1329 – Refurbished Realms | Get Besos in the Sky PI E4

Episode 1329 – Refurbished Realms | Get Besos in the Sky PI E4

 

[START OF RECORDING]

 

SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who’s coming at you…no, no, no, not coming at you at all. I’m around…and I’m going around and around in circles. Picture me on a tricycle going around and around in circles, talking…well, I guess, no…you say, well, those aren't circles, sir. Those are more…it’s like…it’s not a figure eight you're doing. You're going around and then around another way. It’s not the infinity symbol, either. If the infinity symbol was deflated on one side and then kind of…like a bag of chips…a half-full bag of chips on the other…you say, okay, I’ll take it, because I’m just riding around to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff. Welcome to Sleep With Me. It’s a podcast. It’s a little bit different.

 

It’s…takes some getting used to if you're new. This show isn't for everybody 'cause it is a bit different. It’s off the beaten path. It’s friendly and I hope it can help you out. I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep, to tell you a long, meandering tale that’ll take forever to get started. It’s just like a friend…you know, we all have that…I happen to be that friend. So, when I say we all have that friend, I guess I am using that collo…I don't know if that’s the word. I can't say that word. I don't know if it’s in my vocabulary. It’s in my brain, collo…I can't say it. Almost can say it. Colloquial…I don't know, I can't say it. But when I say it, I am…because I say, we all have a friend like that. But for me, I am that friend.

 

You may have never used that friend in this context, 'cause it’s a hard conversation to have and you can only use…you can only do it on camping trips. You say, could you tell me a story? Are you…can you tell stories in an adequate manner with a beginning, a middle, and an end? Uh-huh. And could you tell a story over like, an hour in a meandering voice? Go ahead, take any tangents you want. Could you do that for me and just…? Or you could just talk about whatever? Could you imagine yourself on a…not a scooter; a tricycle. Did you call it a scooter earlier or a tricycle? I don't know. I forgot. So, that’s what this show is in podcast form, delivered right to your ears, and I’m glad to be there. So, if you're new, just see how it goes. That’s what hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of thousands of people have told me.

 

There’s some people that just like the show…it never works for you, and I still want you to be able to get some sleep. So, check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. But most people that become regular listeners…it just takes a couple tries 'cause this show is very different. So, just see how it goes. I really hope it can help you. So, what we got coming up is…structurally we got support — the show comes out twice a week for free — then a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime, and then tonight will be a bedtime story from our episodically modular series, Big Farm in the Sky, Besos…it’s got…it’s a mash-up series. It’s actually co…not a mash-up. It’s where two characters from two series are help…are trying to help one another, I think.

 

But I’m glad you're here. I really appreciate you coming by if you're new. Regular listeners, how you doing? Fishes…what up, fishes, and all pets? Pets of all shapes and sizes. Pet rocks, don’t think I ever forgot about you. I know I’ve remembered you once, once a decade, but you deserve more. Pet rocks, you deserve better, and I may try to be…I may try to remember you more often. But you know what they say about pet rocks; you never forget, but it all…you're on a different timeline than me. But another thing about pet rocks; don’t forget to pet them or pat them. They love that. I mean, I’m sure I’ll hear from them, but that’ll be down the road, so, I won't have that problem for a while, I hope.

 

Pet rocks, I apologize…whatever I need to do to be on your good side. Anyway, so, a long, meandering…going off topic…so, I’m glad you're here. Regular listeners…oh, that’s what I was saying. New or regular listeners, oh boy, this is a long set-up for the podcast. But I’m glad you're here. I work really hard and we're able to do this because of the people that support the show directly, support our sponsors, spread the word about the podcast, or just have a nice place in your heart for the show and everybody else that’s listening. So, I could not do it without all of you. So, yeah, let’s go to…these are ways we're able to do it for you on a regular basis.

 

INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts on your mind, things you're thinking about, or trying to remember words or saying, man, collo…oh, I almost had it. It’s one of those words I gotta forget I’m pronunciating…pronouncing. Like, slip it by the old…I don't know, wherever it goes from my brain to my mouth. Something happens in-between. Collo…nope, I gotta say it faster than that.

 

I gotta sneak it by myself. Colloquial…oh, I almost said it. Collo…if I skip it, then…but it’s not really the word anymore. But it could be thoughts, could be feelings, anything coming up for you emotionally related to those thoughts, feelings that are just there, it could be physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, routine, you could be going through something, you could be getting over something, in the middle of something, traveling, you could have guests, maybe you work a different shift, maybe you're going through something new or something old, feeling blue, or if you're…if you've ever met me, maybe somebody borrowed something and you're…that’s…you say, when are they gonna give that back to me? I’d say, if I borrowed it, probably best to…just to tell me so I can apologize and make it right.

 

But whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so you could fall asleep, for two reasons. There’s two real pieces of gold that keep the show going, like below everything else that happens, or the sparks, I guess, at the heart of the show. One is whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I think I can relate to how it feels. I know how it feels for me in a variety of different situations when I can't get the sleep I desire and I need and even when I really want it. I know how that feels. I know how it feels to be in a house full of people and not be able to sleep, but…and feel like nobody else gets it, or just to wake up and…I don't know.

 

I know what those feelings are like and a bunch of different other ones, so even if I don't know exactly what you're going through, I can feel something for you and maybe feel something similar. So, I know I want something better for you, but I also know that somewhere in the world right now while you're listening is somebody else that really gets it. There’s enough people that listen to the show…and that’s pretty cool that someone else somewhere on this planet is also holding a space for you because they’ve been there, and then this podcast did help them, and they're winding down right now or getting comfortable. Like, yeah, I’m really glad you're here and I really hope this podcast can help you like it helped me. It is different.

 

It is something I didn’t know to look for or that would help me, 'cause I didn’t know something like this could exist. But yeah, I hope it helps you out. So…and they hope that one day, if you become a regular listener, you get the joyous experience of holding that place for somebody else, a welcoming place at a distance that’s indirect in this way but that’s still pretty cool to be a part of. That’s why we talk about traditions on this show like kissing your shoulders or your biceps or before bed dipping your elbows in milk. They say, what’s the method…? If you were gonna sell a…the Sleep With Me method, what would…? I’d say, well, it starts with dipping…you know…well, thanks, Dean, for asking. Yeah, what we do here around these parts is we dip our elbows in milk.

 

Could be any kind…no, yeah, it doesn't have to be dairy milk. Great question, Dean, though your post…your clean-up’s gonna be different depending on contents to your…you know what they say; don’t judge a person by the contents of their milk or the dip…how they dip…and they say, sorry, sir, did you say you encourage people to dip their elbows in milk and it helps them fall asleep? Oh no, I didn’t say that, Dean. I said…you said, tell me about the Sleep With Me method, and I said what we do is we dip our elbows in milk; saucers of milk, bowls of milk, pools of milk. No longer, Dean, do you have to cry over spilled milk, because you could dip your elbows in it. I mean, it’s not quite a dip. You're more placing your elbow in the milk, in this case, but…sir, are you telling people to do this on a nightly basis?

 

Oh, no, no, no, I’m not telling people to do anything. You just asked me about the Sleep With Me method and I was telling you that that’s part of it. Sir, are you speaking in…? Well, it could be metaphorical, yeah. You don’t have to necessarily…didn’t I say don’t judge a person by the contents of their milk, Dean? Didn’t you understand? I’m kidding, Dean, I’m kidding. I don't even understand what I mean by that. Except I do, and that’s kinda what I mean about dipping your elbows in milk, too. It’s okay if you do, okay if you don’t. But around here, the idea of dipping your elbows in milk is what I’m talking about right now at this moment. When you're dipping your elbows in milk, you can't think about doing anything other than dipping your elbows in milk, and it sets the stage for bedtime, I believe, Dean.

 

Okay. Why don’t you move on with your podcast intro, then? Great idea, Dean. So, yeah, maybe…as a matter of fact, any day you could think about dipping your elbows in milk. You say, oh boy, that’s different, like this sleep podcast. No dipping…well, you could dip them metaphorically. Oh boy, that’s some nice milk. It’s probably best not to actually dip your elbows in milk. Actually, doing it like…pretending it is probably even better. But Dean doesn't need to know that. He’s gotta get his story in, so…the story won't go…it’ll be like, podcaster dips…owes everything to dip…podcaster claims he owes everything to dipping his elbows in milk. Alright, that’d be a pretty…that’d be a headline I could stand behind, and I’d be cracking up behind it if it was a big one, too, especially if it was life-size like in the movies.

 

Then I would…I could run through it, and then we could talk to an expert and say, you know…someone that actually knew something; say, well, could I…is it okay for me to dip my elbows in milk and then give it to a cat if it’s in a saucer, particularly? They would relay the proper answer, 'cause I don't know. I do know that I forgot what I was talking about other than I hope…oh, this podcast becomes a place where you feel comfortable thinking about dipping your elbows in milk or kissing your shoulders, blowing a kiss to your pet…even if you don’t own a pet rock, thinking about sending energy out to pet rocks, petting…you say, okay, I do…I don’t have a pet rock. I won't dip my elbows in milk. Most people, the idea of kissing your shoulders, including me…better conceptually.

 

But I will think about all the pet rocks in the world and all the rocks that haven't been yet adopted. I mean, holy mackerel, right? Think about all those…let’s send out petting energy to those rocks, just like a new listener…we send out welcoming energy. I mean it in the sense…a different sense than is normally used, right? But in the real sense, people feel welcome here, and regular people are sending out a welcome. So, that’s one important thing. I got mixed up in a bunch of meanders. The other thing to know is you deserve a good night's sleep, a bedtime where you could get the rest you need so your life is more manageable, a bedtime you could look forward to or at least feel neutral about. So, I hope that…I hope we can provide that for you.

 

So, what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents. So, that means I’m gonna go off topic, I’m gonna get mixed up…I mean, you've seen it. We’ve been…you've seen a lot of it or heard a lot of it already if you're here. All that’s to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff, 'cause this is a podcast you kinda just barely listen to, kinda like background noise or a out-of-focus picture or a TV on in the other room or streaming something and putting your pillow over it. It’s here to keep you company, to be a presence, a friendly presence that’s there for you that you don’t have to necessarily engage with or think about.

 

When you need it, though, it’s a podcast you could listen to. So, I’m here to distract you and keep you company whether you're listening or not. The other thing is this show isn't here to put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep, which is a bit different. I’ve been doing the show a long time, and pretty early on I learned from the listeners that I’m here to keep you company whether you're awake or asleep. There is no pressure to fall asleep with this show, and so, if you can't sleep at all, I’m here. If you need a break during the day, I’m here, or if you fall asleep right away and you wake up, I’m here, or if you're barely paying attention, I’m here.

 

‘Cause I’m here to be something outside of yourself, to say, hey, come on over here versus whatever’s going on, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, 'cause in the end…or baffling stuff that you don’t know why you're staying awake. So, I’m here to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your neigh-bore, your Borbie, your boreman in charge, your Boris Borlaf, your bore-cuz, bore-sib, bore-cuz, bore-bae, your best bore-friend f’eva. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep, which is different. So, like I said, it does take some getting used to for all of that and of like, wait a second, the guy’s gonna try to introduce this podcast but then he’s gonna go off topic multiple times?

 

Do you expect me to believe that somebody could not be able to pronounce a word and then forget the word and then try to remember it while they're buying time? And then say, colloquial, and he almost got it there. That’s supposed to put people to sleep? Well, it kinda…you gotta listen to it. It doesn't make any sense. It’s always going nowhere. He’s always not making any…he’s always barely making sense. So, give it a few tries. See how it goes. Structurally…I want to explain the structure of the show, 'cause if you're new or you're a regular listener…and we haven't changed the structure of the show in a while, but sometimes people come back after a time.

 

We're lucky enough to have made the show long enough that I’ve had the pleasure of people listening in high school, people listening in college, people listening in grad school, people listening with their partnership, people listening with their first child, people going through these phases of life and on and on and on, including some major phases in my life. It really is an honor. But yeah, sometimes people do that. They listen during one portion and they come back. But structurally…this is the structure of the show, and I kinda explain…this is how most people listen, but that’s only a fifty-one percent, and then a lot of people like to listen a bunch of other ways. But this is the way we can have the most positive impact on the most people, is structuring the show this way and then offering alternatives.

 

So, the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel seen and welcomed in. You say, okay, I could test that podcast out. Then there’s a long…oh no, then there’s support so paying for the podcast is optional. Most people prefer, like I said, this ad-supported version of the show linearly. But if you want something ad-free, you could get that at Sleep With Me+. Then, separate from the support, a show within a show, is the intro, which goes on and on and on, kinda like I was talking about earlier. I’m trying to explain the structure of the podcast and what the podcast is, and every intro is different but familiar. I follow a familiar structure but I go off topic about who knows what or multiple things, as we’ve seen tonight.

 

I don't know, that kinda offers us a chance to kinda spend some time together. Listeners get to know different aspects of me, and it offers us time to wind down, but every time it’s different so that whatever keeps me awake, at least I know it can't quite adjust, right? It’s always got something new so it can't quite…I don't know, say, there goes that bird again or here comes the rain, you know? So, that’s why the intro’s different every time and familiar every time. The reason it’s fifteen to twenty-five minutes long is because it’s meant to give you some time to wind down or get ready for bed or do some chill activity or getting…get in bed and get comfortable.

 

Sure, a couple percentage of people fall asleep during the intro, but the show is designed to ease you into bedtime, and that’s just what works for me personally most of the time and what studies say works, and it’s just nice. We get a little time to kinda hang out and you get to know me. If you're barely listening, you get to know me barely listening, and it’s cool. I don't know. Then after the intro is support, then after that will be our episodically modular series, and all told, we're here over an hour, and I’m really glad you're here.

 

If you're new, just give the show…keep trying the show out and see if it works. I really hope it can help you, and if it doesn't, check out sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou. Find another sleep podcast. I don't know, I appreciate you giving us your time. Myself and a team of people work on this show. We all yearn and strive. We really hope we can help you fall asleep. So, thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple ways we're able to do this for you for free twice a week.

 

Hey everybody, this is Scoots here. This is our episodically modular series with a working title of Big Farm in the Sky Get Besos PI, maybe? I don't know. I don't have a title for this series. It’s a couple of familiar characters, if you're a long-term listener of the show. Otherwise I’ll catch you up, though this one is kinda episodically modular. There is some seriality, so, I’ll explain it. What does episodically modular mean? It means these are stories in a interlinked world, interlinked characters. Not sure what I mean by ‘interlinked’, but it was a word that popped in my head. It may be good. But you can listen to them in any order. This is the force…force? No, the fourth episode we're recording, and…but so, if you listen to the first three, they're kinda prequels, kinda like that movie with the stars, the star-opera movie.

 

This episode will be the Big Farm in the Sky PI, who is a PI who looks around…helps people find stuff or find people or solve problems in the big farm in the sky versus down here on Earth. They have been helping RW and James Cash find Jiff, and Jiff got sent out on a mission. So, I think that’s all we really know. It all takes place in the comforting world beyond ours. I mean, I mean that in the way of like…this one, holy cow, talk about…what do they call that when they redo something? Like a ride; they…no, they re…when they give a ride a makeover at a theme park. Is this…what is this, a one-thousand-lulls pyramid? It is, but usually we would have a celebrity on here. What’s the word for a celebrity who doesn't need a makeover?

 

But every time I see him, because of the way he smiles at me and treats me with kindness and dignity and oozes compassion and empty, I really feel like I’m washed with his essence, and then I get a makeover. But then I always tell him, that’s a little bit noisy. The podcast mic, I think, can hear all that. He laughs and pats me on the shoulder. It’s time for our Hollywood announcer, Mr. Antonio Banderas. Ah, the friends beyond the…I’m glad I have this script in front of me. The friends beyond the binary, the ladies, the gentlemen, the boys and girls, it’s time to get into the big farm in the sky. Whoosh. Yeah. One more take on that, Antonio. Whoosh. Yeah. One more take on that. You're…whoosh. Yeah. Antonio, can you come back here?

 

Your voice is really clicking. Whoosh. Yeah. No, it sounds like you ate pop rocks or something. Can you take…? I hate to do this to you 'cause you're a Hollywood professional. I know we don’t have the rights to have you on camera, so this will only be a behind-the-scenes video, but can you do it one more time? Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for your Big Farm in the Sky PI. Yeah. That’s good, that’s good. Nobody’s perfect. That’s Mr. Antonio Banderas. This is Big Farm in the Sky PI Besos, everybody.

 

Hey, Diane. It’s me. I’m in the most boring place, they say, in the big farm in the sky or whatever the Greater Big Farm in the Sky PI Area is called, Diane. I just talked to G and DK, Diane, because we're trying to figure out something. I mean, I was trying to figure out where to go next. Let me back up, Diane, just in case. So, I have two clients, RW and James, James Cash, and they're here in various regions of the big farm. This is the Greater Big Farm in the Sky Area, Diane, and they need me to find their friend Jiff, who was sent on a mission or a series of missions to find beings or characters in the big farm, but they don’t…RW came up with a list but then gave it to Jiff and doesn't have a copy of the list and also says, buddy, buddy, buddy, you don’t need…I got the list right here. I say, well, could you give me a list of the…?

 

I’d like to look into where he’s been and where he’s going. Can you give me the next stop? He said, I thought you were the…buddy, buddy, I thought you were…I don’t do a imitation of him, Diane. I thought you were the Big Farm in the Sky PI. Sorry, Diane, I mixed up my imitations there. But not very useful as a client, which I’m kinda used to. You know, when people hire me, they're not at their best, and we kinda got split up on the last part. We did track down Javert, and that didn’t bring us any…that much closer to Jiff. I got another question, Diane, that I don't have an answer to, but I want you to think about it. Also, I know G and DK listen to these. Hey, G and DK. Thanks for the help.

 

I don't know if Jiff is an earthbound being that’s no longer earthbound or a resident of the Big Farm in the Sky PI, and I’ve been trying to trace back the adventures of Richard Warren and James Cash, and I can't get to the bottom of it. My sense is that either Richard Warren…he initially wanted to bring Jiff to the big farm in the sky, but in not the most positive region of it from Earth. But I’m not sure he’s ever successful in that without…he may have brought him from Earth directly there without the normal transfers, if you catch my drift, Diane, but I don't know. But it’s just something I’ve been thinking about as I try to find him, 'cause he does seem to be going…I don't know. He seems to be in contact with Earth. I mean, I am with G and DK, so, you could say…but I can't…I don't have the same access to Earth.

 

I’d love to go back, have a milkshake, hold G and DK’s hands, walk, look at stuff, maybe feed the ducks or something like that. Anyway, I guess…Diane, I guess I’m distracted here because…well, we just figured out where we're…well, yeah, I’m distracted because I’m about to cross another threshold. But how did I get to this threshold…is with the help of G and DK. So, we're here in what they would call the boring realm, purgatory, other…it gets called a bunch of terms. But it’s…I was in Richard Warren’s room, RW, because we couldn't figure out…well, if he had…G and DK were like, why don’t you look at his room and see if there’s any clues there? I said, well, I don't really have permission to do that. They said, well…but you don’t have…you're not in contact with him.

 

He wants you…if his door’s locked, we’ll deal with it. His door was open, so…and I did knock. I said, Richard Warren? I knew he wasn’t gonna be there, probably, Diane. Also, there is…because it’s the boring realm…apparently Richard Warren Sears had some level of privacy, but then he forgot to close his door and lock it. But you don’t have any expectation of privacy. I mean, respectful privacy, but not total…you know what I mean? Where you say, this is my stuff. I guess you know what I mean, Diane. My understanding of where they were supposed to be is that they wouldn't have access to art materials, drawing materials, or writing materials. But Richard Warren Sears seems to have all of that. So, we got to his room, we started looking around his room for clues, and first I went through stuff.

 

So, here’s what I found that led us where we need to go. Where do I start? Well, first impressions, whatever…there’s not a lot of stuff in the room, 'cause you're not supposed to have anything. On the walls, though, were some crayon drawings and writings that I thought were from a child. I said, okay, so, you can get…a kid can send you a drawing? But as we worked our way through that, we realized that they were Richard Warren Sears’ and James…I mean, Richard Warren Sears’ pictures. Some were of him and James Cash Penney. One was…but the one that caught our attention, Diane, was an empty chair, and it said, Jiff, and pointing…Jiff was crying under the empty chair, and then a poem called The Empty Chair. That was what made G and DK say, that’s gotta be him.

 

What is he using for…what is he drawing on? Oh, okay. So, we also found a collection of hotel pens and pads. So, that’s…so, then I said, but if he wrote everything in crayon…so, alls we knew is the empty chair, Jiff crying, and a lot of stuff of RW being a very heroic character and brilliant. But then we realized — G and DK did, Diane — that…they said, use the old…I thought you were a PI. Haven't you ever watched any shows about PIs? Get a pencil and do the pencil thing where you can look at what they last wrote on the pad. Now, luckily…we only got lucky for one reason, Diane; he has a lot of hotel pads. I don't know if he stayed at a lot of hotels, but the Earth hotels…I don't know. Free giveaways from the rooms, you know?

 

So, at first…the first couple pads we tried, there was a lot of stuff on there because he was writing very hard. Most of it was about this chair…empty chair thing and Jiff, poems about Jiff, and some about James Cash Penney, odes to himself. I mean, odes to himself, Diane. Richard Warren Sears, a study in leader…something like that. Okay, Diane, but then we came up with some clues here. The chair thing G and DK said was related to Jiff and RW. But at first, the only thing we could find…I mean, there was a lot of stuff…what does this mean? Is this an ode? But then we found…because, again, it’s not like in the movies, Diane. There’s a lot of words. So, we did find something with Javert on there, right? Or, it wasn’t spelled correctly, but I was like, I think that could be considered Javert or whatever he may have called it at the time.

 

There’s also…it wasn’t…didn’t say Jean Valjean frowny face, but…so, the only other thing I can make out on that list, I thought, was Yo-Yo Ma, the famous cellist, Diane, who I…I don't know if they're earthbound or not. But I said, no, no, no, not Yo-Yo Ma. That didn’t really fit because Yo-Yo Ma…unless RW didn’t like cellos or something…Yo-Yo Ma is not practicing…isn't in pursuit of futility, right, similar to Javert where it also is like…causes self-perpetuation of non-positivity. Yo-Yo Ma seems to play the cello, make…get something out of playing the cello, and give something to others playing the cello. So, probably not Yo-Yo Ma. But we said, okay, it looks like Yo-Yo Ma, very similar to…those other words look like Javert and Jean Valjean. Then again, G and DK, they like Phish. They said, Ya Mar?

 

I said, I’m sorry, what? They said, never mind. Just another Phish song. Yama…instead of Yo-Yo Ma, something ya…maybe that’s a scribble. Yama, yaman, yes, mom…I mean, stuff like jokes. We said, well, that could be RW. Maybe RW’s making jokes about Jiff or whatever. So, G and DK are trying to figure this out, right? Then I’m trying to figure out…they said, okay, go back to the pictures. See if there’s anything in the poems that are posted, and we’ll…they're working. They're working the angles, Diane, on the collective knowledge base or whatever you want to call it on Earth. So, then we find one of the poems. Let me see, I wrote…there was words that all rhymed; ties you wear, telling not-truths, lies, when you're teary, cries, when you have a dream and it doesn't work out, it rhymes with that.

 

Your dream does not…this was all about Jiff, and it was close to…I was like, oh, maybe this is why Jiff is crying under the chair. Then it’s…there was this bridge that Jiff was going over. It didn’t look like that, Diane. Again, I only know this now in post…now that we know. I mean, it looked like a…I don't know, some sort of ant was on a wavy piece of string. But it turns out that was a bridge 'cause that was in the poem. I couldn't make out those words, either, but it was Bridge of Sighs. So, then searching Bridge of Sighs brought up Yama Kings, and this…oh, then we didn’t get any more than that because then they were asked to…they were in the library and they were yelling that, so they were asked to leave. But that’s…once I had that, I had enough to go on. I asked around. We knew these two things were connected.

 

Yeah, the Bridge of Sighs leads to the Yama Kings. This is…again, Diane, only if…for the people…like, Javert can be real…maybe it was 'cause RW believed in Javert, but this could be real, too. This is a much bigger base of people of the world. So, I had…I’m headed to…I’m standing on the edge of the Bridge of Sighs, and I gotta cross the bridge. Now, normally this is like a threshold for people that are new, but there’s…unfortunately for me, Diane, there’s nobody to check in with the bridge itself…is the gatekeeper. So, I gotta cross the bridge and get to the other side, and it’s very misty. So, yeah, I’m going across now. It’s very mysterious. Okay, now I’m kinda getting a sense, Diane…I guess I’ll just keep talking to you to stay grounded.

 

Some of my past work up here is…I can see it in the mist, some of the ups and downs, and…hey…oh, let me…there’s a couple people I can see that are real. Yeah, don't worry, you’re gonna make it. Just focus. Look at the horizon. Don’t look at the…sorry, Diane, I was just talking to the person…yeah, there you go. The bridge is different for each person crossing it, Diane, and a different level of balance needed. Hey…okay, no, you could try crawling. You don’t have to…no signs there say you have to walk across the bridge. Yeah, just take a rest. I don't think I can help you other than to tell you, you could do it. Take a rest, then crawl the rest of the way. That’s fine. Okay, Diane, I’m here at the other side of the bridge, and there’s supposed to be this intake place, but there’s a lot of commotion. So, Diane, I’ll be right back.

 

Okay, Diane, it’s me. It’s been a little bit since I recorded. Sorry I didn’t get right back to you, but I did check in with G and DK directly. Luckily I was able…a lot better than 5G up here, the service I get. But so, where was I? Okay, so, we got across the bridge, right, Diane? Now, originally, when you get across this bridge, my understanding…and again, it’s a limited understanding, Diane. Just trying to learn the best I can through G and DK and talking to people. But some people would believe that they're supposed to check in with this mirror, right? Oh boy, this place…by the way, the bridge…once you cross over, you could see it. It’s beautiful. Holy cow. You come into this great…I would call it a palace or a temple, but it’s not. But it feels like it, and there’s supposed to be this giant mirror in there.

 

Also, the way the mirror was designed, Diane, is pretty cool. It’s…somehow, when you looked…now, the mirror’s not here, spoiler, but when you looked into it, hundreds and hundreds of thousands of people could be looking at the same time 'cause it’s a curved, circular mirror. But it’s…was designed in a way that’s also…it would give you a straight…well, originally, it would give you a reflection, and very similar to the bridge, you would look in the mirror…and this kinda makes sense, Diane; it would run you through your life again in a very direct way, and with lots of details. Remember the Brooks movie, right, Diane? Kinda not that different than that. Then it would kinda put stuff in perspective; okay, this is what I did. Now my next stage is how am I gonna make it right?

 

Now, this, again, was very similar to RW’s view of a non-positive…making it right through a non-positive experience. So, then you would go to the next…you would go through and talk to the different authority figures. All of them are gone, Diane. It says they're at a company retreat. So, this mirror’s gone, but it’s been replaced. All the kings, the Yama Kings, as the parlance that I’ve been told, Diane, they're gone. Okay, in their place and in the place of the mirror…so, normally you’d proceed, look in the mirror, you’d get a sense of what you didn’t…what you need to make amends for, and then you would go and talk to the different authorities, and they’d say, okay, well, this…no, that’s kind of…that’s not my area. Go talk to the…you know.

 

Then you’d get your…what you're supposed to do, which was non…it wouldn't be pleasant, I guess is what I’m saying, Diane. So, okay, so, then in their place are all these tablets. But instead…the mirror was called the Mirror of…let me see if I could put this in a way that won't impact you, Diane. Retro-bu-shon. Retro, bu, and shon would be…that was the original name of the mirror, Diane. But now they have these tablets, which are like the tablets G and DK have, though these ones seem to be made of plastic, Diane. They don’t fit in up here. They're called the Tablets of Service. So, when you get here now, it’s a little bit…it’s a new system. They said, we're…this is…we're beta testing or something. Go to the tablet. I said, oh, no, no, I’m not new. I’m…I show them I’m Big Farm in the Sky PI. I’m here to help somebody.

 

I’m actually helping somebody helping somebody. Right now, they say, okay, fine. You're an authority figure? Go ahead. Do what you need. But yeah, you go to these Tablets of Service; that’s what it’s called. I didn’t even look, 'cause I had a couple other steps on my thing from other stuff I didn’t cover when we were in Jiff’s room once I…once we started rolling. Jiff was a big…interested…or, not Jiff, I’m sorry; RW was really interested in this place. So, the next stop of this place called…I said, okay, well, if Jiff’s not here…anybody seen him? I don't know. Oh wait…I said, somebody that doesn't fit in. They said, like you? I said, yeah, like me, but maybe even less so. They said, like an…carrying themselves with an air of authority? I said, maybe. They said, yeah, there’s somebody that came through.

 

Okay, so, our next stop was a place called Mountain of Cutlery, and, again, this was new stuff I was learning through G and DK. So, this is like third or fourth-hand knowledge, Diane. But apparently if you got assigned to this zone, you would just constantly be climbing up this Mountain of Cutlery, Diane, for a long time. They said…so, I was heading there. I was like, oh boy, I don't even know if I want to go. But then…and then I start hearing all this clanking and clinking and clanking, and then cheering and announcing; number 42…you know, like that, Diane, if you ever heard an announcer at a distance, and then more cheering and then more clanking. Then I saw these big signs and I said, they have fancy signs down here? Again, they're in…universal, so anybody could…it was for everybody to understand.

 

But it was flatware, fun, and find. I said, flatware, fun, and find. I said, okay, cutlery, flatware, same type of thing. I just took a different take to these ones 'cause people were like, hey, are you here…are you assigned to be here? I said, no, no, I’m an inspector. They said, are you here to…inspect what? I said, everything, but I got lost. I said, what’s going on here? They said, well, what are you inspecting? I was like, here, I thought…I’ve been…I was supposed to be here a couple…a while ago, but I was supposed to inspect the sharpness of everything. They said, oh boy, yeah, you’ve been lost a long time, because things changed around here. I said, well, what do you mean they changed around here? They said, well, it’s good news.

 

Well, not good news for you because your job…but they said, good news for everybody that used to climb this thing. I said, what do you mean? They said, well, we don’t need anything sharp anymore, or any sharpening is gonna occur in a different area. I said, oh, okay. They said, this is a mountain. See all that coming down? That’s flatware, and it just gets piled in a mountain of flatware, and then you climb it and you collect…you get assigned which piece of flatware you're supposed to collect. It’s a big contest for everybody assigned here. A whole lot of fun. It’s a new set of priorities. Basically, everybody’s supposed to organize flatware, and then it gets…once it gets…into different packaging and then it gets shipped off somewhere.

 

Everybody’s…everybody that was here or just got assigned here or knew what they got assigned to is like…feels like total liberation, you know? I say, okay. They said, yeah, so, I guess you're…if you're inspecting the sharpness, you're gonna have to…maybe you're just supposed to be in another area? I said, well, actually, I’m also supposed to check oil temperature next. I was like, can you point me in the right direction for that? They said, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you’ll be able to find that no problem. Surprised you even got lost. Oh, but you had to come here first. They said, yeah, you head down that tunnel down there, and you'll be able to smell it and taste it first. Then you'll come to a big opening. Slow down at the opening. There is a railing, but then it’s all the way down at the bottom.

 

Very cool to look at, but it takes forever to get out of your clothes, even here. So, then, Diane, I headed down that hallway and I started to smell oil, hot…at first I said…you could feel it in the air first, the air temperature, but a oily humidity, and then I heard…well, then I smelled it, Diane, but it smelled good. I was expecting it to smell not good, like oil. But it smelled like good things being cooked in oil…it did. It was in my…still in my nose now, Diane, thinking about it. Then I started to hear two sounds; first, a humming, like an industrial humming. Like, not an industrial humming, but some sort of industrial noise, and then the sound of stuff cooking.

 

Then I got to this edge, this opening, Diane, and it was this giant…inside the rock, a giant silo, almost, or a hole in…circular hole in the rock, a column, and way, way up above me was these giant fans pulling the air upward. That was one of the noises. I guess you call it a giant shaft of…in the rock. Then down at the bottom, pretty far down, was pools of oil, which I was expecting as part of this thing. So, then I followed the path down and…but I also started to notice — 'cause the path was kinda open for view as I went down — everything seemed really new. The fan…the industrial fans, and there was other construction going on and construction noises and more chaos. I said, hey, what are you here to do? They said, okay, don’t tell them the oil temperature, 'cause then they're gonna ask you to take the oil temperature.

 

I said, well, I’m…I go, I guess I’m lost. I’m here to…they said, what, are you an inspector? I said, yeah, I was here…I was supposed to inspect this…I said, the oil smells a lot different. They said, oh, you're the oil smell inspector. They said, that’s good. I said…does our smell get the seal of approval? I said, this is the easiest inspection I’ve ever…of oil-smelling I’ve ever done in my life. Your oil smells spectacular. I said, what you’re cooking in the oil, I mean. They said, yeah, of course. But they said, yeah, we’ve really put a lot into this since the changes. Everybody’s really excited. They said, so, we're doing test batches of different…apparently people on Earth call them snacks and treats. But we're doing test batches.

 

We’ve got…we're still getting some of the equipment installed and some of the baskets and then retraining everybody. I said, well, where is everybody? They said, in the degreasing spa. I said, degreasing spa? They said, yeah, now that people don’t just have to sit around all day in the oil…you're working…you get to go and degrease. It’s really nice. They got aroma therapy there. I said, well, this is my aroma therapy. I inspect oil smells as a passion and a job. They said, well you're doing a great job. I said, clearly you are, too. They said, yeah, we got the packaging areas ready. I said, okay, great. They said, what are you checking next? I said, well…I go, there’s supposed to be…is one of the package areas a cold storage area, too? They said, yeah. I said, I’m really bad at directions. Can you give me directions?

 

They said, well, we just turned on this conveyor belt to it, so hop on, and you could just ride the conveyor belt there. So, I hopped on this conveyor belt, Diane. Again, I said, this is not…something’s going on here. But again, this isn't my post-earthly existence. So, I ride this conveyor belt, and I’ll tell you, Diane, I felt like a child in a good way again. It was fun. Eventually I got off at this area where I got to slide down a slide into a bin, but all the people saw me coming and they said, who are you? I said, I’m the…I’m here to check up on things. I’m checking up on your progress. They said, well, we're doing great here. You want any boots and mittens? They had scarves and parkas. So, this used to be called the Frozen Realm, Diane.

 

They said, so, yeah, we're working on the signage 'cause it used to be the Frozen Realm, but now we're gonna have the Freeze-Dried Realm. We're sticking with ‘realms’; Flash-Frozen Realm, Dry Realm, Cold Storage Realm. They said, we're still figuring out some of the naming conventions. I said, oh, interesting stuff. Interesting, interesting. I said, so…I said, the boss been through here? They said, the big boss? Then they just laughed. I said, I didn’t realize…and they said, yeah, that’s…we just laugh…and I said, okay. I say, yeah, but the one in charge of the refurbishment…they said, oh, the refurbishment guy, yeah, yeah, he’s…he was here, then he went to…over to Iron Trees. I said, oh, okay. Well, how do I get there? They said, oh, yeah, you want to take another…they said, you want to take a pneumatic tube there?

 

They said, no, no, you can't. I said, well, yeah, I’m no longer Earth…they said, yeah, I guess you could. So, I got…I took a pneumatic tube to this new…this next place, Diane. Now, this place is called the Iron Trees, and it was, again, a place where you have to climb, apparently, in the past. But I get there and, again, it’s spectacular to view, Diane, iron trees thousands and thousands of feet high. Now, what I didn’t know is that…well, anyway, I don't want to explain it because it’s kinda hard to explain, but when you get there…this one was already fully functioning. This was for paperwork, Diane. It used to be trees you’d have to climb. Now it’s snowing paper. Apparently I guess this realm…they use paper, or now they started. Each tree…there’s some sort of system. I couldn't follow it, Diane, but it snows.

 

The paper…new paper comes in through the top. The pneumatic tubes is for inner-office memos or inner-realm memos. Or intra? I don't know. Is it ‘inner’, ‘inter’, or ‘intra’, Diane? Then people on…kinda like…I don't know, things like a zipline, but more fun. Or some people had wings. Apparently, I guess you could work it out. They're having a lot of fun, Diane. They grab the paper, they look at it…I think it’s orders or something? I don't…I said, orders for here? But everybody’s busy. They said, come on. Then they grab it and they put it on one thing. Apparently they're gonna paint the trees. Right now they're just doing practice runs. So, it’s a way of keeping track of orders, I guess. I don't know. But everybody seems very happy. It seems fun. They asked me if I want to do any of it. I said, nah.

 

I said, I gotta find…I’m checking…I’m just checking up on the progress for the refurbishment and the company retreat, and I’m late for it. They said, you're late for the company retreat? So was your supervisor. I said, yeah, so, what am I gonna do? They said, well, you could…you gotta go through the lightless places, but there’s a shortcut. I said, the place with no light at all? They said, yeah. But they said, as long as you keep your right hand on the wall…like, you're just gonna go in, you're gonna keep your right hand on the wall. You're gonna keep your right hand on the wall, and at some point you're gonna feel the wall go to the right, and then as you go to the right, keep your hand on that wall, then keep your hand out to the left and the right at the same time.

 

You'll find yourself in a passage, and if you can touch both walls at the same time, just keep going straight, and eventually you'll see the light and you'll be outta there. That’s the shortcut. So, that’s where I’m headed, Diane. I’ll be right back. Okay, hey, Diane, it’s me again. Did you miss me? Haha, Diane. So, little things happened with the shortcut and maybe even my way of viewing things, Diane. So, apparently the shortcut…they didn’t repurpose it, maybe? Maybe they're doing something…I couldn't see anything 'cause it’s totally dark, but I was going there, right? My hand was on the wall. Keep your hand on the wall. They said, don’t…don’t do anything, you know? Stay to the right. Keep your hand on the wall ‘til it goes right, then reach out your left hand.

 

So, I’m go…I’m shuffling along, Diane, and then I hear…'cause there’s other people in this realm, right, and I say…hear somebody. They say, hey, is somebody over there? I said, yeah, I’m over here. They said, you think you could…you want to hold one another or whatever? I said, well, I’m trying to get outta here. There’s a shortcut. I guess you're not supposed to reveal this stuff, but whatever. They said, oh, I’d like to get outta here, too. I said, yeah, I bet. I said, they haven't refurbished this area? They said, no refurbishments I know of. I said, well, can't you come to my voice? They said, I’m trying, but every time…it’s hard because there’s a echo. They said, can you come to my voice? I said, yeah, but I’d have to…and I said, why don’t you keep trying to come to my voice and I’ll try…I’m trying to keep my hand on the wall.

 

They said, oh, so you could find your way? I said, yeah. They said, yeah, 'cause once you…then I said, okay, let me try it with my…I’ll just really reach out. We kept trying to get closer to each other. I don't know, sound travels weird, Diane. But eventually I was like, you know what? I’m close enough to them. They sounded nice. I’ll just let go of the wall. I’ll find them and I’ll just remember to go to the right. I did try to just walk sideways. But two things, Diane; I couldn't find my way back, and two, I was going on a big assumption that everybody was post-earthly humans up here. This person was…is not human. This was my…I mean, other than…I don't know why I have to relearn this stuff so many times, Diane. As far as I’ve traveled, I have to keep relearning this stuff. But this person was a sentient ooze.

 

Their name was Chuchu, Chuchu the sentient ooze. I said…I mean, obviously I was surprised at their gelatinous form. They said, don't worry, I could take…I can anthropomorphize for your comfort. I said, I didn’t realize any sentient oozes…I said, well…once we got over the small talk, like, what? What are you? Oh, I’m a sentient ooze. Or, that’s the best way I can explain it to you. Oh, I didn’t know any sentient oozes were here. They said, no, I’m not from here. I got lost. Came through a crack in the wall from another realm where I was supposed to be. I said, where were you? They said, it was not good because I’m a sentient ooze, right? I was in a tanning room. That’s the closest thing I know. You're a human. I watched a lot of human stuff before. I said, like a tanning room with a big…?

 

They said, yeah, huge, a huge fake light…dry me out. Then they’d let me get remoistened, then they’d dry me out again. I couldn't help myself, Diane. I said, why? What did you…? They said, oh, well, I’m from the Linty Dusty Realm. I said, there’s a Linty Dusty Realm? They said, yeah, it’s a realm…I guess in that…yeah, in that realm I’m a non-positive being. It’s inhabited by linty dusties. I said, how little do I know, Diane? They said, unfortunately, sentient oozes, we mostly consume lint and dust and water like every other…most beings. So, in that realm, even though it was what I naturally consume, I wasn’t viewed very positively, right? Also, at some point, Diane, the sentient ooze did ask my permission, but they said, do you think I could cover my…you and myself…just pick…I’m a little hungry.

 

So, they said, don't worry, I’ll just absorb some of your surface water and all the dust and lint on you. Then also, they said, do you…? Also, I don’t have…right now I’m without body hair, Diane. I know on Earth you might think you might not have these things, but I did, up until this point, have body hair, but now I don't, Diane. So, Chuchu…and that was also, I don't know, quite the experience. It tickled, for sure, being covered in a sentient ooze. I don't know, so, we got to know one another, but we couldn't find our way back to the wall, and we didn’t want to over…I didn’t want to go too far. But the other thing, Diane, is…this is interesting to me to learn because Chuchu…of where RW’s coming from. ‘Cause now I wanted to help Chuchu. I wanted to find the thing.

 

But then I was like, well, if I find the way out, Chuchu…what is Chuchu gonna do? Then I got an idea. I said, okay, Chuchu…'cause also, we couldn't find the wall. Chuchu had been in there a long time and I didn’t have any way…no light to work…it’s like magical non-light. So, I said, wait a second, lint and dust…oil collects lint and dust. I said, Chuchu, do you have a sense…? If I told you there’s someplace not far away from here where there’s lint and dust, do you think you could steel yourself and find it? Chuchu said, yeah, let’s try. So, Chuchu kinda…we got into a mode and I was trying to smell the oil. Then we…eventually, with a little listening…'cause it was like, I didn’t go that far. Eventually we found our way back to the entrance, and then we found our way back to the oil, right, Diane?

 

Then I said to the people there, I said, hey, I want you to meet Chuchu. They said, oh, did you get to the…? I said, no, I forgot. Chuchu is here…a new part of the team. ‘Cause they said, what’s one of the first rules about keeping your oil smelling good? They said, keeping it clean. I said, exactly. I said, Chuchu here has one of the most unique skills you're ever gonna meet. A lot of people came over. They said, sentient ooze? Holy cow. Can you go on the…? They were very impressed. But I said, any time you have standing oil, Chuchu can take care of the lint and dust and even that stuff…that clumpy, gooey, sticky stuff. Right, Chuchu? Chuchu said, no problem. So, I helped Chuchu, then I went back and I took the shortcut, Diane, and then I came out the other side. I mean, that’s it for now.

 

I guess I’m gonna go back to Sticks and meet up…see if I can find my clients. Oh, because this exit just came out…this shortcut was just a exit to the…how do I explain it, Diane? The intersections of all places. So, I don't know where Jiff went from here. So, I said, okay, well, we're gonna have to find out some more from RW if his brain records everything, like he said. But for now, Diane, I’m gonna rest. I hope you're gonna rest, too. Imagine our favorite sentient ooze. I don't know, Diane, what color would…? If you could pick a sentient ooze to have as a friend, what color would it be? Is it translucent or not? Are you able to put your head on it like a pillow and feel it warm and tickling but not too much 'cause you're getting ready to rest? Me too. Goodnight, Diane.

 

[END OF RECORDING]

(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)

Get Besos / Big Farm in the Sky PI

 

Milk Baths

https://www.emotion-master.eu/2023/12/22/the-science-behind-cleopatras-milk-baths/

https://www.personal-care.basf.com/core-competencies/all-about-skin/trends-research/the-famous-donkey-milk-baths

https://www.naturanecosmetics.com/en/content/26-faits-historiques

 

Weird Hotel Merch

https://fortune.com/europe/2024/08/31/luxury-hotel-swag-has-become-the-sudden-hottest-fashion-flex-across-europe/

https://www.vogue.com/article/hotel-merch

https://www.businesspost.ie/irish-tatler/how-hotel-branded-merch-became-the-new-luxury-status-symbol/

 

Yo-Yo Ma

https://www.classicfm.com/artists/yo-yo-ma/cellist-biography-family-recordings/

https://stringsmagazine.com/yo-yo-mas-magic-cello-ride/

https://www.pbs.org/wnet/facesofamerica/profiles/yo-yo-ma/7/

 

Dante’s Inferno

https://www.nga.gov/press/exhibitions/exhibitions-2023/5726.html

https://dornsife.usc.edu/news/stories/dante-devine-comedy-still-relevant/

https://www.futurity.org/dante-divine-comedy-hell-1299902-2/

 

DOWN TO BUSINESS

I’m not coming at you at all

I’m just a tricycle running around in circles

Like a deflated infinity symbol

I happen to be that colloquial friend

A crossover mashup kind of thing

What up fishes

I’d never forget about pet rocks

 

PLUGS

Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline

 

SPONSORS

Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Anker Soundcore; Dave’s Killer Bread; Acorns; Apple Card

 

INTRO

Forgetting words I’m pronouncing

I can’t say “colloquially”

Going through something new or something old; feeling blue, or maybe somebody borrowed something

Two pieces of gold keep the show going

Someone else listening is holding space for you

Selling the Sleep With Me Method

Step One: Dip Your Elbows in Milk

Don’t judge the person by the contents of their milk

Podcaster Claims He Owes Everything to Dipping His Elbows In Milk

Running through a life-size newspaper with that headline

Can you feed elbow-dipped milk to a cat?

Sending positive energy to Pet Rocks

Think of all the rocks who haven’t been adopted yet

A friendly presence to keep you company

Your boreman in charge

You expect me to believe you are really forgetting these words?

Always Barely Making Sense

I’ve had the pleasure of people who listen, stop, and then return

Always adjusting the intro

Explaining the structure of the show

Thanks for stopping by

 

STORY

I’m not sure what this series will be called yet

Interlinked Characters, I guess

This is a prequel episode, like that Star Movie

A PI is helping RW and JC find Jif

The comforting world beyond ours

1,000 Lulls Pyramid

Like a refurbished theme park ride

Introducing Antonio

Antonio’s intro

One more take, Antonio

Antonio, did you eat pop rocks before this?

Nobody’s perfect, Antonio

PI introduces themself

In the most boring place there is, Diane

Explaining the mission I’ve been assigned

Thanks for listening G and DK

I don’t know where to find Jif

Is he already a resident or is he still an Earth resident

Trying to suss out RW’s obsession with Jif

How did I get to this threshold?

The boring realm / purgatory

Looking for clues in RW’s room

RW’s room was unlocked, btw

First impressions of the room

On the walls are crayon drawings that appear to be from a child

No, they are RW’s pictures

An empty chair

A poem about an empty chair

A collection of hotel pens and pads

RW is a hero in a lot of these images

Do the pencil thing to figure out what they last wrote on the pad

RW has a lot of pads

Free Hotel Giveaways

Odes to Himself, Diane, I swear

We did find something with Javert

Why is Yo-Yo Ma on this pad?

Self-Perpetuation of Non-Positivity

It looks like Yo Yo Ma, but it’s something else

G and DK make a Phish reference

Maybe RW is just joking about Jif?

G and DK are working away on this

One poem had rhyming words

Ties, Lies, Cries, etc

A bridge that Jif was going over

Like an ant on a wavy piece of string

The Bridge of Sighs

The Ya Ma Kings

Now I’m standing on the Bridge of Sighs

I unfortunately can’t check in with the bridge itself

Crossing the bridge

Reassuring someone I run into on the bridge

You can crawl across if you like

Holy cow, that’s a beautiful bridge

There’s a giant mirror in this temple palace here

A curved, circular mirror that gives a flat reflection

Looking through your life

The mirror is gone

And all the Yama Kings (authority figures) are also gone

The Mirror of Retro, Bue, and Shawn

It’s been replaced by the Tablets of Service

No one has seen Jif here

Well, someone did come through

RW was really interested in this next place

The Mountain of Cutlery

Constantly climbing up this mountain of cutlery

Announcing, cheering, and clanking

Flatware, Fun, and Find

This is now a mountain of flatware and you collect flatware pieces

A New Set of Priorities

Masquerading as an Inspector

Heading to the oil

It smelled like good things being cooked in oil

Industrial Humming

A giant shaft in the rock

Pools of oil at the bottom, which I was expecting

A ton of construction – this all seems new

Still masquerading as an Inspector

Doing test batches of snacks and treats

Everyone’s in the Degreasing Spa

Riding the conveyor belt to the cold storage area

What’s going on here, Diane?

Sliding down into a bin

This used to be the Frozen Realm

Now it’s the Cold Storage Realm

Where did the guy in charge of all this refurbishment go?

He’s in the land of the Iron Trees

Taking a pneumatic tube to the Land of Iron Trees

It used to be trees you had to climb

But now it snows paper from the top

Inter vs Intra

But I guess they’re then gonna paint the trees and manage correspondence somehow

Hot on the trail of Jif

You gotta take a shortcut through the place with No Light At All

Just keep your hand to the right on the wall

Taking the shortcut

I guess the shortcut wasn’t repurposed

I heard someone

The dark area hasn’t been refurbished yet

Trying to get closer to each other

They sound nice

But this person wasn’t human

Choo Choo, the Sentient Ooze

Surprised by their gelatinous form

Choo Choo was in a huge tanning room to be dried out

From the Linty, Dusty Realm

I know so little

Sentient Ooze consumes lint and dust, so they were not viewed positively

I let Choo Choo feed on my body hair for a while

We couldn’t find our way back to the wall

And now I want to help Choo Choo

Oil collects lint and dust…

I followed the scent of oil back to the entrance and the oil land

Choo Choo becomes part of the oil team

He’ll help them clean the oil to keep it clean

Everyone’s impressed by this sentient ooze

Then I went back and took the shortcut and came out the other side

Back to Styx and my clients

Let’s find out more from RW

I’ll rest in the meantime

What color would your sentient ooze friend be?

 

SUMMARY:

Episode: 1329

Title: Refurbished Realms | Get Besos in the Sky PI E4

Plugs: Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Story Only Feed; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; Crisis Textline

Sponsors: Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Anker Soundcore; Dave’s Killer Bread; Acorns; Apple Card

Notable Language:

• Colloquial
• The Sleep With Me Method
• Your boreman in charge
• Always Barely Making Sense
• Interlinked
• The Boring Realm
• Free Hotel Giveaways
• The Bridge of Sighs
• A curved, circular mirror
• The Mirror of Retro, Bue, and Shawn
• Tablets of Service
• The Mountain of Cutlery
• Industrial Humming
• Degreasing Spa
• Realm
• Choo Choo, the Sentient Ooze
• The Linty, Dusty Realm

 

Notable Culture:

• • Boris Karloff

• Get Besos

• Big Farm in the Sky PI

• Star Wars

• $1,000 Pyramid

• Antonio Banderas
• Pop Rocks
• Yo Yo Ma
• Phish
• Albert Brooks – Defending Your Life

 

Notable Talking Points:

• Forgetting words I’m pronouncing
• I can’t say “colloquially”
• Going through something new or something old; feeling blue, or maybe somebody borrowed something
• Two pieces of gold keep the show going
• Someone else listening is holding space for you
• Selling the Sleep With Me Method
• Step One: Dip Your Elbows in Milk
• Don’t judge the person by the contents of their milk
• Podcaster Claims He Owes Everything to Dipping His Elbows In Milk
• Running through a life-size newspaper with that headline
• Can you feed elbow-dipped milk to a cat?
• Sending positive energy to Pet Rocks
• Think of all the rocks who haven’t been adopted yet
• A friendly presence to keep you company
• Your boreman in charge
• You expect me to believe you are really forgetting these words?
• Always Barely Making Sense
• I’ve had the pleasure of people who listen, stop, and then return
• Always adjusting the intro
• Explaining the structure of the show
• Thanks for stopping by
• I’m not sure what this series will be called yet
• Interlinked Characters, I guess
• This is a prequel episode, like that Star Movie
• A PI is helping RW and JC find Jif
• The comforting world beyond ours
• 1,000 Lulls Pyramid
• Like a refurbished theme park ride
• Introducing Antonio
• Antonio’s intro
• One more take, Antonio
• Antonio, did you eat pop rocks before this?
• Nobody’s perfect, Antonio
• PI introduces themself
• In the most boring place there is, Diane
• Explaining the mission I’ve been assigned
• Thanks for listening G and DK
• I don’t know where to find Jif
• Is he already a resident or is he still an Earth resident
• Trying to suss out RW’s obsession with Jif
• How did I get to this threshold?
• The boring realm / purgatory
• Looking for clues in RW’s room
• RW’s room was unlocked, btw
• First impressions of the room
• On the walls are crayon drawings that appear to be from a child
• No, they are RW’s pictures
• An empty chair
• A poem about an empty chair
• A collection of hotel pens and pads
• RW is a hero in a lot of these images
• Do the pencil thing to figure out what they last wrote on the pad
• RW has a lot of pads
• Free Hotel Giveaways
• Odes to Himself, Diane, I swear
• We did find something with Javert
• Why is Yo-Yo Ma on this pad?
• Self-Perpetuation of Non-Positivity
• It looks like Yo Yo Ma, but it’s something else
• G and DK make a Phish reference
• Maybe RW is just joking about Jif?
• G and DK are working away on this
• One poem had rhyming words
• Ties, Lies, Cries, etc
• A bridge that Jif was going over
• Like an ant on a wavy piece of string
• The Bridge of Sighs
• The Ya Ma Kings
• Now I’m standing on the Bridge of Sighs
• I unfortunately can’t check in with the bridge itself
• Crossing the bridge
• Reassuring someone I run into on the bridge
• You can crawl across if you like
• Holy cow, that’s a beautiful bridge
• There’s a giant mirror in this temple palace here
• A curved, circular mirror that gives a flat reflection
• Looking through your life
• The mirror is gone
• And all the Yama Kings (authority figures) are also gone
• The Mirror of Retro, Bue, and Shawn
• It’s been replaced by the Tablets of Service
• No one has seen Jif here
• Well, someone did come through
• RW was really interested in this next place
• The Mountain of Cutlery
• Constantly climbing up this mountain of cutlery
• Announcing, cheering, and clanking
• Flatware, Fun, and Find
• This is now a mountain of flatware and you collect flatware pieces
• A New Set of Priorities
• Masquerading as an Inspector
• Heading to the oil
• It smelled like good things being cooked in oil
• Industrial Humming
• A giant shaft in the rock
• Pools of oil at the bottom, which I was expecting
• A ton of construction – this all seems new
• Still masquerading as an Inspector
• Doing test batches of snacks and treats
• Everyone’s in the Degreasing Spa
• Riding the conveyor belt to the cold storage area
• What’s going on here, Diane?
• Sliding down into a bin
• This used to be the Frozen Realm
• Now it’s the Cold Storage Realm
• Where did the guy in charge of all this refurbishment go?
• He’s in the land of the Iron Trees
• Taking a pneumatic tube to the Land of Iron Trees
• It used to be trees you had to climb
• But now it snows paper from the top
• Inter vs Intra
• But I guess they’re then gonna paint the trees and manage correspondence somehow
• Hot on the trail of Jif
• You gotta take a shortcut through the place with No Light At All
• Just keep your hand to the right on the wall
• Taking the shortcut
• I guess the shortcut wasn’t repurposed
• I heard someone
• The dark area hasn’t been refurbished yet
• Trying to get closer to each other
• They sound nice
• But this person wasn’t human
• Choo Choo, the Sentient Ooze
• Surprised by their gelatinous form
• Choo Choo was in a huge tanning room to be dried out
• From the Linty, Dusty Realm
• I know so little
• Sentient Ooze consumes lint and dust, so they were not viewed positively
• I let Choo Choo feed on my body hair for a while
• We couldn’t find our way back to the wall
• And now I want to help Choo Choo
• Oil collects lint and dust…
• I followed the scent of oil back to the entrance and the oil land
• Choo Choo becomes part of the oil team
• He’ll help them clean the oil to keep it clean
• Everyone’s impressed by this sentient ooze
• Then I went back and took the shortcut and came out the other side
• Back to Styx and my clients
• Let’s find out more from RW
• I’ll rest in the meantime
• What color would your sentient ooze friend be?