1295 – A Blueprint for Success | Alba Salix S2E5
Fun is raised as our family of healers work together with just a few sleepy surprises, like ponies.
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Episode 1296 – A Blueprint for Success | Alba Salix Season 2 Episode 5
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time for the podcaster who’s gonna take you on a trip to…who has trouble saying ‘Faloria’. But I guess if I would just…I didn’t have time to say…well, if you said, how far is it to Loria…? But I can't say it together. You say, what’s the distance to Loria? Is it short or far to Loria? It’s far to Loria, but that has a ‘to’ in it. But if you’re confused, you say, I thought I turned into a…I thought I tuned…did you turn into a sleep podcast? No, I tuned into…I didn’t tune into one. That’s what people used to do with the radio. But, I don't know, it’s been a while since I’ve…I’ve been thinking…but this is one show you could tune out to, and in a sense you kinda do, 'cause people just barely listen to me and then I slowly drift into the background and fade away.
So, welcome to Sleep With Me. New listeners, regular listeners, how you doing? Everybody’s welcome here. This is a podcast that keeps you company in the deep, dark night and is a friendly voice just telling you a story and talking to you that you can barely listen to. Yeah, that’s about it. We’re gonna be talking about Alba Salix later on, but first I’ll go on a long, meandering intro to help ease you into bedtime. So, I’m really glad you’re here. Welcome to Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. What we got coming up is sponsor support — that’s how we put the show out free for everybody — then a long, meandering intro meant to ease you into bedtime, and then a bedtime story from Alba Salix. So, I’m really glad you’re here, I work really hard, and I’m happy to try to take your mind off of stuff and put you to sleep. Thanks for coming by, and here’s a couple ways we’re able to do it for free twice a week.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, whether it’s thoughts, like things on your mind about the past, the present, the future, thinking thoughts, it could be feelings, anything coming up for you emotionally related to those thoughts or feelings from the past, the present, or the future or about the future. I don't know if you can…I mean, I have feelings about the future, oh…all the time. Mostly in the present.
The future’s one of my favorite things to have feelings about, and thoughts, but…and then the…for me, it’s the future first, then the past becoming the future, second, and then the present. Yeah, I’ll have feelings about that, too, and then I’ll think about the future. In some sense it’s time travel 'cause then it becomes…it’s always the present, though. It turns out, it’s always the present. That’s why I’m here being present for you, to keep you company whatever the feelings are. It could be physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, routine, you could be going through something, getting over something, you could work a different schedule, you could be traveling or have guests. Whatever it is, I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff so that you could fall asleep.
What I do is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents…I don't know, to keep you company because you deserve a good night's sleep. You deserve the rest you need that…so your life is more manageable, the rest you need so…where bedtime’s not a rigmarole, where it’s not something you dread as I have in the past or in the…in the present, I’m not dreading it; I’m just having…me and sleep still have a complicated issue or issues. Right now it’s…yeah, it’s always something. Me and sleep, it’s always some…always there…always something there to remind me with sleep…that I make a sleep…that I’m so glad to…I mean, honestly, I’m so glad I get to make a sleep podcast.
The reason I talk about my sleep or what’s keeping me awake is so you don’t feel alone, so you feel seen and welcomed, if…whether it’s baffling or you’re going through something or you’re dealing with something. Whatever it is, I might not know ex…or for…let’s use another example. You might not have experienced exactly what was keeping me awake last night, right, but I’m sure you can relate to it even though it was very…last night was a very specific situation. But I’m sure that there’s other people listening who have gone through the exact same thing, 'cause I just know across the world, there’s enough people listening. But even if you haven't experienced the same thing I was dealing with last night, you could relate to how it feels. I did my routine, I thought I was gonna fall asleep, and then, nope, no.
It wasn’t happening. I changed some stuff up, I got out of bed, I did all that. It wasn’t easy, right? I don't know, there’s a layer of feelings that come with that. But something that makes me feel better is knowing that there’s people out there across the world that can understand, and that’s the same for you. If you’re new or a regular listener, there’s people out there that you don’t even know that are really glad you’re here, and they’re kinda glad, 'cause it goes two ways. As you become a regular listener, if this podcast helps you like it helps them or how it helps me making the show, I don't know, it…it’s important. I don't know, it’s different, it’s digital; I know, but there is some connection.
There is something we share here, and it’s mostly a welcomeness and hopefully a distraction that this podcast can provide for you. Now, it does take some getting used to. This podcast just isn't for everybody. It is a niche idea even though I’ve been doing it a long time. I’m an acquired taste. But give it a few tries, because at first you’re gonna be skeptical, you’re gonna be doubtful…maybe you had expectations about what a sleep podcast is or somebody recommended this to you — that’s usually what happens — or you read about it somewhere and then somebody recommends it, and then you check it out and you say, what? This is supposed to put me to sleep? Well, no. I’m more here to keep you company while you fall asleep, to distract you. This is…but this is a sleep pod…? Where’s the…?
I thought there’d be chanting or some sort of bowls or chimes. Or, are we gonna be descending anywhere or is there gonna be any counting? Well, there will be a descent into senselessness and pointless meander…well, you don’t really descend into pointless meanders. You kind of…you wade…there’s a lot of wading in this podcast. Not wait…with an I; with a D. Like, you don’t need waders for the kind of wading we do. Not waiters with an I, either. That’s interesting. There’s waiting, like time-based waiting, then there’s wade…water-based or bog-based wading, then there’s waiters with a T, but is the T silent? Or…I don't know. Waiters…no one…I never said, bring me the waiter.
But it’s…and then there’s waders that you wear while wading, and then there’s waiters that…usually you’re not…sometimes you’re waiting…if there’s free refills and I need my Coke Zero, then I will be doing a little waiting on the waiter, or I’ll be expecting to be waited upon. Excuse…could I get another Coke Zero, please? Or another coffee? Or if it’s after 2:00 p.m. or I know I’m gonna be driving somewhere…no, no, don’t need the refill, actually. It’s after 2:00 p.m. or I got three hours in the car, so, no. I love a refill, but I can't do it right now. Whoever would have thought we’d do some roleplaying, the first kind of roleplay in a while, and it’s based on the confusion about waiting, waiters, waders, and wading? But what was my point in there? I totally lost it.
Oh, this is a podcast…it takes some getting used to. That’s just what most regular listeners said, that it took two or three tries to get used to the podcast. At first they didn’t like it or at first it was much different than they expected, and they said, I don't think this is for me. But then on the second or third try, they say, oh, this podcast is like waiting around in either…you’re not really…it’s…if there was someone that could keep me company so I could forget that I’m waiting with a T…and I’m watching them wading with a D but in a barely entertaining way…I never would have thought wading could be a spectator sport. Not the waiting with a T; the wading with a D.
Like, I never thought watching somebody walk around in a…I mean, yeah, I guess there’s been commercials with cranberry bogs before, but this is just…I mean, here’s something…just…we’re putting this idea out there just in case someone is in possession of cranberry bogs, like you have full cranberry bog clearance, and there’s a season where I could do some wading around in your bog. This is not a joke. I would love to do it and film it. It would be probably 2025 or 2026, but where I could just wade around in your bog. Then we could test out this idea. You say, well, that’s not really entertaining watching…so, you’re just…? Well, I’m doing a little bobbing. At first I would…I have to check; could I bob underwater? But I’m sure the berries are bobbing in the bog. So, then I’m also making up tongue twisters.
Yeah, so that’s a bit what this podcast is. So, it does take some getting…you say, that’s a show I’m gonna watch now? Well, no. You won't…you’ll just barely watch it, obviously. Yeah, it’s called Boggin’ Around, and there’s…there is a song. Is that a Counting Crows song that kinda fits in there? I’m just boggin’ around here in this…I’m just a bogger. I don't know, is someone a bog…who act…if I actively bog, if I’m actively participating in a bog, am I a bogger? But yeah, I think there is…I’m just boggin’ around here in this bog. I’m a bogger. I don't know if we get the rights to that song…probably not. Would that be a parody, though, if I just sang that part? If it was a show…it’s only gonna be one episode, though, 'cause there’s a lot of bogs that are not…that I’m not interested in being in, you know?
Unless they’re…I mean, great…I don't know, what are the great fictional bogs of history? How many of them, other than cranberry bogs…? Bogs are…talk about something that doesn't get love. I mean, it does on this podcast, but I’m also trying to be honest. I’m not trying to oversell you…I’m not trying to give it a Hollywood makeover, bogs. I don't know, the Princess and the Frog…was there any bogs in that? I’d have to look into that. That’d be the most likely idealized bog if there was one. I’m trying to think of any other…Frog and Toad; was that just a musical my daughter was in? So, I don't know about that one. That’d be pretty good, though, if the frog and toad had a disagreement about bogs.
Other movies, other swamp-based films, most of them, they’re ones that you wouldn't want…you wouldn't be boggin’ around. You’d be more trying to get outta…but if Tiana…it’s like, can I get some beignets in this bogs? There you go. Okay, I gotta get to the sleep podcast, right? So, you’re like, when is…? Oh yeah, the show’s always never getting started. So, it does take some getting used to. If you already loathe me and the podcast, which is common, sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou has other sleepy stuff and sleep podcasts on there. So, it’s a podcast you just barely listen to. It also doesn't put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep, to take your mind off of stuff.
There’s a reason the episodes are over an hour. There’s no pressure to fall asleep with this show. I’m just here to barely entertain you and barely distract you, and then you wake up…obviously with this show, tomorrow, you’ll be like, what was that guy…what was that sleep guy talking about, hun? I don't know, but I think…I feel like a glass of cranberry juice and I feel like looking at a body of water that is slow-moving…a body of water that’s moving very slowly, if at all. Not totally stagnant, but a nearly-stagnant body of water. Honey, is that what a bog is or is that a swamp? I don't know. I don't know, but what do you say we go drink some cranberry and look at…? What do you say we go bog-hopping? Is it bog-hopping or bog-peeping? Bog…I’d say bog-hopping. Honey, I feel like a frog already.
Well, I’ve always considered you more of a toad. Oh, dear. So, was this on the sleep…? I don't know, but I slept great. So, that’d kinda the podcast. You kinda wake up…'cause I’m here to keep you company, to be your bore-friend, bore-sib, your bore-bae, your bore-bud, your neigh-bore, your bore-bogger, your bore-bog bud, your bog bud, bog buddy. Who do you go to a bog…? Who do you go bogging with? My bog buds. My bore-bud, my bore-bestie, my bore-bor, my bores, my best bore-bog friend f’eva. So, yeah, I’m here to keep you company, not put you to sleep, and then you just wake up. You say, okay, I barely remember what he talked about. Maybe something about bogs. What else do you need to know?
I don’t put you to sleep, I barely entertain you, most people don’t like the show, it takes some getting…can you give me more good news? Oh yeah, the structure of the show. It can be controversial for some…I have no idea why, but I always explain it. I just think that sleep and lack of sleep and sleep podcasts are inexorably intertwined, like stuff in a bog. Bogs are not exactly…there’s a tepid response to…bogs are tepid; the response to bogs are tepid. I think sleep podcasts…so, people can be a little bit strong…have strong feelings about it, about the structure. So, that’s why I explain it, so you feel…so I’m meeting you where you are. If you decide, I kinda like this podcast but I wish it was structured differently, I’ll tell you how to do that. But most people listen to this ad-supported, linear version of the podcast.
This is what most people benefit from. So, this show starts off with a greeting; friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, so you feel seen and welcomed in. You say, okay, I’ll check that podcast out. Then there’s a long…oh, then there’s support so that paying for the show is optional. If you prefer no ads, just prefer the show directly on Sleep With Me+. That probably means you get enough value out of it anyway to make that worth it. Then there’s a long, meandering intro that’s meant to ease you into bedtime. It introduces the podcast, but it takes me about fifteen, twenty minutes, 'cause…you know, then I come up with new hobbies like boggin’. A toboggan in a…I’m boggin’…what do you do in the winter? Toboggan. I toboggan all across my bog if it’s the correct temperature.
I’m either boggin’ or toboggan…that’s…that would be a bumper sticker. That’s a niche bumper sticker. No one…my other toboggan…my other bog’s a toboggan. That doesn't even make any sense, but that’s what I would like as a bumper sticker anyway. That would be very confusing and it’d probably wouldn't be good for drivers. So, I probably wouldn't use it as a bumper sticker 'cause people would be like, can you get a little closer to that car, hun? Why? I’m just trying to make sense of that bumper sticker he has. Does it really say ‘My other bog is a toboggan’? I think it does, hun. Well, that doesn't make any sense at all. That’s a car. I don't see any toboggans. I don't know what he means, my other bog’s a toboggan. That’s right…oh, that’s that sleep podcaster, hun. Nothing makes…he’s always never getting started.
Maybe that should be a piece of merch. I don't know if…would anybody buy that, ‘My other bog’s a toboggan’? Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, structure of the show. So, the intro goes on and on and on with stuff like this 'cause I go off topic, but it’s also somewhat intentional. The structure of the…or the structure of the intro is separate from the support. It’s a show within a show that’s familiar every time but it’s different every time. So, that means — at least for most of the people that listen to this podcast, in my experience — having something that feels comforting but unpredictable in a comforting way keeps distracting you versus something repetitive. So, that’s one reason we have the intro the way it is.
The other reason is it takes about twenty minutes as part of a bedtime routine, a wind down for most listeners. There is a percentage of listeners that fall asleep during the intro, but for most people, they’re winding down, getting ready for bed, getting in bed getting comfortable, or doing some other chill activity so that they could have a buffer between being awake and asleep, and that’s what the intro does. If you prefer a show without intros, Bedtime Stories from Sleep With Me is on all podcast apps, and that just has the stories from the show. If you remember, on Sleep With Me+, you get a whole feed I think with almost 1,000 story-only episodes. So, those are options if you just want the stories. But for the people listening to this version, try it out first and see if the intro helps ease you into bedtime.
It’s your bore-friend, your bore-bud. So, people like that part. Then there’s support after the intro so the show…paying for it’s optional. Then there’s a long…no, then there’s a bedtime story. Tonight it’ll be a crossover with Alba Salix and our friends at Alba Salix and Alba and the whole team. It’s been a very popular crossover we’ve been doing. Then after that is the end of the show and some goodnights. So, that’s the structure of the show. That’s why I make the show. I work really hard. A team of people work really hard on the show, and we all yearn and strive. We really hope we can help you fall asleep. We appreciate you coming by, and here’s the ways we’re able to do it for you for free twice a week.
Alright everybody, it’s time for Alba Salix, Season 2, Episode 5, A Blueprint for Success. King Gunther’s outlandish plans for a new school of medicine require Minister Pearcey and the House of Healing crew to throw a gala fundraiser. Eli starts the episode off saying hello, welcome, and…time flies when you’re making podcasts. It’s a busy season. The finale was coming next week when Eli recorded it. There’s more stories to come, and that includes The End of Time and Other Brothers. If you haven't heard it yet, Other Brothers is a spinoff set in the same world as Alba, full of fairy cakes and friends and other funny things, and there’s a holiday special on the way, with a new season starting…starting in that January. You can find Other Brothers in your favorite podcast app.
There’s also another season of Axe and Crown…The Axe and Crown. So, you could get back together with that crew. Don’t forget to support things like Alba Salix on Patreon or wherever they do their funding, 'cause almost everything like this is listener-supported just like Sleep With Me. So, keep an eye out and support your favorite podcast. As the music begins…and we head out to Episode 5, into the palace throne room, and the sound of a big, wooden door opens. We hear footsteps, Gunther’s footsteps. I’m King Gunther, of course. Good to see you, Minister. Hello, Alba. Yes, yes, thank you. It is…I am Minister Pearcey, Your Majesty. Alba here, Your Majesty. Oh, good, good, good. Yes, you could call me Your Grace as well if you choose so.
I’ve been reviewing your proposal for this new school of helping people getting better, teaching people to help people get better. Oh, really? As Minister, I’m surprised. You read it? I mean, thank you for reading it, Your Majesty. Yes, yes…‘Your Grace’, though. I agree; we need to begin training a new generation of healers to keep this kingdom fit and well. A state-of-the-art facility for research and education…I believe we should begin as soon as possible. Wow. As Alba, this is great news. Yeah, this…as Minister, I already have my staff. I can have them drop a list of requirements for building design. Oh no, no, no, as your King, I could tell you that there’s no need. What do you mean, Your Majesty? Oh, I’ve designed it already. Oh boy, this is Alba; I’m not…I’m just not gonna say anything at all.
I’m just talking to myself. I’m not gonna say anything. Oh, come on over here. I got it right over here. Behold. You could see here on my desk…oh, boy. This is…Your Grace, this is your minister; it’s very nice. Yes, isn't it? I’ve been using a new tool for it. It was a gift from the gnomish ambassador. It’s this kit with all these parts you can snap together to create visualizations of buildings or whole streets. Look at…do you see the little trees? Yes, that’s…those are trees, Your Majesty. Alba can see those trees. Yeah, as Minister, I think those trees are lovely, Your Majesty. Now we just…you could just pop down a piece of paper, and then this quill magically draws all the blueprints and the budget for us just based on all of that. See the quill? It’s sketching and writing. It’s going so fast, I can barely watch it.
As Minister, that’s quite a strange shape it’s taking. Oh yeah, it’s a unicorn. Unicorns are known for their legendary powers of healing. Oh, this is Alba; please give me strength. Oh, Your Majesty, is it lying down? I’m a bit confused. This tower over here…oh yeah, that tower is its head. I thought maybe even the horn could light up magically. Is that possible? I’m speechless, Your Majesty. I mean, I’m quite certain there’s no other building like this in the world. I know, I know, I know. I’ve already assigned a decree that construction will begin in the spring. Oh, well, that’s good. So you already have the funding already? Yeah, well, that’s why I kinda brought you two down here. We need to find the money to get the old shovels in the ground, as they say. This building looks like it’s gonna need more than shovels.
Oh, indeed, indeed. But shovels, then bricks, then a roof, obviously. Spoken just like an architect, Your Majesty. So, I need the two of you to coordinate and start fundraising…private sources. How much are we gonna need, Your Majesty? Well, according to the budget calculator, 540,000 crowns. Yeah, maybe there’d even be some pennies left over for the existing House of Healing? Oh yeah, we could put that on the budget, too. The way I thought we’d do it is we could hold a great, big gala or a gala. Would you prefer gala or gala? But the Queen herself, she’ll be the Royal Patron and she can lead the fundraising campaign.
Well, that’s lovely of her. Since Parabel is going to be the founding patron, it’s going to be called the Queen Parabel School of Helping People Helping…Training People to Help People Help Others. Oh, of course it will. Why don’t…instead of a unicorn, why don’t you make a building shaped like her, then? Alba, that’s brilliant. What was I thinking? Oh, unicorns indeed. I’m gonna have to find Parabel right away. Excuse me. Don’t forget to tell her to ask all her friends for money. With that, the…I am the announcer. By appointment to the King and Queen, Alba Salix, Royal Physician, Volume 2, Episode 5th, A Blueprint for Success.
Here we are in the House of Healing in reception as Minister Pearcey paces around the room. Oh, my good…Loria warned me there was something like this coming, but I had no idea it would be this bad. Has anyone heard anything from the Queen yet? No…this is Alba here; she’s…she hasn’t really gone out in public lately since, well…wait, since what? Is there something going on? Well, you didn’t hear it from me, but she’s expecting. Expecting…expecting? Like, when is she expecting this expectation? Is she gonna be able to carry out her duties as patron of the school? No, she’ll be fine. It’s April. The expectation will arrive in April. But that doesn't mean she’s gonna do anything for us. Oh. It’s down to us, then. A half-million crowns for a building we didn’t even ask for.
Oh, I thought you’d be used to stuff like this at this point. You know I’ll be the one to blame when it doesn't go right. Oh, my goodness. Swan boats, it’s the swan boats again. It’s not the swan boats. It is. I’m responsible for building someone else’s bad idea, and I’m gonna be the one who has to clean it up afterwards. Okay, it’s Loria; let’s just…Minister Pearcey, let’s just calm down. We just have to come up with a plan. Yes, a plan. Alright. So, who’s our main demographic, wealthy patrons, the nobility? Let me get a pen and paper out here and do some notes. Okay, well, Her Majesty is the best connection there, but maybe we should focus on wealthy merchants and industrialists? Maybe they want their name on this prestigious project.
After all, the more people that can help them, the better…the more people we teach to help their…the people that work with them, the better they are. Yeah, but I didn’t go…I didn’t want to become Royal Physician to fundraise. It’s not exactly a part of my job description, either, but here we are. Could any of your staff be…? I’m serious, though; could any of your staff be of help to us? There’s a first time for anything. As we go slightly into the future, a door and a doorstep…and a knocking on that door. The door is opened by a village elder. Yes, can I help you? Oh, Magnus here, ma’am. My name’s Magnus. I think I said that. I’m here on behalf of the Ministry of Magical Affairs and Health. Never heard of it. Well, yeah, it’s a new thing. We’re raising money to build a new school for healers.
Well, that sounds very nice, but I’m…okay, let me ask you a question. Do you like feeling good? I suppose so. Like eating, fresh air, smiling, all…you know, the benefits of being in a state of not needing healing. Sure. You know the number-one things that could get in the way of that? Ponies? No, not ponies. Other things wandering around that I might not find tasteful? No, no, no. It’s Liqui-Melt…ibium. What? You haven't heard of Liqui-Meltico? It’s from…it’s tropical. It’s hard to say, too. It’s a web-based surprise. Oh, my goodness. Really? Right. Do you know, when you sleep, sometimes there’s vapors? Okay, well, that’s…wait, vapors? What are vapor…? That’s like…the vapors I breathe in at night? Exactly. You just never know. Wait…well, how would I know…? If I never know, how would I know?
Well, I mean, it’d be a surprise, like I said. It starts with some tears in your tear ducts and then it goes on from there, and then it gets very gooey, very, very gooey. Goo…like tears and goo? Yeah. Then there’s some stuff…sniffling also, malaise. Anytime you felt not so hot? Well, yeah, not so hot…I mean, who…every day is not…I mean, not so hot? Unless it’s hot or cold, it’s not so hot, then. Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, I don't want to point anything out, but you shouldn't make assumptions, you know? Oh, my goodness, maybe I need to get this checked out, then. Yeah, you probably should, but…it’s shortages and stuff. You could support the Queen Parabel’s School of Helping Teach People to Help Others, Healers…Training Healers. We take pledges, but you could always pay in cash as well.
Okay, well, yeah…no, no, that’s great. I got you. Well, you’re doing good work, ma’am. I just want to say, the vapors you may not be exposed to may not be your own, but that’s great. Then we head back to the House of Healing. Okay, this is Minister Pearcey. This is a team meeting. Good morning, team. Oh, it’s me, Holly, checking in. Hi, Minister Pearcey. You’ve got a bad-news look on your face. Are you gonna tell me…you gonna give me, Alba, bad news? Yes, I am. I found out we won't be able to use the Great Hall at the palace. Oh, bummer. Why not? They’re still cleaning up from that ball they had in honor of Prince Aquarelian and his entourage. Oh, I heard that one was fun. They had a water balloon fight or something like that. Yeah, it’s an honored custom among merpeople, I guess.
Oh, traditions like that are so wonderful. They bring people together. Yeah, but it also cost several thousand crowns in water damage, and they’re still wringing out the tapestries. Well, the next time merpeople visit, maybe His Majesty will host them down at the harbor. Yeah, but they brought their own water balloons. Okay, so, do we have a backup venue? The only place that’s available Friday night is the old coach house. Oh, that’s such a pretty building. Yeah, but it’s a bit rough and ready. It has simple, home-spun charm. Yeah, they’re also gonna charge us a bunch of money for booking it, 'cause…we’re not gonna even have any left over for our budget for food and drinks. Oh, that’s no problem. I can cook and I love cooking, and I can bring out some fairy friends as well to help.
How many fairy friends are we talking about? Minister, Minister…Holly…no, no, what…be careful what you’re asking for. Yeah, but it’ll save us money. Fairies are experts at forging for wild food, we can sing, we can dance while we cook. Can I also say, no, not a good idea? Okay, as Minister, I think we…given our budget, we should consider it. Holly, if you and your friends would provide us with a full ingredient list ahead of time…we have to be aware of everybody’s needs. Oh, but we can always improvise, you know. It’s a little bit of whatever’s in season. Oh yeah, this is…Holly, do you remember the time that you gave ginger snaps to twelve people and then they…their vestigial tails were no longer vestigial? Oh, but those were so cute. Okay, maybe not. Holly, maybe you could all help with decorating instead.
Oh yeah, we could do that. We’ll fill every corner of the old coach house with flowers. Well, as long as the flowers don’t have any thorns or prickers or fuzzies or pollen or hidden surprises. Oh, okay…everything…this does need to be perfect. Is that clear? No tails, no swan boats, no fuzzies, nothing like that. Okay, Holly, I’ll give you a list of safe flower varietals. Okay, good, good, good. We’re making progress. Okay, is there anything else I can do to help? Please? Pretty please. Okay, let’s talk about the gala later. How’s the door-to-door campaigning been going? We’re up to 4,500 crowns. Okay, that’s a bit slower than I hoped. Yeah, well, there was a few hiccups early on, but I think we’ve got them fixed. If I just transition this to a memory of Magnus going door-to-door, knock, knock, knocking…as another member of the neighborhood opens the door.
Yes, can I help you? Hello? Oh, good afternoon. Magnus here. I’m Magnus from the Ministry of Magical Affairs and Health. Okay, yeah, I don't know what that is. We’re building a brand-new school so we can teach more healers and heal lots more people. It sounds great, right? Now, they’re gonna be out there making people just like you feel oh, so good. Dealing with surprise vestigial tails that are no longer vestigial…I’m sorry, a vestigial…? That’s just an…that’s a thing that was never there that’s there? Yeah. So, you could see why your donation would be so important. Yeah, my donation, right. Let me guess; you only take cash. Oh, no, no, no, I’m not allowed to accept cash donations. Oh, why not? Well, my boss doesn't trust me not to take the donations for myself. Wait, what’s going…?
Wait, something’s happening. Something’s happening. What are you up to, young man? No, no, no, I totally came here to keep it for myself. What are you asking questions about? Wait, is this some sort of weird double bluff? What’s your name, kid? Who do you work for? Oh, I’m Magnus of Hezelford. I work for Alba Salix, the Royal Physician, who apparently slipped me a truth potion before I went out this morning. Alba. You work for the Royal Physician? Yeah, I’m her apprentice. Look, I’ve taken up enough of your time. Wait, not so fast. I’m gonna have to turn you in. You’re not being fully…no, no, no, please…Ministry of Magical Affairs? What, do you think you could fool me? No, no…yeah, I figured you’re…no, it’s true. Everything I’ve told you is true.
The Ministry of the School thing…well, you said you were up to something. No, no, no, the fundraising part was real. I was just gonna keep your donation for myself. Well, you really picked the wrong guy to try to surprise. I’m not arguing with you. I was a sergeant of the town guard. You know what we used to do when we caught people like you up to no good? Okay, you know, I know how…if you’re planning on dancing off, I’ve danced against…not Glee van Fleet but Guy van Fleet, so…okay, well, should I report this to your boss or should I turn you in to the town? The town. Not my boss. Definitely not my boss. Alright, I’ll turn you in to your boss, then. No, no, please don’t turn me in to my boss. Then we go to the ballroom. Holly flutters around the room as she works.
We hear rustling like leaves and a creaking sound. Yeah, it’s Holly decorating…you’re just in time to help us build a brand-new school. La, la, la. Holly, are you sure…? This is Magnus; are you sure these are the approved flowers? Magnus, I’m ready for the next garland. Come on, we gotta finish. Wait, hold your horses. I’ve…my fingers are sore from making these garlands. Well, if you didn’t want to be stringing garlands, you shouldn’t have tried keeping money from our donors. Yeah, donors…I can't believe that retired guy caught me. Here’s your garland. Are we done now? No. Stay put. I can't let you out of my sight. Wait, that one’s not gonna reach, Magnus. This garland’s too short. Yeah, well, I ran outta twine. Here, just tie it to the other arm of the chandelier. But then it wouldn't be symmetrical.
Just do the same thing on the other side. We can't waste any more time. Miss Pearcey’s gonna be here any minute. I know. Just go ahead and tie it off, and we’ll fix it later. Okay, okay. See? It’s fine. She’s not even gonna notice. Okay, wait…there. Okay, see? That looks nice. Alright, let’s start setting up the tables, Magnus. Sure. Just give me a minute. I’m just…I want to take my time. The garlands do look pretty good from here, right? Well, I guess we better…oh boy, the…oh no, the chandelier’s falling. Oh dear, oh dear. Okay, Magnus, why don’t you get a broom and start cleaning it up? I told you we shouldn't have tied it to the chandelier, Holly. Magnus. Hey, don’t ‘Magnus’ me. Minister Pearcey here; Holly, Magnus, I brought the flowers for the center…what is happening? Oh, hello, Madam Minister.
Okay, that’s another 500 crowns. That’s what that cost. I’m sorry, Miss Pearcey. It’s all good. The gala’s supposed to bring in money. I think that’s the idea, right? Yeah. We’re expecting fifty of the richest people in the kingdom to come and give us money, and look at this; already broke a chandelier. There’s glass. Yeah, we’re cleaning it up, though. It’s all under control, Your Ministerliness. Okay, deep breaths. Let’s just do thing…one thing at a time. Oh, there goes the rest of the chandelier. Well, at least it’s symmetrical again. Okay, get this cleaned up. Yes, Miss Pearcey. Oh, so, those new flowers look nice. Yes, they’re from the florist. For the love of Loxsyn, please don’t break any of the vases. Okay, don’t break any of the vases. Wait a second, those are orange slitherflowers. Yeah, that’s right.
They’re not on Alba’s list. Yes, they are. No, they’re not. Who ordered them? I did. It was a special request. Wait, don’t those…? Those ones are not…those flowers…those are not friendly flowers. Yeah, they can cause runny noses. Okay, well, we don’t have time to change them. Just set up the tables. Alright, well, people are gonna have runny noses during…that’s not exactly the kind of…if they’re runny…their nose…then we’re gonna need tissues. Okay, let’s keep discussing this as we…our voices fade out. We go to the palace chamber where Gunther and Parabel are talking. This is Gunther; Parabel, darling? Yes, dear? Why aren't you getting ready for the gala tonight? I thought you’d be excited to spend the evening with your friends, see and be seen, enjoy yourself. Well, I don't think I can. Why ever not, my dear?
Well, I’m not feeling well. Because of the baby? Yes, the baby. Well, you could just do a brief appearance. You had that lovely pink dress picked out. Well, yeah, I’m not sure about that dress. We have it all ready for you, dear. Come on, let’s see. Well, yeah, it’s…something strange is happening. Well, what is…is it based on the baby or something else? Here, check it out. Wait a second, that’s not possible. You’re…yeah, thank you, dear. I mean, something seems to be changing. Yeah, I’m getting taller inexplicably. But that’s…why would you be getting taller? Because you’re…usually you don’t get taller after eighteen, twenty. I don't know, something like that. Yeah, I know, Gunther. Alba said it’s like a super expansionary pregnancy, I guess, where I’m expanding upwards. Well, I’ve never heard of that.
Yeah, she says it’s just strange, but nothing…it’s par for the course. Okay, so, that’s good. So then you can go to the gala. Yeah, it’s just gonna be that I’m not used to being this tall. Yeah, but just…you’ll get used to being taller. Yeah, I don't know. Well, we could have Alba come by and talk…no, no, no, not Alba. That’s fine. Parabel, your people need you. It’ll be your name on this new building, your face smiling down at every bright, young student, every wizard who steps through its doors. Yes, dear. Not to mention the rumors. If you don’t show up, people are gonna wonder. Alright, darling, I’ll go. Thank you, dear. We’ll get the tailors in here right away to make this dress taller for you. You’ll look magnificent. I always do. Courage, my treasure. You’ve done this before. Yes, it’s true.
It’s just, this time is the only time in my life I’ve ever gotten taller since I was a kid. Now we go the back hallway before the gala. Minister Pearcey, Alba, and Holly are talking. It’s Minister Pearcey; where is everyone? The musicians are late. Oh, it’s okay, Minister Pearcey. They’ll be here any minute. Magicians or musicians? This is Magnus; who’s late? The palace caterers are nowhere to be found, to say nothing of…oh wait, it’s raining outside? Alba, you’re coming in. Where have you been? Sorry, I had to go back to the House of Healing. Oh, what was happening there? Ponies. Ponies have been showing up. What do you mean, ponies? People have had appearances of ponies in their homes. Okay, get changed. Holly, I need you to fly up to the palace and find out where the Royal Caterers are.
Okay. Okay, don’t bother. I’ll tell you where they are. What do you mean? No. Yep. No, no, no. Well, don’t keep us in suspense. Where are they? At the House of Healing. It turns out the caterers…the ponies are the caterers and the caterers are the ponies. So, they won't be catering anything. Oh my gosh, all of them? Yeah. So, are any of the ponies available to cook? No, no, no, because it’s…if they…then the…our guests would also become ponies temporarily. Okay, well…okay, so, you two are gonna have to start cooking, Magnus and Holly. Us? Oh, you got it. Cooking is my favorite thing ever. Couldn't we just make dinner by magic? The sorcerer general used to do that stuff for banquets. Yeah, but that was an illusion. Someone actually had to make the food first. Great. So, we’re toast, in other words.
Magnus, I’ve had a very long day and it’s only getting longer. I need you two to go into that kitchen, find something on the menu you can cook, and cook it. You got it. Magnus and I are on it. We’ll take it from here. Okay, good. Alba, you gotta get dressed. The guests are coming soon, and then we’ll have to…oh, mingle. Ugh. Yeah, good luck with that. Oh, no, no, no, mingle as in plural. You and I will be mingling. You get your fair share, too, Miss Salix. I’ve even written out some simple donor conversations to have. Okay, fine. Okay, and then in the kitchen, Holly’s humming, hum, hum, humming. Asparagus Galinoise with truffle infusion, steamed spouts…sprouts. Holly, do you understand anything of this? Oh, we don’t need the menu. We’ll just make it up as we go. Yeah, that always ends well.
The most important thing is to have fun, Magnus. In the ballroom, a crowd gathers, cheering and laughing. A string quartet plays in the background. Ah, Minister Pearcey, Minister…Mr. Preston, excuse me. Oh, what a terrific evening, Your Ladyship. Best party of the year. Chop, chop. Thank you. It was so good of you to come. Huh, it smells like something’s cook…being well-cooked…overcooked. Oh yeah, I’m sure it’s fine, though. Oh, it’s just me, Holly; good evening, Your Ladyship and unknown gentlemen. Oh, fairy servants; that’s a nice touch. Hello, darling. Would you like a glass of sparkling wine, sir? Oh, sure. I would love some. Oh, thank you, Holly. Is everything going alright in the kitchen? Perfectly fine. Oh, well, this is quite a different champagne. It tastes a little cabbagey.
Oh, good heavens, there are certain vegetal notes to it. Holly, what on the earth is this? Oh, this is fairy moonshine…wholesome, nourishing, twelve essential nutrients, helps build stronger wings, add shine to your…I mean, if you had wings. Only the best for our donors. You made moonshine for dinner? Well, we had a problem with the hors d’oeuvres, but Magnus is…well, no, this is just the first…Magnus is working on the soup course. Oh, boy. Whoa, boy, this…actually, thank you, Holly. This is…this stuff does grow on you. Well, indeed. I’m sure our good chef will have plenty more wonderful surprises where that came from up her sleeve. Or his sleeve, Miss Pearcey, if Magnus is cooking. So, yes, we will. Oof, man, it’s getting a little blurry in here. Or, is this just the wine? Holly, what’s…? It seems to be steaming.
There’s steam coming in the room. Okay, I’ll be right back…check on it. Oh, dear. Good evening. I’m Alba Salix. Oi, Alba, please meet Mr. Edgar Preston. Edgar Preston, Mr. Preston, this is Miss Alba Salix, Royal Physician. It’s an honor, Miss Salix. Mr. Preston is one of our more generous donors. Well, that’s wonderful. Well, magic is our business, you know, and we’re very interested in giving back to the magical community. Oh, what business are you in, sir? I’m the head of Mysticorp Energy, ma’am. Mysticorp? Oh yeah, the kingdom’s largest exporter of mystical energy? Yeah, I’m aware. Extracting energy from the loo lines isn't the safest of practices. Miss Salix, that’s enough. Oh, but we take every precaution. Yeah. What was it, like, two spells in the last year? No, no, no. Those were caused by our competitors.
The rain of skunks in April…? Okay, well, that’s great. Very good of Mr. Preston to attend our little fundraiser, especially on a stormy night. It’s my pleasure. It’s only rain and water, am I right? We’re certainly grateful for the presence…of his company’s generous donation, aren't we, Miss Salix? Yeah, yeah, very good of him. It’s been lovely chatting with you, sir. Likewise. Alba, why do you gotta provoke our donors? Just a force of habit. Can you at least wait ‘til after the school is built? Sure, yeah. You’re right. I’m sorry. Aren't those lovely flowers, Mr. Preston? Oh yes, those are…wait a second, my nose is starting to run. Then we go into the kitchen where it’s very, very hot and steamy, hot and humid. Holly goes, Magnus, what’s going on in here? I’m making soup. Everything’s under control.
Well, I think the guests are getting hungry. Yeah, don't worry, I’m working on it. I’ve got an assembly line going here. We just place the vegetables here, then the magical knives chop them up and put them in the pot. Wait, Magnus, by themselves? You’re cooking with magic? Well, we can't feed all those people by hand. Watch. It’s gonna be fine. Ninimus multi pomari…Magnus, if you’re gonna use magic, maybe don’t use it for the cutting part. It’s okay, but now they’re just floating. Ninimus multi pomari…okay, whoa, whoa, they’re going really…that’s better than I expected. Okay, I’m gonna deliver more drinks. Back into the ballroom…Miss Salix, this is Lord Croncible, the shipping magnet…magnate. It’s my pleasure to meet you. Lord Croncible, it’s good of you to lend your support. My duty and pleasure.
So, how is the shipping business? Have you sailed any good ships lately? Oh, it’s about more than ships these days. You don’t say. Yeah, you see, they…the smart money’s in carpets. Oh, dear. Wait, you’re shipping by carpet? Oh, absolutely. Those Niamese flying carpets are the way of the future. Oh, how fascinating. Miss Pearcey, didn’t you issue a report on freight carpets while you were Minister of Transportation? Yeah, the preliminary findings were…yeah, I think the…in conclusion was inefficient for cargo and crew. No, no, no…there you go. These are modern ones, dear lady. They’ve got bracing, active dampening, side rails…no more spills. You see, Miss Salix? Probably worth another try. Oh, I’m sure you’re…here, why don’t you smell these flowers? No, no, don’t smell the flowers.
Wait, does this mean you solved the weight ratio, Your Lordship? Yeah, I didn’t realize that the bracing…if the bracing’s heavy, then how would you carry anything at all? Oh, that’s just a technical…these are fourth-generations hollow bracing. So, we could carry as many as two bananas. Two bananas or two bananas? Either one; banana…two, or a banana and a banana. Back in the kitchen, the vegetables go into the…boil, boil, bubble. There we go. Magnus is on the case. Wow, Magnus, you’re actually getting it working. Yeah, no, no, magic was in me all along. Well, how does it taste? Well, no, no, I don't know, but there’s gonna be plenty for everybody. Well, can you stop with the magic chopping and…so we can taste it and see how it is? Yeah, let’s see if it needs any spices. Quieste…huh, that didn’t work.
Okay, enough onions. Quasita…quesita. Quesita? Quesita. Okay, stop, please. That’s boiling over, Magnus. Quesico…quesito…quesique…okay, oh boy. Iuda, iuda…okay, back in the ballroom, Alba and Miss Pearcey approach the Joneswoods, a pair of frivolous nobles. Lord and Lady Jonewood, may I present Miss Alba Salix, Royal Physician? Delighted. Oh yes, and I’m charmed. Thank you for being here. Well, it’s such an important cause, you know. I think it’s such an imperative to care for other people…among all the people, though. Yes, dearest. Well, dearest, this is a different…this is the House of Healing gala. Oh, of course. Yes, yes, I thought it was another one. But whatever helps helps. Well, I mean, yeah, you’re right about that. I suppose you’re not wrong.
What’s the one with the tears or with the extra…the smiling all the time? What’s that called? Smiling blight? Oh, yes, smiling blight. Sounds good and bad at the same time. Awful. Well, speaking of awful, this weather’s been awful, huh? Oh, the weather outside is frightful, and smiling too much could also be delightful, though. Oh, the King and the Queen are here. His Majesty, King Gunther III, and Her Majesty, Queen Parabel. Clappity, clap, clap. Wait a second. That’s odd. Isn't it, though? Oh, good heavens, I didn’t realize Her Majesty was that tall. Oh, wait a second, she’s with child but she’s also…I saw her a week ago and she wasn’t that tall. Oh, it must be a new fashion in dresses. It’s just an illusion. Well…no, no, that’s her. She’s taller than normal. Oh, dear. I oughta postpone that gala.
That’s like, ten feet tall. Miss Pearcey, Miss Salix, your King. Your Majesties. Are you ready for the big unveiling? We can't wait. Neither can I. I better go check on my model. It’s your Queen; Minister Pearcey, this is a splendid gala so far. Oh, Your Majesty’s too kind. Alba, Lady Jonewood, Lord Jonewood…Your Majesty. Your Majesty, I say, does this serve as an official announcement? Announcement? Of your happy state of expectancy, a third child, and a new style of…? I mean, I knew people grew taller. Is it just a projection of how good you’re feeling? Yes, I’m having a baby. Oh, congratulations, Your Majesty. When…? Oh, in April. Thank you. Oh, my. Yeah, I know it’s awkward to talk about my height. Of course, of course. Excuse me, Your Majesty, it’s me, Alba; could I speak to you for a second?
Not now, Alba. It’s almost the time for speeches. Yeah, but Your Majesty, you’re very…your height is unexpected to me. Please, immediately. Ladies and gentlemen, honored guests, it’s I, your king. On behalf of the Queen Parabel Feeling Better Foundation, we extend our warmest thanks to all of you for your generous support. I know you’re all keen to find out what this building is gonna look like, and believe me, I’m keen to show you. Before that, I want to acknowledge a patron of this vital project, Her Majesty, my dear Queen Parabel Salix. Would you like to…? Parabel? Has anyone seen the Queen? Well, we see the Queen 'cause she’s in the corridor talking with Alba. Parabel, where are you going? Yeah, I just need to catch my breath. Yeah, but that’s not all you need. We need to talk.
Nothing’s wrong. Yeah, but you’re ten feet tall. Yeah, but it wasn’t supposed to…what do you mean it wasn’t supposed to…? This is Magnus; Alba, we’ve got something else going on. Excuse me. I hate to interrupt the two of you. Okay Magnus, sort it out. I’m dealing with my sister here. No…but yeah, we really need…we got another situation. Okay, what did you do this time? No, don’t answer it. Just deal with it. I have something else going on. Parabel? Wait, Parabel? She’s gone now, too. Oh, Magnus is running away. Man, this is not going according to plan. I got the Queen growing ten feet tall, I got Magnus with something in the kitchen, we’re supposed to raise 500,000 crowns or whatever, and a bunch of donors that I don't like.
I know the Queen probably did something without my approval, and that’s why she grew ten feet tall. So, I’m really not feeling it. This is not my thing. I can only imagine that somewhere Parabel has run off and is thinking about things, maybe somewhere in a storm room where rain patters on the roof. Parabel stumbles in, panting for breath, closes the door behind her, and says, no, no, no, I’m still growing. Then the closing theme plays as Eli says goodnight, and don’t forget to check out Alba Salix’s Patreon. Join their fan community, or you can find everything at Alba Salix.com. Goodnight.
[END OF RECORDING]
(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)
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Alba Salix
Bogs
https://www.cranberries.org/history
https://www.peopleareculture.com/cranberry-bogs/
https://capecodlife.com/a-brief-history-of-the-cranberry-cape-cods-most-important-fruit/
Met Gala History
https://www.nationalgeographic.com/culture/article/met-gala-costume-institute-fashion
https://time.com/6972918/met-gala-history/
American Hospital History
https://www.nursing.upenn.edu/nhhc/nurses-institutions-caring/history-of-hospitals/
https://www.griffinbenefits.com/blog/history-of-healthcare
Corporate Sponsorship of the Arts
https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2015/mar/02/arts-corporate-sponsorship-tate-british-museum
https://news.ucdenver.edu/logos-on-everest-a-timeline-of-corporate-sponsorship/
DOWN TO BUSINESS
A trip to Farloria
Tuning out to this podcast
Deep Dark Night United
n/a
PLUGS
Alba Salix; Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline
SPONSORS
Carvana; Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Lumen
INTRO
Thinking thoughts, feelings
Feelings about the future but happening in the present
Future, then past becoming future, then present, rinse and repeat
Turns out, it’s always present
Me and sleep still have a complicated issue(s)
Always something there to remind me about sleep
Sleep: There’s Always Something
I thought there would be chanting, bowls, chimes, and descending
Descending Into Senselessness
You don’t need waders or waiters for the waiting we do
Who would’ve thought we’d get into some waiting role play
Wading as Spectator Sport
Just Bogging Around
Great bogs of history
How many aren’t cranberry bogs, though?
I’m not trying to give the Hollywood makeover to bogs
Famous Hollywood Bogs
A body of water moving very slowly, if at all
Is that a bog or a swamp, honey?
Let’s go Bog-Hopping?
Bog-Hopping vs Bog-Peeping
Explaining the strucutre of the show
To Toboggan in a Bog
My other bog’s a toboggan
Would anyone buy that bumper sticker?
Thanks for coming by
STORY
Alba Salix S2E5
King Gunther’s outlandish plans for a new school of medicine
The Gala Fundraiser
Eli introduces the show
We hear Gunther’s footsteps
Gunther meets Alba and Minister Pearcey
A proposal for a new school of teaching people to help them get better
Training a new generation of healers
Gunther has designed the hospital himself!
It’s very nice!
He’s built it out of little parts you can snap together
This magic quill is figuring out the budget
In the shape of a unicorn
This building is totally wild
We have to coordinate a fundraising effort
540,000 crowns!!!
We’ll have a gala
Parabelle will be the lead fundraiser and the school will be named after her
Parabelle is expecting!
It’s the Swan Boats all over again
Building someone else’s bad idea
Wealthy patrons are the main demographic
Wealthy merchants and industrialists
Magnus is knocking on doors, trying to raise money
Liquimeltico
Web-Based Surprise (WBS)
Vapors you breathe in at night
Are you feeling not so hot every day?
Fearmongering people into donating for the hospital
The vapors you may not be exposed to may not be your own
MP runs a team meeting
A Bad News Look on your face
We can’t use the great hall in the palace
Still cleaning it up after the Merpeople Water Balloon Ceremony
The Old Coach House is still available
It’s a bit rough and ready
Holly and her fairy friends will cover food and drink for free
The magic food could have some side effects
Maybe Holly could decorate instead?
Cut to another memory of Magnus going door to door
Why is Magnus double bluffing this solicitation
Alba slipped Magnus a truth potion this morning
Magnus was gonna keep the money for himself?!
This former sergeant of the town guard is not happy with Magnus
Magnus is now helping Holly decorate with flowers
That garland is too short, Magnus!
We can’t waste any more time
It’s sloppily done
Time to set up the tables
The cost of this gala keeps rising
They just broke the chandelier
Those new flowers look nice
Don’t break any of the vases
Those are orange slither flowers
Those are not friendly flowers!
Gunther and Parabelle are talking
Why isn’t Parabelle getting ready for the gala?
She’s not feeling well
She’s getting taller inexplicably
A super-expansionary pregnancy
We’ll get the dress to be taller
The musicians are late
Where are the palace caterers?
Ponies are showing up at people’s homes
The ponies are the caterers and the caterers are the ponies
Magnus and Holly will have to cook, uh oh
The guests will have to come and we’ll have to mingle
Everyone will be mingling
We’ll just make up the menu as we go
Tips for mingling
Smells like something is being cooked very well
Holly is serving sparkling wine
A cabbage-y champagne
This is fairy moonshine
Holly, what’s that steam?
Alba, meet Edgar Preston
Preston is a generous donor
Preston is head of Mysticorp
Mysticorp, the largest exporter of magical energy
That’s not the safest practice
Alba, don’t provoke the donors
Magically assembling soup
Magnus, you can’t cook with magic!!
Don’t use magic for the cutting part, please
Alba talks to a shipping magnate
Shipping by carpet
That’s not a very efficient way to ship
Veggies go into the boiling water
Magnus, this magic is actually working
No idea how it tastes, though
Magnus can’t stop the magic now
The Smiling Blight
The weather outside is not good
Gunther and Parabelle arrive
Wow, Parabelle is tall
Is this an official pregnancy announcement, your majesty?
Gunther speaks
Where did Parabelle go?
She’s talking with Alba in the corridor
Alba is concerned about Parabelle’s height
Magnus shows up with other news
Parabelle is gone
Alba is overwhelmed
Parabelle stumbles into a storm room
She’s still growing!
Ending on a cliffhanger!
SWM+ THANKS
n/a
SUMMARY:
Episode: 1295
Title: A Blueprint for Success | Alba Salix S2E5
Deep Dark Night United: n/a
Plugs: Alba Salix; Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline
Sponsors: Carvana; Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Lumen
SWM+ Thanks: n/a
Notable Language:
- Sleep: There’s Always Something
- Waiter / Wader
- Descending Into Senselessness
- Bog-Based Wading
- Bogging Around
- Swamp-Based Films
- My other bog’s a toboggan
- Liquimeltico
- Web-Based Surprise (WBS)
- A Bad News Look on your face
- A super-expansionary pregnancy
- The Smiling Blight
Notable Culture:
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- “Always Something There To Remind Me” song
- Princess & The Frog
- Frog & Toad
- LEGO
Notable Talking Points:
- Thinking thoughts, feelings
- Feelings about the future but happening in the present
- Future, then past becoming future, then present, rinse and repeat
- Turns out, it’s always present
- Me and sleep still have a complicated issue(s)
- Always something there to remind me about sleep
- Sleep: There’s Always Something
- I thought there would be chanting, bowls, chimes, and descending
- Descending Into Senselessness
- You don’t need waders or waiters for the waiting we do
- Who would’ve thought we’d get into some waiting role play
- Wading as Spectator Sport
- Just Bogging Around
- Great bogs of history
- How many aren’t cranberry bogs, though?
- I’m not trying to give the Hollywood makeover to bogs
- Famous Hollywood Bogs
- A body of water moving very slowly, if at all
- Is that a bog or a swamp, honey?
- Let’s go Bog-Hopping?
- Bog-Hopping vs Bog-Peeping
- Explaining the strucutre of the show
- To Toboggan in a Bog
- My other bog’s a toboggan
- Would anyone buy that bumper sticker?
- Thanks for coming by
- Alba Salix S2E5
- King Gunther’s outlandish plans for a new school of medicine
- The Gala Fundraiser
- Eli introduces the show
- We hear Gunther’s footsteps
- Gunther meets Alba and Minister Pearcey
- A proposal for a new school of teaching people to help them get better
- Training a new generation of healers
- Gunther has designed the hospital himself!
- It’s very nice!
- He’s built it out of little parts you can snap together
- This magic quill is figuring out the budget
- In the shape of a unicorn
- This building is totally wild
- We have to coordinate a fundraising effort
- 540,000 crowns!!!
- We’ll have a gala
- Parabelle will be the lead fundraiser and the school will be named after her
- Parabelle is expecting!
- It’s the Swan Boats all over again
- Building someone else’s bad idea
- Wealthy patrons are the main demographic
- Wealthy merchants and industrialists
- Magnus is knocking on doors, trying to raise money
- Liquimeltico
- Web-Based Surprise (WBS)
- Vapors you breathe in at night
- Are you feeling not so hot every day?
- Fearmongering people into donating for the hospital
- The vapors you may not be exposed to may not be your own
- MP runs a team meeting
- A Bad News Look on your face
- We can’t use the great hall in the palace
- Still cleaning it up after the Merpeople Water Balloon Ceremony
- The Old Coach House is still available
- It’s a bit rough and ready
- Holly and her fairy friends will cover food and drink for free
- The magic food could have some side effects
- Maybe Holly could decorate instead?
- Cut to another memory of Magnus going door to door
- Why is Magnus double bluffing this solicitation
- Alba slipped Magnus a truth potion this morning
- Magnus was gonna keep the money for himself?!
- This former sergeant of the town guard is not happy with Magnus
- Magnus is now helping Holly decorate with flowers
- That garland is too short, Magnus!
- We can’t waste any more time
- It’s sloppily done
- Time to set up the tables
- The cost of this gala keeps rising
- They just broke the chandelier
- Those new flowers look nice
- Don’t break any of the vases
- Those are orange slither flowers
- Those are not friendly flowers!
- Gunther and Parabelle are talking
- Why isn’t Parabelle getting ready for the gala?
- She’s not feeling well
- She’s getting taller inexplicably
- A super-expansionary pregnancy
- We’ll get the dress to be taller
- The musicians are late
- Where are the palace caterers?
- Ponies are showing up at people’s homes
- The ponies are the caterers and the caterers are the ponies
- Magnus and Holly will have to cook, uh oh
- The guests will have to come and we’ll have to mingle
- Everyone will be mingling
- We’ll just make up the menu as we go
- Tips for mingling
- Smells like something is being cooked very well
- Holly is serving sparkling wine
- A cabbage-y champagne
- This is fairy moonshine
- Holly, what’s that steam?
- Alba, meet Edgar Preston
- Preston is a generous donor
- Preston is head of Mysticorp
- Mysticorp, the largest exporter of magical energy
- That’s not the safest practice
- Alba, don’t provoke the donors
- Magically assembling soup
- Magnus, you can’t cook with magic!!
- Don’t use magic for the cutting part, please
- Alba talks to a shipping magnate
- Shipping by carpet
- That’s not a very efficient way to ship
- Veggies go into the boiling water
- Magnus, this magic is actually working
- No idea how it tastes, though
- Magnus can’t stop the magic now
- The Smiling Blight
- The weather outside is not good
- Gunther and Parabelle arrive
- Wow, Parabelle is tall
- Is this an official pregnancy announcement, your majesty?
- Gunther speaks
- Where did Parabelle go?
- She’s talking with Alba in the corridor
- Alba is concerned about Parabelle’s height
- Magnus shows up with other news
- Parabelle is gone
- Alba is overwhelmed
- Parabelle stumbles into a storm room
- She’s still growing!
- Ending on a cliffhanger!