867 – Whenever You’re Ready | The Good Place to Sleep S4 E13/14 Series Finale
A beautiful bedtime goodbye full of love and peace to all we love about The Good Place. Take it sleepy out there everyone.
EPISODE 867 – Whenever You’re Ready – The Good Place to Sleep S4 E13/14 Series Finale
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, and my patron peeps; I just pulled up my ankle socks, patrons. Hold on, I gotta…I pulled up one ankle sock. There, I just pulled up the other one. These lulls are brought to you by extra-high ankle socks. Just realized they’re calf socks too, patrons; there’s not ankle socks, ‘cause how could you pull those up? Yet another mistake by Scoots that you empower. Thanks patrons, and let’s get on with the show.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, anything you’re thinking about, anything physically coming up for you that you’re experiencing, or emotionally coming up for you. It could be changes in time or temperature or routine. Whatever it is; indoors, outdoors, inside, outside, whatever it is, I’m here to take your mind off that. What I’m gonna do is create a safe place or deliver a safe place, though I know I have socks on the brain. I feel like I just did an…I’ve done multiple episodes about socks before but I got a safe place.
It could have those…any of those socks you might need. Yeah, I’d say well, we got extra socks here at our safe place. Which would you choose? Also, we…maybe there’s gonna be the sock in human reunion at the…I don’t know, was that the…that wasn’t the Everly Brothers. Was that Simon and Garfunkel or just Simon that sang that? The old sock in human reunion. I don’t know, will that be what’s tonight’s episode’s about? I thought it would…no, no, tonight’s episode’s about The Good Place. So, I’m gonna send this…deliver this safe place. One way I’m gonna do it is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. I’m gonna go off-topic for sure; so get distracted, filler words, nonsense, inconceivable and incomprehensible. Flawed logic, even my illogical parts are…I say I’m illogical and flawed. I have both those things going for me.
Those don’t go well…yeah, they don’t go well on profiles. I think I talked about other stuff on there. Don’t put ‘flawed’ even though everyone is. Maybe I would…I don’t know, I’ve never tried that. Illogical, though. I haven’t tried that one either. Maybe I should test that out. Those are a couple things. Also, what was I talk…oh, so those are techniques. So, here’s the thing; if you’re new, hi, how are you doing? I’m glad you’re here and I wanted to talk to you particularly if you’re new ‘cause this podcast is very different than most every other podcast in existence, and most other things in general. I wanted to get you familiar. One, if you’re feeling that way, you say what is this thing? Or I’m not sure if I like this thing. That is a perfectly normal thing. I don’t want to try to put your fears at ease or your agitation because that’s just a common thing that most people feel when they first start listening to the show. I’m not trying to talk you out of those feelings ‘cause they’re normal. Skeptical? Of course you’d be skeptical. This is a podcast that puts you to sleep. Why wouldn’t you be skeptical?
Then you say and you’re kind of just talking about nonsense, so if you’re having any of those feelings even strongly, I’ll give you some information to go on but I just want to let you know that it’s cool. You’re having a totally normal reaction. Just see how it goes. The best way to do it is to try not to pay too much attention. That’s one thing that could throw people off, is to try to wait for this podcast to get to a point or make sense. That’s one thing, so see how it goes. That’s one part of it. Structurally is another thing that can…so, almost like watching in an out-of-focus way or just barely listen to me, or eventually you’ll do that if you become a regular listener. If you say oh wait, this podcast started working for me once I stopped listening. The podcast stopped…started working. I really started enjoying listening to Sleep With Me once I was barely listening to it. That’s a pretty common…’cause most people that are regular listeners to the show, which is hundreds and thousands of people, said it took two or three tries before I got used to the show and then I became a regular listener because at first I was like, what is this or I’m not sure I like it.
If you’re feeling that way, that’s normal. Another thing to tell you about is the structure. This really throws people off. It seems like it throws two or three people off every week in a very intense way that I hear from them. I always try to talk about this; so, the show starts off with a little teaser. Hi ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary. Then there’s business which if you’re new, not super important. Usually there’s whatever, four or six minutes of business. I don’t know. Then there’s an intro. The business keeps the podcast free for everybody. Just a reality that I want the show free but it’s not important for new people. Then there’s an intro. Now, the intro is like, from about six or seven…somewhere between four and eight minutes into the show ‘til twenty minutes in the show. So, about twelve to fifteen minutes of me just rambling. Now, sometimes the strong reaction you feel like that this is…I don’t know, the intro is just me trying to explain why the podcast is not succeeding.
But when people dislike it, they describe it as an infomercial or self-congratul…you know, those kind of things. It’s really just some friendly banter that’s light on the banter. That’s the intro. Oh, you say well, why is the intro twelve to eighteen to twenty minutes? I say well, because that’s how long it takes for me to get to the point; that’s one. But two, for regular listeners, what they find…2% or 3% or 2% or 4% of regular listeners, they skip to twenty minutes and they go straight to The Good Place content. Then another 2% are patrons. They get story-only versions of the show. But for most people, they like listening to the intro ‘cause it gives them time to get ready for bed and to wind down. The whole idea of this long, pointless intro is just to give you a chance to unwind. You could start listening before you get into bed or once you’re in bed, or as you’re getting ready for bed. You know, kind of see what works for you as part of your bedtime routine.
Then I’ll finish the intro, then there’ll be some business, and then there’ll be The Good Place. We’ll be talking about the last episode of The Good Place, holy moly. Then there’s some thank yous at the end of the show. So, that’s the structure of the show. Kind of as I said, this is a podcast you don’t really need to listen to and if you barely listen or kind of listen, you might have initially more success. But it is a podcast you could listen to because if you can’t sleep, there’s a percentage of people that listen to the show that can’t sleep. I’m gonna be here to the very end for you, too. I’m here to keep you company in the deep, dark night whether you’re awake or asleep. I guess it’s that simple; to take your mind off of stuff whether you’re listening or not, like a tree in the woods. I say I’m…not when the tree falls, but let’s see…when the wind is blowing in the tree in the woods, no one uses that as a metaphor ‘cause it’s not so flashy but I say if wind’s blowing in a tree in the woods and no one’s there to hear it, does it make a noise, right?
I’d say I don’t know because that’s a deep question. But I’d say that’s my job, is not to worry about it. I’m just a tree. I don’t know if I’m the tree or the breeze. I mean, I know I got the hot air going but you know what I’m saying? I’m there whether you’re there at a campsite listening to me and relaxing or you’re asleep. I guess that’s the kind of…like I said, mishandled metaphor. That’s another technique I use. I don’t know what my point was ‘cause I forgot what I was talking about. Oh, you don’t need to listen to me. I just demonstrated that one. But there’s also no pressure to fall asleep. I guess that’s the flip side of what I was saying. I’m here to keep you company to the very end and the reason the episodes are about an hour is so you have plenty of time to drift off. I want to take that worry away from you so when you see the show you say oh, I have plenty of time to go to sleep. Scoots is gonna talk about the podcast for twenty minutes and maybe I’ll fall asleep then, but then I know he’s gonna talk…I don’t know.
Who will start talk…he’ll talk probably about bowties and buckets and Chidi and Eleanor and Tahani and Jason, Janet, Michael, the whole soul squad probably, I would assume, but maybe I won’t hear that. But if I do, if I’m still awake, I could listen to that. That’ll be entertaining, [00:10:00] trying to hear Scoots recap that episode. Or you might say well, I don’t listen…I don’t watch The Good Place. I say you’re in for an even bigger treat, is what most people say when I do a TV recap of shows that people don’t watch. Those work really well ‘cause you say well, I get to be introduced to some friends I don’t really know anything about or have to pay too much attention to but that Scoots likes. Could you imagine being at a party where people are introducing you to people but then you don’t have…and they’re describing the people to you but you don’t have to interact with them? But you get all the benefits of that? That’s what that was…oh, let me tell you about my friend Eleanor.
Oh boy, is she wearing…well, I don’t know if it’s a long-sleeve shirt or a sweater but she’s sitting there and it’s not quite a rainbow, like a ROYGBIV rainbow. Oh, and then there’s Chidi. He does have a sweater-vest on. I’m not sure, like in…oh, he’s sitting there thinking and he knows more about philosophy than the philosophers ‘cause he’s a fan; of course he would know more. The philosophers, they might only know about their own philosophies. That would be…like, you say oh, I don’t know, that would pretty nice. You say would I be floating through this party? I say sure, if you want to. That’s that…oh, so I’ll be talking about The Good Place. That’s the other thing, but you don’t need to have watched the show. It’ll be a tiny bit spoiled but ideally, you’re asleep or you kind of forget what I was talking about ‘cause that happens to me too, where I try to avoid spoilers for movies and stuff like that or theme park rides. Then inadvertently, I hear something but then I forget it and I say I don’t even know…I say BB-88? Never heard of them. B-O-B-B-8? I’ve heard of them.
I’ve heard of BB-8 but that cone droid, I don’t even know its name. Maybe I heard about that droid at some point. So, here’s a question way off-base; was that droid in WALL-E? It’s been a while since I’ve watched WALL-E but I wonder if there was any shout-outs from the latest Star Wars movie in WALL-E. I don’t know…that just popped in my head ‘cause it was from somewhere; that cone droid, the droid…I don’t know if you saw that movie and I’ve talked about it way too many times about…I don’t know what R2 did. They said you know what? Maybe they had a script supervisor that they brought in from corporate and they said yeah, we gotta slash 20% of the budget off this movie. They said well, we don’t know how we’re going to do this in a way that works for…in the scripts. I said give me all the characters whose names start with R. They said okay, Rose, R2, maybe other…then the scripts are…that’s good, okay. Let’s cut most of their…what parts of the movie are they in?
They said okay, now they’ll be at the base, just being at the…well, what will they do? ‘Cause they were big parts of…they’re big part…both big parts of the lore of the films. They said yeah, well, they’ll be at the base. That’s an important place for both of them to be. Then they would say Scoots, weren’t you talking about the cone…the droid with the cone? I’d say I’m not sure it was a cone because it wasn’t…but yeah, that droid, I’ve seen it…I’ve seen that droid somewhere before and I don’t know if it was in a trailer or a dream or WALL-E or another film but when I saw that, I said I’ve seen you somewhere before. The droid said, you know, made a droid noise that I can’t make on a sleep podcast. What about…this wasn’t any droid…the droids that go [GIBBERISH]. Like, that’s one of the noises that little droid makes on the ground. Probably was in one of these movies, too. But you know that’s the sound it makes, is [GIBBERISH]. I always…I don’t know, it does feel good.
Maybe this episode will come out around May 5th. I doubt it but I already talked about R2 for like twenty minutes, but I didn’t think of that thing. I said wait a second; R2 and Rose both start with R. Kylo Ren, but that’s…you say well no, we’re just going by first names. Who are some of the other characters? How can I not think…Rey. They say well, okay. I don’t know any of the…all their other names escape me right this second. Poe, okay, Poe. Poe, Finn, Chewie, C-3PO, like I said. Okay, so anyway, back to the sleep podcast that I make. But I think I figured that out; I mean, I don’t want to do…I mean, there’s a lot of consternation about what happened to Rose and R2. I think I just got to the bottom of it. You won’t hear that in any Star War…I mean, you’ll hear the stuff of like, what…other theories, but that’s probably the most likely theory. They said huh; they said give me a script. Okay, well, what changes did you make? Don’t worry about it.
Well, I just picked a name, a letter of the alphabet; it happened to be R. So, okay, so, where was I? I was off-topic. Oh, this is a podcast you don’t need to listen to. How the heck did I…I started talking about that droid. Where did that come out of? I mean, but oh, I did forget to say I know you from somewhere. If I met that droid, the droid would say of course you do, whatever language it speaks. When we interpret it, it would say of course you do; I was in one of the big Star Wars movies. I’d say no, no, it was before that. It’d say huh, in your imagination? Hm, I don’t think I’m that creative. Really? I’m just a cone with a wheel. Yeah, I’m not big on making…are you sure…were you in WALL-E or someone like you? Shouldn’t you know the answer to that question?
I mean I should, but that’s what I’m ask…I said I know you from somewhere. Do you think it was a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away or someplace more recent? I don’t know but I gotta get back to these regular listen…and the new listeners. So, here’s the thing; I think I made it clear. This is a podcast you don’t need to listen to. No pressure to fall asleep. I make the podcast because I’ve been there tossing and turning. I know how it feels and I really do believe you deserve a good night’s sleep. I’m hoping to provide that in any way I can ‘cause I think it’d just be nice for you to get a good night’s sleep. I work very hard on this show. I greatly appreciate you coming by and checking it out. I yearn and strive to help you fall asleep, so thanks again for coming by. If you’re a regular listener, these are the ways we’re able to keep this podcast free for you.
Alright everybody, Scoots here, and this is it; the final…it’s not our final episode of The Good Place ‘cause we still have to do season two, but it is the series…this is our coverage of the series and season four finale of The Good Place. The Good Place season four, Episode 13, whenever you’re ready. I got all of my coverage here. We’ll see if I can do this in one episode. I don’t know. It opens with Michael on a…with a reel-to-reel recorder, attempt 803 of the new project. He’s recording some music, riding on a gooey…groovy wave of love and going for a cosmic ride. Surf the freaky purple vibes of love, the marshmallow cat is inside. So, definitely 60s, 70s folk storytelling purple dragon groove but then Michael says what am I even talking about? He’s kind of not happy with how the songwriting’s going. Also, he has…we see pictures on the wall. Jason and the rest of the soul squad are on the wall where originally it was just Doug Forcett. He has no tie on. Probably other things…oh, I’m supposed to pause it there to see what else is on…it’s just the soul squad and a couple books.
No tie, pocket square, spiral notebook, and pen. He’s trying to figure…or Janet, he’s trying to figure out the E chord. Let’s see, trying to figure out the E chord. Let’s see, Janet shows up. She says I could make it a self-playing guitar. That’s what some people want. He’s like, I want to do stuff without afterlife magic, but you never know. Then she says we gotta go. He says cool. I think he says okay, and there’s a Jeremy Bearimy clock. It’s a little bit like a small world after all. It’s a funky, mechanical clock. It looks like it has some buildings and some…what are those things called? Ferris wheels. Michael says where does the time go? Him and Janet go through the green door. Let’s see, and I think Michael was even singing a little bit. Then they go…Chidi’s teaching…what does this say? Oh wait, let’s wait…the problem is, I have…this episode was not available so my pausing’s gonna be a little [00:20:00] bit different this time. But Chidi’s teaching afterlife ethics.
Professor May, I think that’s Todd May. Oh yeah, Todd May who’s…his book probably came up in another thing. Let’s see, let me pause it. There’s so many things going on here. Jeremy Bearimy clock; where does the time go? Green door to class. Chidi…oh, I was trying to map out how many people were in Chidi’s class. Jason’s there, then there’s three people behind Jason on one side. Then there’s a couch with Eleanor, Tahani, and another teacher. Then there’s a chair with someone in it, then there’s one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, or nine or so people in the background taking this class. Oh, and Chidi’s teaching Afterlife Ethics 101. Todd May’s book Big Farm is on the big board. It’s definitely worth pausing. Let me see, I can’t pause because I…usually I use this…MBC just didn’t make this episode available and they have a really good app for pausing and stuff but I’m watching this just on my regular DVR thingamajig.
Yeah, there’s other things on there about Big Farm and Thomas Nagel and other…on the chalkboard. They’re debating stuff. I think Eleanor tells Todd May to check himself. Yeah, 1:41 chalkboard, then they talk about their trolley professor. Yeah, she says check yourself, rando. He says well, it’s my book. Chidi does tell him to check himself anyway, kind of…Professor Hieronymi will be teaching the trolley problem. There’s some jokes about that. Then Michael says Chidi, ready to roll, buddy? I don’t think he says buddy but then they go…they’re in the Doorman Hub. There’s a sign, I think, that says Doorman Hub. They go through the green door. Oh, Bernard Williams is also on the chalkboard, Borges, and Zhuang Zhou, it looks like. I don’t know, I can’t…’cause I can’t pause it. But yeah, they go through, they’re in the bridge world Doorman Hub. It’s busy there. There’s a cool sign over the door hub. At first there was a overhead shot…this is Jeff.
I thought there was thirty-five frogs but it ends up he has 322 and not 323 ‘cause there’s lots of frog stuff. Then there’s also a sign for Frog Parking Only. There’s also built-in signage for an IHOP. Twenty-five at least, on the…oh, twenty-five frogs at least on the left side of his desk that I could count. Then there’s a joint council meeting. Let’s see what happens there; talking about the leftovers, update new humans coming in, Zora Neale Hurston, Roberto Clemente, Thomas Aquinas. Where’s the beef lady? Let’s see, joint council meeting, Good Place, complimented…oh, the guy that compliments Michael on the robes in the previous episode was there. Lots of pens and pads on the table. They have kind of blue reports or folders they’re working out of. Then Sean, I don’t know if I’m correct; Sean says ever, ever, ever. I counted five, ten, fifteen, twenty, twenty-five, twenty-six times. Let’s see, these transcripts I have…well, if you count never, let’s just count the evers though; one, two…one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four.
They have…okay, let me see the closed captioning. Come on, admit it, Sean. Okay, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty. But that might have been…I don’t know, that might have been off. Then the episode opens; The Final Chapter, it’s called. Then 2,242 Jeremy Bearimys later, we catch up with J and J, Jason and Janet, in bed. There’s a striped duvet and pillowcases. Janet’s in purple pjs, Jason’s got a tank top on. Looks like they have a glass terrarium on their nightstand, wing buckets on the headboard. Jason says I gotta go; he’s trying to break…he’s trying to outscore his dad at first, that’s what I thought. He said I gotta go beat my dad in football, but I think it was meet my dad ‘cause he’s trying to play the perfect game of Madden which he does successfully. His dad cheers him on in a really loving way. After 433,000 tries, he did it; the perfect game of Madden.
He says oh, that’s my boy. Holy cow, that’s my boy. Jason’s happy; he says I did it, I can’t believe I did it. They were at the jag…jags section as well as Jaguar Stadium, it looked like. Oh yeah, there was sets and everything, stadium goes wild. Then zoom on Jason; he’s setting up dinner for him and Janet. He’s got acid-washed jean shorts on and kind of like a camo sweatshirt tee. Candles, two kinds of glasses, Janet’s face during this scene…again, this is, you know, the acting is just so high level. If you watch Janet’s face as things sink in and she says oh dip, and he says yeah, time to go. They go to the old town square. Jason says big news, everybody. Jason’s so chill, Michael’s sad, and at first everybody’s a little stunned. Janet says you know, we’re gonna have a party; eat, drink, and dancing. Jason says it’s okay to be sad. He goes, it’s the same look my teachers had on their faces. He goes, let’s be happy; I’m gonna play DJ, EDM music. It’s gonna be great.
Then they go to the party and DDR’s playing which is Dance Dance Resolution, right? Or Revolution. I think Dance Dance Resolution. I tried to look it up last week and I forgot. Doug Forcett is there as his picture version from the 70s or whatever, not the Doug Forcett we had met. He loves chicken wings, Doug Forcett does. There’s a lot of onion rings, solo cups. He’s in his original, young body. Let’s see, Michael and Janet talk about their feelings and making sure…see how Janet feels. But Janet says jeez, I know this is the right time, right? It’s the right time for him to go. PB and J, and that’s it. Oh, that’s one of the restaurants that we see. Oh, DJ music dance crew…it looks like Jason’s dance crew’s about sixteen people and Jason. Doug’s very happy. The soul squad’s minds are blown watching Jason dance and his crew. They do have great moves. Their minds should have been blown. They put Jason up on his shoulders. He says jeez, that was special. He says I’ll never forget tonight until I dissolve into the universe.
Chidi says jeez, how did you know? How do you know it’s the right time? I don’t know if Eleanor was there, too; Eleanor has the…oh, Chidi and Eleanor are snuggled on the couch and they have…Eleanor does have kind of a semi-rainbow coat on, or rainbow sweater, long-sleeve tee. What else? I don’t think it’s a full ROYGBIV rainbow but he says jeez, I don’t know, it’s not like I heard a bell. I just had this calm feeling in me, like the air inside my lungs was the same as the air outside my body; peaceful, like when you have a perfect jalapeno popper. Then he says what about Janet forgetting me? He goes, I don’t mind if she falls in love, particularly if it was Jason Momoa or Laura Croft, Tomb Raider. They say he makes her necklace. They say don’t worry; she’s not gonna forget about you. Even if she could, she would never do that. [00:30:00] Then, let’s see, yeah, that was a great scene. Perfect games…oh no, that’s back…sorry, I’ve gone in backwards order here.
Yeah, then…is this what was next? Oh no; I’m missing some notes here, I think. I guess, well, I just didn’t write down…they have, like, Donkey Doug makes a speech about Jason’s and…I’m gonna miss you and he was as much a dad for me as I was a dad to him. He says thanks for being a great dad, son. Then Eugene Cordero from the Mandalorian is there as pill boy. He says jeesh…he makes a bunch of good jokes, also talks about how much he cares about Jason. Then Jason and Janet go out to the…this is the first time we see how you transfer over. It’s this peaceful forest scene with this little archway made of trees and branches. They’re holding each other’s hands. She says jeesh, you could sit here for a minute, you could sit on the bench as long as you want and then when you’re ready, go through. He says Janet, I love you. She goes, I love you too. He says I made you something but I can’t find it. I don’t know if…so when you’re married to Aquaman…it was…a magical squirrel probably took it.
She goes, well, I’ll never forget you. She goes, as a matter of fact, you’ll never even be gone. ‘Cause she goes, I don’t experience time the way you do. I live all times at once. Jason talks about that…just funny Jason stuff. He goes, can you just remember the good stuff? She goes well, it’s all good, man. It was all good. Then Janet walks off and Jason sits down. Then there’s an ad, I believe. Then the next scene is 360…323.6 Jeremy Bearimys later and Ron Swanson’s teaching Tahani about furniture design. She has overalls on. He says, I have nothing left to teach you. I’ll try to pause it here or rewind it or something so I can go through her to-do list. Then I think Janet comes, she goes, so that thing happened. Then they go to Camilla. I thought it was that Camilla arrived but it’s really her mother and father. Then her and Camilla…we’ll get to that part. But she says jeez, I never even had lunch with mom and dad. I’ve only sat in the same room as them eating lunch.
Actually, then the parents come and the parents are very…they say jeez, we love you so much. We’re so sorry. We’re endlessly sorry and neither Camilla nor Tahani could believe it but here we go, we’re getting close to Tahani’s to-do list here. Oh wait, there’s commercials ‘cause I’m watching it on a regular DVR here. Yeah, but we gotta roll with this, right? You know, we do what we do so we can do what we do, or whatever. Okay, we have a triple axel; that was one she did, 9348. Land a triple axel, resolve the Poincare Conjecture. That was 9359. Perform Il Dolce Sonino from some opera stuff, burp the alphabet, become a master woodworker, pave a driveway, break Graham Gooch’s record of 456 runs in a single test, master conducting a orchestra, master conducting a train, beat MBA jam on the all-star, free-solo the Colossus of Rhodes, fix that Jesus fresco; the lady messed up. She paved her driveway so she had that going for her.
Yeah, so then that thing happened, that’s what she says, Janet says. Really good hugs with Tahani and Camilla and their parents, too. Nice to see the two of them have resolved things in the big farm life, become real tight sisters. Yeah, their…the parents have appeared, they’re having a smile. Everyone’s arms are stiff and now there’s the big hugs. Oh, my darlings, you know, please forgive us. We’re not perfect. I think they’re making amends and really looking lovingly on their children. The children are like, say what? Then there’s a montage I think that’s about to start. Oh yeah, so they play croquet, family montage; walking arm-in-arm, talking, a movie night watching Home Alone with popcorn in a movie theatre, probably in Tahani’s home. Then Camilla’s doing some sort of oil painting and Tahani’s like, another set of flowers and teddy bears. This is the thousandth time they’ve given…a millionth time. We could get these if we wanted. Then there’s a moment where I think Camilla says you know, I’m getting bored of mom and dad telling us how much they love us.
Then they zoom on Tahani’s face. It’s a moment, a big moment, for Tahani because she comes to the realization she’s getting bored. Her mouth is just the right position and her eyes; really well. Then she’s splendid in yellow and she’s ready to host this party. She says I’m ready to go. They’re like, everything on your list? Yeah; bathtub, helicopter, other stuff, back-hand slice. My last goal was to spend a meaningful day with my parents and now I’ve spent thousands of them. She says complete…she goes, I prepared a party for all of us; cooked the food, mixed the drinks, made the furniture, repainted the walls, trained the pandas that deliver champagne. She goes, I said goodbye to everyone else; my parents, B and J; they took it very hard. But tonight’s the party. Then I see like, grapes and figs, different…looks like that thing cooked in a pastry. Then Tahani and Eleanor have a moment. Let’s see, J and J…where am I? Eugene…J and J heart necklace…oh yeah, got ahead of my notes here.
Oh, WTF faces, croquet high-fives. Camilla and Tahani seem like they’re roommates and they got the panda, the party spread, then Eleanor and Tahani, they’re talking. Let’s see, they say kinda jeez, one of my things was to objectify you in a problematic way. That was Tahani to objectify Eleanor. She finished infinite jests. I didn’t see that list; hold on, let me back up. What else did she have on there? It’s on everybody’s to-do list, including mine. Let’s see, right, something about…okay, sorry about that. Yeah, so how’s everybody doing tonight? Eleanor’s not in a rainbow…well, she’s in a sky blue shirt so I don’t know if that counts as…let’s see, invent new musical instrument, make a vegan dessert that nobody suspects is vegan, truly nail the Lisa ‘Left Eye’ Lopes rap from Waterfalls; that’s a good one. Write Tahani Al-Jamil’s, Borges, Pierre Menard, author of the Quixote. I don’t know what that means. That’s beyond my…so, she did 11,338 things on her to-do list.
They really complement one another. Then John even shows up and says a quick goodbye really fast, really funny. They talk to each other, then Tahani sits down with Michael and they say jeez…and oh, Janet…’cause Michael says jeez, you did so many things. I can only do one thing; I’m the architect. He talks about learning the guitar, don’t sell yourself short, Michael. Tahani name-drops Frank Gehry and then she says you know what? I don’t want to leave. They go, great. She goes, are you staying? She goes no, no, no, I don’t want to stay but I don’t want to leave. She says I want to be an architect and design afterlives. They go jeesh, you’re a person. I guess I didn’t realize this ‘til [00:40:00] now; is this is a call forward too, in some sense, which is important. Then they go through the Hub, they see Jeff. We briefly get a glimpse of what’s-his-name, that driver. What was that dude’s name? I probably wrote his name down. Brent. He’s in some interview about still…he’s still stuck on trying to tell people they need to smile.
Jeff seemed a little down; he has so many more frogs but he just doesn’t seem himself when they see him. So, you have Brent’s in a debriefing center but it’s not going great. We see architect design, there’s a directory there. Glen and Beadie, meet your new intern Tahani. Tahani’s in a suit, no bowtie. Michael, no bowtie. Everybody’s excited, there’s a lot of jokes with Glen. Goo, goo under the bridge. She says I’ll start my…start, work my way up. Anybody want any antimatter? Coming right up. She says thanks, Michael. This is touching; he says I got you a little first-day-on-the-job present. It’s the peacock bowtie that started out ‘cause she’s just, you know, remember me or I’ll brag that I used to know you when you’re the most famous architect in the afterlife. Then we go back to Eleanor. Let’s see, peacock bowtie, oh no, then there’s an ad. It’s 661.7 Jeremy Bearimys later. Eleanor finishes that book. Working out the terms of moral justification is an unending task; boom, did it.
2,000 Bearimys to read that book. It’s the name…then she goes gee, what are you reading? He’s totally chilling out. He goes, The Da Vinci Code. She’s like hey, he goes yeah, you know, read all the difficult books. Now I’m gonna read books for fun. He goes, do you think I could be a symbologist if that was actually a thing? I say yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Then they go to dinner and it’s at Tahani’s pizza place, the perfect pizza place. She even mastered making perfect pizza. Everybody’s there, Uzo, Simone, Eleanor’s two friends whose names I don’t know, and yeah, they’re eating pizza. Looked like they were eating a supreme…pizza…supreme pizza. Maybe one supreme vegetarian pizza. Chidi decides to order dessert for everybody for tiramisu which was interesting. So, that’s interesting too. But yeah, looks like a couple of supreme pizzas. Then the after-dinner…oh, so Chidi orders tiramisu for their table. I think that’s where I left off; sorry, I got a little knocky-knock at my door.
Yeah, so made sure…had to make sure…but yeah, they can’t believe Chidi’s ordering. Then Eleanor and Chidi are at the bar together, after this fun, fun dinner kind of just drinking wine. They have a little bit…they say oh, that was fun, huh? Fun to see our friends. Every time it’s fun. They talk about something, then Eleanor just kind of says something forgetful which there’s a little bit of a beat, then there’s an awkward silence. Then Chidi says Shakespeare left. Then they make some Shakespeare jokes but then there’s another…that’s when the awkward pause is and Chidi goes jeez, I’m tired. I want to go home. They say okay, and they go…let’s see. Then Chidi says I’m gonna get ready for bed. Then Eleanor says jeez, I’m gonna go…I gotta go for a stroll. See you in a bit. Eleanor goes, getting forgetful, Shakespeare’s gone. There was no C-L-O-W-N-S in Eleanor’s place anymore; don’t think there’s been for a while. She takes the green door into Michael’s office.
His medal is on the wall from the last episode. Michael’s kind of singing about it. He’s still working on his Psychedelic Stardust and Moonbeam Banana. Eleanor says Chidi’s gonna go. They kind of team up; what are we gonna do? Is he ready? He’s getting close, he’s gonna bring it up. So she goes, I need to start a spark here. She calls Janet. She says Janet, yo, what are we gonna do here? Like, valedictorian? Highlighter bed? Something spiritual, I think Michael says. Eleanor says oh boy, I give him spiritual…then Janet says well, if it’s Chidi’s time to go, it’s his time to go. Eleanor goes no, no, she’s desperate; classic Chidi grey area. We’ve just gotta refresh things. She goes remember when we first…our first month here when we were all together? She goes, set the scene. Janet goes original glory, she goes no, like when he visited it in college, when he fell in love with it, and also the robe. Then Eleanor goes back to his place but Chidi’s ready for bed. Probably said well, it’s good they sleep in that world, right?
Because I wouldn’t want to live in a…like I said that’s nice, they always get a good night’s sleep. Then she says come on Chidi, we’re going somewhere; special trip. He goes, I’m in my pjs. She says door will take care of that, and they go into Athens. Chidi’s breath’s taken away. Beautiful acropolis; the Pnyx which has a silent p, apparently, where the Athenians would talk, democracy started. Then they talk about Socrates and Plato and the Agora, adventures for super-thinkers. They talk about that maybe John Stamos with a beard was Aristotle. Then they walk down cobblestone streets eating kouvouri or something. It’s some sort of Greek treat. Koulouri, koulouri. They’re just enjoying each other’s time. Chidi goes yeah, this is twenty-year old me. He goes okay, this is great. Why don’t we go home now? She goes no, no, no, we got another place. She goes, Janet? She goes, Janet number two. Remember? Hint, hint. Figure it out. Next thing you know they’re in Paris, Chidi’s favorite city.
At first, they’re up above Paris and a great view. They also did a high-five at some point, I think when they were talking about…oh, when John Stamos with the beard. He goes this is my favorite weather, too, overcast and chilly; perfect for staying inside and reading. At some point Janet says jeez, is this where you wanted to go? She goes well, I was thinking Six Flags but this is better. Then they go to the café that Chidi used to go to where Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir, Richard Wright, James Baldwin, Brecht, all hung out there. She says jeez, we got all the time in the world. You could, you know, sit wherever you want. Chidi finally breaks…their having…they have juice and coffee or tea. He says I know what you’re doing. She goes, being the best girlfriend ever? He goes come on, let’s take a walk. So, they go out on a bridge and he says listen, I really love you but it’s time for me to go. Eleanor kind of starts to really, you know, whatever those stages are. She goes no, no, no, I don’t want you to leave.
He goes, I’m not leaving you. He goes, but I have that quietude in my soul. She goes well, we couldn’t just spend more time here? He goes, I’ve had this feeling for a while. That one day when we were with our parents and my mom kissed you goodbye, rubbed the lipstick…kissed…your lipstick on your cheek, your mom rubbed it off. That was the moment for me. I don’t know why and I didn’t want to tell you. She goes, but Jason’s gone, Tahani’s gone, and I’m not ready to go. She goes, this is kind of what happened to me on Earth. She goes, I like having you here. She kind of gets him; he says okay, I won’t go. Then Janet shows up with cotton candy. Who’s ready for Six Flags? Eleanor says no, no, he’s gonna stay. They say what’s left? Birds, or Eiffel Tower, and Chidi kind of says whatever. He says why don’t we go freshen up and then have dinner? I think Eleanor says I have some wine. Chidi goes fine, but I’m gonna take a walk at first, look at my old neighborhood and stuff, and I’ll meet you there.
But you see kind of a thoughtful smile and a sad Chidi face, then Eleanor’s kind of at dinner waiting, [00:50:00] waiting for him. He goes jeez, everything’s on the menu. He says what are you thinking? To Eleanor. She says working out the terms of moral justification is an unending task. That’s what I was thinking about. He goes, that’s what you want to have for dinner? She goes no, that’s the last line of Scanlon’s book. This is one of the points where they make a point, but it’s subtle. She says the whole point of the book is that we should try to find rules other people can’t reasonably reject. The search for how to find those rules is gonna go on forever. She goes, I proposed a rule that wasn’t fair because it was for me and not for you. She goes, you can go. You could go, I guess; it’s not easy, but it’s time. Then there’s a montage. Let me see, is that what happens? Let me fast-forward ‘cause we were at a commercial. Usually I don’t have to deal with these commercials. It’s just a matter of maneuvering them here ‘cause they’re different for everybody, otherwise I’d comment on those, too.
Okay, well, there’s two people in a living room. Now there’s a Pinocchio, another Pinocchio. Now there’s Sonic the movie which I did see. Then there’s an ad for a TV show…another TV show; Fran Drescher. Now back in Paris, arm-in-arm at the scene we just talked about. Chidi’s in the old neighborhood there looking at his window. Eleanor says this is the way it’s gotta be. It’s time for Chidi to go. I’ll let you go. Then Chidi, frown face…okay, then this is a party. Okay, so it’s a party; it’s just Janet, Michael, Chidi, and Eleanor but it’s a montage scene and they’re all laughing, drinking wine, a lot of joy but no sound. Then we have the sunset or sunrise on the couch thing. It’s very touching, very touching. Eleanor says this isn’t gonna be easy for me, so if you have a John Locke quote or Kantian wisdom, throw it at me. Chidi says well, let’s go to the east. He goes, put your wave in the ocean. You can measure its height, the way the sunlight refracts and whatever else Scoots said.
You know what it is? It’s a wave. But then it gets ashore and it’s gone. The water is still there. You gotta hear Chidi say it but the wave is just a different way for water to be for a while. He goes, that’s a Buddhist thing. A wave returns to the ocean where it came from, where it’s supposed to be. They say not bad, Buddhists, not bad. None of this is bad. Then Eleanor says well, why do you go…it would be easier if you just go while I’m asleep. Then the next scene is Janet and Chidi in the forest, kind of stiff-armed. They give one another a hug, I believe. Let’s see, it’s zooming out of the sunset now. Now it’s zooming out of Eleanor sleeping and opening her eyes. Oh wait, there’s a Chidi…Jeremy Bearimy as Chidi wrestling, Chidi as a sexy mailman, for one full Bearimy calendar. Kind of a Professor Chidi look. Sexy mailman Chidi; that’s the first one. Then sexy Professor Chidi, then wrestling Chidi. Eleanor kind of sighs and she loves it. Now we’re in the forest with Chidi and Janet. Janet says hey, you can sit here and then when you’re ready, you go through the thing.
Sit on the bench as long as you’d like. Chidi’s arms are stiff but he looks ready. He says I’m ready. Now he gives Janet a hug; I thought so. Then he just walks through. Then we get one more piece of old school ‘cause Jason’s just there. He says oh dip, hey Janet. She goes what are you doing? He goes oh, funny story. I lost you that thing. I found it but it was in my pocket. Then I’ve just been waiting for you to come back. Other Janets came but I knew it wasn’t you. Janet’s like, it’s been a thousand Bearimys. He goes yeah, but I wanted to see you again. He goes, it was pretty easy to wait. I just sat and thought about the infinity of the universe. She goes like, monk. Then he puts the necklace on her. It’s so touching; he says it looks good, not a girl. I think they kiss one last time. Let’s see here; Jason’s skipping rocks, walking in the woods, contemplating the universe. But then he runs after Chidi. He says Chidi, wait up. Let’s see, he’s putting the necklace on Janet. Looks good, nadda girl.
Yeah, he gives her a big kiss. Then he runs out. Yeah, I’m getting a little…then he runs off after Chidi. Then there’s another commercial break. Then it’s 3.22 Jeremy Bearimys later. Michael shows up with donuts to a meeting for that council thingamajig and he goes heyo, go nuts for donuts or whatever people say. The judge comes out; looks like she just got done exercising. She has a…east Dylan Lions t-shirt on. Michael still is in…or, he’s not in full casual but he’s in no tie. Judge says yeah, everything’s going good so we don’t need to meet anymore. Vicky’s doing good, your system’s working. Michael’s not ready for that. He goes well, I think Sean was right. Maybe we should start over. She goes don’t worry; enjoy yourself. Then she says check out some podcasts like Radiolab. There was an episode about how clams learn. So, that was cool that we got, what do you call it? Podcast shout-out. She goes, now Scoots…then what do we got next? It’s a little…oh, Eleanor is watching her video of her and Chidi that Mindy taped. It’s on a VCR…VHS tape.
I just want to see here coming up what it says on the box. She’s watching it, then she says…she gets an idea and then she goes to Mindy’s and she says jeez, I need to talk to you, so Mindy says Derek…no, Derek’s been rebooted so many times that Derek’s become…oh, first she looks at…oh, she had a bunch of stuff on her calendar, too. She’s just changed her month of her Bearimy and now she’s watching Cannonball Run 2, is what the box that the tape was in. That’s pretty funny. But it gives her an idea so now she shows up to Mindy’s. Mindy’s reading an old People magazine. I couldn’t see who was on the cover. But then Derek…so, Derek’s become a transcendent being. He’s gotta go back into his nether sphere. 151 million times that Derek’s been rebooted; now a singular point in space and time that contains space itself. Mindy’s faces that she’s making in these scenes is so amazing, too. It’s definitely worth watching for that as well. Eleanor tries to sell Mindy on the idea of…she says trust me; forming bonds with other people is gonna be…I want you to go through the system.
It’ll be good. This is my last mission. We’re very similar; our pasts. We could have gone the same way and I want to help you. Get close to other people and try. Try to live in the world. Mindy says caring seems like a lot of work. I said yeah. She goes, well, I don’t want to go through the system with some stranger. Eleanor says well, I got an idea about that. Then we see Tahani. She’s got a…does she have a bowtie on or no bowtie? Sean’s really good, so Sean has a…this might be Sean’s last lines but Sean has a really good ending. But they say yeah, Tahani’s gonna be a great help. When she’s certified, she’ll take Mindy through the system. Eleanor says jeez, go back to your old life, chill with the floating Derek and then Tahani will design your test. Oh, there’s Tahani. She’s in a suit. Does she have a bowtie? Yeah, she does. Oh, she’s wearing the peacock bowtie. Mindy says why not? [01:00:00] Mindy says thanks for caring. This is another one, oof. She goes, that’s really nice.
She goes, I’m not good at…you’re really teaching me to take care…to care for myself. That was another moment that for me was like, oof. Then Eleanor and Janet are now together at the crossroads. She says jeez, when you’re ready…it was really good watching…you could watch Janet’s hands, the way Eleanor’s moving. But she says jeez, when you’re ready, just walk on through. Sit on the bench; when you’re ready, go on through. Eleanor says I’m ready. No, I’m not ready, I’m not…she goes, I should be ready but I’m not. Then Michael comes up. First it seems like he’s acting out; he’s trying to go through the door, he’s trying to do…he does a bunch of over-the-top stuff. He dances through the door, hides, ‘cause he says jeez, I’m totally sated and complete, you know? I’m ready to go. He’s just acting out. Calm has washed over me, blah, blah, blah. Then he tries to walk through and nothing happens. Janet waves goodbye, then he dances through now sideways, now he’s gonna hide.
They say what are you doing? He says returning my essence to the universe, is what I’m doing. Eleanor puts her hands on her hips like with a child, says come on. Now he’s hiding, he says it’s working. Bye, bye. Then we go to commercial. When we come back from the commercial, Michael’s still kind of acting out. He says you can’t go through the door. He goes, well, I invented it. This stinks. He goes, how come I…he goes, this isn’t fair, basically. He goes, Eleanor, give me a piggy-back ride through the door. She has to raise her voice and say Michael, no. Then she goes, we need to talk. So, she sits him down, she gives him some real talk. She goes, Tahani’s still around. New people are coming. Maybe work with Tahani, maybe do something new. Michael says I already did that, made new…he goes, I designed the ultimate neighborhood. It was a let-down. Even Doug Forcett’s gone. They say thank goodness. Eleanor’s kind of like huh, well, I don’t know. Michael says I guess I’m stuck here forever. I’ll putter around and retire.
Then there’s a zoom on Eleanor’s face. She figures something out and then she meets with the judge. She says come on, judge. The judge says caca meme; she doesn’t like it. Eleanor says well then, I’m gonna go. Then you’ll be free of us. She says oh, well, okay, wait a second. She says you’ll be rid of us. You won’t have to hear…you don’t have to hear from us or anything like that. The judge says okay, you do have a tone. Then we go back to Michael. He’s working on his guitar. Eleanor comes in; she goes Michael? Come on it, just like the start of the first episode. They go into this…he has all his Earth stuff there, kind of like a museum; a bowling ball, paper clips. Everybody’s laughing. Human something, something-or-other. Eleanor goes I figured it out, I figured out with the door, what we should do. She goes, you’ll never be at peace ‘til you get the thing you want. This one, oh boy, it was…she goes yeah Pinocchio, you’re gonna be a real boy, an actual human. Hello…goodbye SQ ID, hello silver fox.
They say jeez, you gotta be sure about this, Michael, ‘cause this is it. Then you’ll have to take the test and everything. You’re gonna live a real life. It’ll be out of your control. Things could change while you’re gone so you don’t really know what’s gonna happen. Michael says well, that’s what makes it special. I won’t know what’s gonna happen. Nothing more human than that. He goes, I’ll also…I could text people and say I’m almost there when I haven’t even left which is typical human. He goes thank you Eleanor, thank you. She says you’re welcome, or you’re very welcome. Then we’re at the Hub with Mike. He says hey Mike, where are you headed? Mike says where are you headed? He goes, Earth. One-way ticket, though. He says you gotta be kidding me. He goes, by the way, I got you a real frog. The frog’s kind of sleeping, very cute frog sleeping. He can’t believe it, so then he says you know who I’m gonna name him? Michael says Michael…Michael thinks Michael but then he says…what does he say?
Mr. Jumpy Legs or something. He goes, you know what? I got a perfect name for him. Mr. Jumpy Legs, yeah. That sounds correct. My memory is correct. Then Michael and Janet walk off towards Earth from training. They’re talking; this is…she gives Michael all this information and she goes jeez, this will be enough. He says thank you, Janet. She goes, you know, you’re a human now so remember that. Please remember that. He goes, I’ll be okay. She goes, I know, but I care about you. They kind of do a hug. Michael says don’t worry; I’ll see you again when I get back. But yeah, it’s like Janet’s making some faces that pulls on the heartstrings when you spend this much time with the characters. Michael goes through the door. She says don’t take any…then he’s in total cas, he’s in a dress shirt, jeans, and running shoes. He’s so happy, though. It’s a dry heat wherever he is, probably Arizona, I’m guessing. Then we have a commercial there. Janet’s arms were crossed at the end.
Then we have Eleanor and Janet; Eleanor is in a kind of…not a ROYGBIV but a rainbow shirt. They go through there. She goes yeah, sit on the bench just like last time and then when you’re ready, walk through. Eleanor says why don’t you sit with me for a bit and join me? They both have strange posture. Janet says how about some margaritas? Eleanor says you betcha. Then Eleanor says Janet, what are your top three moments of your not-life with us? She goes well, when you said we should try to help other people on Earth. Then when we got to the Good Place…then she goes eight million-way tie of all the times Jason and I kiss ‘cause he was a really good kisser. She says she wonders how Michael’s doing. Eleanor says jeez, I’m assuming he’s doing the same as every human. Then it has a montage of Michael on New Year’s; good times. Times when he’s caring for a friend and being caring for somebody. Then him feeding his dog whose name is Jason and has a bowtie. Somebody texts him; Bobby, who he doesn’t get along with.
He makes a TV dinner that doesn’t go well and laughs so much. He takes guitar lessons and it ends up with…it’s with his real-life wife Mary Steenburgen. She says jeez, I hope you just asked for help. I think that was one of the things in the…Michael’s learning how to play guitar; he’s happy. Everybody needs a teacher. Messing up and trying again, getting things all wrong, and making them right. That’s what Eleanor’s saying. That’s what everybody does. They cheers to Michael and then Janet says what do you think happens? It’s the only thing in the universe I don’t know. Eleanor says I don’t know but the wave returns to the ocean, she says. What the ocean does with the water after that is anyone’s guess. She says but as a wise, non-robot told me, true joy is in the mystery. Janet says mind if I stay here a while until you’re gone? They make a comment about…they make a objectifying comment, a joke Janet does about Eleanor.
Eleanor stands and hugs Janet and then she walks through the door very deliberately and she starts to become stardust, more or less. Then we follow some of the stardust sparks until we reach an apartment building. One of the sparks is dancing around there and then there’s this dude checking his mail. Or first, he’s [01:10:00] walking, then he’s checking his mail. The stardust lands on his shoulder and becomes a part of him. Then he says…he throws out some mail but he finds a piece of mail from Michael. He says wait a second; what in the hey? Oh no, first he threw it out. Then he decides to do the right thing and bring it to Michael who’s not in the same apartment building. He’s at 12358 building number, apartment 322.
He says hey, this is yours. Michael says thanks so much, it was for the bar that Eleanor used to hang out at, so like a frequent hanger card, Coyote Joe’s reward cards. His last name is Realman, Michael Realman. He says thank you so much. He goes yeah, no problem, take it easy. Michael goes, I’ll do you one better; I’ll say this to you, my friend, with all the love in my heart, all the wisdom in the universe, take it sleazy. The guy’s just stunned and then that’s the…that’s it. He says alright. Michael closes the door and our relationship for…I mean, until we do season two. We could always come back to these characters whenever you want, but it comes to a close and it was a beautiful, beautiful episode. Alls I can say is take it sleazy. Take it sleepy, in this case. Goodnight.
[END OF RECORDING]