973 – Llama Cat Dog Roommates
Sleepy tales from a place where some roomies enjoy the seasons of the night.
- Bore on the Bob
- Frozen 3: Finding Olaf's Family
- The Boys
- Imagination Station
Notable Talking Points:
- Do you remember what Lemongrass tastes like?
- The First Reasonable Discussion of Rooming between Three Sentient Animals
- Spruce Goose
Episode 973 – Llama Cat Dog Roommates
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, patron peeps, it’s time for the show, patron peeps. Thanks, patron peeps.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts; so things on your mind, like things you’re thinking about from the past, present, or future, or they could just be thoughts that come on in. Uninvited thoughts; holy mackerel. Talk about an apt description. Like, house guests…I mean, luckily I don’t have a house so I don’t have to worry about that, but I can imagine.
What if your — this is probably something a lot of people have; uninvited thoughts about…or unintended thoughts about uninvited guests. Or it could be feelings about that or something else, or this…they…you could say well, yeah, this feels like that. I’m dealing with something different but it feels that way, ‘cause…so, it could be feelings, could be physical sensations that are keeping you up. Could be a combo. I don’t have a trifecta ‘cause then I have other stuff; wrong-temperature pillows. I say, who’s cooling and warming these pillows? They say the air is probably cooling them and your…you…you’re probably warming them. Then I’d say could I tell my pillow to warm it up, Chris? Then my other pillow would say I’m about to cool it down. I’d say okay, ‘cause you gotta slow it down. Sorry, that was a double throwback reference.
But yeah, pillow temperature’s another thing, or general temperature, room temperature, a lot of things. Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, it’s important but I want you to know you’re in the…you may be in the right place. I can’t say you’re definitely in the right place. I can say I hope you’re in the right place. Here’s the kinda idea of an uninvited thought, and I’m not even kidding; this just happened. Some part of my brain…wow, I was just talking about that, and I was focused. Some part of my brain said do you remember what lemongrass tastes like? That just really happened. That’s the real time. Then I said, kinda. They said yeah, wouldn’t it be nice to taste some lemongrass right now? That’s really the conversations that are going on in the back of my mind.
I say well, I thought I had another…I’m in the middle of a…well, you’re right. Huh. I could go first…the taste of lemongrass, as you’re saying it. More like the essence of lemongrass. You’re kind of…you’re…’cause you’re very non-specific, brain. You’re just saying, huh. You don’t even have it…you’re right. Okay, so that just happens. I don’t know if that happens to anybody else’s brain, either. But that could easily lead to me for saying well, how am I gonna get that? Because there’s nothing…there’s nothing in my…that I could come up with that would simulate what my brain’s saying right now or in the next two or three days, ‘cause it’s not like well, I could go for some lemongrass soup or some curry with lemon. You’re saying huh, wonder what lemon…who says that? Well, my brain says it.
Okay, so I hope you’re in the right place. If you ever wonder stuff like that when you’re trying to do something else, you could say alright, you ready for that big presentation? Oh yeah, I’m ready. I’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment, your big audition. Then some part of your brain goes why do you think they call it a corncob? Then, what is that song? Corncob pipe and two button nose. Why would they make a pipe out of corncob? Like, doesn’t that…? Oh, I guess…well, I guess I could see why they’d make the…brain out of corncob? No, no, no. Corncob nose? Is that…? No; corncob pipe. I guess it makes sense if you’d have coal and the corncob pipe. Was that kind of encourage…you say well, okay, well, I might as well have those things together, except I’m a snow-person, by the way.
So, I shouldn’t have either one. I wonder if there was somebody in a meeting when they were talking about Olaf who said Olaf’s the snow-person or snow-being from Frozen movies. If there was someone…either they’re just one of those…what are those people called that disagree with everything? Contrarian. Or maybe they’re just generationally…they say, well, what do you mean Olaf’s not gonna have a corncob pipe? They say come on. Well, couldn’t we come up…what if it’s Frozen 3? This probably will be Frozen 3. I mean, let’s just be honest. Either Olaf’s…Olaf…did that happen in Frozen 2? Did Olaf ever find Olaf’s family? I realize the messages that they…the family is the family; they already have their sense of family.
But don’t you think it’d be…sooner or later there will be a movie where Olaf goes to find other snow-people or something? Or maybe I forgot about that part. I’m not kidding, either. But then that person would say well, can’t we have one of their…the…and you’re saying no, no corncob pipes in these movies, period. So, I don’t know if your brain ever has gone on a tangent that far-field. Hello, welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. I think you’re in the right place if you’re looking for stuff like that that goes off-topic. Someone else…I did…some part of me is like, what if there’s someone that has a big investment in corncob pipes, either emotionally or an actual…? I’d say well, guess we just lost that portion of our audience, the corn-cobbers, as they say.
Here’s the thing; I used to have…we used to get corncob pipes as a gift. My dad, every once in a while…I don’t know if they gave them away to…there used to be these places where you’d go to buy tobacco, believe it or not. This was when I was really young. Even at shopping malls, and my dad would sometimes give us corncob pipes. I don’t know if my dad was actually the person at that meeting. That’d be pretty…I’d say wait a second, you were at the meeting breaking stories for Frozen 3? No, it was a dream, son, and you were in it. Oh, okay, great. So, anyway, so, I’m glad you’re here. What I’m gonna do is go off-topic. I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents, which you’ve already seen a few.
I do that because I want to take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep. Now, if you’re new, this podcast is definitely not for everybody. You’ve already seen that in action. Now that you’ve seen me in a little bit of action, I can kinda give you the rundown. This podcast is not really meant to be listened to. It’s kinda like if you were watching…now, this is not encouraging this, but let’s say there was a cartoon…let’s say there was a universe where it was okay for a cartoon snow-person to smoke a pipe. I can’t…I’m trying the best I can to figure out what universe that would be, ‘cause you’d say well, smoking’s not a good idea and a snow-person’s smoking’s even worse. But let’s just say there was and then let’s say you said hey, can you make shapes out of those? You say no, no, no, just watch it.
We just watched the smoke and it relaxes us. I guess my brain would say well, how could I relax when I don’t understand…I can’t come up with a universe where this makes sense, if it has some underlying principles, because otherwise I wouldn’t be a snow-person. You’d say well, it’s…what if it was a universe where snow was…and I’d say well, then, that’s…you know. So, but let’s just say…oh, let’s just pretend it’s a fog pipe. Yeah, okay. Here we go. Somewhere out there is a giant snow…there’s a world and you say…you might…kids, you might say this, and this is actually the truth; you say where’s all that fog come from? You say oh boy, no one ever told you the tale of Ulaf and Ulafina? They live out past the Corncob Reefs, out there beyond where you could see in the sea.
They have these great [00:10:00] pipes where they…when they exhale, because they exhale fog. It’s just…you know condensation, right? We taught you all that science stuff. This is the non-scientific myths. Okay, I can hold both those truths in my mind. Oh, great. Yeah, so that’s where the fog comes from. Giant snow-peoples’ corncob pipes? Yep, plain and simple. Yep, that’s where it comes from. It’s just, you know, water vapor or something. I don’t know. Snow-person’s expiration or exhalation. Thank you. So, kinda pay attention to it like that. You say huh, I’m watching that fog. It’s just floating around. There’s people that look at clouds and say they have shapes; less people that look at fog and say it has shapes. I do; that’s one of my actual nighttime hobbies. No joke.
But, you know, I’m a, whatever, an edge case or whatever they call…they’ve called me…they’ve never called me an edge case. They’ve called me other cases before, but edge case I’d say would be also what I am. But so, kinda barely pay attention. Some people feel like oh, when’s this podcast gonna get started? Where’s the content? I say oh boy, this is what…this…are you kidding me? The regular listeners…I’m not usually super confident but I know this is gonna be one that people say oh, that was…I barely heard you but I know you were talking about Olaf and corn…Olaf having a corncob nose. It’s a carrot nose, Scoots. I’d say well, that’s Olaf’s cousin Ulaf in Frozen 3, direct…they say what happened to that Frozen franchise? It was going great.
You say yeah, Disney turned that over to Scooter, one of the many things…they needed a tax write-off, actually. That’s what it was, so they let Scooter produce it and everything. It was…technically it was…it had the potential to be interesting. Olaf was going…trying to find other snow-people which is a sensible storyline. Olaf found Olaf’s cousin who had a corncob nose and also, it already ran into a reindeer or something that had de-corned it, so it was just the corncob. It wasn’t a corn…there was no corn on the cob. You say thank goodness; that was my first question about…with everything Scooter said so far. That was my most important question. Also just to delineate because I’m not from your generation, Scooter. Please tell me that corncob pipes…no, because…how about this one?
Here’s an invention…we just invented it together; popcorn pipe. Popcorn on…how come that was never a thing? Corn on a popcorn pipe. That’s probably a bad idea but how come you wouldn’t leave the corn…? How come…? So, a corncob pipe would…yeah, had no corn on the cob but now that I’m thinking about it, that would be the best…talk about a gift for kids. You say what happened to your…? Why doesn’t your kid eat pop…that would be your…you’ve been dating someone for six months and you say you want to get some popcorn? No, no, no, I don’t eat popcorn. What do you mean? We’re going to the movies. This is our tenth date. You don’t eat…? No, I don’t eat popcorn. Don’t want to talk about it. Then months later, what happened?
There was this brief period…it was a tie-in with Frozen 3 and they had a corncob…corn…popcorn on the cob pipe. It was only out…somehow it made it out to limited markets and it was a pipe that you somehow made popcorn out of while it was in your mouth. Of course it was a bad idea. But it just barely made sense, like this whole podcast. That’s my main point. This podcast doesn’t make a lot of sense. It’s also not really here to put you to sleep, just like everything I’ve been talking about doesn’t really totally make sense; it almost makes sense. This is more here to keep you company while you fall asleep. Seriously, that…I mean, I’ve been to places that sell the popcorn on the cob or whatever. That’s dried corn on the…popcorn on the cob. They don’t call it that; they call it something else, but…I don’t know.
I guess I can’t see how you would do it. Clearly it’d be a issue. You’d have to have self-popping corn which hasn’t been invented yet. Maybe if you were friends with a superhero. That would be the only way that would be safe ‘cause you’d say okay…and you wouldn’t tell them. So, it’s like…and that can happen. Superman was from Iowa, right? Or Kansas. I guess he was from Kansas. Even better. Here’s the thing; Superman, if you’re listening in the past, or Supergirl, or any super-people, not what’s his name with the…Homelander. No. But you’d say that would be a good gimmick. You’d say how’s that corn on the cob pipe popping into popcorn? I don’t know. Spontaneous popcornation, I guess. Meanwhile, Superman’s hidden; Clark Kent.
That would have been a way they could have…I don’t know if they had to mortgage their farm like all the other superheroes but they could have driven town to town selling popcorn…corn on…you know what I mean. Oh, you don’t, because it doesn’t make any sense. You’re right, you’re right. So, this podcast is more here while you fall asleep. That’s why the episodes are about an hour, to give you plenty of time to ease into…fall asleep at your leisure. If you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here to the very end. Tonight I’m gonna be telling a tale…a tall tale about…I think tonight’s episode is about three different…a llama, a cat, and a dog that became roommates. That’s gonna be a bedtime story, perfect for falling asleep to. But if you can’t sleep, I’ll be here to keep you company and comfort you.
I’m your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-bestie, your bore-sib, and your bore-bob. Bore on the bob. If I had a bob haircut, I’d say your bore with a bob. So, those are two things. The other thing that could throw people off is the structure of the show. The show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary. Then there’s business. That’s how we keep the show free, then there’s the intro which we’re already almost done with. The intro’s around eighteen to twenty minutes of me rambling and setting up the podcast for new listeners. But for regular listeners it becomes…like I said, it’s new every time. We’ve never talked about this kinda stuff in this way before. That keeps us one step ahead of whatever’s keeping you awake at night.
That’s why there’s a new intro every time. But the intro also helps ease listeners into bedtime whether you’re getting ready for bed or you’re already in bed, to get some distance away from the day and serious things. I mean, we’ve moved well past serious things, though I’m serious about all of this. They say well, that makes…this is the kind of…I don’t know, it’s not vertical or horizontal thinking. It’s neither of those. You say Scoots, you really…you don’t have deep thoughts but you don’t…you don’t have sensible or deep thoughts but you think about stuff in a very thinking way. You probably have had the most…ever since the person invented the corncob pipe and ever since that song was written, that’s…you’ve given the most…yeah, if there’s a Corncob Association out there, I should get an award. Corn-cobber of the year.
Send it my way, please. Make it…put some popcorn in there. You could just do an illusion which would be you just have already-popped popcorn and then you blow it out of there. Obviously have some sort of screen so you can’t re…suck the popcorn back in. That would be an illusion. Popcorn Shooter, we could call that. Oh, so that’s the intro. The intro eases you into bedtime. You could skip the intro but if you’re new, give it a few tries. That’s what almost every listener says. Then there’s business. That’s how podcasting is structured, is there’s business in the middle-third of the show, and then there’s our story. Tonight, like I said, will be a real lulling, soothing story about roommates. Then there’s thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show. You don’t need to listen, you don’t need to fall asleep.
Just give it a few tries. I make this show because I’ve been there tossing and turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, and I want to help. I know how it feels, but also because you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a place you could rest and if I could help with that, it’d be my honor. Yeah, so [00:20:00] give it a few tries. Just see how it goes. I guess that’s kinda it. I’m glad you’re here. I really work hard. I yearn and I strive. I appreciate you coming by and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Here’s a couple of ways I’m able to do it twice a week for free.
Alright, everybody, this is Scoots here and I’m here with the famous DeeDee, Doctor DeeDee. Not a doctor…DeeDee wants to be a doctor of inferology, making inferences, so DeeDee is from the transverse plane. That’s where I’ve met DeeDee. Sorry, I keep saying that a lot, but DeeDee is looking into the myths of a place called Venilton or Venilton or Venilton, and kind of exploring some of the myths. So, I’m gonna turn it over to…in my heart, doctor of…my favorite inferologist, Doctor DeeDee.
Oh, thank you so much, Scooter. I’m so glad to be here and here with all of you. Thank you for listening again as I explore such a…the famous tales of Venilton, the famous…now, I’m figuring them out. Here’s the thing; I don’t know if you’re…and this is a thing only children get to do, but I do it because I’m an amateur in…well, no, I’m a professional inferologist. This is my…and people say nefrologist? I say no, no, no. Then they say ark…but is inferology anything…does it use…it sounds like…does it use infrared heat? I’d say well, technically my body is made up of…there…if you…you could see infrared heat on my body, correct? My mind generates infrared heat but that doesn’t…that’s only driving my desire to infer things about the history of Venilton. Venilton. Different ways of pronouncing it.
It’s okay because we don’t really know, because Venilton is an old…I live on the other side of the transverse plane, not in your world but a world…you might say I live in your future, an alternate future. A lot of people would say well, tell me the exciting stuff. I’d say well, don’t you want to know what I’m…? That’s why I love Scooter; Scooter said no, what are you interested in, doc…? After Scooter said Doctor DeeDee and sang songs and, you know, those used up a lot of my time doing that. Scooter said tell me what you’re interested in, DeeDee. Oh, what does that mean, you’re an…because that’s when I was an amateur inferologist, before I was paid by Scooter to infer things. Or, I guess you can’t say I’m…I don’t know.
I’m looking at things in areas and combing through the former Venilton and finding things out. It’s exciting to me. It’s a pastime, it’s a way of life, and now it’s so much more that I get to…it makes it even more special for me to be able to share it with you…oh, because I get to do…like a kid and I say oh, let me go through…I go in some place and this is where we’re still uncovering. I find a stack of papers. I say oh, is this a historical archive of Venilton? Maybe this is a home where an amateur archivist lived. That’s what I believe I am now. I want to tell you another tale I discovered here; it was The Knight…now, this one doesn’t just take place at night but it was The Knight, The Llama, The Cat, and The Dog Tried to Find the Goose. Now, that’s just my own title. Maybe as we go on I’ll think about something more exciting.
But once upon a time, a long, long time ago, a llama, a dog, and a goose lived in the countryside. They were friends and they…I wouldn’t say they were best friends. They were roommates and friends. Even on the other side of the transverse plane, we have roommates. I don’t know if you knew that or you…that’s the kind of thing you wouldn’t assume about another world. You’d think about it eventually or maybe you’d infer it if you were looking like I was. But you say wait a second, I never even thought about that. You live in a alternative version of our world? I say well, no, no, no, ‘cause it’s on the transverse plane. It goes in all directions. But yes, we do have roommates and sometimes you’re friends with your roommate, sometimes it’s a…it’s like a…an arrangement, and sometimes you become friends.
I know Scooter used to tell me about his roommate from his freshman year of university and how they became very good friends; still friends today. But it wasn’t…one; I mean, I feel for them because living with Scooter…I live within Scooter’s makeup. Not his makeup, that kind of makeup, but that’s the kinda…that’s why you don’t…you say oh…kids right into the podcast, they say oh boy, could I go play in the transverse plane? Sounds swell. Scooter says, sounds like you came from 1950s and you’re a kid, so probably you’re already…and then I said, okay. Can I get in there and play around? Scooter says no, no, no, it’s not a good idea ‘cause some of the roads of the transverse plane go right into my brain. I say Scooter, no, they’re in you’re…it’s in a different place; your imagination place.
Then Scooter gets distracted and says is that anything like Imagination Station, one of my favorite public access or public television shows? Probably…I talk about it every third year and then have to be reminded, but I think it was in Philadelphia, though it could have been in Boston. It was a drawing show, different than…I can’t think of that name, the person that…Bob Ross; different than Bob Ross but just different and good. The person would wear a uniform and draw space stuff. That was Imagination Station, maybe. That’s what Scooter…oh, but Scooter would tell me about his roommate, Christopher. Chris; wonder…such a wonderful man. He wasn’t a boy at the time, though Scooter saw him through a boy’s eyes. Like I said, living with Scooter is not an easy task.
It involves a lot of borrowing without asking, losing without telling, oil…stains from oils on your clothes that were borrowed without asking, dropping of things that were borrowed that were no longer functioning at 100%, other things too. But you know, that’s not…that’s neither here nor there as far as they were…you know, they had their first year together. They weren’t sure they were gonna remain friends and then it became a friendship of a lifetime. What does that have to do with our tale? Because it’s a little bit similar. This llama, this dog, and this cat live together. The llama was named Scout, the cat was named Doll, and the dog was named Toe.
As I said, they lived way, way, way out in the countryside outside of a town, and they lived up on a hill, and then the town was in the valley, down the valley a bit, but they could see it at night. The town had a clock tower. It had some houses of different types of worship that…some of those had towers or steeples or belfries. There was even a clock tower. You’d say, was it a town or a city? I’d say well, I would infer it was a large town or a small city, based on what I know of this myth. Now, this was the wintertime when this tale takes place, and that’s important because of a couple things at night that we want to establish. So, our friends Scout, Doll, and Toe, they lived in this one little barn or stable, and they were roommates. They had an arrangement, right?
Now, it’s interesting; if a cat, a dog, and a llama become roommates…‘cause…and these are the things I have to explain because only…this is where Scooter tells me. He says this is the kinda stuff I pay you to infer about. You would say okay, how does a cat…at first you’d just make…[00:30:00] you’d assume and you’d…if you were the broker, you’d immediately make yourself a mule or…if you know what I mean, the rear end of a mule. Because of course if these…these are not easy-minded…these are sentient beings, just like you and I consider ourselves intelligent, sentient beings. You say wait a…oh, okay, that’s why they’re roommates, right. That’s why they’re roommates, but do they pay the same rate? You say no, they don’t, because they take up different spaces.
They came to a consensus…or actually a three-way agreement, I guess, technically, of how to deal with this. Actually, the llama had a good thing because the llama said well, in the winter, some of my size that I’m taking up more of the two of you understandably will be offset by the energy that my body generates which will save us on heating costs. The cat and the dog said yeah, and then, you know, they…the llama said I’m not going to assume but if we did snuggle at all to share warmth and we came up with an agreement about that, that I would make…that only I could sleep…you could rest on me but I couldn’t necessarily rest on you. They said okay, okay. The cat was the one…Doll was the one keeping notes on this kind of thing.
Actually, this is important, and I tell you this not just because we need to infer, because this is the first-known occasion in the history of Venilton and the history of sentient animals in Venilton and probably other universes…I mean, I don’t want to overstate the importance of this agreement because they didn’t know it at the time, but this may have been the first reasonable discussion of rooming between three different sentient animals. Not the first discussion, but the first really good one. They said okay, fair enough, we see that. What else? Then the llama said well, I could carry you to town, too. When we need to go to town, you could both ride on my back. Actually, the dog Toe said well, I’d prefer to come up with a different arrangement for that because it’s outside of the home.
The llama said well, wow, you’re right. Let’s keep this to…so, that would be board; this is room. The dog said technically, but I think board is something a landlord charges. This barn, this stable, we’re renting it as renters. It’s detached, so our landlord does not live in the same building as us. It was out on the edge, the far edge…the farmhouse was quite distant. So, this wasn’t a renting…a room and board…the llama said wow, that’s insightful. It’s delightful, this discussion we’re having on this near-winter’s eve when they were signing the lease. So, they said okay, well, you…yeah, you will provide heat. Now, technically, you are about double the size of the two of us combined. The llama said, yeah. The llama was bracing itself for having to pay 50% of the rent. The cat said so, that’s one option.
The cat just broached that subject; the one option would be 50/25/25. Now, the cat said now, in that case, I would…I am smaller than the dog, so another option would be 50/30/20. The dog kinda groaned and scratched its ear at that, Toe did. Well, you say what kind of dog, cat, and llama…I’d say well, I’m not really good with identifying dogs and cats and llamas. I will say that Scout was a beautiful llama. Now, normally people picture llamas in a whitish, grey coat, or at least I do. But I would say that if you saw Scout at a distance, you’d say Scout’s hair was almost strawberry blonde if it wasn’t winter and Scout had been freshly, you know, running…not that Scout would do this, but freshly-swam and was clean. Not that…not to…don’t infer anything that I’m saying with that.
You say, a sandy blonde, then? I’d say yeah, I’d say Scout was a sandy blonde llama. They may be incorrect here but Toe was a dog, a furry, furry dog. I don’t know if that’s a…I don’t think…I think Irish Setters are a smaller dog and I’d say that Scout…or Toe was a medium-sized dog. Like, one of those dogs that almost looks like it has a moustache. It even has hair on its face and the hair, it seems to cover its eyes but it doesn’t. It’s grey and that’s all I can…and I say, a very pleasant dog. I don’t know really anything about cat species other than to say that Doll was orange-ish. The color…actually, it just happened to be autumn when we’re talking about this, and one of the colors you go to…when you’re peeping leaves, this is the kinda leaf color you want to be peeping when you’re peeping leaves, is the color of Doll, the cat.
You’d say, is that an orange? Is that a rust? Is that…that’s one of the colors that makes a sunset wonderful. Without it, without this color, the leaves and the sunset would not be as grand. Almost all of Doll was that color, except the tip of Doll’s tail just happened to be the same sandy blonde color as the llama. I’m sorry, Scout. That’s actually a whole ‘nother…it’s not really a myth; it’s just how they became friends. They were passing each other on the road and Doll said hey, look at that. Your tail…my tail is the same color as your…you. But Scout didn’t hear that and Scout said what did you say? You got something to say to me, cat? Doll said oh, I was just noting your beautiful coat and that it just happens to be the same…and then Scout said oh, I’m sorry.
I had a run-in with a cat once and it was…then they…no worries. Yeah, that makes sense. A lot of cats…actually, cats are the number one animal that say…says things under their breath about people in an unpleasant way. It’s well-known; I just happen to be doing that…I wasn’t doing that; I was saying a pleasant thing. I said well, pleased to meet you. I’m Scout the llama. Oh, I’m Doll the cat. What are you doing? Well, I’m a bit disappointed. I was looking for someplace to live. This was what Scout was saying; I can’t find anyplace. Doll said well, that’s the funniest thing; I found a place to live that I can’t afford. They talked about the price of rent and they said wow, you don’t sound like I could afford it, either. They said well, you…Doll said why don’t we go look at it? Why don’t you go look at it?
It’s really sweet. It has a loft with two windows, or two shutter doors that you could close that look out over the valley and the towns below. The trees are there and it’s beautiful right now because it’s the fall but I can only imagine in the spring, the summer, and the winter it’s different but just as grand. Scout said okay, and they went up and they got permission. They said yeah, go ahead, show this llama the place. Can’t you…I can’t negotiate…I already negotiated the rent, so it’s still the rent. They both said well, we can’t quite come up with that, the two of us. But yeah, they looked over the valley and just happened to do it at noon when some of the bells were ringing. They said man, we gotta find a way to rent this place. It’s sweet. They kinda had more chit-chat, like oh, this is your first place?
Scout said no, no, no, this would be my third place I’m living in, but first place in this town. What about you? Doll said yeah, yeah…well, yeah, no; this is my first place. Doll had a long story but Doll had just come into town not that long before, on the back of a wagon. [00:40:00] So, then they said well, maybe we could find a third person to rent this place with us. Scout said yeah, and Doll said you haven’t even seen the best part; it has one of those double doors, like one of those doors you see in famous performances. That would be perfect for you because you’re a llama. I’m too slow, but I did imagine that I could lie on the shelf in the sun because it’s a eastern-facing…the front door is eastern-facing. Scout said well, oh…oh, so you lie on there and you’ll be warmed by the rising sun.
Doll said yeah, yeah, I love being warmed by not the rising sun but about the 10:30 to noon sun. They say okay, and they said look at the roof of that place. Is that a cobblestone roof? Doll said, the cobblestones are the things in the ground but you know, that’s…I think that’s terracotta or something. I don’t know, or some sort of ceramic or tile. Scout said you know, when I…they…someone once told me never trust a thatch roof. Doll said that’s some words of wisdom. So, eventually they said well, let’s…what do you say we…and then they didn’t…they said well, where are you staying? Doll said yeah, well, I have a place that’s…I’m just…I’m not…I’m just renting this one place that’s…it’s like a boarding room full of other…cats only.
It’s not really that great because I like to have my…I like to do some thinking and lying alone, or with…so anyway, they talked about it. They get to know each other a little bit better and they agreed to go canvasing and looking for a third roommate for a while the next day. So, they met the next day in town and they said well, what…did you think about how we could best do this last night? Scout said well, I don’t…I’m not just named the name Scout because it sounds super cool and there’s not many llamas named Scout for some ridiculous reason; this is actually one of my things I enjoy and I was thinking about it last night. We probably should go to the opposite outskirts of town and work our way back because maybe someone out there on the outskirts of town is looking…more likely to be looking for a place on the outskirts of town.
There was silence just like that. Doll said, that’s brilliant. Let’s go. So, they went to the…first, that was on the east side, this hill, so they went to the west side in the other hill, but the west side of town was much more barren. The other hill was not as verdant as their hill, though it did have some trees, and the leaves had started falling. Then they went to the north side of town which was much more verdant and there were some farms there. They started poking their heads in on some of the sub buildings of farms that had been out for rent since…you know, since animal sentience…a lot of labor practices have been changed. They went to the farmhouses and some farms were run by cows and some…there wasn’t any llama or cat-run farms. They said no, no, no.
Then eventually they went to this one dairy farm that was run by cows and a pair of cows that supported one another and were partners. They said to the cows…the cows said hey, what…that’s beautiful. Your tail matches their coat. They said, that’s how we became friends. One of the cows said that’s delightful. They said but you two look like you’re looking for something. They said yeah, we’re looking for a roommate, technically, or whatever you call it when there’s three of you. One of the cows said oh, really? They said, what kind of roommate? They said well, I wanted somebody that could help us…that could cover the rent. The cows said well, this is amazing because we have…we might…we have someone that’s been working with us and we just gave them a raise. They had been living in one of our hay lofts.
But they said you know what? I think this is strange, living here and working here. I’d like a little bit of personal separation. They said but now we’re…it became complicated. We were afraid they were gonna lose them. Also, they took another job on the south side of town, part-time. They’re gonna work for us on part-time projects. They’re out now working, but maybe you could hang around and meet them. I think…but yeah, it’s a dog, a dog named Toe. Scout said, Toe? Like, Toe; T-O-E or T-O-W? The cows laughed and they said Toe, T-O-E. They said okay, wow, interesting name for a dog. They said well, Toe’s great. They said well, do you mind…is it too private to ask what kind of work Toe does for you? They said well, Toe seems like some sort of sheepdog or something. We don’t know.
We’re cows and we’re in the dairy business, but we have…we really specialize and pride ourselves in taking good care of the cows we work with because we’re cows, because it’s important and it’s important to our customers. We really try to keep…we have these natural aquifers on our land and we really try to keep those clean. It’s really, really important to us. So, I don’t want it…we don’t…we really liked…but there’s some migrating geese…or, they were migrating geese; Canada geese, they’re called. We have a lot of extra grass growing because it’s part of our business.
Again, if it was just some migrating geese eating some grass and moving on, that would be fine, but these geese, they tend to stay and then some of them…and we say well, if you want to live in our pond, you’re gonna have to pay rent. The geese would fly off but then they’d come back and eat some grass. Again, not a big deal. We have a good balance of grass, but they don’t clean up after themselves. Doll said what do you mean they don’t clean up after themselves? The cows said I don’t know what it is about their system and the grass, but they go number two every…and, you know, cats are known for their cleanliness. Doll said I feel like I’m gonna hack a fur-ball hearing about that. The other cow said you know what? It’s funny ‘cause the geese just wouldn’t negotiate with us.
We said well, you could…we could rent you out some space and we could look at…we could do some AB testing that if you’re…the droppings you leave behind are actually fertile or not, but we’re not ready to commit to that. We’re trying to run a business here. We purchased this land. The geese said blah, blah, blah. They said well, yeah, we had to take…but if a dog barks at them, they fly away. If a dog barks at them on a regular basis, they say well, it’s easy…they don’t like dogs barking, apparently. So, then they just say oh, well, we’ll migrate somewhere else or we’ll faux-migrate. So, it’s a great arrangement. It’s actually a really sustainable business for Toe because this time of year, they…some of them have moved on but some will always come because I think they kinda migrate…I don’t know.
We don’t know a lot about it but we just know Toe’s very reliable. But also, yeah, Toe was taking up some…I mean, we’re a little worried because it’s a part-time shepherd dog, shepherd’s apprentice on the other side of…oh, there’s Toe coming now, just in time for the afternoon shift. So, we’ll leave you…Toe, we got a couple people here. Talk about synchronicity. They were looking for a roommate on the other side of town. Toe said wow…Toe did talk like a dog…well-known dog-talk, but I’ll keep you…I’ll try to communicate in a clear way because I know a lot of humans listen to this podcast, though there’s dogs and cats and maybe…if there’s any llamas listening, Scooter said be sure to say hello.
But so, okay, so they met and, you know, I don’t [00:50:00] want to get into the…just the totally inane details but they became…they said okay, and then Toe said…and they said well, could you get the…could you leave now to go look at the place? Toe said no, because I gotta work. I’m scheduled to chase geese for a while. They said well, bummer, because what if someone else rents it? Toe said well, you seem…I like the two of you. I trust you. What do you say we take the place site unseen? I trust your judgement but…and then it’s a surprise later and I go and see it. If for some reason it’s not what I expected or we can’t work together, I’ll help you find another roommate. Then Scout said as long as it’s not one of those geese, and then they all laughed. So then, they eventually…Toe went to work.
They went over to talk to the landlord. They said we’ll take it. The landlord said, great. The landlord said now, there’s one thing; I’ll rent it out but I want you…I found as a landlord, this is a requirement, but that you have to have a signed roommate agreement between the three of you that I also sign off on as witness. So, I’ll reserve the place for you and you could even start moving in. I trust you. You seem all like reasonable beings but I’d like you to…within the first thirty days, I’m gonna need that roommate agreement, ‘cause maybe you need to live together for a little while and see each other’s style. Also, tonight, technically you start on the first of the month. I’ll let you move in on the twentieth. So, they said great. This is awesome.
They went and they told Toe the good news and then they started to get ready, and then they eventually started to move in. So, that’s how we got to where we are now, with this discussion of the two of them…or three of them; I’m sorry, the three of them trying to…this great…this was a real monumental moment. Even though this is one of those tales within a tale, with three tails…but so, they were…they said okay, well, that’s another option. To get back to where we were; 50/30/20. Another option would be 33/33/34 and each month we switch who’s the 34. Then Scout said technically I think I take up more than half the space, but some of it’s vertical space that neither one of you uses, but there is horizontal space. They said yeah, this is tough because we don’t want…this is gonna be at least twelve months.
Hopefully longer because this place is so great, ‘cause it was just far enough out of town. One of the things they found they loved was not only could you sit up there and look at the town, or you could sit on the other side and look into the countryside or be there when the sun rises. Now when the sun set, it was a little bit behind the hill so it was not…but it was…they all liked just sitting up there at night because you could hear things. The sound carried different at night. They said okay, well, this is really interesting. So, how are we going to do it, that…in a way that feels fair? Then they said well, what if we’re think…what if we’re not thinking of everything? Scout said what do you mean? ‘Cause Doll said that. They said okay, well, we’re…just have these three constructs of being a roommate.
They said well, what other arrangements could we come up with? We wouldn’t have you play…pay 60% or 50%. Doll said no, but…and we don’t want to do a room-and-board arrangement, but we could figure something out for that. Scout said not to take things off but what if for every day we ride into town together and I do the carrying, that counts as…for each one of you, a quarter lunch or dinner credit? Then after I hit a full credit, you either have to buy me lunch or dinner. They both said fair enough, fair enough, because they knew their day would be easier at work or whatever to get to town quicker. They said okay, round trip, though. So, a quarter of a lunch or a dinner, round trip. They said what…how are we gonna decide? ‘Cause dinners are usually…and then Scout said every other one.
So, when I get the first credit, it will be lunch for Doll and the first credit for Toe, because Toe’s…and they said wow, that’s great. But round trip, you don’t get…it’s a round trip the same day. They said okay, that makes sense, too. But they said if we’re buddies, we’re probably gonna be doing round trips together or you’ll be…and Scout said yeah, don’t worry, ‘cause I’m gonna be coming home from work and I gotta pass through town and either one of my workplaces. They said yeah, that makes sense. I’m gonna want to eat with either one of you. Said wow, that makes…then they said well, what if we…can we prepare you lunch to bring to work?
Scout said, I’d love that, so long as it’s not a liverwurst sandwich every time, not to assume that one of you eats liverwurst sandwiches or slobber…no offense, but, you know. Then they had a laugh ‘cause they were just joking. But they said how would we come up with a solution, then, that feels like it works? Scout said well, I think I was onto something with me keeping the two of you warm. They say well, what do you mean? Then Scout said well, we don’t really know. Otherwise, we’re gonna keep tending that there’s that wood stove and they…we said well, we could figure it out, probably. Doll said oh yeah, I could figure this out. I could figure it out. They said let’s just…but we’ll make up something, and then next year we can rearrange.
They said okay, so we’ll assume you cause a 20% reduction in our need to either gather firewood or purchase it. Said, can you agree to that? They said yeah, yeah. They said okay, well, this is how much the fire would cost, not…it’s not as equal as…and they said yeah, okay, so now we’re closer. Then Doll said but then Toe and I have to work something out, but I think I have an idea for that. Toe said what? The cat said two things; just one personal preference that I would have demanded anyway is…I know some dogs have to…anything that I say please of my things…like, please don’t sniff my things if I say don’t sniff that, please. Toe said okay, could you put…is there a way you could let me know or the first time I do it let me know, or maybe put a sticker on something?
Doll said yeah, we could come up with an arrangement. So, that’s one thing, but I’m willing to go even at the same number as you if I just have one more concession from you. Toe said what’s that concession? Doll said okay, well, I really am thinking I’m gonna…now, this could change and that’s why I’m giving it as a concession; I’ll pay the same amount as you in rent if on the mornings I’m lying on the shelf in the summer sun or the spring sun or the winter sun or the fall sun, you don’t go out that door. Are you comfortable going out a window? Or off the second floor there’s that ramp, so it’s not like you couldn’t use that to run down. So you don’t disturb when I’m chilling, ‘cause it’s important time for me. Toe said, sounds great. Sounds fair. So, what’s the overall arrangement, then? Doll said I think it’s fair to do 30/30/40.
That kinda creates a situation where you are paying more but you’re also being compensated for the heat you’re providing, you’re being given a little bit of extra compensation for your heat, [01:00:00] also I feel like you were kinda generous on your idea of bringing us to town and making that round trip. But then I guess that way, we don’t get fed up with it, right? They all agreed on that and then they…this…they signed it, they came up with other stuff like laundry and dishes and all of that. Then winter came and they were living happily together, or mostly happy as three things are. That was a monumental piece of history within this other myth, and actually maybe the more mythological part…’cause you say wait a second, did they just work that out between the three of them reasonably?
I say yeah, it can be done. Not always, though; not always, you know. It’s not easy but it’s…that’s why it’s a story. But then they would start to…sometimes the three of them would sit up there, especially in the night in the winter, and listen to the sounds. There was a couple sounds that stuck out to them. One was on…so, they faced into the valley but kind of at an angle, so they were looking west but the road and the stream that ran through town kinda ran…what is that? East? Is that their back? West? North…so yeah, the road and the stream ran at an angle, like a 45-degree angle if they were looking out their windows or their second-floor loft. It was running at a 45-degree angle to the south. West…so, west would be north when they were looking.
Yeah, southwest, I think, or west-south because technically they were looking west and then to the right of where they were looking, at an angle, is where the town and the valley were. So, directly across the valley was the other hill. So, they would listen in…so, not far at the edge of town was this one bigger place. That’s where a couple human beings…they lived…the humans and the sentient animals all lived together, right? They didn’t really see it that way. They just said other…humans, they were called, right? They didn’t have the same construct as your world or even the world I come from. But this place, the human…these particular humans worked for this family of dogs and puppies. One of the humans was the caretaker and the other human was a chef, like a live-in chef. These dogs were very well-to-do.
Every night they would just sit there at dinnertime ‘cause for some reason the dogs ate later than…even though they were a lot of kids or puppies or whatever you call a dog that’s a little bit older than a puppy; a young dog. There would be so much clinking and clanking and howling and sniffing and dogs playing, and they just loved it. For them it was entertainment. They said oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. What do you think? They would make up names. They didn’t know the dogs because the dogs were kind of in a…the dogs stayed to their estate because they kinda considered themselves…they were just a little insular compared the rest of the community. I don’t know, I think they…maybe they had an investment in aquifers too, or aquifer water or something. I don’t know exactly.
That was one of their favorite forms of entertainment. The first half of the winter, that’s all they did, and they loved it. They would do other things like play games while they were listening, or drink tea or…if they were cooking for one another, talk about life, or they go into town and hang out and stuff like that. But then this one night, this goose would come out at night and it would howl at the moon. It was not the greatest sound. The cats that I know, cats do this kinda stuff. Believe me, I had my day where I was howling at the moon. But they say what’s going on with this goose? It’s ruining our listening to the dogs having dinner. Then they even talked about it between the…well, ‘cause…is there a way we could adjust to this? They said well, let’s see how it goes tomorrow.
Then the goose would howl longer and it disturbed their sleep, even. But it had already disturbed it because it disturbed their tradition and their wind-down that they enjoyed. They tried yelling across the valley to tell the goose to be quiet in strong terms, and that didn’t work. At first they tried getting closer to the goose but the sound was so loud at first, they said well, forget it; let’s just go home. But after a few weeks they could still hear the dog sounds and they kinda missed it. I don’t know, they felt like they were a part of something. It was getting towards the holiday season and they said well, I don’t want to miss out on this.
They were really looking for…they had actually planned a party with their friends that part of the entertainment was gonna be staying up or getting up to see how they celebrated the holidays at this one…that all the dogs, ‘cause they had so many puppies. They even guessed, do they believe in Puppy Claus or puppy…what sort of holiday tradition do they…or do they believe in neg…the negative version where…leading up to the holidays. Eventually they said we gotta go deal with this goose. Toe said well, I could chase it away. They said no, no, no, that wouldn’t be nice. We should go talk to it. The three of them one night went up there and they said the goose is howling at the moon. They say excuse me, and the goose just kept howling or groaning.
Then they observed that and they said this goose is really doing some sort of…that’s not…it’s coming out of its throat. They said excuse me, and the goose kinda noticed them but didn’t stop. They left, and then they discussed. They said well, is this goose sad? Is this goose upset? Obsessed with the moon? They [inaudible] again and they try to interrupt the goose and it didn’t work. Then they went back the next night and they tried using stronger movements and sounds and clapping. Didn’t work. They went back the next night; they tried poking…excuse me, excuse me, I don’t mean to tap you or poke you but we’re trying to get your attention. The goose ignored them. They they tried writing a sign; they said well, maybe the goose…let’s leave it a sign. Let’s leave it a note. Let’s leave it a long letter saying please stop.
None of that worked but at the same time, each time they noticed more and more details. Then one night, before…as they were walking there, Toe said what if…I wonder if there’s…you know they say there’s sounds I can hear or things I can smell that you two can’t smell? I’m sure that there’s things that cats can hear or do or llamas can do that I can’t do, right? He said what if there’s something we can’t hear in the song or whatever? Maybe it’s singing or whatever. They said okay, well, what do you mean? Then Toe said well, what if…I always thought about this with the Canadian geese and I never tried it, but maybe I could try it with this goose ‘cause it’s a goose. It’s not a Canadian…Canada goose; it’s a spruce goose or something. I don’t know…even know what kind of goose it is.
Doll said I was thinking it was a snowy white goose. Scout said I was thinking it was a goose that was a gosling from that story. Toe said okay, it’s not important. There’s this thing…what if we…not reverse…we’re not gonna use it for not good; we’re gonna use it for good. Let’s just keep going and observing and talking about the goose’s singing and what we like about it and what we could see it being used for other than getting on our nerves, and how if it was changed or we weren’t hearing everything, it could be altered for our party which is still coming up. They did that night after night after night, again, a slow build. Oh, wow. First, they just stood at a distance. Ooh…like, after every song, ooh boy, that was…that’s one long…how long was that one groan note for? Holy moly, this is good.
[01:10:00] They just sat there and observed like they were fans and they started to notice more and more nuance. They would point out the nuance and they’d say man, I wonder if this goose could sing something or…to me, this is a song but I really don’t know what it is. They kept saying that, and then they even talked about the dilemma of their party and having the goose groaning. Then Toe said well, I think we should just forget the party. We could invite the goose but the goose won’t talk to us. What would really be good is if the goose came and gave a presentation to us and our guests about what we’re doing and then we gave a presentation to the goose about what we used to enjoy about the night. Then maybe down the road we could figure out another solution.
The goose turned to them and said I love that idea. I could prepare a treaty on what I’ve been doing every night, because it is complicated and multi-layered and I’d love to present it at your holiday party and watch the dogs and stuff. They said well, could you give us the short version? Said whatever that clanging is, whatever bowls they use at that house makes my ears hurt. The only way I can block out the sound is by singing. Then Scout said you know, I…we…you know one of the uses for llama hair is ear plugs? We can make you something. They made earplugs for the goose but the goose also came to their party and did a presentation. I don’t know, that’s how they solved that problem, the goose across the valley at night or whatever it was called, the case of the goose across the valley at night.
One way that they were able…this is the…important piece of history there, too, of them negotiating that roommate agreement. Goodnight with another story of tales I’ve heard from Venilton. This is your friend Doctor DeeDee. Goodnight.
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