Last of the Time Lords | Sleeping With Doctor Who S3E13

Notable Language:

• Finger Flourish
• Brock-Like Brain (BLB)
• B-A-I-T

Notable Culture:

• The Persistence of Memory – Dali
• Vinyl-Mation Figure
• Backstreet Boys

Notable Talking Points:

• An immediacy to my forlorn-ness
• Have we seen the Hulk nude?
• Dreaming of hugging Martha

Episode 1089 – Last of the Time Lords | Sleeping With Doctor Who S3 E13

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who just…you may find me short of breath because I just did a chair adjustment.  Now I’m in…I’m under a set of three-quarter stairs in the climb-in closet, which means that if I put my hands on my hips, my elbows are touching both walls.  I have a chair that is one of the few things…I didn’t even realize this, but this chair has been here the whole history of the podcast.  It is…was the least-expensive office chair they sold at IKEA back in…before…somewhere around 2010.  I could say that my behind gets tired sitting on here, but I’m not here to rest.  I’m here to put you to rest and help you fall asleep, because it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  Thanks for making it possible, patrons.

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, things you’re thinking about, thoughts on your mind…so thoughts; past, present, future, indeterminate.  I don’t know, is that a word?  Undeter…my thoughts are determined to get my attention.  I’ll tell you that much.  Talk about persistent…Persistence of Thought; I think that is…that’s a movie or a book or something.

 

I say holy cow, if I could be as persistent as my thoughts, I don’t know, I guess I’d be…I’d probably be…people would have…no offense to my thoughts; I’m trying to love you.  I do love you, but yeah, you’re persistent.  You’re pesky.  I would say you’re pesky, pesky in a way…if I could say pesky, persistent…you ponder stuff.  Preposterous sometimes.  Many P words could describe my thoughts.  You could be having feelings, so anything you’re feeling emotionally coming up for you, anything you’re feeling physically, so any feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature or routine, so anything…any of those things coming up for you.  It could be some…you could be traveling, someone could be coming in from out of town, you could have something coming up, anticipation, participation…my thoughts want me to participate; you’re right.

 

Too many P words, that could be keeping you awake, or you could be trying to get back to sleep after a…you had too much pee and now you don’t.  That happens.  But whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’m here to take your mind off of that and keep you company so that you could fall asleep.  This show is a little bit different, ‘cause I don’t really put you to sleep and you don’t really…you kinda just barely listen to me.  But what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna…I got a safe place here set aside, or I could send it to you, or you could look at it from afar.  But what I like to do first is smooth it, pat it, rub it down, do a little magic motion with my hand as I step away and say safe place, maybe open my palms and do a thing with my fingers.

 

Like, I don’t know if you could sense that, but it’s one of those things where your fingers…you open your palm and then your fingers do a little swirly thing.  Probably not a swirly thing.  I think the technical term is closing your fingers individually one at a time in a…with flourish.  A flourish with…a flourish of a…flourish of a fingers.  Finger flourish, I guess, is technically what I…flourishing my fingers or a finger flourish.  So, oh, I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, all designed to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep.

 

What it means is my voice is not traditionally soothing, and that I go off-topic as you’ve already seen, I get mixed up, I go back, pregnant pauses, my brain had…my brain unfortunately does not…I have pregnant pauses when I’m trying to communicate, but when my thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations at bedtime…there’s not…well, I guess there are pregnant pauses ‘cause I say really, what are you gonna do about that tomorrow?  Then there’s…say…they say really, what are you gonna do about that tomorrow?  Then there’s a long, pregnant…I’d say that’s more of a poignant pause or a pause that causes me…it causes feelings.  So, I’d say it has a poignancy for me.  But so, what was my point?  I don’t know.  I didn’t even mean to use ‘point’ again.

 

Oh, but so, I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep.  So this is…there’s a few different things that are…you have to get used to if you’re new, and if you’re a regular listener, hello my regular listeners.  How you doing?  All pets everywhere, fishes, mam…animal, mineral, vegetable, as I’m saying now.  Some people had pet rocks.  I don’t know, that was a little bit before my time.  Here’s something that happened somewhere in the generations; people…like, before me, there was pet rocks.  Then in different times, people get into rock tumbling.  That was…we got our first rock tumbler at a garage sale, so it didn’t come with the grit.  So we just used it as a…I think as a soothing thing.  I’d just put it on the thing and watch it roll.  Never had any grit.

 

They’ve said that about me more than once.  Then they said I’m too gritty.  So, but I didn’t think about that.  At one point…and then also another thing that gets popular, which I think is cool, is gluing rocks together, putting googly eyes on them, maybe painting rocks.  Painting rocks and stashing them…I don’t know what that’s called.  I found it; I found one rock one time somewhere.  I mean, of…no, a rock someone painted and left to be discovered.  Sorry, brain…critical brain.  My brain just jumped to a conclusion.  It said the listeners don’t understand what you’re talking about.  I said well, kind of, but they…yeah, it’s not supposed to…oh, if you’re new, though…sorry, I was talking about rocks.  Rocks; I got plenty of them upstairs.

 

I have pet rocks, there’s rocks tumbling up there, and then there’s rocks that have been left…I don’t have a lot of painted rocks in my brain, but if you want to…if I find one, I’ll put it right up there, metaphorically.  Don’t worry; no actual rocks in my brain, kids.  I mean, except some part of my brain just scoffed at that.  Rock-like material; thank you for correcting me.  So, but they also…then my brain just said full of hot air, so I have…my brain is composed tech…I guess according to my brain, my brain is composed of rock-like material full of hot air and gas.  Isn’t hot air gas?  How did we get on this?  I’m trying to help a new listener realize this podcast is strange and different.  Oh boy.  Now, if you’re new, it does take some getting used to.

 

A lot of people…and when I say a lot, I mean a million, have said it took two or three tries before I got used to the podcast.  So, give it a few tries at first unless you really loathe me, which is totally fine.  I have a website set up for that; sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, because I do want you to find something to help you fall asleep, because I’ve…I know how it feels.  I mean, I just talked about it; not looking forward to going to bed, having trouble.  Or last night, I just slept not good and I had something on my mind, then I was having dreams about it, and then I was like why am I…I had for…I was forlorn.  Last night I was forlorn.  But not in a…I didn’t have a…I didn’t have an immediacy to my forlorness or forlornability.  I think I was forlorning in my pseudo-sleep.  Can you be…is…forlorn’s a verb.  Is forlorn a verb?

 

I don’t know.  To forlorn; I mean, I’ve made it a hobby.  You kidding me?  Pastime, hobby, ten…I got ten thousand hours of being forlorn.  But don’t want to brag, but I do a lot of…I got a lot of forlorning going on on the side.  But so, whatever’s keeping you awake, if it’s…whatever it is, I and a lot of listeners, while we might not be experiencing the same thing you’re dealing will, we know how it kinda feels.  It can feel lonely and frustrating.  But the other side of it is we all know that are listening to the show that you deserve a good night’s sleep.  You deserve a place you can rest.  You deserve a place you can relax and get comfortable and fall asleep, and we want that for you.  I want it for you.  I want you to have the rest you need so that your life is manageable and you can flourish.  That gives me purpose.

 

That gives my life meaning, to help the people I can.  Now, like I said, the show gives…give it a few tries, see how it goes, ‘cause it is very different.  But if you’ve tried a lot of stuff to fall asleep, obviously you’re gonna be skeptical and doubtful.  So just see how it goes.  This show is mostly harmless, as I think Douglas Adams once said, or some sort of gumball with a mouth or something.  So, there…oh, that was a planetoid.  Some part of my brain…I don’t know if that was rocks or hot air; it said I think that was a planetoid.  Oh, thank you.  So…oh, so, okay, so that’s more…I got more good news.  Not only is this show very different and takes getting used to, it’s a podcast you don’t listen to.  You just kinda barely pay attention, but you can listen.

 

If you can’t sleep, I’m here to keep you company and I’m not really here to put you to sleep; I’m here to take your mind off of stuff and make the deep, dark night less lonely.  Even though you don’t have to listen to me, you could, ‘cause I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-cuz, your bore-bestie, your bore-bor, your neigh-bore, your bore-bud, your bore-friend here in the deep, dark night to keep you company, but you don’t have to…yeah, you could just drift off.  I’ll be here the whole time, though, and that’s kinda what works about the show.  You could listen to me, but you don’t have to.  You could fall asleep, but you don’t need to.  I’ll keep you barely entertained until you do fall asleep.

 

The other thing that throws new people off or even regular listeners off sometimes is the structure of the show.  It is intentional.  The show’s structured in a very different way, but that way people start to adjust to the show.  But the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel seen, welcome, and you get the tone of the show is welcoming, but I’m a little bit odd.  So, it’s okay to be odd.  That’s what I’m here to celebrate.  I got a Brock…I don’t have a Brock-like brain, but I don’t even know which Brock my brain got mixed up in; Brach’s Candy or Brock, B-R-O-C-K.  So, I said isn’t there some sort of hair stuff called Brex?  So, maybe my…so, oh, so I’m different and it’s okay to be different.  If you’re different or you’re struggling, I’m glad you’re here.  I hope we can help.

 

So, that’s the greeting, then there’s support for the show, ‘cause the podcast…the goal is for it to come out twice a week for free on every podcast app.  That takes the resources of the sponsors and the people that support the show.  Then there’s support for you.  If you’re having a extra-tough time right now, there’s links to resources you could connect with right now if you need extra help, and then there’s support for the communities around the show and the communities we’re a part of.  Then…oh, then there’s the intro, and the intro is different than the support.  The intro is a twelve to twenty-minute show within a show.  Sometimes people…they don’t like that the…they kinda don’t like the sponsor part or something and then they kinda project that onto the intro.

 

But the intro is a show within a show, and you could skip it.  About 2% of listeners skip it, but it’s really designed, one, to explain what the podcast is, for me to be myself, in some sense.  I mean, you’ve seen me be myself.  So you can say oh, okay, maybe I could be myself, too.  Maybe it’s okay to be me and not be perfect, right?  I don’t know.  I mean, I think that’s a big part of the intro, is me normalizing stuff, but it’s also me talking in circles and not going anywhere, because an efficient person would be able to be themselves and explain what the podcast is in two or three minutes.  But for a sleep podcast, the intro is also part of the wind down.  So whether you’re getting ready for bed, you’re doing something relaxing, or you’re in bed getting comfortable, or a few percentage of people are already asleep, which we’re happy for them, kind of.

 

Whatever it is, the intro is the wind-down, the twilight part of the podcast, because it eases you into bedtime.  This podcast does not work to just put you to sleep, because again, I’ve never seen that work for me, anything that’s meant to just put me to sleep.  So that’s the intro.  Then again there’s more sponsors between the intro and the story, because that’s what makes it possible for the show to come out free twice a week.  Then there will be a story.  Tonight will be a recap of a Doctor Who episode, 13, I think.  If you’ve never seen Doctor Who, don’t worry; it’ll be very meandering.  I’ll be talking about Saxon and bird cages and Toblerone, mostly.  It’ll be…but if you’re a Doctor Who fan, you say are you sure you watched that episode?  Handsome Jack, Martha, you know, the whole stuff I get mixed up about.

 

So, that’s the intro…oh no, that’s the story, then there’s thank-yous at the end.  So, that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show.  I’m really glad you’re here.  I work really hard, I really yearn and I strive, I really hope I can help you fall asleep.  Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways I’m able to do this for you for free twice a week.

 

Alright everybody, we’re talking Episode 13, Last of the Time Lords, a three-parter.  A lot of stuff happens this episode.  I still haven’t seen the…some point we’ll cover the holiday special.  I haven’t watched it at all, but we’ll probably cover that in the holiday season depending on…after I watch it.  So, this will be our last piece of Doctor Who for a little while, Episode 13, Last of the Time Lords.  Let’s see my handwriting here; Earth for space country music.  One year later.  Sea flashlights, lanterns, Martha, nuns shower…all in black.  Dialogue; check…some the work…a little listen on…back on Valiant.  Ready to rise.  Never two lord…Doctor is checked out.  Martha Jones, come back home.  Talk her…sticking?  Whisper zone.  One airspace…twenty-four hours.  Homes, work…Martha’s…frank…finger…codes.

 

Jackson, Jason, Jack…oh, Jack strapped up.  Big shot of PM.  I have no idea if any of that is correct.  Let’s see, these are my friends.  Right now they’re doing a recap.  Toblerone…what…Time Lord…flashback…Paradox Machine.  Meet at last, Doctor.  Stop it…lasers…Benjamin Button…down you go.  Toblerone balls…Martha’s coming back.  Earth; nope…and the open, and then the rest…The Last of the Time Lords.  Earth…shot of Earth from space.  Oh, that’s what I said.  Maybe country music…a lantern…Martha’s holding a lantern.  Oh no, some dude is, a very handsome dude.  Martha comes ashore in a boat.  He’s holding the lantern…you know who’s holding the lantern for Martha is me, in my heart.  Been holding that one for a long time.  Well, I guess not, ‘cause after this episode…but Martha runs ashore.

 

She’s dressed in Special Forces-type gear.  Very confident.  What’s your name?  Tom Milligan.  You’re the famous Martha Jones.  How long since you last been in Britain?  365 days.  Been a long year.  What’s the plan, Toucan Sam?  Professor Docherty, we gotta see her.  Plant Seven…I’ll get you in there.  What’s this all for?  What’s important?  The less you know, the better, Martha tells him.  You’re a legend.  We depend on you.  Oh yeah?  What does the legend say?  When it walked across America, Japan, the Atlantic…you didn’t walk across that.  Save the world, you will, they say.  Martha says a little late, or somebody does.  Then we have the Valiant.  Doctor looks out a porthole with Saxon.  Ready to rise.  Doctor’s grouchy.  Toblerones are outside.  Anything, Doctor?  Doctor has a blank look on his face.

 

More Toblerones.  Oh, there…didn’t…they broke your heart, eh, Doctor?  Now you know who they really are.  They say Martha Jones has come back home.  Oh, that’s…now, why would she do that?  Why is she coming home?  Doctor says leave her alone.  What did you whisper to her?  Got a flashback of the Doctor whispering to Martha.  What did you tell her?  I have one thing to say to you, and he says you know what it is?  Probably I was gonna say I love you.  Then he pushes the Doctor.  He’s getting over the top.  Rejoice; twenty-four hours ‘til launch day.  Weird; the Doctor touched his leg.  Oh, that’s a symbol, I think.  Three…the symbol is three, or W or wait.  Jack says smell the sea air.  Martha’s sister’s bringing him some food; cold mashed something.  She’s feeding Jack…she says three.

 

He winks, then we see a statue of Saxon, a giant one.  These statues apparently are all over Earth, even in Mount Rushmore.  This came out in 2007.  Think about that…or 2008.  Here we go.  South coast to England.  Everywhere there’s these giant spaceship…space ports, just salvaging everything to build this fleet of rockets.  A hundred thousand rockets ready to launch.  The rest of the universe…a thousand different civilizations all around us.  You been in space, the guy says?  Martha goes yeah, you got a problem with that?  He goes no, no, no, just holy cow.  She goes by the way, I met Shakespeare, too.  I would be like Martha, I was already impressed.  I didn’t need to know your history; you’re impressive on your own.  Some spheres find him, the guy.  They don’t see Martha.

 

He says I’m just working here, getting ready for…I just wanted to see the rockets; they’re so pretty.  He says don’t worry, I’m just a worker.  The Toblerones say okay, get back to work, then.  He says how come they didn’t see you?  She goes, I got this magic key with a thing on it.  There’s fifteen satellites around the planet.  There’s a low-level field.  That’s why everybody thinks that dude was Harold Saxon.  Guy goes oh, Harold Saxon; I forgot about that.  Martha talks about how she’s invisible or unnoticeable.  He goes well, I can see you.  She goes yeah, you wanted to.  He goes, I suppose I did.  She goes, is there a Mrs. Mulligan?  What about you?  No…she goes, I used to be with someone.  Doctor gives her her first kiss, which is dreamy, the first episode, then it jumps to when he whispers to her and holds her hand.

 

She goes, a long time ago, there was somebody.  They go, we gotta find this Dor…Dr. Docherty.  3:00; we gotta get moving.  Then Jack’s got fifteen minutes.  He’s…tries to do a little move.  I think this is a distraction.  Martha’s father’s involved…condition red, condition red.  Everybody’s running around.  They give the Doctor the laser thing, but he says…Saxon says it’s not gonna work, dude.  Then we got people running around…oh boy.  Jack says what’s going on?  Jack get caught by them.  Doctor…isomorphic controls, Doctor.  What else do we got?  Jack…break out…isomorphic…say sorry; he makes Martha’s mom and sister say sorry.  Didn’t you learn anything from blessed St. Martha?  His wife’s there; she’s in a red dress.  She puts his jacket on him.  He goes, siding with the Doctor’s not a good idea.

 

They say okay, get moving.  Doctor sits down…he goes oh, Doctor; he spins him around in a chair.  I remember back in the day when the Doctor was a famous time warrior battling Axons and sea buddies and cascades, rifts, hoping that your dread would lift.  Look at him now, grabbing his laser screwdrivers.  How did it come to this?  He goes oh yeah, I did it; ha, ha, ha.  The Doctor says listen, Saxon, you gotta listen up.  He goes no, no; I’m talking.  Great casting on Saxon, by the way.  He goes yeah, this is the time for me, serving it hot…resentment.  I got a message from Martha Jones, too.  Warm memories…we got more bird cage Toblerones, action music.  They sneak in, they see this professor; she goes, I’m busy.  She goes, I don’t care.  They say we need to talk to you.  She’s trying to fix the TV.

 

She misses countdown…both des’s…what’s the plural for des?  She does a little Sleep With Me; Dezzy?  Dezaline?  She goes, there’s a transmission coming up.  We gotta be…from Saxon.  We gotta be ready.  There it is.  Saxon says salutations, everybody.  This is the evening.  We’re getting ready to make a move with those rockets.  There’s whispers on Earth of a child walking the Earth giving you hope.  Forget about it.  How much hope do you got when you look at this Doctor here?  Say hello, Gandalf.  He’s not actually human; he’s an alien.  Greater lifespan, but I’m gonna suspend his regen and place…we’re gonna have some organ music and we’re gonna do something more…900 more years or something, which interestingly…again, I can’t remember if Benjamin Button got younger or whatever, but this one, it kind of…he ages the Doctor in a way that he becomes another being, kind of, like a little…I don’t know.

 

Like a Vinylmation figure, I guess would be the best way to describe it, like a little action figure.  There’s a lot of music.  Down in years; the Doctor shrinks, but he’s still there in his clothes because he’s a Vinylmation figure.  He’s a clothed Vinylmation figure even though he shrunk in his clothes, kinda like the Hulk or something.  Here’s something I never thought about; the Hulk is a never-nude.  Who’s the most famous never-nude person?  The Hulk.  I mean, I’m sure we’ve seen the Hulk’s butt before in the modern Marvel movies, maybe?  Am I right or am I wrong?  I don’t know.  Have we seen the Hulk nude?  I mean, I’m not talking about in full nudity.  Probably I think we have.  So, I’m probably wrong.  Saxon says hey Martha, did you get the message?  Everybody’s stunned.  Martha…she smiles.  They say I’m sorry, Martha.

 

She goes, the Doctor’s…he’s still…he’s a sentient Vinylmation figure.  Then they’re talking about the Archangel Network as a weakness of Saxon.  Fifteen satellites still transmitting.  But that’s why there’s not much resistance, ‘cause it’s a telepathic signal; it keeps people on edge.  Old Baby Big Eyes; that’s the name of the Vinylmation figure.  Say keep people worried…Toclafane…Martha goes, there not Toclafane.  That’s a made-up word; Toblerone.  She goes well, we gotta figure this out.  I got a CD-rom here.  If we look it up, we can catch one and open it up.  A Tesla coil in South Africa touched one of these, so…so, she tries to load it up on a green screen computer.  She’s like oh, I miss Bill Gates.  How’d you get this disk?  I heard you were walking around Earth.  What were you doing?

 

Trying to find a way to stop the thing?  Then we see another whisper of the Doctor to her.  They say oh, 1.1 gigawatts or megajoules will transfer it and shut down the…one Toblerone; not them all.  So, let’s get one of these Toblerone, let’s take a look in a book, like Reading Rainbow.  Then Tom Mulligan or whatever, he uses himself as B-A-I to the T.  I got the readings…get up on a sphere.  He goes running…do your job.  Oh, there’s 1.1 gigawatts.  It’s like a melon when you look at it up close, a metal melon and not a bird cage.  Like a melon…like a miniature Death Star.  You know what the Death Star looks like, but it’s printed like the skin on a melon.  But it looked like a bird cage to me.  I found…what I thought was a bird cage is nothing but a melon, a metal melon.

 

Then we…they get them…they…thing…they go okay, let’s open this thing up and take a look.  Like I said, in a book, but in a thing.  Then we see Saxon and his wife.  His wife, she doesn’t seem fully…she seems like she’s under the influence of something other than Saxon.  He tells the Doctor’s whole plan; gonna open up a rift in space, they won’t see us coming, and then we’ll establish an empire.  The Doctor says stop.  He goes no, we’re making a new Gallifrey here in the heavens, and then it’ll stop.  His wife, she’s holding onto a chair.  He talks about the drumming; I gotta get the drumming to stop.  Neverending drum beat ever since I was a child and getting…bugging me, you know, calling me to do stuff.  Can’t you hear it?  He goes listen, it’s right…you can’t hear the drumming right now?

 

He’s face-to-face with the Doctor.  The Doctor holds on and glares at him.  The Doctor says it’s only you, dude.  He goes, good.  His wife turns around.  One of the Toblerone come in.  Tomorrow we’re ready.  Tomorrow we rise, never to fall.  Saxon says I’m doing it for these Toblerone.  You love them too, remember?  So very much.  Then we get this big reveal, right, of where the Toblerone are from.  Slow reveal, parallel with Martha and the other two opening up the melon.  We see that inside the melon is something, and then Saxon gives us a recap at the same time.  Basically…let’s see, you love them…the dome reveal.  People on the run…the skies are made of diamonds.  We were running to Utopia.  They said what are you talking about, Martha?

 

She goes they are us, the humans from the future, ‘cause it’s like the…somebody remembers…they have a shared memory, though.  Skies are made of diamonds, we remember Martha Jones being nice to us.  We get a flashback of that kid on the LARP planet, Utopia.  It didn’t work out.  Martha can’t believe it.  So, this is her first time discovering this particular part, even though she has a plan.  So, it kinda ups the emotional stakes for us…for her and for us.  She goes, they’re humans from the future.  Then Saxon talks about taking his wife to the future.  Time Lord and a human companion.  See the stars, right, sweetheart?  It was a little bit too much for her, though, trillions of years into the future, end of the universe.  It was the end.  Little bit tough to handle, she says, basically.

 

She goes, it’s your fault, Doctor, or somebody says that.  But then he goes, I worked out the Paradox Machine.  Martha works it out at the same time.  Oh, fusing the coordinates, so the only place the TARDIS could go is this present time or a hundred trillion years in the future where the LARP planet and fake Utopia were.  So, the master…so, Saxon had the TARDIS and the only place he…the only other place he could go was Utopia.  So, he found it and he talks about how we’re trying to manage the end of the universe and as humans, still trying to adapt all the way, even…no diamonds, though.  There weren’t any diamonds.  Humans kept adapting across the eons, Saxon says.  Universe going bye-bye.  But then Saxon came to bring us home.  That was pretty nice.

 

But then the Doctor says but you’re come…you’re human and we’re human; why are you messing with us?  Martha goes well, that’s the Paradox Machine.  Then we see Saxon working on it…my masterpiece.  TARDIS…the TARDIS…living TARDIS can hold that thing and allow it to work…past and the future to collide.  The Doctor goes yeah, but this isn’t good.  It’s changing history.  The whole universe is history.  He goes yeah, I’m a Time Lord, so I can do it, man.  That’s what I can do.  Why come all this way?  We gotta go back.  Then the other thing says we can go backwards in time a hundred trillion years or forwards in time.  I don’t know.  Time Lords and humans combined; haven’t you always dreamt of that, Doctor?  Then they say to the Toblerone, why were you messing with us, really?  They say well, it’s fun.

 

Mulligan doesn’t like that.  Then Saxon says humans…you’re all about humans being the best.  I don’t agree.  I strongly disagree.  Even though he’s…then he holds hands with his wife, then he says goodnight, bye-bye.  Then they take one another in one another’s arms and head off.  Then Martha’s kinda going over a recap with Mulligan and Professor Docherty.  Then she goes before I escaped the Doctor, he whispered something to me.  She has these flavored waters.  She goes Unit Torchwood…everybody was studying Time Lords in secret, and they made this flavored water.  If you mix all four flavors, a Time Lord will cease…the clock on the Time Lord will stop ticking and they will no longer regenerate ‘cause they’re immortal otherwise, or they have regeneration.

 

But four flavored waters; I only have three of the flavors, though.  I have Blue Snow, Red Sunshine, and Amber Waves of Grain.  Got those in Budapest, London, San Diego…well, Budapest, London, and San Diego.  Now I gotta go to London to get this one, or something.  Beijing I think was the other one.  They go, we can’t go to…London’s a mess right now.  Ultimate defense…professor…they go thanks a lot, by the way.  Good work.  Martha kisses the professor on the cheek.  She watches after them.  She’s got two sweaters on.  She goes Martha, are you sure you can do it, gather all the flavored water and give it…get the…Saxon to drink it?  You don’t look like…that convincing to me.  Martha just gives her a look like girl, or professor, you don’t get it.  Very cool look.  Then we see Martha and Mulligan.

 

Martha and Mulligan…Martha Mulligan…I would have been jealous if she became Martha Mulligan.  They go into Apartment #8 in London.  It’s full of people on low-down.  These are people in the resistance, I think.  But…oh no; they’re workers for the shipyards.  They go, are you Martha Jones?  You really gonna feed flavored water or something to Saxon?  Who is Saxon, anyway?  Everybody’s got questions for Martha.  She goes no, no, I’m…I’ll answer your questions.  You want me to talk?  I will.  Then we see Professor Docherty; she goes into this secret TV and she goes, I have priority one.  They go, state your intent.  She goes, I want to know about my son.  They go, state your intent.  She goes, what’s up with my son?  They go, state your intent.

 

But we know she’s gonna leak out stuff about Martha Jones, information for Saxon concerning Martha Jones.  Then Martha’s talking about traveling all over the world; New York, China, Europe.  I met people just like you everywhere across the world.  But Martha Jones isn’t really the legend.  There’s another one.  My name’s not important; there’s someone else, a person who sent me out here and told me to walk the Earth, the Doctor.  He’s the one who saved you a bunch of times.  You didn’t even know he was there, but he did.  He never stops, he never stays, he never asks to be thanked, but I’ve seen him, I know him, and I love him.  Oh boy, do I.  Mulligan closes his eyes.  Martha goes, I know what he can do.  Then somebody comes in; they say Saxon just showed up.  Hide Martha.

 

So they put a jacket over Martha and Saxon’s walking around, wiggling his fingers.  There’s Toblerones, there’s members of his elite team, and everybody’s like, what are we gonna do?  There’s shopping carts.  He goes Martha Jones, I know you’re there.  There’s industrial music playing, a lot of it, and rain-soaked streets, spotlights, direct TV dishes.  He says Martha, what would the Doctor do?  Martha’s a little nervous.  I don’t know if she’s…I couldn’t figure out if she really…she closes her eyes…her eyes are wide; she closes her eyes.  She goes to put her necklace on…she does put it on.  She holds it and then she says I’m gonna go out there.  She says excuse me, Tom Mulligan, or whatever your first name was that Scooter forgot probably at least on some level intentionally ‘cause he’s jealous of you.

 

She opens the door, she comes out, and then Saxon’s like oh, there she is.  Great job.  You don’t have any flavored water that wouldn’t…would pause me, do you?  He goes, why don’t you put that bag down?  Give it over here.  He zaps the bag.  I couldn’t figure out…I don’t see her necklace on her right now, but it could be under her clothes.  But I don’t think it becomes a thing anymore anyway.  He zaps her bag with…the colored water’s in there, flavored waters.  He goes now, good companion.  Then Tom Mulligan comes out.  He gets paused himself.  He’s thinking about pausing Martha but he goes oh, I should do it in front of the Doctor, obviously…obvs.  You should…we should do this with the Doctor.  Martha just frowns and stares at him.  He takes a big inhale and he goes almost dawn, Martha.

 

Looks around…Planet Earth and all my Toblerone are gonna get to work.  Then we’re back on the ship, sit…there’s a PA.  Citizens of Earth, get ready.  Martha marches on.  Her sister and her mother look on.  Saxon’s at the top of the bridge with his wife, then we see Martha’s dad.  She’s doing a slow walk.  Jack kinda gives her a grim…grimace.  Martha looks at the Doctor and a bird cage and says huh, that’s…he still has a pinstriped suit, but it’s more like pajamas.  Then Saxon’s like, give me your teleport device, yo.  Do your job…oh wait, this is way behind.  She’s hypnotic…and Saxon says kneel before me.  Ready to launch the fleet.  200,000 ships across the universe…I can’t tell if they’re…they have some sort of black hole makers or they’re full of Toblerone.

 

Oh yeah, black…the line…the black hole converters or they’re going through black holes.  180 seconds left.  We get the moving…he goes, I can’t resist a ticking clock.  Are you ready, Toblerone?  We will fly.  Oh, boy.  They’re orbiting Earth.  158 seconds at zero mark…we’ll start with Martha going big farming.  That’ll be my first big farm.  Got anything to say?  Martha just looks at him.  Doctor’s…poor posture.  Such a disappointment.  Back in the day, you had companions you were in love with and that could absorb time vortices.  Then he says bow your head…a little early, ‘cause…you still have 120 sec…one hour and…or one minute…or no, no, two minutes left.  No offense, Saxon, but you’re…he said this is a new order of the Time Lords.  I guess he has…maybe he has a two-minute speech.

 

From this day forward, Martha starts laughing at him.  Saxon’s like, what’s so funny?  She goes, do you really believe that thing about flavored water in four parts?  Come on.  How could you have fallen for that?  He goes, what do you mean?  The Doctor goes, do you really think I would have asked Martha to do something like that?  Sneaky-flavored water?  Martha’s like, I knew Professor Docherty was gonna tell on me.  We knew about her son.  So, then we get a flashback.  Did you realize that?  He goes well, it doesn’t matter.  This is inevitable.  I’m inevitable.  She goes, I knew what I was doing, travel…do you know what I was just doing, just traveling the world telling a story?  No offense; just words.  That’s what the Doctor told me.  All alone or on my own.

 

Told my story, told people to pass it on about how the Doctor saved everything.  I love him.  Pass it on.  Pass it on; Martha heart Doctor so everyone would know.  But Martha also loves the Doctor not just in that way.  The Doctor said use the countdown.  Think of one word at one specific time.  The dude…Saxon’s like, not gonna happen.  Now we’re at sixteen seconds, a prayer right across the world.  One moment, one thought, one word.  Fifteen satellites to amplify it.  That gets Saxon’s attention.  Jack says Archangel, baby.  Telepathic field.  We’re all fused.  Same thing, same time, and that word is Doctor.  The countdown goes, and the Doctor starts to get these cosmic powers, but Saxon’s like oh no, no, no.  We get a series of shots; Jack, Martha’s mom, Martha’s sister all saying Doctor, the whole world.

 

Martha’s dad, he’s saying stop it.  Even his wife says Doctor, Doctor.  Everybody’s chanting.  People are going out into town squares.  The Doctor is returning.  I guess now he’s Benjamin Buttoning.  He’s buttoned up his Benjamin, as they said.  He’s not.  That sounds wrong.  Button up the old Benjerman…that means be quiet, Scoots.  So, the Doctor says one thing you can’t do as he becomes full…you can’t stop people from thinking.  Jack laughs.  The Doctor grows; he’s translucent a little bit, or glowing.  Saxon’s stunned.  Everybody’s smiling.  Martha starts to hug her family.  Wind starts blowing.  Tries to laser the Doctor.  The Doctor says I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.  Piece of paper blows in Jack’s face.  Doctor takes away his laser beams, says I don’t hate laser beams; I just don’t like when you disuse them.  Saxon says this isn’t fair.

 

You can’t do this.  The Doctor says you know what happens now?  I gotta hug you and love you.  Just like me; this reminds me of me.  I say no, no, no, please.  He goes, you wouldn’t listen.  Now you know what you’re gonna…I’m gonna say.  Saxon crawls back.  This…there’s a part of me…there’s a Saxon inside me; holy moly.  He curls up and the Doctor embraces him.  He says I forgive you.  Saxon’s still like, protect the paradox, protect the paradox, protect the paradox, the Toblerones say.  He says Captain Jack, go to the Paradox Machine.  Then Saxon tries to escape by teleport.  The Doctor comes, there’s lightning…he says now it ends, now it ends.  The rockets are getting ready to launch.  So, he still thinks in…it’s inevitable, but Jack’s running.  Martha and her sister and her mom are trying to steer the ship.

 

We got Valiant…control it.  The black hole converters inside every ship…maybe I’ll just open up those and Earth will go…I don’t know what’ll happen.  Saxon thinks he does.  Jack…there’s Toblerone blocking the TARDIS, but Jack outwits…he out-dances them with some other people that used to work for Saxon.  But Jack, he doesn’t even have to re…he doesn’t have to spawn…respawn.  Then, yeah, we see a lot of Toblerone in the sky, a flurry of Toblerone.  Then the Doctor says listen, you…all you do is talk and talk and talk, but all these years, I…he goes, I have the secret, man.  I know you.  He goes, you don’t want to get rid of these ships.  That’s the one thing you can’t do.  Saxon’s actually thoughtful and quiet.  The Doctor reaches out his hand; he says give it over, man.  You can’t de-time a time…Time Lords can’t de-time.

 

Then we have Jack on the TARDIS.  He takes out the Paradox Machine.  You know what happens when you take out a Paradox Machine; you only have one Doc.  I don’t know if that’s…but I loved that paradox joke.  What do you call two Docs on top of one another that look like one Doc but they’re actually two Docs, but one’s submerged so you don’t know it’s there?  Pair of Docs.  It’s still a pair of Docs.  Everyone get down; time’s reversing.  A lot of wind, a lot of rocking, a lot of smiling.  Doctor and Martha actually are gleeful.  Oh, the Doctor transports back with Saxon, or Saxon transports back.  We get Earth…wind blowing on Earth, clouds, dust, people falling down because they say hey, time’s…when time reverses, it gets shaky.  My children, protect the paradox.

 

Jack on the run…six million spheres…just checking my notes here.  Spheres coming in.  Face-off…I know you.  We’ve got the moon and the Earth going backwards or forwards.  I’m not even sure.  Finally, the Valiant slows down and parks on a foggy day.  We see the bridge covered in papers.  You’d think they would have had the papers more organized.  We see Earth back to normal Earth stuff, human being human, traffic, walking, biking, eyes…oh, this is coming up.  Only two left…two minutes past eight.  One day they call; they say where’s the…that president elect of the US?  They say well, we gotta call you…we’ll call you back.  Everything else is normal.  Everything…that’s what happened.  A lot of the stuff didn’t happen.  You’re all gonna remember it, unfortunately, I think.

 

Spheres are back at the end of the world, or the…to whatever.  We’re at the eye of the storm.  The Doctor introduces himself to Martha’s dad.  Saxon tries to run off a Helicarrier which is not a good idea, but Jack catches him.  What do we do with this one?  People have strong feelings about him, especially Martha’s family, but the Doctor says you’re my responsibility from now on.  You’re the only other Time Lord.  Just the two of us; we can make it if we try.  Can’t trust him.  Yeah, no, he’s gotta be on this TARDIS, though.  So, you’re gonna keep me?  He goes, if I have to.  That’s maybe what we were…we existed to do.  Time to change.  Maybe I’ve been wandering too long.  So, maybe this was a cliffhanger when it came out.  Was there gonna be another season?  I don’t know.

 

But then…it’s actually his wife who still has a kind of dazed look, who says maybe Saxon should go…like a butterfly in the sky and kiss…whatever.  So, he goes…the Doctor holds him.  He goes, just regenerate, man.  Do a regen.  He goes, I guess you don’t know me so well ‘cause I don’t…I won’t, I can’t, and I will, and I won’t.  The Doctor goes, come on.  He goes no, no, no, I’m not gonna spend the rest of my life with you, dude.  The Doctor gets a tear because, you know…goes, I’m going to the big TARDIS in the…inside of…wherever it may be within a fold of some sort of thingamajig that’s beyond Scoots’…a time vortices.  We’re the only two left, the Doctor says.  Come on, please.  So, he goes come on, regen, man, regen.  Saxon laughs.  Saxon’s got very perfect teeth.  Can’t do it.  I win.

 

Bye-bye, as N’SYNC or Backstreet said; ain’t no lie, baby, bye, bye, bye.  He goes, you think the drumming’s gonna stop, though?  We get a flashback; moon, vortex in his kid’s eye.  Doctor’s really grimacing.  Saxon takes a nappy-poo and the Doctor holds him and rocks back and forth.  Tries to comfort himself.  Everybody else is looking on.  Martha and her mom are holding each other.  Martha’s dad’s holding Martha’s sister.  Jack looks up in the sky or to the roof of the…said, I wonder how this thing’s assembled.  Then we have the Doctor; he lights a candle for Saxon or a few candles, GoT style.  I say, I haven’t seen that many candles since what’s his name…Stannis Baratheon.  Actually, that wasn’t Stannis ‘cause that was…and I say oh yeah, that was when I lost all respect for Stannis Baratheon.  This is different.

 

Doctor’s got his duster on, suit buttoned up, hair looking spectacular.  He walks off, a little bit thoughtful and unhappy, I would even say.  We see the candles; they didn’t…the candles didn’t burn out long ago.  They eventually will, and the legend, maybe.  I think then we’re back at the waterfront, and everybody already forgot about the Doctor, they’re talking about.  Jack says well, I gotta get back to work.  Doctor says come with me.  He goes no, I’ve been on a plane for a year that never was.  I got a team here in…and I gotta get to work.  Responsibility, Doctor.  Doctor says okay, defending the Earth, I respect it, I respect it.  He goes, I need my thing.  The Doctor says, I can’t have you having a time traveler.  You can go anywhere twice to apologize.  Jack says what about me?  Am I gonna live forever?

 

Doctor says, I don’t know.  I can’t do anything about it, so I don’t know.  You’re impossible.  Then Jack gives him and Martha a salute.  Like, he gives him…and a wink.  They give him a nice…he goes off, then he goes what about aging, you know?  He goes, if I can’t…he goes, you know, I’m getting grey hair and stuff.  He goes, what happens?  The Doc goes, I don’t know, man.  I don’t know.  He goes okay, I’m just being vain.  He goes you know, I used to be a poster boy at Boeshane Peninsula.  Look Magazine or something.  Goes, there’s a tiny place; I don’t know if it was in the UP, but he goes, time agency first signed me up.  They called me the Face of Boe.  Doctor and Martha get a OMG face.  He goes, I’ll see you.  They go, not if we see you first.  They didn’t say that, but they go no way.  They can’t be.

 

They’re both stunned, even the Doctor.  No, definitely not.  Martha laughs, touches the Doctor’s forearm, and then we go to Martha’s parents’ house.  It looks like her parents may be reunited.  Her brother’s there…we’re looking in through the window through the Doctor who now has a blue navy suit on.  Martha’s mom stares out at him, kinda gives him a smile frown.  I guess the more she feels sorry for him…Martha gives a smile-frown to her mom.  Doctor goes on; throws his jacket on the TARDIS.  His shoes match his shirt and his tie.  Puts his hands in his pockets and he says, huh.  We see he’s still got his regen.  Kicks his feet up on his launch chair.  Martha comes on.  The Doctor goes okay, let’s hit the open road.  Let’s fire it up.  Meta-sigma folio…sky like oil on water.  Fancy look back in time.

 

Charles II, Henry VIII; what about Agatha Christie?  I’d love to meet her.  That’d be a blast, but Martha says nothing.  He goes okay, and she goes yep, can’t go.  Doctor goes, yeah.  She goes all those years, I trained to be a Doctor — Martha says this — and now I have people I can help.  They went through a lot, my family.  I can’t leave them behind.  Doctor’s like, yeah.  He just kinda sighs, then he smiles a bigger smile, a crafty smile.  He says thank you.  Martha doesn’t quite return his smile.  They hug.  I’ve gotten this hug, but I was not…I was getting hugged by Martha, but she was telling me what the…her hug was saying to the Doctor…and she goes, you know, I’m not second-best.  I’m good.  I spent all this time with you thinking that.  He doesn’t even get that.  She smiles big, she pokes him.  He goes, you’re gonna be alright.

 

Alright, then.  She kisses him on the cheek, barely.  Then she goes to leave once.  She takes a big sigh, starts to walk off.  The Doctor thinks about it, but then Martha turns back.  There’s a nice pause to wonder, but I love this extra scene.  She goes listen, my friend Vicky had this thing with this guy, Shawn.  They all lived together and she liked him, but he didn’t even know she existed.  She spent all day long thinking about him.  Doctor goes, this is going anywhere?  Never looked at her twice, Martha says.  Then she turns her head.  He liked her as a friend, but that was it.  The Doctor puts his head down.  And she wasted her time pining after him.  Relatable?  Oh yeah.  I told her again and again and again; I said get outta there, you know?  The Doctor gives us a faint nod.  So, Martha goes this is me getting out.  Oh, boy.

 

Then she gives him the phone, though.  She goes by the way, this doesn’t mean…I need a time machine to go back to 2007 right now and bump into Martha when she comes out of the TARDIS.  Doctor says, got it.  She turns and walks off.  He looks over his shoulder; I’ll see you again, mister.  The Doctor smiles.  Martha opens the door, goes out, stops again, pauses.  She’s happy; she smiles.  The Doctor gives a thoughtful look, sits on the control panel of the TARDIS, breathes, and says…then Martha goes in.  Her mom’s like, Martha’s back.  The Doctor fires up the TARDIS or starts warming it up.  Get some breeze, we get some TARDIS sounds, we…he thinks about the candles he’s…and then we see this weird ring thing, which I guess…I didn’t realize his…the Time Lord was wearing a ring, but apparently he was, or something.

 

I don’t know.  That’ll come in handy one day.  I don’t know when.  The Doctor starts pressing buttons, and then we hear a horn, and we see a ship.  This was pretty…this one, I mean, I said it doesn’t look like that ship, but we see that it is the Titanic.  The Doctor says ‘what’ over and over again.  What?  What?  Bell rings…he sees that it’s the Titanic.  He says, what?  What?  Then the episode ends with…come…the holiday special, which we’ll do at some point.  But yeah, that’s the end of the episode, and yeah, I hope you enjoyed it.  I did.  Who?  Doctor Who, the Doctor.  Thanks everybody, and goodnight.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcribed by Leah Hervoly)