966 – Pastry Week | Great British Baking Off to Sleep S9/C6 E6

Notable  Language:

• Onerous
• Puits d'Amour
• Pure Prue with Port

Notable Culture:

• Rivethead by Ben Hamper
• Big Wagons Rolling
• Windup Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami

Notable Talking Points:

• Wagon-Based TV Programs
• The Curse of Terry's Spot
• Briony closes her eyes when she laughs

Episode 966 – Pastry Week | Great British Baking Off to Sleep S9/C6 E6

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, and my baker…what do they say?  They say something bakers, right?  No; hello bakers, it’s…patrons too.  I’m gonna bake you an episode very slowly indeed.  Thanks, patrons.  What do you say we get on with the show?

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake.  It could be thoughts, things you’re thinking about on your mind, so thoughts, feelings, so anything you’re experiencing emotionally that’s coming up for you.  So thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, so it could be, yeah, anything…thinking about anything emotionally coming up for you or physically you’re experiencing, or it could be something else.  I don’t know.

 

It could be anything, really.  If it’s keeping you awake, then it’s…let’s see, I mean, there are positive things that keep us awake so I don’t want to put a blanket statement out there that it’s not positive or good because there is.  It’s just natural.  I don’t know; what is…it’s not…you could be up from FOMO, fear of missing out, but what would be a thing…’cause this is a positive reason you can’t sleep and I don’t want to get too deep into it but you know, if we have good feelings about it…what’s…can’t wait to get up to do something, missing out on sleep?  I don’t know, I’ll come back to it hopefully if I remember.  Can’t wait to get up, so CWT…country and western television…can’t wait to…GU.  I don’t know, I don’t have a notebook in front of me.

 

I may…but anyway, so whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m here to take your mind off of that.  What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna…I got a nice, safe place here picked out.  Oh boy, is it…I don’t know if this safe place is ripe.  It depends on what you mean when you say ripe, because if…what association you have.  You say is it perfectly ready for you to come and rest?  Yes.  Is it ripe?  You say no, it smells great, if that’s your ripe definition.  I don’t know who came up with that term though because you say no, no, no, that’s…you know what I mean?  They say oh, those…let’s…I’m trying to think of a neutral way to say it.  Those socks are smelling ripe, you know, that are in the hamper.  There’s a word that doesn’t get used as much anymore; hamper.

 

I wonder how the word hamper…it probably feels like a…what…I think this might be the proper use of onerous.  What an onerous job if you were a sentient being to be a hamper.  That’ll be another…To Be A Hamper.  It’s interesting ‘cause I’ve talked about Riveted or Rivet Head, the book by Ben Hamper.  Probably been like twenty or thirty years since I wrote that…read that book.  He was in the Michael Moore documentary Where’s Roger…or is it called…?  Roger and Me.  Where’s Roger Rabbit?  So, oh boy, let’s get back to a point, though.  Where was I?  Oh, I’m gonna create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake whether it’s thoughts, you know, things on your mind, physical sense…oh no, I talked about all that already.  Oh, I got a safe place set aside.

 

Now I’m trying to remember what I was supposed to remember.  That happens every intro.  Whatever; maybe I will remember it.  I don’t know.  But so, what I’m gonna do is I got a safe place here and just like I said, let’s get back there.  Then I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders which you’ve already witnessed a few, superfluous tangents.  One of those may have been a superfluous tangent, but whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m gonna try to take your mind off of that so you could fall asleep and yeah, I think that’s it.  Now if you’re new, a couple things you probably need to know right up front.  If you’re a regular listener, a couple things I want you to know; so glad to see you back.  You look terrific.

 

You’re getting ready to get rested there.  I can…the thing is, I see you already rested.  I see in your future you getting comfortable and cozy, even cozier than you are now.  Here’s yet another tangent; there’s a TV channel on the over-the-air thing called Cozi.  I think that’s the name of the channel.  I don’t know if it…I don’t think it has cozy type…it’s C-O-Z-I.  I would pronounce that cozy.  But I don’t think it’s strictly cozy subject matter.  I don’t know, I’ll try to check it later when I get a chance.  But so, where was I?  Oh, so…oh, if you’re new.  Hey regular listeners, excuse me; let me get to these great new listeners or potential listeners.  Right; you’re just testing the podcast out.  That’s the first thing to know; if you’re feeling skeptical or doubtful or confused about creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, that’s natural.

 

The usual piece of advice that most people that become regular listeners say is give it two or three tries.  I’m not gonna ask you to be open-minded ‘cause that really feels like that would get on my nerves if somebody said just be open-minded, okay?  About what, Cozi TV?  Well, I just want to see what’s on there.  I can’t…that’s open-minded.  I say what the heck they got on Cozi TV?  I’m guessing…I’m just guessing that it’s reruns of some kind, so then it would…yeah, I don’t know if I could keep it open-minded if it’s some sort of rerun that I don’t have any interest in even though…but I could try if you’re saying…if you said that, just watch it.  I know you don’t want to watch Big Wagons Rolling from 1955 or whatever, but just watch one episode and then maybe…after that is…I don’t know, Great Danes Talking to Fire Hydrants or something.

 

Is that a animated show?  I don’t know.  It could be.  But it’s a classic animated show?  Wait, Great Danes Talk to Fire Hydrants.  What would be the plot of an episode?  Well, I don’t know.  You’d have to check it out and see.  Okay, well, that sounds like appointment TV to me.  So if you’re new though, just kinda say hm, well, I’m not so sure about that; Big Wagons Rolling.  I’ve never…no offense to wagon-based TV programs or those kinda things.  I’ve just never been into them.  But yeah, sure, if you want me to watch one, I’ll give it a shot and see how it goes.  Particularly in this case ‘cause the podcast is more here to put you to sleep and the reason most people say that…most listeners, is ‘cause this podcast takes some adjusting ‘cause you say well, you don’t really watch it.  So, I don’t watch Big Wagons Rolling?

 

No, you just kinda…it’s just kinda there while you’re…it’s great for working.  You put it on and…is it like Little House on the Prairie?  Well, that’s the best part; without…it’s like Little House on the Prairie but without the distracting parts that make you want to watch.  You just kinda…it’s mostly them rolling in wagons and then they’ll stop, and then they’ll boil some water or do some gathering or mending or chatting.  So, it’s perfect for working, too.  It’s like a TV show…once upon a time it was designed to be watched.  Wow, this Cozi TV’s sounding cozier and cozier the more you make up stuff about it.  Yeah.  So, that’s the thing about Sleep With Me; you just kinda barely pay attention.  During the day you might work the Big Wagons Rolling.  At night you could listen to Sleep With Me.

 

So, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to.  It also doesn’t really put you to sleep, believe it or not.  It’s more here to keep you company while you drift off and that’s why the shows are about an hour, is they just give you plenty of time.  Then if you can’t sleep, I’ll be here to the end.  I’m here to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep.  I guess just like that TV show analogy; say that wagon’s rolling whether you’re watching it or not.  So, those are two important things.  The other things that throw new listeners off is…I mean, creaky, dulcet tones, my personality, my sense of mild humor, or just the idea…the whole concept of the podcast can throw people off, so I just wanted to tell you that if you’re feeling off, that’s normal.

 

Oh, but so to explain things though; [00:10:00] so structurally, if it throws you off…some common objections are okay, the show starts off with a greeting.  I think everybody agrees that’s nice.  It’s nice to be greeted and I try to greet everybody; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary and in this case bakers, ‘cause it’s a Great British Bake Off episode.  Then after that is business.  That’s how…and usually…actually, there’s only one company when I’m recording this, Helix, that runs ads in the beginning and then there’s usually something for our Patreon.  Somewhere in there I’ll talk about resources for you, the listeners.  So, that’s usually the business up front.  So, whatever, five, six minutes or something.  Then there’s…and that’s also full…I ramble even then.  Then there’s our intro.

 

Now, the intro, some people think it’s part of the business and it’s kind of…it’s like slow…like that wagon thing.  I can’t say it anymore but it’s just the beginning of the podcast.  It takes twenty minutes but that’s just because that…well, it takes me that long to explain stuff and I get mixed up and I get distracted but also…so, the whole idea of the intro…this is one of the few intros that serves two purposes.  Normally an intro would be like, in a radio station where they remind you…or a news where they say well, we’re at the top of the hour so in case you missed it or in case you don’t know what radio station this is because you just tuned in…or they say this is the podcast about…this is the wagon…what was…?

 

Big Wagons Rolling Podcast, the podcast where we talk about the greatest TV show from the 1950s and my favorite show, Big Wagons Rolling.  Hardy-har-har.  Now, let’s get to the episode.  Through the Crescent Valley: Part 1.  Then we’ll say…so, we’ll talk about our rewatch, then we’ll talk about ceramic-ware and that’ll be it for the episode.  We’ll have your calls calling the chuck wagon or whatever we call it at the end of the show.  So, get ready for Episode 2014 of Big Wagons Rolling.  I guess you couldn’t call it that so you’d have to call it Bragging on Big Wagons Rolling Cast.  So, that would be a normal podcast intro.  I mean, other than the subject matter; just the structure.  But our show is to put you to sleep, so the intro can kinda ease you into bedtime.

 

For a regular listener, ideally it offers you a place to sigh with relief.  You say okay, Scoots is gonna go off-topic again.  He’s never talked about Big Wagons Rolling.  He’s probably mentioned Cozi TV before and holy Michael Eisner, is that a case of made-up synergy with this imaginary show.  You say, is Michael Landon in that?  I say no, but Landon Jeffries was on Big Wagons Rolling.  He played Cal.  That was the first name that popped in my head.  He was on Wagon 47.  Whoa, there’s…?  No, there wasn’t forty-seven wagons.  That’s a whole…you gotta listen to one of the…you gotta listen to that Big Wagon Bragging podcast to find out about that.  Okay, so…but so, the intro though if you’re new, I just wanted to tell you that listeners listen to it to wind down.

 

Some people fall asleep during the intro but a lot of people listen before they get into bed or as they’re in bed easing into bedtime.  So, the intro gives you some distance from the day because at least for most of us that have trouble sleeping, it’s not just something you can turn on or off.  So, that’s the purpose the intro kinda serves, just to roll into bedtime slowly.  Roll you off into dreamland.  About 2% of people skip the intro and just listen to the story part and then another well, a couple thousand people just listen to story-only stuff on Patreon.  So, that’s the intro.  Then there’s business.  For regular listeners, that’s when your hand hits the fridge tomorrow or write yourself a note because if you’re asleep during that part and you miss it, that’s what’s…that’s what keeps the wagon rolling.

 

The reason that’s there is just, that’s how a podcast…that’s where the…it’s like…I don’t know, it’s just the podcast structure.  Then after that is our episode.  Tonight we’ll be talking about the Great British Bake Off and what happened in an episode.  You won’t miss anything, so you don’t need to watch the show.  Or if you’re a fan of the show, you’ll say…I mean, this…you say how many different ways can Scooter say Rahul?  I’d say I don’t know how many different ways can Noel say it?  How many different ways can Scooter say Noel?  I’d say Noel or Noel?  Two right there.  Rahul, Rahul.  I say well, it’s my…there’s actually a correct way.  I’d say you believe how many times I’ve…you believe me; I realize.  Yeah.  I apologize.  So, okay, what was my point?

 

Oh, so, we’ll talk about the Great British Bake Off, then we will…oh, then there’s some thank-yous.  So, that’s the structure of the show.  The reason I make the show is because I care, because I’ve been there.  I know how it feels tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, waking up, all those things; getting back to sleep.  So if I can help…while this podcast does not work for everybody, I really hope it can help you because the other side of it is you deserve a good night’s sleep.  You deserve a place where you could rest, where you can get some solace and some relaxation and recover from the day today.  If you do do that, and maybe you’re in a position where you start getting more and more rest, whether it’s because of this show or this show kinda spurred you on to have a more structured bedtime routine.

 

When you get more rest, our world is a better place because your world is a better place.  So, it gives me honor to be able to do that because you deserve…I prefer that you have a good night’s sleep versus the rigmarole that I go through sometimes.  So, that’s…so, those are the reasons I make the show and yeah, like I said, there could be…sometimes you can’t sleep because the…you say oh boy, is there a new episode…?  Well, one, you could not sleep ‘cause you say there’s a new episode of Big Wagons Rolling coming out.  It’s the holiday premiere.  You say, I thought that was from the 1950s.  Yeah, it was rediscovered in the archives of Scooter’s mind.  It was in a…crystallized in a piece of amber and they extracted it.  Oh, interesting.

 

But maybe the…it’s about a…the kids on Big Wagon Rolling because they’re going…after the Crescent Valley, they’re going to someplace called the North Pole.  It’s not at the North Pole but it was the first town…it’s called North Pole…I don’t know, North Pole, Wisconsin or something, or…yeah, North Pole, Idaho I think it was.  This was back whenever the…not the 1950s; in the…whatever.  I don’t know what year they were on the…Wagons Rolling but…and they go there and it’s like…you say wow, they even had that back then, a fake North Pole.  Open all year; bring the kids where Santa Claus is, there’s reindeer, there’s a slide.  I don’t know what other stuff they have but the kids on the great…on the Big Wagons Rolling, they can’t sleep because they know in the morning they’re gonna be pulling into North Pole, Wisconsin, Idaho.

 

Idaho, Wisconsin.  One’s a city, one’s a state, and one’s an imaginary name.  So, they’re up all night tossing and whispering; you really think we’re gonna be able…do you think Santa lets you sit on his lap?  Is there a set…?  Oh, boy.  They had this thing called hot cocoa there.  Holy cow, can’t wait.  So, do you think they leave milk and cookies out for Santa every night or what?  So, you know, we’ve all been there.  I mean, we haven’t been in that exact situation, so if I can help you with that too, that’s a positive when you can’t sleep.  There are people that listen to the show ‘cause of that, ‘cause they’re getting ready to do something or go somewhere or have a visit or big…something big going on.  I’m happy to help wherever I can.  I think that’s it.  I’m really glad you’re here.  I really appreciate your time and you coming by and I really work hard.  I yearn and I strive.  I really hope I can help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple of ways I’m able to bring you this podcast on the regular twice a week for free.

 

Alright everybody, it’s Scoots here and let’s see where we are.  [00:20:00] We’re talking…again, I’m loading up Netflix on my old tablet-poo ‘cause we’re talking about Pastry Week here on the Great British Bake Off Baking Show.  I’m getting it loaded here, then I’ll get my notes.  I just wanted to check in with you nice and early.  I’m also curious if I could just run this without having to…no, it’s interesting; it’s not…saying Scoots…oh, I know why, because…oh no, there we go.  Pastry Week.  Paul’s talking right now.  Gonna get my subtitles set up.  It opens again with…Noel’s coming out of a tent.  Sandy’s like, you awake yet?  He goes yeah, I’m just waking the bakers up.  There’s seven bakers in the tent.  Wasn’t there twelve?  Oh, Paul and Prue are in here.  Prue’s cooking breakfast.

 

Paul’s washing his car, so there’s water spraying out.  Then he says Sandy, how come you get to sleep in the big house and I’m in this tiny tent with everybody?  She goes well, I have a irony clause in my contract.  Then he says Rahul, cut it out; quit splashing.  Then we have the kinda talking heads thing.  This week is Pastry Week.  The bad boy of baking, Dan…we have a shot of Dan, thoughtful and staring out the tent.  Then we have swans and…walking in.  We have a bit of a contrast with people’s temp…internal temperatures I guess, ‘cause we have Jon in a Hawaiian shirt and shorts and then Rahul in a…with a puffy jacket.  He always has this kinda layered look which I really like, with a denim shirt and then a nice print shirt underneath.  Oh, Dan also has a strange hat that doesn’t match his shirt on.  Kinda matches Kim-Joy.

 

Kim-Joy’s talking…oh boy, Kim-Joy…guess it’s a little early.  I didn’t have this planned in my notes but I gotta talk about some of Kim-Joy’s…Kim-Joy has the style, so Kim-Joy has a necklace on that looks maybe like a whale, like a whale pendant, a pretty big one.  But the whale has white and pink and…could be another…oh no, I guess it’s a koi, maybe.  I don’t know.  Part of it is obscured by her blouse.  I don’t know what you call it, which again has a print on it.  I don’t know, is that a Victorian print?  I can’t see.  There’s somebody that looks like either a Victorian figure or Raggedy Ann and Andy, which I don’t think it is, rowing a boat.  She has on her cupcake pin and…oh, this is during the talking heads where they all talk about pastries.  I guess I was supposed to talk about that.  Pastry is not something Dan’s done before.

 

He has a shirt…well, I don’t have a good view.  Best of luck.  Smash it.  Kim-Joy’s like oh, Star Baker, well, what if I go back down?  That’s a little stressful.  Ruby says I’m starting off jovial…oh, at the beginning, but now it’s more serious.  Briony says I believe in myself.  I can produce something good.  It’s just whether it’s good enough, which is a good question…or way to look at a reality show.  They say hello, bakers.  Today for the signature challenge; sixteen-year-old pastry parcels…oh, a thousand years old.  That’s it…samosas.  Six sweet and six…swix savory, with a dip to complement.  Uniform, skillfully shaped, and beautifully presented.  Samosas in uniform, Noel says; I’m into that.

 

We might as well cover their shirts, Noel and Sandy’s, because he cracks everybody up when he says samosas in uniform even though I don’t get it, but that’s not important.  He has on a greenish…I guess a green…an emerald, I’d say; you’re right.  It’s an emerald shirt with hawks or raptors on it in different stages of flight and then as a contrast, Sandy has on a white shirt with kinda blue woodblock print look of bunnies, bunny rabbits.  So, I don’t know, I just thought that was important.  On your marks, get set, bake.  Let’s see, Dan and Ruby have never…no on samosas.  Do I make them?  No.  Ruby’s not into them, if she’s entirely honest.  Layers, textures, not bland.  Paul…pastries…this is what Prue and Paul are talking about.  Paul’s gonna look at the pastry.  How good are their pastry skills?  Is it light, thin, and crispy?

 

Then we see everybody doing oil, flour, salt, water.  Don’t overwork your dough.  Beautiful in its simplicity but hard to perfect.  Jon puts in too much water.  Tough dough, Ruby says, but you don’t want it to be soggy.  You want a flake and a bit of a bite.  Just as important as the dough…oh yeah, that’s what Dan says; don’t over development.  Oh, Jon’s up first.  He says flows like the shirt.  I don’t know what that means.  He says okay, my samosas are based when I first wooed my wife.  There’s some alliteration.  Cooked her a romantic meal.  They said, samosas?  He goes no, no, no, chicken and basil with white wine, so I’m doing chicken and pesto and then a orange and vanilla crème pâtissière for dessert.  Paul says okay, I like that.  Not as much as I like your shirt.  Thank you.  Then, oh, Noel says enough compliments.

 

He goes by the way, you got orange on your face.  Then Ruby’s up.  She’s doing traditional and simple; orange…almond for the sweet, simple flavor combinations, traditional samosas.  Savory spiced potatoes, peas, and onions, orange-infused date and almond with cumin for the dessert one.  She’s like, I have extra pressure to smash the samosas even though I don’t eat them.  Sandy goes well, I don’t make Danish pastries either, so…and she goes, people have lives, Sandy.  We don’t have time to make samosas.  Then Rahul’s up.  He says yeah, I did have a conversation with my mom about samosas.  She made some last night and she sent me pictures.  So, he’s making his mom’s style samosas, traditional from…a traditional one and then the sweet one’s gonna be ricotta, coconut.

 

Then Paul says we’re gonna be judging you in what’s your…but that’s nothing in compared to if you don’t make it good ‘cause your mom will be disappointed.  Then Noel goes, you know I’m your English mummy, right?  So don’t…you won’t disappoint me.  You’re a winner in mommy’s eyes.  I will say that on this episode he is on fire.  He’s cracking, cracking, cracking jokes, not in a way that interrupts, in my opinion.  Okay, then Briony; her husband is her baking advocate.  She’s doing a peanut butter cheesecake-type one for dessert.  Sandy goes, wow.  Beetroot and cranberry and spinach for the regular one.  Oh, Sandy…yeah, didn’t I say Sandy says wow?  She really likes that cheesecake flavor, Sandy does.  Then Manon’s doing chicken tagine.

 

Her mom usually would do one of those in the summer, and then a tarte tatin in her other samosa or something; apple and caramel.  Samosas for mom; paying homage to her mom, so it’s chicken, green olives, and lemon confit, and apples and caramel in the other one.  Then she says is the fryer making noise or is that Noel’s tummy?  If you watch it, he even looks at it before he starts cracking the jokes.  He goes yeah, it’s speaking to me.  Then we have Kim-Joy rolling out her pastry.  Wafer-thin.  Put it back into it…too posh, too posh, Dan says.  Using a pasta…oh, he’s using a pasta thing to do his samosa dough.  He said this is like the…his husband’s idea.  Cheese course at Christmas dinner.

 

Best of samosas, though; pear and walnut, savory, and then a caramelized banana and hazelnut or chopped banana and caramelized hazelnut.  But he’s having some dough issues.  He’s like I’m not sure; my dough’s tearing.  He goes, a bit of a schoolboy air.  It was in the machine for too long, so it’s overworked.  Then we go outside.  We see pheasants…I think a pheasant outside, walking through very picturesque…some lens flare.  Bakers are halfway through.  Sandy says Noel, tell them that.  Then she looks at his hair.  He’s got forty-seven hair chest…chest hairs.  Dan has to start batch number two; push on.  Difficult techniques.  Kim-Joy snips herbs…curse of the Star Baker.  There’s some pressure, huh?  [00:30:00] Then Sandy and Noel…somebody has sunglasses on and they say okay, half hour.

 

Is that before Kim-Joy?  Let’s see, Kim-Joy’s snipping.  She’s doing flavors of India; onion, chili, and paneer, crystallized ginger chai, and Granny Smith apples.  Oh, this is when they talk about the curse of the Star Baker.  Okay, here comes Noel and Sandy here, another outside shot.  Oh, a dog in…a dog statue with sunglasses.  He goes next week, he’s taking over for me.  Okay bakers, you got a half hour.  Oh, good lord, Dan says.  He’s trying to roll out by hand now.  Fry well, friends, Ruby says to hers.  Manon does 180 degrees, not all at once.  Start the dip.  There’s lots of trouble.  Jon swears, Paul grins at something, somebody’s syrup, and Dan’s kind of a mess.  Noel, egg foil, ten minutes.  Let’s see…let’s get ahead of myself and then go back.  Running…Dan face…Ruby; mom’s chutney.

 

Oh, let’s see, so Kim-Joy’s got some curdling, Briony’s got some over-boiling.  So does Jon.  Oh, that’s where he gasps.  Oh yeah, he says…oh wait, I can’t say that.  But Paul laughs.  Orange syrup was over-syruped.  That’s what makes…Dan says yikes.  Minutes to go.  Dan’s pastry has too much water.  Man, this was a tough episode to watch.  It was like the curse of Terry where…I don’t know if Dan got Terry’s spot.  Oh, Noel’s juggling eggs.  He drops one.  So, that’s ten minutes.  Kim-Joy…oh, she’s writing things on the…on hers.  Dan and Jon…paints a picture.  Oh, Jon says that to Dan.  Final touches.  Time is up.  Briony does a swish.  Dan starts ducking.  Let’s see, Rahul’s is coming out.  Dan’s grimacing, actually.  There’s Ruby’s mom’s chutney.

 

Briony’s doing…oh yeah, Pythagorean theorems ‘cause they’re triangles, Kim-Joy says.  Oh, Jon says Dan, your face paints a picture.  Manon frowns as hers come out.  Hers has exploded.  Dan still has to make a ganache while Kim-Joy’s frosting hers.  Rahul’s stressed as usual.  Briony’s spray-painting.  Everybody’s rushing.  Ruby…oh, these are the judging.  Ruby; beautiful, crispy, spicy, perfectly sweet.  She gets a handshake.  Dan; well done Rubes, he says.  Jon; quite soggy but delicious.  Sweet flavors are great.  Briony; so beautiful, pastry’s perfect, sweet too but a bit gluey.  But best-looking ones.  Oh, there’s a duckling out in the…maybe that’s what I put in my other notes.  Kim-Joy; Pythagoras, light but missing something.  Apple chai is lovely.  Dan; yours are hard to cut, tough, and then he says something.

 

They say when you’re…when you lie, your face gets red like leather.  Rahul; authentic.  Paul stares…is stress…absolutely delicious texture.  Melts in your mouth.  So moist.  Prue grabs him and he gets a handshake from Paul.  He says your mother will be proud.  Manon; they say yours are split and a bit thick.  Too much potato, too dry on the sweet one.  Disappointing.  So that was a rough round for Manon.  Let’s see, caramel’s too thick as a dipping sauce.  Disappointing.  Yeah, that’s what Prue says.  Jon or Dan say not like Manon to miss the flavor.  They say…Jon and Dan are saying anybody could go home.  Then we see a butterfly and a flower, or a moth, some tulips.  Manon’s saying not happy.  I’m gonna have to do good later.

 

Rahul says it’s great to be appreciated by Paul Hollywood, the way he does it by shaking your hand.  Ruby laughs, saying her hands were sweaty.  I had clammy hands when he gave me a handshake.  Should have toweled them off but I wasn’t expecting it.  Briony’s very happy she produced a signature…that looks really nice as opposed to being messy.  She says yeah, finally.  Dan says I gotta get in the top three in the technical, or the top.  He laughs; he’s nervous.  He must have had a bad week.  I mean, not just on this, I’m guessing.  You never know sometimes.  But really, I mean, I guess they’re just…the competition’s up, too.  Oh, then we had Briony’s dress.  I guess I’ll talk about it.  Thoughtful Dan; flavors…okay, so then they say okay.

 

Something about Manon and an English husband…what…folding back…Kim-Joy…hey, Mr. Handshake.  Noel and Briony, Paul who…walks out for Prue.  They’re doing puits d’amour, the well of love, as the thing.  Puff pastry, choux pastry, compote, and crème pâtissière in two hours.  Everyone makes a face ‘cause they have no idea what it is.  Get set, bake.  People are like, have you even heard of this?  No idea.  Let’s see, Manon says yeah, no, I’ve never seen this.  A fancy French pastry, 250 years ago…Jon says don’t even know what a well of love is.  Noel says well, it’s…thought be scandalous connotations.  This is funny ‘cause it’s like the Wind-Up Bird Chronicle but different; Jon says maybe it’s a well where you make love.  That didn’t happen in Wind-Up Bird Chronicle but there was a lot of wells in that book.

 

Then Paul and Prue are talking about how to make it perfect with the choux pastry and the compote and the crème pat, blowtorch at the top.  He says, I gotta try one of these.  Prue goes can you believe we’ve gotta eat seven of them?  ‘Cause I’ll probably eat them all.  Compote work.  Noel and Briony…so, this is just some of the stuff…Jon; don’t drink.  You gotta heat the stuff…the…whatever, the goop — I don’t know if that’s the crème pâtissière or the choux pastry — ‘til it burps.  Thick but…no idea.  Thick something.  No idea what it is.  Oh yeah, Noel says to Manon how come you don’t know what this is in France?  She goes oh, I’ve lived here for a long time, in England.  Then they…this seems a little bit quaint, I guess, saying how come you haven’t found a English husband?

 

Rolling is going on, layering techniques to give your puff pastry layers.  Tick-tock, tick-tock.  That’s what Manon says.  Kim-Joy puts hers in the fridge.  Oh, Sandy calls Rahul Mr. Handshake.  He goes, Noel already did that.  Then he’s asking Briony about her handshake.  Paul…Paul who?  Paul Hollywood.  Oh yeah, he’s alright.  He says well, just watch out for Prue.  Let’s see, yeah, they’re making the crème pat, making a compote, strawberry and raspberry compote, it looks like.  Kim-Joy says she’s feeling pretty confident.  Then there’s some egg separation going on.  Oh, Jon drinks his eggs.  I have this in the notes; I must be…I don’t know if I’m behind or in front of the show.  I guess I’m in front of it ‘cause yeah, now Dan’s heating it ‘til it burps.  Dan’s shirt is a cupcake and it says Tres Butch.

 

It was a smiling cupcake I think, or maybe it was a ice cream cone.  I think it’s a ice cream cone…cake cone.  Oh, Noel and Sandy…a hot cross bun.  Yeah, she’s doing one of those things where you…a picture puzzle…Toad in a Hole though; Noel’s guess.  She’s doing a hot cross bun but…make a choux.  Okay, everybody’s making their choux.  I don’t know what a choux is.  It seems like some sort of combination of flour and cream.  [00:40:00] But it could be a choux…a rue.  What is that called when you mix flour or…carrots, celery, and butter?  Is that a choux?  That’s different ‘cause this is a pastry, but…roll it out into rounds.  Piping; let’s see, how do you space it out?  Sandy and Kim-Joy are talking.  No idea.  Ruby says oh, fudge.  She says read, Rubes, read.  Noble sugar?  Something bake.  Fifteen…how long you bake it for?

 

Ten, fifteen, twenty?  Dan forgot to put the sugar on his, so he has to reopen his oven which can cause the things to collapse.  Let’s see, puffing up, over-watching, too much love to give.  Dan problems, Ruby takes hers out; hers are a little burnt.  We see a bird; a hawk or eagle in the sky, then a drone shot.  Hour left, nibbled sugar, and then as it gets close to the end, we have Dan from the beginning; he’s staring out in the rain, holding his face.  Five minutes.  Compote and cream over the top.  Then you brûlée the sugar.  Kim-Joy says she’s…I bought a blowtorch recently but I was a little freaked out by it.  Brûlée, rising music…bakers, that is the end.  Ruby and Dan stress, Jon seems pleased.  Sandy; please place your wheels of love behind your photos.  Then we have the bakers all sitting, the typical judging sitting shot.

 

Let’s see, some of them are coming out of the oven looking more like pretzel rolls just because of the shades.  Let’s see, frowns of bakers…frowns of bakers.  Hm, dark…not enough compote…that must be somebody’s thing.  Sitting bakers.  Let’s see, the shows just had Dan staring outside, now the assembly, the blow-torching, and the sugaring.  Oh, Jon’s quite pleased.  Dan is not.  Everybody places their things up there.  Now everybody’s sitting.  Most everybody’s frowning when the judges come out.  Six perfect puits d’amour.  This is a flacey puff pastry, rings of choux pastry, topped with crème brûlée pâtissière.  Crème brûlée pâtissière.  Okay, so Manon is one.  Quite dark, not enough compote or cream, or crème pat.  Aeration in the chew…choux though.  Crispy base, a bit dark.

 

Moving on; this one’s a bit more color.  Very good compote.  Fantastic aeration.  Oh, that’s Jon.  Kim-Joy; em, they say.  Quite that…painfully thin or something.  Flavor’s nice.  Quite flat though, that’s what they say.  Painfully thin.  Ruby; too soft when piped…well-piped, maybe.  Brown, so overcooked, maybe.  A little bit too soft when piped.  I can taste the burnt in that.  Rahul; original, not bad, dark but pretty good.  Quite firm crème pat.  Delicious, though.  Moving on; flat, it seems to have split, not cooked enough.  The choux’s not cooked enough.  No well.  I’ll eat some anyway, Prue says.  She says components are fine but the pastry, that’s a shame.  Last one is Briony.  Neat, nice color.  Taste is delicious.  Good piping.  So, then they do the things…goes…where’s Dan?

 

I have seven; Ruby, six; Jon, three…oh, five; Kim-Joy, four; Manon, three; Rahul, two; Jon, and one; Briony.  Maybe Dan came in…one, two, three, four, five, six.  I think there’s eight, though.  Yeah, I don’t know.  Sorry, Dan.  Briony does a…is so happy.  She goes, awesome.  Like, when they do the talking heads.  Well done.  All the elements…oh, this is when they were talking to Jon, though.  But afterwards, the talking heads, we’ll get to that part.  But Briony’s were uniform and delicious, so she’s happy.  Oh yeah, she claps.  She’s got a blue Band-Aid on this week.  I can’t believe it.  Never thought I’d come in first in a technical.  This is awesome.  Ruby says I can make…I eschew you.  I can make a choux.  I eschew you.  She’s really good on TV.  She really always has the things.

 

Manon says well, it went better than…she goes, so tomorrow I gotta keep getting better.  She goes, and then it’ll be fine.  Dan’s a little embarrassed.  Terrible day.  He goes, I need to have a drink.  He goes, I feel like I can’t bake.  Then we see the bees, the flowers, a bird in water or on top of the water, more flowers, and the walk back.  Just out of curiosity, just in case…I don’t know what the last walk back was but it’s Jon and Rahul side by side, Dan and Manon, Kim-Joy, Briony, and then Ruby last.  Then we have the table talk.  Soaring success of Briony.  Prue’s like jeez, yeah, I’m really happy.  I didn’t know if she was gonna last and now she’s in line for Star Baker.  Obviously Rahul is always there.  Sandy and Noel think about betting on different people.  Who’s in trouble?  Dan.  Surprising ‘cause Dan’s one of our top stars.

 

Manon had trouble with those samosas.  Ruby did bad in technical but she got a handshake in the samosas.  They go yeah, now we’re down to seven.  Wide open field.  Then we do the outside shot.  Hello, bakers.  Shape a biscuit sharing pie for your…a shaped banquet pie for your showstopper.  Tudor banquet pie, as a matter of fact.  They go, in the shape of a banquet?  No, no, not exactly; beautifully decorated, impressively-shaped sharing pie.  Hand-shaped, it’s gotta be, just like you would have at a Tudor banquet.  Any filling, any pastry, shaped by your own hands, though.  You got three and a half hours.  On your mark, get set, bake.  Then they have chopping and stress talk.  It has to be ornate like for a king or a queen’s table, by the way.  Juice can’t leak out.  Not dry or soggy.

 

When you use your hands, you can give it an artistic flair.  Ornate pie…Briony is gonna do the Mad Hatter’s hat with Alice’s legs sticking out.  Then they say what’s gonna be in there, venison?  They go, so you’re…I think Sandy says you’re putting Bambi in the Alice in Wonderland hat?  Savory pancakes…Prue’s a little bit worried about time.  She goes, get to work ‘cause you’re running…you gotta get to work.  Also, Briony has a Alice in Wonderland dress on with Alice, the white rabbit, cards, hearts, other card…symbols from cards.  A Down the Rabbit Hole banquet pie, so it looks like the Mad Hatter’s hat.  Rich layers of mushroom, sweet potato, and venison.  Sandy’s kinda dismayed.  Time is a gift, Sandy says.  Let’s see this, ‘cause I put…make sure to save it as a quote.  Prue says I’m worried about time.

 

Come on Paul, let’s leave the girl.  Good luck.  You’re late; you’re late for a very important…the hurrier I go, the behinder I get.  Oh, Sandy; time is a gift, every minute, every second.  Most of the bakers are sticking with traditional pie pastry that’s quick to produce…oh, but some people are doing a hot water pastry thing.  Oh, Kim-Joy, Dan, and Jon are doing puff pastry, the heavy metal of all bakes; Ozzy and Slipknot in a puff pastry, according to Jon.  The wait will be worth it.  Dan’s doing a fish scale detail, scale and tail, not sure.  Paul’s face says he’s trying to…is shaped like a fish with fish.  [00:50:00] So, Paul’s kinda making a face.  Layers of rice, smoked salmon, and an egg which does sound good, especially for brunch, maybe.  So, he goes I don’t know if it’s a good idea.  Then Kim-Joy’s doing Silky the Vegan Mermaid.

 

Again, Kim-Joy is just so delightful and so visionary as far…so creative, I guess, in a…mole…Noel…mole; Noel says he’s played a merperson before, a merman.  I think he says that he speaks mermaid or something.  But yeah, hers has got hair, everything.  She’s not afraid to use glitter.  It was gonna have veggie flavors, butternut squash, caramelized onion, feta, beetroot.  Oh, old Greg.  Yeah, that’s the merman.  Noel says yeah, it was a demanding role for me.  Then Jon’s doing a Welsh dragon pie.  Please something Welsh, Sandy says.  He goes yeah, fires comes from chili-infused…and it’s gonna be green, so everybody laughs at that.  He’s mashing and Sandy says what is that, a toilet brush?  He goes no, this is my masher.  Then we see a bird in the sky.  We go to Dan.  Louise end pastry…wait for it to chill.

 

Let’s see what this says.  Dan’s meat mincer.  The old meat wince…meat wincer.  A meat wincer is somebody…when…that’s me.  They call me the Meet Wincer.  When I meet someone, I wince just naturally.  Okay, so Dan’s waiting for his pastry.  Everybody just has…with their puff pastries is waiting for him to chill while everyone else is moving forward with construction.  Rye pancake for the bottom of the pastry to keep from leakage.  Helps with the moisture, Briony says.  Ruby’s adding in rice to keep out the soggy bottom.  Rahul is doing a butterfly with curry filling, the flavors I had as a child.  I’m trying to reciprocate it in my own way.  Butterfly pie that can fly twice as high, with lamb curry.  It’ll have beautiful colors, intricate shaping.  Oh, he’s making the tentacles.  Noel says tentacles?  He goes yeah, tentacles.

 

He goes, antenna.  He goes no, no, the ones they use for the nectar.  That’s a tentacle.  Noel goes no, it’s a tongue.  He says you say tentacle, I say antennae.  Let’s call the whole thing off.  He walks away.  Rahul frowns.  Then we go to Ruby.  She’s doing a crown with jewels and everything that she had seen a while ago.  Beneath the jewels of the crown; chicken curry, rice base, nigella seeds.  She’s doing some…what do you call that?  Rope work or whatever and so is Rahul.  She goes, I can’t believe this; I’m so sick of him being so good.  Noel spends a little bit of extra time there eating her curry.  He says oh, this is delicious.  Not what I expected.  It’s got a kick.  He goes, that’s good.  She laughs.  She says can you talk to me on your own spare time?  ‘Cause I’m trying to bake here.  No, she doesn’t say that.

 

I’m just imagining.  Jon; layers…Kim-Joy’s doing her layers, so they’re trying to do their folding and everything of their puff pastry, trying to go as fast as possible.  Paul’s staring at Dan.  Jon says Dan, are you okay?  He goes no, I’m still waiting, man.  Dan’s gambling on the perfect puff, so he’s going for a gamble for perfect…I gotta have it perfect and be impressive or else I’m out, so it’s a bit terrifying but I gotta go for it.  I don’t know if I’m gonna have enough time.  Then we see wheat outside.  Fighting for survival…Manon, she’s doing Poppy the Octopus.  She says I’m making Poppy, Poppy the Octopus.  It’s gonna have fish, scallops, salmon paste, and it’s gonna be like oh, what is Poppy eating?  Then they say hopefully it’ll keep her afloat for another week.

 

Then Paul says make sure it comes out the best you can make…how you want it to come out.  Then we see some parsley I think outside, wild parsley.  Bakers, you’re halfway through so if you’ve got a pastry that you need cooking, put it in the oven.  Baking, cooking, whatever.  What’s this show?  Am I in a dream?  I love you, Jon.  So like I said, he’s on fire.  That’s not even his last round of jokes.  Then the assembly’s going on for most people in the pre-baking assembly.  Some are going in the oven, starting the bake.  Poppy’s gonna go for an hour and fifteen minutes.  Oh, Briony forgot her steam holes which are important to get the moisture out so you don’t have a soggy bottom.  Noel says who’s your favorite baker, Rahul?  He goes, I’m not gonna tell you.  Jon?  He goes, I’m not saying anything.

 

He goes, what about Ruby and Manon?  He goes, I love them like sisters.  I can’t choose a favorite.  He goes, who’s your favorite?  Just like a older brother, kind of.  It’s pretty funny.  Then Sandy and Briony are talking and then the assembly’s going on, a little bit against time on the puff pastry people.  They gotta get it in the oven.  Kim-Joy gets hers in.  She’s turning it on.  Jon gets his in but Dan is still behind, humming with…he goes, hopefully I got time.  I don’t think I could handle messing up three in a row.  Paul’s watching.  They say Dan has lost track of time; forty-five minutes left.  So, he’s obviously got…he says, I’ve gotta get mine in but I still need one more piece for the back.  Yeah, he’s just off.  He’s just…have…has…he’s having a really off weekend.

 

Briony’s doing assembly, Manon’s…and Kim-Joy are watching their ovens.  Rahul’s pie is leaking.  It might be…it might mean it’s under-baked.  Ruby says I would ask Dan if he wants help but it would probably stress him out.  Jon says Dan, you okay?  He goes, I can’t imagine…yeah, I don’t know if…yeah, he goes I can’t imagine if Dan’s gonna be there.  Noel’s interviewing him and he goes by the way, you only have a half-hour, dude.  He goes, I’ll leave you alone.  So, Dan finally gets it in the oven.  Paul’s watching kind of gleefully, unfortunately.  Ruby’s decorating in the oven.  Briony’s making a croquet thing for hers.  Manon’s laughing and saying wow, that looks really good.  Then she says what if Poppy’s too simple?  Well, we’ll see.  Well done, Briony.  Briony says thanks.

 

Now, then they…this was at…so, if you’re English, let me know about this.  This is with thirteen minutes left; Jon and Noel are eating this candy.  Fancy a Flying Saucer?  Okay, they call it Flying Saucers and then they have some sort of fizz in the middle with a polystyrene flavor.  I’m on my space opera.  I got my flairs on.  Then Noel does it where he rips it open and just eats the candy.  That’s the way.  Then we see a squirrel, some more flowers.  Fifteen minutes, Sandy says.  Dan says oh, good lord.  Let’s see what else we have.  Noel; no…150.  Seasonal puff pastry; forty-four…oh, this was at forty-five minutes.  Fizz candy, fifteen minutes.  Poppy has exploded.  Poppy, don’t explode, Manon says.  Paul and Noel…or somebody; he’s on fire.  Oh, that’s at the end, we’ll do that.  Maybe that’s another one?

 

Another…I don’t know, I’ll see if I can catch his next round of jokes.  There’s a lot of leakage going on with everybody.  Dan’s stressed, his hands on his face.  Final decorations.  I’m doing it…a bit of a baby.  Can’t turn over…can’t turn the oven any hotter, Dan says, man, so I’m in trouble.  One minute.  Take the pie out now.  Final touches.  Dan’s really stressed, spray-painting his thing.  Time is up.  Ruby hugs Dan.  She says okay.  Everybody’s trying to do their final touch-ups.  Then there’s this funny thing with Noel I’ll do.  There’s a lot of liquid for [01:00:00] Jon’s, I just saw.  Right, my lovelies, time is up.  Ruby says yeah, Dan, yours looks good.  Off you pop, off you pop.  So, they send him out at first ‘cause I guess they gotta shoot the table…one more table talk.  There he is skipping out, a pie-skipper, Noel says.

 

Then he says and then there was just one, a man alone with his thoughts in a canvas tent in an empire of pastry.  Then he kisses the camera.  Then we see wheat against the moon or the sun and another flower, a rising shot of the flowers to the tent, then it’s time to face the judgment of Paul or Prue.  Kim-Joy; silky, so Kim-Joy.  Extra-thick which is worrying.  The onion works but it’s too soggy, as the judges…what they say, but it looked really good.  Ruby; good plating or whatever, where…whatever you do with that.  It’s held together lovely.  Really good; tasty, crisp, delicious.  Rahul; love the colors.  A little bit something…love that beautiful…perfectly balanced…perfect…beautifully cooked, perfectly balanced.  I think his was a little bit soggy, too.  Then Jon; they say the dragon must have lost the fight.

 

Where’s its wings?  Jon says not all dragons have wings.  Oh, really?  They say okay, this is like a monster sausage roll.  It’s delicious but a bit wet.  Dan’s; they say this looks like a monkfish.  Does not look appetizing.  It looks like raw fish and as a matter of fact, it’s not cooked.  It’s raw all around.  Paul says this is not a celebration of pastry.  For Manon’s they say it does not look like an octopus ‘cause it doesn’t have tentacles.  The paper’s stuck to the bottom.  Needed longer…too much salt, too salty and dry.  Then Briony goes; they go…they say you are a dark horse, Briony, playing croquet…oh, it’s…has playable croquet but whoever goes, I don’t know if it was Prue or Paul, you missed.  Baking…they say okay, normally with a big pie like this, it’ll flood out when you cut it, especially with whatever that is in there, but hers stays together.

 

Paul says well done.  They say a little bit too much venison.  Then she gives Prue a drink and they…Noel says pure Prue, man.  Oh, it was port.  Pure Prue with port, and she’s laughing.  They say you’re even Mad Hattery.  Then everybody claps.  They’re happy for Briony.  Useful feedback, Briony says.  Okay.  It would be amazing to be Star Baker, but we’ll have to see.  Manon’s a little bit stressed.  Wasn’t my week.  She goes if I get to next week, I’ll be happy.  I don’t know if I can speak on camera anymore, she says.  Then we go to the table talk.  We see the duck.  Really a celebration of Briony’s flourishing right now ‘cause they say jeez, Briony really stopped the show.  It was fantastic.  The whole Alice in Wonderland from one to eighty-eight was in there.

 

The shapes…she’s really…and then Rahul being…they’re in line for Star Baker.  Flavors are good.  Ruby’s was good though, too.  Her flavor combinations were right.  Baking was good but she kinda had to save herself.  Prue says yeah, not Star Baker.  Paul says well…they say what about Manon?  Too much salt, eh?  Yeah, that was the only one with the filling that didn’t work.  She’s in the danger zone.  Really disappointing.  They go, and the salmon, it was like an illusion cake but it’s real fish.  The pastry wasn’t good; I was disappointed ‘cause he’s been so good.  He was even Star Baker.  They say yeah, he’s got a gift.  He could be at the finals.  This is a rough one because…we come back.  There’s hand-holding, a pastry-filled week.  One person really impressed, and we get the face shots of everyone’s faces.

 

Stellar performance.  I’m delighted to say Briony’s our Star Baker.  She laughs.  She closes her eyes when she laughs sometimes which you could say oh, she’s really happy.  Everybody else is clapping for her which is really nice, and patting her.  Then Noel says I got the horrible job.  Holy moly, he looks like he’s gonna cry, even.  We can’t believe it, except that I’ve seen this episode like, four times, so I can…just because I’m disappointed to lose Dan.  I’m not disappointed in Dan.  I just think I’ve had weeks like this.  Everybody’s giving him hugs.  They say you had a great run.  We can’t believe it ‘cause we had…at least in my mind, I said I had Dan making it to the finals for sure, winning.  He goes but this is a bad week.  Wouldn’t have taken Nostradamus to figure that out.  Him and Kim-Joy have a moment.

 

Dan kinda puts it…he goes you know…let’s see, let’s quote Dan directly ‘cause it’s so beautiful what he says.  He says you know, I had some good moments and I was a stay-at-home parent.  Sometimes you don’t get to feel special or important, so it’s been quite nice to do something nice for me.  Then there’s a long pause on his face which, you know, you get emotional.  Prue says it’s a pity.  You’re a great baker.  Paul says pastry can be tricky and that was probably Dan’s Achilles heel.  Jon says man, I can’t believe you’re going, mate.  Paul says Manon, you gotta do better.  She goes yeah, no pressure.  Then they say great job, Briony.  Very proud.  Prue loves Briony, so she goes such a pleasure to see her bloom.

 

Prue must be an amazing person because…just the way people talk about her when they don’t…when she’s not around.  I mean, maybe I’m projecting.  Then Briony calls her family.  They’re so happy for her.  They say well done; her mom, well done, mommy.  That’s how it ends.  Quite a good episode.  That’s the end of Pastry Week.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

 

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