786 – All Intros 672-675
This is one that will be spinning around like a jump rope at a Fourth of July picnic.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary,
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, your mind racing, trouble with getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, well welcome, this is Sleep With Me, the podcast. It puts you to sleep, what we do is a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights and press play. I'm going to do the rest, and what I'm going to do is try to create a safe place where you can set aside whatever's keeping you awake, whether it's thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in temperature, routine, work schedule. You're traveling, you got to deal with one of those inflatable beds for some reason, I mean what, who? They say okay here, let's get back to those inflatable beds, because I'm probably going to be sleeping in one in a day or two for something.
Where was I, oh I'm going to try to create a safe place. It'll be inflated with hot air, but it'll be so much more comfortable. No vinyl here. Maybe some vinyl records, at least the soothing part of the vinyl records, which is kind of everything, the tactileness, safe check, safe places need to be tactile. I would say there's a bit more artistry in the design of covers and inserts and all those and even the paper cover, like all that stuff. Vinyl's got me beat on that one.
But I do put a lot of work into crafting, I don't know what that is, an artifice of a sleep podcast. And then the people that love vinyl, I don't have, I would love vinyl if I had any gumption, but I'm short, I've been short on gumption since the day I was granted umption. And it's all from assumptions, hardy har har, but you know the soothing, when a record's spinning, you know, there's motion. There's just a richer sound, they say.
And so I don't know exactly, it doesn't have anything to do with this podcast, but it's a very similar thing. Maybe I'll bring some vacuum tubes in too, because the vacuum tubes they do give, believe it or not I used to use an [inaudible 00:02:53] with a vacuum tube in it for a brief time with this podcast, it made my voice even creakier and dulcet-ier, it made my dulcets creakier than they are even now. Maybe I was riding that vacuum tube a little hot, but you know, in my imagination, vacuum tubes have a nice warm glow.
And so I'm trying to create a safe place, if you're new, trying to create a safe place where you can set aside whatever's keeping you awake. I'm going to send my voice across the deep dark night, I'm going to overdescribe and then get distracted, clearly. I'm going to use low and soothing tones, pointless meanders, extra stuff, stuff we might not even need but I say, I'll plug in these vacuum tubes just in case. Maybe that humming will, that could be nice. A nice little barely noticeable background hum, right in those soothing, soothing wavelengths. And the record will be rotating. All to take your mind off stuff, keep you company.
If you're new, let me give you the setup here, because I'm, I guess I'm already, I'm eating up a lot of time, I don't even know, excuse me, I think I snacked on some of my own podcast intro time by accident there.
But if you're new, here's the structure of the show. Show starts off with a few minutes of business, and the business at the top of the show and between the intro and the story are how we keep over 650 archived episodes free. And we keep this podcast going, so if you're a regular listener, thanks for checking that out or going to sleepwithmepodcast.com/sponsors to look that up. If you're new, not super important.
Then there's an intro, intro's around 12 minutes of me trying to explain what the podcast is. More concise podcasters have been known to do it in 30 seconds, 15 seconds. Let's see, let me time myself, how long, because Craig and John are good at this. Script notes, something about screenwriting and things interesting to screenwriters. Yeah that takes, they do it in like 10 seconds. And there's other shows that can do it like that. Me, takes about 12 minutes.
So I don't know if that's ten times, ten times ten seconds is what, one minute. So maybe a hundred, but yeah. Takes me a hundred times, a hundred and twenty times longer. And I never successfully, believe it or not, I used all that time, not to explain myself in an efficient way, and not because it's not possible of course, he says in jest, maybe. But to give people room to wind down, to get ready for bed, to moisturize or puff your pillows, get your bed ready, to get you in the mood. And to remind you, this is a safe place that is here for you to help you fall asleep.
So the intros are winding, it's a good way to test out the show. Some people fall asleep during them, some people skip them, it's kind of a show within a show where I guess yeah, I unsuccessfully introduce the podcast and in doing so, it's a success. I don't, again, I always bring it up, not sure if that's paradox or not, but.
So that's the intro, then there's some business, then there's a bedtime story. Tonight, I don't know what it'll be, we'll find out together. Be a nice, soothing bedtime story, with a lot of goofiness and silliness and what in the heck, was that, he made the first Cubist podcast and that's, I'm not even sure what differentiates a Cubist, so please don't quote me on that, even though I just said it and in my own podcast intro. I don't know if that has a ring to it, “He made the first Cubist podcast.” It's missing some, maybe something. I mean I do try to be, give you impressions of stuff, you see, like anyway. Let me say.
So there's 12 minutes intro or so, then there's a bedtime story, then there's thank yous at the end. And so it's a structured show. Here's the other things. It's a podcast you don't need to listen to, you can kind of listen, you can turn me down, you could turn me up, whatever works. You can put a pillow, you can put me in your pillows, you could leave me on your nightstand, you could Bluetooth me, you could headphone me. You don't even need to call me maybe, because whoever that, you know, that's episode 99 out of six hundred and something episodes, and no pop artist from Canada have called me, maybe.
So, okay. So I got lost in my own mirth or something, why did the word mirth just pop in my head? Okay, so, oh you don't need to listen to me. Yeah that's what I was doing, I was demonstrating that, so there's no pressure to fall asleep. I'll be here for about an hour, you could put shows up back to back. There's a lot of people that listen to the episodes all night long. It gives you plenty of time to fall asleep, you could fall asleep in the first four minutes or if you can't sleep, I'll be here all the way to the end. Because I know what it's like out there in the deep dark night, and I know how it can feel, I don't want to get into it now. So if you can't sleep, I'm here. I'm here all the way. I'm here for you.
They make these episodes, even though you might say, I don't know how he could consider me complete, I do. I stick around to the end, putting effort in. And you know I'll be here for you. But you also need, no pressure to fall asleep, but do it whenever you want.
Can you imagine a parking lot, I guess this is kind of what valet parking is, but what if they like, instead of valet parking, like it was like half a valet, or I guess it would be like surprise valet parking, like you pull in somewhere and they say literally put your car wherever you want, we'll take care of it. I guess that is valet parking, so a little more organized.
So I don't see how this would actually work, but it kind of works as a metaphor. You say just leave your car wherever you want, we got you. I guess like that would be the attitude it'd be the chill valet or something. Velvet valet, that's what we'd call it. And maybe we could, because I don't know how we'd use market inefficiencies to make the price. Maybe we'll work it on a barter system too. So then you give the valet something of value, you could give them money or something else of value.
But instead of having them pull up to the curb of the restaurant, they got a parking lot somewhere, they should just park it wherever. Don't worry about it. We got you. I mean, don't pull into another car, please. But all the cars are surrounded by velvet ropes, which are enforced with some sort of super titanium, carbon nanos, with velvet on the outside, so you can't even do it anyway. But yeah, just leave it wherever you want.
So this podcast is a little bit like that because you just fall asleep whenever you want. And I guess that leads me, it's funny how my brain works, when it works, because I was thinking about the velvet, because I was thinking about those inflatable beds. There's one big brand name, but now I think, I don't know if they're an infomercial, but they were the first company to kind of say, hey these camping mattresses, everybody uses them for their guests, because sofa beds.
Sofa beds were a thing I think in the 70s or the 80s, and I think Seinfeld made fun of them, so then no one heard about the great sofa bed stock crash in 1991, because no one read my book, I guess they threw them in a brook. The Great Sofa Stock Crash in 1991 yeah. Crickets even there, and in podcast. So, then people started using camping mattresses and then at some point, and this is any economic historians maybe not sleeping when they hear all this, because they're going to be researching. No need to fact check me. Not going to be a good use of your time. You could nonsense check me.
But so then, they said, this one company, visionaries, I would say, they said hey those camping mattresses are okay but there's like these down sides. Let's make it so it's higher off the ground, so you have the illusion of comfort, it's the same camping mattress, but twice the air, and you're off the ground. So you feel like you're less close to the ground, maybe you're less likely to touch the ground, because the mattress, yeah because you got double the air.
And then, just like the camping mattress, we're going to put that flock of velvet on the top, to give the air of luxury. You won't be surrounded by vinyl everywhere, because you have that sweet sweet millimeter of velvet like material between you and the vinyl. And then the bed so easily deflates, and those are all good, I mean those seem like great ideas.
And those are good for guests that if you have like guests that are having more than two bottles of wine, these inflatable beds work great. But what I've learned is that, at least in my life, as soon as you eliminate those, the bed comforting beverages, they leave a lot to be desired. But you know, sometimes you need them. You got guests, you, kids might like them.
I don't know what my point was though. I mean I guess I don't know, I guess I've just been thinking. Maybe that's where my mirth is coming from, if I know what mirth means. Is it anything like dread? Because I'm saying oh boy, I'm going to be sleeping in one of those soon. Just for a couple nights. Anyway, I thought I had some sort of a thing, but like, yeah, those things, I guess, yeah, I don't know.
And that's what happens with this podcast, a podcast to take your mind off stuff. So if you're in one of those beds, I'm here. I'm here to keep you company. And so I guess I should close out the intro with saying, hmm, right here in the middle of the bed it's pretty comfortable. Yeah and if you don't move too much, just get your pillow right, don't mind those squeaking noises because the velvet dampens those noises anyway.
And now that you're settled into a spot, you realize hey this isn't bad here. You're breathing in, your shoulders are relaxing, as always when we haven't done one of these guided meditations in a while, but you squeeze your butt cheeks together, and let them relax, so. And crinkle up your toes like you're making a fist with your toes, and let them relax. And pretend you're chewing some sort of invisible cud like a cow, and breathe while you're doing that, but don't actually chew anything, just move your jaw clockwise for four turns, two, three, four. Now counterclockwise, two, three, four.
And settle in and yeah, this is another episode of Sleep With Me podcast. And this podcast doesn't work for everybody, so give it a few tries if you're new. We appreciate you coming by, and I work very hard because I yearn, you know when I do the podcast, I really strive to help, so I really really hope this podcast can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and if you could stay here for a few more minutes and listen this is how we keep the show a going.
Are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, well welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast as it puts you to sleep. We do a bedtime story, alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights and press play. I'm going to do the rest, what I'm going to attempt to do, is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake, whether it's thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, time, temperature, weather, travel, work schedules. Whatever it is, I'm here to help. I'm going to try to take your mind off whatever's keeping you awake.
Also, you know, I sometimes I, what was I talking about? Whatever's keeping you awake, I'm going to try to take your mind off that. I'm going to use lulling soothing creaky dulcet tones, pointless meanders, tangents, you know, extra stuff, distractions. All the umms and aahs you could handle, pregnant pauses pregnant with umms and aahs. Which stork brings those?
I say I'd like to spend some time, I mean I could use, say Scoot, you hiring anyone? Well I'm in a worldwide search actually. Oh worldwide talent search? Kind of, I'm trying to find this stork that brings umms and aahs, the stork that, here's the thing, I guess too late, I already answered the question. Said I'd never seen a pregnant bird before, and then literally part of my brain that actually was paying attention at school, like did the thing where it palms your fore, its own forehead. It's kind of like a, I don't know, I guess I've just pulled a Karl Pilkington or something, but anyway. Where was I?
Oh, it's a podcast to put you to sleep. I'm going to try to create a safe place and keep you company while you drift off into dreamland. To distract you from whatever's keeping you awake. If you're new, here's the structure of the show and kind of thing. First couple times that you listen to the show, it's going to be a bit different, so give it a few tries to see if it works for you. Your first instinct might be to try to figure it out or to follow it. And that's fine, but try to do it with the loosest grip you can, because you can see that my mind is sieve-like or sieve-like. And not everything makes sense here. Never did, for me, this all does make sense in some strange way. And that's a good thing. It makes sense in a strange way to help you ideally drift off to sleep.
Structurally, show starts off with a few minutes of business, that's how we keep this show and archives free. And coming out on a consistent quality basis. There's also a little business between the intro and the story, you can find out all about who supports the show at sleepwithmepodcast.com.
Then we have an intro which we're about three minutes into, usually intro's about 12 to 14 to 18 to 20 to 11 minutes. Possibly sometimes 15 or 14. And 17, sorry 17, did not mean to pick you last. Or any of those numbers that did not get picked. I love you all, because I think all the intros have been all of those. All of the above.
So the intro's kind of like a show within a show, where I kind of try to explain to the new listener the concept of the podcast, create a safe place for everybody, new or regular, big welcome space where everybody feels included, but the thing is the intro doesn't always, it's where I try to make, explain the show. Make some sense, and you say well he tried to explain the show once again and it's like, this is the only podcast where if I could give myself a trophy, it'd be a participation trophy. Is that what they're called? And I'd say, well I tried. Once again, episode seven hundred and whatever, tried to explain the podcast and got close.
So that's the intro. Some people use it while they're brushing their teeth, while they're getting ready for bed, while they're prepping their pillows or climbing in. Some people sleep during it, a small percentage of listeners skip the intro, it kind of sets the mood, which is me goofing around and … another word we need to take back is inept. I'm a little bit inept, I think that would be a good hook for a hip hop song.
Hey Drake, once again you never … how about working inept into a hook of one of your songs? I think that, I'm not saying you're inept, we don't need any feuds here on Sleep With Me, Drake. It's, wasn't, I'm not, I save the subtext. When I talk to you, I don't use subtext, I'm serious. I think that's a catchy, it could be a catchy word in your hands. Okay, Drake, I was imagining, it's the worst when someone you're imagining you're talking to hangs up.
Okay, so that's the intro of the show, about it's a show within a show to set the mood. I think I said that. Then we'll have the episode proper, that's about 45 minutes and then the thank yous.
And tonight, we'll be talking about another amazing Night Vale Presents show on its third season, a show that I've recently done a deep dive on, Alice is not living on the big farm. And we'll talk about it, I'll talk about it a little bit at the top of the story part. And it's a beautiful series, and I think there's, it's a thrilling, thrilling podcast to listen to, so I wouldn't suggest listening to it to go to sleep. I would suggest listening to it in a time when you really want to enjoy it.
But there is something that Alice isn't living on the big, currently on the big farm in the sky, that I think the show, like I say well how is it similar to Sleep With Me? Then I laugh, but I do say there are some similarities, but one parallel is that a lot of it takes place on the road, or maybe the whole, no I guess depending on how you define on the road. Like a road trip or traveling.
And it does, like I was thinking, you know, there's like when you're on the road or you're taking a road trip or a family trip, whether you're taking a memory of a trip or I guess like when you're on a road trip, let's just use, let's be efficient with our language, Scoots.
There's like also, there's always a mood, right? And the mood can change from moment to moment and I guess there's more than a mood. It's something much more than that, but that's the only word I can think of in my brain right now. And Alice really really captures a spectrum of moods from a road trip, and this podcast is a bit like the part of the road trip where you're looking at the window, like the part of the road trip where you're not, like well for me, I guess I'll talk about the driving part, but if you're a passenger, and you're looking out the window and you're observing things, actually that is parallel between Alice and Sleep With Me is like you're looking at stuff, you're looking at the environment and …
I mean I guess the difference between looking out the window in Alice or being on the journeys of Alice and the heroine of the podcast, I'm almost trying to figure out a way to talk about this without spoiling it all but I think it, well here's the thing, I might as well say this, do yourself a favor, check out Alice, it's probably, you should probably binge the first two seasons and then get caught up on season 3. Alice and a lot of Night Vale Presents podcasts are the kind of podcasts that you can listen to episodes two or three times and discover new layers of nuance and detail. And I've been lucky to be able to do that as I've been working on this episode.
So Sleep With Me is a bit like a road trip where someone is just kind of staring out the window and the car is warm and I'm gently narrating as in oh there's some blades of grass there, they're a little bit too far for me to see, so I don't know if they're actually, I guess I'm over speaking that it's a blade of grass I'm just seeing grass, I guess more shades of grass or blurs, grass blurs. I'm seeing grass through the glass. So that's a bit more like a road trip with Sleep With Me.
Where Alice, I don't know … I guess I'm trying to explain something that has just a great meaning to me both podcast Alice, making Sleep With Me and experiences driving and road trips in my current life and as a kid and as a younger adult, I think you know what I mean. There's places you could always return to at least in your mind, whether it's like a rest stop you used to go to or a certain field you passed by, and sometimes even the audio you were listening to, whether it was music or podcast or a radio show, is inherently connected, almost like it's ground into the asphalt. The temperature, the weather, what you were hearing, what you were feeling, even who you were at the time, and it's strange you see when you drive past that spot again there's whispers of that moment there and maybe sometimes they're even louder than a whisper. You say well I can't, you know, every time I take this right turn, I think of this. Or every time I drive down this road.
Sometimes maybe it's like the first time, it's just interesting how these literal pathways get linked to the pathways in our brain. But also, they can be used in storytelling, like in Alice. And then layered, as a part of the story, as a part of the theater of the mind, to draw you in and to catch your attention. In the case of Alice where the difference with Sleep With Me is it's kind of like when I was talking about the grass earlier. See and then there's some trees, and I'm pretty sure there's a creek over there, but it could be a river, it could be also, it could be a stream, I'm not 100% positive there on what to call it and now I can't see it anymore. Now alls I see is a bunch of trees and then also this is something I get curious about and I don't know if anybody else does this.
When you are on the road with a lot of trees on both sides, and I guess I have an apology to make to trees. I'm always making an assumption so A double S out of U and ME, trees, because I always say well it must be a thick forest when in some sense the trees could only be like four trees deep. And maybe I'm diminishing those trees' feelings so I don't know, so a public apology to trees.
But I guess the thing is that, art like Alice, Alice podcast, really has the ability to take these archetypal things, these experiences we all share in different ways and add even more to it and to use it to deliver something cool and fresh to you.
And this show's just kind of like somebody talking, but it is nice when, those times when you are in the car and you're comfortable and you're warm and you do have the opportunity to just kind of give, like there's no pressure, you don't got to drive, the person driving, maybe I'm Scoots, maybe I'm driving. Let me drive tonight, while you drift off into dreamland. And you're warm in the car, maybe I have a piece of wheat in my teeth, just because that's what's in my mind right now.
And I'm narrating about the grass and the streams, and tonight I'll be talking about Alice is not on the big farm at all, a little bit, and having some fun visiting some aspects of that show. All while you drift off into dreamland. Good night.
Hey are you up all night, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, well welcome this is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights and press play. I'm going to do the rest but what I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake, whether it's thoughts, feelings, physical sensations … travel, temperature, wind, hope, boy that wind, c'mon wind, what in the heck? Changes in routine, work schedule, maybe you're out of town. Whatever it is I'd like to keep you company and distract you just enough to carry you off into dreamland.
Or to keep you company, if you wish, if you so choose and here's one thing about this podcast, I can say, if you'll indulge me, but you don't even need to, maybe we'll talk about that. But first let's talk about what I'm going to do, I'm going to send my voice across the deep dark night, I'm going to use a lulling, soothing, creaky and croaky dulcet tones, pointless meanders, oof, oh boy, superfluous tangents, you better believe it. Senseless proclamations, maybe this time. Maybe not. I do proclaim, I have no idea.
It's new though, I don't know, I think every episode has had senseless proclamations, it just never, poor senseless proclamation, never been acknowledged before. Of all the proclamations, that was another book, Gingerbread Press, 2830, if there's still print, there will be print. The tale of a senseless proclamation, the proclamation with a frown. Until the end of the story, obviously we turned around by then. Where was I?
Send my voice across, the low and soothing tones, pointless meandering, senseless proclamations. Plenty of other stuff, to be your companion, to be your bore friend, your bore bae, your bore sib, your bore cuz, your bore bestie. I'm here to keep you company, and what I'm going to do if you're new. Here, let me give you a couple of things, structure of the show. I already forgot what I was going to talk about, once this senseless proclamation came up. I thought I was going to do some comparing of things.
But anyway, if you're new, structure show. Show starts off with a little business, that's how we keep the show and our archives free, and we, that's literally how we keep the show going. Regular listeners just know when their hand hits the fridge tomorrow, what they do is they go on their phone, they go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/sponsors, they say oh who sponsored my favorite podcast, let me check that out. But if you're new, not super important.
Then there's an intro, the intros are about 12 to 11 to 14 to 16 minutes, they're kind of a show within a show, best suited for paint drying, when you're staring at stuff, slack jawed staring, and getting ready for bed. Or getting into bed and easing into your bedtime routine, and that's where I try to explain what the podcast is, done it almost 800 times.
So far, there hasn't, you know, I just haven't, I don't have it quite down yet, any of this podcasting stuff, really. I don't even know, to be honest, I'm sitting here recording, I don't know if I even have 700 episodes out. I think I do. I could have 600 though. Or it could be 500. I don't know what number I'm on. My mind went blank on it, it said are you sure about that 700 number? I said, no idea. What do we got, 600 episodes? 500? It only feels, it feels like it's only been four, you know.
So, what was I saying? Oh if you're new, the intros, they're a show within a show, they don't make a lot of sense. But they kind of give you the sense of the podcast, they get you in the mood, get you prepped for bedtime, let your pets know that, or your partner, or your neighbors, or your plants.
I'm big on plants now, that's the next big market for podcasts. Or only my podcast, plants. I don't know if that's a demographic or psychographic … or it causes marketers to sigh graphic. For me I say, well what about plant, I say, whole contingent of plants listening. And that's what the sound marketers make when I say, when I'm on a conference call, then someone will say, “Oh Scoots is just kidding” that's the person who's usually representing me. I say “No no, I'm serious. You got to think ahead, I thought we were playing the long game here.” Plants are a deserving market. Just think about what it did to old Senseless Meander, whoever I was talking about earlier in the podcast intro. Sorry, conference caller, I got to get back to the new listeners.
So that's the intro, then there's a little bit of business tucked in between the intro and the episode, again, catch it, when your hand hits the fridge tomorrow, how do I support my favorite podcast? Then we'll have an episode of bedtime story, this'll be kind of a how we make bedtime stories style episode, about our series that just concluded. Then there's some thank yous at the end, all told I'll be here about an hour, that's the structure of the show.
Thing about the podcast is you don't really need to listen, you can kind of listen, oh that's what I was going to talk about was indulging. You don't need to indulge me, or you don't need to pretend to indulge me, because you don't need to listen. You can kind of listen, you can barely listen, you can listen where I'm incomprehensible, which some people could say all the time.
Or, here's a deal, if you can't sleep, if you're really having trouble or say you're stressed out and it's during the day, I'm going to be here until the end, because I really do care. And I do put a lot of work in the show so you don't have to listen. But you can. And I think because I am here, and you don't need to listen, maybe that helps you fall asleep. I don't know, that's one of my theories. I put the effort all the way to the end so you don't have to listen. And you're not going to miss anything, because it's a podcast. You can re-listen at any time.
So, that's, let's see, structure show, you don't need to listen. Also no pressure to fall asleep, like I said I'll be here the whole time, to keep you company. So you can drift off at your leisure. Ideally you won't even know it, and like I said you don't need to indulge me. I was thinking I would have more legs about something I could go on to meanders and tangents about, like because there's indulgences.
But then I fell out of that name of that character, what was it, Senseless Proclamation? I'd like to indulge in the thoughts of hey, Alec, do you have a category, callegory, an allegory, indulging in senseless proclamations for 500? Okay the Jeopardy! part of my brain's shut down right now.
But yeah think about old Senseless Proclamation, the one proclamation that was never, until this show was never proclaimed, and even then I didn't acknowledge it's, how do you acknowledge, maybe that could be another book, a self-help maybe, acknowledging proclamations. Who is big in the, you know, it could be written by a town crier, maybe that dude who, was that Paul Revere? Who was the one that was riding that horse and doing that stuff? I don't know.
But like, old Senseless Proclamation is a close friend of mine, now. As of this episode intro, and I guess I thought that would have more legs too but indulging, this is the only podcast you can indulge in, I guess it doesn't have any extra stuff other than words, non connected, this is a linear podcast that like binary units disagree, they say well we don't know if it's necessarily, we've looked at your zeros and your ones, Scoots. We've seen all your bits. And I say really? And then they make a bunch of jokes that I can't share on the podcast intro about my bits. And I say … I can't even get that out.
And I say indulge me, because I'm here to indulge the listener in an indulgent experience, you don't even need to listen to, so indulgent, you don't even need to taste it. Like I don't think they've ever sold any indulgent treats like that, because I don't think that would work, but it's so indulgent, like what was that ice cream, the space ice cream, now they sell it everywhere. Which it seems to have helped their market share somehow. What were they called, space balls ice cream? I can't remember what it's called, of course. The little circles, they look like little beads, how's my brain, but oh no, they used to have freeze dried ice cream. That was another treat you could get. And usually a kid camping, a kid that did a lot of camping would bring it, and I don't know if I've ever had it, to be honest.
But I think that's like something that is very, no it's barely, it doesn't have a lot of mass. But you still indulge in it. And I would say this podcast does not have a lot of mass. Unless like my other part of my brain just said, unless it's a hot mass of hot air. In a mess of hot air. But I don't think that has, like I think that's lighter than actual air, that's why, or I guess we're talking about helium now. But no even if you, how am I debating my brain, I'm saying no if you heat up regular air, that's all that's in a hot air balloon is warmer air, which. So my hot air actually is buoyant and that's the whole purpose of the podcast, actually, is to be a buoyant thing. For your thoughts, to carry them away. Or more to carry your attention away. Or whatever's keeping you awake.
And some community level of buoyancy, of uplifting, to say hey you're not alone there in the deep dark night, I've been there. Millions and millions of other listeners have been there, we know what it's like, and we all believe you deserve a good night's sleep. You deserve some companionship. You deserve some levity, and that's what I'm here for, to take your mind off of stuff, to goof around a bit, or more than a bit, with my tiny bits, yeah thanks, digital brain or whatever.
And yeah. I guess to try to uplift things, to make them a little bit lighter, and to acknowledge it's not easy, whether you're, what is it, an indulgent proclamation? A forgotten proclamation, or whomever I was speaking of earlier. I'm just kidding, of course I remember your name while I'm buying time to remember your name. Superfluous meanders, I'm just kidding. I didn't mean to get your name wrong. Part of my brain and I can't remember its name. Now I can't, proclamation. Superfluous proclamation, it would be another name I might call you once upon a time. Indulgent proclamation, that's one. I think that's like, those ones are usually in neon, indulgent proclamations. On the side of the road.
I'm sorry, I forgot, but anyway, I'm here to keep you all company, to bring you in, to give you a hug. To lighten the mood. Now this podcast does not work for everyone, so give it a few tries, literally 98% of people that write reviews of the show, recently I was looking, looking not licking, and a few people had written that they listened once, and they stopped listening after like five minutes. And then they came back months later and became very, oh this is like, recent Patrons.
So they listened once, said this wasn't for me, and then went back to it months later, and now they support the show. So give it a few tries, maybe you know, give it a break between a few tries, see if it helps. Doesn't work for everybody, it's a very strange. Strange meanders. It's my middle name, one of my middle names is, namesies.
But I'm here to help, I've been there, sleepless, tossing and turning, aggro because I say what the heck, I can't go to sleep, why not? I'd like to help, I'd like to give you, I'd like to share some of my hot air with the parts of you that you want me to carry away. Just a poof of hot air.
So I appreciate you coming by, I work very hard, I yearn and I strive and I really want to help you fall asleep, thanks so much and let's, what do you say we get the show a going, we hear about how we keep the show a going.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, well welcome, this is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story, alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights and press play. I'm going to do the rest, what I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake, whether it's thoughts or feelings, physical sensations, things you're thinking about, things you're feeling, things you're experiencing.
If you're on the road or someone you care about's on the road. Maybe you're missing your bae or your beau, or your boo. Or maybe you said boo hoo hoo recently, and you say well, I'm having trouble getting to sleep, whatever it is, you shift work. Whatever it is, I'd like to help. I usually do that, but those are all true things that could be keeping you up at night and I'd like to keep you company. I'd like to distract you, like to make best bedtime or best time.
Maybe we'll talk about best time, I'm not sure what it is, I'll have to make it up in the next few minutes, but I'd like to make bedtime less of a chore, less of rigamarole, and something you either say well it's not that bad when I got Scoots, bedtime's not so bad. Or it's something you actually look forward to and say well Scoots will goof around for a few minutes while I fall asleep. Whatever it is that's keeping me awake, I like the podcast, because I know it's there for me.
Now if you're new, I'll just tell you right upfront, give this podcast a few tries. It doesn't work for everybody, but for 99.9% of the people it's worked for, they say it takes two or three times before they say, the first two or three times you're like, what is this noise? And they say, well it's creaky dulcet tones, because Scoots just trying to create a safe place, he's going to send his voice across the deep dark night, he's going to use a lulling, soothing an acquired lulling and soothing, creaky dulcet tones. Pointless meanders, those are also an acquired taste.
Sleep With Me, the only taste you acquire is while you're falling asleep, you say well I don't really acquire it, but I guess I do. You're not required to acquire. Sleep With Me, where stuff doesn't make any sense but it still has taglines. I guess we kind of dequi-, is there something called dequiring? Maybe that could be something we work on. What was that first thing I was going to talk about? Oh, best time and dequiring, maybe we'll talk about those.
But if you're new, give it a few tries, see if it works. Also if you're new, structurally, here's what to expect. Show starts off with a little bit of business, that's how we keep the podcast free and try to keep all our archives free. You can find all of that stuff, go right to our website. You wonder who sponsors the show? Sleepwithmepodcast.com, it'll be right there, and you can check out the sponsors there.
Then there's an intro, intros are around 12 to 13 to 15 minutes of me trying to explain what the show is to new listeners. But in a way that makes regular listeners feel comfy, and snuggle in, or give them something to listen to while they're brushing their teeth, while they're getting ready for bed, while they're cozying in. While they're, maybe some people have two pairs of socks on, other people have zero socks on. Whatever it is, the intro gives you time to do that, or just to get in bed, turn out the lights and press play. And get comfy, puff those pillows, pull up those covers.
There's also like the mystery thing with my, there's the mystery bard that does those lullabies, but sometimes my comforter does this mystery thing, and my sheets. I mean I guess that's when I don't make my bed in the morning, so maybe it's not a mystery. I guess mystery solved, spoiler alert. I accidentally solved my own mystery.
Yeah but if I don't do that, and even if I get in bed and I say, apparently my bed looks fine, and then I go to pull up my sheet and either my sheet is like, it doesn't come all the way up, or I get my sheet up there and then I start reading, that's the last stage of my bedtime routine, by the way. That's when you could press play.
But I'll be reading and I'll say well, I've got my fan blasting, maybe time to pull up the old comforter. And then suddenly I say well it's only half length, how'd my comforter slip into half length? Talk about, what was I talking about other than luxury problems? But that is a mystery, I say what the heck happened? Hey comforter, can you pull all the way up already? And then I'm testing a weighted blanket. So now I got the weighted blanket down there, and.
But this is some of the things I talk about in the intro if you're new, and you say well this is kind of pointless, I say yep, pointless meanders, you got it. Check, check and check, forgetfulness, because I already forgot. I think I was going to talk about best time, and oh, what did we call it, defueling? No, it was something, not decoupling. I'm an expert at that though. I'm an expert at non-coupling. But like, deflating. Deflating doesn't sound very appealing. D, D, there's a lot of Ds that are good, but there's one I said, why isn't there a D of that?
But let me finish with the structure of the show. Then there's a bedtime story. After the intro is a bedtime story. Tonight we'll be talking about season one, episode three and four of The Good Place. More about like the details in the show and stuff that came up that I noticed versus the plot or the jokes which are the things you would want to watch a show for. This will be the stuff that you don't need to watch it, The Good Place that's happening in the background and you say well I would sleep through that if you're talking about it, Scoots. And I'd say, job done. Check, check, it's best time. It's time for you to get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. And for me to make bedtime less of a rigamarole.
I was trying to remember, that's what best time is, where I put on my, I try to do my bes, instead of my best. I take the T off, because that's a little bit, you know if you say bes it's less harsh. Always do your best. No, what are the ones when you're' trying to remember? What are those, chords or scales or something? No, all good boys do bes. Do their bes. Best. But I just do my bes. To keep you company, to take your mind off of stuff.
So you don't, this is weird, it's a podcast that you don't really need to listen to, which I think I already made reference to that. It's here to be your friend, your bore friend, your bore bae, your bore cuz, your bore sib, your bore bestie. I'm here as Paul Bae says, he may, if I had a bae, it might be Paul Bae. But he says creaky meanders. Also check out Paul's podcast Big Loop, on Apple Podcasts or wherever you consume your podcasts.
Where was I? I was trying to remember stuff I forgot. I forgot what we were going to de-do, like in some sense the intro is me deconstructing the podcast. I'm the only person, I try to deconstruct it and reconstruct it, both unsuccessfully, but it doesn't matter because you don't need to listen, no pressure to fall asleep, I'm going to be here for about an hour. I'm going to be here to keep you company, I'm going to be here to take your mind off stuff, I'm going to be here to be goofy, but barely funny, relatable but forgettable. And to be your friend, because I've been there. That's the thing.
I've been there, I've done it all, even in the past week, woke up a couple hours before my alarm, yeah check. Woke up ten minutes before my alarm and thought it was a couple hours, but then I said oh boy, I'm in a great, can't wait to get right back to sleep. Let me just double check what time it is, and it says oh your alarm's going off in five minutes. I say oh mac, man, I don't know if I said oh mac, but maybe I will start saying that. Oh mac. And whatever other ones.
Like I said I can't even manage my own bedding, you say what kind of battles do you fight in your regular day to day life, Scooter? We're here with the bedding report, I say well good thing you picked the right person to interview. It's too bad you didn't interview me yesterday, because I had a big mystery on my hands, why my sheet and my comforter were different lengths, apparently. And I thought it was some sort of mystery, probably conducted maybe an experiment, but it turns out I just didn't make my bed.
Even shaking it out, the old person like me, even if I shake it out, my sheet and my comforter and my blanket. No I don't have a blankie. I don't have anything against blankies, I just don't have a blankie. That's a good question, I don't know if I've ever had a blankie, but I was actually talking about a mystery and it was solved by me just saying hmm, maybe if I make my bed it'll be less of a mystery. Anyway, excuse me, hate to cut this interview short, but that's what happened. My sheet or my comforter was short and mystery solved, I got to get back to this podcast intro.
So I'm here to take the pressure off of bedtime, to keep you company. This podcast is definitely more than a little bit different, it's more than a little bit strange, it does grow on you, or no it grows near you, I don't even grow anywhere near you, I'm in a speaker or a headphone. You could adjust the volume, you can set an all night playlist, you could set a sleep timer for 30 minutes or an hour.
But if you need me, I'll be here until the end. That's the mission of this podcast, to take your mind off of stuff, be silly, but you don't need to listen. But you know I'll be here. I don't know if that makes any sense, and if you wake up, you can't get back to sleep, I'm here. I'm here to help, give it a few tries. I really work hard and I yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep, I want to thank you so much for coming by, and if you could listen for a few minutes, this is a couple ways we keep this show a going before we get to the story.