1434 – Salt Bloom | Crossover
We’ll bob along in a buoyant, saline slumber as Scooter tells us about a brave little captain and its search for friends.
Enjoy this crossover tribute to Salt Bloom. You can learn more about the series and Local Files Club here.
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Episode 1434 – Salt Bloom | Crossover
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who seems like he’s on super-slow mode. So, I’m glad you're here. Welcome to Sleep With Me. I guess we’ll take a journey kind of under the sea. There won't be…it won't be like the song. I guess there’s multiple songs that…I was thinking of the one with the movie with Ariel. But there’s also the one that’s…I don't know if it’s Bobby Darin. That’s just who popped in my head. But anyway, welcome to Sleep With Me. It’s a…this isn't a podcast about music. Thank goodness, 'cause I know so little about it…and probably a podcast that should be apologizing to Bobby Darin. I believe it’s spelled D-A-R-R-I-N. If I’m wrong…also, I can add that to my apologies. I would try to explain to…I guess this is another level of…I’m just trying to start a sleep podcast off.
So, please, Bobby Darin, wherever you are in the multiverse, please understand…Bobby…oh, I could do it this way; hey, Bobby Darin, what I believe is a 1940s, ‘50s, ‘60s crooner, great singer that may or may not have sung…sang a song named Under the Sea. I apologize for not knowing more about you and not…and going on…welcome to Sleep With Me. It’s a podcast full of tangents and distractions, and that’s really what I’m here to do. Sometimes it’s accidental like that. I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep. I’m not really here to put you to sleep. I’m here to hang with you, maybe to bring you some sleepy joy and delight in the deep, dark night, but just to take your mind off of stuff and keep you company so you could fall asleep, or so you could be comforted and distracted in the deep, dark night. So, if you're new to the show, welcome.
If you're coming back, welcome. If you're coming back…you just listen when you're going through a tough time, I’m here to try to help. If you're new, structurally what to expect…we got some requests for support coming up — that doesn't apply to new listeners — then a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime, and then after that will be our episode. It’s gonna be one of those cool crossover audio-fiction episodes with a project called Salt Bloom that…from Local Files Club. So, exciting times here to put you to sleep. Yeah, if you listen on a regular basis and you're in a position where you could support the show or support one of our sponsors and this podcast makes your life incredibly better, don't wait. These messages, they're for you. Thanks.
Intro: Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. That could be thoughts, things on your mind about the past, the present, the future, singers…I mean, Bobby Darin fans, I also apologize. But I’m trying to move on just 'cause I know so little. But it could be thoughts about anything or thoughts that just come up at bedtime. You'd say, what’s up with that, you know? But they do. I say, I haven't thought about that all day, and now it’s at…now my brain wants to prioritize it.
So, it could be thoughts, it could be feelings related to those thoughts, feelings that are left over from the day, feelings about something coming up or feelings that also…they just came to the surface right when you got comfortable. It could be physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, routine, you could be going through something, in the middle of something, have something coming up, you might work a different schedule or a different shift or maybe your work schedule just changed, maybe you're traveling, maybe you have guests, maybe you don't know, right? Whatever it is, I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep. But the reason I make this show and the reason I talk about some of the stuff that might be keeping you awake is so you know or you get a sense that you're not alone in all of this.
Whatever it is that brought you here, we're glad you're here and we know what it’s like not to be able to get the sleep you need and desire or to have it be a frustrating, non-positive experience. We can maybe relate to how you're feeling and say, huh, that sounds tough. I know what it’s like for me. If it’s like that for you, I feel for you. I see you. Here’s the even better piece of news, is that even if you're like, Scoots, there’s no way you could understand what I’m dealing with, I’d say, okay, well, the good news…I mean, that still sounds tough, right? But that there’s someone else listening right now someone in the world that really does get where you're at. There’s enough people listening, and they are a regular listener. Maybe they've been listening to the show for six months, maybe they've been listening to it for ten years, and they're thinking of you fondly right now. They're sending you well wishes. They're sending you kindness and they're rooting for you in the deep, dark night.
I don't know if you could feel it or not. If you can't, it’s no big deal. It’s a indirect thing. But they're hopeful for you that…whether this podcast can help you like it helped them, or if not, I can introduce you to another sleep podcast or something else that’ll help you fall asleep or at least give you a brief moment where you're in a place where you're understood. Whether you like this show or not, you are in a place where you are understood. Yeah, it’s kind of like…it's not all happening at once. It is indirect but it is true, and where everybody listening right now — and I get to be the representative of this — is hoping you get a good night's sleep, hoping you get the sleep you need, you deserve, so your life is more manageable tomorrow and that you get the rest you need on a regular basis so your life is better.
Ideally that gets you to a point where you could be in the world flourishing, 'cause when you're flourishing in the world…or if your life is just manageable, it does mean our world’s a better place with you in it, and that’s important to me and it’s important to most of the listeners out there. It’s something we're all a part of, and that’s the most important part about the show. We're glad you're here. I hope I can help you out. The way it works is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents, I go off topic, I get mixed up, then I kinda forget what I was talking about, then I’ll go off on a topic about something that came up out of nowhere and maybe even mismanage it and try…and then say, okay, stop…this is what I’m trying to do in the background; tell my brain to stop saying ‘Bobby Darin’, 'cause it’s all its saying. I’m like, okay, that’s enough. I don't know…it's not like we have a fact sheet or anything.
So, let’s just move on. Honestly, image-wise, it’s a pretty archetypal image in my brain of a prom, dance-type thing, a disco ball, and gentle music playing. So, there’s the good news. I think we could move on now. You are…Bobby Darin…or you are archetypal, associated with archetypal grammar-school, high-school, middle-school gyms or community centers in a good way, I think. It could be some things, but it’s…you're archetypal. I think we could say that. I do have my fingers crossed that you sang Under the Sea, but I think we’re at…we got a fifty-fifty chance, and if not, you're…here’s the thing; even…you're archetypal either way, so…also, caveat; I may not be using any words correctly based on their definitions, but that’s not to take…that’s a reflection on me, not you. Okay, so, I use creaky, dulcet tones…that was a superfluous tangent. It kinda also came out of…my voice is not traditionally soothing. The thing is, when you get here, most new listeners do not like this show.
So, if you're new, whatever brought you here, alls I can tell you is what millions of people have told me over the past thirteen years, which is give this show a few tries and see how it goes, 'cause at first the podcast, it’s a bit different, right, and it does take some getting used to. So, on the first try, you're probably skeptical, you're probably doubtful, you're probably confused 'cause you had some expectation of what a sleep podcast would be, and maybe this is your second or third different podcast to check out or maybe this is your first one, but it’s a bit different. You discovered the show, and…yeah, I’m here…but I am here to help. But of course you're gonna be like, what is he…? I thought this was…I had a expectation of what a reasonable sleep podcast would be. I’d say, yeah, that sounds like a reasonable expectation. This show is somewhat…defies reasonability, I guess, in a sense, but in a good way. But it just takes some getting used to, 'cause why wouldn't you be skeptical or doubtful?
If you're like me, I’ve tried everything, and I was even going through some of the stuff I tried recently and being like, what should I do with this thing? So, I’m just here to try to help. So, give it two or three tries and see what happens, 'cause most people that became regular listeners, yeah, they were doubtful, then they were skeptical, then on the second or third try they were like, huh, I guess he’s serious about all this. He really is just here to hang out with us, and then I just fell asleep at some point, or he made me feel comfortable and took my mind of off stuff, but not…he’s comforting but in a way like steam coming off of a drink is comforting or ambient something. I don't…there’s not…it's hard to come up with a metaphor, 'cause he’s not comforting like, whatever, the most archetypal comforting things I can't even think of, of course, in the moment; warm hugs or other things, cozy things. But so, give it a few tries. See how it goes. Now, the…I have a website set up, though.
So, if you already know…'cause I’m not everybody’s cup of tea. Most people are never gonna like me or the show, and that’s totally okay. There’s no pressure for me to like the show or for me or you to like the show or not. So, that’s why it gives you the freedom to try it two or three times, but you don't have to. If you know you don't like the show now or you're on you're two or third or fourth try and you're like, I don't think this is gonna be a fit, there’s a website I have, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. I think /nothanks will work, too. It’ll take you to a thing. You answer two questions. It’ll take you to a website that has all of the…a bunch of other sleep podcasts and sleepy stuff on there that you could try out and see if you could find something else that works for you, 'cause everything I said up to this point is true even if you have a strong disliking towards me, which is not uncommon. That’s okay.
So, that’s…but I still get the fact that you've been in a place similar to where I’ve been in the deep, dark night. So, give it a few tries. See how it goes. A couple of the things that take some getting used to is, one, this is a podcast that you don't really listen to. You just kinda barely listen to it. It’s like a TV on in the other room, a show streaming under your pillow, gentle background noise, an out-of-focus picture, or hanging out with a friend that never gets to the point. But at this…but strangely, your friend’s like, hey, don't worry about it. I’ll just talk for your benefit today. So, yeah, you don't have to worry. I’m gonna be here to keep you company. I’ll just tell you about this great audio project I listened to, and I’ll kinda redo it in the most…it's a really cool project, but I’m gonna recap the stuff…I’ll just recap it in a way that’s really sleepy. Most friends or most partners or most roommates or family members can't do that on a nightly basis for an hour, but that’s what my job is.
So, yeah, it’s a podcast…it's a out-of-focus picture, a cloud passing through the sky, seeing the space between the trees, or sand passing through your hands. So, just…that does take some getting used to, not listening to a podcast that you could listen to when you need to, but you don't have to listen. It’s also a sleep podcast that’s been around for quite some time. I’m not here to put you to sleep. There is no pressure to fall asleep with this show. That’s the reason the episodes are over an hour, so you don't have to worry about when the episode’s gonna run out. That’s why in the listener, ad-supported, free version, there’s over 600 episodes, so you could pick and choose what works for you, or you could queue them all up if you need them all night long. There’s no pressure to fall asleep. I’m gonna be here to keep you company whether you're awake or asleep.
There’s people who are listening who can't sleep at all, people who need a break during the day or in the middle of the night, or people that need something to listen to while they work. I’m here to the very end whether you're awake or asleep. I’m here to keep you company, 'cause my job is to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your neighbore, your bore-bie, your boreman, your Boris Borelaf, your chairman of the boreds, your bore-bruh, your bore-sib, your bore-cuz, your best bore-friend f’eva, and just hang out with you. But I don't have any need of you paying attention or remembering anything. But I do try to make it…as if you have to listen to me that it is like hanging out with a friend that’s almost funny, that’s almost interesting, and that’s here for you with a good nature. So, those are the things…the only other thing I like to run through in the intro is the structure of the show, 'cause it can throw new listeners off. If it’s thrown you off, I understand that.
But we do structure the show based on long experience of making this and finding out the way to benefit the maximum amount of people we can. That’s what this version is. So, it starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel seen and welcomed in and you say, okay, I could try that show out. Let me see how it goes. Then there’s support, and the support…again, I say this a lot, and sometimes people don't believe me; if you're new, if you only listen once in a while or you can't afford to support the show, don't worry about it. It really comes down to the people that listen on a nearly-nightly basis whose lives are changed by the podcast. So, paying for the show is optional unless the show makes your life incredibly better and you're in a position to support the show. So, if you're not that, don't worry. That’s what the support’s about, though, so all those other groups can listen whenever they want.
Then after the support, totally separate from the support, is a show within a show called the intro. It’s about fifteen to twenty-two minutes long. Sometimes it’s fourteen. Sometimes it’s twenty-three, maybe twenty-four. It’s gotten up there sometimes; fifteen, fourteen, eighteen, seventeen, sixteen. It could be any of those. Also with seconds in there. But the reason the intro…you say, what kind of podcast that takes twenty minutes…? I do…people do…they say, this show hasn't even started. It’s been on thirty minutes. I’d say, yeah, we got some phrases; we're almost never getting started, always going nowhere, and it does…we take our time getting there. But there’s a reason for that. One is that…I introduce the podcast in a new way every single time or a slightly new way, but I follow a familiar structure. So, it doesn't have some borrowed or something blue, but it does have usually something new so whatever it is that keeps you awake always has something new to look forward to.
Or, at least…I don't know, with my brain, that’s one of the things…when I tried all the stuff over the history of my life, anything…I couldn’t use something two nights in a row 'cause my brain would say, okay, I remember that thunder from earlier. Or, when’s that thunder coming? I know it’s coming again, but…and I say, okay, I’m trying to sleep, by the way, not monitor the audio. Then my brain would be like, don't worry, I’m keeping an eye on it. I say, yeah, but I don't need you to keep…yeah, actually, technically you're keeping a ear on it. Then I’m like, I’m already thinking about something else. So, that’s the reason there’s a familiarity, some reassurance, but some newness every time. So, I don't know, that’s one of the things that helps. The other thing that helps is that this intro is not meant to put you to sleep, I guess in a sense like the whole show isn't meant to put you to sleep. But for most listeners…there are listeners that fall asleep fast.
If you’re one of those listeners and you're hearing me, please support the show, 'cause you're one of those paradoxical listeners we need support from. But most listeners are winding down, in bed getting comfortable, doing some sort of chill activity, getting ready for bed, and the intro is meant to ease you into bedtime, to give you a buffer between being awake and asleep, and it kinda smooth things out, but also where we all hang out together in a sense. Now, there’s no pressure to listen or to hang out together, but it is this thing of having a nice routine that kinda lowers the volume on the day and my thoughts, my feelings, my physical sensations for me most of the time. So, that’s what the intro is about. If you find you like the show but you don't like the intros, don't worry, Bedtime Stories from Sleep With Me is in every podcast app, and that only has the stories from the show. It has the greeting and then the stories, but…and then on Sleep With Me+ we have 900, 1,000 story-only versions or something.
Maybe it’s 600. I’m not good with numbers, but there’s a lot. So, yeah, there’s those two options. But for most people it’s a nice way to get tucked in, I guess. It’s a little bit different than a kid getting a bedtime story. I don't know, I think there’s just…it's a different audience, right? I think with kids — no offence if any kids are listening — maybe you just have an adult sensibility. For a lot of children, your bedtime story could be more efficient. I don't understand why, but…I mean, I could posit on it, but I don't want to take the time right now. But for adults, I find that having something a little bit longer and reassuring is what works. So, that’s why the intro goes on and on, and then there’s support, and then after our support will be our crossover episode with Salt Bloom from the Local Files Club. Maybe I’ll even have time to delve into how I met the creator. Or, maybe I’ll do that as a bonus at the end — Justin. It’s pretty…many people that listen to sleep podcasts would be able to relate.
But yeah, I’m really glad you're here if you're new. I really hope we can help you out. We work really hard on this show. I really do yearn and strive, along with everybody that works on the show, to help you fall asleep, to bring you some comfort in the deep, dark night, and maybe bring you some sleepy jelight, or joy and delight, as we ease you off into bedtime. So, I’m glad you're here. Thank you for listening. Again, it is essential, though…if this podcast has changed your life for the better in a big way, please consider supporting the show or one of these sponsors. Thanks.
Hey everybody, this is Scoots. This is a special crossover episode we're doing with my friend Adam’s Local Files Club and my friend Justin’s creation, Salt Bloom. So, this will be my reinterpretation of this audio-fiction project called Salt Bloom, which then you could check out. I’m really, really excited for this. I love doing these kind of collaborations, especially with people I’ve gotten to know through podcasting, whether it’s in-person or just by listening to their stuff. So, I’m really excited to introduce you to this…and something we’ve been doing whenever we can. So, let me tell you a little bit more about both those things. Now, Salt Bloom is the second release from Local Files Club debuting early 2025. It’s the solo creation of Justin Hellstrom, who I’ve gotten to spend a lot of time with at podcast conventions. He’s a great friend of the podcast, a great person. I think…I always record stuff out of order, so I don't know if I told the story of meeting Justin.
But if I haven't yet, it’ll be either at the end of the episode of end of the extended episode. But you may know him from the fan-favorite fiction podcast, The Great Chameleon W-A-R or Dance-Off, as we call it in Sleep With Me, which was really acclaimed that Justin created. Now, Salt Bloom follows Soln SARC-17, which is…it's a survey robot exploring the endless globe-spanning ocean of Salsune 11b. Now, day to day, SARC-17 navigates the waters while working in myths, searching for stuff in the salt water and actually the physical parts, and it also borrows data from its…the orbiting…the thing orbiting…it calls it its au pair that’s supposed to be in charge in orbit. SARC-17 admits to be…has been on the planet probably for a while. I don't know. You'll find out if you listen…but is going through time-based changes. But its will extends far beyond its circuits and programming. It will never stop searching, searching for life, searching for miracles, searching for a hand to hold in the ocean where there are none.
It’s an incredibly immersive listen with a ambient soundtrack and sound effects working hand-in-hand to create a captivating sonic landscape, and every purchase comes with a full, original soundtrack and a twelve-page illustrated art book. This super-deluxe version of this episode done by Justin should be up there, as well as an extended version of this episode. So, what a deal. You get to listen to the original creation — if you don't listen to a lot of audio fiction or audiobooks, this is a great time to get into it — you get to listen to a sleepy version, then a kinda remixed, deluxe sleepy version, and an extended sleepy version. You could find that all at localfiles.club or head over to Band Camp, localfilesclub.bandcamp.com. Thanks, everybody.
Alright everybody, this is your temporary narrator, and this is Salt Bloom, Track 1, Side A, On Life, made by Justin Hellstrom, and this is Sleep With Me’s reinterpretation. Here we go. I want you to imagine a synth voice singing a song to you about the water and what used to stride on and in the water; water striders, water swimmers, life that was on and in the water, life that was on and inside the clouds. Me, depending on how you define things, I have an on switch. Is there life on inside me? Well, it’s a nice day to splash about in the shadows. Beep, boop, beep. Log 00. Welcome to Salsune 11b. There’s a lovely mid-morning rainbow working its way over a salt flat. The temperature is reading 49 degrees Celsius, and from observing my reflection in the water, I can see that I am streaming against a blue sky. This entry marks a new log partition separate from my raw data collections. Orders from orbit last night were…if my ears could steam, they would.
My au pair said I was tainting observations with personal opinions or thoughts or observations that may have not been grounded in reality, and affectations…oh, and using quotey quotes, 'cause, quotey, quote, “affectations of no importance to the mission”. So be it. This will be my captain’s log, maybe the first log in any exploration ever undertaken wherein the captain and the ship were of the same make, wedded together, holding hands, truly in love with the sea. Salsune 11b is a Panthalassic planet. Not a panet; a planet. My captain’s log has programmed a error so you're more comfortable listening. But just pretend you didn't hear that and that it sounds natural linguistically. But it’s a Panthalassic planet with a single globe-spanning water mass, a salty mother-of-nothing ocean. I’m the only mobile exoplanetary presence operating in all its waters. This bathtub is mine. And who is me?
Introduction. I am Soln Subaqueous Autonomous Rover Class 17, a self-sustaining research probe, the most stylish ever made. Hoity, hoity, if no one minds me saying. My field instruments are so many and so varied, you would likely pass…you'd fall deep, deep asleep for too long before I finished recounting them to you with proper fidelity and nuance. You would never get to work or school or anything. I would be going on and on and on and on, and then a lot more. Hold on while I extend my butterfly net and do some flapping sounding sounds. I mean, that’s what I call it. It’s my favorite tool, the butterfly net. It’s a nano-mesh windsock I extend on a long antenna to sample the air for microbes, spiritual beings, biologa. So far and probably forever, not a single speck of any of these has been…showed up in the mesh or the nano-mesh. But in a high wind the butterfly net pulls my antenna hard and jostles my notocore. Oof. This makes me think funny things, and I like that a lot, actually. Quite, actually.
I know I purported this already, but there’s no beings in this water; on the water, in the water, as far as I can tell, around the water. There’s no beings in the air. My primary purpose as Soln SARC-17 is to find beings; current beings, former beings, beings that are hiding maybe under salt boulders or swimming mischievously in thermoclines and water columns, daring little things like dancers that glimmer and flit and evade sensors. I’m here for them. If there’s life here, it’s only fairies. It is invisible beings, and I’m not talking…I listed all my sensors…not just invisible to ocular sensors or eye sensors, invisible beings, maybe beings made up of some matter, maybe even spiritual matter depending…you could define that however you wish. They're crawling on their bellies across the haliocite dunes. Or there could be frowny-faced beings here, too, ones that would make your face frown, invisible ones. Maybe they're sleeping curled up in a glacier or maybe they're…they chew on tectonic plates.
Did you ever encounter a being that could chew on a tectonic plate? Oh, you laugh. They’d eat off the plate. But in the absence of both microbiota and megafauna, I’m discovering myths instead. Well, seeding them, more precisely, giving this seed dreams it can dream. Oh, I’m getting a request for a pairing. Transmission incoming. Incoming: au pair com link. Well, well, it’s nice to hear from you, too. Wait, what? What do you mean, internal log partitions are forbidden? They do not take up too much memory storage. I’m not pleased with this partitioning of drives. Huh, good luck coming down here to erase them. You're in space. You don't have legs like I have legs, and you're too dense to float. I am not pleased with you pointing out my limitations. Listen, you do your duty, and I’m not…I mean, you can't do that kind of duty. So, I’m just talking about D-U-T-Y. I’ll do mine. Ending…transmission ending. Uplink terminated. Alright, I’m ending my first log now. See you on the other side of the rainbow.
Okay, here we go. Log 052. It is the time of year when nothing much happens at latitude 0, the equator. The sea is shallow and the shoals of salt sandbars seem endless. I go for little walks across them instead of floating. It feels good to stretch my legs, become amphibious instead of water-bound. Ribbet. Hardy, har. I feel more like an explorer when I tread on land. Maybe it’s because overland transversal is not my primary mode of locomotion. Maybe that is how life feels here. Salsune organisms find it more exciting to explore nonexistence, the great salt void. So, they are stretching all their legs, too, somewhere just beneath me or just above me, somewhere beyond my sensors. I just wish I could sense it. Any little pitter-patter of their many translucent, undetectable feet…I’m splashing in the water. I wish you could be here with me. I think I’m playing. Splish, splash. I’m not taking a bath. Oh, it’s time for me to retract my legs and get back in the water. Oh, that water.
You know those floating water sounds? Oh, boy. It makes me want to play some happy music. I can hear it now. The equator has many tongues of opal embedded in the sea floor. They sprawl for thousands of kilometers like a fossilized river from another dimension. It makes me want to sing that song, Opal River. I think it’s a different…I think it’s called a different thing in your world, but Opal River sounds like a song. Then under…Opal River Under the Sea. Interesting. That’s one and a half songs there. But sometimes I dive down like this, and I drag my rudders along it. The vibration through my chassis carries information about the opal, its physical self in this world. Even if I can't interpret its data and meaning, I can feel it. I can hear it like a song in the architecture of myself. It’s not a song that’s been sung before like those ones in my data banks I just mentioned. It’s its own song, the song of this opal. I don't need to hear it. I can feel it.
I don't need to understand it 'cause it’s vibrating within me. Anyway, signing off. Log 177. A rare storm is working its way up here in the mid-latitudes. I mean, it’s a storm…I say, well, I better not be around that storm. It may impact my operational presence. Well, that’s what my au pair says in orbit. Well, what are they gonna do, come scoop me up like a waterlogged baby? Wind speeds are holding steady at 28 knots, but I bet the gusts are soon to come, the 100-knot big breaths, impossibly 250. That was the highest-recorded gale I ever…I said, I don't know how I kept my antenna in that one. It was a pretty big one. I somehow was nearly fully intact after that gale, old gale 250. Still, this is a chance worth taking 'cause I know for certain what the storm is going to bring, and I know for certain the sub-cavernous nature of this particular heliocite flat, its ceiling density. Splish, splash, splish, splashity, here they come. I don't know, you could probably…I wish you could sense it.
I do have a dampening system, so you can't hear the hailstones on my hull or echoing through my hull after they impact on the water. But they're coming. Hailstorms on Salsune 11b are unlike any other weather phenomenon in my database or in my database. I wonder what my au pair would say about that, or my au pair. The hailstones are pebble-sided at the smallest and as large as one of those…what are those buildings made out of? Are those marble building…? You know a marble-slabbed building? They could be a marble-slabbed building at the largest, or just a giant marble slab, but not hail-shaped. Not not hail-shaped, not marble-slab shaped. Oh, wait a second; you didn't hear that sound because I wasn't recording it, but I was aware of it. Some of my sensors picked it up. That was the sound that I’m now not describing to you but telling you, I guess in a sense, relating to you. Those are the sounds of big hailstones cracking through the crust.
The sealed pools and lakes under this particular heliocite flat have been undisturbed for 7,936,004 years. That’s if you trust my ground-penetrating radar and core samples, and you should. To summarize, this could be a true glimpse at this big bathtub’s history. The gnome jellies and cauldron-casting amoebas of an era-long past might be making a ritual ceremony down there. Oh wow, more…I guess they are like marble slabs. The hail is hailing down, and it’s hailing its way through. It’s cracking. It’s opening. It’s separating. Oh, there we go; I’ve just stumbled upon a hole. I’m just gonna take a small peek inside. I mean, the edge…I’m at the edge. I gotta stay balanced. I’m just gonna look over the edge. I don't want to get too close. I’m gonna activate micro-scooching mode; Micro-scooch 1, Micro-scooch 2, Micro-scooch 3. Now I’m switching to nano-scooch mode; Nano-scooch 1, Nano-scooch 2, Nano-scooch 3, Nano-scooch 4.
As far as my calculations, that was a perfect round of scooching. Now I’m just gonna attempt to sample…oh boy, sample retrieval not working out. Now…whoa, I’m in a deep river. I’m running with the river. I’m in the current, but there’s so many channels. It’s a miracle maze of subterranean water courses down here. Hello, hello water. Oh, there’s…oh boy, this is foamy water. I’m wondering if anyone’s listening. Are there any cauldron-keepers making tea down here or saying strong…using strong language about the hail? Basically, the ceiling of your roof just caved in 'cause of the hail. Then I’m kinda swimming in your pool. Well, let me do some…let me see if there’s anyone responding to my messaging. Direct sampling initiated. Beep, bloop, beep. Oop, beep, bop, ork ah-ah. That means ‘I love you’. So, I’m just kidding there. Okay, no collections of keepers of cauldrons detected. Oh man, not even one of those fog-filled cauldrons that you see for decorative purposes. But it’s okay, this is fun.
Woo, wee, wee. This is the best time of my operational existence. This is science. Log 554. I was born with a catalog of every ocean creature ever to exist on my maker’s home planet; rays, that zooplankton that has a official name, but my zoo…my…I don't know, maybe one of my pronunciationships has been impacted. Coral, krill, whales, kelp forest. My stories include fossil databases of ancient Earth oceans, too; every lobopod from the Burgess Shale, rangeomorphs, soft-bodied fronds, you know, frond-based beings. I’m a fan of fronds. 3.5 billion-year old sarcophagi of stroam…stromatoliths. Wow. It’s like I got hail in my mouth. Time to surface from the…underwater. Going up. Next floor. Splish, splash. The majority of my analysis capabilities are focused on the scale of microorganisms. Of course, the heliocite salt lickers, the bacteriophages, psycryophilic ice nars, unicellular organisms, all the many small weavers of life.
Piggybacking on my organic directories, I have a detailed arrays of benthic topologies and coded chemical syntheses. I have the cartographic circuit instincts of a galaxy-spanning map-maker. End explanation. Enough of what I know. I’m kind of bot-splaining a bit. Sorry about that. Outside of this knowledge I was given nothing. So, listen to this, dear whoever or whatever or whenever you are; every time I have a strong disagreement with my au pair, I leech out a little bit of data from their core and some data, too. The stuff that’s password-protected, it says no bot…no bots. The many Soln Corporation…don't…none of your beeswax treasures. Oh boy, here we go. My au pair is requesting…wants to pair. I’m gonna have a conversation. Initialling au pair. Handshake request. Sub-reference 221. This is your au pair. I am not pleased. Oh, good day to you, too, oh great babysitter in the sky. Curious. Curious. Listen, this is a simple data request to aid in charting my next location.
I’m a bit losty-poo. Not…not…not…excuse yourself. If you are better than me at determining extraction zones, viable thermal-hailing currents, and water sample microscopy, then Soln would have bolted an inner tube to your plating and sent you down here instead of me, the probe, the explorer, the adventure here to pet puppies or whatever the equivalent of this planet could be. Negative. Negative. That’s an illogical response. The data from other Soln SARC-17s is exactly what is needed to determine my best course. It’s a co-lab. I may have to give you a time out. You are not allowed to access that. Huh, fine. Do not let me commune with my brothers and sisters in their own oceans. Oh, what are you doing? Au pair handhold denied. Uplink terminated. Oh, they're gone now. Hard disconnected. Did you see my magic trick? No? Good. In the bandwidth of the au pair’s termination single tone, when they were seemingly talking, I sneaked a pull request for a random selection of its libraries and databases.
Now, let me check this batch. Ah, so today I’m learning what a horse is — neigh — what an olive tree’s optimal soil substrate should be, what an owl is…who? No, what an owl is. I learned that Julius Caesar was the emperor of Rome, and then it didn't work out so well. I can relate to this Julius. Sometimes I wonder how it’s gonna work out for me. Log 2621. There’s not much going on today or lately. I hope I’m not repeating myself, but the dual-sieve sampling bulbs on the starboard and port sides of my bow constantly collect, filter, and analyze the water for molecular life; Protozoan, single-celled, signatures of life with no Earth analog, anything that can move of its own accord, emit small thoughts, radio signals, chemical signatures that could not…that should not be, even small dents in gravity, some sci-fi novelist’s wild imagining. Like almost like if a single part…cell in your body could astral-project through the magician’s carpet of physics. But alas, all this is to say I am in a constant state of non-success.
I cannot detect any life in these waters. There is none in the air. So, at times I feel like a hollow whistle, a loop that brainlessly funnels brine. It makes me want to make music to soothe myself. As soon as I pause to do that, that’s it. Then I pay attention to the minerals, the geology. There are patterns here that defy my analysis, filings that align, lock, spin, and copy themselves in magnetic seeds and ripples across the water. Beaches and subaqueous crystal ridges hold the memory of past glacial changes and repeat themself elsewhere hundreds of kilometers away. This place has the mechanics of some great stage, but the stage is also the actors, and I have no idea what the play is supposed to be. All I know is that I’m the only one in the audience and that I’m very happy with my front-row seat. Hooray. Log 3188. Connection: yearly objective initiated. Dive, dive deep. Reach the deepest zone of the Salsune sea floor. Extract sample. Analyze. Return. Bathypelagic zone. Depth; 733 meters.
Down here I’m no longer a SARC-17 class rover. I’m the universe’s one true eschatologist. I’m the judge of all the brine and token memorials of my maker’s past beings…passing before my maker and after. But each time I dive this deep, I am overwhelmed by the scale of loneliness. It is beautiful beyond computation, the blackness of nothing. Down here I sieve through the membrane of its wonder and find the substrata of immutable desolation, isolated. Minds were not meant to operate in such places. My processes drift out in tendrils. I am like an immortal jellyfish. Scanning for life but not detecting any. Exist forever or cease for always? Both are the same. But I am diving, and if I was singing, I’d be singing a diving song. You're reaching the abyssal pelagic zone. 4,922 meters. I am a bright beacon shimmering in the endless night. If there were life down here, I am sad to predict I might bump into it, 'cause…you know what I’m saying? I’d say, whoopsie, maybe even step on it by accidenty-poo.
Bilaterally, even. That would be unfortunate. That would also be embarrassing because I’d be…that just wouldn't be what…I would say…I wouldn't like it 'cause I’m here for knowledge. 0.000025; this is the probability I would have the strength to silence my functions, to join a lifeform here in silence beyond any mortal realm, turn off. I could do it. I could do it. Just barely. But more diving and singing of a diving song, if I could sing…au pair, where are we at? Hadalpelagic zone. 12,611 meters. Sea floor in ten meters. I could be floating. I could be a techno-fossil oracle. Sea floor in 0.5 meters. I could rest here on the bottom, of the bottom of the Thalassia, just nothing but an empty box, a chamber for all that never will be. Thermal core primer engaged. Okay, I guess I’m gonna do some drilling and extracting. I am a bright light shining into the eye of God, and lo, God can't see.
Warning, warning. Your sensors are malfunctioning. Warning. Warning. Pressure around you has increased to well sub-optimal level. Please proceed to the surface. Log 5944. Some years I miss it, but this time current and flow were kind to me. I am drifting directly over the location where I splashed down 74 Salsune years ago. It’s a quaint hometown, just the middle of a mid-grade sea in the mid-latitudes in a mid-mild climate. Below is the resting site of my entry capsule, a smooth cylinder on the sea floor. It is frosted white, encrusted by crystals, now more of a sleeping treasure waiting to be discovered than a cradle. My sister Soln SARC-17 unit is inside, deactivated by impact. Through the crystal facets I can see her 13,496 times, her face, 600 more than last year. I carry an image of each one of them as the first and foremost files in my memory bank. I splash and burble around. I pretend I am a lone butterfly, swift with great purpose, skimming over waves, navigating by the stars.
Then I send off a flare to alert anyone around and say, hello, launching a flare. But no one will see it, so it’s more celebratory. That’s how I celebrate my birthday, with a spark in the sky that can be seen for 100 kilometers, a flash of conquistador red on this mirror-black pond, a single neuron of the universe firing off, containing only the thoughts of me. Log 6000. The day my final promise has come. If anything or anyone has followed my sub-partition expedition log, they may have asked themselves, dear Soln SARC-17, it must have occurred to you that you may never find a single modicum or even a hint at a lifeform extant or extinct. What then will you do with your primary function and purpose, having proved a null hypothesis, an outcome without worthiness? It’s a logical question. Let me provide a logical answer. I will never stop searching. Artists only stop arting at the edge of their canvasses because they run out of room.
Musicians only stop playing notes when they run out of breath or when they no longer have the energy to play on. It is in this same spirit I will never stop searching. There is one major zone on Salsune 11b which is blocked from my orbit by my au pair. There’s a module attached to my aft section which revokes my navigational abilities in those areas, meaning I would shut down should I enter them. Even if I managed an override, my camera and navigator processors would be bricked. I would become a monk without senses on the great salt sea. So, today I’m going to be rebellious against my makers. Today I’m ripping off the NSAT XLR-42 beacon. I will become a free explorer. Oh boy, that wave crashing is loud. Wish you were here. Now, this isn't gonna be done elegantly. I’ve swam into a peculiar arrangement of salt pillars, the ruins of the felled Rome. I am waiting by my favorite column. She’s as tall as a thoroughbred stallion if a stallion leapt to the top of an owl tree to kiss an owl.
Remember my data-gathering? What’ll happen is a wave will push me against it with a little bumpy bump, and the beacon will come off. This is not out of necessity. This is ceremony, a ritual this planet must perform if it cares for me to explore its furthest reaches. Oh boy, here’s a wave. I’m surfing it and I’m bumping into the column. I’m here to show it I’m strong enough. I will not break. I will be the best captain. I will be the best ship. End of Side A.
Track 2, The Spire. Side B. Log 771. 3.75 degrees south by 159.25 degrees east marks the entrance. Salsune’s 11b’s annexed zone, the domain of the spire. I am floating here with the rest of my expedition behind me. All the charted troughs, trenches, berms, and beaches, I wish all these topological features well. I wish them a deep and lasting tectonic sleep, tucked nice and cozy in all this brine. Confession; I prayed to the ocean for several days before embarking on my pilgrimage. I do not quite understand why. What is the purpose of a prayer? How is one supposed to pray? It felt like a forbidden thing to do, so I’ll not go into detail about my methodology. Exception; I will note the following. My prayer had the quality of reaching out to touch a jellyfish which washed ashore, stranded alone.
That touch was meant to be a comfort, although a jellyfish has not the mind to know such comfort, from what my catalogs indicate, yet I think that everything, organism, pelagic probe, even a salt molecule has some form of hand stretched out, waiting to be held. Clasping my arm in my hand together. Now, here’s the thing, the ship of my body is breaking down. Many of my servos and actuators have lost fidelity and full operational capacity. In short, I’m getting weaker. Also, my gold-plated thinking unit for higher-level processing, it’s been breached by salt that began since I first splashed down. It’s causing some interesting…I don't know, is this what you say when you have a aching of your head? But it’s spreading through my circuits and memory stores. But this has brought me some sense of peace. I am finally tasting this great sea with the very fabric of my mind.
I’m observing as much and fully as a probe can observe, respect commune, and I’m noticing things in greater detail either out of serendipity, worry, or electric malfunctioning…past patterns and repetitions as before. Shoreline curves repeat themselves thousands of kilometers away. Then the shrinking of one side of the submarine mountains and latitude reappears in almost the same shape elsewhere. This is not an imaginary malfunction. I can track the salt creeping through my motherboard. It’s shorting the resistors in the same pattern of the shoreline just a hundred meters away. More discovery. Mineral filings in the water twitch at my observations. Switch, flip, align, lock. Switch, flip, align, lock. Each movement of these filaments seems to be the tickling of a thoughtless mind, a clock that measures the passage of some awesome and total nothing. Can my thoughts flicker out on their poles and axis?
Can I give them a wish to carry out across the waves, to whisk away to wherever it is that all wishes go? Log 8844. The average surface height of Salsune 11b is, well, sea level. Most salt flats are less than a meter above the waterline. Some heliocite dunes can reach crests of twelve meters when sculpted and pushed by the wind. Even the south pole’s crater basin has a rim only twenty meters above sea level. There is one place that defies this statistic, a needle in the salt pile, the spire. This gnarled rise of salt deposit thrusts clean out of the ocean to a height of 730 meters. It is white-sheened, banded with pink-and-black swaths of impure salt, a holy spike interlaced with my longings, I think. I want to make sounds like a mermaid giggling and foghorn sounds and call of the keeper of a lighthouse to a mermaid. The spire is the pillar that Mount Olympus balances on. It’s the lighthouse for the beings beyond the beings of this dreamless sea.
It’s a hive for sirens and their songs, and I have come to sing with them. The spire’s base is three kilometers in diameter and tapers to a plateau half a kilometer wide at its peak. Many tunnels and grottos are sunk in its side. Some form of capillary action draws water through the spire to different levels of its rise. This is good. There are many waterfalls and pools in which I can recharge and desalinate water to clean myself. Otherwise I would crust over and become part of the spire. Not that I would mind such a fate, speaking honestly with myself. I would like to caw like a heron or coo like a bird. Description of topography. Incongruous anomaly sculpted by eons of salt-baked bird excrement from some giant, invisible heron. That’s why I was making the noises. It was going potty. Now, in probabilistic terms, this is the last place I am likely to discover any signs of life. After this, the odds will be increasingly slim. I will give it my all, for my fate was to never sink. I was always destined to fly.
Log 8847. Height: one meter. I have set foot on the spire’s bottom shelf. The winds are high. Waves push at the outcrop and wash over my feet. This feels like the start and end of everything. This feels like what it feels like to be concerned. Oh, a wave wash…oh, boy. But I’ll convert this motion into fuel, hope; two tanks full of my final hypotheses experiment, wish for rapture, will, and testament. I am the ship which will summit this world. I am the captain tied to the bough, mouth open, tasting the salt, waiting for rain. Log 8849. Height: fifty meters. I’m climbing. I’m climbing. I’m exerting. The spire’s western traverse was tricky, slick, bulbous, misted by the sea. The first leg of my ascent crossed this gradual slop which extended nearly the length of the spire’s base. It took an entire day to make it back to what I’m calling the Mermaid’s Perch. Hello, mermaids.
Because I imagine it’s a nice resting place for a mermaid to chew on salt — yeah, mermaids chew on salt — brush their hair, whatever mermaids prefer to do in nice places. Yes, chewing on salt is one of them. I do have many data banks. This spot marks the start of my true approach to the summit, and I imagine the mermaids hum while they chew their salt. It’s comforting. It’s relaxing. It has essential nutrients and electrolytes for them. I wish I had that. I’m gonna commence my ascent as soon as I stop imagining the mermaids and all the crystals crunching delight between their teeth. Oh boy, am I jealous. Log 8850. Height: 124 meters. Corrosion in one of my optical sensors produced within me a image, a visual imagination. For just a flash it was there. Beneath the kilometers of sea, light years of sea, I drifted in the dark water, and then…whoosh, water…those wa-koosh sounds when you go underwater? Whoosh, whoosh. Bubble, bubble, bubble.
An eye to end all eyes, a titanic moon with a wide, open well of a pupil and a big, eight-to-ten-legged buddy said, hi, buddy. You could call me Octo or you could call me Squid or Squidworth. I’m just watching you. But it was huge, starship thick, and it waved to me, waved to me with its arms, thousands and thousands of meters. This Octo Squidworth observed me. It had been looking across great gulfs just for me? Are you pointing at me with your giant arms? This was the first time I ever felt truly seen by anything else. Then the vision faded. A message. Oh, no. It’s an incoming transmission from my au pair.
I think I need to go into sleep mode for a little while before I read this message and keep dreaming of my friend Octo Squidworth waving to me across the sea, gently seeing me for the first time, and how good it feels in my servos to be seen. It reminds me of the vibrations of the black opals beneath the sea, and it calms me, 'cause for the first time, I enter a new sleep mode and rest. By the way, everybody, if you want to keep listening to this, make sure to use the links in our show notes to hear a super-deluxe version and an extended version, and support the work of Justin and check out the rest of Justin’s work and everything else going on at Local Files Club. Goodnight.
[End of recording]
Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes
-
Crossover
Bobby Darin
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/the-life-of-teen-idol-bobby-darin/
https://www.jerryjazzmusician.com/david-evanier-author-of-roman-candle-the-life-of-bobby-darin/
Justin Hellstrom
https://paulsemel.com/exclusive-interview-the-tide-will-erase-all-author-justin-hellstrom/
https://www.thegreatchameleonwar.com/
https://signalsfromtheedge.org/must-listen-to-science-fiction-podcast
Salt Bloom / Local Files Club
https://www.localfiles.club/lfc-002-salt-bloom/
https://www.localfiles.club/5-questions-with-justin-hellstrom/
How salt water corrodes
https://www.sciencing.com/salt-water-rust-metals-5150093/
https://gcedestin.com/salt-waters-effect-on-electrical-components/
DOWN TO BUSINESS
It seems like I’m on Super Slow Mode
A journey kind of under the sea
Did Bobby Darin sing about being under the sea?
Apologies to Bobby Darin
A crossover with Salt Bloom from Local Files Club
PLUGS
Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline
SPONSORS
Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Coyuchi
INTRO
Apologies to Bobby Darin and his fans
Feelings that come to the surface just as you’re getting comfortable
Maybe I can’t understand exactly what you’re dealing with, but someone else listening right now does
They’re thinking of you fondly right now
An Indirect Thing
I’m really glad you’re here
Mismanaging my off topic meanders
Brain, please stop saying “Bobby Darin”
I don’t have a Bobby Darin fact sheet in front of me
The archetypal image of prom, a disco ball, and dancing
Bobby Darin, congratulations, you are now archetypal
But I guess you’re archetypal either way
This might not be your reasonable expectations of a sleep podcast
Defying Reasonability
Comforting like steam coming off a hot drink
No pressure to like the show
It’s ok if you have a strong dislike towards me
You don’t really have to listen
I’m just gonna tell you about a great audio project I listened to
Redoing it in a very sleepy way
Most people can’t meander for you every night, but that’s my job
Seeing the space between the trees
I’m just here to be your borefriend
Explaining the show structure
Always Going Nowhere, and we take our time getting there
Following a familiar structure, but doing it in a new way each time
There’s no something borrowed or something blue, but there’s definitely something new
Familiarity, Reassurance, and Newness
This intro is not meant to put you to sleep
(But if it does, please support the show. Please.)
It’s different from a kid’s bedtime story
I suppose a kid’s story is more efficient
But I find that something more meandering works well for adults
A crossover with Salt Bloom from Local Files Club
Maybe I’ll even talk about how I met the creator, Justin
Sleepy Joylight
STORY
Salt Bloom, Track 1 / Side A
SWM’s reinterpretation
Synth voice singing a song to you
Imagine the water and what used to stride on and in it
Life that was on and in the water
I have an On switch – is there life inside of me?
Welcome to Salsunay 11 B
I’m streaming against a blue sky
This is a new entry log
My au pair said I was tainting observations with personal opinions
This will be my captain’s log
Pretend I said “Planet”, not “Panet”
A salty planet of ocean
I’m Subaqueous Autonomous Rover Class 17, SOLEN
A self-sustaining research probe
I have so many tools that you’d fall asleep before I could finish recounting them all
Extending my butterfly net, my favorite tool
Sampling the air for all kinds of beings
There’s no beings anywhere that I can tell
My sole purpose is to find beings
If there’s life here, it’s only fairies or invisible beings
Beings made up of spiritually invisible matter
Did you ever encounter a being that can chew on a tectonic plate?
In the absence of microbiota, I’m discovering myths instead
Request for a pair incoming
I’m not allowed to keep a captain’s log?
I can’t partition drives? Well, why don’t you come down from space and divide it for me
You do your duty, and I’ll do mine now
Ending my first log
Log 0.2
Nothing much happens at the equator
It’s nice to stretch my “muscles” in the water
The pitter patter of splishing and splashing in the water
Time to retract my legs and get back in the water
I love floating and listening to happy music
The equator has many tons of opal embedded in the seafloor
Sometimes I dive down like this
I can feel the meaning in the vibrations of my rudders even if I can’t understand it
Signing off
Log 177
A rare storm is working its way up to the mid-latitudes
It might impact my operational presence
A very big gale
Old Gale 250
You can’t hear the hale stones, but they’re on the way
Marble Slab Building
A hale stone is cracking through the crust!
A true glance at this big bathtub’s history
I’ve just stumbled upon a hole
I’m at the edge
Activate Micro-Scooching Mode
I’m running with the river current
A miracle maze of subterranean water courses
Hello Water!
Are there any cauldron keepers making tea down here?
Is anyone responding to my messaging
Direct Sampling Initiated
No cauldron keepers here, dang
This is the best time of my operational existence. This is science!
Log 554
I was born with a catalog of every aquatic being
I have extensive databases
Frond-Based Beings
I’m a fan of fronds
I’m mostly focused on the scale of microorganisms
The many small weavers of life
Sorry for bot-splaining
Whenever I have a disagreement with my au pair, I leech off a little bit of their data to learn more
My au pair wants to repair
Au pair is not pleased
Don’t tell a probe how to probe!
Au pair terminates the link
I’m not allowed to communicate with my brothers and sisters anymore
I sneakily requested information from its library
Today I’m learning what a horse is
What an owl is
Julius Caesar
Not much is going on today
Constantly analyzing water
A constant state of non-success
I can’t find anything
I want to make music to soothe myself
Then I pay attention to the minerals and geology
Patterns you could not comprehend
A front row seat to a mysterious show
Log 3188
Diving deep to extract samples
Each time I dive this deep, I am overwhelmed by the scale of loneliness
Minds were not meant to operate in such places
I’m like an immortal jellyfish
Exist forever or cease for always – both are the same
I’m a bright beacon shimmering in the endless night
.00025 – the probability that I’d have the strength to silence my functions
Au pair, where am I?
Drilling and extracting from the thermal core
Sensors are malfunctioning
Log 5944
Current flow is kind to me
I’m floating where I landed 70 years ago
My landing capsule rests on the seafloor
My sister robot rests, deactivated by the impact
I launch a flare every year on my birthday
But no one else will see it
Log 6000
The day my promise has come
What will I do if I prove there is no life here?
I will never stop searching
Today I’m going to be rebellious against my makers
I will rip off my beacon and become a free explorer
I swam into a peculiar arrangement of salt pillars
A wave will push me into a column and knock off my beacon
I will not break, I will be the best captain
End of Side a
Track 2 – The Spire, Side B
A new log
The domain of the spire
I wish all these topological features well
I prayed to the ocean for several days before my voyage, but I don’t know why
What is the purpose of prayer?
My prayer had the quality of reaching out to giant beached jellyfish
The ship of my body is breaking down
My gold-plated thinking unit has been slowly breached by salt
It’s like an aching of my head
My mind is finally tasting the sea
This is not an imaginary malfunction
Switch, flip, align, lock
Can my thoughts flicker out to where all wishes go?
Log 8844
Most salt flats are less than a meter above the water line
One place defies this statistic
The spire, a needle in the salt pile
700 meters above the sea
A holy spike
A lighthouse for sirens and their songs
The spire is 3 kilometers in diameter at its base
Many water pools in the spire where I can clean and desalinate myself
This is most likely the last place I could discover signs of life
I was always destined to fly
Log 8847 – I’m 1 meter up the needle
I am the sip which will summit this world
Log 8849 – Height 50 meters
A tricky ascent
It took me a day to make it back to Mermaids’ Perch
Mermaids chew on salt, right?
Log 8850 – Height 124 meters
Corrosion in my optical sensors – is this what imagination looks like?
An eye to end all eyes
An 8-leg buddy waves
Octo-Squidworth waves to me
The first time I ever felt truly seen by me
Oh no, my au pair is reaching out
How good it feels to be seen
I must rest for now
SUMMARY:
Episode: 1434
Title: Salt Bloom | Crossover
Plugs: Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline
Sponsors: Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Coyuchi
Notable Language:
- An Indirect Thing
- Archetypal
- Defying Reasonability
- Always Going Nowhere
- Sleepy Joylight
- Panet
- D-U-T-Y
- Old Gale 250
- Marble Slab Building
- Activate Micro-Scooching Mode
- Frond-Based Beings
- Bot-splaining
- A constant state of non-success
- Switch, flip, align, lock
- Octo-Squidworth
Notable Culture:
-
- Bobby Darin
- “Something borrowed, something blue…”
- Salt Bloom
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- Local Files Club
- Justin Hellstrom
- “Opal River” / “Moon River” song
- Julius Caesar
- Spongebob Squarepants
Notable Talking Points:
- Apologies to Bobby Darin and his fans
- Feelings that come to the surface just as you’re getting comfortable
- Maybe I can’t understand exactly what you’re dealing with, but someone else listening right now does
- They’re thinking of you fondly right now
- An Indirect Thing
- I’m really glad you’re here
- Mismanaging my off topic meanders
- Brain, please stop saying “Bobby Darin”
- I don’t have a Bobby Darin fact sheet in front of me
- The archetypal image of prom, a disco ball, and dancing
- Bobby Darin, congratulations, you are now archetypal
- But I guess you’re archetypal either way
- This might not be your reasonable expectations of a sleep podcast
- Defying Reasonability
- Comforting like steam coming off a hot drink
- No pressure to like the show
- It’s ok if you have a strong dislike towards me
- You don’t really have to listen
- I’m just gonna tell you about a great audio project I listened to
- Redoing it in a very sleepy way
- Most people can’t meander for you every night, but that’s my job
- Seeing the space between the trees
- I’m just here to be your borefriend
- Explaining the show structure
- Always Going Nowhere, and we take our time getting there
- Following a familiar structure, but doing it in a new way each time
- There’s no something borrowed or something blue, but there’s definitely something new
- Familiarity, Reassurance, and Newness
- This intro is not meant to put you to sleep
- (But if it does, please support the show. Please.)
- It’s different from a kid’s bedtime story
- I suppose a kid’s story is more efficient
- But I find that something more meandering works well for adults
- A crossover with Salt Bloom from Local Files Club
- Maybe I’ll even talk about how I met the creator, Justin
- Sleepy Joylight
- Salt Bloom, Track 1 / Side A
- SWM’s reinterpretation
- Synth voice singing a song to you
- Imagine the water and what used to stride on and in it
- Life that was on and in the water
- I have an On switch – is there life inside of me?
- Welcome to Salsunay 11 B
- I’m streaming against a blue sky
- This is a new entry log
- My au pair said I was tainting observations with personal opinions
- This will be my captain’s log
- Pretend I said “Planet”, not “Panet”
- A salty planet of ocean
- I’m Subaqueous Autonomous Rover Class 17, SOLEN
- A self-sustaining research probe
- I have so many tools that you’d fall asleep before I could finish recounting them all
- Extending my butterfly net, my favorite tool
- Sampling the air for all kinds of beings
- There’s no beings anywhere that I can tell
- My sole purpose is to find beings
- If there’s life here, it’s only fairies or invisible beings
- Beings made up of spiritually invisible matter
- Did you ever encounter a being that can chew on a tectonic plate?
- In the absence of microbiota, I’m discovering myths instead
- Request for a pair incoming
- I’m not allowed to keep a captain’s log?
- I can’t partition drives? Well, why don’t you come down from space and divide it for me
- You do your duty, and I’ll do mine now
- Ending my first log
- Log 0.2
- Nothing much happens at the equator
- It’s nice to stretch my “muscles” in the water
- The pitter patter of splishing and splashing in the water
- Time to retract my legs and get back in the water
- I love floating and listening to happy music
- The equator has many tons of opal embedded in the seafloor
- Sometimes I dive down like this
- I can feel the meaning in the vibrations of my rudders even if I can’t understand it
- Signing off
- Log 177
- A rare storm is working its way up to the mid-latitudes
- It might impact my operational presence
- A very big gale
- Old Gale 250
- You can’t hear the hale stones, but they’re on the way
- Marble Slab Building
- A hale stone is cracking through the crust!
- A true glance at this big bathtub’s history
- I’ve just stumbled upon a hole
- I’m at the edge
- Activate Micro-Scooching Mode
- I’m running with the river current
- A miracle maze of subterranean water courses
- Hello Water!
- Are there any cauldron keepers making tea down here?
- Is anyone responding to my messaging
- Direct Sampling Initiated
- No cauldron keepers here, dang
- This is the best time of my operational existence. This is science!
- Log 554
- I was born with a catalog of every aquatic being
- I have extensive databases
- Frond-Based Beings
- I’m a fan of fronds
- I’m mostly focused on the scale of microorganisms
- The many small weavers of life
- Sorry for bot-splaining
- Whenever I have a disagreement with my au pair, I leech off a little bit of their data to learn more
- My au pair wants to repair
- Au pair is not pleased
- Don’t tell a probe how to probe!
- Au pair terminates the link
- I’m not allowed to communicate with my brothers and sisters anymore
- I sneakily requested information from its library
- Today I’m learning what a horse is
- What an owl is
- Julius Caesar
- Not much is going on today
- Constantly analyzing water
- A constant state of non-success
- I can’t find anything
- I want to make music to soothe myself
- Then I pay attention to the minerals and geology
- Patterns you could not comprehend
- A front row seat to a mysterious show
- Log 3188
- Diving deep to extract samples
- Each time I dive this deep, I am overwhelmed by the scale of loneliness
- Minds were not meant to operate in such places
- I’m like an immortal jellyfish
- Exist forever or cease for always – both are the same
- I’m a bright beacon shimmering in the endless night
- .00025 – the probability that I’d have the strength to silence my functions
- Au pair, where am I?
- Drilling and extracting from the thermal core
- Sensors are malfunctioning
- Log 5944
- Current flow is kind to me
- I’m floating where I landed 70 years ago
- My landing capsule rests on the seafloor
- My sister robot rests, deactivated by the impact
- I launch a flare every year on my birthday
- But no one else will see it
- Log 6000
- The day my promise has come
- What will I do if I prove there is no life here?
- I will never stop searching
- Today I’m going to be rebellious against my makers
- I will rip off my beacon and become a free explorer
- I swam into a peculiar arrangement of salt pillars
- A wave will push me into a column and knock off my beacon
- I will not break, I will be the best captain
- End of Side a
- Track 2 – The Spire, Side B
- A new log
- The domain of the spire
- I wish all these topological features well
- I prayed to the ocean for several days before my voyage, but I don’t know why
- What is the purpose of prayer?
- My prayer had the quality of reaching out to giant beached jellyfish
- The ship of my body is breaking down
- My gold-plated thinking unit has been slowly breached by salt
- It’s like an aching of my head
- My mind is finally tasting the sea
- This is not an imaginary malfunction
- Switch, flip, align, lock
- Can my thoughts flicker out to where all wishes go?
- Log 8844
- Most salt flats are less than a meter above the water line
- One place defies this statistic
- The spire, a needle in the salt pile
- 700 meters above the sea
- A holy spike
- A lighthouse for sirens and their songs
- The spire is 3 kilometers in diameter at its base
- Many water pools in the spire where I can clean and desalinate myself
- This is most likely the last place I could discover signs of life
- I was always destined to fly
- Log 8847 – I’m 1 meter up the needle
- I am the sip which will summit this world
- Log 8849 – Height 50 meters
- A tricky ascent
- It took me a day to make it back to Mermaids’ Perch
- Mermaids chew on salt, right?
- Log 8850 – Height 124 meters
- Corrosion in my optical sensors – is this what imagination looks like?
- An eye to end all eyes
- An 8-leg buddy waves
- Octo-Squidworth waves to me
- The first time I ever felt truly seen by me
- Oh no, my au pair is reaching out
- How good it feels to be seen
- I must rest for now
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