765 – Winterfell | Game of Drones S8 E1

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it's time for the podcast. You're with the creaky dulcet tones, D-U-L-C-E-T patrons, you keep them going. You keep these creaky dulcet's greasy, I mean greased, you know, so they can stay, so they don't get locked up. Thanks patrons.

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep? Well welcome this is Sleep with Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do a bedtime story. All you need to do is get in bed turn off the lights and press play. I'm going to do the rest. What I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you can set aside whatever is keeping you awake, whether it's thoughts, feelings, you know feelings like emotions, physical sensations, if you had a change in schedule, or time, or temperature. Whatever is keeping you awake I'd like to take your mind off. I'd like to acknowledge it could be anything, but it's legitimate.

There's a lot of people that listen to the show and I don't know what everybody's going through, but I can relate. I know how it feels there in the deep dark night, and I like to keep you company. That's basically the gist of the show. What I'm going to do is I'm going to send my voice across the deep dark night. I'm going to use lulling, soothing, creaking dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, you know extra stuff. So many extra words. This is the one podcast where you'd say it could be five minutes but there's so many bonus words and extra words it's kind of like, maybe this could be a metaphor is when you go to that, the big chain sandwich shop, though there's other chain sandwich shops now, and other things built on that model. Maybe we'll talk about that as a metaphor for the podcast.

If you're new though, welcome. Here's a couple things. This show is different. Give it a few tries to see if it works for you. Structurally the show starts off with business, that's how we keep it free, then there's an intro, intro's about 12 minutes. As you get through listening your first, second, third time you'll see the intro is a big part of the show. And everybody uses the show and the intro in a different way, but the majority of listeners they kind of wind down as the intro's going, get ready for bed. It kind of just gives you a… Maybe I've never explained this, people always say the intro kind of developed into a 12 to 16 minute thing over time based on listener feedback.

Part of me when I first started the show [inaudible 00:02:54] was like, “Oh it'd be cool if I went straight into the story.” But then if you go straight into the story then you're expected to kind of… I don't know, it kind of doesn't help with the easing in to bedtime, which is what kind of seems like it actually works, the drifting off to sleep. I don't want anything to feel rushed. I want to give you room, and there is the fact that you could skip ahead. Normally it's around 18 minutes or so and you're close to the beginning of the story and start listening in there. But there's also this idea that it's like, I'm glad you're here.

One thing I've been learning as I'm becoming more of an adult in trying to live more fully in this world is it's really important how you greet people. I don't tend to be the most enthusiastic person but I'm tending to notice the importance of… If you're glad to see someone letting that out and expressing it is a powerful thing, and it's a powerful thing to feel that in the other direction, be like, “I'm really so glad to see you.” Sometimes there's an unintentional meta-communication going on there in… So greeting people in a way is equal to your feelings. I mean, sometimes you're like, “Hey, how you doing?” Because you mean it. I don't know but with me I tend to do, if I'm distracted and thinking about something else, like worrying about filing papers, or whatever, and then I'm greeting someone it might dampen down my natural enthusiasm for seeing them.

And that's kind of what the intro is, in some paradoxical way it is a dampen down. I have such enthusiasm that you're here and that I get to try to put you to sleep, but at the same time the paradoxical arc is that realistically I want to give you plenty of room to fall asleep, but at the same time I want you to know that I really, truly, am glad you're here, and that I'm trying to establish this as the safe place where you can set aside whatever is keeping you awake. I think that's kind of the…

Oh so if you're new, yeah. The show starts off with an intro, really 12 minutes to 14 minutes, heart of the show, and then we'll be talking about welcome back to GOT, we'll be talking about episode one season, I don't know is this season seven? I'm not sure because I'm recording this before the episode comes out to be ready. But so I'm glad you're here. I'm glad GOT's back. And you might say, “Well I don't watch that show” Yeah no problem, it will be a pretty tangential recap of the episode and things that came up during the episode. It will also be through the lens of Sleep with Me, so it will be very calming and soothing and meandering.

And for the most part the feedback I get is that, “Wait a second, you were talking about a… That's what you were talking about? I thought you were talking about the difference between gravys.” Huh, really? That was about season six episode eight. Actually I don't think there were, maybe there were eight episodes in season six, I don't think so though, so possibly. I could have been talking about an episode that doesn't exist, that is possible.

Oh so we'll talk about Game of Thrones, these have such supersized, they just happen to be again something that grew out of listener feedback and just making the show. So the Game of Thrones episodes, we'll talk about the episode. If we have time we'll talk about things that came up in the episode like, let's just say for example if there was something about gravy I'd say, “Well according to this, gravy must contain these things.” You know, Alton Brown's philosophy of gravy. This is imaginary, though I'm sur Alton Brown has a… Is it Elton Brown or Alton Brown? What about I wonder if Alton Brown like Elton John? Also they could be, they could open up any kind of business where you have people's names, or like a publisher, Alton Elton John Brown, or Alton John Elton Brown, maybe?

So where was I? So I was talking about the episode then things that came up during the episode, then we'll check in with Tom in [inaudible 00:07:40] they have a fictional series they're going to introduce, a sort of fictional series, like really influenced by old time radio. Then we'll check in with prayers to the old gods and the new, and I think that will be it. That will be how we do it. I don't have a release schedule yet because I'm still, as I'm preparing for the season to start trying to decide if we're going to go every week or we're going to spread it out.

So we have that going. I think, so that's the structure of the show. Also if you're new, here's a couple of things, you don't need to listen to this podcast, you may have figured that out already. You can listen but you could also turn it down low, you could put it on the other side of the room, just kind of see what works for you as you start to use the show. This show is also no pressure to fall asleep, I'm going to be here over an hour for these Game of Thrones episodes. The whole idea of the show is I'm here to keep you company as you drift of, to walk at your side as you fall asleep, not so much to put you to sleep but to be your bore friend, your bore companion, your bore bae, your bore cous, your bore sib. If you're from San Diego your bore bra to be here as you drift off to take your mind off of stuff, and use a bunch of different things.

Kind of like if you're going to the sub shop and you say, “Okay…” If we're viewing it through a neutral lens you'd say, “Okay, well I want some of that.” They say “Okay, what about the squirty stuff?” “Oh yeah, use the one, oh that purple squirty stuff, yeah I'd like some of that.” You can choose your type of, what do they call it a conduit? I'm trying not to talk about F-O-O-D directly even though I am. Yeah, the delivery system for it, the thing that offers it the structural integrity, squirty stuff, you've got your building block, or whatever, your construction material, I don't know what you call that, exterior. I guess that's more of the, I don't know, your… See even that I say, “Well [inaudible 00:10:00] is going to describe it to us but then he kind of got distracted went off topic.” That's how can I talk about Game of Thrones too.

So you've got the feature material, we'll call it, and then you have the stuff that goes on it. Like you've got your stuccoes, your paint, your accoutrement, I think they say. Believe me, they don't say it there, they say, “You want these with that? You want to make it a value pack?” Or whatever. You say, “Well I'm here… Can you go through these accoutrement again?” And they even, they'd say, “Sir, there's a long line here.” You'd say, “Do you call that a conduit or is that the delivery vessel?” “You want that warm or cold?” Then I usually, any time someone says that I say, “As cold as…” You know, “Warm heart cold hands they say.” Strange they can hear artists, “But you're an artist, you don't have a accoutrement?” This is only entertaining in a sleep podcast, but they say, “Bud give me a break.” I say, “You're right, you're right. I apologize, I apologize.”

But then you also, once you go through that part then you still have lots of others. You say, “Well I want some of that stuff. Yeah, put some of that on there. Oh yeah dust it up. I want some of that dust.” It gives you a lot of choices.

In this show you can listen any way you like. Sometimes my words feel, to a lot of people, unrelated to anything I'm saying or any points I'm making. And to someone that specializes in amuse-bouche and accoutrement they might say, “You can't have that with that, it's just not…” I say, well, anyway whom are we to judge? They're artists. So I don't know if I had a point in there other than I'm here to take your mind off of stuff and I'm here to keep you company. I want you to get a chance to get a good night sleep so you can be out there in the world flourishing. I truly believe you deserve a good night sleep. I want you to believe that too. Even if it's a little bit out of our grasp at times, and just take a breath with me. I'm here to help.

Now, this show doesn't work for everybody, as I kind of said, so give it a few tries, it if doesn't work for you, or you feel your lizard brain saying stuff sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou has the links to other sleep stuff, a couple other options, so check that out. I think that's it. I just want to help you fall asleep. I've been there, that's the main thing, out there in the deep dark night and I want to keep you company, take your mind off it, make it less of a rigamarole. Most of all I really appreciate you checking the show out, and I appreciate your time. You know I do strive and yearn, and I really want to help you fall asleep. Here's a couple ways we keep the show going.

All right everybody here we are talking, season eight episode one, we're back. Season eight episode one called Winterfell where most of the action takes place. There's kind of a new open, I'm going to start it right here. We're getting the end of the recap with the wall looking like a wave, and here we go. It starts off with a new scene on the band, or maybe I just never noticed, I couldn't figure it out. I'm going to try to pause it live. Okay yeah, we do have a new scene. I haven't been paying attention. It does look like it's the ice [dragiepoo 00:14:03], icing the wall possibly. And then the walkers, and then maybe the left side, I can't really tell, some birds. I don't know you'll be able to check like every review of the episode. I don't check those because I don't want it to get in the way.

It looks brass in the, when it's paused actually it looks like it's carved wood with gold paint. So it starts with this, that's like with the astroglobe. Then we go through the wall, like a zooming shot through the U in the wall. Then we have these scrabble pieces folding that look like it's winter. Then we go to Last Hearth then the scrabble pieces fold and we sweep to Winterfell. I guess that's the road, I just realized that just now, maybe. And we see the big tree in Winterfell, a pond, is that I just noticed for the first time. Even the tree even has a face. Then we go through Winterfell on the inside and downstairs Winterfell. This is all in the opening, like the creating of this clockwork action, very, very cool.

Okay, oh boy, hold on. I've got to pause it again. It scoots by the way welcome back season eight, good to have you, what do you say? Okay, so the second scene. Yeah, this one confused me, and I guess it's… Oh no, now it makes a little more sense, though not quite. It's a scene, oh is that Walder Fray? I guess it is, the towers, or whatever that Walder Fray place is maybe. And on the left side of the band we see a lion maybe, or is a wolf, wolfiepoo, then an unknown shape, oh that's a wolfiepoo going bye-bye. Then somebody holding it like so there's stuff that looks like it's from the twins. That's what that place is called. So I don't know if that's a hint.

Then we go down to Kings Landing. And Kings Landing's coming back together, we go through the city, then we go to the Red Keep, really looking like a nice teak wood action, we go down the stairs from the tower in the Red Keep through where they're practicing with that, the thing to catch dragiepoos, and then into the throne room, we even get the iron throne, the Lannister sigil, then we see, the last band we see, I knew this one it has a comet. I said, “Was the comet in the TV show or just the book? Or was that in another story that I was just imagining. A red comet?” I think that was in one of the seasons of Game of Thrones, I know it's in the book, but that's a red comet. And then one, two, three, four flying friends. And then some activity. I'm pretty sure one, two, three, four. I don't know if that's a hint or not, or a history that…

And then the episode opens. Let's see, Last Hearth, these are my notes I was just watching, New Bank, [inaudible 00:17:34] this is all in my notes, last bark comet. I think that was, but the episode runs with this kid, he's running, runs through some water, they're running actually. This kid's running and jump over a wagon, over a stump, this is like a kid from… Also this kid is in the next Newsies movie carrying a news bike and a news satchel. And Arya is the first friend we see. She's kind of got a smug look. Kind of they talk about at the end of the episode [inaudible 00:18:17], so I'll leave that for your own discovery.

In the trees there's snow and moss as the kid climbs a tree to watch the unsullied march into town. There's marching sound effects. Arya looking out, climbs tree, kid has a newsie satchel. We see the town outside of Winterfell kind of for the first time. And possibly some old walls of Winterfell or something, it could be a pub, there's like a barrel sign. Marching music, lots of troops. They do have shirts on but I said, “Man is it cold in that unsullied armor?” And then we have the Khaleesi, your Khaleesi and mine, red gloved, white jacketed. Jon Snow, Arya watching, golden [inaudible 00:19:11]. Arya looks up as Jon and the Khaleesi pass. She breathes, she almost says something but then she lets the moment pass and kind of grits herself, but a little bit uncomfortable. She's got her winter goods on too. Then we see all the people in Winterfell. Then we see the Hound and Arya is… He's the Hound, the Hound doesn't see her.

First they put that dude, oh no, now his name I forgot again. The kid blacksmith, eventually I'll forget it and then I'll remember it. I wanted to say Renly, but that's Renly Baratheon, that's someone else. I think his name has the same amount of syllables.

Then we have Tyrion and Varys in a cart, they get the first dialogue, they're cracking jokes, then we see Grayworm and Missandei, and they're looking at people looking at them. She exchanges a cool look with Grayworm, a WTF look. What up with these northerners? And he just gives her the typical Missandei of Naath look. Then the Khaleesi is getting stared at by all the northerners. And Jon says, “They're not used to seeing people with blonde hair, or coming in…” The Khaleesi's got dragon's on her side. The blank stares Khaleesi. Oh was it Mark Hamill? Does anybody know I didn't look this up we have somebody that looked a bit like Luke Skywalker from Force Awakens, I didn't know if it was a Mark Hamill cameo, I didn't pause it or anything.

So Khaleesi has the dragons in the house a moment. She's pleased and proud. Pleased and proud Khaleesi, then they do a flyby over scene, like Top Gun style. We get an overshot of Winterfell, and Bran looks like he's been hitting the vape or something man in this episode because he's, the three eyed raven is oh so chill now. Like, I just keep waiting for him to say “Dude, man” but he kind of does. He's mellower than a Mellow Yellow, which isn't very mellow actually. Like if a Mellow Yellow was actually mellow. He's the mellowest raven. But Jon comes in with the Khaleesi they say hi to Bran. That's a strange, Bran's I don't know what the right word is, Mellow Bran look number one. Khaleesi, he says, “You're a man.” And he says, “Almost.” And I said, “What does that even mean?” Are we talking… I didn't know what that meant, Bran you're confusing me and I'm just watching the show. He's enigmatic I think.

There's lots of mud on the ground, Jon kisses his head. Bran stares. That's Bran stare one. Maybe that's the right thing, Bran stare, Brandon Stark stares. Then Khaleesi and Jorah they go to meet Sansa. Sansa meets Khaleesi. The queen of Bear Island she's staring, she is not impressed, neither is Sansa. I forgot who that olympian was in like, what was that 2008, I don't know what year it was, that wasn't impressed. But Sansa is unimpressed. And old bad news Brandon he says, “There's no time to talk or greeting.” He knows everything. All the news you don't want to know.

It's meeting time in the meeting hall, they say “Kid Umber where are you? Where are your peeps?” He says, “We need a ride. I don't have my license yet.” This is the head of the Umbers, kid Umber. He's like, “I'm like 10 somebody's got to drive me to go pick up my people.” It was also kind of a thing of like, “Who's in charge?” Sansa's in charge ostensibly but now is she overrided by Jon Snow and the Khaleesi? Because he says, “My Lady, My Lord, My Queen.”

And then Bear Island she quotes Madonna. She says, “I've got something to say about it.” And there's a look, like L-E-W-K, and Sansa. So she says, “What's up?” Jon makes one of his world famous, Westerosi famous, known well beyond Bear Island, his apologetic speeches. There's a lot of candle chandeliers. His speech doesn't really do anything so Tyrion says, “Well how about if I make a speech?” Also I noticed the tables they're sitting at were really nice. Holy mackerel. Get me one of those tables.

Instead Tyrion says, “Let me turn off my charm and just give you more bad news, one of those things where you say, “Okay, I'm going to tell you how you should feel and then give you more bad news.” He says, “The Lannisters are coming to crash.” A sleepover with all the Lannisters, most of them. Which reminds me to look at a map later. We will do that. Sansa, “What about food?” Oh she says, “If you're going to have all these sleepovers you've got to have food. Did anybody bring any food with them?” She's kind of been left in charge and she's like, “I went to the grocery store for this amount of people and now you're saying the Lannisters are coming over and we know they eat as much as they want.” And they said, “Is this gourmet popcorn or regular popcorn?” Because a Lannister only eats gourmet popcorn. “And we don't actually eat it with our hands, you know, we have it…”

So that's what Sansa says. She gives, the Khaleesi a look, there's a joke, oh about “What do your puppies eat?” She says, “Whatever they want.” A lot of jokes in this episode. They were well written jokes, and I don't know what other people wrote about it but it kind of felt like they said, “We're going to put all the comic…” It wasn't really comic relief though because this is a necessary expository place setting episode. But it felt like they said, “Well we've got to give everybody on good one or two good one liners.” And I guess the jokes do give you a sense of like, “Oh it's been 18 months, this is the characters I love.”

So Sansa and Khaleesi joke. Foundry. What's this kid? I put, oh Gendry, it looks like Foundry, which would make sense, but it's Gendry who would work at a Foundry. He gets some rocks. Tyrion looks on as he's getting his rocks together. He rolls up on Sansa, he gets this look from what's his, Lord Breastplate. Remember Lord Breastplate? He's been around for a while. He even knows Tyrion from back in the, whatever that place was called, the place that actually had the rivers, or whatever, Riverrun? Rivendale? I know that's not here but I forgot. Maybe it is Rivendale. But that's Lord Breastplate. He still has the same clothes on. He's just very continuity check. Lord Breastplate holy cow.

There's some more jokes. Like “Yeah, I will survive” is the key theme in this. We have Tyrion definitely gets some quality lines but Sansa gets the better burn at the end because, and it's the truth, she rolls Tyrion and he has nothing to say about it. He says, “You were played.” Not even spelled correctly, “By your sister.” And then we get Brandon staring number two. He's staring at Tyrion.

[inaudible 00:28:33] to Jon at tree. I don't know what that is. Disasperous it says but Jon's at the tree, the trees eyes are closed, Arya's there. First she's stiff. She's got that arms at her side thing that her predecessor had. Then there's a big hug. I'll tell you right now this is the one part of the episode where I teared up. You think of when Arya and Sansa's and Bran's reunion, and this one. Or maybe it was Bran in the last season, and I teared up. I got chocked up. I think because you know they actually love one another. And maybe some of the other tension, a familial interpersonal tension that was between all the other characters this episode you could let your guard down, you could say, “Okay, they still love each other.”

But Arya says, “You know what? Usually it's onion knight, or Sir Jorah, time for me to do some truth telling Jon Snow.” Because he actually tries to ‘splain her and Sansa, and she de-splains him mighty quick. She says… And she doesn't even fully de-splain him. She says, “There's a lot I don't even need to say ‘yo about how cool and tough I am. But I'll just tell you Sansa is a lot smarter than any of your peeps.” So that was a high point for me. Both are emotional they give another hug. She says, “Just remember who's family.” And again that's another thread. But they'll still be family because…

But then we're in Kings Landing, oh boy is the weather good in Kings Landing and Cersei is out enjoying it. I didn't realize this but she likes to just stand outside and listen to the bird-calls with like 8,000 stormtrooper guards around her. I don't know what reason other than show. And Maester, I forget what his name is, he's not Clegane, I'll think of his name maybe at some point. But he comes in and he says, “Bad news”, she says, “It's good news for me actually so I'm not worried about it.” Trouble at the wall. Then we see all these ships in the bay. We see there's the golden squid but it has like a red symbol on it, which is from GI Joe. Remember GI Joe had the people GI Joe was against, I can't say their name on here, but that's also on the sail.

There's a dude from Harvard, like 100% that dude went to Harvard, he's seen on one of the ships. Then we see Euron he goes to see below to make a speech about the Grayjoys and the queen and how cool he is. And he really got a lot of screen time and dialogue this episode. And I will say, this actor must do a great job because I really loath the, is it Euron. Yep, like all over please, I'd love to all over it because… But he makes this speech to the character's name I forget, and the other character's name I forget, Grayjoy I almost had it, Theon's sister, I almost had it. Also he does this, it feels like he's auditioning he says, “Hey, Pirates of the Caribbean, I hear your putting out one more movie. If you need a lead I think my audition is done here. You got it.” They probably should.

Then we see Kings Landing sleaze 2049. Oh 2049 here's a Queen Cersei not really a joke but Queen Cersei is so rich. How rich is she Scoots? Actually by the way Scoots your joke, these things have existed the whole series and not just in this episode. Thanks. How rich is she? So rich she has heaters for her marble columns. But I guess they've been there the whole time. And I don't know do they heat the marble column? Are they just for light? Or, I mean it kind of makes sense, hot air rises, a warm marble column would radiate heat. But I don't know. So that's how rich Queen Cersei is. She has heaters for her marble columns.

Small mystery, what was a small mystery and more glamming, I don't know what the small mystery was, maybe that he snuck off. But she wanted elephants. The golden company's there and the dude from the golden company, he's the Harvard dude. He looks like one of the Winklevoss twins. Not the actor that played it, like I said is that one of the Winklevoss? [Winklevei 00:33:58]? And that's not against anything, it just he's striking a [Winklevalian 00:34:03] pose. He said, “I don't know” He said, okay, that would make sense, the golden company, Winklevosses. They say, “Well yeah we're right here in acquisitions. We're here to acquire your gold and whatever else we can get. Captain Strickland, even that you say, “Okay you sound like you should be a CEO.” I've always said, “Mr. Strickland can I speak to you?” But the golden company has a new elephant. Also when… That was my Winklevoss joke, I think.

Okay, and then there's a long Euron, Cersei exchange with the one counterpoint. I honestly was trying to make sense of it. This is my fourth watch of it right now and he says Cersei… Is this like well one, maybe I'm just jealous but like I said is she playing this dude or is it… I mean there's one turning like a keystone here coming up, she calls him insolent. Oh yeah, so is she playing him or looking to forget? She goes, she says “Okay let's go hang, Netflix and Chill like we did in 2015.” She shares a look with the Maester. So I think something is up, but I'm just not sure. And Bull face is like, “No.”

Then Bronn is in rumor mill city. They talk about Archie, tall, handsome will, ginger Eddie, and then the Maester rolls in and he says, “Break up the gossip chain here. We've got gold, we've got the family crossbow, and you're in charge of poetic justice Bronn” or at least the full character arc for eight seasons which will be… I don't like to totally predict things but I did think I don't know how things are going to turn out for Bronn, I mean come on dude. Hopefully he makes the choice early so I don't have to wait until the last episode to see Bronn, come on man. You don't even need… But he is a sell sword. But I do think it's interesting that the name King Slayer came up for Jamie. And I said wait a second that could be a role that Jamie may play, like in a positive way, if Jamie is going towards redemption. But we'll see.

Wanted those elephants, Cersei has some killer lines here. Wanted some elephants. Also I said quote, I wonder what Euron's breath is like? Nothing matters with his confidence, but she goes, “You're not boring, I'll give you that.” So there's another reason for me to be jealous. And then I like how she says, “Now, I would like to be alone.” I said that's the way me all the time, I just can't ask. But at 28 minutes you really get a good piece of wonderful acting. She gives this look and a swallow, like waits until Euron leaves and the door closes after she says, “I want to be alone.” Really transcendent. Watching it now they're exchanging looks, he's vamping for a while, and she's just kind of playing with him a little bit. But you know he's trying to be the coolest. And she's saying, “Well…” Now she says, hit the road jack. She doesn't even get up, he just got to stand and be cool. She's just kicking back with her vino.

I did think he has a good line. She says, “I've done something less to men less than you.” He goes, “Those were lesser men.” But we have a couple moments. There was another face moment when he says, “Hey…” something, and she gives a look. And now she's listening to him leave. She's thinking, her eyes are moving, listening, door closes, true emotion comes in for a brief swall of seconds.

We see some quiet shifts at night. And super Theon shows up who I guess I haven't done enough re-watching. But super Theon shows up, reunites with his sister. They say, “To the Iron Islands” and Theon says, “Well maybe to Winterfell.” And then I was like, “Weren't you there when we reunited with…” Was he in Kings Landing for the meeting? I thought he was, but I don't know. He definitely was because whatever. They say “To Winterfell”. Oh yeah, I'm doing it. Then a sad look. Then there's more marching.

It's cold in the north. There's tense. Onion Knight makes this speech about the Karstarks and the queen didn't know her great G sound different, sound effect. Oh, no, no, no, it was as stubborn as goats, and then there's a goat sound effect, that was great. And he also says the proposal is what I'm proposing. Also trebuchets getting made maybe. And then there's like bad news verus Varys says nothing lasts. Sister don't like me.

Oh then we have Khaleesi and Jon talking. “Your sister doesn't like me. We don't need to be friends,” And then she says, “It's time for a dragon ride Jon Snow. Oh, first we find out that dragons don't like the north. Jon sounds like Sam when he's nervous about the dragon ride. Then this is real Top Gun action, they go showing off. I mean Jon's like barely hanging on, but they do a dive. Oh this was the theme park ride. You could have scents like pine scent snow, the cold smell, something else smell, probably like a castle cooking stuff smell. Also I noticed Khaleesi's maroon belt as she was flying. So they do fly by so everybody can see. Then they land at the, oh boy, the old eight waterfalls of Umber town, most famous spot near Winterfell for a kiss. Then the dragons are like, “Ew. Do you know how Bran stares? We're going to stare at you two if you try to kiss.” And then they say some lines like “Hey is it cold out here? Well warm it up for us.” And then Jon Snow says, “I'm about to.”

Then we see Gendry working in the forge or something. Arya comes in with a new thing she wants. First she says hi to the Hound, they're kind of stunned, awkward, stay close to that forge buddy, she says, if you're cold. She kind of wants this [blowspear 00:41:46] projectile spear thing. So she has notes for him.

Then, oh no, then we have Sansa reading notes from… She says Glover's out, staying at Deep Wood Motte. Even Sansa has to do some truth telling. But she wants the truth too. She says, “Jon what's up with this?” Then we have Jorah and the Khaleesi, they go to talk to Sam to say thanks for saving Jorah who seems to be back in the Khaleesi's good graces. There's another good line they say, “So you're the man?” He goes, “Which man?” And then we have another high acting moment as Sam gets news about the old jerk-face Tarley and his brother. And Jorah kind of gives these uh-oh lower eye thing. And it was highlighted by Sam saying, “may I break out of there.” To which he gets Bran's stare number three. Bran's waiting to give him a look. And eh says, “What are you doing?” And Bran says, “Waiting for an old friend.” Which if you get to watch an episode more than once this is definitely the full circle that was great.

If you watched the first episode and you had some sort of unfulfilled thing, and then you watch it again when you hit that moment you say, “Okay, I'm fulfilled now because…” I'm not kidding it makes up, the payoff of the episode's so good. And he says, “Time to tell. Now's the time to tell Jon.” Theme park Ned statue. There's a sign in there says “No Selfies” and Sam rolls in like I would, he trips in over everything. Jon's like lighting candles for his dad or whatever, and they say big hugs. Then I liked they said, “Were you hiding from me?” And Sam says, “Of course not.” Ever declines all the news, Jon makes a lot of apologies. Sam delivers all the news about everything, about jerk-face Tarley and about Jon and Khaleesi being related, more about Jon being king then saying, “You know you're related.” So Jon makes a lot of apologies. He says “I even read the High Septon's diary and Bran did Brandon things.” While they're talking there's a nice over the shoulder shot of the Ned statue I thought was good. And then Jon's like totally speechless. Who will wear the crown? I don't know.

Then we have Tormund and the brotherhood without banners. Old Firesword our friend who's names I can't remember. Actually I love that guy's name too. Baron von Firesword. No, his name starts with not [Barem 00:44:58] I think his name's Beric Dondarrion. See I did remember somebody's name. That other Maester Clyaburn, Clibern, there you go. I just unlocked a part of my brain. So Beric Dondarrion. I guess the other dude I think he's [inaudible 00:45:17] in the north, I can't remember. The guy that looked like not Jeff Daniels, anyway, I'm getting mixed up. But so Beric Dondarrion, Tormund, and the crew are down looking for stuff. But they're investigating some place, I guess it was Deepwood Motte or the other place that came up, whatever was at the beginning of the episode. Which will come up because I will check the map when I do the facts.

Brotherhood, old forest, Firesword, Tormund, give you a rat low meetup with that dude. Oh Tormund gives Firesword, he goes, “You go first bro.” But only by look he does that. Then they meet up with the dude I definitely can never remember who took over the north. He's like Jon Snow's third best friend, or second best. He originally was his third best friend, worked his way up to second after Sam. I like that guy. He looks a bit like, I put something, he reminds me of someone. I want to call him, what name do I always want to call him, not Sam, oh Ned. But I don't think his name is Ned, I think I've been calling him that though. He's got a pretty good nickname. But they say, “Oh the Night King's been here.” Left some snacks unfinished. He's on his way.

Then here's serious drama because they say, okay, they're between the wall and here, so they're on their way to Winterfell, “If we double up on the horses we might just get there in time.” And that goes. So drama gets ratcheted up for next episode. Then we have Winterfell and we see this one, this I thought it could have been who it was but then I was like, “Is this some sort of something to stir up the pot even more?” I mean I guess the whole episode is more about stirring up all these… What the show's really about like what it's like to try to be an adult. Now these adults have been on this eight season journey and dealing with something not easy. You see Sansa, Khaleesi and Jon are a little bit oblivious I guess, but everybody else says, “You want us to just deal with this situation now?” I guess Jon's trying to deal with it. They say, “Why do we have to deal with it? Why couldn't you have just been king? Or why can't you just be total king now?” What was my point thought?

Oh I see, so this dude's on a horse, he's got a hood on. Then he gets off the horse and they say, “Hello handsome.” Because after his hood comes off you see that jawline they say, “Well holy mackerel that's a jaw.” Devastating, as they say. This guy, he puts the finesse in Finesse shampoo and he puts the H-A-W-T in V05 hot oil. I said holy mackerel. He wipes his face off and I'm going to give Brandon the number five Bran look of the episode. You see vape city man, those eyes are only half way open. He's like maybe on edibles, I don't know what Bran's been up to, but Jamie wipes off his face and Jamie goes, “Oh dear. My handsomeness isn't going to help with this situation.” And Bran has his chin up for as spaced out as he is I noticed his chin was literally up, like his posture wise, and his old friend has arrived, the great pay off.

It definitely was like… I mean there was the Cersei acting moment, the Sam acting moment, some really good lines, and then just this emotional completion I had actually in some sense. I mean we'll see how it resolves itself, but if it does, or it gets addressed, but it's got everybody. And I think the [inaudible 00:49:34] going to have to talk about this too but everything's coming full circle back to where it started at the beginning of the first season, some Lannisters. Everybody's there but Cersei that's in, I think. I'd have to really look at that, and then a lot of new friends too. I don't know if Lord Breastplate was there. I think he was out in Riverrun at Balder's Gate. No, that's really a joke. But so that's the episode and now I'll run through some facts here.

So we're going to open with Bad News Bears, just because a lot of the news wasn't great that got delivered. I don't know if I looked any of it up, Bad News Bears, it was a movie that came out in 2005 and '76. I think the '76 version is better but I haven't watched it in a long time, sports comedy film, Walter Matthau, Tatum O'Neal, two sequels Bad News Bears in Breaking Training, and Bad News Bears go to Japan in a '79 to '80 television series and a 2005 remake. It was original screenplay by Bill Lancaster, Jerry Fielding re-wrote some of the themes from the opera Carmen, and the plot we don't have to go into that, but it's about kids softball. And let's see, yeah, I don't know.

Let me just see what else there was. Lets see, Tatum O'Neil got 350,000 to be in the movie plus a percentage of the profits which were later estimated to be 1.9 million. It was filmed in LA. The field they played, we should do that, the Mason Park in Chatsworth. They were sponsored by a real company Chico's Bail Bonds. Rotten Tomatoes, this is all from Wikipedia, gives it a score of 97% and an average rating from critics was 7.6 out of 10. “Rude, profane, cynical, but honest unforced humor in a deft understated performance by Matthau.” Ebert gave the film three starts out of four. “Scathing look at competition in American society.” Siskel gave it two and a half stars saying there was more types than real people and too much foul mouthed dialogue. Variety called it the “Funniest adult child comedy since Paper Moon.”

Let's see what else. I don't know anything about the 2005 remake. I saw it, the issue with me, was that the 2005 remake just had too much, the acting was a little bit too much kid acting. It's a difficult thing. It was just too polished. It was just the film Bad News Bears if you want to check it out ever.

If you've been listening to this podcast for a while you know one of the great disappointments of my life was, well I've only done one, was my first and only mud bath. And I definitely think it was at the wrong place and at the wrong time. But it was definitely, as a kid I said, “One day I'm going to take a mud bath and then I'll know I've made it and I'm living my best life.” Or whatever people say nowadays. And then when I finally did a mud bath it was more of like a bark bath. They talked about it, it was a resort and I've talked to other people, it wasn't at a super fancy resort, it was at an old school resort, and I was there romantically but it was a 100% separate experience, so you book it together and then they have a men's locker room and a woman's locker room. Then it was literally like a bathtub in a men's locker room. And that was only one thing.

Like I said, there's no mountains, no picturesque waterfalls, but also I was literally expecting to be in a mud bog, one, and two in mud. This was definitely bark, and not mud, I mean to me. Let's see if there's any notes about it. There really isn't. Mud baths in the US are mostly found in resorts in California and Miami Beach. Made of local volcanic ash, canadian peat. I was in a peat bath probably, and naturally heated mineral waters. And that's my problem, I wanted a mud bath not a peat bath. In Romania, they're famous for mud baths, hypersaline environment. I guess that's it. I just looked it up on Wikipedia.

I feel like there was a lot of lewks, I googled L-E-W-K for it because I don't know there's so many looks. I said, “What would happen if I googled lewk, L-E-W-K.” And this article from January 6, 2015 on thecut.com Why it's Good to Have a Signature Lewk, L-E-W-K. It's by Veronica Highland. And I'll link to it. “My first inkling that a signature look was more than a time saving gambit came outside a tent at Summerset House in central London. I was covering, let see up there I was covering fashion week and Suzie, let's see, Suzie Menkis with her trademark [delupable 00:55:34] font. Any number of street style stars each with their own copyright worthy looks sailed past. You would spot them coming and going. It says here Coco Chanel looks had been popular and synonymous with fashion personalities. Let's see, what else do we have here? Look is not made overnight. You don't find out who you are unless you work at it. I don't know it's an interesting look.

There's a slideshow with different, like it starts off with Karl Loggerfield who definitely has a look, so… But it even goes through like Mr. Rogers and Steve Jobs, so I'll link to that article. Okay, we're going to do the lyrics to this song. I asked but express yourself came up, it's a song by Madonna from her fourth studio album Like a Prayer in '89. It was the second single, May 9, 1989. Was also on her greatest hits collections. And my daughter she almost was Madonna for Halloween. Upbeat dance pop song. It's got instrumentation from brass, hand claps, drum beats, chorus, backed by saxophone and percussion.

We'll talk about the lyrics, David Fincher did the video inspired by the Fritz Lang classic Metropolis with a budget of five million, which would be ten million today. It is still the third most expensive video of all time, and it's been performed on four of Madonna's world tours, covered on Glee, let's see it has also left the work on a lot of other pop acts. Let's see, the look [inaudible 00:57:36] from '87 film soundtrack Who's that Girl, B side. Madonna started work on Like a Prayer. She considered many options including her musical direction.

But I don't want to talk anything else about the lyrics or anything because it's a great song and it's just crazy how well it hits. So let's see the critical reception. Express Yourself got mainly positive reviews. Let's see, Stephen Holden of the New York Times observed Madonna repudiated the philosophy of her previous single Material Girl in express yourself with a more 30 year old view of life. Carn James declared it one of her most exuberant songs. So it's just interesting. I mean I'll link to it there's a lot more. Great song.

So one thing I wanted to do was look at this map, viewersguide.hbo.com. I'll link to it. There's also another map I'll link to. Because it's just unsure with the north how they know, why are they definitely coming to Winterfell and I kind of looked at the map and if you come from the north, there's mountains on one side, and then there's a road. So I guess if you have you'd be coming down the road, and then there's a lot of forest. The Last Hearth I think is where they were, which is where kid Umber's from. And let's see if it has, so that's like one of the towns you'd come through, you know Mole's Town near the wall, then you'd come down Mole's Town. The Gift is a swath of land in the north, then you have Last Hearth which is the house of Umber. My worry would be like what if this Army is cutting around Winterfell.

There's Karstarks, those are there over closer to the water. It looks like they have a lot of woods. There's a big river. Dreadfort, that's where the Bolton's live so that's the other direction they could come. But you know, the Stark's control that. Hornwood, but I guess to get to the south though you have to go through Winterfell, oh cause Moat Cailin that's all Moaty right? There's a lot of rivers, so I guess the most effective way depending on how big those rivers are is you'd come along the mountains and then you'd avoid all the rivers if you're headed south. Riverrun was the name of that city I couldn't get right, and then yeah, eventually… It's a long way to Kings Landing from up there. And of course the Twins is down there too. So yeah, so that's… I just wanted to see that, but yeah the quarter maester, that info is the other one.

Now this is another lyrics. I Will Survive By Gloria Gaynor. I definitely associate this song with some places I used to go to in the Bronx like [inaudible 01:00:52] and Meatloaf song, I've Got to Know Right Now, or whatever that one is. Even though it was like 20 years after the original songs came out. I guess it was going through a revival, or always just playing in bars. It came out in '78 originally. Tops 14 million since it's release, sales. It was originally released as a B side to the cover of a Righteous Brothers song Substitute but it became worldwide hit when disc jockey's began playing that song instead. Entered the Billboard Top 100 in December of the year it came out, reached number one. It was a disco. It was unique for its time by virtue of Gainer's having no background singers, unlike her first disco hit the track was not pitched up to make it faster and render her voice higher in register than what she actually sang.

Most disco hits at the time were heavily produced with multiple voices, overdubs, and adjustments. They did a '79 promotional video at Disco Xenon which was the skater one. One of the skaters from the skating group the Village Wizards was in it. So impact and legacy it was listed as number 1 of the 100 Greatest Dance Songs by VH1. Rolling Stone number 2 of Best Disco Songs of All Time. Daily Telegraph 48 of the 100 Greatest Songs of All Time, and Pace Magazine put it number 7 of the 60 Best Dance Floor Classics. Let's see if I can read it in a poetic way so it doesn't come across as wormy.

“At first I was afraid, I was petrified.” Just think about how this is reflective of the north and maybe Jon Snow and the Khaleesi kept thinking, “I could never live without you by my side.” This kind of applies to everybody. “But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong, And I grew strong, learned how to get along.” Maybe Jamie was singing this as he was riding to the north.

“And so you're back from outer space, I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face. I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have made you leave your key. If I had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me. Get out of here. Hit the road, out the door. Just turn around now you're not welcome anymore. Weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye? Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down…” and go to the big farm? Nope. I'll survive. “As long as I know how to love, I know I'll stay alive. I've got all my life to live, I've got all my love to give, and I'll survive. Hey, hey, hey.” So that's a little bit of a romantic song.

Okay, SAT word for the day is insolent, I-N-S-O-L-E-N-T, insolent. It's from the French and this really doesn't give us, this isn't a good dictionary, insular. I'm not looking for the entomology, to insolate. Insolent. Okay, I'm sorry, this isn't a good definition. Okay here we go. It's showing a rude and arrogant lack of respect. I can use it in a sentence. “She disliked the insolent tone of his voice.” Insolent, I-N-S-O-L-E-N-T, insolent. So there you go. Or if you're in a spelling competition it would probably be in a round pretty early on I would guess.

Poetic Justice came out and I wanted to encourage you to see the 1993 film Poetic Justice. It's a John Singleton movie, has Janet Jackson, Tupac, Regina King, and Joe Torry. Regina King, you don't get hotter than her acting right now so… In the film, the main character Justice writes poems which she recites throughout the film. The poems featured were written by Maya Angelou who also appears in the film. Last Poets make an appearance towards the end of the film. It was number one at the box office, it opened with 11.7 mil and grossed over 27 and a half. Janet Jackson received nominations for an Academy Award and Golden Globe for Best Original Song. Kendrick Lamar references it later in Kendrick Lamar's single Poetic Justice, which also samples Janet Jackson's song, Any Time, Any Place.

It got mixed reviews but it's a sleeper favorite, cult film. Let's see what else we got. I don't want to spoil the plot for anybody. Box office mojo. Let's see. [inaudible 01:06:15] and I don't know if reviewers are really the best people that like… I guess a lot of people compared it to Boyz N the Hood which was another Singleton Movie. Roger Ebert said, “Boyz N the Hood was one of the most powerful films of its time. Poetic Justice is not its equal, but does not aspire to be; it is a softer, gentler film, more of a romance than a commentary on social conditions. Unwinds like a road picture from the early '70s, in which the characters are introduced and then set off on a trip that becomes a journey of discovery.”

Variety said, “Though aiming to create a feel for the locale, Singleton periodically loses sight of audiences unfamiliar with the lingo. Poetic Justice has a lot to commend, but discipline is not high on its list.” It holds a 31% on Rotten Tomatoes. A lot of people consider it one of Singleton's most enduring films. You can't go wrong with Janet Jackson. I think TLC's on there. Tupac. Nate Dogg, [inaudible 01:07:31], Warren G, Tony! Toni! Tone! So check it out. I guess I should re-watch it. It's probably been at least 20 years for me. But yeah, check out Poetic Justice.

Now what about trebuchets they're a French form of a catapult. It's a French word. A siege engine which is a swinging arm to throw a projectile. They started, first appeared in China during the 4th century BC. It spread westward, adopted by the Byzantines in the 6th century, using manpower to swing the arm. Later counterweight trebuchet, or counterpoise trebuchet, used a counterweight to swing the arm. It's used as a compound machine… This is all from Wikipedia. Mechanical advantage of a lever to throw a projectile. There are large ones made of wood, reinforced with metal, leather, rope, and other materials. Probably going to be used next episode.

Long beam attached by an axle suspended high above the ground, stout frame and base, such that the beam can rotate vertically through a wide arc, over 180 degrees. A sling is attached to one end of the beam to hold the projectile. The projectile is thrown when the beam is quickly rotated by applying force to the opposite end of the beam. The mechanical advantage is primarily obtained by having the projectile end of the beam much longer than the opposite end where the force is applied, usually four to six times longer. Powered by gravity; potential energy is stored by slowly raising an extremely heavy box filled with weights, attached by a hinged connection to the shorter end of the beam and releasing it on command. Traction trebuchets are human powered; on command, men pull ropes attached to the shorter end of the trebuchet beam. The difficulties of coordinating the pull makes counterweight ones better especially for larger ones but they're more complicated to engineer.

Further increasing their complexity is that either winches or treadwheels, aided by block and tackle, are required to raise the bigger counterweights. So while counterweight ones have fewer people to operate they take more time to reload. In a long siege, reload time may not be a critical. When the trebuchet is loosed, the force causes rotational acceleration of the beam around the axle, the fulcrum of the lever. These factors multiply the acceleration transmitted to the throwing portion of the beam and its attached sling. The sling starts rotating with the beam, but rotates farther, and therefore faster, transmitting this increased speed to the projectile. And that's how it works.

Terminology. We don't need that. Hybrids, it looks like they're building a counterweight one. Once it's started using fireworky type stuff they got a… Now they mostly used on TV shows, throwing pumpkins, and that kind of thing. Yeah, but we'll see one on the next episode for sure. And then we'll close out with a poem.

“Come on girls, do you believe in love? Because I've got something to say about it, and it goes a little something like this. Don't go for second best baby. Put your love to the test. You know, you know, you've got to make him express how he feels, and then you'll know your love is real.” This is by Madonna by the way.

“You don't need diamond rings, or eighteen carat gold, fancy cars that go very fast, you know they never last, no, no. What you need is a big strong hand to lift you to your higher ground, make you feel like a queen on a throne. Make him love you till you can't come down. Don't go for second best baby. Put your love to the test. You know, you know, you've got to make him express how he feels, and then you'll know the love is real. Long stem roses are the way to your heart, but he needs to start with your head. Satin sheets are very romantic. What happens when you're not there? You deserve the best in life, so if the time isn't right then move on. Second best is never enough, you'll do much better baby on your own.” So again, “Don't go for second best baby. Put your love to the test. You know, you know, you've got to make him express how he feels, and then you know your love is real. Express yourself. You've got to make him express himself. Hey, hey, hey, hey. So if you want it right now, make him show you how. Express what he's got, oh baby ready or not.”

“And when you're gone he might regret it. Think about the love he once had, try to carry on, but he just won't get it. He'll be back on his knees to express himself, You've got to make him, express himself. Hey, hey.” It's just a little bit about what came up in the episode [inaudible 01:13:02].

Well hello, hello my name is [Toman 01:13:05], you may know me as Mikey, but my real name is Toman and I'm here to tell you a tale. With my best friend Sir Pounce who, the pod man said I could go right into our tales which will be ongoing. The pod man says episodic serial modular series, which I'll tell you about soon. But I'm Toman. You may remember me from such roles as, Your Grace, Your Lord, First of His Name, and many other important roles I've filled. You know things my mother would say stop your sniveling. You know that is a role I filled. Toman, what do you keep staring at? Endless close your mouth. Those roles are other roles I've filled. But the role I'm most proud of is best friend. I'm best friend to the greatest guy who's ever lived. The greatest friend who's ever been a captain. The greatest cat who's ever been a friend, one Sir Pounce.

From the fateful day Sir Pounce came into my life and we looked one another in the eyes and Sir Pounce turned away, then looked back, then walked away, then pawed my bed, and flicked Sir Pounce's tail, then jumped off the bed. And I wondered, “Were are you going? You're supposed to be my cat and best friend?” And then returned eventually and looked at me again. Then took a bath slowly in a manner that I attempted to replicate and Mother was not pleased with when I licked my hands and I said, “I'm giving myself a bath, that's what I'm doing Mother.” “Not in the throne, put your robes on Tom.” “I'm bathing myself like Sir Pounce Mother. I lick my hands and then wash myself with my hands. That's how Sir Pounce stays so clean.”

But those days are behind me with Mother and her things. But with friendship and best friendship, the greatest friendship. And I've learned, this is a term I've learned, mammals have ever known. And beyond, there is no friendship beyond mammals that I've heard about. You mammals are doing a great job with befriending. It's just Sir Pounce and I. So I just wanted that to be clear. This is a tale of our adventures. It's always the [inaudible 01:15:40] tales. These particular adventures take place. It's just Sir Toman and Sir Pounce and in the world of Noir Chardonnay. Out there there's a world where the lights are turned down, the sepia tones and music playing and a trumpet, or a saxophone. And there in a fedora cap is Sir Toman and at his side trusty friend Sir Pounce.

The two of them are gumshoes and they make their way in the world, a world inhabited by another friend they have Noir Chardonnay who is so popular in Noir chardonnay's is that the world is also influenced by Noir Chardonnay, or Noir. It is a world where it's rainy and misty. Where neon signs reflect in the puddles in the streets and where around every turn … The actual thing is not that different than Westeros. Around every turn is a vagabond or a person in need of something. Something in this is case of a hero or two with the six legs, Sir Pounce and Toman.

And it was one day we had an office in the nightclub run by Noir Chardonnay called Noir Chardonnay. In the back was our office where we would hang, listen to the music, wait for Noir Chardonnay. And Noir Chardonnay would say, “Make sure to call me by Noir Chardonnay or they not Scooter.” But they don't have a speaking role so it does not matter. For me, for the world, Noir Chardonnay was a great entertainer and influence of fashion. This is the pod man wrote. Of fashion and style, a trendsetter and a trendbreaker that was Noir Chardonnay. But for me and Sir Pounce, just a wise sage friend. And it was there where Sir Pounce and I were sitting enjoying the atmosphere and thinking when the door to my office opened and someone entered, someone vaguely familiar. I didn't know if they were from my past, or my present, or my future. And I said, “How you doing? What do we do you for?” And she said, “I'm here for… Are you Toman and Pounce? It's been too long.” And I said, “What do you call yourself? We're here. What are you in need, are you in need of a [inaudible 01:18:59] case? You got something for us?”

And they said, “My name's [Mesella 01:19:06] and I have lost, I never appreciated the best friendship I had, and I've come to help you cross over the final threshold to adult…” I said, “I'm here to solve cases not cross thresholds to adulthood.” And they said, “I think someone's moving pieces like chess pieces. I feel like I would have wanted to be your best friend, and I tried to be kind to you, a sister.” And I said, “You talking in metaphors is our game. Right Sir Pounce?” (Meow). And Sir Pounce Meowed in the way I just did but more with a (Meow) see. Except I did that part. And as she went on talking about a sibling rivalry and appreciation of a brother, somewhat difficult, she said simple of something, and I said, “Anyway, let's get down to brass tax aye.”

Originally when I started doing the voice I had to keep something in my mouth to do it. Sorry to break it. But now I can do it natural. So much rehearsals it is.

And I said, “Why don't we take a walk. You, I, and Sir Pounce. This is Sir Pounce, my best friend and cat. Sounds like you've been through a lot.” She said, “Oh yes, I have. I've been through a lot. I wish you know… ” I said, “You need to talk in stories here, you know where you're talking directly to me, and you're breaking my cover. This is the world of Noir Chardonnay.” And I said, “Maybe do it like once upon a time.” And she said, “Once upon a time there was a girl named Mesella and she was born into an aristocracy that was also in the world…. She said, “Do you watch The Good Place.” And I said, “Oh my goodness. I do. I love it.” And I said, “What do you mean? Is that on the tube? That's for suckers.” But she said, “Pandemonium.” I said, [inaudible 01:21:34]. Jason is my favorite character, he makes me laugh so much. But also Derick. I see Derick and I said, “Is that… Do I know you?”

Okay, so I said, “Oh interesting, interesting, pandemonium.” And a bit of not easy times. Then we walked down the street lined with shops, Sir Pounce walking ahead of us exactly 5.5 paces, a slow slinky walk to help us time our walk. And I took the lead as Sir Pounce turned and looked in the window of a store, a department store, lining the city streets. The city that has a thousand tales to tell. Then Sir Pounce moved, Sir Pounce, this was only one tail, but Sir Pounce's tail was moving. And we looked in the shop window, and there in the shop window was everything I needed to solve this one.

It was very nice clothes, living room scene, a fireplace, and mannequins, but they only had, they were just mannequin torsos and bodies, and arms, but no… They may have dealt with my mother. These manikins may have met my mother at some point. But they were standing there in the room. But on one side of the room was a big grand character who we could say was a king like character, once upon a time, with a glass of wine and a turkey stick in his hand. So I told Mesella as I was using it… This is partially real, partially true. Next to him was a young boy about five or six, and then a girl about nine or eleven. They seemed to be having a gregarious time with this king-like character who had… Even though he didn't have a big grin on his face you could see it. He was friendly but unpredictable.

Then on the other side of the room was a young boy sitting there staring at the tube, his arms crossed, maybe of age of eleven or twelve. Looked like he had eaten something that made his face make a puckery face. He was taking everything in and judging it and calculating. [inaudible 01:24:33] new terms I would say he was infantile, although many people would throw that term right at me and I'd say, “Hey, I'm here to… But let's get back to the story see.” And so that boy was sitting there and standing behind him not far and taking it in with two other adults, a man and a woman, and if you took time to look at it you'd see they were standing within each others personal bubbles and you could even, if you took a little time, say their elbows were touching on purpose. They were both looking at the room in a calculating way, a detached way.

Mesella said, “I don't understand what this scene is supposed to tell me. I recognize it, don't get me wrong.” And I'd say, “Yes, yes Mesella, you do, you do understand. But you haven't…” I said, “This according to Noir Chardonnay, these clothes, this is not a nuclear family in some sense, but it is one that's striving to achieve the nucularity of the average family.” Miss Ella looked at me confused and I looked at myself confused. I said, “Sir Pounce lead us here because yesterday we were walking with Noir Chardonnay and they said this is the past.” They say it with their Zs sometimes. And I said, “What do you mean I like that sweater it has a zipper on it.” And Noir Chardonnay said, “This is yesterday all these things. Not the future, none of it's…”

She was talking, I think, about the clothes and the dynamics and maybe this laughing king in charge, but a bit of a buffoon. I don't know Miss Ella but something about that made me feel calm, made me feel good. Maybe it was knowing that one day I'd be cracking cases, see. And maybe it was the fact that Sir Pounce jumped in my arms at that moment. [inaudible 01:27:07], “Oh Sir Pounce just jumped in your arms Miss Ella to get a better look at the past and say oh that time is no more. We don't need to even dig deeper into that one.” But to know you and I looking in the window from the outside in another world, a special world, of Noir Chardonnay.

I want to introduce you Miss Ella, I think we should go and maybe you could partake of this world and enjoy it as you, and maybe go on a journey that I've been lucky enough to go on, you know your own journey separate from me, because I am nearly, only mostly dependent being now you see. “So you could go meet Noir Chardonnay. Maybe get a job waxing glasses, you know. So I want that for you. And it's good to see you, but yeah go ahead and pet Sir Pounce.” And that's our day here in the big city. Miss Ella is going to get a job at Noir Chardonnay's and I'm going to go back to the office with Sir Pounce and wait for the next case. Goodnight.

Okay, if you're new to the show or something this is where I talk to the gods old and new, and new new gods to… This is my first time in like 18, 19, 20 months praying to them, unfortunately, between you and me. So it will be a little bit of a first prayer of the year and probably last year too. But just between us humans. Okay, here we go. [Chrone 01:29:05], Miller, Smith, Barkey, Jester, Hound dog god, Maiden, you know, other gods that are listening in, definitely not need DR Owen. We've got water. Whatever the positive version of the Aquarius god is, pool float, pool noodle. Anyway gods, it's me. It's been a while I know. Hopefully I've been bringing you amusement with my human being human stuff, just humaning around. I sorry I follow such gods, I never know how to handle this. Chrone, sweet, sweet Chrone. Miller, Smith, Barkey, Jester. I guess I should just say I'm sorry I was wrong and I forget the other parts of the apology. I'm sorry I was wrong, there's another part, but what can I do to fix it gods?

I mean I can make the most of the next six and a half weeks, or whatever we have between us. And so I don't know if I should make… I don't know how, what do we do? Maybe that's why I've been avoiding talking to you by forgetting about it and not having it be a priority. I said to myself, “Scoots you've got to get ready. Sweet, Sweet Chrone is… How are you going to keep her in your life if she wishes it to be… How'd I let the sweet, sweet Chrone fall off of my radar?” The Miller, the grinder of grains. Maybe that's what I should do gods, is reintroduce you because for our people that just know about the glory… No offense other gods. Again by me promoting other gods or saying things about you it doesn't take away from your godliness.

Here's a question Chrone, I don't know if I've brought this up, have you ever had Goddess dressing on anything? What's the difference between that and Green Goddess dressing? Okay, so yeah, I guess you're right. Chrone, you're so wise at telling me that because this is a podcast and maybe people are listening and we're here to comfort them that it would help them know for this first episode who you are and why I dedicate my time to praising you, as opposed to the glory gods. That's what I was going to say. The mother, the father, the warrior, you know maiden. You know the maiden who I have, you know I don't really think about at all except sometimes when I'm writing poetry and enjoying a summer breeze. You know, sometimes I kiss my body. Anyway maiden, don't worry about it. I'm here talking to Chrone.

Sweet sweet Chrone, Miller Smith Barkey Jester and Hound dog god. So yeah let's introduce the lineup and let's let the people know why would I apologize and be wrong and try to make it up to you by talking about some of your positive attributes. We have Chrone first off. The sweet sweet Chrone as I like to call her. Already given a name, probably in a way, possibly given the name Chrone by someone that wanted to not accentuate the positive parts of the Chrone. All knowing, you know the Chrone, always judging. That's one of the things we always think about the Chrone, always correcting. Generally, just or me, I don't know about other praisers of you Chrone, you know generally disappointed.

You've got high standards, you wouldn't be at the tip of my list if you didn't. Keeper of Bunions, smelling like onions, the Chrone. You know Chrone I'm just kidding with that part. I don't think you… Well Chrone if you're all seeing do you know when I'm joking and when the humor is based in truth? Sorry Chrone. Chrone is the god with the most experience. And that means that she's seen it all, except she's… I guess Chrone I never realized how you were building my esteem. You've seen it all, yet I can still make you sigh, what does that say about me.

You know, if you've seen the entire universe and you can still roll your eyes at me, and put your hand on your hip in that way that says, you know and see that creese between your eyes, that cosmic creese, oh Chrone. I think this was starting though to say if you're looking for a God that's unappreciated, that's misunderstood, that they say don't judge a God by its book cover, or by its appearance, or by your projection of a cosmic ether into a being to be praised. I would say all those things are true. Because Chrone also teaches me humility too to say, “Well I don't know everything. I thin I do.” Chrone's been around.

You know, Chrone actually if it wasn't for you, how would we grow and make apologies. But mostly Chrone I'm just glad to be back in your good… What I love doing is getting in your good graces and falling right out of them. Or I've never been in your good graces, well that's you know, well one day I will be Chrone because you're so sweet. I think when I say “Sweet, sweet Chrone” there is a milliseconds where I am in your good graces, sweet, sweet Chrone. So that's the Chrone everybody. There's also other belief systems that believe in the Chrone. Some of you might be in disbelieve that there is a goddess or supreme being called the Chrone, there is, just so you know.

Next up a god that isn't in the beginning or the end of any shows, maybe isn't even in the books or whatever, according to experts. It's a god we all rely on it, it's the Miller. The Miller is one of those two gods, back to back here that's toiling away there. You wonder who said who first to a human or developing evolutionary stuff, let's eat that grain and see how it tastes, that was the miller. Let's grind that grain and see what we can make of it. That was the miller. And the other side is the miller's got to do a lot of work to keep us working. I don't think hard work always comes naturally to us. But it comes naturally to Miller, grinding away, toiling away, you know milling.

I've seen the sign on the miller's house that says, “You won't catch me chilling' you'll just catch me milling'. Even if I'm illing' I'll still be milling'.” That's the miller. Now a lot of the gods don't like to talk about it because you know gods they just eat ambrosia, or drink it, or whatever, and you know mess around with cupid like situation, but the millers down here with us really, or nearby. Miller also likes to see us work because it's built in the likeness of the miller, working in the likeness. So the miller appreciates all of us out there, you know trying to get a good night sleep to go to work to put milled stuff on our table, whether it's kind of milled, metaphorically milled, or maybe your milling your coffee in the morning, the miller's there looking over you, smiling and saying, “You know I'm one of the only two gods that's working 24/7 without any things”.

And let me throw it over to the other god that works really hard the smith. Oh smith, forger, what do you call that, fulling of forges and pumping out, wearer of apron. Oh resplendent in that apron, that cosmic… Have I already used cosmic? I have I guess, sorry smith, sorry about that. I know the miller would probably have a cloth apron and you would have a leather apron, of course I knew that Smith. You know, really pumping the bellows that's what I was thinking. That's what I was picturing you doing. You who sweat in a different way than the miller but still you sweat here among us. You that helped me forge my things, bonder of metals, banger of steels, you're the one who teaches us about alloys and also the idea not to be brittle. Oh nay, the smith that it's the work and the heart. You know, some things when you say “It's pounding” or whatever, “It's too hot.” Maybe that's the smith behind the scenes working so hard to make sure we're there. So thank you Smith. Sorry, I've got to keep moving though.

Barkey, I'll save you for last. Jester, you were once among us in one of the seasons. The actor that portrayed you has had great success since then. He really is a heartthrob in my opinion and you are too. And you know that the throbbing of the heart is sometimes the purist when we're laughing. Oh Jester. And you also say that sometimes just being you is hilarious to other people. You know when we're dropping food or we're dropping jokes because you have shown the way oh Jester, and I want to thank you for that and for keeping me laughing at myself. Sometimes we do take things so seriously and you help balance out the wisdom of the Chrone.

Chrone, do you use Chrome? The Chrome browser? Or Smith did you work with Chrome? I hear Chrome's the worst to work with. Sorry Jester I'm back. I just want to say thanks for balancing stuff out.

Hound dog God, I guess your in both worlds now, you've returned to earth, or Westeros, I guess that's not earth. And you're back, or you've been back for a while. I don't know how I left things with you but I still think you haggard like a hound dog. You know, is a hangdog look like a Hound dog look, Hound dog God? You are a God they say I invented, just like a lot of the other ones. Mostly that was the father, mother, and the warrior. Those are the gods that think they know everything, unlike the Chrone who does. But Hound dog God, I just want to thank you for being in both worlds. You know keeping an eye on us, helping out where you could, saying, “Where's my place in the world. You know my place is with…” I think your place is… Well we'll see where. I'm hoping where your place is going to be soon. But I like seeing you and I've always been a fan of yours Hound dog God.

Who is next? Whom is next is what I should have said, excuse me. Is Barkey. Oh Barkey. Oh how I have missed you Barkey. You know, the north is going to probably be a centerpiece of this season that I haven't seen yet and there's been a lot of trees that we've seen, but you are the wisest of the trees. You're the oldest of the old gods. You know why the one eyed raven is oh so raven. You know what we don't know probably about Brandon stuff and you still say, “I'm a tree.” You probably also know about Groot and maybe you saw the new movie I left out for you, that again was a rental that I was hoping to get back so I could return it because that one was from Redbox so they're still charging me Barkey. But you know Groot was going through those tween years which maybe was confusing for you.

I don't know because I didn't read anything on the internet the theories is this Groot or a new Groot? But I don't know Barkey. But you're the God that's got branches everywhere. You've got the roots in the earth and your fingers in the sky. Your trunk stands between heavens and the land we walk upon. You shield us from the sun and the rain oh Barkey. Barkey you just make me laugh. You think the Jester, whenever I say Barkey I just feel good, and I do think about hugging a tree. I don't know when that came a pejorative because I think hugging a tree is pretty darn great. And it's also not easy. I think people act like, “Oh, it's so easy to hug a tree.” Well not every tree you can wrap your arms around, first off. Second off, have you felt bark? It's nice Barkey but it's more feeling a spiritive tree. I guess that's what they mean when they say tree hugger, but I mean hugging a tree, which is…

Well Barkey, you know I'm giving you a hug from my heart right now. Here's the thing Barkey, I don't know if I've kissed a tree. I probably have. This is just an imagination. I think the first tree I would like to kiss would be a cherry tree just because something about the bark on a cherry tree. Well first off Barkey, is there reddish bark on a cherry tree? Because if so I'd like to kiss a cherry tree.

Here's another question Barkey, do squirrels go number one in trees, because that'd be good to know. But I'd like to hug and kiss a tree, just a platonic, out of the joy of love Barkey for you. The tree that everyone adores Barkey. And we got six weeks together gods I think coming up here. It's been my pleasure to be with you and I'll talk to you in a week or less.

And then hopefully now that listeners have a general idea. They probably more… Hopefully they're relaxed or they slept, but they know they can say Barkey and feel good. They know that the Hound dog god walks in both worlds, just like us sometimes, shoulders slumped and confused. They know that the Jester is dancing around in a gold robe laughing and being witty. And that's always something cool to know about. They know that Smith and the Miller are working hard. There's never been a time they've been hardly working, so that's good. And they're the two gods that can related, right? Miller and Smith. Not so much. Well you know they can relate to our hard work here.

And then the Chrone, sweet, sweet Chrone. You know, oldest of the old gods, but in the best possible way, and the God I give… Between you and Barkey, Chrone, that's why I end and start with you two. You know the God that I love to… The God I'm closest to Chrone, you know that's true. And the first God I met and the last God I say I'm sorry sorry to Chrone. [inaudible 01:47:25] Chrone, sweet, sweet Chrone. I miss you so. Maybe I can carry with you beyond this season, you know our relationship especially if you could start giving me some foresight, that would be sweet. Not that I'm holding out Chrone. But just be a great, you know, my praise…

I know that people don't say this because it's not polite but it would be nice if my praise was getting me somewhere. But that's just the human in me talking, so fallible Chrone. You know that later my clothes will be covered in food that I spilled on me and you and the Jester will be having a laugh. And I did it for you Chrone. Oh Chrone. Sweet, sweet Chrone, Miller, Smith, Barkey, Jester, Hound dog god. Goodnight.