1405 – Reflection Pool of Pudding | All Intros 973 – 976 for New Year’s Eve

Episode 1405 – Reflection Pool of Pudding | All Intros 973 – 976 for New Year's Eve

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, it’s time to take a look in a book. It’s not time for Reading Rainbow, but it’s time for a podcast…if rainbows didn’t go across the sky in an arch, if they went through the sky more like oil in a puddle, that would be my version…you'd say, well, would that be…what would you call that? ‘Cause you wouldn't call it Reading Rainbow. I’d call it Meandering Oil Globs. It’s time for the podcast that’s a bit like meandering oil globs in a dash of water. Dash of oil in water…if that doesn't make any sense to you, barely…I can picture it. Puddles; that’s what I was looking for. The podcast that’s a bit like an…drop of oil in a puddle. Most…heavy on the drips. It’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts…so, things on your mind, like things you’re thinking about from the past, present, or future, or they could just be thoughts that come on in. Uninvited thoughts; holy mackerel. Talk about an apt description. Like, house guests…I mean, luckily I don’t have a house, so I don’t have to worry about that, but I can imagine.

 

What if your…this is probably something a lot of people have; uninvited thoughts about…or unintended thoughts about uninvited guests. Or it could be feelings about that or something else, or this…you could say, well, yeah, this feels like that. I’m dealing with something different, but it feels that way. So, it could be feelings, it could be physical sensations that are keeping you up, could be a combo. I don’t have a trifecta, ‘cause then I have other stuff…wrong-temperature pillows. I say, who’s cooling and warming these pillows? They say, the air is probably cooling them, and you’re probably warming them. Then I’d say, could I tell my pillow to warm it up, Chris? Then my other pillow would say, I’m about to cool it down. I’d say, okay, ‘cause you gotta slow it down. Sorry, that was a double throwback reference.

 

But yeah, pillow temperature’s another thing, or general temperature, room temperature, a lot of things. Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, it’s important, but I want you to know you’re in the…you may be in the right place. I can’t say you’re definitely in the right place. I can say I hope you’re in the right place. Here’s the kinda idea of an uninvited thought, and I’m not even kidding; this just happened. Some part of my brain, while I was just talking about that…and I was focused. Some part of my brain said, do you remember what lemongrass tastes like? That just really happened. That’s real time. Then I said, kinda. They said, yeah, wouldn’t it be nice to taste some lemongrass right now? That’s really the conversations that are going on in the back of my mind.

 

I say, well, I thought I had another…I’m in the middle of…well, you’re right. Huh. I could go for the taste of lemongrass, as you’re saying it. More like the essence of lemongrass. You’re kind of…‘cause you’re very non-specific, brain. You’re just saying, huh. You don’t even have it…you’re right. Okay, so that just happens. I don’t know if that happens to anybody else’s brain, either. But that could easily lead to me for saying, well, how am I gonna get that? Because there’s nothing…there’s nothing in my…that I could come up with that would simulate what my brain’s saying right now or in the next two or three days, ‘cause it’s not like, well, I could go for some lemongrass soup or some curry with lemon. You’re saying, huh, wonder what lemon…who says that? Well, my brain says it.

 

Okay, so, I hope you’re in the right place. If you ever wonder stuff like that when you’re trying to do something else…you could say, alright, you ready for that big presentation? Oh yeah, I’m ready. I’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment, your big audition. Then some part of your brain goes, why do you think they call it a corncob? Then, what is that song? Corncob pipe and two button nose. Why would they make a pipe out of corncob? Like, doesn’t that…? Oh, I guess…well, I guess I could see why they’d make the…brain out of corncob? No, no, no. Corncob nose? Is that…? N, a corncob pipe. I guess it makes sense if you’d have coal and the corncob pipe…was that kind of encourage…you say, well, okay, well, I might as well have those things together, except I’m a snow-person, by the way.

 

So, I shouldn’t have either one. I wonder if there was somebody in a meeting when they were talking about Olaf who said…Olaf’s the snow-person or snow-being from Frozen movies. If there was someone…either they’re just one of those…what are those people called that disagree with everything? Contrarian. Or maybe they’re just generationally…they say, well, what do you mean Olaf’s not gonna have a corncob pipe? They say, come on. Well, couldn’t we come up…what if it’s Frozen 3? This probably will be Frozen 3. I mean, let’s just be honest. Either Olaf’s…Olaf…did that happen in Frozen 2? Did Olaf ever find Olaf’s family? I realize the messages that they…the family is the family. They already have their sense of family.

 

But don’t you think sooner or later there will be a movie where Olaf goes to find other snow-people or something? Or maybe I forgot about that part. I’m not kidding, either. But then that person would say, well, can’t we have one of their…? You say, no, no corncob pipes in these movies, period. So, I don’t know if your brain ever has gone on a tangent that far afield. Hello, welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. I think you’re in the right place if you’re looking for stuff like that that goes off-topic. Someone else…some part of me is like, what if there’s someone that has a big investment in corncob pipes, either emotionally or an actual…? I’d say, well, guess we just lost that portion of our audience, the corn-cobbers, as they say.

 

Here’s the thing; I used to have…we used to get corncob pipes as a gift. My dad, every once in a while…I don’t know if they gave them away…there used to be these places where you’d go to buy tobacco, believe it or not — this was when I was really young — even at shopping malls, and my dad would sometimes give us corncob pipes. So, I don’t know if my dad was actually the person at that meeting. That’d be pretty…I’d say, wait a second, you were at the meeting breaking stories for Frozen 3? No, it was a dream, son, and you were in it. Oh, okay, great. So, anyway…so, I’m glad you’re here. What I’m gonna do is go off-topic. I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents, which you’ve already seen a few.

 

I do that because I want to take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep. Now, if you’re new, this podcast is definitely not for everybody. You’ve already seen that in action. Now that you’ve seen me in a little bit of action, I can kinda give you the rundown. This podcast is not really meant to be listened to. It’s kinda like if you were watching…now, this is not encouraging this, but let’s say there was a cartoon…let’s say there was a universe where it was okay for a cartoon snow-person to smoke a pipe. I can’t…I’m trying the best I can to figure out what universe that would be, ‘cause you’d say, well, smoking’s not a good idea, and a snow-person smoking’s even worse. But let’s just say there was, and then let’s say you said, hey, can you make shapes out of those? You say, no, no, no, just watch it.

 

We just watched the smoke, and it relaxes us. I guess my brain would say, well, how could I relax when I don’t understand…? I can’t come up with a universe where this makes sense if it has some underlying principles, because otherwise I wouldn’t be a snow-person. You’d say, well, it’s…what if it was a universe where snow was…? I’d say, well, then, that’s…you know. So, but let’s just say…oh, let’s just pretend it’s a fog pipe. Yeah, okay. Here we go. Somewhere out there is a giant snow…there’s a world, and you say…you might…kids, you might say this, and this is actually the truth; you say, where’s all that fog come from? You say, oh boy, no one ever told you the tale of Ulaf and Ulafina? They live out past the Corncob Reefs, out there beyond where you could see in the sea.

 

They have these great pipes where they…when they exhale, because they exhale fog. It’s just…you know condensation, right? We taught you all that science stuff. This is the non-scientific myths. Okay, I can hold both those truths in my mind. Oh, great. Yeah, so, that’s where the fog comes from. Giant snow-peoples’ corncob pipes? Yep, plain and simple. Yep, that’s where it comes from. It’s just, you know, water vapor or something. I don’t know. Snow-person’s expiration or exhalation. Thank you. So, kinda pay attention to it like that. You say, huh, I’m watching that fog. It’s just floating around. There’s people that look at clouds and say they have shapes, less people that look at fog and say it has shapes. I do. That’s one of my actual nighttime hobbies. No joke.

 

But, you know, I’m a…whatever, an edge case or whatever they call…they’ve called me…they’ve never called me an edge case. They’ve called me other cases before, but edge case I’d say would be also what I am. But so, kinda barely pay attention. Some people feel like, oh, when’s this podcast gonna get started? Where’s the content? I say, oh boy, this is what…are you kidding me? The regular listeners…I’m not usually super confident, but I know this is gonna be one that people say, oh, that was…I barely heard you, but I know you were talking about Olaf and corn…Olaf having a corncob nose. It’s a carrot nose, Scoots. I’d say, well, that’s Olaf’s cousin Ulaf in Frozen 3, direct…they say, what happened to that Frozen franchise? It was going great.

 

You say, yeah, Disney turned that over to Scooter, one of the many things…they needed a tax write-off, actually. That’s what it was, so, they let Scooter produce it and everything. It was…technically it was…it had the potential to be interesting. Olaf was going…trying to find other snow-people, which is a sensible storyline. Olaf found Olaf’s cousin who had a corncob nose, and also had already ran into a reindeer or something that had de-corned it, so it was just the corncob. It wasn’t a corn…there was no corn on the cob. You say, thank goodness. That was my first question about…with everything Scooter said so far. That was my most important question. Also just to delineate because I’m not from your generation, Scooter, please tell me that corncob pipes…no, because…how about this one?

 

Here’s an invention…we just invented it together; popcorn pipe. Popcorn on…how come that was never a thing? Corn on a popcorn pipe. That’s probably a bad idea, but how come you wouldn’t leave the corn…? So, a corncob pipe would…yeah, had no corn on the cob. But now that I’m thinking about it, that would be the best…talk about a gift for kids. You say, what happened to your…? Why doesn’t your kid eat pop…? That would be your…you’ve been dating someone for six months and you say, you want to get some popcorn? No, no, no, I don’t eat popcorn. What do you mean? We’re going to the movies. This is our tenth date. You don’t eat…? No, I don’t eat popcorn. Don’t want to talk about it. Then months later, what happened?

 

There was this brief period…it was a tie-in with Frozen 3, and they had a corncob…corn…popcorn-on-the-cob pipe. It was only out…somehow it made it out to limited markets, and it was a pipe that you somehow made popcorn out of while it was in your mouth. Of course it was a bad idea. But it just barely made sense, like this whole podcast. That’s my main point. So, this podcast doesn’t make a lot of sense. It’s also not really here to put you to sleep, just like everything I’ve been talking about doesn’t really totally make sense. It almost makes sense. This is more here to keep you company while you fall asleep. Seriously…I mean, I’ve been to places that sell the popcorn on the cob or whatever. That’s dried corn on the…popcorn on the cob. They don’t call it that. They call it something else, but…I don’t know.

 

I guess I can’t see how you would do it. Clearly it’d be a issue. You’d have to have self-popping corn, which hasn’t been invented yet. Maybe if you were friends with a superhero. That would be the only way that would be safe, ‘cause you’d say, okay…and you wouldn’t tell them. So, it’s like…and that can happen. Superman was from Iowa, right? Or Kansas. I guess he was from Kansas. Even better. Here’s the thing; Superman, if you’re listening in the past, or Supergirl, or any super-people, not what’s his name with the…Homelander. No. But you’d say…that would be a good gimmick. You’d say, how’s that corn on the cob pipe popping into popcorn? I don’t know. Spontaneous popcornation, I guess. Meanwhile, Superman’s hidden, Clark Kent.

 

That would have been a way they could have…I don’t know if they had to mortgage their farm like all the other superheroes, but they could have driven town to town selling popcorn…corn on…you know what I mean. Oh, you don’t, because it doesn’t make any sense. You’re right, you’re right. So, this podcast is more here while you fall asleep. That’s why the episodes are about an hour, to give you plenty of time to ease and fall asleep at your leisure. If you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here to the very end. Tonight I’m gonna be telling a tale…a tall tale about…I think tonight’s episode is about three different…a llama, a cat, and a dog that became roommates. That’s gonna be a bedtime story, perfect for falling asleep to. So…but if you can’t sleep, I’ll be here to keep you company and comfort you.

 

I’m your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-bestie, your bore-sib, and your bore-bob. Bore on the bob. If I had a bob haircut, I’d say, your bore with a bob. So, those are two things. The other thing that could throw people off is the structure of the show. The show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, then there’s business — that’s how we keep the show free — then there’s the intro, which we’re already almost done with. The intro’s around eighteen to twenty minutes of me rambling and setting up the podcast for new listeners. But for regular listeners it becomes…like I said, it’s new every time. We’ve never talked about this kinda stuff in this way before. That keeps us one step ahead of whatever’s keeping you awake at night.

 

That’s why there’s a new intro every time. But the intro also helps ease listeners into bedtime whether you’re getting ready for bed or you’re already in bed, to get some distance away from the day and serious things. I mean, we’ve moved well past serious things, though I’m serious about all of this. I say, well, that makes…this is the kind of…I don’t know, it’s not vertical or horizontal thinking. It’s neither of those. You say, Scoots, you really…you don’t have deep thoughts, but you don’t…you don’t have sensible or deep thoughts, but you think about stuff in a very thinking way. You probably have had the most…ever since the person invented the corncob pipe and ever since that song was written, that’s…you’ve given the most…yeah, if there’s a Corncob Association out there, I should get an award. Corn-Cobber of the Year.

 

Send it my way, please. Make it…put some popcorn in there. You could just do an illusion, which would be you just have already-popped popcorn and then you blow it out of there. Obviously have some sort of screen so you can’t re…suck the popcorn back in. That would be an illusion. Popcorn Shooter, we could call that. So…oh, so that’s the intro. The intro eases you into bedtime. You could skip the intro, but if you’re new, give it a few tries. That’s what almost every listener says. Then there’s business. That’s how podcasting is structured, is there’s business in the middle-third of the show, and then there’s our story. Tonight, like I said, will be a real lulling, soothing story about roommates. Then there’s thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show. You don’t need to listen, you don’t need to fall asleep.

 

Just give it a few tries. I make the show because I’ve been there tossing and turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, and I want to help. I know how it feels, but also because you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a place you could rest, and if I could help with that, it’d be my honor. Yeah, so give it a few tries. Just see how it goes. I guess that’s kinda it. I’m glad you’re here. I really work hard. I yearn and I strive. I appreciate you coming by, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Here’s a couple of ways I’m able to do it twice a week for free.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature or routine, so, anything on your mind that you’re thinking about, anything that you’re experiencing physically or that’s coming up for you emotionally or external stuff, situational stuff. Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’d like to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff.

 

What I’m gonna do is…or what I propose to do is I got a safe place here. I’m gonna smooth it, I’m gonna move it…I can move it, too. I can groove it. I can move it and groove it if you want me to. You say, I’ll move it away from these grooves. I’ll smooth it, I’ll pat it, I’ll rub it down, I’ll say safe place. Then I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones. Oh, so creaky are my tones. Creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents…so, I’m gonna go off-topic, get mixed up, put my mouth before my cart and my horse. They say, who’s…is that…? Scoots, creaky, dulcet tones and braying are not the same thing. But I’d say, well, yeah, they’re not that different, either. That’s the sound a horse makes, right? A bray.

 

I know someone named Bray that I worked with briefly that I liked very much. Anyway, where was I? Oh, so if you’re new, let me give you some more information, because this podcast is very different. Understandably, it’s really not for everybody. I hope it’s for you, but it really takes…it’s…what do you call that? It has a high bar to get used to or something, because it’s just not for everybody. So, let me give you all the info. One, I don’t know if any sleep solution is for everybody, you know? But also, we have a lot of expectations around sleep solution…skeptical things and doubts, because you say, oh boy, this is supposed to put me to sleep? I’ve been trying stuff for my whole life, and thus far, I haven’t found anything really effective.

 

So, of course you’re gonna be doubtful if you’re…well, there’s this guy; he tells weird stories in a strange voice, and I don’t know if they’re exactly stories ‘cause I’m not awake for that part. At first, he just talks in circles. He says they’re ovals and that he moves in ovular ways like BB-8. He also doesn’t know his BB-8 from his 88, and he talks about that as often as he can. Also, he just remembered that BB-8 moves in spherical ways, which he forgets a lot. So, those are things that you say, what? This is a sleep podcast, right? I say, kind of. So, that’s one thing, is that this pod…if you’re doubtful or unsure, that’s normal for Sleep With Me. Or even if you don’t like it, that’s totally understandable. So, that’s one thing. The next thing is that…what is…? Oh, so this is really a podcast you don’t really listen to.

 

That’s one of the things that could throw you off. You say, well, when’s it get started? I say, well, we’ve kind of already started. It would be like, for example, if you put a boat…if you had a rowboat and you put it in a…not a pond…one of those concrete ponds, like a retention base…not a retention basin. I guess I was thinking of a reflection pool or something, like one of those concrete basins that you see at monuments and city parks. That doesn’t…calling it a pond doesn’t do it. Basin doesn’t really do it, either. But what if you took one of those, you put a rowboat in there, and then you filled it with pudding or Jell-O? That would be…what does that have to do with the sleep podcast never getting started?

 

It’d be like, well, if you row…I guess the viscosity of Jell-O…I guess it would probably be…right, you’re more of a pudding, particularly maybe a butterscotch pudding or some sort of cream…banana cream. If you were rowing a rowboat in there…now, I’m no expert on anything, so I don’t know if…would the rowboat float? Good question. It might not float. It might just…is it floating if it’s sitting on top of it, but it’s…is that floating if it’s not water? You say, well, that’s a good question. But if you were trying to row that, I don’t know, would…? I’m guessing it would be harder to row, but I mean, I’m probably wrong. But you…imagining you wouldn’t be going anywhere. That’s kinda like this podcast.

 

You say, well, you don’t get in a retention…you don’t get in a reflection…former reflection basin full of banana cream and butterscotch pudding to go boating around or to go somewhere. You probably have an ulterior motive. I mean, what would it be? Well, I would say, hopefully you cleared all the wildlife out of the area or at least did some sort of conscienience…conscientious research. Oh, it’s taking place in my imagination. Okay. So, we did do that. You’d say, yeah, this…it’s a dairy alt…bird-friendly, turtle and bird-friendly, and there’s no fish in there or anything else. Don’t worry. We got all those…okay, well, then I can relax. What are we gonna be doing? Well, I have an ulterior motive. I’m actually recording a sleep podcast intro.

 

I was hoping for an easy metaphor. I said to myself, what would make the easiest metaphor for my sleep podcast? Then I call…I said, hey Jell-O, you look…I heard you wanted to go big on the…one of the social medias. Aren’t your competitors just really doing it on there? They said, I don’t know. I said, well, if you send me 4,000 packets, 2,000 butterscotch, 2,000 banana cream, a bunch of water or cream alternative, a rowboat, oars, life preservers, of course, I could probably come up with something. They said, no thanks. I said, okay, well, I’m gonna do it in my imagination. I said, hello? They said, shouldn’t you get back…? I said, you’re right. So, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to, just like you wouldn’t…you wouldn’t do that. You’d say, Scoots, I don’t see the purpose of rowing in pudding.

 

I’d say, well, one day you…because there would be. If we’re…let’s say we were in another stage of existence, like on the next…one of the grander stages. You say, well, post-earth…my post-earth life…you say…maybe you’re talking to a youngster. This is true, though; you’ve been there and you’ve returned, so it’s not like you’re making this up. You say…I say, what do I expect out there? You say, well, what’d you do yesterday? Went rowing in a…up there, they had…they have lakes full of pudding. Can you eat the pudding? Can you eat the pudding? You better…oh, of course you can. Wow. Can you row through the pudding and sing…? Oh yeah, we were singing songs, then we had a pudding fight. Yeah, we were…it was great. So…oh, but this is only in Scoots’ imagination. Oh, that’s where we are?

 

Okay. So, I can move to that stage of exist…? Yep, you can, anytime you want. Okay, so this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. I guess that’s what I was saying. It’s also not a podcast that puts you to sleep. I’m more here to keep you company while you go to sleep, just like we were…row, row, row your boat in some pudding, barely, barely, bare, barely moving because we’re in pudding in a…they say, what did…? Then some monumental figure says, what’d you do to my reflecting pool, and why were you calling it a reflecting basin? I’d say, oh boy, another monument’s displeased with me, too. So…oh, this is a podcast…I keep you company while you fall asleep. That’s why the shows are over an hour, to give you plenty of time to fall asleep and so you know I’m here to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep. So, if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here to the very end.

 

So, those are two things. The other thing that throw people off, new listeners or even regular listeners…regular listeners, what’s up? Have we ever talked about rowing in pudding? The Pudding Row; that’s the story of how two pudding companies parted ways but remained in one another’s hearts. The Great Pudding Row. That’s another imaginary story. That’s from Harlequin Kitchen, The Great Pudding Row. I would like to write that one, maybe. Oh, so structure of the show though, new listeners…the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you’re welcome in. Then there’s a listener support, then there’s sponsors that enable the show to be free, then there’s the intro, which goes from about minute six or minute eight to minute thirty or twenty or something.

 

I don’t know. It goes on and on and on, the intro. The intro serves one purpose, to introduce new listeners to the show, but for regular listeners, it just gives them a time to get ready for bed, to start to unwind, to get comfortable. Three percent of people skip the intro ‘cause they’re going to sleep. Some small percentage of listeners fall asleep during the intro, but most people use it to wind down and relax while they’re either in bed or in their bedroom or getting ready, doing some sort of wind-down routine. So, that’s the intro. It eases you into bedtime, gives you some distance from the day. You say, well, I like to fall asleep…I say, okay, if you listen all night or you fall asleep fast, you could either…you can do that or you could support the show on Patreon.

 

Those episodes are a little more convenient for those purposes ‘cause they’re repurposed stuff on there. But yeah, those are…oh, so that’s the intro. It gives you some space, basically, to get ready for bed. Then after the intro is business. That keeps the show free. I had like, two sponsors there, I think, and then it’s the bedtime story. So, tonight it’ll be our episodically modular series, Journey into the Land of Tomorrow, listening to some friends play a roleplaying game. That’s pretty nice. Then there’s thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show. The reason I make the show is because I’ve been there tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep. Yep, I had all those.

 

So, I’m here to help you while you drift off and to keep you company. So, that’s…oh, oh, ‘cause I’ve been there, but…and you deserve a good night’s sleep. Did I say, that? I guess I didn’t say it…I didn’t underline it because…when I say, that, I really mean it. If you get some sleep, your life’s gonna be a little bit better, right? A little bit more manageable. Maybe you start to use the podcast on a regular basis or you develop your own bedtime routine, you discover a different sleep podcast, whatever it is. Maybe you’re in a place to flourish, and then our world gets better and better and better the better and better you are.

 

That doesn’t mean that doesn’t come with rainy days. Holy boly. Yeah, I couldn’t even get a word out because I said, well, what about last…? I say, yeah, you’re right. Last night was rocky, huh? But even if it’s rocky, I’m here to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep. That’s my job. So, I’m glad you’re here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways I’m able to do this for you free twice a week.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature…so, any of those things that are keep…yeah, that might be keeping you…so, yeah, any of those things maybe that are keeping you awake. So, things about the past, the present, or future that you're thinking about, feelings you're feeling or physical sensations, or it could be something else.

 

It could be something outside, it could be something nearby, it could be a temperature thing or a seasonal thing. Or if you're like me, you just don’t know. You say, wait a second, what’s going on with this? Sometimes it could be really strange. I have…well, anyway, I don't want to put any ideas in your mind, but yeah, sometimes my…I say…I’m half-asleep and my brain’s still thinking about stuff. Then I wake up and I say, okay…that’s my newest technique, not to go off topic super early, but I’ve talked about this. Yeah, it’s important for me. I mean, this show is a part of this. It’s just to give yourself a little break, 'cause that’s one of the things…I make this show, but this goes beyond the podcast, is through this whole 2020, it hasn’t been easy, you know, and for me, a lot of times it’s like giving myself a break.

 

I mean that in a specific way in this case, which is like, if I’m waking up super early or I notice I’m doing that pseudo-insomnia or whatever you want to call it, or half-asleep overthinking or A-N-X-I-O-U-S sleeping or what…I don't even know. Those are just made-up terms, by the way. But when that happens, recently, just because things have been not so easy, I think I’ve been able to be nicer to myself. I’m like, okay, wow, it’s early. I would prefer not to get up right now. What if we just try to lie here and relax instead of getting back to sleep? Maybe we’ll fall back asleep, maybe we won't, but maybe I could just lie here. Oh, this mattress is really comfortable. I never noticed that. Or sometimes I’ll read if it’s…depending on the time. But this one’s a little bit different.

 

It just says, hey, let’s just lie here and rest, and let’s not try to get an objective…because that’s when the R-F-U-S-T…those feelings for me come up. So, sorry, that was a tangent, but just a little…a pro-am tip, as they say, professionally-amateur tip that I’ve been using for the past few months, particularly in the…well, when it’s not the morning and I say, well, it’s not the morning yet, technically, for me, in my opinion, so I’d rather not get up right now. I say, okay, let’s just lie here and rest. We're still resting, right? Sometimes I fall back asleep, sometimes I don’t, but sometimes I lie there and rest, and maybe this podcast could be a part of that for you, too. I don't know, that’s the way some people use it already. But, I don't know, I just wanted to point that out because I know it’s not easy out there.

 

So, if you're new or you're a regular listener, you might say, Scoots, what…? So, okay, yeah, so here’s what I’m offering to attempt to do. I’m gonna try to create a safe place like I said where you could set aside whatever’s awake. I’m gonna smooth the safe place, I’m gonna rub it down, I’m gonna say ‘safe place’, I’m gonna do a little dance, maybe, then I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, which means I’m gonna go off topic, superfluous tangents. I guess neither one of those was superfluous or pointless. So, that was…very rarely I’ll have relevant…can a tan…? Here’s a question I’ve been asked a million times; can a relevant…can a tangent ever be relevant?

 

That was…I think…I don't know if it was Cambridge or Oxford that invited me to a debate with someone that had…they had their name, Dr. Blankety-Blank, and then it had…she had about four thousand different letters after her name. I said, probably not qualified to be in the same room as her. So, I said, well, what would the topic be? They said it would be…you'd talk to her about…what did I say the thing was? Is there poignancy in pointlessness? They said, no. Can a pointless meander ever…can…? Relevancy and irrelevancy…and I said, this sounds like a good episode. Maybe we’ll just have to record this as an episode. They said, okay, when can you come by? I said, well, kick right back and I’ll tell you.

 

So, maybe that’s what we’ll talk about tonight, I guess. But anyway, where was I? My point was that this podcast goes off topic and doesn't ever reach a point. Pointless meanders and superfluous tangents…everything that I do on the show is to keep you company and to take your mind off whatever’s keeping you awake. If you're new, there’s a lot of things you probably could use, and regular listeners can always be reminded of this, and I’ll do this at the top…is the most important thing, is you deserve a good night's sleep. The reason I make the show is because I really, truly believe that.

 

I believe that if you get the rest you need and you have a place of solace, a safe place, if I could be a part of that or a part of a routine that works for you that makes bedtime less of a thing to dread and more something you either look forward to or feel neutral about, I’ve done my job and in some sense, I’ve contributed to your wellbeing, and your wellbeing or your ability to flourish…or just live your life a little bit fuller. That makes the world for me a better place to be in, too. Some people might say pish-posh. That just makes me laugh. But maybe that could be who I could debate, is Pish Posh. But yeah, it really is important to me, and I really think it does contribute to the improvement of our world. Even if it doesn't impact me, just knowing that…you say, well, why?

 

Well, because I’ve been there, tossing turning, mind racing, trouble…you just heard me talk about…so, I know how it feels and I know the frustration, I know the loneliness, and I know the desperation, because I know how it feels. So, that’s why it’s important for me to help you if I can. Now, if you're new, as important as those two things are to me, unfortunately I don't have the ability to make a podcast that works for everybody. Sleep With Me only works for the people it kinda works for, but I will give you one free piece of advice that hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people, have said, which is give it a few tries, 'cause this podcast is so different. For a lot of people, it takes…it has a higher…kind of a weird barrier of entry 'cause it’s like, what do you mean? I don't understand the show. It doesn't make any sense.

 

It’s strange and it’s unfamiliar. So, I’ll tell you some more, but I would say look at it loosely like I’m a friend you've…or if you're more comfortable, a paid expert that is an expert in nothing but nonsensical talk, or a friend that you don’t have to pay attention to. That’s the ideal situation. You say, okay, you're gonna call me on speakerphone or you're gonna come over, and you're just gonna tell me something soothing and pointless that I don't have to listen to in a friendly manner? They’d say, no, there’s a podcast for that now, so I can't do it. I’m sorry. So, it takes some getting used to. So, give it a few tries. The thing…some of the things that take getting used to; creaky, dulcet tones. My voice is not traditionally soothing, I would say. I’ve been told that in much more florid prose.

 

But you say, okay, it takes some getting used to for some people. Also, the fact that it doesn't ever get to a point…you say, when’s this gonna start or when are you gonna start making sense, or when is the sleep part gonna start? I say, well, it’s kinda already started. Yeah, I understand if you're having strange feelings 'cause, yeah, the show is very different. It’s kinda meant not to be listened to, and it’s not really here to put you to sleep. It’s here to keep you company while you fall asleep or to keep you company if you can't sleep, like if you can't fall asleep or you're there like me, lying there in bed just trying to rest and not sleep and you just want something that makes you feel okay or gives you something to think about so you don’t get F-R-U-S…you know, however you spell that word with -tration, frus- and -tration or -ted, whatever.

 

For some reason, -ted made me think of fried tiddlers that I had in the Czech Republic a long, long time ago. I think it was at a German hotel, though, so…or a hotel popular with Germans. So, I don't know if a tiddler…where…I don't know. Just, when I thought of that…sorry about…that’s a free-form tangent. Okay, so, yeah, this podcast…so, if you can't sleep, the show is about an hour to give you plenty of time to drift off so you don’t have to watch the clock and wonder, but it’s also here to keep you company if you can't sleep. So, that’s another thing to know. This is a little late to explain this, so maybe some people kinda already hung up the phone on their proverbial friend, but structurally, the show is structured very different because it’s a sleep podcast and because it comes out twice a week and we put a lot of work into it.

 

Structurally it starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, so that you feel seen and you feel welcome and you know this is a welcome place, that I’m trying to create a safe place for everybody. Then there’s business, and that business and the business in the middle of the show is what keeps the show free, which I’d prefer. I’d prefer the podcast free versus behind a paywall. Then there’s an intro, which we're pretty much, I don't know, three-quarters of the way through. The intro’s around…somewhere around twelve to twenty minutes of the podcast. This is kinda the number-one thing that throws new people off.

 

Then if you become a veteran listener — which I would say anybody that listens more than three times is a veteran listener — you realize, oh, the intro kinda serves a purpose and is purposeless. Or it’s like, where are you going? When…? A intro is supposed to serve a purpose. I say, yeah, this intro serves a different purpose. So, most intros, they say, yadda, yadda, yadda, get to the show. We're gonna…this is the Dance Cast where we talk about dancing and dance-related things. Or, this is the Imaginary Oxford Debate…Oxford Cambridge Debate Cast, where we're gonna be talking about a debate coming up with Scooter and Pish Posh. We’ll cover all the highlights of the debate, and that’s…and then we’ll say good day. So, let’s get on…let’s get it started. That would be a normal podcast intro.

 

Ours, the intro serves one purpose, to introduce new people to the show, and that takes a lot of explaining. Two, I have a tendency to go off topic and never get to the point, so that’s another thing that can happen. Then three, the intro, for most listeners, serves as a buffer between daytime and nighttime. So, it gives you some place to get some distance whether you start listening as you're getting ready for bed or when you're in bed or as you're already lights-out, getting comfortable, or if you're lying there trying to rest or whatever. It just gives you a way to wind down. A long landing strip is the way I like to look at it, to ease you into bedtime. So, that’s one of the purposes the intro fills.

 

The other is just to keep you company, something familiar for the regular listeners but something new every time, because for me, my brain adapts, or whatever parts of me that want to keep me awake adapt. So, I’m committed to keeping this thing fresh because of that, because I think that’s what works best, is to have something new to look forward to, right? And it keeps me polished. I gotta outsmart those brainbots by loving them. Oh boy, I’m not trying to outsmart all you brainbots by doing anything crafty. Just love and compassion and presence and being here for all of you. The brainbots are the part of me that overthinks and keeps me awake.

 

So…oh, so, structurally…so, that…okay, so, there’s the intro…and as you become a regular listener, if you do, which you don’t have to…it’s kinda optional, but just give it a few tries. If you do become a regular listener, you could see how your relationship with the intro develops. Why I say that is a lot of people start it before they get in bed, but then some people start it at different stages in their wind-down routine. Two percent of people skip it, then another couple thousand people listen to story-only episodes on Patreon. So, you could kinda see how it goes, is the main thing. Yeah, I guess…is that…? Oh, structure…then after the intro is business. Again, that’s how we keep it free. Then there will be a story.

 

I guess tonight it’ll be my recounting of that debate with Pish Posh and Oxford Cambridge or…what happened with that. So, I’ll have to just say ‘yes’ to that. I was gonna turn down that thing, but as I was doing the intro, I could hear your brain thinking. Scoots, you should really do that debate. It sounds really boring. I said, no problem. I’ll make it boring and barely engaging at the same time. So, that’ll be what we’ll talk about tonight. Then there will be thank-yous at the end of the show. So, that’s the structure of the show. Kinda, that’s everything to expect. The main thing I want you to know is give it a few tries. That doesn't benefit me. It’s just what most listeners said, and I hope the podcast can benefit you. I’m not trying to disregard your skepticism, 'cause most people that come to this podcast are skeptical.

 

Even…one of my favorite things to read is people that didn’t like the show and then came back to it a year or two later. Maybe they started a family or a new job or they had something in their life that came up, and at first their skepticism or their internal critic or whatever was like, I don't like Scooter and I don't like that show. I don't like the creaky, dulcet tones or the pointless…you know, kinda like that Green Eggs and Sam guy or whatever it is. Green Eggs and Sam…isn't that what it should have been called? Green Eggs…well, anyway, so…and then they come back to the show with fresh ears or they say, oh no, this is a friendly, goofy thing. So, just give it a few tries. I just want to help, I guess is my main thing. I’m really appreciative of you checking the show out, and your time, and I really work very, very hard, believe it or not, and yearn and strive to help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple ways we're able to bring you this podcast twice a week. Thanks.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, so whether it’s thoughts you’re thinking about, things on your mind, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or…you know, changes in time or temperature or seasonal stuff, whatever’s keeping you awake. So, it could be things you’re thinking about, something you’re experiencing emotionally or physically, or something else, or you might not know.

 

You might just say, this…if you were saying it in a detached way, you’d say, well, this is inconvenient. That’s kinda one of the…I just want to say that’s one of the ripples around sleep for me, but I don’t think…I don’t know if it is a ripple. When did ripple…? So, you got ripples in water and you have ripples…what’s a ripple in ice cream? I see that all the time. They say there’s ripples of something in here, or ribbons of it. I say, well, maybe I should come back to this. I don’t know. Ripple…this podcast is hopefully like ripples in still water, maybe. But whatever’s keeping you awake…you could be…well, if you sleep on a boat…inconsistent ripples. A gentle, consistent ripple would be great. Well, here’s an idea…theme park people, hear me out.

 

If you own a waterpark and you say, well, we’re looking for a way to maximize revenue, ‘cause I know a lot of you…and I’m not judging you. I just say, well, that’s probably something most people are looking to do. You have one of those wave machines, right? Those wave machines, I think they were big in the nineties or maybe the aughts. Here’s my take on wave machines…no offense, waterparks. Well, I’d rather go down a water slide, but I say, what…so, let’s…it’s like a swimming pool, but you bump in…everybody’s bumping into you. Okay, sounds not like…it’s like being in real water. I say, okay. But so, I’m gonna get…yeah, it’s like being in a bath tub with a bunch of people bumping into you. Hm.

 

Okay, well, I guess I’ll pass on that. But my idea for waterpark entrepreneurs…like, if you’re looking to do…let’s say you’re some sort of corporate…whatever you call them where you buy stuff…Gordon Gekko or whatever. Here’s an idea; you say, okay, well, yeah, we just can’t make that work. We wanted to purchase Waterparks Unlimited. The entire…we were gonna purchase the entire Wisconsin Dells, but we just can’t make it work. We can’t make the bottom line work. We’re close. We just need one thing…we want to, you know. I say, well, I got it for you, Gordon. I can’t give it to you for free, but I can because this is a sleep podcast. You…because here’s the thing; when you’re…one of the downsides of sleeping on a boat, I would imagine, is that sometimes there’s waves, sometimes there’s not.

 

Sometimes there’s something passing by. For me, that is one of the things…I say, if there’s something consistent, I can sleep to it, but when it’s inconsistent, it gets on my nerves. I don’t know if anybody else is hearing me. But this would be a hotel package thing. You get some sort of…something like you would see…like a cryogenic chamber. You put them in the wave pool and you say, oh yeah, these are our individual sleep pods. You get to sleep in the wave pool. You could make an island or something, too. I’m sure you could design this. You say…be lulled to sleep gently by…in our wave pool. ‘Cause you say, well, the…’cause the waterpark’s gotta close down at dark. I think most of them…that’s when they close down. I don’t know. Hear me out, though. I think it’s a possible idea.

 

Also, you know, there’s other ways. People use those sweet…those…that sweet rocking of the waves can cause the hearts to pitter-patter and hands to be held, if you know what I’m saying. So, I don’t know if ripples in water are keeping anybody up at night. Wrinkle; I think that’s the word I was actually looking for, and I don’t even know where…but whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that. That’s what I’m here for if you’re new. What I propose to do is to send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents. So, I’m gonna go off-topic, I’m gonna get mixed up, then I’m gonna come back. I’m gonna say, okay, well, what was I talk…? Oh yeah, that’s all to take your mind off of stuff so you can fall asleep.

 

So, if you’re new, a couple things to know upfront. A little late, but if you’re skeptical or doubtful or you’re not even sure…you’re like, I don’t know if I like this…just like a wave pool. Think about your first time at a wave pool. You say, I don’t know if…are there any…? I mean, I think there are people…I think a wave pool is a bit like other things where you think it’s really only good when you remember it and you…you say, well, I can’t wait to get in that wave pool. Then you get in there and you say, what am I…why am I in here when I could be going on a water slide or the Lazy River? If you are a wave pool fan — I’m not trying to take anything away from it — especially if…I can imagine if you’re in there in the off-season when it’s not super busy, that it might be nice, or if you rent it out for surfing. I’ve seen that on a promotional video.

 

That would be cool, or body surfing when it’s empty. But you say…I’m just thinking of it when I’ve been to them, so it’s just my experience. I’m just making…I’m making an assume out of wave pools and me. Where was I, though? Oh, so…oh, if you’re doubtful about this podcast, that’s a normal reaction when you first get here. Why wouldn’t you be? You probably heard about thousands of things to try to put you to sleep that you’ve tried. Somebody said, well, there’s this dude that just talks about nothing to put you to sleep. He kinda tell…it’s kinda like a bedtime story that never starts and never ends at the same time. The people that told you about it, they say it’s amazing, or my cousin loves it. It’s not for me, but try it out. So, of course you’re gonna say wait…okay.

 

So, that’s a normal reaction, and the majority of listeners that have listened to the show even for…since the beginning say give it two or three tries; that’s how long it took me to get used to it. Maybe that’s what wave pools say; hey, give me two or three tries and you’ll…that’ll be it. I mean, maybe that’s…but I’ll keep coming back. That’s the thing with the wave pool. I say, well, I paid, whatever, forty-four bucks to get in here. If anybody that owns a waterpark…is the Wisconsin Dells…? That’s like the waterpark capital of the…of at least of the US. That’s one of my dream stops. I haven’t been there. Maybe 2021, 2022 is the year. 2022 probably, ‘cause I’m recording this…you’re in my future. I’m still in 2020. So…oh, give the podcast a few tries. That’s one thing if you’re new.

 

The other thing is…the other two things is this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. Maybe like a wave pool…if you’re not going there for the waves…you say, well, I’m just going there just to float. That’s what a lot of people do, and they just enjoy the motion. Or maybe they say, well, I don’t…I’m not into the water slides. I’m into just…and I’m not into the Lazy River. They may say the Lazy River’s just…they say, that’s the same thing. You’re just on a tube bumping into people. You say, I don’t need my leg or my ankle touching someone’s shoulder that I don’t know. I mean, that’s what I would say. That’s just who I am, though. Let’s just be straight; I gotta…I like to have my boundaries nice and…not nice and tight; nice and wide. I say, can I have one of those two-people inner tubes just for me and then attach another one?

 

Oh no, no, it’s not even…they say, well, that’s…you just don’t want to bump…? No, no, even the people I know I don’t want to bump into. Not into that. They say, let’s make a raft, friends. No thanks. I’m in the Lazy River to kinda be…try not to be with my thoughts and just float around. Okay, so just kinda consume the podcast like that, where you’re just kinda drifting. Just barely pay attention. I know, and tough…at first it can be tough, but after a while you say, oh, this podcast never…like I said, it never starts and never ends. It does, but if you approach it with that kind of mindset…you say, huh, okay, I guess I’ll try to consume it in that way. That’s a challenge for me. Can I in the future enjoy those things a little bit more and just be in the wave pool or be in the Lazy River and not get caught up in my own things?

 

I say, okay, you can handle this, Scoots. I mean, I think I’m getting that kinda self…it’ll be fine. Your ankle could touch someone’s hair. I’m not even worried about…it’s just my boundaries. This doesn’t have anything to do with anything beyond that. I’m not…I don’t have any phobes or whatever. I’m not thinking about that. It’s just, very lizardy. My lizard brain says, no, I’d prefer our bubble stay around us forever. So, I’m working on that. So…oh, so don’t pay attention to me. Barely listen to this podcast. Also, this podcast doesn’t really put you to sleep. It’s just kinda here while you fall asleep, which is a little bit different. That’s why the episodes are about an hour, is to give you plenty of time to drift off. Then if you can’t sleep, the episode will be here for you to keep you company.

 

So, that’s…don’t listen to me and I won’t really put you to sleep. I’m more here as…my job is, yeah, keep you company as your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-bestie, your bore-bruh. If you see me at the wave pool, say, what’s up, bore-bruh? You gonna do some body-surfing? I’d say, if you could clear all these toddlers and their grandparents out of my way, then…no. I say…then I would start thinking about…yeah, and cycle the water out forty times. So, okay, where was I? Holy…I’m not being judgey about the wave pools. It’s clearly my own issue. It has nothing to do with other people. It’s just the idea that they’re…that it’s like, oh, this is my…something about water changes…well, it doesn’t change my relational boundaries.

 

It’s just, if you weren’t in water, it’d be clear; like, whoa, whoa, whoa, that’s…you’re within…if my leg hair could touch you — ‘cause it’s like, my leg hair goes straight out — then that’s way too close. Where in water, you say, oh, that’s totally…you just roll…I guess a well-adjusted person just rolls with it. So, kinda just barely roll with this podcast, but also, we’ll put you to sleep or keep you company as you fall asleep. The other things that can throw new people off is the structure of the show, and that’s natural just because our structure of the podcast is very different. It starts off with a greeting so you know you’re welcome here, then there’s Supporter Zone, support for the listeners and support for the show. So, resources for listeners and then sponsors and stuff so we can keep this podcast free for you.

 

Then there’s the intro, which has been going for about twelve minutes, and the intro goes from…anywhere from about minute six to minute twenty or so. It’s the same every time and it’s different every time. Every time I try to introduce the podcast to new listeners, and I get distracted and I go off-topic and I talk about something and then I’ll probably talk…re-talk about it for about eight minutes. Then I’ll try to talk about the structure of the show. Then I’ll go back, just like you’ve observed thus far, and just like the water…how do you think the water in a wave pool feels, or a Lazy River? Like, the molecules, they say…it says, I’ve been by this palm tree 4,000 times in the last two days, or whatever. So, I don’t know. Oh, my point is that the intro kinda goes on and on and on. Now…oh, and my thoughts get cyclical.

 

But that serves a couple purposes; one, to introduce new people to the show and kinda to give you an idea what you’re in for. But for the regular listener, you got some options. As you become a regular listener, you could…two percent of people skip ahead to twenty minutes, and then the rest of the listeners use the intro in different ways. But all of them combined kinda use it as a part of their wind-down routine. Now, for some listeners, they fall asleep during the intro, but for most listeners, they’re getting ready for bed or they’re in bed getting comfortable, or they’re doing some other relaxing pastime to get some distance from the day and, I don’t know, just to give you a long runway into sleep. Because I’ve found for me, that’s what works best and for the people the show works for.

 

So, the intro’s a slow descent into sleep, ideally, and it gives you something to listen to to take your mind off whatever’s keeping you awake. So, that’s the intro. Then there’s business between the intro and the episode. That’s kinda how podcast structure works, and you could always find those sponsors at our website. Then there’s the episode, which…we’ll be talking about Great British Bake Off, Pastry Week, Pâtissière Week. It’ll be in a kind of, I don’t know, a barely-coherent recap of what happened and what people talked about, what people were wearing, what they were doing. So, it should be fun but also very distracting and meandering and easy to sleep to. You won’t miss anything.

 

You could listen or re-listen to the episode, and ideally it’s here to provide you a level of comfort and a level of distraction, and also just give you permission to barely pay attention to it. Then the show ends with thank-yous and goodnights. So, that’s the structure of the show and the other things that can…and the other main important point is that I make the show because I’ve been there tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep. I’ve had all those things. I mean, look, how many people have wave pool issues? Probably the Venn diagrams…Sleep With Me listeners…you say, yeah. I may enjoy waterparks, but I do a lot of thinking about the waterparks, too. Or you say, well, I’d like…you look at yourself in the mirror. This is what I do.

 

One day I’m gonna be a person that could fully…so well-adjusted. I’m gonna enjoy that waterpark. Even waiting in line when the kid tries to go by me and his bathing suit wipes against my side of my thigh…I say oh, no. Then I also say, what are you doing? Oh, well, my family’s up there. I say, well, okay, but the line starts down at the bottom of the stairs. Well, I’m seven years old. Well, I want you to wait in line because it’s…so, I got that…I said, well, the line’s back…well, my family’s up there, though. Okay, well, yeah, they’ll meet you at the bottom of the water slide. Of course, when I was seven, I was probably doing the same thing. So, anyway, I’m glad you’re here because I know how it feels.

 

Those are the kinda things that still go through…I’m not seven…you say…and then two years later, I’ll be lying…what were you saying? Why you got…? You don’t work at a waterpark. Why do you gotta enforce the line? Just let the kid go up with his family. I mean, that’s really what goes…I say, what kinda person does that? I say, I thought you wanted me to be assertive for our needs. Yeah, but it’s a seven-year-old waiting in line for a water slide. Right, but I waited…so, and then that…five hours later. So, I’ve been there. That’s one of the reasons I make the show. The other reason I make the show is because you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a place of respite where you have a little bit of distance between the day and the night and where you can get the rest you deserve so that you can live your life more fully.

 

So, that’s why I make the show. I really appreciate you coming by. Give it a few tries. Like I said, I don’t benefit from people listening if it doesn’t work out for you, but I hope it does. I wish I could make a podcast that worked for everyone, but it just works for the people it works for, so give it a few tries. I really work hard, I yearn and I strive, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to bring this podcast twice a week.

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)

All Intro

 

Corncob Pipe

https://westernfictioneers.blogspot.com/2018/07/a-brief-history-of-corncob-pipe-by-kaye.html

https://missourilife.com/missouri-meerschaum-1/

https://dutchpipesmoker.com/2013/05/07/another-dutch-invention-the-corncob-pipe/

 

The Viscosity of Pudding

https://arstechnica.com/civis/viewtopic.php?t=155355

https://www.michael-smith-engineers.co.uk/resources/useful-info/approximate-viscosities-of-common-liquids-by-name

https://mythresults.com/swimming-in-syrup

 

Cambridge vs Oxford

https://www.seattletimes.com/life/travel/oxford-vs-cambridge-which-one-should-you-visit/

https://www.topuniversities.com/student-info/choosing-university/oxford-or-cambridge

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/11/15/travel/alice-in-wonderland-oxford-lewis-carroll.html

 

Wave Machines

https://www.surfertoday.com/surfing/a-brief-history-of-artificial-wave-pools

https://surfparkcentral.com/a-brief-history-of-surf-pool-technology/

https://www.ricksteves.com/watch-read-listen/read/articles/castles-of-mad-king-ludwig-ii

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

My reading rainbow is more like oil in a puddle

It’s time for Meandering Oil Globs

 

PLUGS

Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline

 

SPONSORS

Helix; Zocdoc; Uncommon Goods; Everyday Dose

 

INTRO

973

Uninvited Thoughts

Unintended Thoughts about Uninvited Guests

Who’s cooling and warming these pillows?

A Double Throwback Reference

Do you remember what Lemongrass tastes like?

Lemongrass on its own

Why is it called a corn cob?

Why do corn cob pipes exist?

Frosty the Snowman

Olaf from Frozen

Frozen 3 – finding Olaf’s family

Corncob Pipe Gift Memories

A Fog Pipe

Oolaf and Oolafina

Past the Corncob Reefs

Exhaling from their Fog Pipes

Fog Myths

Finding the Shapes in Fogs

An Edgecase

Scooter knows he shouldn’t be confident in this episode, but he his

Olaf’s Cousin, Oolaf

Corncob, not Corn on the Cob

Popcorn Pipe

Corn on a Popcorn Pipe

Popcorn on the Cob Frozen 3 Tie-in Merch

A message for any SuperBeing

A Roommate Bedtime Story

Bore on the Bob

Corncobber of the Year

 

STORY

974

Move it and Groove it

Creaky Dulcet Tones vs Braying

A high bar to get used to

He talks in Ovular Ways

BB-8 Chat

I don’t know my BB8 from my 88

A Retention Basin

Can it float if it’s not in water?

A Concrete Basin and a Reflection Pool

A Concrete Basin filled with Butterscotch Pudding

What’s the purpose of rowing in pudding?

The Viscosity of Pudding

Hoping for an Easy Metaphor

A Viral Jello Moment

Rowing in Pudding

Lakes full of Pudding

A Reflecting … Basin?

Oh no, another monument is upset with me now …

Holy Boly, even when you’re better there’s rainy days

The Great Pudding Row

976

Half Asleep but Brain is Full Awake

Giving Yourself a Break

Just Relaxing Instead of Getting Back to Sleep

#laying

A Pro-Am Tip (Professionally Amateur)

Can a tangent ever be relevant?

Can a tangent ever be relevant?, the Oxbridge Debate

Poignancy in Pointlessness

Relevancy and Irrelevancy

Debating Pish Posh

I’m a paid expert in nothing

A Friend you don’t have to listen to

Frus+Tration

Fried Tiddlers

Maybe they’ve already hung up the phone on their proverbial friend

The Veteran Listener

A Different Purpose for Intros

The Dance-Cast

A Long Landing Strip into bedtime

Outsmarting the Brainbots through Love

Recounting the Debate with Pish Posh

I’m like that Green Eggs & Sam guy

975

“Well this isn’t convenient”

The Ripples of Sleep

Ripple Talk

Inconsistent Ripples

A gentle consistent ripple would be great

Wave Machine Chat

I’d rather go down a water slide, personally

Water Park Pitches to Gordon Gecko

Wisconsin Dells

Let the ripple machine lull you to sleep in your sleep pod

Sleeping on a Boat

Water Park After Dark

Wrinkle

Think about your first time at a wave pool

Making an Assume out of Wave Pools and Me

2022, the year of Wisconsin Dells

Nice and Wide Boundaries

Boundaries at the Water Park

Floating in the Lazy River

What’s up bore-bruh, you ready to do some body surfing?

I have different boundaries in water

Lizard Brain Bubble

Scooter’s leg hair goes straight out

A Slow Descent into Sleep

Great British Bake-Off

How many people have wave pool issues?

Well-Adjusted Trip to the Water Park

The Child at the Water Park

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1405

Title: Reflection Pool of Pudding | All Intros 973 – 976 for New Year’s Eve

Plugs: Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline

Sponsors: Helix; Zocdoc; Uncommon Goods; Everyday Dose

Notable Language:

• 973
• A Double Throwback Reference
• Fog
• Condensation
• Edgecase
• Corncob
• Popcorn Pipe
• Bore on the Bob
• 974
• Move it and Groove it
• Groove
• Bray
• Ovular
• I don’t know my BB8 from my 88
• Basin
• Post-Earth Life
• Holy Boly
• 976
• #laying
• Pro-Am Tip (Professionally Amateur)
• Poignancy in Pointlessness
• Pish Posh
• Frus+Tration
• Fried Tiddlers
• Green Eggs & Sam
• 975
• Sneed?
• Ripple
• A gentle consistent ripple
• Wrinkle
• Making an Assume out of Wave Pools and Me
• Lizard Brain Bubble
• Wave Pool Issues (WPIs)

 

Notable Culture:

• • 973

• Reading Rainbow

• Meandering Oil Globs

• • Frosty the Snowman

• Frozen

• • Frozen 3 – Finding Olaf’s family

• 974

• • DnD
  • BB-8
  • U2
  • “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”
  • The Great Pudding Row, by Harlequin Kitchen

• Star Wars

• • 976
  • H-E-I-N-O-U-S

• Can a tangent ever be relevant?, the Oxbridge Debate

• • The Dance-Cast
  • Cambridge
  • Oxford
  • The Dance-Cast

• Green Eggs & Ham

• • 975
  • Water Parks
  • Gordon Gecko / Wall Street

• Great British Bake-Off

• Wisconsin Dells

 

Notable Talking Points:

• 973
• Uninvited Thoughts
• Unintended Thoughts about Uninvited Guests
• Who’s cooling and warming these pillows?
• A Double Throwback Reference
• Do you remember what Lemongrass tastes like?
• Lemongrass on its own
• Why is it called a corn cob?
• Why do corn cob pipes exist?
• Frosty the Snowman
• Olaf from Frozen
• Frozen 3 – finding Olaf’s family
• Corncob Pipe Gift Memories
• A Fog Pipe
• Oolaf and Oolafina
• Past the Corncob Reefs
• Exhaling from their Fog Pipes
• Fog Myths
• Finding the Shapes in Fogs
• An Edgecase
• Scooter knows he shouldn’t be confident in this episode, but he his
• Olaf’s Cousin, Oolaf
• Corncob, not Corn on the Cob
• Popcorn Pipe
• Corn on a Popcorn Pipe
• Popcorn on the Cob Frozen 3 Tie-in Merch
• A message for any SuperBeing
• A Roommate Bedtime Story
• Bore on the Bob
• Corncobber of the Year
• 974
• Move it and Groove it
• Creaky Dulcet Tones vs Braying
• A high bar to get used to
• He talks in Ovular Ways
• BB-8 Chat
• I don’t know my BB8 from my 88
• A Retention Basin
• Can it float if it’s not in water?
• A Concrete Basin and a Reflection Pool
• A Concrete Basin filled with Butterscotch Pudding
• What’s the purpose of rowing in pudding?
• The Viscosity of Pudding
• Hoping for an Easy Metaphor
• A Viral Jello Moment
• Rowing in Pudding
• Lakes full of Pudding
• A Reflecting … Basin?
• Oh no, another monument is upset with me now …
• Holy Boly, even when you’re better there’s rainy days
• The Great Pudding Row
• 976
• Half Asleep but Brain is Full Awake
• Giving Yourself a Break
• Just Relaxing Instead of Getting Back to Sleep
• #laying
• A Pro-Am Tip (Professionally Amateur)
• Can a tangent ever be relevant?
• Can a tangent ever be relevant?, the Oxbridge Debate
• Poignancy in Pointlessness
• Relevancy and Irrelevancy
• Debating Pish Posh
• I’m a paid expert in nothing
• A Friend you don’t have to listen to
• Frus+Tration
• Fried Tiddlers
• Maybe they’ve already hung up the phone on their proverbial friend
• The Veteran Listener
• A Different Purpose for Intros
• The Dance-Cast
• A Long Landing Strip into bedtime
• Outsmarting the Brainbots through Love
• Recounting the Debate with Pish Posh
• I’m like that Green Eggs & Sam guy
• 975
• “Well this isn’t convenient”
• The Ripples of Sleep
• Ripple Talk
• Inconsistent Ripples
• A gentle consistent ripple would be great
• Wave Machine Chat
• I’d rather go down a water slide, personally
• Water Park Pitches to Gordon Gecko
• Wisconsin Dells
• Let the ripple machine lull you to sleep in your sleep pod
• Sleeping on a Boat
• Water Park After Dark
• Wrinkle
• Think about your first time at a wave pool
• Making an Assume out of Wave Pools and Me
• 2022, the year of Wisconsin Dells
• Nice and Wide Boundaries
• Boundaries at the Water Park
• Floating in the Lazy River
• What’s up bore-bruh, you ready to do some body surfing?
• I have different boundaries in water
• Lizard Brain Bubble
• Scooter’s leg hair goes straight out
• A Slow Descent into Sleep
• Great British Bake-Off
• How many people have wave pool issues?
• Well-Adjusted Trip to the Water Park
• The Child at the Water Park