1413 – Kids Press On, Potentially | Nothing Works, Everything Happens Ep 1

Episode 1413 – Kids Press On, Potentially | Nothing Works, Everything Happens Ep 1

 

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for a episode of Sleep With Me. It’s time for the podcast that’s here to take your mind off of stuff, keep you company, and help you fall asleep. This is a very special episode to introduce something new we're gonna be doing with somebody that’s worked on the show for a very, very long time. I'll talk more about it later on when we start the episode. It’s gonna be a ongoing series. For those fans of Alba Salix and other audio fiction crossover, this is a crossover…it’s really…I'm really excited about it. But it’ll be sleepy, don't worry, and it’ll be something you could check out in the daytime when you're not sleepy. It’ll be a bedtime story. Welcome…if you're new, by the way, welcome to Sleep With Me. This is a podcast to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep versus putting you to sleep.

 

All that means is I'm here to be kinda nearby telling you a story full of meanders and tangents to help…to kinda create a place where you're distracted from whatever it is that’s keeping you awake and you can fall asleep, so you have some comfort in the deep, dark night, you have a friend hanging out with you. This show is very different. It does take some getting used to. So, if you're new, give the show a few tries. I'm gonna tell you about everything that’s coming up. If you're a regular listener, welcome back. So glad to have you. So excited to be here, right? It really is my honor to be your friend in the deep, dark night and keep you company. What do we got coming up? Oh, so the structure of the show…we got some support coming up so that paying for the show is optional, really only optional if you're new or you only listen time to time, like when…or you're just going through a hard time right now and you need a sleep podcast or you need a friend.

 

Don't worry about the sponsors or supporting the show. It’s optional for people if you're not in a position to support a sponsor. It really comes down to the people that benefit the most supporting the show, and that’s really the coolest thing. When those people support the podcast directly or support our…we got cool sponsors, too…everybody benefits, and then you don't gotta worry about it if you're new or an occasional listener or you're just not in a place to support the show. Other listeners have you, not just with keeping the show going, but they're really thinking positively about you. So, that’s the support. Then after the support, totally separate from the support, is the intro to the podcast. That’ll be about fifty…fifteen to twenty minutes — not fifty — to ease you into bedtime and introduce the podcast, and then we’ll have this very special crossover series we're doing in 20… here in 2026 that I get to introduce here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff.

 

So, I'm really glad you're here, and I work really hard on the show. So do a bunch of other people. So, if this podcast has changed your life, has changed your relationship with sleep, and you would miss it if it was gone, you could support the show so it doesn't…it can keep helping you out by supporting these sponsors or this call to support the show directly. Thanks.

 

Intro: Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I'm gonna do the rest. What I'm going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. That could be thoughts on your mind, thoughts about the past, the present, the future, things you're thinking about, or thoughts that are just there. You prefer…I’d prefer not to be thinking about this, but the thoughts are saying, hello, I'm trying to get your attention here. So, it could be thoughts, it could be feelings, anything emotionally connected to those thoughts or feelings that are just there left over from the day, or feelings, I don't know, that are also making an appearance or about something coming up or something you're going through, or feelings; they're…we have them.

 

It could be physical sensations, it could be changes in time, temperature, routine, you could be going through something, getting over something, in the middle of something, you work a different schedule, or maybe your sleep is just unsettled. Last night, my wonderful dog slept great, but I think I'm so used to her not sleeping great that I woke up quite a bit. But I was able to stay calm and get back to sleep, and that’s what the show is designed to do, help you get to sleep or if you wake up and you need the show, or some people like to play it and not listen to it. But the show is here to help you out or to try to help you out. It is a bit different, so just give the show a few tries. That’s what a lot of people say. I'll talk about it again in a second. But, I don't know, for some reason it just came up in my head now. If you find that this show is not for you either right now or after you listen a couple times, we have a website set up, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, where you could check out other sleepy stuff, like other sleep podcasts and stuff like that.

 

But yeah, just kinda see how it goes the first couple times. The reason I make the show…part of it is that I always have struggled with sleep, and I always wonder, how come everything out there is so serious about sleep? Even the audio stuff at the time was serious, and nothing…and not, I don't know, varied, right? I try to listen to the same… I don't know, I remember somebody gave…my mom, I think, gave me a hypnosis tape. It was actually pretty cool. Or, one side of it was cool, I think, and it worked, but only a couple times. Then I said, oh, okay, well, now I know this thing by heart. Then the second side I think was a little bit too participatory for me, or performative, I mean, for me. That didn’t just…that just didn't work for me. Now, that stuff does help a lot of people out, and that’s great. But if you're like me, you're like, that just doesn't…I need some help, that’s what I'm here to try to provide in a very unique way.

 

But the reason I do it is 'cause I know what it was like for me when I couldn't sleep as a kid, as a young adult, and now when I struggle with sleep as an adult. I know what it’s like to need sleep so I could be functional the next day, or to really desire sleep and say, well, it’s really important tonight. To be denied that…and it’s a little bit out of my control, or more than a little bit sometimes, and to want some help with that…but also to know this is kinda lonely for me, and not pleasant. I don't know what brought you here, right? I don't know what it’s like for you, but I genuinely mean it when I say I'm glad you're here and I hope I can help you out, 'cause I know what it was like for me, and if it’s anything like that at all for you, I do feel for you. You may have come here for totally different reasons, right? But maybe…not many people come here…some people do come here 'cause they're looking for a good time. I say, okay, I don't know if this fits that definition, but it is a bit of a good time.

 

But most people find their way here 'cause they're stuck with their sleep or their relationship with sleep or something like that during the day, whatever it is. The great thing is there’s enough people listening right now that somewhere in the world, someone else is listening that’s rooting for you, right? That’s…that does know exactly what you're dealing with, 'cause they’ve dealt with something very, very similar. They could be near where you are, they could be similar to you, or they could be somewhere else in the world and totally different from you, but they share this thing, and they're really hopeful for you. They're like, I hope this podcast can help you like it helped me, and I hope you can get the rest you need so your life is more manageable tomorrow. I hope for that, but other listeners are rooting for you. They're thinking fondly of you, and they're sending you kindness. I don't know if you could feel it or not. I can feel it, and it does feel magical.

 

Now, not flashy…not that flashy, Las Vegas-magical, which is…there’s not a lot of glitz around Sleep With Me’s magic. But it’s like, yeah, it’s kind of…it’s like, yeah, it’s not-bad magic. Yeah, not-bad magic. Sleep With Me; it’s like if magic was not bad. Not half bad, 'cause magic’s never…I mean, I guess…let’s not even get into it. So…oh boy, I went down the wrong meander avenue there. But everybody that’s listening and paying attention right now is rooting for you to get the rest you need, and you might need the rooting, but you may also get the experience of being hopeful and sending kindness to other listeners and get those benefits, too. Those are real benefits, not just to your sleep, but your wellbeing, sending wellbeing and kindness out to somebody else somewhere else in the world who’s been through something similar to you or you can share these experiences with, or you know they're just in a tough spot.

 

That feels good, and I do believe it positively impacts our rest, probably in a very indirect, meandering way, 'cause if it was one-to-one, I’d be sleeping all the time. But so, that’s why I make the show. You deserve a bedtime where you could get the rest you need so your life is better tomorrow, and that you get the rest you need so you could be out there in the world flourishing. Yeah, that’s what the show is about. The way it works is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents, I go off topic, I get mixed up, I forget what I was talking about, then I'm like, wait a second, what was I talking about? Those are pointless meanders and superfluous tangents. Creaky, dulcet tones means my voice is not traditionally soothing, but it’s not too bad, and, yeah, this show, as I said earlier, it does take some getting used to.

 

When most people arrive here, naturally, if you were searching for something or you heard about the show somehow and you're like, oh, a sleep podcast; it’s a bedtime story for adults…you probably had some reasonable expectation of what the show was gonna be like, and this podcast ends up being a bit different than that. You're like, wait a second, this is a bit different than what I expected, and I don't even know what you're…I thought there’d be more soothing sounds or swishes or calls or bells or someone with, yeah, dulcet tones, maybe, like a melodious voice. Yours is like…your voice has a melody to it, but you wouldn't…it wouldn't be a melody you'd play at a recital. I say, yeah, fair enough. I agree with you, actually. If I found this show, I’d be skeptical and doubtful, too. So, it does take a couple tries for the show for most listeners. There are people that get it right away, and there’s people that the show just never works out for.

 

But for most people, it’s on the second or third try where you realize, oh, now I get it. He is just here to hang out with me but for me. He’s not hanging out with me; he’s hanging out for me, and that’s a bit different. He’s always never going anywhere, always never getting started. So, just give it a few tries, see how it goes, and then if you discover the show is not for you or you're already certain, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou will take you to a place that has other sleep podcasts and sleepy stuff on there. But you're here. I hope I can help you. This show is a bit different. It’s a podcast you just barely listen to versus a podcast you listen to directly. It’s a podcast you could just barely pay attention to whether…you don't need to pay total attention. I'm not gonna try to grab your attention. I'm gonna…but I'm gonna be here to the very end of the show for you. You could set a sleep timer or whatever.

 

It’s kinda like a TV on in the other room or a show streaming under your pillow, sand passing through your hands, a watch…you know when you're just staring at something, you're relaxed, whether it’s a tree or water or the breeze on something, or a friend hanging out with you and telling you stuff. You're like, okay, this isn't…can you tell…can you read me a story that someone…an interesting story someone wrote, but make it uninteresting? I’d say, you got it. You got it. I can do that. Also make sure…since I'm not actually there, you don't have to worry about me leaving any crumbs or whatever, or being around. You say, okay, you're at the perfect distance, Scoots, plenty of far away. So, that’s one part of the show. It’s a podcast you could listen to as long as you need to, but you don't need to listen to it, and it’s a sleep podcast that is not here to put you to sleep. There is no pressure to fall asleep with the show. I'm gonna be here over an hour so you don't have to worry about falling asleep.

 

There’s people listening who can't sleep at all or who need a break during the day or have woken up or whatever, and they…I'm here for them and for you. Whether you're awake or asleep, I'll be here to the very end. In this ad-supported, listener-supported version of the show, there’s over 600 episodes you could use. I'm here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your neigh-bore, your bore-bie, your boreman, your bores, your Boris Borelaf, your chairman of the boreds, you're best bore-friend f’eva, and just keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could sleep, or so you have comfort in the deep, dark night, so you have a distraction, so you have a friend, you have a friend you could listen to or not listen to. Or you could say, I don't know if…okay…like a friend…or a friend… we're friendship-adjacent, we’ll say. I'm friend-esque. Friend-esque, the friend who’s not quite a friend that also doesn't know words that well. That’s my friend Esque.

 

You have a friend named Esque? Well, we could come up with a episode one day called A Friend Named Esque for sure, but this is a special cross…introduction to a new series we're doing in a similar vein of some other audio stuff we’ve done with fiction. So, yeah, I'm just here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff, not to put you to sleep. So, I'll be here, and you could be at ease, and I'll be here talking and hanging with you. So, that…those are a couple things to know. The other thing, if you're new or you're coming back or you're coming over from a different sleep podcast or something else you've tried out, let me explain to you the structure of the show and the way we structure it…why we structure the show, how we structure it, because it might explain a lot, right, if you're new. This is the way the listener and ad-supported version of the podcast benefits the maximum amount of people it can, and it’s structured to kinda work in a way that as you become a regular listener, you could…it could be adjustable.

 

So, it starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel seen and welcomed in. You say, oh, okay, I could check that show out. Then there’s some listener and sponsor support so the show…paying for the show is optional. I talked about it earlier. There’s really no other way to put out a quality show like this. You can laugh at that if you want, but it does take a lot of work. The great thing about Sleep With Me and most other podcasts is that the people that love it the most, if they participate in that stuff, everybody else can benefit. It’s not really free content; it’s content supported by the super-listeners, the listeners that love the show or benefit…in this case it’s kinda like a service. So, the people that use the service more or benefit from it more, everybody wins. But that’s the part that makes that possible.

 

Then after the support, totally separate from the support, a show within a show, is the introduction to the podcast, where I try to explain what the podcast is, but it takes me fifteen to twenty minutes. I follow a familiar structure every time; a familiar structure, it could be a reassuring structure, 'cause you say, okay, I know he’s gonna try to explain what the podcast is. Eventually he’ll say, creaky, dulcet tones and pointless meanders. But who knows what Scoots is gonna get distracted by? A mis-meander? Have we ever had a character named Miss Meander on the show either? I think we just came up with two new characters, Miss Meander…I don't know, Miss Meander, are you present? That’s one of the people we get compared to. Bueller? Bueller. Miss Meander. Miss Meander? Oh, great, great. You're here today. Great. What was I talking about? Oh, structure of the show.

 

So, the intro goes on and on and on to introduce the podcast but in a way that whatever’s…they talked about this…the things that didn't work for me. Repetition was one of the things that didn't work for me. Consistency did, and something reassuring did and familiar, but I need some variety in my distractions at bedtime, otherwise I just can't…I don't know, my mind just…or my thoughts, feelings, or physical sensations or whatever else it is catch on, and they point it out. So, that’s why every episode is different with the intro, but it still follows that same pattern and that same time period, 'cause the intro also serves another purpose, which is easing you into bedtime, being part of your wind-down routine, even if that’s indirectly. There are some people that fall asleep fast. I always…I do have to beg; if you fall asleep fast, please support the show on Sleep With Me+, 'cause there’s no other way we could continue to help you if you fall asleep fast.

 

But for most people, they're in bed getting comfortable, they're getting ready for bed, or they're doing some chill activities or just relaxing. So, we're all kinda hanging out together in different states of easing into bedtime so that there’s a buffer between being awake and asleep. Just like I said, I'm not here to put you to sleep. I'm not here to tell you when to fall asleep, either. I'm here to ease you into it, and having a bedtime and a wind-down routine…for me, even when I can't sleep, having a nice wind-down routine at least makes me feel kinda grounded and reassured in another way; well, at least I got that book. I started a new book last night. I had been reading a book for two months, and none of which are sleepy content. But…yeah, the subjects or whatever. But yeah, it’s like, having that book…I say, well, at least I know I'm gonna return to Skip. Or this new book…I say, well, I don't even know. I just started it. What’s it gonna be like? But I'm enjoying it. So, yeah. What else?

 

The structure of the show…okay, so, that’s why the intro goes on and on and on. Sometimes when you're new, you say, what are you going on and on and on about? What’s the sponsors? I get it. Don't worry. That’s why I go through this every single time, to meet you where you are, 'cause it would be normal to be frustrated with a sleep podcast or any podcast, right? It’s a normal thing. I'm not here to point any fingers or anything. I'm just here to kinda lay it out and make requests where I need to, right? So, I'm…so, yeah, so that’s the intro. It goes on and on and on. Yeah, if you decide you like Sleep With Me but you don't like the intros, don't worry. We got you covered. We have a version of the podcast that’s ad and listener-supported called Bedtime Stories with Sleep With Me. You could find that in your podcast app. Or on Sleep With Me+, not only do you get ad-free, full episodes, you also get ad-free, story-only episodes that goes back, way, way, way back in the catalog.

 

Or you can mix and match from both. This doesn't just go for Sleep With Me. Whatever podcast app you use, you can find within that app or within another podcast app ways to build playlists that work for how you like to listen. This is not normally a tangent I go on in the intro, but I use three different podcasts apps now. I may be up to four or five, 'cause I use one when I'm running. Now I use one when I'm in my car. I used to use one when I was listening to podcasts with my daughter. I use one when I'm checking up on this podcast and checking episodes before they come out. There’s probably one other use case in my regular, everyday life where I'm using podcasts. I like to use different apps for those different things, 'cause they…each app, you could build playlists in different ways. So, it just gives you another thing to test out, to make it better for you and your experience. I think that’s…oh no, so…that’s the intro.

 

Then after the intro will be some support, then tonight will be this new kind of fiction, audio fiction, sleepy audio fiction thing we're doing, and all told, I'll be here about an hour. I'm really, really glad you're here. I'm really excited to try to help you out in the most lulling way I can. I appreciate you coming by whether you're new or this is your thousandth or two thousandth or ten thousandth time listening, 'cause, yeah, there are people that listen to over 10,000 episodes, clearly, even though we…but yeah, I'm really glad you're here. I work really hard, and other people do, and we really could use your help. If the podcast is something that has changed your relationship with sleep or the day, it’s something you look forward to and you couldn't find it anywhere else, that…those are the people I’ve been trying to get ahold of, particularly this year, this past year since April 2025. So, if that’s you, consider supporting the show at sleepwithmepodcast.com/plus or supporting one of these sponsors. Thanks.

 

Alright everybody, so, this is Scoots. I kinda set this up a little bit during the intro. I'm still not sure how much of a mystery this will be, but this is gonna be fun. This is from the book…a collection of short stories, Nothing Works, Everything Happens. It’s short stories from Aiyas Aya, and it’s…the book is dedicated to the kiddo. May you get as much time as possible to run wild with your imagination. I'm gonna start with the forward and we’ll go from there. Nothing Works, Everything Happens is an anthology of minor malfunctions. These stories are about people, machines, and massive clouds of dispersing space matter all trying their best to carry on after the wheels have begun to fall off. I’ve written these stories to be earnest, disconcerting, and hopefully, most of all, fun. In the spirit of pulp fiction, my hope for this book was to create something you look forward to picking up. So, that’s the read-in-the-daytime part, or maybe hearing these episodes at bedtime.

 

Not a chore, but a little escape. Sometimes this book is hopeful. Other times, with any luck, it’s humorous. Don't worry, I'll make sure that any humor is accidentally…I'll do my best. Occasionally it’s just the wind blowing dust around a desolate planet. I hope you find something on these pages that feels poignant and heartening. I also hope you find something that rattles the…rattles you a little bit — like, you say, hello — at least a little. Perhaps most of all, I hope you find, as I'm learning, a strange comfort in the persistence of it all, the way it carries on rationally or otherwise. Thank you for picking up this book. If you find catharsis in chucking into the void…or chuckling into the void — kinda like rocks skipping into the void, but also chuckling into the void — welcome. These stories are for you. Thank you again for lending stories some time…lending these stories some time. I hope they help you laugh and then cry and then press on regardless. Aiyas Aya. Now there’s an Acknowledgements page.

 

This book wouldn't exist without the patience, inspiration, and support of many remarkable people. To everyone who encouraged this project when it seemed improbable or inadvisable, to all those who have been excited about sci-fi and creativity and books over these…the two years that it took to write this collection. To Fay, our conversation and our life together shape these stories in so many ways. In moments I’ve lifted directly from both. Sorry. Thank you for reading my early drafts. To the kiddo who reminded…for constantly reminding me that kid life should always be the goal, that adult life is, for the most part, a diluted version of the good stuff. To beta readers and cover art critics whose early feedback helped shape and refine this book for the much, much better; Cam, Evan, Greg, JD, Rita, Spencer, Bish, Maze, Dana, Vanessa, and many more. To everyone reading this now, or listening to this just now, in this case, familiar and far afield, you make the act of writing feel far less like shouting into the void.

 

May we find each other in the electric lasagna. To the world out there for making me laugh nervously so often, and finally to mom, for reiterating that even when nothing works, everything still happens. That gave me a little bit of chills there. Alright, there’s also a legend. As I wrote this book, I had many conversations about the difficulty for reading for pleasure in modern life. I very intentionally wrote this book to be accessible, an accessible, fun, and thought-provoking read no matter how tired, overstimulated, or short-attention-spanned you may be. I find that reading helps some. I’ve ordered the stories in a way I feel is the best journey through the collection. However, if you prefer to customize your experience, there’s a legend to help you jump around the story order if you like. We’ll read them in order over these episodes, but we’ll also go through the legend 'cause who knows how sleepily that could be.

 

Whether you have ten minutes or sixty, whether you want something humorous or heavy, when you sit down to read, I hope this legend can help you find something that suits your mood. Please make it work for you. Well, in that case, actually, I didn't have all the prep. So, it’s like, we may jump around stories to make sure that they fit episode lengths. Okay, so, there’s a symbol of a quarter of a clock for a shorter read. There’s a symbol of a empty vessel for light. There’s a half-clock for a medium read, and a half-weighted symbol for somewhere in-between. There’s a full weighted symbol for heavy, and there’s a three-quarter clock for a longer read. There’s popcorn for a bit of fun. Then I'm gonna change some stuff around. There’s kind of a flying thing for high concept, and then there’s things…Scoots will sleepify everything. There’s also…these are…and then there’s combinations. I'm not sure if these are gonna be…I think these are the stories.

 

But there’s…baseball gets…it’s half heavy, fun, or a bit of fun, and a longer read. Lacav is high concept, somewhat heavy, longer read. The Great Divide and Epilogue; high concept, heavy, and longer read. Chimera is…has to do with a future that we may say that needs to be…a future that needs to be sleepified to be…to stay…it’s not…it’s sleepified…sleeptonian future. Topian…sleeptopian…sleepified, topian future. It’s a heavy, longer read. Core Reactor XZ; a bit of fun, somewhat heavy, longer read. Cosmic Lemon; high concept, light, longer read. Infinite Potential 1 Through 3; it’s a medium read, bit of fun, light. Pixel is…will contain some sleepification, heavy, medium read. Space Junk 1 Through 4 is medium in weight and medium length. Ink Jet Rising; a bit of fun, light, or not heavy, medium read. Matriarch of Nebana; that’s medium length, a bit heavy, to be snoozified. Deep Futures; a bit of fun, light, and not as medium-length. Budget; a bit heavier, half-length.

 

Direct Memory; high concept, a bit heavier, medium length. Scrubs; not the TV show Scrubs, but Scrubs. It’s medium heaviness and medium length. Jones’ Space Peas; high concept, heavy, and medium length. Press On 1 and 2; a bit of fun, light, and a shorter read. Kids; high concept, light, shorter read. The Last Book Written by a Human; bit of fun, sleepopian, medium, and short. Snacks of Toads; a bit of…no, high concept, medium weight, and a shorter read. Geezers; high concept, heavy, shorter. We Only Come Out for Nighttime, or We Only Come Out at Night; high concept, light, and shorter. Interlude; shorter, medium weight, and high concept. Reset; light, short length, and a bit of fun. The Custodian; high concept, sleepified, a little bit heavier, short. Nothing Works, Everything Happens; short, medium weight, high concept. Worn Out; a little bit heavier, shorter length. To Waver in the Heat of Dance-Offs; a bit of fun, as dance-offs are, medium weight, and shorter time.

 

So, that is the legend, the legend of a ramble. Now we start with Press On. Again, this is not me…this will be me reading from the book and making asides and sleepifying stuff, and I may forget when I'm doing that. But that’s kinda the cool thing about these crossovers. Alba Salix was our model, and we did We Fix Space Junk, and we’ve done a bunch of other ones where it’s like…then you can check this stuff out during the day and kinda compare. We’ve even done it in a non-fictional way with Bittersweet Life. So, here we go, Press On. Press on with the story, Scoots.

 

Play it again, said the small, little being. As you wish, replied the obsolete model A1-Y45 android. Once more, the sound of an ocean played from a tiny speaker embedded in the small of the robot’s back. The tiny, little creature turned its head forward to soak in the view as it listened to the tiny whooshing of waves. Its nickname was SDM. The two sat on an outcropping, their legs dangling over the edge, staring out at Earth, a more rocky part of Earth with a lot of dirt and stuff like that. A lot…it had gotten a lot of sunshine. All semblance of green had disappeared from the vista surrounding them, replaced with the copper and brown hues of a resting, resting planet. Enough time had passed that there was no signs of human ever having been there, no buildings that had taken…decided to take a snooze, no rusty vehicles, no things from anatomy class or…no signs at all. Yet, in all that time, nature had still not reclaimed the landscape.

 

The sun was an ambient pink glow diffused by the atmosphere, now thick with a fog that had a certain smell to it. Now, SDM had lived within this scene its entire life, eking out an existence in the scat…scant…no scat…I don't know if scat…there is scatting in this current time, but we’ll find out…the scant populations of only the most durable insects and grubs. It did not know how long it had lived, but it felt the ache of an eternity spent living on a planet that was…you could say was desolate, but there was…there’s no…it was lacking the serving of lattes and the associations with latte existence. So, it was desolatte. The being pondered as it listened. You know, how much longer am I gonna be around here? The waves crashed in the way waves do but that I can't really do on sleep podcast. Now, nearby, the robot, AI-Y45’s ship sat atop a similar lower outcropping. Watching it land had been SDM’s first excitement in ages. No one else came to visit. No one came here anymore. There was no reason to.

 

SDM had been disappointed to find that its visitor was a long-ago discontinued robot, almost certainly incapable of what most would consider nuanced conversation. So far, as expected, the android had been irritatingly pragmatic. The two odd companions were scanning the antique robot’s database for records of all the things that existed on Earth in the time before desolatte. They had been at it for hours. What happened to all the water, asked SDM? Maybe Scoots could do some sort of voice here. The small…as long as it’s sleepy, yeah, I can do that. Thanks, Scoots narrating within Scoots narrating…the Scoots that’s narrating my narration. The sun’s natural increase in luminosity made worse by the holes in the layers, upper layers. There’s evaporative effects, explained AI-Y45. SDM said, and that’s why everybody moved away? Correct. All biological life in the known universe likes to have water, kind of requires water. Yeah, I don't though, said SDM with a smile.

 

Very interesting, said the robot. Silence filled a gap in the pair’s stilted conversation. No crickets sang. No animals hunkered down for the night. Everything simply grew darker. Show me another, please, said SDM. A small LED blinked on the side of the android’s head as it accessed its databases. The waves stopped. Birdsong replaced them. Birdy birds made birdy bird sounds. What is that? SDM asked, bewildered. A small creature called a bird. It could travel significant distances without touching the ground, the android answered. SDM looked out at the foggy atmosphere, imagining birds so long gone soaring through the thick haze. The pink glow had turned to a fiery orange and a deep…and then a deep purple as the sun began to set behind the curtain of foggy, loamy air. Why would a bird make that sound? Asked SDM. To communicate, whether it be alerting other birds, strengthening bonding with other pairs, attracting mates. The robot spoke in a monotonous rhythm.

 

Much of life’s action is predicated upon the pursuit of, you know, butterflies in your tummy, natural things leading you to places where your sweat…back may sweat. Nearly all creatures strive towards this goal. Not me, SDM said again. The robot nodded. SDM tossed a pebble over the side of the perch, and a trail of dust followed the rock as it rolled down the slope. What else do you got? SDM pried eventually. The robot’s lights blinked. The birdsong ended. There was a long pause as it processed deeper into its archival storage. The small speaker on its back burst into a chorus of human beings singing poorly. SDM jumped as the sound…so, so surprising. I'll just say the words of the song. [Strange lyrics] Hey, listen to that, SDM said. A grin spread across its face as it listened intently. The audio skipped and jittered and then looped at a clumsy point in the melody. Regrettably, my systems are not working as well as they once did, the robot apologized. The audio trembled.

 

It’s great, SDM exclaimed, shouting over the singing. It’s like a bird, but louder and not as pleasant. SDM swayed and swung its legs playfully over the edge of the outcropping. The robot powered down the audio and sat patiently, having no further destination on its itinerary. Sitting in this spot was the extent of what either being had planned for the rest of time. What creature was that? Asked SDM. Homo sapiens, colloquially known as humans, the robot answered. Hoomans? Hoomans? Hy-oomans? SDM tried to pronounce the word. A dust swirl formed and twirled below. Do they make these sounds for the same reason as the birds? SDM asked. Primarily, but humans were marginally more cognitively advanced than birds. They also sang to motivate themselves in and out of dance-offs, to entertain one another, and to stave off a inborn sense of dread. SDM puckered out its lower lip and considered this, visibly not understanding. They did it for what they called fun, the robot added.

 

SDM remained confused. Hy-oomans…a sense of dread? Making sounds with their mouth for fun…saying it out loud didn't help make any more sense of it. SDM looked up at its new companion and shrugged. I will attempt to explain further. The android’s LED flickered, and a fan somewhere inside its body whirred as it dug deeper, even deeper, into its outdated archives. For the rest of that story, you'll have to wait.

 

This next story is called Infinite Potential, Part 1. I gotta do a little reset here. The waiting room was full of people. Neva Vilo sheepishly squeezed through the door rather than opening it fully. Everyone still looked up as she gently closed it behind her. She averted her eyes, keeping them on the floor, and skulked over to the last empty chair. The fluorescent lighting was doing no one in the room any favors. Vintage wine music played over tinny speakers. Wires hung haphazardly from the back of each small speaker draped down the wall. The Wabi slide guitars and thin flute melodies made the room feel like one big elevator, albeit a vaguely vintage, cool one. The paint on the walls was an awful shade of beigey pink. Of all the colors they could have chosen, who went with this one? Neva wondered how business that was attracting so many new customers couldn't afford a nicer office space. She had seen these Infinite Potential Inc. offices popping up all over town.

 

They must have been snatching up whatever real estate was available in order to keep up with demand. A name was called. It wasn’t Neva. She waited patiently, and then at exactly 2:20 p.m., the pre-booked time of her appointment, a man burst through the same door she had come in. He wore an expensive-looking suit. He also looked as though he had had to watch a tutorial on how to tie a tie before leaving the house in the morning. Nothing was hanging quite right. The shoelace bows of his slick shoes were frustratingly uneven. It made Neva grind her teeth. Everything about him made her a little uneasy. Here to see Glint? The man asked, stepping in front of her and holding out a hand. Neva reached up and gave the man a halfhearted handshake. I'm Glint. Come on in. Glint turned and waltzed straight through the door on the opposite side of the room. Neva stood awkwardly, nodded to an older woman across from her out of an odd sense of obligation, and then followed Glint.

 

He led Neva to a small office at the end of a long hallway which was painted in a equally questionable shade of light green. After struggling to unlock the door, Glint fell into the office and threw his satchel in the corner. He started pulling open desk drawers in search of something, and then remembered to take off his coat. Why didn't anyone else’s person come in through the front door like you did? Neva asked hesitantly. Oh…Glint continued searching until he found yesterday’s coffee cup on the top of a file cabinet in the corner. He took a long gulp. Gulp. That’s 'cause I was about to be late. He set the mug back on the top of the filing cabinet, collected himself, and smiled at Neva. Sorry about that. No problem, Neva lied. She cautiously pulled out a chair from the front of the desk and sat. So, Glint followed her lead and sat as well. Then he made a face of deep concentration. Sorry, remind me of your name again. Neva. Oh, of course. Apologies. So, Neva, do you know what we do here?

 

Sort of, Neva replied. You let me try out different lives? Well…again, Glint thought hard and showed every ounce of that effort on his face. Not exactly. I wouldn't call it trying it out. We're more of a matchmaking agency than anything. We're just a matchmaking agency that has a profoundly diversified reach across all of the known galaxies. This did not seem to be clarifying things for Neva. She simply shrugged and widened her eyes a little. Glint tried again. We're very good at connecting our customers with whatever they're looking for out of life. Want a romantic partner who shares your exact values? No problem. I can find them. Want a career that offers fulfillment of actually helping people, really, really helping them? I can facilitate that. Want to know the pride of being the most renowned poet in a star system? Now, that depends a lot on your poetry, but if anyone can find you the right audience and the right star system anywhere in the known universe, it’s probably me.

 

Right, said Neva, shrinking a little in her chair at the suggestion of being famous. Well, at least my friend told me if I didn't like my choices…oh yeah, you can switch. You certainly can. But know that the life we decide on together is very much real. If you want to marry a Xlorbian, you can actually marry an Xlorbian. If you change your mind, that Xlorbian will have very strong feelings for you for the rest of existence. What’s an Xlorb…? Glint cut Neva off before she could ask her question. Of course, there are fees involved. The company is generous. They understand the impulse to try a few options before settling on one. So, we include the first three choices in what you pay today. After that, though, your premium goes up pretty quickly. I see, Neva replied. Also — and I'm obligated to clarify here — changing any one aspect of your life does, in fact, constitute a whole new life. So, if you like your job but you decide against the Xlorbian, that’s a total do-over. I’d still need to re-file all the paperwork.

 

Right, of course, Neva said. You wouldn't believe how many people try to pull a fast one on that. Oh, everything’s great, but I just wish I lived someplace sunnier. Sorry chum, you're still asking me to move your entire existence across what could be multiple galaxies, Glint continued, speaking more to himself than Neva. Neva crossed her hands in her lap and tried to digest it all. Sorry, kid. What I'm trying to say is consider all of your choices carefully. I mean, I'll walk you through it. You can change your life. That’s what the commercials say. I know, but unless you've got incredibly deep pockets…Glint paused for a moment and made a skeptical face. Just don't be willy-nilly about it. I get it, Neva said. Still interested? Glint asked. Still interested, Neva said. Neva nodded. Great. Let me get your details, and then we’ll sit down with your options. Neva hadn't considered just how much work it would be to choose an entire life.

 

When they had initially sat down in front of the computer terminal, Glint had asked her if she wanted to pre-populate her current life choices before they began. She said no, wanting a fresh start. However, whilst scrolling through the long list of categories and nested sub-categories and sub-categories of nested sub-categories, she was reconsidering. Neva moved the mouse around the screen, trying to choose a place to start. I’ve got a lot of decisions to make, she muttered. You certainly do, Glint replied, but that’s the beauty of it. We give you the ability to make these choices. You can have whatever life you want. Desires, appearances, aptitudes, special aptitudes, romance, career, family, friends, location, milestone, values. The list continued off the screen. Each of these contained many levels of sub-categories. At the end of each sub-category was an enormous list of options. The first drop-down from Location was Galaxy.

 

The only one of these Neva recognized was Milky Way. There was over 4,000 entries on the list. How am I supposed to choose a galaxy if I never heard of most of them? Neva asked. Well, I wouldn't really recommend starting there unless you had done specific research into it. The system’s quite clever, though. As you make other choices, it will automatically update all the options. For example, there’s no Xlorbians in most of these galaxies. So, if you choose a romance with a Xlorbian, it will automatically sort the galaxies where they live to the top. I mean, you could live with a Xlorbian anywhere. I don't want to romance a Xlorbian, Neva said matter-of-factly. Glint shrugged. Fair enough. My point is the system makes things easier as you go along. Of course, I'm here to help. Neva moved the mouse around some more, expanding categories and then collapsing them again. Most customers start at the top, Glint suggested. They're chasing something they can't find in their current lives.

 

The Desire section covers those more abstract choices; fame, joie de vivre, glory, glory in dance-offs. You know, that sort of thing. Special Aptitudes is good, too, if you want to be able to do gymnastics, really good ones that impress people, or swim really excellently, even beyond human capabilities. How do you facilitate me swimming beyond human capabilities? Neva asked. We’ve managed a very large Rolodex of very talented people to work with, including those people that can, you know, make certain features modular. This is nothing…I could tell you, it’s super easy, not a big deal at all. Being modular is part of the process, if you wish, Glint answered smugly. Again, Neva opened and collapsed the nested categories in this section, perusing the end choices. Maybe we should repopulate with my current life thing, she said. One week and multiple appointments later, Neva and Glint had finalized her life. In the end, she had largely focused her decisions on three primary choices.

 

She wanted a loving, supporting partner named anything other than a variation of Jackson. Second, she picked a passionate career in arts administration. Although Glint had reassured her that there was an audience out there for anything she might create, she’d held firm. She wasn't a really creative type person. She just enjoyed being around that kind of thing. Lastly, she wanted stability, with marginally above-average income. She wanted to feel as though she always had a safety net. In the end, Neva chose to stay in the Milky Way galaxy. Glint had already reviewed the paperwork and done his portion of the regulatory applications. Okie-dokie, just the last few things, Glint said as he picked up the stack of papers on his desk, knocked them on their end, and collected them all together. Again, I am mandated to say all this, but here we go. Ahem. You understand that on signing this document your current life ceases to be yours, and from that moment forward you officially assume the new life that you've outlined above.

 

There are no take-backsies. We have no way of building the life you've hodge-podged together through decades of untracked choices. Neva hesitated, but nodded. You further acknowledge that by signing you accept the competence of the representative of Infinity Potential Inc. who has been assigned to your account. Ahem. And you have every confidence in the facilitation of the life you have selected through the selection process. Neva looked at Glint. I'm famously late, but I'm quite good at this job. He smiled. Neva nodded. Finally, you accept that while Infinite Potential Inc. offers you the ability to change your mind, a) doing so may affect your account premium, and b) Infinite Potential Inc. reserves the right to revoke this ability at any time. Wait, wait. Neva’s head tilted at the last sentence. I could get stuck with a life I don't like? Well, either that or you got the one you got now, kid. I told you, this isn't trying out lives as though they're clothes.

 

This is simply taking your choices into your own hands. But what if they take ability…take away my ability to change while…what if I don't like…? Neva said, aghast. Glint paused for a moment and chuckled. Just do a good job of picking. Don't pick a life that’s full of awe…I mean, full of awe with an E, not full of ‘aw’. You know what I'm saying? Neva sat back in her chair and considered this for a long time. Eventually she stood and grabbed the papers out of Glint’s hands, reviewing them. This looks like a good life to you, right, Glint? It looks like a great life to me, kid. Neva nodded slowly, reassuring herself. Okay, I agree. This story will be continued in Part 2.

 

Okay, this next story is called Kids. Doka watched the layers of reality stacked on top of one another. His friend’s world was loading in. For a moment, all the trees of the park turned into big, gray boxes, the grass into a blue grid. The grid shifted again into neon swirls of color, expanding the edges of the park and bending upward before fading to black, making the ground appear seamless with the sky. The sharp-edged gray boxes that had replaced the trees shifted once more into organic clay mounds. Tribal etchings covered the clay, painted in bright neon colors. Above, the sky retreated into a nebulous expanse. It filled with hundreds of spiralling planetoids just as colorful and wondrous as the etchings. Everything begged to be touched, textured as though covered in layers of thick paint. You could run your fingers across any surface and feel its deep contours. To anyone who hadn't grown up with the perceptual implant, it would have been a complete sensory overload.

 

Nearby, Doka’s grandfather sat on a park bench reading a book he’d read before many times. If he could see what Doka was seeing, his brain might have turned off and put him to sleep. He glanced up. He saw his grandchild’s head rolling around, taking in the new reality. He smiled and went back to reading. Doka clicked his tongue and many tiny dots appeared, moving throughout the scenery, his friends. The closest were the twins, playing Etherball So, he moved across the swirling colors of the ground, between the clay humps, and arrived at a massive triangular structure. Its scale barely made sense, but this was something Doka was used to. The rules changed often in Doka’s world. The twins swung back and forth through the structure, which was extended high into the atmosphere. They alternated rhythmically, one behind the triangular monolith. The other was in front. From the ground, their speed looked reasonable, but Doka knew that when experienced firsthand, the swinging felt like it was travelling at the speed of light.

 

The book was only there to fill in the blanks between checking on Doka. The grandfather watched his grandson approach the swing set and tensed. The boy was getting awfully close to those recklessly-swinging legs. He resisted the urge to call out. Kids had to learn spatial awareness somehow. The grandfather distracted himself with the pages of his book. Each time a twin reached the peak of their swing, they would stretch out a massive, disproportionate foot attached to their unreasonably long leg, and kick a planetoid in the sky. The swirling planetoids would dance around in the murky black above, bouncing off of one another. A satisfying ‘donk’ echoed with each collision. The goal of Etherball was to bounce as many times as possible, like a game of pool crossed with skipping a stone, but played in outer space with celestial bodies. Whenever one twin would reach a new high score, a short melody would play throughout the world.

 

Other friends scattered around would react by saying, ooh, nice. ‘Winner’ text zooming across the park from all directions before they puffed into smoke above whichever twin is being cheered on. Doka’s grandfather finished his chapter and slowly closed his book, setting it down on the bench beside him. Doka waited for a turn at the game. He lay down, pink grass growing instantly from the colorful Earth, billowing up behind him as he did. He stared up, watching the planets bounce around the galaxy. Another friend, Nai, saw this and moved over and joined him. They traced the trajectory of the colliding planets with their fingers. A white line followed their movements drawing across the sky above to see. As the planets bounced, Doka and Nai doodled their chaotic paths and then hastily turned them into drawings before the next twin swung and kicked. Doka quickly sketched a course. Nai outlined a distorted smiley face. They laughed and watched as LOLs erupted around the park.

 

Their friends began tracing drawings in the sky above, as well. Doka’s father watched as the kids lay in the dirt, giggling. He followed their outstretched fingers upward, noticing the cloudless sky. He took a deep breath and enjoyed the quiet beauty of the park. They would miss the #9 bus if they didn't leave in the next ten minutes. The grandfather watched a pair of squirrels chase each other through the trees. He watched Doka roll around beneath the swing set and wondered what his grandchild was experiencing. There was no reason to rush. He picked up his book again and started the last chapter, even though he knew how it already ended. So, yeah, get comfortable here and picture the squirrels chasing one another as the grandfather…a pleasant day at the park, kids laying around, and then kids swinging on the swing sets, their faces clearly in enjoyment and relaxation and concentration, too, and maybe even connection as they're playing together, mostly.

 

Then start to imagine you're watching your friends playing the game, and you're saying, do you guys…? This region calls it Etherball. Where I come from, they call it Etherball. You say, okay. We used to have a dance…we call it Etherball, but we had a dance at school called the Etherball. You say, okay, interesting. You watch the planetoids move across the sky, and you feel that memory, that relaxing memory, the evocative motion of a swing on a swing set, the motion carrying you up and down, back and forth. You can even put yourself in the shoes of the children playing this game while on the swing set, with access to something…a whole ‘nother layer where they're reaching out their feet and kicking and moving the planetoids around, but that there’s even another layer, kind of like watching the clouds, of watching the motion of the planets, and tracing them with your finger, and then even looking at that and saying, huh, what shape does that make? Or altering it.

 

As you swish your finger through the sky, it’s leaving its own trace that you could still…'cause it’s almost like a puffy cloud that you could shape even more like a horse or a smiley face or a book or a bench or whatever it is. You just kinda sit there and enjoy it as it all happens in front of you. You think, no matter where we are, no matter what time period we're at, if we let it be a relaxing day at the park, it is a relaxing day at the park. You also think about the times you've read stuff at the park or the times you just sat there relaxing, watching other people enjoy themselves, and like the grandfather, giving it that extra moment to really sink in that these moments, as small as they are, are really special. That’s the end of the story and the end of our reading for tonight. Goodnight, everybody.

 

[End of recording]

Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes

NWEH

 

Hypnosis

https://opensynaps.com/en/history-hypnosis/

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20220519-does-hypnosis-work

https://hypnosis.edu/history/hypnosis-in-the-modern-era

 

Homo Sapiens

https://www.nhm.ac.uk/discover/modern-humans-homo-sapiens-when-where-how-did-we-evolve.html

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/essential-timeline-understanding-evolution-homo-sapiens-180976807/

https://australian.museum/learn/science/human-evolution/homo-sapiens-modern-humans/

 

Birdsong

https://www.bbcearth.com/news/the-link-between-birdsong-and-language

https://abcbirds.org/news/birdsong/

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-birds-really-listen-for-in-birdsong-its-not-what-you-think/

 

Levels of Sci-Fi

https://www.enclavepublishing.com/science-fiction-hard-versus-soft-2/

https://myersfiction.com/2024/01/16/understanding-the-difference-between-hard-and-soft-sci-fi/

https://kaylmoody.com/soft-sci-fi/

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

Introducing something new we’re doing

A crossover with a longtime SWM collaborator

It really is my honor to be here for you

 

PLUGS

Nothing Works, Everything Happens; Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline; Referral Program

 

SPONSORS

Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Everyday Dose

 

INTRO

Things you’re thinking about or things you’d prefer not to think about

Thoughts or feelings left over from the day

Feelings, we have them

Or maybe you’re sleep is just unsettled

The fact that my dog slept so great threw me off and made me not sleep great

Just give the show a few tries

sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou

Just see how it goes the first couple times

I’ve always struggled with sleep

Seeking a varied, nonserious thing about sleep

Memories of a childhood hypnosis tape

I do feel for you

Some people come here for a good time, I suppose

Feeling stuck with your sleep

A non-flashy, non-Vegas magical feeling

SWM is not very glitzy

Not Bad Magic

Most people find their way here because they’re stuck with their sleep

Someone else out there is rooting for you right now

The experience of being hopeful and sending/receiving kindness

Pointless meanders and superfluous tangents

This podcast might be different from your expectations

Expecting more swooshes and smoothing sounds

My voice has a melody you wouldn’t play at a recital

Always never getting started

Just barely pay attention to this

There’s no pressure to fall asleep

I’m here to be your borefriend

I’m friend-esque

A friend named Esque

Tonight is a crossover with something

Explaining the show structure

Miss Meander, are you present?

Did we just come up with 2 new characters?

Variety and familiarity

If you fall asleep fast, please support the show

I’ve been reading a couple books that aren’t particularly sleepy

But at least these books are familiar and routine-ful

We’ve got all kinds of episodes

I use 3 or 4 different podcast apps for different functions

A new sleepy audio fiction thing we’re doing

 

STORY

A collection of short stories, Nothing Works, Everything Happens by Aiyas Aya

Dedicated to the kiddo

Reading the foreword

An anthology of minor malfunctions

Carrying on after the wheels have fallen off

Don’t worry, I’ll make sure any humor is accidental

Catharsis in chuckling into the void

Thank Yous

May we find each other out there in the electric lasagna

Wow, I got some chills

We’ll read it in order, but we’ll go through the legend

Symbols for length, tone, etc.

But don’t worry, I’ll sleepify everything

Baseball Gets More Fun

The Great Divide

Chimera

This is all sci fi stories

Sleepified, Topian Future

Reading through the legend

The last book written by a human

Snacks of Toads

Geezers

We only come out at night

Interlude

Reset

The Custodian

Nothing Works Everything Happens

The waver in the heat of dance-offs

So that is the legend

Let’s begin with “Press On”

“Play it again”, said the small little being

A small robot plays a sound

Its nickname is SDM

Sitting on an outcropping, staring at Earth

Copper and brown hues

Nature had not reclaimed the landscape

The atmosphere is thick with fog

Only insects and grubs have survived

Desolatté

Lacking in lattes

How much longer will this be being be here?

Nearby, the robot (AI-Y45) sat on a similar outcropping

SDM realized this robot was incapable of nuanced conversation

Scanning the earth for the time before

What happened to all the water?

Thanks, Scoots who’s narrating my narration

SDM asks to see another place

The android access its databases

An image of a bird

Imagining birds flying

Speaking in a monotonous rhythm

Much of life is predicated on finding butterflies in your tummy

SDM doesn’t care about that

The android plays the sound of humans singing poorly

Speaking the words of the song

SDM loves the pleasant sounds of this janky recording

Sitting in this spot is the extent of what each character has planned for the rest of time

Learning more about “hu-mans”

They sang for…fun

Making sounds of dread with their mouth for fun

The android attempts to explain further

And for the rest of that story, you’ll have to wait…

The next story is called “Infinite Potential, Part 1”

The waiting room was full of people

Neeva sidles into the room and skulks to an empty chair

Harsh fluorescent lighting and vintage Hawaiian music

A boring flavor of pink

These pinks offices for Infinite Potential

It’s time for a tutorial

He makes her uneasy

Neeva is here to see Glint

A small office at the end of a long hallway

Glint searches for something in his office

More of a matchmaking agency with a profound reach across the galaxies

Connecting customers with whatever they’re looking for in life

What’s an Exclorb?

You can change (but not annul) what you ask for?

And of course it costs money

Changing one aspect of your life does create a whole new life

A whole new life requires new paperwork and money

Consider all of your choices carefully

You can change your life, but don’t be willy nilly about it

Neeva is still interested

Neeva wants a totally clean start

A lot of decisions to make

Over 4,000 choices to make on the form

The system will automatically update your choices based on what else you enter

Or is it Zlorb?

The Desire section covers more abstract choices

Being modular is part of the process

One week later, they’ve finalized their life

3 major choices

A loving, supportive partner (just not named Jackson)

A passionate career in arts administration

She wanted stability with marginally above average income

Staying in the Milky Way Galaxy

Just a few more things

As soon as you sign this, you can’t go back

No takesies backsies

Infinite Potential Inc reserves the right to revoke the ability to change your mind

Neeva is concerned she won’t be able to change

Neeva reviews the papers one last time

Neeva agrees

We’ll continue this in Part 2

The next story is called “Kids”

Doka watches layers of reality stack on top of each other

The environment turns into gray boxes and grids

It would’ve been overwhelming without a Perceptual Implant in their brain

His grandpa sits by, reading a book

Moving towards his friends, playing etherball

The rules change often in Doka’s world

The twins swing backwards

Their speed looks reasonable, but when experienced, it feels like the speed of light

Grandpa resists the urge to call out to Doka

Kids have to learn spatial awareness somehow

A satisfying donk

Doka sketches a horse

LOLs erupt around the park

Tracing drawings in the sky

Grandfather breathes in the park

We’ll end there for now

Picture the squirrels chasing each other

It’s a pleasant day in the park

We had a dance at school called the Ether Ball

Put yourself in the shoes of the children playing this game

Moving planetoids around

What shapes can we make in the sky with our fingers?

Give it that extra moment to sneak in

These small moments are really special

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1413

Title: Kids Press On, Potentially | Nothing Works, Everything Happens 1

Plugs: Nothing Works, Everything Happens; Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline; Referral Program

Sponsors: Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Everyday Dose

Notable Language:

• Feelings, we have them
• Not Bad Magic
• Swooshes
• Always never getting started
• Friend-esque
• A friend named Esque
• Miss Meander
• Rock Throwing into the Void
• Sleepified, Topian Future
• Desolatté
• Hu-mans
• Exclorb
• Zlorb
• Being modular is part of the process
• No takesies backsies
• A satisfying donk

 

Notable Culture:

• • sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou
  • Las Vegas

• Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

• Nothing Works, Everything Happens by Aiyas Aya

 

Notable Talking Points:

• Things you’re thinking about or things you’d prefer not to think about
• Thoughts or feelings left over from the day
• Feelings, we have them
• Or maybe you’re sleep is just unsettled
• The fact that my dog slept so great threw me off and made me not sleep great
• Just give the show a few tries
• sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou
• Just see how it goes the first couple times
• I’ve always struggled with sleep
• Seeking a varied, nonserious thing about sleep
• Memories of a childhood hypnosis tape
• I do feel for you
• Some people come here for a good time, I suppose
• Feeling stuck with your sleep
• A non-flashy, non-Vegas magical feeling
• SWM is not very glitzy
• Not Bad Magic
• Most people find their way here because they’re stuck with their sleep
• Someone else out there is rooting for you right now
• The experience of being hopeful and sending/receiving kindness
• Pointless meanders and superfluous tangents
• This podcast might be different from your expectations
• Expecting more swooshes and smoothing sounds
• My voice has a melody you wouldn’t play at a recital
• Always never getting started
• Just barely pay attention to this
• There’s no pressure to fall asleep
• I’m here to be your borefriend
• I’m friend-esque
• A friend named Esque
• Tonight is a crossover with something
• Explaining the show structure
• Miss Meander, are you present?
• Did we just come up with 2 new characters?
• Variety and familiarity
• If you fall asleep fast, please support the show
• I’ve been reading a couple books that aren’t particularly sleepy
• But at least these books are familiar and routine-ful
• We’ve got all kinds of episodes
• I use 3 or 4 different podcast apps for different functions
• A new sleepy audio fiction thing we’re doing
• A collection of short stories, Nothing Works, Everything Happens by Aiyas Aya
• Dedicated to the kiddo
• Reading the foreword
• An anthology of minor malfunctions
• Carrying on after the wheels have fallen off
• Don’t worry, I’ll make sure any humor is accidental
• Catharsis in chuckling into the void
• Thank Yous
• May we find each other out there in the electric lasagna
• Wow, I got some chills
• We’ll read it in order, but we’ll go through the legend
• Symbols for length, tone, etc.
• But don’t worry, I’ll sleepify everything
• Baseball Gets More Fun
• The Great Divide
• Chimera
• This is all sci fi stories
• Sleepified, Topian Future
• Reading through the legend
• The last book written by a human
• Snacks of Toads
• Geezers
• We only come out at night
• Interlude
• Reset
• The Custodian
• Nothing Works Everything Happens
• The waver in the heat of dance-offs
• So that is the legend
• Let’s begin with “Press On”
• “Play it again”, said the small little being
• A small robot plays a sound
• Its nickname is SDM
• Sitting on an outcropping, staring at Earth
• Copper and brown hues
• Nature had not reclaimed the landscape
• The atmosphere is thick with fog
• Only insects and grubs have survived
• Desolatté
• Lacking in lattes
• How much longer will this be being be here?
• Nearby, the robot (AI-Y45) sat on a similar outcropping
• SDM realized this robot was incapable of nuanced conversation
• Scanning the earth for the time before
• What happened to all the water?
• Thanks, Scoots who’s narrating my narration
• SDM asks to see another place
• The android access its databases
• An image of a bird
• Imagining birds flying
• Speaking in a monotonous rhythm
• Much of life is predicated on finding butterflies in your tummy
• SDM doesn’t care about that
• The android plays the sound of humans singing poorly
• Speaking the words of the song
• SDM loves the pleasant sounds of this janky recording
• Sitting in this spot is the extent of what each character has planned for the rest of time
• Learning more about “hu-mans”
• They sang for…fun
• Making sounds of dread with their mouth for fun
• The android attempts to explain further
• And for the rest of that story, you’ll have to wait…
• The next story is called “Infinite Potential, Part 1”
• The waiting room was full of people
• Neeva sidles into the room and skulks to an empty chair
• Harsh fluorescent lighting and vintage Hawaiian music
• A boring flavor of pink
• These pinks offices for Infinite Potential
• It’s time for a tutorial
• He makes her uneasy
• Neeva is here to see Glint
• A small office at the end of a long hallway
• Glint searches for something in his office
• More of a matchmaking agency with a profound reach across the galaxies
• Connecting customers with whatever they’re looking for in life
• What’s an Exclorb?
• You can change (but not annul) what you ask for?
• And of course it costs money
• Changing one aspect of your life does create a whole new life
• A whole new life requires new paperwork and money
• Consider all of your choices carefully
• You can change your life, but don’t be willy nilly about it
• Neeva is still interested
• Neeva wants a totally clean start
• A lot of decisions to make
• Over 4,000 choices to make on the form
• The system will automatically update your choices based on what else you enter
• Or is it Zlorb?
• The Desire section covers more abstract choices
• Being modular is part of the process
• One week later, they’ve finalized their life
• 3 major choices
• A loving, supportive partner (just not named Jackson)
• A passionate career in arts administration
• She wanted stability with marginally above average income
• Staying in the Milky Way Galaxy
• Just a few more things
• As soon as you sign this, you can’t go back
• No takesies backsies
• Infinite Potential Inc reserves the right to revoke the ability to change your mind
• Neeva is concerned she won’t be able to change
• Neeva reviews the papers one last time
• Neeva agrees
• We’ll continue this in Part 2
• The next story is called “Kids”
• Doka watches layers of reality stack on top of each other
• The environment turns into gray boxes and grids
• It would’ve been overwhelming without a Perceptual Implant in their brain
• His grandpa sits by, reading a book
• Moving towards his friends, playing etherball
• The rules change often in Doka’s world
• The twins swing backwards
• Their speed looks reasonable, but when experienced, it feels like the speed of light
• Grandpa resists the urge to call out to Doka
• Kids have to learn spatial awareness somehow
• A satisfying donk
• Doka sketches a horse
• LOLs erupt around the park
• Tracing drawings in the sky
• Grandfather breathes in the park
• We’ll end there for now
• Picture the squirrels chasing each other
• It’s a pleasant day in the park
• We had a dance at school called the Ether Ball
• Put yourself in the shoes of the children playing this game
• Moving planetoids around
• What shapes can we make in the sky with our fingers?
• Give it that extra moment to sneak in
• These small moments are really special