879 – Cleaning Up The Golden Road | Get Besos Season 3 Finale
The soothing sounds of saying L-M-N-O-P will lead our heroes home where they can rest after a meandering journey when they all learned about courage and trust and making things right.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls and friends beyond the binary and my Patreon peeps. Patreon peeps, I wish I had socks on right now because I don't know, the temperature's, it's sock temperature and I don't have socks on. But thanks for supporting the show. Let's get on with the show. Hey, everybody, it's Scoots and I know this is not an easy time for anybody. This episode was recorded a few months ago. So I just wanted to let you know that and to let you know to check our show notes for resources because the podcast is here to put you to sleep but there's more resources in our show notes if you're needing more. Please use those links. You're really important to me, so please use them thank you so much.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, and mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me: The Podcast That Puts You to Sleep. We do a bedtime story. All you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I'm going to do the rest. What I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake. So if thoughts are keeping you up about the past, present, or future, feelings and emotions coming up for you, physical sensations or changes in scheduled time or routine belays whatever is keeping you awake.
I've got a safe place here. I'm smoothing it, I'm patting it, I'm rubbing it down. I'm saying safe place, I get it cleared out. Signed, sealed, delivered safe place. And the way I'm going to get it to you is I'm going to send my voice across the deep dark night. I'm going to use lulling, soothing, creaky dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. So I'm going to go off to talk a lot of nonsense, partial words as much towards all those things. I'm going to send those to you across the deep dark night and to keep you company and to take your mind off stuff mostly.
So if you're new, a few pieces of information. One, this podcast does not work for everybody. But for most people that become regular listeners, it takes two or three tries before you say, “Wait a second, this podcast never made any sense.” So that's one thing. The second thing is it goes along with it. This isn't really a podcast you listen to or pay attention to. You say, “Okay, when's he going to get started? Like, when's this thing getting off the ground with the bedtime stories and the putting me to sleep?” And I say, “Well, we got pointless meanders to get to first and going off topic.” And you know pregnant pauses, I have to …
These pauses didn't get pregnant on their own. That you know, it takes a bit a little bit of work. I'm one of those few people that can impregnate a pause with my natural charisma. It's okay. The only place that this particular form of charisma comes in handy is with pauses. But oh boy. Yeah, pitches to just to go over. No, you see, well, Scoot's actually are pregnant pauses because usually it's supposed to be pregnant with meaning. I say, well, minor pregnant with lulling, soothing tones, and pointless meanders that brought maybe. So this podcast kind of look at it in a fuzzy way or an out of focus way or just barely listen. Those are the best ways to listen to consume the podcast.
So this is a podcast show you don't really need to listen to. That's one. But really, this is also the one sleep podcast. Sleep podcast has been around since 2013. And it doesn't put you to sleep. So I'm the one sleep podcast that's not really here to put you to sleep. I'm here to keep you company as you drift off, or during the day, which is more and more popular right now for a little break. Or if you wake up in the middle of the night, or if you can't sleep, I'm going to be here like, believe me, I know the listeners that can't sleep or need a break during the day. And I'm here for you.
I mean, these episodes are complete. I'm here, complete nonsense, but I'm complete as well. And I'll be here to the very end to keep you company. And in some sense, this will work since that you can sleep soundly knowing you don't need to pay attention but then I'm here to keep you company. But if you're on the other side of it, and you can't sleep, I'm here to keep your company, too, so it's like a double bonus. So okay, those are two of the things. So other thing that throws new people off about the show is the structure. And the structure actually was designed over the first 300 episodes it took to kind of get the structure down to where it is today. And maybe another 150 to the full on structure. So like it can throw people off.
So show starts off with a greeting. Ladies, gentlemen, boys and girls and friends beyond the binary. What up? Time for me to goof around. Then there's business, which is essential for regular listeners, new listeners, not super important. But it's like my favorite part is that the podcast is free and accessible to anybody. Well, not accessible. It might be you know, anybody might work for. It's like trying to get through a wall of marmalade or something that is not very accessible. It's like trying to find one Lego in a tub of pudding and you'd say, “Wow you really know how to make up analogies that work well on a sleep podcast.” So I'll say, “Well, thank you.”
So structure of the show. So it starts off with business or greeting business. Business throws some people off and then the intro throws off other people so this is the thing. This fact isn't enough for everybody. But if you're skeptical or doubtful, just give it a few tries so there's nothing to lose here other than a little bit of time. I'm not everybody's cup of tea, which structurally I just want to give you some info because it can throw people off unnecessarily. So the show, like I said, it barely ever get started. It does get started but it just kind of putters along.
So the intros is starting the show. It's the first 20 minutes of the show which is about one third of the podcast with the greeting, the business, and then the intro. And for the new listener, kind of the intro introduces you to the podcast, it gives you a general idea of what to expect, which is yeah, we say, “Well, it's not bad.” It is like watching someone search for a Lego in a giant tub of pudding. And in this case, they were searching for that Lego soccer ball in a tub of tapioca pudding, so it was not going well. Oh shoot, but the intro the real thing about the intro is it introduces new people to the podcast, but for regular listeners why the intro?
So the intro is like 12 to 18 minutes combined with the rest of the show, 20 minutes. And for a regular listener, it's the wind down and they're easing into bedtime, easy like a Sunday morning as EL Train used to sing. Easy and drawn out like a Sunday morning. We say, “Okay, it's still 11:00 on a Sunday. Can still consider that kind of morning.” That's why they invented brunch maybe. And so a lot of listeners like 2% of the listener start the show at 20 minutes. Then a large chunk of like 5,000 people support the show on Patreon and they might listen to a story on the episodes or the Patreon releases.
Within the rest of the listeners, a few hundred thousand people, they listen to the show, some of them started before they get into bed, and some of them started right when they get into bed and it helps give you a runway, like ease you off into bedtime. Because for most of us that have trouble sleeping, it's not something that happens instantaneously. So the intro helps the day fade away and you could do it with other bedtime routines like foam rolling or folding. Maybe you do some origami. Maybe you're doing some doodling or petting those sweet, sweet pets that continue to tip me when I say there's nothing better to do right now than to pet some pets or blow kisses to your fish tank. Or wink at your fishes or other … Wink at your terrariums right now and do flex your bicep.
Even if you don't have a terrarium, flex your bicep and kiss it just in case a terrarium somewhere in the universe needs to watch a human kiss their bicep or their shoulder. You know, make them feel good. They say, “Oh boy. If it wasn't for that human kissing their bicep in a goofy way, I don't know how …” Being in this terrarium I mean it's not bad. But that makes it grand. It gives me something to look forward to every night, which is a goal of the show. And you say, “People look forward to this?” And I say, “Well, kind of.” So if you're new kind of just start listening and then kind of see how it goes. And you could say, “Well, I'm going to be one of those 2% that start the show at 20 minutes and then just get it cool sort of story.”
Or you say, “Well, I like to start up before I get in bed. I brush my teeth. I can't really hear you while I'm brushing my teeth, but you know, it's not like …” I'd say, “Yeah, that might work for you.” So the main thing is that the podcast if you become a regular listener, that it becomes some part of some nice routine at bedtime you could look forward. And you say, “Well, sleep with me.” So like one part of that petting the pets and kissing biceps is probably that's the keystone habit.
Maybe that can be our keystone habit or kissing your shoulders like if you need self soothing. A lot of people that listen a long time they know this is a powerful technique I've invented. When you need a little silliness, that's when you kiss bicep. And if you need, you kiss both your biceps. If you need even more silliness, you just smooth your bicep loudly. If you need something more gentle and self-soothing, you just kiss your shoulder. And you could kiss it through your clothing or you could lower your T-shirt or whatever. And you say, “Hey, you're doing a good job, shoulder. I'm just giving you a little kiss.”
Or you could do something like fake European and kiss both your shoulders and say, “Wa-wa-woo,” or you know, “Mon ami.” So those are all things you could do. Maybe those could be all part of the keystone habit. I guess that's not one thing. You can't say self-kiss. Sleep with me and self-kissing the habit that makes sleep possible, but it would be true. It would just get a lot of odd looks especially if you were telling people. How would you describe your sleep routine in two words?” And you say, “Well, thanks, Oprah for having me on, but I only get two words?” “Yep, just tell me …” “Bicep kissing is it's a secret to sleep.”
But also kissing your shoulders if necessary, and then the sleep with me pod … Oh, thanks for having me on. I didn't get to the part right plugged my podcast. At least I plugged. I don't know if she understood when I said bicep kissing either. So now they have somebody with that expert on habit that's contradicting what I said. Well, it's fine because we all know the power of kissing a bicep towards some imaginary terrarium. We found the secrets and don't even keep them secret. It doesn't make any sense to most people, right? They say what does he do? This is a conversation so that sometimes we have couples that listen together. Then other times we have couples that have a friendly relationship around the podcast.
One member of the couple listens for the partnership and the other is like, “Well, that's great that Scoots can help you sleep.” And then we have like a lightly antagonistic couple like that someone who … Sleep, the podcast, the other person has like white antagonistic feelings towards me. And those are the people that say, “Why does he tell you to kiss your shoulders? Like are your bi? We don't have a terrarium. But why are you kissing … What kind of thick podcast is it? He tells you to kiss your shoulder. I'd say, “Buddy, if you were kissing the right shoulders, if you were setting up doing the chores and not falling asleep so fast and snoring so loud, you might be kissing some shoulders.”
Sorry, I had to talk back to the … But I see yeah, it's just something fun and nice to do in our imaginary friends, in our terrariums or aquariums, even the other pets. I mean the other pets are per se, enough with the bicep kissing. Could you just pat me again? And by the way, pets, you could become patrons, too. You just figure it out, I don't know how to do it but figure it out. You're mildly intelligent or unbelievably intelligent. I was just kidding there. I put that in for your human sakes so they don't know about the deal we worked out.
So okay, so circle back. Oh, so structure I was trying to tell you about how structure … The intro can go on and on and on and go nowhere to help you, a part of your bedtime routine. So I think we've demonstrated that. Then after the intro some business, then after the business is our bedtime story. In that tonight, it'll be as a final … It'll be a series finale of our episodically modular series to get this season three, it is the [inaudible 00:15:24] season. Though we'll also have a recap episode so don't worry. So that's the structure of the show. I guess that's it. I mean, I hope you give the show a few tries.
The reason I make a podcast is because I believe you do deserve a good night's sleep in a place of solace, and that the world will be a better place when your world's a better place, when you're rested, and you can enjoy it a little more. You can have a little bit more rest to cope and deal with stuff. That brings me happiness knowing you're getting some rest or that you're not dreading bedtime. That brings me joy actually, when I hear from people who say, “I don't dread bedtime anymore. I more look at it as an opportunity kiss my biceps. Then I listen to your podcast.” Because a keystone habit is really the kissing of the biceps.
So somebody remind me that if I haven't started to doing that, the sleep with me method. But if you think other people have, you know, then … I say, “Well, I have the shoulder kissing. Also, the imaginary terrarium,” which other people if they kiss their biceps, they don't have either one of those. And the sound effects are important. So anyway, I'm glad you're here. Like I said, give the show a few tries, kind of see how it goes. I really hope it can help you. I'm really glad you came by and gave me your time. I work very hard at yearning to strive, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. And here's a fewer ways we're able to bring you this podcast for free.
All right, everybody, welcome to our ongoing episodically modular series, [inaudible 00:17:07] so season three. The Tale of Richard Orange series. Actually, you know, by the way, this is the last episode. This is our episodically modular series, meaning you can listen to it in any order. It's episodically modular, so you could listen to an order but this happens to be the last episode of this season. Though there still will be a recap episode. So this is season three. Yeah, so this is the tale of Richard … This is called [inaudible 00:17:51]. It's the tale of Richard Warren Sears and James Cash Penney, who once lived on earth just like we did but in an earlier time.
They were titans of retail industry who passed on to greener pastures in the … Well, not greener pastures. In their case, not worse. They passed on the new opportunities in post-earth life existence, in a place we call, colloquially called purgatory, which was a very dull place, so uneventful. And they spend some time there in purgatory. Then Richard Warren Sears, it started reading the news and heard about this new titan of retail industry, Jeff Bezos. All these are fictional characters, by the way. And they decided to head to Earth, return to Earth, to teach Jeff how to love and many more lessons. So many life lessons.
They wanted to share with him, they really wanted to get Bezos and help him, get Bezos and give him a hug. And so they did that in season one. It went pretty well until they went down to H-E Double Hockey Sticks. They ended up like the existing H-E Double Hockey Sticks. Then they said, “Well we still need that H-E Double Hockey Sticks, so we're going to reinvent it and create a H-E Double Hockey Sticks 2.0.” And ended up to … I think that's how the season ended. That did not go well though.
Between seasons, their plans for H-E Double Hockey Sticks 2.0, which was really, I don't know if I talked about this. They decided to take everybody that was in H-E Double Hockey Sticks and say, “Hey, we've heard of guardian angels. What about a guardian buddy? We take everybody from H-E Double Hockey Sticks. Clearly, everybody that's been down here has learned their lesson. We're going to send you to Earth to work with one human because we actually have enough people down here that it really worked out mathematically. And you go up there and help your human live their best life, their most moral positive life so they don't end up in H-E Double Hockey Sticks. Gives you a second chance in some proverbial sins.”
And assume you might say, “Well, I'm not so sure that's a great idea.” It ends up you're right. Sending people from H-E Double Hockey Sticks to be guardian angels or something like that does not work. And in order to save Earth, I think they had to de-exist most of earth, but a one pack of [inaudible 00:20:50] have made it really good. They ended up becoming a utopia. Again, this is on a long timeline. A long time ago, galaxy far, far away. That utopia just happened to be called Bezos because one of Jeff's descendants was the founder of it, I think. Or maybe it was based on the ancient … I don't know.
But then in season two, Richard Warren Sears, Jeff went to go to the utopia Bezos so that he could check on his progeny. I don't know if … Like one of his descendants, I think. James and Richard went to get Bezos once again and then that ended up not going good either. The utopia ended up fine, but they ended up kind of de-existing heaven and a lot of other stuff. But the whole reason that happened was because of what he called that divine creator, you know, the grand architect was out on sabbatical. Once again Richard Warren Sears, James Cash Penney, and Jeff Bezos have found themselves in purgatory before season three started.
And since most of Earth … Now, you might say, “Oh boy so most of Earth is de-existed.” I say, “Well in this story,” but you know when you have a divine architect or whatever they'd back everything up including organic backups so they had a backup Earth called Hearth with a silent H, but I say it now just you know it's called Hearth. In that second Earth very similar to ours that you know so well, there was another titan of retail and social sharing Z Biff, who had a social media shopping and sharing platform called the Z Biff. Ubiquitous. It had come to dominate life in that world Hearth.
Jeff saw the impact that … So like Jeff had known about Jeff's life and said, “Well, I'm having second thoughts and now I see this Z Biff maybe I could go get Z Biff and teach Z Biff not have a negative impact on multiple communities and individuals.” Richard Warren Sears and James Cash Penney went to go get Jeff because they said, “Well, Jeff's our best friend and we don't know if Jeff's going to be fine or not. So we'll go get Bezos before Bezos gets to Z Biff and gives him a big hug,” or in this case, a proverbial wave in the place of a hug. And that's what happened in season three. And season three has mostly been James and Richard trying to find Jeff because they've been going through meeting with communities and individuals impacted by Z Biff's social media and shopping platform.
You know, things like parking, S-H-E-M-E-R-S, straws, these are great challenges. People pile on, you know, all those things they tried to deal with that. They realized it's not easy undoing the impacts of a social media shopping and sharing platform when mixed with the sweet, sweet mix of humanity or humanity was an extra silent H at the beginning for Hearth's humanity. So they spent the whole season doing that. Finally, what they did, they realized this is what we suspected thus far, and the last step to get into the last episode. Not only was Jeff trying to get an idea of the impact of social media and shopping platform on individuals and communities.
Jeff was looking to meet with the mental health experts in Z Biff … I mean in Hearth to get their help, to come up with ways to, what do you call that? Kind of displace or counteract or bounce off the you know … Well, maybe with some sort of corporate responsibility, I don't know, because we haven't spent a lot of time with Jeff at all this season. Jeff also became known as J Jiffy. A bit like Banksy but also doing a lot more stuff not just the story. I mean, like less mysterious than Banksy because again, more details about J Jiffy. So Jeff went through the world, doing his stuff. James and Richard did.
Finally, Jeff, actually, RW revealed Jeff's location to Z Biff. And it looks like Jeff was taken into Z Biff's headquarters, and now Richard Warren Sears and James Cash Penney are trying to get themselves into Z Biff headquarters and that's where our story begins before it comes to an end. And also calling in remotely. But you know, so close that I'm going to keep my iPad open on FaceTime so he can listen in and line his bed … He's the loudest FaceTime even when his microphone's on mute. Oh, no, I forgot we're using Squadcast, but even though his microphone's on mute on Squadcast, we're doing a double Ender, so I really don't need to hear him as long as he records his end then I can edit it in.
But I love hearing his voice except all … I say, “Antonio, why do you move around so much when you're on …” He says, “I'm not,” and I say, “Well, I can hear you moving.” He says, “My microphone's on mute.” He said, “I had to unmute it, too, to tell you that but …” So the loudest like Zoomer, FaceTime, or Squadcaster in the world, even when he's on mute his presence can be heard because it's comforting and handsome, the person that introduces our series Mr. Antonio Banderas. So ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so friends beyond the binary, it's time for another episode of get the best sauce. Hey, you all. Thanks, Antonio. That was beautiful. I was just kidding about how … I was just joking. “Scooter, you're so funny. Can you hear me laughing?” No, I mean, because hopefully you're on mute now. Thanks. That's Antonio Banderas. This is get Bezos.
Buddy, buddy, buddy. James is here, here's the idea. We're going to go in there. We're running a reality show just like we've been doing this whole time. But we're also experts. We're not experts in any field of mental … Yeah, we're not experts in any field of mental health. I mean, we may have some expertise, some mastery of mental like a … I mean, we definitely have the other side of it down. I don't understand what you're trying not to say, James. Well, I just don't understand like, what if they actually ask us … Okay, James, just say we're experts in CBD. Now, that does that sounds like … Okay, BBD. No, that reminds me of something else.
Okay, James just beep, beep. We're experts in PCP. No, that one's not good either. LMNOP, that's the one, we're experts in LMNOP. And then if anybody say, “Okay, well, that's a great question. What made you ask that question to be so curious?” You feel something there. You've heard that term, okay. Yeah, I mean, I know that's a way to do it is to fake it like that. James, like I realized we're not offering to help anybody. We won't help anybody. I promise you that. We won't use deceptions to help anyone under deception. I can promise you that. No, we will use our deceptions to help Jeff get out of there.
But other than that, we won't use LMNOP to help anybody except for Jeff. We're going to go get Jeff out before the crowdsource figures out where Jeff is. And then so we're here anyway, so we might as well … Hello, yeah, we're here. We have a meeting with J Jiffy. And we understand he's here. Well, how do I know he's here? Well, that's because I have a meeting with him. Oh, it's James and Richard, JC and RW from … We're supposed to talk to Jeff about LMNOP. Oh, well, what are we going to discuss? Well, I can't really tell you that. I got to discuss it with Jeff in private. It's private stuff, private matter. Well, you could just let us in.
I mean, it's a private matter that we need to discuss privately. I realized there's no such thing as privacy anymore. So I'm willing to accept that fact. Winkety wink. But if we can meet with privately with Jeff, we'll assume it's private situation. Also, assuming we have no privacy. You don't understand. James, please help me. Yeah, we'd like to meet with Jeff privately. We're actually, I don't know if you've heard about our reality show, Helping the Helpers. It's a new show that we're working on a pilot of. Jeff, J Jiffy, he's actually the producer and writer of the show, and we're going to be associate producers and also experts. We're one of the pair of helpers, we're going to help the helpers.
We're not perfect either. And Jeff had a couple of things that he told us in secret like under, you know, when they do the ticking watch. So only Jeff knows the words to unlock it from our minds to help the helpers. It was a way of Jeff keeping secret so we don't even know what we don't know. Oh, J Jiffy, not Jeff. I don't know Jeff is. We'd love to meet Z Biff, too, if Z Biff's in. Oh, no? Okay, well, yeah. Again, we'll assume we have a private situation. But we're not going to hold … You can't make any guarantees but a guarantee we will have a sense of privacy when we're privately meeting with Jeff, J Jiffy. Okay, thanks so much.
James, you should let the same things I said just less effectively and somehow I guess it was a combination of … Yeah, it was combination, Richie. Oh, there's Jeff. He's in a room there. It's a pretty nice room. Yes, it is, James. This is one of the fastest moving sidewalks I've ever been on. It feels like we barely moved at all. Yeah, well after the hyper drive or whatever, that thing was so effective, too. Okay, just let us in. Now if any of you, Z Biff, that are in this waiting room waiting for us to go meet with J Jiffy privately or any of you see Z Biff like pretending to be an observer.
Well, no, no, we don't need anything from Z Biff. Jeff may. Well, know that we're compartmentalized. We only know we're working the show Helping the Helpers. And I mean, I know Z Biff's a helper so helping so many things so effectively. Oh boy, helping increase is so many things. I mean, I'm sure the helpers in the world have so many customers that they can thank is Z Biff for. Oh yeah. Because the social media and shop. Yeah, that's exactly why. Okay, well, if any of you want to get the message to Z Biff that we're also here to see Z Biff, but we'll meet with Jeff privately and we're going to assume …
Yes. Thanks. Jiffy, good to meet you. You might not recognize us because we've never met before. But I'm RW, Richard Warren and this is James Cash, as was our first and last name, of course. Sometimes we get mixed up because we have lots of nicknames, too. We work from LMNOP. We did meet before because I forgot you know, because whatever you did to us, we're with that ticking clock in front of us into counting down. I know we weren't supposed to remember anything, but I know you. It's good to meet you again for the second … I don't know. James?
Yeah. Hey, J Jiffy. It's good to be here. And I'm not exactly … So we're here from LMNOP, the show Help the Helpers. I think, our teams were in contact with one another. Are you living here in the Z Biff facility under your own will for total pleasure? Is this going to be a Z Biff related project that you're working on? Oh, you don't know. So if you met with Z Biff, J Jiffy, did you see Z Biff yet? You don't. So you've not met Z Biff. I'll be honest with you, J Jiffy. My partner and I, we're here. We wanted to pretend we're coming here to be friendly. But we've had our eye on you like a lot of people out there. We understand what you're up to with a meeting with everybody. You know, us, we're helping the helpers and that's a real thing, helpers need help, too.
LMNOP is not a thing. We made that up just to put a ruse on you, J Jiffy, and I know you didn't confuse us like we also, that was another ruse that I'm admitting to right now. You did not put us under hypnotic. So any confusion is just my acting and not something real. But we've been following you and we probably share … There's probably other people out there that if they could hear me now they would share my concerns that I have about you. On one hand, apparently, you've been traveling because we work with a big production company. So we've heard about this stuff and we've been working on other reality shows.
And a lot of times, we've been under your wake, hearing about this legend of J Jiffy, street artist, rack on tour, whatever. There's other things people call you. Also people call you a lot of other names. There's a strong feelings about you on both sides. But lately it seems like you've become like a GOAT, a scapegoat for most things. And we know you've been meeting with all the helpers because we run the show Help the Helpers so we know you've been meeting, trying to get an understanding of different therapies as science backed and research backed therapies. And you've also been meeting with experts in organizational health and the impacts of technology on health and ways to mitigate that we're aware of all of that.
And that you were once very popular. Now you're kind of all the things that people project on to Z Biff is being projected on to you right now. And most of it is not great. Just to diffuse your stress, too, it's probably not real. But myself and other people probably would wonder what are you really up to? Are you trying to … Z Biff has built a powerful social media shopping platform for the benefit … You'd say, well, for the benefit of the owners, that you'd say a lot of those things. Or because it's free or just as micro transactions, where's the product and where's the consumer or those lines are blurred.
It seems like I'm wondering just like what your intention is, if you seem to be trying to help the helpers and help the helper's help. Or you know, everybody, Z Biff would probably have something to worry about. And I'm just here to figure out if that's a fact, maybe me and James should meet with Z Biff and talk this out. James, do you want to take over for me? Hey, J Jiffy, air, my friend there he petered out. It's good to meet you. Or it feels like even though Richie's kind of going on this past year that we've met before. As a matter of fact, I think you really remind me of one of my friends.
But before that, I noticed that there's somebody there opening the door to our room here. Hey, come on in. Come on in. Yeah, good. Good to meet you. So you're still part of Z Biff? Are any of you secretly lazy Biff though? No. Well, who is Z Biff? I mean, I don't know. Is he like something you're asking us? We're wondering the same thing. Oh, if we get to see Z Biff is correctly or what Z Biff is, is that like a hint or is that to confuse us more? Oh, we'll get one guess each. Okay, well, there's two only two guesses we could guess with the limited amount of information we have. And I know Richie's going to want to guess one of them. So Richie, when don't you go ahead?
Okay, so you're trying to put us in a little … You're trying to do one of those things like where you ask how many times the person crawl. Then they walk two, then they go three. I know those ones. So it's called something. It's like a riddle. I mean, if I had to guess who Z Biff was, if it's not one of you pretend or somewhere out there … You know, one time when I couldn't sleep that's what James is saying to me. He told me about this. He told me the story of five. I won't get into it now. And he would sing me the song Somewhere Out There.
But anyway, James, like I would say it's a team of super geniuses, probably. But again, we don't have any information. So this is a pointless riddle. Technically, not a riddle. It's just a trick question, I believe. Yeah, so I'll go with Richie [inaudible 00:41:41] answer, and I'll say it could also be a supercomputer. But that's like actually comes up a lot in other stories I've even read where the supercomputer is supposed to be guiding off the decisions. And I'm sure you do have a lot of algorithms. We understand that. But before you process our answers and Ritchie's about to interrupt me, like in deciding …
Okay, yeah, this is a game you're playing with us. If you'll excuse us, we're trying to meet with a J Jiffy here. And we were about to, James is about to talk about how J Jiffy reminds him of one of our friends Jeff, which is strange. And I'm not even sure we're interested in Z Biff anymore or getting to the bottom of it. And you did interrupt us right when James was actually speaking to maybe some of your needs as employees or friends of Z Biff. So please excuse this. Save your riddles for something else. It seems almost childish, no offense. Well, you know what, I've just learned to apologize. I apologize for saying it seems childish. I'm just a little short as I'm in the middle of something. I was wrong for saying that, I'm sorry. If I can make it up to you later, I will. Now please, leave. James, go ahead.
Yeah, I was saying you can remind us of a friend to Jeff. And thank you for staying silent mostly through all this J Jiffy and just listening. You have a very placid smile on your face, which is sometimes like almost like a smirk, but it seems calm or confident. But yeah, our friend Jeff was from a place called Kansas. No, we didn't live in Kansas when we met Jeff. But Jiff had magically come … Well, yeah, let's just say Jiff ended up in a world that after we had met Jiff … Anyway, there was another world called Earoz, E-A-R-O-Z, and Jiff had arrived there and decided to like … Didn't know where to go and someone said, “Well just follow this gold road. The road to make the gold.”
Richie, go ahead. Right, and so Jiff decided to follow this road but what Jiff didn't know was Jiff was very lacking when Jiff set out on this road. And we set out on the road with Jiff, James and I. We weren't in Kansas anymore. And so Jiff had a lot of things that needed helping. Jiff had the courage of a scarecrow like no courage at all. Just like empty. They say, “Well, you just stand there. Like chasing off birds.” And Jiff had the heart of a lion that said, “Well, there's prey and then there's big cats. And there's nothing in between.” And so the heart of a lion, which doesn't work in Kansas or Earoz, unless you're a lion, which Jeff was not.
He was a person, you see, well, you have the heart of a lion, that's not going to do you any good. Unless you're going to be running around chasing everybody. The brains of a tin person, which you say, what's a tin person? I say, “Well, before there was computers, there was steam-driven automatons that didn't have a binary computational system, like you will know here, or solid state electronics. So they really only were really good at one or two functions that had been designed for. And in some sense these tin people are steam-driven beings, automatons who really had no brains so they could just do one or two things very, very well.
Jiff shared all those things as he smiles at me. He learned a smile on the journey. During the journey, Jiff had to do a lot of things and learn how not to have the heart of a lion, how to have the hearts of a caring lioness or a human. And say, “Oh, this is what empathy and compassion are. How can I put myself in other's shoes to better understand things? What does that experience like since I've never been through it?” Jiff was able to do that. So J Jiffy, I don't know if you're able to do that. I know we're privately talking here. But Jiff didn't learn all to do those things. We went through Earoz. We had to deal with other things.
First, that was the sleeping. That's when Jiff learned to have a heart because we kept falling asleep. And Jiff said, “Well, it'll keep you awake, don't worry. With my constant talking about TV shows, like nonstop, forever.” Then we had to deal with these birds that were just getting on our nerves. They're flying around, wanted us to go ride with them. And they were also talking a lot and squawking and that's when Jiff learned to have a brain and said, “Hey, why don't you just go over there? I'll show you where these ponds are, more bird friendly than bugging us.” And he taught the birds to talk to fish. And it took a lot of brains to do that. I don't know if I would have been able to do that.
And then there was an antagonist, of course, in Earoz, multiple ones. Now, they weren't really antagonists. They thought they worked for a higher being, and that their judgment was just better than everybody else's, and that they knew better. And that they would teach everybody how to do things and that everybody would listen and understand and then the world would be great. Or this one antagonist who represented them. She had a lot more powers than a regular Earozi or [inaudible 00:48:48].I don't know if you call it a Keynesian or … I don't know, but it was someone from Kansas like Jiff.
So that antagonist, who wasn't really an antagonist, just a misguided person with powers. Well, not technically a person. We call them angles. So there this was the obtuse angle of the lower quiet lower right hand quadrant. I don't know, whatever that's called. And this Eastern you know, whatever it's called, that angle that's where Jiff had to find some courage because at first we tried to say, “Hey, cut it out. Why are you going to mess with our stuff?” James, could you take over the rest of the story for a minute there?
Sure, Richie So Jiff learned that real courage is seeing beyond the antagonism or resent because there was R-E-S-E-N-T. Even with us because we said, “Well, you have powers that we don't have. And you're saying you're so great.” That can get in the way of saying, “Well, actually this beings more perfect than us but not perfect.” And it's kind of like throwing water and like a dog that you think smells good. And then you say, “Oh, boy, it doesn't smell good anymore.” But then you say, “Oh, it just needs a bath.” And so we're able to debate that angle because of Jiff's courage to see beyond F-E-A-R. And you know, the steaming …
The small things, it's out of your control to try to see, even though it's within Jiff's control, Jiff was able to find the courage to look beyond Jiff's control and accepted that. And that's how Jiff learned to be courageous. And then we discovered that this world was actually run by a genius who had gone away on a balloon trip or so we thought. We didn't know. They said, “Oh well there's the [inaudible 00:51:31] device of Earoz and they're off on a balloon trip and we don't know when they'll be back to set things right.” And then we realized oh, wait, if this balloon based is super being isn't the hair, and all this antagonism that existed before we arrived, what if we could teach these skills?
We and Jiff could teach these skills to other people in Earoz to help one another because [inaudible 00:52:06] some of them were missing all of those things. And so Jiff set forth to kind of teach people a new way of life, kind of, just mostly by example, but also because Jiff was really popular at that point. Because everybody couldn't believe the birds were not just on me. James, Ritchie's nerves, everybody else is same with them, the angles. They are telling everybody what to do on this planet, in this world. But soon, we realized that that world would have to deal with that world on its own and that Jiff would have to go back to Kansas. And that we would also go back to Kansas at some point. Because we were in place like Arkansas. That's where Richie and I lived. Richie?
Thank you, James. But that's not James as being a little bit … James and I we're also not perfect. James and I, I thought I knew everything, I'll be honest with you, J Jiffy. And that I knew best even that I was always right. You know, I never learned to actually apologize because I wanted to apologize because I knew I was wrong. And my mistakes it impacted people. To me, apologies were W-E-A-K, and only you would only use them strategically. Not because you said, “Well I made a mistake here.” So I went into that world not knowing how to apologize.
But I left it and returned to Arkansas knowing how to apologize. James learned to trust other people because James was into loosen a little bit of James's control. If you don't mind me speaking for you, James? No, yeah, I returned to Arkansas with the same thing. And we all had the peace of mind of knowing that Jiff had kind of set in place that world having the resources that isn't needed to discover the courage, to discover the heart, to discover the brains or the sense to learn the things they needed to do to make that world whole, or you know, three quarters whole. You don't have to be totally whole.
And also how to apologize and how to give up control and have trust and faith and hope. And so that's when we returned to home was after that was set in motion. And of course, it was also that a lot of people who had been closely following Jiff as Jiff went along. And that's how that story turned out of us and our friend, J Jiffy. Now, J Jiffy, I have to be honest with you, there's a bunch of people that are projecting on you. They're going to try to crowdsource you down. And that's going to happen and not that long. So I think I'll be honest with you, I've seen through things and I know you're our friend Jiff from Kansas. And it's time for you to go back to Kansas.
You haven't spoken, which is good. So I want you to close your eyes. So you look down first. After you close your eyes, look down at your feet and you'll see ruby red slippers on your feet. And I want you to click your heels and say … Well, it's not home. Kansas isn't your home, your previous home, it's your current home. Think of some saltine crackers and some wonder Bread, and click your heels together and say, “I want to be back in Kansas with my best friends some more.” Or, “There's no place like home.” Go ahead and do … Okay, good job and there's your … J Jiffy is gone.
James, my goodness, J Jiffy just vanished in thin air. How was that even possible? Good thing we were alone and … Oh, the door's opening, James. Yeah, I don't know how that was … Oh, hey. Hey, come on in. Hey kid, come on in. I'm not a kid. Oh, well come on in. What can we help you with? Do work here at Z Biff? I want to go to Kansas, too. Can I go to Kansas? Why don't you sit there in Jiff's bed where Jiff was sitting and you could picture like you have ruby red slippers for a second. So you're not a kid. Are you a young adult or something like that? Yeah, I guess. I just want to go to Kansas. I want to get out of here and just go to Kansas and live there. It sounds pretty great.
It's not great there. Kansas is a more of a state. Well, there's a place that was called Kansas. This is different. That was a metaphor, actually. We weren't talking about a real place called Kansas. Yeah, but that's fine. It sounds really interesting. How did J Jiffy disappear? Or it was J Jiffy and all of you? Are you from other worlds? Can I go to the other worlds with you? Okay, James, why don't you take this one here? Hey, well, young person, I have been thinking about this a lot. And I've been learning a little bit about how sometimes people create something when they're young, like in their university dorm room when they're just a young person.
They're not even an adult. Their brain has developed in some places, but not every place. And then the thing they invent takes on a life of their own and maybe they have ambition and drive and they help carry that thing forward. But they don't know everything, right? They can't see all the impacts of what they're going to create and what it's going to become. And then they get into a place and they maybe they feel stuck, and the thing they built had become something else. But they feel like maybe the momentum is too much for them to change it. Does that sound familiar to you at all?
Yeah, it kind of does. And they, of course, if they did that, they'd want to get away to a place like Kansas, whether it's a metaphor or a real place or a representation of a real place that we're having represent another place. But we're not saying anything about Kansas. We love Kansas, by the way. There's a place in another world. Yeah, we're from another world, too, by the way, young person. Yeah, there's a great place called Kansas where we were once from. Bu we're talking about another place. It's also called purgatory. We're just going to Kansas in the story because it sounded good. And that's where Jeff went.
And of course, if you were in this world, and you created something like a social media shopping platform when you were just a kid, maybe 16, 17 years old. And then by the time you were 19, 20, 21, it was a giant business. And then by the time you were in your early 20s, it was a ubiquitous thing almost everybody used. And it was a bank, and it was a movie theater. And it was a way for people to communicate. Maybe you wouldn't know where … It maybe got complicated really fast. And maybe it felt like something that isn't under your control, but it's not even under your influence or maybe sometimes your own influence is mixed to just like we were saying.
Like maybe you never got to go on a journey Jiff went on to discover the tools you need for whatever lack is … Whatever tools you actually need to … You know what I'm saying, kid? I'm not a kid though. Yeah, I just mean that in a like a protective loving way, even though I don't really know you. Wait, hold on, James. I'm sorry. I apologize because I guess I missed something here. So I'm apologizing in a way of saying I maybe wrong. Or it's just dawning on me what you're saying. It's nice to meet you. I'm Richard Warren Sears. This is James Cash Penney. We're not from Kansas. We've both been to Kansas. We are from Hearth. Another world? Right, Correct. Actually another point of existence.
Are you Z Biff? Yeah, and I want to leave with … You're going to leave? Can I leave with you, please? Because I don't like … Everything you just said is right and I just don't want to be here for it. I always want to go to another world and start over. Like at 17. Okay, I understand how you're feeling I've been there before. And believe it or not, if you think that Z Biff has totally interrupted and upset the balance of human existence in this world, and had it mostly negative impact despite its [inaudible 01:02:38] … Okay, sorry about that. I see him making tears in your eyes.
What I was trying to say was I've made mistakes much greater than those. I've existed multiple planes of existence including Kansas. No more because of me, do you believe that? Kansas was great place until James Cash Penney and Richard Warren Sears tried to fix the afterlife and that impacted the current life. And that's how we ended up almost here on Hearth. But what I'm saying is one thing I learned, it would have been learning from Jiff courage and heart and common sense, and using our intelligence in a balanced with those things, learning how to apologize and be wrong and learn from that. And learning from James that you can't control everything. Sometimes you got to have some trust, is you can't run, you're going to have to fix some of this stuff.
And believe it or not, Jiff did you a favor, and there's probably people in the other room watching us right now. No, I shut it off. But you're probably recording it, right? Yeah. So you could edit it and make it look good, but there'll be people watching our interaction in hoping for you to succeed and other people that will be hoping the other thing, too. But one thing you should know about Jiff is he's just really smart and really driven. And you two would probably get along pretty good if Jiff was here, but I had to send Jiff back to purgatory. Like, that's what we're calling Kansas.
Hearth is way better, by the way, even with this complication. But Jiff's already, he set up the superstructure for you to start fixing things. So what you need to do, like your social media and shopping platform creates a simple solution. It's not pollution you could see. And it's a harder pollution to measure because it's on … It effects is the heart in the sense and the courage of people or the opposites of those things, and that makes it easy to disregard or to pass over. But it's the same kind of pollution is the other kinds and it needs to be dealt with and cleaned up. And I guess you got to take responsibility for now.
It's not all your fault. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying you have an opportunity here to take steps with Jiff's, help science backed research steps with these helpers of helpers fo fix things, right, James? Yeah, Jiff has set up a system I think, and he gathered experts and experts about expertise, and helpers and people who are experts in helping and helping so that you can start to clean things up and actually move into the next phase. Just like where you are now. Don't look at it like a journey that started and ended. You're still on your journey, Z Biff. This is just the next step in your journey so you're just like Jiff.
Maybe you just around the golden road now. And maybe you don't even know, Jiff didn't know that Jiff needed courage in hearts and brains and I didn't really realize how little I trusted people like my friend Richard Warren Sears. And I did realize that Richard Warren Sears needed to apologize but maybe Richard weren't serious didn't and seeing him understand that is beautiful to me to really have an opportunity to make something beautiful or at least to try to. And they can make all the difference in the world. Yeah, but it just seemed really hard. And you know, I have those feelings inside me like you're talking about, strong ones. I'd rather just go with you and leave here.
Okay, listen, I'll tell you what, Z Biff, because I'm getting tired and I'm going to lie down here in this cot next to yours. Good thing there's two cots in this room. And I want you to lie down next to me, in the cot next to me like we're roommates and I want you to think about … If you could trust me, you know, I told you that story about Jiff. And I've learned a lot. And I would if I help you fix things. What if I'm here for you? Because I know you're just a kid. You're not a kid anymore, but you never really got a chance to be a kid, huh? And now you have all these responsibilities, pretty overwhelming, huh? It kind of happened too fast and people act like you should know all the answers.
Yeah. Well, I want to help you with that. And I'm going to stay here. I'm not going to go back to Kansas anymore. I'm going to stay here and help you. Richie and James, I want you to go back and help Jiff. Ritchie, I want to stay with you and help you. James, I'm going to need you to trust me. I'm going to stay here in this world. I'm going to go to bed and you get some sleep here with Z Biff. And once Z Biff and I wake up, his team will probably let us rest for a few nights or something and relax. Maybe we'll play some games, get to know one another. And then Z Biff and I will start cleaning things up little by little. And it won't be easy.
Z Biff, if I feel a little A-F-R-A-I-D, too. What I'm going to help you and maybe you'll help me when I'm wrong, I'll apologize. And I'll apologize when I forget to apologize. And I'll be wrong when I forget to apologize. If you could accept me as an imperfect personality, I can accept you as one, too. But James, I have to ask you to accept your trust in me. Maybe it's not 100% so I need you to close your eyes, James, and picture those ruby red slippers on your feet and click your heels together. In picture Z Biff and I cleaning things up off a beach, one little thing at a time. We'll do it and you'll be off with your friend, Jiff. So click your heels and say, “There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home.” Good night.