1370 – Lady Marple and the Case of the Inadvertent Substance | Tales Never Told

Episode 1370 – Lady Marple and the Case of the Inadvertent Substance | Tales Never Told

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who’s here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff, to help you fall asleep, to help make getting to sleep easier. If you're new, welcome. I’m glad you're here. Regular listeners, welcome as well. I’m here to try to help you fall asleep in a indirect way. So, if you're new, this show is a little bit different. It’s supposed to be…well, it’s…lighthearted’s the wrong way to put it because lighthearted…I guess if it’s not lighthearted…it’s friendly and something that’s not quite lighthearted. I don't have enough substance.

 

This podcast does…they say, well, it’s strange; it has a sticky substance and it lacks substance at the same time, and the podcaster pronounces ‘substance’ in more than one way, inadvertent…it has an inadvertent substance. There’s another chapter in my biography. What do we say? Lady Marple and the Case of the Inadvertent Substance. I guess we know what tonight’s episode will be. We haven't had a Lady Marple episode…I don't even remember what the conclusion of Lady Marple was, but I guess…yeah, sometimes we gotta change things up. So, that’ll be tonight’s episode, maybe. But welcome to Sleep With Me if you're new. This is a friendly show to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff.

 

What we got coming up is support so that paying for the podcast is optional for people that kinda come and go or are just going through a situation, then a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime, and then there will be our bedtime story which was…we’ll figure…I guess we’ll figure it out as we go. So, I’m glad you're here. Really, I’m glad you're here, because I’ve been there in the deep, dark night, man, and I know what it’s like, and that’s why I want to help if you're struggling. So, yeah, that’s what I’m here to do, but I’m only here to help, and the only…I’m here to help only in the way I can, which is long, meandering stories. So yeah, if you decide you get so much out of this podcast you become a regular listener and it’s a part of your life on a regular basis, think about opting in so the show can be there for you and everybody else that kinda comes and goes when they need it, and here’s the ways you could do that.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Strubble…? Strubble. I think we talked about strubble before. It’s…have we? It’s a combination of Sorry and Trouble, those two games. It’s called Strubble. Say, I believe those two games are almost…are they made by two different companies? This is not a bit, by the way. This is a early tangent. I wonder. I’ve talked about the rivalry between the Parker Brothers and Milton Bradley, and I wonder…I do wa-wa-wonder if Trouble and Sorry are made by the same company — I had to sneak in some sort of rhyme there — and I wonder if the games are actually the same. Sorry, I only sing early on…I mean, I rarely sing anyway. That was more of a sing-songing.

 

Also, if my words…if my things aren't making sense, those are two different board games from my youth, but I’ve played them with my daughter, Trouble and Sorry, and I don't know if they're the same game or not, or very similar. So, I’m sorry if my discussion of these games is giving you trouble. It only started when I said ‘strubble’. I guess somewhere facepalms for both the Parker Brothers and Milton Bradley were like, you got…how does this guy not know the difference between our games or us? I mean, both of them are like multi-gen…I guess…I wonder if they're like, nobody even knows what we look like. Do you think somewhere in other universes they're like that? They're like, hey, you don’t even know what we look like. You say, you're right, I guess. Anyway, talk about taking the momentum out of a sleep podcast.

 

Alright, so, if you're up all night tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, waking up, whatever it is, I’m here to take your mind off of that, 'cause I’m here to…thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m here to take your mind off of that, and because I went on a early tangent, I’m totally lost. Say, how does the intro start? Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I don't know when I…oh, strubble getting to sleep. But let’s not mess ourselves up again. Trouble…get in bed and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest.

 

What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. Imperfectionism…being imperfect, right? It could be thoughts, thoughts about the past, the present, the future, board games, Bradleys, Miltons, Parkers, Park…is there a Parker Roll Podcast? I just…another thing that popped in my head. Parker Roll Podcast, a thing…a podcast about Parker rolls and things interesting to Parker rollers. Parker…how about this; Parker rolls and parkour? Has that ever been…? They don’t quite alliterate perfectly. Perfect parkour and perfect Parker rolls here on the Parkour…Parker Parker…Parker Parkour Pod…Parker Parkour Podcast. Always rolling on. Then you put the ‘roll’ in there. Or maybe they only talk…Parker and parkour rolls. I don't know.

 

So, anyway, thoughts, feelings, it could be anything coming up for you emotionally like feelings related to those thoughts, feelings that are just there, feelings about the future or the past, feelings that are coming up, it could be physical sensations. As a matter of fact, that’s what it was for me last night. It could be changes in time, temperature, routine, travel, work schedule, you could be going through something, you could be in the middle of something. Whatever it is, I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep, which is…whatever’s keeping you awake…oh, what I’m gonna do…or why do I do it? Which…should I go first? Why do I make the show? If you're new, you may be wondering that. If you're a regular listener, you may be…what am I…?

 

Now I have Scooby-Doo mouth…raybe rundering rut I’m rooing. I wonder if Scooby-Doo…what Scooby-Doo rues. Scooby-Doo is involved in roos…roos…has been rused before, but does he rue things? I don't know. These are all questions that are here for you, because first of all, you deserve a good night's sleep. You deserve a bedtime where you could get the rest you need so your life is more manageable, so that your bedtime doesn't have a rigmarole, so you don’t have to dread bedtime, right? You say, well, at least I got that rambling podcast to listen to, and it kinda keeps me company and takes my mind off of stuff, and then suddenly I fall asleep. Or if I can't sleep, I know he’s gonna be there saying some things that are barely funny or barely interesting, and that he already forgot what Miss Marple’s case is gonna be about.

 

So, I’ll have to re-listen to this. I have no idea already. Sometimes I pause and text myself stuff like that, but it was something…oh, something about a substance. The inadvertent substance, I think. Anyway, I could always listen to this. So, yeah, you deserve the rest you need so your life is more manageable tomorrow and that you get the rest you need on a regular basis so you could be out there flourishing. That means your world’s gonna be a better place, and if your world’s better, our world’s better. So, that’s one of the reasons we make the show, is for you if it can help you, which I hope it can, or assist you or be there or comfort you.

 

The other side of it is I’ve been there…for me…in a variety of different ways I can't sleep, and I know what it feels like for me. I know what the thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations are and all the other stuff, and I know what my days are like when I can't get the sleep I need, and I know…you know, I know what all that stuff is like for me, and I’m not sure…I think I can relate to some of how it feels for you. It might feel slightly different or it might feel a lot different, but I know for me, one of the ways to put it is it’s not pleasant, right? If I know someone else out there is going through something strongly not pleasant, we’ll say, that impacts their life and I know I can help and I know what it feels like, that’s really important to me.

 

So…that I can help…but not only that; there’s tons of people listening right now, and somewhere in the world — this is really important to point out — there is someone who’s been through something very similar to whatever’s keeping you awake, or they're dealing with it or they've dealt with it, and they discovered the show, and I guess obviously that makes them a regular listener. Not everybody’s a regular listener. So, some people come and go 'cause they're just going through something temporary. But there’s someone listening right now that’s rooting for you, 'cause they've experienced it. ‘Cause most of us have also experienced those temporary things, too, in addition to these…longer-term stuff that some of us have to deal with, and they're like, man, I know exactly how you feel.

 

Or maybe ‘exactly’ is too strong a word. I really strongly identify with what you're going through. They see you and they're rooting for you to get the sleep you need, hopefully through this podcast, 'cause for them, they're like, man, I never knew something like this could be out there and help me. I never knew to look for something like this, some dude rambling on and on about barely anything, but…or maybe it doesn't work for you. Don't worry, I have options, and I kinda explain all that coming up here. But they…not only are they rooting for you to get the rest you need and this podcast can comfort you or help you, but that one day you get that feeling of inhabiting that space where you're a regular listener or even a temporary listener, even…you've listened to three episodes.

 

You get to root for other people, too, and that feels good. Not some big-bang good, but just a nice feeling of feeling nice about somebody else. That’s just as powerful as the big stuff. So, yeah, I hope you get to give that a try, or I hope you're feeling the energy coming your way, 'cause it is indirect like everything else with the show. But just because it’s indirect doesn't mean it’s not important to point out. So yeah, that’s why I make the show…I like making the show. So, what is the way it work…? I send my voice across the deep, dark night.

 

I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents, which means I go off topic, I get mixed up, I double back, I forget what I was talking about, I talk about something, then I forget about that, I talk about something else, and all that serves to kinda take your mind off of stuff and to be here for you just like a real friend would be if you had a friend on-call all the time with over 600 or 1,200…1,400 stories or whatever. They could be there all night for you if you needed it or just for a little while, and you could put…you can't put a sleep timer on a friend. I believe that is a truism. Can't put a sleep timer on a friend. I guess you could…but in this case it’s not  a truism because you can. Pseudo-friends you could put sleep timers on.

 

Okay, so, yeah, that’s why I make the show, kinda how it works. It’s also…when you get here, right, if you're new, it can be frustrating because you got here, you were tired, then you were searching for something. If you're like me, your whole life you've tried tons and tons of different things, spent a lot of money on other things, and suddenly you find yourself here. Somebody recommended it or whatever, it came up in a search, and you're like, what is this? I’d say that’s a pretty good reaction. It does take a couple tries to get used to the show 'cause of course you're gonna be skeptical and doubtful and frustrated. This is a different kind of approach, I think a more natural approach, honestly, that I’m just like…it’s a little bit different than a kid getting a bedtime story, but it’s in the same spirit of that.

 

It’s just, yeah, a little bit different. I think adults need something a little bit different, just somebody to hang with and then talk about something. So, just give it a few tries and see how it goes. That’s what hundreds and hundreds of thousands…probably a million people have told me, I couldn't stand you the first two times I listened, and then the third time I woke up and I said, oh, now I get it. It is always never getting started. The podcast is always going nowhere, like you say. So, give it a few tries and see how it goes, 'cause you got really nothing to lose. But if you already decide, no, you're not my style, I just don’t like you, that’s totally cool. Everything I said up to this point is still true.

 

So, I have a website set up, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou, because I don't need…I want you to get the sleep you need, right? Whether you go to another sleep podcast that I have listed on there, some other sleepy audio, I still want you to get the rest you need and have somewhat of an enjoyable wind down and bedtime. So, check something else out. But I hope this show can help you because it means something to me, and I’m pretty sure we’ve still got…I’ve been doing this a long time, before kinda this was a thing, but we still have a pretty unique approach here, so just see how it goes if you want. If not, that’s fine, too. Alls I want to do is help in this specific, little bit different way. What else do you need to know? This is a show you kinda just barely listen to.

 

It’s like elevated background noise, a TV on in the other room, a out-of-focus picture, sand passing through your hands, music on down the street. It’s something you can listen to but you don’t need to listen, and that takes some getting used to. This is also…even though I’ve been doing this a long time and it’s a sleep podcast, I’m not here to put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep, which is a bit different. There is no pressure to fall asleep with this show. I’m gonna be here over an hour so you don’t have to think about, well, what if I’m still awake in twenty-five minutes? Don't worry, I’ll be here talking to you. Forty-five minutes…I’ll be here talking to you.

 

If you need more episodes, there’s 600+ episodes in the ad-supported feed in any podcast app, right? So, don't worry, I’m here to be here. There’s no pressure to fall asleep. There’s people listening who can't sleep at all or who need to listen during the day for a break. So, I’m here to the very end whether you're awake or asleep. I learned that in the first hundred episodes I made. Hey, I’m here listening to you 'cause I’m really in it. So, I need the company and the comfort more than the sleep. But that’s kinda what works, is that I’m here whether you're awake or asleep, whether you're listening to me or not.

 

The fact you could listen to me but you don’t need to is part of what works about the show, 'cause my job is to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your neigh-bore, your bore-bie, your bores, your bore-bud, your bore-bruh, your Borlaf, your best bore-friend f’eva, to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff whether you're awake or asleep, so you could fall asleep. So, there’s that thing. The only other thing I like to explain is the structure of the show. Our show is structured in a very specific way to benefit the maximum amount of people it can, but you can change it up, right, if you become a regular listener or you decide, hey, I have a preference for this. I guess I could point out the decision points. I’ve never done that before.

 

But the show starts off…all our shows start off with a greeting so you feel welcomed in; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Maybe we did it in a different order at some point, but that was a long time ago…so you feel seen and welcomed and you say, okay, I could check that podcast out. Then there’s support so paying for the show is optional. If you prefer a ad-free version, you can get that on Sleep With Me+, but a lot of people, they're not regular listeners of the show; they're situational listeners or they just prefer to have a ad-supported version, and they like to listen to it linearly. Now, if you do it differently, that’s fine, too. But so, that’s what the support’s there for. Then there’s the intro, totally separate from the support.

 

If you discover you like a show without intros, we have that, too; Bedtime Stories from Sleep With Me. The intro’s kinda the most…even though…again, it’s fine if that’s not your preference, but it is the most popular part of the show 'cause it’s where we kinda hang out, I introduce what the podcast is, I go off topic. It’s a different way each time, but the intro’s structure is familiar. Every time, the intro follows the same general structure, but I go on a different topic or a different tangent so that whatever’s keeping you awake, it has something familiar and comforting but it’s different and distracting at the same time. So, that’s what the intro does. The reason the intro is fifteen to twenty minutes long is to ease you into bedtime instead of just telling you ‘go to sleep’.

 

That doesn't necessarily work for adults or kids. Or, I want to go to sleep now. This eases you into bedtime. So, most people listen while they're getting ready for bed, in bed getting comfortable, or doing a wind-down activity or chilling out. That’s just what’s been shown to work. There is a percentage of people that fall asleep during the intro, but I think most of them support the show on Sleep With Me+ just 'cause that’s a better experience if you fall asleep fast, but you could also listen to the story-only versions, too. So, that’s the intro, and it goes on and on and on to give you some buffer time, some wind-down time. Then there will be support, and then tonight I guess it’ll be a story about Lady Marple and the Case of the Inadvertent Substance. For some reason my voice just kinda went out right at the right time.

 

So, that’s why I make the show. I’m really glad you're here. I work really hard. So do a team of people, 'cause we yearn and we strive. That’s really what it takes to make something free and easy like this. But we really want to help you. We yearn and we strive. So, thanks again for coming by, and if you decide…like you listen to this show on a regular basis, it makes your life better, it’s changed your life and you want to opt in…you say, man, yeah, this show has made my life better; how can I help? Here’s a couple ways you could do that. Thanks so much.

 

Alright everybody, this is Scoots here, and this is our…this is a Tale Never Told. But this person has appeared on the podcast before, or there was a episode with Lady Marple, though I don't remember anything about Lady Marple. So, here’s what I remember about Lady Marple’s episode; I remember listening to it in New Jersey, checking it. I don't know when it came out, but I listened to it on multiple runs in New Jersey. I was also thinking of Damon Lindelof for some reason, maybe 'cause he’s…grew up in New Jersey, so then I was running in New Jersey and I was like, what if I just crossed paths with him here in the…a park in New Jersey, which was along a stream? So, those are the things I remember, 'cause I maybe went on a run every other day. So, then I was like, okay, this is interesting.

 

I can…'cause I can…it’s just a weird way my…audio and my personal brain works, is it’s very tied to a sense of place. But I don't remember a lot of…I mean, Lady Marple became organically. So, let’s just start fresh, 'cause there’s some things you might not know. These are Tales Never Told, and of course because they're told by word-of-mouth and they're rarely, if ever, told, the details in one tale and the other may be different. But as I’ve been told this tale, it features Lady Marple, who is a very curious person. A lady; she is technically, I think, from…she’s some sort of royalty on some level. Now, I don't know if it was given as a title or not. That’s not what this tale’s about. This is the tale of Lady Marple and the Case of the Inadvertent Substance. Unfortunately it’s not a book or a story that I’ve read through.

 

But once upon a time, Lady Marple…she was a big fan of gardens, right? She would go to gardens. Now, interesting; she had her own garden, but she was an appreciator of public gardens and gardens that are for the public benefit. She loved going to those whether it was where she lived or when she was visiting anywhere. She would try to go to public parks, public gardens, botanical gardens, though she preferred when they were just open, gate…that was one of her things in another time in her life, gate-free gardens. Get the gate…there’s no ‘garden’ in ‘gate’, and…I mean, unless you're trying to keep…she goes, please don’t argue with me on technicalities. There might be gates in gardens, but there’s no garden in gate. So, ‘the gardens should not be gated’ was what she was known to say.

 

So, she was a lover of public gardens, and whenever she could, she would stroll the public gardens with pleasure, and as long as the weather…even weather not permitting, she would stroll the public…she loved to stroll. Oh, Lady Marple, she loved to stroll. Now, this is a interesting one because one day she was strolling this garden, and she was kinda lost in thought when all of a suddenly across her…very gently and soft, but across her face came a substance that was wet but not water, and it was not liquidy, though it was wet. It was a substance, and it was a substance that covered her eyes and obscured her vision. It was green…green and greenish and lime-greenish, so multiple shades of green.

 

When she opened her eyes, she wiped the substance away. She said to herself, my, I’m seeing green spots and green. She sat down as…because she’s Lady Marple, she knew to not keep walking. Because these gardens were for the public benefit, there was plenty of places to sit down. Oh boy, there’s nothing better than strolling a garden and having a rest as well. A few things more important than that, as a matter of fact. So, she sat on this bench and she removed from her satchel a handkerchief, but she still was kinda seeing green and green spots, as a matter of fact. So, dark-green spots against a green background.

 

She’s known…she was known to…she was surprised that she had been…she had a substance on her face, but she…I guess as an example, as a life lesson for me…a lot of times that’s why…I think when people tell me these Tales Never Told, they’re…they try…instead of giving me advice, 'cause I’m pretty…not…I’m just guessing…and again, this isn't for you, the listener; this is clearly for me to slow down and take it easy, because that’s what Lady Marple was doing. I guess if I put myself in her shoes…or maybe she wears loafers. I don't even know. I would say whatever Lady Marple’s wearing, it’s probably a smart pair of footwear, without a doubt. But if I was to put myself in her shoes or her loafers, let’s just…I don't even know…I think a loafer doesn't have…I know what a pennyloafer is.

 

I’ve been called a loafer, but I think those are two different things. But anyway, Lady Marple knew to pause and sit down, not just to wipe her eyes. Even though she was surprised by the substance on her face, struck by a substance, she was struck gently enough and whatever that she knew to have a seat and to wipe off her face. But as she was doing that, she was also…she was seeing these green spots. She thought of…she went into a bit of…if it was a film, it would be a montage or a flashback sequence, 'cause she was seeing these green spots. She kind of imagined back to a time when she was just…what we would…instead of Lady Marple, she was a lass named Marple. Not Lass Marple. I don't know, that could be her first name, unless we came up with her first name in the other episode.

 

Lass Marple’s the name, and taking it…going one step at a time, not overdoing it, and being patient and pausing is my game, also investigating cases that are unsuited for other Marples. So, she paused, is my thing, but then she started to drift back to the last time…'cause this wasn’t the first time she had seen green spots against a light-green background before. She was even…as she’s wiping off her face…and she had a pair of glasses around her neck; she was wiping them off. She was chuckling to herself and saying, this isn't the first time I’ve seen…she could have…she could hold a conversation with the air if she needed to, and so, she did, and she was. She said, this isn't the first time I’ve seen green spots before, as she wiped her face. She remembered the first time she saw green spots before against a green background.

 

It was a much different situation. She was Lass Marple, a young lass named Marple, a young lass named Lass Marple, and one of her…that would be…here’s another tangent, though. I just…sorry, Lady Marple, but I just think this sounds cool to me. If your first name’s Lass…let’s just say your middle name’s A. Lass Andrea Marple? No, that doesn't…Lass Anne…? No. Lass Anne’s a confuse…I was just thinking if we had another name with an A…maybe both are…are those your proper names or whatever, or…? We could call you LA Marple if…in other contexts. Like, now you're Lady Marple, then you were Lass Marple. In your lost years, maybe…I don't know, my lost years were a lot longer than most. So, I’m sure maybe yours were shorter than mine.

 

But let’s just say, yeah, those lost years between twenty-one, twenty-two, and thirty…mine went from about twelve to thirty-nine. But, you know, everybody goes on their different timelines, right? LA…were you LA Marple then? I could see that. You're a jet-setter. I’m picturing a mid-century modern sensibility in the seventies, though. LA Marple…maybe you're in publishing and…yeah, I can see that. LA Marple…but this was before the time of LA Marple or Lady Marple, 'cause she was just a lass. As a lass that was already curious about the world and the world beyond the world and the world between our ears…that’s what fascinated Lass Marple the most, the girl who would become the young woman named…that went by LA Marple. Lass Marple loved to read, like a lot of us, and she happened to read a lot of…she was English.

 

I mean, I don't know, it’s not super important except for this thing…this part, is like, a lot of…there was some famous books that took place in wardrobes, right? Adventures in the…Wardrobe Adventures, Adventures in Babysitting: The Case of…there’s other…there’s Magic School Bus Within the Wardrobe and other wardrobe books. But I think when there’s a famous book…and again, I’m just…Lady Marple, I’m making a A-double-rear out of you and me, because I’m only guessing…well, I guess in the film they were English…that this particular…one of the more famous wardrobe books and series, I’m sure it had other…it spawned…that became a genre that just hasn’t been…that doesn't get the attention it doesn't…it’s…it fits best within the Unknown Tales genre of wardrobe…children’s wardrobe-based fiction or a wardrobe substitute for transport between realms.

 

So, Lady Marple was reading…consuming a lot of idealized wardrobe fiction. IWF, idealized wardrobe fiction. Children’s fiction, though. Or, I don't know, it could be…it’s just fiction. I don't understand…why do they call it young adult when it does just fine by me? I like it. So…okay, so that was in her head, right? When it’s in a child’s head and they're curious about the world, they're curious about wardrobes. Here’s a thing…you say, how come there’s so many wardrobes in this idealized, imaginary version of England? I’d say, not a lot…a lot of wardrobes? Probably means there’s not a lot of closets, right? A lack of closets equals a plethora of wardrobes if you have clothes that you need to hang up. In England you would, 'cause you got…we need layers; hence, we need wardrobes. Very sensible things.

 

Lass…what was her name? Lass Marple was…she was somewhat sensible. This is…talk about take…so, she would…she started exploring wardrobes whenever she could, hoping, oh, hoping, that this would be the…this wardrobe would be the one that would lead her to a world of adventure. She didn’t have LeVar Burton to say, take a look; it’s in a book. All the adventure’s there. It’s the Reading Rainbow…like I did as a child. It brought me the summer…said, just…LeVar Burton…it’s LeVar Burton. I never thought about…I mean, I’ve talked about how profound an influence he’s had on this show and me, but just that simple idea…and…but I also was…I had a bit…I’ve had phases of Lass Marple and LA Marple.

 

I haven't reached my Lady Marple phase yet. Don’t know if I ever will. Scoots, he’s more of a Lady Marble or a Lamey…Lamey Marble is…yeah, he’s kinda like…Lazy Marble? Yeah, that’s Scoots sometimes. That’s his new phase. He wanted to be Lady Marple, but he’s more of a Lazy Marple. I don't know; something. Okay, so anyway, she gets to…she starts going in these wardrobes, and eventually, in this particular circumstance, she was visiting some distant family members for the weekend, and she had had one of those great days.

 

Actually, it just happens…this happens to be the time when she fell in love with gardens, 'cause it was spring and there was that magical scent in the air and the magical warmth of the sun, and she had spent the day traversing the gardens nearby where her family…that just happened to be a former estate and castle or castle-type thing that became…the grounds became a public gardens, and it was walkable from where she was. So, she spent the day there in these gardens, deep in these gardens, 'cause they were…they had some wild sections, right, and she was accumulating pollen and all those things on her and just really enjoying it. After that day at the gardens, she headed back, but she still had adventure…some people would say take a nap or whatever, but she got back and she still was adventuring.

 

I think probably what happened was it was tea time. She had the tea, so she got a little extra energy boost from the tea time and the biscuits, and the next thing you know, she says…we’ll just imagine…I can't remember…I can't think of the names of the people she’s visiting. She…can I roam around this huge home you have? Oh yeah, yeah. By the way, these sections are…yeah, go wherever you wish except for the doors that are our private stuff. But yeah, there’s…how come it’s always the east wing and the west wing? They said, the north wing and the south wing…go ahead, adventure all you wish. So, she started exploring the wardrobes of these bedrooms that hadn't been used in quite some time. Eventually what happened is a combination of things, actually.

 

So, you'll have to bear with me 'cause it takes…it takes even more explanation. But she went into a wardrobe and she was…she’s also…I mean, talk about intelligence and curiosity meeting. She started to develop a theory, 'cause she kept being like, I don't know how many wardrobes I’ve been in. But she said, I better start keeping track now, and maybe there’s something about how I open the doors to the wardrobe or how I enter it. That’s where you get access to the magical realms. Part of it was just make-believe and part of it was hope that make-believe’s real. But at this particular point, she was at a room in the furthest part of the northern hall of this place on the third floor, old…I don't know if there’s…it was in Hampstead, but that’s the word that popped in my head, out in the Heaths.

 

It’s not…I don't think it’s in the Heaths 'cause there was gardens nearby, but that word popped in my head 'cause it’s…also starts with an H. But she goes into this wardrobe, and at this point she had tested out different things. But so, this particular round of wardrobes this particular day, she was testing out rate of entry, speed of entry, into the wardrobe. This particular time, she was like, I guess I have to go in really fast. Maybe there’s something…this…she just…she was slowly…she started super slow and had worked her way up. This is, again, another level of brilliance. She said, well, this is like medium speed. Now I’m gonna go…this one I’ll go fast and work my way down, and at some point I’ll cross back over.

 

Where someone like me, I would have just kept increasing my speed and then I would have lost track or never got to the fastest speed. So, this particular wardrobe she was going to go into fast, and maybe this is how she learned her slow pace, 'cause she went in fast, and she went in so fast that she had a little bumpy-poo 'cause she didn’t see something that was hidden behind something. Now, not only did she have a bumpy-poo, but she just happened to…on her noggin, the old…on the noggin…she would have soon. But she had this bumpy-poo, but she also…while it was happening, she had a green scarf that fell over her head, mostly over her…I mean, it was like somewhat translucent, so it wasn’t like it was blocking her ability to intake anything or whatever. But it fell over her head, and a…what is that called?

 

Like a bowler cap type…a bowler hat or something, a tight hat fell on her head, too. That way, the…whatever, the translucent scarf or handkerchief or piece of fabric was fixed over her face. But she had had a bumpy-poo as well. I’ll just give you the full analysis; she also had a bunch of pollen on her face. So…and she was the only one that could determine this afterwards. This kinda made her…she’s not the famous sleuth Marple, but she’s pretty sleuthy. So, the only reason I could tell you what happened is because she presented it later that evening as she tried to determine…'cause at first her reaction…okay, so let me just explain what happened next.

 

So, the first thing is she…or what she recalls happened is that she kind of wanders around, and she didn’t realize she had a bumpy-poo or anything was on her head or anything. She starts to think…and again, she said, maybe I was sleeping, because she was found laying in the bed, resting…snoring, actually. It’s another thing about Lass Marple; she’s…I was born a snorer, she would say. Born a snorer; I’ll always be a snorer. Just one of her many admirable qualities, her acceptance and joy of snoring. But so, she…if we were watching what happened is that maybe she…'cause again, nobody else was there. But from what she was able to piece together, she wandered back out of the wardrobe and at some point lied down. So, was it a dream or was it something that…or was her…was it a combination of things?

 

But what she saw in her mind was that she wandered into the wardrobe, right, and then alls she could see was green polka dots and green background. She said, hello, hello? Have I made it? Is whatever the…is this where I find the goat lords and the goat ladies and my new friends for adventure? Is anyone…is there gonna be a call to adventure? Is there anything I’m in need of? At first there was no answer, but then she started to hear music playing, Baroque-style music. The only reason we know that is because the music did start to play, because out in the back of this estate, they would rent it out or whatever. Maybe that’s what royals do for other royals? I don't know. They were having some sort of party. So, she was hearing this music, and then she kept wandering through this green haze with polka dots.

 

Eventually she came to this clearing where there was three people there, or two children and an anthropomorphized gray squirrel. Well, not total children; one of the children, they had wings, translucent wings, and a pink dress on with gray…what are those things called? Like tights-type thing, and black boots. Then the other child was dressed in a brown or tannish beret and kinda like a coat, also with boots on. The three of them were dancing there. They said, oh, hello, hello. Would you like to join us? Lady Marple said, I think so. They were just dancing in a circle holding hands and laughing, then they were doing…taking turns dancing and stuff like that. It was quite a scene. It was quite cool. They danced around and Lady Marple danced with them, and she said, what are you all doing here?

 

They said, dancing in a circle, the three of us. She said, well, aren't we gonna go on an adventure or anything? The squirrel said, you've had an inadvertent bump on your head. You inadvertently bumped your head, and that’s why you're seeing green, and the green spots are actually pollen. Now, I don't…I think this was just maybe an embellishment by Lass Marple that she figured all this out on her own, but whatever…or maybe it was her subconscience. Soon you'll wake up and then you'll probably need some cold peas on your head or whatever for a while. It was nice meeting you. Remember; there’s magic in the world and in-between your ears. Lass Marple laughed and then she woke up. Then again, she sleuthed it out. Was that real?

 

I just…she woke up with a smile on her face, snoring. Her snore woke her up, actually. That was what she was thinking of. She sat there on a bench clearing her face off, and she chuckled to herself and said, I’ve been interrupted by an inadvertent substance here. She kinda rubbed some of the substance between her fingers, and she looked around and she said, well, that’s strange, just here in this park and these gardens. She looked in the trees, she looked nearby, she listened, she smelled. She did still smell some of the inadvertent substance, and she said, my, my, my, that is strange that I’ve been struck by an inadvertent substance. Then she got up and started to look, right?

 

Now, this particular garden had one of those…now, this is not…this may sound ironic, but it’s not; one of my favorite things…I love natural water, but I also love manufactured water features. Holy cow. This public garden had one of those manufactured…almost like a lake where you could put out boats, little toy boats and stuff like that, or watch water fowl or leaves or just sit there. I don't think you could…you wouldn't want to go in it, I guess. It was bigger than a fountain, right? I don't know, and it wasn’t to reflect some building. It reflected the sky and the trees and some of the flowers, of course, and it was quite large. You could walk along it. As a matter of fact, as you walked along…we're just gonna pretend it’s a lake or a pool. I guess a pool, but a different kind of pool.

 

Then there was a canal that connected the water to the pool, and she’s walking along the canal, and she sees a hand…a toy boat coming by. It was made out of newsprint and it had a stick in there, and then a sail, and even a little flag at the top. Strangely enough, it had…what do you call it? A thing of thread and a needle in there, and the…she was just watching it slowly coming towards her, being carried by the wind and I guess the natural flow of the canal water to the pool, which probably went out…must have gone out another way, or maybe it changed directions kinda like a loch or whatever.

 

But she was watching that and smiling, and before she could go into another imagination of her experience with toy boats, the first thing she observed after all the things I just described was…that gave her another chuckle was the grease on the newsprint, because she knew that it must have been a piece of newsprint that was holding some fish and chips. She thought to herself, I could go for some fish and chips right about now. The second thing she noticed was some green. So, she reached in the pool and reached out the boat. She looked at it, and she kinda studied it and saw that it was the same inadvertent substance that had struck her or surprised her. Then she was holding the boat…running down the side of the canal came a mother and a child.

 

The child was ahead of the mother saying, my boat, my boat, my boat. The mother was saying, whoa, whoa, whoa. It just made Lady Marple smile even more. They came running to her, and the girl got there first, quite a ways ahead of her mother or her mother-type figure. She said, that’s my boat. It’s supposed to be in the water. Lady Marple said, it is, it is, isn't it? ‘Tis your boat? The girl said, it is my boat. What are you about? Lady Marple said, I was just taking a look at it here. It’s a beautiful boat. Now, at this time, Lady Marple had the ability to kinda absorb more than one thing at once. So, she could tell that the mother was saying, that’s my needle and thread, that’s my needle and thread. Lady Marple started just making small talk with the girl.

 

She said, I really like this flag and this boat, and she said, when did you make it? She said, my mother and I made it today. Then the mother got there and she said, don’t put that boat…don’t let her put the boat in the water. That’s my thread and string. She said, this is your thread and string? She said, ‘tis my thread and string. She said, okay, well, you two will have to work this out. I was just asking, when did you make this boat? She said, oh, after lunch. She said, after lunch, eh? She said, have you seen any strange green globs around? The girl and mom looked…they said, what’s this lady about, you know? What are you on about? Lady Marple said, never mind, never mind. She said, so, did you have fish and chips for lunch? The mother laughed. She said, yeah, that’s when we got the idea for the boat.

 

I showed her; she didn’t believe me that I could make a boat that would float. She said, but I had put my thread and my string in there. I don't know if you noticed we threaded and stringed the…she said, oh yeah, so you used that for the sail and the things? Yeah, we had some scraps. Lady Marple said, well, here’s your thread and string, and here’s your boat. Oh, by the way, where’d you get your fish and chips from? They said, oh, old Chip and Fishies down the road. Lady Marple said, Chip and Fishies down the road, eh? They said, yeah, just over the…yeah, just over and around the bend. So, she said, thank you, thank you very much. She said, this boat seems to have been helpful for me. Did you just see this green stuff on the paper? Was that on the paper before you ate your fish and chips or after you ate your fish and chips?

 

Say, I was just interested in this green goop on the paper. The mother said, oh, well, we didn’t have fish and chips. So, this was just in the bin, you know? We took it out of the bin. Lady Marple said, you took it out of the bin, huh? Like, you didn’t have…? You went to Fish and Chippies and didn’t have fish and chips? She said, correct, correct. We just had a bite to eat, not fish and chips. Lady Marple said, well, that’s helpful. That’s a…helps me unlock my next thing that I need to go on. So, she headed out and headed to Fish and Chippies. She got there and it was kinda the time of the day when fish and chips sales are down, anyway. So, everybody was kinda just chilling there. I don't know what time the low time is; like 4:00 p.m. or something. It probably was then. She went in and then she said, hey, how’s everybody doing?

 

Then they said, are you Lady Marple? She said, oh, I am, I am. They said, wow. Lady Marple in Fish and Chippies, for real. They were kinda elbowing one another, 'cause she was kind of a celebrity. She said, I’ll have one of your finest fish and chips order, please. She’s talking and she said…she walked over and talked about the daughter and the mother. First she was casual, right? She said, busy day today? They said, eh, it’s like a regular day. She said, yeah, it’s a strange day today, though, huh? They said, is it? She said, something strange is going on. They said, what do you mean? She goes, I don't know. I just get the sense that this is one of those days when…anything strange happen here today? They said, yeah, this guy came in. He was covered in green goop. She said, a guy came in covered in green goop?

 

They said, yeah, covered in green goop. She said, did he have the same thing, fish and chips? They said, yeah, he did. She said, huh, well, that’s strange. Green goop…they said, yeah, it looks like…you remember Nickelodeon? You can't do that on television? Not quite that kind of green, but yeah, like a green slime. She said, like a green slime, huh? She said, anything else you noticed about him? They said, oh, wait a second, Lady Marple’s on the case. Lady Marple, are you working? She goes, no. Then she had her fish and chips. She said, no, I’m not a professional investigator. I’m a casual observer of things I’m curious about, and I’m curious about this green slime, 'cause something struck me in the face earlier. They said, green slime struck you in the face earlier? She said, yeah, inadvertently, it seems, at least.

 

She said, what was this person…like, what was their state like, right? Like, what was…they acting like when they came in? She goes, I’m just curious. They said, well, they were kinda quiet. I think they were self-conscious they were covered in green goop. But then the postman came in, and we’re just using Americanized terms for this sleep podcast 'cause I don't know what term you'd use. She goes, okay, yeah, the proper term came in, and what happened then? He said, hey, what, are you covered in goop? The person said, yeah, that’s why I wear coveralls, is 'cause I’m covered in goop. The guy said, you got some goop on your coveralls. Lady Marple said, it’s funny; it sounds like he’s from Brooklyn or Jersey right now. They all had a laugh at the expense of the tale-teller. She said, anything else?

 

They go, yeah, he said, Martine…what do you got? Martine is…your goop’s covering your name tag, Martine. The guy didn’t like that, they said. He took his fish and his chips and he ate it really fast, and he threw the newspaper in the bin, and he headed off. Lady Marple said, interesting, interesting, interesting. She said, this is a thread I’m gonna find useful; Martine. She went outside and she sat down, and she had still had a bit of fish and chips left. So, she sat and sat by their…sat there at the table, and she goes, Martine and coveralls. Then she got the local thing…the directory. I don't know. It used to be…in the US there was Yellow…there was a phonebook, and she might have had to go into one of the businesses to get their copy of it.

 

She goes into the Ms and she didn’t see anything, so she kinda looks up industrial stuff, and she doesn't see anything. Then she looks up scientists and laboratories, and she finds something. It’s called Martin’s Moons and Telescopes and Science Equipment or something like that. I don't know. I heard the tale, so I wasn’t really paying…you know. But it was called Martin’s Moons and a bunch of other stuff. She said, interesting. It happened to be down the lane, right? So, she headed down there and she knocked on the door and she waited, then she rang the bell and waited, 'cause it was off…it was out…on the outskirts of town, not like a shop right in town. As a matter of fact, it was kind of…more of like a house that businesses run out of. Nobody came to the door for quite some time, but she was patient.

 

She just had some fish and chips, so she had time, right? She even howled a bit, 'cause she thought of the moon, and she chuckled to herself. Then she happened to look down at the handle of the door, and…not on the knob because the knob was too dark, you know, but on the side near the knob on the door, she saw some more green goop. Just a little bit of it, but enough for her to know she was in the right place. Then she kinda decided, well, I’m just gonna walk around, right? I’ll walk out back. It’s just a…I’m just a Lady Marple on a stroll. She walks around back and she sees this giant contraption, and it’s got some sort of…it’s got pipes and it’s right out of a cartoon. It’s kinda vibrating like something you'd find in a lesser Wonka factory, like if Willy Wonka was more of a low-budget steampunk person.

 

So, it was…it’s making noises, steam’s coming out of it, it’s got things on there. It’s really loud, too. There’s this Martine or Martin working on this thing covered in dried…at this point he’s…his coveralls are dry. He’s got goggles on and he’s work, work, working away at this thing, right? She notices more and more green goop around. She kinda waits until she makes…and then she clears her throat, but the machine’s too loud. So, she kinda makes some motions until Martine…Martin still notices her, and then he’s…oh, oh, excuse…sorry, sorry. He goes, over here, over here. This contraption’s quite loud. She just laughs. She said, I noticed. She says, what’s that thing doing? He goes, oh, it’s making noises. He goes, it’s not doing much except getting on me nerves. She said, yeah, I could see that.

 

She goes, you wouldn't happen to know anything about inadvertent substances, would you? He goes, would I what? She goes, know about anything about inadvertent substances. I’m on a case of an inadvertent substance. He goes, what do you mean? She goes, well, earlier today I was…I found some goop in my face. He goes, green goop? She goes, green goop in my face. He goes, are you Lady Marple? She goes, I am; I am Lady Marple. Pleased to meet you. He goes, I’m Martin, Martin Moon. She goes, hello, Martin Moon. She goes, so, was that your substance? He goes, yeah. He goes, but it’s an inadvertent substance. He goes, well, not exactly, not exactly. She goes, what do you mean, not exactly? He goes, well, my apologies, Lady Marple.

 

He goes, the good news is it’s just…it’s all natural stuff and there’s nothing in there…and he explained the ingredients. So, he goes, my apologies. If there’s any…I can buy you a handkerchief or whatever. He goes, I didn’t mean for it to happen. We had a little bit of a buildup in there. He goes, I was trying to do this thing for me granddaughter’s birthday party. Once a moon, always a moon, we say around here. She goes, once a moon, always a moon. He goes, yeah, but her birthday’s on a leap year, right? She goes, oh, okay. He goes, this leap year there’s gonna be a blue moon. She goes, a blue moon on leap year, huh? He goes, well, technically it won't be a full moon on that day, and technically…blah, blah, blah.

 

But he goes, I’ve been thinking about it, and…over and over again, and I wanted to make the moon blue for her birthday. She goes, you're gonna make the moon blue? He goes, well, just around here in this backyard. She goes, what do you mean? He goes, well, I was gonna…so, I have this contraption I’m working on, right, and it’s gonna build up pressure and then when I hit the thing, it’ll come out the top, and it would spray the sky. So, it would create this mist that you wouldn't know about except for the loud noise of the machine. Then if you looked through it or out her window, right…I was out here; she’s in her window ready for bed for her birthday. The moon would actually appear blue. I told her about these…it’s a great time to make a wish, and she could use some wishes right now, you know.

 

She’s a kid. She goes, aren't we all, aren't we all? He goes, we all are. He goes, but I can't quite get…he goes, I mixed up the pressure and the substance, and I created this inadvertently, a green substance, 'cause I forgot yellow and blue make green. Would you believe I didn’t realize that? He said, I was trying to make…anyway, so, it’s my fault, and it should have been a mist, but it was some…it ended up I mixed things up the wrong way; made it goop, which changed the pressure, and then, yeah, some of it…mostly…he goes, most of it ended up on me. Goes, I was covered in goop, green goop. But he goes, yeah, a few pieces of it…I guess I should go around town and apologize. It’s quite far. Where were you? She said, strolling the gardens. He said, my word, I apologize for that. She said, do you think this machine will work?

 

He said, well, it’s the spring, so I got quite…he goes, probably not, but it’s worth a try. She goes, yeah, but maybe you should start back from the beginning or something. He said, yeah, I’m a dreamer, Lady Marple. I don't know what to tell you. Then he started talking about being raised on…whatever…what is that called? Armoire fiction. He talked about science being what got him as he grew up, that it drew him in. Then she was talking about investigations. Then he said, well, let’s have some tea. Let me shut this thing down, you know, 'cause I just wanted to get it right today. Goes, that way I’m already ahead of the game. I got plenty of months ‘til her birthday. He goes, you gotta stay…you gotta leap…you gotta stay leaping if you want to be ready for the leap year. She said, I’ve never heard that phrase before.

 

He goes, I just made it up. So, then they sat down and they had tea, and they had already gotten to the bottom of the inadvertent substance, which you could see why these tales are rarely told, if ever, but perfect for bedtime, 'cause it was sleepytime tea to carry you and to them off to dreamland. So, another case closed. I guess maybe we’ll find out about the birthday party thing. But when Lady Marple’s on the case, she’s gonna look into it. So, all is well in Marple Land. Goodnight, everybody.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)

Trending Tuesday

 

Parkour

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2007/04/16/no-obstacles

 

https://wfpf.com/history-of-parkour/

 

https://www.themovementpark.com/blog/history-of-parkour

 

Damon Lindelof

https://medium.com/luwd-media/is-damon-lindelof-the-last-truly-imaginative-storyteller-in-hollywood-f8b3622a8cf7

 

https://www.cbr.com/watchmen-damon-lindelof-comics-animated-feature/

 

https://www.vox.com/a/lost-damon-lindelof-interviews

 

Public Gardens

https://gardens.si.edu/collections/archives/timeline-of-american-garden-history/

 

https://www.dailysabah.com/feature/2019/05/06/history-of-public-gardens-dates-back-150-years

 

https://www.mounts.org/why-public-gardens-matter/

 

Wardrobes

https://www.topfurniture.co.uk/blog/the-history-of-wardrobes-a-fascinating-journey

 

https://www.myslidingwardrobe.co.uk/blog/wardrobes-a-rich-history-of-storage/

 

https://www.architectural-review.com/essays/peek-inside-the-wardrobe-a-new-history

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

Lighthearted is not the right word

Friendly, I guess

Not quite lighthearted

Inadvertent Substance

Lady Marple and the Case of the Inadvertent Substance

Maybe that’ll be tonight’s episode

 

PLUGS

Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Emily Tat Artwork; Rusty Biscuit Links; Crisis Textline; Referral Program

 

SPONSORS

Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Quince; Odoo

 

INTRO

Have we talked about Strubble before?

It’s a combination of the board games Sorry and Trouble

The Parker Brothers – Milton Bradley rivalry

Does anyone know what the Parker brothers even look like?

I went on a very early tangent and now I’m totally lost

Worries of Imperfectionism

The Parker Roll Podcast

The Parker Roll parkour Podcast

I’m here to distract you

Uh oh, I have Scooby Doo Mouth

Does Scooby Doo rue things?

I already forgot what Miss Marple’s case was supposed to be?

Oh right, the inadvertent substance

Someone else relates to what you’re going through right now

And they’re rooting for you

Rambling on about barely anything

A nice feeling about feeling nice about somebody else

You can put sleep timers on pseudo-friends

If you can’t stand me, that’s normal

sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou

We still have a pretty unique approach here, I think

Elevated Background Noise

Your Boreloff

Explaining the show structure

Lady Marple and the Inadvertent Substance is coming up

 

STORY

A Tale Never Told

But she has been here before

I remember listening to the first episode in New Jersey

I had Damon Lindelof on the brain

Audio is tied to place in my brain

Let’s just start fresh

Lady Marple, a very curious lady

Some sort of royalty on some level

Lady Marple and the Case of the Inadvertent Substance

LM is a big fan of gardens

An appreciator of public gardens

She preferred gate-free gardens

She loved to stroll the public gardens, even weather not permitting

Ohhh, she loved to stroll

Strolling a garden, lost in thought

A substance comes across her face

Wet but not water

Liquid-y but not wet

It covered her eyes

Multiple shades of green

She sat down to contemplate this substance

She’s seeing green spots

My takeaway from this story: slow down and take it easy

LM is probably wearing some smart, sensible shoes

What is a loafer exactly?

Gently struck by a substance

A montage flashback sequence

Remembering back to being Lass Marple

This isn’t the first time she’s seen green spots

She could have a conversation with the air if she needed to

Remembering her first green spot time

A young lass named Marple

Lass A Marple

My lost years were between 12 and 39

LA Marple, jetsetter

Maybe she worked in publishing

But this was when she was just a lass

Famous adventures in wardrobes

I’m making an A double rear out of me and Marple

Children’s Wardrobe-Based Fiction (CWBF)

Idealized Wardrobe Fiction (IWF)

Young Marple was curious about wardrobes

A lack of closets = a plethora of wardrobes

She started exploring wardrobes, hoping for adventure

She didn’t have LeVar Burton to guide her towards adventures in books

I’m more of a Lamey Marble

Or a Lazy Marble

So she’d go into wardrobes

Visiting family on a weekend

This was also when she fell in love with gardens

She got back from the garden but still yearned for adventure

How come the forbidden wings are always East or West?

Developing a wardrobe theory practice

How you open the wardrobe is how you can be transported to magical realms

Today, she was checking out speed of entry as a wardrobe variable

Starting fast and working her way down

She went in so fast and got a noggin bumpy poo

And a green scarf fell on her head

And a tight bowler hat fell on her head too!

Plus, she had pollen on her face from the garden

She’s pretty sleuthy

At first she wandered around, unaware of these obstructions

Lass Marple was a born snorer

An acceptance and joy of snoring

Eventually she lied down

All she remembered was going into the wardrobe and seeing green

Looking for adventure

Then she heard some baroque music

Wandering through a green haze

She came to a clearing where there was a party

Two children and an anthropomorphized grey squirrel

Children had translucent wings and pink skirts

A brown tannish beret and a coat

They welcome Lass Marple

Taking turns to dance and laugh

The squirrel told her she has an inadvertent bump

And the spots are pollen

Remember, there’s magic in the world and in between your ears

Lass Marple woke up

Was this real? A dream?

And that’s what Lady Marple thought of as she sat on that bench

Interrupted by an Inadvertent Substance

She looks around for the substance

Holy cow do I love manufactured water features

Walking along a canal

She sees a toy paper boat

A thread and needle are in the boat

This boat was made of fish and chips newspaper

And there’s also…something green!

A mother and child come running down the side of the canal, looking for their boat

Mother-Type Figure (MTF)

The needle and thread is the mother’s

Asking about the boat

Asking them about the green substance

They made the boat after a fish and chips lunch

Old Chip and Fishies down the road

They took this paper out of the bin

The green goop was from the bin

People are surprised to see her at Chip and Fishies

Ordering fish and chips

A regular day but a strange day

A guy came in earlier that was covered in green goop!

Like Nickelodeon slime

Then the postman came in

The gooped person is wearing coveralls

The person’s name was Martine

The gooped person ate fast and headed off

A useful thread to pursue

Martine and coveralls

Looking up Martine in the phonebook

Martin’s Moons, a scientific equipment store

Walking to the shop and ringing the doorbell

She walks around back

A giant contraption, straight out of a lesser Wonka factory

If Wonka were a low-budget steam person

Martine is working on this thing and covered in green goop

Talking to Martine

Asking about inadvertent substances

His name is Martin Moon

Not exactly inadvertent

Don’t worry, it’s all natural

He’s trying to do something for his granddaughter’s Leap Day birthday

Once A Moon, Always A Moon

This Leap Year will be a blue moon!

He wanted to make the moon actually blue for her birthday

The contraption would inadvertently mist the sky and make the moon look blue

He forgot that yellow and blue make green

A blue mist accidentally turned into a green goop

That goop went far and wide

Martin apologizes

Raised on Armoire Fiction

They turn off the contraption to talk more and have some tea

Stay Leaping to Be Ready for Leap Year

Another case closed

All is well in Marple Land

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1370

Title: Lady Marple and the Case of the Inadvertent Substance | Tales Never Told

Plugs: Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Emily Tat Artwork; Rusty Biscuit Links; Crisis Textline; Referral Program

Sponsors: Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Quince; Odoo

Notable Language:

• Strubble
• Worries of Imperfectionism
• Parker / parkour
• Scooby Doo Mouth
• Elevated Background Noise
• Gate-Free Gardens (GFGs)
• Gently struck by a substance
• Lass Marple
• Lass
• Children’s Wardrobe-Based Fiction (CWBF)
• Idealized Wardrobe Fiction (IWF)
• Lamey Marble
• Noggin Bumpy Poo
• Pretty Sleuthy
• Born Snorer
• Manufactured Water Features
• Mother-Type Figure (MTF)
• Old Chip and Fishies
• Covered in Green Goop
• Once A Moon, Always A Moon
• Armoire Fiction
• Stay Leaping to Be Ready for Leap Year

 

Notable Culture:

• • Sorry board game
  • Trouble board game
  • Parker Brothers
  • Milton Bradley
  • The Parker Roll Podcast
  • The Parker Roll parkour Podcast

• Scooby Doo

• • sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou
  • Boris Karloff
  • Miss Marple
  • Agatha Christie
  • Damon Lindelof
  • Lady Marple and the Case of the Inadvertent Substance

• The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe

• Adventures in Babysitting

• The Magic School Bus

• • LeVar Burton

• Reading Rainbow

• Nickelodeon
• Martin’s Moons, a scientific equipment store
• Willy Wonka

 

Notable Talking Points:

• Have we talked about Strubble before?
• It’s a combination of the board games Sorry and Trouble
• The Parker Brothers – Milton Bradley rivalry
• Does anyone know what the Parker brothers even look like?
• I went on a very early tangent and now I’m totally lost
• Worries of Imperfectionism
• The Parker Roll Podcast
• The Parker Roll parkour Podcast
• I’m here to distract you
• Uh oh, I have Scooby Doo Mouth
• Does Scooby Doo rue things?
• I already forgot what Miss Marple’s case was supposed to be?
• Oh right, the inadvertent substance
• Someone else relates to what you’re going through right now
• And they’re rooting for you
• Rambling on about barely anything
• A nice feeling about feeling nice about somebody else
• You can put sleep timers on pseudo-friends
• If you can’t stand me, that’s normal
• sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou
• We still have a pretty unique approach here, I think
• Elevated Background Noise
• Your Boreloff
• Explaining the show structure
• Lady Marple and the Inadvertent Substance is coming up
• A Tale Never Told
• But she has been here before
• I remember listening to the first episode in New Jersey
• I had Damon Lindelof on the brain
• Audio is tied to place in my brain
• Let’s just start fresh
• Lady Marple, a very curious lady
• Some sort of royalty on some level
• Lady Marple and the Case of the Inadvertent Substance
• LM is a big fan of gardens
• An appreciator of public gardens
• She preferred gate-free gardens
• She loved to stroll the public gardens, even weather not permitting
• Ohhh, she loved to stroll
• Strolling a garden, lost in thought
• A substance comes across her face
• Wet but not water
• Liquid-y but not wet
• It covered her eyes
• Multiple shades of green
• She sat down to contemplate this substance
• She’s seeing green spots
• My takeaway from this story: slow down and take it easy
• LM is probably wearing some smart, sensible shoes
• What is a loafer exactly?
• Gently struck by a substance
• A montage flashback sequence
• Remembering back to being Lass Marple
• This isn’t the first time she’s seen green spots
• She could have a conversation with the air if she needed to
• Remembering her first green spot time
• A young lass named Marple
• Lass A Marple
• My lost years were between 12 and 39
• LA Marple, jetsetter
• Maybe she worked in publishing
• But this was when she was just a lass
• Famous adventures in wardrobes
• I’m making an A double rear out of me and Marple
• Children’s Wardrobe-Based Fiction (CWBF)
• Idealized Wardrobe Fiction (IWF)
• Young Marple was curious about wardrobes
• A lack of closets = a plethora of wardrobes
• She started exploring wardrobes, hoping for adventure
• She didn’t have LeVar Burton to guide her towards adventures in books
• I’m more of a Lamey Marble
• Or a Lazy Marble
• So she’d go into wardrobes
• Visiting family on a weekend
• This was also when she fell in love with gardens
• She got back from the garden but still yearned for adventure
• How come the forbidden wings are always East or West?
• Developing a wardrobe theory practice
• How you open the wardrobe is how you can be transported to magical realms
• Today, she was checking out speed of entry as a wardrobe variable
• Starting fast and working her way down
• She went in so fast and got a noggin bumpy poo
• And a green scarf fell on her head
• And a tight bowler hat fell on her head too!
• Plus, she had pollen on her face from the garden
• She’s pretty sleuthy
• At first she wandered around, unaware of these obstructions
• Lass Marple was a born snorer
• An acceptance and joy of snoring
• Eventually she lied down
• All she remembered was going into the wardrobe and seeing green
• Looking for adventure
• Then she heard some baroque music
• Wandering through a green haze
• She came to a clearing where there was a party
• Two children and an anthropomorphized grey squirrel
• Children had translucent wings and pink skirts
• A brown tannish beret and a coat
• They welcome Lass Marple
• Taking turns to dance and laugh
• The squirrel told her she has an inadvertent bump
• And the spots are pollen
• Remember, there’s magic in the world and in between your ears
• Lass Marple woke up
• Was this real? A dream?
• And that’s what Lady Marple thought of as she sat on that bench
• Interrupted by an Inadvertent Substance
• She looks around for the substance
• Holy cow do I love manufactured water features
• Walking along a canal
• She sees a toy paper boat
• A thread and needle are in the boat
• This boat was made of fish and chips newspaper
• And there’s also…something green!
• A mother and child come running down the side of the canal, looking for their boat
• Mother-Type Figure (MTF)
• The needle and thread is the mother’s
• Asking about the boat
• Asking them about the green substance
• They made the boat after a fish and chips lunch
• Old Chip and Fishies down the road
• They took this paper out of the bin
• The green goop was from the bin
• People are surprised to see her at Chip and Fishies
• Ordering fish and chips
• A regular day but a strange day
• A guy came in earlier that was covered in green goop!
• Like Nickelodeon slime
• Then the postman came in
• The gooped person is wearing coveralls
• The person’s name was Martine
• The gooped person ate fast and headed off
• A useful thread to pursue
• Martine and coveralls
• Looking up Martine in the phonebook
• Martin’s Moons, a scientific equipment store
• Walking to the shop and ringing the doorbell
• She walks around back
• A giant contraption, straight out of a lesser Wonka factory
• If Wonka were a low-budget steam person
• Martine is working on this thing and covered in green goop
• Talking to Martine
• Asking about inadvertent substances
• His name is Martin Moon
• Not exactly inadvertent
• Don’t worry, it’s all natural
• He’s trying to do something for his granddaughter’s Leap Day birthday
• Once A Moon, Always A Moon
• This Leap Year will be a blue moon!
• He wanted to make the moon actually blue for her birthday
• The contraption would inadvertently mist the sky and make the moon look blue
• He forgot that yellow and blue make green
• A blue mist accidentally turned into a green goop
• That goop went far and wide
• Martin apologizes
• Raised on Armoire Fiction
• They turn off the contraption to talk more and have some tea
• Stay Leaping to Be Ready for Leap Year
• Another case closed
• All is well in Marple Land