1211 – More Mulling Magazines
cooter takes a sleepy spin through some vintage parody paper.
RBG supports (and in her honor I support)- Friends of Hand in Hand – https://handinhandk12.org/about/
Episode 1211 – More Mulling Magazines
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who’s here to…oh, to read some silly stuff together, and I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep. So happy to be here in your ears. It really is my honor. This is a podcast that’s a little bit goofy, a little bit silly. I go off-topic. It does take some getting used to. Takes most people two or three tries to get used to the show because of a couple reasons; I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff stuff, to make the deep, dark night less lonely while you fall asleep, to just be your friend chattering away about almost nothing.
I do it because I know how it feels not to be able to sleep and I want to help you if I can, because you deserve a good night’s sleep. That’s why the show is here, to cut through the loneliness, to take your mind off of stuff so that you could fall asleep, because you deserve it. You deserve a bedtime you could at least look forward to…or you could look forward to or at least not dread, like I do a lot of times. So, I’m so glad you’re here. What we got coming up is support; that’s how the show…it’s ad-supported so you can listen for free if you want or you could pay to listen without ads. Then there’s a long, meandering intro which is separate from the support meant to ease you into bedtime.
It’s a show within a show. I don't want you to miss out on it 'cause it’s a lot of people’s…only part of the show they hear. But it’s really a part of the podcast and a part of the progression, and then we’ll talk about…I’ll read through a couple different magazines and stuff like that and kinda compare and contrast some comedy magazines, and that’ll be it. There’s some thank-yous at the end. So, that’s…welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcast that’s here to put you to sleep, and thanks for making it possible, my patron peeps.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’ll do the rest. [MUMBLING] I say, I already forgot how to introduce my own pod…welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. I forgot how the intro goes. I don't know why. My mind just blanked. Welcome…are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? A podcast…we do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. You could do those things.
You don’t really need to, but it’s just, I’ve said it…I’ve been doing the show for ten years, so it’s kind of just one of those things. You say, that’s all…I’m gonna take care of the rest; it means I’m gonna be here to keep you company while you fall asleep. But I forget which comes next. Turn out the lights and press Play…what I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever is keeping you awake. It could be thoughts on your mind, things you’re thinking about, like thoughts about the past, the present, the future, so thinking thoughts, it could be feelings, anything you’re feeling emotionally related to those thoughts or feelings that are just coming up for you.
It could be physical sensations, it could be changes in time, temperature, routine, you could be going through something, you could have something coming up. Whatever it is, work shifts, school shifts…you know, there’s a lot of stuff that keeps us awake and it’s different every time, kind of, and sometimes it’s consistent. The only reason I list a bunch of stuff is…really, the importance of the show is to let you know you’re not alone, and I know there’s…this is digital and it’s para or whatever. It doesn’t come with any paracord. When did everything start coming with…? I get the general idea of paracord. I don't know if you ever go to buy something and they say, well, we also have a version with paracord. I don't even know what I was trying to buy the other day. Honestly, I think it was a zipper-pull. I’m almost positive.
Talk about something that’ll keep you up at night. For people that can’t sleep, I really…so, I was on a plane and I was zipping up my backpack, and I…of course my backpack was overstuffed 'cause I have the…so, I thought you were gonna put me to sleep. Well, this may put you to sleep, but it may be relatable, and then I’ll get back to point one of why I make the show. But so, my…I have a older…I’ve had a…wow, I’ve had this backpack for over ten years, I think. I didn’t even think about that. I always think about replacing the backpack and then I say, no, this is…it’s doing just great. It doesn’t have a water bottle holder; it’s its only flaw, and now it needs a zipper-pull. When did we start needing zipper-pulls? I mean, they are handy, but…back in my day, we didn’t have zipper-pulls. The zipper did just fine.
I’ve become that person now. When I was a kid, we just pulled the zippers with our fingers. But someday somebody will be saying, well, my…back in my day, you just pulled on the zipper-pull. You didn’t need paracord. Okay, so, I…the zipper-pull broke…oh, because my…so, in my…I have a laptop…sleeve, I think they call it, right? But not for Scoots, 'cause I have the laptop that I produce the podcast on, then I have…in my backpack at this point I had three notebooks; one for the TV show recaps, one for the written episodes, and then a spare notebook. Then I had some reference material for the episodes I’m writing, then I had a old…my old…the old, old broken iPad that I use to watch the TV show recaps.
Then I always think about replacing that, too, and I say, well, why…it’s just gonna…it still works just…it actually works better, 'cause I don't have to worry about breaking the iPad. It’s that old broken iPad, about…probably about…a plethora of pens, then a bunch of crumbled-up papers, unidentifiable crumbled-up papers, and then my Kindle for personal…for my bedtime wind-down. Of course, the backpack said, please…and then I was pulling on the zipper-pull, and the zipper-pull broke. Then I…rarely do I follow through on this; I said, when I get home, I’m gonna need a new zipper-pull because I don't want…I did say, I don't want to replace this backpack when I could just get a zipper-pull. Then I went into the world of…a short-lived part of the world of looking for zipper-pulls.
Talk about…there’s another rom-com that’ll never be made, or what…coming-of-age story; Looking for Zipper-Pulls. Oh, what’s Looking for Zipper-Pulls? It’s kinda like…remember Little Miss Sunshine? Well…oh, it’s…there was an obscure character in there, and…or is it more like Waiting for Guff…? I don't know. We haven’t decided yet. Great idea; Looking for Zipper-Pulls is like Waiting for Guffman, too. You’re right. But so, I found…searching for zipper-pulls, I said, okay, never…I really said never mind, ‘cause when I finally found what I…I said, that looks interesting…there was like, forty…was the quantity they were sold in.
I almost bought it but I said, well, okay, we know how this is…then I’m gonna have thirty-eight zipper-pulls moving around my apartment in different piles and slowly spilling out of the bag they came in, and then I’ll have a few in my vacuum, one on my foot…so, then I…but I noticed that some of the zipper-pulls came with paracord. I said, what is this paracord? It’s every…what…? You hear it and it says, oh, this is gonna be the thing that…you can use it in situations where you need it. I say, I just need a single…well, I don't want to overpay for a single zipper-pull, and it doesn’t make sense to have it shipped, just one zipper-pull, but…zipper-pull is a nice thing to say. Zipper-pull. You could…if you say it altogether, it doesn’t sound like zipper-pull. Zipperpull. So, there you go. Who’s your favorite superhero? Zipperpull.
Oh, great. What’s your favorite ice cream? Zipperpull. Oh yeah? Really? If you could go to one place on Earth to visit, where…? Zipperpull. Oh yeah, is that in…what is that? Oh yeah, it’s great there. What do you make…what dish are you bringing to the potluck? Zipperpull. That could be the answer for everything. Fictional answer to everything; zipperpull, now with paracord. But…oh, why do I make the show? Because you…is that what I was saying? Oh yeah, whatever’s keeping you awake at night, I want you to know you’re not alone. A lot of us have been through something similar or we could relate to how it feels.
Even if I haven’t been through what you’re going through, there’s someone out there listening who has, and we all believe you deserve a good night’s sleep, enough sleep so your life is more manageable and that you could be out there flourishing. That means our world’s gonna be a better place. We know how it feels and you deserve a good night’s sleep. That’s why the show exists. What I do is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents, which means I’ll go off-topic, I’ll get…I mean, already went way…I don't…I went off-topic about paracords and then I went off-topic about zipper-pulls. Then I think I solve…I created a new way to use a word, for…a new, soothing word; zipperpull.
You could…I know some of you are saying it and you’re saying, yeah, that’s…it makes me feel kinda good. Zipperpull. It just puts me in a mood slightly above neutral. Zipperpull. How you feeling? Eh, zipperpull. Zipperpull, zipperpull. Ah, yeah…[inaudible]? Oh, no, no. Zipperpull, zipperpull. You know? A little…you know, zipperpull. Okay, so, send my…oh, lulling, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents, all to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff. This show is really something to get used to at first. When you first get here, you’re gonna…you may be skeptical, doubtful, irritable, fed-up, because if you’re like the regular listeners and me, I’ve been trying to find something to fall asleep for years.
The reason I started the show back when…it was like, how comes there’s…you can make a podcast about anything and there’s sleep audio, but there’s nothing to put me to sleep that I would…that feels like…strange like me, like somebody I’d want to call and just have talk to me. So, that’s why I started making the show, and it…so, it takes some getting used to 'cause you may have expectations of what would…a sleep podcast would be. This might not be it, or you might just be frustrated and looking for something. If you never like me or the show, that’s also fine. Go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. There’s tons of other sleep podcasts on there.
You still deserve a good night’s sleep, so…and you also don’t have to let me know why you don’t like the show, because I’ve been doing it for ten years, so…I just want you to find something to put you to sleep, empower you to get the rest you need, even if this show won't work. But for most people, listening to the show…two or three tries…if you’re gonna…that’s what a regular listener…I don't know, that’s the feedback I get from regular…took me two or three tries, then I realized, oh, I get it; zipper-pull. Okay. They say it with their…they palm their head and they say, oh, finally, a zipper-pull. So, just see if that affects…you got nothing to lose, really. This is a show you don’t really listen to. That’s the first thing that can be hard to adjust to.
Oh, it’s a podcast I almost…it’s not…I don't consume it passively, but almost pass…oh, zipper-pull. It’s also…there’s no pressure to fall asleep. This is a podcast that doesn’t really put you to sleep. I keep you company and take your mind off of stuff over here where I am so that you could fall asleep. You could just kinda listen to me. I’m your friendly voice talking, your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie, your neigh-bore, your bore-bor, your Borbie…I don't know, bore…yesterday I had a different one. Your zipper-pull. You say, oh boy, that doesn’t…that doesn’t have ‘bore’ in there, but zipper-pull…so, yeah, I’m here to be your friend in the deep, dark night while you fall asleep. Or if you can’t sleep, that’s why there’s no pressure to fall asleep. That’s why the shows are over an hour.
Plenty of time. I’m gonna be here, and there’s 600 episodes for free. There’s 600 episodes that are ad-supported so you can listen for free whenever you want, or pick and choose. You say, oh, this style doesn’t work for me, but this style does. That’s why we alternate the styles of shows. Every third episode is a different style of show; TV recap, written story, or kind of a more improvised or essay-style one which we call Trending Tuesdays. So, those…just kind of see how it goes. But I’m not really here to put you to sleep. I’m here to enable you to fall asleep. So, those are two things. The other thing that’s…takes some getting used to is the structure of the show, which is very intentional.
Show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel seen and welcome and you say, I could maybe check that show out. Then there’s support so the show can be optional to pay for, free to listen to, then there’s a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime, and it is a show within a show. You don’t want to miss out on it because it’s the transition period. That’s one of the things I’ve found that I need and that most studies say, is having a transition period, a wind-down time, is what really works. So, just kinda see how it goes.
But if you decide…there’s 2% of people that start the show at twenty or thirty minutes, or twenty, twenty-five, or thirty, and…so, if you want to become one of those people…but at first try the intro, because it’s meant to ease you into bedtime. Maybe there’s about that same percentage of people that fall asleep right away. We’re happy for them. But for most people, it takes some easing into bedtime and maybe listening as you’re getting ready for bed or doing some other chill activity or wind-down activity or relaxing or getting comfortable. So, just kinda use the intro like that, easing you into bedtime.
Then again there’s support so…the show is ad-supported so it can be free or paying for it can be optional, and then we’ll have our bedtime story, which tonight will be me contrasting three different comedy magazines from about two different eras, 'cause originally I had done a episode about Mad Magazine and then I found this other magazine I didn’t even know about, and then the other magazine, Cracked. So, we’ll do that, and then there’s some thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show. That’s why I make the show. I’m really glad you’re here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive. I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks for coming by, and here’s how we’re able to do it for you for free twice a week.
Alright everybody, this is Scoots here, and this is kind of a episode picking up…we did a Mad Magazine episode where I kinda talked about my history with Mad and Cracked Magazines. I’ve been trying to find used ones of these where I can where it’s like, they’re not super-overpriced. It was hard for me to find Cracked, to be honest, and I had to overpay for one issue of Cracked. It claimed it was a collectors’ edition, but it’s definitely…I did take it out of the plastic and it’s not in the collectors’…so, it’s fine. But right now I have…I didn’t realize there was also this other competitor that Marvel made for a time. So, I have a issue of Cracked, a issue of Craza, the magazine that dares to be dumb. I’ve never heard of it that I know of…and a issue of Mad that’s very old, I believe, though it could be…I don't think it is. But maybe it is.
But so, the Cracked is from October of 1989. The Crazai is from…the Marvel one is from 19…August 1981. If this is correct, this Mad is from 1959 in July. So, let’s look at the covers. It’s interesting 'cause the Cracked one, even though it’s from 1989, the cover is very…looks very new. Cracked has…I forgot the name of the person with the painter’s cap who’s their…we’ll figure it out, though. But this one is one of the DC heroes from the nighttime that…the Wing-Flapper. So, I guess ‘89 was when one of the…maybe one of those movies came out, the Michael Keaton ones. I don't know if this was the first one or the…so, it goes…Cracked goes wing-flapping. It was $1.49. This was Issue 248, and they put a spotlight on the Dark Knaught. K-N-U-G-H-T. It shows a smiley face projection and our Dark Knaught.
It has a couple of their lead things, then also a parody of a movie that I can’t even believe came out. Craza was $0.75, and it has a movie…it has a satire of the movie Popeye. So, Popeye is in the center, and then Olive Oyl…Popeye played by Robin Williams, Olive Oyl played by…holy cow, why does the name escape me right now? But yeah, I’ll remember. Oh, Shelley Duvall. Is that right? Then there’s Popeye’s and Olive Oyl’s child? Popeye is flexing Popeye’s gigantic biceps and smoking a pipe. Then on the Mad magazine, it is…shows Edward E. Neuman and Uncle Sam. Oh, 'cause it was a July issue. That was $0.25. It was Issue 48. Okay, then let’s look at the back covers. We’ll start with…Mad has a fake advertisement. Presenting the bill…great moments in feeling better. It’s a advertisement and billing for helping you feel better.
Wow, that’s really…so, that’s funny. It has people…someone in bed and they’re feeling better, and then their family…and they’re all looking at the bill together. So, it’s funny that that was in 1959. Then Crazai has a fake order on the back cover, like a toy set for camping in non-ideal conditions. Shlocko…$8.95. You could send…it has an order form, but…I wonder what would happen if you ordered it? Imagine the fun, and you get a ton of other stuff. I mean, maybe it’d actually send it to you? No. Three months’ supply of food for $8.95, a tent…yeah, and then even a all-purpose vehicle. Then on the back of the Cracked, it has a portrait of the Jokester from the Dark Knaught’s…but this called…it’s called the Jerker. Then it has a frame…it actually has their lead character dressed in different…a film poster frame.
Happiness, patriotism, science-fiction, sports, peace, science, humor…our mascot by Bill Ray. Literature, ballet…okay, so that’s interesting. Okay, so Crazai is the first one…I’ve never even heard of this. It is Marvel. I don't know if you can get it…on the inside front cover, it has a comic strip of vehicles, like rich people traveling, like someone from the moving Succession, and how they’re so important but they really don’t do anything other than guess. Then on the back cover…inside cover is Page of Stuff; Michael Carlin’s Page of Stuff. It’s a hoot. It just has a Webster dictionary, a plumber…so, a bunch of different little comics that are funny. Then on Cracked, the inside cover is more with the theme of…but it has the Wonder Boy, and it…the Wonder Boy has moved on from the Dark Knaught to somebody else.
Then on the back cover is a comic of the Dark Knaught driving Vic Martin…oh, and it’s more of them having their…va-room, the sound effect. On Mad Magazine…the inside cover is stuff…something…nicotine delivery system, Awasis. A-W-A-S-I-S, though. So, a nicotine delivery system, and then on the inside cover is a ad for Mad Forever, a book. It’s the second hard-bound deluxe issue, written by…introduction by Steve Allen, 120 pages of articles. So, the second Mad anthology. Okay, and then Stanley Presents Craza, the magazine that dares to be dumb. Volume 1, #77. It has different…it’s very much laid out like the one you would expect from Mad Magazine. We’ll see if it’s…Cracked is the same. But yeah, it has a bunch of sections. Okay, Cracked, though, is laid out a little bit more comically than Crazai.
So, Cracked has a bunch of pictures. They always have pictures for what’s in there and then the lists of the people involved, and then the contents. Oh, Sylvester is their…oh, and this is…Cracked is by DC Comics. Oh no, or maybe DC is just…oh, it’s dedicated; okay. Of course, this is early Mad. I’m assuming it’s not a gimmick…or fake early Mad. Yeah, it has the same layout. Crazai is almost the exact same, but even Cracked has the type on the left and pictures on the right, though Mad is a little bit more descriptive. Okay, so, let me just page through this early Mad, because…since it was so early. So, they have their letters from the editors, they definitely have their internal house ads, then they have comic strip heroes from real life.
Conrad Hilton and his hotels, people from space, Prince Charles when…oh, so, this is old. Prince Charles is a kid in this one. He’s a king now. So, that’s funny. What else do we have? Nixon? I don't know if he was president. Yeah, other famous pop figures. Huh, then they have articles from unknown organizations, including Alcoholics Unanimous. If you’re gonna drink, why not get drunk among friends? AU. Nobody understands better than somebody else. Here’s a place you can come and nobody’s gonna try to make you stop. So, you would become a confirmed…join the only organization of active lushes in America. Home away from the saloon. Special field trips to bottle clubs, moonshine stills, and…so, then they have a guide to diving, which might have been popular then.
Oh yeah, you can go under and get stuff, swim, meet…you can meet whales. Then Don Martin Department…so, a comic strip, and then…written by Sid Caesar. Sid Caesar will have a Rexall special on NBC. One of his characters is jazz musician Progress Hornsby. Progress has progressed from cool to the frozen school of jazz. So, I guess it’s a play…a comic about frozen Hornsby navigating the world of jazz fame. Then they have bridge, the aristocrat of card games, an anthology of bridge terms. This is by Bob Clark, and it’s just extreme emotional reactions to point count, calling bid, over-calling bid, response, finesse, counting, doubling, re-doubling, putting your cards down hard and soft. Then one on separating suits, but it hasn’t said…just cards like baseball cards and Monopoly cards.
Then another Don Martin Department with somebody hiking, then a fake newspaper; The Daily Optimist, focused…published by the Pollyanna Press. Older adults look forward to a new home. Bosley Scaggs and Penelope moving into their new home, a new adventure. They’ve been in the same house for fifty years and now they’re moving into a new house. The couple who gets scores and goes on vacations. So, this is funny; it’s just a nickel…weather fare and pleasant, seasonable…all news is good news. Yeah, so, this couple, they’re…they won $50,000. They’re going to Europe on the Queen Mary. Wife meets husband after twenty-five years. They hadn’t seen each other in a while. Town gets tax relief…Miami man solves high cost of living…Hector Sedgewick revealed the cost of nothing when he moved in with a roommate.
Somebody finds a lost penny…so, this is very Oniony. All-jet airline…hobbyist launches boat he built in the basement. Seven; magic number for California man. Then they have songs for people at their work, mail people, garbage-collecting, GM assembly, Bell telephone operators, march of the Dennis March, the Kellogg's company song; it has the three pop…top…and Snap, Crackle, and Pop. Talk about selling Rice Krispies. Stockbrokers, IBM workers, barbers…then they have Perry Mason…when Perry Mason loses a case. Every Saturday night for the past two years, legal legal and sleuth Perry Masonment has out…DA Burgerbits. Maybe they…maybe this time, the other person will win. Then they have books by famous people, future books by famous people.
Jack Paar, I Won't Cry, I’m Not So Nice, Perry Como…Oscar Levant plays the Joker. Oh, they have a book by Alfred E. Neuman, then they have one that’s funny — man, this stuff is kinda timeless — how you look to other people. So, how you look to a newspaper salesperson, a dentist, elevator person, physician, your boss, your bartender, your waitress. So, your waitress…it shows your order; two eggs over…or two eggs sunny-side up and bacon. Your fiance, your post person, then it shows your mailbox, your car repair person, shoemaker, clergy person, manicurist, barber…your teacher, though, is Alfred E. Neuman. Then they show how a television script is born. So, this is interesting. I might have to read this.
Whenever we see one of those three-hour-long TV dramas, we’re thankful there’s a place where people can see the works of talented American writers. Most TV nowadays are pretty sad. Have we ever wondered what happens to a TV script after the writer turns it in? Oh, so, it shows the different people as they change the author, then the script editor, then the advertising agency, TV director, then the ad agency, the sponsor, then the sponsor to the network vice president. Then graduation speeches somebody listened to…I think these are famous people reacting, but I don't know who any of them are. Then there’s insurance for teens. This is a game; blind-date insurance, flunk insurance, make-out…allowance protection plan. Funny stuff, man. Mad Magazine can be timeless.
Then new fabrics, wash and wear, wrinkle-proof, stretch…oh wow, so, this is predicting stretch fabrics. Wow. Maybe they were popular then. Then there’s Don Martin…how to play croquet. Okay, so, that’s a run-through of what…the structure of Mad. Then we’ll go into Cracked, which is probably, what…fifty, sixty, seventy, eighties. So, thirty-eight years later? Okay, so, first they have a comic strip about the Dark Knaught to the rescue, but it’s a twist on that. Then they have…wow, this is 1989; Harried with Children. So, it’s a comedy about the show Married with Children. I don't know why it’s ‘Harried’, though. Disney channel…? But it’s…yeah, it’s about the show Married with Children.
Then, things that didn’t make the Dark Knaught’s utility belt; a scooper for picking up after your dog, something for stopping people jaywalking, a movie…something to detect if someone is watching a R-rated movie. That’s so funny. I’m not kidding; it says, age 16. This is a R-rated movie. A trash can to see if people don’t throw their garbage away…and that they don’t throw it in the garbage can, a squirt gun…oh, to put out people enjoying nicotine indoors. Oh, this one; video sensor device for people that are using a VCR to illegally tape a TV movie. Even back then they were worried about that. Okay, what else?
Grease capsule for if you’re getting chased, then their library…oh, by people like Dirty Harry; a manual for classroom monitors, how to call teachers’ attention to people not following the rules, people changing their report cards, spitballs, how to monitor other classroom monitors, overdue library book people, people who remove mattress tags, parking violators…okay, then I think both Crazai and Cracked go into photo stuff, which Mad I don't think had very many photos, or if any. National Lampoons did, but…so, this is the photos of the Dark Knaught with funny…so, kinda like a meme. Robin says, I’ve got a run in my tights. Then there’s…we’re supposed to dance together. There’s…oh yeah, Jack Nicholson’s character advertising toothpaste. We gotta leave at once, though; drive-in is showing a R-rated film.
Oh, Nintendo; Batman’s pretending to play with Nintendo. Then they have two people in striped suits running away from Batman, then a fake…classic rock…does classic rock…? So, this was when people were over classic rock. Are you sick of forty-year-old musicians making rock-and-roll for kids? Terrified about Phil Collins? I’m not kidding; this is what it says. Dinosaurs of rock. So, let’s see, who do they have? Oh, Jerry Garcia…they talk about MTV and VH1. I don't know who this person is. Okay, I don't know who any of these people are, to be honest. So, it’s just a little dated. Oh wait; there’s Bob Dylan. Okay, and David Crosby, I think. Beach Boys…oh, and there’s De Clarke. Okay, then we have Comic Con Confidential. So, this is…sleuth comic book conventions everywhere.
So, Comic Con was in already its twentieth anniversary in San Diego, and that was in ‘89. So, ‘69 would have been the first year. So, they have Comic Mom of the Year, somebody collecting comics, Captain Cologne comics, people giving heel prints instead of signatures, people…comic cartoonists people want to meet, Marble Comics comic wrap…comic rack that discourages prolonged browsing, so you can’t read the comics for free. Okay, then we’re back to what’s hot and what’s not, with the Dark Knaught. Also, they have little hidden comic strips in there. Robin’s sleeping, Robin’s replacement…Jack Nicholson…but Cesar Romero; not hot. Batman song; hot, but Prince’s song, not hot? I don't know about that. The movie; hot. Merchandising; not. Oh, 'cause the French toast holder…interesting.
Then they have a comic from the movie, then they have their letters to the editor in there, then different…the Dark-Knaught-mobile and the Dark Knaught Airplane. Pepper mill, can opener in the nose, cheese grater in the turbine, tail fin ridged with potato chips, carrot canopy, and…so, yeah, more jokes in there. Then we have Don Martin and the sounds of the Dark Knaught. Snoreful Snuz, fork gluz…gog…gling, gling, gling. Flop. That’s the sound…okay, so, Batman removing his mask, or Dark Knaught removing his mask, going to the top of a building…fwif, fwif, fwif. Ugawk…zing. The Jerker getting ready at the end of the day…gluk…bloit…must be a easier way. That’s him shining his teeth. Dark Knaught at a fancy dinner using his ear…the ears on his hat to get some appetizers.
Ga-shtoink. Blurp, fooma, groom, gapash, thun-bun, clean. That’s when they take off without opening the garage door. Then another look at the Dark Knaught just out on the town. Then they have Santa…Skata Crub…skater curb…I think this is fake…this is a fake ad for Santa Cruz, but it’s a Skata Curb skateboard ad. It’s pretty extensive, too. So, we have a motorized skateboard with a V8 engine, turbocharged hydro…$9.99. Mower trucks so you could mow the lawn while you ride your skateboard…optional grass-catcher; $12.95. Device; $39.95. A skid plate that makes sound effects, slime ball gum, foam rubber brushings, a skate, sweat, spray-on, a whoopee cushion…what else we got? Fake dog doo-doo…Top 40 Skate Hits Vol. 2.
Papa’s Got A Brand New Board, I Skate Good, Skate ‘til the Midnight Hour, Skating After Midnight, Blue Suede Like A Betty…a James Bond oil distributor, glass trucks that’ll break every time…it looks like metal but wait, wacky bearings, an ollie thing to make you jump…$9.75 for a kinda thing where…what do you use…? A radar detector. What else? Electric helmet, low-rider jumper, ice wheels for when you’re on ice…you turn your skateboard into a guitar; $12.95. Fake ice cubes with flying friends in there…120-mile air board, slime ball accelerator, hand making a middle finger with a mouth…so, yeah. That’s some stuff in there about Santa Curb. I think that’s it other than this one, the Skater’s Bible. Encyclopedia…a poser’s encyclopedia of skate terms.
No wannabes should be without it. I could go around without ever skating. 15,000 entries including shocks, spracks, suchi, squallor, do it, cruncher, who dad, splorable…then a lot more that I can’t read. Okay, and then this one is…what if Bruce Payne did not become the Dark Knaught? Okay, so, this is a story of Bruce Payne, P-A-Y-N-E, looking out his window, meeting forest friends…oh, who could have taken over? Maybe he could have been…helped with finding puppies that needed parents, or maybe he would drink sauce…milk from a saucer, or maybe he would become a human skunk or work at a theme park doing character meet-and-greets, or become a butterfly, a caterpillar to a butterfly, or laugh at people’s jokes, eat wood…what if he had…was a porcupine? Oh, instead of the Dark Knight, a porcupine?
Oh, so, I see; it wasn’t if…okay, here’s sequels. The Dark Knaught vs. The Hydrant. Cold water…a squirt in movie…the biggest squirt facing the brigade…PG movie. Plenty Gushy, starring Rutger Shower, Wet Midler, Farrah Fawcett, Squirt Reynolds, and Claude Rains. What about the Dark Knaught vs. The Vacuum? Tries to vacuum up money. Super sucker…even to borrow Batman’s outfit. I thought this was a family magazine. He is wearing stuff. Can he come clean in the end? Debris Reynolds, Dust Hoffman, Dirk Borgade, McClean Stevenson…what about the baseball players, a combo? Baseball One and Baseball Two. Bat, his hickory nemesis, Warren Batty, Homer Sharif, Christopher Walk, Sigourney Weaver. Oh, Sigourney Waiver.
Oh, these are funny…vs the Microwave…George Burns, Heat Williams, Ronda Flaming, and George C. Scortch. The video…VHS machine…Telly Savalas, Carol Channeling, Tube Hunter, Knob Reiner. Oh, Rebok; the Rebokker. This is a giant Rebok. I’m not kidding. I’m not making this up. Arch foe, the biggest heel in Gutham City…booting the law, Terrance Stomp, Nike Nolte, Frank Converse, Ked Nelson, Benny Heel. Then there’s a show…some sort of TV parody of a show. I can’t figure it out…even what show it is. Looks like John Travolta’s in it, but it doesn’t look like a show I’ve ever seen before. Then there’s more stuff about Robin vs. Batman…interview with Robin. Okay, oh, Wonder Boy…they call him Wonder Boy.
Oh no, I want to be called Rob, Rob, Robert…and throws darts at the Caped Crusader…is talking to somebody, then goes and works at…oh, this is his backstory. Oh, 'cause his name was Dirk Grayson, I think. Then he meets Bruce, then he goes in the car, then they make shadow puppets, and…yeah. So, that was that. This one definitely was not collector’s edition because the covers came off of both of it. Okay, and then this is the Stanley magazine, which I have not opened yet, so this is exciting. Popeye’s been on my list of films to rewatch. Okay, it starts off with letters to the magazine. So, yeah. I wonder if they’re all jokes. It was also printed on Madison Avenue, or at least their mailbox was on there. Okay, and then…Popcorn is his nickname in this one.
It’s amazing how someone could spend money on a movie…oh, it was a musical. But the songs weren’t good, it says. Well, we’ll try it. So, there was a Popeye movie. It starred Robin Williams and Shelly Duvall, and I don't know who played Bluto. Is that who Batman’s rival…? Or Popeye’s rival is? Okay, so, they’re talking about taxes and his boat…mumbling…there’s a funny parrot. He says, I’m Popcorn, the sailor person. They say, we’re gonna charge you for being a celebrity. Says, I can’t believe this. Then he goes into a room full of comic book characters eating. Oh, I think Ned Beady was in this as Popeye’s…I don't know. So, he goes and looks for a room, then he meets Salad Oyl instead of Olive Oyl, and then he says, I want to meet my…he says, I’m looking for my father. Have you seen him?
So, I don't know if that’s the plot of the movie. Then he meets the guy that used to borrow hamburgers. That was another comic book character. I don't think it was in Popeye, but he says, I’d gladly pay you tomorrow for a hamburger today. Then they’re at a pirate place singing pirate songs or ship songs. I think Popeye would…or Popcorn would get irritable. Hamborgers…oh, instead of Bluto it’s Blotto. Then he says, hey Salad, I found a baby in a basket. Let’s call him…what should we call him, Popcorn? Oh, how about Sneak Pea? ‘Cause…oh, the baby’s Sweet Pea. Popeye turns into a superhero when he eats spinach or salad, in this case, and…oh, Blotto, Bloto. Okay, so, then he goes to the store and eats a bunch of spinach, and he shows up Blotto.
Then he gets into trouble, and then they study him, but they…he finds out his father’s a superhero. Then they have another…cave people…prehistoric people were a big thing in these ones. This one’s trying to make a turkey, part one. Then there’s this character, Teen Hulk, which I guess is a ongoing thing with this. Teen Hulk is…maybe that’s the Teen Hulk before he gets his power? Yeah. Or is that somebody else? Oh no, that’s Teen…somebody else. They turn into a furry person. Then he meets Teen Hulk, who’s not very kind. He turns into a furry person…I guess chases Teen Hulk away, and then they all eat spinach. Then there’s a National Lampoon’s thing which is these picture comics, which were pretty funny. These were pre-memes, but now it’s a common…oh, Fum Fetty, they called them.
So, it’s pictures and then they put…somebody else puts quotations in there. So, let’s see, they go over to somebody’s house for fun…oh, play it cool. Oh, and they play with toys. So, somebody goes over to…there’s two adults playing with toys. I’m not kidding. They play with a tea set, dinos, action figures, then they read this magazine and play with a aquarium, like a play-aquarium. It looks like it’s in a dorm room, though. They say, do you ever notice how all mom and dad do is sit around and read? Oh, it’s the parents of the kids; okay. Okay, then we have Mother Goose’s Rejected Nursery Rhymes. There’s Mary growing Mary Jane. That’s funny. Then Georgie Porgie has what they call the kissing thing, mono…then Mother Goose flying. Little Boy Blue…Jack and Jill went up a hill and…K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
Patty-caking…Humpty-Dumpty…but then they…what about sausage and bacon? Twinkle, twinkle, little star…oh, it was about acne. How to reach the stars…acne and its cure. Then they show the adventure versus the reality. So, it shows somebody kind of on one of those horse courses jumping over stuff. Sixteenth year in a row; Peggy Simpson gets the championship trophy. But then they show that it’s just somebody playing in their room. Then they have new inventions of modern science. Laser shaver…what is that one called? Berkeley…soaring aching…Teflon…put Teflon…Teflon things. Then hover-craft air shoes. Somebody’s at Coney Island speeding across the water. Then NASA and Space Invaders Laboratories…taking a bath in space. Like, a bathtub in space; that’s really what they’re showing.
It’s like a globe. Then rubber helmets…then for someone fishing who had too much to drink who’s sleeping from the ground, something to say, hey, wake up, fisherman…100% accuracy, voice-controlled beta fly casting rod to say, hey, you caught a fish. Then a ball, a beeper ball, which…so, if you lose your ball at golf, you could find it. Instant breakfast ointment…nutritionists from Battle Creek have announced a brand-new breakfast cereal; Battle Creek’s Breakfast Ointment. Smear it on your head or body. It’ll give you energy throughout your day…absorb it through your pores. The Venice Institute of Surfing Technology, California hot tub bird bath. There’s two birds in a hot tub saying, far out, mellow, man. Then hens that lay eggs, but…oh, they lay eggs made out of material. So, rayon, silk, cotton.
Oh, then the Crazai looks at a drive-in movie, and it’s a swamp movie. So, it has everybody’s car. Someone’s trying to watch the movie. Who goes to the drive-in to watch a movie? Someone else says, this movie’s not very good, so let’s go home. Then somebody says, I don't know about the acting in this movie. I don't like going to the movies with you. Wow, this is harsh. I’ve seen this movie six times. I can’t find the car. Those are kinda hippy people that are out of it. Hey, hanging out with you makes me laugh. Obnoxious burger…let’s play chase…the only thing in this trunk is a spare tire. Since when does a spare tire have…since when are you having a full size? Oh, 'cause people tried to sneak into the movies. The Friend That Got Heartburn in Cleveland; that’s the name of the movie. Then there’s another one.
Prehistoric Cenozoic Chuckles, they call it, then another one with songs…oh, then another fake ad; kinetic kids. Oh, maybe this is about a comic strip? New, improved, kinetic kids. Hey, gang, this is a lot of fun. We’re getting…people don’t necessarily like the mechanical aspects of Opta Kinetic Comics, so we’re streamlining the whole thing. Oh wait, so, this is…oh, I see. So, these pages…there’s a dancing Page A and Page B in-between this. So, you have to take those out and then staple them together. So, one, cut out Page A and staple over Page B. Lift Page A up and down, and it makes people look like they’re dancing. They have another adventuring…scuba diving. A lot of scuba diving in these magazines. Then computer games. Did you ever try to play computer games?
There’s one person plugging in a mega computer, then there’s Pong becoming reality. Then there’s someone driving a remote-control car. They lose their tires. Then there’s someone cracking some sort of computer game like they’re nuts, like a nutcracker. Then there’s a kid daydreaming of playing a video game. His parents are daydreaming of him being a chemist or a pilot. Then there’s a video game store, and the parents want games, but the kid just wants a math game. Instead of using…oh, they’re all math-based games, but then the person has to count on their toes. Then there’s a game where small friends are running on a…what are those called? A hamster wheel to make the computer run.
Then there’s a kid playing chess versus a computer, but they unplug it while they make a bunch of moves and then plug it back in. Then there’s another supercomputer that’s putting out paper…people holding hands. I don't know what that’s called. Then there’s another one that has…what is that called? A ventriloquist friend. A supercomputer with a ventriloquist friend putting on an act, then there’s a couple other people playing, and they say, bleep, bleep, bleep. That’s how they communicate. Then there’s a scene from that movie where people are playing video games, then there’s a contest. Oh, if you think you can do better, put in a knock-knock joke and you could get a one-year subscription. Oh, then we have Howard the Duck versus the Vacuum Crew. Satire, parody…oh, so there’s a vacuum.
Howard says, what? So, this is probably the Howard the Duck story here. Howard chases after this vacuum on a motorcycle. Howard seems to be working at a diner. Hangs out with the vacuum, goes inside of it, and then breaks the vacuum bag. Then we just have to unplug the vacuum cleaners. Then there’s fun pages. Make-believe windbreakers, but you could put your hands over your mouth or in your armpit in a library. Give your grandma a gift of a pin cushion, but make it from cheese. Let’s see, when will President Reagan go bald? What year? ‘81, ‘82, ‘83, or ‘84? Hair today, gone tomorrow. Big farm in the sky…writing stuff on toilet paper rolls, and punchlines to jokes that don’t exist. No smelling salts; they used cat food instead. What do you mean, mouthwash? I thought it was apple juice.
Oh, then there’s some musical stuff. Eleventh hour special. Behemoth Jack…so, we got a queen, it looks like. Yeah, they call it Queenie, and they’re singing…and another group bites the dust. Then we have Dolly Parton and Elvis Costello singing together. No, I am not Elton John. Then more Silurian silliness, then the love boar, which is the love boat. They have the Munsters going on the Love Boat, and…I think maybe from the show Mr. Ed or The Monkees. Oh, the Monkees and Mr. Ed. The actor from…Bert Ward, I think? Let’s see, a couple people are taking banana…dance lessons with banana peels. The Munsters are dancing, and then somebody else is talking to…what’s Mrs. Munster’s name? But I don't know who it is; some other celebrity. Maybe coach? I don't know if…this is too old to be that, I think, though.
Then somebody…then Popeye, Olive Oyl, and somebody else…oh, the adult male who used to play Robin on the TV show. Then…I don't know who that is. I don't know who that is. Oh, that’s just the characters from the Love Boar. Yeah, they’re trying to hide out. Oh yes, maybe this has to do with Popeye. But the Munsters and Popeye are working together…oh, 'cause people are trying to take the Love Boat away. Then they end up at Gilligan’s Island. That’s it for those three magazines. A little comparison to run through. That was pretty fun. I hope you enjoyed it or slept through it or I just kept you company. Goodnight, everybody.
[END OF RECORDING]
(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)
Catalog / Magazine / Trending Tuesday
Prince Batman songs
Comic Book Sound Effects
DOWN TO BUSINESS
We’re gonna read some silly stuff together
Chattering away about almost nothing
Deep Dark Night United
Moses & Family (Helix Sleep)
Friends of Hand in Hand; Pete Davidson Cold Open; Meditative Story podcast; SAG-AFTRA Strike Support; The Midnight Mission; Trevor Project; Patreon; SleepPhones; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline
Hello Fresh; Odoo; Helix Sleep; Air Doctor Pro; Zocdoc; Progressive
I already forgot how to introduce my own podcast
You could take my instructions, but you don’t need to
Work shifts, school shifts, etc…
When did everything start coming with paracord?
My nightmare paracord situation
My old backpack is great but it doesn’t have a water bottle holder or a zipper pull
When I was a kid, we just pulled the zipper with our fingers!
Back in my day …
A laptop, multiple notebooks, the old broken ipad for watching tv rewatches
A plethora of pens, crumpled up paper, and my personal kindle
My backpack was pleading to not be so full
Looking for Zipper Pulls, a coming of age story
It’s hard to not buy zipper pulls in bulk
Zipper Pull can be the answer to any question
I went off topic on my tangent
“Zipperpul” is just so nice to say
Zipperpul might be my new term of endearment
A Wind Down Time is so important
Contrasting comedy magazines from 3 different eras
Picking up from my history with MAD Magazines
It was really hard to find Cracked
They claimed it was collector’s edition, but that wasn’t true
Cracked, Craza, and MAD
MAD from 1959
I can’t remember the name of the Cracked mascot
A Michael Keaton Wingflapper
Craza has a satire of the Popeye movie
MAD – Newman and Uncle Sam
MAD has a fake ad – great moments in feeling better – looking at the medical bill
Craza – a fake toyset for camping in non-ideal conditions
Could you actually order this?
Cracked has a portrait of the Jokester, but he’s called the Jerker
Let’s start with Craza
Portraits of rich people’s vehicles
Cracked has the Wonder Boy, moving on from the Dark Nought
An ad for a MAD Anthology
Stan Lee presents Craza
These all have a similar outfit
This Cracked is dedicated to DC comics
Let me just page through this early MAD
Letters to the editors
Comic strips from real life
Oh, Prince Charles is a kid in this one
An ad for Alcoholics Unanimous
A guide to diving. Was this popular then?
Don Martin Department – comics
Written by Sid Caesar
This is a comic about navigating the world of jazz fame
A vocabulary for reacting to card game moves
Another comic about someone hiking
The Daily Optimist, published by the Pollyanna Press
People moving into a new house
This newspaper is very Onion-y
When Perry Mason loses the case …
Jack Paar – I Won’t Cry
Perry Cuomo – I’m Not So Nice
How you look to other people
Your waitress sees you as your order
How a television script is born. I might actually read this
Showing all the different people that change it along the way
Insurance for Teens – Blind Date Insurance, Allowance Protection Plan
New Fabrics – wow, this predicted stretch fabrics!
Onto Cracked, 38 years later
A comic about the Dark Nought
Harried with Children
Things that didn’t make the Dark Nought’s utility belt
Pooper scooper, trashcan, a movie
A video censor device for people trying to tape movies on TV
A manual for Classroom monitors
How to monitor other classroom monitors
Then Craza and Cracked go into photo stuff
Oh, these are like early memes
This was when people were fed up with Classic Rock
I don’t know who any of these people are
What’s hot and not in The Dark Nought
The Dark Nought mobile and airplane, can opener, cheese grater, etc
Don Martin and the sounds of the Dark Nought
The sound of Dark Nought removing his mask
Dark Nought at a fancy dinner
A fake ad for Santa Cruz skateboards
A motorized skateboard with a V8 Engine
Mower Trucks for your skateboards
This is really in-depth
Top 40 Skate Hits, Vol 2
Ice wheels for skating on ice
Poser’s Encyclopedia of Skate Terms
What if Bruce Payne did not become the Dark Nought?
Maybe he could’ve helped puppies meet parents
Some truly wild hypotheticals
The Dark Nought vs The Hydrant
The Dark Nought vs the Vacuum
Some fun celebrity name puns
The Reeboker, the biggest heel in Gotham City
I can’t figure out what show this is parodying
An interview with Robin aka Wonderboy
Oh, this is his backstory
This one was definitely not collector’s edition
On to Craza
I’ve been meaning to rewatch Popeye
Popcorn is his nickname on this one
Explaining the Popeye movie
Popcorn, the sailor person
Was Annette Beatty in this?
He meets Salad Oyle
Is this the plot of the actual movie?
Blotto instead of Bluto
Popcorn turns into a superhero when eats a lot of salad in this case
He finds out his father is a superhero
Prehistoric People were a big thing in this one
Teen Hulk, a recurring character
Oh wow, 2 adults playing with toys, cool
Mother Goose’s rejected nursery rhymes
Adventure vs Reality
New Inventions of Modern Science
Hovercraft Air Shoes
NASA’s space bathtub
A beeper golf ball
Battle Creek’s Breakfast Ointment
California Hot Tub Birdbath
Hens that lay material eggs
Craza watches a drive-in swamp movie
Heartburn in Cleveland
You have to cut these pages out and rearrange them to get a bonus image
A lot of scuba diving in these magazines
Pong becomes reality
Cracking a computer game like a nut
A write-in knock knock joke contest
Howard the Duck vs the Vacuum Crew
When will President Reagan go bald?
Writing stuff on toilet paper rolls
Punchlines to jokes that don’t exist
Eleventh Hour Special
A parody of Queen
A parody of Dolly Parton and Elvis Costello
The Munsters board the Love Boat
Dance lessons with banana peels
Is this a Coach reference?
The Love Bore
Munsters and Popeye team up to steer the love boat towards Gilligan’s Island
Pierce, Emily, Chloe, Isabella, Lucy, Vanessa, Murray, Jessie, Debbie, Alexandria, Courtney, Sarah, Diana, Katie, Jesprit, Grand, Trevor, Lawrence, Anna, Sierra, Anya
Title: More Mulling Magazines
Deep Dark Night United: Moses & Family (Helix Sleep)
Plugs: Friends of Hand in Hand; Pete Davidson Cold Open; Meditative Story podcast; SAG-AFTRA Strike Support; The Midnight Mission; Trevor Project; Patreon; SleepPhones; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline
Sponsors: Hello Fresh; Odoo; Helix Sleep; Air Doctor Pro; Zocdoc; Progressive
Patreon Thanks: Pierce, Emily, Chloe, Isabella, Lucy, Vanessa, Murray, Jessie, Debbie, Alexandria, Courtney, Sarah, Diana, Katie, Jesprit, Grand, Trevor, Lawrence, Anna, Sierra, Anya
- Zipper Pull
- The Dark Nought
- Comic-Con Confidential
- Santa Curb
- Mad Magazine
- Cracked Magazine
- Looking for Zipper Pulls, a coming of age story
- Little Miss Sunshine
- Waiting for Guffman
- Popeye Movie
- Richard Nixon
- Prince Charles
- Sid Caesar
- The Daily Optimist, published by the Pollyanna Press
- The Onion
- Perry Mason
- Married…With Children
- Jerry Garcia
- MTV / VH1
- Bob Dylan
- David Crosby
- Beach Boys
- Dick Clark
- Santa Cruz skateboards
- Teen Hulk
- Mother Goose
- Howard the Duck
- Dolly Parton
- Elvis Costello
- The Munsters
- Love Boat
- Gilligan’s Island
Notable Talking Points:
- I already forgot how to introduce my own podcast
- You could take my instructions, but you don’t need to
- Work shifts, school shifts, etc…
- When did everything start coming with paracord?
- My nightmare paracord situation
- My old backpack is great but it doesn’t have a water bottle holder or a zipper pull
- When I was a kid, we just pulled the zipper with our fingers!
- Back in my day …
- A laptop, multiple notebooks, the old broken ipad for watching tv rewatches
- A plethora of pens, crumpled up paper, and my personal kindle
- My backpack was pleading to not be so full
- Looking for Zipper Pulls, a coming of age story
- It’s hard to not buy zipper pulls in bulk
- Zipper Pull can be the answer to any question
- I went off topic on my tangent
- “Zipperpul” is just so nice to say
- Zipperpul might be my new term of endearment
- A Wind Down Time is so important
- Contrasting comedy magazines from 3 different eras
- Picking up from my history with MAD Magazines
- It was really hard to find Cracked
- They claimed it was collector’s edition, but that wasn’t true
- Cracked, Craza, and MAD
- Cracked 1989
- Craza 1981
- MAD from 1959
- I can’t remember the name of the Cracked mascot
- A Michael Keaton Wingflapper
- Craza has a satire of the Popeye movie
- MAD – Newman and Uncle Sam
- MAD has a fake ad – great moments in feeling better – looking at the medical bill
- Craza – a fake toyset for camping in non-ideal conditions
- Could you actually order this?
- Cracked has a portrait of the Jokester, but he’s called the Jerker
- Let’s start with Craza
- Portraits of rich people’s vehicles
- Cracked has the Wonder Boy, moving on from the Dark Nought
- An ad for a MAD Anthology
- Stan Lee presents Craza
- These all have a similar outfit
- This Cracked is dedicated to DC comics
- Let me just page through this early MAD
- Letters to the editors
- Comic strips from real life
- Oh, Prince Charles is a kid in this one
- An ad for Alcoholics Unanimous
- A guide to diving. Was this popular then?
- Don Martin Department – comics
- Written by Sid Caesar
- This is a comic about navigating the world of jazz fame
- A vocabulary for reacting to card game moves
- Another comic about someone hiking
- The Daily Optimist, published by the Pollyanna Press
- People moving into a new house
- This newspaper is very Onion-y
- When Perry Mason loses the case …
- Jack Paar – I Won’t Cry
- Perry Cuomo – I’m Not So Nice
- How you look to other people
- Your waitress sees you as your order
- How a television script is born. I might actually read this
- Showing all the different people that change it along the way
- Insurance for Teens – Blind Date Insurance, Allowance Protection Plan
- New Fabrics – wow, this predicted stretch fabrics!
- Onto Cracked, 38 years later
- A comic about the Dark Nought
- Harried with Children
- Things that didn’t make the Dark Nought’s utility belt
- Pooper scooper, trashcan, a movie
- A video censor device for people trying to tape movies on TV
- A manual for Classroom monitors
- How to monitor other classroom monitors
- Then Craza and Cracked go into photo stuff
- Oh, these are like early memes
- This was when people were fed up with Classic Rock
- I don’t know who any of these people are
- Comic-Con Confidential
- What’s hot and not in The Dark Nought
- The Dark Nought mobile and airplane, can opener, cheese grater, etc
- Don Martin and the sounds of the Dark Nought
- The sound of Dark Nought removing his mask
- Dark Nought at a fancy dinner
- A fake ad for Santa Cruz skateboards
- A motorized skateboard with a V8 Engine
- Mower Trucks for your skateboards
- This is really in-depth
- Top 40 Skate Hits, Vol 2
- Electric Helmet
- Ice wheels for skating on ice
- Poser’s Encyclopedia of Skate Terms
- What if Bruce Payne did not become the Dark Nought?
- Maybe he could’ve helped puppies meet parents
- Some truly wild hypotheticals
- The Dark Nought vs The Hydrant
- The Dark Nought vs the Vacuum
- Some fun celebrity name puns
- The Reeboker, the biggest heel in Gotham City
- I can’t figure out what show this is parodying
- An interview with Robin aka Wonderboy
- Oh, this is his backstory
- This one was definitely not collector’s edition
- On to Craza
- I’ve been meaning to rewatch Popeye
- Popcorn is his nickname on this one
- Explaining the Popeye movie
- Popcorn, the sailor person
- Was Annette Beatty in this?
- He meets Salad Oyle
- Is this the plot of the actual movie?
- Blotto instead of Bluto
- Popcorn turns into a superhero when eats a lot of salad in this case
- He finds out his father is a superhero
- Prehistoric People were a big thing in this one
- Teen Hulk, a recurring character
- Oh wow, 2 adults playing with toys, cool
- Mother Goose’s rejected nursery rhymes
- Adventure vs Reality
- New Inventions of Modern Science
- Hovercraft Air Shoes
- NASA’s space bathtub
- Rubber helmets
- A beeper golf ball
- Battle Creek’s Breakfast Ointment
- California Hot Tub Birdbath
- Hens that lay material eggs
- Craza watches a drive-in swamp movie
- Heartburn in Cleveland
- Connecticut Kids
- You have to cut these pages out and rearrange them to get a bonus image
- A lot of scuba diving in these magazines
- Pong becomes reality
- Cracking a computer game like a nut
- A write-in knock knock joke contest
- Howard the Duck vs the Vacuum Crew
- When will President Reagan go bald?
- Writing stuff on toilet paper rolls
- Punchlines to jokes that don’t exist
- Eleventh Hour Special
- A parody of Queen
- A parody of Dolly Parton and Elvis Costello
- The Munsters board the Love Boat
- Dance lessons with banana peels
- Is this a Coach reference?
- The Love Bore
- Munsters and Popeye team up to steer the love boat towards Gilligan’s Island