960 – Desserts Week | Great British Baking Off to Sleep S9/C6 E4

Episode 960 – Desserts Week | Great British Baking Off to Sleep S9/C6 E4

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, and in my book, every baker here is a Star Baker.  You’re my Star Baker.  Get ready, get set, and it’s time for Sleep With Me patrons, the podcast you empower to put you to sleep.  What do you say we get on with the show?

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake.  It could be thoughts you’re thinking about or things on your mind, could be feelings or physical sensations.  It could be changes in time or…so, things on your mind, obviously, things you’re feeling physically or emotionally or notice…that are impacting your sleep, I guess, or changes or just stuffing, stuff.  You say I don’t know what it is.

 

That’s what I…sometimes I say well…temperature; oh, boy.  So, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m gonna try to be here to take your mind off of that.  What I’m gonna do is I got a safe place here.  It’s been a few intros for me where I’ve said a safe place; I’m gonna smooth it, I’m gonna pat it down, I’m gonna rub it, I’m gonna say safe place, and raise my hand.  Like, when I say that…smooth it, pat it, rub it down.  But yeah, I’m gonna say…I have a place set aside for you and prepared.  Or you say well, I…I’m a minimalist for my safe places.  I say wow, cool.  Can we talk about that in a little bit?  So, whatever’s keeping you awake…oh, what I’m gonna do, though, after I establish that safe place — and if you’re new, it’s really my job to earn the safe place — but what I’ll do is I’ll send my voice across the deep, dark night.

 

I’ll use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.  So, I’m gonna go off-topic and get mixed up, so that’s something.  Filler words just like that, I’ll slow down, I’ll get…like, I guess I…yeah, I get confused.  I get mixed up.  I can’t keep up with my thoughts and then…my thoughts go from not able to keep up with them to then bare…they go to a standstill.  I don’t know what’s up with that.  I say you’re just run…what, do you need a little break?  Yeah.  I don’t even know what I’m…yeah.  Well, you were just running around.  Maybe my thoughts are like a little kid.  You know when a kid does that and then they’re breathing heavy and they say yeah, yeah…yeah, what were you doing, just running around there?  Yeah.  I was running around.  Now I’m standing here catching my breath.

 

But the only difference is when a kid does it, it’s kinda cute most of the time, unless you’re trying to go somewhere or you say well, I just put that suit on you and…but in this case it’s in my brain where I’m trying to…I say well, I’m trying to go to sleep actually, so if you could not…or I’m trying to do a sleep podcast, so if you could…I don’t mind you moving but if you could just move at a slower…not so erratically, I guess is what I’m saying, though I appreciate your…I appreciate…what was the…we had a joke a long time…so, once upon a time…so, most of you have heard of the band U2, though for a lot of you, you say well, that…is that a…that’s a classic rock band, right?  I say yeah, I guess apparently it is.

 

But what…then…you say…there’s a song; She Moves in Mysterious Ways that U2 sings, and I can’t remember…this is at least four or five years ago.  I used to say Scoots moves in superfluous ways.  He had another one though, but what was the one I…what was that vocabulary word I was just using with that part of my brain?  Erratic ways.  Scoots moves in…that’s not as flowy or prosey.  I mean, I guess erratic ways…I don’t think it was superfluous ways but I guess I do.  Can you move in a superfluous way?  If anyone can, I can.  I can try.  Oh, goodness gracious though; new listener, I’m so sorry.  I was just moving around in…I was moving around superfluously and erratically.  So, if you’re new, let me give you some information.  I’m glad you’re here.  Clearly you’re…this is a different podcast.

 

You already realized that, so I want you to know a couple other things.  This podcast is best if you just barely listen to it.  Like, if you’re waiting for me to make sense or get…be charming or have a comforting voice…some people feel like that but if you’re not sure yet, you may…it may…it’s better if you just kind of release your grip on normalcy.  I guess that would be it, is expect some soft, erratic behavior from me.  I’m much more of a soft erratic than a sharp-edged running around.  Like that kid; you say were you running in spirals?  Yeah, I was running in spirals.  It was nice, huh?  Yeah, I really liked that as opposed to like…more like side-to-side.  Yeah, it’s comforting.  Did you notice I did it in a…for a little while in a counterclockwise and then clockwise?

 

They weren’t…I guess they were spirals, kind of; loops…ovular…I move in ovular ways and spherical ways.  Can you move in a spherical way if you’re just on the ground?  Yeah, when I was jumping up; that’s when I was…I was jumping up like I was running on a sphere.  Technically, we’re on a sphere so whenever I run, I’m running on a sphere in a spherical way.  Well, you got me there.  You totally do, kid running…running kid inside me.  Yeah, you better get back to that intro.  The new listeners are listening.  I don’t know; there’s something about your breathless voice that really is innocent and comforting to me, so maybe you could take over.  Yeah, but I don’t know if anybody’s gonna like it.  But so, okay, so yeah, don’t really listen to this podcast.

 

Just barely listen to it, just like if you were out running with me and we were kinda listening to the noises the bugs are making in the trees far, far away, not anywhere near where you’re sleeping…or the wind is making up in those trees.  You know, those kinds of sounds that just drift into the background.  That’s what this podcast should do.  Then that’s one thing, so it’s a podcast you don’t really need to listen to.  Also, this is a podcast…what’s the other thing, Scoots?  Thanks; you want me to take back…?  Yeah, I’m out of breath.  Thanks for taking back over.  I’m gonna go run around some more.  Okay, I’ll see you.  Do you want to take…I have some orange Kool-Aid here ‘cause I think I like it when I ran around and I had orange Kool-Aid on my face and my chest without a shirt on.  Just reminds me of being a kid.

 

Okay, maybe later.  I gotta run.  Okay, I’ll see you.  So, yeah, don’t…barely listen to me.  This is a podcast you don’t really listen to.  It also barely puts you to sleep.  It’s kinda more here to keep you company as you drift off at your leisure so if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here for an hour to keep you company and whether you’re awake or asleep, or you wake back up and then if you need me you could play me for eight hours or ten hours, whatever you need to do.  But you’ll kinda find your way.  The other thing is…and this isn’t…really, there’s no gain for me by telling you this other than almost every listener tells me; it takes two or three tries to get used to this show.  There is a percentage of people that immediately strongly dislike the show and that’s just part of making stuff.

 

That’s a reality, and there’s some people that like it right away or fall asleep right away.  But for the 90% of listeners, this is very different, so it takes two or three tries to get used to it.  It may take two or three try…I guess if you give it two or three tries, you’re really trying, so if you don’t like it after two or three tries, I will give you applause.  E-mail me or something so I can applaud you…versus the people that have strong…they listen to ten minutes and then they let me know strongly how they feel about me, which I say great; I totally…I mean, I don’t respond to those because I say well, okay, yeah.  I realize this podcast does not work for everybody, so I’m here to help who I can but for most people it ends up helping…I guess that was my point; give it two or three tries.

 

There was a recent review that someone said they gave it a bunch of tries and then it worked, and then there’s a common thread among reviewers…like, one out of every hundred says I listened to the podcast two years ago, absolutely strongly felt I did not like it, and then two years later I said well, let me give it one more try and then I realized oh, [00:10:00] it’s…he really is that little kid running around, and there’s something there that’s not there to pay…there’s something there if I’m not looking.  So, I guess my point is just see how it goes.  Oh, structure of the show; okay, so that’s the next thing that throws new people off so I want to tell you about that, and I want to remind all the regular listeners; what up, regular listeners?  How’d you like that part where I was running around?  Did you like that?

 

Let me know ‘cause yeah, hi regular listeners; it’s me.  I’m gonna run around some more, slowly.  Don’t worry…in a slow motion way for the rest of the…okay, I’ll see you.  Okay.  Okay, so structurally what to expect; the show starts off with a greeting.  Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, and Star Bakers in this case.  That’s so you know you’re welcome.  Then there’s business.  That’s how we’re able to bring you this podcast twice a week for free instead of part of a service.  Then there’s the intro, so the business throws some people off but the intro can really throw a lot of people off.  The intro’s around twelve to twenty minutes long but it’s kind of its own sleep podcast really, because I mean, where else are you gonna get a part of us that’s all…for a lot of it’s very familiar, that running around kid?

 

Breathless running around kid.  You say well, that is…there is something soothing in a…when a kid that’s just barely out of breath; not fully.  You say yeah, but you can’t really…that’s just the stuff that comes up in the intro but the real purpose of the intro is to ease you into bedtime, just like this kid, and now that they’ve run around…now they’re sitting under a tree there and their breath has returned to normal and they’re look…they have a book in their lap and they’re kinda looking through the book at the pictures and they’re not even reading it because they’re winding down.  For Sleep With Me, the intro gives you a chance to get some separation from the day, whether it’s part of your wind-down routine, whether you’re listening before you get in bed, whether you’re listening during the day for a break.

 

Whatever it is, the intro just gives you a little buffer and ideally is a nice landing strip for bedtime.  But yeah, it does go on and on and on and on, so some people are like when does the show start?  I say well, technically it already started.  It’s just slow-moving and pretty senseless.  So, that’s the intro.  Then there’s business.  That’s part of the podcast structure.  Then there’s the episode.  Tonight we’ll be talking about the Great British Bake Off baking show which is what I should have been calling it all along, and then there’s thank-yous at the end.  So, that’s the structure of the show.  The reason I make the show; one, you deserve a good night’s sleep.  You deserve a place of respite and if you get the sleep you need, the world’s gonna be a better place.  It’s really that simple, right?

 

So, if I can help with that it would be my honor because if you’re rested, my world’s a better place.  You say well, it’s incremental.  I live in Shanghai and…or wherever you are in the world and you say how’s that…I say it does.  A tiny bit of betterness in the world is better for everybody.  We know that’s true.  But also, the other reason is I’ve been there.  I know how it feels tossing, turning, mind racing, so if I can help, I can relate to what it feels like when you’re not…when you’re tossing and turning.  So, that’s important to me.  I think that’s it.  I mean, I’m glad you’re here.  I work really hard.  I yearn and I strive and I really want to help you fall asleep.  Thanks again for coming by and here’s a couple of ways we’re able to bring you this podcast twice a week.

 

Alright my bakers, it’s time to talk about Desserts Week.  I’m just getting it going here.  It says Desserts Week.  It’s a sweet week for the remaining contestants, with rolled meringue, jiggly gelatin, and a mesmerizing chocolate masterpiece that melts away.  Let’s see, it’s rolling here.  I got the subtitles on and I got my notebook.  I’m here to talk to you about Desserts Week.  It starts off…oh, I was…I said what’s Channel 4 and Love Productions?  I have to look that up at some point.  They have the teaser, stress, and work…work, sprays, globes, and…just noticed something on Noel’s shirt; almost called him Julian again.  Custard pie…oh, this opening is a custard pie-in-the-face opening.  Paul run…oh, there’s also autumn colors and then we start with the talking heads.  I’ll bounce back, though.

 

There’s the…oh, there was a…what was that, a rabbit or a squirrel on the fence?  Let’s see, Great British Bake Off baking show.  It is a squirrel running on the fence.  There’s sheep.  Noel has a pie and an amazing shirt.  Sandy’s asking him well, you…Paul got one in the face last year.  She goes to throw it away.  She puts it in Paul’s face and then oh, Noel and Sandy run off, then the bakers walk down the stairs.  We do the talking heads; Briony’s a little worried, scraping through every week.  Ruby wants to have one.  Manon’s like, so far I’ve dodged disaster so hopefully it’ll continue.  Jon’s like, this is competition.  Dan is strong.  Rahul’s definitely strong.  Let’s see what else we have here.  Autumn colors, talking heads, Manon has a Eiffel Tower shirt.  Sandy has a Popsicle sweater.

 

What am I supposed to talk about?  Oh, 2:01…so, Terry’s out this week which is interesting for the rules.  In mug…better way…oh, to have…oh, this was great.  Did I already miss that?  Yeah.  Did I miss it?  Oh yeah, it said two minutes.  He has…our buddy Rahul says…he’s like, what better way to start the day than with a glass of milk?  Then he drinks it on screen.  Then they say oh, Terry is poorly, so he’s not feeling good.  So, on with something.  Filling enclosed…oh, this is a rouland thing.  On with the challenge, Sandy says.  Meringue roulade.  Family size, melt-in-the-mouth meringue.  There you go.  It has to be encased…perfect swirl.  Also, Sandy has a…I didn’t realize her collared shirt is the reverse of her Popsicle sweater, and I guess at some point I’ll pause it on Noel’s shirt.

 

So, then we have two quiet separating eggs sequence.  The yolk has problems, sugar…we’re looking for a great roulade.  Beautiful spiral.  The bakers really have to think about the balance of flavors.  Gotta get some acidity.  Sharp fruit, good curd.  Come on, have some good curd already, ‘cause meringue is very sweet.  Nowhere to hide, Paul says.  Then we see some flowers.  Dan’s mixing some egg whites.  He’s getting his meringue.  Kim-Joy is going for a more stiff, glossy meringue.  No undissolved sugar.  Manon’s heating up her oven.  They ask okay, so how are you making it?  Well, I heat the sugar in the oven ‘cause it dissolves quicker in the egg whites, so hopefully I’m guaranteeing a good meringue.  Cherry rouland…sweet something, sweet soaked cherries or something.

 

Then, oh, they smell something; almond kernels from her thing.  They say have you done this before?  Never made a meringue rouland before.  Paul says mm, interesting.  Briony does a double-take, then Briony’s slowly adding sugar to her egg whites.  She’s making a treacle tart, her husband’s favorite, but in a rouland.  So, it’ll have some mascarpone cheese, fresh figs and pears, three figs, or three pears.  Paul bites into a pear.  He loves pears, I guess, apparently.  So does Noel.  He says they’re underrated.  Who’s the press officer?  They need more attention.  What else do we got?  Pecan something.  Like clouds, a dream…they’re moons.  Oh, this is Kim-Joy’s stuff.  Her meringue’s like clouds.  Makes you think of dreams.  So, she’s doing a dream-themed Sleep With Me thing.

 

Sweet dreams rouland with moons and stars, passion fruit curd.  They say what do you dream about?  She goes well, last night I woke up at eleven.  Noel says well, I had a dream I was playing with Sandy.  She was a bull and I was helping her dance.  Then Jon’s spreading his meringue around.  He prefers using a sheet to tins; gives it a more rustic edge.  He goes, you use the word rustic, you could get [00:20:00] away with anything in baking.  He’s also making mango spheres.  He’s spherical.  I said, I move in spherical ways, Jon; did you hear that?  Mango spheres; a sphere…spheres…spherification, he says.  They say good luck, ‘cause we don’t even know what you’re talking about.  No room for error.  Too long, it’ll be too dry.  Too under, it’ll collapse.  It has to be slightly rollable.

 

So, it’s a little warning sequence.  Now harder…Rahul’s stressed.  Ruby; too much booze.  Then they say dude…Rahul, how’d you learn to…your knife skills?  He goes, TV and YouTube.  I think Sandy asked him that.  Treacle tart filling.  Not too runny.  You want to make sure it’s just right.  Dan is inspired by his trips to the Florida Keys.  Cocktails, lime curd is gonna be the star.  Then Ruby is inspired by going out and having pina coladas in Liverpool when she lived there.  Noel says small world; Paul just bought me one.  True story.  He says it in a way it’s like…that it sounds like it’s not a true story but he says he just bought me one the other day.  I said where were…at the hotel bar?  Like, where are those two hanging out?  Rhubarb and custard for Rahul.  Grown into liking the root taste of rhubarb after a party.

 

He has some Star Baker stress from winning three times in a row.  Noel says if you win again, I’m…you’re gonna carry me around on your shoulders.  Karen goes back to another holiday theme.  She says yeah, remember, I love…coffee creams and hazelnut pralines are the two fastest things that go when you get a box of chocolates at my house.  It’s gonna have whiskey filling.  She puts the curd in the fridge.  Then we get the halfway mark.  Fifty-two and a half minutes some…left.  Oh, I’m supposed to pause it at ten minutes.  That’s oddly specific.  Oh, to talk about Noel’s shirt.  Let me just look up here.  So, let’s see; Ruby’s pina colada, roasted pineapple.  Make sure you have one for me.  Rhubarb; it’s getting cooked up there.  It was too sharp originally in its flavor but then I had rhubarb and custard, so it was one of the first British flavors I’ve grown into liking.

 

Also, his has these kisses that look like a holiday Hershey’s white chocolate and peppermint kisses but they’re made from meringue, so don’t…they’re not chocolate kisses.  He says yeah, you’re gonna get my…maybe I could talk about his shirt now.  Well, now I can’t see it.  Karen’s working.  Karen really does a good job with her glasses; contrasting in a positive way with her outfits.  Like, she has a mustard sweater and then a…not a sky blue glasses frame but let’s see, now she’s…I’m just seeing her custard.  She also has a pin on or whatever…yeah, I don’t know what you’d call it.  I think you call it a pin.  Okay, yeah, now here’s the halfway-through point.  So, I just noticed recently on Noel’s shirt is…he has…there’s a crab.  It’s some sort of…it’s a print shirt, very funky; long-sleeved.

 

The background overall is a dark navy or black.  At first glance you’d say okay, it’s some sort of funky Hawaiian-style shirt.  Or then you say maybe it’s a universe.  But if you really start to study it, you realize it’s happening under the sea, so there’s a crab, there’s coral, there’s a lobster, or a koi.  So, it’s like an aquarium shirt.  It’s very complex; meant to be savored because you say at first glance it’s just a cool shirt.  Then you say well, is that the universe?  Is that a disco shirt?  Very nice colors and I think very…looks good on him.  Goes with his hair and stuff like that.  Okay, nice, crispy coating, creamy center, so double alliteration there.  People cheering on their baking, rising, rising.  Hope it tries…does not crack too much.  Look how lovely.  It’s talent; I think Dan says that or somebody says that when they’re rolling theirs.

 

Cool…Dan; so close.  Don’t rub…haven’t got Star Baker yet.  Oh yeah, Dan and…it looks like Dan and Ruby are joking around.  I’m gonna let this bad boy cool for a bit.  Oh yeah, Noel says how come you’re not Star Baker?  He says don’t rub it in.  He goes, so close.  He goes well, I’m not gonna get excited.  Then they’re talk…they say that guy over there, he’s all that stands between you and Star Baker, but you’re doing well.  He goes well, does anybody think of me?  Noel says I do.  Well, you and me outside, half an hour left.  Squidges; there’s a nice word, squidges out, Dan says, if you do it the wrong way.  People are coating their squares, then the dreaded roll sequence…as…technique called hope.  That’s what somebody says; it’s a technique called hope.  Tight swirl, so decadent.  Not good…roll, baby, roll.

 

Oh, Jon says technique called hope.  Dan’s rolling his.  Oh, nice little roll, a little beaut.  Oh, no.  Stop moving.  Too much…oh, two minutes.  Pretty piping; there’s another nice alliteration.  Baking at my level…Sandy…’cause Sandy…I think Sandy and Kim-Joy…somebody’s down low, sitting down, and Sandy says now you’re baking at my level.  Something the zoo…looks like it was…I’ll see what it is coming up here; reverse something.  And breathe, someone says as they’re trying to…oh, Manon’s is falling apart or it’s cracked, her rouland.  Stop moving.  She’s the one that says stop moving.  Okay, ten minutes and leakage out the side.  Neaten it up with some pretty piping.  Oh, just cover it up, the crack.  Come on.  Put some cherries on top; improv, improvisation.  Oh, it’s Kim-Joy.

 

Kim-Joy is decorating her cookies down low and Sandy says oh, this…I’ve been down here my whole life.  Oh, and then Noel goes up to Ruby; he says your rouland looks like a caterpillar I saw at the zoo, an exotic one.  Looked a bit like that wasn’t healthy.  Dan finds that hilarious.  Jon’s mango spheres…something, I don’t know.  Basically is a jelly sweet.  I don’t know.  Reverse spherification.  One minute left.  Stop moving.  Oh no, we already said that.  Everybody’s…this is like the final sequence.  Gold leaf…too much is not enough.  Some people still have stuff in the fridge.  Kim-Joy is really shaking.  Voila; time is up.  Flowers, rouland…Ruby says scindrilla…sicladrilla…cyndrilical pray…fold and swirl…oh, these are the reviews.  Let me…hold on, I’m ahead of myself.  There’s a little duckling swimming in the pond.

 

It was playing with some grass.  Yeah, now we have the judgment.  Oh, they even have to say Rahul, time’s up.  Okay, so Ruby, they say very cylindrical.  That’s the word; cylindrical shape of it all the way.  She’s praying.  They take it.  It’s got more of a fold than a swirl.  Beautiful and light, though.  Fantastic flavor-wise.  So, one for Ruby.  Kim-Joy; dreams, passion…hello.  Prue says exquisite piping but the inside is a little bit clumsy and thick.  Flavor’s lovely.  Theme’s good but…so, you go to sleep and you wake up.  The passion follows.  That’s what Prue says.  Everybody laughs at that.  But yeah, so Kim-Joy; mixed results, I would say.  Clumsy rouland.  No spiral.  They like the passion fruit curd but next time, thinner meringue.  Then Manon’s; hers broke apart.  Broken up a lot; that’s a shame.

 

Two cherry, good balance, really a good idea but my mouth’s watering.  Tastes lovely.  Then Rahul; lots of great kisses.  Looks good all the way down.  He says thank you.  I’ve got massive meringue with a little fold, though; no [00:30:00] spiral, buddy.  Star Baker…I say meringue’s a bit chewy.  You didn’t bake it long enough.  Bake it a little longer but you’re interior’s delicious, the sharpness from the rhubarb, so it tastes good.  So, safe but not out of the park.  Karen; pretty sad and flat.  So soft it collapsed.  Underdone meringue.  The swirl’s there but the inside’s so soft that it collapsed, yeah.  Let’s see, Dan; love your decoration.  Very neat.  Neat as a pin, I think Prue says that.  Good spiral.  Wonderful, fresh.  Balance is good.  Something else…flowers, the decorations.

 

Paul doesn’t say anything; he just gives him…oh, he says you do have a spiral.  Good one.  He handshakes Dan, so everybody claps, is happy.  Briony, she has seepage.  Cylindrical but lost the spiral.  Flavors are great but seepage; that was another word I marked.  I really like that word.  Jon; his looks great but it’s a bit of a spiral.  He gets a handshake, though.  Is that right; Deck?  There’s no one on this show named Declan, right?  I don’t think, ‘cause I have something that looks like Declan’s passion fruit celebrations, handshake.  So, we’ll see.  I’ll keep an eye on it.  Oh, he gives a high five with Manon.  He’s so happy.  So is Dan.  Kim-Joy’s sad, you know.  Karen says she’s at the bottom of the class.  Could be curtains for me.  Okay, well, let’s see what Jon’s saying.

 

Duckling…that’s when the duckling…so, we see the duckling twice; before the judging and after it.  Now the duckling is playing with the…spherification; perfect.  Nice little touch, that.  Delicious.  You really got a good flavor coming through.  Sharpness, celebrating the fruit.  He gets a handshake.  Oh, handshake…Deck…I don’t know what Declan’s is but he does get a handshake.  That’s one of the things I wrote.  So, he gives a high five and then we have the duckling.  Then it’s not gonna be easy ‘cause it’s time for a 70s classic, and Noel says Starsky and Hutch?  They say follow the recipes.  Something I’ll have to look up.  I gotta look…blancmange, raspberry blancmange with a wobble.  Then some langues de chat biscuits.  A lot of people…somebody says I don’t have the foggiest idea.

 

So, it’s not gonna get any easier.  Your technical challenge is…Prue…70s classic.  She fixes…her glasses are two-toned.  Normally this would come in packet form but you’re gonna make it from scratch, Prue, right?  She says yeah, follow the recipe.  Dan, he says well, that’s helpful.  Off you go.  Okay, retro-classic, the blancmange.  Raspberry blancmange with a wobble.  Blancmange…mange.  Langues de chat biscuits…identical.  You have two and a half hours.  On your mark, get set, bake.  So, it’s kinda like some sort of gelatin dessert.  Okay, where…a wobble.  Haven’t the foggiest.  Ruby says that.  So, twenty-five minutes?  Is that all they have?  Everybody starts racing.  Maybe they have two and a half hours.  I don’t know.  Then they show Paul and Prue having it.  He used to have it at school, so they had school desserts.

 

That’s what my daughter said; school desserts.  He goes why would you make this, Sandy?  Or, yeah, Prue?  She goes well, ‘cause it’s…this is more like panna cotta, not some store-bought kit.  She goes, it’s got a nice hit of raspberry.  You’re gonna use gelatin to set this, so you’re under pressure ‘cause you only have two and a half hours and it needs two hours to freeze and chill.  Butter biscuits look really good with a blancmange.  Biscuits provide the crunch.  So, we have gelatin, retro, kind of 70s.  Yeah, Paul didn’t like it when he had it at school.  Then we get a fruit puree sequence, custard-making, blooming gelatin leaves.  Three hundred mils of double cream, somebody says.  Looks like a brain.  Into the mold.  How does it come out?  Where is my freezer?

 

So, people are trying to get theirs done fast ‘cause I don’t know if they know they have to have it in there for two hours, but…so basically you have thirty minutes to make this thing in a perfect world.  Instead of blooming onions, blooming gelatin.  Almond extract.  Yeah, three hundred mils of double cream.  I don’t know what double cream is but it sounds creamy, you know?  One hour in the freezer, one hour in the fridge.  Blanc the…or, the cat’s tongue; is that what those biscuits are?  Ruby calls…Dan tattle-tales.  How long?  How long do we bake it for?  Cats’ tongues and coffee.  What could be better?  Won’t green…perfect moment.  Mama goes…more frozen.  Biscuits out of oven.  Let’s see if I can make any sense…a multitude of something, Karen says.  Langues de chat; cat’s tongue.  Langues de chat; cat’s tongue.

 

Everybody knows it now.  A lot of people don’t know what they’re supposed to look like ‘cause they never made it before.  Langues de chat mixture; no method, just the ingredients.  It’s really tough.  Gotta pipe it and bake it now.  Oh, Dan says this…my batter looks good.  No peeking, Ruby.  Pipe twelve identical fingers.  Everybody’s trying to get them identical.  Wow, I never…I’ve never piped anything.  I don’t have the patience for that.  They say thanks, Prue.  Okay, maybe a few minutes?  I don’t know.  A hundred sixty at ten minutes?  Who knows?  There’s the cat’s tongue in the…cat’s tongue and coffee.  That’s all we eat in France.  Okay, melt the white chocolate.  Green cocoa butter, add that to the mint.  People say well, I don’t know about green food coloring.  Then they’re halfway through.

 

Important moment; you gotta check your blancmange and choose the perfect moment to go from the freezer to the fridge.  Too long in the freeze…oh, too long in the freezer; I never thought this, then the gelatin won’t respond well.  Dan says yeah, it doesn’t…so, that would be my mistake, much like Manon’s mistake is to keep it in the freezer too long.  So, we do see the results of that.  That’s exactly what…I said well, if thirty minutes in the freezer’s good, an hour’s better, or if you’re supposed to do it in an hour, you might as well do an hour and a half, which…but it’s incorrect.  You gotta…it needs some time in the fridge.  Oh, also, a multitude of song.  I don’t know what that was.  Karen says that.  Then Dan says isn’t it, innit?  Innit?  I-N-N-I-T; innit?  Isn’t it?  Fifteen minutes ‘til blancmange time.

 

Then hot water, quick gel, slip and slide out and flip it.  This is the stress time when they’re trying to get their things out.  Dan, Jon’s, Karen’s are all a little slimy.  Ruby’s is melty.  Manon’s is gooey.  She tries to get hers back in the fridge for five minutes.  Manon’s goes flat.  She just says so rubbish, I think, then there’s the final assembly.  There’s everybody doing their flips and their shakes and their pounding.  Saying come on, let’s get this thing out of there.  Everybody’s kinda using a similar method.  Then they do the reveals.  At first you think everybody’s is a disaster but I guess it’s just a little bit of liquid at first.  Like, everybody’s has some but oh, Karen’s is the one…holy cow.  Hers is like, liquefied 100%.  Manon’s looks better than Karen’s but she puts hers in the freezer.  Briony got hers out fine.

 

Karen says Karen’s did not come out fine.  Now Karen’s glasses match her under…the shirt she was wearing under the mustard sweater.  Let’s see, into the fridge.  Manon; so rubbish.  Final assembly.  Time is up on the table.  Perfect wobble.  So, then we go through the judging which I have the notes here.  Kim-Joy has good wobble, good color, good consistency, [00:40:00] and a good biscuit.  Karen, her color and definition were lost and her biscuits…not something.  Rahul; nice wobble, delicious, but under-baked biscuits, maybe?  Briony; not set up, under-baked.  So, let’s see, there’s Kim-Joy…should we start with this one?  A bit of a wobble.  The definition’s lost a little bit but color’s good.  This is a good biscuit.  Yeah, then they do Karen’s.  Could have been better set.

 

Definition…the biscuits, they look as if they could have gone in the oven a little longer.  Yeah, they definitely…nice color, nice wobble.  Delicious tartness on the biscuits…under-baked.  Then Briony; lost a bit of color.  Not quite set.  Lovely and crisp biscuit.  Manon’s is more of a pool or a soup.  It’s not set at all.  What a pity.  Great flavor and the biscuits are good.  This one; Jon’s has decent color, lost the definition but lovely.  Biscuits look good.  Beautiful from a baking point of view.  Ruby’s…color’s not bad.  Nice blancmange.  Biscuits do look good; beautifully piped.  Great biscuits.  Dan’s…nice wobble, color’s great, beautiful blancmange.  Smooth, sharp.  Biscuits are skinny but good.  Nice.  So, then the rankings; Manon, Karen, Kim-Joy, Briony, Rahul, Jon, Ruby, Dan.  Then they say well done.

 

There’s some talking heads.  We see Karen’s stressed, Briony’s stressed, and then Kim-Joy’s a little bit worried and sad.  She even sheds a tear ‘cause she’s been doing so well.  Then they walk back.  One more chance.  They give their hugs, then the hosts the judges have their table talk.  Top four, bottom four, Dan the man.  Wallops of flavor, they say.  Then they show the stressed faces of the bakers.  Chocolate ball dessert; this is a magic trick, a chocolate sphere to reveal a dessert within.  I’ve never seen this before but it sounds pretty cool.  You got three hours.  Pressure’s on.  It’s very hot.  So, you have to create a chocolate globe or sphere that’s…so that it’ll melt away.  It has to melt.  Don’t want it to crack.  You have to want it to work on two levels, so that’s interesting.

 

So, they start with Briony who’s having white chocolate, amaretto, blood orange, and sticky toffee pudding.  They say you sure about this white chocolate?  Because it’s…I don’t know.  They say yeah, yeah, we’re gonna go for it.  Let’s see, hidden…I don’t know what that says.  Ruby’s doing a golden egg with a tropical tart inside.  Have you seen this in a restaurant?  I think Paul asks her that.  She says yeah, actually, I have.  Dan; I’ll have to wait ‘til it comes up ‘cause I can’t…jesonde, a layered mousse cake, giant…Dan and the Giant Peach for Constance, his daughter.  That’s her favorite bedtime story.  Then they say Jon also inspired by his kids does the ballet opera…an opera cake inspired by opera cake.  His is a ballet cake; eleven layers.  Noel says he’s using goth juice in there.

 

Let’s see, so we have the starting sequence here…starting.  Everybody’s…especially the people on the bottom are saying oh boy, ‘cause it’s warm.  Trying to stay cool.  Manon wants to get it in the fridge as soon as she can.  We’re asking for the most delicious original dessert inside a chocolate globe so that when you pour that sauce on it, it melts away, a perfect chocolate dessert underneath.  Therein lies a problem, Paul says; too thick, it won’t melt all the way through.  Too thin, it’s gonna crack and fall away.  We’re judging their desserts.  Yeah, it’s gotta blend well, the chocolate and the sauce.  So, the two levels we’ll be thinking…dessert better be good, though; your chocolate and your sauce.  Wow, so there’s like, three layers at least.

 

Then some of them are doing these multi-layer opera cakes, so Briony’s doing a chocolate ball as we said, white chocolate ball, and encasing it…the toffee pudding tart.  Paul makes his own toffee pudding, I guess.  They say oh boy, sticky toffee.  She goes well, my husband loves it.  Hers is gonna be white with some stripes, colored marble…marble red coloring.  But he…Paul says yeah, do you know that white chocolate is a different temperature?  So, I hope it holds.  Be careful.  He says looking forward to it.  So, they head off.  Briony says I know Paul makes his own sticky toffee but I’m gonna do my best.  They say not…Briony’s not the only one making a hidden tart, oh…so Ruby’s doing a golden egg, a bird’s nest, short-cut…short-crust white chocolate ganache, mango meringue, passion fruit curd, so a little complicated, Prue says.  She says, yep.

 

Hot coconut in a white chocolate sauce.  Oh, boy.  She goes yeah, I’ve gone out with my friends and we’ve had this…ordered something like it.  Paul says really?  A melting surprise chocolate ball on a meal out with your friends?  She goes yeah, they’re in restaurants now.  You’ve been going to too many drive-throughs or takeaways.  Get with the times.  Everybody laughs at that.  Oh, Dan…I think Dan calls Constance…toasted hazelnut pairs with the peach, layered mousse cake, alternating layers of a joconde…joconde for Constance’s favorite bedtime story.  Caramel sauce.  James and the Giant Peace…he says yeah, that’s what I’ll do.  They all say okay, who…they say, do you think it’s gonna work?  He goes yeah, and they go Dan, you’re talking in your high voice like you’re nervous.

 

Yeah, then Jon’s working on his opera cake, ballet cake; eleven layers.  Noel says oh, goth juice.  Oh, then Kim-Joy is boldly going where no baker has gone before with a galaxy-themed ball.  She’s making choux turtles; C-H-O-U-X turtles because why not?  Space turtles.  I say oh boy, this is getting more and more like Sleep With Me.  Then Paul…yeah, Paul wouldn’t listen to this podcast, I don’t think, ‘cause he says where do you come up with this stuff?  His face…and I say space turtles and space whales make a lot of sense to me, and actually a famous English author…or is it a French author?  Are planets on the back of a space turtle, right?  Should be amazing.  Then we have the decoration scene.  Oh, there’s something I gotta…too thick versus too thin, so I gotta talk about this in a second.

 

Oh, white chocolate is less stable, so you have to do thicker walls.  Thirty-eight minutes left.  Very fun globe and moving…shake it out sequence at thirty-eight minutes.  But Paul says you should be amazing, Kim-Joy; the choux turtles.  I like how it sounds.  She goes, I’m gonna even have cocktail umbrellas in there.  They say, of course.  So, Kim…I mean, I don’t know, Kim-Joy’s just Kim-Joy.  I don’t know…I guess they haven’t met a lot of people like that…that’s like a regular Sleep With Me listener, or a fabulously normal Sleep With…you know what I mean.  So, Kim-Joy’s working on the galaxy.  Glove for my cocoa butter, ‘cause usually they use it to dye my hair.  Jon’s checking the walls of his globe.  Gotta give it a fairly firm edge.  Some people are going…people are using different techniques to make their globes.

 

Yeah, but you have to do it right or the theatrical reveal will be ruined.  Not too thick, not too thin.  Make sure to pray.  Yeah, the white chocolate’s gonna even [00:50:00] be harder because it’s less stable.  So yeah, then at thirty minutes, everybody’s shaking out their globes and trying to get them…like, the chocolate spread around.  It’s really fun ‘cause it looks like they’re playing with balloons.  Very graceful, someone says.  Technique…shake it out.  Trying to swirl it around.  Manon’s laughing.  Hers is a renaissance surprise.  Molds…oh, some people are using molds.  Rahul and Karen are using balloons.  Karen’s trying to blow it up.  She goes oh, I had smoked too much as a kid, or as a young adult.  She’s using something called raspberry syllabub.

 

I say wasn’t that a person…wasn’t that one of Superman’s enemies; Syllabub?  Rahul is of course doing more than one layer but he goes I tried practicing; the balloon kept popping in my face.  He’s doing a colash dome on top of a opera cake.  Seven layers of coffee and chocolate.  Four thousand…oh, so I…oh, forty minutes.  Sandy’s talking.  She’s like, where’s Noel?  He’s in the background doing something very silly with somebody else running around with him.  So, that was funny.  Then there’s the work and stress sequence.  Decorations, mixing, booze, flavoring, drenched in chocolate, layers of cake, precision work.  Dan’s making it…he’s making his dessert inside the globe, so he’s assembling the globe around his dessert.  Then there’s a half hour, then people start to do their globe.

 

They’re having…there’s just a lot of repairs having to go on, and renovations, balloon-popping.  Briony collapses her globe.  Noel has to hug her ‘cause she’s sad about it.  Jon helps Ruby.  We see Kim-Joy’s turtles, Jon’s…somebody says jeez, Jon’s looks amazing already.  Let’s see, oh, Rahul says to Noel I can’t give you my attention; I’m trying to work.  Everybody’s trying to salvage their carnage.  Then Noel and Sandy go back and forth.  Okay, you call it, you call it.  Okay, one minute left.  Come on; everybody’s saying come on.  They’re using sprays and doing the final touches.  Briony’s trying to get hers, then they say place it at the end of your benches or whatever.  Manon’s a little sad ‘cause Briony’s has a issue.  Then they say judgment time.  They go to Jon’s first.  He’s in a tutu.  He has a tutu table with ballet shoes.

 

Everybody’s laughing.  He said I’m standing in first position.  They say that table is too weird, man.  He says the hot sauce is clear, distinct, beautiful, delicious, rich.  Good job.  Then Ruby goes and they say do you understand the word sphere?  ‘Cause hers didn’t work out, but it’s a nice reveal.  Is this what they say?  Yeah, too thick and a bit sickly, her flavors.  Then Rahul goes…very Rahul; elegant, quite striking.  Did not melt.  He goes oh, I’m sorry.  Like the flavor.  Fantastic, silky smooth.  He turns around to walk back, like usual.  Briony, she says no excuses; it was too thin.  They says jeez, this needs to be more robust, like a creature.  Texture’s good.  Taste is good.  Mm, and they say…they try to…Manon tries to comfort Briony.  Dan, his ends up…his colors were off so his looks more like a planet.  They say Planet Dan.

 

He puts his sauce on.  He says come on, come on.  He runs out of sauce but it still falls apart.  They say wow, very good.  Absolutely delicious.  Very, very good.  Why don’t we call it Planet Delicious?  Then Manon goes.  They say very neat and pretty.  Lovely.  Voila.  Wow, that is a lovely thing; smooth, stunning, sophisticated triumph.  Kim-Joy says well done to Manon.  Karen; they say jeez, the design is good, effective.  Come on, baby.  It melts.  They say delicious, decadent.  Then Kim-Joy goes.  They say jeez, concept is fantastic.  There’s umbrellas inside.  Looks amazing.  Very delicious.  The sauce blends, kicks…flawless.  Well done.  So, we’re left with Briony and Karen who are both worried.  There’s talking heads, space turtles.  Karen says she feels okay but she’d be crushed.

 

Briony says well…oh, let’s get to this Briony thing ‘cause she’s very much like Scooter’s brain.  She says well, I always expect the worst because that way you’re not surprised.  I think…I said that’s…that would be on my…I would probably…forgot to even put it on there.  So, I’m gonna get to her quote in a second.  I say yeah, I guess that would be my life’s…my belief system.  Don’t plan on…I guess, yeah, she has an internal nana, was my point.  Okay, there’s Karen, there’s Briony, stressed…oh, I’m…better to expect the worst because then if it happens, you’re not surprised, then if it doesn’t happen, you feel like a winner.  I said I know how you feel, Briony.  Then we see some swans.  Something my mother.  We see…we have table talk about who’s gonna win.  Too much chocolate.  Paul’s fine.  They say what are we gonna do?

 

Terry wasn’t here also.  It was tricky.  Kim-Joy’s really worked and she was in trouble, so she…that worked out good for her.  Dan and Jon are up top.  Who will be Star Baker?  Let’s see.  Unusual week with Terry having gone…oh, Terry might have gone home.  They say let’s handle this.  Noel says me and Sandy are gonna go play Frisbee, then.  Everybody’s holding hands.  Ruby says sorry; my hands are clammy.  They announce the Star Baker is Dan.  Planet Delicious.  They say okay, so who are we gonna send home, then?  They say nobody.  Briony’s very relieved.  Karen’s eyebrows go up but they say next week, two people might go home.  So, there’s a big relief sequence of everybody hugging.  She says it’s a lovely week.  I have the joy of announcing the Star Baker.  That’s Sandy.

 

Everybody says okay, who did a peach of a showstopper?  Dan did.  So, everybody claps Dan’s back.  He comes up, he cheers; he’s really happy.  Oh, he doesn’t come up.  They just cheer for him; Planet Delicious.  They say well, who are we gonna send home?  Oh, somebody says not too keen; that’s at the end.  Dan calls Constance.  It was really cute.  He says I was Star Baker.  She goes, how?  He goes, I made a cake.  She goes, you made a cake?  Was it very good and very tasty?  Yeah.  So, they do a slow zoom on Briony and Karen when they say nobody’s going home.  Wouldn’t have been fair ‘cause Terry wasn’t there.  So, next week, yeah, we’ll see.  Be ready though, ‘cause it could be not pleasant.  They say on that note, okay.  It feels weird…oh, that’s when it says I’m gonna go…Noel says I’m gonna go if no one else is going home.

 

Then everybody…Kim-Joy’s really patting Karen’s back towards the end, relieving her.  Briony gives Paul a big hug.  She says phew.  Hugs around.  She goes, the great thing is at the end of each show, you get a clean slate.  Karen says I’m pleased I’m not going home.  My family will be giddier than I am.  My girls are excited.  My dog’s not too keen…oh, that I’m on the show.  Jon says jeez, it must have been close.  Dan says Jon, you win next week.  Jon goes well, it’ll be stressful at the house again but I know my daughter will be pleased.  Then Dan calls Constance which is super cute.  Then I didn’t realize there was a post-credit sequence.  Let’s stick around.  He’s calling Constance right now.  I think she says very good and very tasty, and she says I gotta go play with my doll.

 

I said typical; that’s…yeah, that’s happened to me before where you call somebody, [01:00:00] your child, and you’re like…can’t wait to connect with them.  They say, I gotta go; I’m in the middle of watching a cartoon.  You say okay, bye.  So yeah, there’s…the credits are running and I…did they have a little post-credit sequence or no?  Say, I got up to leave the room.  Let’s see, we see all the credits of everybody that worked on the show…executives, Channel 4 Television, by Love Productions, MMXVIII.  Then the Netflix symbol.  I guess not.  Then it goes out and it ends, so I guess that was something for the next episode.  Yeah, next week will be Spice Week, apparently.  So, that’ll be fun.  That’ll be really exciting, and I’ll see you then.  For now, goodnight.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(www.leahtranscribes.com)

Notable Language:

• Meringue Roulade
• Spherification
• Innit

Notable Culture:

• “She Moves In Mysterious Ways”
• Channel 4
• James and the Giant Peach

Notable Talking Points:

• The Breathless, Running Kid Inside Scooter
• A Shirt To Be Savored
• Statistically, Kim Joy has to listen to Sleep With Me