1288 – Warming Questions | Alba Salix S2E3
This episode is fleet of meanders and will have you dancing off into dreamland as peaceful as a pet rock.
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Episode 1288 – Warming Questions | Alba Salix S2E3
[START OF RECORDING]
SCOOTER: Friends beyond the binary, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and whether…wherever you are in the world…I don't know, something about…every time I think about the countryside and Alba Salix…Alba, Alba…I say my A’s in a strange…if you say your A’s in a strange way…well, to you, it would be normal. ‘Cause I say, what do you mean I say my A’s in a strange way, eh? People say that to me in my day-to-day life. Where are you from? You’re not from this planet, are you? ‘Cause the way you say your A’s is very…and I say, really? I never…thanks for giving me one more thing to think about at bedtime. But here’s the thing; however you say your A’s is normal. I’m the one…you know what I’m saying? I want to normalize it for you. My A’s are only normal to me. Obviously your A’s are the norm…you’re saying A the correct way, and I’m saying that to you.
That’s not self-talk. I realize…I say the…as that song once said, I say my A’s my own A way. I say A my way. So, if you’re wondering, per chance, where you are, if you’re new…I mean, regular listeners, you may be barely giggling along and you may be self-congratulating yourself on saying the A…the letter A or A. Or, Fonzie…some people may get…know who Fonzie is, eh? You say it the correct way. Congratulations. If you’re new, great news; you’re already up on me. You say…yeah. So, I’m glad you’re here. If you’re new, this is a sleep podcast. It’s been around for eleven years. It’s a sleep podcast to keep you company while you fall asleep, to be your friend in the deep, dark night, to make you feel welcome and part of something comforting and soothing, distracting and silly, so you got…so, I don't know, so you can drift off, so you can be distracted from whatever’s keeping you awake.
The way the show works…what we got coming up is sponsors so the show is free to listen to, then a long, meandering intro separate from the sponsors meant to ease you into bedtime, and then our bedtime story, which will be a episode of Alba Salix. If you prefer an episode without the intros…you discover, hey, I just like the stories, check out Bedtime Stories From Sleep With Me in your podcast app of choice. Yeah, that’s it. I’m really glad you’re here, and this is actually made possible…my hard work, all the work, all the love we pour into this show by the people that support the show directly and our sponsors. So, here’s a couple ways we’re able to do it twice a week, and I just want to thank everybody that supports the show through action. Thanks.
INTRO: [INTRO MUSIC] Hey, are you up all night tossing, turning, mind racing? Trouble getting to sleep? Trouble staying asleep? Well, welcome. This is Sleep With Me, the podcast that puts you to sleep. We do it with a bedtime story. Alls you need to do is get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m going to attempt to do is create a safe place where you could set aside whatever’s keeping you awake. It could be thoughts you’re thinking about, thoughts about the the past, the present, the future, thinking thoughts, thoughts that are thinking you…thoughts, man. Holy moly.
It could be thoughts, it could be feelings, anything coming up for you emotionally related to the thoughts or that are just there or that have been lying under the surface waiting for you to put your head on your pillow. They like to sing a song. There’s a song…I’m sure most people have heard it; Put Your Head on My Shoulder. My thoughts and feelings and physical sensations like to sing, put your head on your pillow, and it’ll be time for me to bug you, baby. I can sing very early in the podcast. That’s barely singing. I’ll be here all night, gently probing your…you know, it won't be…and keeping you company. So, that’s what my thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations do. Thank you, thank you. I won't be here…I could be here all night, but you don’t need to listen to me.
Alls you need to do is get…oh, I said that; get in bed, turn out the lights, and press Play. I’m gonna do the rest. What I’m gonna attempt to do is set aside whatever’s keeping you awake, physical sensations, changes in time, temperature, routine, schedule, travel, maybe you work a different shift, whatever it is. I’ll be honest, if you’ve been listening to these episodes that I’ve been recording over the past few months, my sleep has been hit by multiple variables on all those levels, including one more, which is…when I’m recording this, in addition to a lot of other stuff going on that’s impacting my sleep, now I’m also…I’m a work-from-home dad with my daughter home from school.
So, her schedule has changed, and that does impact my schedule because I’m not a late…my days of rocking it late night are gone, and I just can't sleep in, particularly now. So, it’s like my normal bedtime has been pushed back. I had jetlag, too, from another…from the East Coast time zone, and then I went to the West Coast, but then I ended up going to bed late for the West Coast 'cause my daughter’s on summer break. Not that it’s her fault. It’s just one…another thing that’s going on with me, so…and the only reason I bring this stuff up is because…you could hear it in my voice. You know, it’s like…it has a impact on our lives, not being able to sleep, but it has a impact not just on what we do.
It doesn't affect who we are, but it really affects how I feel about who I am, and in a way of not seeing things clearly, making things feel a little bit more edgy, and a level of difficulty that I don't necessarily…I’d prefer not to have in my day-to-day life. I don't know if that’s how it feels for you…or when you can't sleep, whether it’s during the day…even if you get some sleep, right, it has a impact on your life and it has an impact on how you feel about your life. I guess that’s what I meant, and how, I don't know, not everybody feels that way, right? Not everybody has this issue, and not everybody knows how it feels either in the moment of not being able to sleep, anticipating it, or after, or all of the above.
So, that’s why I make…the only reason I share this stuff is 'cause it can feel lonely or maybe some other thing, like isolating, out there on the edge of the world, you know, almost like something you gotta keep to yourself. The fact is, it really is something I probably do keep to myself not in a hidden, secret way, but of like, no one needs to know about my low-level…I’ll just let my low-level grouchiness impact them, but they don’t need to know, hey, I’m grouchy today because I didn’t…I’m generally…I’m dealing with some malaise 'cause I didn’t get a good night's sleep and all the…and they say, what is malaise again? You say, never mind. It’s just not something…you know what I mean? There’s some things we don’t need to share with everybody, but it affects things. But guess what? Here is a place where we do share it.
You are a part of something whether you’re a new or regular listener, and not something negative but something we share that impacts us and that we know about. We know what it feels like for us, and we can imagine or relate to how it may feel for you, and maybe it’s not exactly the same. Maybe I can't relate to all the feelings you have, but I can probably relate to some of them. But here’s the best news about this thing I’m doing; there’s enough people listening around the world that someone can relate exactly to how you feel. They’ve been there and they are so happy you’re here. They really hope you can feel a part of this thing, a part of this kinda quiet community around the show and sharing this, because it does have meaning, just like the lack of sleep has meaning and impact.
You could send out some meaning and impact right now. Regular listeners are doing that for you if you’re new, or you’re a regular listener and you’re just feeling it a little bit extra tonight. There are people at this moment sitting up in bed or maybe they’re snuggled in bed, and they’re sending out some love and caring and comfort to you. That’s easy to dismiss, especially for the sleepless part of us. If you have a cynical nature like I do, it’s easy to dismiss that stuff. But I’ve been doing this enough…a long enough time to know that there is something real and important about that, not something I can understand or quantify in some way to dismiss my internal cynic or critic, but there’s also a part of me that knows it’s real.
There is someone holding a loving, caring space for you right now, because they know how you feel and they feel a softness for you. Not only that; they say, I hope this podcast helps you like it helps me, and that one day you’re holding this space for somebody else new, too. We know that Scoot…that’s what Scooter means when he says I’m really glad you’re here. So, that’s why I make the show, and on top of that, we all deserve a good night's sleep and a bedtime where we get the rest we need, and sometimes it’s just not gonna happen or there’s…for me, at least, and there’s gonna be…it’s gonna come in waves, and I’ll keep practicing imperfectly my bedtime routine and stuff like that, and see how it goes. But yeah, I mean…so, that’s the most important thing I’ll say on the show.
What I’ll do here is I send my voice across the deep, dark night. I’m gonna use lulling, soothing, creaky, dulcet tones, pointless meanders, and superfluous tangents. I’m gonna go off topic, I’m gonna get mixed up, I’m gonna forget what I was talking about. Really, this show is not really that serious, but, I don't know, sometimes I gotta point out what’s really important, you know? I’m gonna say silly stuff, I’m gonna repeat myself, get distracted. My voice is not traditionally soothing. This is also a podcast…if you’re new, especially…you’re probably skeptical or doubtful, too. I mean, I would be if I searched for a sleep podcast in the middle of the night and this is what came up, or somebody told me about the show. They said, it’s called Sleep With Me? That’s really…is that a cheeky version of Sleep With Me?
You say, kinda, I guess. You say, what does he do? Well, he just kinda talks to you like a friend in the deep, dark…like a silly, goofy, strange friend. I don't know what he talks about. I just barely listen to him, but it works for me. Okay, well, I don't know about that. So, if you’re skeptical or doubtful, that’s normal. This show does take two or three tries to get used to. That’s what most people say, and it’s also just not for everybody. I do say give it a few tries, because you really have nothing to lose, but if you already feel like you’re losing out on something by listening to me or you just don’t like me or the show, that’s totally normal. I want to validate that because it’s true.
The majority of people don’t like me or the podcast, and that’s a beautiful thing, too, because over the years there’s been more and more sleep podcasts and sleep audio, and I have a website set up; sleepwithmepodcast.com/nothankyou that I’ve slowly added on stuff from people I keep in touch with that make other sleep podcasts. So, yeah, that’s pretty cool. So, you could check that out if this show doesn't work for you, 'cause everything I said is still true for you even if you don’t like me at all. The thing is, I can hold that space for you. You don’t need to let me know that you don’t like me, though. Enough people have over the years, and it’s just better for everybody. You find another sleep podcast, I still can hold this space and say, man, yeah, I hope you find a show that works for you and helps you out.
This is also a podcast you don’t really listen to. That’s one of the things that takes some getting used to. You say, okay, when is it gonna start? I say, it’s always going…Sleep With Me is always going nowhere, always never getting started. I’m always barely…just barely entertaining. I want to put a partial smile on your face and maybe give you half a guffaw or a guff or a faw, you know? I guess more of a guh or a fuh. Yeah, a guff or a faw. Say, give me…do you buy your guffaws in the metric…your portions of guffaws…? The metric system’s probably better than our…I say, give me a point…what is that…what do the guffaws come in, decaliters? I say, I have no idea what they would come in. I guess…I don't know what a decaliter is. It’s ten litres, right? Or, that’s ten…is that ten year’s worth of litres?
I guess my guffaws…well, they do have a liquidity to them. I don't know, are they a plasma? Because they do feel like they should be gaseous, too, and a liquid, a liquid and a gas, but I’m not sure what…I guess we’ll say…I don't know what…how you metrically measure plasma, but…yeah. But…oh, so this show, you just kinda barely listen to it like a out-of-focus picture, a TV on in the other room, music drifting on the summer breeze, clouds in the sky that you’re watching. Maybe occasionally they take a shape, but you’re not actively…you’re just like, man, those are some clouds. You say, I don't need to see whatever’s in there. I’m just looking at the clouds, which is different. That’s like passive cloud-watching versus active cloud-watching, which has degrees. I’m not good at any of those.
But I mean, looking at stuff, that’s active, but then people…there may be people that can identify different clouds and stuff like that. There’d be even another layer; well, that shows this and this. I say, okay, that’s one of the…that’s a wispy one. So, it’s a podcast you barely listen to. It’s also a sleep podcast that doesn't put you to sleep. I’m here to keep you company while you fall asleep, to be your bore-friend, your bore-bae, your bore-sib, your bore-bud, your bore-bestie, your neigh-bore, your Borbie, your bores, your bore-bruh, your bore-friend, your best bore-friend f’eva. I’m here to keep you company and take your mind off of stuff, so there’s no pressure to fall asleep with this show, no pressure to fall asleep. That’s why the episodes are over an hour.
There’s people who are listening who can't sleep, so I’m here to the very end for them. There’s people who are listening who need a break during the day. I’m here for them to the end. There’s people who listen all night long, or they listen to episodes over and over and over again. I’m here for everybody whether you’re awake or asleep, whether you’re listening to me or not, whether you just have me down to a drone or you’re kind of following along. So, there’s no pressure to fall asleep. Yeah, I’m here to be your friend and a mild distraction from whatever’s keeping you awake, so that tomorrow you say, I have no idea when I fell asleep. I don't even know what he was talking about. Supposedly it was a episode of Alba Salix, but…I kinda remember that.
That’s the cool thing about these crossover episodes; you can listen to the daytime version, the original podcast, of Alba Salix and then listen to this episode or listen to the story-only version if you’re on Sleep With Me+ or whatever. So, there’s a lot of layers. But yeah, there’s…most people…I don't know, people fall asleep at different times. That kinda goes into the structure of the show, which we’ve kinda managed over the years. But the way the majority of people listen is to this version of the podcast, and they listen to it linearly. Some people break the episode up, some people listen to it for forty-five or sixty minutes, but most people listen to this sponsor-supported, full version of the show.
But it doesn't mean…if you’re new, just try that out but then you can adjust, and I just want to fill you in on that to give you some reassurance, 'cause this show really is about reassurance and distraction. The show starts off with a greeting. All of our versions of the show start off with that so you feel seen and welcomed in and you say, okay, I might check that podcast out. Then there’s sponsor support. If you prefer a ad-free version, you get that on Sleep With Me+ or Apple Podcasts, or if you can't afford to support the show, you can get it through our referral program just by referring people to the free podcast. But for most people, they just like listening to this version that’s ad-supported.
Then there’s a long, meandering intro separate from the support. It’s a show within a show, it lasts about fifteen to twenty minutes long, and it’s where, so far, I try to describe what the podcast is, why I do it, what it does, but I always go off topic and get mixed up and talk about stuff like, I don't know, like clouds, and then I get…then I say, wait a second, remember when I failed my cloud test? True story. I don't know how great it was. Then I…so, there’s just…I go on tangents. You say, well, why would you try to introduce a podcast unsuccessfully…whatever…over, whatever, 1600 times or 1200 times…? Yeah, 1200 times, more than that…and why can't you just get to the point?
I say, well, that’s kinda the point, is this is the friendly portion of the show where we get caught up, but it also eases you into bedtime, and that’s just what’s been shown to work. What works for me most of the time is having a wind down that kinda…I don't know, it changes the temperature, almost. It’s like, I got my evening time and my wind down, and it starts to quiet things down. It’s a buffer between my waking life and my sleeping life. You could do that while you’re getting ready for bed, while you’re in bed getting comfortable or you’re doing some chill activities, but just kinda experiment with that, and that’s the freedom of that. If you prefer a show without intros, check out Bedtime Stories From Sleep With Me.
Then, yeah, there will be our…after the intro will be support, and then it’ll be our bedtime story which will be from Alba Salix, Season 2, and that’ll be really nice. We put out two episodes a week in a ton of different styles. There’s over 600 episodes in this ad-supported version. So, as you become a regular listener, you can pick and build…the beauty of podcast apps — because podcasts are mostly listened to in podcast apps — is you can listen how you want to listen, right? You could build your playlists, you can use a sleep timer, and stuff like that. So, you can discover…but again, most people just listen to the episodes as they come out, but that doesn't mean you need to. But just try it like that and see how it goes.
But then if you’re a regular listener…you know, whatever’s comfortable for you. If you have a good routine that works, use that. If you’re looking to change things up, try that, too. But I’m really glad you’re here. I work really hard. I yearn and I strive. So do a team of people. Believe it or not, a ton of people work on this show really hard to make it sound so free and easy. It’s not talent…I mean, maybe some experience and stuff like that, but it’s mostly work, the people that really care about the mission of the show, which is to keep you company and give you some ease and comfort in the deep, dark night. So, I’m really glad you’re here. I appreciate you coming by, and here’s some of the ways we’re able to do this for you on a regular basis. Thanks.
Alright, everybody, Scoots here. Welcome to Episode 3, Season 2, Season 2, Episode 3 of Alba Salix. It’s called Warming Questions. The teaser is while Alba and Holly tend to Queen Parabel, Miss Pearcey gets some unexpected assistance, and Magnus…as usual, Magnus being Magnus. Yeah, let’s go…let’s hop right into the introduction. Eli says, hey, hola, salut. Salut. What’s up? It’s Eli. Season 2, Episode 3. Don’t forget to support Alba Salix on Patreon, and that way you could support our shows. It helps pay for all the costs; the actors, studio time, hosting, all that stuff.
You get access to their Discord server, a wonderful, warm, supportive community of fans and creators. Hope you’ll check that out. Patreon.com/albasalix. They also talk about…promote Anansi Storytime. Anansi is a web-based being from folklore, keeper of stories. Anansi Storytime is a podcast that tells those tales from around the world in short audio plays. This was after their second season, Trickster Stories, and everybody digs a good trickster story. That’s at…well, you could just…I can't…you could check it out. Listen to the original episode of Alba Salix and then check it out from there. This is Season 2, Episode 3.
We transition to the House of Healing office. Alba’s there reading through a book. For color and lettering standards, see Volume 7, Chapter 4. Oh boy, is that Holly coming in suddenly? Holly? Hey, Alba, it’s me, Holly; we’ve been summoned to the palace. Is it Her Majesty again? Yep, it is, Alba. It’s time to check on the royal baby. Great, which sadly means we’ll have to check on the royal mother-to-be. I was looking up…looking forward to curling up with these interior signage regulations. Almost like a sleep podcast reading those. Alright, let me toss this book aside. What? It’s me, Magnus. I was sleeping under a desk. Yeah, Magnus, I’ll call you our house-bag. What’s that? Don't worry, Alba. It’s me, Holly; I’ll get your house…our house-call bag. Thank you, Holly. Oh, Magnus, did my chair just bump you? Where are you?
This is Holly; I don't even care where Magnus is. I mean, no, I haven't seen him all morning. Magnus, this is Alba…yes, Your Loudness, this is Magnus; what is it? Why are you under my desk? Oh, sorry, Alba. It’s not my fault. It was those fairies, all their prancing. Magnus, I need you to cover reception. Okay, Alba, can't we just close for the day? No, Magnus, we cannot close for the day. What’s wrong with you now? Oh, I’m returning. Hello, Alba. Oh, there he is. Magnus came with me to the Fairy Circle Celebration last night. Wait a second, Holly, you’re saying Magnus came with you to the Fairy Circle Celebration last night? Yep, and he ate all the fairy cakes. Listen, this is…you should have stopped me from eating all the fairy cakes, Holly, and your friends. Then after he ate all the fairy cakes, he made fun of everyone.
He knocked over one of the stones and then he had a tummy-tum-tum on my friend, Starlight. Oh, yeah. My head hurts. I didn’t know fairy cakes came with a fairy cake-over. It serves you right, Magnus. Okay, Mag…Holly, let me talk to Mag…Magnus, pull yourself together. Holly and I gotta go off to the palace. Alright, alright, alright. Don't worry, I got it. I’ll hold down the fort. Thank you, Magnus. Alba, I’m so happy you’re gonna be an auntie again. Let’s go out and leave Magnus behind. He’s sitting in a chair, slumping over. Yeah, don't worry, I’m just holding down the fort. I’m just gonna close my eyes for a second here and start to drift off, but as the theme of Alba Salix plays…by appointment to the King and Queen, Alba Salix, Royal Physician, Volume 2. Could you keep it down? I’m trying to sleep, here.
I’m sorry, Magnus. I’m the herald, and you’re lucky. In the regular version there’d be music, including drums. I don't feel like you’re still talking to me. Okay, well, this is Episode the Third, Warming Questions. We find ourself not just in the castle but in Parabel’s chambers. We hear her footsteps back and forth, pacing back and forth. Parabel, this is Alba; I cannot examine you if you keep pacing around like that. Well, Alba, I think better when I’m pacing. Well, if you pace less, you might think less, and it might spare us from any more decrees about pink buildings. Please sit. Holly? I think pink is nice. Holly, I meant bring me the Sceptre of Sanela. Oh, right, Alba. You got it. Alba, your snide marks aside…this is Parabel; it’s good you’re here.
I’ve been thinking about how to serve those in need, how the few must sacrifice so the many might flourish. Okay, great. Artena, grant me strength. How the poor, grubby masses rely on us for guidance and safety. Uh-huh. Oh, here you go, Alba. How one queen must rise above her people. Well, you got that part down. Okay, let’s get that magic…let’s get the magic started, here. Everybody hearing it? Yes, I’ve risen to what my station demands of me. With this crown comes great…what’s that? Is that magic…? Hold still, please, Parabel. I’ve been holding still for you all morning. I need an answer. We’re not calling a coin toss, here. It’s complicated. The earlier we do it, the less reliable the…yeah, it’s less reliable. Less reliable or less reliable? Which one, Alba?
Well, according to my readouts here, Your Majesty’s temperament is completely normal. What was that? Your humors are as well-balanced as ever, Your Majesty. Humors? I should hire a proper physician. I need to know of my child. I need to have a reveal party for my child, so I need to…I need an answer, here. All the readings so far are somewhere in the middle, so, I don't know, it could be…I mean, maybe I gotta recalibrate this sceptre. It’s a very sensitive…oh boy, it’s making a lot of noises there. Oh, I’m sorry, Alba. It jumped out of my hand. It’s fine. Can you bring me the backup calibrator from the bag? Can I just cancel my next appointment? Shall I? Here you go, Alba. Okay, there’s the magic…oh, it dropped off again. Now what? Excuse me, you two, I’m the Queen. Well, what is going on here?
I don't know, it’s making a clicking sound. Well, Alba, I just charged it. Okay, this is enough. I need to have a reveal party. I need to know, Alba. Yeah, yeah, I get it. There’s so much planning to do with the baby shower. Yeah, you don’t even know the half of it. Okay, Holly, hold on to the sceptre. I’m gonna replace the power stone. Holding on. I, the Queen, I see it coming. It’s out there. It’s something like a storm. It’s coming…touching everything. Kingdom by kingdom, it’s coming until only we remain, blissfully ignorant as the mouse before the surprises that a mouse gets surprised by. Their puppet prince, hungry to rule with no legitimate heir in sight…what was that sound? It sounded like magic sparks or something. Yeah, this is Alba; I’m very, very frustrated.
Oh, Alba, holy moly, all of our equipment is failing. It’s like the baby does not want to be revealed. Yeah, it’s not a sorceror, Holly. Alright, let’s just do this the old-fashioned way. Oh, with a resonating salve? You got it. Okay, Parabel, the salve we’re going to use, it tests physical signs only, so it’s not reliable at this stage. You’re not even listening to me, are you? Can you see them, sister, my subjects? How they scurry to attend to their duty, ignorant of what’s watching, mindless little things groveling before their queen like ants, like ants in my pants sometimes. I thought we were ground-based beings. I mean, I guess ants are ground-based beings. Oh, Alba, I guess babies do crawl. Ants crawl, so, I mean…right? Yeah, but…yeah, I guess so, Holly. Okay, I thought I…I think I’m misunderstanding something.
Okay, Parabel, I need you to lie back. Your Majesty, could you please lie back and hold the royal garments up over your belly, there? Holly’s gonna open up this bottle. Sorry, Your Majesty, I didn’t have time to warm the salve up. It’s no matter. Okay, magic, magic sounds…okay, magic, magic…okay, the sounds are subtle. They’re more stable. Holy cow, Alba, it’s starting to glow already. So it is, Holly. Okay, Your Majesty, you could break out the fireworks and the good napkins. Is it good news? Hooray, good news, you’re going to have a boy. Wait a second, what? As I said, it’s not 100% reliable, but it does appear it’s gonna be a male baby, and I know that’s the ancient custom to profess your child an heir to the throne. Oh, no, no, Alba, no. Your Majesty, it’s good news. No, all of you, get away from me.
I’m sorry, do you want a towel for your salve? Give me that towel; yes. Alba, listen to me, you have to keep this a secret from everyone. Listen, I know you had your heart set on having a third daughter of a third daughter of a third daughter, but…no, for once in your life, Alba, listen to me. Our kingdom hangs by a thread. We must keep this a secret from everyone forever. What kind of life is that gonna be? Parabel, sit down. Would you like a sedative or some…? Holly, get her a sedative. Oh, this is all just a drama, huh, Alba? Is that what it is, sister? Parabel, what’s gotten into you? Only concern for my child and my people. Scurry elsewhere. You’re dismissed. Oh, as usual. Then we slowly transition to Minister Pearcey’s apartment. Oh, Madam Minister, are you awake?
Okay, no…keep the boats…no, no, not the boats. Please send the boats the other way, please. No, no, no, not the swan boats, please. There’s no boats, sweetie. Wake up. The…what? I’m sorry, what? You having a bad dream, dear? Yeah, Ministry of Transportation dreams. Well, I picked up on that with the boats. Yeah, they’re the worst. It was like this swan…swan and geese boats, and the geese and the swans and the…oh, we’re so much better than you. We look…oh, we’re so graceful. I was like, you’re boats. You’re not swans or geese. It’s okay, honey. Okay, was that just the bell tolling? What time is it? It’s probably time for us to get up. Yeah, we overslept. Yeah, but you need your rest. You were up all night working. Okay, what time’s my first appointment? I kept your morning open, tally cakes.
Relax. You gotta treat yourself better than this. Slow down. Your shirt’s inside out. Oh, goodness. I mean, we could just chillax together, snuggle up. No, we can't. I got work to do. We tamed a fleet of dragons. Wizards should be easy. I gotta wash my face. As I’m washing my face, it reminds me; all the bowing is really…oh, Minister, enlighten us with your enlightening suggestions. Oh, Minister, such brilliance and clarity for a commoner. Commoner, did they say that? Yeah, yesterday. They’re all waiting it out, hoping I’m gonna disappear in a puff of smoke, and then they could go back to their old, wizard-club ways. You do like a good challenge. Yeah, I suppose I do. So, who’s our first audience today? Oh, let me think. I’d prefer it if you’d just look it up in the diary. Can you get out of bed? That’s no fun.
Exactly. There’s no fun in my department. Oh, oh, tickly-poo-poo-poo, tickly-poo, my poo-poo. Oh, you’re tickling me. There’s…no, no, don't worry, I won't tickle you back. Okay, I have the diary. Please stop tickling. Okay, so, who’s our first audience? It is the Office of Dissipation, Viticulture, and Prolifigate Expenditures. Oh, excellent, all the telltale signs of a stupendous day. Shall I fetch your robes of office, my dear? Yes, and my reading lenses and a ledger. I want them to think I’m reviewing their spending. At once, Minister. You enlighten us so with your wisdom. Miss Berenice, are you having fun? Oh, no fun. Also, has King Gunther sent word about my request? Which request? To hire an additional staff member. You did send it, right?
I think…yeah, no, I did. Loria. I mean, I don't memorize everything that lands on my desk, but if you’re gonna be grumpy, you could write your own requests. I’m sorry, I’m just a little bit overwhelmed lately. The king expects me to overhaul an entire department I know nothing about and refuses to send me any assistance. I’m your assistant. Yeah, you are, my L-Bear, but I mean an assistant beyond…your assistance is beyond the call of duty, but I need someone more passive and malleable and distant from me. You know what I’m saying? Oh, yes. I mean, I can be distant if you want. No, no, no, I can't…you make my heart go pitter-patter. I could de-pitter your patters. Oh, there’s someone knocking at the door. Now what? Oh, Travin, right? Yeah, it’s me, Travin. I got a package for you from Magical Support.
Well, what new wonder is it you have today, Travin? Here you go. This is a rock. Oh, plus, there’s a note from the King. Here you go. The King? What’s the note say? Let’s see. Gunther…I’m imagining Gunther…do my Gunther voice…His Majesty, Gunther III, hereby acknowledges on the 23rd day of the Month of the Rooster, he has…okay, could you skip to the other…Travin, can you get to the point, please? Yeah, sorry. Most rude. Where was I? The Office of Appropriations has come up with an excellent idea; outsourcing. I believe I have that right. We get the people we need, but we pay a fraction of normal costs. Oh, what a boon, and then we can afford the State Banquet next week and the dancers from Vonako that I’ve been looking forward to.
With that in mind, please accept this new, magical assistant I trust will serve you well. His Royal Majesty, Gunther III, King of Faloria, benevolent…okay, wait a second, did he just say ‘imaginary’? What did he say about the…? Did he say when they’re gonna be here? Oh no, they’re…that’s your assistant right there. Yeah, no, this is a rock. This isn't some pet rock assistant, is it? Oh no, no, no. It’s a dust-based assistant. The rock is like the hardware, like its anchor. Okay, no, no, no, you and your dusty rock can get outta here. No, no, no, wait, I’m serious. This is…I’m supposed to deliver this. If not, my manager’s gonna be…write me up. Okay, give me the rock. So, this thing’s not gonna malfunction at my home, is it? It shouldn't. Okay, good day. You’re welcome, madam. Shut the door…what was that, honey buns?
Anyway, muffin cakes, don’t ask. Wait a second, I’m hearing something. Are you hearing it? Ah, good day. Did the rock just talk? Ah, my name is Leon and I’ve been assigned to you from the Dust Workers Union as a part of my de-dusting program. Honey, is that a talking rock? So, do I have…? Is this a joke? Is this Travin’s joke or somebody else’s joke? I assure you that this is no prank, Minister. Okay…hey, honey, you did say you wanted someone solid. Okay, don’t start, too. I need dependable help, not a rock. There is nothing more solid and dependable as a rock. Rocks have stood the test of time. The rise and fall…they are the definition of dependable. Okay, this is Loria; so, Leon the rock, how do you assist people? Okay, well, this is just an anchor for my dust-based presence.
This is a piece of obsidian. It runs igneous 4.2.1, and I’m a prescient, outsourced, dust-based being. Okay, I just don’t have time for this. Yes, you are correct, Minister. You do not have time. I have updated your schedule. I’ve taken the liberty. Wait, you updated my…? Yes, Minister, for today, from 8:00 to 8:30 a.m., you’re to finish getting dressed smart in formal attire. I’d consider wearing that new jacket, but you could put on the robes of office. 9:00 to 9:45, you’re gonna be summoned by Queen Parabel about the state of the kingdom. I’m only guessing on that one, but remember, dust is everywhere. The Queen…wait, she’s gonna be meeting with the Queen today? I thought I had no morning appointments. You don’t have a morning…I don't know what that rock is talking about.
There’s no morning appointments. Okay, back to the schedule. 11:00 to 11:15 a.m.; stopping the food for…topping the kitchen for food, then go to the Wizard’s Council. The council won't start on time. From 2:00 to 4:00 p.m., you’re gonna want to summon Alba Salix. Skip the small talk. You’ll address her team’s failure to meet each and every touchstone. Be firm but understanding. Guide her to an action plan that doesn't involve talking down to members of her staff. 6:30 to 9:00 p.m., dinner with Loria; Fettucine Portayo and braised Brassia sprouts with dancing to follow. Oh, I like that. 9:00 to 10:00 p.m., your backs will sweat, if you catch my drift. Maybe some spontaneous play-acting, if you catch my drift. I’m thinking…okay, okay, that’s enough about our…I don't need the rock talking about our private business.
Yeah, that’s quite enough. I like this rock, though. So, dancing’s guaranteed? What about…is the sweaty backs guaranteed? Okay, very well…is it Mr. Rock? Rock, Mister…? It’s Leon, just Leon. Mister Leon. I can't believe I’m gonna say this, but I think I’ll try you out. Oh boy, you’re heavy, though. They don’t make any dust-based beings that are pocket-sized, do they? Then we fade to a road leading away from the palace. As the sounds of the town fade into the distance, Alba and Holly walk side-by-side. Oh boy, Holly, we’re gonna have to replace that sceptre, too. I hope it’s still under warranty. Alba, do you think the Queen will be okay? She’ll be fine. I mean, it’s her kids I feel for. I mean, being raised by Parabel…oh, humans all get…why do you have parties revealing if the baby…why is that such a big deal to you?
Well, yeah, you’re right, Holly. She really did get upset when Coraline decided she wanted to wear trousers. Is she right about the Balgomorians, though? If it’s a boy, is the baby gonna…? I don't know, Holly. I doubt it. She’s always being overdramatic. The theatre guild should give her a Lifetime Achievement Award. Oh, I’m smelling something strange, like burnt toast or something. Yeah, exactly. Or, she’s like…always like, oh, which of my one hundred dresses should I wear? No, no, no, Alba, I’m not making fun of the Queen. I’m saying I’m smelling something like burnt toast coming from the Houses of Healing. Oh my goodness, what has Magnus done now? We return to the House of Healing.
There’s the sounds of toast and pop…not just toast…overcooked toast, but overcooked popcorn popping and not popping, and there’s people running around everywhere, people dressed as pirates. Hey boss, what do we do? Okay, wait a second, it’s not working. Okay, listen to them. It’s me, Jerome. I don't know what to do, Magnus. No, no, Jerome, don’t get up. We gotta keep this door shut. The pounding’s getting weaker. Okay, the water’s rising. That’s good. But Magnus, what are you doing? You filling things with water? It’s just a little water. They’re pirates. I mean, pirates need water. Pirates need…pirates, water, ships, they go together. This is one of the pirates; we don’t have a boat over here, though. Okay, well, they’ll be fine. Wait a second, Alba’s pulling the door open.
Yeah, what’s going on in here? Alba. Is popcorn and toast burning? This is Holly; it looks like somebody tried to toast the appointment book. Oh, my goodness, the appointment book is toasted? Can you salvage anything? Alba, Holly, I’ve got everything under control. It’s me, Magnus. No, it doesn't look under control. Okay, Jerome, what are you…? Can you get out of the way, please, Jerome? Alba, I wouldn't do that. Jerome’s holding the door closed. Why is he holding the door closed? What’s going on in the back? Alba, the door’s bulging and creaking, and the hinges are popping. The hinges are popping. Everyone get outta here. As Jerome says that, water sprays out the door and flows out and sends water flowing outwards.
Everybody flows out of the Houses of Healing — or the House of Healing; I don't know why I pluralized it — and Holly, Magnus, Alba, and Jerome are carried out into the garden. Oh boy, I think that worked, Jerome. It’s me, Magnus; I defeated the pirates again. Oh, my goodness, my wings. Let me flap them and…Alba, Alba, it’s Holly; where are you? She’s up there in the tree, Holly. Alba, are you okay up there? Alba, I’ll fly up and get you. No, thank you, Holly. I’ll be right down. I gotta count to a hundred to calm myself first. Jerome, you see any of the pirates? No, I don't see any pirates. See pirate…? Magnus, what’s going on? Why are there pirates? They were patients or pirates? No, no, no, patients…they weren't patients. They were pirates or something like pirates. Okay, I guess they got away, Magnus.
Wait, how did they get away? They couldn't get out of the window of the lab. It’s too small. Magnus, this is Alba; could I have a word with you, please? Oh, man, Alba, you wouldn't believe what happened, but luckily I was here on duty. Magnus saved the day. Potes volare…I’m going to float you in the air. Whoa, whoa, whoa…listen, Alba. It was Guy van Fleet. Guy van Fleet, the highway man? No, no, no, Guy van Fleet, the professional dancer. No, of course it was Guy van Fleet. Guy van Fleet came here? Yeah, with a bunch of pirates. It’s true. Magnus, I’m finished with your lies, your disobedience, your attitude, your disregard for things, and constantly having to…Alba, there’s a bunch of pirate swords in the water. One pirate sword, two pirate swords…yeah, see? I told you, Alba. Guy was here with fifty pirates.
Jerome, back me up here. Well, I don't know if it was fifty. Yeah, no…yeah, you’re right, Jerome. It might have been more like a hundred. There was a siege. Okay, Magnus, enough. I’m going to send you off. Listen, Alba, I was as surprised as you were. Alba, this is Holly; what if Magnus is telling the truth? Well, he could have a nice, refreshing bath after he lands in the pond. Splashity-splash. Now let’s head into this laboratory where it’s dripping. This is a mess. We were gone less than a hour. Oh boy, this is me, Jerome, Alba; I’m sorry. Can I help sweep up? I mean, I expect something like this from Magnus, but you, Jerome? Well, I just stopped by for a refill with that sleep podcast potion. Okay, save it. I’m done. Finis. Factum. No more nice Alba. Okay, clear the lab bench, Holly. Okay.
Do you want me to put all these bottles in the back room or…? Never mind. Alba, are you okay? Oh yes, I’m beyond okay, Holly. I’m done being trifled with, dismissed, ignored. Okay, furrowed-brow Alba is coming back. Alba? Holly, go fetch Magnus out of the pond. We’re going to visit Minister Pearcey. Back…over at the ministry office, Minister Pearcey…a clock ticking. Okay, shall we get this meeting going? This is Minister Pearcey. What do you need, Alba? Yeah, I’d like to show you a few more things of my investigation. What’s this? This is a truth potion. What…this is Magnus; you don’t trust me? Maybe I’ve stretched the truth before, but this is serious business. Everything I just said really happened. Well, then you won't mind speaking under the influence of a truth serum.
Yeah, but this is Magnus; how do I know if it’s truth serum or not unless you take it? Minister? This is Minister Pearcey; I’ll permit it. Go ahead, Magnus. Drink that truth serum. Yeah, but how do I know it’s not something else? Magnus, this is Minister Pearcey; please do as you’re asked. Yeah, but it could be…I don't trust Alba. Oh, but this is Jerome; I do…I mean, I trust Alba. Come on, Magnus. Well, if you…you drink it, then, Jerome. Okay, I’ll drink it. Ooh, this is nice. Yeah, this is…Jerome, don’t drink that. Oh, it’s delicious. Jerome. It tastes just like that Frinozipax stuff. Excuse me, this is Minister Pearcey; what’s Frinozipax? Oh, it’s an all-natural herbal potion. Okay, this is Alba; can we begin our questioning? Oh yes, I’m ready to…for you to ask…this is Jerome; I’ll answer any questions you have, Alba. Okay, this is…go ahead, Alba.
Yeah, see? This is…you can't let Alba control this, Minister Pearcey. You’re right, I could use a coffee. Alba? Yeah, I could use a coffee, too. Okay, I’ll head out and just leave you alone here. Would you like two sugars? No, no, no, you can't leave me alone with Alba. Please, she’s…her brow’s furrowed. Listen, we’ll tell you everything. We’ve got nothing to hide. Okay, good, then, Magnus. Why don’t we begin at the beginning? You say pirates came into the House of Healing. Yeah, I did say that because that’s what happened. Why did they come in without permission? We were supposed to be open for business. Well, it was more of a surprise. Why? Were you asleep at reception? I object. That doesn't have anything to do with our conversation. Okay, okay, yeah, I was at the desk.
I may have closed my eyes for a second, then the next thing you knew, there was all these pirates. Ah, this is me, Guy van Fleet. You call me Guy. I go by Guy. Don’t make me tell you again. Yeah, don’t make the boss tell you again. Okay, this is Magnus; that’s fine. Guy, Guy, whatever. You seem decent enough. I’m like your Guy, Guy. Okay, let’s secure the rest of the building. Okay, hold still, Magnus. We’re gonna tie your shoelaces together again. Oh, come on. Settle down or we’ll also double-knot them to where they…when they’re so tight, they make the tops of your…oh no, don’t do that. Yeah, please don’t. Listen, I’m really good at healing stuff. Don’t you need me around? What if you get in a dance-off and you skin your knees or something?
I’m your guy, Guy. Okay, indeed. Now tell me, things seem to have been rearranged since I was last here. Where is the good stuff? The good stuff? I don't know. This is a House of Healing, so it’s like…it’s not a place…there’s goopy stuff. Is that what you mean? Oh, I, Magnus, have seen your dance before, but I don't know if you should dance again. Okay, okay, listen, there’s this new thing they have, this storage unit. It’s like a metal door at the back hallway. Oh, very good, Magnus. Yeah, but I don't know the password to it, and without it, it’s like magic. So, you’re not gonna get in there. Oui, oui, oui, says Guy, Guy, Guy. Okay, but I’ve tried tons of different combinations. They have yet to make a safe that can keep out Guy van Fleet, the purple thief of kings, hinderer of royalty, the people’s most feared champion.
But you can…how’d you learn to crack…? Can you teach me how to crack safes, Guy? Watch and learn, young Magnus. This is awesome. Wait a second, back to the…Magnus, you were just telling us that story; this is Minister Pearcey. What do you mean, awesome? Oh, don't worry, Minister. That was just part of my strategy. Butter him up, distract him, and then when he’s going on about how great he is, then I make my move. Okay, this is Alba; I’ve had enough. Jerome, what happened? Yes, Alba? Jerome, how did you get involved in this? You mean…? Jerome, let me…this is Magnus; how did you help me save the day? Magnus, please don’t speak another word. Jerome? Alba, your furrow of your brow is shapely. Okay, thank you, Jerome. Why were you at the House of Healing?
Oh, to get…refill my prescription. The prescription I gave you yesterday? Yeah. I mean, I drank it all in one go. Plus, I wanted to see you again. I don't know, you’re smart, amazing, perfect. Did I say you were amazing? Okay. Well, I gave the wrong potion to the wrong person. Okay, this is Minister Pearcey; Jerome, Jerome, can you look over here, please? Can you tell us why you came into the House of Healing, what you saw? Oh yeah, I saw Magnus was there, but I didn’t see Alba…‘cause Alba’s the best. Okay, focus, Jerome. What did you see? Well, I walked in. Magnus’ shoelaces were tied together. It kinda went like this; hello, Alba, it’s me, Jerome. Jerome, be quiet. Oh, who’s there? Jerome, be quiet and get over here and help me. Magnus, why are you sitting down with your shoelaces tied together?
Because I want to try out a new magic trick. Oh, really? Are you practicing magic now? No. Guy van Fleet’s here. He’s trying to get into the safe. Oh, dear. Okay, get my shoelaces untied. Use that letter opener on the desk. Who’s Guy van Fleet? Is that the same as Guy van Fleet? It’s Guy…he says it’s Guy, I think, and there’s a bunch of pirates, too. Oh no, they don’t have Alba, do they? We gotta save Alba. No, no, no, Alba’s not here. There’s five pirates in there. Okay, come on, get my shoelaces untied. No problem. Okay, that’s better. Let’s get outta here. Okay. This way, right? No, no, no, not that way. Oh, shouldn't we go get the palace guards? No, no, no, if we get the guards, Guy and his guys will get away. Come on, we can't let him mess with the House of Healing on my watch. Okay, so, what do we do?
Alright, I’ve been thinking this through. We’re gonna lock the door, and then it’s gonna be up to you, my faithful sidekick. Me? Yeah, they probably have somebody watching the back door. So, toss me that umbrella. Okay, here’s the umbrella. I’m gonna provide a distraction around the back, and you stay right here. It’s me, I’m Magnus; I’m about to start singing in the rain. This is a pirate; what do you mean, singing in the rain? Just gonna be singing in the rain once it starts raining, with this umbrella. Oh, yeah? You are? Maybe…how’d you get your shoes untied? This is Guy. Yeah, I guess you don’t know…I’m about to sing in the rain, though, so…what is this dude talking about, singing in the rain, Guy? Don't worry. Keep an eye on the back door. Oh, sorry, boss. Watch me dance. I’m gonna sing and dance in the rain.
Why do you have an umbrella? It’s not raining. I’m gonna spin the umbrella and I’m gonna use it as a parasol. Okay, pirates, surround him. Okay, don’t…this is Guy; don’t…I’ll just dance off with him. You don’t want us to surround him, boss? No. I’m gonna enjoy this. Go ahead and start dancing, Magnus, and you’re gonna see me dance in the rain. Oh, well, can you dance with one foot? ‘Cause I’m gonna dance with one foot and not two. What are you talking about, Magnus? Guy van Fleet can dance with…I’m fleet of foot, that’s the whole thing. Guy van Fleet…Fred vanVleet; good at basketball. Guy van Fleet; fleet of foot. Well, just watch me move. This is a vortex dancing umbrella, actually. Okay, that’s some interesting dancing you got there going, Magnus.
I guess you haven't gotten any better since our last encounter. Okay, yeah, but I’m gonna do this backwards and forward…okay, you shouldn't be…what do you call that? I call this the Swamp Shoes. Oh, boy. You’re not even good at naming dances that you created. Now I’m gonna do the…this is called the Dance of the Fireflies. Okay, and this one’s called Lucky Strike. Okay, I’m tiring of your dancing, Magnus. You’re about to see Guy van Fleet start moving around you. Not today, I’m not. Boss, I think someone locked us in here. Wait a second, I thought you were watching the back door. Magnus, it’s me, Jerome; I locked the back door. Now what? Get back to the waiting room. Oh, no, no, no, Magnus. This is Guy; you’re not gonna…yeah, we just did. Closing the door on you. Enjoy your stay.
Magnus, you didn’t do much dancing. He was right about your dancing. Did you see your dancing? Yeah, I get it. Thanks, Jerome. My dancing’s painful. But they…we got them locked; pushed a chair under the door handle. Magnus, this door is not gonna hold them. We gotta get outta here. No, no, sit down in the chair. Good job. Okay, now I just need to get some other things; some toast, some popcorn, and we’re gonna overcook both. Wait a second, why are you overcooking toast and popcorn? Alba’s not gonna like that. Man, my feet hurt from those dance moves. I was trying to invent dance moves, but he really is fleet of foot.
Okay, Magnus, what do we do? Why are you burning…the burning toast and the burning popcorn? Okay, this is the thing; because there’s…in that room, there’s new suppression equipment. Suppression equipment? Yeah, there’s a half-dozen water sprites that live in the attic, and if they detect burnt popcorn or burnt toast, they go pee-pee downstairs. I’m sorry, did you just say pee-pee? Yeah, and they start singing. Can you hear them singing? It’s supposed to keep everything from getting smoky when you burn popcorn or toast, and that’s why they’re calling as it’s filling up with…oh, by the way, sprites only pee water, regular H2O, so it’s not gross, either.
Boss, is that sprite pee falling on our heads? Yep, it’s working. See, Jerome? I don't know, Magnus. Are you sure it’s H2O? No, no, Jerome, stay in the chair. Don’t get up, please. But are you sure it’s H2O? ‘Cause I wouldn't want a sprite to pee…it’s going through the attic and dripping on their heads. It’s to put out the…yeah, yeah. It’s just water, man, and they’re pirates. Get it? Remember, this…now we’re flashing back to the scene from earlier, Jerome, and they’re saying, oh, we’re pirates, but we want to get outta here. Back in the ministry office, I, Minister Pearcey, will ask you, okay, so where did all the pirates and Guy van Fleet go? I don't know. That was the weirdest thing. Jerome…this is Jerome; I was watching. They were there and then they were gone. Magnus, any ideas?
Well, we locked all the doors, we shut all the windows, and the water was filling up. Okay, let’s go back to the scene of the incident. I suppose we should. Jerome, you could head out. Thank you. What about me, Magnus? Can I head out? Alba, could…this is Jerome; could I follow you along? No, no, Jerome, go home. Oh, man. Back in the House of Healing, inside the magical storage unit, is pirates and Guy, arguing…can you make more space for me? Arr, you’re in my personal bubble, arr. This is Guy van Fleet; all pirates be quiet. Okay, I think the coast is clear. On the count of three, everyone push. We’re not in the safe; we’re in a filing cabinet. Okay, everybody stop pushing. You’re pushing the wrong way. Okay, the drawers are open. Let’s get outta here.
Boss, this was…arr, this is a brilliant idea, hiding with the files. Arr, arr, it was. I think I got a paper-kiss, though, on my rear. This is Guy van Fleet; I’m not happy right now. Arr, sorry, boss. This is not over. I’ll be back…I’ll dance once again with that Magnus. With that, the episode comes to a close, but Eli says, don’t forget to check out our Patreon and use the link to check out the Anansi podcast as well. Magnus is back in the ministry office saying, by the way, does anybody know how…? I think I have some blisters on my feet from trying to dance off. Is anybody worried about Magnus here? With that, the episode comes to a close. Goodnight everybody.
[END OF RECORDING]
(Transcription performed by LeahTranscribes)
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Alba Salix
Metrically Measuring Plasma
https://www.plasmacoalition.org/about-plasma.html
https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/nursing-and-health-professions/plasma-volume
https://plasmaexperience.engr.wisc.edu/the-science/what-is-a-plasma/
Science of Hangovers
https://www.mcgill.ca/oss/article/health/curing-hangover
https://www.thorne.com/take-5-daily/article/the-science-behind-a-hangover
Outsourcing
https://www.forbes.com/sites/glebtsipursky/2023/06/02/why-outsourcing-is-the-future-of-remote-work/
https://textexpander.com/blog/why-outsourcing-is-on-the-rise
Sprinkler Systems
https://kobfire.com/news/the-evolution-of-fire-suppression-systems-a-historical-perspective/
https://www.inspectpoint.com/history-of-the-fire-sprinkler/
https://www.radfiresprinklers.com/history-of-firesprinklers/
DOWN TO BUSINESS
When I think of Alba, I think of the countryside
Do you say your A’s in a strange way?
Thanks for giving me one more thing to think about at bedtime
You’re saying A the correct way
I say A the Fonzy Way
Deep Dark Night United
n/a
PLUGS
Alba Salix; Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline
SPONSORS
Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Lumen
INTRO
Thoughts that are thinking you
Thoughts just waiting for you
I’ve been going through some real sleep stuff right now
Jet lag, my daughter’s on summer break, etc
Sleep has a real issue on how I think about how I am
An Impact on how you feel about your life
Let my grouchiness welcome you in
We can imagine / relate to how it may feel for you
I’d be skeptical, too, if I found this show while I was looking for help
A silly, goofy, strange friend
Half a Guffaw
The metric weight of a guffaw
What the heck is a dekaliter?
My guffaws are plasma and gaseous
How do you metrically measure plasma?
I’m here for everyone, whether you listen or not
Supposedly, I’m doing an episode of Alba Salix, but who knows
I really care about you
STORY
Season 2, Episode 3
Magnus will be Magnus
Eli gives a little greeting, asking people to support the show
Shoutout to Anansi Storytime
Everyone digs a great trickster story
In the HoH office
A book on color / lettering standards
Holly says they’ve been summoned
We have to check in on the royal baby
Let’s get our House Call Bag
Where’s Magnus?
Why is Magnus under her desk?
Why can’t we just close for the day
Magnus went with Holly to the Fairy Circle Celebration last night
He shouldn’t have eaten all those fairy cakes
Fairy Cake Over
Alba will be an Auntie again
Magnus is just going to rest his eyes
Alba can’t examine Parabelle if she’s pacing all the time
Too many decrees about pink buildings
Parabelle wants to help those grubby masses in need
Parabelle’s humors are well-balanced
Parabelle wants to have a reveal party
Alba has to recharge her magic scepter
All of our equipment is failing
The baby doesn’t want to be revealed!
Get the resonating salve
Magic Magic Sounds
They’re going to have a boy!
Parabelle is upset
She really wanted to have a 3rd daughter of a 3rd daughter of a 3rd daughter
This must be a secret
To Minister Pearcey’s apartment
She has Ministry of Transportation dreams
Dreams about swan boats
Pearcey’s partner comforts them
She has her morning open
They need to chillax
She’s gotta keep going
Tickling Sounds
The Office of Dissipation, Culture, and Profligate Expenses
Did Gloria send her request for more staff to Gunther
Gunther isn’t being helpful in this department overhaul
She needs a less personal assistant
Traven is here with a package from Magical Sport
A note from Gunther
Outsourcing! That’s the solution
Pearcey gets a magical assistant
This thing shouldn’t malfunction in her home
Leon, the magical assistant rock
A de-dusting friend
There’s nothing more dependable than a rock
Pearcey doesn’t have time for this
Leon has updated her schedule
Wait, she has an appointment this morning?
Pearcey’s full schedule
Just call the rock Leon
Ok, she’ll try Leon out
Alba and Holly walk from town
They hope the scepter is still under warranty
She feels for Parabelle’s kids
Holly smells burnt toast from the House of Healing
The smell of overcooked toast and popcorn
People dressed as pirates are running around everywhere
Magnus is filling the house with water for the pirates
The hinges are popping!
Water sprays out everywhere
Where are the pirates?
Pirates or patients?
Guy van Fleet was back?!
Alba is fed up with Magnus’s story
There were actual pirate swords in the water
Is Magnus telling the truth?
Alba is also fed up with Jerome
No More Nice Alba
Alba is doing being trifled with
They’re going to visit Minister Pearcey
Alba wants to give Magnus a truth serum
Magnus doesn’t want to drink this truth serum
Jerome will drink the serum
It tastes like Phrenozypax
Why did pirates come in?
Magnus may have closed his eye for a second
And then pirates showed up
I’m your guy, Guy
A flashback to this pirate invasion
The pirates are looking for the good stuff
There’s a storage unit, but Magnus doesn’t know the password
Jerome was there to get another prescription
Jerome thinks Alba is amazing
She gave the wrong potion to the wrong person
Jerome’s story
Magnus asks Jerome to untie his shoes
Magnus is gonna start singing in the rain with this umbrella
Magnus is gonna sing and dance in the rain
Pirates and Guy dance off with Magnus
Magnus will only dance with one foot!
Guy van Fleet, fleet of foot
A vortex dancing umbrella
The Dance of the Fireflies
The Lucky Strike Dance
Jerome locked everyone in
This door won’t hold the pirates
Why are we overcooking toast and popcorn?
There’s new suppression equipment
These fairies will go pee pee if they detect smoke
Sprites pee pee water, don’t worry
And then Guy van Fleet was just gone?
I guess this was real
We should go back to the scene of the incident
The pirates are still in the magical storage unit
They’re about to escape from their hiding place
Guy van Fleet will return to dance with Magnus again
Eli chimes in one last time
Magnus got blisters from his dancing, but no one cares
SWM+ THANKS
Milosz, Joshua, Lars, Maxine, Kim, Caroline, Des, Casey, Lori, Nathan, Philip, Gabriella, Laurel, Samantha, Medina, Emily, Lauren, Barbara, Heidi, Sarah, Mickey, Margaret, Bea, Laine, Tabatha, Brandon, Amy
SUMMARY:
Episode: 1288
Title: Warming Questions | Alba Salix S2E3
Deep Dark Night United: n/a
Plugs: Alba Salix; Sleep With Me Plus; SleepPhones; Rusty Biscuit Links; Emily Tat Artwork; NAPAWF; Anti-Racism Resources; Ukraine Relief; Crisis Textline
Sponsors: Helix Sleep; Zocdoc; Progressive; Lumen
SWM+ Thanks: Milosz, Joshua, Lars, Maxine, Kim, aAroline, Des, Casey, Lori, Nathan, Philip, Gabriella, Laurel, Samantha, Medina, Emily, Lauren, Barbara, Heidi, Sarah, Mickey, Margaret, Bea, Laine, Tabatha, Brandon, Amy
Notable Language:
- I say A the Fonzy Way
- A silly, goofy, strange friend
- Guffaw
- A Guff or a Faw
- Dekaliter
- Fairy Cake Over
- Resonating Salve
- Magic Magic Sounds
- I can pitter your patter
- Dust-Based Beings
- No More Nice Alba
- Phrenozypax
- Guy van Fleet, fleet of foot
- A vortex dancing umbrella
Notable Culture:
- Happy Days
-
- “Put Your Head On My Shoulder”
- Alba Salix
-
- Anansi Storytime
- Singin’ In The Rain
Notable Talking Points:
- Thoughts that are thinking you
- Thoughts just waiting for you
- I’ve been going through some real sleep stuff right now
- Jet lag, my daughter’s on summer break, etc
- Sleep has a real issue on how I think about how I am
- An Impact on how you feel about your life
- Let my grouchiness welcome you in
- We can imagine / relate to how it may feel for you
- I’d be skeptical, too, if I found this show while I was looking for help
- A silly, goofy, strange friend
- Half a Guffaw
- The metric weight of a guffaw
- What the heck is a dekaliter?
- My guffaws are plasma and gaseous
- How do you metrically measure plasma?
- I’m here for everyone, whether you listen or not
- Supposedly, I’m doing an episode of Alba Salix, but who knows
- I really care about you
- Season 2, Episode 3
- Magnus will be Magnus
- Eli gives a little greeting, asking people to support the show
- Shoutout to Anansi Storytime
- Everyone digs a great trickster story
- In the HoH office
- A book on color / lettering standards
- Holly says they’ve been summoned
- We have to check in on the royal baby
- Let’s get our House Call Bag
- Where’s Magnus?
- Why is Magnus under her desk?
- Why can’t we just close for the day
- Magnus went with Holly to the Fairy Circle Celebration last night
- He shouldn’t have eaten all those fairy cakes
- Fairy Cake Over
- Alba will be an Auntie again
- Magnus is just going to rest his eyes
- Alba can’t examine Parabelle if she’s pacing all the time
- Too many decrees about pink buildings
- Parabelle wants to help those grubby masses in need
- Parabelle’s humors are well-balanced
- Parabelle wants to have a reveal party
- Alba has to recharge her magic scepter
- All of our equipment is failing
- The baby doesn’t want to be revealed!
- Get the resonating salve
- Magic Magic Sounds
- They’re going to have a boy!
- Parabelle is upset
- She really wanted to have a 3rd daughter of a 3rd daughter of a 3rd daughter
- This must be a secret
- To Minister Pearcey’s apartment
- She has Ministry of Transportation dreams
- Dreams about swan boats
- Pearcey’s partner comforts them
- She has her morning open
- They need to chillax
- She’s gotta keep going
- Tickling Sounds
- The Office of Dissipation, Culture, and Profligate Expenses
- Did Gloria send her request for more staff to Gunther
- Gunther isn’t being helpful in this department overhaul
- She needs a less personal assistant
- Traven is here with a package from Magical Sport
- A note from Gunther
- Outsourcing! That’s the solution
- Pearcey gets a magical assistant
- This thing shouldn’t malfunction in her home
- Leon, the magical assistant rock
- A de-dusting friend
- There’s nothing more dependable than a rock
- Pearcey doesn’t have time for this
- Leon has updated her schedule
- Wait, she has an appointment this morning?
- Pearcey’s full schedule
- Just call the rock Leon
- Ok, she’ll try Leon out
- Alba and Holly walk from town
- They hope the scepter is still under warranty
- She feels for Parabelle’s kids
- Holly smells burnt toast from the House of Healing
- The smell of overcooked toast and popcorn
- People dressed as pirates are running around everywhere
- Magnus is filling the house with water for the pirates
- The hinges are popping!
- Water sprays out everywhere
- Where are the pirates?
- Pirates or patients?
- Guy van Fleet was back?!
- Alba is fed up with Magnus’s story
- There were actual pirate swords in the water
- Is Magnus telling the truth?
- Alba is also fed up with Jerome
- No More Nice Alba
- Alba is doing being trifled with
- They’re going to visit Minister Pearcey
- Alba wants to give Magnus a truth serum
- Magnus doesn’t want to drink this truth serum
- Jerome will drink the serum
- It tastes like Phrenozypax
- Why did pirates come in?
- Magnus may have closed his eye for a second
- And then pirates showed up
- I’m your guy, Guy
- A flashback to this pirate invasion
- The pirates are looking for the good stuff
- There’s a storage unit, but Magnus doesn’t know the password
- Jerome was there to get another prescription
- Jerome thinks Alba is amazing
- She gave the wrong potion to the wrong person
- Jerome’s story
- Magnus asks Jerome to untie his shoes
- Magnus is gonna start singing in the rain with this umbrella
- Magnus is gonna sing and dance in the rain
- Pirates and Guy dance off with Magnus
- Magnus will only dance with one foot!
- Guy van Fleet, fleet of foot
- A vortex dancing umbrella
- The Dance of the Fireflies
- The Lucky Strike Dance
- Jerome locked everyone in
- This door won’t hold the pirates
- Why are we overcooking toast and popcorn?
- There’s new suppression equipment
- These fairies will go pee pee if they detect smoke
- Sprites pee pee water, don’t worry
- And then Guy van Fleet was just gone?
- I guess this was real
- We should go back to the scene of the incident
- The pirates are still in the magical storage unit
- They’re about to escape from their hiding place
- Guy van Fleet will return to dance with Magnus again
- Eli chimes in one last time
- Magnus got blisters from his dancing, but no one cares
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