924 – The Marshall | Mandborian on Mandalorian Chapter 9

Episode 924 – The Marshall | Mandborian on Mandalorian Chapter 9

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER:    Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s the podcaster…I’m not just leaning in.  Right now I’m leaning over; the podcaster that’ll bend over a microphone, hinging at his hips, though…I don’t…I’m only laughing ‘cause I still don’t know what that…I still say, am I hinging at my hips?  I don’t care if it’s dance class, meditation class, yoga class, whatever that one is; Pilates class.  I said what do you mean, hinging at my hips?  I don’t know.  Am I bend…?  Anyway patrons, it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.

 

INTRO:    [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing?  Trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake.  It could be thoughts, things you’re thinking about, things on your mind.  Thoughts, feelings, it could be physical feelings…physical…things you’re feeling physically, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations; that’s what they are.  So, thoughts or things on your…like, on your mind or in your mind, and then feelings are any emotions coming up for you, thoughts about the past, present, or future.

 

Same with the feelings and physical sensations.  Could be something else though; changes in time, temperature, routine.  Yeah, when I’m recording this, it’s actually…we just fell back and that’s…so, that’s always…it can throw people off.  Not as much as the springing forward.  You would think that if it…there was a year to get rid of all that, it would be 2020.  I mean, 2020; we could use all the sunlight we can get, right?  Am I right?  But you know, they say that…I don’t know.  I said, don’t most clocks reset themselves?  What is the…what’s the hangup here?  But I think we even tried to pass a law in California.  They said yeah, we’ll do a…we passed a, I think, a law to make a study to not change it.  Say okay, we’re gonna put a task force on that.

 

They said, what do you need a…you need a task force to figure out…?  I say, just don’t do it.  Here’s the thing; time change — don’t…it changes on its own.  Time just keeps moving or doesn’t move at all.  I don’t know, and I don’t want to think about it at bedtime.  Thanks, Scoots.  Yeah, you’re right.  These are the kinda things that go through my head at bedtime.  But I’m trying to speak out on your behalf and say hey, let’s get this off of all of our collective plates.  But so, we did fall back.  I did actually get a extra hour of sleep because of it, so…the thing would be, you could do that but just do whatever…can you do that fall-back thing every single night ‘til we get back to the…?  There’s a proposal.  Again, no better time than the present to test…let’s just fall back every night until…permanent.

 

What is there, thirty hours in a day?  No, twenty-four hours in a day.  There’s about thirty days in a month.  There’s like, twenty-seven or twenty-eight days in February, though.  Let’s try it on February, fall-back month, where the month where we fall back every single night so you get an hour…extra hour of sleep.  May throw other things off, but these are the kinda ideas…oh, so sorry, it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna try to take your mind off of whatever’s keeping you awake.  It could be any of the things I listed.  The way I’m gonna do it is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.  I’m gonna go off-topic as you’ve seen already, early.

 

I thought I was gonna be talking about whatever I was talking about in the intro, which…oh, hinging at the hips makes me…time changes make my hips winge instead of hinge.  But whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m gonna try to take your mind off of that.  A couple things if you’re new or a couple things to know right up front; one, this is a podcast that is very different.  If you’re having a tough time or you’re wondering what is this…what is going on here?  What is this person…?  I say yeah, no, that makes total sense.  This podcast is a bit different and it takes a few times to get used to, or to get used to so much that you stop paying attention to it.  If you’re skeptical or doubtful, that totally makes sense.  I want to acknowledge that first because I would be if I was new to this podcast.

 

Most reviewers do say yeah, it takes two or three tries to get used to the fact that you don’t really pay attention to this podcast.  That’s the first thing I think to know, is this podcast is a bit different.  You don’t really listen to it.  You just kinda barely listen to it.  You say uh-huh, uh-huh.  Okay, yeah.  Hinging at the hips; kind of like…that’s the thing.  That’s the difference between a Zoom yoga class and a real one especially if they say well, you could turn your camera on or off.  I’ll say oh, I’ll turn it off.  Then they say oh, okay, well, unmute yourselves.  Then if the teacher…I want…how come no one’s…are there yoga professors?  You say well, I’m a…are you a yoga instructor or a yoga teacher?  I’m a professor.  I’m a professor of yoga.  I profess…I guess that would be a yogi.  But that’s a different kind of yoga.

 

But when the teacher says hinge at your hips…if it was in Zoom class, I could say oh yeah, teach…I’m totally hinging at my hips.  Oh boy, my back is…whatever you say.  You say, stack those vertebrae and make yourself taller.  That’s another one I can never wrap my…I say okay, make myself taller?  If I could have done that, I would have done it a long time ago.  These are concepts I’m not making fun of.  I really just struggle with it.  I say okay, pull your head up like you’re on a string.  I, seriously, I try to do those kind of things, especially when the teacher’s there.  Then the teacher…and I have a pretty…my personal boundaries extend a ways out, so then they…back when you used to take classes which for me was like, ten years ago, they had to come and they’d say okay, no, no, this is…your hips…or pull your shoulders back and down.

 

I’d say, what…I don’t know what you’re…I don’t…yeah, put your…my shoulders are down.  No, no, no.  Just like when a photographer says to relax and be natural, I say okay, there’s…thanks for bringing that up.  Now there’s zero…but with a Zoom class you could say oh boy, my hips are hinged.  Oh boy, are my shoulders down and back.  They’ve never been more down or back before.  Okay, so what was I saying?  Just barely pay attention to me.  I may think that those kind of things qualify me for putting you to sleep, not for mastering body…I mean, I’m trying.  I’m trying to be more aware of my body.  It just feels to me like my hips…but I just got one body.  I don’t have…if I was an action figure, I’d say when I play with G.I. Joes or whatever, Barbies, I can totally hinge their hips.  I know exactly what you mean.

 

Right now, I’m holding my lower back and trying to just feel.  It does not feel like my hips have a hinge in there.  I mean, I’m not kidding.  Isn’t that why they made the spine so flexible, so you could just roll your spine over?  This was in the early days — not to go off-topic yet again — but there…Always Sunny is a show that’s been on the air for a long time and I can still remember one of the early seasons, they were lifting something.  They said you gotta lift with your back.  I don’t think I’ve ever laughed more hard in my life.  No, you gotta…are you lifting with your back?  That was the joke in there.  It was so good.  Anyway, okay, back to the…where was I?  Oh, I was trying to tell you why not…I was trying to tell you not to listen to me.  I think I got that covered.  Just barely pay attention.  Listen loosely.

 

Also, there’s no pressure to fall asleep.  I’m gonna be here for about an hour and you could fall asleep whenever you want.  That’s why the shows are so long, so you can just drift off.  If you can’t sleep, I’ll be here to keep you company ‘til the very end.  I’m here and…or if you wake up or if you need the podcast during the day.  It’s the podcast you don’t listen to and you don’t really fall asleep to it.  Those are two things you need to know.  The other things you need to know if you’re new, right upfront, which is like, I’m already ten minutes in the show; the structure of the show is very different, clearly.  The show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary.  That way you know you’re welcome.

 

Then there’s business, or then there’s the supporter stuff and supporting the listener stuff, then there’s business, or that’s all in the beginning, the first six minutes or so.  That’s how we keep the podcast going.  Then there’s an intro from about minute six to minute twenty or so, and the intro is a show within a show.  The intro ideally introduces the new listener to the podcast and either helps you unwind or puts you to sleep or is part of your wind-down routine.  That can really throw new listeners off ‘cause they say well, when’s the show gonna start?  When are you gonna start talking about Mandalorian?  I say well, around twenty minutes in.  Then you might listen to that.  You say well, when is it gonna get sleepy?  I say well, it kinda already…when’s the story start?

 

I say well, the idea of the beginning of the intro is for a [00:10:00] regular listener, it’s familiar because I always try to explain what the podcast is, then I go off-topic.  My hips do come up every six months because I’m…I mean, I remember one of my autobiographies was gonna be The Boy with…The Boy that Didn’t Know His Hips…The Boy…I forgot what it was called, but The Boy that…Boys…Boy Whose Hips Never Hinged…The Hingeless Hips.  The Tale of the Hingeless Hips.  Oh boy, was that a classic tale.  The hips without a hinge.  Then the hips…the sequel was even better; Unhinged Hips.  Oh boy.  Then of course, the bonus content that cost extra; Unhinged Hips After Dark.  Okay, so where was I?  Oh, so the intro goes on and on and on to give you some distance and help you…ease you into bedtime.

 

But you could also skip it.  Like, 2% of listeners start the show at twenty minutes, then another few…I think a couple…like, a decent amount of patrons listen to story-only episodes which is just the story portion of the show.  But for most listeners, and this isn’t…you can…as you become a regular listener, you can kinda decide or it can change.  Peoples’ relationship with the show changes all the time.  But you can kinda see how it goes ‘cause the image I have on my mind is that you’re easing into bedtime.  You’re doing something; stretching or relaxing or doodling or petting your pets, maybe brushing your hair.  I don’t know if you’re doing any exfoliating, but you could.  I mean, exfoliation creates noise, I think, ‘cause…what’s microderm?  Is that a thing?

 

Or what about that…I saw this the other day; my daughter got one.  I can’t remember what material it was made out of, but it’s like some sort of a granite roller, or maybe it’s made out of some other material that you put in the fridge or the freezer.  Maybe you’re doing some granite rolling or foam rolling.  That’s what I like to do.  Oh boy, do I love foam roll…I mean, I don’t love foam rolling, but I do practice it.  Whatever; the podcast is part…supposed to be a part of that, that eases you into bedtime, becomes part of your bedtime routine, gives you some distance between the daytime and the nighttime so that you can…why not?  ‘Cause I know for me, it’s never been easy falling asleep, so I don’t want it to be a rigmarole.  Ideally, I take the rigmarole out of it.

 

But it does take some getting used to, and so the other things are the reason I make this show.  I make this show because I’ve been there.  I know how it feels and what it’s like to dread going to bed or to just wonder oh no, not…please, not again tonight.  You do some of that bargaining; please don’t let me think of all the…as I’m getting ready for bed, please don’t let me think about time and the structure of time.  Please don’t let me start doing math about the twenty-four hour…the proposal for February I made and if that would be possible to fall back every single night.  It seems reasonable, for 20…or I guess that would be 2021.  How about that; we just keep…what if we redo 2020?  Has anybody proposed that yet?  I mean for me, it’s November 2nd, so you’re in the US.

 

When you listen to this…oh, man, I hope you’re great.  But you say, what about a redo?  Think about it from 2020’s perspective.  2020’s…say can’t I get…what, are you gonna give it over to 2021?  I love this idea; fall back every day.  2020; no more daylight savings or whatever, either.  Give me a redo with those things.  But those are the kind of things I don’t want to think about at bedtime or at least not think about, but ideally I prefer they go through my mind like a sieve or a sieve.  Here’s just something that popped in my head; a sieve named Steve.  Have I ever said that on the show?  If I had to name a sieve, I would name my sieve Steve.  If I had a sieve, I would name it Kiv, I guess.  Yeah, Kiv; short for Kivena.

 

I don’t know, I’m here to take your mind off of stuff and bring some levity to bedtime, ideally, though…yeah, and take your mind off of stuff, I guess to put a little fall-back in…you say well, at least I can fall back into bed with Scoots and he’s gonna talk about stuff.  Tonight, he’s gonna talk about the Mandalorian, he’s gonna mispronounce Timothy Olyphant’s name.  I thought he would mispronounce Olyphant or Olyphant, but instead he mispronounced Timothy.  The intro goes on and on and so that you could fall asleep, then there’s the story.  Tonight, I’ll be talking about the Episode 9 or Chapter 9 of the Mandalorian, The Marshal.  If you haven’t seen the show or you might…don’t worry.  This will be a bedtime story about…I guess…I think it’ll have probably references to Cesar Millan in it because there’s a lot of animal training and treat-motivation I think going on in this show.

 

We’ll talk about that, then we’ll have some thank-yous.  So, that’s the structure of the show.  It’s a podcast you don’t really need to listen to or pay attention to.  I make this show ‘cause I’ve been there but also because you deserve a good night’s sleep.  If you can get a good night’s sleep, you’re gonna be in a better place to live your life a little bit more fully, or just not to be grouchy.  I get grouchy; holy mackerel, do I get grouchy.  In the days when I’m not grouchy, my life’s a little bit better and the people I encounter, their lives are a little bit better.  That’s what I hope I can provide.  Now, like I said, this podcast doesn’t work for everybody.  It’s a little bit different, so just give it a few tries and see how it goes.  But I’m glad you’re here.  I really, really work hard on this show.  I really, really want to help you fall asleep.  I appreciate you coming by, and here’s a couple of ways I’m able to make this podcast possible for you twice a week.

 

Alright, everybody, I don’t know if it was Don Henley or somebody else that sang But We’re Back in the Mando Life Again.  Was that Don…?  I think it was Steve Winwood, maybe, it was singing that song, Both a Hunter and the Hunted.  This is Chapter 9, The Marshal.  I actually started the wrong episode, so I said Star Wars open, then I heard beep, beep, beep and I said oh wait, that’s Episode 1, not Episode 9.  Precisely Dexter voice-over, way of the Mandalore.  I don’t think that says precisely Dexter, but the finger…there’s a…where he’s touching Oso’s finger.  There’s a voice-over about the way of the Mandalore, the code of the guild, Nevarro, then Mando going rogue.  This is all a recap of last season.  No life for a kid, old way, showdown, Yoda power, songs of eon past, battles between Mandalore the Great and the sorcerers name the Jedi.

 

By the creed that’s in its care, you must reunite it and feel so good with its own kind.  This is the way.  We see trouble with…I put X-Wing trouble but it’s actually a TIE Fighter.  Secrecy is important.  Take care of the little one.  This is the way.  Oh, he takes off.  Oh, that’s when we see the dude coming out of the X-Wing.  Then we see Lucas, the…this is made by Lucasfilm.  Star Wars helmet-type shots and droid shots.  Then it opens.  We’re back.  Isn’t it nice to be back here in the hands of capable storytellers?  In my opinion, I say oh boy, I can relax and kick back and just enjoy an episodically modular series, in this…with a touch of seriality.  It’s night, it’s…there’s lights, street…well, first we see city lights and a man and his floating pram just walking.  Yoda’s sitting up for the ride, taking it all in.

 

Oh, Oso, excuse me.  I think Oso’s in a robe now.  I don’t know if…how long that’s been, or maybe a burlap sack.  We see graffiti through the town.  It’s anti-Pac-Man ghost graffiti.  They say, we don’t like…this is a Pac-Man friendly town, or they don’t like stormtroopers or Mandalorians.  But I would assume it’s based on Pac-Man.  We also see red eyes, so some puppies or something keeping an eye on Oso and the Mandalore.  I don’t know what secret cookies are in there.  What do they call those; brownies when you hide something in a show?  It’s not a…is it a cookie?  Cookie something else.  Is it a cupcake when you hide something in the background of a TV show?  Anyway, they’re looking for Gor Koresh.  They go to a door person and they say, enjoy the games.

 

Then we see…our first tangent because I gotta talk about Gamorrean guards, briefly.  I haven’t talked about this in a while, but once upon a time when I was a boy, just a young lad a bit older than [00:20:00] Oso or physically, ‘cause I’m a human and not a whatever, a Yodish being, I made my first trip to the…one of the first trips I went to the movies.  The first two movies I saw that I know of were Sword in the Stone and Fox and the Hound, and I think that was on their second runs in the theatre.  I remember begging to see The Empire Strikes Back, but I was too young.  We saw Return of the Jedi and I guess I…maybe I…that was the first movie I saw ‘cause that was…I had convinced myself that the movie theatre would be Star Wars-based, like that it would have…what you would call nowadays a Star Wars pop-up shop, and that they would either be giving away Star Wars action figures or we would have an opportunity to purchase them at a very big discount.

 

I don’t know what convinced me of this, but I was holding on as it was truth and I decided I would purchase a…or if they were giving away for free.  We had a choice; I would pick a Gamorrean guard because they were bigger and I figured I’d just get more…I said well, that’s the biggest one I could pick out, so I’m definitely gonna pick that one ‘cause I’ll get the most value out of it, the most bang for my buck.  I mean, if I could go back in time, I’d say, we gotta get the Boba Fett one because that’s…one worth money.  But alas, they weren’t giving away Gamorrean guard figures.  I guess the action figures came out before the movie, ‘cause I knew about the action figures before I saw the film.  But it was great to see a movie.  The Gamorrean guards are doing…they’re doing some sort of Gamorrean version of sumo wrestling.

 

They have electric loin cloths.  I don’t know if you remember that movie; that was the one…what was it called?  The Last Electric Loin Cloth.  That was a classic.  I thought that was a Disney film, or maybe that was a remake that I saw.  That was one of those videotapes I found in the woods on a trail; The Last Electric Loin Cloth.  But it really was…that…so, that’s…that would be the fanfiction I would write about this.  Oh, and again, just when you feel like you’re in the hands of a capable person guiding you through an episode, you really…there’s a lot of subtle misdirection that I enjoy, or playing with your…what you anticipate.  I really enjoyed that.  Oso is very active in body language, not liking this situation.  There’s more than one case where you say, is Oso gonna be an active protagonist in this?

 

I really like that buildup and also just watching Oso take stuff in and process it, and a lot more Oso sound effects.  Then there’s this thing; in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.  I don’t know if that’s a truism.  That’s something my dad used to tell me when I’d ask…I’d say well, could we get some action figures?  He’d say, in the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.  Then I’d sit there like…I’d say okay, can we go…can we get…can we go…can I get an action figure?  But in this one, yeah, so there’s this person, that’s Gor Koresh.  Mando’s meeting up with him.  What’s up with the kid?  Where I go, he goes.  Then he says, what’s up?  I gotta track down some Mandalorians.  He says, it’s uncouth to talk business right away.  Then he says, are you a gambling man?  The dude just says, do I look like…?

 

I’m wearing shiny armor of a high-priced metal that’s known for its armor-based properties, so wouldn’t that give…isn’t that your answer there?  I’m covered in armor.  He says, so are you a gambling man?  He says, not when it can be avoided.  The guy says yeah, Beskar…what about…I like that Beskar armor.  Mando says well, I don’t leave anything to chance.  Then the…Gor Koresh says…I don’t know…Gor Koresh played by John Tesh?  I don’t think so, but I think it’s…I think played by…I can’t remember ‘cause we saw…whose name did we see in the credits?  I said, is that…?  Who did that…who did they play?  I’ll think of it, but nor do I.  Thanks for caring.  Hidden hives to harvest, hester value.  I don’t know what any of that says.  Thanks for coming by.

 

But basically what happens is he says…they say, you’re…you…we’re gonna take your electric loin cloth.  Oh, also, Oso gets in his seat when he knows there’s trouble.  Hidden hives to harvest; does somebody say that?  Thought you weren’t a gambler.  Let’s see; I’m not.  Oh, the…I guess I’m ahead of myself, or I’m behind.  Oh, he basically says the Beskar’s price is rising and so, I’m gonna take your armor from you.  Hidden hives to harvest…I’m just trying to see if that’s something I imagined.  Everybody out, they say, when he says I don’t gamble.  Thanks for coming to me.  Oh yeah, I’ve been having to go to your hidden hives to harvest ‘cause I love Beskar steel because I can…it’s…whatever, it’s good for hedging or whatever they do.  Harvest your precious, tiny shells.  I’m fond of it.  I’ll take it now.

 

Mandalorian, he doesn’t take this…he goes, tell me where the Mandalorian you know about is and I’ll walk out.  We’ll all walk outta here.  Oso hides.  They can’t match up against the…electric loin cloths or not.  Mandalorian says, of course I have an electric loin cloth, because what do you think powers my suit?  I don’t know, it’s just a interesting sequence, the electric loin cloths.  A couple other people have electric shoulder plates and stuff, but no match it; no match for the Beskar.  The character runs off.  He’s wearing a cummerbund and a tuxedo jacket, and Mandalore…the Mandalorian hangs him up, Din Djarin, and he says, the guy’s on Tatooine.  Promise me you’re gonna let me walk away.  He goes, I promise you I’ll walk away.  Where’s the Mandalorian?  Tatooine.  You swear by that?

 

Yeah, I do.  The only Mando I know is on Tatooine.  Mandalorian goes, I was just there.  I didn’t see any Mandalorian.  He goes, it’s good, it’s good, man.  City of Mos Pelgo.  I swear by the Gotra.  Mando says, Tatooine it is.  Then he turns out the lights and Gor Koresh is kissed by puppies.  Oso sees that.  Then we have the opening of The Mandalorian; Chapter 9, The Marshal.  Then we see the…whatever that…his ship’s called…the Razor Crest is in space with music.  There’s a planet, there’s canyons, there’s Tuskens.  I already forgot what their creatures are called, their beasts of burden, but I’ll remember that, too.  We see planes, we see a city, we see…and then we see a Sedaris, top…one of the top two Sedaris’ on the planet.  Tough to choose between Amy and David, but on a episode of Mandalorian?

 

I’ll take Amy, you know.  Writing a short story about Amy Sedaris’ time on The Mandalorian?  Hm, I’d say I take David, probably, or I’d take both of them writing about it separately.  He lands, droids…you go.  He doesn’t like droids.  Have at it.  He likes droids now.  Guess a lot has changed since you were last…oh, there he is.  Thank the Force.  Oso, oh-so cute.  Give me that baby.  Come here, you little womp rat.  Oso makes some sound effects.  Looks like it remembers me.  How much you want?  Just kidding; not really.  If this thing ever divides or buds, I’ll pay for the offspring.  Just don’t feed it after midnight.  Then the droids are having issues…just like, yeah, a little comedy sequence, you know, gives a little lightheartedness.  Here on business; I need your help.  Business you shall have.

 

You want me to babysit?  No, I’m quested to bring this back to its kind.  Can’t help you there.  Never seen any one of these, and I’ve seen a lot.  I need a Mandalorian, another of my kind, they’ll help me through the coverts.  She goes, I never see…you’re the only Mando I know.  What about Mos Pelgo?  Oh boy, haven’t heard about that one.  I thought it was gone, wiped out by bandits.  When the Empire fell, it was a free-for-all.  That’s why I still stay in the city walls.  She brings up…she goes, R-5, get over here with the map.  No, take your time.  More comedy.  Can’t get good help.  [00:30:00] I don’t even know who to…just really good.  I mean, this show’s so worth watching if you’re not watching it.  She shows him a map, shows him where Mos Pelgo’s…could be or once was.

 

That’s where it was before.  Take your time.  Oh, she’s talking to R-5.  What was there?  He goes, do you got that speeder bike?  She goes, yeah.  Then we go.  He takes a jump off a sand dune.  Oso’s on the side, loving the ride, the desert air in Oso’s baby hair.  We see some sand people, Mando, they share a fire, they talk, have dinner together, and they’re using their combination of language and sign language and sharing a meal.  Oso’s sitting there, too.  Then we have more driving through the desert.  We see…I said, is that…do we see womp rats at some point?  There’s more driving.  Then Mando rolls into town.  When Mando comes to town, there’s…that’s another song.  Who sang that?  When Mando Comes to Town?  But people give him a WTF face.

 

They don’t seem very friendly, so he goes straight to the bar or cantina.  That’s where, you know, that’s… at least in film and…the saloon, I guess, in this situation.  Frontier town…actually, this isn’t a frontier town; this is a mining town on the frontier of mining maybe?  I don’t know.  But what do they say?  He goes to the bar.  At first, I was definitely confused because I wasn’t paying close enough attention on my first watch which was for pleasure, so that’s okay when I’m watching it for fun, but I said, is that the same bar and bartender as the gum-chewer episode?  But it’s not, it’s…because he hadn’t been to this city before.  He had to get directions.  There’s also a ATM in the bar, so if anybody goes there…it could be one of those bars…they say we only take cash, but we got a ATM over there, $20 service charge.

 

Oso sneaks into the bar and Mando goes, you seen any Mandalorians?  He goes, Mando-what’ll?  He goes, anybody like me?  Bartender says, we don’t get many visitors in these here parts.  But he’s pleasant enough.  He goes, well, that would be the marshal.  Mando goes, marshal?  He goes yeah, see for yourself.  Then we have a classic stare-down as the marshal is in Mandalorian armor — not shiny Mandalorian armor — in the doorway, striking a very interesting…different setup than our Mandalorian.  He walks up.  What brings you here, stranger?  You, I’m looking for you…many parsecs.  He goes okay, two snorts of spotchka.  He goes, join me.  He takes his helmet off.  His armor has seen a lot of action.  It’s got a lot of pockmarks, a lot of damage.

 

Then he takes his helmet off and we say holy oly, and great hair, man, Timothy Olyphant’s.  I don’t know if this is a cameo, but I’d say it’s a cameo…say, what a series of cameos for Sleep With Me; we had Olyphant in Good Place, now we have Timothy here out in the outback.  He goes yeah, you’re probably…oh, also, Oso’s in a spittoon, like looking in a spittoon.  Timothy Olyphant says jeez, never met a real Mandalorian.  I know your reputation precedes you, though.  Clearly, you know I’m not a Mandalorian but I’m wearing Mandalorian armor, so why don’t we share a drink ‘cause there’s probably gonna be trouble, eh?  But then he goes, then I see this little guy here looking in the spittoon, so maybe I have you wrong.  Maybe you’re not a B-U-L-L-Y.  So, sit down and let’s talk.  Mandalorian goes, who are you?

 

He goes, Vance Cobb or something.  He goes, I’m the marshal of Mos Pelgo; keep peace in this part.  Yeah, Cobb Vanth.  He goes, where’d you get the armor?  Bought it off some Jawas.  Where you think I got it?  Mandalorian goes, hand it over.  He says look, I know you’re used to being the boss, but I’m just here…have you seen my hair?  He goes, I’m in charge here.  Mandalorian says take it off, man, or I’ll take it off you, which is not very…but I mean, the Mandalorian’s known for his brusque demeanor.  He goes, there’s a kid here.  He goes yeah, I just…already dealt with somebody.  Cobb Vance is…the marshal says okay, well, if we have to, we have to, unfortunately.  But obviously, if I’m the authority figure in this town, I can’t have you coming in and doing it.  Then this earth starts to shake.

 

Oso hides right in the spittoon, poor Oso.  Cobb Vance, the marshal, holds up a one-second-please finger.  We see a windmill, we see rumbling, we see people running, wind picks up.  The sand begins to move.  At first, I thought it was a sand worm.  It’s dinnertime.  I said, holy Dune, Tremors, and Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.  I’m not gonna say it thrice though, because I don’t need to.  Maybe it’s a…oh, and then they’re together as this sand worm-type creature goes through town, snacks on some of…some friendly character.  Just a kiss.  Then he says, maybe we could work something out.  The Mando says, work something out how?  He says well, this thing’s too much for me to deal with.  It’s a krayt dragon.  He goes, maybe if you help me, we could make a deal.  You help me, I give you the armor.

 

Mando says, okay, fair enough.  That’s a deal.  He goes so, what…he goes, I know where it lives.  Now I also said, Cobb Vance, can you actually…I realized…can you keep that helmet on or keep your helmet with you at least?  I mean, I know you got that square jaw and the beautiful hair, but can you at least…can you please…can you?  Oh, also, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, that was another…yet another time I said holy oly.  The town cleans up and they head off into the desert, the two of them; Mando on his speeder bike and Cobb Vance on a pod-racer-type vehicle.  They’re talking.  They say, let’s do some driving and let’s get some exposition in while we drive.  Mando says, it sounds exactly what I like, man.  Again, I like…’cause I missed the exposition earlier the first time I watched.

 

Don’t tell me once how you’re gonna do things; tell me twice, so Cobb Vance does, but in more detail.  He says okay, so the Death Star; second Death Star, right?  Mando goes bye-bye.  Everybody’s partying.  The bar was packed, fireworks, we were watching on the news.  But he goes, it was a vacuum, power vacuum.  The mining collective comes in and he says, one thing I gotta…this is my favorite bartender.  I gotta save my bartender, not knowing that people in the mining collective don’t know how to make drinks, so they’re gonna need a bartender anyway.  But I guess at least initially, he says they got a real…they probably had to realize it.  He does say okay, I gotta make them appreciate that they need a bartender.  So, he saves the bartender.

 

He says, I took what I could and I was saved.  Oh, so he takes what he can.  Ends up, he grabs one of those buckets that’s also like a safe in a cooler that had Beskar seal in it.  That’s what you use to carry around your valuables on different planets.  But you also…the people that don’t value floating prams…I’m sure out here they would ‘cause if you’re in a mining business, you say well, what do you need these beasts of burden for?  I’ll just bring over some floating prams.  They throw them away over on this other planet.  But he, Cobb Vance, runs, then he wanders in the desert.  So, definitely this cool western feel.  He gets picked up by the Jawas and the Jawas love the crystals, the crystals he has; siliax crystals.  They’re high-value, very high-value.  He goes, I got more than a full water bottle.

 

They offered me their most expensive items, and also a call-back that I remember.  I’m pretty sure.  I’m gonna watch it again to be sure, but I think they have the C-L-O-W-N head of a droid that is in the first…the Star Wars…the [00:40:00] original Star Wars that came out first when they’re in the moving thing.  They still haven’t been able to sell that because it’s like…they say, I don’t want a droid that looks like that.  It’s unsettling.  Let’s see, right now he’s drinking water.  All the Jawas are walking around.  They’re gonna start…they open up his safe and they say whoa, boy; purple crystals.  This stuff’s great.  They offer him his finest wares first, like a…like look, a Dyson vacuum.  Then R-2 type units, then I’m pretty sure…let’s see, is it coming up next?  He sees the Beskar armor or the Mandalorian armor.

 

Yeah, there it is.  It definitely is.  I don’t normally notice these cookies, but that was definitely the C-L-O-W-N droid from the first movie.  Never liked that thing; never will.  Talk about…holy Clarabelle, right?  Or was that Slappy from the bumps of…when your hair stands up in books?  Okay, so where are we?  So then he goes back to deal with the…he gets the armor, goes back to deal with the mining collective.  Marshal’s back in town, shows down with them.  They run ‘cause they’re B-U-L-L-I-E-Ss.  He jet packs them outta there.  He says, not only are you gonna…now you’re not a mining collective ‘cause you’re…tried to become authoritarians.  Now you’re totally out, so collect your mining and get out of town permanently.  Went on their permanent record because he’s the marshal.

 

He keeps permanent records.  They’re gone.  Then they’re in the desert canyon.  Now we’re back to the present.  Enough exposition, they say, and I say well, that was delicious.  They’re in the desert canyon, they stop.  There’s lots of sound effects.  As far as I know, we meet a new type of being, a dino-dog which Mando charms the dino…first, Cobb Vance is a bit prickly sometimes so he says what are you doing?  Mando says, these are dino-dogs.  You just pet ‘em and you treat ‘em with respect.  Then some sand people come.  Cobb Vance is like, what are you doing?  They communicate for a while.  He goes, they want to kill the…he says, they’d like the krayt dragon — which is like the sand worm — to move out of town as well.  So if we could get that to happen as a team, that would be great.

 

Then we see another thing.  Then we see the…one of the sand people cleaning one of its beast of burden’s teeth with its stick that you’ve seen in a lot of sequences before…in Star Wars sequences with sand people.  Then they sit by the fire.  They’re supposed to share this drink.  The dogs like Oso.  It’s like a carbon smoke plant drink that you share.  Cobb Vance is stubborn so he says, I’m not drinking this.  I don’t abide by sand people.  Mandalorian says, you’re the one who’s stolen all their water.  He raises his voice.  Mando says, talk with your inside-out…campfire voice, man.  Well, Cobb Vance starts arguing, so then the sand people are arguing…strongly reacting to his argument, so Mando waves the fire of peace.  He gives them a coach talk, a talking-to just like a coach in a movie.

 

He says, everybody sit down.  We’re gonna talk about this.  We’re gonna talk about it and we’re gonna talk about it in a way that moves forward.  Either we work together or we work in opposition.  It’s gonna be a lot easier to work together as a team and do this…we have a shared goal, so put your hands in here and we’ll ride out to the desert.  Then it’s morning and they’re on the horned beasts of burden which…don’t worry, at some point I’ll remember what they’re called.  They go through the desert.  A couple of them go up to the cavern.  They leave a couple energy bars at the entrance to the cave and they say yeah, the sand people have been feeding this thing more and more over the years, like thousands of years, or I think…or hundreds of years so they sleep longer.

 

The more you feed it…you give it a offering of a…oh, Bantha; Bantha bars.  He says, you give it five Bantha bars.  Cobb Vance says what are the Bantha bars made of, Banthas?  He goes, no; Bantha…you know, Bantha pies.  Cobb Vance says, the krayt dragon eats Bantha pies?  Then there’s a long sequence where they go through and they say well, the Bantha has forty-four stomachs.  It consumes…it’s concentrated nutrients to us.  To the Bantha, it’s waste.  But the Bantha actually consists on things we would…it’s just a weird thing.  Banthas made up…yeah, it’s a desert-dwelling creature.  Then Cobb Vance says so, in that case, what does a Bantha eat?  Mando says, waste.  He says, wait a second…he goes, yeah, it’s…you could…desert’s not a totally closed ecosystem.

 

Also, it’s…it had a Sarlacc before which brings up the idea of…last time we saw Cobb Vance’s armor, it was in a Sarlacc pit.  They do that Bantha bar thing, then there’s the Wookie call from the…there’s a lot from the…that Obi-Wan did.  Sand person runs, but they don’t run fast enough.  Oso watches too and makes sound effects, but the krayt dragon says, enough Bantha bars.  I want to lick a sand person.  It does that and they go oh, snap, man.  Any fresh ideas?  Just get a bare sense of the krayt dragon size.  Oso’s oh-so cute in this, man.  Oso hides, pops its head up.  Then they have a meeting with the Tuskens.  They say okay, let’s bring it together, let’s cross it, let’s swirl it around.  They have a whole model set up.  Cobb Vance says, that’s…it’s not that big.  He’s Cobb-splaining things.

 

Mando says, they know what they’re talking about, man.  They say well, how are we gonna do this?  They’re trying to plot it out with the model.  Cut it, pat it, mark it with a B, tickle its belly is eventually what they come to, which is a nice way to solve the problem.  They say, how are we gonna do this?  We don’t have a way to do this.  Mando shares a idea in Tusken, then there’s more rocks…or they’re…I don’t think they’re…I don’t know if they’re rocks or mini-acorns.  Cobb says, where are they getting more people?  He goes, your village, dude.  He goes, you want to do this.  So, then they drive back which is a strange, long, non-talking sequence so I don’t know if they cut the dialogue or…but it’s like, about four seconds.  I said, that’s a long four seconds.  Then the town…they have a town meeting.

 

The town will listen to reason.  They respect you, Mando says.  Go into that meeting and give it everything you got, kid.  He says, we’re equal.  Then he says, this is a Mandalorian.  Ever heard of him?  Yeah, we heard the rumors about him.  They’re not easy to deal with.  Cobb goes yeah, they’re good at stuff.  He goes, this one’s got a problem; I got his armor and by law, I gotta give it back to him.  So, I worked a deal, though.  I’ve got a problem; krayt dragon.  Then he goes, not only is that deal with the armor, our mining stuff…he goes, there’s a school in our town, you know.  He goes, we can’t…we gotta protect the school.  That gets everybody on board.  Vote Cobb, 20…3034 or whenever.  He goes, the Mandalorian’s gonna help us in exchange if I give the armor back to him which seems like a fair deal.

 

Everybody says, that’s good.  The bartender goes, perfect.  Bar tab paid up.  Cobb says yeah, we need help.  He goes, we need all you and all the sand people.  Then the people have…they have their own ideas about sand people that aren’t based in fact and more based in feelings.  Mando makes a speech.  Goes yeah, you got your differences, but this…we all have something in common.  Haven’t you heard this idea of common enemy?  We got a common enemy; krayt dragon.  So, we can put aside our differences and work together.  He goes also, they keep their word.  We made a deal and the deal’s gonna be good.  We gotta leave it its carcass and ichor or whatever.  They said there’ll be peace unless you start trouble.  That’s what they say.  Everybody nods.

 

Then we have the…they say, oh…then Mando [00:50:00] and Vance meet together.  Okay, joining force is our only hope.  Our only hope is when…I don’t know if they have to say that in all Star Wars things.  Like, another fine mess you got me into.  But then the sand people arrive on a caravan of Banthas.  Everybody starts loading up.  There’s big music, lots of staring from the townspeople.  Somebody does say, we could use…if only we had more floating prams, we could get there.  Also, I wanted to say if you watch this, watch it…look at a Bantha face.  I have resting Bantha face.  That’s the exact way my face looks 99% of the time, and this is not a joke.  That’s my normal look, is the exact look on a Bantha’s face.  I don’t even have resting Bantha face; I have 24/7 Bantha face, so you could call me Bantha face if you want.

 

I don’t think we need to hashtag it.  Just say Scoots, do you really have…oh yeah, I’ve seen a picture of you.  Except when I’m posing for pictures, then I have uncomfortable Bantha waste face when a Bantha’s making a waste.  Anyway, they…somebody drops something, there’s a big argument.  They say, just work together, man.  That’s what Cobb Vance says.  Then there’s shots of the desert caravan.  They go to the cave.  Then we have some great eighteen prep work.  For the rest of the episode, I’m gonna present this to you in numbered order.  These are the steps.  This is the…this is like a thirty-four…I don’t even know how many step plan to deal with the krayt dragon, in a sequence.  So, this is the sequence; step one, look at the cave and stand around.

 

Step two; one person, preferably a…not you walks to the cave.  In this case, it does have to be a Tusken.  Have them feel the ground.  Do a dramatic cave shot.  What’s going on?  They listen to the ground.  They say, it’s sleeping and snoring.  Okay, three; drink the drink that shows unity, the carbon smoke drink to show that you’re unity in a team.  Step four; carry a bunch of stuff near the cave.  Step five; dig a trench and bury the tickle…ticklers.  They have the little ticklers that they’re burying.  They have a combined…thousands of these things, like back massagers that are battery-operated.  That’s their plan.  I think they presented their plan…I didn’t communicate it or maybe they reveal it as they’re doing it, but they say okay, we’re gonna get it out here.  These are remote-controlled.  Turn it on.

 

It’ll tickle its belly so much that the thing will just move out of town ‘cause it doesn’t like being tickled, krayt dragons.  Doesn’t like it in a way where it’s not…it doesn’t prefer it.  It says, I prefer not to be tickled, so I will leave the area.  Also, they have these vibrating Nerf darts, so…that are shot out of Nerf crossbows, so those also would suck…stick to you with a suction cup and vibrate.  If you’re a krayt dragon, it would tickle.  They set that up; that’s step six.  Also do some narration of your plan during this time.  Step five…four; carry stuff.  Step five; dig a trench, put the ticklers in.  Step six; get the Nerf crossbows with the ticklers ready and narrate your plan.  Step seven; bury more ticklers ideally with more great music and narration.

 

Step eight; get the remote…have a kid bring the remote control to you to show one more likeable moment and get the remote control for the remote-based ticklers.  Nine; take possession of the remote and tell the kid to stay safe.  Step ten; walk and observe progress that has been completed or almost completed at a distance.  Eleven; everybody get ready and anticipate something getting ready to happen.  Step twelve; send three people this time to walk towards the cave, ideally not from your party as everybody would think, but these…the…not the Banthas; the Tuskens are much more brave.  Plus, they can do the call.  Then they do the call.  Make the call.  Step thirteen; run as fast as you can.  Step fourteen; run faster than that.  Step fifteen; use the vibrating Nerf darts.

 

Oh, they also have streamers attached to them.  Sixteen; hold the streamers that make a even more powerful tickling vibration.  Step seventeen; watch.  You didn’t overwhelm it with tickling, so the krayt dragon suspects something and starts to retreat.  Step eighteen; it doesn’t totally retreat, so just wait for a second.  Step nineteen; throw Nerf balls…everything you can at it.  More Nerf darts.  Also in step nineteen, then more…run, throw more stuff, shoot more Nerf darts, wait with the remote control ‘cause we only have one shot.  Step twenty; you’ve made it.  You’ve gotten the krayt’s attention again.  Shoot more Nerf darts and hold onto them.  Try to pull them so they’re getting the most tickling.  Step twenty-one; nevermind, run away again.

 

Step twenty-two; the krayt dragon disappears and the bad news is, when it hides, it comes back out and it can…has a slime…has the ability to slime people and cover you in gross, gross slime.  Step twenty-three; I can’t read.  It looks like it says now, but that can’t be it.  Now, wind.  Let’s see what happens.  They’re getting slimed right now.  Oh no, it didn’t hide yet.  It just slimed the people.  Oh, no…yeah, so I’m ahead of it.  It doesn’t go and hide.  It slimes them, then they try the ticklers, but the krayt dragon just happened to be moving when they launched the ticklers.  That says now.  Then there’s wind from so much vibration of ticklers, but the krayt dragon goes under the ground.  Oh, dear, because now the krayt dragon takes the high ground and starts sliming everybody from above.

 

Step twenty-four; see…somebody say womp rats, or we’re getting…we’re caught like womp rats.  Step twenty-five; heroes, put on your helmets and fly using the jet packs while Oso watches.  Also, if you have any hero music, play it now.  Step twenty-eight; we brought…we have superior Nerf vibration tickling weapons with feathers.  Use them.  Keep doing that, so keep shooting it with feather-based Nerf darts.  Okay, step twenty-eight didn’t work.  Step twenty-nine; run away by air because we can’t…we have jet packs.  So, run, but by air.  Step thirty; we really irritated the krayt dragon.  Get ready because it’s…disappeared again.  Step thirty-one; turn around, it’s behind us.  Step thirty-two; run again really fast.  Step thirty-three; ideally, get a new idea.  Step thirty-four; let’s make it really mad.

 

Use your super…your thing that looks like a Nerf dart but it’s really full of water because it’s just a sponge, so that’ll really get on its nerve.  Step thirty-five; this one’s right out of the Mando playbook, the old self…the total heroism.  Take care of Oso because I can’t take care of him now because I gotta do something super heroic for Oso and because it’s the right thing to do and I’m capable of doing it.  Thirty-six; wait with the Bantha that has a bunch of backup vibrating ticklers that have double feathers on them.  Step thirty-six B; hold onto the really…hold on really tight to the Bantha because it doesn’t want to be…doesn’t want the krayt dragon to come so close that it gets tickled.  Step thirty-seven is a mystery because the Bantha, Mando, and…so, mystery move.

 

But it really is paid off almost instantly, but it’s a mystery right now move.  We don’t know where Mando, the krayt dragon, or the one Bantha with all the ticklers went.  Oh, the earth shakes, then the krayt dragon bursts out because on step thirty-eight, what you really did was the old Nostromo or whatever Pinocchio’s dad’s name was [01:00:00] move, or Pinocchio, into the belly of the whale.  Scoots has probably used that five or six times in his stories, too.  Also, do the electric slide with the ticklers on the inside of the krayt dragon.  That’ll tickle it twice as much ‘cause krayt dragons have double the nerve endings on the inside.  Step thirty-nine; the krayt dragon runs away but also leaves behind tons of nutrients because it was so tickled so much that the krayt dragon also, like Banthas, leaves behind lots of nutrients.

 

I mean, that’s not even gross because it’s just a fact in the…of life in the desert.  Also, a lot of water in its own containers, like purified water.  Step forty; do a lot of close-ups of everybody and hugs and cheering.  All is well.  Step forty-one; clean up.  Oso even gets one of the pieces of leftovers and Mando to say, this is great stuff.  This is even…lasts longer than Bantha bars.  Step forty-two I guess is more than…return the armor.  My pleasure.  Also, let your people know I didn’t break this.  Do that thing; you’re a good father, a good person taking care of Oso.  Well, you’re a good marshal.  Hope our paths cross again.  Step forty-three; for the sand people, find the pearl that was the lucky…must have been a lucky charm but it wasn’t so lucky for the krayt dragon, so that’s good for them.

 

Step forty-four; just like you would expect, ride off into the desert sunset.  Awesome music.  That ends…oh no, then that ends the episode.  Sunsets; sorry, I forgot to…the main part that would have been good.  Ride off into the sunsets or sunrises ‘cause there’s two suns or moons on the planet they’re on.  Step forty-five; be viewed by a mystery figure that’s maybe Boba Fett.  I don’t know.  But then also, the one that was probably in the other episode.  Then we’ll go through…this time there’s eleven pieces of art.  The first one is the krayt dragon against the end titles, then a Bantha ride into the sun…suns.  Then a speeder bike ride with Oso having fun, then four; the dude from the beginning upside-down.  Oh, that…let’s see, now that the titles are running, I can figure out who that was.

 

I don’t know how my mind is totally blanking.  I know exactly who it is, but I can’t think of it, unless they do the voice for somebody else.  Oh, then I’ll go to…there’s the speeder…oh, they’re holding hands.  Where am I?  Patre Pascal…oh, John Leguizamo.  Yeah, sorry, John.  That’s terrible.  Okay, so the dude upside down, then boom sheriff, then the dogs in the canyon, then Oso playing with a womp rat, then eight is fireside chats.  Nine is Mando and the sand people or the Tuskens.  I don’t know what they prefer to be called.  That’s why I keep calling them both ones ‘cause I say well, I don’t know what they want to be called.  Then Mando and the krayt dragon, number ten, when he was flying out of the mouth of it.  Then eleven is the sunsets or the sunrises and the mystery person shot from behind.

 

Then there’s a zoom; there’s the old…oh, now I…that effect used with pictures is named after a famous document, Ken…not Ken Jennings.  Then Ken Barnes.  Why can’t I…?  Famous PBS documentarian, Ken…anyway, you know who I’m talking about.  It’s right in my brain; it’s just not accessible.  But that effect where you’re zooming in in a picture and moving it.  That’s the end of the episode.  Welcome back, Mando.  Goodnight, everybody.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

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