969 – Vegan Week | Great British Baking Off to Sleep S9/C6 E7
With floury alternatives to prose we cook up a restful bedtime recipe.
Episode 969 – Vegan Week | Great British Baking Off to Sleep S9/C6 E7
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary and all, get ready, get set, bakers. It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. My patron peeps; what up, my patron peeps? How are all of you? You might be saying what in the name of…? What in the…is this show…is…would you consider this show a double aught flour or a whole wheat flour or a alternative non-wheat flour, all-purpose flour? I’d say well, I mean, if I had to call my…for me, I’m a…my preferred flour is rye flour. Or what was the name of that skunk? Wasn’t there a skunk called Flower once upon a time? You know what, it’s flowery, flowing, flowery prose is what’s coming at you. Like a poof of flour before you touch that dough, it’s time for Sleep With Me, and if you’re looking for something that makes sense, I don’t know. What do you say we get on with the show?
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether…so, if it’s thoughts, things on your mind that you’re thinking about, about the past, present, or future, or yourself or oh boy, or all those things. So, it could be thoughts. Could be feelings or emotions coming up for you or that are already there that could be remains from the day. Was that a book and a film? The Remains of the Day.
I remember that must have won some Oscars at some point. I said that seems like too much of a serious…is that one of those movies that…and I don’t know, but…that I said…was…is that one that I’ll have trouble sitting still for? What’s the run time on that? Will I be asking myself how much time remains in Remains of the Day? Will it be exacerbated by my…if I…will I have to hide my device so I can pay attention and will I thinking about…? Oh yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry. So, oh, it…oh, it could be feelings from the remains of the day, it could be anticipatory feelings, could be physical sensations. Whatever is keeping you awake — hopefully I’ll come back to that — whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m here to distract you from that and take your mind off of that, keep you company, really, as you fall asleep.
What I propose to do, as I said, is create a safe place. Ideally, a safe place means there’s no expectations on your end from me. I don’t expect much of you. I guess I said that in a way like someone that’s already…they…already disappointed. Oh, boy. Sorry about that. That’s just my natural…what is that? Eeyore; that Eeyore part of me. But I do mean there’s no pressure on you. Well, we’ll get to that, but I mean…you know what I mean if you’re a regular listener. If you’re new, you don’t. That’s why I’m trying to over-explain it. But a safe place means you don’t really have to do much. This is here for you and I don’t know what else I’ve…I got mixed up but what I’ll also do is I’ll rub it, I’ll pat it, I’ll say safe place. Then I’ll send my voice across the deep, dark night.
I’ll use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, so I’ll go off-topic, I’ll get mixed up. I’m gonna use filler words, pregnant pause…well, not pregnant pauses. I’ll use pauses that normally you’d say is that a pregnant pause? You say nope, no. It’s just a pause, just a…overwrought pause? I don’t know. But here’s the thing; if you’re new, I’m glad you’re here. Let me give you some information about the show because like I said, there’s…I want to respect your expectations and also try to work with them because if you’ve…if this is your first time listening to the show, it’s like oh boy, what is this? What have I already listened to, ‘cause structurally…I don’t normally start to talk about this upfront, but the show is very different structurally.
Starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, and bake…Star Bakers. Every baker is a Star Baker in my book, and that does not…whatever. Just because…whatever. I don’t want to get into a debate about…how many Star Bakers can there be? I’d say well, as many as I’d like. You’re the Star Baker, asking that question. You’re a double Star Baker. But that goes to the…oh, well, the structure of the show. So, it starts off with that so you know you’re welcome. Then there’s business. That’s how we’re able to bring you the podcast twice a week for free and not part of a paid service. That’s about four, six minutes long, the business. I don’t even think…that’s mixed in with also the supporter business which is to support you as a listener.
Then there’s an intro which we’ve just started. The intro’s around sixteen to twenty minutes long. Really no business in the intro, though sometimes people…when they don’t like the structure of the show, they…I don’t know, they don’t notice that really, the intro is a slow wind-down where I try to explain what the podcast is unsuccessfully. I’m not able to do it in a concise and quick way but it also serves the purpose of getting some distance from the remains of the day. I’m just…I don’t even know right now if Remains of the Day came out…I want to say one of the Irons was in it; Jeremy…well, okay, I guess Michael Ironside is…could be one of the Irons, though Jeremy Irons and Michael Ironside…I don’t think Michael Ironside was in it. Probably Jeremy Irons could have been in it, or is it Jeffrey Irons?
Oh, Jeffrey Lyons may have reviewed the show…movie. But I don’t know if that movie came out 80…70s, 80s, 90s, aughts, whatever they’re calling the thing between ten and twenty, and then…so, I don’t know. I say well, when did that movie come out? I have no idea. Who’s Jim Caviezel? I don’t know how to say his name. I said well, he could be in it but probably not. Helen Mirren. You’d say, if a movie was named Remains of the Day and it was made between…in the mid 90s to present day, I’d say well, I’d put a 70% chance Helen Mirren was in it and that’s why it was so successful, but I don’t know. If it was before…I’d say before 1998…I’m not sure. I’m trying to think…you say well, who…well, if it was…not that these two are related, but I’d say before 1998 and if it was called Remains of the Day, I’d say Robert Redford was probably in it, maybe.
You’d say, the…why…I don’t know why. Just part of my movie brain is saying well, yeah. It was a Oscar-winner or up for an Oscar…it just sounds like it would be. Sounds like one of those languid movies, though. You say what’s…so, tell me about the movie. Well, it takes place in a country estate and there’s a lot of feelings. There’s something that happens and then people deal with that, and then they…changes people, then they have to deal with their changes. Not everyone’s straightforward about it, then someone returns from a journey. Someone else goes on a journey. There’s a lot of eating in rooms with great sunlight. That’s Remains…I don’t know. That’s my made-up review of Remains of the Day. Oh, what remains of this…explaining what the podcast is?
So, the intro goes on and on and on so that you get some distance from the day. It eases you into bedtime so if you’re new, it’s definitely strange because you say what…when’s the podcast start? When is he gonna get to a point? As you become a regular listener you realize oh, never. You say, Remains of the Day is my favorite movie. It was an action movie. I’d say, really? Well, no, it was a movie…it moved me, I guess you’d say. I’d say sorry, I wasn’t making fun of it; I was just trying to remember…I don’t remember much anyway. Okay, but so, the intro goes on and on and on so that you ease into bedtime or as you get ready for bed. It just, yeah, gets…yeah, whatever. It helps let the day remain where it was, in the past. Don’t worry, I’ll look it up in a few minutes, after I [00:10:00] record this, if I remember.
A lot of times, just like when people wake up, I’ll stop recording. I’ll be like, what was I thinking about in that intro? I don’t know. I won’t listen to this for a few months; I record it months before it comes out. Anyway, so that’s Remains…oh, so that’s the intro. Then there’s business. That’s how podcast structure works, so the business is there to keep the show free. Then there’s an…our episode we’ll be running through, Great British Bake Off Baking Show and talking about that in a very meandering and indirect and slow and enjoyable way. Then there’s thank-yous, so that’s the structure of the show. A couple other things to talk about if you’re new; one is if you’re skeptical or doubtful, I mean, the structure can be a part of that, but also the expectations.
One, I don’t expect you to listen to this show though you may at first try to do that. You can just kinda barely listen, is the best way to do it. You’d say…yeah, I don’t know. I was trying to think of a metaphor or something…I could use remains of the day. But kind of like in my brain when I’m trying to remember Remains of the Day, the main thing I remember is that it was a lauded film…lauded…I think, and that…the name of it. Then I just picture — and I’m not kidding — I picture a field of wheat with the sun and maybe some lens flare, maybe one of those things that you blow on and you make a wish; dandelion fluff, and maybe just in the distance a farm house or something, or a barn. Or it could be that but a stone country estate ‘cause you say oh no, it takes place in England. Oh, okay, so there’s an estate there.
So, that’s what I mean by barely listening. At some point I was barely paying attention when that was…I probably watched the Oscars. It may have won Best Film. You say Scoots, isn’t this your favorite actresses and…don’t you love Helen Mirren? Well, she wasn’t in that movie. I say oh, okay. I mean, maybe they would have won double Oscars if she was in it. Also, there’s no one named Jeremy Ironside. I’d say, are you sure? On the planet, or you mean an actor? What about Jenny Ironside? If I ever have a personal trainer, that’s who I’d like to be my personal trainer; Jenny Ironside. Jenny Irons; no, it’s not easy to say. I’ll have to think…Tammy Ironside? Anyway, so…oh, don’t really listen to this podcast. I think I made that point. Also, the strange thing is this podcast is not really here to put you to sleep.
It’s here to keep you company while you fall asleep. That’s why the shows are about an hour, is just to give you plenty of time to drift off. If you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here to the very end for you, so whether you’re awake or asleep, I’m here to keep you company, to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-sib, your bore-bestie. I’m here; I’m here for you. So, that’s why I’m here. I’m here to keep you company as you drift off but if you’re awake or you wake back up or whatever, I’m here to keep you company, too. It’s kind of like a dual role. Then…what’s that? Oh, I forgot…don’t need to listen to me, no pressure to fall asleep…oh, give the show a few tries. That’s the other thing, and I don’t say this out of desperation or need or anything.
I just say it because almost everybody that regularly listens to the show says give it two or three tries because it’s different, and that’s okay. It’s also okay if you don’t like it. That’s one of the things I like to point out as important, too. This show is here to try to put you to sleep, but it doesn’t put everybody to sleep. It’s both an acquired taste and when it’s an acquired taste, it’s just not for everybody. But I hope it’s for you and the best way to find out is to not listen to it and not listen to it two or three tries…two or three times, ‘cause I don’t really gain anything with the number of listeners. It’s just the number of listeners that are actively involved in the show, so it’s not anything crafty.
In fact, I don’t know if…I haven’t kept up the website but I used to have a website sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, and I should probably update it with more…other sleep podcasts that you could check out if you’re looking for something and Sleep With Me does not work for you. It should still be up and it should have good options. What else? Don’t need to listen to me, no pressure to fall asleep, the show’s very different, not everybody likes it, it’s okay to be skeptical or doubtful. The reason I make the show is because I believe you deserve a good night’s sleep. That’s really what it comes down to. You deserve a place you could rest and along with that, if you get some rest, you’re gonna be able to live your life a little bit more.
Your life will be a little bit more manageable or pleasurable, and then our world’s gonna be a better place. You say well, pish-posh, that’s not…I say no, that’s true. I know how it feels. I’ve been there tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, all those things. So, I know how it feels and so if I can help you, it would really be my honor because I say well, I know what it’s like to dread bedtime and I want to make a podcast…and my goal with this show is that you say well, I’m not…well, I got bedtime coming up; at least I got Scoots there and hopefully he’s…he is actually going on IMDB right now to just ease my mind which he doesn’t normally do, and type in Remains of the Day. Remains of the Day. Oh boy, I was close. So, Anthony Hopkins is in it, and Emma Thompson.
Christopher Reeve…yeah. It looks like the cover is of Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson. Let’s see if it was based on a book or something. I don’t know, but yeah, let’s see. Oh yeah, it was a…it was…it’s James Ivory. I don’t know if it was a Merchant Ivory movie. I guess so. What was that? 1990. What year did I say? 1993. So, oh yeah, I got…well, I’ll just turn my phone…I was gonna look up…I think it’s based on a novel but anyway, so I’m here…oh, to go off topic just like I just did, to keep you company because I really want to help you fall asleep. So, give it a few tries. I really appreciate you coming by and checking the show out. I really hope I can help you. I really…I yearn and I strive. I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by and here’s a couple of ways I’m able to bring you this podcast twice a week on the regular.
Hey patrons, I was just…or hey everybody, I was just recording for twenty minutes. No, ten minutes, and none of it got recorded, so…the thing is, I was only on Page 3 of my notes. So, here we are. We’re talking about Collection 6, Episode 7, Vegan Week. It opens with the teaser, the thing of everything not going well and everybody working, a couple jokes, soggy bottoms, stiff peaks, and then we have our little…oh, toppling towers of baking. Then we have our com…the intro, then we have a comedy sequence. Noel’s singing a song he wrote called Vegan Week; I’m a happy cow now because it’s Vegan Week. There’s no dairy and meat. Why don’t you chop up a leek because it’s Vegan Week. Him and Sandy are sitting in directors’ chairs, blue ones. I’d say Sandy, Noel, Paul, Prue…Paul and Prue’s are empty.
There’s a dancing cow, like someone…two people dressed as a cow. She says, did you write that song? He goes yeah, it’s moo wave, a new kind of music. Then he sings again; why don’t you chop up a leek? They also make a joke of like, that’s Paul and Prue in the cow and poor Prue is behind Paul and he had beans for breakfast or whatever, sausage. So, that’s your comedy sequence to start. Directors’ chairs…then we have the talking heads sequence. Briony talks about last week winning, and then oh boy, what does that mean? Jon kinda talks about that he doesn’t eat a lot of vegetables or vegan food. Kim-Joy says jeez, this is gonna be tense. Ruby says oh gosh, I can’t believe…what a dream that they brought out Vegan Week for the first time ever.
Then we get ready for the…is this the signature challenge? Yeah. They say okay, no meat, eggs, butter, or honey. Noel makes a joke; he has a friend Ralph who’s a bee. They’re supposed to make eight savory tartlets, four with…each with four of…two sets of four and different fillings [00:20:00] with a vegan shortcrust pastry that no one would be able to tell is vegan. Noel and Sandy also have amazing shirts on, each of them, though Noel’s shirt may be more of a light jacket. Then everybody starts prepping, then they’re saying oh, it’s gonna be hard making vegan stuff. The challenge is usually you use butter and eggs to create a short pastry, but that’s not an option here, so you gotta create texture somehow. Prue says you gotta deliver on the flavor which they can do, but can they do it vegan style?
So, we go outside; everybody says okay, when…in a convention you would say okay, you’d have butter…but so, you need some kind of fat, Manon says. With a butter ban — first alliteration — and to get a golden finish, you could use coconut oil, olive oil, avocado oil. Some people are using, whatever, vegetable shortening. Vegan margarine is what…or vegetable oil and vegan…Ruby’s using. So, everybody’s getting their stuff together. They had two hours to do it. Delicate balance…Briony’s making French onion tartlets and some sort of celeriac and apple tartlet. A little root vegetables, and Prue’s concerned that it’s gonna be too sweet and it’s supposed to be savory, so she says warning. Jon; he’s not into Vegan Week but he’s making falafels and hummus for one, and then garlics and mushrooms.
Paul is very quiet this week, they say, because it’s Vegan Week. Manon is making summer and winter tarts. Let’s see, right now the TV’s on, or my tablet’s on Jon and they’re talking about, yeah, making one by one. Okie-dokie, I’m gonna have a go. Then Manon’s talking about her summer and winter tartlets. The summer is ratatouille…ratatouille. It’s two t’s I know. I have to apologize to my friend Chris ‘cause I used to…he worked at Pixar when that movie came out and I still would disagree with him and say no, no; it’s Ratatouille. He’d say no, it’s not. I’d say well, I think it is so I’m sorry, because I can be really a pain. But now I can just say I have no idea how to pronounce it anymore because I got so mixed up.
Everybody’s talking about not getting a soggy bottom when they do their…that’s a definite…with making the tarts, it’s a concern. We gotta talk about Sandy’s shirt which has dragonflies, moths, and even a…what is that? Pink flamingo on it, I think. I don’t know. I don’t have a view of it. Dragonfly…chill that dough, yo. Rahul is roasting roasted vegetable roses, then Noel gives him a hard time; are you being positive this week? He goes no, no, no; I’m just counting my days down. He goes well, you’re not being negative, are you? He goes, you’re gonna be dancing around in this tent one day. He goes yeah, I don’t know about that. Briony’s caramelizing onions. There’s a lot of prep going on.
Falafels…Ruby’s talking about how her leeks could cause soggy bottom, then she has nutritional yeast which…I feel like that’s popular in California, and I think it’s popular in other places but they kinda seem surprised and they don’t even want to smell it. Sandy says full pass but Paul says oh, interesting. That’s interesting. I think Prue says yeah, kinda like Parmesan. But yeah, even in the daily harvest meals, they have one with nutritional yeast that’s really good. It’s called the Cheeze Bowl, with a z. Sandy says I had to give it up. Maybe she’s serious. I don’t know. Then Kim-Joy talks about tofu. Says it’s bean curd, right? She’s making a tofu quiche and she says normally she has her tofu with soya sauce. She really enjoys it. Manon talks…oh, Manon talks about soggy bottom too as blind baking begins.
I liked that triple alliteration. Also, the coolest thing they ever said in the episode is Kim-Joy says squirrels are cool. She also says I’m not really an animal person. I love animals for art but I don’t spend a lot of time around them. Jon’s behind schedule. He has a nice shirt on; it’s like a lemon shirt with a blue background. Then Noel appears with a pineapple…a plastic pineapple drink and an inflatable flip-flop, like a pool float for the timer. Everybody’s putting their beans in and trying to figure out oh, with the beans in their tartlets, how long do they need to go for? Then they…oh, there’s also…we see all these…in the…behind Noel and Sandy, some outdoor garden stuff. You have one hour left. Jon says man, I’m behind. Noel says don’t worry; I’m a time lord. You want me to change time for you?
But let me see, we got a…let’s pause it here on Sandy and Noel so we can talk about…Sandy’s shirt also has…so, originally I thought it was a dragonfly shirt. Then I said no, no, no, there’s moths on there. Now I see that there’s also a flamingo and some dinosaurs, so her shirt just gets cooler and cooler. Then Noel’s shirt…his is more of a silken, satin-type shirt or satin. Again, it could be a zip-up jacket. It’s comic book panels. I don’t know if it’s from a specific comic book or it’s just the style of the shirt ‘cause I don’t have…I haven’t been…I’ll try to pause it if we get really close. I don’t know if there’s any super…my…I don’t have the…what do you call that? Resolution to see something super-zoomed. Okay, so then we get bean…more beans cooking, butternut squash, people adding ingredients, Jon’s frying his falafels.
Turmeric paste…then we go to another time check. Noel and Sandy are playing croquet outside. Oh, there’s Rahul; he’s making a chickpea curry. Ruby’s like man, that smells good. Noel keeps…he does a lot of stopping by Ruby’s stop. I don’t know what’s going on with those two. Even Jon just shook his head. He’s like, wait a second. Everybody’s trying to deal with their beans; beans are spilling, beans are getting measured. I want to see this croquet shot, so I’m trying to pay attention for it. Second stage of my blind baking. Hopefully now that I’ve removed the baking beans, these will cook in eight minutes. Everybody’s looking, frying falafels is Jon…looks like he had a card at the end of his station, like a greeting card. I thought it was…he has tamarind paste in there, too. Let’s see, they’re playing croquet.
Half an hour left. Sandy runs back. No, no, no, that’s my ball, she says. Noel says, straight through. There’s some shrinkage ‘cause it was too hot. Rahul now says soggy bottom. Then there’s an assembly sequence. Manon…French fool…oh, French food. French food is simple and delicious. Got it…cheese alternative?? Double question mark. Then Noel says mouse beds; Manon’s little trays, ‘cause she has rectangular tart trays for one of her tarts where most people have circular ones for all their tarts. Oh, goats’ cheese alternative is what Briony is using. I said what…here’s an alternative to goats’ cheese; no goats’ cheese ‘cause I taste the goat in goats’ cheese. Yeah, so there’s her little tarts, like mouse beds. So cute. Then everything goes back in the oven. Jon runs out of filling. He’s in a rush.
Then Noel says you got to vegan or bust or something. Then everybody assumes Kim-Joy is vegan because of her style which I guess I said what? My daughter said well, come on, dad. So, they think she’s a vegan expert but really, she’s just cool. She thinks squirrels are cool. He goes oh, he is…Noel says you look [00:30:00] like you might know your way around a vegan restaurant. You just have a vegan air about you. Goes yeah, I guess. Jon says I’m not gonna be Star Baker. Something about tart…he says tardy. He dropped one of his tarts on the floor and they’re not even cooked. He said I’ll just leave them in the oven as long as I can. Oh, Ruby says tardy. Five minutes. Someone uses the d-word because they’re running behind. Oh, I think ‘cause people are touching the hot thing ’cause of the timing.
Kim-Joy’s making an invisible squirrel out of acetate. I gotta figure out what this acetate stuff is. Five minutes left. Manon says make it pretty. Buy a stem…I don’t know what that means. Let’s see, there’s the squirrel acetate with paprika. Everybody’s making their assembly. Know what would be good, would be one of these tarts but with Thanksgiving food. You could do it all in one tart. I’m definitely doing that for Thanksgiving, for prep of Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving tart; wouldn’t be vegan, of course. Oh, she puts a…she gives the squirrel a little nut. Maybe that’s what it was. One minute, one vegan minute, oh yeah. Everybody’s putting their stuff at the end, final touches, big music. Then the last pieces of touch, and then they say time is up. Jon frowns.
Outside…they do a outside shot, then we have the judges. They say Manon…okay, it looks good. Well-baked, cuts through. Prue says it’s mild but delicious. Coconut works. Very good. Decent jib. That doesn’t make sense. Decent job, I would say. Let’s see, Ruby; they say the shape is good. Paul says I can taste the broccoli un-something. Pastry’s nice. Can’t taste anything else, though. Paul is not…says something…doesn’t like green on his tomatoes. Overall…sage, nothing extra. Something…we’ll see what it says. Manon’s there, tapping. Rahul; lovely, too much filling, crumbly but holding together. Prue shakes her head. This is poetry. Wow, poetry. It melts in your mouth. Fantastic. Thank you. Everyone is dancing with joy when Rahul gets praised.
They say Briony, yours feels a bit flexible, rubbery, so weird. It tastes like apple pie. Second one is better; very nice and the onions are more like hot dog onions. Okay, let’s go back to Ruby’s ‘cause I couldn’t read my writing. Consistent in color, good start, good shapes. How’d you get on with the cheese mixture? I think it tasted good. Paul tastes it. He says yeah, when…I can taste the broccoli and I can taste the broccoli…oh, that’s what he said; broccoli twice. Says underwhelming. I was expecting more flavor. Pastry’s nice, though. But yeah, and Prue says I can taste a tiny bit of chili and that’s it, broccoli and chili. Oh, Paul doesn’t like green on his tomatoes. Like, he says cut the green off, I guess, which I guess kinda makes sense. I think it’s a little spicy for Paul, the second one.
He says I can taste the chili, sage, a bit of heat but not much else. So, then…okay, then Rahul’s is poetry. Okay, then we’re on Jon’s. They say, where’s the rest of it? Quite unfinished, untidy, under-cooked. They do look a mess. They’re gluey, rubbery, awfully heavy. Falafel-like flavor’s not bad, though. Kim-Joy; they say neat, artistic, layer’s nice. Coconut pastry is amazing. Then you get the cooling from the tofu. I like this one. Delicate, flavor good, delicious, flaky, buttery. She gets a handshake from Paul, so that’s impressive. I mean, it’s gotta feel good for her. Then we get the talking heads sequence afterwards. Let’s see what they say here. It’s their first-ever Vegan Week, trust me. They say they’re still eating…on this one they’re still complimenting Kim-Joy. They’re saying oh boy, this is delicious.
Thank you, she says. What a relief. Extreme joy. Jon says man, vegan does not…I’m still gonna smile. But Ruby says they were underwhelmed; I am underwhelmed. I gotta pick myself back up and carry on. Okay, then they say okay, you got to practice that one but not this one. So, for this first-ever vegan technical, trust me, trust yourselves, and it will work. That’s what Prue says. They’re making pavlovas which is something…we’ll explain it when they explain it. Say, I love Sandy, though. She is able to say okay, this is a trust exercise, a vegan tropical fruit pavlova which is vegan meringue disks, no egg whites, sandwiched with coconut pastry cream and tropical fruit; crispy on the outside, marshmallowy on the inside. Lovely. You got two and a half hours to do this. I was still asking; is that a jacket or a shirt on Noel?
So, for the meringue they’re gonna use aquafava which is chickpea liquid instead of egg whites. Then we have table talk with Prue and Paul. What could go wrong? Well, this aquafava meringue is much more fragile, so they gotta remember that. Then we have where they’re doing the recipe reading and the whisking. Then there’s talk about chickpea juice. Noel’s not sure, and then I think it’s Ruby who says who discovered this? Like, who was…said well, I’ll just whip up some chickpea juice and see what happens? There’s also talk about over or under-whisking it, trying to figure out has it peaked, and then is it gonna hold its shape? Which it ends up that it does, spectacularly. Then people start piping. Seems alright…they’re doing the…supposed to be doing decorative edges.
Let’s see, what is Kim-Joy…does not like something which we’ll get to in a second. Ruby just said I’m gonna whisk the heck out of chickpea juice. Let’s see, where’s this Kim-Joy thing? I want to see what happens here. Oh, she doesn’t like technical…the technical challenges. She really dislikes those ones. So, then they have to bake the meringue so it’s dry on the outside…so, they do a low heat for one hour, seventy-five minutes. Stress starts to hit Kim-Joy and Jon. Then they say that’s a fact; you got one hour left. Then everybody’s starting to make the pastry cream. Coconut milk, corn flour. Use the Force, even. I think Noel says that to somebody. Then they have a portable inflator; Sandy tries to inflate Noel with a portable inflator like you would use to blow up a giant pool float that looks like a flip-flop.
That’s when we’re down to a half hour, very quickly. Getting there. Not for nothing. Should we wait? Should we cool it? Should we get it out? Kim-Joy is trying to get more crisping. Let’s see, how much time? Work fast. Let’s see, the stress…oh boy, is it fragile. I think Ruby’s trying to fill her gaps with white chocolate, [00:40:00] like on her meringue. Other people are having other things. You got fifteen vegan minutes left. What is going on on the screen? Everybody’s…this is when the baking’s going on. Everybody’s trying to say oh boy, is it gonna bake? Maybe I’ll turn the oven off and leave it in there. Briony and Rahul do that. Yeah, should we leave it in? Should we take it out? Oh boy. Kim-Joy’s…yeah, hers is stressed ‘cause hers is kinda breaking up. But yeah, I don’t even know how long to put it in there.
Melting white chocolate. Chill the chocolate, put it in. Oh boy, getting a little bit worried here. Gotta work a little bit faster. Gonna take it out. Don’t want it to be chewy, though. Now, everybody’s is coming out of the oven, so that’s when they do their next round of assembly. Everybody’s trying to get it off the paper which is hard, and turn it over ‘cause it is so delicate. Some people are successful and some people aren’t. It is very fragile. I don’t know, Kim-Joy is…she had the hardest time with hers. It was breaking apart. Yeah, then Ruby’s painting white chocolate on hers. Kim-Joy’s got hers, trying to get it in the fridge or the freezer. Better put a wiggle on. Then they’re trying to do the…oh, the fruit part is the last thing. Mm, gloop. This is gonna be interesting.
Pass it through a sieve…but it starts to look like pastry cream, that part. So, then they have to do the final assembly of the two things; the meringue, the pastry cream, and yeah, everybody’s kinda putting it together. Jon’s like, I’m not very good at decorating. Oh, Briony sings a song; I Don’t Know What I’m Doing. I thought that was funny. Then there’s music, then time is up. Please place your pavlovas…talk about great alliteration; please place your pavlovas. Okay, decorative disks; that was another really nice piece of alliteration. They say…Sandy says it when she’s talking about them. Then we have the judges going over everybody’s ‘cause it’s…they can’t see. About Kim-Joy’s, they say flat disk. There was a issue, it broke up. Just doesn’t taste indulgent.
Rahul’s; they say impressive piping, pile or something, marshmallowy, lots of textures. For Jon’s, they say lazy with piping, the cream is delicious but a bit runny. Briony; they like the sizes and the meringue. Ruby; they say nice decoration and it’s cooked well. Manon’s; they say it looks nice, very good, well-cooked. So, place-wise, Briony comes…or Kim-Joy comes in sixth, Briony fifth, then Jon, then Ruby, then Manon, then Rahul. Also, they do a talking heads here and his hair is so sweet, so we’ll get there. Right now they’re still running through everybody’s and tasting them. I thought Manon was gonna come in first. When you rewatch this episode you say wait a second, how things ended up is a bit confusing. Let’s see, fantastic bake, beautiful job. Just trying to get to the talking heads part here. Bravo.
He says I can’t believe it. I came in first in a technical. Yeah, then they have him interview. He says jeez, I made something good. The judges like it. Kim-Joy says jeez, I get flustered during these technicals. Then Jon said I…being in fourth is not great for a week like this week, and he gulps. Outside…then there’s outside shots and stuff like that. Who will make the quarter-finals? Everybody marches in, breathes out through their lips. A lot of breathing out through the lips. They say okay, what are we looking forward to this week? They say well, bakers, some people are doing good, some people are not doing so good. Coconut oil has been good. They say oh yeah, coconut oil pastry is good but it’s tricky. They say okay, Manon and Rahul are doing good. Everybody else, not good.
Kim-Joy did really good at first, so…they say, are you gonna make a Hollywood…Paul Hollywood vegan cookbook? He goes, nope. Okay, and also, Noel’s shirt is a zip shirt, so maybe it is a jacket. So they say okay, Paul and Prue want you to make a vegan celebration cake that would be the centerpiece of a party that…or a happening, if it was the 60s. Then we get a little starting sequence. Jon has a very short Microplane, the shortest Microplane I’ve ever seen. I said wait a second, maybe that’s…I don’t know if that’s better or not. I don’t have a Microplane myself, but I’ve used one. Talk about seeming indulgent. That to me seems…I mean, not really ‘cause when I use it…but I say, I don’t really need it ‘cause I have that on my thing; my…I have it on my grater.
It’s just not as good as a Microplane but for the number of times I would use it, don’t really need it. Make a cake just as tender, get it over fast…oh, ‘cause you gotta get it in the oven fast because if you’re using bicarbonated soda and vinegar with the rise…has to taste amazing. I say okay, traditionally a cake sponge would be made of one thing. Paul says when I’m coming to judge this, it’s just like, it better be as good as a non-vegan cake. But yeah, traditionally a sponge, you’d have eggs and butter to give flavor, height, and texture. But with none of that in the tent, you gotta go find harmony in the alternatives to do a flavorsome, well-structure bake; dairy-free margarine, oil, vegan margarine again. Some people are using coconut oil, soy milk, sunflower oil, coconut milk, coconut extract.
Then even Kim-Joy says yeah, vegan cakes, it’s about the speed. So, they say what’s your showstopper, Kim-Joy? She goes, fox-themed birthday cake for a friend. Fox-themed; yeah, that’s his spirit animal, a fox. His spirit animal’s a fox? That’s what I said. Foxes are cute. Second woodland creature of the week with vanilla biscuits, a two-tiered cake, lavender and lemon curd inspired by her travels when I went on holiday. I had lavender lemon curd ice cream and it was my favorite ever. So, I want to use those flavors. Then Manon’s doing an apple spiced cake, kinda bit like a carrot cake, and looking for the same kind of texture. Bottom tier will be lemon sponge. Oh, this is Ruby; and top tier will be a chocolate sponge cake. Jon’s doing chocolate and orange based on a sitcom Only Fools Kiss Horses.
I never…I haven’t heard of that one, but maybe I did talk about it last year when I went through that list of holiday specials. I guess I’ll have to look that one up. His is orange buttercream. Del Boy. Oh, I guess I have ‘cause that sounds familiar. Rahul’s doing…making his bicarbon vinegar to get the cake going up. Everybody’s setting their ovens; 160, 180. Briony’s doing a cake for her brother’s thirtieth birthday which she didn’t make him a cake and he doesn’t eat dairy, so she said I wish I made him this mocha cake. Paul talks about his high expectations I think because of the mocha, or mocha, some people would say in the US. Buttercream with no butter…are you gonna use chickpeas? No, no chickpeas in this.
Vegan butter…then Noel goes behind Ruby with a fish bowl…actually a cake…a clear cake cover, pretending it’s like a space helmet behind her. Ruby says to Sandy, how do you deal with him? Manon’s cake has three layers. Then we see Rahul’s stress. They say good morning. But he has a beautiful story; he says yeah, I’m making this cake as a tribute to my grandmother. They say okay, what are you doing? He goes well, it’s a tribute to my grandmother [00:50:00] because when my grandfather passed away…in India, people…you would give up foods, so my grandmother didn’t have any eggs or meat after he passed for the rest of her life. He said I never saw her eating cake, so this is a tribute to her. You could even see the people’s…judge’s faces, like how touching it would be to hear that in person, so really beautiful.
Noel says yeah, I’m close to my grandma. You’re close to your grandma. Then Ruby’s doing one for her cousin, inspired by a cake from my cousin, but when we both went to get ice cream with our grandad on a trip, it was just a day…we ate tons and tons of ice cream. It was the best day ever. So, hers are gonna have two of…the chocolate and the lemon for the ice cream flavors. Then everything starts coming out of the oven. People are like okay, this is looking good. This looks like proper cake. This is not too stodgy. Even Jon kinda is starting to get happy with his cake. Let’s see, what does that say? Let’s see, everybody’s taking their cakes out right now. Cakey, cakey. So far, I mean, for most people, it’s…they’re checking it, they’re checking it twice. It looks spongy, proper. Holding up quite nicely.
Even Jon tastes his. He says oh, quite claggy. I don’t know what that means but he’s nodding in a good way. Oh no, then he says really don’t know what wrong. Oh, then Sandy and Noel are shooting balls into a fake tea kettle that looks like it’s…has grass growing on it. They’re like, playing a game like Throw the Foam Ball in the Tea Kettle. Too all…then everybody goes back to work. I don’t know how much time was left. I didn’t see that. Raspberry jam is getting mixed with chocolate and hazelnut. It all goes well. Sharp lemon curd by Kim-Joy. Let’s see, decorating; people are getting ready to do their decorations that are gonna go on the cake. A lot of flower is getting made. Manon, Rahul…buttercream roses, the favorite flowers of his grandma. Sandy says hey, and he goes hi.
She goes, can’t you be more excited when I show up? She says hi, lovely boy. He goes, hey…you know, very much like Scoots; uh-huh. Then Kim-Joy’s working on her biscuits or cookies; that’ll be fox cookies. Let’s see, Noel likes mocha or mocha. He goes yeah, sometimes I have to get Paul a mocha. He likes them, too. Manon’s decorating the take…cake, and then everybody’s trying to keep…make sure their cakes are moist, like putting sugar or…Rahul is putting coconut flavor with sugar water in there. Some people are doing buttercream, Briony’s doing jam and then the ganache on the outside. Jon has buttercream and orange curd. Everybody’s kinda starting to stack, do the outsides of their cake. Then in a couple…a half-naked and a naked cake, or Kim-Joy’s is semi-naked and Manon says that my cake is naked.
I don’t understand what that means ‘cause it has icing on it. But maybe that just means no other decorations. So, there’s assembly stress. Noel sees Jon’s cake; he goes, I want some trousers that look like your cake ‘cause it kinda has a leopard print on there, but a gold leopard print. We get some really good decorating, especially by Kim-Joy and Briony. But yeah, everybody’s is starting to look good. So, we have our final thing coming together. People start putting their cakes…stacking them, and that part is stressful ‘cause not everything is even and you don’t want your cake to collapse. Extremely wonky…I don’t know if Kim-Joy or Rahul said that. Yeah, so…oh, but then Ruby says wonky…wonky-esque or something, wonky-esque cake. They have fifteen minutes left, so everybody’s trying to do their decorating.
Oh, Briony is…Briony and Sandy hug ‘cause she’s done, and then Briony goes and tries to help Ruby. Jon gets a record thing with a Bowie record. He goes oh, this is for Del Boy. Then he says come on, kids. I don’t know who says that. Ruby’s cake is…stress…it’s just not staying steady. Five minutes. They’re trying to put dowels in it. Jon’s trying to help and they’re trying to trim the dowels. Come on, let’s get it together. Rahul, come on, they say, ‘cause his is still going. One minute left. Everybody’s trying to help one another or get theirs…one. Del Boy…Del Boy…Jon talks about making Del Boy proud. Then it’s like, okay…and Ruby says I’m wounded. This is not good. Her cake is…looks like it’s gonna fall apart. She tries to take a breath. Rahul is kinda stressed. They say off you go, lovelies.
They do have to put them in the fridge. They don’t show that part though, I guess. The cake’s thing…Ruby’s really stressed. Rahul’s like Jon, how’d you get your cake to stay together? Then we see Ruby’s cake collapses in a very dramatic way while people are watching and they kinda cringe, cover their faces. She finds out her cake has fallen. Holy cow, I can’t believe it. That stinks. Then we have the outside shot. Let’s see, after Ruby…bake…bakers are all sitting and they say Briony, could you bring yours up first? Hers is a hazelnut mocha. They say okay, solid three layers. Raspberry lifts everything. Good job, nice cake, well done. Yeah, it’s a little bit off-kilter but not as much as the other ones. They say neat as a pin though, that’s what Prue says. They get a…hers cuts very well, so…and Paul is impressed.
Yeah, they taste it. Then Jon’s goes after Briony. They say oh, your…very delicate, different. Jon’s cake’s caved-in now, like his bottom layer kinda sunk. He smiles awkwardly, say it looks a bit sad and crude in the decoration. Prue says well, the animal print’s nice. They say okay, let’s cut it. Chocolate sponge, orange curd…they say your layers are good; they’re even, and enjoy the flavor. It’s nice and sharp, carries through, the orange. Looks hideous but the flavor’s good. Jon says thank you. A bit too much orange curd, Prue says, though. Jon kinda has a mixed look as he goes off, like huh. Then Manon goes. They say beautiful, Manon. When you get it right, you get it right. But then they go into the cake and they say oh boy, wait a second; this is kinda puddingy, heavy…tastes awful, Paul says.
Rubbery, not a good cake at all. You say holy mackerel, that’s not…so, that was pretty tough to hear but she had done well in the other two challenges, so…over-mixed, maybe? Not…I can’t even taste the good…the apple. Then Kim-Joy goes. They say I love these colors; unusual. You can relate this cake to you just by looking at it. Really looks good. Powerful…I think they say pudding-like but there’s a balance. It works, especially with these brave flavors. It’s well done. I mean, she has fox cookies, her biscuits, and a fox…what do you call that? Icing, and mushrooms and other cool stuff, and all with cool colors. Then Rahul goes. They say what happened here?
‘Cause his cake collapsed and he says yeah, it was soggy and I was worried about it being too dry, [01:00:00] so probably did it…they say okay, the chocolate’s good. Too much drizzle, man. The drizzle really messed it up. Too much flavor and you already had good flavors, so you over-flavored it with the drizzle. He says okay, great. Then Ruby goes. They say this looks a disaster. They say okay, so you have two flavors, right? So, do we eat it together or separate? She goes no, they’re meant to be eaten separately, the lemon and the chocolate cake. They go okay, wait a second, both these are very good, after they get them out to taste them. More dowel than cake. So, they get them out…okay, the rest of you…eat these together? No, no, either the chocolate or the lemon. Takes the lemon, tastes it. Mm, mm.
Prue says I like that coconutty delish-ness, lemony. So, that’s a good sign. I like the lemon cake, Paul says. The raspberries are good too, and I like the chocolate one. Both very good cakes. He said you should have put the one on…the chocolate was more stable, I think, or the lemon. I don’t know. Yeah, the lemon was softer, so it could have been on top. But no way to do that. Then they do the talking heads. She goes I’m in trouble, holy moly. Trying to be positive. They go back to the tent, then there’s…I think then…outside, then table talk. Okay, this wasn’t a great week. Paul, you weren’t even happy. He goes, I’m disappointed. He goes, Manon’s cake was awful. It looked great. They go, what’s more important, look or taste? ‘Cause Ruby’s looked terrible but it tasted good.
They go yeah, it was delicious but you can’t discount the drama for TV. Was her responsibility…this is a challenge. Coming in here, Briony, Ruby, and Jon, maybe Kim-Joy would have been in it but Briony did good, so she’s safe. That was good cake. Kim-Joy, she’s…she did amazing. Rahul and Manon; neither one of them actually…but Paul says well, his cake was pretty good. It just was the drizzle. So they say who knows what will happen? We won’t know for two or three seconds. Oh, boy. So, then they do a bunch of camera shots of everybody waiting. There’s hand-holding going on. Everybody’s trying to stay calm. Well done, really successful Vegan Week, Sandy says. Noel says ironically, the Star Baker is someone who brought animals into the tent in a whimsical, colorful way. It’s Kim-Joy, Star Baker.
She gets applause and claps and hugs. Foxy baker, foxy. Then Jon and Ruby look really stressed, holy cow. Okay, and Sandy has to give the bad news. She almost…she’s really emotional. She says this…I’m very fond of all of you, so this is not fun. She goes, the person that’s going home is Jon and hopefully you can make lemons out of…she doesn’t say this but he has a lemon shirt. He hopefully makes lemons out of lemonade. They all give each other hugs, say I’m sorry. Ruby can barely move. Sandy hugs Jon, Paul hugs Jon. Jon says yeah, I was proud of myself, man. Week 7; I did amazing. They go…Prue gives him a big hug. She goes yeah, he’s got personality. He’s different than everybody else. Paul goes yeah, he’s a pretty good baker. Well done, my darling, they say to Kim-Joy, star of Vegan Week.
I can’t believe it. So, some compliments and then the…Jon and Ruby hug. Briony and Ruby have a big hug and Ruby goes, are they positive I’m staying? Manon kisses Ruby’s arm, then there’s a big group hug and they go, five left; quarter-finals coming up. Got no idea, Prue says, who’s gonna win. So, we’ll see you next week. Let me tuck you in; here you go. Let me get through some thank-yous to help tuck you in a little more, okay?
[END OF RECORDING]
- Pish Posh
- Remains of the Days of Heaven
- Michael Ironside
- Only Fools and Horses
Notable Talking Points:
- One of the Irons
- Some Kind of Fat
- Find Harmony in the Alternatives