850 – Kondo Whisperer | Get Besos S3 E2

EPISODE 850 – Kondo Whisperer S3 E2

 

[START OF RECORDING]

SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time for the padcaster…that’s what…when I’m in Roncacma, that’s what they call me; the padcaster.  Or maybe that’s in Syracuse.  Where is that?  Where is that located?  Somewhere in the annals of my mind.  How would you say that; annals of your mind?  I guess you’d say that; padcaster and annals are the same…hey, maybe.  I don’t know, patrons.  Do you?  Who knows?  But it’s time for Sleep With Me patrons, the podcasters that put you to…oh, you’re the ones that put me…your help helps me put you and everybody else to sleep.  Thanks.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep?  Trouble staying asleep?  Well, welcome.  This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.  We do it with a bedtime story.  All you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play.  I’m gonna do the rest.  What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake; whether it’s thoughts you’re thinking about, thoughts, things on your mind, feelings, emotions, sense…you know, senses, physical sensations.  If it’s any of those keeping you awake or changes in time or temperature or routine…S-T…how do you spell that word?  No, S-T-R-E to the double S.  Holy moly.  This is the only podcast where I could say Voldemort or however…Voldemort, right?  But I can’t…this is the only podcast where I could say Voldemort or Beetlejuice.  Probably shouldn’t say them again though, especially Beetlejuice.  I shouldn’t say that another time and I’m not going to.  Sorry, B.

 

But really, those other words with the double Ss, I try to skip over that one.  How do you feel about me calling you Voldy and…is it Ned Beatty or…it’s always Ned Beatty but I always see Beatty.  Is it Ned Beatty?  Beetle does not know.  Okay, I got to get back to…where…oh, so whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m gonna try to take your mind off of that.  I’m gonna try to create a safe place here where you could kind of get comfortable, get cozy, and that’s gonna ease you into bedtime, yeah.  Get ready, I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night here.  I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones; oh-so creaky and just a bit dulcet…with a dash of dulcet.  I call them creaky, dulcet tones but you know, they’re…you said what’s the biggest ingredient?  I’d say creaky.  Leaky, creaky stuff with a dash of dulcet tones.  Pointless meanders though, got those.  Superfluous tangents; I’m gonna go off-topic and be a bit silly and goofy ‘cause I’m here to keep you company as you fall asleep.

 

Now, if you’re new, I’m glad you’re here and let me give you a couple of pieces of information ‘cause if you’re new, if you never listened to this podcast before, particularly if you just found your way here ‘cause you said holy mackerel, I’m a big JC Penney fan and finally I get to hear more about James Cash Penny.  I had to tune into this podcast.  Also, I wanted to fall asleep.  I was looking to combine those two.  I said well, you’re in the right place, maybe.  But this podcast, let me tell you structurally what to expect ‘cause that’s very different than most podcasts, probably even sleep podcasts.  The show starts off with a few minutes of business.  That’s kind of essential for regular listeners.  I guess it’s a inconvenience for new listeners or listeners that only listen once in a while.  But that inconvenience is outweighed by the fact that I’m able to give the podcast to you for free so it’s a…I guess it’s a balance thing.  The show starts off a little bit more…faster-paced but now we’re into the easing down, wind-down part of the show.  That’s the show.

 

It starts off with business…oh, then the ease-down, wind-down part, I call it an intro.  Not everyone agrees with that but it is the introduction to the podcast; it just takes a long time.  The reason it takes so long…I mean one; natural talent.  I don’t mind saying I have a natural talent at not getting to the point or making sense.  But it’s also here to give you plenty of time to drift off, to get ready for bed, if you start listening as you get ready for bed or as you’re in bed getting comfortable, getting cozy.  Those kind of stuff; petting your pets or brushing stuff, balming…this is the balming season.  I tell you what, I didn’t balm my backside but that is a cheap alliteration that I’d like to…Backside Balm, the only balm on Sleep…tonight’s episode sponsored by Backside Balm; put a little balm on your backside.  Why wouldn’t you?  I mean, unless you have to…unless you’re somewhere where you say Scoots, I have to sit bare-bottomed where I can’t move, so I need the friction.  I say okay, then don’t balm your backside in that case.

 

That’s B-A-L-M, by the…so, I can understand it if you say well, I’m sit…I’m doing this…I’m in this new competition where you sit on a slide but you don’t slide.  I’d say wow, that’s interesting.  I thought I had strange habits but holy cow, that’s quite a pastime.  It’s in clement weather, not inclement weather, right?  It is, Scoots.  Don’t worry.  Here’s a question; I know that we’re already off-topic…being off-topic, but how come no one has said the weather outside is clement, right?  I say it’s inclement or inclement…I don’t know how to pronounce that word, either; inclement weather, right?  Then there’s climate which is a more general word but how come the weather person doesn’t say holy mackerel, is it gonna be clement today?  Put your umbrellas away, take those galoshes and throw them in the closet because you’re not gonna need them today.  The anchors and the road…the traffic person would say what are you…what do you mean, clement weather?

 

Does that mean it’s gonna be…is it gonna be balmy?  Oh no, it’ll be…only if you like balmy, only if you define…it’s gonna be clement.  Any sleeves…sleeves…shirt sleeves or no sleeves, pants…I mean, you could wear shorts.  I’ll always have a light jacket but yeah, that’s gonna be clement.  Holy cow; perfect for walking around, walking pets, talking, and listening to sleep podcasts.  It’s not gonna be so clement…you should balm your backside when you’re at home, by the way, even though…today’s news weather cast is brought to you by Backside Balm.  Oh, the great…also, this is a new sponsor we just got just this minute, the great Slide-Sitting Festival.  It’s not a competition; it’s a festival of joy, sitting on slides.  Oh sorry, I was in the middle of trying to tell you what the intro was.  It’s a point where I go off-topic as you ease into bedtime so if you’re new, I mean, that was like…that wasn’t even gratuitous.  That was, like I said, I sometimes have a natural talent to get distracted.

 

I mean, I could spend all day talking to that sides…I mean, I definitely have done enough podcasts to know that I gotta give Backside Balm a rest.  But I’m just picturing…I’m just…it’s just funny ‘cause it’s true.  You say well, I guess it would be Backside Balm.  Every backside could use a little balm, during this season in particular.  You balm your hands, so I guess especially after you sat on a slide, the Backside Balm could sponsor that Slide-Sitting Festival.  They say you know what?  After all day sitting on a slide in clement weather, you wouldn’t think…you’d think I’d be just full of the joy of sitting on a slide all day long and being in the moment.  Holy cow, is it great.  When I’m done and I get home and I’m in the privacy of my own environment, it’s time…one of the ways I unwind.  Okay, so if you’re new though, sorry.  The intro is just a part of…beginning of the show.  I try to explain what the podcast is but it takes me like, twenty minutes.  But really, it’s a chance for you to get comfortable, to get settled in.  Some listeners fall asleep.

 

About 2% of listeners skip [00:10:00] ahead like, twenty minutes.  It’s easier…I mean, that’s one option but you could also become a patron and then you get…you could get the story-only portions of the show or ad-free versions of the show but yeah, most listeners, this is part of their wind-down.  It’s getting comfortable time.  This is where you get to fall asleep where you’re mildly amused.  You say well, I never know how to take Scoots…is he…he’s got an idea that has a modicum of sense.  I say well, wasn’t that one of my autobiographies I wrote, A Modicum of Sense?  At first, I was gonna make it my own because it reminds me of me, but then I thought about it; My Life as A Penny.  Maybe that could be a podcast episode.  Hopefully I don’t forget that.  A Modicum of Sense.  I guess that’s…oh, I can’t do it tonight, but actually it’s funny ‘cause tonight’s episode has JC Penney in there.  The JC Penney store, I guess that would be it, my imaginary biography of JC Penney; A Modicum of Sense or the History of the Penny or something.

 

A Penny-Collector’s History of How I Lost My Penny Collection.  Those are always good; How I Learned to…How I Lost the World’s Most Expensive Penny Collection but Learned Some Common Sense.  I guess you don’t learn common sense, though.  You gain it; you acquire it.  Maybe that would be better.  The Story of the Largest Penny Heist in the History of the World and How They…okay, anyway, so none of that has to do with the intro of the podcast except it’s just a part of it.  I’m here to keep you company as you drift off, so the intro is just a long-winded wind-down.  Yeah, that’s the intro.  Then there’s some business, then there’s a story.  Tonight, it’ll be our ongoing episodically modular…modularity is starting tonight.  As Will Smith once sang; we’re getting procedural with it.  Na-na-na-na-na, get procedural with it.  That’s what we’re doing tonight ‘cause it’s gonna be a procedural series you could listen to in any order of two best friends, James Cash Penny and Richard Warren Sears, working together to help people, of course.

 

Then there’s some thank yous at the end, so that’s the structure of the show.  This is a podcast you don’t need to listen to.  You can listen; as you’ve seen, it does contain words and the words are strung together in a familiar but…you’d say that looks familiar but I’ve never seen it put together like that before.  I say yeah, that’s how they…that’s what they say to me when I show up at IKEA too, every time.  They say is that…did you do that intentionally as art?  I say well, oh yes, yes, I call this the Stravelfassen.  Yeah, totally.  I said actually, that’s actually the name of that.  I said oh, you know what?  I forgot…sorry, IKEA, I’m in the middle of a podcast intro.  Okay, so yeah, it’s a podcast you don’t really need to listen to so there’s no pressure to listen or follow along, but you can.  I’m here to be your bore-bud, to be your companion.  If you need to listen, I’m gonna be here ‘til the very end.  I make this show for the sliver of people that can’t sleep as much as I do for all the people that fall asleep real fast.

 

That is like, two things that you go…walk out on to get…that are parallel and matching that you go to get…abode by, also known as…but that might be the worst joke I’ve ever told on the podcast because…I don’t think there’s been a worse one.  But that’s like, kindergarten humor there, a paradox.  What kind of…or what kind of pants do you see on a dad?  Anyway, okay, so…at a business-casual event, sorry…including me.  Where was I?  Oh, so the…oh, this is a podcast you don’t need to listen to.  I mean, boom, we got that covered.  There’s also no pressure to fall asleep.  I’m gonna be here for about an hour to keep you company as you drift off.  Like I said, if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here to keep you company, too.  You could queue up eight hours of episodes if you need them.  There’s no pressure to listen, no pressure to fall asleep, and…I don’t know, I think that’s it.  Oh, the other important thing that new listeners discover…some people, the show doesn’t work for.  I really wish it worked for everybody ‘cause I believe you do deserve a good night’s sleep and I would love to help but give it a few tries because it is so…the podcast is so different and unexpected.  Unexpectedly dull, but you say I didn’t expect a paradox joke…makes sense on paper.

 

I’d say that’s right, it does, it makes…just like this…I’m trying to think of another joke that’s based on the schematics of docs because I actually have…oh, those are dockets.  I have a pair of dockets but that’s not the same, huh?  I’m here to keep you company to take your mind off stuff.  Give it a few tries; thousands, hundreds of thousands, maybe even millions of people have said…actually, millions of people have, now that I think about it, that it took a few tries to get used to the podcast and then eventually started putting them to sleep where they realized oh wait, I never…it’s never gonna make any sense.  I’m laughing because that’s the truth and I love that it’s the truth.  It makes me very happy because nothing could make me happier than you getting a good night’s sleep so you’re rested, so you can live your life, you can enjoy things, and you don’t have that dread.  I’m glad you came by.  I really do appreciate your time even though I kind of use it in a strange way.  Another thing if you’re new, believe it or not, I work very hard on this show because I yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to keep this podcast free for everybody.

 

Alright, hey everybody, it’s time for our episodically modular series Get Besos, the tale of Richard…I don’t know why that got stuck in my mouth.  The tale of Richard Warren Sears and James Cash Penny’s escape from purgatory or a place I’ve slightly confused, and in pursuit of Jiff Besos who’s in…they’re in pursuit…they’re trying to get Jiff.  I’m trying to think of a way to explain it.  He used to have a flash…return to Earth in an attempt to catch Jiff Besos, founder of Imzon.com who they feel crushed their retail empires.  But while they’re in pursuit of Jiff, the real reason is…that happened in season one; now they’re actually friends with Jiff because they had two seasons of adventures, but they’re still returning to Earth in pursuit of Jiff who’s actually in pursuit of someone named Z-Biff who, in this Earth…it’s a little bit different than our Earth, as in…Z-Biff is the founder of Z-Biff which is…Z-Biff’s the name, Z-Biff is also the game.  Z-Biff is a social shopping platform that’s really predominant.

 

Jiff…let’s see if I can fill you in, here.  Jiff escaped from purgatory first, headed to Earth, or Earth 2, but we’re just gonna call it Earth for brevity’s sake ‘cause that 2 takes up way too long.  It’s not…I don’t think it’s actually called Earth 2, though.  Jiff Besos, a fictional character, headed to Earth to go get another fictional character, Z-Biff; that’s one name, single name, whatever they call that, a solonym or whatever, so famous that their platform is also called Z-Biff.  Jiff basically was…let me give you this in conversational tone.  Once upon a time…that’s not…oh, okay, let me give it to you in fairytale…once upon a time there was two best friends, James Cash Penny and Richard Warren Sears.  They found themselves in purgatory for the second time and purgatory is wicked boring.  Then Richard Warren Sears was also spending some time with Jiff Besos, also in purgatory, and Jiff was upset about this person on Earth, Z-Biff, who runs the social shopping platform.

 

They used to be called…at one point they were called websites; now, they’re platforms.  Jiff decided to go to Earth because it felt like…Jiff felt like the Z-Biff social sharing platform and Z-Biff were not helping humanity.  Jiff said I’m gonna go sneak out of purgatory, go get Z-Biff.  Now, Richard Warren Sears and James [00:20:00] Cash Penny, they’re totally best friends.  Then, they said…James was sleeping for a while and when he…at some point he woke up.  He said where’s Jiff?  This happened in Episode 1 but I want to make sure you’re caught up, or catched up.  He said where’s Jiff?  RW said he went to Earth to get Z-Biff, so they decided to go to Earth to get Jiff ‘cause they said well, you can’t…why would you sneak out of purgatory to go get somebody?  That’s not a great idea.  You could get in trouble, is all you’re gonna get.  When you try to get someone, alls you get is trouble.  That’s cross-stitched somewhere.  Also, they learned their lesson; they had already done this.  That’s how they actually became friends with Jiff, was that they snuck out of purgatory the first time to go get Jiff and it didn’t work out.  It did work out, I guess in some sense, because they became friends.  It just didn’t work out like they had planned.

 

Oh boy, so basically, that’s it.  They’re headed to Earth to go get Jiff before Jiff gets Z-Biff.  It’s a procedural episodic series; may not sound like that.  You say holy cow, Scoots, this is one of those great serials that I can’t remember the title of.  Was this in the Outer Worlds?  Was there a poster of this in the Outer Worlds?  I’d say no, I wish there was, but no, this one doesn’t take…it’s serial…it’s not really serialized except for the beginning.  There’s a slight seriality to it, I’ll admit it.  But you could consume it in any order.  One, because these long-winded beginnings to each episode; two, I am designing each episode in a procedural, episodically modular way.  This episode is fairly self-contained but that’s what you need to know; main characters, James Cash Penny, Richard Warren Sears.  Fictional characters…or fictionally influenced…they’re just fiction because I…yeah, totally.  Fictionalized, is that what I’d say?  But yeah, so basically, last episode I think I covered it.  They snuck out of purgatory to go find Jiff.  They did have a list of communities and individuals impacted by the Z-Biff social sharing and shopping platform that…so, that’s what they’re going on, is this list.

 

Oh wait, oh, the other thing is I caught up with them a little bit late so they have been on Earth for a while, doing stuff.  Without further ado, I’ll turn it over to our Hollywood…person who introduces the show and then the narrator after that.  Here’s Antonio Banderas.  Thank you, that was a mouthful, Scooter.  The ladies, the gentlemen, the boys and girls, the friends beyond the binary, it’s time for another opportunity for friendship in the adventures of James Cash Penny and Richard Warren Sears, starring in Get Besos.  Yeah.  Thank you, Antonio.  Why don’t you go rest?  I mean, I know before…when we’re recording this it’s a real busy time of the year so why don’t you get…why don’t you actually rest?  I know you fall asleep sometimes but you could go get on top of my show covers that I put on top of my bed.  I know it feels a little bit like a drop cloth because…it’s not, though.  It’s a bed cloth.  It’s a drop…a bed cloth I dropped on my bed for you to lay on.  Then you can drive back to LA.  That’s Mr. Antonio Banderas.  This is Get Besos, season three.

 

Oh, hi everybody.  This is the narrator and we’re returning to the series here.  Welcome back.  Alright, everybody, here’s the…actually, as the narrator, I’m just gonna turn it over to RW and James.  They just headed to another community, kind of like one of those…not a suburb…one of those really nice neighborhoods, a town not far from…a town within an urban center.  But they haven’t started their next mission yet because I’ll be honest, they’re talking about it and other missions have gone good thus far.  They weren’t even narrate…I didn’t have the ability to narrate them but that’s what they’re…okay, buddy, buddy, buddy.  I realize you want to go over…okay, so what do you want to go over, James?  That things aren’t…that so far, we’ve caused a bit of chaos, I guess.  Okay, why don’t you tell me where you think things have gone wrong?  Okay, well Richie, we’ve seen a lot of things that just haven’t worked.  So far, we’ve learned that when we’re dealing with things impacted by the social sharing and shopping platform known as Z-Biz, being direct or confrontation doesn’t work.

 

Shaming doesn’t work, reassuring…reasoning.  Reassuring and then reasoning; I think that’s what we tried last time.  That did not go well.  No, buddy, it did not go…maybe I should have taken the reasoning part and you should have taken the reassuring part instead of you doing both.  Well yeah, but you were saying that they were…none of them were reasonable, so how do you reason…?  Well yeah, if people aren’t reasonable, how do you…you can’t reason within…yeah, right, James.  Okay, talking didn’t work.  I don’t know, appealing to empathy and compassion, we…what, we tried that three times in a row.  It didn’t…well yeah, that goes back to being direct or also James, it’s S to the H to the A…A-M-E when you tell someone they’re not compassionate or empathetic.  Yeah, but…okay, so yeah, we’re learning.  We’ve made a lot of mistakes and we still have this huge list.  I’m just saying if we’re gonna get this going…I don’t know, ‘cause now Jiff’s gonna have to either do…take care of all those ones that we made worse, appealing to people’s good side.

 

I didn’t realize that that was a bad idea ‘til now.  Right, James, as ubiquitous as everybody’s in this community, it feels like a lot of bubbles and separate worlds and…but so, okay, what are you saying we should do for this next one?  I don’t know.  I mean, I’m looking at it and I feel like we’re in the doghouse, in some sense, and it’s a big mess.  It’s a doghouse of our own building.  Okay buddy, you’re a little down, James.  You’re not making a total lot of sense.  You know what it reminds me of?  The good times we had just not that long ago when we were sitting around watching…once we got the internet, Jiff also had some stuff on a USB thing and we were able to watch the Marie Kondo show.  James, remember the times we had, you know, at her clients’?  We were making all those comments about them.  Richie, I wasn’t there; I was curled up, remember?  I wasn’t there.  Why don’t you tell me…you were making jokes about people on reality shows again, like what we did with the Dog Whisperer like, twenty years ago?

 

James, it was just as sweet as that.  Actually, the shows are very similar, James, now that you bring it up.  Just in case you don’t know, because you clearly are looking at me like you don’t, Marie Kondo is a person that helps people get their lives in order, particularly their organization.  Tidying Up was her book.  She helps people kind of put things in order, de-clutter, get rid of things they don’t need, spark joy.  I have great respect for Marie Kondo but…okay Richie, yeah, I was never comfortable with making fun of people on reality shows.  Well, when you were talking about the clients of the Dog Whisperer, you sounded pretty comfortable with your joking, James.  Okay, well, maybe I’ve changed.  But so, what does this have to do with anything?  You were sitting around…why did you start thinking of sitting around making fun of Marie Kondo’s clients on her show?  Also, we were gonna watch this…we watched the other…both…but remember…James, do you know they rebooted Queer Eye?

 

[00:30:00] Okay, well…okay, so that’s the structure.  So, what is triggering your memories of Marie Kondo, Queer Eye, Dog Whisperer?  I can’t remember, James.  Oh, well, okay.  Well, what I remember about the Dog Whisperer and the original Queer Eye was that it was structured in a way…actually, they must have learned from our mistakes.  Were there shows before that that didn’t work out because…I think that’s…Richie, you got it.  I don’t know what Marie Kondo’s method was but they would never talk about things directly.  They would help the people.  I guess they…but you know what I mean?  They would help them.  Right, Marie Kondo, actually, she teaches people about how to put people’s…how to put things in nice boxes and fold things and rarely talks about the big things.  Is that what you’re saying, James?  Right.  Our indirect…because it gets all subtextual, almost.  What do you mean, James?  Okay, so let’s try to look at our current problem under this lens, the Kondo…this lens of these realities, these…are they reality shows?

 

They’re too real, James.  There was this one time…okay, I don’t want to hear about anybody you picked on.  Oh, we didn’t pick on them, James, ‘cause they were just on the TV.  Then eventually everything worked out in the end.  Okay, anyway, so…okay, we’re in this…this is a city, though.  Right, it feels like a town, though; it’s very quaint even though it’s on the edge of a big city.  Okay, and then what was the problem that Jiff was researching?  Well buddy, it was not…it’s not a pretty problem.  It’s one that plagues so many communities, James, and its pets.  Okay, is this better for…maybe we should use the Dog Whisperer method, then.  Oh no, James, it’s not about pet behavior; it’s about people behavior.  Okay, what…it’s people that don’t clean…they take their pets for a walk, particularly dogs, James, and they just keep walking.  You know what I’m saying?  Like, they don’t pick up after their pets.  Correct, James.  Okay, and what does Jiff have to say about it in his notes?

 

Well, Jiff theorizes that this is one of these keystone problems of these social sharing platforms where the other S comes in, the S-H-A-M-E-I-N-G-ing, along with other issues we’ll cover on here, but that…it’s a very…it’s a source of a lot of feelings on these platforms and then actions.  But none of which have been…resulted in any kind of resolution.  Okay, let me take a look here…yeah, so we have…yeah, this person, they seem to be leading…oh wow, so this is very specific.  Okay, so in this community…okay, it’s spread everywhere.  This happens, makes sense.  There’s people that don’t pick up after their pet, just right on the sidewalk or whatever.  Because of the ubiquitousness of this platform, at first they would…it would be something…you’d say hey, didn’t you…sometimes people would say it to people but now with all the ability to take pictures and sharing their posts, it’s actually a kind of poo-posting, James.  It’s a new way of defining that.

 

Okay, so this person is one…they’re behind…doing all the posting of the pictures.  That has resulted in what?  Well, here’s what’s interesting, James; it hasn’t changed anything.  It hasn’t changed anyone’s behavior.  Now, they were…they actually…yeah, it’s just created more…right, it’s one of these things that Jiff is so upset about.  It’s created…it’s made things not better in a strong way.  Right James, because particularly, one of the people is a city council member that doesn’t clean up…that’s the one that’s…this is the one…and oh, so they don’t clean up after they got their picture taken.  Then it became a thing.  They’re still…they still ran and got re-elected twice.  Okay, so this is…why don’t we go to this house?  What if we use the Kondo method?  We go there and we just try to observe the person but try to make it…like, work with them just like we were on one of those shows.  Could I be the star, James?  I’ll be the producer and you be the star, but you’ll be the talent, so that’ll be talent mentality.

 

Have you heard that?  No, James, but does it mean my mind is superior because I’m so talented?  It means that as talent, you’re gonna be a little bit more in the background.  Probably will have someone bringing you lemonade and stuff.  You won’t be bothered because we’ll be preparing for filming which we’ll never do.  Or maybe we’ll say it’s a podcast or something.  I don’t know, but we’ll say that yeah, we’re…I’m the producer, you’re the talent.  James and RW; we’ll go by our names and we’ll just kind of flesh it out.  James…yeah, but I mean really…okay, this is the house anyway.  We’re walking there.  Oh hello, hi.  Yes, yeah, I’m James, James Cash, and this is my buddy RW.  We’re producers of a podcast about that…about Z-Biz.  No, no, no, we don’t work for Z-Biz.  We’re kind of doing a podcast about the impact of Z-Biz on the community.  Oh, Z-Biff; I’m sorry.  I get…sometimes…yeah, no, it is…I mean, it is…I think that’s what we’re gonna call it.  That’s gonna be the name of the podcast, actually; Z-Biz.

 

It’ll be about the Z-Biff platform.  That’s why I get it so mixed up.  It’ll be a narrative podcast.  Thanks for not…thanks for asking…not asking what a podcast is.  That’s great to know.  Yeah, it’ll be a narrative.  I don’t know, we’re just…I’m the producer, RW here is the talent.  RW will be doing the narration.  Yeah, so we know…we’ve been reading up, we’ve been doing our research and we see that you’ve had a lot of issues with people not picking up after their pets.  What’s up with that, huh?  Yeah, we see all that and we were wondering…so, we have all the information about what’s currently been happening.  Oh yeah, we’d love to come in.  Thank you so much.  Wow, you got a lot of boxes in here.  Are you a fan of Marie Kondo?  James, Marie Kondo doesn’t exist in this…oh, Marie Kondo…never mind.  I just…oh, that’s like a…she’s a bespoke box maker where I’m from.  Yeah, no, back east.  Sorry about that.  Okay, so we know you’ve been having an issue with this and you really have been dedicated to this cause of holding people to task that don’t clean up after their pets, huh?

 

Yeah, well, we were thinking…actually, to be honest, we’re not journalists.  We were thinking…you know, we both used to work in reality TV, kind of.  We were thinking like huh, what if RW here helps you…well, it’s a show we haven’t launched yet so I’m still thinking of ideas.  Originally, I thought it would be more of a business show, like a narrative show, but what if RW and you work together?  I mean, he is the talent to come up with other ideas to deal with your problem.  Sorry, to deal with the community’s problem that you’re helping to solve; correct.  Like, a way we could make it more positive and fun.  RW, do you have any ideas of…?  I mean, so, punitive measures have not worked.  That’d be normally what I would do.  Your public posting of them, that backfired and that created…the city council and all that, so here’s an idea; what about something fun, like James said?  Is there any fun ideas we could come up with to do it…to do something that’s empowering in a way?

 

Something fun, right, James?  Right, [00:40:00] RW.  That’s what I was hoping, you’d come up with some fun ideas.  Have you thought of any?  Oh, you’ve just been…I mean, I can see it’s not…it hasn’t been…it’s been a lot of work for you, huh, dealing with this?  Yeah.  Well so, okay, let’s run through it.  So, people take their pups or their full-sized things out and a small percentage of people, they just keep going.  When the animal goes, they keep going.  Okay, yeah, not always exactly like that, but they never stop.  They don’t stop; they don’t think twice, it doesn’t seem like it, huh?  Naturally, someone comes across that or it’s their sidewalk or their yard or they step in it.  That’s gonna be smoke coming out the old ears.  You seem like you’ve taken a lot of measures and it hasn’t gotten on people’s radar.  They just haven’t changed their behavior, huh?  Okay, so yeah, some of the other things you did before; okay, yeah, tell me about what you did.  Okay, so you used to put up dog bags everywhere and then you put signs up to the dog bags.

 

Okay, that I like.  James, what about a flag?  Okay, what do you mean, RW?  Like, what about a dog bag flag?  Okay, what do you mean, RW?  Okay, so we take your wonderful idea and we take it as a flag and we put it in there with a flag on it.  The flag is a dog bag.  Maybe there’s a coupon to buy it on Z-Biz, too, that says hey, by the way, use this dog bag next time.  Okay, that’s not that bad a idea, RW.  I like that idea.  Okay, so what do you think?  Could we try that?  Oh, you have bulk dog bags; let’s try to make some dog bag tags…dog bag flags.  What else would we need?  Maybe some…maybe we could use some of those skewers or chopsticks.  Or do you have any…?  What else could we…we could use sticks from the yard.  Okay, why don’t you work on that?  We’re gonna go; we’re gonna have a production meeting, and we’ll be back.  When you’re done…that’s how the…oh, I don’t know when we’ll record anything.  But yeah, we’ll be back.  We’re gonna go have a production meeting and see you in a bit.

 

Okay James, that seems to be pretty…work pretty good.  It does.  Here’s what I think; I think we should do…is we’ll take a break and then we’ll meet with the city council member that walks their dog and see when…oh, here’s an idea; yeah, let’s…once we have the dog bag flags, we’ll go out with the city council member.  We’ll interview them, then we’ll go out with them when they walk their dog and encounter a dog bag flag.  Since we’re not journalists, we can get away with this kind of stuff.  This is more of a reality…this isn’t our real house.  Okay buddy, let’s go.  Let’s go do that, then.  Okay, let’s figure out…we’ll go to a library, find out where they are.  Hey, knock, knock, knock.  How are you doing?  You’re the city counsellor, huh?  Yeah, we’re here, we’re working on a podcast.  Yeah, what’s a podcast?  It’s a…like a radio…it’s a streamable…yeah, it’s right on your phone, right on that app, yup, the one…oh, you never opened it?  Well, we could tell you about some podcasts to check out.

 

James, don’t you think it’s strange that in this version of Earth, it’s called a podcast, too?  Is it called a podcast 2, Richie, or just a podcast?  James…oh, sorry, I’m the talent, actually.  I’m RW.  This is James Cash and yes, we’re working on this show and it’s about this…about…we’re calling it Z-Biz.  It’s about Z-Biff social sharing and shopping platform and its impacts on the community.  We know it’s impacted you.  Yeah…oh yeah, the untrue news, as you call it.  Correct.  We figured we would love to just spend some time with you and just get your brilliance.  We hear about your brilliance as a city council member.  Oh boy, does this city get counselled by you from what I hear, though I did notice that you do miss a lot of meetings, city council meetings.  Oh, ‘cause you’re so busy, that makes sense.  I mean, you gotta…there’s only so much of you to go around.  I know how it is; I’m the talent.  Okay, so…oh, you’re taking your dog out for a walk.  Perfect.  What’s your dog’s name?  Rover.

 

Wow, that’s…so, tell us about…so, we know that you’ve…you like to…what do you do when you walk your dog?  Tell us a little bit about when you’re walking your dog.  You’re just walking.  Okay, well, you’re a minimalist when it comes to this kind of stuff.  Oh, why are we asking so many questions?  Oh, because…James, why don’t you take it from here?  Oh, well, we’re gathering information for our story and probably get some great free promotion for you, and really feature you in a way to catch your essence, as James…as Richie said.  You know, get an idea of that counselling you do for the city and all of the other parties that you work with.  Okay, yeah, with your gravel business.  That’s great.  Tell us more about…yeah, so you’re walking your dog.  We’re really familiar with everything; I mean, we do do our due diligence so we’re familiar with…that people were…okay, yeah, and you weren’t happy about that, huh?  Okay, so I’m just trying to replicate when you’re out…oh boy.

 

Is your dog…I’m sorry, did we distract you while we were talking?  ‘Cause your dog just…there’s like, that…on the sidewalk there, public sidewalk.  Oh, you’re in a hurry.  Okay, oh, look at that coming up here; this must be your dog’s favorite block, huh?  What’s that…is that a…what is that in that…is that a pile of leaves with a flag sticking out of it?  Okay, well, hold on, counsellor, what does that say?  ‘Hey, is this yours?’  And the arrow’s pointing down there.  ‘Oh, or maybe your dog’s.  How about cleaning it up?’  Oh wow, that’s creative; it’s a dog bag flag with writing on it.  Looks like a child made it, huh?  Oh, well, I guess that’s your opinion.  Might be a beta…might be a whatever they call that, in a beta launch.  Wonder whose dog…wonder who’s that flag is for.  You’re right, it’s probably is considered littering, like just letting your dog…oh, the inorganic.  So, the organic’s fine even though it’s on cement.  It’s the inorganic…oh, okay, well…okay, so…oh, you’re gonna call it in.  To what…oh, okay, well.

 

Okay, well thank you, counsellor.  We’re gonna…we’ll see you later.  We’re gonna talk to you later ‘cause we gotta…thank you for your time.  Wow.  Oh boy, Richie.  That person is a handful.  Yeah, I don’t even know…there was no…holy cow, this is…do you think this is what…there was people like this when we were on Earth during our time, too.  It’s not that…Z-Biz or Z-Biff has made it this way.  James, I’ve never seen behavior…I mean, I’ve never seen anyone so aloof and in pursuit of their own…they’re so caught up in themselves that…I wonder if Jiff…hopefully Jiff’s not…do you think Jiff’s…James, I’m sorry to interrupt but I’ve just been distracted this whole time.  Do you think Jiff’s having a worse time than us, probably?  Even less successful than us with all of this…we’re being Z-Biffed, James.  I mean, I can’t believe…okay, well…okay, so Richie, I am a little baffled.  He let the dog go, then it again, saw the…huh.  Okay James, but it’s not about that, right?  That’s the [00:50:00] behavior, right, which caused other behavior.

 

This has nothing to do with Z-Biff.  You’re right, this is just organic material right here.  Yeah, you’re right.  We probably acted like that at some point, too.  Oh James, look up ahead.  That’s the house our friend’s at, the dog bag flag; there’s someone writing them a ticket.  Oh jeez, they’re writing a ticket for the…for littering, for the dog bag flags.  Oh no, that’s gonna escalate things, James, I think.  Yeah, I mean this definitely shoots down my backup idea which was Dog Bag Buddies.  James, what’s that?  Well, it would have been the idea of building on the dog bag flags, if that would have been partially successful, to…I don’t know, some sort of buddy system with Dog Bag Buddies.  James, did you just like how Dog Bag Buddies sounds?  I do, but I was thinking you could get a certain number of dog bags…I don’t know.  It’s not gonna work, though.  Okay, so James, I think we’re back where we started, so I guess we’re trying to directly deal with the problem again.  Once again, we fell into that…I mean, we did pretend we were reality show producers or maybe we were making a podcast, but we fell into the old trap of dealing with the problem.

 

Yeah, Richie, what do you think is gonna happen next?  How do you think they’re gonna react to that ticket?  James, they’re gonna react direct…I mean, yeah.  What do we do if we’re trying to help fix things and we’re making it worse?  Then maybe Jiff was onto something because this’ll go public, then it’ll be even more…it’s just so strange ‘cause it’s about the thing, but it’s not.  Right, so yeah, it’s all part of the problem, so it becomes where did it even all start?  Then you say well, it’s being human, huh?  Right, but then we were trying to be part of the solution.  Yeah, and I was thinking…yeah, James.  I was thinking we could have her…yeah, I was thinking we could have them walk a dog and not clean up, but then they’d probably say well, that’s wrong or that’s not… it wouldn’t be fun.  So, making them part of the problem or part of the solution is…I don’t…I guess I’m stumped, too.  Okay, so let’s go back to those shows ‘cause I don’t really remember…okay, so let’s just say, since we’re in that Dog Whisperer wheelhouse, right?

 

Let’s say…I guess, how would the Dog Whisperer or Marie Kondo deal with this if…okay, okay, here’s the thing, James; they would use…they would separate the people from the problems.  That’s a pretty classic technique.  We probably both used it before.  Right, but I think we tried to do that.  Okay, then eliminate the idea of any problem at all, I think, James.  I don’t think they use those words on those shows, right?  Okay.  They tried to make it positive which we tried to do with the dog bag flags, though.  Okay.  Okay James, they don’t…here’s the thing I’m thinking; they don’t necessarily grapple with solutions.  They put tools in the toolbox, right?  Marie Kondo isn’t teaching people how to fix things.  She’s giving them the tools to organize or de-clutter.  The Dog Whisperer is presenting techniques or behaviors that’ll help with your dog’s behavior.  The two teams from Queer Eye are specialized in different things to help the person they’re working with with external and internal tools or changes in their behavior or their lifestyle.

 

How does that…James, I’m…so, what do we do, James?  You don’t…no, I’m just trying to push you to think on your own.  Okay, so they’re trying to essentially get the house in order, right?  Is that what you’re kind of saying, is getting things in order by giving them the tools they need to put things in order?  Right, and then taking away the stress of seeing it as a problem.  They probably present it as opportunities, I would say.  Yeah, but how would we do that with this situation?  I just have no idea.  We’re trying to get…but by the end of the episode, they get to the heart of the matter.  James, that’s a TV show.  It’s a little bit different but I see what you’re saying.  What tools could we provide someone that just walks around willy-nilly with their Rover?  Yeah, or that…I mean, it’s like yeah, we could try to get some things of like oh…I don’t know, either way it seems…I mean, what if we were to teach the other person how to oh, just clean up, or oh, just be Zen and don’t let it bother you.

 

Is there a way we could be less direct or even more indirect or give them…should we teach them other tools outside of those things that have nothing to do…like, maybe that’s what it is; we’re looking too…at the wrong thing.  If we helped them get their…another part of their house in order, would that help them then deal…is that what we’re trying to do, here?  These are good questions you’re asking, James.  Like, if we were just to teach them to fold their clothes or how to put on cologne without putting on too much or how to sear a scallop or whatever, how to create…you say don’t get on the couch.  Would that help them deal…would that help them deal with this?  I don’t know, I don’t know what…maybe Jiff…maybe this was all a setup, James.  Maybe Jiff just put us in this position.  I mean, what does this even have to do with Z-Biff or Z-Biz either?  These don’t seem like connected…other than the end…their attempts to solve the problems.  Okay, so we’re not…okay, so we can’t teach them to fix things, we don’t know what tools to put in their toolbox.

 

If we were to help them get their house in order, I don’t know, isn’t that just…isn’t that just…oh boy, this is the toughest one I’ve ever been…I don’t know, Richie.  Okay James, why don’t you think about what is…okay, let’s think about…let’s…what if we use these techniques on ourselves?  Let’s get our own house in order.  Why are we here?  To either fix this so Jiff doesn’t have to fix it so we get closer to finding Jiff, or that we accidentally pick one of these things on the list that Jiff will be at, or we somehow get Jiff’s attention, or we somehow get to Z-Biff to intercept Jiff.  Okay, and why do you think Jiff picked these things?  Oh, because obviously the Z-Biff social sharing and shopping platform…usually this just would have been something small but because of the ability…it made it even larger.  Not in a good or bad…I guess not in a good way.  It didn’t lead to a solution but it escalated everything to a bit more global than local.  Okay James, you’re right about that even though it’s also a problem in every community and maybe this is also a problem in every community and it’s something that we’re not able to grapple with because…I’m not sure, James.

 

What do you think?  Well, it’s like…almost like…and the rules aren’t able to keep up because Z-Biff is beyond our ability to cope.  It’s moving…I don’t know, I guess it’s even…I don’t even understand what it is that’s beyond our ability to cope with it.  But it’s like a tool that does…you know what I’m saying?  [01:00:00] James, I think I…I think I kind of do.  There’s a tool in our toolboxes and we’re not sure what it is, but it is very effective and efficient and it does stuff and it doesn’t exactly…I don’t think there’s a metaphor even for it, James.  That’s what makes it so tough.  Yeah, so what do we do?  I don’t know, James; what do we do?  Do we subvert things?  Do we lean into this?  Okay, so if we step back, I’m glad you set us right on this path, RW.  This sparks joy for me.  Isn’t that what they say?  James, it’s tidy-up, actually.  You’re joking about the wrong thing at this moment.  Okay, so Jiff came here for a reason, right, that involved Z-Biff, and Jiff’s trying to find Jiff’s way to Z-Biff either by investigating these challenges or fixing them.

 

What is it?  Maybe there’s some message in there.  Okay, Richie, what is…how did Z-Biff…why is Z-Biff the most popular dominant social sharing and shopping platform compared to the other ones that might have been out there?  James, that’s easy, ‘cause Jiff was very upset about it.  Z-Biff finally wrestled away control of micropayments from payment processors so that micropayments could become ubiquitous.  This was years ago.  The people became used to using micropayments to pay for everything, like search…micropayments superseded advertising income.  It became just a new frontier.  Eventually people came more…went from micropayments to mini-payments.  It just got more and more expensive but not in a graduated way as people…as it became more and more ubiquitous.  Is that like, gumball machines?  They were a penny, then they were two cents, then they were five cents, then they were twenty-five cents?  James, no one knows what a gumball machine is.  I don’t know.

 

But I guess so, I mean, in the sense…was anybody ever comfortable paying twenty-five cents for a gumball, James?  Or ten cents?  You skipped the dime, by the way.  I think you at least get a bigger one for a dime, so then at that sense you would be more satisfied if you get a small one for a nickel and a big one for a dime.  James, remember those things with the…there was like, a candy ball with spikes on it or something.  Remember that one?  Okay Richie, so micropayments is what Z-Biff is known for.  What else?  ‘Cause I guess this is new to me still, this side of it.  What else is Z-Biff…oh, James, the total database or database, depending on your…how you…the end of…that was the other thing they used, was ubiquitous; also cost payment to access and use.  Okay, what’s the total database?  It has everything, all the information about everything, even everything about…all your information.  Okay, so all the information, total database, micropayments.  Even your…even jeans?

 

Of course you could get jeans.  Even pets’ jeans?  Oh James, jeans for pets; that’s a great idea but I don’t know what you’re talking about.  Okay, I remember reading an article about how…now this is making sense; how Z-Biff has kind of superseded…it’s become its own parallel…it’s superseded other…right, James.  You also signed the total compact which is a…it’s a…I think they call it the social compact when you sign up; TOS.  Yeah, so you can…and it’s…I think it has arbitration or something so yeah, you could actually use it to bill people for almost anything, James.  They have the ability to challenge the bill but then yeah, so it’s a whole parallel government, basically, with its own rules, its own taxation, and its…yeah, everybody’s involved in it because everyone…because all payments go through Z-Biff at some point.  Okay, so that’s what I’m thinking, is like…okay, so the total database would have pet information.  Do they also sell…say there was a kit you could use to check whose pet left that thing.  Would that be in the database?

 

It would, James, it would.  You could…I believe…of course there is.  If not, someone would make a kit like that.  Okay, and then…so, Z-Biff has its own kind of profitable legal system, a legal system for profit, almost.  If we really lean in, what if these are the tools that are already in the toolbox and we use these tools?  Okay James, I don’t have any idea.  I mean, I’m waiting to see if you could come to the same conclusion I have.  Okay, so what if we…these are the tools in the toolbox; we use these to resolve things and de-escalate to even the playing field, almost.  Okay James, what do you mean?  Like the city counsellor did; they called and got a ticket for the flag.  What if we get our friend to have them start a business where you test it, then you bill the person.  If they’re in the total database that everyone is in, you send them a cleanup bill with some sort of service fee on there.  Okay James, that is interesting but not catchy at all.

 

Right, but if this is a global problem or a worldwide problem but we also want to change the behavior without escalating it, you…so, you have a…let’s say the fee, these micropayments, it’s a dollar…the first time we find something, it’s a dollar.  Then maybe it’s a dollar…whatever, we figure out a low payment, like you’re saying.  Not a micropayment but something.  But you could also buy into the business so you could also pay like, thirty dollars and you would become…you would get one share in whatever we call this.  I don’t know; I don’t want to use any of the words that would be descriptive but we could let the other people think of it.  We’re just empowering them and giving them the tools.  Sounds like you’re building something with the tools, James.  Well, a little bit.  But they’ll be the ones empowered to use it.  Then on the second offense, it costs more.  So, let’s say it cost five dollars and then you could still buy into the business with the same amount or a little bit more.  Then if you buy-in, you’re gonna make your money back eventually, until it goes to scale or whatever.  Maybe you’re guaranteed that if it doesn’t profit…I don’t know, we’ll figure out the business side.

 

You’re getting a share in the business James, so yeah, you could sell your share.  I understand.  Okay, what about the third offense, James?  On the third offense, the price goes up again but you can’t buy-in.  We make that a very clear thing.  If it’s profitable, even if it’s bringing in a little bit of money for everybody, I mean eventually at some point the money would run out as people changed their behavior, or people would just pay their fines.  Maybe some people don’t care.  But a bit like you’re saying, with the way the micropayments and the total database work, and everyone’s…they would have to pay it or they would have to challenge it, right?  They can’t not pay.  Right James; if you don’t challenge it, it just…because you’re getting paid on Z-Biff anyway.  Z-Biff James, believe me, I don’t like that.  That’s what they called the currency, too.  Is it Z-Biffs or Z-Biff?  I don’t know.  I can’t even think about it.  At least you were named after a penny but I…anyway, I like this idea, James.  They would have to pay, though.  They could challenge it but what would they challenge?  You’re being billed for a cleanup that was the result of the pet that you’re linked to in [01:10:00] Z-Biff on the total database.

 

It feels pretty open and shut.  Yeah, I think that’s it.  I mean, I think at least we could float that idea by everybody.  It’ll be easy to implement.  I guess that’s why this thing’s so ubiquitous.  James, even better than that, I’m glad that we worked on this because I think what the other thing is, is that this is gonna get Z-Biff’s attention and it’ll get us to Jiff even…like, it’ll either get us to Z-Biff before Jiff or…I think this is good, James.  Basically, yeah, they’ll test it.  If it’s yours, you pay for it.  One chance; you could either pay a low fee, fine, or buy into this startup business.  Maybe Z-Biff would even acquire the startup business.  Second time, you pay more money but it’s still reasonable.  Third time…yeah, I like it, James.  Then fourth, fifth times will be microscopically increased.  But that would be what would be causing the profit, is just people that don’t care at all.  But it would also present…prevent people like the city counsellor from…there’s no way to get out of it.  You’re right, James; this is using…these are great uses of the tools, I think.  I mean, we’re certainly subverting them but I’m…let’s go…can we go back to the condo we rented and rest now?  James, I think we’ve got our job almost done for this…for tonight.  Let’s rest.  Goodnight, James.

 

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