941 – One Kiss Farm | Bored Game Unboxing
Episode 941 – One Kiss Farm | Bored Game Unboxing
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time for the podcaster that says it’s…if it’s getting warm in here or cool in here, I’ll take off all my socks. I will take off my socks. I’m gonna take my socks off. You might say that in bed and you might not, or you might say what is this person talking about? Socks or no socks, you’re welcome. This pod…feet under the covers or out of the covers, this could be the podcast for you. If you’ve ever wondered any of those things or if you actually…it definitely might be the podcast for you if you think about those things. I’m sure for those people snoring right now, they never thought about well, should I…no, should I leave them on? Should I take them off? One foot out, one foot in. It’s gonna make a…oh boy, if I can just get my feet right, then it’s gonna be fine. Sometimes it really is. This is the podcast that says I take off my socks, then I put them back on. It’s time for Sleep With Me, patrons, the podcast you enable for me to be goofy like this. What do you say we get on with the show?
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you can set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, things you’re thinking about, things on your mind, so thoughts, feelings; it could be feelings you’re feeling, like emotions that are coming up for you. Could be feelings about those thoughts, about the past, present, or future. Could be more immediate…could be physical sensations, could be changes in routine or time or temperature.
By the way, temperature, what’s your issue? Or light, that light. Maybe I could talk about that. I got a little…I could use…Nancy Drew, if you’re listening…actually, don’t come and help ‘cause it would have to be when the lights are off and then I would say that’s not an…who’s in my room? Well, it’s Nancy Drew. You called me to help you and you said the lights would have to be off ‘cause your mystery involve the lights being off which you should explain to listeners probably after you get through this intro or in the middle of it. Nancy Drew, do you have any idea how many names…how many times I’ve had to invoke your name in podcast intros? Probably twenty, thirty times. Nancy Drew, did you just say harrumph because I hadn’t done it like, ten…ninety times? That would be more respectful.
You’re right, if it was one-tenth of my intros. Scooter’s the only person that has a non-Nancy Drew podcast that’s evoked her name. I mean, we’re not at 5%. I’m sorry, Nancy Drew. I know I can say this with somewhat likelihood; I’ve probably evoked your name more than Agatha Christie, so…and definitely thousands…I’ve probably evoked the name the Hardy Boys like, once, and it was only in relation to you. So, there’s that. Well, she just asked who I said…Fancy Nancy or Nancy Drew? There’s an idea; talk about a mashup made in heaven or made in mystery. Fancy Nancy Drew. That sounds like a doll I would play with and it has my name in it, too. Again, I usually…I used to go when I would check into hotels and I’d say could you…what’s the name…room…what’s the name?
Well, I’d like…if anyone calls for me, it’s Noir Chardonnay. But now I go by Fancy…if you call a…if you want to call hotels, don’t do this, really, but…‘cause I wouldn’t answer. Plus, I’m not sure…if my hotel phone rings, I’m not answering it, just a FYI. Even if you work at a hotel…they say well, the…compliments to the chef; our double-dessert platter’s coming up. I would probably miss it ‘cause I would say why is my hotel phone ringing? I can’t possibly…that’s one of the things that would keep me up at night ‘cause then I would wait for the voicemail light to blink. Oh, what’s going on? Oh, so this…welcome to Sleep With Me. Whatever’s keeping you awake; thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, I’d like to take your mind off of that. What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.
I’m gonna try to create a safe place using lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents which you’ve seen a few already, all to keep you company while you fall asleep which can be…if you’re new, let me give you some information because this podcast can definitely throw you off. Now, if anyone listening from any of those…anyone…I don’t think…does…Fancy Nancy’s still with us. Nancy Drew is…no, there’s been a few new Nancy Drews. New Nancy Drew movie; how about one of those big streaming platforms? I mean, you could give me some…I mean, I’m sure none of the people involved would want…they’d say…with the sleep podcast guy. Yeah, he’s proposed…what about if just we do a…I know there’s been other Halloween-themed…I have one of the Fancy Nancy Halloween books in my personal collection, but…I mean, I’m not kidding, either.
But what if one year…it could just be a Halloween special with a mystery. This is totally…this is a reasonable proposal; Fancy Nancy Drew. That’s what she’s going as for Halloween but then there’s Fancy Nancy Drew and the Halloween Mystery. Or it could be…this is not meant to minimize anything but it could be a look-back at 2020. Now, I’m recording this in the first week of October. You’re probably hearing this in 2021 which is interesting, but it could be that it’s Fancy Nancy’s look-back, you know. She says well, that was the year we changed what Halloween meant, but I don’t know. You know more than I do in the future. Okay, but anyway, sorry new listeners.
So, a couple things you need to know; I go off-topic a lot but I’m really here to keep you company and that can get on people’s nerves or…at first. I’ll just say it strongly because that’s what a lot of regular listeners…I just read a review from someone, a five-star review. She said that she listened to the podcast a ton…or her friends had kept recommending and recommending the podcast and she said no, no, no, that sounds so annoying. Then she first listened and said it was doubtful, and then it started working. So if you’re feeling annoyed or skeptical or doubtful, that’s totally normal because that’s a reasonable way to react to a podcast that’s different, strange, goofy, and at least initially doesn’t feel very sleepy. You say when is this sleep stuff gonna start?
I say well, it kinda started already but let’s…let me tell you a little bit more. One thing is this is not a podcast you really listen to and pay attention. You can listen to it but you don’t need to pay attention. You just say…this is the only podcast where you say well, when did Scoots start dialing it in? He said no, no, Scoots…they said his podcast went on forever ‘cause he asks the listeners to dial it in. Dial it in is, like…is that a truism for not really giving full effort? I think it has to do with dial phones. I don’t even know where it comes from but it means not giving full effort. You say well, I’ve been doing this a while. This one, the listeners get to dial it in. You turn on the podcast…actually maybe what the dial it in metaphor is…and you just kinda put the phone next to your bed and you don’t really…I just talk and you don’t have to listen or even put the phone near you.
You just say…I mean, how great is that? You say…if you propose that to a regular person…unless…they would do it once. I think most friends or romantic relationships or siblings or, you know, certain other relationships would say yeah, I’ll do that, but not every single…not twice. Maybe twice if it’s a romantic…I say well, this…courting you, so yeah. But then at some point you’re gonna say well, I gotta…I can’t talk to you…say, there’s a podcast for that. You don’t have to…I don’t have to dial it in; neither do you. You just call the Scooter up [00:10:00] and he talks and it doesn’t really…he just goes on and on and on and on and on. That’s one way to listen. Or yeah, that’s kinda how you listen; you just don’t really pay attention to me. You just dial it in. Usually dialing it in means the work going into the show.
This means the work going into listening. You don’t really have to pay attention, was the short way of saying that. There’s also no pressure to fall asleep. The reason the episodes are about an hour is to give you plenty of time to drift off. I’m more here to keep you company, to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-bestie, your bore-sib, your…someone…oh wait, I’ll come back…so, whatever it is, I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep. But even if you can’t fall asleep, I’m gonna be here, but that’s why the shows just go on and on and on, is you just fall off at your leisure. Couple other things to know if you’re new; one, give the show a few tries. That’s what most reviewers and regular listeners say. Like I said, they say well at first, this show doesn’t make any sense.
It goes on and on and on, never gets started, then doesn’t go anywhere and it doesn’t make any sense but then I realize oh, perfect, that’s exactly what I’ve been looking for. Or you might say I don’t know about these creaky, dulcet tones and pointless meanders. I say well, let…give it a few tries. See if it grows on you. I hope it can help you. Other things to know structurally; this is where the most strong feelings come out and I guess understandably. This podcast does not follow any sort of podcast structure or normal structure because it’s a podcast to put you to sleep. But also because it’s this podcast to put you to sleep. There’s other sleep audios since I’ve been doing this show, more and more, and those shows have different structures, too.
Now, the reason this show has the structure it does is because one…or, let me tell you; it starts off with a greeting. Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary ‘cause that’s important so that you know you’re welcome and you know you feel seen, or…I can’t tell you how you feel, right? You know that my intention is to create a welcome place where you’re seen. Then there’s business. The reason there’s business and Supporter Zones and that kind of stuff is so I can bring you this podcast for free twice a week versus as a part of a corporate…behind the pay wall, ad-supported. Then there’s an intro. The intro goes from about minute six or eight to minute twenty, twenty-two, twenty-five, eighteen, somewhere in there. The intro is me just going on and on and on, like I’m doing so far.
It’s like I’m setting up or arranging the safe place ‘cause I kinda explain to the new listeners what the podcast is. I get distracted about that mystery at night and Fancy Nancy and Nancy Drew. Sometimes I pitch movies or books and those kind of things, and then I go back and I say okay…so, for a new listener, it kinda explains what the podcast is and gives you examples at the exact same time. But if you become a regular listener, what the pod…intro does is it eases you into bedtime. It gives you a long runway to get some distance from the day so that you can fall asleep, because for most of us, we just can’t…this podcast, I just can’t count down or just go right into something. That’s what makes this podcast different. It gives you some time.
So, some regular listeners, they start the show before they get into bed, as they’re getting ready for bed. Maybe they listen in multiple rooms, on the couch while they’re doing something relaxing, then they get in bed. Some people are getting ready for bed physically; brushing their teeth, doing skincare, doing self-massage, foam rolling. Some people are in bed getting comfortable, some people are in bed drifting off. There’s a lot of different ways as you become a regular to listener to kind of adjust to using the show. 2% of listeners skip the intro. Some people consume story-only episodes that are one of the many things we offer on Patreon. You could kinda see how it goes as you become…and some people change it up.
People are listening more and more during the day when they need a break or they need to relax or they just really want a…something to listen to that they don’t have to pay attention to, if they’re coding or doing physical labor, or doing something else where they say I just need something that kinda distracts me a little bit from the work at hand. That’s another option, so just kinda see how it goes . So, that’s the intro. Then there’s business between the intro and the show. You could always find that business also at our website, but it’s the way podcast business is structured. It has to be there, and that keeps the show free. Then there’s our story. Tonight it’ll be a board game unboxing where I take a look at a board game from actually, one of my heroes, John August. That’ll be fun.
Then there’s some thank-yous at the end. That’s the structure of the show. What else do you need to know? Structure of the show…oh, no need to pay…oh, why do I make the show? Because you deserve a good night’s sleep. That’s why I make the show. You deserve a place where you can get some rest. If you’re like me or a lot of the other listeners, you’ve probably tried a lot of different stuff, right? And it’s been very frustrating. It can feel very…bedtime could be a thing you don’t look forward to, right? You can have strong feelings. I mean, I get lonely, you know, when I’m tossing and turning. I get ‘why me’, all that kind of stuff. That’s not…I don’t want to say unfair, but it’s not pleasant. I think you deserve a nice, safe place where you can get relaxed and fall asleep.
Maybe this podcast is what does it for you or becomes part of your routine with other stuff that does it for you, and maybe not. I hope it does but whether this podcast works for you or you could look at sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. Whatever work…ends up working for you, remember, you deserve a good night’s sleep and on top of that, our world will be a better place if you get the rest you deserve and need, because you’ll be living your life more fully. That’s what’s important and the other side of it is, like I kinda said, I’ve been there. I know how it feels and I don’t…if I can help, it really gives my life purpose and my strange skill set. So, that’s why I make the show. Just to close it out, yes, I have this mystery right now; so, one of the things I keep in my room or close-by is gaffer tape to cover up LED lights.
I know they have sticker sets that I’ve seen, and I’ve bought those. No offence to the companies that make those, but they don’t…gaffer tape…you could cover an LED and it won’t…you don’t gotta worry about it. I do that regularly, and so…but the last few nights I’ve been noticing…and I have added a new power strip that I thought I covered all the lights on and I think something else, like a mouse or something. Then every night after I go to bed, I see these blue lights against the wall and I say well, I gotta do something about those, but not right now. Then, so last night before I got ready for bed, I was like, I gotta do something about them. I couldn’t find them. I mean, I was right in the corner where my desk is and they didn’t exist until, of course, I got…they appear when I turn out the lights and press play.
So, Nancy Drew or Fancy Nancy Drew, if you’re listening, that could be an easy case. That could be…before the book, that could be the bonus content or in a…what about…what do you think about taking out…does Scholastic take ads? I don’t think they do. But if they did…or like, Free Comic Book Day; you say, don’t forget…don’t miss out, October 29th, 2021, the Fancy Nancy Drew Halloween Holiday Mystery. But today on Free Comic Book Day, we have a two-pager from Fancy Nancy Drew and the Blue Light Specials, or something. Maybe the LED lights sing and they really need to find their way back home. I don’t know, I…but anyway, that’s what’s up with me at night. So, that’s why I want to help. Oh, boy.
Saying it out loud just makes it…but…and I really…I’m really…I’ve kind of like…okay, well, at least they’re blue and they’re not full strength. Even though blue light, they say to avoid it. It’s not as intrusive as green or red light when it’s on a wall or a brighter light. It’s like one of those deep blues. It may be covered. I don’t know. Anyway, if…again…and, you know, I’m close to…I’m just resigned to it right now, Fancy Nancy Drew, [00:20:00] so if you hear me…also, I just love saying that. Anyway, I hope you’re listening but you, dear listener, I hope I can help you fall asleep. Thank you so much for checking the show out. Please give it a few tries, ‘cause you deserve it.
It doesn’t really benefit me because actually, it doesn’t…actually, believe it or not, when I say give it a few tries, a part of me goes and lies down, curled up in a ball because when I say that, then some people do that and then they say…they don’t like the show and they have to let me know about it vocally. But it’s still what really works, so it’s where…you’re worth it. You’re worth me getting that e-mail if you get a few tries and it works for you, because I don’t benefit either way. I benefit maybe from the long-term listeners and the relationship we have. Right, long-term listeners? I mean, the long-term listeners know my confused adoration of Fancy Nancy and Thea Stilton, Geronimo Stilton. ‘Cause they say Scoots, none of those…none of them actually look into mysteries. I say, you’re sure?
You say, I don’t…and they say no, no, no, one of them does. I say…one time someone said there’s no such thing as Thea Stilton. Oh, that was it; a cheesemonger, actually. I thought I was…I didn’t actually…I wasn’t…I said do you have any Thea Stilton? They looked at me distastefully, scornfully. A cheesemonger’s scorn. That’s when I ended up writing that book; Thea Stilton and the Case of the Cheesemonger’s Scorn. That book’s not available at all ‘cause I haven’t…actually, I only wrote the title, but…and they said don’t write it, ‘cause they have a direct line to my brain. I can’t think of…I’m sorry, whoever the author is, but I’ll actually donate some money. I’m not even kidding, I’m gonna…as long as you’re not out there in a negative way.
If you support positive causes that support dignity and respect and those kind of things, I’ll support one of your causes. But also, their estate always lets me know, or they’re…they say we heard you were thinking about Thea Stilton and the Case of the Scornful Cheesemonger. I said incorrect; The Case of the Cheesemonger’s Scorn. I was like, you don’t want to hear about it? I picture a thorny bush on the cover. They say, just forget about it. I say well, don’t…I said if there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s proposing ideas and forgetting about them. That’s what I’m really here to do, is help you forget about the day, just for a little while. So, thanks again for coming by. I’m really glad you’re here. I really hope, I yearn and I strive. I work very hard ‘cause I want to help you fall asleep. Here’s a couple of ways I’m able to bring you this show twice a week.
Alright, hey everybody, it’s Scoots here and we’re doing a…this is a board game unboxing episode that I’m very excited to talk about because one of the creators of this game is John August from Scriptnotes Podcast, that we kinda have…we kinda owe a little bit of the podcast to John and Craig, or maybe a lot of the podcast, because they’re…I listened to Scriptnotes years before I started the show, and I could still picture myself where I was listening for the first time, on a lunch break from my day…it was my job before it was my day job when I was doing the podcast.
It was just really inspirational, educational, and it really got me through some…I don’t know, it really unintentionally helped me grow up as a person and then be able to make stuff ‘cause I think at the time I was listening to it, I was having trouble, a lot of trouble with follow-through and getting things done and having…and managing my expectations and managing getting work done versus escapism versus how you feel about yourself and stuff like that, so I’m very appreciative of John and Craig. I mean, just to be totally straight with people, it ended up…for me to move forward and making stuff, even though I kinda had some attempts, it was like, I had to get sober, for me. I mean, I started the podcast before I was sober but I got sober not long after it, a few months.
I think those two things were interconnected, but having external positivity…I don’t know, people that really care about something and they’re putting caring into the show and caring for their listeners…I don’t know, it was…there’s always been a special relationship for me, so I don’t know. It wasn’t a direct connection of me getting sober but when I look back at some of the stuff, I say oh, okay. I can even remember sending them a e-mail once and I was saying huh…but really, it was talking about habits but I wasn’t talking about alcohol. They said oh, wait a second…now looking back I say oh yeah, the real answer was yeah, you kinda have some space to be able to focus on making stuff in your spare time.
Without further ado, now this game…now, the official title of this game, you’ll see in the show notes and the link. It’s called One Kiss Farm or One Kiss to the Big Farm is the longer, non-real title for it. It also goes by another name and I’ll have a link and you can purchase the game right from John’s store. This is an actual full-on unboxing, so I’m holding the box in my hand. I’ve not unboxed it. I took the wrapping paper off. So, this is exciting. I have no idea really what’s in the box. So, the front…so, right now the box is about the size, for those of you that remember a VHS cassette tape, it’s a little bit…it’s about the size of that box, that kinda box, or the same shape as a PlayStation or Xbox or DVD. It’s about…probably is almost exactly an inch thick.
It’s made out of high-quality paper board with kind of a shiny, I don’t know, shiny matte finish. Is that even possible? I don’t think it is. This is the Core Deck, so the front of it has…it’s almost like a three-panel thing and it says One Kiss to the Big Farm or Big Farm: One Kiss Farm. That’s all in a kind of cap white…white cap block letters. The first panel on the top is…what is that? A vertical stripe and it’s blue, kind of like some sky or some snow. There’s a character on there, some sort of creature character, ‘cause this isn’t…well, we’ll see what kind of game it is. The creature’s looking at us and has red eyes. It’s a snow-person, I think, maybe. It’s just my guess because maybe that’s snow but it could be…it might not be snow. It could be some sort of plumage character.
Now, the next one gets very interesting right away. I remember this image just from seeing…back when John first put this game out. The next panel’s kind of a orange space sky or night sky or a nebulous…orange nebulous sky. There’s some…even some thunderstorms and lightning storms behind it, but kinda like the ones you’d see…like you’d feel like you were…if you were in a space nebula or something, and then the front of that is a character who seems to be part-organic and part-cyber. The character’s yawning and saying oh boy, I’m sleepy. Maybe the cyber stuff is part of…I don’t know, but it’s so cute, the character. Oh, boy. That’s under Kiss, so I don’t know if the character’s kiss…a kiss…yawn before a kiss or a yawn after a kiss.
I guess you’d say brush your teeth ‘cause you say sometimes people yawn and kiss in the morning. But you say okay, could you brush your teeth though, first? That’s just me, though. That’s my issue. You’re right. That’s just my issue. I know. Okay, so then the next one is Farm or Trip to the Big Farm in the Sky where the puppies run free. That one is kind of a greenish…it looks like a laboratory possibly, with some sort of scientific equipment in the background with greenish hues. Then, like I said, some of this is rephrased just because of my lack of understanding of how…but it says…so, this is the tagline; The Ultimate Toolbox. Some Assembly Required. Then there’s kind of a stripe or some sort of…[00:30:00] almost like a neon…I don’t know, I’m not good at describing that kind of stuff; neon line that has a curve in it.
It goes from yellow kinda to a purple in a gradation of color. It says Core Deck, so you can buy expansion decks, clearly. Then there’s four symbols which I assume have something to do with the game. One is a green…what are these, octagons or quan…one, two, three, four…one, two, three, four, five…one, two, three, four, five…can’t even count them. One, two, three, four…six. Is that a sept…sextogrand? Never got one of those ever. Penta is five, right? And septa is seven. I don’t know. It’s not an octa…it’s whatever has a six-sided geometric shape, of course, Alec. What is a six-sided geometric shape? They’re kind of in a triangle or a cross shape and the one on the left is green and has a leaf, so that’s some sort of organic, maybe.
The one on the bottom is blue and it looks like it has a circuit board, then the one on the right is maroon and it has an atomic-type symbol. Then the one on the top is intriguing; it is orange and it has a triangle with a circle behind it, so that’s interesting. Okay, then on the left side of the box it says One Kiss Farm and it has the four symbols. It goes triangle…what is that? Circuit board, atomic leaf. It’s from the company Quote-Unquote which I think is John’s company. On the other side it says…yeah, One Kiss Farm. It has the same triangle circuit board atomic leaf. Here’s some good news; it also has a web app and a companion app’s available on the Apple App Store or as a web app. Now let’s get into the marketing part, right? The back side is the marketing teaser, you know, to get you…if you’re in a store.
I bought it…I’m embarrassed to say this but there was…but I did buy a bunch of them as gifts because they were changing warehouses. I said holy cow, I gotta buy that game. But I do promise to buy the expansion packs at full price. It says One Kiss Farm, created by John August. There you go, and then it has the four symbols again. Then it has the cards. So, on one side of the card, it says OHK. What did I say? One Kiss…which is another way of saying the actual…that’s another nickname for the game, OHK. Oh, Let’s Hug and Kiss. So, that’s what you could also call the game. Oh, Let’s Hug and…oh, the Let’s is in parentheses…Hug and Kiss. Or for short term, Oh, Hug, Kiss. If I would have thought of that earlier, that would have been what I would have titled the game but I do like One Kiss Farm.
OHK, and then underneath it is says Tool, Offensive Tool, it says. Yeah, Offensive Tool or another vocabulary word. Then it has four cards of what they look like in the game. Oh, maybe this is somebody from the…Frost Giant, and then it has writing that’s either not legible to my eyes or is just…and then they have something Rabbit…then they have…I can’t read that. I gotta get some readers. Abnura…and then something, something of the Gods. This is a game of ridiculously overpowered Offensive Tools, archetypal beings, and cuddly rabbits. Then we have more cards but I’m gonna read the copy here. Race to assemble an Offensive Tool so powerful it could send your opponents to the big farm in the sky with a single kiss, a One Kiss Farm.
One Kiss Farm is an easy-to-learn and fast moving…drawing from traditional card games like gin and poker, along with European-style games like Catan and Ticket to Ride. Those are all popular games. I mean, oh boy. In my house, Ticket to Ride is…and poker, I love. Gin I haven’t played in a while, but I love playing that game. With simple rules and surprisingly complex strategy, One Kiss Farm might be your new favorite game. Okay, then to the left of this…so, the…okay, so by the way, at the top, the Offensive Tool cards have a black background with white writing on the…whatever the non-showcase…you know, the back side of the card. Yeah, the back side of the card. Now, these cards, it’s showing down here, have…it says OHK and then OHK mirrored, so if you have the card either way.
But that’s with a white background and black writing. Then it has a sampling of cards. There’s some really nice colors. Again, the mustardy-yellow, limey-green, maroon, and then a…I don’t know, is that a royal blue? Is that what royal blue looks like? I don’t know. Then it says oh boy, in the box, One Kiss Farm Core Deck; forty Core Deck Component cards, twenty Core Deck Offensive Tool cards and eleven Core Deck Special cards. Also includes instructions and a double-sided full-color play mat. Holy mackerel, it comes with a play mat. It’s for two to three players. It takes ten to fifteen minutes. Ages 8+. I’m gonna open the box. You won’t hear that part because I know you’re in bed. Okay, so this is totally 100% real unboxing, so the first thing is the getting started game.
Wow, it’s just four pages so that’s really good, and a lot of visuals which are good for learning so we’ll go through that last because we don’t want to…I love speculating. Then we have the play mat. Let’s check out the play mat ‘cause that play mat…you say Scoots, what’s a play mat? A bit like a game board for a card game…help you organize things. It’s a two-sided play mat and on the side I’m looking at is…it’s the orangest nebulous sky with that yawning cyber-buddy. It says One Kiss Farm and it has a discard pile, face-down, a draw pile, and then something called the Field, and there’s three face-up cards in the Field. Then it says…I guess on your turn, it…but it doesn’t say on your turn. It says do exactly one thing; you could draw a card, play a Special card, discard any number of cards, add an Offensive Tool, or win the game.
The flip side is the exact…it’s also…I guess it’s if you’re in the mood; this is more of a cyber side. It has the same layout. It’s just blue and purples with I don’t know, a bunch of spacey…what’s that? Tron-like cubes and maybe even a cube city in the background. Very beautiful, and beautiful sky. Even a little lens flare, maybe. So, that’s the play mat. Oh boy, and it gets better. It gets better from here because here’s the even better news; it just comes in its own box, like the Core Deck is a deck in itself. It actually has a card box which is so rare nowadays. Usually you have different…so, you could actually take this and play it on a road trip. I’m not sure; we’ll have to see how the play goes. Like, could you play it while waiting in line at a theme park? But they also have the app.
The play box is again in that nebulous color. It looks like there may be…on the back it says One Kiss…it has a website which I’ll link to and it says One Kiss…what did I say? One Kiss Farm Core Deck and the symbols and then the nebulous sky, maybe some sort of asteroid with runes on it. I mean, R-U-N-E-Ss; not R-U-I-N-Ss in there. So, I’m gonna open the box. I’ll be right back. Alright, so I have it unwrapped. It’s actually a really nice card box. It’s thicker than a regular 52-card deck but a quality box. Again, you say could I take it on the road? I’d say probably you can. Could you carry it in your pocket? Your front pocket. I mean, you could carry it in your back pocket; just don’t sit down. Could you carry it in your front pocket? Probably.
It’d be a little bulky but [00:40:00] you could easily put it in a backpack or even a small…you could even take it in your pocketbook. Oh, not a…what’s…oh, no. Any small bag any person could be carrying. Okay, so I have the cards in my hand and there’s…like I said, there’s three…well, let’s see. Yeah, there’s Offensive…oh boy, and they have…they’re high-quality cards because they have even that texture to them like they’re made of a material, like you could even see on the cards. I don’t know if that’s for holding or just the quality of the paper where it looks like there’s squares, like almost like you say is that made out of material, I guess? Well, everything is material. I mean like a cotton or something versus paper. It’s embossed? I don’t know.
They’re shiny and that…yeah, plastic-coated or whatever, I’m sure. At this thing is…the thing, it says OHK which is a short term for the alt…third alternative name or the second alternative name; Oh, Hug and Kiss; OHK. Makes me think of OKC, Oklahoma City basketball team or OAK. OAK is Oakland Airport. Or Oklahoma where the wind blows. But anyway, so I’m gonna flip these cards over and just look at this. This card says Overload. It’s some sort of doing card; replace all the cards in the Field. Any player with more than ten cards has to discard down to five. If this card fills a spot in Field or any player’s hand holds two Overload cards, it takes effect immediately. That brings up a question right away for me, if oh boy, well, how does something end up in the Field?
That’s question one that I’m interested to find out and then two; how would people know if you have two Overload cards? Is your hand displayed? Is there a honesty thing? This is interesting already. Oh, okay, next one is another Overload card which we’ve seen. Another…so, three Overload cards so far. Oh boy, Chaos. Anybody…shout out to Rob and Josh and all the rest of the…remember Chaos Kass from one of the best seasons of the TV show Survivor. Chaos, and it has the atomic symbol…oh boy, sorry, with the Overload, it had the symbol for rads if you’ve ever played a video game and you need to measure your rads. That one has…this one is more of the atomic symbol for Chaos which is red. The rads symbol is orange. This says…oh, I just noticed…holy mackerel; it’s so subtle. Is that my imagination?
No. In the background…is that on all the cards? I’ll have to see. There’s a very faint gray…it’s a white background but there’s a gray pattern that’s very faint. I don’t know if that’s on all…just on the Chaos cards or not. So, Chaos; discard all three cards in the Field or force another player to take them. Refill the Field, then draw one card from it. Let’s see, there’s probably three…oh no, two Chaos cards but we don’t…we’re not counting cards, here. Yeah, and this card is…it says Natural Selection and it has the gray…kind of like geometric-type background or pores of skin. Or, you’re right, plant pores. You’re right, it could be pores on a plant, and this has the leaf symbol. It says draw the top five cards. Keep as many of them as you wish and discard the rest. This is interesting.
It reminds me…I’m already getting a feel for this as far as how much fun I’m gonna have. It’s got a little bit of…what do you call that game that I played with Antonio Banderas? Munchkin. Another game that I’ve played in the…well, and then you got Mewing Kittens. I think…I don’t know if this game came out before that, though. But yeah, so then there’s another Natural Selection card. Next one is called Regex, R-E-G-E-X, and it has the cyber symbol. It has a different background. Okay, so everything does have a different background. This one has a gray, distant background too but it’s very…what do you say…graph paper. That last one was like plant cells or something. Search the draw pile and select one card to put in your hand, then shuffle. That is really good. Go through the draw pile a lot of times.
In Munchkin, that’s a really good one, and sometimes you could search…yeah, there’s different draw piles. Another Regex card, and I like the Regex. It’s funny. Transmute; this is the triangle and circle symbol but the circle’s smaller than the triangle. They’re not…it’s not like the triangle is within the circle; it’s over the circle ‘cause the symbol for AA is the triangle within the circle. Okay, and it looks like it has a triangular gray background, very geometric, and this one; change the class of one numbered card. Oh, so change the class of one numbered card when it is played to create an Offensive Tool. Wow, so this opens up…this blows my mind. Change the class of one numbered card and it can become an Offensive Tool. So now I say I don’t even know what to expect next.
I mean, we get to the…those type of cards, and then another Transmute. Okay, here we go, this is our first numbered card. Oh boy, and it’s…talk about…you know, board games are something that also involves theatre of the mind or suspension of disbelief, right, in order to have the most fun, in my opinion. So, this one, the card…all the writing on the card is red or maroon. I’d say it’s a dark maroon but it could just be a red. It’s…10 is the number. It has the atomic symbol on there. It says Arctic Blast. It has snowflakes drawn with sleet and snow. You say okay, Arctic Blast, and it’s 10. Say okay, well, is 10 the purchase…this is interesting. Let’s see, the next card…oh boy, so now we’re on 9; Lightning Bolt, and it has the atomic symbol and a lightning bolt drawn, kind of like you’d see on the front of the Shazam.
Now we’re down…oh no, now we’re on 8. Eye of the Storm. This is also the atomic symbol…looks kind of like the eye of a storm or a black hole or a vortex or a…you say vortex, I say vortices. You say well, one’s plural, Scoots. I’d say well, then I guess it’s a vortex if you want to be technical. But yeah, Eye of the Storm, 8 atomic…or yeah, atomic…atomic symbol? Maybe. I don’t know. I don’t know what Dr. Manhattan would say. Oh boy, Cosmic String, number 7. It has some cool space dust, shining stars, and then what could be a…which, in a string, which…Cosmic String. All these have been maroon so maybe there’s four…oh, so there’s four…what are those called? Four…I don’t know. What do you say when you play regular cards? Four…not values.
You got hearts, you got diamonds…I’ll think of it eventually. But this one’s Thunderclap. It’s 6. It’s a cloud, like a…with lightning coming out the top and the bottom. But it’s just a thunderclap which is different ‘cause that’s a noise, so no wonder it’s worth 6 where a Lightning Bolt was worth, whatever, 9 or something. Okay, then we have Ancient Sundial for 5 and a cool ancient sundial-type image. I want to keep moving. Stone Skin; so like, what is that? Solomon Grundy? Did Solomon Grundy have stone skin or was it just the…was that the name of that dude in the Fantastic Four? Or was that somebody else? I don’t know. But yeah, it’s Stone Skin. It has a hand which has stone skin, number 4 atomic symbol. Frost Blade. I don’t know, these…maybe these [00:50:00] numbers are better or lower.
Frost Blade looks like a frost…and a ice blade. You’d say holy cow, will the North remember? I’d say, I don’t remember anymore if they…but yeah, it’s like a sword. Yes, it’s a sword made of ice, Frost Blade; 3. Frost Blade’s also probably a popular name in DnD. Quicksilver; it’s a jar or a beaker and it has a cork stopper on the top and some sort of clear liquid. Number 2, Quicksilver. Also a Kevin Bacon movie; Quicksilver. I think Jami Gertz and Kevin Bacon play love interests in Quicksilver. It’s been a long time since I seen that one. Kevin Bacon was a…it couldn’t be a Tale of the Tape just ‘cause I don’t…the things I remember was Kevin Bacon’s shirt ‘cause he had this shirt that was a material that looked like chainmail. Took place in San Francisco I think, or New York or LA, and he was a bike messenger.
Of course, he stumbles on…I think he’s…love, and stumbles on something. Number 1 with the atomic symbol is a Moonstone, very beautiful sphere with some elements that make it feel reflective and like a moon, like a moonstone, like a polished moonstone. Yeah, don’t make any jokes about me polishing my moonstone because that’s not what I polish, you know. I polish my…I don’t know, my flatware, I guess. Okay, now we’re onto the leaf symbol and this one is the light green. I don’t think it’s quite a lime green. I’m sure John would say well, it’s a…I’d say okay, what is that stuff called? Pantone? I always say it wrong. Is it Pantone or…get Pantone on the phone or is is Panatone? Or is it Pantene…Pantene is what I wash my hair with some…I like…is VL5…no, that’s Vidal Sassoon.
Remember a long time ago, I said get Pantone on the phone. But this is Wings of a Dragonfly and it has a…it’s a dragonfly with its wings, a very healthy, stout dragonfly. Don’t worry. You can see the poker-type elements. 9 is Fire Ants. Number 9; Fire Ants. The next one is Eye of the Owl and it’s a closeup of an owl eye. It’s super-cool. It feels like…I say, I might put this up somewhere when I need inspiration. Strange Vine; number 7, and it looks like a strange vine. This art is amazing. Roar of the Ape King is number 6 and that’s a roaring gorilla, it looks like, all done in green. Circle of Life; the Circle of Life is intertwined vines or branches in a circle that are alive, so circle of life. More circle of life and a actual circle of life than a metaphorical one.
Okay, the next one is Hide of the Rhino and it’s a hand, too, so I guess instead of stone skin you could have rhino hide. This is interesting. Then it’s like okay, these things you would add on. Are you building a character with powers? I’m excited. Razor Claw; this looks like something you find on…what are those things? A velociraptor, like a velociraptor claw. For Kiss…for waking you up and saying hey, good morning. Like my lunch now; not you. I’m Blue, remember? I’m a friendly velociraptor. Said actually, I’m not a velociraptor, Scoots. Oh, okay. Sorry, Blue. But yeah, that’s a Razor Claw. Centaur Drool…drool of the centaur, and it has a trophy that I would presume is full of centaur drool. That’s number 2.
Coming in at number 1 is…it looks like the kinda thing you’d have…it’s horns or something you’d see in a southwestern museum and it’s Bone Meal. I think Bogomil was from Beverly Hills Cop. Wasn’t that Commissioner Bogomil? Bogomil? Bogomil. Okay, next up is blue. Now we’re on blue which is the one…the symbol that kinda looks a little bit like a circuit board. Anti-Grav Thrusters, and it looks a little bit like a jet pack. Then we have Flame Cannon which looks like a flame cannon. It even has a digital readout. This kinda gives me a little bit of a StarCraft feel as far as, like, this has four symbols but you say well, which one are you gonna end up identifying with the most and using? People always…no one ever asked me that but I always wonder Scoots, which of the three of the…what do you call them?
In the…that game, StarCraft, did you identify with; Protoss, the Terran, or the Zerg? I’d say well, one, I only played the campaigns. I never played against other people. Even when I played against the computer, usually they would be Zerg. Usually the computer would be the Zerg and do that thing where they rush and they get you. I prefer…and this kinda trans…I prefer to be the one that slowly does resource-gathering, sets up a defensive thing, endures the first on…thingamajig, and then I like to have long distance. I like to pick stuff off long distance, so it doesn’t really…so, the answer is it doesn’t really matter. I think the Terrans were the easiest to develop that with because you just had to…then you could…yeah. You could…the hardest thing with the Terrans was making sure you had something…anti-aircraft, I think, that was mobile.
I remember that was…maybe what I remember…but you could really get a lot of things out of their ground units. Then Zerg, they had this thing that looked like a crab that really had good range. I actually did like using that because also, their second-level ground troop could do anti-aircraft. They also had these other anti-aircraft aircraft that were good to protect your flying crabs. Then I would say third was Protoss because theirs, you had to buy…they had a tank too that had good range but you had to keep remembering to build the ammunition for that one. That was…I would never remember that. I’d say oh boy, I gotta go back…oh no, I’m out of resources. But the Protoss also had other stuff. The Protoss, if you had time to really build it out, they had really powerful high-level characters.
Oh boy, I forgot I was talking about OHK. Okay, number 8 is Optical Sensor Upgrade and it looks like an optical sensor upgrade. Very cool. Then we have Carbon Fibre and it looks like carbon fibre. Sonic Disruptor which looks a bit like a squirt gun attached to…something out of kinda a 50s, 30s, 40s sci-fi thing with…what is that called? A satellite dish attached to it. Very cool, and it’s shooting out some sort of sonic disruption. Geo-Stabilizer…gyro stabilizer; of course my…and that looks…is a gyroscope that you would…just like the the one you’d play with as kids but this is powerful because you’re in the theatre of the mind. Upgraded Plating; so, that’s the hand…I guess 4 is always kind of like a armor thing. Plasma Cutter, that’s 3, and it’s kind of like a fork with…I don’t know what this looks like.
It has a handle, then it has two prongs with the plasma…like, a laser going in between the prongs. Great for cutting. It would probably be good for cutting cheese depending if you could put it on a lower power. Nano Fluid, that’s kind of a container with some sort of DNA-type…but manufactured, [01:00:00] very geometric helix inside the container. Oh, and then somehow there’s a offensive thing in here, right in the middle of my deck. It’s the Kraken; from the deep it rises. Then it has a beautiful piece of art, and…so, you gotta buy this game. Illustrations by Simone Estrada. Illustrations by Simon Estrada. Just leave both those in there so I can see which one’s correct. I guess to use a kraken you would need four atomic symbols and three…what are those?
Leaf symbols, I’m guessing, ‘cause that’s what’s on the bottom of the card. Now we’re back to the OHK cards. Number 1 for…what do you call it? Is for the Circuit Board; Quantum Crystal Processor and it has a pretty cool…one of those…almost like a buckyball…not a buckyball, but like that buckminsterfuller-type look with MC Escher ‘cause it’s like, is this a cube or is it an…septagon or whatever, or is it something else? Is it 3D or is it 2D? Then we got Fairy Dust. This is the triangle one, so now we get into a fantasy-type thing. It’s a pouch of fairy dust. That looks cool, and it’s got cool effects. Ashes of the Phoenix, that’s 9, and it has a phoenix-type drawing or illustration. Crystal Ball, number 8, a crystal ball. Really cool. I’m kinda feeling this mustard one. Mithril Cord.
I think what’s his name…didn’t…not Gandalf. Why can’t I…? My brain never remembers anything. Suits, that what cards are called. I just remembered that one. Suits, so these are different suits. But Mithril…and you’d wear a suit…if I had a suit of mithril, it would protect me from people’s judgement and not being able to remember Frodo Baggins and Bilbo Baggins which I did eventually remember. I wish…a suit of mithril. My Life with JR…JAR Tolkien, The World’s Foremost Tolkien Impersonator. Just a title I thought of. Song of the Harpy. This would…man, this is…that would be one of my other autobiographies; Why I Stopped Singing. It has musical notes with feathers on the end of them, so that’s very cute. To me, it is. Ring of the Lich, and it’s a ring of the Lich. I think that’s how you say it; Lich.
- I-C-H. Then Dragonscale for your armor for your…and the hand with dragon scales on it. I’m definitely down for…Cooking Tool of the Crescent Moon, and it has a cooking tool…a scythe that you would use to harvest wheat. Tears of the Sphinx, and it has a…what is that called? Sarcophagi with a tear symbol on it. Tears of the Sphinx. Can you believe I can say Sphinx but I can’t say…I mean, I try…I don’t know, I’m wondering how…what do you call that, those things, those sounds…sibilance, that is. Philosopher’s Stone is number 1. You say holy Potter, Philosopher’s Stone. Pre-Potter; I know, I know. Okay, now we’re moving on to the Tools, OHK Tool. Number 1 is Living Steel, or number 2. It looks like Simon Estrada…and it looks like Simone Estrada did all these illustrations but we’ll see if anybody else did it.
It’s like, so…very steampunk. Sentient but never sentimental. It needs two number 4s, two leafs, and three…what are those? Circuit boards. Again, you could spend all day looking at these illustrations. The next one is Sands of the Hab’Nurah. Sands of the Hab’Nurah. This one is that…from the cover. It doesn’t have the yawning friend but it does have the storm. Maybe it’s like a phoenix storm. Very nebulous, very spacey. The wind is hungry. Oh no, this illustration’s by Noah Bradley. This one has…you need two triangles, two number 1s, and three atomics. Cthulhu’s…how do you say that? Cthulhu’s Grandma or whatever; twice as ancient, twice as evil. This is also by Simon Estrada. It has a cane and glasses but it’s walking in the…whatever that one is that I said that love…I can never say it.
Cthulhu…Cthulhu. I don’t know. I never even hear people say it. Or if they do, it doesn’t sound anything like it looks, so then I say Gray Goo; nanobot party don’t stop. This is also by Simone Estrada, or this is also by Simon Estrada. This one you need two leafs, two number 2s, and three circuit boards. Bow of Elven Kings; it’s perfect for dragons and pesky creatures. Same illustrator. I want to try to get through all these, so I’m gonna pick up my pace. Not of talking, though. Vorpal Scissors; cut the fabric of space and time. Christina Hess did that one. Again, beautiful. Basilisk…is that how you say that? Basilisk? That one’s a stone-cold farmer. Oh boy, and that’s by Simon Estrada. A Time Machine; they’ll wish they’d never gone back in time. Again, man, I wonder if they put these on sale as prints.
This is by Simon Estrada. Then we have Abomination. Some things just probably…this one’s…it’s interesting, quite interesting. Abominable non-snow person. This is also by Simon Estrada. Then we have NX-17. Runny nose; oops. That’s by Andrew Goh. That’s by Andrew Goh, another great…this one’s kind of funny and not funny at the same time illustration. Rail Gun; speed kills. That one is by Simon Estrada. Port-o-Potty; pretty gross. That one’s a green one from the cover. It’s green, it’s in a lab, it’s got that green scent coming off it. Pit of Oblivion; don’t look down. There’s a glow floating above it. This one’s by Noah Bradley. Kaiju, so Kaijumaximus. That’s the yawning buddy from the cover. It’s over a city that seems to be in a nebulous form. Lightning, thunder, all that kinda stuff.
That’s Kaiju…oh, part reptile, part robot, all smash. Okay, we got Frost Giant; fun fact, she hates fun. Oh, and that one…previous one and this one are by Simon Estrada. Sleep of the Fairy Queen…and a century of slumber awaits. Wow, really beautiful art on these cards. That’s also by Simon Estrada. Portal to Nowhere; wherever you go, there you aren’t. It’s kind of like a swamp with cyber-space cubes and Tron-like obelisks. Maybe even a portal, gleaming light portals or something. That’s the same illustrator. Hammer of the Gods; forged in the fires of creation. It never misses its target. That’s kind of like [01:10:00] Thor’s hammer a little bit. Same illustrator. Our last card; Mostly Cuddly Rabbit. No enemy can withstand his cuteness. It’s a very cute, cuddly rabbit. I’m sure it’s up to no good.
That one is also by Simon Estrada. That’s it for the cards. Let’s just get a quick view of how to play this. You have the Offensive Tools. To win the game, you have to be the first player to build one. You build a Weapon with Components and those are the cards with the suits. Each Weapon requires specific Components. For example, Frost Giant, you need four Bio which are the ones with the leaf, and then three Elemental Components which are the atomic ones. To win, just build a Weapon before your opponents. It’s that easy. Set up; get ready. Core Deck is for two or three players. You shuffle the white cards, then deal each player seven white cards. Those are your hand. Don’t peek. Put the remaining ones down, face-down on the draw pile. Place three white cards face-up in the Field.
Then if the Overload card shows up, shuffle it back in the deck. We have the playing field which is cool. There’s a discard for…you probably knew that. Shuffle the black cards. Deal each player two black cards face-down. These are the Weapons you’re gonna want to build to win. You could pick up these cards or leave them on the table. They don’t count as part of your hand. Set aside the remaining Weapon cards in a pile. Decide who goes first. Rock, Paper, Scissors or whatever. Subsequent games, the winner goes first. Okay, playing the game; the fundamental rules of One Kiss Farm is to do only one thing, exactly one thing. We’ll repeat that a lot because it’s so important. You could either draw a card, you could take a card from the draw pile, or one of the cards on the Field.
Put the card in your hand. If you take one from the Field, replace it with one from the draw pile. You could discard any number of cards in your hand face-down in the discard pile. You can discard as many cards as you want on your turn but why would you want to discard…because holding more than ten cards is risky if someone gets Overload. Take a new Weapon. Don’t like your two Weapon cards? Take another from the pile. There’s no limit to how many Weapon cards you can have. Take a Special card…oh, play a Special card. Special cards do special things. Or reveal your Weapon and win the game. Because you can only do exactly one thing, you’ll end up completing the Weapon the round before you use it. Super-important rules; Components must be in a run.
Components need to be…oh, so this is like the poker or Rummy…Gin Rummy. They have to be in the same class in sequential order like a straight flush, so a 5, 6, 7 of the elemental. You can’t do 2, 6, 9 or 8, 9, 10 but not all of the same suit or class. 10 is the top, so you can’t go…it doesn’t go back around like an Ace. 9, 10, 1 would not work. Also, Components can’t do two jobs. If you’re trying to get the ones that have numbers, like a Basilisk, you need 2, 8 which are Eye cards. You can’t use those for your Component cards, or your class cards. Automatic Overload; if an Overload ends up in the Field, it is triggered automatically. Additionally, if a player has two Overload cards in their hand, they trigger immediately and both Overloads must be discarded. Okay, Specials; yeah, we went through the Special cards.
Overload is the most dangerous card…one of the most dangerous cards in the game. Forces anyone with more than ten white cards to discard down to five. Sweeps all cards out of the Field to the discard. Overload can be played from a player’s hand just like any Special card. It affects all players. If Overload ends up in the Field, it is triggered automatically. If for any reason a player has two Overload cards in their hand, they trigger immediately and both Overloads must be discarded. Then finally to close it out is the back side. One Kiss Farm can be played…is designed to be evolved with expansions and variants. Expansion packs such as The Big Farm and Lore add new Components, Offensive Tools, and Specials to One Kiss Farm. With an expansion pack, up to six players can play.
Every expansion pack requires a Core Deck. Most Offensive Tools in the expansion pack use a mix of Core classes and expansion classes. To use an expansion pack, shuffle its…you’d…you could wait ‘til you get your expansion pack. Variant rules; with the standard rule…while the standard rules are a great way to begin, the game could be hacked and customized. Small changes can have a big impact, forcing players to switch their strategies. These rule changes are called variants. Variants follow a standard format, making it easy to see what’s changed. This is the most common variant. Communal Offensive Tools; you could use Core or any expansion with two to three players in Core or two to six players with the expansion. Your goal is still to build one of the Weapons before your opponent can.
Alls you do is at the start of the game, deal two Weapons face-up and place them near the Field. Each player is trying to build one or two of these Weapons. On their turn, players can choose to add a new Weapon to a group with a maximum of four…on each turn, each player’s trying to add a new Offensive Tool with a maximum of four Offensive Tools allowed. There’s many more on their website which I’ll link to. Yeah, that’s the board game unboxing. Thanks for listening, and goodnight. I’m looking forward to…oh, I’m gonna play this game tonight for sure, so…with my daughter, Sophia. So, goodnight.
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