1372 – Message in a Jug | Labor Day All Intros 961 – 964

Episode 1372 – Message in a Jug | Labor Day All Intros 961 – 964

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and friends beyond the binary, and my bakers, ready? Bakers, on my…what do they say? Get ready, get set…get set…I cannot do it. As much as I try to be…I can't do a Noel or a Sandi. Get set…no. Get set…I don't know. Get ready to go to sleep because it’s…you say, what is this person talking about? I say, yeah, not much. You know what time it is? It’s time for me to…I was trying to think of a baking analogy but that fits…it’s time for me to…it’s time to knead your pillows. Hopefully you'll knead them when you need them, 'cause it’s time for Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep, and these are the ways we're able to bring you this podcast twice a week for free.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble staying asleep? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts on your mind you’re thinking about from the past, the present, or the future. Despite everything they say about brains and gray matter…I say, how do you get all those thought…? When it comes to me, I say, how do you get all those thoughts in there? I mean, really, where are they coming from? It’s like a…do they say an artisan well?

 

I have an artisan well of thoughts. It’s not artisan. It’s spelled like you’d say…like, you’d think it was a well made by an artist, but it think it’s just a nice, clean spring of…maybe it’s an artisan spring. I don’t know, I’d like to experience…if 2020 could use…could have used anything, it would be an artisan…2021; let’s have an artisan spring, I think. ‘Cause you’d say, well, that sounds pretty refreshing and maybe visually or auditorally or emotionally stimulating in some way. The artisan spring; holy moly, was it good. I also…oh, sorry; by the way, I forgot to tell everybody I bathed in the artisan spring. They’d say, oh, for Scooter…I’d say, well, here’s the good news; it’s only imaginary, so…also, I think because it’s ever-flowing…also, I bathed in it without…I did…I was actually…I was frolic…I guess I wasn’t really bathing; I was frolicking in my suit de birthta in this artisan spring.

 

But I was obscured by…just like in the great myths, I was obscured by bushes and leaves and just all the splashing I was doing. Mostly I was submerged, because they actually had a nice pool. Oh, sorry, I’m in the middle of a sleep podcast? Oh no, I’m at the beginning of one? Yeah, so thoughts like that just come up for me. I guess that’s one thing that could keep you awake. It keeps me awake. I’ll tell you what; if I was thinking about frolicking in a spring, I don’t think I…if I was that kind of person…if I was the kind of person that didn’t daydream about frolicking in a spring, it’s like, I wonder what if…what my life would be like. You say…maybe that’s what my internal coach would say; well, you gotta get out there and get in some springs. I’d say, I’m pretty sure at this point in human history there’s ordinances against that.

 

Unless I had…I accessed my own private spring, which would put that on my list of things I’ll never do but I wish I would like to, is to have my own private spring. Actually…and again, that could be a title for anything. You’d say, holy cow, my own private spring. What in the name of Win Wemder…Wim Wenders or however you say it…anyway, holy obscure references ‘cause…oh, so whatever’s keeping you awake; thoughts, feelings, it could be emotions that are coming up. If you were…I mean, not many people tune into this podcast ‘cause they’re coming down from a frolic, but if you are, I’m here to bring you back in. You say, oh boy, I was just in the middle of a…I was just…I’m home from a frolic. I’d say, what, are you in a Dickensian…was it a Dickensian frolic? No.

 

Oh boy, was it kind of…frolic that makes my back sweat just thinking about it, and my chest, even? I don’t know. Okay, maybe I…so, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations…I’m already distracted by the…now I’m getting caught up on that word, frolic. A beautiful word. Who would think of the things…? Here’s the thing; I just…my brain just told me this when I said, I gotta move on; my brain said, isn’t it strange that…can you think of anything that rhymes with ‘frolic’ that’s good? I’d say, well, I gotta keep moving on with this podcast intro, but I can only think of one thing. Frolic, colic, cowlick. I probably…I could get back to you, but that’s…you’re right, though. Thanks, brain.

 

Also, I don’t think cowlick…like, where my hand stands…where my hair stands up, I don’t think that directly actually rhymes with ‘frolic’ unless you say it cowlick. I guess you do…I guess it does, depending on how…when I say it, it does. Okay, so, feelings, physical sensations…that could be another thing that’s keeping you awake, or it could just be anything. Whatever it is, I’m here to take your mind off it, believe it or not, ‘cause if you’re new you’re like, what in the double hey-hey? Yeah, believe it or not, I’m here to take your mind off whatever’s keeping you awake and…while you fall asleep. What I propose to do other than go off-topic is create a safe place. Oh boy, I mean, what if…if I had access to an unlimited amount of private…what did I say? My own private springs…I’d like to put you in your own private spring, you know?

 

Yeah, I mean, it’s…right now it’s a metaphor for a safe place, and the spring…it’s just a little marshy around the spring, and then it has…say, a little marshy? Yeah, so make sure you wear either no shoes or rubber boots when you come to visit your own private spring. Oh, yeah. So…oh, so anyway…oh, so I’m gonna try to create a safe place by sending my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, I’m gonna go off-topic and be like…I’m gonna go off-topic and meander and not…never get to the point, all to take your mind off of stuff so you can fall asleep. So, there’s a couple things…regular listeners, so good to see you. You are my artisan spring.

 

Oh boy, the energy that I get from putting you to sleep…and it’s like a perpetual…actually, isn’t a spring perpetual…? Most know they have end dates? Oh, boy. Wait a second, I’ve been selling expired personal springs? Oh, does anybody…did anybody know that I was talking about water springs, not bouncy springs? Oh, those are still expired. Oh, man. I just put somebody…you should have seen the look on their face when I told them about wearing boots to their spring. I figured it was good forever, or at least…in human terms you say, well, the spring will stop running in, whatever, year 4000. There wouldn’t be…there’d be nothing to worry about. But you’re telling me that all…oh, boy. Are you sure you’re not just a product of my imagination, or are you an actual geologist?

 

Oh, imaginary geologist. Okay, I guess I’ll have to trust you. I gotta get back to this. So, regular listeners, what up? That’s what I was here to say. If you’re new, here’s a couple of things to know. Now, this podcast, you may already be feeling a bit different about it because it’s off…believe me, I mean, you don’t get to these…we’re already off the beaten path. I mean, there probably are springs on the…you say, oh boy, that’s how the…the first paths were based on springs. I guess you could…that is probably accurate. You say, technically, Scooter…game trails and then human trails that were…which you would say is a well-worn path were mostly near springs because of the obvious reasons. I’d say, okay, thank you, thank you very much.

 

But what I was saying is this podcast is a bit different, because what other podcasts…other than spring-based podcasts which I’m sure there’s a lot of…now Mucha just popped into my head, so now I’m thinking about…what is that? Is wasn’t art deco. Art nouveau; was that art nouveau? Okay so, is that how you say it, too? Czech painter? Czech artist; you’re right. Okay, so, sorry new listener. Usually…this podcast always devolves into this. But so, if you’re doubtful or skeptical, that’s a perfectly normal way to be when you first get to this podcast, ‘cause of course, if you’re like me and a lot of the regular listeners, you’ve been through this thousands of times, tossing, turning and stuff. There’s some people that sell obscure ways to get to sleep and then there’s some people that sell easy answers, but it never quite works out, and I wish it always did.

 

I mean, I’ll be honest, but this…and this podcast is around that obscure thing. You say, I’ve tried this podcast where this dude talks about nothing. I’m sorry, what? Oh, it’s a podcast. You listen to it on your phone in a podcast app. No, what was the other…? Oh, this guy just talks about nothing ‘til you get to sleep. Talks about nothing at all? No, he’ll…he tries to introduce the podcast, then he gets distracted by something like frolic, then he frolics his way into some other distraction. That’s just the way a podcast starts. Oh, so that’s the first two or three minutes? No, that’s the first twenty minutes because it’s the intro to the podcast. A lot of people fall asleep during it, but most people start to relax and forget about the day during it, so it’s kind of a long, drawn-out thing to ease you into bedtime.

 

Oh, really? And he just talks about nothing? He talks about stuff, but yeah, it’s…you don’t need to listen to it. That’s one of the key things. It’s weird; it’s a podcast you listen to, but you don’t pay attention to. Oh, but I love springs, and actually, I love frolicking. Remember, I was in the French Frolicking…the Fine French Frolickers. It was a cover band. Yeah, I don’t remember that, no. Well yeah…well, it was just me in my bedroom. Huh. What did you cover, like, songs by The Muppets? Exactly. How did you know? It just sounds like something like Gonzo would think of. You’re right. That’s exactly what I was doing. So, back to this sleep podcast. What’s the structure of the show? Well, like I said, there’s…so, it starts off with a greeting so that everybody feels welcome; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, so you know you’re welcome.

 

Then there’s business because the podcast is free and it takes a lot of work to make the podcast and distribute it and stuff. So, that keeps it free. Then there’s an intro that’s like, twenty minutes. Then…here’s what I just found out; see, he was gonna make…this was gonna be a episode about the Great British Bake Off, but now I think he’s gonna do an episode about his own private spring. Wow, so, we influenced the podcast. I feel powerful. I don’t know about you, but I feel like frolicking. So do I, but maybe we should finish up with my questions about this sleep podcast you’re telling me about. So, he doesn’t…that sounds like it would get on my nerves. Oh, you’re right, it does. Wait a second, you want me to listen to something that gets on my nerves?

 

No, it’s the strangest thing; because it’s so different…and this is what hundreds of thousands of people have said…that sounds like a made-up number. It’s not, believe it or not. He gets…that’s what’s so funny. So, hundreds of thousands of people have said, you gotta listen to it two or three tries, and the first few tries it’s not exactly appetizing ‘cause it’s so different, but then on the second or the third try — for most people that it works for — they say, oh, now I get it. It doesn’t make any sense. I was trying to make sense of it or I was waiting for him to be charming or soothing. Wait, so the sleep podcast isn’t soothing? It is soothing, but he’s got like, creaky, dulcet tones and pointless meanders. So, it’s not what you’d expect to be soothing. Well, that sounds strange. Oh, it’s strange for sure. You really nailed it on that one.

 

It…I don’t know, you can’t quite…it’s like, if you wrote…if you were…I was gonna say you can’t quite fit it in a bottle like a message in a bottle. Well, that wouldn’t be a message in a bottle, then. Right. If he was doing it, it’d be a message in a jug, probably, but then he’d say, well, I got the jug. I left it outside for four months and then I never wrote it. Is that your imitation of this sleep podcast person? Yeah, that’s exactly what he sounds like. Well, interesting. What else do I need to know about this show? Okay, so after the intro…so, the intro’s like, twenty minutes. It’ll throw you off, naturally, but you’ll get used to it and then you’ll look forward to starting it before you get into bed or once you get in bed, or…2% of people skip it. Wow.

 

Yeah, and then there’s business ‘cause the podcast advertising just works that way. The mid-roll, they call it. Mid-roll? But it’s not in the middle of the show. Well, yeah, it’s just a term, but that’s where the…that’s the bread and butter of the show. Then there will be the story which, thanks to us, tonight will be my own private spring or something. Will it be my own private spring or something or will…? Well, you never know ‘til he puts them out. But then, we’re just…this is interesting. I’ve never been a part of the sleep podcast. I’ve only been a listener up to this point. I think I…did we frolic our way inside of Scooter’s mind? Oh, maybe. Do you think I’m a new listener within his imagination? Yeah, we probably better not frolic too much up here because they say his brain is mostly goo and goop.

 

Oh, and extra words like ah, and uh. Oh yeah, there’s a lot of that up here. Everything’s friendly, though. Do you think it’s artisanal? Do you think he’s giving us the right words? I don’t know. I can see the letters. It’s like, A-E-T-I-S-I-A-N-A-L or something. Something like that. Okay, anything else I need to know about the podcast before I…? I’m getting tired already now thinking about it. Oh, he believes you deserve a good night’s sleep, that everybody does. That’s why he makes the show, because the world will be a better place if you’re rested, obviously. You’re right, it will be. It’ll be easier…I do deserve a good night’s sleep. Yeah, but it’s hard to believe that sometimes, especially when you’re tossing and turning. Also, he has been there.

 

He’s tossed and turned and…have trouble sleeping, so that’s…he can relate. Wow. Do you think most of his listeners have these kind of conversations within their heads like he does? I don’t really know, but yeah, that’s about it. Oh, let me…he’s coming. Oh, thanks. Thank you both so much. That was wonderful. I don’t think…I definitely could have done not as good a…I could have never done that job as good as the two of you, or as well, so I really appreciate that, and I also appreciate everyone coming by and checking the show out, giving me your time. I work very hard, I yearn and I strive, and I really just want to help you fall asleep. So, thanks for coming by, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to bring you this podcast twice a week.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need…alls you need to do, excuse me, alls you need to do or alls you could do or you can do, or you could see if you wish to do, or if you would like…wish you may, wish you might have a lull from Scoots tonight. You can do this in any order or not in this order; get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play, and I’m gonna do the rest, or I’m gonna…I’m gonna do it so you can rest.

 

What I’m gonna attempt to do is create a safe place where…I got this safe place; I’m smoothing it, I’m rubbing it down, I’m talking about the ear pads on my headphones because…and maybe I’ll talk about that on a tangent, ‘cause listening is really important so I could be here for you, but I’m gonna try…and create a safe place, but I’m gonna create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts about this podcast intro or about the past, present, or future, or just calculations, anything coming up for you thinking-wise on the old…the stinkin’ thinkin’. You know what makes me think, is when people say stinkin’ thinkin’. I say, I don’t know if I like that term. They say, what, did you think up that answer?

 

I say, yeah, kind of. But…oh, so thoughts, feelings, anything you’re feeling emotionally or physically coming up for you; I’ll try to take your mind off of that. So, anything feelings-wise or physical sensations. It could be changes in your schedule or your routine or, you know, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that, seriously. The way I’m gonna do it is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, and go off-topic — which you’ve already witnessed a few times — get mixed up, all to keep you company while you fall asleep. So, if you’re new…if you’re a regular listener, I’m so glad you’re here.

 

This is the second intro I’m recording in 2021, and I don’t know when you’re listening to this, but I’m so glad you’re here. I’m so glad I can be here for you, the new listener and the regular listener, and the kind of listeners that are…listen occasionally. That is one of my favorite things. I have so many favorite things, but it is hearing from listeners now that may have listened in high school or university or when they were in their twenties or their teens and then they listened in their…I haven’t been doing it…I haven’t gotten to the double decade yet, but I have heard from people that go from their education or their younger years to their first job to starting a family or people that are in other transitions, and it’s just really humbling. So, thank you for sharing those with me.

 

But for the new listener, I wanted to tell you a couple things. A few things to know; this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. You kinda barely listen to it. So, just kinda pay attention loosely, which is kinda hard to do on the first time, right? You say, what do you mean, barely listen? When does this podcast get started? When are you gonna go to sleep…when am I gonna go to sleep? I say, yeah, no, those are very valid questions. I totally understand, and most people when they get here have those questions. The thing is, I don’t really have clear answers, either. It’s kinda like, well, you just stop bare…you barely pay attention to me at some point, but it doesn’t happen…for some people it happens instantaneously.

 

They listen and they say, oh, Scoots reminds me of that person in the park that talks to birds and then talks to someone that sits next to him about how he talks to birds. Then he says…you know, then he makes…then he talks about squirrels and tells us stories. Oh, do you know Norma the squirrel? She was eating a…someone left a sandwich. I said, they left a sandwich for Norma unintentionally, and oh, Norma, she climbed out of the tree and she took a look and her tail…I…do you know…Norma has this beautiful tail, and she climbed down. It was one of those jelly…peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Why don’t they call those jelly and peanut…? That’s kinda what the podcast is. I mean, let’s be honest, I just launched into my own episode, or a version of it.

 

So, at some point you say…if you’re…like, here’s the great thing; in the park, you have to humor that person. You’d say, uh-huh, uh-huh. You might be thinking…you might have a variety of different feelings, but it may be…and I’m not trying to be insensitive to the person who’s representing these feelings, but it might be a little inconvenient. You say, you know, Scoots, I’d love to humor you here on this bench where you talk about squirrels and birds and talking to them, but I gotta go, or it just takes a lot of energy for me to humor you ‘cause I’m not really into listening to you. With Sleep With Me, there’s no humoring. You don’t have to humor me. You don’t have to listen or pretend to listen. You could just…you could pretend to listen, but that would be more for you, too. You could say, uh-huh, uh-huh.

 

That’s like one of the soothing ways people can listen; mm-hm. But you’re not really doing it. This is literally dialing it in. You say, uh-huh, Scoots, uh-huh. Oh, boy. Really? Tell me more. That’s just a little technique that I use to fall asleep to myself without the podcast, period. So, I’m a podcaster you barely listen to. That throws people off. The other thing that can throw you off is this doesn’t…the show really doesn’t put you to sleep. It keeps you company as you drift off. That’s why the episodes are over an hour, is so you have plenty of time to fall asleep, and if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here.

 

I’m your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-sib, your bore-bestie, your bore-bruh, your bore-bor, your bore-bud, that I’m just here to barely entertain you whether you’re entertained or paying attention, awake or asleep, because there are listeners that can’t sleep. So, I’m here for you if you can’t sleep or if you wake up and you need some comfort in the middle of the night. That’s what my job is, to provide comfort, and you don’t have to…when you’re listening, you don’t have to, whatever, interact or anything. There’s no social norms that you’re supposed to meet. So, those are two things for new listeners. A couple other things for new listeners that can throw people off; one is that a lot of this podcast throws new people off. Of course you’re gonna be skeptical or doubtful.

 

My voice is different. My technique or humor or whatever is an acquired taste. Not everyone acquires a taste for it. So, give the show a few tries. That’s what regular listeners say, and just see…oh, okay, after the second or third try, I realized the podcast is for me or isn’t for me. If you know it’s not for you, yeah, I really hope you can find something that works for you. Some people know right away and they…for some reason, those people have strong feelings. I have a website; sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothanks or /nothankyou. Either one will get you there, and it has other sleep podcasts you could check out, ‘cause I do want you to get some sleep whether it’s this show or something else. So, there’s that. Oh, so yeah, not everybody likes me, but give it a few tries.

 

Or, not everybody even falls asleep at first, ‘cause you say, why are you still talking? When do you get to the story? I say, I work my way there very slowly ‘cause I’m putting you to sleep. So, that’s the other thing leading into that, is the structure of the show throws people off, because the show starts off…it has a different structure. It starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls so you feel welcome, you feel seen. Then there’s business like listener support, sponsors, that kinda stuff. That’s how we’re able to be here twice a week for you. Then there’s an intro, and the intro’s about…well, it’s not about twelve minutes. It’s usually somewhere around sixteen to twenty minutes or so.

 

It goes to about twenty, twenty-two minutes into the show, and that’s where I introduce the podcast. Then after…and I’ll go…I’ll talk a little bit more about the intro. But then after the intro is more sponsor stuff that’s tucked in between the intro and the story, and then it’ll be our episodically modular series, Journey Into the Land of Tomorrow, that you can listen to in any order because we catch you up at the beginning of the episode on everything that’s ever happened…or you could look at it like a prequel, like this is the first episode, and anything that happened before it, you listen to it later on; you say, oh, that’s a prequel. That’s a genesis story or whatever. Then there’s thank-yous at the end of the show. So, that’s the structure of the show.

 

But the one part of the show that can throw people off is the beginning, because it doesn’t begin like a normal podcast or like you would think a sleep podcast would. But to the people it works for, it kinda makes sense. So, there’s business and that kinda stuff ‘cause the podcast is free. I don’t want it to be a part of a company or be behind a paywall. Then there’s the intro. Oh, so the intro…but the intro goes on and on and on, ‘cause you say, well, can’t you just introduce the podcast and get to the story? I say, I could, but it wouldn’t work as well. We tried that and we’ve tested out a lot…I’ve tested out a lot of different things over the years, and what I’ve found is that having a nice intro eases most listeners into bedtime.

 

It gives you some distance like the setting of the sun lets you set the day and leave it behind you, and then you could listen to the intro as you’re getting ready for bed or doing something at bedtime whether it’s foam rolling or folding laundry or doodling or making tea cozies, whatever it is…or just looking, just lying there but not trying to sleep. You ever do that? I love that, just lying around, one of the things I don’t do often enough. But so, it just gives you a chance to wind-down. Now, you could skip it. You could start the show at twenty or twenty-two minutes. About 3% of people that regularly listen to the show skip the intro, and then a few thousand people listen to story-only episodes on Patreon.

 

But for the majority of people, they use the intro to either fall asleep to or to kinda get ready to fall asleep, because those of us that have trouble sleeping, we’ve been promised a lot of different stuff, right? You found…oh, that worked once or twice for me, but then after that it didn’t work, or oh, I have this great bedtime routine but it doesn’t always work. One of the things is just…they carry over from the day or the distant past or the future. My job is to take your mind off of that slowly. So, that’s why the intro goes on and on and on. The other thing that’s important for me to tell you is that you’re important. Your good sleep is important or you getting the rest you need is important because you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a place you can rest.

 

You deserve a bedtime you don’t dread, because oh, boy, I’ve been there dreading bedtime and worrying about it, and if I can just make it slightly less…you say, well, at least I got Scoots there. So, someone’s there to keep me company whatever happens. That’s really the pinnacle of my job. Well, Scoots will be there. Maybe I’ll fall asleep fast, maybe I won’t, but I’ll have my bore-bud to keep me company. The other side of that is not only do you deserve a good night’s sleep; if you get the rest you need, your world and my world, our world as a community will be a better place. But it’s also…I know how it feels when you’re dreading bedtime, and I don’t want that for anybody. So, those are all the things I want you to know, and then I guess I wanted you to know about my ear cups.

 

So, I have a pair of headphones that I’ve used I guess for almost the entire history of the podcast. I think I bought them when they were on sale maybe a few months into making the podcast or maybe a year or two in. I don’t know, I’ve had them for a long time. So, when you record a podcast, you’re listening while you’re talking in the mic so that you can make sure…with Sleep With Me that I’ve got my lulling, soothing tones going and that there’s nothing that I couldn’t hear with my regular ear, like a plane or a boat or a car or a leaf blower or maybe some other noise. But it’s also…it really helps me be here for you. I don’t know, there’s something about it that I say, okay, now I’m in Sleep With Me mode and it’s my job. It took a while.

 

It takes a while to get used to hearing yourself while you talk. But so, I’ve had these headphones for a long time, and they have ear pads. Oh, so when you buy headphones for a podcast, you don’t have to spend a lot of money. You don’t need fancy headphones, but you do want a pair of headphones that has what they say is a flat response. Alls that means is that it kinda sounds like the audio would sound with no effects added to it. So that way you say, oh, okay, this is when I’m listening. I think it’s probably more important with…when you’re editing. But so, I’ve had these headphones for a long time, and they have a flat response. I’ve never switched them out, and I only use these for recording. I have another set of headphones that I use for editing.

 

But I’ve heard these headphones…I don’t want to say the name of it just ‘cause I don’t want to fall into any…well, I don’t know. They’re the ATH-50s. These are the ATH-50X and the only…the X just means that the cord that attaches them you can replace very easily, which is nice, but I haven’t had to replace that. It’s also really easy to replace the ear…the air…ear pads. Now, I haven’t done it since I’ve bought them. I remember I was talking to someone — Sharif that worked at 99 PI — a long time ago, years ago, and he was saying, oh yeah, I just had to replace my ear pads on those. I think he had bought the ones…the same ones on sale, because there was a sale because they had these ones that had…they’re bright blue, and I guess no one wanted to buy them back whenever this was, 2014. So, I don’t know.

 

These ear pads should have gone out earlier, I guess, ‘cause…let’s see, I’ve recorded…so, let’s say I’ve recorded 800 episodes with these. That’s like 1,600 recording sessions plus any bonus stuff. So, that’s definitely 400 record…2,000 recording sessions with these headphones on. What did I say, 2,000? Probably. At least 2,000…I’ve worn these to record episode…parts of episodes and stuff. But so, alls…all of a sudden, a couple weeks ago…and no, even a couple days ago I said, wait a second, these don’t feel right anymore. There’s something off about them. It was just like, not one of those things…I mean, they lost…I wouldn’t wear these out of the house. Their look is not good.

 

They look deteriorated but they didn’t feel deteriorated, ‘cause there was just…the outside material on them came off a long time ago, but the pad part has been there the whole time. But all of a sudden, literally within a day…within a couple days they just stopped…they started not feeling…like if you’re aware of the headphones or the earphones, then…just like if you’re aware you’re listening to yourself, then it becomes distracting. So, I apologize for that. It’s a good distraction in the case of Sleep With Me, ‘cause any distraction we can lean into. We can soothe it down. So, I’ll replace those. Don’t you worry.

 

I mean, I will have a debate later about should I…which would be more distracting now for the next four or five days ‘til I get them replaced…just the ear pads, but…is using a different set of headphones that might sound different and distract me, ‘cause what if I have to change the headphone volume? That would be…or just…you’re just going for it, because they’re not distracting right now. It’s just when I first put them on. I guess there’s a life lesson there. Really, I’m not kidding, ‘cause when I first put them on, I said, oh boy, these are bugging me. I said, well, at least I could talk about it on the podcast, be honest with the listeners and see where that goes. I say, okay, we could do that. But then five or six minutes, I said, wait, these are still bugging me. Internally I said, that; not on the podcast.

 

I said, there’s no way I’m gonna get through an hour with these on. But now they don’t bother me at all. I’m used to them again. Sorry about that, headphones, but I’m sure you’d love to be spruced up with new ear cups. Maybe I could bronze the ones that are in there so they don’t feel bad either, or I could put you up on the wall to watch over us. That’s definitely what I’ll do. Don’t worry, ear pads, I’m not gonna leave you behind. You’ve been with me this whole journey. So, that’s…I think that’s it. I’m glad you’re here. If you’re new, obviously this is a very different podcast, but I’m really excited to try to take your mind off stuff, keep you company. I appreciate your time. I work hard, I yearn and I strive to help you fall asleep, and here’s a couple of ways I keep the show going.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever is keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature or whatever it is, so stuff that can be on your mind that you’re thinking about; past, present, or future. It could be anything you’re experiencing emotionally coming up for you or feeling physically, or it could just be some change or just some situation.

 

Just like the Fresh Prince once said…I think this was before he was just the…you know, he was just the Fresh Prince of…I think he was the…he wasn’t just the Fresh Prince, of course, but wasn’t he the Fresh Prince of Philly? I’m pretty sure. My brother lives in Philly. Then he became…then he was on a TV show called The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I wonder…here’s a question, honest question; did Will Smith ever live in Bel-Air? I mean, he could have for sure, or not. I mean, you’d say, well, that would be…that’s an interesting thing. Or was it a contractual requirement? ‘Cause a young Will Smith…you’d say, okay, as part of my contract, if I’m…you the studio or the production company…yeah, it’s not part of my compensation. It’s part of the research budget.

 

What if that…? That could be something I could pitch…that would be the kind of misguided idea to come up with. I say, well, I’d like to live in Bel-Air for free, so what if we remake…? I’m thinking about writing a sleep…I mean, this would…there’s no budget for this, obviously, but one day in the future when sleep podcasts rule supreme, I’ll say, yeah, well, I need a budget. Yeah, well, oh, you’re interested? Okay; my new…my latest project’s called…well, first of all, you have to have a budget to get the IP for Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Then I need to do research probably for a few years. A swimming pool…this is gonna be definitely with a swimming pool and water features and water slides, too, so don’t think you could get tricky on this. But yeah, it’s gonna be…it’s…I’m gonna be in Bel-Air.

 

Oh, Bel-Air…that would be the one where they’d get me. I’d say, oh, Bel-Air, Wisconsin. Well, let me check…’cause I’d say, well, you still paid for it, right? It has the pool and the water features? Well, I’ll still check it…is that anywhere near the Dells? Because this could be a win-win situation. Oh, sorry, if you’re listening to this podcast, holy mackerel, I went off-topic right on time and early. So, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m here to take your mind off of that. What I’m proposing to do is to create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, like I said. I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents, I’m gonna go off-topic and…obviously. I mean, you already saw that.

 

Meander…you say, wait a second, did any of that even make any sense? Except for the part…a lot of you are wondering…and some of you are maybe even Googling ‘cause you’re listening…you say, well, did Will Smith ever live in Bel-Air? Hopefully there’s no answer. I say that because I say, well, Will Smith deserves his privacy, at least…I mean, maybe if it was like, twenty…you say, oh yeah, twenty-five years ago, Will Smith did live in Bel-Air, or maybe he had an office there or one of his companies has an office there. I think I drove…I’m trying to think the last time I drove…I have driven through…I ran…I guess I didn’t run near Bel-Air. Maybe I did. No, I guess I just drove through it. Maybe I didn’t, though. Anyway, so whatever you’re…okay, so if you’re new, holy moly, are you in for…you’re already in for a treat.

 

You’re already in the treat part of the show. But if you’re new, I just want to acknowledge a couple things. This podcast is very different and it can elicit strong feelings or just feelings in general, and that’s natural when you first start listening to the show. It is kind of a thing you kind of breathe into and you say, okay, you might be feeling a long line of spectrums of what is this, when does the story start, when is this guy gonna get to the point, where’s the British Bake Off? I’d say, great question, ‘cause I don’t think it’s in Bel-Air, but I haven’t Googled that yet. I wonder about that house, and there was a steeple I saw in this episode, and I would love to go and check out the stream and the creeks and the wildlife, and I’d like to frolic there.

 

But yeah, so, you could be having feelings of that, or you say, what is this voice, creeby dull…creeby dulbit tones? No, it’s creaky, dulcet tones, like a door. But yeah, and you say, what…? Are you mumbling? You can’t…you’re stumbling over your words. I say, yes I am. You’re right about that as well. This is very different, and most regular listeners say, yeah, give it two or three tries. It takes two or three tries to realize a couple things around the podcast. One; you only kinda listen to it or you barely listen to it or it’s kinda like background noise that you’re kind of aware of. It’s a great podcast in the sense you don’t need to listen to it, but you could listen to it, and it’s that ability to could listen that gives you the…that’s why it takes two or three tries to say, oh, I could listen to this.

 

I could actually pay attention, but I don’t need to. Even when I pay attention, it kinda goes around in circles a little bit. So, it’s a little bit hard to follow. So, you don’t need to listen to it. Also, strangely enough, this podcast doesn’t really put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company. I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie, your bore-sib, your bore-cuz, your bore-bruh if you’re in the…in a surfing-based area, surf…SBC, surfing-based community, so…or you’re in that movie about…whatever it was called. I think it has two versions of it, too; Breaks Off the Point or whatever. I break off…I can’t get to the point. Point Break; is that…? That could be…The Scooter Story. He goes…he can’t make a point. He breaks away from…Point Breakaway would be my version.

 

I wonder if we could get Will Smith for that. Probably not. Maybe in the background. You say, well, that was…that’s Will Smith there, looking out at the…at me talking to the…I was…what was the movie? Well, the first forty minutes, he was just talking to the waves, I think. That was the part Will Smith’s shoulder was in. But so, okay…oh, so, if you’re new…so, those are two things. You don’t really need to listen to this. I’m more here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff as you fall asleep, to be your companion.  That’s why the episodes are an hour. You could fall asleep whenever you want. You have plenty of time. Just like I said, you could listen. If you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here ‘til the very end to keep you company. So, whether you’re awake or asleep, I’m here to tell you a story or talk about the Great British Bake Off later.

 

So, those are a couple things to know. Other things to know if you’re new…if you’re a regular listener, hey, what’s up? How about that…are you think…? Let me know about this Will Smith in Bel-Air thing, and…‘cause I’m sure someone’s wondered that before. I can’t be the first person. If Will Smith…he was just the French…I mean, what if…is there someone…is there a French Prince? I mean, I think there are. Is there anyone that calls themself the French Prince of Bel-Air, Wisconsin? Is there a Bel-Air, Wisconsin? Of all the states, Bel-Air, Wisconsin sounds pretty good. Bel-Air, Nebraska. Pretty good, but there’s a little bit…it’s not quite as…doesn’t have the same ring. Bel-Air, Montana. It must be the number of syllables in the…syllable sounds, so those two…Bel-Air, Colorado.

 

Okay, so it’s not just syllables, ‘cause that…Bel-Air, Colorado sounds good, too. Bel-Air, Florida. Mm, I don’t know. That sounds like it could exist, but I say, well, I don’t know. Bel-Air, Arizona; that’s a little bit too hard because of the double ‘air’. Bel-Air, Nevada. Eh, it’s not…I just…I don’t know. Bel-Air, California; that one sounds made-up to me. Bel-Air, Oregon. Bel-Air, Washington. I think Colorado…I mean, sorry, I can’t actually…Bel-Air, Michigan. I can’t name every state. Bel-Air, New York, Ohio. I can’t do every state, but it seems like Wisconsin, Montan…Bel-Air, Montana…I’d say Wisconsin and Colorado for now.

 

Okay, where was I? Sorry, that was for regular…I think that was…but so, if you’re new, a couple other things you’re gonna wonder about or feel strongly about, and again, I’m saying yes to your strong feelings, and hundreds of thousands, maybe millions of people have been in that same spot. Some of them, probably 50% to 70%, said, oh yeah, this just isn’t for me, and they moved on. But the…maybe they gave it two or three tries, too. But then half of that or whatever said, oh wow, okay, this really works for me. So, that’s why I say give it two or three tries. The other things that are different is the structure of the show — which you’ve probably already noticed ‘cause you’re so astute — is very, very different.

 

The show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, and in this case Star Bakers because I want you to feel like a Star Baker of course. But also just so you know you’re welcome. Then there’s business. We bring this podcast out twice a week. It gets downloaded a ton of times, so that’s what’s able to keep it free and not as part of a service. Then there’s the intro, and the intro really throws people off, ‘cause some people think it’s just business, but it’s really the business of me getting you ready for bedtime and getting you some distance between the day and stuff like that. So, it’s really just…I don’t know, every listener listens to the intro a little bit differently. So, some people…2% of people skip ahead. That’s like, statistics.

 

Statistically, I’m able to see that…start it at around twenty, twenty-two minutes. Then the rest of the listeners just let me know. Some people start listening before they get in bed, some are in bed, some are falling asleep, some are getting ready for bed, some are doing a nice wind-down routine or a nice wind-down hobby, something relaxing and chill. So, you’ll kinda slowly discover how you want to use the podcast. But at first you say, what is this? You’re just going on and on and wondering about Will Smith and then talking about something else? I say, yeah, it’s strange, man. I hear you. If there was ever a quote about the podcast I could attribute to someone named Will Smith, that would…yeah, man. That’s one strange podcast.

 

I mean, that doesn’t sound like the famous Will Smith, ‘cause I don’t think I could do a Will Smith imitation. Here’s the situation; I can’t do a Will Smith imitation. I could just do a cheap rhyme based on it, but…oh, so yeah, if you’re new, you’re saying when are you gonna get to the…? Okay, yeah, no, I realize that, but this is kinda part of the podcast. It’s part of the wind-down, to give you some space. So, that’s the purpose of the intro, is that it’s familiar…for regular listeners, it’s familiar but it’s different every time. For new listeners, it’s just like I kind of display my incompetence in some sense in a positive way where you say, oh wait a second, okay, I don’t need to listen to this person, but he is mildly okay. He’s mildly not bad. I’d say, you got it now. Then after the intro is business.

 

That’s just how podcasting structure works, and that business is just important to the regular listeners who rely on the podcast, ‘cause that’s how we keep it free. Then we’ll talk about The Great British Baking Show or The Great British Bake Off, wherever you are watching it, and we’ll cover that. Then there will be some thank-yous. So, that’s the structure of the show. I think those are the rules around the show. I mean, not really rules, but ways you could use it. What else do you need to know? I mean, I guess the only other things you really need to know are…oh, why I make the show. One, I make the show because you deserve a good night’s sleep. I’m actually wagging my finger in a positive way because you do. You deserve a place where you could get some rest.

 

I really want you to…even if you can’t believe it right now or you say, ah, that’s trite, man. I’d say, there goes the imaginary Will Smith again that talks like that in my mind. Ah, that’s…then I say, well, you know, you might not believe it, but I believe you deserve a good night’s sleep, and I think that you getting a good night’s sleep and on a regular basis or occasional…whatever…however it works out. No pressure to get a good night’s sleep, but that means you could live your…you’re a little bit in a better place, and your life will be fuller and the world will be fuller. It’s one of those strange, microscopic world…improvements in the world if this podcast can help you. Now, it doesn’t work for everybody, like I said. The other reason I make the show — and this is coming at you straight out of my life — is because I know how it feels.

 

Last night I had trouble on all those things. Trouble getting to sleep…and I followed my wind-down routine, I don’t think I had any caffeine after 12:00, and I was reading the…a couple…I read a couple different books, and I was reading my fiction and enjoying it and getting…I felt like I was getting more and more tired, then I just couldn’t get to sleep. Then when I finally did get asleep, I had some…whatever you call it, pseudo-insomnia or whatever, where I just wasn’t having restful sleep. Then I woke up about 4:40, which is kinda the worst time to wake up, ‘cause if it was a little bit earlier…yeah, I might’ve had…and I said…but I’ve been doing the show long enough. I said, just stay calm. This is not great. Just stay calm. You know how it is. Your listeners are out there.

 

Someone’s probably…you’re not alone, ‘cause there’s probably other people tossing and turning. This is something I learned from making the show, and it doesn’t always work for me, even, but my mind wants to run with stuff. I took a few minutes and I said, okay, let’s just see if we could get comfortable. No. I don’t know what it is; temperature, whatever. Part of me said, I’m up. I said, okay, well, let’s read…well, let’s read for a little while and see how that goes, and let’s just stay calm. Even if we can’t get back to sleep, that wouldn’t be great for our day, but let’s just stay calm and see how that goes, or be nice to ourself even though this isn’t great. Maybe we…I don’t know. Eventually I was able to get some more sleep, and…so that was good. But I know how it feels.

 

That’s my main thing, is I’ve been there and I know all those places you can go at that time or the other times when you can’t get to sleep, how frustrating that can be, or lonely, or when you’re just not…I kept…at first I kept just waking back up and I said…and then I had…I said, oh, man. So, you deserve a good night’s sleep. I’ve been there. So, if I can help at all, I’d be honored. Now, like I said, it doesn’t work for everybody, but please give it a few tries just for you. It really doesn’t benefit me unless the podcast helps you, so me encouraging you to give it a few tries is just because so many people have said that. A lot of people, even…there’s a subset of people that say give it a few tries, and you might be in this place.

 

You’re like…maybe you already stopped listening or you had a really strong reaction; you loathed the podcast or whatever. That’s okay. Everybody has their own taste. Then you’re like, I’m never listening to that again. I can’t believe my aunt recommended that. Then one or two years later you might find your way back to the show. That happens a lot, and then people say, oh, well now I have fresh ears or I’m in a different place. Wow, I really like this podcast. Now, that’s not everybody’s trail, but I just wanted to give you the range of possibilities with also it being okay not to like the show. Now, you don’t…what’s not always okay is…when you have strong feelings, that’s okay, but you…there is a website, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, for you to check out other podcasts and stuff.

 

You don’t necessarily…it’s not…I guess I’m saying, hey, this is just a thing. It’s not about you or me. It’s just a thing. Either it works or it doesn’t. So, having strong feelings about it is okay. Just remember, you want to be empowered when you take your next steps when you say, well, I just won’t listen to that podcast anymore. I’ll check out Miette’s or Sleepy or Get Sleepy or Sleep Whispers or Katie’s Women’s Meditation Network or Shell’s Mediation Podcast. So, whatever it is. I guess my main thing is give it a few tries and I hope I can help, because it would be my honor because…what I already said. I really appreciate you coming by and checking this show out. I appreciate you giving me your time, and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. Here’s a couple ways I’m able to bring you this show twice a week.

 

Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. So, whether it’s thoughts you’re thinking about, things on your mind, feelings related to those thoughts or emotions or just, you know, ones that are there where you just…at bedtime I say, oh, I didn’t notice you for a pretty good reason, ‘cause I’m trying to go to sleep, and Shamebot…what are you, Shamebot 10,000?

 

Okay, well…oh, so the feelings that that could bring up, feelings, physical sensations, time, temperature, changes in routine, daylight if you’re working the second or third shift. I don’t know what they call the shift that news…morning news crews…I mean, I always like…I don’t know if I’ve heard from…I’ve heard from some…I think I’ve heard some morning news crews, but…because that’s a tough schedule. You gotta get…but I don’t know, that’s not the second or the third shift, I don’t believe. Maybe it is. Let’s see, you got…typically you got 9:00 to 5:00, then five plus eight…five plus five is ten, six…5:00 to 1:00…and again, I know I’m wrong. I’m just saying in my mind. Then I guess 1:00 to 9:00.

 

None of those are the morning news crew, ‘cause I think they usually…they usually go on the air around 5:00, right? They probably gotta get there at 4:00, maybe. In the Bay Area, then…well, I guess the commute is not so bad at 3:30 or 4:00 in the morning. Oh, but whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s your schedule — that’s what I was saying — or anything else…whatever it is, I’m here to take your mind off of it. What I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m going to try to establish a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts…oh, wait, I said that part. Repetition…but I am gonna try to create a safe place with my voice…creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.

 

You’ve witnessed all of those already; going off-topic…so if you’re new, a couple things, ‘cause I already went off-topic early. Let me get to you, new listeners. Oh boy, am I glad you’re here, and I hope I can help. Now, one thing you should know…a couple things, I guess. One, if you’re skeptical or doubtful, that’s how everybody…99.9% of the people come to the podcast, because of course you probably heard a lot of different things about helping you sleep. You’ve probably tried some stuff and you really want something to work, so that’s a natural reaction. Also, you might be like, what are you up to? When is this show gonna get…start? So, I’m gonna try to answer those questions. But I want to acknowledge that of course you may be deptical or scoutful, which are accidental words.

 

Skeptical, doubtful…what did I say? Skeptical? Deptical or scoutful. You’d say, I don’t know. Scoutful sounds like it could be…I could go on a lot of tangents about that. Deptical, I think that’s probably what I would call a garbage can in space. You say, oh, put it in the deptical. What is the difference…? Well, it’s a receptacle in space. It deps whatever you put in there. What does that mean? I don’t know. It ionizes it or something. I don’t know. I just put it in there. I didn’t design it. I just bought it at the space version of one of those stores. Were you gonna say a space version of Sharper Image and then you didn’t say Sharper Image? Yeah, I did because I think that has a different…it used to be a cut…I think it’s just an airplane store now. Okay, you better get on-topic quick.

 

You’re right, I don’t want to incur the…it used to be, once upon a time before the internet, people bought stuff out of glossy catalogs, and Sharper Image had glossy catalogs — I think in the 90s, probably, maybe even the 80s — that kind of portrayed a life of luxury that you would have. You say, well, I…what kind of image do you project? A sharper image. Holy cow, clean lines, an aesthetic. Oh, I thought you were…oh, you’re right. I gotta get back to the new listeners. How do…? Oh, I was talking about depticals and scoutfuls. So, if you’re skeptical or doubtful, you have a good reason, right? I can’t even put my word…I put the words together…I’m assembling the words as I’m speaking them and just kinda…you say, oh, whoops, that D…that was supposed to go with the other word.

 

But seriously, if you are, one, I’m just here to help, but this podcast does not work for everybody, so see how it goes. I don’t make a promise that it works for everybody. I only hope it works for you, but I can tell you that almost every person that’s listened to the show, it took two or three tries for them to be like…before they made a decision on it. For most of the people I hear from that are regular listeners, they said, oh yeah, after the third try I realized I didn’t have to figure this out or wonder where you were going. Kinda like when I go see a movie sometimes and it’s a big movie and I have big expectations for it, I have to usually watch it twice because the first time I’m saying, where’s this going, right? So, that’s natural with this podcast, too, but this one’s going nowhere. So, I’ll just tell you that, but sometimes it takes a few tries anyway.

 

It’s slowly going…we’re going somewhere, but it’s more…it’s not just about the journey, but…so if you’re new, those are a couple other…a couple things. A couple other things different about the show; one, structurally the show is different, and you’re already into the structure, but it starts off with business and high energy. Sleepy Supporter Zone; that’s how we keep the podcast free and coming out twice a week. Then there’s an intro, so that…the first…the business can throw people off, then the intro can throw people off. Sometimes I get e-mails about the intro, like the intro is also a commercial or something, but it’s more…I guess it is a commercial for my inability to get to the point and to go off-topic, but more a demonstration of that.

 

So, the intros of the show are around twelve to twenty minutes long, which you say, wait a second…so, 25% of the podcast is you introducing the podcast? I’d say, you’re exactly right. Sometimes 33%. Why is that? Well, a couple reasons. One, I want to give you a chance to wind-down and get to sleep. Just from my perspective…so, one, you could just listen to the stories, just start the podcast at twenty minutes or be a patron and listen to the story-only versions we put out there. But in my opinion, if I was consuming the podcast…and this is…a lot of listeners agree; if you started with hey, welcome to Sleep With Me, let’s get that story going in a minute, welcome. If it was two or three minutes and then I went to the story, part of my brain would be like, oh boy, I gotta get…I gotta get to sleep now. The story’s started.

 

So, I want…the intro is…it gives new listeners an idea of what to expect. It also gives regular listeners a chance to get ready for bed. I guess that’s the majority use case. You start playing it as you’re getting ready for bed, and then you get in bed halfway through the intro. This is imaginary, though. Then you listen to the rest of the intro as you’re getting comfortable and winding down. Then the story starts when you’re snuggled in, and then maybe you have a sleep timer. Some people listen all night. You could kinda see what works best for you. You might say, Scoots, I start listening to the intro once I’m in bed, or I listen to the whole intro as I’m brushing my teeth, petting those pets. Don’t forget to give your pets an extra pet tonight, ‘cause Sleep With Me; always sponsored by petting pets. Am I right?

 

You know, they recently started putting out…this…I feel like a stand-up comedian changing the subject like this. Well, they recently started putting out podcasts for pets to listen to. I said, hello, the most pop…you should have called me because I don’t want to pat myself on the back, but what podcast, one, reminds their owners to pets three times tonight? But our podcast is pretty popular, ‘cause a lot of pets listen with their companions and they jump in bed or they get in their bed. But also, in places where pets are…when they’re not at home, a lot of people play the podcast in those places that work there. I get videos and stuff, and that’s really heartwarming to me. But so, that…I don’t know, that was a tangent. So, oh, the intro…I can go off…I go off-topic, but it’s to give you time to wind down.

 

The thing is, there’s no pressure to listen to this podcast and there’s no pressure to fall asleep. The combination of the intro and the fact that after this it’ll be a random episode…I don’t even know what I’m gonna be talking about right this second, but I know I’ll be here for at least an hour, and I know the episode will be fully complete. So, it’s not like halfway through the thing I start talking…I mean, I talk nonsense from the beginning to the end. I don’t check out. I’m here to the end because, one, I think that’s what really helps. I don’t know why, but knowing that you’re listening to a complete story that you don’t have to listen to, for some people, that puts people at ease, but also no one…hey, if you can’t fall asleep, I’m gonna be here with a relatively inane but somewhat decent story.

 

Then for all my people that don’t sleep…there’s people that listen that just can’t sleep and they’re…I’m here for them, too. I’ve heard from them over the past seven years of making this show, and I’m here for you. If you’re just up at night and…I’m here to keep you company, too. So, there will be a story. That will be about forty-five minutes, then there’s some thank-yous at the end of the show. There’s also business between the intro and the story, so that’s the structure of the show. I’m trying to think what else you need to know. So, that’s the structure of the show, you don’t need to listen, no pressure to fall asleep. I make the show because I believe you truly do deserve a good night’s sleep. I’ve been there tossing and turning…I’ve been there tossing and turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, thoughts; got those.

 

Holy cow, especially at bedtime. Feelings; I have those. Those come up. Physical sensations; yep, I’ve had different…you know. I’ve experienced a lot. I mean, I haven’t experienced everything, but I’ll tell you what, I know how it feels there when you really want to be asleep, you’re really tired. You know, I’m here to keep you company through that, to take your mind off of it even though I’m reminding you now. I get it. It’s a little bit of a paradox. But it’s true, right, that it S-U-C-K-s, and that’s why I make the show, ‘cause I say, not only do I believe you deserve a good night’s sleep; I believe the world will be a much better place if you’re rested, and I know your world will be, and then everything branching out from your world. Even if it’s just a tiny bit better, that’s better, am I right? So, that’s why I make the show.

 

I’m here to keep you company. So, if you’re deptical or scoutful…I mean, what would scoutful be? I mean, one, I can see the jokes. You’d say…I’m trying to think of how I put the jokes in a sleep podcast, though. I’d say, okay, what if…? Okay, let’s use a very removed one. So, you know that Zeus, right, is Kronos…here’s my history. I’m not sure if this is Greek or Roman. Maybe it was one of the titans. Let’s just say it was Kronos…was this god way back before Zeus, so far back. I think Kronos said to all the titans, maybe, or Zeus and the…Zeus’ family, siblings; hey, why don’t you get in my belly here? It’ll be a good place for everybody. Also, then I won’t have to worry about the whole thing with you usurping my rule.

 

Now, what they didn’t tell you is that this all happened…Zeus was in the Scouts, but you’d say, what do you call…what did you call…what do you call Kronos after Zeus’ Scout meeting when Kronos, you know, did Kronos’ thing? If you’re a scholar, I apologize, though. But you say, scoutful. Kronos was scoutful. There’s a joke…there’s a punchline without a joke. You’re…on a regular basis I try to give those out. But you also say, well, I’m not sure about that, so I’m scoutful. I don’t know, I like the idea. I think characters named Scout…well, I’m not so sure. I’m not sold on that character name of Scout. I’m Scoutful. Or, I know there’s vehicles named Scout. You say, well…maybe you should say that if…I don’t know, do they sell any vehicles named Scout anymore?

 

I mean, I’m sure people name their vehicles Scout. But you’d say…well, here’s the thing; I’m not even kidding, as I’m talking about this. I’m scoutful about the word scout, ‘cause I say, well, I don’t know about that word, really. So, let’s move on to…what did…? Deptical…which again would be…I think…I’m trying to think of other words. I guess what’s a place you throw out your hair gel? Deptical. That’s what I call my hair gel garbage can. I think I checked, ‘cause maybe two hundred episodes ago I started talking about Dep, which was the maker of neon hair gels, which had its high points in the 90s, I think. Even though it wasn’t neon when it hit your head, it was just neon in the bottle. Any kids listening…again, I’m not joking. Don’t follow my lead. I’ve already done this stuff. It is a bad idea.

 

But those neon colors of hair gel, they don’t correspond to anything with your taste buds, so no need to check that. Plus, it wouldn’t be good for you. So, I’m not kidding. Not that I did it, but I, you know, I e-mailed the companies and I said, hey, I have a question about the lime…Lime Dep. They said the neon…the Funk of Fusion? I say, what is it…what do you use for your lime flavoring? Dear consumer, don’t consume…our hair gel is for external use only. Then I e-mail back. Did you say it’s really called Funk of Fusion? They said, thanks for your interest in the Funk of Fusion Fun Club. I got a coupon. Then I did that for the other ones. I said, could you tell me more? I’m confused by the…’cause there’s probably a yellow, then there’s probably a pink, maybe a blue.

 

I said, is that a Razzamataz or Blueberry or…? They said…I don’t know what they would call it. I mean, it would have…Ice Fusion. I don’t know what they would call blue hair gel. ‘Cause sometimes you can mix it up with Gatorade flavors. Also, probably they’re probably owned by the same company. I don’t know whether to laugh or…say, actually, we make that at the same place. That could be a pod…that would just be a segment in a pod…a bigger story in a podcast, a character that worked at…they say, yeah, I worked at the Gatorade Dep plant. Maybe someone that was really interested would say, wait a second, wait, I’m sorry, what? Yeah, I worked at the plant where…at the plant I worked at, we made Gatorade and Dep hair gel. Fictional versions, I’m just…of course. They said, really? Was that two…?

 

Oh, no, no, same place. No, I mean, it was separated somewhat. I mean, same base…they made of the same…maybe…they probably are made of the same basic things. Anyway, I don’t know how I got here. Oh, my deptical. That’s where I throw out all my hair…in space, that’s where I throw out my Funk of Fusion. It never made my hair Funk of Fusion, not that that’s…was really the name of a hair gel. That was a temporary Gatorade flavor, probably, positive. Like, it would be like melon…what would you do…how would you…what would you put in a sport drink that was labeled…? I mean, Funk of Fusion, you definitely want it to have a popping color. Funk of Fusion. I don’t know. I mean, I think you’d want it to have a three-layer flavor so that there’s some sort of melon…like a surprise melony flavor at the end.

 

Like, a hit up front…so, I don’t know. I mean, I guess I don’t…I just work in imaginary flavor labs, not real ones. So anyway, I’m glad you’re here. I guess you got a full dose of the podcast, of what to expect. I really appreciate you checking the podcast out. Like I said, give it a few tries ‘cause it doesn’t work for everybody. If you feel like it definitely doesn’t work for you, you could send your e-mails to one of those corporate offices I mentioned or check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. I don’t know, I think that’s it. I’m glad you’re here. I really work hard. I hope and I strive, and I really want to help you fall asleep. So, thanks again, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to keep this podcast free for everybody.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)

All Intro

 

Art Nouveau

https://www.studiobinder.com/blog/what-is-art-nouveau-definition/

https://www.vectornator.io/blog/art-nouveau/

https://www.antiquetrader.com/feature-stories/alphonse-mucha-celebrated-art-nouveau-artist

 

History of Headphones

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/a-partial-history-of-headphones-4693742/

https://www.makeuseof.com/the-history-of-headphones/

https://www.ssense.com/en-us/editorial/culture/a-history-of-headphone-design

 

Point Break

https://www.theringer.com/movies/2020/7/9/21317843/point-break-classic-movie-keanu-reeves-kathryn-bigelow

https://birthmoviesdeath.com/2017/04/12/point-break-kathryn-bigelows-subversive-surf-western

https://coffeeordie.com/point-break-movie

 

Sharper Image

https://thehustle.co/how-one-man-built-the-sharper-image-into-the-worlds-wackiest-gadget-store/

https://blog.catalpha.com/why-4-big-brands-failed

https://qz.com/1326823/before-scooter-shares-the-sharper-image-was-selling-razors-to-tech-workers

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

Get ready, get set, bake

I can’t do a Noel or a Sandy

It’s time to knead your pillows

 

PLUGS

Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline

 

SPONSORS

Policy Genius; Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Quince; Odoo

 

INTRO

961

How do you get all those thoughts in there?

An Artesian Well of Thoughts

Let’s make 2021 the year of the Artesian Spring

I accidentally bathed in the Artesian spring

Daydreaming about frolicking in springs

I wish I had access to my own private spring

What in the name of Wim Wenders?!

A Dickensian Frolic

Just home from a frolic

Is there anything that rhymes with frolic that’s good?

It’s a little marshy around my spring

Regular listeners, you are my personal spring

We’re already off the beaten path

Now I’m thinking of Mucha and Art Nouveau

The Fine French Frolickers, my Muppets cover band

Explaining the Structure

This was supposed to be a GBBO episode, but now it’ll be about My Personal Spring

Oh this show is strange for sure

My message in a bottle would be a message in a jug

Did we frolic all the way into Scooter’s mind?

Scooter’s brain is mostly goo and goop and like and uh

 

STORY

962

You could, you can, you might, you’d wish

Talking about the earpads on my headphones

Stinkin’ thinkin’

The 2nd Intro recorded in 2021

I haven’t gotten to the double decade listeners yet

SWM through the years

An ode to on-and-off long-time listeners

A message to the new listener

Talking about talking to birds

Norma, the Squirrel

Someone left a sandwich for Norma

Norma’s Beautiful Tail

A Jelly and Peanut Butter Sandwich

You don’t have to humor me while listening to me

Literally Dialing It In

Bore-bor

There’s no social norms to meet here

I am an acquired taste

People that know this isn’t for them tend to be very vocal about it

Journey Into the Land of Tomorrow

The Aural Equivalent of a Setting Sun

Just Lyin’ Around

I don’t just lie around enough

Your good sleep is important

Oh boy I’ve dreaded bedtime

Scooter’s Earcups

Listening for indiscernible background noise

Headphones help me really be here for you

A Flat Response

I only use these for recording

ATH50x

Chatting headphones with Shareef from 99PI

2000 recording sessions with these headphones on

If these headphones could talk…

Replacing the earpads

I’ll definitely debate how to best replace them

Headphones Distractions

Bronzing the Old Earpads

963

As the Fresh Prince once said …

The Fresh Prince of … Philly?

Did Will Smith ever live in Bel Air?

Was he contractually required to live in Bel Air?

One day, when SWM rules supreme, I’ll have a massive research budget

Renting this mansion is definitely research

Bel Air, Wisconsin

Will Smith does deserve his privacy

I think I’ve driven through Bel Air, once

Bel Air Mansions

Where’s Bake Off?

What are these, Creaky Dulbit Tones?

Frolicking at the Bake Off Manse

Surfing-Based Community (SBC)

Point Breakaway: The Scooter Story

I got Will Smith in the background of my movie

The French Prince of Bel Air, Wisconsin

Exploring Other Bel Airs

Saying yes to Strong Feelings

I don’t think I could do a good Will Smith imitation

Mildly Not Bad

Great British Bake Off

Wagging My Finger in a Positive Way

The Imaginary Will Smith in my Mind

A strange microscopic improvement in the world

Pseudo-Insomnia

Waking up at 4:40

I stayed calm and was able to get a little more sleep

I can’t believe my aunt recommended this show!

964

Oh, I didn’t notice you, Shamebot 10,000

Morning News Crew Shifts

Breaking down shift timing

Depticle and Scoutful

Open the Depticle

Space Sharper Image

Glossy Catalogs

The Sharper Image

Big Expectations of big movies

A Commercial for Scooter’s Inability to Get to the Point

Sponsored by Petting Pets

Feeling like a standup comedian

SWM is the original pet podcast

I’ll be here until the end

Relatively Inane but Somewhat Decent Story

S-U-C-K-S

How do I put jokes into a sleep podcast?

Zeus and Kronos

Some Maybe Mangled Greek Mythology

Apologies to Scholars

A “Scoutful” Punchline without a Joke

Vehicles named Scout

Scoutful about the word “Scout”

Dep Chat

The color of Dep doesn’t correspond to its taste

Funkafusion

Workin’ down at the Gatorade Dep plant

What would you put in a funkafusion-flavored drink?

A surprise melon flavor

Imaginary Flavor Labs

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1374

Title: Message in a Jug | Labor Day All Intros 961 – 964

Plugs: Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline

Sponsors: Policy Genius; Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Quince; Odoo

Notable Language:

• 961
• An Artesian Well of Thoughts
• A Dickensian Frolic
• Spring-Based Podcasts
• Message in a Jug
• Artisanal
• 962
• You wish you may, you wish you might
• Stinkin’ thinkin’
• Jelly and Peanut Butter Sandwich
• Bore-bor
• Just Lyin’ Around
• A Flat Response
• 963
• Research Budget
• Bel Air, Wisconsin
• Creaky Dulbit Tones
• Surfing-Based Community (SBC)
• The French Prince of Bel Air, Wisconsin
• Mildly Not Bad
• A strange microscopic improvement in the world
• Pseudo-Insomnia
• 964
• Morning News Crews
• Depticle and Scoutful
• Glossy Catalogs
• Relatively Inane but Somewhat Decent Story
• S-U-C-K-S
• Neon Hair Gels
• Funkafusion
• Imaginary Flavor Labs

 

Notable Culture:

• • 961
  • Wim Wenders
  • Charles Dickens
  • Alphonse Mucha
  • Art Nouveau
  • The Fine French Frolickers
  • The Muppets
  • Great British Bake Off

• 962

• • PB&J
  • Journey Into the Land of Tomorrow
  • Audio-Technica

• 99% Invisible

• • 963
  • Will Smith

• The Fresh Prince of Bel Air

• • Bel Air
  • The Wisconsin Dells

• Great British Bake Off

• Point Break

• Point Breakaway: The Scooter Story

• Miette

• Get Sleepy

• Sleep Whispers

• Women’s Meditation Network

• • 964
  • Morning News
  • The Sharper Image
  • Greek Mythology

• To Kill a Mockingbird

• Dep Hair Gel
• Gatorade

 

Notable Talking Points:

• 961
• How do you get all those thoughts in there?
• An Artesian Well of Thoughts
• Let’s make 2021 the year of the Artesian Spring
• I accidentally bathed in the Artesian spring
• Daydreaming about frolicking in springs
• I wish I had access to my own private spring
• What in the name of Wim Wenders?!
• A Dickensian Frolic
• Just home from a frolic
• Is there anything that rhymes with frolic that’s good?
• It’s a little marshy around my spring
• Regular listeners, you are my personal spring
• We’re already off the beaten path
• Now I’m thinking of Mucha and Art Nouveau
• The Fine French Frolickers, my Muppets cover band
• Explaining the Structure
• This was supposed to be a GBBO episode, but now it’ll be about My Personal Spring
• Oh this show is strange for sure
• My message in a bottle would be a message in a jug
• Did we frolic all the way into Scooter’s mind?
• Scooter’s brain is mostly goo and goop and like and uh
• 962
• You could, you can, you might, you’d wish
• Talking about the earpads on my headphones
• Stinkin’ thinkin’
• The 2nd Intro recorded in 2021
• I haven’t gotten to the double decade listeners yet
• SWM through the years
• An ode to on-and-off long-time listeners
• A message to the new listener
• Talking about talking to birds
• Norma, the Squirrel
• Someone left a sandwich for Norma
• Norma’s Beautiful Tail
• A Jelly and Peanut Butter Sandwich
• You don’t have to humor me while listening to me
• Literally Dialing It In
• Bore-bor
• There’s no social norms to meet here
• I am an acquired taste
• People that know this isn’t for them tend to be very vocal about it
• Journey Into the Land of Tomorrow
• The Aural Equivalent of a Setting Sun
• Just Lyin’ Around
• I don’t just lie around enough
• Your good sleep is important
• Oh boy I’ve dreaded bedtime
• Scooter’s Earcups
• Listening for indiscernible background noise
• Headphones help me really be here for you
• A Flat Response
• I only use these for recording
• ATH50x
• Chatting headphones with Shareef from 99PI
• 2000 recording sessions with these headphones on
• If these headphones could talk…
• Replacing the earpads
• I’ll definitely debate how to best replace them
• Headphones Distractions
• Bronzing the Old Earpads
• 963
• As the Fresh Prince once said …
• The Fresh Prince of … Philly?
• Did Will Smith ever live in Bel Air?
• Was he contractually required to live in Bel Air?
• One day, when SWM rules supreme, I’ll have a massive research budget
• Renting this mansion is definitely research
• Bel Air, Wisconsin
• Will Smith does deserve his privacy
• I think I’ve driven through Bel Air, once
• Bel Air Mansions
• Where’s Bake Off?
• What are these, Creaky Dulbit Tones?
• Frolicking at the Bake Off Manse
• Surfing-Based Community (SBC)
• Point Breakaway: The Scooter Story
• I got Will Smith in the background of my movie
• The French Prince of Bel Air, Wisconsin
• Exploring Other Bel Airs
• Saying yes to Strong Feelings
• I don’t think I could do a good Will Smith imitation
• Mildly Not Bad
• Great British Bake Off
• Wagging My Finger in a Positive Way
• The Imaginary Will Smith in my Mind
• A strange microscopic improvement in the world
• Pseudo-Insomnia
• Waking up at 4:40
• I stayed calm and was able to get a little more sleep
• I can’t believe my aunt recommended this show!
• 964
• Oh, I didn’t notice you, Shamebot 10,000
• Morning News Crew Shifts
• Breaking down shift timing
• Depticle and Scoutful
• Open the Depticle
• Space Sharper Image
• Glossy Catalogs
• The Sharper Image
• Big Expectations of big movies
• A Commercial for Scooter’s Inability to Get to the Point
• Sponsored by Petting Pets
• Feeling like a standup comedian
• SWM is the original pet podcast
• I’ll be here until the end
• Relatively Inane but Somewhat Decent Story
• S-U-C-K-S
• How do I put jokes into a sleep podcast?
• Zeus and Kronos
• Some Maybe Mangled Greek Mythology
• Apologies to Scholars
• A “Scoutful” Punchline without a Joke
• Vehicles named Scout
• Scoutful about the word “Scout”
• Dep Chat
• The color of Dep doesn’t correspond to its taste
• Funkafusion
• Workin’ down at the Gatorade Dep plant
• What would you put in a funkafusion-flavored drink?
• A surprise melon flavor
• Imaginary Flavor Labs