1449 – Mechanical Music Man | Checking Into Boredom Ep 2

Episode 1449 – Mechanical Music Man | Checking Into Boredom Ep 2

 

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for a podcaster and a podcast that’s here to keep you company and ideally to bring you sleepy joy and delight in the deep, dark night, to be here hanging out with you, ideally to change your relationship with sleep. Or, I don't…I was trying to think of something grand to say, but it’s just grand to have you here, really. I hope you could hear it in my voice. Even when I try…I say, this is gonna be the best intro ever, and then it didn't quite materialize. I wanted to make a grand gesture on your behalf, because that’s how much helping you in the deep, dark night means to me. I want to bring you sleepy joy and delight 'cause that’s what brings me sleepy joy and delight in the deep, dark night, is keeping you company, taking your mind off of stuff, and helping you fall asleep. It means so much to me, and I’ll talk more about it here coming up. But welcome to the show if you're new, you're coming back after a break, or you just visit whenever you need the show, or you listen to like eight, ten episodes a night, so you're in the thousands and thousands of episodes.

 

I’m glad you're here. What we got coming up is support, and paying for the show is optional. It’s only for those rebels who get the most out of the podcast and decide ‘I love this free podcast so much I’m gonna pay for it’. So, if you're new or you only listen occasionally or you're not in a place where supporting the show is something you're interested in or you can’t do, don't worry. We got you, me and all those other sweet, sweet rebels out there. After that will be a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime, and then later on will be our second series…our second episode in our episodically modular series which doesn't have a title yet as of this recording, but it will when you see it. Something about something. I don't know. Oh boy, is it full of meanders. So, I’m glad you're here. If you're new, welcome. Welcome back. If you're the kind of person whose life has been changed by this podcast and you're feeling like, my life has been so positively impacted by this show I want to do something about it, I want to rebel against…you could either check out these sponsors or support the show directly, and that act will not just keep the show going for you but everybody else that listens. Thanks.

 

Intro: Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, thoughts on your mind, thoughts about the past, the present, the future, thoughts that are just appearing there, it could be feelings, anything coming up for you emotionally, feelings from those thoughts or left over from the day or about something coming up, it could be physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, routine, maybe you're traveling, maybe your work schedule changed, maybe you have guests, maybe you’re just in the middle of something really tough, you're going through it. Well, I’m glad you're here.

 

The only reason I run through some of the stuff or list some of the stuff that may or may not be impacting your sleep is so you get a sense of who else is listening and that you're in pretty good company. Whether one of those things; thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, trouble waking up early brought you here or something else did, not only do I want to help out in this unique way we make the show, but there’s thousands of people right now across the world rooting for you. I know some part of you — if you're anything like me — might want to brush that off or say it’s not real or that it doesn't matter, but there are caring people thinking fondly of you. You're like, yeah, they don't know me, though. Right, but they know what it’s like at bedtime for them.

 

Some of them have been through something probably pretty similar to whatever it is that did bring you here, and everyone wants something a little bit better for you if it’s possible, and that’s not to put any pressure on this, 'cause this show is indirect and may not even work for you. But the thing we all agree on is…I laugh at this but it’s just true; it’s like, well, I’d prefer bedtime to not be what it’s like been…I don't know, is that a complete sentence? What it’s been like my whole life, and I’d prefer something a little bit different, ideally something that’s easier, and that’s what I believe. That’s what drives me to keep making this show, is that I do believe you deserve a good night's sleep, a bedtime you don't have to dread, a bedtime without rigmarole, maybe even a bedtime you could look forward to or at least feel neutral about or know that somebody is trying to bring sleepy joy and delight to your bedtime. I may not get there, right, but it’s the act of trying to get there.

 

The fact that there’s this indirect caring going on and that we're this community gathered together but spread apart…and most of us maybe prefer it that way. You say, okay, at a distance, as Bette Midler may or may not have sang, or may or may not have meant. Say, oh boy, am I comfortable at a distance from…company at a distance; that’s a introvert’s dream. But it is true that there’s other people rooting for you right now, and they got to the show at some point in their life, and then they tried it out, and it took a couple times, probably, to get used to the show…and said, man, I didn't know there was something out there like this that could help me in this strange way this show helps by just hanging out with me, not trying to put me to sleep but being here for me. Now they're doing that for you, and it’s a two-way thing. You could root for other listeners right now or down the road. But that fills you up a little bit, too. You can receive and give or you could just receive right now.

 

But it could feel good, and it could feel as subtly good as you want, right? You say, eh, not right now. I’m holding my…one of my fuzzy bears. I say, okay, that’s pretty sweet, too. So, that’s why I make the show, because if you get the rest you need on a regular basis, your life’s gonna be more manageable, and ideally you can be out there in the world flourishing. If you're in the world flourishing, which means you're in the world being yourself and comfortable being yourself, that means our world is truly a better place to be in, because we need you in it. I get to be a subtle, distant part of that magic. It means a lot to me. Now, the way the show…so, that’s the foundation of the podcast and the earth beneath the podcast. But the way the show works is a little bit more silly and goofy. I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, which means my voice is not traditionally soothing.

 

You say, okay, it’s not traditionally soothing, he goes off topic, he gets mixed up, he forgets what he was talking about, he tries…I don't want to brag, but I guess this is kind of a brag; I don't think anyone…I can almost guarantee no one on planet Earth — okay, I’ll even brag a little bit more, and it is something to be proud of only because I do it in a playful way — has misquoted Bette Midler songs than me. If there was a world record for…or a mis-meaning or mixing up a song…when I went to school and part of the belief system I was raised in, we sang a song. I mean, I’d definitely hold a record for that. On Eagle’s Wings is not…I'm not even positive in this moment. I say, wait, is that a Bette Midler song or the song we sang as kids? I think a song that we sang as kids. Now, I may not have always made that error on the podcast, but within my mind I’m pretty sure…I mean, it’d be great…if somebody else has the record, that’d be cool, too, 'cause I’d be like, wow.

 

Just like with this podcast, it’s like, I’m not alone. Somebody else is constantly misquoting Bette Midler. But I just…it’s not a…I guess it’s not a skill. If you do something over and over again, though, I guess it becomes a skill. I don't think it’s the kind of thing that anyone would say, did you ever know you're my hero? I say, what about me is heroic? Go ahead, tell me more. They say…oh, you're misquoting Bette Midler. I’m one of…I'm her rebellious nephew, so…oh. Well, I don't necessarily do it to annoy Bette Midler, 'cause she doesn't…I mean, I don't know…she may every once in a while be out doing acts of kindness. Then she’s like, wait a second…kinda in Star Wars or something. It’s like, there’s some sort of disturbance. I forgot that I also invented an app that was never actually invented. This was probably ten years ago. This is a pointless meander, by the way. I didn't even mean to stumble into it…but an app called Midler. It was way back in our Game of Drones episodes.

 

It was for…it was another positive…it was a positive outlet app. I don't know many of the details 'cause…I also misquote my own podcast. So, it’s not exclusively Bette Midler. But I was just thinking of things worthy of world records. Misquoting your own podcast, that’s very niche, you know? Where most people know who Bette Midler is and are familiar, and they maybe even…a few people chuckled when they said, did you ever know you're my hero? Well, I don't know if I want to be the hero of Bette Midler’s rebellious nephew. No offence, because maybe you're misreading my…oh, you're just kidding. Oh, you're not Bette Midler’s rebellious nephew. Oh, it was a test. Okay, well, I guess I passed, then. Well, I guess…I mean, this…okay, another…I don't know if this is a world record, but am I the only person who has an internal nephew of Bette Midler who is a little bit mischievous and rebellious, but also who probably needs some love and caring, which is kinda what I’m here to provide indirectly?

 

So yeah, my voice is not traditionally soothing, there is a bit of nonsense in this show, but it’s friendly banter, harmless banter, maybe a little bit with a flavor of rebellious nephew, but all done in love, or just…I mean, I have love in my heart, but also my brain just produces these meanders and I try to follow them and see where they go. Right now I’m trying to get out of that one to explain…when you first get to the show, if this is your first time, your second time listening, this show is…I mean, obviously, especially with this…this is pretty close to a normal intro, but you must be like, what is going on here? That’s a normal reaction. In fact, most people’s reactions are a little bit stronger than that; I don't think I like this show. I thought this was a sleep podcast. What am I even listening to? Why wouldn't you be skeptical or doubtful? One, if you're anything like me and all the other listeners, you've spent a lot of time, energy, and money on stuff to help you fall asleep, or anything, or you just…so, that’s one reason.

 

Why wouldn't you be skeptical, doubtful, or frustrated? Then, two, you probably…when you saw a sleep podcast or however you discovered this show, you probably had some reasonable expectation of what a sleep podcast would be, and maybe it’s based on the archetypal idea of a calming voice or a bedtime story for children or something a little bit more meditative, and this show is very different than that. So, that’s why I say give it a few tries. This is not a brag because it’s…but I’ve probably gotten over a million e-mails over the past thirteen years…maybe that’s not mathematically possible, but it might be. But I’ve gotten a lot of e-mails where people said, hey, it took two or three tries for me to get used to the show. Now I listen every night. You've changed my life, but the first time I strongly disliked you and the show. But I said, hey, I haven't been sleeping, so let me give it another try. Then on the second time I said, huh, what is going on here?

 

Then on the third try I fell asleep, and maybe I dreamed of a flying Bette Midler taking me away and singing to me, or maybe something else. I don't know, I woke up. I had no idea what he was talking about. If you live here, you'd say, Midler Ave? There’s a street called Midler Ave. It’s spelled…I believe it’s spelled differently, but…but you say, he was talking about Midler Ave? No…I don't know what he was talking about, but…that could be a nickname for anybody…this is a total…what do you call it when you're…? Not placating but when you're…let’s just…what if we nicknamed Broadway Midler Ave? What is that called when you're trying to please somebody without…? I forgot. It’s not placating, but it’s some other word exactly like that. But that’s what I was just doing there. But it’s true, maybe. You'd say, huh, interesting proposal. Okay, so…oh, most people don't like the show when they get here. So, give it a few tries. See how it goes.

 

Now, if it doesn't work out or you're already certain you don't like me or I’m not your cup of tea or we're not a fit, that’s totally okay. Most people don't like me or the show, and that’s good news 'cause I’ve done this so long, I have a website set up so you don't have to worry about it. Just go to sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, and you answer two or three questions to get you to the right place, and it’ll bring you to a list of sleep podcasts and other sleepy stuff so you still find something that might help you get the rest you need and you deserve, 'cause I still believe you should get some rest, that you deserve a good night's sleep. So, check that out, but otherwise give it a few tries, see how it goes. One of the other things that takes some getting used to is that this is a podcast, right?

 

Traditionally podcasts are something you listen to and you pay attention to, or maybe you learn from or you're swept away, an audio fiction, or you're following a story or you're hanging out with people…aspirationally…like, oh wow, I get to hang out, and these people are really funny and they're insightful, or, oh, they're talking about something, a show or a book or something I love, too. Oh, this is great. This is not like…so, this is a podcast but it’s a podcast you could just barely listen to, kinda like background noise, a TV on in the other room, a show streaming under your pillow, or some other form of audio or audio video that you’ve repurposed. You're like, well, that’s…that kinda is like the professor or the conference or my friend, so I kinda listen to that. This is meant to be evocative of that. But intentionally I’m here to hang out with you versus…just like if you had a friend that was available seven nights a week. You say, hey, could you talk to me about nothing for a while?

 

Sure, but make sure there’s something there. Don't talk to me about just nothing. I need it to be engaging enough…I could pay attention to it but I don't need to pay attention to it, but I won't be listening to you, but I might listen to you, but I’m not paying attention but I could pay attention if I want to. Do you understand? Now, you'd need a friend…and maybe somebody like Jeff Lebowski might fit that. They’d be like, cool, man. The only thing with Jeff Lebowski — that’s a fictional character from a film — is that he may fall asleep or he may not stay to task. But his spirit would be like, yes. He’d say, oh, I’ll give it…seven nights a week, man? I got you. Or, yeah, I guess I could have been…I could have…my path was carrying me in more of…I don't think I would have stopped at two or three White Russians, but…so, for me, I would have nodded off. But yeah, so, I’m here to hang out with you, I guess, but it’s kinda like, yeah, a out-of-focus picture, sand passing through your hands.

 

So, that takes some getting used to. There’s also the fact that this is a sleep podcast. I’m not here to put you to sleep. There is no pressure to fall asleep with this show. I’m gonna be here over an hour, right around an hour, so there’s no pressure to fall asleep. You don't gotta be like, what is…what if the show ends in ten minutes? Do I gotta be asleep in twenty minutes? No, there’s…the show’s over an hour. There’s 600+ shows ready to go for you as you start to listen, then you could pick the ones that work best for you and make playlists or whatever you like to do in your podcast app. But no pressure to fall asleep, because there’s people listening who can't sleep at all, who need a break during the day, who need a break in the middle of the night, who need something to listen to at work, whatever it is. I’m here to the very end for them and for you, whether you're awake or asleep, whether you're listening or not. I’ll be here, 'cause my job is to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your Borebowski.

 

I never thought about that one. I’m your, I don't know, Big Borebowski? I don't know, that doesn't quite work, but it kinda…it has alliteration. Big Borebowski. Your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your neighbore, your borebie, your boreman, your Boris Borelaf, your chairman of the boreds. Hopefully I’ll remember that one, but it’ll probably be like…so, I record this episode in February. It comes out in May, maybe. So, then if you remind me of May…then, yeah, in the fall of…I'll try to remember it, though, Big Borebowski. Anyway, where were we? Yeah, I’m here to be your best bore-friend f’eva, to just keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep. The other thing I like to run through really quick at the beginning of the show for new listeners — even though it’s not the beginning of the show, right? We're twenty-five minutes in — is the structure of the show and why we structure the show in the way we do.

 

The main reason we do it is…this version of the podcast, if you're listening to the listener and ad-supported, free version of the show, it benefits the most amount of people we’ve ever seen, because it’s available to everybody and people like the structure. But there are other ways to listen that I’ll run through. But we…everything works in support of that, the most amount of people that can benefit from the show. So, the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so everybody feels seen and welcomed in. You say, okay, I could check that out. I guess even initially you might get a idea of the tone, and people might be like, eh, that’s already not for me. Okay, but you're still welcome here to check it out. Then there’s support so that paying for the show is optional, because a lot of people only listen while they're going through something, or they check out the show for a little while while they need it, and…or they're just…so, those people get to benefit from the show versus when the people that benefit the most from it support it back, I guess.

 

So, that’s what the support is about, is making sure the show is here for everybody. Then…and if you decide you just don't like ads or something, you could get that for a reasonable price on Sleep With Me+ or if you love the show, like it’s changed your life. Otherwise don't worry about it. Then after the support is a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime. While I follow a familiar structure every time, I also go off topic in a slightly different way every time, though there are familiar themes that come up, or distractions, but I always try to…well, it always is a fresh take on it 'cause my mind can only retain so much. So, then, yeah, I’m here…and you say, well, why…what do you mean, ease you into bedtime? Why can't you just introduce the podcast, or why don't you run one of those regular intros like a show does and then just start the story? Great question, really. I believe that for most people, getting eased into bedtime and winding down is important, 'cause that’s what worked for me.

 

It works for me now 60%, 70% of the time. I’ve seen…I've read a lot about sleep over the years, and that’s what seems to work, is having a nice bedtime routine you could look forward to. So, this show ideally becomes a part of that, and the intro is a part of it whether you're in bed getting comfortable, you're getting ready for bed, you're winding down, you're doing some chill activity, and you're listening to the show. If you fall asleep during the intro, it’s not so much meant to put you to sleep, but you could…if you fall asleep to the intro every night, please consider supporting the show. But if you fall asleep or you prefer…you don't like the intro or the transitions, we have a version of the show that just has the stories, and that is a much smaller group of people that works for, but if that’s what works for you, just the stories, that’s great. But what I’ve found is that, yeah, this kinda works. It’s the community part of the show.

 

It’s kinda like a sleepover or something like that where we all gather together, and we're reassured we're not alone in the deep, dark night and that we're going through this together, really, and that’s the truth, and that there is some positive force by just rooting for one another in the deep, dark night and thinking, you're not alone out there. I’m here, too. That’s powerful, powerful, but lightly powerful. That’s the kind of power that’s perfect for bedtime, light, kind power. So, yeah, that’s why…but yeah, the intro is, yeah, a buffer between being awake and asleep, then there will be another round of support, and then it’ll be our episodically modular bedtime story. It’s the very second episode, but you can listen to them in any order. These ones are particularly episodically modular. Yeah, all told I’ll be here over an hour. Myself and a team of people work on the show. We really believe, we yearn and strive, we really want to help you fall asleep. So, thank you so much for coming by, and if this podcast has changed your life and continues to change your life for the better, and you feel like you're a rebel paying…you say, man, this podcast has changed my life so much, I’m gonna rebel and pay for it or I’m gonna rebel and support a bunch of sponsors, these are the ways you could do that. Thanks.

 

Alright everybody, this is Scoots here, and this is another episode of our episodically modular series that at the time of this recording still doesn't have a title. By the time it comes out, it will. I mean, the episodes kinda have titles or potential titles, but the series, what I would title it, I don't know if it’ll work. But maybe I’ll ask…maybe it ends up the title works. I’ll ask everybody on Sleep With Me+ first, I guess. That’s a great idea. What do you think of this title? So…of the series? So, this is a very episodically modular series. If you're new to the show, welcome. This is one of the original things we’ve done since the very beginning of the podcast that we’ve refined over the years, and we try to change things up a little bit. This is a new series, and episodically modular means you can listen to it in any order. That’s the modular part.

 

Episodic means ideally every episode is somewhat to 90% to 80% to 50% to 99% self-contained or has a beginning, middle, and end you could sleep through, though they do tend to have a season that’s related…though as of now, this is one of our most, if not our…well, a couple holiday series we’ve done have been like this, where it’s very, very episodic, and it’s based on some archetypal stuff, popular stuff over the past thirty years. So, you could listen to it. Basically, I’m trying to think what I need to do to set it up, the episodically modular part. So, this is the second episode we're recording, but you can listen to it in any order. It features a main character who is in the same…very similar business to what I’m in, very loosely based on Scooter or influenced by Scooter or maybe somebody that got their idea from this podcast and started their own business through it, or got involved.

 

So, they're a bedtime…the main character is a bedtime storyteller, and they work at a chain of hotels called The Hotel and then the location of The Hotel. The Hotels tend to be…it’s a up…it’s a pretty up…it sounds like it’s pretty upscale; refurbished buildings or repurposed buildings, ideally with iconic architecture, maybe older buildings. So far it hasn't taken place in the US, but if it was in the US, it would usually be in the second or third-biggest or fourth-biggest city in a state, not the biggest city. Maybe not even the second-biggest city. Just as part…it’s just part of it. Every…this is not part…this is part of the set-up but not part of the series; each of The Hotels is not only a place for people to stay and enjoy themselves, but they do offer a lot of extra services to their clientele, and in a vague way, The Hotel…each hotel has a hotel detective, who normally would say, oh, I left my shoes in my room, I can't find my reading glasses. Normally they would help the guests with that, but this person…they go by Sundries Supervisor.

 

They also serve some greater purpose, and these hotels serve some greater purpose that’s mysterious. We don't really know a lot about it, and we don't really need to know too much about it other than instead of just telling bedtime stories, the main character’s also somewhat involved in this, this greater purpose, which is normally solving a mystery. That would be what…just like Miss Marple or Lady Marple would do, solving or…one of the great Angela Lansbury characters, or anyone else, they would normally be the ones actively solving it. Scooter and anyone based on me or influenced by me, they're probably better off in more of a…what is the word I’m looking for? An adjacent role. They're not the main person solving the mystery, and they may not even be the main sidekick of the mystery-solver. But they say, hey, could you do…could you keep…? They’re basically gathering clues. So, telling a bedtime story…in this case it’s personalized because it’s a very upscale hotel.

 

The invited clientele are some of the people that get to stay there. So, they have a staff bedtime story. Also collects clues for some greater purpose. But you know who serves…you know who’s…puts the purpose in greater and the greater in purpose? He’s greater than the sum…he is the sum of the…I wish the sum of my parts added up to him, because holy cow, he’s our Hollywood announcer. Comes all the way to Central New York just to record this audio because he loves the listeners, he loves people so much, he loves helping out so much. He comes on renewable…stored renewable energy by means…I wish there was a way to have a Maglev train. He’s laughing at that. But I say, it’d be convenient for him 'cause he’s a busy guy. We work…we do work…now I’m a little bit more flexible since I’m further away, though I don't know if he has really a home base. He’s one of those people…he’s at home everywhere.

 

Wherever he is, there…wherever he are, there he is, and that’s…in this case that’s a triple reassurance. Also, you're assured to have some audio when he’s around, because his gravitas is audible. It’s not like grinding. Well, it is to me, because I gotta make sure we get clean audio 'cause I make a sleep podcast. I say, huh, there’s some sort of sound coming off you again. He’s like, you gonna to scan me with your microphone? I say, yeah, no, I don't need…I mean, if my microphone had…I just want to figure out where this…I say, is it…who shined your shoes, Magneto or something? Because there’s something coming off of there. He just shrugs. I shine my shoes. Okay, well, were you playing some sort of character with superpowers or super….? Well, yeah. You don't have to play a character with super-charisma. But I say, okay, could you…? Thank you for removing your shoes. Could you remove your shoes…?

 

I don't have any kind of soundproof room for your shoes or for you to stay in, but so glad…these are the kind of luxury problems I have, though. I say…I mean, I just want…I just like to inform the listeners that it’s not all gravitas I’m dealing with. There is some work behind the scenes, to try to say, huh…I guess he’s more than the sum of his parts. I even…experts have constantly messaged me on his behalf. It’s not possible for there to be audible…shoes can't make ambient sounds when they're not…well, okay. Your opinion, I guess. There is no…gravitas is not a tang…oh, okay, it’s not a tangible…well, I guess we’ll agree to disagree. Well, it’s not tangibly audible. Okay, well, I guess we’ll agree to…you know, I can accept that you believe that as a expert in…an audiologist? Okay. Professional…yeah, I mean, I’m just telling you my experience recording a sleep podcast in his presence, and that I can hear it. It’s just my job.

 

Your job may be to point out the things…you're making me aware of the things you're aware of. I’m just trying to make Antonio aware that he is the greatest Hollywood announcer from the Greater Los Angeles Area, our Hollywood announcer, and a man I’m happy that I’m gonna play a game with later, 'cause I got a couple new options, Mr. Antonio Banderas. Hah, thank you, Scooter. All the audio…I just pulled a Scooter there. To all the audiologists out there, Scooter’s doing his best. Friends beyond the binary, the ladies, the gentlemen, the boys, the girls, it’s time to go to ze hotel and get sleepy. Yeah. Thanks, Antonio. That won't be the name of the…just to be clear, that was just your…that was a very good flourish, and thank you for not saying the word. I say, well, is it a good word? But he shrugged again. Yeah, he’s gonna lie down now and attempt to not move or make a sound, even though he’s smiling, which makes…I think he’s causing a sound within me. But that’s Mr. Antonio Banderas, and this is our new series that takes place at The Hotel.

 

Well, hello, everyone. Thank you. I’m your narrator, and we're gonna pick up the story, actually, right in the Sundries Supervisor’s office. But I did want to give you a little bit of information of where we are and those kind of things. So, we are in Belgium. This hotel is known, as Scooter had said…if you were in Albany, New York, it’d be The Hotel Albany. This hotel is The Hotel Job Nottebohm, which is kinda two locations, or the name of the chateau that was remade into The Hotel. If we pull into The Hotel and then pull past, it’s a beautiful chateau used in other productions. Very filmic for a time unoccupied, but now occupied by guests, a calm place, and at a distance intriguing. You'd say, I’d like to go there and see what’s inside. But when you first go in, you expect to enter a home, but now you enter an upscale hotel lobby, not modern, though.

 

Behind the old-schoolish hotel check-in desk with the little nooks for keys or notes or letters, there’s a doorway, and in that…through that doorway is a hallway, and down that hallway are a series of offices, and at the end of the hall is a door labelled Sundries Supervisor, which at this point we know is code for…they're also the sleepy storytellers supervisor. As we enter the office, the Sundries Supervisor does seem a little bit exasperated, and we catch them just beginning or starting a conversation. Okay, I’m sorry, why…? You can't check in to The Hotel under a name that you haven't registered under. We’ve been discussing this. Can't you just check in at the same name every single time, or does the name you check in even matter? Yeah, it matters to me. It does. Yeah, thank you. It does matter to me. Okay, but you can't…Malaise is not a…it’s even confusing…it’s just confusing. The whole thing is to not bring attention to yourself at this juncture. But Malaise is not…it’s not even a nickname.

 

Malaise Malaise is actually…it actually is; I use it as a name at renaissance festivals and when I’m referring to my chips, my potato crisps. Yeah, but that’s…it’s either a word or a nonsense word. I’m sorry, I just…it really isn't…I mean, it is you but it’s not you, and I realize your method is to bring…you know, or it seems like your method is to do this attention-seeking…okay, I guess…huh. Okay, let me just refocus. So, let’s just go over what we need your help with, okay? Because…and I guess maybe this is…I may…I apologize. How about that? Your apology is accepted. Okay, well, so you don't need me to explain my apology? No. I mean, I’m…I'll take it. I’ll take any apology I can. Okay, well, I’m just under a lot of…because this particular mission is very important, and we cannot have you…how do I put this? Putting any undue concern in the client or anyone else’s purview. This is about as…there’s also an immediacy, and there is some sort of…I do have…been working with some…there is a personal connection, but we need clues, okay?

 

Oh, do you mind me asking what the personal connection is? Is it to the client? No. It’s Agent IR. Agent IR? Like infrared? No, not infrared. That’s not on the table. I’m sorry, Agent…? I’ve never heard of Agent IR. Agent…is that a nonsense word? Kinda reminds me of the game StarCraft. They don't say IR, but ‘reporting for duty’; I could say that to you. I do get your StarCraft references, so that’s I guess a common ground. I do like StarCraft, too. You like StarCraft II or you, too, like StarCraft? I, too, probably spent way too much time playing StarCraft at one point in my life. Agent IR…so, you don't know about…? I thought you were hoping to become an agent at some point. Yeah, yeah, no, but with a nickname. I just didn't know…well…and now you almost had me saying infrared. Iridium; Agent Iridium. 77192.22. Iridium…okay. So, Agent Iridium or Agent 67? 192? Okay, Agent Iridium, IR…so not…wait, did you say 77192.22? See? I can remember things. Okay, never mind those.

 

Don't worry about the numbers. So, this case is a very, very warm case, and Iridium was on this case. So, the client has been under observation by Agent Iridium. She has not had…well, as far as we know, she hasn't been in direct contact with the client. I mean, I would love…so, what elements are open on the table? It’ll be a while for you, so I wouldn't…I guess if you could focus on this case, it’d be the best bet. Okay, so, the…so, Agent Iridium has been in touch with the client? No, has not been in touch. The client’s name…the client likes to go by Ronnie, and that’s a -ie Ronnie. Thank you; I saw your face was gonna ask that. Ronnie has…this is why…I've gotta give you all this information. I’m just a little bit hesitant. I’ve just heard about working with you, so I’m trying to be in the moment and use my training. So, Iridium has been watching Ronnie and may or may not have had secondary contact. Ronnie is the first person we know of that has been contacted from over there.

 

Wait, Ronnie’s been contacted from over there? When he was over there or when he was over here? Or…yeah, Ronnie has been contacted. We don't have any knowledge of Ronnie being over there, but we do have a general sense…well, we don't know because we’ve lost touch with Agent Iridium. But in her last few reports, she had a full confirmation Ronnie was in contact from someone from over there. Fairly certain. She was attempting to get a full confirmation or hard proof. So, we don't have 100% confirmation. Do you know what or who or whom? No, and we don't know why or what they…we don't…yeah, we don't have a lot of information because…well, where’s Agent Iridium? We don't know that, either. I mean, it does…our job is not to ask why, but there’s a lot of whys I’m…yeah, why now? Why would they contact this Ronnie, who is your client? So, we’ll just go through some of that info. Ronnie’s getting ready to relocate to this area professionally.

 

I’ll let Ronnie kinda fill you in, or as a part of your process of what business they're in, why they're here, though I will tell you…you probably noticed there’s a big festival going on, and Ronnie’s going to be performing as part of that festival tomorrow night, and that is a part of why they're having trouble…he’s having trouble sleeping. But I suspect that this contact is also part of it. He does not seem to know that he is in contact; that was another part of…the reports are very vague and I can't share them with you, but he could really use sleep tonight before the show tomorrow. He is…we did have an appointment set, so he is gonna be waiting for you in the lobby to take you through some of the festival that’s happening on the street tonight that starts in a little bit. So, luckily you are timely.

 

Well, we cannot have any…we don't know what happened with Agent Iridium or why they've gone silent, and we cannot have Ronnie, who doesn't seem to understand anything about this, getting the sense that there’s anything going on. Or if they are in contact, we can't have them knowing that you know. I worked with Agent Iridium in another location. All this was taking place somewhere else. So, there’s no reason to think that…you should be fine. Okay, well, is there any way I could get Agent Iridium’s file or some information about Agent Iridium, even if it’s just…? I realize I don't have high-level approval of any of this stuff. Like a lot of you say, your trust only goes so far. But if you could get that to me at some point or put it in my room, that would be helpful. What brought Ronnie to your attention? Okay, yeah, I don't want to spoil it too much, but he’s…in a sense he’s a form…he’s a musician, and it was his music that he’s going to be performing tomorrow that brought our attention.

 

The music was flagged as not from…that it contained elements that made it clear it was not…it was from the other side. The other side? I’ve never heard it called that. Well, we're not sure it’s from over there, but it’s not from here. Okay. Okay, I won't ask you any more. So, his music’s brought…does he play…? You’ll find out more. Yeah, I’ll get you some basics about Agent Iridium. But why don't you head out and go meet Ronnie? Okay, I just need…do you have anything else for me? What do you mean? Like something for me to use in the field if I should need it? Oh yeah, right in my desk here I have…oh, you mean a gadget. Of course I do. It’s this. What’s…? This looks like kind of a used globe light? Well, it’s a small globe light, yeah. It’s like a flashlight. Does it have…? Is it…? No, no, it’s fully charged. You can see. It has a built-in battery. You could charge it in your room. No, it’s like a dim globe light. So it doesn't get any brighter than this? Is that part of the…? Oh yeah, it’s…yeah, exactly.

 

It’s part of the…it’s part of why we gave it to you. It’s special. It doesn't have full power like a normal light would. Otherwise it wouldn't be a special gadget for you. Okay, does it have the ability to record video or audio or check the room? Not that I know of. It just lights up or recharges. Okay, does it make any sounds, or if I roll it does it make a noise, or can I use it offensively or defensively? Well, you could…I guess you couldn't really shine it at anybody 'cause it’s not bright enough, but you…it’s for creative use. It’s for…you know what? I don't always know these things, to be honest. Alls I know is it was here in my desk and you needed a gadget, and that they must know. I’m not the main…there’s supervisors…I'm only a Sundries Supervisor. Oh, come on, I know that’s just a term. Well, I have…someone brighter than me put this dull light in my…for you. So, just take it. It’s also…fits in your pocket, though it does make a little bit of a bulge. Yeah, that’s fine. I can…it’s good to play with.

 

I like that it’s round. Well, it’s flat on one side so that you can put it on your nightstand or whatever. Wait a second, it’s magnetic. Oh, yeah, it’s magnetic. I forgot to mention that. So that way, if you need a dull light somewhere…this switch…this like a nightlight. Right, it’s like a nightlight. You're right. I have one of these. It’s just not a dome. It’s…I have one that’s like this with a magnet, and then…yeah, it’s motion-sensitive. Right, right, right. Those are all levels of the gadget that I…maybe it was not for my eyes only. The gadget may have other secret…I don't know. How come we don't have a full-time gadget person? Do the periodic agents get that? Yeah, definitely, but…anyway, your appointment’s waiting for you. With that, Malaise headed out to meet Ronnie in the beautiful lobby…the lobby waiting area with the bar and adjacent restaurant. The Sundries Supervisor actually took…oh, hi. This is Mr. Malaise. Ronnie, are you still…are you comfortable with me call…instead of Baxter…?

 

Yeah, Ronnie’s fine. Thank you. Okay Ronnie, this is your…this is Malaise. I don't know, our bedtime storyteller who’s here to work with you. Thank you for taking Malaise out, and I’ll see you two later. Hey Ronnie, nice to meet you. Nice…is your name really Malaise? No, no, it’s kinda like my pseudonym when I’m working as a bedtime storyteller. It helps…well, I don't see how the name Malaise is gonna help me sleep. Oh, well, it’s more of like a joke. I don't know if you share this…when I used to go to renaissance festivals and I’d see the queen and milady, I’d say, m’laise? M’laise? Then I always…it never came up, but I was always hoping someone would take my Lays chips, and I’d say, those are me Lays. So, that’s funny. So that’s your nickname? Well, no. I just want…I like…when…since I work for The Hotel, I don't have to present ID when I check in, so I could just make up a name. They don't necessarily like that, to be honest. That was my supervisor…not happy about it.

 

Huh, that’s…yeah, that’s cool. That’s cool, man. I like it. Well, great, Ronnie. I’m excited to work together. I don't have a lot of information. I know there’s some sort of festival you're here for and you have a show tomorrow, and I’ll just tell you quick about my method of working with people. The Hotel’s covering all the cost of this, again, as a goodwill part of, I guess, this festival, and they’d just like to do it for…I don't know, The Hotel kinda finds…it’s a gesture of goodwill. You get paid to come tell people bedtime stories? Oh yeah, yeah, I do, I do, believe it or not. It’s a rare thing. I have a rare method. So, I do like to find out as much as I can about you, and kinda almost like…I'm not gonna interview you to put you to sleep, but I kinda get to know you and kinda create a custom bedtime story for you, and that’s…everything is part of the method, though. Just remember I’m always working. So, while it might seem like…so, even the Malaise part was you working?

 

Well, it’s kinda like…I don't know, have you ever done anything and you felt like you were doing it…? It seems like if you're into music and stuff like that, everything kinda becomes…yeah, no, I’m more into…I get what you're saying. So, I understand, but we’ve gotta get outside because there’s…the street festival is starting. Oh yeah, I know you're pretty excited about it. So, what’s happening out there? Well, it’s…this is…well, there’s…this is a big deal out there. Tonight…I guess in the US they'd call it a organ grind. So, all outside you're gonna see…and in all the pubs and restaurants on this main strip…it’s a bit of a walk from here, so that’s good. I can explain to you things. There’s gonna be mechanical music performers, kinda like buskers. Do you under…do you know what mechanical music is? Yeah, like a player piano or organ grinders, stuff like that. Yeah, and this area is home to the Vbecks, and they kind of…this is really a hotbed of new mechanical music.

 

But this festival…do you know what Edinburgh Fringe Fest is? Yeah, yeah. I haven't been, but I’ve been to Fringe Fest before. Yeah, so this is like a mechanical music Fringe Fest. Really? Yeah, it’s kinda cool. That’s why I’m…why I wanted to move here, because this is such a spot for mechanical music. There’s spots in the US, too, but, I don't know, this is one where the artistry is celebrated on both the performance side and the art of the machinery side, too. Wow, so you really love this, huh? Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. I got into it…I mean, I was always curious about it and then I got into it during 2020 repairing stuff and buying stuff and then fixing it up. It’s just so cool because you could breathe…these things can always be restored. Yeah, so these are the…I'll kinda talk while we listen to the music and you can see the different…I don't want to spoil it for you. I guess you could look at the machines and listen, and then we could walk back and just not talk or separate or something and enjoy the music.

 

But yeah, I got into it basically, yeah, as…from the fixing it up and refurbishing. You could even add electronics into stuff or you could refurbish it traditionally, rebuild, breathe new life into these machines that can make music. Wow, and so, you're doing a show tomorrow, too, of…? But you're a performer. Well, I mean, performer is…the machine is doing the playing, but yeah, I started kind of working on my own music and just…it’s a bit different. I haven't really performed before. Well, in a long time. So you have performed your own mechanical music before? No, no, no. A long time ago I was in a band. Oh, wow. What kind of music? Well, it was kinda like…do you know anything about parody musics? You mean like that would be on Doctor Demento? Yeah, yeah, like that kind of music. Okay, yeah, no, I know exactly what you're…yeah, we're kinda the same generation.

 

So…yeah, so, I was in a band, and it was supposed to be parody music, but we ended up…I don't know, I’m a little bit embarrassed about it because people ended up taking it seriously. Well, what do you mean taking it seriously? Well, we started as parody music but it was kinda…it’s nothing…you know when people take TV characters seriously even though they're meant to be…? Oh, I agree with that person. You say, well, they're not…they're supposed to be a satire of someone. So, could…? I’m sorry, could you just tell me more about…? So, what was the band…what happened? It’s really interesting, and this might help with the bedtime story. Okay, so, we were in a band. I was Ronnie, and we were in a band. You might even have heard one of our…so, we did…rewrote…we made parody versions of popular songs. Okay, like what’s one song? Well, you know the Joan Jett song? Yeah, I know the Joan Jett…well, I know…which one? I love…wait a second, you made I’m On Time for School?

 

You were in The Reagans? Yeah, yeah, I was…yeah, yeah. Oh man, I know that song by heart. I’m on time for school. Don't want to be tardy, baby. I’m on time for school. I don't want to be tardy. Told my mom…yeah, I love that song, man. It’s a classic. Yeah, so, I was in that band, me and my sisters. Oh yeah, so…oh, so people thought that…? Yeah, we played at the…we were guests at the White House. Oh yeah, I just remember the song. Didn't you have a couple other songs, too? Yeah, but I don't want to talk about it, really. Didn't you have that song about Canada made to Van Halen’s Panama, right? Canada. Canada. Yeah, I remember that one. Yeah, and then the California…we had a cover of California Raisins, and then the D-A-R-E song. Okay. So, it wasn't your intention…? Yeah, 'cause I guess I didn't realize it was parody or satire. I kinda thought you were super vanilla. You know what I’m saying? Yeah, that’s what most people thought. So, they thought we were actual fans of it.

 

So yeah, we performed at the White House for the actual president and the First Lady. Yeah. Well, so, it sounds like it didn't work out…you were really successful for a while, though. I mean, somewhat, but I just decided…one of my…so, it was me and my sisters. One of my sisters, she kept…I sold her my part of the band and the rights. She still kinda performs at fairs and stuff like that with two other band members. Okay. Wait, weren't your parents famous musicians? Oh, yeah. Yeah, they were. Yeah, my parents were famous. Yeah. Wait, so, your parents were…they basically were like pioneers of early punk, right? Yeah, yeah. Huh. So, I’m getting a sense here, Ronnie. Yeah, I mean, we did…we kinda made the whole band because we thought…the whole idea of the band was kinda the rebel against my parents, 'cause they had…so, let me just tell you the positive thing about my parents.

 

They were able to give us — for a time — everything we wanted, 'cause they were incredibly successful, and now they'd be considered multi-hypenates. They were writing books and making indie films. But when…before that, when were little, they…that’s why I got drawn…I didn't realize it ‘til I was fixing this piano during the…2020, and then…that, yeah, one of my favorite memories as a kid was we had a player piano, and my parents were getting ready to use these mechanical instruments in one of their tours. We would sit around the piano and sing together, and it was kinda fun and hilarious. It was one of my most treasured memories. Oh, okay. I get it, you don't want to talk about this…but this was kind of a way…the whole Reagan thing…The Reagans, the band was to rebel against your parents, huh? Yeah, as a joke, but it ended up my parents…I mean, my parents had kinda grown out of parenting at that point anyway, and then they kinda saw it as…they saw it as real rebellion, not joke rebellion.

 

I mean, it’s pretty punk to do that to punks, huh? I mean, no, it didn't work out. Oh yeah, and then your parents, they…yeah, they…my parents got…they moved away from…well, they put out a concept album about, yeah, being…coming to visit Earth, and then they said it wasn't a concept album; it was…they were kinda founding their own culture and belief system. A lot of people got into that, and they kinda became a figurehead and then they…we were left with a little bit of money, me and my sisters, but mostly my parents just put everything into this foundation. Oh yeah, didn't they call it the Foundation Foundation even though…? Yeah, they did. It was…that was a…I mean, it wasn't a joke, but it was…and…wasn’t there a rumor your parents…that they went off-world, huh? That’s what they wanted people to believe or whatever? I guess, or they did. Yeah, but they didn't actually go off-world, did they? I don't know.

 

I haven't talked to them since they all moved out to the countryside, and then all that…that was…but I’m gonna…is it okay if we just don't do a bedtime story tonight? I just walk…? I’m gonna walk through the festival alone, and why don't you walk through it alone? Oh, I’m…yeah, I’m sorry, Ronnie. I didn't mean to…I was just trying to get to know you a little bit better to get the stories, but it seems like this is a soft spot I hit. But that kinda happens with bedtime stories. I think you should walk back alone. But it’s kinda like…sometimes it’s like removing pebbles out of your shoe, or if you had pebbles in your bed, right, I’d be the one kinda clearing them out. So, is there anything I could do to help you with your show tomorrow? Can I help somehow? Yeah, you could help me. Yeah, I mean…it’s okay. Yeah. I just…you just brought up a lot of memories, you know? Yeah, no, I get it. But yeah, how can I help tomorrow? Yeah, could you ride over?

 

I have to go get everything for the show, like the…maybe performing on this sea burg…anyway, this KT special. But if you could help me load things up, like come with me…I’ve got a workshop. I moved everything over here. Yeah, I could do that. So, the two characters separated and walked through the streets and listened to a variety of mechanical music-making things from handheld to large, spilling out of doorways, people standing enjoying…playing old songs and new songs. It’s a warm summer evening and kinda magical. But both the characters Ronnie and Malaise were a bit distracted, so they both turned into bed early, though Ronnie spent most of the night kinda reviewing and thinking. Or, we don't know because we weren't there. But the next morning there was a vehicle waiting for them, and as they headed out, they were talking. Wait, so, you got…so this is a Soapworks and an abbey…or is it a abbey where there’s…? So, this is…nuns live…can you tell me about this again?

 

Yeah, so, it’s kinda like…you've heard of trappist ales and stuff like that. So, this is similar, but they make soap. It’s kind of a modern group…I mean, this is…it looks like an old abbey, but it’s somewhat new. Yeah, there’s nuns, but they actually over-built. So, it is a Soapworks, and they have a shop, but they also started subletting places. So, yeah, my office…yeah, we’ll just go in here in my workshop, I guess. Yeah, I had everything shipped over here. Well, how’d you hear about it? How did you get in with the nuns? One of the nuns reached out to me and had heard…she was a fan, she said. She actually got transferred before I even got here, but she was a fan of my original…of the original group, and then she heard about my interests, and she offered it. She had been running the place. It’s funny. Yeah, come on in. So, this is my office. Wow, it smells like…soapy in here. Yeah, so below us are not just the Soapworks, but there’s a soap spa where you can kinda do these soap soaks.

 

Yeah, it’s pretty cool. Oh, can we…can I go down? No, you can't go down there. I mean, not right now, but at some point you could book a package or something, or I could ask them. But yeah, so, we got…so, okay, so, can we focus? ‘Cause I’m thinking about my show now. Oh, sure, Ronnie. Yeah, sure. So, we gotta get…wait a second, Ronnie, is that a VCR and a CRT TV? Yeah, yeah, that’s my…that’s…oh, you fix up VCRs and old TVs, too? Yeah, but just don't touch any…oh, these are the old VHS tapes. Oh no, please don't…man, there’s some gunk on this tape. It’s like…oh, please just…can you please just leave that stuff alone? Sure, sure. Oh man, it’s…anyway, yeah. I got it on my hands, though. But I get it. So, okay, so what were you gonna…? Okay, so these rolls here, right, they have to go to the show, right? So, you're gonna take all these rolls and just carry them to the van. So, there’s blue rolls and there’s…yeah, don't worry about it. It’s all color-coordinated.

 

Let me just put this one…okay, so it’s ready. Go ahead. Wow, this is a cool…you should just live here instead of…well, yeah. I mean, I’m not allowed to stay…it’s not for…it’s just for the workshop, and all my other stuff’s…okay. So, yeah, let me bring this stuff down. How do I find my way back to the van? Are you coming…? Well, I’m gonna still pack up more…but…okay, so basically there’s a really easy way to do it. On the back of every door, you know, in case you have to find your way out, there’s a map. It’s all for every language. It’s just pictures. So, you could see on my door here. See, this is the map. This is this floor. We're on the ground floor. The soap floors are below us. So, you're just gonna follow that, you're gonna follow the blue, and you're gonna go out the blue door. Okay, okay. So, that’s easy. So, with that, Malaise went out and brought the rolls out to the vehicle, waited a while for Ronnie, then tried to sneak back in. We're waiting for Ronnie.

 

Thought about going down to the basement but could hear talking and stuff, then went back up and then peeked in the warehouse and saw Ronnie kinda sitting on the couch watching something, and you could hear some murmuring, like he was watching a interview or something on CRT TV. Then he knocked like he hadn't been watching and said, Ronnie, Ronnie, like his voice…and then Ronnie said, okay, I’m coming, I’m coming…stopped the interview or whatever Ronnie was watching, and headed out. They headed out to the show, and the show was eventful but not sleepy because there was just a couple things that happened of note. It was in this beautiful cafe where I wish we could be there together, and this beautiful…a device similar to a player piano but with a few more instruments. Scooter’s job was to hand Ronnie the rolls based on the colors that Ronnie had said. But of course Scooter grabbed a roll at first and said, this one doesn't have a cover, and then it shot out of his hand.

 

He said, oh, there’s something on that again. Then Ronnie said, no, no, no, not this scroll. It doesn't have a color. This is…don't touch this scroll. Scooter said, okay, no problem, Ronnie. I gotta clean my hands. Then he went back to…into the bathroom to wash his hands, and he noticed that he didn't even need soap. He said, man, I must have got soap on that roll or something, 'cause he already had soap on his hands. That’s why that roll shot out of his hands. Then Ronnie did his concert, and his concert had three different members or kind of groups in the audience; fans of his original cover band that were there to cheer for him but also hoping he would play the D-A-R-E song, which was…went to California Raisins, which Ronnie actually did play as the second-to-last song, even though it’s the same as Heard It Through the Grapevine. It’s just D-A-R-E is just fine. That was the way that song went.

 

But there was two other groups, a group that was just interested and randomly there, like at most Fringe Fests, and then there was a smaller group of people that…because most of Ronnie’s music was different. Otherworldly would be how to describe it, making the machine make…mechanical mechanism making…I don't know what in layperson’s terms could be like new-agey music, but a little bit more otherworldly than that. They were saying that it was…music was made by a machine, like an AI music, and that this was only…this festival was for real written music, and that when Ronnie was…they said, did you write this music? This is not AI music. This is real music. But you could note — and Scooter actually noted — that he never said I wrote the music, either. Ronnie was not very…feeling very good. Scooter said, well, I’ll help you anyway. We’ll go back. They went back to the workshop, and Scooter said, hey, Ronnie, I noticed one thing when we were back here before.

 

You got this room full of unspooled rolls. What’s going on with that? Ronnie said, oh, some…so, there’s all these piano rolls that were almost like scrolls or maps. Scooter said, I have an idea. What if we make a little bed out of this little nest? So, let’s just try to put…try to take a nap here, 'cause it kinda seemed like those people were talking about your music, and then you had fans of your old music, and it seems like you got some new fans, too, from the music. It seemed like it was a successful show. But why don't you get comfortable? Scooter used a pretty simple technique where he just kinda…he had gotten a list…and actually, he had done research on…he had looked through the files of…that he had gotten from his Sundries Supervisor, but he also requested from the research assistant that worked at The Hotel all the listings and names of mechanical music and places. He said, let’s just try this listing 'cause you're already kinda tired and worn out. Just take a nap, Ronnie.

 

Ronnie lied down, and Scooter kinda made him more of a symbolic nest of unspooled piano rolls. Ronnie got comfortable. Scooter was listing stuff. He fell asleep, deep asleep, Ronnie did. Then Scooter…this was a couple rooms in his workshop, so Scooter kinda closed the door and then was like, huh, what am I gonna do ‘til Ronnie wakes up? But Scooter was also on the lookout for clues, and he had kind of made this association with a soapy roll and the VCR tape. So, he went and…he was doing his job, and he pressed Play on the VCR tape and turned down the volume and stuff, and playing on the tape was someone that he recognized kinda just based on…that Ronnie’s parents were famous. But it was this strange thing; it was almost like both of Ronnie’s parents were…it was a video of them overlaid on each other, but it was one person that looked very similar to both of Ronnie’s parents.

 

There was something unreal, almost like it was a manufactured image, and they were kinda…it was the video of them encouraging him and not saying, don't worry if people don't believe in the music yet. They will one day. You're starting something for us and you're righting the mistakes you made, and yeah, you could play some…they were kinda giving him a pep talk before his next thing. Then they said after…this was the only thing; they said, tonight after the concert we’ll leave another tape for you. So, make sure to go get it. We’ll leave it at 10:00 p.m. Don’t be early. So, don't come down until after 10:00 p.m. Scooter looked, and it was about 9:45 or something in the evening. Then he was like, well, where…? Then he remembered, okay, there’s soap or something like soap on this VCR tape. Then he remembered one…that roll that Ronnie also didn't want him to touch was soapy.

 

So, he kind of went to that box or crate and took that roll out and then unspooled the roll, hoping it would be information, but it was all those little holes that you kinda see, those holes in…it was music. But there was also something familiar about it, too. Then Scooter was holding the roll and pacing around and making sure the VCR looked fine, and then smelling the soap and then talking about getting a soap bath and then being like, why…? Then he didn't even know where to find…then he looked at the…Ronnie’s door and the map on the back of the door of finding your way out or finding your way around the building. Then he unspooled the roll again and realized that it was a map, kinda like a map when you draw pictures with just text, but it was just made with holes. But it was a simple enough map that when he held it over the map of the entire building, he was like, wait a second, that’s one floor down. It led somewhere, and it took him a little while.

 

He rushed, and he went down to the soap production floor, which at this time was closed. I guess everything was unlocked because the nuns were so trustworthy of…they didn't expect someone like Malaise or Scooter to be in there. Then he was looking around, of where in this room you would hide something, and double-checking the map. It took him a little while, but he didn't have very much time. Then he found it. The reason that it was soapy was that it was a place where there was spillover from these big soap vats, where a kind of magical…but back on the side of one of the control panels on the back side was a hidden box where you could slide stuff in. It was pretty dark down there, which he was using his little globe for. Then he realized it was almost…it was getting close to 10:00.

 

So, what he did was he took his light and put it just past…so, if someone walked by it, it would light them up a little bit, but that it was on the control panel next to another light, so that it might not get their attention. Then what he did was he went back and he got in…this was also the edge of the spa, where it’s like a separation area; do not enter: spa guests. So that these tubs of…not soap but soap-like stuff that you could soak in, and you could watch them. I guess leisurely you could be in this soap quote, unquote “hot tub” watching people work…the nuns making soap? I don't know, they weren't making soap at this time, so that’s a good question of whether they’d be…what nuns making soap would wear. But Scooter hid in the…he got in the soap hot tub and got down as low as he could, and he was watching and watching and waiting.

 

Then the dull light went off, and someone bent down and they stuffed something behind the control panel in the open slot. Then they went back and the light went on again, and they looked, and Scooter could see their face. It was clear to Scooter in the dull light that it looked a lot like Agent Iridium. But Scooter didn't say anything 'cause he knew…well, he wanted to be…he wanted to work his way up, and for the first time, he…also, he was slippery. So, instead of getting Agent Iridium’s attention, he stayed and she walked off. Then he decided that he didn't know what to do next. So, he kinda stayed in the tub and then went and showered off and got a robe and headed back to The Hotel to kinda get some rest and report in of what he had discovered, which wasn't much, but ideally it would be enough for him to get approval, and he helped Ronnie fall asleep. Goodnight, everybody.

 

[End of recording]

Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes

Checking Into Boredom

 

The Big Lebowski

https://dudeism.com/lebowski-love/

https://laist.com/news/arts-and-entertainment/feature-the-enduring-legacy-of-the-big-lebowski

https://www.indiewire.com/features/general/the-big-lebowski-anniversary-overrated-cult-classic-1201936543/

 

Villa Nottebohm

https://jeroentaal.photography/series/villa-nottebohm/

https://urbexvision.com/en/chateaunottebohm/

https://ascosilasciti.com/en/2017/12/07/nottebohm-castle/

 

Q’s gadgets in James Bond

https://www.007.info/from-q-with-love-bonds-gadgets-in-fact-and-fiction/

https://fringefocus.com/blogs/news/every-007-gadget-ever-the-desk-of-q-poster-process/

https://spotterup.com/the-real-life-q-inspiration-for-james-bonds-gadget-master/

 

Parody Music

https://theartofthelyric.wordpress.com/2013/12/22/the-evolution-of-the-parody-and-its-role-in-society-by-hannah-elliott/

https://pitchfork.com/features/lists-and-guides/9967-killer-riffs-a-guide-to-parody-in-popular-music/

https://emediava.org/l/28358/from-mozart-to-weird-al-the-evolution-of-parody-listening-guide

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

Ideally bringing you sleepy joy and delight in the deep dark night

It’s grand to have you here

My goal of “Best intro ever” didn’t quite materialize

Sweet, sweet rebels

Our episodically modular series that doesn’t have a title…yet

 

PLUGS

Sleep With Me Podcast; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline

 

SPONSORS

Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; AquaTru

 

INTRO

Thoughts that are just appearing there

Maybe you’re just in the middle of something really tough

In pretty good company

Caring people, thinking fondly of you

I’d prefer bedtime to not be what it’s been like my whole life

I’d prefer something easier, ideally

Maybe even a bedtime you could look forward to

Indirect Caring

Gathered together but spread apart

As Bette Midler kind of said, comfortable at a distance

You can give and receive or just receive right now

If you’re flourishing, the world is truly a better place to be in

My voice is not traditionally soothing

I’ll do a little bragging

No one else has misquoted Bette Midler songs as much as me

Misquoting Bette Midler

I forgot that I invented the MIDLR app

Way back during Game of Drones

Things worthy of world records

I don’t know if I want to be the hero of Bette Midler’s rebellious nephew

My inner mischievous, rebellious Bette Midler’s nephew

The archetypal idea of a calming story

I’ve probably gotten over one million emails over the last thirteen years

And most of them are about how people don’t like the show at first

Dreaming of a flying Bette Midler taking me away

Was that guy talking about Middler Ave?

Let’s rename Broadway Middler Ave

Is that placating?

Could you talk to me about not something for a while?

Maybe I can be a Jeff Lebowski-figure for you

But I probably wouldn’t have stopped at 2 or 3 white russians

There’s no pressure to fall asleep

I’m here to be your Bore-bowski

Is Big Borebowski anything?

I hope I remember that one

Explaining the structure of the show

A bedtime routine you can look forward to

Rooting for one another in the deep dark night

Light, kind power

Our new episodically modular series

Checking Into Boredom

 

STORY

Another episode in our new series that doesn’t have a title yet

Maybe I’ll ask everyone on SWM+ first

This is very episodically modular

Somewhat self-contained

Very episodic

A main character who’s loosely influenced by Scooter

They work at a chain of hotels called The Hotel [insert location here]

Repurposed buildings with iconic architecture

Usually in like the 3rd biggest city in a state

Sundries Supervisor

There is a mysterious purpose in here, but we don’t need to worry about it

The greater purpose is normally solving a mystery 

Like Lady Marple might

Scooter is probably better off in an adjacent role to clue-gathering

Staff Bedtime Storyteller

He puts the purpose in greatness and the greatness in purpose

I wish the sum of my parts added up to him

Introducing Antonio Banderas

Wherever he are, there he is

His gravitas is audible

Who shined your shoes, Antonio?

The kind of luxury problems I’m dealing with

Experts have told me that shoes can’t make ambient sounds

Agree to disagree

Antonio’s introduction

It’s time to go to The Hotel and get sleepy

Thank you, Antonio. That won’t be the name of the series, though

Antonio’s smile is causing a smile within me

Take it away, narrator

We’re right in the Sundries Supervisor’s office

We’re in Belgium

The Hotel Nottebohm

A beautiful chateau used in other productions

An upscale hotel lobby

Entering the office of the Sundries Supervisor

SS seems a little exasperated

You can’t check into the hotel under a name you’re not registered under

Why does the check-in name matter? It just does

Malaise is not a name!

The whole thing is to not bring attention to yourself

M’lays Malaise

Let’s start over

We need clues

It’s Agent IR

Who’s that?

That reminds me of Starcraft

Do you like Starcraft 2 or Starcraft, too?

Agent Iridium

77. 192.2. Ringing any bells?

This is a very, very warm case

Agent Ir was on this case

The client has been under observation for a while

The client likes to go by Ronnie

Ronnie has been contacted from…over there

We do have a general sense that Ronnie was in contact with someone from over there

We lost touch with Agent Ir

But we just don’t know much

A lot of Whys

Ronnie is soon relocating to this area professionally

Ronnis performing at a festival here tomorrow night, which is why he’s having trouble sleeping

Ronnie doesn’t seem to know that he’s been in contact

The festival begins tonight on the street

Could I get Agent Ir’s file? Maybe

Ronnie is a former musician

His music was flagged as…from the other side

It’s at least definitely not from here

Go meet Ronnie

Any gadgets for me?

Oh, a used globe light

Yes, its dimness makes it a special gadget

It does kind of fit in your pocket even

Oh yeah, it’s magnetic, I guess

Is this just a night light?

Meeting Ronnie in the beautiful lobby

SS introduces Ronnie to Mr. Malaise

Hi Ronnie, it’s nice to meet you

Explaining my Malaise pseudonym

I have a rare method, Ronnie

Interviewing Ronnie to create a custom bedtime story

Everything is part of the method

Out to the street festival

Mechanical Music Performers

Like player pianos and organ grinders

A hotbed of new mechanical music

Mechanical Music Fringe Fest

Ronnie really loves mechanical music

Ronnie hasn’t performed in a while

And they’ve never performed mechanical music before

Ronnie used to be in a band

Ronnie was in a parody music band

The band was supposed to be parody music, but then they ended up taking it seriously

Wait, you were in the Reagans???

You had that Joan Jett Parody

You had a song about Canada made to Van Halen’s “Panama”

They performed at the White House

You were really successful for a while!

It was Ronnie and his sisters

Ronnie sold his part of the band to his sister

Wait, your parents were pioneers of early punk!

Parody music was a rebellion against their parents

Ronnie remembered they had a player piano growing up

Fond memories of player pianos

Ronnie’s parents saw it as real rebellion, not joke rebellion

Ronnie’s parents then founded their own culture and belief system

The Foundation Foundation

The rumor was that Ronnie’s parents went off-world

Did they go off-world? Who knows

Can we just walk through the festival and not do a bedtime story tonight?

This conversation brought up a lot of memories

Could you help me move my stuff over?

The two separate and walk alone through the streets

Mechanical music, spilling out of doorways

Meeting the next morning

Ronnie’s studio is a soapworks and an abbey…?

It’s kind of like trappist ales, but it’s soap

This abbey is, actually, somewhat new

And the nuns sublet offices out

Ronnie had everything shipped over

A nun was a fan and reached out to Ronnie directly

A spa for soap soaks

Is that a VCR and a CRT TV?

Don’t touch anything, please

There’s gunk on this tape

Please leave it all alone

I got gunk on my hands

Can you bring these rolls to the venue?

Too bad you can’t just live here and not at the Hotel

More to pack up

Follow the maps on the back of every door to find your way out

Malaise brings the rolls out

Malaise tries to spy on Ronnie

Ronnie is watching something on the TV

Ronnie stops the interview, and they head to the show

The show was eventful but not sleepy

A player orchestra

Scooter’s job was to hand rolls to Ronnie in a certain order

That did not go well, of course

Ronnie had a lot of fans in his audience

He did play some old parody songs, too

Two other groups were in the audience

Random folks

And then some…otherworldly people

They said that the music was made by machines! Not by humans

Did Ronnie write this music? 

This isn’t AI music, I promise

But Ronnie didn’t say that he wrote the music, specifically

They head back to Ronnie’s office

Ronnie, what’s up with these unspooled rolls?

Let’s make a bed out of these rolls

A symbolic nest of unspooled piano rolls

Scooter lists stuff of and Ronnie falls asleep

What will Scooter do until Ronnie wakes up?

On the lookout for clues

A connection between soapy rolls and the VCR tape

Pressing play on the VCR

A video of Ronnie’s parents overlaid on each other

A video of them encouraging Ronnie

You’re starting something for us, Ronnie

A pep talk!

They say they’ll leave a tape for Ronnie after the concert

Don’t come down until 10pm. Wait, it’s 9:45!

Scooter looks at one of the soapy rolls that Ronnie didn’t want him to look at

The roll is just filled with holes, but it’s somehow familiar

Scooter looks at the map on the back of the door

The roll is a map!

Laying the roll over the door map

A secret pickup spot!

Going down to the soap-production area

Looking for a hiding spot

Then he found out

In a soap spillover zone

A hidden box on the back of a control panel

He uses his little globe light to light the way

It’s getting close to 10pm

Then Scooter hid in a tub of soaking soap

Watching and waiting

Someone hides something in the open slot!

Scooter sees their face!

It looks like Agent Iridium!!!

He doesn’t know what to do next

He showers off and heads back to the hotel to rest and report back

It’s not much, but it’s something

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1449

Title: Mechanical Music Man | Checking Into Boredom Ep 2

Plugs: Sleep With Me Podcast; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline

Sponsors: Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; AquaTru

Notable Language:

• Indirect Caring
• Misquoting Bette Midler
• Placating
• Big Borebowski
• Light, Kind Power
• Sundries Supervisor
• Staff Bedtime Storyteller
• Wherever he are, there he is
• M’lays Malaise
• Mechanical Music Performers
• Joke Rebellion
• Soap Hot Tub

 

Notable Culture:

• • Bette Midler – “Wind Beneath My Wings”
  • “On Eagle’s Wings” song

• Game of Drones

• Game of Thrones

• The Big Lebowski

• • Checking Into Boredom
  • Angela Lansbury
  • Antonio Banderas

• Starcraft

• Iridium
• Edinburgh Fringe Festival
• Doctor Demento
• Joan Jett
• The Reagans (a parody music band)
• Van Halen
• The Foundation Foundation

 

Notable Talking Points:

• • Thoughts that are just appearing there
  • Maybe you’re just in the middle of something really tough
  • In pretty good company
  • Caring people, thinking fondly of you
  • I’d prefer bedtime to not be what it’s been like my whole life
  • I’d prefer something easier, ideally
  • Maybe even a bedtime you could look forward to
  • Indirect Caring
  • Gathered together but spread apart
  • As Bette Midler kind of said, comfortable at a distance
  • You can give and receive or just receive right now
  • If you’re flourishing, the world is truly a better place to be in
  • My voice is not traditionally soothing
  • I’ll do a little bragging
  • No one else has misquoted Bette Midler songs as much as me
  • Misquoting Bette Midler
  • I forgot that I invented the MIDLR app
  • Way back during Game of Drones
  • Things worthy of world records
  • I don’t know if I want to be the hero of Bette Midler’s rebellious nephew
  • My inner mischievous, rebellious Bette Midler’s nephew
  • The archetypal idea of a calming story
  • I’ve probably gotten over one million emails over the last thirteen years
  • And most of them are about how people don’t like the show at first
  • Dreaming of a flying Bette Midler taking me away
  • Was that guy talking about Middler Ave?
  • Let’s rename Broadway Middler Ave
  • Is that placating?
  • Could you talk to me about not something for a while?
  • Maybe I can be a Jeff Lebowski-figure for you
  • But I probably wouldn’t have stopped at 2 or 3 white russians
  • There’s no pressure to fall asleep
  • I’m here to be your Bore-bowski
  • Is Big Borebowski anything?
  • I hope I remember that one
  • Explaining the structure of the show
  • A bedtime routine you can look forward to
  • Rooting for one another in the deep dark night
  • Light, kind power
  • Our new episodically modular series
  • Checking Into Boredom

• Another episode in our new series that doesn’t have a title yet

• Maybe I’ll ask everyone on SWM+ first

• This is very episodically modular

• Somewhat self-contained

• Very episodic

• A main character who’s loosely influenced by Scooter

• They work at a chain of hotels called The Hotel [insert location here]

• Repurposed buildings with iconic architecture

• Usually in like the 3rd biggest city in a state

• Sundries Supervisor

• There is a mysterious purpose in here, but we don’t need to worry about it

• The greater purpose is normally solving a mystery 

• Like Lady Marple might

• Scooter is probably better off in an adjacent role to clue-gathering

• Staff Bedtime Storyteller

• He puts the purpose in greatness and the greatness in purpose

• I wish the sum of my parts added up to him

• Introducing Antonio Banderas

• Wherever he are, there he is

• His gravitas is audible

• Who shined your shoes, Antonio?

• The kind of luxury problems I’m dealing with

• Experts have told me that shoes can’t make ambient sounds

• Agree to disagree

• Antonio’s introduction

• It’s time to go to The Hotel and get sleepy

• Thank you, Antonio. That won’t be the name of the series, though

• Antonio’s smile is causing a smile within me

• Take it away, narrator

• We’re right in the Sundries Supervisor’s office

• We’re in Belgium

• The Hotel Nottebohm

• A beautiful chateau used in other productions

• An upscale hotel lobby

• Entering the office of the Sundries Supervisor

• SS seems a little exasperated

• You can’t check into the hotel under a name you’re not registered under

• Why does the check-in name matter? It just does

• Malaise is not a name!

• The whole thing is to not bring attention to yourself

• M’lays Malaise

• Let’s start over

• We need clues

• It’s Agent IR

• Who’s that?

• That reminds me of Starcraft

• Do you like Starcraft 2 or Starcraft, too?

• Agent Iridium

• 77. 192.2. Ringing any bells?

• This is a very, very warm case

• Agent Ir was on this case

• The client has been under observation for a while

• The client likes to go by Ronnie

• Ronnie has been contacted from…over there

• We do have a general sense that Ronnie was in contact with someone from over there

• We lost touch with Agent Ir

• But we just don’t know much

• A lot of Whys

• Ronnie is soon relocating to this area professionally

• Ronnis performing at a festival here tomorrow night, which is why he’s having trouble sleeping

• Ronnie doesn’t seem to know that he’s been in contact

• The festival begins tonight on the street

• Could I get Agent Ir’s file? Maybe

• Ronnie is a former musician

• His music was flagged as…from the other side

• It’s at least definitely not from here

• Go meet Ronnie

• Any gadgets for me?

• Oh, a used globe light

• Yes, its dimness makes it a special gadget

• It does kind of fit in your pocket even

• Oh yeah, it’s magnetic, I guess

• Is this just a night light?

• Meeting Ronnie in the beautiful lobby

• SS introduces Ronnie to Mr. Malaise

• Hi Ronnie, it’s nice to meet you

• Explaining my Malaise pseudonym

• I have a rare method, Ronnie

• Interviewing Ronnie to create a custom bedtime story

• Everything is part of the method

• Out to the street festival

• Mechanical Music Performers

• Like player pianos and organ grinders

• A hotbed of new mechanical music

• Mechanical Music Fringe Fest

• Ronnie really loves mechanical music

• Ronnie hasn’t performed in a while

• And they’ve never performed mechanical music before

• Ronnie used to be in a band

• Ronnie was in a parody music band

• The band was supposed to be parody music, but then they ended up taking it seriously

• Wait, you were in the Reagans???

• You had that Joan Jett Parody

• You had a song about Canada made to Van Halen’s “Panama”

• They performed at the White House

• You were really successful for a while!

• It was Ronnie and his sisters

• Ronnie sold his part of the band to his sister

• Wait, your parents were pioneers of early punk!

• Parody music was a rebellion against their parents

• Ronnie remembered they had a player piano growing up

• Fond memories of player pianos

• Ronnie’s parents saw it as real rebellion, not joke rebellion

• Ronnie’s parents then founded their own culture and belief system

• The Foundation Foundation

• The rumor was that Ronnie’s parents went off-world

• Did they go off-world? Who knows

• Can we just walk through the festival and not do a bedtime story tonight?

• This conversation brought up a lot of memories

• Could you help me move my stuff over?

• The two separate and walk alone through the streets

• Mechanical music, spilling out of doorways

• Meeting the next morning

• Ronnie’s studio is a soapworks and an abbey…?

• It’s kind of like trappist ales, but it’s soap

• This abbey is, actually, somewhat new

• And the nuns sublet offices out

• Ronnie had everything shipped over

• A nun was a fan and reached out to Ronnie directly

• A spa for soap soaks

• Is that a VCR and a CRT TV?

• Don’t touch anything, please

• There’s gunk on this tape

• Please leave it all alone

• I got gunk on my hands

• Can you bring these rolls to the venue?

• Too bad you can’t just live here and not at the Hotel

• More to pack up

• Follow the maps on the back of every door to find your way out

• Malaise brings the rolls out

• Malaise tries to spy on Ronnie

• Ronnie is watching something on the TV

• Ronnie stops the interview, and they head to the show

• The show was eventful but not sleepy

• A player orchestra

• Scooter’s job was to hand rolls to Ronnie in a certain order

• That did not go well, of course

• Ronnie had a lot of fans in his audience

• He did play some old parody songs, too

• Two other groups were in the audience

• Random folks

• And then some…otherworldly people

• They said that the music was made by machines! Not by humans

• Did Ronnie write this music? 

• This isn’t AI music, I promise

• But Ronnie didn’t say that he wrote the music, specifically

• They head back to Ronnie’s office

• Ronnie, what’s up with these unspooled rolls?

• Let’s make a bed out of these rolls

• A symbolic nest of unspooled piano rolls

• Scooter lists stuff of and Ronnie falls asleep

• What will Scooter do until Ronnie wakes up?

• On the lookout for clues

• A connection between soapy rolls and the VCR tape

• Pressing play on the VCR

• A video of Ronnie’s parents overlaid on each other

• A video of them encouraging Ronnie

• You’re starting something for us, Ronnie

• A pep talk!

• They say they’ll leave a tape for Ronnie after the concert

• Don’t come down until 10pm. Wait, it’s 9:45!

• Scooter looks at one of the soapy rolls that Ronnie didn’t want him to look at

• The roll is just filled with holes, but it’s somehow familiar

• Scooter looks at the map on the back of the door

• The roll is a map!

• Laying the roll over the door map

• A secret pickup spot!

• Going down to the soap-production area

• Looking for a hiding spot

• Then he found out

• In a soap spillover zone

• A hidden box on the back of a control panel

• He uses his little globe light to light the way

• It’s getting close to 10pm

• Then Scooter hid in a tub of soaking soap

• Watching and waiting

• Someone hides something in the open slot!

• Scooter sees their face!

• It looks like Agent Iridium!!!

• He doesn’t know what to do next

• He showers off and heads back to the hotel to rest and report back
• It’s not much, but it’s something