1306 – Tepid Lists | All Intros 926-931
Scooter is grateful for you as he ensconces himself in clay while a litany of lists carries you off to dreamland.
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Episode 1306 – Tepid Lists | All Intros 926-931
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, my swamp-based beings…oh, and my patron peeps…hello, patrons. I don't know why I just took on a tone, but it’s a sleepy…it’s a tone…may have groaned, but I’m here to bring a safe place home so you don’t feel alone, and rhyme…my rhymes are not like a cone. Again, you’ll probably just groan. Goodnight, patrons. Thanks, and let’s get on with the show.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts you’re thinking about, like things on your mind…so, thoughts, things…yeah, things you’re thinking about, thoughts, feelings, so, anything you’re feel…experiencing emotionally that might be coming up for you, so…that could be about the thoughts or it could be about something else. It could just be there.
They don’t have any mystery subscription boxes of feelings, but I feel like I get one unexpectedly. I actually feel that way about mail in general, anyway. I say, oh boy, what is this thing? I did get…today, I had two things and I had a letter. Well, let’s not talk about that right…well, this is things that could keep you awake. It’s just…I say…‘cause I get the thing where you get your mail e-mailed to you before you get it. I always tell people about that and they say, what’s it called? I say, oof, I thought it was called Confirmed Delivery or something. I say, they take a picture of your mail or something. I don’t know. They e-mail it to you, so then you can start over-thinking before the mail even gets there. It gets…gives me a head start on delaying opening my mail. It’s great. It really has cut down on the time…my pre-procrastination time.
I can get straight to the procrastination, no more…it really…it’s really added something to my life, I gotta tell you. I don’t know if there’s a place you could review whatever that service it’s called. It’s free, I think. If I’m paying for it, I didn’t even know about it. I’ll tell you what; if they say, well, we gotta…some people say stuff about the mail and stuff. I say, well, if you charge me five…I would definitely pay five bucks a month for that. I’m just saying. I mean, I already do pay when I’m calculating my income. But I say, I’m happy to pay five bucks a month to send me pictures of my mail so I can start thinking about it before I get it, before it even gets there. So, that happened today. Maybe I’ll talk to the new listeners and try to get back to that, ‘cause new listeners, you probably…you’re like, what is going on?
Regular listeners, they kinda like me to…they like…they love my foibles. Oh, boy. They say, Scoots, keep it human, man. That’s what they’ll say if there’s ever a coming-of-age high school movie about…in the fictional world of podcasts, not a real one. When I walk off down the field and I say, coach, I quit…Principal, you could take this award and pin it on someone else, because…what did I say I was supposed to say? I’m keeping it human. Oh, you’re not up for an award, son. Oh, okay. I guess I’m…oh boy, sorry, I was daydreaming again and walked to the front of the room. Sorry about that. Okay, so…oh, if you’re new…okay, so, thoughts, it could be feelings, it could be physical sensations. Whatever is keeping you awake, I’m here to take your mind off of that and let you fall asleep.
Now, if you’re new, you may already be questioning it unless you are down…are you down with delaying your mail-opening? Oh, boy. I’m not encouraging it. I do not want to glamorize my behavior, my avoidance behaviors, but I do want to normalize them for you, because I say, that’s what one of the important things the podcast serves. Okay, but so, thoughts, feelings, physical sensations…it could be something else keeping you awake, but whatever it is, what I propose to do is create a safe place. I’m gonna…I got room here. I’m smoothing it, I’m patting it down, I’m opening it. I got cross-breezes, I got other stuff. You want it warm? You want it cold? You say, Scoots, do you have a lukewarm safe place? I’d say, sure, are you lukewarm on safe places or do you want a safe place that’s lukewarm?
Here’s what I’ve learned through the listening skills of podcasts; I’d say, tell me more about what lukewarm means to you. Do you have a specific number in mind or a feel? You say, Scoots, no one’s ever asked me that before. Thank goodness you’re imaginarily here in an imaginary world where you…I say, don’t worry, that’s what I’m here for. You say, well, how could we possibly…? I say, well, this is a safe place. It’s a magical place, so just give me a thumbs-up when…this would be…when the Sleep With Me…whatever, the Sleep With Me theme park opens, I don’t think it would be very successful, but who cares? Whatever. They say, well, what did you do with that grant when we pinned that award on you?
Well, I opened up an…I re-opened an abandoned theme park that didn’t…became…it never became abandoned, but it did shut back down. We cleaned it up, though, and spent most of it on natural, organic climate control. We had thermal stuff, we had solar stuff, we had wind-based stuff. One of the key features, if you don’t mind me bragging, was the ability to even reach lukewarm temperatures, which someone could determine on their own if that’s what lukewarm meant to them. Someone else might have wanted a temp…they say, I like my safe place tepid. I say, no problem. Just give me a thumbs-up when we’re at the right temperature, and if it changes, we’ll be…if you want us to monitor…or we could just come and check-in every once in a while, or you could give us a buzz.
Or you could just call out and say, a little cooler. This is no longer lukewarm. I’d say, you got it. So, I’m gonna try to create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. One way is just to go off-topic and keep talking. What I do is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents…so, I’ll go off-topic, I’ll keep talking, I’ll jump around. You’ve already kinda seen that, and if you’re new, there’s a lot of important things I want you to know. The first thing is it’s okay to come to this show and not like it and not be sure if you like it and be skeptical or have a frowny face. I’m legitimately saying that because that’s a natural way to come to a sleep podcast. You say, I’m skeptical or I don’t know.
What are these creaky, dulcet tones in my ears? I feel tepid. I’d say, very good. That’s good. That’s a good way to approach everything. Or, at least that’s my…that’s the way I do it. So, I’m familiar. Yeah, this show is very different, so let me give you some information beyond that your experience with the show is okay, and that is…I’d like to meet you where you are and not try to change your mind. Actually, you could change it. You can just see how it goes, and that’s the first piece of recommendation that just comes from listeners; give this show a few tries. If you kinda decide that now, then it’ll be easier to leave later, or you’ll just be…keep listening. You say, okay, yeah, I’m just gonna give this show three tries, and then after that, I’m out. Either you’ll be out asleep or you’ll be moving on.
There’s other sleep podcasts; Sleep Whispers, Miette’s, Sleep Cove, Sleepy, Get Sleepy, there’s probably…oh, Empty Bowl. There’s so many more, and there’s other…so, it’s not a big deal for me to win you over. I just hope I can help you. So, that’s one, and a couple reasons why the show feels different and people don’t necessarily like it right away…one, it’s not really a podcast you listen to. As you’ve already seen…what I was talking about that I already forgot about…‘cause I was…wasn’t I talking about something before I started talking about a safe place? I don’t even have any idea…I’m not kidding, either; I don’t have any idea what that was. I said, well, I’ll try to get back to that. Did it have to do with grade school? I don’t know.
But so…oh, this is a podcast…obviously…you say, wait a second, he doesn’t even remember what he was talking about ‘cause he’s got so much gobbledygook in his brain. I say, yeah, you got that right. So, whatever it is that’s keeping you…oh, so, yeah, you don’t really listen to me. You only kinda bare…just like I talk about a lot of times. You say, uh-huh, uh-huh, Scoots. Oh boy, lukewarm theme park, huh? Uh-huh. That’s interesting. Okay, okay. So, that’s kinda one way to approach it. Don’t listen to me. The other thing is I don’t really put you to sleep. I more keep you company as you fall asleep. So, kinda just see how it goes. Yeah, I’m just…oh, wait…oh, I was talking about mail. I just remembered. Okay, so, hopefully I’ll remember to talk about that more, avoiding mail. That was one of the sequels to You Got Mail.
I said, I don’t want mail. I was supposed to be Billy Crystal’s son in the movie. They said, well, that doesn’t work. I said, well, I’m writing it…I’m making it up. It’s called I Don’t Want Mail and My Dad Has Become My Mom…I don’t know, believe it or not, I’ve never seen that movie. I think Tom Hanks was in it and not Billy Crystal. My brain got…I had too much Meg Ryan free association going on. What’s my favorite Meg Ryan movie? I think it’s Presidio, if Meg Ryan’s in that movie, but I can’t be sure of anything other than I have to get back to these new listeners. So, this podcast doesn’t really put you to sleep. It’s more here while you…oh, maybe Top Gum. That’s not a Meg Ryan movie. She’s in that film. So, no, I’d say. I don’t know. Mark Harmon is…wasn’t Mark Harmon in Presidio? I don’t know.
That’s not my favorite Mark Harmon movie, though. It’s Summer School. I think I’ve seen Summer School…I think I’ve seen Presidio, too. Those are old eighties movies. Don’t worry about it. Probably very problematic films. Neither one I’ve seen. I shouldn’t be bringing them up, ‘cause I don’t think I’ve seen either one in twenty or thirty years. Okay, so, sorry about that, kids. Oh, so, yeah, this podcast won’t really put you to sleep. It keeps you company while you drift off. That’s why the shows are about an hour, to give you plenty of time. Then if you can’t sleep, I’ll be here for you. Or if you wake up, I’m here for you. Like I said at the beginning, I underwhelm. That’s what I do. So, if you need some underwhelming in the middle of the night or during the day or the whole night because you can’t sleep, I’m here.
That’s my job and that’s my honor, whether you’re not listening to me asleep or you’re barely listening to me while you’re awake or you’re actually listening. Those of you that actually listen, you know I’m here for you and I care. So, that’s one thing. Then the other thing that throws new listeners off, way off, even some long-time listeners…which I say, haven’t you been listening to the show for three years? ‘Cause we really haven’t changed it very much. But so, show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary, and swamp-based beings in this case, ‘cause of the type of episode. So, that’s so you know you’re welcome here. Then there’s business, and actually, the front business of the show isn’t that long. There’s business and resources, so that takes up a few minutes.
Usually we talk about Helix, we talk about the Patreon, we talk about resources. Then there’s an intro. The intro goes from like, six or eight minutes into the show to like, twenty or twenty-two minutes. That’s all -ish, somewhere in that range, and that is me. That has nothing to do with business or anything. The only business it is is taking your mind off of stuff, putting you to sleep, over-explaining, and then sometimes stuff comes up like my mail and the ability technology has given me to pre-procrastinate. Not even…yeah, to pre-procrastinate opening my mail. So, hopefully I’ll get back…I’ll get back to that. Don’t worry, regular listeners. So, that’s the intro, but that could still throw new listeners off.
I see a lot of…I get a lot of strong e-mails about the intro because I think a lot of people just think it’s an ad, which I say, oh, have you…? I guess I can’t ask you if you’ve listened to it if the purpose is not to listen to it. But the real purpose of the intro, the reason…‘cause I could…and this was proposed to me multiple times in the first few years…just reuse the same intro. I say, no, that’s not how brainbots work. They adjust and they adapt. Those things that keep us awake at night, they’re constantly evolving, in my opinion, or at least mine are, alongside technology. They said, you know, that literally happened to me with this mail example.
But so, the reason the intros are different every time is so you get something different but familiar every time, but also ‘cause the regular listeners, they use this as part of their ease into bedtime…this Sleep With Me podcast is not a ‘get into bed, I’m gonna count down from thirty and you’re gonna be asleep’, and that may work in other places or with other shows. It doesn’t work here. This is more of a companionship show, a companion you don’t got…you just gotta barely pay attention to. So, the intro, you could start it as you’re getting ready for bed or as you’re in bed or wherever you are. It gives you some distance from the day and starts to take your mind off of stuff, and then I lose your attention. So, that’s the intro. Then there’s business between the intro and the story.
That’s the important business. You could always find it in our show notes or on our website, because that’s where the meat of the podcast…it’s just how the podcast structure works. So, there’s the business there, then there’s our story. Tonight it’ll be a wrap-up of our episodically modular series, kind of like a making-of our series Otter Things. Then there’s thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show, and to kinda go along with the other stuff, the reason I make the show is because I’ve been there tossing and turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, and I care. I know how it feels in the deep, dark night.
If I can help you, give you some companionship, be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie, your bore-bruh, your bore-sib, your bore-cuz, I don’t know, your bore-buddy…did I say, bore-bud? Yeah, any of those things…and I can help, that’s great. It really gives meaning to my life. But more so is the fact that you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a place where you can rest. If you get that rest, if I can provide it or someone else can, that’s really a good thing for you to be able to be more rested tomorrow, ‘cause I know how it feels not rested. I know what is…my world’s like and what it’s like when I encounter other people and try to get stuff done. So, if you’re rested, the world’s gonna be a better place. That’s true. That is actually true, those things.
You deserve a good night’s sleep, and the better your life is, the better our world is. The more you can flourish, the more the world can flourish. I mean, if there’s simply a philosophy driving that show, that’s pretty much it. I mean, mostly I know how it feels, though, because…so, this mail thing…and this is what I’ll wrap up with, ‘cause I say, well, I know how it feels. So, I have the thing where it e-mails me my mail before it comes. There was a strange confluence. This always happens. I had procrastinated on getting two things in my apartment fixed. Well, one thing, then something else broke. Believe it or not, I haven’t even told…two other things broke on top of that, but not major things.
I kept procrastinating, procrastinating, and finally the second thing happened and I said, oh, I gotta get this fixed ‘cause it’s…water’s coming out of it. So, I put in a work order literally within…I’m not even kidding, within moments, then I got my mail and it was an official letter coming from my landlord, like a picture of my mail coming tomorrow, which was impossible related to the work order. Instead of being open…I said, well, that’s not good. Oh boy, that’s really not good. Instead of…I just don’t have that ability yet. I’m trying to develop to be like well, it could be anything. I did say, couldn’t it be anything? It said, nope, not for you, buddy. Should have never put that work order in. Talk about the last nail in the old C-O double-F to the I to the, you know, that letter before M. It comes after M, though.
Anyway…and I didn’t really have the ability. So, then I was like…then I said, what’s time’s my…I don’t want to open my…I don’t want to know what’s in that letter. Who knows what it could be? Not Tenant of the Year. Whatever the opposite of that is, even though none of this is true. There’s no…anything factual…you say, well, you’re pretty quiet. You mind your own business. You probably…your biggest flaw could be not getting stuff fixed on time. This letter came out before…I mean, so…and it ended up, it was totally nothing. It was, hey, this is a policy about this thing. It was to all the tenants, all the properties that they own and manage. So, I don’t know, that’s the kind of person that makes a sleep podcast, I guess is my point.
You say…yeah. I don’t know. It’s interesting that…you say, what…some people…I think there’s adjusted people out there that say, well, yeah, I don’t need that mail thing ‘cause I love getting mail. I’d say, really? You don’t have multiple…do you have any…do you have multiple stacks of mail or just one big stack? Or do you vacillate between them? Stacks of mail? I get to my mail as soon as I open it up. I say, oh boy, you betcha. Wow. Well, I make a sleep podcast, so that’s not what happens for me, but that’s great for you. So, I’m glad you’re here. That’s the main message. I really hope and I really yearn and strive and I really hope I can help you fall asleep. I appreciate you coming by, and give the show a few tries like most listeners say, and here’s a couple ways for you regular listeners I’m able to bring you this podcast twice a week.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, things on your mind from the past, the present, the future, all those things, or…you say, well, there’s a past thought…oh, there’s a present thought about the past. There’s a future thought about the past because of the past of the future. There’s a thought about Days of Future Past. I wonder what streaming service that’s on.
It could be thoughts, it could be feelings, any emotions coming up for you remaining from the day, anticipatory emotions, it could be sweet emotions, though that usually…sometimes those keep you up, though. So, it could be emotions, it could be physical sensations, it could be changes in routine or schedule or someone else’s routine, it could be baffling. Whatever it is that’s keeping you awake, I’d like to take your mind off of that. What I’m gonna do or what I propose to do is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones. Initially, my lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones are neither lulling or soothing for some people, but eventually they…ideally, they will be. They’re the only tones I got that are suitable for bedtime.
My non-lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones are more not…this is my bedtime voice. So, I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, I’m gonna use those…while I use my lulling, soothing tones. There’s a question, though; are…this is one of those tree-in-the-woods, chicken-or-egg things, or frog-or…the frog-or-the-egg. Is my voice…? My creaky, dulcet tones…well, I guess there’s…are they carried on sound waves or are…? They are sound waves and they’re carried on sound waves. That’s something to think about. I never thought…’cause I said, well, what’s carrying my creaky, dulcet tones across the deep, dark night? The old physics brain said, they’re carrying themselves, I guess. So…maybe not. I don’t know, but that’s a little bit too…it’s not very deep because you say, well, it’s not a deep thought.
It’s just a thought I don’t have the knowledge to comprehend. This is a good thing about this podcast; if you’re new, there’s nothing to comprehend here. That’s one of the first things I wanted to let you know; this is a podcast you don’t really need to listen to. You don’t really comprehend it so much as it’s there and you say, huh, what is this dude…was he just talking about…what was he talking about earlier? Did he say Yodish beings? Does he say he has craggy, dentist tones or something? ‘Cause he does sound like a craggy…what I would imagine a craggy mountain would sound like, and…or a dentist in a craggy mountain. Well, no, it’s a little more soothing than that, but he is a little craggy. The craggy, crabby…the craggy dentist. I don’t know. Anyway, I don’t want to talk about that anymore, so let’s just move on.
Oh, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. So, if you’re trying to wait for it to start or you’re gonna say, when is he gonna make sense? When am I gonna comprehend what he’s talking about? This podcast is best consumed passively. Just like if you were looking at something craggy…unless you’re like some sort of adventurer or one of those climbers, you say, well, that’s pretty…I mean, I guess I’m craggy aspirational. I would love not to do any of the stuff that involves all the work, but just…if I had power of levitation, I’d love to check out some craggy mountains up close and rub my hand…oh boy, craggy mountain, would I want to rub my hand around…oh boy, just to see your…I’d love to feel your crags, if you don’t mind me appreciating your natural beauty, but you’re so high up that normally I have to…it’s from the road.
That’s where I consume most of my crags, is from the road. They say, did you see that over there? That’s a craggy mountain. There’s not a lot of…I mean, I’m sure…’cause craggy mountains as opposed to…you’d say, Scoots, can you tell me…can you give me an example of a famous craggy mountain? I’d say, unfortunately no, because, finally, I guess today is the first time crags got…there’s probably one called Crags National Park. I don’t know, pinnacles…is that…? There’s a lot of ones with fancy names. You’d say, well, what about Yosemite? I’d say, no, Yosemite’s a little smooth to be called a…I mean, El Capitan, if it was smaller…there’s probably craggy spots in Yosemite National Park, but those aren’t the ones getting all the attention.
If El Capitan wasn’t so massive and majestic and reflect…had all the light playing on it, you’d say…if it was…I don’t know, is there one called Mon Capitan that’s smaller or something? Or, I don’t know, Little Lieutenant? They say, well, that one’s craggy, but that’s outside. That’s in a different park. So, I don’t know…I mean, I don’t really know a lot of things off the top of my head. I was just thinking of it ‘cause I drove by some craggy stuff not that long ago. I said to myself, I like crags. Also, I like going off-topic. Sorry about that. So, if you’re waiting for this podcast to make sense, there you go; it doesn’t really ever make any sense. It just kinda barely makes sense. You’d say, he’s kinda almost right except for a super-crag…super crag fans. You’d say, well, Scoots, you don’t know Smith Rock State Park? I’d say, well, I’ve…I get that one mixed up.
Is that…? Or, you don’t know Jones…Jonesing Jones? Old Troubadour Stone? I’d say, it sounds like you’re just making up words and trying to associate them with crags. I’d say, you’re right, I am. You caught me, ‘cause I’m within you. Well, it was a good try. So, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. It’s also a podcast that doesn’t really put you to sleep. Oh, now my brain just said, was there anything on Tatooine that you would consider craggy? I’d say, well, it’s kind of tough. When you’re in a canyon…I guess crags are best viewed at a distance, so I can’t say that I saw any crags on Tatooine or that other planet that we were in recently. But okay, so…oh, it’s a podcast you don’t listen…really listen to. It doesn’t really put you sleep, either. I’m here to keep you company while you drift off.
That’s why the episodes are about an hour, to give you plenty of time to fall asleep, and if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here to keep you company. That’s one of my promises to you, is I’m here to keep you company. So, the podcast doesn’t really put you to sleep and it doesn’t really ever get started. Also, the structure of the show can throw new listeners off. But what I want to say to my regular listeners, you’re important, too, regular listeners. Holy moly. I mean, oshkosh b’gosh, thanks for letting me know your favorite crags. Isn’t ‘crag’ a nice word? How come…that’s not…you don’t really know…does anyone know a Craig out there? Old Craig Cromwell. That was one of the…the one Cromwell that wasn’t famous, Craig Cromwell. Believe it or not, absolutely adorable was Craig Cromwell, misnamed.
Or you’d say, aptly named, those of us that love crags. But no one…’cause I’m trying to think what we…probably…I gotta think of what my…I’ll name a plant Craig, because that’s a good name for a plant. A turtle…you could call…a turtle would be a good…I’m not trying to belittle you, turtles. I’m just trying to think of what resonates, where you say, that is definitely a Craig. Like, a snapping turtle, that…you’d say, oh, I want you to meet my snapping turtle, at a distance, of course. This is my snapping turtle, Craig. Wow. I never…that’s an aptly-named turtle. You say, yeah, I want you to meet my plant…I don’t know what kind it is. It’s got some fuzzy stuff on it, some lumpy leaves. This is Craig the plant. I don’t know what other things…maybe a fish, like one of those fish that looks like it would be a Craig.
I’m sure there’s a lot of fish out there. You’d say, no, that’s a Craig. I agree with you. Is that a freshwater…? Yeah, it is. That’s actually a species. Craig is a fish species. Is it anything like a rock lobster? No. Did you just hear Fred Schneider’s voice when I said that? I did, I did. But anyway, so…oh, a podcast…don’t really put you to sleep…doesn’t…oh, structure of the show. Sorry, I was saying ‘hi’ to the new listeners. I got off-topic again. So, the structure of the show can throw people off, and really, it really…people have strong feelings about it. I think it’s just because the show really does defy expectations, not always in a good way. So, if you’re used to a regular structure or a structure you would expect, this show is different.
It starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Yodish beings and such. Then there’s business and listener-directed stuff. That’s how we keep the show coming out twice a week. Then there’s…so, there’s the intro, then there’s the business, then there’s…no, there’s the business, then there’s the intro. The intro goes on about twenty minutes or so, somewhere around fourteen to twenty minutes, and it’s just me talking about the podcast. That’s one of the things…people think that the business and the intro is the same thing. The intro is business that…just like in Brewster’s Million where you say, we’re in the business of doing…I’m in the business of talking about stuff, but I never get to the point.
So, the intro is just to introduce the podcast to new listeners, but then it’s also to help regular listeners fall asleep, to give you some distance from the day, so you say, oh, okay, now I can fall asleep. I don’t need to…because I ease you into bedtime. The whole idea of the intro is you could play it before you get in bed or while you’re getting into bed. Some people fall asleep during it, some people find they prefer to skip it, but for most listeners, it’s helping you drift off or be a part of a structured bedtime…pea a part of…be a part of a structured bedtime routine where you’re unwinding. So, that’s the intro, then there’s business, then there’s our story. Tonight it’ll be a recap of Mandalorian, Chapter 10, The Passenger. So…and then there’s thank-yous at the end.
So, that’s the structure, and what else do you need to know if you’re new? Oh, this podcast does not work for everybody. You probably already figured that out, though, ‘cause you said, I never heard anybody use ‘crag’ more times. What about the person in…they were in both…one of the Thor…I can’t even say that word without stuttering; Rag…Thor Ragnarok. There’s a character that could have been…there’s a couple characters in there. You’d say, well, what’s your name, Craig? Well, thank you, I’d love to be Craig. Also, see if you can think of a character…and then you say, wait a second, that reminds me of Season 1 of The Mandalorian. So, a little cookie in there for you. So, that’s…oh, what was my point about that, though? Oh, not everybody likes the show, either. So, give the podcast a few tries and see how it goes.
It does not work for everybody. Say, well, okay, this kinda worked for me or it kinda didn’t. Just see how it goes and see if you like it or not. So, that’s the structure of the show. I’m trying think what else. The reason I make the show is because I’ve been there in the deep, dark night, tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep, so I want to help if I can because I know how it feels and I want to make bedtime something that you feel a little bit more neutral about, where it doesn’t feel so craggy or you don’t feel craggy tomorrow. You say, oh boy, that was as smooth as I imagine the face of Half Dome is, even though it’s not technically…probably not smooth at all. Oh boy, did I slide in bed and then I did some, you know, whatever; I sculpted some clay or I model…nope, I modeled some clay.
Oh boy, did it look good on me, too. I got back out of bed and I sashayed with my clay. I was the first…I’m the first modeling clay model that’s not made of clay. They say, are you ensconced in clay? That was what they said to me. They said…and then I said, you’re gonna have to pick a number. I said, I am. Thank you for using that wonderful word, though. Yes, I…that’s what I said when I looked at myself in the mirror. I said, ensconced in clay. Today I say ‘I’ll be ensconced in clay’ as I was dressing in clay, which you really don’t do. I don’t recommend it, and don’t go to any city halls or…this was a Lego city hall that I built, so it was a little bit different situation, and…but they weren’t even happy. I was just…it was just…it was playtime.
Oh, unfortunately, I was also at a Lego store, so then I had to deal with the…but I said, I’d like to make…I’d like to…we don’t have an official garment…vestments for this town, and I’d like to declare that this is a clay…I’d like to…they said, what’s your angle? I said, I put it all on…put all my money in clay. I don’t know if you heard me a while ago; I said clay’s making a comeback. So, I put it all in clay. Really, all my coins. I wrapped them in clay. I can’t find them, ‘cause I say…then I say, I don’t even want to try to get all the clay off of it. I’m not even thinking about getting the…so, how’d you get ensconced in clay? Very slowly. One piece of clay at a time. Anyway, I gotta get back to the intro. So, not everybody likes this podcast. I don’t know how I got dressed in clay. I thought I was talking about crags.
Oh, ‘cause maybe you’re modeling clay, getting…doing a part of your wind-down routine. So, that’s what the podcast is here for, to give you some distance between the daytime and the nighttime and to ease you into bed. So, see how it goes. That’s one of the reasons why I make this show, ‘cause I’ve been there. The other reason I make the show is because you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a place you could rest and get some time and get some…you know, get some rest and get some wind-down, and then tomorrow, ideally, you’re in a better place. Then you say, well, I’m flourishing now. I’ve been listening to Sleep With Me for a while.
Those are my favorite e-mails, or people that say, I’m flourishing so much, Scoots, I don’t even need to listen to you anymore. I say, that’s great. That really is. That gives me purpose because if you’re flourishing, the world’s gonna be a better place for all of us to live in. So, that’s it. That’s why I make the show. Give it a few tries; that’s what most listeners say. It’s free, so just see how it goes. I think that’s it. I’m glad you’re here. I work very hard. I yearn and I strive, and I’m glad…yeah, I appreciate your time, and I really want to help you fall asleep. Here’s a couple ways I’m able to bring the show free twice a week.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever is keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, things you’re thinking about on your mind, thinking about the past, present, the future, tomorrow, next week. Whatever it is, stuff…whatever you’re thinking about. I don’t know, lists…that’s…listicals and lists, holy moly. Remember when I was gonna start that podcast, The Litany of Lists, and I never…?
You know, that’s on my list now because…another thing I never followed through on. That’s one list I’ve never made, luckily. It’s one of those self-generating lists. Maybe I’ll get back to that. So, whatever’s keeping you awake; thoughts, feelings, any emotions coming up. They could be emotions about the past or the present or the future, physical sensations, whatever it is that’s keeping you awake; changes in schedule, time, maybe work. Here’s a big shout-out to my second and third-shift workers, and those of you on the fourth…those of you…well, those of you on the fourth shift, which I’ve tried to promote more and more, and those of you on shifts in 4D. You say, well, I’m working in the fourth…I got a shift in the fourth dimension, Scoots. What about me?
I say, don’t worry, one day I’ll mention you on a episode. Will you hear it? I don’t know, because I don’t know how that works. Well, when…I guess…do you go…wait, do you go…you work…do you work here and return to the fourth dimension or do you work in the fourth dimension and return here? Did I say, that? Did my brain just get caught in another dimension? How many dimensions are there again? Oh, I don’t know. Okay, well, did this have anything to do with…how many axes are there? Is there X, Y, and Z? Okay, my brain is definitely dead silent when I’m asking these questions. I was waiting for an answer, even inside my head, that I would have given voice to. No answers in there. In fact, I felt some part of myself rolling its eyes when I said, X…I said, what…?
Then I start something…mutter…what do axes and dimensions have to do with each other? I’d say, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold the phone there, because how are you gonna get…what if you had to measure a dimension? Well, you’d need the axes, or you’d say, length and width and depth. That’s 3D, correct? So, I think it’s a perfectly…for a perfectly reasonable question to ask, and that’s how I treat those parts of me. I say, well, this is…you know, I’m not gonna…I’m not here to get into a big thing about this. I just was wondering, and I think it’s…you know, I’m just asking questions, okay? Then my brain says, yeah, I guess you’re right. Sorry, I didn’t see it that way, but you’re right.
I never would…my brain, without a hint of sarcasm that I can detect, said, I never would have thought we’d need to get out the old measuring tape and start measuring dimensions or taking…I said, well, somewhere out there in the history of time and space, there’s definitely been someone or will be right now whose job has to do with measuring the dimensions of dimensions. I mean, that’s a reasonable assumption, right? Oh, my brain just said, I know one person that wouldn’t be qualified for that. I say, you’re right about that. I would not be qualified for…they’d say, what is that? Is that…what number is that, or is that a letter? Well, I estimate…I use a form of estimation called ‘the tape measure keeps moving around’. It’s my own special form of estimation.
I mean, those were…that was a wriggly dimension you had me dealing with. I said, nebula, can you just stay in one place while I measure you? That wasn’t Nebula, the famous character that associates with superheroes or a super-heroine. That was something else. Oh, sorry, yeah, I forgot I’m in the middle of the start of a sleep podcast. Oh, boy. Okay, so, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m here to take your mind off of stuff. What I’m gonna do — and I just gave you an example — is I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents.
So, I’m gonna go off-topic, I’m gonna get mixed up, which we’ve just seen, not go anywhere…you say, he talked about stuff, but I don’t…he’s the only person that could talk about something without reaching a conclusion. I’d say, thank you very much. I mean, if you…once you’ve had my imaginary future job in another…measuring dimensions of dimensions…I think…you know, that’s probably what one of the…I mean, really, when you talk about that, that’s really an essential job of a astro-person. I don’t know if it’s a astrophysicist, but that would say…wouldn’t that be…? You could use that if you’re an astrophysicist. Say, well, what does an astrophysicist do, anyway? Well, one of our main jobs is measuring the dimensions of dimensions.
Maybe I should check in…next time I check in at one of the great particle colliders…I heard they’re…they got…I heard there’s a new superconductor that doesn’t have to be measured in Kelvin or something. So, I’m excited about that because that makes it easier for me to pop in and join in in the…I say, super-collision, that was a wonderful one. That’s another book I will be working on one day; Compliments for Super Colliders and Particle Accelerators. If You Meet A Particle…Things to Say If You Meet A Particle Collider…what did I say? Particle Accelerator or a Collider or a Super Collider at a Party. Small Talk with Super Colliders and Particle Accelerators. So…oh, boy. If you’re new, I mean, you’re already hearing the podcast. You already have a good idea. So, this show is not a podcast you need to listen to.
I think I set a good example of why. It’s the kind of podcast you kinda barely listen to. You just kinda barely pay attention. So, that’s one thing to know. The other thing to know is this podcast really doesn’t put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company while you drift off, so even if you can’t sleep, I’m gonna be here. The shows are an hour to give you plenty of time. Fall asleep at your leisure. If you can’t sleep, I’ll just be here keeping you company and rambling. It’s interesting ‘cause tonight is a science-based…well, if there’s an imaginary branch of science…and I’m not talking about the one we’re familiar with. I’m talking about a different one, kinda like…not fantasy science but, yeah, I guess in some sense, a fantasy science. Okay, so, what was I saying?
Oh, so this is a podcast you don’t need to listen to…don’t need to fall asleep, either. I just keep you company while you drift off. The podcast does not work for everybody, either. That’s the thing. It’s not everybody’s cup of tea, but for most people it worked for, it took two or three tries before they realized, oh, I feel…I was confusing distaste with neutrality. I actually feel neutral, so neutral about this podcast I could sleep to it. But naturally when you first check the show out, you might have strong feelings about it ‘cause it’s very different, a bit…I’m a bit strange. I go off-topic, I got creaky, dulcet tones. So, alls I can say is give it a few tries and see how it goes. I really hope it can help you fall asleep. I don’t gain anything, really. If you saw my inbox, you’d just say…but just give it two or three tries and see if it works.
I hope it does. So, that’s that. Another thing if you’re new that throws new listeners off is the structure of the show, especially…well, I guess it throws people off whether this is their first podcast or they listen to a lot of podcasts. It throws them off either way, and I think the reason why is that the structure’s not…it’s not comparable to another podcast. So, we start off with a greeting. That’s pretty normal; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary. That’s how everybody knows that I want you to feel seen and welcome and that I’m trying to make a safe place or a place that you could…you say, well, I’ll check that out. I’m feeling ambivalent at this point…an ambivalent place that could develop into something you feel safe in. So, there’s that.
So, that’s the greeting, then there’s business, business at the top of the show. Usually we got two pieces of business, then the Sleepy Supporter Zone, then the intro. The intro is the long part of the beginning of the show, usually from six minutes to twenty-two minutes or so, or at least lately. That’s where I introduce the podcast, which you say, normally isn’t an intro around thirty seconds to two minutes? I say, yeah, normally it is, but this is an intro that could put you to sleep, so that’s why it’s twenty-two minutes. But really, the intro kinda serves a couple purposes. One, if you’re new, it kinda gives you an idea of what to expect. You say, oh, okay, this is a podcast…okay. Is he gonna…? I don’t know, you get familiar with the idea that I’m…and the style of the show.
But two, there are listeners that fall asleep during it. There are two or three percent of listeners that skip ahead to twenty minutes and start listening there, and there are people that listen during the day or wake up and put the podcast on. There’s a lot of different use cases. But for a lot of listeners…and this isn’t right or wrong, but just like the usual way people get into the show initially is they listen to the intro during their wind-down, whether they’re in bed or they’re getting ready for bed. That makes the intro…that twenty minutes serves as a way to get some distance from your daytime personality and to make nighttime where it’s something a little bit nicer. You say, well, I’m easing into bedtime with Scoots. So, I’m taking your mind off of stuff, and that way you’re kinda descending, ideally, into sleep.
That’s the only way that works for me. So, yeah. So, that’s the intro, then there’s business, kinda the…that’s the main meat of the business of the show, then there’s our story. Tonight it’ll be a holiday episode where we look at Santa Claus. I’m just gonna say it upfront; one, I believe in Santa Claus. Two, I’m gonna explain one argument that hasn’t been put forth, a undisclosed…well, I don’t know if I…yeah, I guess I have firsthand knowledge of this stuff. When people say, oh, Santa’s impossible, just a fantasy…also, I believe Santa Claus turned things over to Roberta Claus in 2013, but you could call…Roberta Claus is comfortable being called Santa Claus because Santa Claus is a role. Roberta Claus is the current person serving in that role, which is a long…she’s only the…well actually, I don’t know this actually.
I just made an assumption. I’m operating on the assumption she’s only the second person to occupy the role of Santa Claus, but I could be wrong about that…not playing the fictional role of Santa Claus, the real role. So, tonight I’ll be talking about that. So, if you have young people in your life or you’re a young person or you’re a teacher, you could go ahead and put this on…you could put this on the syllabus. I mean, I can’t promise you’ll keep your job, but you could say, well, this is another argument of how all this is possible. It’ll just help you…it’ll help you see why you could get in the holiday mood. So, we’ll talk about that, then there’s some thank-yous. So, that’s the structure of the show.
Like I said, this podcast just…is not for everybody, but for the people it works for, they say, yeah, give it two or three tries. The other important thing is the reason I make the show. The reason I make the show is because I’ve been there tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep. I’ve had all of those. I probably had all of those in the last forty-eight hours, including my new thing which is…my daughter wants me to call it #laying, which I’ve talked about. It’s because of this twenty…I wake up really early and I try to get back to sleep because I don’t have a sleep podcast that I can put on. Luckily, you do, but you could also put this podcast on and just try this. I don’t think I told my therapist about this, ‘cause this is really where I say, wow, I really am getting better.
This stuff actually works, this…all the work I put in. I’m not kidding. I guess that sounds like I’m saying it facetiously, but…so, I have this new thing when I wake up early that I kind of…acceptance I guess is what you’d call it. I say, okay, I woke up early. I don’t want to get out of bed but I also don’t want to put pressure on myself to fall back asleep. I’m just gonna lie here for a little while, try to get comfortable, but try not to…’cause for me, once I say ‘I want to go back to sleep’, you know, that…you know how that goes. Then I start to get…my temperature starts to rise and I’m not…not my physical temperature. You know what I’m saying? I just get less…I get frowny. This new laying thing, it doesn’t work all the time because it’s…you gotta be in the right mood.
I say, well, I’m just gonna lie here. Maybe I’ll let my thoughts drift, maybe I’ll meditate, maybe I’ll feel some feelings or get comfortable, maybe I’ll listen to some sounds. Tell you what; sometimes I fall back asleep, sometimes I don’t, and then sometimes I wait…give it a few minutes, and I say, well, I didn’t fall back asleep, and I kinda start drinking coffee. So, that’s just one of the things that…I don’t recommend it. I’d recommend listening to this podcast and laying…falling back asleep, but…oh, I’ve been there; that’s the main thing, so I know how it feels in the morning or at night, or, you know, all the time.
So, if I can help you, if I can make bedtime something you don’t dread, that would be…that’s the highest goal I could hit, if you just say, well, at least I got Scoots. I got that. At least I’m not like Scoots just laying there, hoping. I got Scoots to keep me company. I mean, in some sense, I have pre-Scoots, because, whatever, I can just let my thoughts drift sometimes. So, it’s like pre-podcast material. So, if I can help, it would really…gives my life meaning. But also, the other side of it is you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a place where you can get some rest, and if I can help with that, that would mean a lot because if your life’s better, all our lives are better.
If your life’s richer, all our lives are richer. It’s just the truth. It increases…it’s like an incremental increase in the goodness of the world. An incremental increase in the goodness of the world? Sign me up. That’s my dream. So, I really want to help put a little bit of incremental increase in the rest you get and in the goodness of your life or that you could live your life in a more fuller way. So, that’s why I’m here, but I…don’t take that serious talk serious. Mostly it’s me goofing around and talking to myself. So, I’m glad you’re here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive, and I really want to help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways I’m able to bring you this podcast twice a week.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever is keeping you awake. It could be thoughts, things on your mind that you’re thinking about. So, thoughts, thinking stuff…thoughts, it could be feelings like emotions coming up about the thoughts or just that are there. They could be…they appear…sometimes they appear, sometimes they arrive, sometimes they’re already there waiting. You say, how’d you get in bed so fast? I didn’t even know you were…oh, well, I’m here waiting for you.
Come on in. Just waiting for you. I’m sorry, because you’re in a bath robe. Yeah, I don’t see your name tag. Are you regret or my forlorn…? Oh yeah, it’s me, forlorn malaise. I don’t know, is that really a thing? Forlorn…? Doesn’t being forlorn lead to malaise? Well, we could see where things lead tonight. Hop in bed with me and we’ll see where it goes. Okay, I don’t know what Sigmund Freud would say about this conversation. But okay, so, I’m having feelings about it, so, that’s what that example was for. So, it could be feelings, could be physical sensations, which I don’t want…I do have physical sensations sometimes connected to forlorn malaise or being forlorn or feelings of malaise. Here’s what’s strange…I’ve probably said this before; when I say ‘malaise’, I don’t feel malaise.
I almost feel like the dawn of a night of malaise is breaking. Is that anything like what’s-his-name from the…those books where you say their name and then…? Wait, those books in those movies, you’re not supposed to say their name. That’s what Malaise would say; say my name. I’d say, well, when I do, Malaise, it makes me feel good, especially because if you’re a regular listener, you know that one of my favorite things to do nowadays is imagine I’m at a Renaissance faire. Anytime I see anyone that looks like they’re a royal…from the Royal Court, I say, Malaise? Especially the Queen’s court. I say, Malaise? Good day, Malaise. They say, did you just drop that ‘D’ when you said ‘m’ladies’ or are you calling us a group of malaise?
I say, oh, no, no, no, I’m really just trying to introduce a sleep podcast and I got…oh, go…what would they say? Move along, then. Thank you, Malaise. M’Grace…Your Grace, My Grace, and Malaise. Anyway, so, thoughts, feelings, could be physical sensations, it could be something else that’s keeping you awake. Whatever it is, I’m here to take your mind off of that. Believe it or not, if you’re new, yeah, that’s what I’m here to do while you fall asleep. So, what I’m attending to do…intending to do is create a safe place where you could set any of that aside. So, I’m gonna send my voice across the deep, dark night, here. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones. Oh, so creaky are my tones. You’d say, how creaky are they, Scoots? I’d say, they make…I don’t know how…they’re pretty creaky.
I’d say, if I’ve not…I’m not good with jokes, especially ones that have punch lines. But I’d say, so creaky that they make you forget about the door that’s squeaky. You’d say, okay, well, keep working on it. Okay, so, but I’m…send my voice…creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents…so, I’m gonna go off-topic, I’m gonna get mixed up, I’m gonna go backwards, then I’m gonna go forwards. I’m gonna pause like that, I’m gonna use filler words, and barely ever get to any points. The whole idea is that’s what takes your mind off of stuff while you fall asleep. I’m really just here to be at your bedside. Now, my regular listeners know that, yeah, the kind of intro…hi, regular listeners. Hello. Hi, how are doing? Good to see you. Sorry about those other listeners. I’m just focused on you now.
Yeah, how’s your evening going? Okay. Oh yeah, no, I know. I don’t want to…I’m not trying to make you the center of attention. Did you remember when I talked about malaise? Do you take your sandwich with malaise or without malaise? Malaise; the sandwich topping you don’t really want. Malaise; have it with a harrumph. You say, is a harrumph a sandwich or something you say when you’re having…? Well, I say, well, what if it was like the animated character that helped us sell jars of malaise? It’s like an imaginary, grouchy friend; Harrumph. So, you’re having a malaise sandwich and you’re feeding it to your imaginary friend, Harrumph. How come there’s never been an imaginary friend named Harrumph? I mean, I’m not kidding. We talk about the big ones. I guess there’s Oscar the Grouch. Who is Oscar’s best friend?
Snuffaluffagus, or was…Snuffaluffagus was kinda best friends with Big Bird. Oh, Oscar was friends with that worm. What was that worm’s name, right? Is a worm…? I’m sure someone will let me know. The worm…there was a worm or some sort of…yeah, like a pre-butterfly. Maybe it was a caterpillar. You know, to me, caterpillars and worms are different. I realize that, but I hold them with the same level of reverence. I prefer not to hold them because I want them to run free and be…have their own freedom, and I want to mind my own business and just appreciate them from afar. Also, I have this new thing I’m doing, pandering to beings in case they become sentient. So, if my harrumph becomes sentient…you know, I say, well, I gave you those sandwiches, so…but yeah, but they were coated with malaise.
Well, I just…because I like saying that. Will you take it with…should I put malaise on both slices or just one slice? Do you see me doing the fancy TV commercial, spreading with a knife, back-and-forth sweeping motion? That’s how I spread my malaise. Anyway…oh, sorry, new listeners. So, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m here to take your mind off of that. Oh, that was for regular listeners. Yeah, sorry, new listeners, I’m back. I just had to pander to…just in case any caterpillars are listening, or worms. That way I got my bases covered for the…hopefully that’ll tide them over for a few years. They say, well, when caterpillars took over…I say, well, that was 2020. Remember? I recorded something about you. They say, Scoots, it’s 2024.
First of all, also, we have everything on videotape, or, you know, mental memory bank. I say, what did I…? They say, well, you really didn’t stop and…you stopped and smelled the flowers. You didn’t sigh and look lovingly and longingly at enough caterpillars. I say, is it too late for me to start trying? Because I’m looking longing and lovingly at you, dear leader, and your court. Do you mind if I call you Malaise? I mean, I realize I don’t want to project anything onto you since you’re a sentient caterpillar leader. Okay, you’re right, I’ll get back to the intro. Okay, so, if you’re new, a couple things you may have noticed already. The podcast is very different, so, that’s one thing, and I really go off topic a lot; you’re right. So, if you’re new, most listeners say give it two or three tries.
The only reason people say that…because I say, well, it takes two or three tries. One, you gotta get used to the creaky, dulcet tones, then the second try, you might get used to the pointless meanders and superfluous tangents. Then the third try, you kinda realize, oh, you don’t really listen to the podcast. You just barely kinda listen. So, that’s one part of it, is just…just kinda barely kinda listen to me. The other thing is that this podcast really isn’t here to put you to sleep. I’m just here to keep you company while you fall asleep. I’m here to be your bore-bud, your bore-friend, your bore-companion, your bore-sib, and take your mind off of stuff. That’s why the shows are around an hour, to give you plenty of time to fall asleep.
Or if you wake up or if you can’t sleep or if you need a break during the day, I’m here to keep you company. That’s really what my job is, is to barely keep you engaged. But I work really hard on the show because, you know, I throw those things that are like jokes…they’re 40% jokes with…you know, 40% of the joke, 0% of the punchline; Sleep With Me. Now with double the malaise. You’d say, mm, malaise. That’s how I like my sleep podcast, with a side of harrumph. I’d say, well, it’s with Harrumph at my side. That’s my new side…yeah, I don’t want to call you a sidekick. Don’t worry, Harrumph. My new partner…well, that’s a little bit strong, ‘cause that would mean that I’d have to consult you on everything. Will you just say ‘harrumph’? Yeah, I don’t know if I can handle that.
I already have many, many…what do they call those when you have multiple parts of you where…with back-ups? You know, I have so many different…yeah, whatever parts of me that already harrumph about things or stronger criticisms. I don’t know if I…what if you say, harrumph? Okay, think about it. I’ll get back to you. So…okay, so, this is a podcast you don’t really listen to. It doesn’t really put you to sleep. You say, well, what other information do I need to know? ‘Cause I’m not sure how to feel about any of this. I would say, well, that’s understandable ‘cause this podcast, yeah, it’s very different. Other things that are different is the structure of the show. This could really throw you off, so I’m gonna point it out to you. Of course, it’s a little late.
Some people may have already said…so, the show starts off with a greeting; ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, friends beyond the binary. That’s so you know you’re welcome and you’re seen. Then there’s an intro. Oh no, then there’s business. The business is about six minutes, eight minutes? I don’t know. That’s how we get to bring you the show twice a week for free. Then there’s the intro. Now, the intro is about twenty minutes long, some…maybe sixteen minutes sometimes, maybe eighteen, maybe seventeen, maybe fifteen, maybe nineteen, maybe twenty-four. It’s where I introduce the podcast every single time, which is what a normal intro would be, but then I go off topic and I kinda just see where things go. I follow…I go on a pointless meander and a superfluous tangent.
The reason I do that is because…well, one, that’s what I’m…how I’m trained. I’ve been training to do this for years and years and years. But also, because the show…the idea is it eases you into bedtime, right? So, the intro creates some distance between the daytime and the sleep time. It’s kinda like audio dusk. You’d say, yeah, maybe, Scoots. I’d say, yeah, it’s like audio dusk, dusk audio. Dusk Audio; the solution that Scoots just came up with. It’s like audio. You don’t listen to it and it doesn’t make any sense. It’s Dusk Audio, now with extra malaise. Harrumph? So, what was I saying? Oh, the intro. It goes on and on and on because as you become a regular listener, you say, oh, I start listening before I get into bed or I’m getting comfortable or I’m slowly falling asleep.
So, it just gives you a little bit of a way to slowly land into bedtime. So, that’s the intro, then there’s business between the intro and the story. That’s the essential business, and then there’s the story. Tonight, it’ll be our modular episodic series with a touch of soap-operatic action, North Pole…As the North Pole Turns, or something. I don’t know what it’s called yet ‘cause I haven’t recorded it. But so, that’s…then there will be…so, the story, then there’s thank-yous. So, that’s the structure of the show. Those are the kinda other things you need to know. The other things that are important are you, you getting…you deserve a good night’s sleep. It’s important to me that you get the sleep you need.
That’s really why I make this show, and not only do you deserve a good night’s sleep, I believe our world will be a better place if your world’s a better place. So, if you get some rest and you get some solace, life’s gonna be better for all of us. So, I think those are the things…I’m trying to think…I was trying to figure out anything else. I mean, that’s what’s important. So, yeah, I think that’s it. I’m glad you’re here. I really appreciate you checking this show out, and I really appreciate your time. I work very hard. I yearn and I strive, and I really want to help you fall asleep. Thanks again for coming by, and here’s a couple of ways I’m able to bring you this podcast twice a week.
Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest.
What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever is keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, things on your mind, so, thoughts you’re thinking about, thoughts, feelings, any emotions coming up, so, thoughts about the past, present, or future, feelings about the past, present, future or just that are there that you’re feeling — that’s why they call them feelings — feelings, physical sensations, changes in time or temperature or routine, whether…whatever…whatever’s going on, whatever’s keeping you awake, I’m here to take your mind off of it.
What I propose to do is create a safe place where you could set all that stuff aside at the door or you could bring it with you and just set it as your side. You don’t have to set it aside literally. I guess that’s actually the right word of…you could figuratively or you could actually set it to your side, set it nearby. We could…you say, well, no, I prefer it…I’d say, don’t worry, we got it set up. Maybe you’ve heard of in the past, a long time ago, or recently. Who knows? I don’t remember this stuff well. We did design cubbies, and did I…? Here’s the thing; I just realized that cubbies and cubs…like cute cartoons cubbies…there’s also…the Chicago Cubs are called the Cubbies. So, if you’re a Cubs fan, we have Cub-based cubbies, and then if you say, well, I’m not a Cubs fan…I’d say, what do you mean?
Come on, don’t you root for the…don’t you have some Cub fan…Cub…? You say, I’m not sure what you’re talking about. I say, well, okay…well, we have…we don’t only have Cub-based cubbies. We have cubbies that look like cubs, we have a drink, a bedtime drink called a Cup of Cubbie, which took us a while to think of. We said, well, it’s gotta be a well-organized drink. What do you call that? Not perforated. What do you call that when it’s divided but it’s not divided? They said, I don’t know. I said, well, a Cup of Cubbie. I say, a bit like a Fuzzy Navel. No, no, no, not an…well, because then you say, well, what kind of…? There’s almost a pun in there. What does a cub drink or what do you drink out of a cub’s belly? Nothing, by the way. That’s the answer to that question.
Oh, sorry, I was gonna try to create a…so, we have cubbies, which also…or lockers. Those are…yeah, you can use…you can’t use those interchange…we have interchangeable lockers, which are cool, and lockers with interchangeable things on the inside. ‘Cause you say, well, I’d like to make my locker…section it off into some cubbies. I say, don’t worry. Oh, we also have shelving. We have floor space, ‘cause some people say, I’ll just put in on the floor. I don’t need a…I say, don’t worry. Yeah, we got that too. You can do that. We’ll be ready for you. Oh, so, I’m gonna try to create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. One of the ways I do that is I send my voice across the deep, dark night.
I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, superfluous tangents…so, I go off topic, I get mixed up, then I get confused, then I go on a…I say, well, confuse…a profusion of confusion. That was a tangent I’ve gone on in my life. Then I’ll talk about that, then I’ll circle back. But it’s all to keep you company as you drift off. So, a couple other things to know if you’re new…a lot of important things to know…new. One thing I want to tell you if you’re new or newish is you could always skip the intro. Some people start the show at twenty minutes, twenty-two minutes, about two percent of people, ‘cause they want to get to the story part. But just skip the intro after you’ve listened for…you’ve listened to the intro…if you say, well, I like the show; I don’t like the intro, then start skipping ahead, because you never know.
The intro became this way because of listener feedback, and not just listener feedback over a couple weeks. Like, years and years and years of listener feedback. So, I wouldn’t say it’s been studied, but it’s also studied that two percent of people skip the intro, then a few thousand people listen to the story-only episodes on Patreon. So, that’s another option. You can’t really…then people say, well, why does it have to have ads? It’s because so it’s free, and otherwise it would be behind one of the services that either…that’s just the choice I make, is if the podcast is free and listener and ad-supported, that’s how I can reach the most people at the minimal cost to the user. So, that’s that, then…okay, oh, so…oh, those are a couple things.
So, you can skip the intro, but I don’t want you missing out, either. I mean, you might…this is one thing; I said, I don’t want you missing out on something you’re gonna fall asleep to and not listen to. It sounds strange but it’s just based on what I hear from listeners. So, there’s that. Oh, so, if you’re skeptical — this kinda goes along with it — or you’re doubtful when you’re new to the show, that makes total sense, or if you say, I don’t know if I like this Scooter character. I can’t believe my grandmother, someone I went to the…a dance with, and my roommate’s cousin all recommended the same podcast. I’m not sure I like it. That’s a totally…that’s…the majority of people react that way. Skeptical…what do you mean you’re gonna put me to sleep? What are you talking about? Or, they like this guy?
Those are normal. I’m not defensive at all. Those are totally normal, legitimate reactions, and common. So, I just want to tell you if you’re feeling that way, totally normal. The only thing I’ll tell you is that a large number of feedback…I mean, in the millions of people, have told me that it took a few tries to get used to it. Maybe that’s overstating things, but if you hear from one person out of every hundred, then, yeah, it’s in the millions for sure. Give it a few tries and see how it goes. The podcast is free, so, just test it out a couple nights and then see if it works for you or not, or if that skepticism wanes or whatever. But so, that’s the other thing to know. Also, this podcast is not here to put you to sleep, really.
It’s more here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff, to be your companion, your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-cuz, your bore-sib, your bore-bestie, your bore-bruh, then to be…I don’t know if I want to say we’re like the lily pad that the frog sits upon. We’re not the frog that…we’re like the lily pad, but I’m not sure about that ‘cause it doesn’t make any sense. It just popped in my head. I thought I’d say it. Literally, I saw…it said, we’re the lily pad the frog sits on. I said, what are you, the Reggie Jackson of sleep metaphors? I say, I don’t understand what you’re saying. I say, no, don’t worry. So, those…oh, so, if you’re…oh, so, don’t really…this podcast doesn’t really put you to sleep. It’s here…that’s why the shows are about an hour, to give you plenty of time to drift off at your leisure.
If you can’t sleep, whether it’s situationally or you just can’t sleep, I’m here to keep you company. I’m gonna be here to the very end, and you can queue up episode after episode after episode if you need companionship in the deep, dark night. That’s part of my job. So, I’ll be here to keep you company whether you’re awake or asleep. A couple of other things to know; this show…oh, so, I’m…don’t…oh, don’t listen to me. That’s the other thing. I’m not here to put you to sleep, but I’m not here to be listened to. This is a podcast you barely pay attention to. Like I said, I don’t want you missing out on your opportunity not to pay any attention to me and barely listen by skipping the story, but you can do that. Then you say, oh, okay, that’s what I prefer. So, there’s that. So, those are two things.
Oh, the other thing is the structure of the show, which I said kinda with the intro, but I’ll now explain a little bit more detail. That can throw people off. So, the show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, frog-based beings, Yodish friends, Jedis, everybody, lily pads. Talk about a good listener. That’s one of the most underrated listeners on the planet, is a lily pad. They have…someone said they can’t…they’re not hearing you. I said, well, first of all, they are…they can receive sound waves and water waves, by the way. They may not be listening to me, but that doesn’t make them any different than the people in my life or the people that listen to this podcast. Oh, what was my point? Oh, structure of the show. So, it starts off with a greeting so you know you’re welcome here.
Then there’s business. That’s how we’ll keep the podcast free, then there’s the intro. Now, the intro’s somewhere right around now. Between the greeting, the ads, and the intro, it’s like twenty to twenty-six minutes or something. I don’t know, when I record it, it’s different, but I guess that’s kinda how it comes out in the end. So, but the intro serves a really important purpose. Other than introducing new people to the podcast, it gives you some wind-down time. That’s why it developed this way, is because if I just start the story, then you gotta think about…well, the story…when…I gotta fall asleep before the story ends. I don’t want you to have to worry about that.
So, there’s this nice wind-down or landing time where you can either be in bed getting comfortable, be in bed falling asleep, or getting ready for bed or doing some other relaxing activity, even if it’s just laying there chillaxing. Playing with chillaxing figures; we invented that. Then we…they said, don’t use chillaxing in the podcast anymore. I said, I’ll try to remember that, but…so, that’s what the…so, the intro’s just to ease you into bedtime. That’s my point. But yeah, it’s not for everybody. Then there’s business between the intro and the story. That’s how a podcast structure works. I say, well, that’s where the ads go. So, then there’s that, and then there’s our recap of the Mandaborian, Mandaborian on Mandalorian.
I’ll be…this time, I really…I just recorded the episode and I managed to talk about it longer than the episode, which is…that’s always an accomplishment. So, it’s something I’m pretty proud of. I talked about…according to the recorder, I talked about a thirty-four-minute episode for like fifty-four minutes or something. Now, some of that will be edited out, dead air or whatever, or…but that’s pretty good. So, then…and then there’s thank-yous at the end. So, that’s the structure of the show. The other thing to know is the reason I make this podcast is because you deserve a good night’s sleep. You deserve a place where you can get some respite and some rest so that you can live your life in a more full way tomorrow.
If I can make sleep less of a hassle, less of a rigmarole, something you don’t dread, that’s my goal, because I’ve been there. The other thing is I know how it feels tossing, turning, mind racing, trouble getting to sleep, trouble staying asleep. Yep, I’ve dealt with all those things. So, yeah, that’s why I’m here. That’s why I make the show. One way to view it is a bit like a lily pad. You say, okay, Sleep With Me is probably…you say, what natural thing this week are you gonna compare the show to? I’d say, well, a lily pad. Functional, first of all. You know, it’s good for sitting. It’s great for looking at. So, aesthetically, I wouldn’t say…now, a lily pad with a lily, that’s different. This is just a lily pad. You could say…I mean, I would say it’s aesthetically pleasing. Not all lily pads are.
So, I would say, yeah, we’re a little bit on the lily pad that’s been in the sun and somehow sunk its roots into a place…you say, well, that lily pad is not getting the maximum amount of nutrients like some of the other ones, but it’s still a healthy lily pad. I’d say, it’s a creaky, dulcet lily pad for sure, somewhat passive. You say, well, what’s a lily pad do? It kinda just sits there. You could look at it. Also frogs, dragonflies, other…I don’t know if…here’s a question that’s never come up; hey water striders, you need a break anytime? Let me know. We’ve had fictional water striders on the podcast before. But hey, if I was a lily pad, I’d say, hey, water strider, come on over. Sit down or whatever. I don’t know what you do to relax, but if you’d like to…I’ve never seen a water strider relax.
So, they say, Scoots, what natural animal are you most like? I’d say, probably a water strider. The water strider says, hey, bub, have you ever tried walking on water? The only other person to do it is a transcendent being. I’d say, well, I’m aware of that. But well, one time I saw…I had these…I saw at a garbage thing — a dump, they call it — these Styrofoam water shoes. I got those and I fell down a lot, so, it can’t be easy. But, yeah. But I’m just saying if you want a break, I’m here as a lily pad or a person. You could…I mean, you don’t have any protuberances or anything. You could hop on my skin if you want. But just an offer to water striders everywhere. Not all of you at once, of course, please, no…that I can only accommodate…that’s just more of a polite way of saying it.
If I meet a water…first, there’d probably be an application process. If I was…figuratively as a lily pad, it’s fine. I’m just more…you say, oh, this…hey, Scoots, this is the International Water Strider Association. We’re the lobbying group for water striders. We heard of your offer on the podcast and we consider it a legal compact, so, we’ll be moving in. Moving in where? On you. We’re gonna be living on you now. Scoots-striders, we’ll be calling ourselves. I’d say, well, I don’t think…maybe before you want to try…maybe you send some representatives to try it out, ‘cause I can’t recommend…I mean, I don’t know. There’s not a lot…I’m not…I don’t have a high strideability, either. I mean, I can stride with…striding with the striders, though.
So, this is our friend Summer who made a documentary about the podcast and has a idea for a new doc. Just made me think about the possible subject if Summer’s listening. Say, Striding with the…we could think of a group called The Striders, Striding with the Striders. So, I don’t know. So, if you’re new, you say, what happened? This person was trying to introduce the podcast and then they…I say, well, that’s how I’m like a lily pad. Also, a lily pad, like I said, is a great thing to talk to. If you say, well, I gotta get something off my chest but I’m not really ready for a human or even maybe a being that could look at me yet…I mean, maybe I’d try a toad or a frog later. Yes, I’d start with a lily pad, because people…the people that don’t get it would say, a lily pad can’t hear you.
But I’d say, a lily pad’s like an…it is like a…it’s…it could hear you. It can feel your sound waves. There’s no doubt about it. Even science would back me up on this. You might have to…you don’t need to talk that close. Don’t close-talk a lily pad right away. Also, probably not the best idea because it’s so exposed, but I think…remind me this summer when I…if I finally get out of where I am, I’m gonna kiss a lily pad. I’m gonna do it. I mean, I’m gonna do it. If you’re a scientist, let me know. Say, Scoots, please don’t kiss any lily pads. This is the Lily Pad Council of the World. Please don’t kiss any lily pads. I’d say, well, yeah, I’ll bring some Purell or something. They say, no, please don’t put Purell…as the International Council of Lily Pads, we’ve decreed you not a friend of lily pads. I say, well, I was just talking ideas.
How about if I kiss my fingers and then touch-kiss you? Whatever that…well, I’ll blow you a…let’s just agree on this; this summer I’ll blow lily pads kisses nonstop. Talk about…this is 2020 when I’m recording this, but if you say, Scoots, how do you see 2021 going in a cartoonish fashion? Mid…third-quarter…mid-to-late 2021? That’s me in a boat blowing kisses to lily pads. That’s what I’m looking forward to doing in 2021. Like, ‘08, 2021. You say, Scoots, yeah, if everything goes good, what’ll it be? International travel, jet planes, extreme sports? No, in a boat blowing kisses to lily pads and talking to them. Probably at that point I’ll be serenading them and working on my new program for water striders. Give them a break. Probably we’ll have some signs or something.
Slow your wake, give…‘cause, you know, if you live in a…if you’ve ever been in a boat zone where people park their boats and stuff, it says Slow your Wake. Then sometimes people…hey, give the water striders a break. Slow your wake. I would also put in an F-R-I-G-G-I-N. Let me know. Maybe Bernie can do an episode about that. So, anyway, I’m glad you’re here. I work really hard and I yearn and I strive. I want to help you fall asleep. I appreciate you checking the podcast out, and here’s a couple ways I’m able to do this for you twice a week.
[END OF RECORDING]
(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)
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All Intros
What is “room temperature”?
https://sciencenotes.org/what-is-room-temperature/
https://www.thekitchn.com/what-room-temperature-means-kitchen-facts-216648
https://blog.wellcare-global.com/blog/the-ideal-room-temperature-for-living-and-sleeping
National Parks
http://npshistory.com/publications/brief_history/index.htm
https://www.history.com/topics/us-government/national-park-service
https://morethanjustparks.com/national-parks-ranked/
Measuring Space
https://public.nrao.edu/ask/how-do-astronomers-measure-the-size-of-the-universe/
Butterfly Metamorphosis
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/caterpillar-butterfly-metamorphosis-explainer/
https://ansp.org/exhibits/online-exhibits/butterflies/lifecycle/
https://www.zmescience.com/ecology/animals-ecology/how-caterpillar-turn-butterfly-0534534/
Locker History
https://www.naomikizhner.com/evolution-of-lockers/
https://www.ozloka.com/the-history-of-lockers-and-a-few-historical-locker-moments/
https://debourgh.com/a-brief-history-of-hallway-locker-latching/
DOWN TO BUSINESS
I don’t know why I just took on that weird tone
PLUGS
Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline; Referral Program
SPONSORS
Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Lumen; Uncommon Goods
INTRO
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- 926
- Mystery Subscription Boxes of Feelings
- Mail Surprises
- I get my mail emailed to me before I get it
- Overthinking about mail before its arrival
- Regular listeners love my foibles
- Scoots, keep it human, man
- I’m keeping it human
- I want to normalize my avoidance behaviors without glamorizing them
- Lukewarm Safe Place
- What does “lukewarm” mean to you?
- The SWM Theme Park would not be successful
- Natural Organic Climate Control
- The Tepid Approach
- I’ve already forgotten what I was talking about
- Avoiding Mail
- You’ve Got Mail
- Too much Meg Ryan Free Association going on
- I probably shouldn’t bring up definitely problematic movies from the late 80s
- This is more of a Companionship Show
- Wrapup of Otter Things
- Back to procrastinating my mail
- Multiple things in my apartment broke
- Landlord Mail Anxiety
- I’m definitely not Tenant of the Year
- Some people love getting mail
STORY
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- 927
- X-Men: Days of Future Past
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- Sweet Emotions could be keeping you up
- My non lulling, soothing tones are not for this show
- A Frog or the Egg Situation
- Is my voice sound waves or are they carried by sound waves?
- I do sound like what a dentist in a craggy mountain would sound like
- I’d love to fly so I could see some crags
- Craggy Aspirational
- I see most of my crags from the road
- What mountains are craggy?
- Old Jonesy Jones, the Troubadour of Stone
- Are there any crags on Tatooine?
- Old Crag Cromwell, the one Cromwell that isn’t famous
- I’d name a plant or a turtle Crag
- I’m sure there are plenty of fish that look like a Crag
- Is that anything like a Rock Lobster?
- Mandalorian Chapter 10 “The Passenger”
- There’s definitely some characters from Thor: Ragnarok that could be called Crag
- As smooth as the face of Half Dome
- The first modeling clay model
- Ensconced in Clay
- I put all my money in clay
- I want you to flourish
- NO 928
- 929
- Listicles and Lists
- The Litany of List podcast I never made
- A shift in the 4th dimension
- What do axes and dimensions have to do with each other?
- Someone out there must measure dimensions for a living
- My brain knows I’m not qualified for that
- Measuring the Dimensions of Dimensions
- I heard there’s a new supercollider that doesn’t have to be measured in Kelvin
- Compliments for Supercolliders and Particle Accelerators
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- I was confusing distaste with neutrality
- Ambivalent at Best
- Let’s make night time a little bit nicer
- A holiday episode
- I believe in Santa Claus
- A new argument for the existence of Santa Claus
- Roberta Claus took over in 2013
- #laying
- There’s no sleep podcast that I can put on
- Acceptance when I wake up early
- I get frowny when I want to go back to sleep
- At least I’m not like Scoots
- 930
- How are you already in bed?
- Forlorn Malaise, in a bathrobe
- What would Freud say about this conversation?
- I don’t feel malaise when I say “malaise”
- Imagining I’m at a Renaissance Faire
- M’Lays
- Oh so creaky are these dulcet tones
- I’m not good at jokes with punch lines
- Malaise with a side of Harumph
- Oscar the Grouch was best friends with … a worm?
- Caterpillars vs Worms
- The fancy, TV commercial, knife sandwich spreading motion
- Pandering to Caterpillars and Worms
- With Harumph at my side
- I already have so many parts of myself that harumph
- I’ve been training to do this for years
- Audio Dusk
- As The North Pole Turns
- 931
- You can put whatever your bring with you and set it to the side
- Cubbies of all kinds
- Cub-Based Cubbies (CBCs)
- A bit like a fuzzy navel
- We have interchangeable lockers
- Cubbies within lockers
- Recommended by a truly weird variety of people
- We’re like the lilypad that the frog sits upon, maybe?
- The Reggie Jackson of Sleep Metaphors
- Frog-Based Beings (FBBs)
- Lilypads are the most underrated listeners
- Playing with Chillaxin’ Figures
- Recap of the Mandoborian
- I talked about a 34 minute episode for 54 minutes
- SWM is like a lilypad
- A lilypad without a flower
- An over-sunned, under-nourished lilypad
- Do water striders ever need a break?
- I’m most like a water strider
- I tried to use styrofoam water shoes once and just fell a lot
- Applying to meet a water strider
- International Water Strider Association
- They’re moving in
- Scoot Striders
- High Stridability
- Don’t close talk a lilypad right away
- One day, I will kiss a lilypad
- Please don’t kiss a lilypad
- I’ll blow kisses to lilypads in 2021
SUMMARY:
Episode: 1306
Title: Tepid Lists | All Intros 926 – 931
Plugs: Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline; Referral Program
Sponsors: Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Lumen; Uncommon Goods
Notable Language:
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- 926
- Pre-Procrastination Time
- Foibles
- I’m keeping it human
- Lukewarm Safe Place
- Natural Organic Climate Control
- Tepid
- Meg Ryan Free Association
- Companionship Show
- C-O-F-F-I-N
- Oh boy, you betcha
- 927
- Craggy
- Craggy Aspirational
- Yodish Beings
- Ensconced in Clay
- NO 928
- 929
- Litany of Lists
- Wriggly Dimensions
- Measuring the Dimensions of Dimensions
- Ambivalent at Best
- #laying
- 930
- Forlorn Malaise
- M’Lays
- Oh So Creaky
- Harumph
- Audio Dusk
- 931
- Cubbies
- Cub-Based Cubbies (CBCs)
- Frog-Based Beings (FBBs)
- Chillaxin’ Figures
- Water Strider
- Scoot Striders
- High Stridability
- F-R-I-G-G-I-N
Notable Culture:
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- 926
- United States Postal Service
- SWM Theme Park
- Sleep Cove
- Get Sleepy
- Sleep Whispers
- The Empty Bowl
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- Tom Hanks
- Billy Crystal
- Avoiding Mail
- You’ve Got Mail
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- Meg Ryan
- Mark Harmon
- Summer School Presidio
- Top Gun
- Otter Things
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- 927
- X-Men: Days of Future Past
- “Sweet Emotion” – Aerosmith
- The Craggy Dentist
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- El Capitan
- Yosemite
- Star Wars
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- Oshkosh B’Gosh
- “Rock Lobster” – B-52s
- The Mandalorian
- Thor: Ragnarok
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- Half Dome
- NO 928
- 929
- Litany of Lists, podcast
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- CERN
- Compliments for Supercolliders and Particle Accelerators
- Santa Claus
- 930
- Sigmund Freud
- Renaissance Faire
- Oscar the Grouch / Sesame Street
- As The North Pole Turns
- 931
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- Chicago Cubs
- Fuzzy Navel drink
- Reggie Jackson
- Mandalorian
- International Water Strider Association
- Purell
- International Council of Lilypads
Notable Talking Points:
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- 926
- Mystery Subscription Boxes of Feelings
- Mail Surprises
- I get my mail emailed to me before I get it
- Overthinking about mail before its arrival
- Regular listeners love my foibles
- Scoots, keep it human, man
- I’m keeping it human
- I want to normalize my avoidance behaviors without glamorizing them
- Lukewarm Safe Place
- What does “lukewarm” mean to you?
- The SWM Theme Park would not be successful
- Natural Organic Climate Control
- The Tepid Approach
- I’ve already forgotten what I was talking about
- Avoiding Mail
- You’ve Got Mail
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- Too much Meg Ryan Free Association going on
- I probably shouldn’t bring up definitely problematic movies from the late 80s
- This is more of a Companionship Show
- Wrapup of Otter Things
- Back to procrastinating my mail
- Multiple things in my apartment broke
- Landlord Mail Anxiety
- I’m definitely not Tenant of the Year
- Some people love getting mail
- 927
- X-Men: Days of Future Past
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- Sweet Emotions could be keeping you up
- My non lulling, soothing tones are not for this show
- A Frog or the Egg Situation
- Is my voice sound waves or are they carried by sound waves?
- I do sound like what a dentist in a craggy mountain would sound like
- I’d love to fly so I could see some crags
- Craggy Aspirational
- I see most of my crags from the road
- What mountains are craggy?
- Old Jonesy Jones, the Troubadour of Stone
- Are there any crags on Tatooine?
- Old Crag Cromwell, the one Cromwell that isn’t famous
- I’d name a plant or a turtle Crag
- I’m sure there are plenty of fish that look like a Crag
- Is that anything like a Rock Lobster?
- Mandalorian Chapter 10 “The Passenger”
- There’s definitely some characters from Thor: Ragnarok that could be called Crag
- As smooth as the face of Half Dome
- The first modeling clay model
- Ensconced in Clay
- I put all my money in clay
- I want you to flourish
- NO 928
- 929
- Listicles and Lists
- The Litany of List podcast I never made
- A shift in the 4th dimension
- What do axes and dimensions have to do with each other?
- Someone out there must measure dimensions for a living
- My brain knows I’m not qualified for that
- Measuring the Dimensions of Dimensions
- I heard there’s a new supercollider that doesn’t have to be measured in Kelvin
- Compliments for Supercolliders and Particle Accelerators
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- I was confusing distaste with neutrality
- Ambivalent at Best
- Let’s make night time a little bit nicer
- A holiday episode
- I believe in Santa Claus
- A new argument for the existence of Santa Claus
- Roberta Claus took over in 2013
- #laying
- There’s no sleep podcast that I can put on
- Acceptance when I wake up early
- I get frowny when I want to go back to sleep
- At least I’m not like Scoots
- 930
- How are you already in bed?
- Forlorn Malaise, in a bathrobe
- What would Freud say about this conversation?
- I don’t feel malaise when I say “malaise”
- Imagining I’m at a Renaissance Faire
- M’Lays
- Oh so creaky are these dulcet tones
- I’m not good at jokes with punch lines
- Malaise with a side of Harumph
- Oscar the Grouch was best friends with … a worm?
- Caterpillars vs Worms
- The fancy, TV commercial, knife sandwich spreading motion
- Pandering to Caterpillars and Worms
- With Harumph at my side
- I already have so many parts of myself that harumph
- I’ve been training to do this for years
- Audio Dusk
- As The North Pole Turns
- 931
- You can put whatever your bring with you and set it to the side
- Cubbies of all kinds
- Cub-Based Cubbies (CBCs)
- A bit like a fuzzy navel
- We have interchangeable lockers
- Cubbies within lockers
- Recommended by a truly weird variety of people
- We’re like the lilypad that the frog sits upon, maybe?
- The Reggie Jackson of Sleep Metaphors
- Frog-Based Beings (FBBs)
- Lilypads are the most underrated listeners
- Playing with Chillaxin’ Figures
- Recap of the Mandoborian
- I talked about a 34 minute episode for 54 minutes
- SWM is like a lilypad
- A lilypad without a flower
- An over-sunned, under-nourished lilypad
- Do water striders ever need a break?
- I’m most like a water strider
- I tried to use styrofoam water shoes once and just fell a lot
- Applying to meet a water strider
- International Water Strider Association
- They’re moving in
- Scoot Striders
- High Stridability
- Don’t close talk a lilypad right away
- One day, I will kiss a lilypad
- Please don’t kiss a lilypad
- I’ll blow kisses to lilypads in 2021
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