983 – Great Loofah Games | Cloud Tower
Episode 983 – Great Loofah Games | Cloud Tower
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and everybody else out there…I was trying to think of what…oh, I don’t even know…oh, anybody rolling their twenty-sided die of life? My patron peeps, it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcaster that’s here to put you to sleep. Thanks for the support, patrons.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever is keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, you know, things on your mind, whatever you’re thinking about, you know; the past, present, future. So, thoughts, feelings, anything you’re experiencing emotionally that’s coming up for you. Or I say well, I don’t know; I got a vague sense of discomfort. I say whoa boy, I’ve been there.
It could be physical sensations, it could be changes in time or temperature or routine or just something. Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’m here to take your mind off of that. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place. Maybe I already said that. The way…I’m gonna smooth…I got this safe place set aside here for you. I’m gonna smooth it, I’m gonna pat it, I’m gonna rub it down. I’m actually…there’s…this is the first time that I can remember…I know loofahs have probably come up. Also, I don’t know if that’s an international term. The loofah may not be internationally known or known to rock a microphone because it’s a loofah. It wouldn’t…it would say I’m just a loofah; I’m not there for that. I’m just a loofah.
That’s something…I say, what’s one step…what’s…you know Eeyore from that thingamajig, those cartoons and stuff? You say, you mean Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh? I say, thank you for getting that right. Yeah, Eeyore. I feel like Eeyore but…oh, you feel like a loofah, then. Yeah, exactly. That’s how I’m feeling. Okay, well, I’m here to help. What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. Wait a second, do you feel like a new loofah or, you know, a…you’ve…a loofah in use or a previously-used loofah? Never thought about it. Okay, well, let’s just start with a brand-new, shiny loofah. Okay. Okay, well, I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.
I’m gonna go off-topic and get mixed up, all to take your mind off of stuff so you can fall asleep. Now, a couple things as close to the beginning as I can tell you that you should note; not everybody likes this podcast, and that’s okay. Even the people that are regular listeners at first were like, I’m not so sure about this. They were skeptical, they were doubtful, or they were just like hm, I’m not sure of this flavor. I don’t know if this is within my palate. I’d say yeah, that’s totally normal. That’s why I tell people to give this show a few tries, because it just takes a couple tries to realize oh…even though I’ll tell you these things now, it takes a couple tries still because it’s a little bit counterintuitive. Of course you’ll be skeptical.
Anything related to sleep and solutions is…you’re gonna meet with skepticism because we’ve experienced a lot of letdowns in that department. You say oh, this is…this works for my nana all the time. Well, how many hours a day does your nana sleep? Maybe sixteen hours a day. Yeah, she also…she cuts lumber four hours a day, lives life to the fullest in other…and then sleeps. Does not…that sounds nothing like my nana. That would be a inside joke for regular listeners. Okay, but…so, this podcast is a little bit different. That’s one reason why it takes a few tries. It’s a podcast you don’t really listen to. You know, most podcasts you listen to. Sleep With Me is the kinda podcast you barely listen to.
You say okay, I was promised loofah talk and he never even got…he used the word loofah a few times but he didn’t get to…he was gonna reinvent loofah games and he didn’t do that until…I don’t know, ‘cause it was at like minute five or six; he was still talking his way around loofahs. At least I know what tonight’s episode is gonna be about. It was gonna be about one thing; now I know it’s gonna be Great Loofah Games. That’s what we’ll be talking about tonight. But so, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. Kinda just barely pay attention, a little bit like you’re watching a cloud float by and it doesn’t really look like anything and you don’t want to force it, so you say well, it looks like a cloud. It’s just floating by. I’m kinda looking at it but not totally. Mostly just enjoying the cloud going by.
That’s kinda how you listen to this podcast. You say huh, doesn’t look like anything. A little bit lumpy and…but it’s floating. It’s poofy in spots, or in my case creaky and dulcet, which would say yeah, it’s got some darker clouds on the underside, on the old underbelly. The underbelly of clouds. There’s something that doesn’t get any…you say, how come no film noir has been done about the underside of clouds? Of course, the cloud underworld. You say, where do clouds go when they…the clouds that don’t make it into the heavens to fly above us, the cloud underworld? You’d say well, I guess that would make sense if clouds were sentient beings and we’re basing our value system on whatever Scoots’ imaginary value system is. You say yeah, well, who’s…Orpheus is down there, I think, with a bunch of clouds.
Orpheus in the Cloud Underworld; that was one of my…if I knew any…what that book was about, I would say that’s one of my favorite pieces of fanfiction that Scoots barely made up. Okay, so anyway, so, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. The other thing is it really doesn’t put you to sleep. It’s here while you fall asleep. It’s here to keep you company as you drift off, and that’s a little bit different too, is the fact that yeah, I’m here to be at your side, to be your bore-friend and to be talking, but not really to put you to sleep. I’m a distraction. But the thing is, if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here, too. That’s why the shows are about an hour. You just fall asleep as you wish. But I’ll be here, so…and if you wake up, you could put me back on. Some people listen all night.
Patreon’s a little bit better for that but yeah, some people…I’ll talk more about the structure of the show right now because that’s a good segue. So, another thing that could throw new listeners off naturally is the structure of the show because it’s also different than anything that would be considered normal. Then I’ll try to explain what a loofah is if I’m gonna do an entire episode about loofahs, ‘cause I honestly didn’t know what a loofah was ‘til at least…somewhere between age nineteen and twenty-four. I think they were probably invented right around then. I don’t know when the loofah was…the artificial loofah. That could be a Devo cover band, don’t you think? Artificial Loofah. What the heck? What do you…? Yeah, we’re a Devo cover band.
You say that cut is so deep, I don’t even know if it has anything to do with Devo. You say, not directly it doesn’t. It should be obvious. Scoots, can you name any Devo songs? Way to put me on the spot. Okay, so anyway, moving on. Artificial Loofah; is that not on a…? That was on a live album, I think, on one of those super deluxe…ultra deluxe…okay, so this podcast doesn’t really put you to sleep. It’s more here to keep you company while you drift off. You don’t really listen to it. Oh, and the structure of the show. So, the show starts off with a greeting so you know you’re welcome here. Then there’s listener support and business. That’s how we’re able to bring you the podcast twice a week for free. That’s a few minutes.
Then from around minute six to minute twenty or so is the intro which goes on and on and on. Some people’s…but it serves a purpose; it introduces new people to the podcast but gives long-term or regular listeners the opportunity to ease into bedtime. So, it introduces the podcast to new people and then for everyone else, it’s what eases them into bedtime. Some people [00:10:00] fall asleep during the intro. Some people get ready for bed, and some people are doing their bedtime routine, some people listen during the day for a little bit of a break, and about 2% of people skip the intro. A few thousand patrons listen to story-only episodes, but they don’t…sometimes they make a lot of playlists. That’s an adaptable thing. So, that’s the intro. Then there’s business.
That’s how podcast structure works, is to have the business in a place called the mid-roll. So, there’s business, then there will be a story. Tonight I guess there will be a story about the Great Loofah Games in our world of Cloud Tower. So, that’ll be barely…kinda barely interesting enough to put you to sleep. So, that’s…oh, so yeah, and then there’s thank-yous at the end of the show. So, that’s the structure of the show. More importantly, what’s a loofah, and tell me…oh, Scoots, can you tell me the…I’d say Google…there’s probably a Mental Floss article on it that’s way better than what I could tell you. So, I can’t do that, unfortunately, no. But what I can do is…I don’t know. Oh, what can I do, is I can be here…now I got mixed up. Oh, what’s a loofah? That’s what I was gonna say.
Okay, like I said earlier, I only became aware of loofahs at…oh, so a loofah is like a washcloth. I think it was eventually…at some point a sponge and loofah…they’re not interchangeable. I’m just a little distracted because the first time I used a loofah, my mind was absolutely blown. I probably lived a few years in the loofah era. I think it’s L-O-O-F-A. Oh, what is it? It’s a plastic thing that looks a bit like a sponge but it’s made from little plastic threads. I’m doing a terrible job of explaining it ‘cause it just looks like a loofah. It kind of…so, okay, let’s say…let’s break down what it does. Who, what, why, where, and when? Who? Me; I’m telling you what a loofah is. What is a loofah? What does it do? It’s part of your cleaning, usually your showering or your bathing. Some people use a washcloth.
Some people use a sponge. Some people use their hands, I guess, and…or just water, and then some people use a loofah. Now, loofahs became famous in the great exfoliation marketing terminology of the 19…late 90s, I would say, or early 90s when they said oh boy, you know what’s gonna solve it all? Exfoliation, and those…the ways you’re doing it just aren’t working, so you need a loofah. But loofahs…unfortunately for the marketers, loofahs are very inexpensive and pretty resilient. I don’t know how long the recommended age of a loofah is. I gotta get one. I haven’t used one and it’s been a while, a long while since I’ve had a relationship with a loofah. I remember my last loofah just fell apart. It fell apart in the middle and I had to say goodbye to it.
It was beautiful though because it looked…it turned into a long, pink ribbon. It was a pink loofah; yes, it was. But so, it’s like a sponge but it’s made from plastic. Those petroleum companies, come on, they need our support in any way possible. The sponges probably said thank goodness for those loofahs. But so, I don’t know, I can’t really do a good job of describing other than it’s something plastic and poofy. Oh, but what blew my mind was…I guess…so, I was loofah-curious as I had seen loofahs before. You know how it is in locker rooms when we’re chasing each other around with loofahs. But I said well, I don’t have a loofah of my own. This was at university or whatever. I think that’s probably the first time I saw one. I don’t think I used one, but I may have.
It would have made sense to have a loofah ‘cause it’s…oh, ‘cause it’s very efficient. So, what you do is you get your loofah wet and then you rub it on wet soap. Oh boy, does it bubble up. It really does not use a lot of soap and you get a lot of bubbles. Then supposedly, it exfoliates. So, the first time I saw it, I said I can’t believe how much bubbles this thing…not good for bubble bathing; just good for cleaning. Like, as opposed to a washcloth…a washcloth will have soap in it and it’s pretty good. I think a washcloth’s probably great for exfoliation as well. But the other things are…so the loofah generates much more bubbles, much less soap. Then you just wash it off and it’s plastic. It’s very porous but it doesn’t retain any moisture.
It catches the soap somehow, but it doesn’t hold a lot of water like a sponge or…what is that thing called? A washcloth would. Another thing that makes it perfect for college-type environments or shared bathrooms. Then…or a soap shortage. You say whoa boy, we’re low on soap. Get a loofah, man. You’re gonna stretch your soap so much further. These are pro tips, I guess, that I had to learn on my own. I think that’s it. Those are the important points about a loofah; it generates a lot of bubbles, pretty…I don’t have one currently, but I’ll get one. Loofahs; pretty darn great. Still, I don’t know if tech…what a use of technology, or where technology meets mother nature. There’s probably some huge problematic or downside to loofahs I’m not seeing. Change your loofahs on a regular basis.
Don’t be like Scoots was, where he wore his loofah down ‘til it just gave up. So, yeah, so that’s a loofah. I don’t know how…it’s a nice thing to say. This podcast is a bit like a loofah. It’s porous. It can…it has a lot of soapy…something similar to soapy bubbles, serves a purpose. I’m trying to exfoliate the things that are keeping you up at night and take your mind off of stuff. So, hopefully I’m efficient. Well, I guess I’m not efficient. But yeah, I’m here. I’m here to keep you company. I guess that’s it. The reason I make this show is because I’ve been there tossing and turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, but also because you deserve a good night’s sleep.
You deserve a place where you could get some rest and some comfort so you could live your life tomorrow and get…you deserve sleep on a regular basis so if I can do that, I’d really be happy to. Now, like I said, this podcast does not work for everybody but for the people it works for, they did most…I’d say 90% of our regular listeners listened two or three times and they said oh, okay, I get it; it doesn’t make any sense at all. So, give it a few tries. I really, honestly hope I can help ‘cause I know how it feels, obviously. This is the kinda stuff that goes through my brain at nighttime, too, except not in this calm voice. For me, it would be…the first thing would be I’d get comfortable and say, what are you doing? I say what do you mean, what am I doing? With cleaning yourself. Well, I don’t know.
Wait, you said it in a…yeah. Why don’t you have a loofah? You haven’t had a loofah in four years. You’re doing it wrong. What kind of person does…oh yeah, you’re right. So then, that’s…I don’t know if you could relate to that. So, I’m here to say hey, we’re all just doing the best we can. Let’s keep the loofahs in the bathroom and no S-H-A-M-E about loofahs, okay? Yeah, we’re all here to try to help. So, that’s…and I’m glad you’re here. I work really hard, I yearn and I strive. I really want to help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to do this for you free twice a week.
Alright, hey everybody, this is Scoots. I’m gonna turn this episode over…this is gonna be a Cloud Tower episode and…so, I’m turning things over to Cloud Tower right now for…the Great Loofah Games is what they’re preparing for up there. Yeah, this is Cloud Tower. Sorry, we just changed shifts and I materialized here in Cloud Tower, so, good to be here on the radio, checking in. What I was saying to my coworker was in fact, there’s twenty-seven contacts to each teller, which kinda…the math on that doesn’t make sense. It’s 1 to 0.5 which comes out to 55, 33, 0. So, this is Cloud Tower. If there’s anybody out there, go ahead. I’m here. Oh, what were we doing? I’m just…go ahead and interrupt me if you’re out there and you need a spot. We were just comparing plate hours for our week-to-week to Friday.
Our plate hours…oh, what’s a plate [00:20:00] hour? Well, you know, up here in Cloud Tower, we measure things. One of the ways we like to measure things…this is plate hour month, so yeah, some of you who are visiting Cloud Tower coming in, listening to me on the horn, yeah, we measure things up here by plate hours this month. Every month we look at a new way to look at time in a way that kinda helps our minds. Old Morpheus who doesn’t like to be referred to as Old Morpheus…but Morpheus does have a lot of plate hours. A plate hour is an hour you spend enjoying a meal. A plate hour is…we do take a lot…we have a lot of workshops and meals; meals with your coworkers, meals with your family and friends.
But the idea is to really start to appreciate what does a plate hour feel like compared to an hour of mechanical time? You really start to get the sense that they are…wow, they are the same thing. They are very…oh, Cloud Tower; go ahead. Hey Cloud Tower, this is…oh, sorry Cloud Tower, I was listening to Africa. Not by Toto but one of the…I was listening to a playlist of covers of Africa by Toto. Is it Toto or Toto? Toto. Go ahead, Cloud Tower. This is a fan of the song Africa. You know, that’s…thanks, fan. Can I just call you fan? It’s easier on the thing. You just came up on my radar here, so I need you to move over to five and go to a higher level, and then come back and tell me how you’re feeling because maybe you’ll start feeling something. You could talk more about those cover songs as well.
I do have a favorite cover. It’s by Umphrey's McGee. Have you ever listened to the podcast Coverville? I don’t know if it’s Toto or Toto, to answer your other question. This is Cloud Tower; out. Thanks, Cloud Tower. Yeah, this is fan of…no, I haven’t listened to that podcast Coverville. I’ve heard of it ‘cause you told me about it the last time I was around. I really…I’m sorry I hadn’t listened to it. I guess you would say I’m sorry for you, so I’m gonna go ahead…I’m climbing and…wow, so they have a lot of episodes in here in this free podcast app you told me about, Cloud Tower. I suddenly feel as happy as if I was with my family. Did you say that your favorite cover was by Umphrey's McGee? They don’t have…I’ll have to track that one down ‘cause that’s not in my playlist.
It’s probably from a live performance because I see you texting me, Cloud Tower…texting so you didn’t want to interrupt me. So, I can see up here…also, I’m here to bring in…yeah, I have a plane-load of playlists here and playlist curators, and both beings and solid-state. We also have a shipment of solid state playlist curators for the Great Loofah Games. We’re all excited to create play…loofah-based…I mean, I’m not; I’m just transporting, but everyone on board has been telling me. They’re abuzz and atwitter. Not on Twitter though, because we didn’t have WiFi for this flight.
But I’m really happy to bring everybody in here to create playlists, to be a part of the Great Loofah Games, and it’s my understanding that this is the first-ever Great Loofah Games Cloud Tower…so, just Cloud Tower, go ahead and tell me where I should bring these playlist people, playlist…a panoply of playlist providers. Thanks, Cloud Tower. Thanks. I’m looking forward to hearing how you do with podcasts. That’s really good to know. Yeah, what I want you to do is you’re gonna go towards the giant poof that a lot of people think is the chest of Morpheus. You’re gonna see something that looks like a TV…that Morpheus is wearing a giant TV with a chain around Morpheus’ neck.
Believe it or not, as soon as you get close to that TV, you’re gonna wanna descend a little bit and then you’ll go into…you’ll be hidden within Morpheus and the internal Morpheus guidance system will take you from there. But it will get you landed and we are really excited, so excited. Here’s the thing — I know you could still hear me — is I would like…because I actually…I run Cloud Tower. It doesn’t just mean landing and takeoff. I would…even though you’re piloting a ship, I would expect that I’m gonna need you to provide us with a playlist of covers. It could be by Toto or covers of Toto or Toto covering things, or songs about the dog Toto. But we would like a playlist. Morpheus is just giving me a thumbs-up and a wink that…we would like you to provide a playlist as well, inspired by your love of covers of that song.
You could take it from there. Thank you. So, this is Cloud Tower. Oh, just…oh, hi Cloud Tower. This is Baby Like coming in. I heard there was only one way to get here and that was in the sweet, sweet embrace of the arms of Morpheus guided by the world-famous Cloud Tower. I’m really excited. So, this is Baby Like looking for direction. Well, Baby Like, I’m not gonna just give you One Direction because that was probably on a playlist. I don’t know if you heard that air traffic before, but we are excited to have you here. Baby Like is…we’re really…we’re gearing up for this, the Great Loofah Games. What do you have on board, Baby Like? Well, that’s…thanks, Cloud Tower. We have contestants onboard and we’re really, really looking forward to this.
We also have some of the people that are gonna be providing what they call television coverage. Really just online streaming coverage of that. Also on Baby Like, I say they…I’m known for my reaction videos to things I like, where I say baby like. Also, yeah, some people say are you a baby that likes things? I say yeah, and also a pilot. I don’t pilot earthly…I pilot clouds in Cloud Tower. Well, that’s great, Baby Like. I need you to circle around Morpheus a few times, very…like slow ovals in a clockwise direction. Why don’t you tell me…what do you have onboard? Well, could I give it to you in plate hours? ‘Cause I have 6177 plate hours of school lunch plate hours, as a matter of fact, on board.
They said well, it could be like any school, but probably a elementary or grammar school lunch plate hour which normally we discussed as we were flying, ‘cause we wanted to be in the spirit of being up here in the clouds, in the land of Morpheus. So, we’re very excited that…for the fact of the matter because that…so, we did discuss…’cause most lunch is not a full hour which really does help with the gratitude-based idea of looking at things in a plate hour this month and saying wow, two of those is a…two school lunches is a plate hour, but when you search your memory banks…or what we did on board was re-recreated a grammar school lunch.
We did do some play acting with also [00:30:00] benefactors, so we did play acting with some of the difficulties of having school lunch in grammar school or elementary school or grade school. As we went through those things, we realized…we found some activities ‘cause some people said this feels like a 301. I said well, I understand that but we’re gonna make it 6 to the 6 roomier, you know, and really create…then we said well, where would our school be? We remembered that sleep podcaster said that…talked about eating lunch in Los Angeles at a school. That was a Catholic grammar school where the…Scooter worked at. We said lunch with Scooter would be like 77 plate hours if he was talking, because his plate hours work out three to one. Well, yeah. We call it…thanks, thanks. We call those lull hours.
That’s a different month, so we’d prefer to stick to plate hour time-based idea problem solving. Okay, thanks, Cloud Tower. By the way, I was really…we’re all really excited to be here. So, we do have contestants for the Great Loofah Games. We have…a large number of people named Miles because that’s a popular name. Also, it has to do with…there’s a cousin and a nephew of…and oh, we put all the Miles on the north side of the plane. Then, that was fun ‘cause we kept changing the sides of the plane. We had four or five Miles on board. We also have…well, what time did we have lunch? Thanks for asking, Cloud Tower, by text there. Yeah, 2:00 is when we had lunch because it was 2:00 this time. Do you call…you still call it 2:00, though; you don’t call it two plates? Oh, that’s a great question.
Thanks for…I’ll just cut you off there. Yeah, we did try different…two plates, like a twenty-four plate…24-hour plate, and it just…just too many words when people…people were used to saying 2:00 or two. Also, we don’t enforce a 12-hour, 24-hour clock up here. But yeah, so, we’re gonna put you on a limited schedule ‘cause you have the…so, we’re gonna need you to circle around a while. Maybe in about five…sorry, I almost fell out of that plate thing. But .5 plates you could start circling counterclockwise. Feel free to keep doing what you’re doing and…’cause I got traffic at 12:00 I gotta check in. They’re three miles out. Who’s out there? This is Cloud Tower. Cloud Tower, this is Victor Point. I’m actually at 12:00 but seven miles, so let me know when you see me.
We have the director of cross-stitches here, Patsy. We’re really looking for a place ‘cause this is gonna be exciting…and Patsy’s team to cross-stitch and live-stitch and knit the images of the Great Loofah Games. It feels like really exciting stuff. So, go ahead, Cloud Tower; we’re approaching. Okay, thanks, Victor Point. We’re really excited to have Patsy and the team here. That visual presence is really gonna change things. Why don’t you go head over to 3:00 and if you…when you do that, just say sky rockets at night because that’s what we’re gonna need you to do. Can you tell me a little bit more about Pat…what Patsy and the team are gonna be doing at the Great Loofah Games? Yeah, Cloud Tower.
So, they decided this year…maybe you don’t know about it, Cloud Tower, ‘cause I know you got a lot on your hands but so, the…instead of doing art or photography or chalk or charcoal, they said what if we had people just cross-stitch or knit or do different needle-type activities of the games? Now, they may sketch ahead of time but with a cross-stitch it’s more of like their verbal, mechanical impression of what happened that day at the Loofah Games, or the results…I know they do also have computer graphics that another team is working on. So, that’s what we’re doing. We gotta get them landed. Okay, thanks, Victor Point. Why don’t you approach where you’re gonna see Morpheus’ arms. That’s what you’ll assume is Morpheus’ arm waving hello. Just follow that arm. It’s gonna guide you from there.
I got another something coming in here. Go ahead; this is Cloud Tower. Hello? Hi, Cloud Tower. This is Please-20 coming in. I got a team of stylists here and yeah, we got also one of the more…Shelly and Fox. They’re like, one plate out of 97 if…or two plates out of 97 if you don’t mind me saying. Thanks, thanks, thanks, Please-20. So, you have some stylists for the Great Loofah Games. I’m gonna need you to do a 0IO…ILS 25 left approach. Then you’re gonna go and you’re gonna say whiskey a-go-go as you do that. Then what you’re gonna do…when you do that, you’ll be behind Morpheus. I want you to look for something that reminds you of a promise to a Libra.
When you see something that reminds you of a promise to a Libra…did you ever hear the tale of when Charlie fostered the alpha with blue affirmative departments, that famous story? No, Cloud Tower. I’m not familiar with it. Well, I guess the moral of the story was you’ll be at your limit, and that five plate hours maintain teachers for good. So, it wasn’t a…actually wasn’t a well-known book but it was…just made…something made me think of that. So, we gotta get those…so, just follow the instructions I left and you…we can take it…they’ll take you from there, the Libra will. Thank you, Please-20. Thanks, Cloud Tower. Go ahead; who’s next? Yes, Cloud Tower, this is 660 0-Advisor. I feel like we went way too far. Am I right? I’m not sure, 0-Advisor.
Have you ever been on Route 81 in upstate New York or any other northern regions, interstate or otherwise? Cloud Tower, I’ve spent so many plate hours on Route 81, I couldn’t even be able to keep track of it. It would be a Blue Plate Special stacked to the moon, the blue moon. Well, that’s great to hear, 0 advisor, because what you’re gonna do is…oh, who do you have onboard? We have loofahs. We have The Aloofahs, the band that’s playing, and they’re gonna be performing. They were originally gonna be called something else ‘cause they wanted to be kinda like a Josie and the Pussycats kinda band but when we did that, they were kind of aloof about the meaning. Then we said well, what if you’re just The Aloofahs? They said, like aloof loofahs? I said well, just kind of…it’s like a…it’s a half-pun or something.
They said well, we like it; Aloofahs. If we didn’t…if we weren’t playing at the Great Loofah Games, people wouldn’t even associate with loofahs, probably. Then we said what about Ruth and the Aloofahs? But then we realized that saying [00:40:00] Ruth and the Aloofahs is really hard to say for some reason. Complex stuff, you know? Yeah, no, I hear you. That’s like saying one, two, three, four, five minutes and then trying to translate that into plate hours in your head. But it’s gonna be a short approach for you because we really want them to get down. They’re also gonna be…they’re considered reasonable judges for some of the competition. So, that’s great. We’re glad The Aloofahs are here. So, go ahead and just follow what I said and you’ll be in…go ahead; this is Cloud Tower. Who else is out there?
Hi, Cloud Tower. This is Hansel Preach Clearances. What can I…can I get a…? Oh yeah, just maintain…I need you to think about 4,000 plate hours and what that means to you, Hansel. Think about how much of that plate hours you spent reading things from the AP. If you could come up with an answer for that, we’ll give you a citation, like a positive one that you could put on your wall. Okay, Cloud Tower, running some calculations now. I’d say 2 x 46. Then I would take that to the power…first power, and then I would take that next number to .9, and then to a .10 to the fifth power of plate hours. So, could you give me that? Because I don’t…I’m flying. I’m afraid I can’t give you that, Hansel, but I’m sure that you have an answer there. So, that makes it for a good day.
Okay, so, yeah, I need…I gotta…sorry to change the things around, but I have a 1:00, and then I need you to do a 2200 because we got…I gotta start doing a rundown of what’s coming up for these games while I get everybody that’s coming in. Who do you have onboard, Hansel? I forgot to check that. Well, thanks, Cloud Tower. We have the…we have some soaps onboard because there’s…I’m…one competition I’m familiar with is the loofahs…there’s a couple loofah soap-based competitions. So, we have bar soaps, we have some standard…because we have the standardized bar soaps, and then we have the artisan bar soaps for the artisan bar soap competitions, so we’re…I have a load…a few loads of bar soaps. Those are also sometimes called bath soaps or I think…I don’t know.
Some people would call them cube soaps even though they’re not cubes. I don’t know who would do that, but I’ve…they…the…right now what’s interesting is our bar soaps are arranged in cubes on palettes. I don’t even know how that’s math…it would take me a lot of plate hours just to figure out how to do that. But yeah, so, we have basically…yeah, loads and loads of soap. Now, they’re…I think there’s a liquid soap delivery coming in as well and maybe even a powdered soap delivery. I’m also excite…and then washtubs and bathtubs, maybe, even. I don’t know all the logistics but I’m excited to see this soap in action. I know that this is…everybody’s been saving their laundry and there’s a lot of exciting ways you’re recycling, up-cycling, and down-cycling the soap. So, that’s good that the soap’s gonna get used.
So, yeah, that’s it, Cloud Tower. Is there anything else? No, we got a visual on you, and what you’re gonna do is you’re gonna see a giant soap bubble and just head right into that soap bubble. Well, how would I know it’s a soap bubble and not a…? Oh, because it’ll have the rainbow on it, of course. Thanks, Cloud Tower. Thanks, thanks, thanks so much, and good luck with that math. I’m not gonna…I can’t help you. Okay, who do we have next? 3051; I need to confirm. Cloud Tower here. Yeah, hi, Cloud Tower. This is…I’ve got…this is Travis. I have a load of factors coming in. Yeah, so, just let me know. 3, 6, and 5…518. Okay, that’s…you’re getting right to the business, Travis. Why don’t you turn right and join the vital? When you’re able to, you could final approach and follow the regional right. We all do that.
Some of us just like to get straight to business. So, thank you, and have a good day. Thanks, Cloud Tower. So, that was 1, 3, 3.9, 38, 51. This is Travis out. Thanks and have a good day. Alright, any…this is Cloud Tower. Who else is out there? Yeah, hi; this is Charlene and we are looking…we just turned left on a 0. We’ve got some final clear visual pressure because we are excited to be here for the Loofah Games. We actually have loofahs and loofahs…loose loofahs. We actually have a load of loose loofahs because…so, we have the handcrafted loofahs versus the machine-crafted loofahs which we’re…decided to keep loose because of the competitions that are involving handcrafted loofahs, because no one’s…I heard that no one’s allowed to bring their own loofah to the Great Loofah Games. Is that true, Cloud Tower?
Thanks, Charlene. It is true in some sense that you could bring your loofah to the Great Loofah Games but not compete with it. You could use a loofah. Save a loofah, use a loofah. Those are two times…those are two things you could say with your mouth, I guess. But yeah, we need those artisan…or are they artisan or artisan? They’re just handmade is what you’re saying, Charlene, correct? How many do you have onboard? Do you know? Well, I don’t think you could ask me in plate hours since…but we have 3,000 limited edition handcrafted loofahs onboard. Okay, well, when…you know who’s gonna be really excited about that is Morpheus. One thing that’s not well-known about Morpheus; so, when Morpheus sees you with a clear visual, that’s where you’re gonna wanna head in the direction where you know Morpheus can see you.
Morpheus is gonna collect you and the loofahs and probably have a look and just enjoy them, so that will be pleasant for you. It’ll be nice conversation, very relaxing. So, this is Cloud Tower saying if you need me to give that to…your numbers, it’s 20.9.5, okay? Thanks from Charlene, Cloud Tower. Okay, who’s next? Oh, yeah, Cloud Tower, this is Loretta. The answer’s 3.65 plate hours to your question, Cloud Tower. Can I resume a normal speed or what can I do? Well, Loretta, you are…do you…are you the one that has the power contacts? Because that’s a .95 for the day. Yeah, Cloud Tower, it’s 3653.9 in my opinion. Oh, well, Loretta, I put it at 326, thank you. Okay, well, I would say back to you 2437, Cloud Tower, and that’s in plate hours. So, let me know if you want to pick it up on the ELC or not, okay?
Wow, that is exciting. I would say that we’re really…you have all the visual scenes, right? That’s really…I know we were talking in numbers, but you have all of the visual backdrops for the Great Loofah Games, [00:50:00] starting with Southwest-30 which is our…that’s where the opening games are gonna be. Then some design…the secret design they came up with called Delta-7. But I’m looking forward to that desert backdrop for Southwest-30. Yeah, thanks, Cloud Tower. We’re excited to provide the backdrops. This is a beautiful backdrop that we have. But yeah, so it feels more contained for loofah tosses and loofah racing and loofah rolling. I think I’m most interested in the sentient loofah competitions, the loofah shepherding and loofah…the loofah wrangling which just means gently guiding loofahs.
Those are the ones I’m mostly…the most excited about. Yeah, I could totally see why. I mean, that makes sense to me as well. It’s like, those are something…I mean, there’s nothing cuter than a sentient loofah. I don’t think there’s any denying that. So, let’s see, Loretta, I’m gonna need you to have a three-contact 8.51 because that is big news what you have onboard. So, well, I don’t have the sentient loofahs onboard. You must have mistaken what I said. Well, no, the sentient loofahs are…were gonna be with Morpheus. Morpheus gives sentience to the loofahs. So, that’s…don’t worry. That’s kinda like a 14.73 level plate hour question. How do you feel about the song One More Time by Britney Spears, Loretta? I don’t know. I guess I think that’s a older song. It’s catchy but then I say wait a second, what is…?
Then I say well, I’m not so comfortable with it, would be my answer. Okay, yeah, just thought here as somebody put it on a playlist and I had the same feeling about it. I was like, I wanted to look it up contextually to see if it was…so, I’m just yawning here. Sorry, Cloud Tower is yawning. It’s getting sleepy here and…because it is time for me to tell a bedtime story. I just want to tell everybody out there in the air now, just head into the arms of Morpheus and we’ll get ready for this Great Loofah Game. I’m gonna talk about a famous story that led to the founding of the Loofah Games, why we founded them and why we’re having them. People were so heavy they said that the idea of having a game in a celebration of loofahs and the use of loofahs was ridiculous.
We said well, this is…our life up here is…we’re trying to take things slower so we can feel like each hour is eight plate hours instead of the other way around. What better way to do that than to remind people they could be mindful in the moment when they’re in the shower whether they’re using a loofah or not. The first thing we built here up on the plane beyond Morpheus is the Contact Center. What we built that with is…you’ll see a statue there of…1.5 new friends is your goal. That’s what that 1.5 stands for. If you were looking at Morpheus’ chest and the TV on Morpheus’ chest, you’d see 1.5 new friends. It’s kind of a joke because it’s like, how do I make a half a friend? The idea would be that you’re always in the process of making a new friend. You’re halfway there.
That’s what we call Forming Transformers by Thank You Happier. That’s one of the books…it doesn’t make sense on the earth…to earthly ears but it’s one of those things where you contract stuff out and that’s supposed to help you serve up 2442 hours of plate hours for everybody so you could feel better. That was the idea that led us to having this. We said okay, what if we got 54 figures in…playing with loofahs and asked them a question to come up with a concept for the Great Loofah Games? Then we had our friend here Rochelle pick out what…considered the 90% of the good things or the best things about loofahs and leave the other 10%. We ended up with 11,000 ideas of possible things we could send.
Then we said okay, well, what would that even mean if we had…we couldn’t do that many competitions for the Great Loofah Games. It would be too much engagement. Then we followed a calico cat and we put a loofah in front of a calico cat that was…a calico cat in a Raiders jersey. We watched the cat play with the different loofahs, like machine loofahs, handcrafted loofahs, all dry loofahs. While we watched the cat, we kept brainstorming down that 11,000 to 70 or so competitions that could possibly be here at the games. Then we ran those down a similar…a runway, like on one of these runways. We did those competitions and we realized okay, not all of those work. So, we reduced those by 4.75%. But then we went and we said how many loofahs should we get? Should we get 2440…2,448 loofahs? We didn’t know.
Then we said well, what if someone like Iron Man came to the game and landed with his shoes on the loofahs? So, we cleared out a area where no one could fly during…’cause we said we’re gonna have sentient loofahs here, so we can’t have people…so we said okay, maybe everybody that comes to the game will need to crawl so they’re on a loofah level, which again said okay, well, how are we gonna come up with games…we’ll have a lot of games while you’re sitting down, or we’ll have games where you’re…it’s more structured. Then we said well, how many weeks of Loofah Games should we have? Five weeks of Loofah Games? We could run them when the sun is just right, so maybe from 7:00 to 3:00.
We started thinking about well, what if we just didn’t have competitions and finals and all that stuff? What if we had visual performances and musical performances? Then we were back up…we had…ended up with 4,000 more ideas. What we had to do then was try to trim it down. We came up with four mega…four quadrants of activities and we said happy activities, competitive activities, everybody activities, serious activities. We said yeah, what if we have people here? We could have them from globally, but you know, most loofah…unofficial loofah competition happens in Los Angeles and Brooklyn currently. So, then we said okay, let’s…what if we got 914…’cause 14’s just a nice number. We like it here and we got them to come by and we said okay, they’re…what if we design these all for children?
Then we said oh, this is gonna be happy, happy, happy times here. That was then, and this month we went into this credit hours, plate hours thing which again kinda changed how we were approaching it. This is all to say this is why I don’t have a list of all the competitions, because we’re not in a rush. But once we have the basics of…’cause then there was another vote we had up here about sentient loofahs. Someone decided on [01:00:00] 700,700 sentient loofahs. Then someone said well, what about 2,500 of the sentient loofahs? Then someone said what about 1,547? They said, do we have any primitive data from pre-loofah times or pre-human times? Because are loofahs based on sponge-like beings? Everyone said well, we don’t know. This is great…and then I said well, this is why sleep is good.
Sleep could be fun, and so, I said what if we had a giant loofah pool? That could be something that’s really nice to sleep and rest into. Then we looked for professors of…pool professors, people that were experts on…and then we said well, that’s more of a contractor. We said okay, so then we met someone named Central Sarah who started to design our loofah pools. They said well, I don’t know if this is such a good idea to have…what if you just had the loofahs on the ground? ‘Cause if you make a loofah pool, it might not be a good idea. Then we said well, what about a river of loofahs that we could put on social media for a visual photo? But then they said something about that would be giant, man, and heavy. Then we said well, what if we give tickets away to anybody that wants to come to the Loofah Games?
But we said okay, well, that’s kinda tough to get up here. So, I don’t know. So, this is Cloud Tower. I just wanted to explain all that in the sense…’cause now I see Rudolph coming in with your nose so bright. Won’t you guide some loofahs tonight? Rudolph has his…a team of reindeer and they also have…the reindeer…oh, they played in the Reindeer Games. This is gonna be different. So, the crux of the Great…this is the first annual Great Loofah Games. We’re really gonna be designing the loofah games instead of playing them. That’s why I’m broadcasting here on full broadcast out from Cloud Tower, is to say that if you’re hearing this, we want you to play with loofahs in a way that says well, this is a great loofah game.
We want you to think about well, okay, the loofah’s in my hand, it’s in two hands, it’s got soap or it’s…I’m tossing it. I’m kicking it, I’m hacking it, I’m playing soccer, I’m playing handball. The loofah dodge. You say well, why would you ever play with a dodgeball when you could play loofah dodge? So much better. Loofah tag, of course. We would use probably some sort of colored foam with that. You know, the…we did even get soap delivered because we knew there would be a lot of soapy things. So, we said okay, that would be fun; foam-omfs and foam-ups and foam-downs. This is all stuff Morpheus has been really excited about, is we’re gonna really build these Loofah Games together instead of having a competition like we have in the past and invited…though we did invite competitors like Rudolph and the reindeer and the cobblers, and we do have that band, The Aloofahs.
I don’t know what…I guess I could check in with the playlist people. I don’t know if they do originals and covers, but they would say what do you mean? Is that what an aloof loofah would say? So, this is all to say that these are exciting days for us here up in Cloud Tower. We’ve missed you all that like to check in and listen in. You say well, sometimes we’re working on ideas and we get carried away as we put the numbers together, the way to process the numbers. Then we say well, let’s just put it out in the world for the world to come up with. How do you play with a loofah? What games could you play? Or could you just enjoy your time with a loofah or a cloth-washer? Or whatever those other things are? You say well, maybe I could do that, too. So, this is Cloud Tower tucking you in and saying goodnight. Cloud Tower out.
[END OF RECORDING]
- Internal Morpheus Guidance System (IMGS)
- Artesian vs Artisan
- “Africa” by Toto
- Coverville Podcast
- Umphrey’s McGee
Notable Talking Points:
- The Great Exfoliation Marketing Terminology Push of the Early 90s
- A Large Number of People Named Miles
- Pool Professors