’s how we keep the show coming out twice a week on Wednesdays and Sundays, or Sundays and Wednesdays. That’s the business part of the show. Then there’s the intro. So, the business is probably from like, minute one to minute six or something, or five. I don't know. Then from that five or six to twenty-ish is the intro. Now, the intro is just…it’s a big part of the show. It’s actually, yeah, 30% of the show or something and it’s a part of the method, but it’s optional.

 

So, some listeners, about 2%, skip ahead to twenty minutes. So, it is optional, but…what was I gonna say? I already forgot this part of the method. Oh, but the intro…the whole idea of the intro is it eases you into bedtime. For a new listener, you say, okay, I get the idea; this doesn’t make any sense. That’s why it takes two or three tries. Then for the regular listener, they start listening to the show as they’re getting ready for bed, as they’re preparing for bed, as they’re starting their bedtime routine and their wind-down routine, or when they get in bed and they’re getting comfortable, turning out the lights, and pressing Play. So, the intro, at least in my experience of struggling with sleep, is that it takes a while to ease off.

 

I want to give you time to ease off and slowly take you away so that at some point you just stop listening to me. But I want to reassure you that I’ll be here, so if you wake up or you can’t sleep or you want to run the podcast all night, it’ll be here for you. So, that’s the purpose of the intro, is a long landing strip. Then there’s the…then there’s business, then there will be a story. Tonight will be our episodically modular serialized series, Otter Things, which you can listen to in any order 'cause we catch you up at the beginning of every episode, and that’s about otters and other friends that live in a swamp together, so…and just them exploring their story. So, it’s a nice little thing. All is well. That’s what Emma Otter says at the beginning of every episode, or all will be well. So, that’s the structure of the show.

 

Another thing to know is the reason why I make the show. Not only am I good at going off topic and I have creaky, dulcet tones and I have tons of superfluous and pointless meanders…those come natural to me. But the main reason I make the show is because I’ve been there. I know how it feels tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep. I’ve been through all that. So, if I can help, it would be my honor to help, to take your mind off of stuff, to keep you company, even, if you can’t sleep. That’s one of the main things I always craved, and it’s just hard even if you have a partner or you have a big family.

 

You know, naturally, a lot of other people are gonna be asleep, so I always felt that…a little bit feeling…like, I just want somebody to be there to say, hey, I’m gonna be here to keep you company whether you’re asleep or awake. I’m here. I’ll be talking to you, telling you a story. So, that’s why I make the show, is one, I know how it feels there in the deep, dark night. The other reason I make the show…and it kinda goes on the flip side of that, is I believe you deserve a good night’s sleep and that the world, your world and our world, will be a much better place if you can be rested and if you can live a fuller and flourishing life, and being rested is just a part of that, one small step.

 

So, if I can help, that would be my honor. It really would be something that is very worth it to me. So, I’m here to help, and yeah, I guess that’s it. Give the show a few tries. See how it goes. But I’m really glad you took the time to check this show out. See if it works for you. Give it a few tries. Yes, I’m repetitive. I repeat myself. But I’m here to help. Thanks so much for coming by. I yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to bring you this podcast twice a week.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, like things on your mind that you’re thinking about…so thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, so anything coming up for you mentally or in your mind coming up emotionally, feelings or physical feelings. It could be changes in time or temperature. Whatever it is, I’d like to take your mind off of that, and what I’m gonna do is I’m trying to create this safe place. I’m trying to smooth it.

 

I’m gonna pat it. I’m gonna rub it down. It’s very roomy. It’s a safe place I could send to you, and one of the ways I send it to you is by sending my voice across the deep, dark night. I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. I’m gonna go off-topic, I’m gonna have pauses that are not pregnant with meaning…or I guess they’re pregnant with meaning, to say, hey, I’m here to help. Or is it more like, hey, I’m trying to think of what I’m gonna say next and I have no idea? That’s not…that’s more like with a message. But I’m gonna go off topic, get mixed up. The whole idea of the show is I’m gonna take your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep. Now, if you’re new, a couple things to know right upfront.

 

I want you to know that most people come to this show skeptical and doubtful, and they actually remain that way for one or two listens. It takes two or three tries to get used to this show, so if you were gonna make a free investment, it would be that investment of your time. Literally, I do the thank-yous that are at the end of the show before I start to record the intro, 'cause it always helps me…remind me who’s listening, that you’re listening, and I need to respect that. But I got a healthy reminder of six or seven reviews in a row of people that…five-star reviews that said, hey, it took two or three tries. The first time I did not like this podcast. So, if you’re feeling like that, that’s totally normal and I would say, hey, give it a try, but the podcast just might not work. It doesn’t work for everybody.

 

But out of all those two…those people that just took the time…and that’s a big lift, to say, well, I’m gonna go on a podcast app, I’m gonna write a review with my thumbs, and figure out how to do that. That means that their skepticism…that it’s kinda true; it’s like, wow, I listened to this two or three tries. I want people to know that. I only say that to give it a chance, but that also it’s okay if it doesn’t work. I wish it…I wish this podcast worked for everybody, 'cause if it was, I’d be podcasting from a yacht. But it just doesn’t work for everybody. So, I hope it can work for you. So, see how it goes. That’s probably the most important piece of information, is that if you’re skeptical or doubtful, that’s totally normal and the usual reaction to the show, and that, two, kinda give it a try.

 

Three, going along those lines, is kinda listen to it loosely or out of focus or barely pay any attention, because, yeah, I’m not gonna really get to anything sensible, or it’s not gonna make a whole lot of sense. This is not a cohesive podcast. So, the main way to listen is just kinda get comfortable and then say, okay, let me see how this goes here. Let me see, I’m not so sure about…well, okay…well, I don't know. Let me get comfortable and just barely kinda listen to this person. So, that’s one thing, is this is the one podcast not meant to be totally listened to. But you could, because the other side of it is it’s a podcast that’s really more here to keep you company while you fall asleep. I’m not really a podcast that puts you to sleep, even though I kinda say that just to try to make it make sense. I’m more of a sleep offering.

 

I’m here around the campfire talking as you get in your bedroll and get cozy and drift off. The only difference is that there’s no social expectation that you pay any attention to me or give me any attention or pretend you’re listening. You don’t even have to pretend you’re listening to me, though as I do like to talk about, it can be pretty fun to say, uh-huh, Scoots, uh-huh. Like, even if you’re interrupting me or gently talking over…uh-huh. Oh yeah, totally. Uh-huh. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Oh boy, okay, Scoots. Uh-huh. Totally could see how you’d feel that way. Uh-huh. Sometimes I fall asleep like that; mm-hm, oh yeah. Well, no. Okay, not that part. Uh-huh. Oh, yep. So, see how it goes. Don’t really pay me any attention.

 

No pressure to fall asleep. The reason the shows are about an hour is to give you plenty of time to drift off. You could drift off at your leisure. Then if you can’t sleep, you know I’m gonna be here. There’s some listeners and maybe you…maybe that’s you that are listening to the podcast because they can't sleep or they’re up at night or they’re trying to get to bed during the day 'cause they work second or third shift or they’re on-call. I’m here for you whether I could put you to sleep or just keep you company. That’s really important to me, too. In fact, I would say that’s the higher mission of the podcast, and…to make a joke, then there’s people that are in a higher mission of listening to podcasts right now. I’m here for you, too, to make you giggle.

 

So, those are a couple things, and…I thought of something else I was gonna say in there and then I forgot it. But what else? Oh, structure of the show; that’s the next thing that can throw new people off, so let me explain that to you. So, the show starts out greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, then I try to say something funny but that is…also shows that I have a confused sense of humor. I confuse what’s humorous and what’s ridiculous. So, I was talking about Cinnamon Spice. Then there’s business. That’s how we bring the podcast out twice a week. Not super important for new people, and that’s a few minutes. Then there’s an intro. Now, the intro is the big bulk…the first third of the show.

 

So, the intro is around twelve to twenty minutes of the podcast and it’s just me doing this, what we’ve been doing for the past ten minutes or so, which is kind of explaining what the podcast is, going off topic, being a little bit silly. So, it introduces the show to a new listener like you, but then a regular listener like you…and if you become a regular listener or you already are one, even if you want to test out something new, the idea of the intro is it’s part of your bedtime wind-down routine, and that you get ready for bed and you’re listening or you’re in bed getting comfortable and you’re listening, or you’re doing some other wind-down activity.

 

Maybe you’re sipping at a bedtime tea, maybe you’re looking at the sky, I don't know, maybe you’re quiet sitting, maybe you’re…I don't know if journaling would be the best, but maybe you’re drawing or doodling or knitting or hooking. Maybe you’re painting; that would…that’s great. So, whatever it is, the intro is kinda meant to be…to wind down with you if you’re a regular listener. If you’re a new listener, it kinda just gives you a lay of the land, which is kinda meandering. You say, wait a second, are those undulating hills? I say, maybe. They could be. I like the way you think about hills. I love undulating hills. So, that’s the intro, then there’s business between the intro and the episode, then there’s an episode. Tonight we’ll be talking about Doctor Who, of all things.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, trees and Multi-forms…but I can guarantee by the end of the episode, you might be saying, Doc…was that episode about Doctor Who or Whom? Because I don't really remember that one. Or you might say, I don't watch Doctor Who, or I watched it back in the…twenty years ago and I don't…and I say, don't worry, this is gonna be sleepy and you don’t need to know the show at all. You’ll get a pretty good idea as I tell it to you in a nice, calm, meandering fashion. Then there will be some thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show and the kind of rules of what to expect.

 

The other things is…or the other things are that the reason I make the show is for you, because you deserve some rest if you’re on-call or you’re working second or third shift or you’re…you got stuff on your mind or feelings or physical sensations. You deserve some respite from that and a place where you could at least get some relaxation if not some sleep. If I can’t give you a little break, maybe I could take your mind off of stuff as you drift off. So, you do deserve a good night’s sleep. So, that’s one thing I want you to know. The other thing I want you to know is that I’ve been there. I know how it feels tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep. I have all of those in varying degrees.

 

So, I’m happy to help because I know how it feels and I want to make bedtime less of a chore, less of something you dread and more something you could look forward to. So, that’s everything. The other thing is…and this could be surprising to a lot of people, but a lot of work and thought goes into these shows because it’s really important to me. But a lot of the work is nonsensical, because I was thinking of the Cinnamon Spice at the beginning and then the Spice Girls. Then I was thinking, well, at some point they became the Spice Women. Then I said, well, are they getting pitched all the time to do a reboot of the Spice Girls at all? I mean, I know they’ve…I think they did a reunion tour or a reunion special. So, I was thinking that and I said, oh, it’s probably coming.

 

But then I said, what about…remember the Care Bears, right? You say, what do the Care Bears and the Spice Girls have to do with one another? I’d say, whoa, whoa, whoa, it’s a pretty easy connection to make. So, the Care Bears were back in the nineties and the eighties, maybe, and they were different teddy-bear-type characters. I don't know if they were from the land of Honalee or something, but they all had different powers based on what was on their belly. Someone would say, Rainbow Unicorn…I’m Rainbow Unicorn. What were they? The Care Bears. They cared about different things. I think one of them cared about a pot of gold over the rainbow, another one about hugs, sleep. They all had different things, very much like these other themed characters and beings.

 

Then I said to myself, okay, I guess that’ll be a series we’ll do one day, not in the near future but maybe in the long future, if I remember. We couldn’t use the Spice Girls 'cause obviously that’s a brand and Care Bears are a brand. But I was thinking Cinnamon Spice…I say, okay, well, you should go over and see Rosemary after that, because…you know what I mean? How come there hasn’t been any…or when did herbal-based and spice-based characters…how come they haven’t got their day? You say, well, what would you rather do, have a rainbow? I said, well, Rainbow Peppercorn. You’re down? Go see Rainbow Peppercorn. She’ll pep you right up. Also, just so you know…that I’ve shared this information, so it is…so, this was my idea. So, the…I don't know. I’ll think of it.

 

But so, that’s something to look forward to one day, and that’s just how my brain works. Then I slowly tease those thoughts out over a year or two and eventually make it into a bedtime story you don’t need to listen to. I do the work that you don’t need to listen to. It’s a great deal. That really is my honor. Making the show is my dream come true. I get to work really hard at something that’s helpful to you and that I feel is important, that the work that goes into it really builds what you don’t have to pay attention to in some paradoxical way.

 

But in the end it’s really about you getting a good night’s sleep, you deserving a good night’s sleep, and me knowing what it feels like on the other side of that. Also being reassured that when you’re rested, your world’s a better place and our world’s a better place. So, I think that’s it. I’m really glad you’re here. I appreciate you checking the show out and giving me your time. Like I said, I work hard. I yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to do it for you twice a week.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. We’re gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts you’re thinking about, like things on your mind, maybe your brain’s doing something; calculating, remembering, predicting, anticipating, other stuff, or just interrupting you. This is a distraction from your brain distraction. ‘Cause here’s the thing; every brain distract…every time my brain distracts me, it seems like it’s a high priority. Do we have any sandals? We gotta…can you look that up?

 

I say, wait a second, I’m trying to get this project…well, I’m just wondering if we have any…do you think any sandals are on sale? Because we…I mean, wouldn’t some sandals be nice right now? It’s really important to me. I say, well, this is important to me to get this work done. I’m in the middle of a podcast intro, believe it or not. I could see…I mean, I can see your point about those sandals, though. My brain would say, well, do you know what a Sandals Resort is? I’ve heard of that and I’ve seen the ads, but I don't really know what that is. Could you look it up? Maybe there’s some deals on Sandals Resort, or Club Med. You know those things? I’ve heard about them on TV and movies, but I don't really know what they are. I say, okay, well, what about this pod…? Oh boy, well, what do you think?

 

Don’t you think this would be a good time to look that up, though? Maybe just go…what if we just go to the Wikipedia? I say, but I’m going to bed. In this case, I’m making a podcast intro. Usually you’re saying that while I’m going to bed, and now you’re saying it when I was trying to make an example of it, but then you took me off topic. You’re right, though; that is…I think they’re all-inclusive. It’s like a…this is just my guess; either one of those, they may be separate things, but I think they’re a corporation that makes all-inclusive resorts. But that’s all I know. Okay, well, we’d know more, though, if you looked it up and if you saw if there was any specials or anything. Maybe they got a newsletter. Maybe there’s a blog about it, like an unofficial blog with reviews and deals. Remember that time…?

 

Okay, anyway, great examples. You did a good job. So, that’s thoughts, feelings, any feelings that are coming up for you. They might be emotions, longing and forlorn emotions for deals and information, or past regrets or other things. I don't want to put too many words on it. Those might not even be feelings. I’m not sure. Like, wondering; is that a feeling, you think, wondering if we’re gonna find out more? I don't know if wondering’s…I know I have the feeling when I say I wa-wa-wonder why you’re still bringing up Sandals Resorts which aren’t even a sponsor of the show, and the time recording this, there’s 0.0% chance of us resorting at all. But I gotta get back…so, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, if you’re experiencing anything physical that’s…I’m here to take your mind off of this stuff.

 

It could be any other things; changes in schedule, routine, noise, partner noise, weather, or just mystery stuff. Oh boy, that mystery stuff, it keeps me awake. Or dreams or stuff…you say, well, I just woke up. Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that. The way I’m gonna do it is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones. Oh, so creaky are my dulcet tones, almost…yeah, like a sandal on an ancient dock going out to a cabana or a bungalow. You’re so right, sandals brain. Yeah, we’d be creaking a lot less if we had those sandals that you’re imagining right there, for sure. You’re always correct with that. So, thoughts, feelings…oh, what was my point?

 

Oh, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders…you’ve already got a few of those early. Super…I guess that was more of a superfluous tangent. I’m not sure. But I’m gonna go off topic, I’m not gonna make a lot of sense, and that’s all to take your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep. Now, if you’re new, a few pieces of information; this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. That’s the first thing you need to know. You can kinda barely listen. Usually the first time, that’s not possible because you’re not really…it’s not really conducive to the first time. You say, well, I’m just trying to figure out what you’re doing and see what you’re up to. How are you gonna put us to sleep, or what’s the story? When do you get to the…? I say, okay, I’ll explain all that.

 

But usually it’s best to look at this podcast as if you were, yeah, on a dock looking at the water, and you never know what the water’s gonna look like. You say, whoa boy…I mean, my sandals part is saying, well, is that a turquoise or is that aquamarine? I’d say, well, it just depends on the time of day you’re out here and the surface of the water, so let’s just take it in. So, this podcast…the podcast is a bit like that, where you say, well, what’s the water like? Is it choppy or is it tranquil? You say, well, I don't really know. It’s kinda…it’s just water. It’s got some…it’s moving. Small waves, maybe? I don't know. Are small waves choppy? I don't know what to tell…so, this is…this podcast is a bit like that. You say, well, it’s not clear. So, just listen loosely.

 

The other thing to know is that it takes two or three tries to get used to this podcast for most people, maybe 80%, 90%. Also, that’s just a number that I’m guesstimating. Millions of people have said to me, and I’m not kidding; it took two or three tries before I got used to the podcast and then I started listening on a regular basis. So, give it a few tries. It is free and it’s here, so give it a shot and see how it goes, or give it a couple tests and see how it goes. Oh, the other thing is this podcast really isn’t here to put you to sleep. It’s just here to keep you company as you fall asleep. I’m more here to be your bedtime companion, your bore-bae, your bore-bud, your bore-sib, your bore-bestie. So, I’m just here to keep you company while you drift off.

 

So, it’s a little bit different. I’m your companion to distract you from whatever’s keeping you awake. So, that’s…so, it’s a podcast you don’t listen to, it’s a sleep podcast that doesn’t put you to sleep, and it never gets…it barely gets to any point. Also, it doesn’t really work on the first few times you use it. So, if I’m…if you’re still with me here after that pitch…I mean, I do have a sandal brain, so that…is that anything like a horseshoe crab? Do you think there’s any…do you think there’s a place at the Sandals Resorts or the Club Meds that we could observe horseshoe crabs at a distance? Also, here’s a question; do you think a horseshoe crab and an armadillo would be friends? Well, that’s the best…that’s probably the best thing I’ve ever heard in the podcast intro, ever. You’re probably…wow.

 

I don't know, but I’d like to think they would be. They’d have a lot of stuff to relate about, right? Right, but they’d also have things that…and I think there’s a metaphor there because they’re both…they say, well, I’m both…we’re both really soft on the inside, just like all of us are. But you say, what’s it like having a exoskeleton? You say, I don't know. What’s it like having a shell and whatever the…whatever’s not…an internal one? You know…well, it’s got its ins and outs, if you know what I’m saying. You say, was that a pun? What’s it like having that…? We both have tails, but they’re much different. So, okay, how do we get to that point? Oh, I was just wondering if that was something…maybe that could be a musical at one of the resorts. Maybe. It could be. But I gotta get back to the new listener. Oh, I forgot what I was gonna say.

 

Oh, a podcast you barely need to listen to. A couple other things to know if you’re new. One is the structure of the show is very different, too, so let me tell you about that really quick if I can, but I’m never very quick. The show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, so ideally you feel welcome and seen and you say, well, this could be a safe place for me. I’ll have to see. But at least my initial skepticism…I’ll check it out and see how it goes. So, that’s the greeting. Then there’s business, and that’s just how we’re able to bring you this podcast twice a week. Over 900 episodes — so far — I’ve been able to make because of the people…because of the business that keeps the show going. Then there’s the intro.

 

Now, the intro throws a lot of people off that are new because it’s around twelve to twenty minutes long of me rambling. But you could see what happens. I try to do that…welcome to the podcast, put you to sleep but take your mind off of stuff, you’re welcome here, give it a few tries, structure of the show…but then I think about…then I have different parts of my brain that say, hey, come over here. Let’s look at these…and then one…I mean, here’s the thing; you’re with me. I probably took your mind off of stuff just by thinking about…how nice would it be if an armadillo and a horseshoe crab were friends? I’d say, what if they were best friends, too? Yeah, and they say, well, let’s go under here. Let’s go…what is…? Then you say, maybe they would learn about each other. They say, what do you eat?

 

Then the armadillo may say, are you familiar with grubs? The horseshoe crab would say, are you familiar with the grubs of the sea? They’d say, no. Then they probably would sing A Whole New World or something like that. But so, that’s what the intro is, is me going off topic as I introduce the podcast. That’s what it is for new listeners. Now, my regular listeners, what up? Now, you’ve heard…you’ve never heard me pair up an armadillo and a horseshoe crab before, but I’ve definitely talked about either one of those in…by themselves. But so, for the regular listener, the intro is part of…80%, 90% of…I don't know, what did I say? 2% of listeners skip the intro. But so, for a lot of listeners, they either fall asleep during the intro or it’s part of their wind-down routine, whether they start it before they get in bed or after they’re in bed.

 

It eases you into bedtime. That’s why the intro is twelve to twenty minutes long, is to get you away from the day and just to help you unwind. So, whether you start the show before you get in bed or after…and that’s why so many people listen to the intros during the day, like when they need a break at work or when they need to focus at work but they need a mild distraction. So, that’s why the intro’s so long. It’s just me going off topic for your benefit. It’s something I’m good at. You say, what was that poem about footsteps and armadillos and horseshoe crabs? It said the longest set of…three set of footsteps ever was me following those…I said, I’d follow you two forever just to see what you talk about and what you do. Those were my footsteps behind you, listening in and observing.

 

But it would only be on the wall of the horseshoe crab and the armadillo, watching you with both interest and envy. As you walked along the beach, I walked behind you. Then when you told me to carry you, I said, armadillo, I don't know you that…you two are best friends; figure it out. I gotta go. So, that’s the intro, then there’s business, then there’s a story. Tonight it’ll be a crossover episode with We Fix Space Junk, a fiction…a serialized fiction podcast that I love and creators I love. But so, that’s what the…so, we’ll do a tribute kinda episode of their first two episodes, and then there’s some thank-yous at the end of the show. So, that’s the structure of the show. The only other thing you really need to know is that the reason I make the show is because you deserve a good night's sleep.

 

You deserve a place of respite, a place where you can unwind, get comfortable, and drift off. That’s what I’m here to provide, is a place for that, and the reason I want to is because you deserve a good night's sleep and because I’ve been there. You deserve a good night's sleep and your world and our world will be a better place if you get the rest you need, and I know how it feels tossing, turning, mind…I mean, obviously. You say, wait a second, this all started from wanting to know more about some TV-based resorts. But then you say, well, what a wonderful thing. We made two friends in there. So, why not take those…? Talk about the path…you say, the path never taken.

 

You say, well, but if that was an option path…I think we could all agree, or most of us…I guess I really…I realize that’s…for some people, armadillos or horseshoe crabs…you might say, no, no, no, I’d prefer them to stay out of my safe place. We say, okay, well, they will. Don’t worry. But for a lot of people, you say, wait a second, I could follow a horseshoe crab and a…that’s our resort. It’s called Wearing Sandals While You Follow A Horse…yeah, just follow them and you listen in and they talk about stuff. It’s a dream, a dream come true. So, that’s it. That’s why…I guess that’s the structure of the show. That’s why I make the show. I really appreciate you checking the show out. I work very hard. I yearn and I strive and I want to help you fall asleep. So, thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways we’re able to bring you this podcast twice a week. Thanks, everybody.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature or routine, schedule, whatever it is. So, it could be things on your mind you’re thinking about from the past, present, or future, you know, those things that just pop in your head at inconvenient times. How about this…I just thought of this, 'cause you know what pop and lock is?

 

That’s a style…I guess it’s…I don't know if it’s a dance move or a dance style, because you could use…it can’t just be…it’s more than just a move because you can…it’s…oh, I almost had the right word, which I’m sure it’s a very simple vocab…technique; I think it’s technique. But I say, well, what if it’s…oh, you say, what’s pop and lock? I say, well, I don't exact…I say, it’s not the robot. You’d know it when you see it. But what I was really gonna say is thoughts just pop in your head. Like, what if…here’s an…just a tech…this is another technique. Take a technique and build a technique with it. ‘Cause sometimes when I’m trying to go to bed, thoughts just pop in my head. I was just thinking, what if we made those thoughts pop and lock or do any sort of dance moves you find entertaining but difficult to do on your own?

 

Like pop and lock, break dance…it could be anything. But so, you picture that in your mind. You say, oh boy, spilling milk on yourself when you had a suit on or something. You say, okay, that’s not a memory I need to think about. I’m going to bed. But you say, okay, well, if the part of my brain…the representative image of that…the person…not the part…not the memory…you could picture yourself doing that. It would be pretty cool. There’s another technique we just found; if you do spill something on yourself, just start to dance right after it. Like, in a way you say, well, I just spilled…that’s what I do when I spill something on myself. I dance. It’s a dance of acceptance of my imperfection. Being imperfect makes me want to dance. Some part of my brain said, so, do you dance all of the time?

 

I’d say, well, I’d strive to, honestly, within me. But I was gonna say, what if the part of me that’s bring…that popped that memory into my brain…not necessarily the memory of me spilling milk on myself when I’m wearing a suit…actually, the last time…here’s…this is…I’ll get back to it, but the last time I was in a suit, I was at a family function. Then after the family function…this was about eighteen month…eh, I don't know. It was 2019. After the family function…I’m pretty sure this is what happened; two…there was a buffet, you know, with…baked ziti was one of the things in the buffet. I didn’t notice this ‘til it was really embarrassing. So, at some point, one of three things happened. While I was eating some baked ziti, it dropped into my lap. Then maybe I ground it into my lap area, if you know what I’m saying.

 

It was still clearly baked ziti. So, that’s one of the things that could have happened. But I don't think that happened, 'cause I don't eat…if there was a buffet with baked ziti, I don't think I would eat enough…I’m usually not eating a lot of baked ziti. If you’re new, don't worry, I’ll get back to you. This is an early tangent. You’re in for a treat. But so, I don't think that happened. So, the other two things that could have happened is one, I walked…just like Icarus, I…for some reason my lower extremities bumped up against some ziti. I say, if you can’t laugh at that, what can you laugh at? So, that’s the other possibility. But the third thing is…what I think really happened is I gave a hug…I knew one of the people that was running the buffet, and so, I gave her a hug. I said, holy cow, can you take a break?

 

So, maybe there was ziti on their apron and it got onto my lap area. Now, after that, which even if it was the hug…it was when I was getting ready to leave but not when I left, so I probably still saw twelve to twenty members of my family and said goodbye to them with a groin full of ziti. Also, that’ll be a book or an album I’ll put out one day; A Lap Full of Ziti. You’re right, let’s just go…let’s leave it subtextual. You’re right. There’s two different…yeah, you’re right, A Lap Full of Ziti. I think David Sedaris already wrote that. That was probably in…so, that’s probably…that’s probably…I gotta do A Groin Full of Ziti. Then we had to go…so, we left this buffet, then we had to go…we went to a Walgreens to pick something up, then we went from…to an Aldi…an Aldi's or Aldi's?

 

However you say that, to pick something up for yet…we went from a buffet and then we still had to go again for a coffee and we had to bring something to the coffee. So, we went to Aldi’s to get that, and at some point when I was in the Aldi’s, either my brother said it to me or I noticed that I had a groin or a lap full of ziti. Like, covered. Not just…like, huh, is that ziti or is that…? It was like, there was pieces of ziti and ricotta. It didn’t look embarrassing; it looked like I still had…it was like there was some sort of mech…what’s that called? Magnet. I had ziti magnetism. It gets even better.

 

I guess you say, oh boy, you got a magnetic thing going there with your ziti. So, if I would have noticed that…at the time, I just said, oh well, that kinda stinks 'cause I only wear a suit once every three years and I wasn’t planning on cleaning this suit for…until three years from now, so now I’ll have to figure…and now that I just realized that my suit is still in my closet with the ziti on it…so, what was my point there? I gotta get that suit cleaned 'cause that’s the only suit I own, too. I wonder how eighteen months of ziti will do in there if it’s really ground in. I don't know if I’ll be able to Shout it out.

 

Oh, my point was, though, what if I had pop and locked right there on Aldi’s, or just started dancing or doing jazz hands, whatever it is, dancing knees or hip…Shakira…doing the Shakira hip thing or something, some pop culture reference that people actually would recognize, which would take…that dance move, I’d say…I don't even know, because people don’t do…even the dances I’m kind of…like some TikTok dance. Oh yeah, that TikTok dance where you put your hand above your head while you drop your knees to your ankles so your butt touches your heels. I’d like to be good at…I should have done that one. That’s at the end of one of those TikToks from 2019.

 

Oh, so, my point is, hey, I’m here…whatever’s keeping you awake, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature, any of those things, I’m here to take your mind off of that. I think maybe that tangent may have…holy tangential. The way I’m gonna do it is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents. Which, we went from a pointless meander to a superfluous tangent just then. I’m gonna go off-topic, clearly, all to take your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep. Now, if you’re new, a couple things to know. It’s a little late; I’ll agree with you there. One, this podcast does not work for everybody and it’s not everybody’s cup of tea. But for the people it works for, it takes two or three tries.

 

So, one thing to know is give it two or three tries. The other thing is that this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. It’s a podcast you’re barely present for and you don’t have to give it very much attention. So, you say, okay, well, I wasn’t even aware…ideally you say, I don't even know what Scoots was talking about. Something about…he was baking ziti or he invented a dance called Baked…The Baked Ziti, but it was really just that…I think…or maybe he said if he could invent a dance, he wouldn’t invent a dance called The Baked Ziti because…he said, well…I don't know. Then he said, maybe I would…he goes, I don't think I would do a dance just called The Ziti. He said, but maybe The ZD…he could do a dance where you’re doing a Z and then a D.

 

So, I don't know, that would be what you’d remember about this podcast in the morning, if you’re a regular listener. Now, if you’re new, just kinda consume that podcast…see if you could have a looser hold on this podcast. Just barely pay attention to me. So, that’s one thing to know. The second thing to know is that…what is the second thing? Oh, this is a podcast…oh, a podcast…oh, it’s not really here to put you to sleep, either. I’m here to keep you company as you drift off. I have…give you plenty of time to drift off. The reason the shows are about an hour is so you could drift off at your leisure. There’s no pressure to fall asleep. I’m gonna be here for about an hour. Then if you can’t sleep, I’ll be here to the very end. I’ll be here telling you a bedtime story whether you’re awake or asleep.

 

So, it’s a podcast you don’t need to listen to, it doesn’t really put you to sleep, it just keeps you company. Ideally I become your bore-bae, your bore-friend, your bore-sib, your bore-bestie, your bore-cuz. So, those are things you need to know. The other thing is — for new listeners — is the structure of the show can throw people off. The show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, so you know you’re seen and welcome here. That’s how I just start to invite you into this safe place that I’m trying in an imperfect way to create. Then there’s business. That’s how we’re able to bring you the podcast twice a week on a regular basis, is the sponsors and the people that support the sponsors. That’s a few minutes, then there’s an intro.

 

The intros are around twelve to twenty minutes long, and it’s me rambling, going off topic as you saw, with two goals; one, to put…well, a couple goals. One, to introduce new people to the podcast and give you a general idea of what to expect, which is nonsense and tangents. Two is to put you to sleep, really, or to try to help you unwind if you become a regular listener, because regular listeners…2% of regular listeners skip ahead to twenty minutes and start the show there. So, everyone else starts the show and listens kinda through, but people listen through in a different way. Some people start playing it before they get into bed as they start to unwind or lightly read or doodle or do any yarn or…what is that other stuff called? Thread-based activities. Maybe some…maybe you’re modelling clay.

 

Maybe you’re modelling clay like I am. Maybe that’s my TikTok outfit. I say, okay, I’m modelling clay. I’m wearing it as a clay-based outfit. I think if I was gonna…I don't know if terracotta is actually a clay, but that seems very breathable. So, that would probably be the one I’d be most interested in, if I have a choice. But I guess maybe some softer clay on the inside, though of course I’ll have a lap full of ricotta, so that helps, too. Oh, so the intro…so, some listeners fall asleep during the intro, but a lot of listeners are either getting ready for bed or they’re getting in bed and I’m easing you into bedtime. So, for the regular listener, what up, regular listeners? You’re not regular to me, believe me. You’re super special. So, I gotta come up with another term for that. But you listen on a regular basis; that’s what I meant. I’m sorry.

 

I didn’t mean to call you a regular listener. You know what I meant. My bore-baes, my bore-cuzes, my bore-sibs, my bore-besties, my bore-bruhs, those of you that dance the ZD and The Ziti with me. What was…? You know what I was talking about. I don't. But so, it eases everybody into bedtime, takes your mind off of stuff so you could kinda fall asleep and get some distance from the day. So, that’s what the intro does, and some new listeners say, why does it go on and on and on, or why don’t you get to the point, or are you just talking about business or something? I say, no. I’m kinda talking about…I’m talking about something but with a whole lot of nothing. Using ziti as a metaphor…you say, okay…I mean, ziti’s the big…the thick, round ones, right? Maybe penne…ziti is a giant penne? Is that…am I on the right track?

 

If you baked ziti, is it a tomato sauce with ricotta cheese? Maybe I’m wrong. Some people could say…if you were…if you came from a place where you say…if you were paying for the buffet and you weren’t familiar with ziti…and let’s just say you were paying…instead of paying…you say, well, a dish of ziti is $20. You weren’t paying by the pound. You say, well, at our buffet, we do charge by the cubic foot. You say, well, I don't want ziti because it’s a whole lot of nothing. You say, well, no, it’s not; it’s ricotta, it’s pasta, it’s tomato sauce. Very popular because it’s…fits a lot of different eating types, and we use non-dairy ricotta here, gluten-free pasta, so…you say, yeah, but it’s…if I’m paying by the cubic foot, I want something denser. Can you crush the ziti down? You say, aren’t you in the middle of an intro for a sleep podcast?

 

I say, you’re right. Thank you. Thanks. You’re worth your weight in cubic feet, if you don’t mind me saying. Oh, you don’t know what I’m talking about? That’s great. Anyway, just leave the ziti. I’ll have one crushed and one non-crushed ziti, please. Oh, he put it in my lap. Thank you so much. Sorry, that was a part of my brain. So, just see how it goes. See how the intro goes. The other things you need to know is I make this show because I’ve been there and I know how it feels tossing and turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep. So, I just want to help you get a good night’s sleep because you deserve a good night’s sleep. The world and your world and our world will be a better place if you get the sleep you need. So, that’s why I make the show, is so you can get some rest.

 

Now, the podcast does not work for everybody, so just kinda see how it goes. It’s free to listen to, so give it a couple tries and see how it goes. I hope it helps you. I really appreciate you coming by and checking this podcast out. I work very hard. Oh, what else? The structure of the show; sorry. After the intro is business, some part of my brain just told me, then it’ll be our ongoing episodically modular series, Otter Things, and then some thank-yous at the end. So, that’s why I wanted to just tell you that. So, thank you so much for checking the show out. I work very hard. I yearn and I strive. I really want to help you fall asleep, and thanks again for coming by. And here’s a couple ways we’re able to bring you this podcast twice a week.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts you’re thinking about, so things on your mind, thoughts, feelings, so anything emotional coming up for you from the past, present, or future, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature, routine. What about R-U-D-E? I don't know if I’ve used…that’s a very hard word to use in the beginning of a sleep podcast, but I just thought of it.

 

When I mispronounce ‘routine’, it almost sounds like ‘rude-tine’. So, maybe we’ll come back to that. But if you’ve dealt with any of that today at any point or in the past and you’re…sometimes it can come up. You say, well, that was when I was fourteen, but I’m still feeling a little miffed about it. Then some part of your brain, while you’re trying to fall asleep, paradoxically, would say, well, I don't know if you should be…and you say, okay, so are you getting miffed at me for being miffed about that, about back then? Yes, I am. Oh, great. So, whatever’s keeping you awake, it could be thoughts, feelings, could be physical sensations. Whatever you’re experiencing, I’m here to take your mind off of that, and what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.

 

I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones. Oh, so creaky are my dulcet tones. Creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders…definitely my meanders will be rounded, curved…you say, well, it don’t look curved to me, Scoots. It looks like…a bit like a knotted rope that hasn’t been…I say, well, yeah, creaky, dulcet tones and pointless meanders become…it can…could there be a cacophony of knotted rope? Yeah, knotted and bundled; you got it. But whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’d like to distract you from that. So, if you’re new, a couple things to know right upfront. If you’re a regular listener, welcome back. So glad to have you here. As you know, this part will be familiar and unexpected at the same time. But if you’re new, a few things to know.

 

One, for most people that get to this podcast, some people it instantly clicks for, but for…in the high ninety percentage of people, they get to it…and you could approach this podcast with a little bit of skepticism or doubt or…you know, just unsure. You’re like, I don't know…what’s going on here? That’s very understandable. So, I want to let you know that your skepticism or doubt is justified. As someone that does have trouble sleeping, I’ve dealt with it, too. You say, well, is this…this is really supposed to help me fall asleep? So, one, if you’re skeptical or doubtful, you’ll probably remain that way, to be honest. It’s my job to earn your trust but it does take, according to 90% of listeners, two or three tries to get used to this podcast.

 

I guess I would say that’s asking a lot, but the podcast is free and if you’re already having trouble falling asleep, just give it a few tries. Try it for three nights. Give Sleep With Me the three-night try. Give it a try for three nights and then see how it goes. If it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out, right? So, that’s one thing; give it a few tries. The other thing is this is a podcast you barely listen to. So, if you’re patiently waiting for the story to start or for me to get to the sleepy stuff, we’re already knee-deep in sleepy stuff and pointless meanders. I’ll eventually not get very far. So, kinda listen a little bit out-of-focus and in a relaxed way and just see how it goes. But almost…don’t pay me any mind, as my nana always says, particularly right when I get on stage to start a speech or I start a stream or I start recording.

 

She says, don’t pay him any mind. I say, okay. She says, well, I’m just trying to help take the pressure off you. I say, nana, could you sit down? Everyone else is a guest. I’m trying to…she said, this is just your imagination. I say, oh, thanks for doing that before I go out on stage or before I start the stream, nana, to do that. She goes, yep. She goes, that way, if you’re already on the ground…this is another famous thing nana said; if you’re already on the ground, there’s nowhere to fall. I said, wow, nana. She said, so…if you’re prone, you can't…there’s no…you know. I say, huh. Prone and alone, and something else…lessons I learned from my internal nana.

 

I only learned ‘prone’…I mean, I knew what that word meant, but it’s more in my usage now because I’ve been learning to be a DM, which is a person that runs a roleplaying game, in my personal life. Oh, I’m sorry, new listener. I went off…I was saying that you don’t need to listen to me and the show is full of pointless meanders. So, I think I got that part pointed out. It only took me six minutes. So, that’s one thing, you don’t need to listen to this podcast. Also, this podcast really isn’t here to put you to sleep. It’s here to keep you company as you fall asleep. The good news is that’s why the shows are about an hour, is to keep you company no matter how long it takes. If you can’t sleep or you wake up or you need a break during the day, I’m here for you. I’ll be here to the very end of this episode.

 

So, those are a few other things I wanted to point out to you, 'cause they’re really important to me that you know them. So, what else is there? Oh boy, I already got mixed up. Oh, so…oh, is…yeah. So, I’m here to keep you company as you drift off. Oh, then structure of the show also can throw new listeners off naturally. Our show is very structured but it does look like a ball of knotted rope and…you say, is that rope, yarn, string, and fishing line? I’d say, yep, it is, all together. One big bundle of meanders. But so, structurally, the show starts out with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, and in this particular episode, trees and Multi-forms. Then there’s business.

 

The business is what ables…enables us to bring the podcast to millions of people every month twice a week. Then there’s an intro. The intro is what particularly throws people off, 'cause I think sometimes people think that the business rolls into the intro, but the intro’s really the bulk of the first…is the first third of the show, and it’s about twelve to twenty minutes long where I kind of…for new listeners, I try to explain what the podcast is, and for regular listeners, it’s their symbol or their sign to start getting ready for bed, starting their skincare routine or their wind-down routine or their balming routine or their petting routine or they’re doodling or they’re knitting, stretching, sitting, or just lying in bed and getting comfortable.

 

The intro provides a chance…it provides something familiar but something that’s a little bit different every time to slowly let you wind down and drift away and get some separation from everything else. So, that’s the intro, then between the intro and the episode is some business, and then there will be the episode. Tonight we’ll be talking about Doctor Who. But as I said, you’ll be saying, Doctor Who? After you listen, 'cause it will not be…'cause actually, I’ve heard from people from the seventies or eighties…and I was a kid of the eighties, and I say, yeah, no, I know that Doctor Who that used to just pop up on TV was not soothing. This is the new Doctor Who. So, that’s one part of it. The other thing is it really doesn’t…I’ve covered other stuff, too, and it’s very not like the episode.

 

I cover the episode, but mostly the details or…I can’t stick to the subject matter. So, it’ll be…it should be very soothing and relaxing. You say…and if you’re a Doctor Who fan, you say, well, I don't know if I could fall asleep; it’s…I’m so riveted by that episode. I say, well, just wait and see. So, those are a couple things to know. Then there’s some thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show. It’s a podcast you don’t need to listen to and no pressure to pay attention, and try, if you can, not to wait for it to start making sense. Then, yeah, structure; we covered that. Then the other thing is why do I make this podcast? There’s two reasons I make the show. One, you deserve a good night’s sleep.

 

You deserve a safe place of respite and relaxation, and that’s why I make the show, because you deserve that, and your world, your life, will be in a place where you could slowly start to flourish and…when you get some rest. That means our world will be in a better place when you have the opportunity to grow and flourish. That just makes everybody’s world a better place. So, that’s one reason. The other reason is I know how it feels. Especially right now, the unexpect…the uninspection…I remember I used that term maybe a year ago, but the unexpected nature for a lot of us about sleep…you say, well, I’m doing everything I’m supposed to. That’s me. I know how…I’ve been doing this seven years, so I know about bedtime routines and morning routines. Then sometimes I still…it comes up and I say, what in the heck?

 

I did everything I did last night and it didn’t work. That’s a mild version of how it feels, right? It doesn’t feel even like that. You say, what in the…? So, I know how it feels and if I can help anybody at all, if I can help you, it would mean a lot to me because I’ve been there. Really, alls I really wanted…and this is the biggest…this is the behind-the-scenes or the underpinnings of the show, is my job is really just to be here talking nonstop in a nonsensical way, to say, hey, it really stinks that you can't sleep. I don't know if there’s anything specific I can do to change that, but I’m familiar with how that feels and I know it’s not pleasant. So, maybe I could just be here to tell you a story and keep you company, because that doesn’t seem like…you know? So, that’s really my job. It isn’t to put you to sleep. It’s just to be here for you.

 

Ideally, by doing that, you say, well, Scoots is here for me, which is the truth. I’m here for you. You don’t have to listen to me. So, you say, oh, wait, but I don't have to listen to Scoots and he’s not really here. He’s coming across the deep, dark night by bits and whatever, bits and zeroes or whatever, so he’s not gonna leave any crumbs behind or…I say, did you close both doors? Did you push the thing? You didn’t leave any half glass of milk out or anything, did you, Scoots? I say, nope. I just came across by the magical RSS feed. You say, so there’s no…I can come to you and I can be there for you, and there’s no pressure on you. You could set a sleep timer or you could turn me on when you wake up. Some people listen all night. The Patreon is a little bit better for all-night listening.

 

It’s almost…just really hard to figure out a way to make a all night-podcast only that’s sustainable. But some people make it work, so I know a lot of people do listen all night. Some people start a episode and then listen to it over the course of a week. Whatever…however it works for you over the long term is great. But I want you to know that my real job is just to be here to keep you company, to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-sib, your bore-bestie, just to be a simple presence that says, you know what? That seems like it stinks. I could talk about…I could talk…some goofy stuff for a little while and get mixed up and tell you about my nana and then tell you about this Doctor Who episode I watched, if that might help. I don't know.

 

But I’ll be here to keep you company, and if you want to fall asleep at any point, don’t worry about it. I’ll just be here for you. So, that really is a job I am honored to do. That’s why I laughed, 'cause it sounds ridiculous, but it’s true. That’s what makes it even more wonderful. So, I think that’s it. I’m glad you’re here. I appreciate you checking the show out. If this is your first time, like I said, give it a few tries and see how it goes. If it doesn’t work, I’m sorry. It just doesn’t work for everybody. I’m not everybody’s cup of tea. You could check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. But yeah, I appreciate your time. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive. Thanks again for coming by, or thanks for being here night after night, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to bring you this podcast for free twice a week.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)

All Intros

 

Birding

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/how-bird-collecting-evolved-into-bird-watching-180980506/

https://blogs.zeiss.com/sports-optics/birding/en/part-1-how-it-all-began-the-roots-of-bird-watching/

https://www.10000birds.com/a-history-of-birdwatching-in-100-objects-a-review.htm

 

Spice Girls

https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-57734073

https://www.bustle.com/entertainment/how-were-the-spice-girls-formed

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/music/artists/spice-girls-wannabe-story-a-z-how-made-25-anniversary-2021/

 

Horseshoe Crab

https://www.iucn.org/news/species-survival-commission/202006/international-horseshoe-crab-day-a-celebration-flagship-species-coastal-habitat-conservation

https://ocean.si.edu/ocean-life/invertebrates/flu-season-thank-horseshoe-crab

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/animals/article/horseshoe-crab-blood–can-save-lives-can-we-protect-these-animals-from-ourselves

 

Pop and Lock History

https://dancespirit.com/urban-legend/

https://the-next-step.fandom.com/wiki/Pop_and_lock

https://blogs.uoregon.edu/jerkrumpop/popping/

 

Old Doctor Who

http://www.shannonsullivan.com/doctorwho/begin.html

https://www.historyextra.com/period/20th-century/doctor-who-history-facts/

https://www.vulture.com/2013/11/25-defining-moments-from-50-years-of-doctor-who.html

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

Hello forest friends and patrons

 

Deep Dark Night United

Melanie (Zocdoc)

 

PLUGS

Hand In Hand; The Midnight Mission; The Trevor Project; Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline

 

SPONSORS

Wild Health; Hello Fresh; Polysleep; Odoo; Helix Sleep; Air Doctor Pro; Zocdoc; Progressive

 

STORY

• • 901
  • Past, Present, Future Emotions
  • It could be something baffling
  • Whether I’m in the vicinity or not
  • My voice is not melodious or catchy
  • The Morning Dove Metaphor
  • Thoughts on Birding
  • Coo-ing Type Sound (CTS)
  • I bet birds can easily give side eye
  • “The Morning Dove”, an Ode
  • See How It Goes
  • Is this a podcast about anti-odes?
  • Have an Antiode Breathmint
  • This structure can really get the steam coming out of people’s ears
  • The whole intro is supposed to ease you into bedtime

• Otter Things

• • 902
  • It’s a safe place I can send to you
  • Pauses pregnant only in meaning
  • Most people come to the show skeptical and doubtful
  • A healthy reminder that this show takes some time to get used to
  • You don’t even have to pretend to pay attention to me
  • Drift off at your leisure
  • A Confused Sense of Humor
  • Extensive Intro Chat
  • I love undulating hills
  • Is this about Doctor Who or Doctor Whom?
  • You deserve some rest 
  • I want to make bedtime less of a chore
  • At what point did the Spice Girls become the Spice Women?
  • Care Bears x Spice Girls
  • Spice-Based Characters (SBCs)
  • A prelude to Spice Friends
  • Feeling down? Go see Rainbow Peppercorn
  • 903
  • Every time my brain distracts me, it seems high priority
  • Mental Sandal Alert
  • My brain demands sandal answers now!
  • Oh boy, that mystery stuff keeps me awake
  • Thank you, Sandals Brain
  • Is this water more turquoise or aquamarine?
  • Is my sandal brain anything like a horseshoe crab?
  • Could we observe some horseshoe crabs?
  • Do you think a horseshoe crab and an armadillo would be friends?
  • What’s it like having an exoskeleton?
  • A Horseshoe crab musical
  • What if a horseshoe crab and an armadillo were BFFs?
  • The Grubs of the Sea
  • What was that poem about footsteps, horseshoe crabs, and armadillos?
  • Crossover with We Fix Space Junk
  • I know how it feels

• The Path Never Taken

• • 904
  • Is Pop and Lock a dance move or a dance style?
  • Make your thoughts pop and lock
  • If you spill something on yourself, just dance right after it
  • The last time I wore a suit
  • Spilling baked ziti on my lap

• Lapful of Ziti

• • I think David Sedaris already wrote that
  • An Aldi Discovery
  • A groinful of ziti discovery
  • I had Ziti Magnetism
  • I just realized that that suit is still dirty and in the closet
  • But what if I had started popping and locking right there in the Aldi?
  • Do the ZD Dance
  • My TikTok is all about modeling clay
  • Clay-Based Outfit (CBO)
  • Is a Ziti like a giant Penne?

• Otter Things

• • 905
  • R-U-D-E
  • The Rude Teen Routine
  • Some Mutual Miffing
  • My voice is a cacophony of knotted rope
  • We’re already knee deep in sleepy stuff and pointless meanders
  • “Don’t pay him any mind” – Nana
  • If you’re already on the ground, there’s nowhere to fall

• Prone and Alone: Lessons I Learned from my Inner Nana

• I just learned the word “prone” from DnD
• Welcome, tress and multiforms
• I was a kid of the 80s
• That old Doctor Who was not particularly soothing
• More like Doctor Who?
• Scoots and the Doctor will not leave behind any crumbs
• I just come through via the magical RSS feed

 

PATREON THANKS

n/a

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1,223

Title: Morning Dove Metaphor | All Intros 901-905 for NYE 2023

Deep Dark Night United: Melanie (Zocdoc)

Plugs: Hand In Hand; The Midnight Mission; The Trevor Project; Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline

Sponsors: Wild Health; Hello Fresh; Polysleep; Odoo; Helix Sleep; Air Doctor Pro; Zocdoc; Progressive

Patreon Thanks: n/a

Notable Language:

• 901
• Vicinity
• Coo-ing Type Sound (CTS)
• Antiodes
• All Will Be Well
• 902
• A Confused Sense of Humor
• Undulating Hills
• Doctor Whom
• Spice-Based Characters (SBCs)
• 903
• Sandals
• Thank you, Sandals Brain
• Turquoise
• Aquamarine
• Exoskeleton
• The Grubs of the Sea
• 904
• Pop & Lock
• Ziti
• Ziti Magnetism
• Clay-Based Outfit (CBO)
• 905
• R-U-D-E
• The Rude Teen Routine
• Prone

 

Notable Culture:

• • 901
  • Birding
  • “The Morning Dove”, an Ode
  • Antiodes Breathmints
  • Otter Things
  • Emmet Otter

• Stranger Things

• • 902
  • Spice Girls

• Doctor Who

• • Care Bears
  • “Puff the Magic Dragon”

• Spice Friends

• • 903
  • Sandals Resorts
  • Club Med
  • Horseshoe Crabs
  • “A Whole New World”

• The Little Mermaid

• We Fix Space Junk podcast

• • The Path Never Taken

• 904

• • Pop & Lock
  • Icarus
  • Lapful of Ziti
  • Aldi
  • Shakira
  • TikTok
  • Otter Things

• 905

• • Inner Nana
  • Prone and Alone: Lessons I Learned from my Inner Nana
  • Dungeons & Dragons

• Doctor Who

 

Notable Talking Points:

• • 901
  • Past, Present, Future Emotions
  • It could be something baffling
  • Whether I’m in the vicinity or not
  • My voice is not melodious or catchy
  • The Morning Dove Metaphor
  • Thoughts on Birding
  • Coo-ing Type Sound (CTS)
  • Coo-ing Type Sound (CTS)
  • I bet birds can easily give side eye
  • “The Morning Dove”, an Ode
  • See How It Goes
  • Is this a podcast about anti-odes?
  • Have an Antiode Breathmint
  • This structure can really get the steam coming out of people’s ears
  • The whole intro is supposed to ease you into bedtime
  • Otter Things

• 902

• • It’s a safe place I can send to you
  • Pauses pregnant only in meaning
  • Most people come to the show skeptical and doubtful
  • A healthy reminder that this show takes some time to get used to
  • You don’t even have to pretend to pay attention to me
  • Drift off at your leisure
  • A Confused Sense of Humor
  • Extensive Intro Chat
  • I love undulating hills
  • Is this about Doctor Who or Doctor Whom?
  • You deserve some rest 
  • I want to make bedtime less of a chore
  • At what point did the Spice Girls become the Spice Women?
  • Care Bears x Spice Girls
  • Spice-Based Characters (SBCs)
  • A prelude to Spice Friends
  • Feeling down? Go see Rainbow Peppercorn
  • 903
  • Every time my brain distracts me, it seems high priority
  • Mental Sandal Alert
  • My brain demands sandal answers now!
  • Oh boy, that mystery stuff keeps me awake
  • Thank you, Sandals Brain
  • Is this water more turquoise or aquamarine?
  • Is my sandal brain anything like a horseshoe crab?
  • Could we observe some horseshoe crabs?
  • Do you think a horseshoe crab and an armadillo would be friends?
  • What’s it like having an exoskeleton?
  • A Horseshoe crab musical
  • What if a horseshoe crab and an armadillo were BFFs?
  • The Grubs of the Sea
  • What was that poem about footsteps, horseshoe crabs, and armadillos?
  • Crossover with We Fix Space Junk

• I know how it feels

• • The Path Never Taken
  • 904
  • Is Pop and Lock a dance move or a dance style?
  • Make your thoughts pop and lock
  • If you spill something on yourself, just dance right after it
  • The last time I wore a suit
  • Spilling baked ziti on my lap

• Lapful of Ziti

• • I think David Sedaris already wrote that
  • An Aldi Discovery
  • A groinful of ziti discovery
  • I had Ziti Magnetism
  • I just realized that that suit is still dirty and in the closet
  • But what if I had started popping and locking right there in the Aldi?
  • Do the ZD Dance
  • My TikTok is all about modeling clay
  • Clay-Based Outfit (CBF)
  • Is a Ziti like a giant Penne?
  • 905
  • R-U-D-E
  • The Rude Teen Routine
  • Some Mutual Miffing
  • My voice is a cacophony of knotted rope
  • We’re already knee deep in sleepy stuff and pointless meanders
  • “Don’t pay him any mind” – Nana
  • If you’re already on the ground, there’s nowhere to fall

• Prone and Alone: Lessons I Learned from my Inner Nana

• I just learned the word “prone” from DnD
• Welcome, tress and multiforms
• I was a kid of the 80s
• That old Doctor Who was not particularly soothing
• More like Doctor Who?
• Scoots and the Doctor will not leave behind any crumbs
• I just come through via the magical RSS feed