991 – Don Dankle’s #1 | Tales of Lady Witchbeard Ep 3
Daw is all swabbed out and ready to scat you off to sleep.
Episode 991 – Don Dankle's #1 | Tales of Lady Witchbeard Ep 3
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, all my patron peeps, my patron peeps, what up? What do you say we get on with the show?
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, or at least have it on one side of the bed and move a little bit over. Whether that’s thoughts on your mind that you’re thinking about, like things from the past, present, or future, feelings either related to the thoughts or feelings that are just there or that have been there or that appeared suddenly right at bedtime.
It could be physical sensations, changes in your schedule or your routine, it could be something baffling, could be work or your schedule, your work schedule. Shout out to the second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth, and eleventh, and now the twelfth shifts, all who I give attention to, but I…especially second and third shifts. But those other shifts, too. I say well, if you’re on the twelfth shift, I’m here for you. But whatever’s keeping you awake; it could be one of those things, it could be something else. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep, and what I propose or what I’d like to see if you’re interested in or…it’ll help you, here’s what I’m gonna do; I’m trying to create…over the next twelve to forty-eight to ninety minutes, I’m gonna try to create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, like I said at the beginning.
But one way I like to do that is repetitive things, and then…you can’t see me, but I’m moving my hand in a…almost like I’m polishing the safe place. When was the last time I talked about turtle wax? ‘Cause I say, I think I’ve talked…I hope…the way editing always works out, where I record out of order, the episode before this, I’ll…even though I recorded…maybe recorded it months ago to be about turtle wax. Maybe we’ll come back to it. I say, whatever I’ve talked about it, I already forgot. But you might say what in the turtle wax are you talking about, son? I’d say well, if you were my father, you’d know, because my father is a big…my father…I’m not sure if he used turtle wax, but some sort of wax like turtle wax.
I would use turtle wiggity-wax ‘cause I did like…do…can’t you do that motion like you’re a DJ scratching the record? Is that good? Especially for the hood of a car. Turtle wax; nothing to do with turtles as far as I know. Hopefully I Google it before this episode comes out ‘cause you say Scoots, you didn’t hear about…I mean, do turtles polish their shells? That’s what I think the last time I talked about it…was probably a tangent I went on. If I didn’t, how about that? How about turtle wax for turtles? You say, this is turtle-friendly turtle wax. For the mating season or any season, shine up your shell with turtle wax. If you want to swim faster than your average turtle, use some turtle wax. Also, if you have your youth usually riding on your back…don’t…turtle wax; not for that…those…probably don’t use it.
Also, don’t wax any turtles unless they become sentient or can communicate in a language that you also speak and they speak it clearly and say hey, I heard about this; for some reason this wax company made turtle wax, turtle-friendly turtle wax, and it was approved. Could you please wax my shell? Because mating season is coming and I would like to look extra-shiny. Then you say, you didn’t hear about the study that said believe it or not, shiny shells don’t…that doesn’t attract more mates. It was just a marketing idea. Turtles, just be yourself. You don’t need any wax. Oh, sorry. Oh, I was gonna go on…what I was gonna do is I was making that safe place thing. I went on a early tangent there. Then I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.
I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, just like when I open the hood of my father’s station wagon at some point during the…I don’t know if I’d open it while I was waxing his…the hood of his…I don’t know…even know what I’m talking about now. Okay, so, I’m gonna…whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that. If you’re new, I’m gonna send…use lulling, soothing, tones, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. We’ve been on a few of those already, all to keep you company while you fall asleep. Now, if you’re new, a few things to know. This podcast is not for everybody but most people that it works for, they say give it a few tries and see how it goes, because it’s very different. The advice I see a lot of times is hey, just kinda listen loosely. Barely pay attention.
That’s how the podcast works; it never gets started, so if you’re waiting for it to get started, that’s kinda natural on your first or second listen. Then on your third listen you say oh, that was him getting started and going, when he was talking about waxing turtles. That’s the content of the pod…I say yeah, you’re a regular listener now. So, the podcast is something you don’t really listen to. Also, it does not put you to sleep. Believe it or not, this podcast is just here to keep you company. I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-cuz, your bore-bestie, and to take your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep. That’s why the shows are over an hour, so you have plenty of time to drift off, you don’t have to think about when’s…what if I’m not asleep by the time the episode ends?
Don’t worry; queue up another episode. I’m here. If you want to listen all night, I’m here. I make the show because…twofold; I’ve been there. Last night, I was wide awake for some reason at a certain time between 12:00 and 5:15. It wasn’t pleasant and it wasn’t…my usual strategies were not working. So, I’ve been there. I know how it feels; trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, tossing, turning, mind racing, all those things. So, that’s one thing. The other thing is…what was the one thing…oh, trouble…oh, I’ve been there. The other thing is you deserve a good night’s sleep. That’s the other reason I make the show. If I can help you, while this podcast doesn’t work for everybody, I hope it works for you, because I want you to get the rest you need, because you deserve it and your life will be a little bit better.
Maybe slowly, if you get a bedtime routine, it’ll be better and better and better. That means a lot to me ‘cause you’re important. So, that’s why I make the show. You don’t really listen to it, it doesn’t really put you to sleep; that’s the good news. Structure of the show can also throw new listeners off, even regular listeners. So, the show’s structured in a very specific way that we’ve kinda grown into over the years, but there is percentages of listeners that use the show in different ways. So, I’ll try to give you the basic structure of the show; it starts off with a greeting so you feel welcome. Then there’s listener support so you have other options for stuff beyond me putting you sleep.
Then there’s support for the show so it can be free, and then there’s our intro where I introduce the podcast in a long-winded way that never successfully introduces the podcast, but it’s really designed to help you wind down. That’s why the intro’s around twenty minutes long, or ten to twenty minutes long, so that it can be here to keep you company as you drift off or while you do some sort of bedtime routine. Like, a lot of listeners are doing something else, some other mild activity. I’d say that probably right now, 40% of listeners just put their phones down after Googling turtle wax. You could always do it tomorrow; you don’t gotta do it now. The intro just gives us some distance from the day and helps you wind down. Now, there is a small percentage of listeners that skip the intro.
There’s a small percentage of listeners that fall asleep during the intro, but most people are getting comfortable or unwinding or getting ready for bed, or waking up and turning the podcast on. There’s no wrong way to use the podcast. It’s just built in a certain way just because of the linear nature of stuff we send out, so…and just what works for most people. But again, you could change it up. But yeah, the intro’s kinda like landing at bedtime, a slow going in. So, that’s the intro, then there’s business so the show’s free. Then there’s our story. [00:10:00] Tonight it’ll be our episodically modular series, Tales of Lady Witchbeard. Oh boy, will it be meandering and superfluous.
That’ll be the bedtime story part, and then there’s thank-yous at the end, so, that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show, and that’s why I’m glad you’re here. I really hope, I really work hard, I really yearn and I…I’m so glad you’re here, really. Like I said, out of…I don’t know what the percentages of people the podcast works for versus doesn’t, versus people that just don’t…some people just don’t like the style of the show or the sound of my voice, and that’s totally okay, too. Or, anything, so you could always check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou if the show doesn’t work for you. But yeah, I’m glad you’re here. I work really hard, and I yearn and I strive. I really want to help you fall asleep, and here’s the ways I’m able to do it for you for free twice a week.
Alright, hey everybody, it’s Scoots here. It’s time for our episodically modular series, Tales of Lady Witchbeard. Oh boy, are you in for an episodically modular treat to carry you off into dreamland. You might say Scoots, what’s episodically modular mean? I say well, it means you could kinda listen in any particular order to the episodes. That’s getting more and more popular, though some stuff is serialized. This has a touch of seriality but because it’s episodically modular, I’m gonna catch you up on everything that you need to know, and not much has happened. So, the Tales of Lady Witchbeard is tales of Lady Witchbeard. She’s a witch, she’s a pirate, and she’s wonderful. Take everything you know about witches and leave it behind, because what I know may be different than what you’ve known. She’s great.
She’s helped me more than once, or a character very similar to me named Daw, like Daw that rhymes with caw. She’s a friend…she’s a heroine would be an understatement. So, let’s see, so, where is the story? So, once upon a time, a long time ago, there was a witch. She became a pirate. That part is…I think that’s…she lived in a witch world, a world where most people were witches, and you grew up in different aspects of a witch-based society. But Lady Witchbeard decided I don’t think this is for me, even with the many millions of niches within witch-based life. She said yeah, I’m not…I’d like something different for myself. So, she found another world, portals, time-space continuum stuff. Now, she was already a skilled witch and she went over to a pirate-based world, the world of the twelve seas, a pirate realm.
She became…joined in that world. Then at some point she needed a break. She met me, and then we had another adventure. Then I kinda got scattered across time and space. She had to go gather me back up, and then she needed another break. She said, I need some R&R. But of course, I needed to be around a witch-pirate. I said okay, taking a break’s fine, Lady Witchbeard, but my life does not…is not the same without you being…so, eventually after she decided her break was enough and I kinda got on her nerves a little bit by sitting outside of her cabana…oh, bungalow; I get those words mixed up for some reason…she came up with a new mission. She said, okay…I played her this song about a man who loved the sea and a woman who loved that man, and she said let’s find this woman.
Her name was Brandy, and let’s get to the bottom of this mystery that’s contained in this song. So, we set off in the…we set off…she…Brandy was in the twelve seas, not in our world. I guess Lady Witchbeard was familiar with that. Then we searched all of the twelve seas. A little quibble here still based on my observations; there’s only eleven seas, but they call one of the bigger seas…they say it’s two seas. So, we set off. We searched the twelve seas to find Brandy. Eventually we did. Meanwhile, something else was going on in this pirate…piracy realm. Lady Witchbeard had been gone. Also, we’re not operating on Earth time-space, so we’re not…it’s tough to explain, but you’re just gonna have to say okay, wait a second, this isn’t exactly one-for-one in our time-space.
So, Lady Witchbeard had been gone from the pirate realm for a while, and she had not renewed…I guess they’re guilds just like everything else, and she had not renewed her membership or kept up her membership in the guild and completed enough quests or something to prove that she was still…not…a pirate, a full pirate, a full-fledged pirate. Apparently, they said you gotta be apprentice again to this person who’s gonna come, and you’re gonna be under their…I don’t know, is that what’s under…yeah, you’re their apprentice. Now, Lady Witchbeard was not into that. Like, who would be? She said, what…and we had a mission, so that would have conflicted with both things.
She thought by starting our mission…this is projection or assumption, but I believe she thought that by starting our mission and our quest to find Brandy and the man who loved the sea or whatever…’cause she said it’s related to some other myth, that it wouldn’t…we need to get to the bottom of it, that that would counteract her apprenticeship. But it turns out it didn’t, because after we found Brandy, we spent some time in Brandy’s local community where she was working under the jurisdiction of the jurisdictors, the governor and stuff, under their official business. We had to be rescued by, of all people, the person Lady Witchbeard would become apprentice to. So, that’s where we start out. I mean, that’s where we are now, so not much really happened. We’re on a ship somewhere.
Also, Lady’s Witchbeard ship got…gone bye-bye. But the…just to reassure you, top members of her crew and…’cause some of them are fully guild members. You say well, I’m a full navigator. That person, they said well, you’ll have to find another job. We’ve got an…I think they kept their navigator. But anyway, so, we’re on the ship. You’ll find out more right now. But first, our Hollywood announcer, Mr. Antonio Banderas. Ladies and gentlemen, the boys, the girls, the friends beyond the binary, it’s time to sail the twelve seas. It’s time for the Tales of Lady Witchbeard. Whoosh. Yeah. Thank you, Antonio. We’re gonna play a board game as long as you can maintain silence. This is Tales of Lady Witchbeard.
Well, Lady Witchbeard, that is quite a good analysis. I mean, I think you should…I want you to take this book here and study Martindale’s theories. They think this…it was released within the last…it was released recently and they kinda…I don’t know, I think you’ll find it fascinating, some of the insight into thinking like the passengers on the other ship, and then making determinations through that. But I do feel like you have a pretty good grasp of the basics. It’s just a little bit more of a whole pirate model that I’m trying to talk about. So, our time is almost done. You seem a bit…you seem like you have something else you want to talk about, Lady Witchbeard, so, go ahead and you may ask me any questions. Don Dankle, I’ll read about Martindale’s theories.
I’m just trying to get a grasp…I know apprentices are not supposed to…or, in your opinion, come up with [00:20:00] missions. I’m just trying to get a grasp, and I know I’m not…it’s not…my role is just to kinda listen and grow. But just hear me out; I know you’re breathing in a way that says I’m overstepping, but I can’t undo the fact that I have been a full-fledged pirate. I’ve been in other realms which I know…well, I don’t know if you’ve been…assuming you wouldn’t answer that question. So, what would help me is just getting a grasp, and I’m seeing the different books you have of what’s going on in the pirate realm that’s driving your decision-making. Okay, well, I’m glad you’re trying to get a better understanding, Lady Witchbeard, and this is something I had thought we would talk about at some point soon.
I guess you can feel free to give me…furrow your brow and then breathe as a symbol if there’s things you already know, but yeah, I know you’ve been removed…that’s all of the notices that the Pirate’s Guild had been sending to you and their attempts to contact you. So, a lot has happened. A lot has been happening. You might not believe this, but this is now the realm of the twelve seas and it’s not considered solely a pirate’s realm. That was all in some of the notices the Pirate’s Guild sent out to you. So, I’m trying to think of a way to fill you in on the history without taking too much of our time, but a lot has happened in the twelve seas. So, where do I start? So, when you departed, there was a bit of a vacuum.
You were always a strong advocate for things and your way of doing things, but that was a way that benefited…it kept us strong, I believe. While there was other leaders in the guild that had different opinions than yours, the guild stayed strong and there was a wide diversity of opinions and styles of work. There was a lot to pursue because there was so much…you know, and we may call it…we just called it the pirate’s realm, but you know, the merchants called it the merchant’s realm, the miners called it the miner’s realm. But because there were so many seas, sea travel has always been necessary. What happened was eventually the merchants started to get better and better at processing things and the cost of our existence at first…I mean, I guess I could say…moving forward, we’re at a time of great opportunity.
Things have changed once again. But so, there was some more collected power, but it was still spread out among the twelve seas. But then they started to get more and more…each sea…within each sea, eventually some sort of city state or monarchy would gain…started to gain strength, but they also worked out among twelve different sources of power or influence. They colluded and they said okay, we’ll help you if you help us. That quickly became a not-good thing for pirates because they said well, we can’t have this. That began the Great Pirate Purge which was again in those notices. You weren’t present for that. Now, this happens very quickly, for time at sea is so slow. Things seem like they’ve changed, and they say no, no, no, you’ve just been gone.
There was even thoughts that you were a part of that and you were gone. But then also people said no, no; she left this realm ‘cause you were tired from influencing the guild in a positive way. So, that went on for a while and it was not a good time for any of us. Some guilds were shut down, other guilds went underground, but we did still have a lot of the theories of our fore-pirates, you know? Sometimes we thought about your focus and your fire, Lady Witchbeard, and we said we’ll get through this. This is still a pirate’s realm, not just only. We got through that time, and as we were getting through it and adjusting to it and mostly saying well, just be patient; this time will pass.
Not everyone…power among the twelve power parties in the twelve seas was not distributed equally, and neither was the ambition of those city states or monarchs or whatever. You know what I’m saying, Lady Witchbeard. So, and collusion is not always a good thing, either. It makes people a little…you know, it makes them think they have it easy and they start to rest on their laurels. A few different sources started to exploit that, and it ended up that then…that those twelve shrunk down to three groups that are still in conflict, and they’ve been growing and growing. What’s…that meant had meant for us was…one of the ways we adjusted during the twelve seas was that we kind of worked out something where it was like, for some of the people that were getting complacent, we said well, what if that’s one of our roles?
We keep your people from getting complacent and we worked out a deal after they dealt with everything. So, now with these three groups trying to have more and more influence and trying to collect more and more resources and move those resources, there is no more collusion. There’s competition and there’s a few smaller groups that are…and so, they…what led to the glory days was the profits we could get from these different groups in the past and the great years in all the history books when they would say well, we’ll pay you and you could keep it, and…we don’t trust any of these groups, but this is a opportunity, again, to fund the guild coffers, to reestablish guild offices, to keep things going with the apprentice program. That’s why the guild was so astringent about the rules.
They said we have to have rules, even in times of upheaval. So, our mission is pretty simple; it’s to keep going and to bring…this is to take up these opportunities. I know you’ll ask and I guess I don’t feel I need to disclose to my current apprentice at the time what our next steps are, because I was assigned by the guild to find you and bring you under-board, and then to proceed at my own discretion. So, yeah, I guess I can say we’re proceeding at my discretion for our next mission, but the mission would be who’s paying, what ships are…what areas of trade to we need to intercede at, and how will that benefit…you know, I’ll know I’ll benefit and you’ll benefit if piracy benefits, or private…whatever they call it, private interruption boating.
So, why don’t you head down to…I know you have your apprentice, Daw, and then…yeah, and I want you to study the theories, and then we will meet later on and we’ll see how things go. I appreciate your time, and good day, Lady Witchbeard. Okay, thank you, Don Dankle. I’m gonna head down. Hello, Daw. What are you doing? Oh, hey, Lady Witchbeard. I wasn’t doing anything; I was just sitting here stare…I guess I was just sitting here staring and feeling the ship moving. I’m a little worn out from swabbing, so, I’m all swabbed out. I was just wondering; I don’t have to be…if there’s a way I could not be your apprentice…like, I would love to learn some other skills. Daw, you’re already sitting down. We have to come up with…oh, how did things go with Don Dankle, Lady Witchbeard? Sorry about that.
I was just a little bit…I was just sleeping with my eyes open, I guess you would say. Okay, Daw. So, [00:30:00] Don Dankle is…I don’t know. I mean, I can’t…I still can’t believe this situation and I’m…I have strong feelings about it, Daw. I don’t…I think we need to figure out a way to influence Don Dankle. I don’t…not necessarily totally understanding how he would behave if I exert my will in a strong manner. So, didn’t I tell…didn’t…weren’t…after you were swabbing the deck, weren’t you supposed to be thinking about Brandy and Brandy’s song? What have you got? Oh, thanks. Oh, yeah, I guess…yeah, as your apprentice, I did…I have been thinking…I mean, I think of…north of Spain was the one thing that keeps popping up for me. But I don’t have a…that’s on my world.
So, I said…then I tried to think of the globe in my mind of my world and then look at a flat map of the twelve seas. Then I said well, where…doesn’t…it’s diff…totally different worlds, you know? Okay, tell me more, Daw. Well, I was thinking that’s where the gold on Brandy’s necklace is from, right? So, maybe there’s some clues there. Maybe we could do some research there to find out more or why was it so important to be in the song? Was it just ‘cause it rhymed or whatever or because…is that a clue? I guess ‘cause it’s very specific but not specific enough. Okay, Daw. So, it’s not in our…so, it is based on something in this world; it’s Northezspan. I’m sorry. Northezspan. I’m sorry, Lady Witchbeard, north of Spain. I’m sorry. Northezspan. Well, I’d ask you to spell it out, but I…you know it won’t help. Like, Span? Like Span?
North…Nord…like Nordstrom? Northezspan, germ. Daw, Lady Witchbeard, but north of…Span? I think there’s…or north of…Northerbam…Northezspan. Northern Span? Close; there’s a Z in there, germ. Close; there’s a Z in there. Northezspan. Close enough. Someone would understand if you said that to them in the realms. Okay, so, it’s Northezspan. So, that’s a real place? It’s one word or something? Just…yes. You won’t be writing it down, Daw, but Northezspan. Northezspan. Okay, we said it a lot. I think I got it now. What is…is that where…is there gold in Northezspan? There is; it’s a famous…there’s a lot of mines and I don’t know very much more about it, Daw, but I think you’re correct, Daw, that this is a clue.
Okay, so, maybe…so, how do we use that to get…so, should we…do you think it’s where…a clue worth pursuing? In a perfect world, Lady Witchbeard, could we…would we pursue this clue? I think that’s…is that…that’s probably my best question I’ve ever asked you. It’s very good, Daw. We would. Now, the question is, I don’t know if we can get Don Dankle. There’s no way I could say an idea to Don Dankle and Don Dankle would over-analyze it and realize that I’m up to something else. But because of the gold, I don’t think it’s that far afield. I don’t know the current history of Northezspan, so, I think we almost need to learn more and seed the idea. I don’t know how to do that, Daw, without…if I do…I feel like I’m under too much…as the apprentice, I’m not sure how Don Dankle would behave.
Okay, well, Northezspan…I mean, what if…you know what I haven’t done; have we ever done this before? Have we ever done…have I ever scatted an idea to get it stuck in people’s head? I’m sorry Daw, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Well, I could walk around the ship when I’m swabbing. There’s a lot of people around, right? I swab by people, I watch what they’re doing, I suggest different moves they could make on their board, and that kinda thing. So, what if I…oh, what’s scatting? So, it would be like badda-badda-ba…like, I just do that, like kinda nonsense but within the nonsense is a catchy thing. Northezspan, where the gold…oh, that gold goes on. You know what I’m saying, Lady Witchbeard?
Germ, I…this sounds like the kinda thing that would have caused me to tap on the window and ask you to go away. Right, it’s exactly like that, but in a way that if it’s a little bit distant from you, even if you say cut it out Daw, like the other pirates may, that it…they say…’cause then they can do it themselves. There’s no wrong way to…I mean, there probably is a wrong way to scat and it might be…but you just go oobie-doobie, dada-dat-dat Don, I will see you at Northezspan. Scoobie-doo-boo, by the way, there will be lots of gold to play when we go to Northezspan, away. If they ask, I say oh boy, I just love…I heard about that gold place and…or I just keep doing it and if somebody looks at me, I can just keep doing nonsense. Okay, why don’t you go do that, germ? I’m gonna lie down and get some rest.
Come back to me and wake me up. I’ll be in-between my…I have to do a lot of studies, so I’ll be studying and resting and contemplating. Okay, but I’ll be resting too, in-between working and scatting then, but I’ll…I guess maybe this would be like whistling while I work. I feel like…is that Cinderella, Lady Witchbeard? Okay, go ahead, Daw. Hey, Lady Witchbeard, sorry, I’m back. I know we changed directions. It’s been a little while ‘cause you wouldn’t…you didn’t answer your door. This is the first time you’re answering your door. But I know we changed directions. I don’t know when you’re meeting with Don Dankle next, but so, good news; I think we’re headed to Northezspan. Okay, thank you. Yeah, I’m supposed to meet…that’s why you’re…my door was open, because I’m getting ready to go meet with Don Dankle.
So, excuse me, Daw. Don Dankle, can I come in? Yes, Lady Witchbeard, come on in. I noticed some shifts in the direction we’re heading, Don Dankle, and it feels like we’re in one of the strong currents. We are. There’s a confluence of two currents not that far from Northezspan. I don’t know why it came to me. I do wonder that we can head into that confluence and there’s also one that comes and goes from there. It’s a major area. All the ships leaving Northezspan will go to that confluence. We will be able to see if any of them are weighed down with gold. I think this might be a perfect opportunity. Very perfect, though, for us to quickly restore the coffers to some of the nearest guilds, and then the guild overall. Okay, so…so, what’s our plan? Well, you know, this current we’re in is very fast.
We should be there very soon. So, we’ll just sit there and wait. Don Dankle, do you mind me asking why don’t we just go into port or go close…why…I guess it makes sense to wait in the shipping lane, but it…is there any information we need to collect? ‘Cause if I remember the maps correctly, it’s too far to send [00:40:00] a rowboat or a skiff in. So, we’d just sit in the water? No, no, no; we would sit in…we wouldn’t just sit in the water, Lady Witchbeard. We’d be training. We’re gonna undertake a rigorous training regimen while we wait. But I don’t see why we would need to collect any info…what information would we need to collect, Lady Witchbeard? Well, I was just wondering, Don Dankle, if…which of these groups of influence are controlling the minds? Is one doing it?
What if it’s controlled by not one of the three? What else could we find out there? Like, who’s been there recently? Okay, interesting. Interesting theories. Well, I want you to go up, and we’re gonna be doing a lot of drilling for the next calisthenics. I have the…I have my different staff members that are gonna be leading stretching…everything, so it’ll be a bit tiring and tiresome, but it’ll be good for you and everyone else. So, I want you to put your studies aside and we’ll do some swimming. It’ll be good for your Daw too, to really get into top pirate…to ship shape. We’ll also have some…a few small repairs we could do. Not the most exciting time to be a pirate, but a very necessary time. Okay. So, we’ll just sit here and wait and prepare, right, Don Dankle? Correct, correct.
Don Dankle, do you do this on a very…it seems like you’re very regimented. Lady Witchbeard, I am, and I’m very regimented. I can see things that…I can…I read between the lines. So, yeah, let’s get to work and then…but this is regular training. I don’t know where magic falls within all this. Maybe one day we could discuss that, but not today. So, head up above deck, Lady Witchbeard. Oh, okay. Lady Witchbeard…Lady Witchbeard, did you hear when I said I’m pooped on the poop deck? Is that the poop deck? How come they don’t call the place out back the ship…I mean, I always call that the poop deck, but I guess poop means something different to…’cause no one ever gets that joke. You do ‘cause I can see you rolling your eyes, but I’m tired, Lady Witchbeard. This exercise is…I really like the stretching.
It’s a bit like yoga. I don’t think…I still don’t understand the knots. I think that’s…with my learning differences, that it’s really hard for me to learn all those different knots. Well, I like the swimming. You know I love swimming. I mean, sometimes I’m a little bit…I like how they have the boat and then…I mean, I like…Don Dankle really is about staff remaining healthy. I mean, even though I’m tired, all the water breaks…and the ship is really stocked. We don’t…there’s not…do we ever have a time where we could have like…other than the set meals and stuff, is there ever a Pirate Fun Day or anything? Okay, are you as tired as I am? Is that why…? I’m frustrated Daw, because we’ve been here for weeks and no…it doesn’t make any sense.
I thought about the time it takes to load and unload a ship, and I even was speaking with Don Dankle about it and running the…now, Don Dankle’s books on Northezspan are older, but we looked at the time it takes to process, and a ship should have come in one of the two directions by now. So, I’m frustrated that…and Don Dankle seems to say well, we’ll keep waiting. We’re not in a hurry when…and I said well, why can’t we go into the port? Don Dankle refuses. But also it’s like, where are all the ships? Did they run out of gold? Don Dankle said that would have been big news, that eventually we would have heard…he would have heard about it. So, yeah, I’m just a little bit…oh, Lady Witchbeard, you hear that bell ringing? That’s from the crow…that’s…means there’s…something’s been sighted. Thank goodness.
Hopefully it’s something. Let’s head up to deck. Might be just a drill though, Lady Witchbeard, ‘cause we have a lot of those drills. Could be, could be, Daw. Oh, hello, Don Dankle. Oh, sorry, I’m…I forgot I was supposed…I’m allowed to…sorry, Don Dankle, I question my ability to say hello to you. It’s me, Daw. Lady Witchbeard’s right behind me. Oh, that’s good, Daw. Oh, hello, Lady Witchbeard. Head up, there’s great news; there’s a ship approaching. It’s low in the water. Current’s carrying it right towards us, so we’re gonna prepare to grapple and board the ship. It’ll be…well, look at how fast it’s moving. It’s almost here. We’ve done a lot of grappling drills, but not with a real ship, so Daw, Lady Witchbeard, I’m look…look at this like another training exercise as well. Okay.
Lady Witchbeard, I want you to stay onboard our ship. I don’t want you boarding the other craft. That’s an order. Yes, Don Dankle. Don Dankle, could I board the other craft if needed? Sure, Daw. You could just follow…you have a commander, so just follow your orders. Okay. Okay, I’m gonna get ready. Don Dankle, can I tell you I’ve always dreamed about using grappling hooks with…for work. It’s been a dream of…sorry, Lady Witchbeard, but been a dream of mine. That’s great, Daw. Now get up there. Now, Lady Witchbeard, I want you to be up in the crow’s nest. I want you to observe everything you can. Well, I want…I don’t want you physically boarding that boat. I do want you to observe…look at how low it is in the water. Yes, Lady Witchbeard, it’s low.
Do you have…should we do…Don Dankle, you’re very…you can do math in your head, Don Dankle. I cannot. What are you…? It’s displacing a lot of water. Lady Witchbeard, it is. It is a very…whatever’s on there…it’s full of gold. Yeah. Okay. So, okay…oh, we’re connected to them. They don’t seem to be stressed, Don Dankle. They don’t. Okay, they’re letting everybody on board. Interesting. I’m interested to hear what information we can gather. Let’s pay attention. They don’t seem stressed at all. They’re shrugging. Oh, and everybody went below deck. Okay. Okay, it seems like they’re doing…everybody…everyone…this crew is…your crew and our crew is very…wow. It’s partially these drills and I think a reflection on both of us, Lady Witchbeard. Thanks, Don Dankle.
Lady Witchbeard, you seem preoccupied, though. Well, I’m just hoping that…I’m just preoccupied, yes, Don Dankle, by the looks on everybody’s faces. So…and now everybody’s coming back aboard to report. Don Dankle, could I have permission to observe from…I won’t board the ship, but I’d just like to get a closer look and hear the reports and just double-check on my…even though Daw is not my apprentice, I realize Daw kind of is, you know. Lady Witchbeard, do you want to make sure Daw doesn’t have any splinters or anything? Okay. Hello. Hey, Lady Witchbeard. You’re probably hearing the reports and listening to me at the same time. That’s quite a skill you have, Lady Witchbeard. But so, we boarded the ship and all the people onboard were like what…go ahead.
Everybody was confused ‘cause…expected at least some sort of…it was definitely not the response we had. It was not take-what-you-want [00:50:00] and it was not don’t-take-anything. It was kind of like, what are you doing? So, then we went below and it was all this metal stuff, but it wasn’t gold and it wasn’t raw…it was like machinery and equipment. Oh, wait a second, Don Dankle’s letting them go. Lady Witchbeard, you look…well, Daw, we need more information. Yeah, but we…so, they said…I was gonna give you all the information I had. So, they said it’s mining equipment. Did I tell you that part? Some of it’s some sort of machinery that more than one…like drills and big machinery or stuff you’d use to mine gold. Then the captain came and he said yeah, this is mining equipment. We’re relocating it.
Don’t sink the ship because the…I don’t know, I didn’t understand that…I couldn’t hear it, but basically whoever was moving the mining equipment was like…that it’s not…it’s not really worth causing a scuffle over. They say well, we’re just getting this to other miners. Then they said well, there hasn’t been any ships. I said yeah, we know. The last pieces of mining equipment are headed out from Northezspan. They said well, was the gold going? They say no, no, no. That’s why we’re off…don’t bother us and we’ll tell you where we’re going. Because we’re mining something more valuable than gold, that’s why. There’s still plenty of gold in Northezspan. They said, is there a gold glut or something? Then I said no, no, no. They said, what you mining? They said, we have no idea.
But alls we know is it’s clearly more valuable than gold because gold prices are steady and there’s plenty of gold in Northezspan. But they moved all the mining equipment, stopped the mining; all miners are already over there. So, that’s what I…that’s all I know, Lady Witchbeard. Okay. I wish I could have talked to somebody. Thank you, Daw. Don Dankle? Yes, Lady Witchbeard? Daw kinda filled me in. I just wanted to run things by you and be your sounding board. Oh, very good, Lady Witchbeard. Yeah, it seems like we’re going…they gave us a location and we’re gonna head there. They said they’re mining something more valuable than gold and if we took the mining equipment…it’s a pretty good explanation.
They said well, you could…there would be a swift response, they said, and that it if we tried to hold the ship…they said, why would you do that when you could head over there? They said same if you got…if you…we gotta get over there because it’s so…the equipment’s not valuable unless it’s working, basically, was their argument, so much so that they said why would we even argue? So, yeah, they gave us a location, they’re mining something more valuable currently than gold, Lady Witchbeard, which is something we need to look into. We also need to get to a guild and there’s one not that far from that location. We could tell the guild about the…I guess we can’t mine any gold. We did…they did ask is there any gold supplies there, gold…they said no, no, no, just gold to be mined.
They said, no one’s gonna leave any gold lying around. But it’d be good for the guild to know that. So, we’d need to head off. Okay, so, where are we going, Don Dankle? Lady Witchbeard, I want you to step into my library here because, like I said, I know what’s happening and I know this is not a easy thing for you to be my apprentice, but I wanted to introduce you to my Number One because I know you’ve looked at me and wondered, you don’t have a second in command, Don Dankle. You have a third and a fourth and a fifth and a sixth and a seventh, and very rigorous roles, but this library is my Number One, Lady Witchbeard. This library is my second in command. Everything that happens on this ship happens through this library.
At this point, with your judgement, I need you…I’ve slowly been trying to familiarize you with this library. You could see all the tomes and even the updates, the most recent releases. I have it all here. I mean, not an entire…an entire library for what our needs are right now. But this is where things happen, Lady Witchbeard. This is the knowledge of all the past, including many books about you. This is who you’ll be reporting to from now on, Lady Witchbeard. You will be reporting to my Number One, and then you could report back to me. But Don Dankle, these are books. How do I report to just books? I can read books, I can parse them, Don Dankle, but I won’t be an apprentice to books. You will.
You’ll have to figure that out, because you can read between the lines, too, Lady Witchbeard, for Daw, for you, for whatever side mission you have, for Brandy. Great presence on the ship, unbelievably doing well in our distribution food and water systems. What a find. But yeah, read between the words, Lady Witchbeard. This is your…now…and yeah, don’t even think about getting rid of the books or anything. So, you could report here tomorrow morning and I’ll see you later. Listen for the bell when we arrive where we’re headed. You’ll know. Thank you, Don Dankle. Don Dankle, this…should I report…do you speak to the library? I’m not…did you hear that silence? Good day, Lady Witchbeard. Hey, Lady Witchbeard, you look like you need to do some pacing. You’re pacing. I mean, you’re pacing; you look like you need to.
That’s a good way to deal with things. So, what’s going on, or should I try to…? Okay. So, probably not gonna get any clues from Northezspan other than the clue that’s unrelated to Brandy, that there’s something more valuable than gold they’re mining, unless it’s love, but I don’t think you can actually mine love, at least in our world. Then I’d say oh, that’s why that song…it wouldn’t even make sense in the context of the song, though. But that’s just one thing I thought of. I said well, maybe they’re…what’s more valuable than gold? In a lot of movies they say oh, love, or oh, friendship. But they were using mining equipment.
So, we’re not gonna…and it sounds like…and I can tell from your pacing that Don Dankle probably figured out about the scatting, and we’ve been over…I guess we’re not overruled because we don’t have any…so, then we have to figure out what to do about…so, Don Dankle’s got plans and you have plans, which makes me think of all the movies where you take over the ship, which I can see by the depth of the furrow on your brow is running through your mind. But it’s tough ‘cause it’s not like Don Dankle’s like…Don Dankle’s got that plume in his hat and he’s pretty okay. He’s not the best; I mean, I wouldn’t hang out with him. I mean, I’d go listen…yeah. So, I kinda feel…and then I think it would be a tough…I think we could do it if you want to overtake things, but I just say huh, and then the whole Pirate Guild thing, it sounds like Don Dankle’s pretty well-in with the Pirate’s Guild.
My sense from other things is that Don Dankle probably has some sort of messaging system ‘cause they handed messages and letters out…like a mail bag; they exchanged mail bags with that ship. I mean, they didn’t give us much. They said you’re heading in the same place. They had…I think there was some things…maybe…I don’t know if they’re for Don Dankle or they’re pirate updates, or…I don’t know how that works. I don’t know…how do we do this? You have…your main mission and Don Dankle has Don Dankle’s and they seem like they’re heading in different directions. It’s almost like one of you has the North Star and one of you has the Southern Star or something. What did you say, germ? Like, the North Star that’s in songs.
You say oh, somewhere out there, Fievel’s looking at the North Star so Fievel knows where to go. [01:00:00] What does that mean? It’s the guiding light. You say oh, okay. I don’t know…I haven’t gotten any navigation classes. Wait a second, that’s it. That’s it, Daw. What do you mean? Navigation, that’s the key. Oh, you want to magic the compass or something? No, no, no. In the world of the twelve seas, we don’t navigate by one or two stars. We navigate by three or four stars, Daw. So, that’s how we do it. What do you mean? So, our stars are Brandy and, you know, we have our mission. So, we have our stars. Now we just have to figure out what Don Dankle’s stars are. What are our stars, exactly? ‘Cause you’re kinda my star, Lady Witchbeard. We got the man who loved the sea.
Right, and the clues that lead us to…that’s kind of like…it’s tough to explain without…maybe you could come and meet Number One. Whoa, whoa, is that a poop deck joke? ‘Cause that would be a pee deck joke. No, no. Oh, Daw, you’re a handful. But so, if we figure out Don Dankle’s motivations, I think we can still…I think we could still do something here. I think there’s overlap. I think there’s hope, Daw. You’re…yeah. So, I think we should rest and I think there’s hope that soon we’ll be doing something other than sitting and training and reading in the library. But for the time being, that’s what we’ll be doing. Okay, Lady Witchbeard. I’ll let you go. I’ll let you…you could go from pacing around to sleeping. Usually I’d have to do something else. Okay, go get some rest, Daw. Thanks, Lady Witchbeard. Goodnight.
[END OF RECORDING]
- Don Dankle
- Poop Deck
- Turtle Wax
- Feivel Goes West
Notable Talking Points:
- The Basics of the Whole Pirate Model
- Lady Witchbeard isn’t allowed to grapple
- You can’t mine Love