1458 – Dog Bed Greeting | All Intros 992 – 995

Episode 1458 – Dog Bed Greeting | All Intros 992 – 995

 

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls…if you said, Scoots, what creature would you be if you were in a fantasy world and you could do the beginning of a sleep podcast in a way that was almost a pun or almost funny, I’d say I’d be a monognome. You'd say, monognome? Isn't that the one gnome to rule them all? I’d say, well, I was just thinking it was…monotone and monognome almost rhyme. But anyway, you know why…? If you're confused, it’s 'cause I’m confused, 'cause it’s time for…what in the monognome are you talking about? Well, I’m a monognome, and this is my mono-nono-home full of stuff like that, nonsense like that. Bless this mono-nono-home, where lives this monognome. On my mantle I would have a metronome. On my mantle lies a silent metronome, and I’d…anyway, I’d better get going. Anyway, it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast to put you to sleep.

 

Intro: Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, things on your mind you’re thinking about, so thoughts, feelings, anything you’re feeling emotionally. Maybe they’re about thoughts, the past, present, or future. Maybe they’re just there. It could be physical sensations, it could be changes in time or temperature or schedule.

 

Whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that and keep you company while you fall asleep. That’s really why I’m here. So, what I’m going to attempt to do, my friends…I’m so glad you’re here, by the way. New listeners, regular listeners, holy cow, thank you for being here. If I could tuck you in or un-tuck you, here’s…oh, I have a observation about getting comfortable in bed that I’ll…I said, what am I gonna talk about this intro? Now I know. But what I’m gonna…oh, similarities between dogs…my dog and me. But what first I’ll do is send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones — oh, so creaky are my dulcet tones — superfluous meanders, pointless tangents, mix-ups, confusion, senseless banter.

 

You say, you’ve brought bantering to a whole new level, and I’m not talking about high in the sky, though sometimes I wonder about you, Scoots. I’m like, you mean something like…I don’t know what sub-banter would be, but are you talking about sub-bantering? ‘Cause oh, boy. What do you call me when I’m talking on a submarine? I’m sub…I got some sub-banter going…or conversations I have at the bottom of a pool when I’m having a pretend tea party, which we’ve talked about. That’s one of my…you say, Scoots, can you go back to some of your hobby…? Oh, having a tea party at the bottom of a pool. That’s one of my…and I was so surprised when I shared how many listeners can relate.

 

Now, it’s not for everybody, but it is for people that like sitting on the bottom of the pool for a time. Then you sit down and you pretend to have tea. You don’t actually have tea. I’m sure you could, but it would…you’d probably need a…that would take too much work. This is more of a fantasy tea party you’re having at the bottom of a pool, particularly public pools because…as long as I’m not thinking about what else is in the pool, the other teas that are in there that don’t start with tea but start with P, and that stands for what’s in the pool. Okay, but I gotta get back to…’cause that’s a new tangent I just went on, I thought. But oh, so if you’re new, I’m so glad you’re here, as well as my regular listeners. Whether you take your tea on an airplane, on the earth, or below the sea, I’m here for you.

 

So, what I’m gonna do…really, this is strange ‘cause if you’re new, there’s a couple things that are gonna really throw you off. But the good news is this podcast doesn’t work for everybody, but hopefully it works for you. It just fits a few puzzle pieces, but I hope I can fix the puzzle between you and sleep. I hope this is the one for you. But it does take some getting used to. So, most regular listeners say give it two or three tries. One of the reasons is this is a podcast you don’t really listen to, and that can be hard to get used to at first. It’s a podcast…you say, well, it’s not quite barely funny, but the stuff he said about submarining and…he’s partially punny. So, it’s a podcast you just kinda…it’s like…almost like background noise or a friend that calls you on the phone and you listen to them talking, but you’re not paying attention.

 

Just like this; uh-huh, uh-huh. Oh boy, tea…just like if I was…if you met me in person and you weren’t…you say, uh-huh, a tea party at the bottom of the pool, eh? Oh, tell me more. Uh-huh. Oh, mm-hm. Uh-huh. Meanwhile, you might be using your phone or whatever, watching a windmill in your brain or break-dancing or thinking about what you’re gonna…uh-huh, oh boy. So, you just pretend…oh, so do…you do cross your legs. Wow. I didn’t realize that was essential to pretend tea parties. Uh-huh. Tell me more. Oh boy, wow. So, this…that’s what this podcast listening experience is like. It also doesn’t really put you to sleep. It’s just here to keep you company while you fall asleep. That’s why the shows are over an hour.

 

But also, I’m here to the very end, so if you can’t sleep, I’m also here to keep you company as much as I am here to put you to sleep. So, I’m here for that small sliver of listeners. If that’s you, you’re waking up later or you just can’t sleep right now, I’m gonna be here to the very end, ‘cause you’re important. So, those are a couple things if you’re new. The other things that throw new listeners off…a lot of things throw new listeners off, and those are the listeners that become regular listeners. Just think of all the other people it throws off. We’re one of those stores…you say, well, I only went into that store once because it smelled like some sort of citrus melon. It wasn’t for me and I never went back. That’s kinda Sleep With Me. You say, this pool did not…it only allowed play, not swimming. Only play.

 

I said, well, how do you…? Then…so, I never went back to that pool again. So, just see how it goes. It’s just very different. Oh, the structure’s also very different because our show’s different, but it also serves a purpose, or multiple purposes. The show starts off with a greeting so you feel welcome ideally, and you feel seen and you feel like your sleep is important and that you’re important. Then there’s support for you, the listener, and support for the show to be free. So, those are the next few minutes of the show. Even that part I tend to ramble, so it’s not…there’s nothing efficient about this podcast. So, that’s the sponsors and then there’s the intro. The intro starts, I don’t know, six, eight minutes into the show, runs ‘til like…somewhere between twelve and twenty minutes or so.

 

The intro…the idea is for the regular listener, it’s something new every time but it’s also familiar. They say, yeah, we’re familiar that Scoots likes to have tea parties at the bottom of the pool, but he said something about…something his dog. I don’t know if he’s ever talked about that before. I say, well, I just really realized it last night, so maybe not. Or then you say, well, he thought it was new, but he’s talked about it ten times. That’s what normally happens. Then I’ll listen to an episode next week and I’ll say, I just talked about that a month ago? Oh, boy. Like, how many times can I talk about Oscar the Grouch’s legs? I say, oh boy…except if it was Grouchy After Dark. Okay, so then…what…? Oh, the intro goes on and on and on.

 

So, for the new listener it serves to introduce you to the show, but for the regular listener, it eases them into bedtime. So, as a regular listener and a new listener, you kinda…it takes some getting used to and then you kinda say, oh, okay, I’m gonna draw before bed or I’m gonna start playing the podcast in the bathtub or as I’m brushing my teeth and washing my face, or I’m gonna get in bed and look at a comic book while I listen. The whole idea of the intro is, at least for all of us, is that going to sleep isn’t efficient. That’s just a reality of the show, but it’s also the reality of bedtime. I would…I just don’t know of anybody that could say, whoa boy, I’m gonna put you right to sleep. I feel like at least with Sleep With Me listeners, that would just be not true.

 

I’d say, this podcast is not gonna really put you to sleep fast. It’ll eventually…eventually you’ll stop listening to me and fall asleep, ‘cause I’m here to keep you company while you drift off, which is about getting some distance and easing into bedtime. That’s what the intro does. Now, a few percentage of people skip it. There’s no perfect way to skip it, but some people recommend around twenty minutes, or that’s what I see in the statistics, is two or three people. Sure, you could also listen on Patreon to story-only episodes or stuff like that. So, just kinda…but at first just listen a few times and say, oh, okay, no, I like the intro ‘cause…yeah, it lets me know it’s almost ready for bed. So, that’s the intro, then there’s business between the intro and the story, then we’ll talk about Star Trek: The Next Generation.

 

What a…such a…an episode that was both heartwarming and challenging,  a really good episode. But I’m gonna talk about it in a meandering way. So, whether you’ve seen it or you don’t even know what I’m talking about, you won’t…you’ll say, huh, that’s interesting that Scoots…he really thought about that eyepiece a lot. So, it’ll be a bit like a bedtime story with mundane details. Then there’s thank-yous. So, that’s the structure of the show. The other important things for you to know if you’re new or if you’re a regular listener is I’ve been there as soon as last night, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep. So, I know how it feels and I know the strong feelings that can be there. If I can help with that, it’d be my honor.

 

But it even gives me deeper purpose because if I can help you fall asleep, I really believe you deserve a good night’s sleep as a person, as a human being, especially if you’ve struggled with it, that you deserve some rest and that you deserve the rest you need to live your life and for it not to be a hassle at bedtime and then feel like that the next day. That really gives me purpose of making the show and all that, so that’s important to me. I think that’s it. I’ll just wrap up with so…so, I just got home from going somewhere for a week and sleeping in one of the most uncomfortable beds I’ve ever slept in, and it was at a house that wasn’t mine where nobody…somebody used to live there but they hadn’t sold the house or…whatever.

 

So, I was sleeping in a bed and the pillows weren’t…didn’t work for me and the mattress didn’t work for me. Even though it was somewhat new and stuff, it just wasn’t what I’m used to and that I like. I couldn’t get the temperature right and any of that. So, whatever. Then also, my dog sleep…slept…sleeps next to me, Koa. She was sleeping on her bed. Those of you that have a cat will identify with this; a lot of times Koa will go around and she’ll rub her head and then she’ll do some back rolls on a bed or on the rug whenever she gets someplace. I always assume it’s to either…it has something to do with smells or something. I say, what, you gotta rub your smell around everything? Even if she’s clean, but she does all this stuff to her bed.

 

It’s like she’s…like if you were massaging your bed with your head and your shoulders and your back. I’ve always observed it with a bit of amusement and bemusement. I say, well…I say,…then I…I never Google it ‘cause I say, I don’t want to know if that’s normal or abnormal. I don’t need to know. Me and Koa, we got enough to deal with. I don’t have to say, why do you gotta be doing that? I mean, it’s more fun to just be like, what are you doing? Hopefully that’s normal dog behavior, healthy dog behavior. Let’s just say it is. Don’t need to e-mail me either way. I don’t want to find out. But that’s always been my thing, and then I realized last night…I knew I did some of this behavior. But so, last night was my first night back in my bed.

 

I wasn’t exactly expecting a great night’s sleep just ‘cause I had driven for a long time and then I was trying to wind…shorten the wind-down, all that. But so…but I did…was happy to be back in my sweet, sweet Helix. So…but then I noticed I was doing the exact same thing Koa did for about eight minutes. But this time, instead of being like, I can’t get comfortable, I was like, oh, this is some sort of genetic thing or whatever. I don’t know if I inherited it from her or she inherited it from me. But, you know, I’d put a pillow on my head, do…lay there for four seconds, then I’d grind my shoulder, then I’d throw the pillow, then I’d grab another pillow and I was…a tight hold in my elbow and pull it towards me, and then I’d hit my head on another pillow, then I’d roll over, make a lot of noises.

 

I just was so amused. I said this is…no wonder your dog does this and you do it. I said, you’re right. How interesting. But it also was normally…this is where Sleep With Me, I think, really works, and it’s just a little bit of something you don’t notice, but sometimes you do. That time I happened to notice…normally I would be getting really irritable because I’d be like, I can’t get comfortable. Let me try this position. Instead, I just went full Koa. I let my limbic system take over and I just went…and every time my body said, shift in a wild way, I just did it. I’ve never looked back. No, but I really did. I tossed and turned not with purpose but without purpose. Tossed and turned for its own…I don’t even know.

 

I don’t know what was going on, but I said, okay…instead of analyzing and being like, okay, if I could just get this right position next, then I don’t have to do any more of this friggin’ tossing and turning. I just said, do you want to toss some more? Go for it. What do you want to do, body? Okay, stick your elbow deep in the mattress, then…I don’t know, then fling your knee around. Now slam your tailbone into the mattress. It’s a bit like a game of that Spin the Wheel, Put Your Sock Down or whatever it’s called. Twisted Fun or something. So, that is why I make a sleep podcast, if you’re new or you’re a regular listener, and I’m glad you’re here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive. I really do want to help you fall asleep.

 

I think you can relate now. Now, this podcast doesn’t work for everybody, so give it a few tries. If you loathe it already, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou has lots of other sleep podcasts and stuff you could check out, but I’m glad you’re here. I really appreciate you coming by. I yearn and I strive, so I hope I can help you fall asleep. Here’s a couple of ways I’m able to do that for you for free twice a week. Thanks so much.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts you’re thinking about, things on your mind, maybe thoughts about tomorrow or yesterday or a while ago or just thoughts that just keep coming up and keep changing. That happens to me. It could be feelings like emotions related to those thoughts or that are just there from the day. It could be physical sensations or changes in time or temperature or routine.

 

You know, life…stuff like that. Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that and keep you company while you fall asleep. What I propose to attempt to do is…I got a safe place here set aside for you. I’m gonna rub it, I’m gonna pat it…I’m gonna pat it, I’m gonna rub it, and I’m gonna rub it down and I’m gonna say safe place, ‘cause I got mixed up. I don’t know my BBDs from my BVDs. But then I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. So, what that means is I’m gonna go off-topic, I’m gonna get mixed up, I’m gonna repeat myself, I’m gonna…my logic is gonna be…there may not be very much logic, flawed logic at best.

 

Then I’m gonna remember a story about the…oh boy, the children’s play that never was, my role as a roll. It was a good one where I played a role as a roll. These are my…a few of my favorite rolls. I guess that’s what tonight’s episode’s gonna be about. So, that’s interesting. So…oh boy…oh, so I get mixed up, I’ll go off-topic. So if you’re new, a few things to know other than I have creaky, dulcet tones and I don’t make a lot of sense. The first thing is most people…it takes two or three tries to get used to the show, or…because it’s just so different. So, if you’ve arrived at this podcast skeptical or doubtful or a little bit grouchy or just like, I don’t know what the…that’s totally normal.

 

I just want to validate those feelings because I would be skeptical if someone told me some dude’s gonna tell a story and put you to sleep, but it’s not really a story and the story never really gets started, and it kinda peters out. First he talks for like, fifteen or twenty minutes about how he makes…he introduces the podcast in a very inefficient way, and I love the show so much, so you should check it out. So, if you’ve heard someone…that’s usually word-of-mouth for the podcast. You just have to listen to it, but you don’t really listen to it. So, if you’re feeling different or unsure or skeptical, that’s totally normal.

 

I would say that most people that listen to the show on a regular basis say give it two or three tries, because that’s how long it takes to just kinda give up on it ever making any sense or to kinda give in, like go with the flow or whatever, stop swimming. I don’t know. But that’s the next thing I want you to know, is this is not a podcast you really listen to for content. It’s more you listen to it kinda like one step above background noise. So, you kind of just kind of barely listen. A lot of…one analogy that I’ve used in real life, and I don’t know if…when I talked about this in a intro at all, but there’s different times when I had delivery jobs or I was doing chores…one of my favorite memories is raking leaves with my father. My father would play college football on the radio.

 

I guess that was where I had a positive association with it, even though raking chores with my father was not a pleasant experience. Maybe jumping in the leaves after, but chores just aren’t…they have to get done. But then throughout my life I would put on sports like baseball, particularly for…when I had delivery driving jobs or install jobs throughout my life, and baseball could be on during the week during the day. It made for just a comforting background noise. A lot of times people say, what’s the score of the game? I would just stare at them, like what game are they…? What? Who’s winning? The A’s winning? That’s literally 99% of the time. I say, hm, I don’t…I was just listening to Bill King talk about ATM machines, actually. So, that was…that’s kinda like the podcast.

 

That’s literally what most couples talk about at breakfast, if they talk about this podcast. They say, what was Scooter talking about last night? I think he said he was the king of ATM machines, or maybe he…something with rolls and ATM machines. I don’t know. It was great. I slept so good. So, this is just kind of a podcast you passively listen to. So, that’s one thing. The other thing is it doesn’t really put you to sleep, either. I’m here to keep you company. I’m applying for the role of bore-friend or bore-bae or bore-bestie, bore-associate. It could be something less than friend, you know? Bore on demand, bore-bud, bore…did I say, bore-sib? Bore-cuz…you know, any of those roles, ‘cause I’m here to just keep you company while you drift off. That’s why the episodes are about an hour.

 

Or actually, now they’re…most of them are well over an hour…is to give you plenty of time to fall asleep so you don’t say, oh, I gotta fall asleep in the next thirty minutes, but also so that if you can’t sleep or you’re in your car and you’re having some stress…like you just found something out or you’re having a rough day during the day or you got some kinda rote task like raking you gotta do, I’ll be here to keep you company. The best part is, you don’t…you can just barely listen to me. So, I don’t know, that doesn’t make a lot of sense either, but if you can’t sleep, I want you to know I’m here for you, and I’m also here for you if you can sleep and you don’t listen to me. So, it’s like…those two things reinforce each other somehow around the podcast. But I also want you to know there’s no pressure to fall asleep.

 

I’m gonna be here keeping you company, barely…I’ve been barely entertaining people since 2013. Put that on a shirt; Sleep With Me, Barely Entertaining Since 2013. So, there’s that. What else do you need to know? Oh, structure of the show. That can…oh boy, does that throw people off. I understand it because I listen to a lot of podcasts. Sleep With Me is not structured like any of them because it has a purpose and it’s a little bit different. So, our show starts off like a normal podcast would, with a greeting or…friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, role-players everywhere so you could feel seen and welcome in. Then we have some listener support, then we have podcast support, sponsors, and that’s how we’re able to bring you the show for free.

 

That’s probably the first, I don’t know, six, seven minutes of the show. Then from, whatever, minute seven to minute twenty, twenty-two, eighteen, there’s an intro. So, the intro’s around…somewhere around twelve to twenty-two minutes. The intro is me explaining what the podcast is like we’ve been doing for a little while here, trying to earn…establish some rapport, earn your trust so I can lose your attention, and just give you a general idea of what to expect and make you comfortable for the new listener. But all my regular listeners out there, what up? All my pets…what up, fishes? What up, gerbil-based beings? Hamsters, can I get one of those cute sounds you make when you listen to Sleep With Me? Yeah. Oh boy, I love those hamsters.

 

Don’t worry dogs and cats, I love you as…you know, equally as all the pets that are listening right now. Or if only dogs and cats are listening, so much more. Pet your pets. But so, the regular listeners know the intro also serves a secondary purpose, ‘cause for most listeners…there is a set of listeners that fall asleep right away but for most listeners, the intro, the first fifteen to twenty-five minutes of the show is part of your wind-down, whether you’re in bed or you’re getting ready for bed or you’re doing some other relaxing activity while you’re listening. The intro is here to ease you into bedtime, to get you comfortable.

 

Yeah, even if you’re in bed, you’re saying…people have their heads over…their pillows over their heads or their heads on their pillows and they’re just kinda barely listening to me…so that you get some distance from the day and you kinda sink in, get cozy, get comfortable, and then you drift off. I’m not able to make a podcast that puts you to sleep very fast or efficiently. It’s just not what I do, is…and it’s not whatever…it’s what never worked for me. When someone said, oh, you just do this and you fall right asleep, then I’d be up for hours. So, Sleep With Me is bringing you in for a landing. So, that’s what the intro…the secondary purpose the intro serves. You could always start the show at twenty minutes or twenty-two minutes if you want to skip the intro, or you could support the show on Patreon and listen to story-only episodes.

 

Those come out twice a week for $5 and up patrons. So, those are two options. But yeah, two or three percent of people skip ahead to twenty, twenty-two minutes. I think it went from two to three percent in the last few months that I’ve been mentioning it. So, that’s another one percent of people that are satisfied, maybe. So, that’s the intro. Then there’s business between the intro and the show. That’s how podcast business works. That’s called the mid-roll, and those are sponsors that help me bring you the show twice a week. You can always — when your hand hits the fridge tomorrow — say, oh, I’m gonna check out the sponsors because I was in bed on Scoot…on the website sleepwithmepodcast.com. But so, there’s business there, then there’s our story.

 

Apparently…I thought I was recording something else, but we’re gonna record…what is that? Rolls of My Life or something? These Are a Few of My Favorite Rolls? So, that should be interesting. So, I don’t know…we’ll be talking about that in some way tonight later. Then there’s thank-yous at the end of the episode. So, that’s the structure of the show. It serves a purpose, and I realize that a lot of people use Sleep With Me in a lot of different ways. So, some people listen all night, and for some people, that works for them. For some people, they feel like just because the show’s not designed to be listen to all night, it can be disruptive. We do design some things on Patreon to be listened to all night, just ‘cause it wouldn’t be sustainable on the free feed. But so, that’s an option if you listen to all-night. Or a lot of people set sleep timers.

 

Actually, it’s very cute; in our statistics I can see when…the percentage of people whose sleep timers…like, I can’t see…this is just generalized information, so I can’t see when your sleep timer went off, but I can see a percentage of people at thirty minutes, at forty-five minutes, and at sixty minutes kinda drop off. So, that’s cool. So, that’s a sleep timer. You could listen on your smart speakers via Pocket Casts or Google Podcasts or TuneIn, and then you could just tell your smart speaker to set a sleep timer. So, I don’t know what that tangent…but that’s the structure of the show. Then the reason I make the podcast is because I’ve been there. Tossing and turning? Yep. Mind racing? Yep. Trouble getting to sleep? Yep. Trouble staying asleep? Oh boy, last night I had that trouble.

 

I was able to…I’ve been talking about this #laying that…I was really…I had woke up…any time you wake up after 3:00 but before 6:00, that’s like a different kind of sleeplessness. The sleepness between 12:00 and…if you wake up between 12:00 and 4:00, that has one feel ‘cause it’s the deep, dark night, but this early…late dark night…or I don’t know what to call it. I’ll have to think up a term, but that kinda thing, that’s the worst for me, ‘cause I say, well, what am I gonna do now? It’s between 4:00 and 6:00. But I’ve been trying this #laying, and actually, it’s helping me have some more hope or faith in things, ‘cause really what I do is I say, well, I’m just gonna…you’ve heard me talk about it.

 

It kinda reminds me of…there was this show called Seinfeld that was really popular in the eighties or in the nineties, and there was a character, David Puddy. There was one time he was flying with his girlfriend Elaine somewhere, and he just sat in his seat and stared at the back of the seat in front of him. She said what…do you need a magazine? No, I’m just gonna sit here. You don’t need something to do? He goes no, I’m just gonna sit here. I’m good. That’s kinda what #laying is. You just lay there. It does take some practice, and luckily with meditation or mindfulness…but usually I’m not even meditating. I’m just saying, well, I’m just gonna lay here, see if I could be comfortable, think of something nice, and try to relax and not try to fall asleep. I’m just gonna lay here and see if I fall asleep, be comfortable, and stay relaxed.

 

I mean, that’s the key thing for me, is like, okay, let’s just…let’s stay relaxed here. It doesn’t always work. I don’t even know it works the majority of the time, but last night it did work and I said, wow. Then I woke up at the time I normally get up. So, what was my point? Oh, if you’re having trouble sleep…whatever you’re having trouble sleeping is, the reason…one of the main reasons I make the show is ‘cause I know how it feels and I know the frustration. I know the agony. I know the loneliness that can happen at certain hours or that are just…disappointment. I mean, that’s how I felt today. So, if I can help with that, it would be my honor because the thing is, you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve some rest so that you can live your life and you can live it more fully and it can be more manageable.

 

That’s what I want for you and if that happens, one, it gives my life purpose but two, it makes our world a better place. Now, incrementally, but it’s true. If you’re rested and a little bit better, my world’s a better place to be in, and knowing I can help with that is really an honor. Now, the flip side is I can’t do it for everybody, so give the show a few tries. If it doesn’t work for you though, there’s a…I have sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, and there’s other sleep podcasts on there you could check out, too. So, that’s another option. But you know, that’s why I make the show. I want you to get some rest and I’m glad you’re here. I really appreciate you checking the podcast out and taking the time. I work really hard, I yearn and I strive. I really hope I can help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple of ways I’m able to be here for you twice a week.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, things on your mind that you’re thinking about, so thoughts from the past, present, or future. It could be…so, feelings, any emotions coming up about the thoughts or that are just there. Could be physical sensations, could be changes in routine or time or temperature or work anticipation. Could be after something.

 

Sometimes…not a lot…I was gonna say a lot of times. I say, well, that’s probably not true. But a lot of times I’m processing…pre-processing or post-processing events. Like, I’m trying to think of an event that I could give you an example, but let’s just say there was a holiday called Mashed Potatoes Day and it was a actual…an important holiday and everybody would get together. You’d have…it wasn’t just about mashed potatoes, but that’s just what popped in my head. It was a big deal. You were supposed to eat with your family, okay? Let’s say that, or your family figures or people you’re close to. Or you could say, well, it was mashed…friends…mash it up. I don’t know. Not the greatest analogy, but that’s my job.

 

But sometimes I would get home from something like that and I’d say, okay, when…you know, and maybe I’m not even overthinking it, saying, oh boy, why did you say…candied yams? How about I sing the song from the Candyman? You say, that wasn’t even a joke. It was just…and I say, okay, well, I did it. People seemed to grin. But even if I didn’t do that…let’s say I just get home and I say, wow, that went pretty good. I’m gonna read my…I’m gonna do my bedtime routine and get in bed. Sometimes my…I’m still processing stuff, even of neutral things. I say, what…? That’s what I say; what are you doing processing that, brain and…or subconscious? My subconscious is always like, just…there’s a reason this door is locked. We don’t need you down here mucking around.

 

I’d say, well, I just…I know you’re…I thought that went pretty good though, so I just want to know if there’s anything I should be…no, we’re just…it’s just…we’re just processing stuff, Scoots. Why do you always gotta imagine there’s some other…? Down in the subconscious there are no ulterior motives. We’re just motivated down here. I say, wait a second, that totally makes sense to me. Up on the surface is where the motives become ulterior? We can’t explain it to you, but yeah. We’re just down here…when we say we’re processing things down here, that’s all we’re doing. It’s a non-binary function. We’re just processing. Are you saying if I come into your…? Can I…’cause I tried to get this door unlocked. If I come in here…so, there will be no all-or…is there any all-or-nothing thinking down here?

 

Hello? Hello? Oh, they walked away from the door, I guess. Oh sorry, I was in the middle of an analogy at the start of a sleep podcast? Oh boy, I forgot what the analogy was. I got lost. I tried to get into my subconscious there. Oh, but yeah, then I just say…then I’m tossing and turning. So, whatever’s keeping you awake…it could be any of those things or it could be something else. Could be something baffling or just unrelated. You could always let me know about it, too. But whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that. What I’m going to attempt to do is send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.

 

I’m gonna go off-topic as you’ve seen, get mixed up as you’ve witnessed, all to keep you company while you fall asleep. I’m trying to create a safe place where you feel comfortable not to…that’s the first level of comfort. Like, you say, I’m so comfortable I don’t even feel like I need to listen to you. I know you’re kinda barely making sense, and that’s nice, but…oh, if you’re new, welcome. I’m glad you’re here. That was the first thing I always like to point out to new listeners, is this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. You just kinda barely pay attention. That could take some getting used to. It’s not something that everybody…makes sense on the first try. Some people are waiting for the show to get…they say, when does the bedtime story get started, or when’s it get lulling and soothing?

 

I say, kinda…this is more…this show is more process-based, just like they said down there in the land where no motives are ulterior. Not that I buy that. I’ll tell you what, I don’t buy what they’re selling down there any…I mean, I do, but I never know it. It’s just…it must be like…my subconscious is one of those subscription services that renews that you don’t even know you’re subscribed to. It’s just always auto-renewing…it’s always influencing me, even…I say, what is…? I never thought about that. I say, wait a second, isn’t there a way to turn off that auto-renewal? They say, no, Scoots. You can’t do that. So…oh, so if you’re new, don’t really list…don’t pay me any mind, as my nana says. She lives…I think she lives down there. She seems to have ulterior motives.

 

Was it…what did…? I think I even mispronounced ulterior. But anyway, so, don’t listen to me. This podcast also doesn’t really put you to sleep. It’s more here to keep you company while you fall asleep, which is a little bit different in the sense that I’m only here to take your mind off of stuff so that you could drift off, or if you can’t sleep, I’m here to keep you company. So, I’m here to keep you company whether you listen to me or not or whether you need to or not. You could just fall asleep. It’s my job to just be here at your side, really, because that’s the other part of the show that’s important, is I know how it feels there in the deep, dark night. Tossing, turning, I’ve been there. I mean, last night, what did I say? I said, what are you processing? I’m trying to sleep over here. They say, Scoots, this is neutral processing.

 

We’re cleansing the neurons. I say, can you cleanse the neurons in a little bit quieter fashion? ‘Cause, I don’t know, it’s getting on my nerves. Talk about an accidental pun. Wow, I just walked into…that had to come from my subconscious. Sorry, I take it all back. I did not realize you had a sense of humor, subconscious, but I guess you really…we just witnessed some sort of synaptic miracle there. Oh wait, some part of my brain said, I don’t think synapses are nerves. I say, okay, well, either way, I’m on my last synapse. So…oh, don’t listen to me. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep…oh, ‘cause I know how it feels and I’d like to help if I can, and because your sleep is important. You getting the sleep you deserve and need is important.

 

If I can’t help you with that, there’s other sleep podcasts and stuff you could try at sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou…has a list of them. But yeah, give the show a few tries. See if it helps you, ‘cause if I can help or if you can get the rest you need some other way, our world’s gonna be a better place ‘cause your world’s a better place. The other thing that is a little bit different about this podcast other than me getting mixed up and trying to knock on the door of my subconscious…I say…I’ve tried other things, too. You know, the old…I’ve tried ruses. I say, yeah, this is Dr. Freud knocking. I’ve got…I’m trying to figure out if this is a cigar or not. They told me to come down here.  They said, is a cigar…where’s the cigar? In your…and I say, no, no, no, this is a sleep podcast. It’s behind my ear.

 

Nope, that’s a pen, Dr. Freud. Go back upstairs ‘cause we know it’s…oh, it’s not a cigar. You’re right. This is…Dr. Freud, I also have a bubble machine. Can you help me with that one? ‘Cause I can’t…I consulted everything I had. I couldn’t figure out why I keep having this bubble machine pop up. Because you need to take…you need to get cleaned up. Go upstairs, please. Oh, okay. So…oh, structure of the show can throw people off. So, the show starts off with a greeting so you feel welcome, then there’s listener support, then there’s support for the podcast. That fits our goals. I want you to feel welcome, I want you to have some extra access to resources, and I want this show to be free and come out regularly twice a week. Then there’s the intro. The intro’s around ten to twenty minutes long.

 

Some people feel like the intro and the business is combined, but the intro is separate. It’s a show within a show, in some sense, that you could skip, and two or three percent of people do. If you’ve listened a few times, I think it’s totally cool to skip the intro, but I don’t want you to miss out on this stuff. I mean, who would have known…? I mean, really…I guess I should have known my subconscious had some sort of sly sense of humor, but they snuck that joke right past me, or that pun. I mean, I can’t even think of puns. I guess I’m trying to…I guess I should just let that part of me process the…processing puns. But the intro is for regular listeners that listen to it as a chance to wind down before the story starts, to get comfortable, to do some sort of bedtime routine, and to kinda enter night mode slowly, ‘cause it’s not like a switch that you just turn on and off.

 

It’s something that you kinda gently ease your way into, at least in my experience and for the listeners that I hear from on a regular basis. You could do some sort of relaxing activity, you could get ready for bed, or you could be in bed getting comfortable. But so, that’s what the intro is here for. Then there’s business between the intro and the show. That’s just kind of podcast structure thing as a whole, and it’s…and that’s just part of the business that keeps the show free, coming out twice a week.

 

Then there will be our bedtime story. Tonight it’ll be our episodically modular series, Tales of Lady Witchbeard. She’s a…she’s great. She’s a witch, she’s a pirate, and she’s altogether awesome. Then the show ends with some thank-yous and goodnights. So, that’s the structure of the show, that’s why I make the show. Give it a few tries. See how it goes. I’m really glad you’re here. I really appreciate you checking the podcast out. I really work hard, I yearn and I strive, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Here’s a few of the ways I’m able to be here for you free twice a week. Thanks.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do, or alls you could do if you wish, is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. You don’t even have to get in bed; you could get comfortable in wherever…wherever you are, get comfortable. Or, you know what? I’ve been…I know people listen to podcasts and they’re in smaller seats. They call them coach seats. But I’ve been in those ones. You say, okay, well, whatever…wherever you are…I forgot where I was.

 

Get in bed, turn out…you know, even if you’re not comfortable and the lights are turned…last night I had somebody…I had a different situation going, so I had a light in the hall that was out of my control. So, whatever it is, I’d like…get in bed, turn out the lights, press…I’m gonna do the rest. Alls you need to do…oh no, then I said that. Get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play, or none of those. What did I say after that? This is how…this podcast is…it’s not a finely-oiled machine. It’s like a finely…here’s the thing with finely-oiled machines; you stop oiling them, what do you got? You got a machine soon not to be finely oiled, and that’s what just happened there. Get in bed, turn out the lights, and press…what I’m gonna do is send…is that what I say next? No.

 

What I’m gonna do is try to create a safe place. Well, I’ve never talked about finely-oiled machines before, or thought about the fact that it’s a very tentative…poor finely-oiled machines. I mean, it’s great that you’re finely oiled. What about a finally-oiled machine? How about some love for that? It said finally, I’m oiled. Like, the Tin Person was a bit like that. I don’t know if they were a machine or just a sentient collection of tin. But if they were a machine…some people say it was an autonomous…whatever, an auto…whatever that word is, autonamaton? I don’t know. I can’t say it. But you’d say, finally, I’m an oiled machine. But here’s the tangent I’m still stuck in; if you stop oiling a finely-oiled machine…don’t do it, please. If your machines are finely oiled, keep up the good work.

 

Or I’m sure engineers out there are saying, Scooter, don’t you understand that’s a grade of oil, finely? It’s a machine oiled with a oil that’s fine…a fine oil. Oh boy, a fine…sign me up. Where do I overpay for that? This machine is oiled with the finest oils from around the world. It’s a finely-oiled machine. What does it do? Looks good. What is this, a Sharper Image catalog? Did I call…did I accidentally call into a catalog in the middle of an intro for a Star Trek TNG episode? Oh, I didn’t even get the podcast started? What I’m gonna…what I’m gonna try to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever is keeping you awake. Sorry, new listeners. Old, regular listeners, long-term listeners, that was a real treat. Went off-topic twice. Well, first off, I got mixed up.

 

I don’t even remember what initially mixed me up, and then I got…oh, trying to rhyme something, right? Was that what happened? Then that whole finely-oiled machine came loose, came unglued. My finely-oiled machine came unglued. It turned out the…whatever. So, I’m gonna try to create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts at this point, it could be feelings, anything emotionally coming up for you, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature or routine. Whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that. What I propose to do is…or what I’m gonna try to do is send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones — oh, so creaky are my dulcet tones — pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.

 

So, I’m gonna…as you’ve already seen, I’m gonna go off-topic and get mixed up and misuse words, then say, wait a second, then indulge things that pop in my brain. I mean really, this is the first time I’ve ever had…I mean, at least that I can remember, which is usually the third or fourth time, that I would have ever thought about the pressure of finely-oiled machines…or just a underlying feeling. You say, well…I mean, especially if I owned it. They’d say, well, what am I gonna do when Scoots stops oiling me so finely? Here’s the flip side of it; it could be a really relaxing thing. You say, well, no, I’m not fully retired. I just finely oil…well, I got a route, drive around. The job’s fine. I oil machines. Oh boy, do I finely oil them. Then when I get there, they say finally. I’m finally oiled. Where do you get your oil?

 

Fileen’s…Fileen’s…formally known as Fileen’s Basement. Now it’s Finally Fine Oils. Fileen’s Fine…Finally…Finally You’re at Fileen’s Fine Oils. Oh, sorry, I was doing a sleep podcast. Oh, boy. So…oh, here’s the thing; if you’re new, I’ll tell you all the information you need to know right now. So, this podcast is very different. You’ve already gotten kind of a couple earfuls of that. Would you use a thimbleful…? That was…this would be a good situation to have thimbles, ‘cause you’d say, yeah, oh, just a thimbleful of oil. It’s so fine, you know? It has…it’s micro-oil. What does that even mean? Well, it’s in a thimble, so it’s a micro…it’s micro…we’re micro-dosing these machines. Oh, wait, are you oiling micro-machines? No, no, no. Well, I could, but…so, if you’re new, this podcast is very different.

 

Obviously you may be skeptical, you may be doubtful, you may be like, what is going on here? Even I am wondering that right now. At the same time, I’m one of the few podcasters that could talk about this stuff in a pointless way for hours on end. I mean, I could go back and redo the same…like, I still find it…I mean, I really think that’s what the machine would say; finally, where have you been? I’m finally oiled. I say, are you finely oiled or finally oiled? Finally I’m finely oiled. Fileen’s. That’s where I…you could get a shirt with a annual subscription to Finely Fileen’s. You get a shirt. It’s a shirt for machines, which is really just a kerchief that I wrote on. Okay, so, this podcast is just not for everybody taste-wise, but a couple things to know; I mean, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. Clearly you could see my qualifications.

 

So, it’s a podcast you just kinda…humor me. You don’t even need to humor; you just say, uh-huh, oh boy, really, Scoots? You could even do it that way. You’re kidding me. Uh-huh, uh-huh. You just…just like a friend or a child, I guess, is what…you’d say, okay…you just…you’re just kind of listening to me. You’re barely paying attention. So, it’s a podcast you don’t really pay attention to. It really doesn’t put you to sleep, either. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep. I’m here to be your bore-bae, your bore-bud, your bore-sib, your bore-bruh, your bore-bestie, and keep you company while you fall asleep, to take your mind off of stuff, and if you can’t sleep, if you can’t sleep at all, I’ll be here. That’s why the shows are about an hour, so you have plenty of time to drift off. You don’t have to worry.

 

But also if you can’t sleep, you say, well, Scoots is gonna be here, yeah. You could queue up episode after episode after episode if you need it. If you need me during the day, I’m here. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep. The reason I make the show? Well, one, I’ve been there, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting…I mean, clearly. You say, well, this…if this is what’s going through your brain when you’re working…you say, yeah, I dare to dream a little dream that I had a retirement where I finely oiled machines. So, this…oh, yeah, you’re…I’ve been there. That’s one of the reasons. I know how it feels in the deep, dark night. But the other reason is you’re important and your sleep is important.

 

If I could distract you and keep you company while you drift off, it would literally…it would really be my honor because it’ll make…if I can make your life a tiny bit better, this…that’s…really means a lot to me because I know how it feels on the other side.  If your life’s better, our world is a better place. Not everybody believes that, but I do, so that’s why I make the show. So, that’s that. Oh, structure can also throw new listeners off or regular listeners. The structure’s been the same for quite a few number of years, and more or less since episode maybe 150, generally we got the structure down. It starts with a greeting so you feel welcome and seen. Then there’s listener support, then there’s support for the show so the show can be free. Then there’s the intro.

 

The intro is around ten to twenty minutes long, where you just saw it; I go ahead, I try to talk about the podcast, and then I get distracted. It’s a show within a show. Some people think it’s the beginning of the show, but it’s also…like, our show really is…I mean, I would hope in some sense it’s beyond the time-space continuum because even though it’s the beginning of the show, it could be any part of the show, ‘cause it’s really just here to keep you company while you get comfortable. But the reason there’s a long intro is so that you can get eased into bedtime or you could get ready for bed. So, the intro kinda creates a nice bit of time that you could set aside to use however you wish. You could skip it. Two to three percent of people do that. You could be zooming off or drifting off right…there’s a percentage of people that do that.

 

But for most people, the intro eases you into bedtime or is something you listen to while you’re doing something else relaxing or getting ready for bed or getting comfortable. So, the new people kinda know, oh, this podcast is different and I probably…you might not like it the first few times you listen to it. The regular listeners go, oh, there goes Scoots. Went off-topic again, tried to start his podcast for the thousandth time, got distracted. So, that’s the intro. Then there’s business. Again, that’s how we keep the podcast going and free. Then there’s our bedtime story. Tonight it’ll be a discussion of an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation. Don’t worry if you’ve never seen it or you…you say…it’ll be very chill and indirect and relaxing. So, we’ll discuss that, and then there’s thank-yous.

 

So, that’s the structure of the show. That’s why I make the show. The only other piece of advice that comes up a lot is give the show a few tries, ‘cause it just takes a couple tries to realize…wait a second, it is just like he said. You don’t really listen to it and you don’t really fall asleep. You just wake up the next day. So, give it a few tries. Now, if you already know…you say, I just don’t…you know, if this podcast just isn’t for you, you already know, you have a taste in your mouth like, eh, this isn’t for me, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou has a list of other sleep podcasts.

 

‘Cause whether it works for you or not or whether you like me or the style of the show or not, your sleep is still important, so there’s other sleep podcasts out there for you. But for now, give it a few tries and see how it goes. If you’re like me and you’ve tried…you’ve had trouble your whole life, hopefully it can help you out. I’m really glad you’re here. I really hope and strive, and I really want to help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to do it for you twice a week for free.

 

[End of recording]

Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes

All Intros

 

Pool

https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2018/07/11/ode-to-the-motel-pool/

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/jan/07/ode-to-a-public-pool-we-love-our-pools-and-this-one-especially

https://www.crfashionbook.com/culture/g32632107/pool-history-travel-celebrity-home/

 

Sports Radio

https://www.vice.com/en/article/3dgdaj/how-radio-changed-baseball-fandom-forever

https://www.gq.com/story/vin-scully-is-a-legend-but-not-a-saint

https://beonair.com/history-of-sports-broadcasting

 

Mashed Potatoes

https://www.tricountyindependent.com/story/entertainment/holiday/thanksgiving/2021/11/15/delicious-and-simple-mashed-potatoes-thanksgiving-staple/6300566001/

https://thefoodweknow.com/the-real-history-of-mashed-potatoes/

https://www.mentalfloss.com/article/627023/mashed-potatoes-history

 

Oil Grades

https://services.us.totalenergies.com/engine-oil-viscosity-grades-explained

https://gomechanic.in/blog/car-engine-oil-grades-explained/

https://www.castrol.com/en_us/united-states/home/motor-oil-and-fluids/engine-oils/oil-viscosity-explained.html

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

What creature would Scoots be if he were in a fantasy world?

I’d be a mono-gnome

On my mantle lies a silent metronome

 

PLUGS

Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline

 

SPONSORS

Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; AquaTru; Talkiatry; Quince

 

INTRO

992

Tuck in the listener

Untuck the listener

Similarities between my dog and me

Next-Level Bantering

Sub-Bantering (Bantering on a submarine)

My favorite hobby? Having a tea party at the bottom of the pool

*Pretending to have a tea party

I hope I can fix the puzzle between you and sleep

That store kind of smelled like citrus melon

Recurring Topics

How many times can Scooter talk about Oscar the Grouch’s legs?

Going to sleep isn’t efficient

Star Trek: The Next Generation

Just got home from going somewhere for a week

A not great pillow or mattress

Koa’s rubbing smell into her bed

Massaging a bed with your head, shoulders, and back

Don’t email Scooter about normal dog behavior

Scooter’s sweet, sweet Helix

Greeting a bed like Koa

Listening to the Limbic System

Shift in a wild way

Tossing and turning for no purpose

 

STORY

993

I don’t know my BBDs from my BVDs

Flawed Logic at Best

The Children’s Play that never was

My role as a roll

One step above background noise

Scooter’s various different jobs

Raking leaves with my father

Playing sports on the radio

The King of ATM Machines

Bore on Demand

Barely entertaining since 2013

Gerbil-Based Beings (GBB)

Shoutout to the Pets

Explaining Sleep Timers

#laying, for when you wake up between 3 and 6 am

Explaining David Puddy

994

Pre-Processing or Post-Processing Events

Mashed Potatoes Day

National Potato Day is August 19

Why’d you bring candied yams to Mashed Potato Day?

There’s no ulterior motives down in the subconscious

Non-Binary Function (NBF)

Is there any All or Nothing Thinking down here? Hello?

Talking to your own brain

Trying to get into your own subconscious

When’s it gonna get lulling and soothing???

Down in the land where no motives are ulterior

An Auto-Renewing Subconscious

An Accidental Nerve Pun

Some Sort of Synaptic Miracle

I’m on my last synapse

Dr. Freud Knocking

Is that a cigar?

Dr. Freud, what’s the meaning of this bubble machine?

Some sort of Sly sense of humor

Entering Night Mode slowly

Processing Puns

Tales of Lady Witchbeard

995

Listening in Coach Seats

A Light in the hall out of Scooter’s Control

Here’s the thing with finely oiled machines

Finally Oiled Machine

Finally, I’m Oiled

Please, keep oiling your machines

Grades of Oil

My finely oiled machine came unglued

The Oiled Machine no longer oiled

Finally, Filene’s Fine Oils

A good situation for thimbles

We’re microdosing these machines, and no, they’re not Micro Machines

I dared to dream a little dream where I finally oiled finely oiled machines

A very chill, indirect discussion of TNG tonight

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1458

Title: Dog Bed Greeting | All Intros 992 – 995

Plugs: Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline

Sponsors: Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; AquaTru; Talkiatry; Quince

Notable Language:

• 992
• Next-Level Bantering
• Sub-Bantering
• Listening to the Limbic System
• 993
• Flawed Logic at Best
• Bore on Demand
• Gerbil-Based Beings (GBBs)
• #laying
• 994
• Pre and or Post Processing
• Non-Binary Function (NBF)
• Alterior
• Some Sort of Synaptic Miracle
• Ruse
• 995
• Finally Oiled Machine
• Finally, I’m Oiled
• Finally, Filene’s Fine Oils

 

Notable Culture:

• • 992
  • The Music Man
  • Oscar the Grouch

• Star Trek: The Next Generation

• • 993
  • Bell Biv Devoe
  • “My Favorite Things”
  • Seinfeld

• 994

• • Thanksgiving
  • “Candy Man” song
  • Sigmund Fredu
  • Tales of Lady Witchbeard
  • 995
  • Tin Man / The Wizard of Oz
  • Sharper Image

• Star Trek: The Next Generation

• Filene’s Basement
• Micro Machines

 

Notable Talking Points:

• • 992
  • Tuck in the listener
  • Untuck the listener
  • Similarities between my dog and me
  • Next-Level Bantering
  • Sub-Bantering (Bantering on a submarine)
  • My favorite hobby? Having a tea party at the bottom of the pool
  • *Pretending to have a tea party
  • I hope I can fix the puzzle between you and sleep
  • That store kind of smelled like citrus melon
  • Recurring Topics
  • How many times can Scooter talk about Oscar the Grouch’s legs?
  • Going to sleep isn’t efficient
  • Star Trek: The Next Generation
  • Just got home from going somewhere for a week
  • A not great pillow or mattress
  • Koa’s rubbing smell into her bed
  • Massaging a bed with your head, shoulders, and back
  • Don’t email Scooter about normal dog behavior
  • Scooter’s sweet, sweet Helix
  • Greeting a bed like Koa
  • Listening to the Limbic System
  • Shift in a wild way
  • Tossing and turning for no purpose
  • 993
  • I don’t know my BBDs from my BVDs
  • Flawed Logic at Best
  • The Children’s Play that never was
  • My role as a roll
  • One step above background noise
  • Scooter’s various different jobs
  • Raking leaves with my father
  • Playing sports on the radio
  • The King of ATM Machines
  • Bore on Demand
  • Barely entertaining since 2013
  • Gerbil-Based Beings (GBB)
  • Shoutout to the Pets
  • Explaining Sleep Timers
  • #laying, for when you wake up between 3 and 6 am
  • Explaining David Puddy
  • 994
  • Pre-Processing or Post-Processing Events
  • Mashed Potatoes Day
  • National Potato Day is August 19
  • Why’d you bring candied yams to Mashed Potato Day?
  • There’s no ulterior motives down in the subconscious
  • Non-Binary Function (NBF)
  • Is there any All or Nothing Thinking down here? Hello?
  • Talking to your own brain
  • Trying to get into your own subconscious
  • When’s it gonna get lulling and soothing???
  • Down in the land where no motives are ulterior
  • An Auto-Renewing Subconscious
  • An Accidental Nerve Pun
  • Some Sort of Synaptic Miracle
  • I’m on my last synapse
  • Dr. Freud Knocking
  • Is that a cigar?
  • Dr. Freud, what’s the meaning of this bubble machine?
  • Some sort of Sly sense of humor
  • Entering Night Mode slowly
  • Processing Puns

• Tales of Lady Witchbeard

• 995
• Listening in Coach Seats
• A Light in the hall out of Scooter’s Control
• Here’s the thing with finely oiled machines
• Finally Oiled Machine
• Finally, I’m Oiled
• Please, keep oiling your machines
• Grades of Oil
• My finely oiled machine came unglued
• The Oiled Machine no longer oiled
• Finally, Filene’s Fine Oils
• A good situation for thimbles
• We’re microdosing these machines, and no, they’re not Micro Machines
• I dared to dream a little dream where I finally oiled finely oiled machines
• A very chill, indirect discussion of TNG tonight