745 – The Case of the Closed Cameo | Big Farm in the Sky P.I. S2 E2

Transcript of Episode

Scooter: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, and all my patron peeps, it's time for the podcaster … I don't know, like I feel like I'm lucky to be here. I feel like a horseshoe, be able to be here bringing a good night's sleep, watching over you like that famous poem that was never written, the horseshoe that watched over you. It's time for sleep patrons. This podcast puts you to sleep. Hey, are you up all night tossing and turning, mind racing, trouble with getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press play. I'm going to do the rest.

Scooter: What I'm going to attempt to do is to create a safe place where you could set aside whatever's keeping you awake, whether it's thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, the changes in time or temperature, routine. Things you're thinking about, from the past present or future, emotions related to those things or maybe not, maybe just baffling ones or physical sensations or anything else. Whatever is keeping you awake. I'd like to take your mind off it. I'd like create a safe place, earn your trust, where you could relax, get more comfortable in your bed or your couch, wherever you're sleeping right now.

Scooter: And what else? Take your mind off that stuff. What I'm going to do is send my voice across the deep, dark night. I'm going to use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous rustified tangents, filler words, you know I'll be pumping filler words up like I ran a bike shop. You see everything at this bike shop … First of all it's more of an inner tube shop and I'd say “Well, we'll agree to disagree.” They'd say, “Everything here is over inflated.” And I'd say, “Except the prices.”

Scooter: Maybe that'll be the commercial. And they'll say, “Well, can you put the money down it first, because it does look like you have an inner tube shop and not a bike shop.” “Oh no, you haven't heard of this. It's the new thing I've just thought of it's called Inner tube, it's a new thing, it's like total way to relax, get in shape. You've heard of crossfit, right?” “Yeah?” “You've heard of running, Iron Man, swimming, you know Eugene Atlas or whoever that person was?” “Yeah, that's incorrect but yeah we've heard of those things.”

Scooter: “Well this is a new thing. You know, you've got biking, you've got hiking, and you know and you have you know those ancient things. People say, oh in the olden days we ate like this, and we hunted, and we gathered.” “Okay, we're with you so far. Aren't you in the middle of a podcast?” “I am but I'm now making a point that doesn't make any sense. And yeah, we're at the dawn of a new age but not that far from the past. I'll be right back with you with this sales pitch, I gotta get to the new listener.”

Scooter: So I'm gonna send my voice, I'm gonna go off topic, just like I just did there. And here's the thing. A few things if you're new. There's an intro, this intro is not a commercial or a self promotion thing. This is a show within a show to keep you company and to help you get ready for bed. To help you start to unwind maybe to put you to sleep. The majority of people use it as part of their wind down routine. Some people fall asleep during it. About 3 percent of people skip this and go straight to the story, which is generally around 20 minutes into the show.

Scooter: But the intro's kind of like something familiar that's why its part of the bed town wind down routine. That was also a variety show I was once on, The Bed Town Wind Down Routine. Well, it was a routine … Oh no, that was the Gong Show. That was when I was a kid and I imagined, I dreamed one day of being a guest of the Gong show. That was a TV show. I think it was rebooted a few years ago. Okay, where was I though.?

Scooter: Okay, so if you're new, the intros don't make a lot of sense, at least initially, but it's a twelve minute portion of the show where I set the mood. And I set the mood by saying, here, I'm going to explain how the podcast works. Then I get off topic, and I imagine a new fitness business that I'll explain maybe later in relaxation. This is not just about fitness by the way. I'm thinking of a name of it but … So, there's an intro. That's how the show starts. It starts with a few minutes of business then there's a 12 minute intro. Maybe it's 14, maybe it's 16, sometimes it's 18. Then there's some business and then there's a bedtime story. Tonight it'll be from our new season of series, Big Farm in the Sky P.I., so it'll be … So that's the structure.

Scooter: So then there's some thank yous at the end. And so that's the structure of the show. If you're also new, you don't need to listen, and the show may not make a whole lot of sense to you. And of course, you may be coming to this skeptical or tired. And if you're tired, I feel you. I know. And you say “Wow, I really want something that's finally going to work for me.” I hope you give this show a try, and I hope it helps. But normally, for literally 98 percent of people I've heard from, they say, “Yeah, it took a few tries before I understood that the podcast is nonsensical in a way I haven't encountered before.”

Scooter: You see, it doesn't make any sense, but not in a … It doesn't even not make sense in a normal way, which is a good thing. So just see how it goes, but you don't need to listen to me. You don't have to pay attention, and there's also no pressure to fall asleep. The shows are an hour so that I can be here, and you can fall asleep at your leisure. You fall asleep as you wish. I'm here to keep you company, not really to put you to sleep, but to keep you company as you drift off. And to take your mind off of stuff with wild, outside-of-the box ideas, outside of the inner tube box where, yeah, we've got bicycle …

Scooter: “Well, sir, it looks like you just have bicycle pumps and inner tubes.” And I'd say, “Well, that is what we have exactly. And here at a Tube Town …” Maybe that's what we'll call it. “And yes, we do have Tube Town tube tops.” And this is a franchisable thing one day. That's Tube Town LLC. Future something. I like the way that sounds. But, it's the place where there's a tube for everybody. Multiple tubes, multiple size tubes. I tell you what, we got our Q&A … Not our Q&A, an R&D department in the back. We're working on hexagonal tubes, square tubes.

Scooter: And you say, “Well, what kind of wheel would that fit in?” And I said, “These are just tubes here to be pumped up. Here, grab a pump. Do you prefer a foot pump, a hand pump or something with no electricity?” That's what I was saying at the dawn of humanity. This is on one of our other commercials I'm working on. There as a time, and then there was a development, and then there was dawning of two wheels and gears and chains and those things. And changes in tires. And then there was inner tubes within tires, and those would go flat or low on air, and they would need to be pumped with vigor or slow and steady motion.

Scooter: But, at some point that tube became mechanized or automated, and maybe even machine learning got involved by the time you're hearing this message. And one thing we lost when we lost the ability to pump our own tubes was the joy of tube pumping. And here at Tube Town, we've brought the joy of tube pumping back. And we found that it's a fore fold pass of tube pumping. The joy of inflation. The pressure relief of over inflation. The irony, and just a general sense of wellbeing cause by pumping of tubes, and over pumping them. Or for some, draining the tubes.

Scooter: And you might say to yourself, “Sir, do you have Schrader valves or the other ones? You know, the …” Which ones?, and I say, “We got them all. Those other ones, the long thin ones, we got those. Those may be Schraders, I'm not sure. I don't know many difference between a piston and a stable.” That's a little mechanical flower humor there. “But yeah, we got tubes. We got valves. We got it all.” And here's the thing, you can take your tubes home. And you say, “What else do we have to do at Tube Town? We want to have a birthday party there.” And I say, “Oh boy, your kids are in for a treat.” Once we have the birthday party packages there will be tube painting, tube shaped cakes of course. Tube tops. No, tube tops are for taking home. You've heard of hula hooping? We've got tuba hooting. Hula hooping, we haven't thought of a term for that, but with tubes. Tube rolling, oh boy.

Scooter: Here at Tube Town all available for one low price. Come today. Also, everything comes with a smile here at Tube Town. I may have just invented a whole new, what are those called, vertical? Is that vertical or a horizontal. Look out miniature golf courses and all those other places you're supposed to have birthday parties, because Tube Town's coming. Yeah, we'll move in. Is that a pop? No, it's kind of a pop up shop, it's inflatable. We're tube town.

Scooter: Anyway. Sorry, I went off topic there. But, maybe it seems like a generally … There's something reasonable about my unreasonable ideas. In a way that it took your mind off of whatever's keeping you awake. And here's the thing, I'm here to keep you company, not to over engage you. Because I tell you what, if you've never pumped a tube like that before, and you're saying, “These tubes are outside of the wheels.” And I say, “Yeah. You can make a request, we could put it within a wheel.” But the giants tubes are outside of wheels. You say, “Wait a second, you have giant tubes?” “We have the world tube, within our shop, the largest tube in the world. That's in our shop. Yeah, we've got big tubes.”

Scooter: And if you're training for something involving your upper body, or your lower body, we're working with other gyms on a program. But, for the most part it's just a general … We're working on getting to all the retirement communities, and the grammar schools. We're going to have it all covered. Not to over inflate my value. So, I'm here to keep you company. That's really what I'm here for. And to take your mind off stuff. I've been there. And believe me, once you start running the numbers on this thing, you'll say, “Why wouldn't this work?”

Scooter: I think seriously, if you have access to an inner tube, this would be a free home based business for now. You're not a business. Just go ahead, pump it up and paint it, and let me know about. But for the time being I'm ideally here to walk at your side as you drift off. I'm here to keep you company, because I really believe you deserve a good nights sleep. I work very hard at this show, because I strive, and I yearn to help you fall asleep. And I really appreciate you coming by and checking it out.

Scooter: And here's a couple of ways we keep the show a going. Hey everybody welcome to our new season of the Big Farm in the Sky P.I. Second season of our mostly cereal story, episodically module, 99 … Well, it was supposed to be 99 percent of the time, though this season started off with a two part episode. But, I'll get you caught right up, even if you've never heard a Big Farm in the Sky P.I. episode. You're in for actually a real treat. For season two starts in the largest retirement community, that I know of.

Scooter: The Towns in Florida where DK and Gee, two tweens I believe, they have their own business. A P.I., kind of a do it all business for the retirees. They're on sabbatical from school, but actually they're not. It's more of an independent study program where they're running their own business in this retirement community. Living with a relative, or a family friend named Aunt Penny, and running this business where they help the retirees solve mysteries was the plan. So, that's the set up.

Scooter: Now, as you listen to season one of Big Farm, the other part of the team is Simon, who lives in the big farm in the sky. He was the original big farm in the sky P.I. So, currently it involves a P.I. business in the big farm, in season two it was taken over by a company called Heavenly Solutions. Even though, the big farm is not heaven. I'll just spoil … It's just a necessary fact. It's a big farm in the sky. No one says where … That's two different places, maybe. Or parallel stuff. I don't know, I can't get into that.

Scooter: If you want to talk about heaven, head to H double [eck 00:15:09], or whatever they say, seasons one and two and get past those. Where were we? Okay. So, Simon was the big farm in the sky P.I. He's still in the world, not our world, he's still in the big farm world. He just did Heavenly Solutions, was some sort of start … Again, a start up. A lot of start ups on this podcast. I guess it's very influence. I'm not sure this was a start up. His business was taken over by Heavenly Solutions. I think Simon works in the mail room. No, he works in [carmic 00:15:43] billing. I think actually he works in design … Figure out what [carmic 00:15:48] billing is. So, he got bored with that. So, he went and found Gee and DK.

Scooter: And I believe how season two is going to work is that he is going to help Gee and DK solve mysteries in the earthly realm that we exists in. And let's see, what else do we need to know? Ideally this is supposed to be hard to follow. So, Simon is a big farm resident. He also has the ability to visit earth and interact with humans. That's a rare skill. And, he's good friends with Gee and DK. Gee is his niece, and DK is her best friend. But, they also live together. And now, they're currently living though with DK's aunt Penny in the town. I think we already covered that part.

Scooter: So, then last episode they said, I guess we caught up on all of this that I just told you. And that was over 40 minutes. And then what we found out is that Aunt Penny's been acting a little critical, I guess we would say. Or, G-O-S-S-I-P-I-N-G ing. And that was out of character for her, and causes some friction in her friendships.

Scooter: And at first they said, “Well, maybe it's just having these two tweens come live with you.” But Simon said, “No, no, no. This is a mystery that needs to be solved by Gee and DK.” And I think that's it. They just know she's just a little … They said, “Well, she's acting more …” They said, “Let's get to the bottom of this.” And so, that's the episode of … Here we go. Another episode of … Also, I was buying time because they moved, and again I forgot. I'm sorry. I thought you would have remembered from last week. That's pretty common to go to the place you're most familiar with, especially when you drive from LA. Sorry, but did you get caught in that … Okay, everybody's Antonio Banderas. Also my friend. I went to your places of muscle memory to go to your old place.

Scooter: So, it was post holiday traffic. So it be when we were recording this, so yes I was caught in, call it the grapevine, but here we go. Could we play munchkin later? Probably. You could actually lie in my bed. Why don't you take a nap? Now that I record right by my bed you could get in and listen to me. Oh, my friend I have never … Believe it or not, I've always seen this as a career move, I've never slept to your podcast. Well, this way you'd be sleeping … This is a personal service, I actually charge $1,000 an hour for it. But, you're worth it. You've earned more than that. Well, looks like maybe you've earned three quarters of … No, I'm just kidding Antonio. Do the setup and then go lie down.

Scooter: Okay, is the lady's, is the gentleman's, the boy's, the girl's, the friends beyond the binary. It's time for big farm in the sky P.I. Let's crack this case. Yeah. Oh, that was the best yeah I've ever heard in my entire life. Anther $1,000 credit of bedtime stories for you Antonio. Only when I'm actually recording bedtimes stories for another … Okay. Thank you. Thanks, Antonio Banderas everybody. Diane, it's me Simon checking in. And I wanted to check in with you about two different things Diane.

Scooter: We're in the middle of recreating a week, or a month in the life of Aunt Penny. And I'm going to recount some of what we've done, and we'll have you do a live follow through. But Diane, we've got our hands full here at the Towns, it is so large. What a dream to retire in a place like this for some people. Particularly the active people. We've tried to recreate Aunt Penny's … We're going to retrace Aunt Penny's steps over the past … She actually has a two week schedule, not a one week. So, following a day in the life, or a week in the life wouldn't work. But don't worry Diane, it'll be even more confusing.

Scooter: But it's so exciting, the life Penny was leading. I think I was telling … I don't know if I was telling you this Diane, or I was thinking about it. Just like college, these retirement … You know, I think they just happen at the same pace. Because at college most people aren't moving exactly at the speed of light, except for the go-getters. And they have go-getters at the Towns too. So, there's a lot of clubs, a lot of … Like a University without classes you'd say, but there's lots of classes. And there's also lots of imbibing and kissing and things Diane. It's just a fact of the matter. I know you've read the reports. Remember that podcast guy wrote an entire movie about this.

Scooter: The movie never got made Diane, because I don't think he … He has to rewrite his screenplay about it. But, intense petting. And I've been trying to work on my comic book Diane. Gee and DK encouraged me and my ideas for the story. But then I said, “Simon, that idea's a bit silly.” My idea Diane, I'm even afraid to tell you. Because I told someone at the big farm that I met, and they said … This is what I told … I won't tell you … I'll just tell you. You know Diane, we've talked about this. When people's reaction doesn't meet your own enthusiasm.

Scooter: And I told them, and they said, “Is that like Aquaman?” And I said, “No, no. It's nothing like Aquaman.” And they said, “Well, it is.” And I said, “No it's not. Aquaman is the king of the sea or something.” I haven't seen … There's a film out, I believe, about Aquaman. With a really gregarious actor. I think that's the right word Diane. Also handsome and muscular. But anyway Diane, I have my idea. But, I'm still sitting on it. So, that's what's going on, is we're following Aunt Penny's steps.

Scooter: And I guess I'll just go through my notes here. Here's another thing I love Diane, it's that everything is organized alphabetically. Even the weeks. So, it looks like she was in the 129 Amigos. I don't know what that was, but we went over there. Coconut Grove or something, and they said “We miss Penny. She hasn't been back. We haven't seen her.” And I said, “Did you have anything else?” And they said, “No.” And then the alcove dusters Diane. And I said, “What is that? What a witty name.” And it turns out that's a descriptive name Diane. This is a team of vans that drive around in golf carts in Towns, and they dust the public alcoves. Which I guess, technically that would be a paid position. But you say … I guess it's a nice kind of positive empowerment Diane.

Scooter: Instead of saying, “Why don't workers totally dust every alcove?” These are people that appreciate alcoves, and they drive around and dust the alcoves. And the public, private, here, a place that's 100 percent private property, means something different. It's just what they consider public spaces. But of course, there're also the customers everywhere. I don't know if that makes any sense at all. But, they did … They didn't have any information about Aunt Penny, other than they said she hadn't been by. This is a two week schedule, and she has not followed through on any of her third week of the month clubs. She hasn't shown up. And they said last time she saw her she was just dust, dust, dusting her heart out.

Scooter: Amateur radio team, they said she didn't show up for her shift, and she likes new age music. Well no, that's just her shift they said. Anyway, she didn't show up for her shift. They have so many radio stations here Diane. Low power. There's a low power radio. It's impressive. Very impressive, I'm just jealous. Art clubs Diane. Holy mackerel. Do just clay, ceramics, pottery. I said, “I don't know what the difference …” Coloring, watercolors, glass. And then there's … Now, this is the one Aunt Penny was involved in, was … I guess she's really good at logistics. All of the art clubs. Aunt Penny was in a club called thou art friends. And they made sure to get everything, they helped to buy the supplies so they would get a bulk discount.

Scooter: Atomic fireball fans. That's an interesting one Diane. It's a club based on friends of atomic fireballs. Which was kind of like a, what do you call it, everlasting gobstopper. I wonder if there's an everlasting gobstopper club. But, I think it's also they go out to eat. So, it's a social club Diane. But, I guess maybe that's just a personality type. I didn't get it. But I said, “Just like the other clubs.” They said, “Well, she hasn't been here in a while.” And I said, “Okay. Oh boy.” Let's see, there's the bicycle clubs, again. She's in the tubular bicycle club. Which specializes in driving around, riding around, and looking for people with flat tires. Training people to deal with flat tires on bikes.

Scooter: So again, this does not fit the … It fits the exact personality profile of someone that would welcome Gee and DK to come to live with her. And she was well liked at all these clubs. And they said, “We've missed her. She hasn't been by.” So, I don't know. Again, bridge club. Again, very similar but different. Instead of supplying the cards, she deals with shuffling issues. And again, they said, “Well, if your club needs help with shuffling or need to have … Some people like electronic shufflers, some don't.” This one, I think, was another tongue in cheek one. Debunking bunko. I think that's a dice game Diane. And, I don't really know.

Scooter: They seem like lovely people, but I didn't ask what they do there. I just said, “Are you familiar with Aunt Penny?” “Oh, where's she been?” They knew she was not at the big farm, because they have a way of communicating that. I said, “Okay. And I don't know.” Now Diane, she's not Canadian. But, there is a lot of Canadian clubs here. And this one's Canadian fans of loonies and toonies. So, it's actually a bird watching and cartoon watching club. And I said, “Holy mackerel I missed out.” I said, “I wonder if I could start some of these clubs in the big farm in the sky? Maybe I should be big farm in the sky … I don't know.

Scooter: Then there was a clogging club. Diane, I forgot the name of the club already. But, the same story. She was just there, she wasn't doing clog logistics there. She's a clogger. But, I think they do do something with clogged drains, to make it a dual thing club. I guess she's into that. Very interesting. Very, very interesting. Then there's the dancing. I guess clogging is technically dancing. She's part of the disco club. Fans of disco. And, that's seems fine. There's also a game called, I don't know what this is Diane, again I did not ask, dirty UNO. And I'm not making that up Diane. I know it is. I know it sounds … I said, “It's just like University I guess.”

Scooter: But, I guess every set of UNO cards I've ever held has been dirty, or weathered. But, they missed her there. There was a greyhound rehab for greyhound dogs, helping them place them with homes. I said, “Where does she find the time to do all this stuff?” But, my jealously of this, her life is really … I said, “It's just such an exciting time to do that.” Fan club. Fan of fan clubs. And I said, “That sounds familiar.” But, it's people that love fans. And not just the fans you hold, like handheld fans, but that. Then there's … What else do we have?

Scooter: So again, same story Diane. If there's going to be … I'll tell you when there's a change in the story. Again, they missed her. And again, we said, “Okay. Well …” Then the goofballs. That is actually guitar string goofballs. And it's a musical comedy club. And I think they hang around. That's at night. They just hang out. There's also a pick [inaudible 00:30:54] … There was nother one with picks. That was like a bluegrass, you know, people just come and play stringed instruments. Healthy hooligans, that is like a … She's very funny. I like Aunt Penny more and more. The image of her I'm creating, not the Aunt Penny we know about. I forgot what I was going to say. It was something with an H, but I forgot.

Scooter: Humanism. There was something related to that. We stopped there. At some point my eyes glazed over a little bit. Also, there's thousands of other clubs Diane. There's a Jagermeister club I noticed when we were looking through. But, she didn't go to that. It was meeting in the room next to the room we were meeting at. I said, “If every one of these clubs had a podcast, it would barely make a dent in the number of podcasts that exist.” Mahjong polishers. She was into Mahjong polishing, and cleaning, and best practices. And I said, “Okay. This is like … ” So, people say there's no third or fourth acts. There's a magic club. She was not in that. I would like to be in the magic club.

Scooter: But, she was helping with best practices. Cleanliness of mahjong, taking care of mahjong. Marigolds, the marigolden girls. That was the name of that club Diane. That one cracked me up. Yeah, Marigolden girls. Oh no, gals. I'm sorry Diane. But, they drive around and take care of marigolds, or other flowers also. What else do we have? Model railroad Diane. Holy cow. And there's two competing clubs. And also, I think because it was a different … You know, the sizes and stuff Diane? So, she's in the model railroad appreciation club. And this one we did get something. And also, these clubs are social clubs Diane. And one of the people that's big into model railroad, I think Aunt Penny was big into them. Allen is his name

Scooter: And, so she would go, and some other of her friends. And they would watch and appreciate the people that were appreciating … Or, they were appreciating the appreciation of model railroads I believe. Or, they would watch people play with their trains. And they found it very relaxing. And of course the same thing, they said we missed it. There was a few different movie clubs that she would go in and out of. That week it was classic movie something. Also, she was in a projectionistic club, keeping the projectors up to thing. Music, I think we covered that Diane. Let's see, what else? New York Yankees club she was a member of. And old time radio drama. That was another one where they would just sit down and re listen.

Scooter: I said, “That sounds like a nice … that's like a …” And then I said to them, “Have you heard of audio drama? A podcast Diane, I was telling them about. Because Gee and DK like podcasts. Audio drama Sunday Diane, that's where you find out about your audio drama podcasts. And, they said they did know about it and they had their own. They said, “We have a podcast network here.” Yeah. Actually, this wasn't me doing the interviewing Diane. You know, I'm projecting, I'm making … This was all Gee and DK. But, of course I was giving them advice. And I guess I gave them the wrong advice on that.

Scooter: This one, I wish I could have been a member of too, Parrots are us. That sounds like a great club. This was a non parrot meeting though. So there were no parrots at the meeting. He said, “I can't wait to get to this one. I wonder if will parrots notice me because I'm from the big farm.” And Gee and DK … You know, Gee and DK, also there's a pen club. Fans of pens. There's a lot of good pen podcasts. And pickle ball, she was into pickle ball. We talked about that last week though, she was asked not to come back. So I said, “Wait a second, pickle ball?” So somewhere in pickle ball. And then it just happened that … So Diane, we went through a few more clubs. So, hang a lantern on pickle ball.

Scooter: And then there was a potluck club. A couple different. I think every night they were doing different potluck. A Romeo and Juliet and club. And I said okay, “I don't need to …” They said … After we got in here there's a samba club. These ones I think changed. And this was in another week. So, this is the second week Diane, and people started seeing … They said, “Have you heard of my Aunt Penny?” And they said, “Oh.” And they had things to say that she was welcomed back. Even the scrabble club. They said, “What happened to her? She's a G-R-O-U-C-H er.” And so, we retraced her steps. And this wasn't as clear as I'm making, but we found right in that P, in the Ps somewhere, there was a P in her bonnet or something, if there was pee her bonnet that would be a disaster, huh Diane?

Scooter: But I said, “Okay, things change right around the Ps.” And then we looked and the Ps and the Is and the Os, the daily schedule didn't … And there was something called the pine grove players. And, this seemed to be the turning point. It was somewhere … This was where we started to focus our efforts Diane. So Diane, we narrowed it down. And we said they pine grown players, which was an acting group that Aunt Penny was a member of, they seemed to be the source of when things … All the clubs before it she was a perfectly pleasant person, the last thing they remember, “Oh, we miss Aunt Penny.” And, then everything pine grove players on the list, except for whatever that one that happened to jump back. I guess parrots is before. Maybe it was another club though. Paradoxical parrots. I think that another club that I saw on the list.

Scooter: I said, “I'd like to go to a meeting of paradoxical parrots.” I don't even know what they would do there. I don't know if I have enough time even in the big farm in the sky. Also Diane, there's a street called Ambrosia, Ambrosia place, in the town. So, I said that's where I'd like to live. Well no, I guess I'd rather visit Ambrosia place. And, if Jason Priestley's listening Diane, to our talk, maybe we could work together. Maybe Darren Star or whoever would get Ambrosia place going. I mean, with all these clubs. So where were we?

Scooter: So Diane, the pine grove players are putting on a play, and Aunt Penny is a member. I swear all this alliteration, that's unintentional. Aunt Penny is a member of the pine grove players. And they said during casting she was trying to get into a role. It was a play written by one of the residence, the quilt that didn't quit was the story. And they said that Diane was good going out for the role of one of the judges in this quilt competition that was taking place. And so, that's when we sunk our teeth into it. We said, “Okay, maybe she's doing method acting.” The quilt that wouldn't quit, and she's in this judge's role trying to make the quilt quit. It was actually the quilt creator. It's a narrative device, the quilt, for the story. Brilliant, brilliant play. It was a great story that I could follow Diane.

Scooter: But so, we started to think, “Okay, maybe Aunt Penny's just acting.” But, she was asked not to be in the play after casting. But, that was the role she was originally going out for, thought she had, because usually everybody gets the role they want. Her friend actually wrote it for her because it was the opposite of her. Writing against a type, or whatever they call that Diane. So, we started to process this. And, it just seemed too obvious. And then we talked to Aunt Penny, she said things about the play that … I said, “Well, I don't know.” After we got her feedback about the play and how she was feeling about it. We came to the conclusion that her judgment was not … ” I said, “That play sounds wonderful.” And I'm not a big … First I said, “If I heard of a play the quilt that couldn't quit, I'd say no thank you.” But it transcended quilts and quitting, believe it or not.

Scooter: It was a story for the ages. But, where was I Diane? So, then we were back at square one. We weren't at square one because we were in the middle square. And I said, “Let me see this list of the other club members we've got.” And I said, “There. There's the guy who was in the model railroad club.” Allen I think was his name. And they said, “Aunt Penny's in the model railroad appreciation club.” And then we started to put two and two together, that those two had gone steady kind of thing. Handholding without the mittens. I mean, correct me. That's a metaphor Diane. Safe everything, at all ages. Even if you're listening. Please. So, they were wearing mittens, but not … You know what I mean. I was just alluding. I wasn't … Oh, Diane. Okay.

Scooter: So, they were dating. That's what I'm saying. I almost want to get through this part because I got to meet with Gee and DK, which is probably a spoiler Diane that this didn't pan out. We said, “Okay, maybe it's this Allen.” Maybe it's something about maybe not being in the play. Was there someone else in the play? I mean, it seemed like Allen was really into his trains, and Aunt Penny was really into watching Allen be into trains.” But, really all the talk, it got us nowhere, where I said, “I don't know if this is really where we are.”

Scooter: But then we got all the way … So, we went back and we went through everything again. And so, things with Allen didn't pan out. Which is what everybody just said. They said, “Penny and Allen, they just didn't pan out. They're more friends or something.” So, we're going to meet with another thing we discovered which was, within the pine grove players is a costume club that makes all the costumes for the plays. And this is the only thing, the box that remained unchecked in our recap of what was going on with Aunt Penny, and trying to retrace all the steps. And there's actually a gap, because we were looking at her schedule too. Costume collection day.

Scooter: And so, then we met some of the other teams, other members of the costume collector, what ever it's called, costumers. Or custom costumers. I'm not sure Diane. But they said, “Oh yeah, the last time we were getting costumes for the quilt that wouldn't quit …” They did say, “Oh, that was the day Penny left the pine grove players and the costume club.” And we said, “Retake us through …” With digital devices now Diane, this is so much easier. You'll say, “Well, let me check the text I sent out that day.” You know, normally even with a regular non future big farm resident, they'd say, “I don't know what I was doing. I think I went to Chili's.” That's a pretty common response down here.

Scooter: We have Outback Steak, but other than that, they say, “Okay, what day was that?” So, we retraced it digitally and physically, and we also did some shopping Diane. Well, I didn't. Well, I did do shopping. There's a lot of thrift shops down here. And so Gee and DK did some shopping. I did some shopping of big farm residents, because these thrift shops are actually … I said, “We'll have some mysteries to solve at these thrift shops later.” But, we couldn't come up with any answers. We ran through. And then we went through the list of garage sales, which they even had listed out in an Evernote of the garage sales they were hitting.

Scooter: And we tried to go with these no lead is too small thing. So, we went through. And one of the garage sales, this is when we hit on it Diane, it was … Now we're back at the scene of the garage sale and I'm waiting for Gee and DK. Because what happened was we went to the scene of the garage sale, knocked on the door. Lovely person says … We said, “Hey, did you have a garage sale a couple weeks ago?” “Oh, yes I did.” Okay. So a story of the heart about someone who came to … That haven't met his big farm, but had made their way to the big farm. And some of their stuff was being sold off. They were doing some downsizing and things. And this person was saying, “Oh yes, I had out a lot of my stuff that I feel like I don't need anymore. And the costume club came, because a lot of it was costume jewelry. I used to also perform. So I said I was getting rid of that stuff.”

Scooter: And she told us about missing … It was … And we said, “Okay. So, the costume club came. You're sure of it?” And she said, “Oh yeah, it was very exciting. Very exciting until there became this big deal about this one brooch. A cameo brooch.” And we broached the subject of this brooch and that there was a big argument over it. And one of the people arguing was Aunt Penny. Saying it's perfect for … And she said she remembers it like it was yesterday, it was two weeks ago, and that Aunt Penny had made a big deal about this brooch. And then we looked at all each other, Gee, DK, and I. And we said, “This is it.” And then we found the brooch, of course, that Aunt Penny's been wearing this brooch. This cameo brooch.

Scooter: And originally Diane, we were trying to figure out what is going on with this brooch. And what we suspect and we've called, we're having to brooch, we asked this lovely person. We said, “There's something with this brooch and their aunt, and we wanted to see if she would return it. We want to bring her back to the house.” And we told Aunt Penny that maybe there was some matching cameo earrings. We had to stretch the truth. And she said, “Well, actually I do have them.” This has all happened already. She said, “I do have matching cameo earrings that I was selling, but I would sell.” So, we got Aunt Penny here. And they just pulled up and went in the house while I was talking to you.

Scooter: But really what we're going to do is we're going to try to have … Okay, I'm going to go inside the house saying I'll just get … Okay, so they have the candles on, and I can still talk. Gee and DK have some candles on. And everyone's sitting quietly. And actually they've done a great sales pitch to Aunt Penny and to this person, saying that they believe that this brooch, even though we've been able to figure out what critic it was, I said it was Bond from within the Water season two. But they said, “Probably not, because that's a fictional character.” And I said, “Oh, you're right.” But I said, “That's a famous critic.” And they said, “This is a female critic Uncle.” And I said, “Oh, there I go again.”

Scooter: I said, “Okay.” So, we're having a quiet moment. And Gee and DK are … But, it's after lunch. And already Aunt Penny and the woman are asleep. Okay. That's good though right, Gee and DK? Okay, so let's just talk right to the brooch then. I can feel a presence in there, so I guess I'll talk to it. “Hello Cameo, it's Simon, Gee, and DK. We sense a presence in you, and that's why we've called for this quiet moment, so that we could communicate with you. Can you hear us? Yes, of course you can hear us. Okay, well that's not the tone we're looking for. Oh, Cameo, okay. You don't need to take that tone with us Cameo, we're only going to take a positive tone with you.

Scooter: Oh, Cameo. Okay. Well Cameo, I'm not going to be baited by your energy. Cameo, do you know if you are affect Aunt Penny's energy and her attitude? More than likely, okay. Well, that's interesting. Okay Cameo, I sense a lot of energy within you. Is there something … Cameo, we're not coming to change you. It just doesn't seem like you'd want to be in a cameo, so we're here to help you. Okay. No, but we really are here to help you, and your tone is not encouraging us to help you. But I will continue to communicate with you Cameo in this calm, calm tone.

Scooter: I won't say Cameo again after that, but I don't know. How should I refer to you? Oh, Bernie. Wait a second, isn't Bernie the name of the person … Is that the name of a famous critic like Bernice. Is Bernie short for Bernice? Because Bernie was also the partner of the person who's here sleeping in this room [inaudible 00:51:58] on the Cameo. Okay. I know it might have been obvious. But, I'm just trying to get to the bottom of things. One second Bernie. Gee, DK, what do you think? Confusing huh? Okay, not confusing to you two. Okay, tell me then. Oh, ask some more questions. Bernie, are you the husband Bernie of the … You're right, I should have asked that question right away.

Scooter: Of course you are. Okay. Bernie, why are you in the cameo? Oh, you're stuck in here. Okay, so should we just open you up and let you out? Oh, you got stuck in the cameo, it's impenetrable? Nearly impenetrable, huh Bernie? So, you're stuck in a cameo. Should we just let you out? That's what I was … No. Okay. Oh, you're also very critical. Bernie, were you this critical in regular life? No. Yeah, it looks like it. All the pictures around the house here have you smiling.

Scooter: Okay. So, it is something about the cameo, not even Bernie's presence in the cameo. Of course. Okay Bernie, no need to respond to everything I'm saying when I'm thinking out loud. Oh, why shouldn't we open the cameo? Oh, wait a second. I don't know if I understand what he's saying Gee and DK. Can you explain it back to me and then I'll explain it back to you? Okay. Okay. Well, it's just his critical tone. Oh, so somehow … Oh, this is interesting. Some of the energy of all the critics of history, or a select … Oh, there's a … Oh.

Scooter: So, for some reason instead of heading to the big farm, it's full of spiritual energy of critics. And oh, Bernice. Oh, that's not Ber … Bernice and Bernie. So, that is Bernice. Bernie's wife is Bernice. Oh, okay. So Bernice did open in front of the cameo, right after Bernie … Bernie was still hanging around the house even though Bernie had gone to the big farm. And then Bernie was floating by and saw Bernice opening the cameo, which contained the spiritual energy of thousands and thousands of critics. Okay. And Bernie jumped on it and kept the critics inside. Bernie, you're a hero. Holy Mackerel. Oh, but you're also stuck in there.

Scooter: Okay. So, we should get you out. But if we open up the cameo one of us would get … I'd have to help you keep the critics in there. Oh wow. So, we have a cameo, Bernie's in there with thousands and thousands … No wonder you're in a bad mood Bernie. And no wonder Aunt Penny's in a bad mood. Makes sense, all that critical energy. You're a hero Bernie and you've inspired me to my heroism. Is there any way in the cameo without opening it up? A tiny, tiny hole. Where's the tiny, tiny hole? In the nostril of the critic on the front of the cameo. Okay. Well, this is good new Bernie, because your heroism has inspired me. Gee and DK, you might think this is strange, but I have my own superhero outfit and I'm going to put it on now. Excuse me. But, you can't see it. I'm just going to … Oh, here I am. I'm the phantom minnow.

Scooter: You're both laughing. I'm a hero, a superhero. Well, I don't know what my powers are yet. But, that's my superhero name. The phantom minnow. Well yeah, there's no superheros the are minnows by the way. That's one reason why I chose the phantom minnow. Also, I like the way it sounds. Yeah no, it's the phantom minnow. Yeah no, I'm a superhero. Not an anthropomorphized minnow, but I can change into a minnow and go right through the nostril of a cameo is why. So, that's already my first power, is the power to wriggle and be a small fish. So, I'm going to go in there and I'm going to get Bernie out somehow and keep the critics in there.

Scooter: I don't know how. I'm going in. By the power of fishing lure. Okay, I'll see you guys. Diane, I'm going in. I'm in minnow mode now. And I'm wriggling through the nostril of this critic. And it's very … Oh, it's weird in here. It's like being inside of a dream, and inside that, superman two or whatever, that mirror thing, or superman three. And I'm seeing a lot of critical energy and critics. Bernie, is that you? Bernie, you're laughing. No, I'm the phantom Minnow. Here, let me change into human form. Yeah, I was better as a fish. Well, I'm shiny like a minnow Bernie. Okay, Bernie get behind me, I have an idea.

Scooter: I've been wondering what my powers are. I can see the critics coming towards us. I'm going to get you out of this cameo. Bernie, go to the nostril of the cameo and tell Gee and DK to get ready to open the front of the cameo. No, they won't escape, and we won't have to hold them in. Get ready Bernie, I'm going to get them to the back of the cameo, and you get ready to get out. Gee, DK, I hope you can hear me. As the critics approach I'm going to channel the shiny scales of the minnow, and I'm going to reflect reflections of the critics back at them, and their energy. And now they're seeing a subtlety changed reflection of themselves.

Scooter: Watch this Bernie, what how easy this is. It's all about projection with them. How'd I learn this stuff? Well, it's my super power. But, that's not one of my super powers Bernie, but this reflection is. And look at the critics turning away as they see themselves reflected back at them. Some are just sitting down and chilling because they said, “Why am I being …” You know now, and a lot of them are just retreating to the back, far far back of this cameo universe that we're in. Okay, tell them to just open it up a peep Bernie. And then you sneak out while I stand here. Oh, then I can just wriggle back out the nostril. Okay, I'll see you Bernie. Reflecting you back, all of you critics. Yes, Bernie's out. Cameo's resealed. And by the power of the phantom minnow Diane, I am now a fish, wriggling through the nostril of the cameo. And back out. Ta-DA. Bernie, good to see you. Why don't you give Bernice a kiss on the cheek and head to the big farm.

Scooter: Yeah, feel free to finish up any other business you need to do here. Our business is done. I'm sure Aunt Penny's going to be back. Mystery solved here in the Towns. Great job Gee. Yeah, I guess I did help solve it, though you helped explain it to me, and that helped me figure out how to solve it. Yeah, I don't know what other super powers the phantom minnow has. Maybe we'll just have to solve cases that involve reflection and swimming. I guess I could change my size a little bit, or I was just good at wriggling. Did you see my wriggle through that nostril? What are we going to do with this cameo? I think what I'll do with the cameo, believe it or not, this is a wild idea, but I think I'll bring it into work and put it in my desk at Heavenly Solutions, and then not go into work for a while.

Scooter: Well then if we figure it out then we'll know where it is. Okay. All right Gee, all right DK. Why don't you spend some time with you Aunt Penny, get some ice cream or something. I'm going to take this cameo to the big farm. And, I'll see you when it's time to crack the next case. First, I'm going to take a nap too. Good night.